Two Hot Takes - 38: Father Knows Something?

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host dad, Jerry!! This episode is all about dad issues.. Dad, step-dad, FIL.. they're all fair game. Some happier, lightheaded ones to keep it not totally depression. Starts with listener write ins and reddit stories start at 19 minute mark. Be sure to follow Father Knows Something, Jerry's new show, on instagram and YouTube.. dropping Tuesday 10/26!! As always your support is very appreciated: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Direct Inquiries: [e-mail]

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Mother-in-Laws took the heat on an episode a while back. And I feel like we have to even out the playing field and put dads and father-in-laws in the hot seat. I think that's cool. It's only fair. So who better to join me than my own dad to talk shit about other dads? I love beating up other dads. Okay, let's do it.

Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. Dad. Jerry. I'm your dog, Holly, that will be jumping in and out of scenes throughout. And let's get going. I think people might be split. So I think people might be split.

I think half know that you're my adoptive dad and then half think you're my dad because I read some of the comments on YouTube and they're like, you look just like your dad. And I'm like, it's funny. Well, it's interesting, but I will say this is really interesting. I don't look at me any way other than your dad. So I do get to ride the wave though when people say we look alike and I just get to laugh and chuckle to myself and say, yes, we, you know, she, you know, there's no doubt she's good looking just like me.

Not cocky or anything. No, no, no, no. I just want to make a note that I know this could be a hard episode for some people that have lost their dads or don't have good relationships with their dads. I think I came across a lot of that where people, you know, I post on Instagram asking people, do you have any dad or father-in-law drama, please share. And some people were like, well, my dad died in a plane crash, like that's dramatic or my dad died three months before I was born.

So no drama there. And it's like, no, like that is still a lot of trauma and a lot to battle through as a person. So just want to acknowledge that, you know, we all might take this episode in our own unique way. I think we're all going to learn something from this episode. I have no idea. She, you know, Morgan does not prime me with any information before we shoot.

She simply says, sit down and I'm going to see how you react. So what you really do get is, you know, are my best responses. I try to be objective and process all the information at hand. So all we can do is the best we can. And remember, this is only, you know, one person's thought on it. It doesn't mean that it's right and it doesn't mean that I'm wrong. It's just my opinion when you ask me something. Okay.

Well, let's start with some listener write-ins. I'm basically going to read, um, some of like, it's going to be like a rapid fire style, just kind of talking about what people wrote in. Um, I'll keep going, but if you want to interject and make a comment on one of them, make a comment, we'll see how it goes. Okay. So pointing out the fact that not all dads and, you know, father-in-law relationships are bad.

I've got, I've got a wholesome one. No drama because love my dad and father-in-law, but we just got married in July and we had a destination wedding in Hawaii and legit the day before our wedding, my dad fell 40 feet off a cliff and had to be life-lighted to a different island for treatment, broke his jaw in two places and missed our wedding. That we already postponed once due to COVID. He made a full recovery. Thank God.

My father-in-law is a doctor and was by my dad's side through the entire thing and also walked me down the aisle. It was tragic and horrific. So no drama with them, but the event was drama. So yeah, that would be very traumatic. The day before your wedding, I would probably have a meltdown. Well, I can see where she would, but I, it's really great how everyone just flowed right into it.

And the, the love that, you know, that her, you know, father-in-law came in to support and, you know, the show must go on kind of a thing that it really was, you know, great. It's sad that the father couldn't really be there because I know that, you know, look at me. I'm, I'm waiting all my life for this one. You know, and if I jump off a cliff or fall off a cliff the day before, but you know, she's, she's got a jewel of, of a family.

It's really great when everyone gets along and that's the way it should be. Definitely. Uh, so now they're intermixed. Don't know if we're getting good. Don't know if we're getting bad. We're just going to take them as they come. My father-in-law called me the week of my wedding to tell me I wasn't the woman his son deserved.

Then upon importance to my husband, ended up marrying us the day of our wedding. Oh, I wouldn't even like want him to stand up there. My ex's dad openly would say I was hot and would allude to me being with him instead of his son. He's a piece of trash. My dad got mad and thought my sister and I didn't show up to his 60th surprise party, but his girlfriend never invited us. And he saw nothing wrong with that, but is still mad at us four years later.

He's got to get a clue. And he's got to deal with his own personal issue with his girlfriend. She's obviously very insecure with, with, with, with regards to his daughters. Yeah. You've dated people like that. I have. And you know where they are today? Not here.

They're gone. My dad was jealous of my mom after their divorce. They're, these people have issues. Yes. My father-in-law is a bully and loves to pick on me, especially out in public. Insecure and immature. My dad started giving me a bill for my expenses when I was 12 years old. Uh, someone goes, no, I love my father-in-law.

Even though I divorced his stepson in 2007, he is my dad since mine died. Father-in-law tried to get my autistic son to eat hot sauce. My husband and I still argue about it. Um, there's no argument needed. The father-in-law should never have done that. Stupidity. I would not let my child be alone with a man like that. My stepdad used to call me cunt Zilla behind my back and my mom let him.

They're both idiots. Yeah. I, this was like a recurrent theme throughout all of these stories that stepdads would like totally treat the kids like shit and the mom would just let them do it. And it's like, you should be sticking up for your child. You know, when, I think it's really important when, when, when people start dating, they have to decide how they want the person they're dating to intermix with their family, how important that is to them.

I, I certainly knew that when I started dating, I made sure that if a woman, that was going to be out with me, she recognized a, that I had a, I had children and B that she's to intermix with our children. That we're all, if we, if we do end up together, that we are going to be a family. We get together from all these crazy facets, but we're, we're still a unit. And we conduct ourselves as a unit. When, when parents get married and there's no children and they have children, they, they're, they team together that, that child is the most important thing

to them as the unit. They go to soccer together. If, if one parent has to do one thing and she's busy that day and the father says, okay, I'm on soccer and the next week, the mother says, look, I got to take, you know, take our son to soccer and I can't do this with you. And he'll say, that's, you know, I get it. That's the way it should be when you're dating. When you're dating with, with, that for pre-existing families,

they have to realize that you have to still team together and balance and love the kids together. If, if you want it to work. Yeah. I think like a lot of the step-parent ones I've seen, there's a lot of resentment towards the child from another relationship. Like a lot of these people cannot handle the fact that their partner had a relationship before them and has a child from this.

And I dated women like that. As soon as I found that characteristic, we know what I did with about it. Yeah. It's just sad that some of these people, you know, you can't fix some of these people that are just so insecure or immature that they can't deal with it. That's why I just choose to take people like that and put them out of my life because if they don't get it, then they don't get who I am. Mine wouldn't help pay for my wedding because quote, why would I pay to let

a guy fuck my daughter? Another common theme I've seen is dads being very concerned what their daughters are doing. Yeah, they're, they're so, this is also stupid. It's disgusting. It's really gross the way that like some dads, I don't want to say sexualized their daughters, but almost like to a sense. Like I replied to one story and I was like, this gives me like vibes where you

see people, especially in the Midwest and the dad will show up with his gun to prom pictures with his daughter and her date and they're in high school. They're little kids. Like, and he's sitting there with a gun smiling in the pictures. It's like, this is weird. That's so not okay. You know, I will say that I, I know stories of fathers when I was young that would, you know, do it as a joke.

They think it was because of this, I guess, of history of all this over, you know, generations where it, it should never be funny to hold a gun and to threaten somebody, but stupidity continues some of this moronic behavior. Why do you like, I just don't understand the why dads are like possessive of their daughter's bodies and concerned for them. Did you ever feel that way growing up in my household? No, but we're not talking about us. It's, I can't explain why these guys are insane this way.

What goes on in their minds, how they're trying to protect their daughters from whatever they're trying to, I only try to protect you from one thing growing up. Your feelings being crushed and, and getting hurt because of growing up and with alcohol, friends, parting, that stuff is the things I was most concerned about. You know, your virginity, that's, look, we, I sat you down at 14 and I just told you the way life was and what, you know, how I behaved when I was 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18 and said, be aware because these guys were an autopilot. Yeah, like this next story.

This is another listener right in. So my mom came to me and was saying, if I ever did anything, I could come and ask her for birth control. I told her I already did the deed about three months before and she encouraged me to tell my dad, I denied it for a couple of days, but decided to tell him because otherwise my mom would never let it down. He immediately started crying and saying, I broke his heart. He wouldn't talk to me for weeks and wouldn't let my boyfriend come over

for months. Eventually he had a conversation with my boyfriend and said multiple times he wanted to hurt him. Am I the only one that thinks he was too dramatic? I mean, you're not, you're not the only one that thinks he was too dramatic. No, I mean, even five months later, he makes jokes about it. That aren't funny ones or anything. You know, it's, it, we have to have a rubber stamp.

You know, just for, for every one of these people, moron, moron, moron. Um, this next one doesn't have a clue about reality. Doesn't remember when he was 14, you know, boom, boom, boom. We're just going to make the rubber stamp. I caught my soon to be ex father-in-law going through my laundry and shoving my panties down his pants. Boom. Moron.

Disgusting. Are there any normal people out there? No, this is not that episode. Good. You collected, you collected a lot of them. This one's, this one's normal and kind of fun. And how a healthy father-daughter relationship would be in regards to sex. Me and my dad live in Europe, but are in the US visiting grandma.

I noticed that the condoms are two times cheaper than where I live. I didn't notice him coming. So to avoid awkward silence or line, I told him the truth. We have a great relationship, by the way. But of course, while I was telling him what I noticed, I started blushing, so he started laughing. Why are you blushing blank? And why do you know the prices?

He was teasing me, of course, and knows that I have a long-term boyfriend. I told him that my friend asked me to buy some for her if it's no trouble. But when we bought them, I put two packages in the cart. He noticed, but didn't say anything. Only thing he said was, don't let grandma see. I like her. I know. I just cannot get over the fact that some of these, like, write-ins,

some, so, like, multiple, multiple listener write-ins were like, my dad hasn't talked to me since I got pregnant. My dad hasn't talked to me since I had my baby. He became awkward the minute I told him I was pregnant. My father-in-law won't talk to me because I'm pregnant, which leads me to my next listener write-in. Wait, but the father-in-law, the father-in-law is jealous that, that, that, yeah, yeah.

Let's hear this one. They're sick people out there, Morgan. It's really sad, Morgan. I have dated a lot of women that I can see that the behavior that their fathers had when they were young has affected them all their life. And it's really, really sad. Some of, some of the best people I know and women that I really would have liked to have something happen, what it got so screwed up and went so sideways

because of behavior and just the other side. And that's the thing. I don't think, you know, parents in general, not just dads, like small events to parents is just them trying to parent, but for a child, it even, you know, a small moment can be a traumatic event that totally shapes their lives. And there's actually a TikTok going around with, you know, kind of to that trend where they use like a popular audio and it's, it's basically the, the child being like, that was really traumatic for me.

Like that shaped my life. And the next part you see like a mom being like, Oh, it wasn't that bad. And the child being like, no, it was just another Wednesday for you, Teresa, because it doesn't, it doesn't register for them. But my father-in-law has an unhealthy attachment style to my husband. He knows no boundaries and doesn't understand that his 27 year old son doesn't want to hang out with his dad 24 seven. It's gotten to a point where I've told my husband to set boundaries, but he's

scared to say no to him. And the one time he did say no, the response from his dad was quote, it's two hours of your time. It's not like you're doing anything else, whatever, thanks for nothing. And made my husband feel horrible. Lastly, my husband and I found out we were pregnant a little over a month ago. We told his dad in a very cute way. I found a onesie that said, hello, grandpa, see you soon.

As he pulled the onesie out of the bag, he said, uh, oh, in a very non excited way, looked at it and said, with the smallest amount of joy, wow, congratulations. It broke my husband's heart because this is our first kid, but also my father-in-law's first grandbaby from his only child. Ever since we told him, he hasn't bothered to reach out regarding the baby or me, but still consistently asked my husband to do things for him. Might I also state he has a very able-bodied grown man. Has the husband had a conversation with his father?

So that's what I said. I was like, ah, congratulations. Like don't let him steal your joy. This is so exciting. It definitely seems like he's not excited because he sees the baby as a threat to his access to your husband. Um, and yeah, my mom keeps saying the same thing that the baby is going to get in the way of his constant access to my husband.

It's so sad that as the only real parent that has ever been in my husband's life, he isn't elated about this. It makes me so mad for how much he's hurting my husband. And I was just like, yeah, it's tragic. Um, and I was like, your husband should be the one to tell him how he feels. It's so, so tough, but it could help his father get over himself. I agree. The conversation is really for the, the father and son to have together.

Definitely. You know, the, the son is now, is now a man. He's an adult. Yeah. He's got to go set, you know, set the path. And if the, the, his father can't digest it, then it will take its natural course. It's sad. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking.

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Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. My dad married my mom's best friend of 20 years in secret. I found out two months later. That was after a 35 year marriage with my mom. They split up right after my wedding.

The best friend was at my wedding as a guest of my mom's. Then two years to the day, my dad married her on my wedding date. He didn't realize and blamed it on me because I got married on a weekday. He's an asshole. Kind of gaslighting her like, Oh, it's your fault. I didn't realize like, okay. Look, if he had the gonads and he had the four to two, they want to marry this woman. Have a little sense about you.

He's going to do what he wants to do, but. He's a narcissist. He just doesn't get what else is going on with other people's feelings. No. And like, obviously this has been going on for a while. Like, okay, you're going to have an affair, poor mom. Like that's her partner of 35 years. And it's with her best friend, asshole.

This is, this is a landmine. We should just stay away from this. Yeah. Yeah. Let's hide. We're going back to the red stamp. Morgan, all these people, they get the stamp. Okay.

Well, on to the Reddit stories. Am I the asshole for refusing to give my daughter her room back? I'm a father of two, Natalie, age 24 and Jonathan, age 17. Jonathan had mobility issues throughout his childhood and it got worse as he grew up. He became a full-time wheelchair user two years ago after he had a serious accident that left him in worse state than he was before. Natalie moved over college at the age of 18 and then moved in with her now ex

boyfriend. Now I need to mention that because Natalie is my oldest. She had the bigger room in the house. Jonathan had the smaller room, which was fine by him, but now it's different with the major changes in his life and needing a wheelchair to move around. I have considered to move him into Natalie's old room that she hasn't used in years. I first call her to let her know and she gave me the green light to go ahead and

do its best for her brother and make his life easier. I renovated it and added things in it to accommodate Jonathan's needs and it cost money. Remember, this was almost two years ago. A few days ago, Natalie called saying she had a huge fight with her now ex boyfriend after she caught him with someone and was staying at a hotel. We talked a little and she asked me to empty her bedroom and move Jonathan back to his old room because she wanted hers back and said, it'd be cool if her mom

and I prepare it for her when she moves in with us. I was taken aback completely. I said, I can't move Jonathan out since he needs the room. I explained he needs the space to move freely, but she said it's her room, no matter how many years she has been away from home. I called her unreasonable and reminded her that she said I could give the room to Jonathan, but she said she wants it and expects to have it back now. We went back and forth on this issue and I refused to give it back to her.

She threw a fit saying I should be supporting her and giving her shelter in this hard time. And I replied, I know she's struggling and she's welcome to come. But the room was off limits. She got more upset saying I was favoring Jonathan over her and got my wife feeling guilty saying she will be staying at the hotel until we tell her her room was ready for her, which I declined to do and said she could stay there then. This morning, I found out my wife's been sending her money to pay for her hotel

stay and she's been telling the family I'm keeping her out of the house. In my defense, I told them Natalie wants the room, but Jonathan needs it and I already spent the money to renovate it. Okay, you ready for this one? Let's go. I'm going to say that the father is right in this one. He, she declined and she didn't need the room. She made a decision to move out.

He saw a purpose that the son is still at home. He needs it. He's 17. Yeah. You know, and I would say if it was reverse, you know, if this was, you know, you and I, I'd say honey, come home. I'll make, I'll, I'll take the other room, make it any way I can to make it, make you comfortable.

But your brother now has the other room. I can't unwind it. Yeah. And I, and I know that you're, you know, at the age now that I hope that you'll find somebody and your life will be moving forward and you won't be here for, you know, for a long period of time or however long you want to stay here. But this is the room you're going to have to, you know, to make, to make your shelter at this point in time, your bed.

Yeah. No, this is a great, great dad. Um, this girl is an entitled bitch. Like she's 24. Yes. You know, in an ideal world, you should always feel safe going home, especially in times of needs, you know, a breakup or whatever curveballs life throws at you. But you're 24.

Now you have this expectation where you're an adult, it's time to handle your life. And yeah, you had a shit breakup with your boyfriend. The boyfriend's cheating. Why are you the one leaving your apartment? Why isn't he the one moving out? It doesn't fall to, you know, everyone else in your life to pick up the pieces and especially your brother to then suffer. I agree.

Like he's 17. He's in high school. He has mobility issues and he's now a wheelchair user. He should be getting his life made easier. And that is his room now. You moved out. You went to college. You moved in with your boyfriend.

I'm fully with you on this. Entitlement. Like the entitlement of that girl. Thank God the dad stepped up. I'm with him. Because the mom is enabling her. I'm with him. Bad.

Bad, bad enabling. We're both with him and he gets the good stamp. Yeah. He gets a green stamp. Green, green, good. Yeah. I cannot believe the mom is sending her money. Like quit being a spoiled brat.

You have another bedroom. You're not going to be there long term. Move in and enjoy the roof over your head. Easy one. Spoiled brat. Yeah. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole.

And what the fuck with your wife too? She's throwing you under the bus because you want your son to live comfortably. Your daughter and wife need a serious reality check or heart check. Make sure they still have them. 22,000 upvotes. That comment got. And someone goes. And now we know why the daughter feels so entitled.

Her mom. Yeah. That's just that one's a no brainer. Good, good dad. Good on dad. We'll see if the rest are has positive. I was worried about you on this one. I thought I was going to get myself in trouble.

No, that was a no brainer. I would not like, I would not have this expectation that. No. Today's episode is brought to you guys by Brooklyn and If you're joining me on YouTube, you get to see my beautiful Brooklyn and sheets and duvet cover they sent me fall as upon as you guys. And I don't know about you, but as the season changes and it gets colder, I love nothing more than being in my bed.

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You guys check them out. Do we have any good positive stuff? Yeah, but we threw moms under the bus. I think dads deserve to get all these dads are assholes. A couple speed bumps. Get them even. You're going to have 14 good ones get 14 bad ones. Okay, up next.

Am I the asshole for defending my son's decision to not invite his friend to his birthday party over a food allergy? Hi everyone. I won't be going into specifics with regards to names or ages. So my son has a birthday party every year. At this party, he always has food that consists of one of his favorite flavors of cake, such as chocolate, pineapple, etc. This year, he has decided that he wants the theme to be strawberry flavored food.

Now, I'm sure most people will agree with me that having birthday parties with a food theme isn't an issue. However, in this case, it is. My son has a friend in his class. The friend has been to every birthday party my son has had. The problem is that this friend has a strawberry allergy. So you can see where the issue would stem from. My son has said that he wants to have a strawberry flavored food theme for this party

and that his friend likely won't be able to come due to his allergy. I told my son that if that's what he wants, then he's allowed to do that since it's his birthday. My son told his friend about his plans. According to my son, he made it clear that him not inviting him wasn't to be malicious and that the only reason he wasn't invited was due to his food allergy. According to my friend, his mom thinks I'm being an ass by supporting my son's decision to not invite this friend,

since she believes that a birthday party needs to be inclusive. Am I the asshole in this case? I think you're the asshole in this case. I think that it's clear that you can do the invitation, say we will have some other food for you. So you can, there'll be plenty for you to eat. You'll look for enjoyment and let him make the choice if he wants to show up or not show up.

But you certainly, because this kid is a lifelong possible friend to your son, certainly you've been there for years, you know, past, hopefully around for years future, you go the extra distance and simply have some additional foods that he can eat. And you should always have an EpiPen when you have kids come anyways, just to be sure. Well, they do go on the edit and say the child's allergy isn't life threatening. However, if you were to eat a strawberry, he would have to go home to say the very least,

which is even more an argument for you're an asshole. Yeah. And I think like this is a good teaching moment for your kid. Like you missed the ball on this one. Absolutely. Inclusive, include everyone. Hey, you want a strawberry themed, totally fine. But let's just get a couple more options so that your friend can come. That's right. Easy. And let and let people make choices. Yeah. I remember I was in, I was in like fifth grade, fourth or fifth grade, I was young.

And my mom, mom was always really, really good about, you know, if you're having a birthday party, every single kid in your class gets an invite. You are not leaving one child out. And there was this one girl at my school that was severely, severely picked on and bullied and, you know, she didn't have to put it like, like understandable. Like she didn't have the best hygiene. Well, this was the girl that lived a couple doors down or across the field. No, that was a different one that I became friends with.

Yeah, you did. But this girl, you know, didn't, didn't have a great home life or just didn't have access to, you know, good hygiene. And so she was really, really picked on and bullied. And she was in my class that year. And so I invited her to my birthday party. And it was at this hotel and it was, you know, we always, it was a lot of fun. And she came and her mom, you know, came and brought her. And she like, literally her mom came up to me and thanked me. And she was like, thank you so much.

This is the first birthday party that she has ever been invited to. Sweet. It's, yeah. And that's like, that's the shit you instill in your children that like life as hard as it is and people get left out all the time. It's not like, it's, you don't want to purposefully then do it. Like also if this kid's your best friend and you know, he's allergic to strawberries, why are you picking strawberries, you little shithead? So yeah, asshole, definitely missed a very valuable teaching moment.

You're the asshole. Yeah. So top comments on this one. Need information on the severity of the child's allergies. If smelling strawberries could kill him, you're good. If getting some icing on his hand could kill him, you're good. If he actually has to eat strawberries to be at risk, then you should have made an effort to give him some strawberry free food and invited him. Yeah.

Anybody support this guy? Um, no, like not really. Well, I guess that one tells you something. Yeah. You're the asshole. Yeah. Another commenter goes, my daughter is very allergic to dairy. When she was invited to a birthday party, I talked to the parent and brought her a small dairy free cupcake so she can participate, but I don't make it the other parents problem.

I also talked to her preschool and asked to be notified before parents bring any cupcakes or anything so I could bring dairy free items for my daughter. I do agree that if the child cannot be in the same room as their allergies, then this is a different thing. Again, but it could be that their parent and the kid can make his own choice. Leave it up. Leave it up to them. Don't make these other people feel excluded. Absolutely.

Asshole. Well, that was an easy one. You're not making me, you know, reach my powers. Uh-oh. She'll find one now. I know. Okay. So this is an interesting one, but it relates to what we just talked about about inclusivity.

The overall vote on this one was not the asshole. I'm telling you that for a purpose. Well, I'm going to still give you my thought. Okay. What's up, everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a tank list would cost, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available

and right now you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1,200 on a tank list. Call Any Hour Services and schedule a free estimate today. Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. Am I the asshole for not inviting my son to my wedding? I, 34 male, used to be in a relationship with Sarah, 35 female. We met in middle school, dated on and off in high school and even talked about marriage in college. This all came to an end when I caught her cheating with my roommate and we broke up.

It was really hard, but it got worse when I found out that she was pregnant. Immediately I sought her out and to confront the possibility of her baby being mine. And Sarah avoided me while sending her friends and her new boyfriend, Adam, the guy she cheated with, after me to stop harassing her. I reached out to her mom explicitly stating that I only wished to know if there was a chance that I was the father and after enough persistence, Sarah contacted me directly, called me pathetic, that I wasn't the father and if I continued, she would call the police. Being a broke 19 year old, I took her at her word and washed my hands of the situation

and transferred to another college and moved on with my life. Eventually, I met my fiance Miranda, 29 female, and we've been very happy together. Before the pandemic, we were supposed to get married, but understandably that got pushed back. Now that restrictions are loosening up, we're moving forward with the plans, but have drastically cut down on the number of invites to abide by the venue's safety policy. After completing the list and sending out invitations, I was recently contacted by Kevin, 15 male, claiming to be my son. Obviously, I didn't take him at his word and asked who his mom was and he said, Sarah. I told him that before he was born,

his mom assured me that I wasn't the father and I asked him why he thought I was. Kevin explained that it came out that Sarah's husband, Adam, wasn't his bio dad, divorced her and hasn't spoken to Kevin in years. I agreed to take a paternity test and was shocked that I was his dad. I was pissed because I asked Sarah if there was any chance and she denied it. Miranda was surprised but also supportive and I've been speaking to Kevin regularly while also making plans to see him. He saw on social media that Miranda and I were planning on getting married in the spring and he wanted to come. Unfortunately, everyone that we've already

invited have all RSVP'd and made special accommodations to attend our child-free wedding. There's no way Kevin can come without Miranda and I disinviting someone else, which we feel is rude. I told Kevin that while I can't invite him to the wedding, I promised to put together another event so he can meet more people in my family. He seemed understanding but his maternal grandmother called me up to berate me for not making him a priority now that I'm aware of his existence. Am I the asshole? Yes. Clearly. Everyone voted not the asshole on this one. This is your son. Yeah. You're going for a long-term play of a relationship that's going

to be the rest of your life with this young man. It's the long game. Asshole. I don't know if you can't get rid of anybody else or get anyone else to yield. Hey, your son's coming. End of story. He's number one on the list. Well, especially, he's 15. This is impression to him. This is a very impressionable age where it is after having someone who he doesn't mention when the stepdad, dad found out. I got a question for you. Let's imagine that she said, yeah, this is your son and you grew and you were there for the last 15 years. He's going to be your number one guy. He's going to be your best man. Probably. Listen, dude. Rethink this one quickly.

Yeah. I can't even imagine the trauma that this kid has gone through. He grew up, probably most of his life or at least half of his life. This is your chance on being a dad. This is a father decision. Well, and so I think he's in this position where he's like, Kevin seemed fine with it. He goes on to say, edit because I keep seeing this, the venue has a policy on the number of people who can attend due to safety. This isn't about fire codes, but COVID. Not the fact the wedding is child free. Edit number two. Thank you to those suggesting that we explain the situation to our guests to see if anyone would be kind enough to allow Kevin to come instead. I will talk to Miranda about this, but also reach out to Kevin

directly since so far only his grandmother is giving me flack for not inviting him. I'm going to give you a flack. Your 15 year old son who doesn't really know you yet is not going to tell you how hurt he is by not being able to come. Dude. This boy is reaching out in hopes of a relationship. He had a father who now essentially disowned him, abandoned him, has cut him off. That is so traumatic. And he is in such an important time in his life where he needs, you know, someone to rely on. He's reaching out clearly. This is a no brainer. I was shocked by this vote. Shocked that everyone voted not the asshole. Well, I'll just show you that everybody agrees on everything. I'm really glad. I'm glad

you gave me this one. I know. So the top comment on this one, not the asshole. You told him the circumstances and he said he understood. He's a 15 year old little boy. He's putting on a hard front. If you're looking, if you're obviously looking for a way out, you can have everyone agree with you. The bottom line is there is no way out on this one. The only way out is for you to do the right thing. And this is your son end of story. Yeah. This is a young man who's got a soul, a heart and a spirit. And if you do anything to assassinate, then you don't deserve him as your son. No, no. And the person goes on to say, the grandmother is not involved. I would seriously consider suing this kid's mom if you have proof she lied to you. Holy cow. Not going to lie.

Sounds like a good idea in theory, but would probably end up in OP having to give child support and they would add in all the time OP didn't know. And someone goes, they absolutely cannot add in support from a time when he didn't know. The only backdating that happens would be if she didn't know his location, knew he was the dad and filed for support, blah, blah, blah, blah. Trying to find another, not the asshole comment because they obviously had a lot. It doesn't matter. We're done with this one. He's got to do the right thing. End of story. He does. Hopefully, you know, that's the case. We need to write OP and go beat them up. I mean, we got to go shake, shake this guy. Yeah. A lot of interesting comments too,

saying, you know, she married that other guy and it was kind of, he was under the impression that he was the father and so he's, he's the legal father regardless of biology. This is his chance to be a father. You want to be a dad and you want to be. Maybe he doesn't want to be a dad though. Maybe this is his way of kind of like getting the reassurance. Are we going back into the story of that we don't know everything? It doesn't matter. This, this kid and him have had a, the decision was made. He, he's been talking with this young man. He has been forming a life with him. He's been opening this line of communication. He took the paternity test. He is his dad. Be a father. Step up to the plate and be the father.

This, this, this kid is your best man. I mean, you don't want to put that pressure on a 15 year old kid that you just met. You're not putting pressure. It's an honor. Yes. But for a child, that's just meeting you and just 15 year old young man. It's don't put that on him. That's a lot of pressure. You can ask them. They haven't even met in person yet. Wait a minute. I thought they did. They have not met in person yet. He's reaching out via social media. He hasn't met his son yet? No. So OP comments a lot. He's very responsive to people. So if you want to see all the comments, be sure to check the YouTube for the story link. But no, they have not met yet. Do they live in the same town? I'm trying to scope out more information because he doesn't

really give a lot in his original post. So someone goes, not the asshole, but wow, this is a hard situation and you really need to tread lightly if you want any relationship with this child in the future. Kevin is feeling lost. It's not his fault that Sarah is a huge asshole and Adam is an even bigger asshole. Kevin wants a father in his life, blah, blah, blah. This is a once in a lifetime situation. Don't blow it. And so he responds back. This person or someone at some point says, meet him now. And he goes, Oh yeah, I'm trying to set something up with him one on one much sooner than that. Like much sooner than the wedding, I assume. Absolutely. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. The best thing in my life, sir, is my kids. How I got them,

it doesn't matter. They're a blessing. All three of them. Yeah. And the dogs. You're the asshole. You can absolutely add another chair to a spring wedding. You just don't want to have them there. You just don't want to be a father yet. Don't lie and say it's because it's child free and you can't add him. By the way, you have 18 years of possible, no, that's not true. So we're not even going to read that. And OP goes not win the venue strict policy number and doing a head count to enforce it. Also, I don't know how you got me not wanting to be a dad because the wedding is child free. This comment goes, I'm adopted and met my biological family. It can be intense, emotional, very awkward and sweet. It's not something I would recommend doing at a wedding. If you do invite him,

plan an event just for him to meet the family before the wedding. But meeting family for the first time needs its own event, just my opinion. Thank you. And I would, I understand that one. I would somewhat agree with that. I think that's what I mean, what like I was trying to get to with the fact that like, he probably shouldn't be the best man even if he does come. I didn't know that he, when you were reading, you thought they might have met. I've already thought they've met, they've talked, they've been, they've seen one another. I had no clue that they haven't said, you know, but- They haven't met. He needs to do that immediately. Yeah, for sure. I mean, he should have done that instead of- Been writing these- Writing to Reddit. Writing these posts.

Yeah, that's definitely something he needs to get on ASAP. But yeah, he definitely needs to be invited. I think it's very, very important that his son is there or at least given the opportunity to be there. If he determines that he's not emotionally ready or it's too much pressure, then that's his opt out. But at least he wasn't excluded. Because I'm sure there's a distant cousin or a distant friend that would be happy to step down if like one of the comments said, you explain the situation. I think he needs to go immediately meet his son. Yeah. Do not pass go. Very important. Do not collect $200. Definitely think Reddit failed on that one. And that's another category I want to have soon where I think the overall vote on this story

was like a fail. Like overall, the vote was bad advice. And that is one of the stories that like I think Reddit kind of failed. Up next, this is just a story no advice needed from the forum called just no father-in-law, the subreddit. The time when my father-in-law told me to whip out my boob mid car ride, so he didn't need to pull over. This event happened pre shiny spines. We have both since added armor plating. Looking back, I cannot believe I allowed this to happen. I can't believe I didn't dig my heels in and tell my father-in-law off. It's probably the moment I look back at with the most shame since I allowed it to even happen. A handful of years ago, I was a newish wife and mother at 23. Dear husband was similarly youthful and naive. We hadn't figured out father-in-law

was a just no father-in-law yet. Hell, we basically hadn't figured out we were adults and a family in our own right yet. Father-in-law requested we take some leave and come visit his family in three hours from our hometown, city, so his mother could meet his first grandson. Father-in-law's mother was doing poorly. We agreed and took a train across the country to visit everyone. At the time, I was quiet, meek, intimidated by father-in-law and still in that, oh my god, another human's life literally depends on me, not screwing it up, phase of motherhood. Son was only a few months old and exclusively breastfed. He was also one of those babies who nursed every 30 to 60 minutes, refused bottles, refused pacifiers. Not too big of a deal since I worked from home,

I was tired, but we managed fine. Note, dear son was checked out by doctors, he was in the 50th percentile, he just liked to nurse frequently. I told father-in-law that for the drive down, we'd likely need to stop a few times so I could feed the baby. He said he understood, we all piled in the car, father-in-law driving of course, and set off on a multi-hour drive. It only took about 30 minutes before doting son needs to eat. There I am, back of the car, fighting motion sickness, because father-in-law isn't a smooth driver, and I can tell son wants to nurse. I speak up and tell the car, hey, we'll need to pull over soon, I need to feed the baby. Father-in-law replies, oh, you just fed him at the house, he can't be hungry yet,

just distract him. Current me looks back in shame at this, because current me would never be stupid enough to get in the car he was driving in the first place, let alone allow my father-in-law to tell me about my baby's needs. However, past me, new bewildered mom thought maybe he was right, he helped raise three kids, and maybe son could be distracted. Yeah, that worked for like 10 minutes, before we had to pull off at a gas station, so I could feed the now screaming baby. Father-in-law gets out of the car grumbling, goes for coffee or something, I can't remember. Mother-in-law has enough tact to get out of the car too, so I can have a sliver of privacy, which is good because on top of still figuring out the nursing thing, I was super car sick from

trying to distract the baby, so father-in-law wouldn't need to be inconvenienced by pulling over, and was worried I might puke all over the back seat. Son finishes up, I get myself sorted again, and have my hand on the car door to get out and walk around, to try to shake off the nausea, when dear husband, mother-in-law, and father-in-law all pile back in the car, and father-in-law declares we simply must get on the road again after stopping for so long. The jerk, it was like seven minutes tops. Predictably, son needs to nurse again 30 minutes later. Father-in-law was not pleased, he says, can you just nurse him in the car? I was shocked. I mean, I told him, we need to stop. Dear son was only a few months old, babies eat frequently.

I think I asked him how I was supposed to do that. He said, quote, just lean over the car seat and feed him so we can keep going. Yep, he basically said, I cannot be inconvenienced to stop again and allow my grandson to be fed. Instead, daughter-in-law, why don't you just whip out a boob, perch yourself in a precarious, revealing, and also dangerous position, so I don't have to stop the car. To my everlasting shame, I did. I fed my son in his car seat. It was humiliating to have my breast hanging out like that, and painful because of how I had to position myself on my knees, leaning over the car seat. Where was her seat belt at this point in time? It's plastic digging into my side to reach my son. I'm sure she didn't have her seat belt on. Of course she

didn't. Of course she didn't. I felt so alone. Dear husband didn't come to my rescue. Mother-in-law didn't speak up, and I couldn't find my own voice to express my disbelief in the situation. I had to do this multiple times during the trip there, so Father-in-law didn't need to stop the damn car. Six years later, this still makes me see red, mostly because I allowed it to happen. In the scheme of things, it's such a small event. It seems almost silly to still be upset about it. Dear husband didn't even remember at first this happened. In his defense, this was also the trip his parents told him they were divorcing. Yes, dear husband should have done something. Mother-in-law should have said something, but I never should have complied either. Happily,

husband and I have grown shiny spines since then, and embraced our adult status, and husband is now mine, and the kid's greatest shield from his father. Father-in-law and I now have virtually no contact, and he has no relationship with our children. I would have flipped out. I now see there is a lot of dynamic going on in the car. Oh my god, sounds like a war zone. It does. But to enable the asshole to continue was moronic. They should never have gotten in the car with him. No. The mother-in-law should have let them know exactly what they were stepping into. Yeah. I mean, what's with her? They got blindsided by what sounds like everything. Well, the mother-in-law knew they're going through a divorce. That's what I mean. They were blindsided,

the couple. Absolutely. It ended well, but like... They got lucky. Yeah. It could have been ugly. Oh my god. I think a lot of people do that too, like will like pop the baby out of the car seat quick on road trips, or I'm not sure if they do the the f***ing dangle a boob tactic. I will say that she was a genius. She knew what she was stepping into. She said, point blank. We're going to have to stop every 30 minutes. I know. She was clear about it. She knew what she needed to do. The sad thing was that she just didn't have the inner strength to pull or tell them, listen guys, go have a great time. I'll take a cab and I'm going to go back home. Oh my god. Or just they should have driven separately. I know they took the train there,

but the mother-in-law probably had a car. There was probably two cars. Her husband, her husband didn't back her up. No. And you know, she says that it's very apparent that it's hard when you, I think, grow up, you know, this is her father-in-law. So it's even more of a place where if it's your in-laws, you're not really in a position to stick up for yourself. It's easier if your partner does it for you. Later, it becomes, that's where years of season of that relationship or that dynamic works into it. Initially, it's not really your job. It's tough, but he didn't come to her rescue. He didn't. And it sounds like, you know, having a dad like this, he probably grew up with some asshole, some issues. Dude sounds very

self-centered, for sure. Very, very self-centered. Oh, the father was an idiot. Yeah. Like you knew what you were signing up for. No doubt. You're selfishly putting this woman and a newborn baby through this road trip to selfishly meet your needs of your grandchild meeting your mom. So buck up and you know what you signed up for and pull your ass over. Ridiculous. The guy's an asshole. My biggest thought is I hope the son doesn't have any of the father traits as he gets older. No. And it sounds like he's really stepped up and they've grown their shiny spines. I love that saying, but it's sad because it's, he doesn't have a relationship with their kid. Like, thank God, but it is still sad like

that people act this way and are just such shit parents that they then miss out on being grandparents because of it. It's an atrocity. Bad behavior. It's one of those red stamps. You can't take stupid. So top comment, that's messed up. I definitely did what I called dangling a booby many times to feed my baby while my mom drove. My mom was actually weirded out by it and always offered a pullover, shaking her head. But for me, it seemed like too much of a waste of time to keep stopping and getting her in and out of her car seat. But that's my preference and comfort level. They go on to say a lot more, but OP just goes, I think the biggest thing for me was the being exposed bit. I never felt comfortable about father-in-law. The power dynamic be that he

got to put me in a position where I had to be physically exposed because he had manipulated the situation. It just felt so grossly inappropriate. It was so disappointed in husband after this. Our first couple years of marriage, it was only his family we fought about. He has gotten miles and miles better about not letting them trample boundaries. Example, my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law booked plane tickets for a visit before we told them the dates we were available. We had agreed to allow them to visit in general. Dear husband refused to allow them to stay with us as they planned, made them get a hotel and refused to see them until the dates we chose to be available. Yeah, a lot of comments just from

people sharing their experiences with in-laws. I cannot believe this man treated her like a cow, like literally a cow with a little udder just getting milked. She clearly knew what's right, what's wrong, and these other people that do their little song and dance by coming out of the seat belt, pulling the kid out of the seat belt. Don't pull your kid out of the seat belt. It takes a split second. This mom knew right from wrong and I'm glad that she has backbone now. And if we learn anything, get your back kids, get your backbone early. Yeah. Don't compromise the safety of your family and your children because other people are

trying to put pressure upon you. Stand your ground. That's the moral of the story. I agree. Now we're going to go to the next one. So this one is coming from Am I the Asshole and it's written by the daughter. Hey, what's wrong? I just got passed over for that big promotion. They told me I needed a graduate degree. Then you should do what I did and check out the University of Northern Colorado. Who? The University of Northern Colorado, the Graduate School and Extended Campus offer over 100 flexible, career-focused graduate programs online and in person. Really? The University of Northern Colorado? Really. The Graduate School and Extended Campus at the University of Northern Colorado.

Am I the asshole for spending money I saved for a trip with my dad when he wanted to include his stepdaughter? Back in February, I, 17 female, asked my dad if we could take a weekend trip for Halloween to this haunted house event that two of us talked about going to before. He said he wasn't sure he could afford it but if I saved enough money we could go. He was going to cover some of it too. I actually saved up the money by early September and told him as much. He then brought up the subject about how cool it would be to include his stepdaughter, 14, and it would be a nice bonding trip for all three of us. He asked me how I felt about it and I told him I didn't want to include her. I wanted it to be just the two of

us. He asked why and I told him we never do stuff just the two of us anymore and I want that time with him. He said I get plenty of time with his wife. I said she's not him, that I wanted more time for him and me, not everyone together, not me and his wife or me and his stepdaughter. He told me okay it could just be us. Then his wife blabbed because he didn't tell her I'd said no. Then his stepdaughter wanted to go and he told me he couldn't say no to her after that. So I told him to forget it. I bought myself some stuff with the money I'd saved. This upset my dad and his wife and his stepdaughter. My dad and his wife told me I responded like a child instead of an almost adult. His stepdaughter said I was so mean why would I do that? She was

looking forward to spending the weekend with us at the haunted house. I told my dad I saved it for the two of us to go alone but he has made it clear he doesn't want that time with just me anymore and since that's how he feels I am sick and tired of time with his family. That he shouldn't worry because I will be gone soon and he can spend all the time he wants with them and the childish and mean one won't be living here in a few months. He asked why I couldn't just wait to do something else with him. Why spend the money? Why break the plans like that? It's not the first time I have tried to do something with him and he automatically involved everyone or just his stepdaughter in it and I even told him I missed hanging out just him and me. It doesn't do shit.

I know his wife is upset because her daughter is hurt because she knows how badly I didn't want her there and she's also not going now. Am I the asshole here? No. I know it kind of contradicts what we said about being inclusive. I had a lot of thought process as you were reading this because I'm the kind of guy that likes to bring everyone together and I understand the pressure he was also going through looking at his wife and looking at his now 14-year-old daughter and trying to bind everyone together. But here is something that clearly supersedes all that. The 17-year-old daughter said, Dad, I want to do this as you and me. I want to have time together. Because you can't afford it,

I'm going to get the money and I'm going to do this. I'm going to save it to do it just you and me. So the answer was it really was a father-daughter event for these two family members. It doesn't mean that they can't do something as a family on another occasion, but this one was hers. So I'm going to say that she's not the asshole for wanting this. Yeah, and that was the overall vote on the thread. I bet you thought that I was going to side with the father. I did. I think you were going to be like, the more the merrier, include her, it'll be good. But she's not the asshole.

Not the asshole. She clearly expressed what she wanted. She's not the asshole. The fact that she is 17, she's probably in high school, saving up her money to not only pay for herself, but her dad to go on this special trip. And then would she be expected to pay for her step-sister? Well, what's more amazing to me is that let's imagine that he says, I'll pay for the step-sister. Why wasn't he paying for himself? Why is the daughter? Exactly. The rationale there makes no sense.

So my answer is that it's clearly their vacation, their time, and I'm sorry for the 18-year for the 14-year-old. And obviously there has to be some bonding time, but not this one. No, and I think that's an important part of parenting and making sure all of your children's needs are being met. Yes, there's a time for group activities, but each child also needs one-on-one time, different experiences. And yeah, the 14-year-old's going to be upset. Her mom talked it up to her. She was excited. She's now getting let down, but you have a conversation and say, you know what, this is super important that so-and-so does this with her dad, you know, if her dad is still in, you know, the step-daughter's dad's in the picture.

I would really say it, even if you guys were of the same dad, and this is something that she wanted to do, that this is a moment they're going to share together and you'll have your sharing moments with him. Yeah, for sure. But I think you could make it more relatable to her if you set it from a perspective of like, you know, if her dad is in the picture. Granted, we don't know what her dad's situation is, but- You told me to take these at face value. You have experiences with your dad. She needs an experience with her dad and she's clearly very hurt. I feel for that. Yeah. But she's not the asshole. Not the asshole. And that was the overall vote on the thread.

Not the asshole. You shouldn't be covering any of the costs of the trip at all, and your dad and his wife are being assholes by downplaying your need for one-on-one time with your father. And someone else goes, not the asshole. The money is yours and you're entitled to spend it on what you want. You aren't obligated to participate in a trip with your step-sister, let alone pay for it from your pocket. It's good that you stood your ground and didn't let them guilt trip you or force you. Not the asshole. That sucks. I have my experience I was dealing with third wheeling at amusement parks, and that's probably what it would have ended up turning into for that girl. I third wheeled you at an amusement park once. You

actually kind of did this to me. I did. I wanted to go to Disneyland with just you and you brought your girlfriend. And there you walked around Disneyland holding her hand while I sadly followed the whole day. And it was simply, it was supposed to be just you and me. Yeah. I thought it was always supposed to be all of us. Nope. Yeah. Screwed me over. You're a horrible dad. No, you're not horrible. But Disneyland did suck that day. It was not the happiest place on earth. Not that day. Not that day. Have we had better Disney Day since? I don't know if we've gone back together since. We need a redemption. Okay, I'm with you. Okay, I think we have time for one more. When you think this post is done, it's probably not done.

There are lots of updates. So this is coming from the child's perspective. It's from r slash relationships. My family is blaming me for a fight after my half brother destroyed pictures of my mom. Throw away so I don't cause any more damage than I've already done. So a bit of backstory. I 16 male recently moved in with my dad 47 male after my mom died. Dad's never really been in my life. And he and my mom were never married. He has a wife s 48 female and two other kids 14 female and 18 male. So 18 16 14. So OP is 16 writing in the two kids from his dad's marriage are 18 and 14. It comes out that he had an affair. Well, we'll do the math. So when I ended up moving in with my dad, it obviously caused a lot of issues with the rest of the family. Nobody wanted me there

and basically gave me the cold shoulder s m and a tend to talk with each other in French because they know that I can't understand them. And my dad has tried to force an English only rule in the house with little luck for the first month. M just ignored me completely, even though he and I were forced to share a room since the house didn't have any space. I tried to be nice, but I just lost my mom and it hurts. And it's been so much change so quickly. Two days ago, though, I found the postcards and pictures and letters from my mom ripped into a bunch of pieces and scattered all across my bed. I kept them in a box under my bed. And M had been the only one in the house with me at the time. So I know he did it. I started yelling at him. And we ended up verbally fighting

right as s and a got back home. I can't remember what M said anymore, because I was so mad that I wasn't thinking straight. But I remember hitting him. We both exchanged a couple of punches and I accidentally elbowed a in the nose, while she and s were trying to separate us. So she was bleeding too. When my dad got home, we were all still yelling and s was trying to throw me out of the house. I couldn't stop crying, because I just had my only actual photos of my mom ruined. And I don't know if we can fix them. My dad tried to settle everyone down, but didn't end up punishing M because there's no actual proof that he did it. I got in trouble for throwing the first punch, and s is still trying to convince my dad to send me somewhere else. Both a and M keep telling me

that I ruined their family by coming here. But I didn't really have a choice. I know I shouldn't have hit M, but I was so mad and didn't think. I know I shouldn't have escalated anything. But am I really the one at fault here? I don't know how I'm supposed to live with M anymore. What are your thoughts about the first part? I'm processing this one still. This is a lot of dynamic. M is 18. He's an adult. 16 is a minor. There is an adult having a fight with a 16-year-old. That's a family. I mean, the father really does need to step up to the plate to try to work this thing through with M. Obviously M is upset because his father had an affair. The father's going to have to really have the dialogue with his son and his wife

that whatever happened, that this is where we are today. And I am a father of all of you. And you are all siblings. No matter how we got here, we're here. I mean, look, you guys all came to me in different ways. We never had these issues. And ours was not so pleasant in a lot of ways. I mean, we definitely, our family definitely had issues. We had big dynamic going on in our family. Big dynamics. But this is something that would not be tolerated. No. And it wouldn't be tolerated because the adults wouldn't have tolerated it. We made sure that our kids love and accept. And it's not my half-brother. We're brother and sister. End of story. I know. I think that's something that's really interesting about us. And I've had

listeners comment on it when I've mentioned it in the past, but I don't have any full-blooded siblings. Like all of my siblings were half-siblings, yet we would never ever describe ourselves in that way. We're siblings. All of us. That's how we are. And you have other half-siblings that are outside the house. And it's interesting because you don't really say that they're my full... Well, I think with Paige, she's your sister. I just say, yeah, it's my sister. Sister. But with Taylor and his brothers, there's stress. Yeah. And it's sad. It's sad because... We all have different dads. And all of our dads had other children. So each one of me and my household unit, we all have different dynamics with our siblings.

Taylor's brother tried to kill me once. It was insane. Yeah, I have no idea about that one. Oh, yeah. I mean, I heard about it, but... He literally came up to me. He was choking you or something. And choked me at a country music festival and goes, Taylor's not my brother. Quit telling people that. And it's like, buddy, there's paternity tests. Grow the fuck up and quit strangling me. So there is dynamic. And it goes down to the parents to bring this and instill it and verify. Yeah. Because they're all worried about their positions, really what this is. Mike, the M is worried about his position. He's worried about the pain that his mother went through. There's all this other dynamic. There's a lot. But have some fucking

empathy and look outside of yourself. This kid just lost his mom. His whole life is shattered. And obviously, M went after him to hurt him. No doubt. The full intent to just destroy him. No doubt. Despicable. Like when you are willing to just traumatize someone in that way, it's very similar to the story we had about the woman who destroyed her husband's late wife pictures. Yeah, I remember that. And this is like, these people, this is all they have left of that person. And you are so unhinged to hurt them in such a cruel way. It blows me away. It truly blows me away. You know, the only advice that I have for him is he's got to look above all these people. You cannot let them own you.

But he's 16 and he's, what do you do when you have no other options? Which the top comment talks about. Yeah, I can only imagine how hard everything is right now. Your whole life has basically been flipped upside down. Is there anyone on your mom's side you could talk to, maybe even live with for a few years until you're old enough to get your own place? I think that would be worth exploring. To get yourself out of this environment, that doesn't seem to be getting off on the right foot. What's the conversation that he can have with his father? We'll get there. Okay. So OP goes, it's just my grandparents on my mom's side. And they basically disowned her because my dad was married to his wife when my mom got pregnant.

They're very religious and I haven't had any contact with them since I was born. They didn't even come to her funeral. So now let's go back to the relation between him and his dad. Hear that? That's the sound of the 2023 Chevy Silverado's turbo high output engine, delivering impressive power with no compromised durability. Whether you're helping friends move or just moving some friends, this is the sound of a family with plenty of rear seat room to enjoy the ride. And this is the sound of you heading to your local Chevy dealer today. Find your Silverado and find new roads or Chevrolet. Click now to find new experiences. See your Rocky Mountain Chevy dealers. So someone goes, you should probably talk to your dad about how you feel.

This is not a good home environment at all. OP goes, I've tried and I think he's just trying to be a good guy on both sides. He knows everyone else doesn't want me there, but it's been hard on them too. So he's trying to be mindful of that, I guess. But I feel like it's at my expense. Someone goes, it is at your expense. They haven't lost their mother. They haven't had their world turned upside down. Your father should do better than this. On to another update. Another post titled, should I move out? How do I even ask? So I posted about this in here before, but things have gotten worse. And I feel like I don't know how to navigate this. It's been about six months since I 16 male had to move in with my dad, 47 male and his family after my mom died.

And I still feel like his wife and my half siblings despise me for just being there. The issue of my mom's pictures getting destroyed turned what was already a shitty situation into something that is just killing me. I ended up sleeping on the couch for almost two months because I couldn't stand the sight of my half brother M after what he did to my stuff. And I started carrying a backpack around the house with anything personal that I had brought from my mom's apartment. Wherever I went, so nothing else could be damaged. M ended up apologizing to me, but it seemed more of a show for my dad than an actual apology to me. My dad's wife, S and my half sister A now 15 female still barely acknowledged me and still almost exclusively

use French in the house, which I'm only now starting to pick up words and conversations of. I've always felt like a stranger in this house. And while I understand why they don't want me around, I don't know what I can do to try and make things work. The worst of it came three weeks ago when I lost my keys to the house and got stuck out in the rain after I came home. I tried calling my dad, but he didn't pick up and I rang the doorbell as many times as I could because I saw S's car outside the house. So I knew she was home. There isn't much close by us. So I couldn't walk anywhere to wait. By the time my dad got home an hour and a half later, I was soaked and cold. And when we got inside, S just said that she was on a call and couldn't hear the doorbell ringing.

I couldn't even talk to her and just went upstairs and cried in the bathroom before going to bed. My dad apologized later for not seeing my messages sooner, but that's not really the issue here. Well, I will say he knows how to address, he's very mature in how he's addressing all this. I would have taken a rock and put a rock through the window and just. Just despicable though. It is. Despicable. Shit fucking human. You know, the, like. The father is not stepping up to the plate at all here. No, asshole of a dad. Dropping the ball.

He is dropping the ball on this young man, period. I feel sick living here and can barely eat or sleep half the time. My grades are tanking and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone. I miss my mom and everyone is pretending like she never existed. And I have to basically do the same thing so nobody at home gets mad at me. Does the mother have a best friend? Let me get through this. The main issue is a week ago, my dad's best friend and his husband,

who I've met a couple times and stayed with the first couple nights after I reconnected with my dad while he was trying to figure out how to bring me home, heard about me being locked out of the house and asked if I wanted to come stay with them for a while. I want to say yes so bad because anywhere has to be better than where I'm staying now. But I know it's going to cause issues with my dad because he ruined his entire relationship with his family to be able to bring me home. So I wouldn't have to go into foster care and it's going to seem incredibly ungrateful. I know my dad is trying, he really is.

But I don't know what I'm going to do if I have to keep living in this house until I turn 18. How do I broach the subject with him? Is trying to move out even worth it at this point? Or should I just toughen up and deal with it for the next year and a half? No, I think he should have a direct conversation with his dad and lay out his options and say, dad, these are my options. And it's not that I don't appreciate what you did, but this isn't healthy for me. No.

Unless you can find a way of making it healthy. I got, we got to make another, it's not working. No. Do you agree with this? This is a horrendous situation that no child should have to deal with. Of course not. Getting locked out of the house in the rain for an hour and a half. The woman heard the doorbell every single time.

No, she's being a bitch. Terrible, terrible fucking person. So the fact that that, so this is the father's friends? Yes. Update, should I move out? It's been about a week since I talked to my dad and I've had a couple of people message me about an update. So I figured I'd give one.

I followed a couple of people's suggestions and texted my dad's friends that I wanted to leave and they ended up suggesting we all go out to lunch. I think they could both tell how nervous I was around my dad and my dad's friend, Jay, ended up being the one to bring up the idea of me moving out. My dad seemed completely blindsided by it and asked why I wanted to move out. Jay and his husband B reminded him about everything that's been going on at home and I just kind of sat there. My dad seemed really upset and it made me feel terrible because I already felt guilty about

leaving but then he just asked if I really wanted to go. I said yes and he just immediately agreed. It kind of hit me that I wanted him to try and fight for me to say sorry for everything that he's been letting happen and for my dad to try and keep me at home but he just let me go like it was nothing. It's been hard after my mom died and my dad's the only family I've got left so it really didn't make me feel any better about leaving even though I don't have to deal with my dad's family anymore. B took me back to their apartment while Jay went with my dad to get stuff from the house.

They had set up their extra room for me already. He apologized that they hadn't been able to do this sooner and that they hoped I would like living with them. Jay came back with all of my things and they kind of gave me time to decompress. I ended up sleeping for almost 16 hours because I was so exhausted. Over the last week they've been really nice about making me feel at home and I've talked to me about getting me into therapy to deal with losing my mom and everything that's happened at my dad's house.

They're also trying to figure out how to move me into a different school so I don't have to deal with my half sister and everyone that knew my half brother. It's the first time in months that I feel like I can actually breathe and don't feel like I'm constantly on guard. My dad hasn't texted me much or reached out in the last week so I don't know what's going to happen with him but for now I'm safe I guess. So that's what's happened so far. Thanks for everyone that has given me advice and wished me well.

It's been really hard lately and it made me feel less alone. Poor little nugget. Shitty dad. Fuck that dad. Not a good dad. Bad dad. Bad dad. Yeah he's in a tough position but there is no fucking excuse.

Well he needs to teach his kids also that there's times that we all have to accept you know make the best of the situations and welcome things that might be out of adversity but will turn out to be a great thing. The bare minimum that that guy the dad should have done in the situation is said hey I you know I get you're all uncomfortable with the situation however this is my son as well and I need to do but I need your brother and your brother but my son first and foremost and I need to do right by him he should have gotten an apartment with just him and his son to create a safe home environment.

If your family cannot handle this and your family is going to be emotional and physical and fucking terrible people then you need to get your child who just lost his mom out of that environment. That is your child your responsibility. I agree. Thank god these friends stepped up and came out of nowhere they didn't even have to step up they are just fucking angel humans holy shit but fuck this dude. I agree.

Fuck them. And on that note that is dads and father-in-laws and wow. Lot of dynamics. Lot of dynamics. Do we want to tell everybody what's happening with us next week? Yeah that's the whole reason I had you on today. So we're going to do a little segue to start a new show it's called Father Knows Something and I welcome you to come visit it with us and we're really taking right in so it's

more of a personal directed thing to us or to me to hear you out and just to tell you my thoughts. My thoughts are simply from common sense experience and what I believe is the right thing. So I don't have any doctorates no professional education any of the advice. Just some good old life experience. It's just I'm a guy that operates my life with tried it with the most up most of it integrity and when I hear stories I like to try to help people and I hope I have answers for you or at least thoughts for you to consider. Yeah so that being said my dad is starting a show it's not going to be us really giving our takes

it's advice or questions you want answered solely from a dad's perspective whether you have a shitty dad in your life or maybe it's just a problem that you don't feel comfortable approaching your dad with. I'm lending everyone mine and so the best way to start following his show would be to go on Instagram and go to Father Knows Something and if you want to follow it on YouTube and subscribe to the channel episode will be dropping next Tuesday October 20 something I'm bad with dates you guys but if you go to the two hot takes YouTube you'll see it under the channels that we follow and are subscribed to so it's Father Knows Something and it'll be just my dad answering advice.

And you will see that you know over the first few shows it's going to change its dynamic because it will grow its own legs. It's finding its footing. So give us give us time and be patient with us but I hope that we'll have a great show and that we'll grow and do some other fantastic things. Yeah I think it's it's very apparent that you know Reddit is an amazing community that can provide people you know that kind of the substitute dad or just offer people support if you know their dads aren't stepping up in the way that they should be.

So here's another dad perspective to offer you all if you need it. So I look forward to hearing from you. That's all I have for you guys on this episode of Two Hot Takes and until next time. We'll be back and goodbye for now and I will see you on Father Knows Something. Bye guys. What's up everybody I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a

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Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it so can you. For free and confidential help call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org. Developed by CDC.