Two Hot Takes - 41: Couples Therapy.. or Call it Quits?

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin. This episode is getting back to some drama relating to couples.. Based on the drama and what OP writes we give takes on whether we think couples therapy.. or just get out now!! Connect with us on YouTube to tell us your takes on these stories! As always your support is very appreciated: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah? When did you hop on the call?

Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. That should be fine. Yeah. See more of my face. You're so cute. Show it off. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes.

I'm your host, Morgan. I'm Justin. We're just getting back from a trip to Minnesota this past weekend, and we both are like super rundown, not feeling the best. So bear with me if I sound like crap reading, and you'll probably hear some sniffles. I'm not doing well today. It's been a really tough day. Same. Okay, so... But now it'll be better.

Yes, it's going to be good. So we're over spooky season. I'm like one of those people where I'm like, is it too soon to decorate for the holidays yet because I like festive shit? I feel like everything's happening too early. There's Black Friday sales. Already? There's holiday stuff at Target. I know. Say, how do our little moose that we have?

We love the moose, but come on. And it happened before Halloween was done, too. Yeah, long before. And your mom was like, let's put up the tree. I know. I wish we would have. I know. It would have been kind of fun. We're over spooky season and we're not necessarily to the holiday woes. So, November's is going to be full of drama.

And today we are starting off with couples therapy or call it quits. Okay. Let's dive in. Let's go. As we know, family, money, always drama involved. So up first, am I the asshole for wanting to sue my husband's sister for losing my $2,000 camera at the beach? My 26 female sister-in-law, 20 female, moved in with me and my husband weeks ago because of problems with her boyfriend.

She isn't planning on going back till he apologizes, even though she broke his Xbox device in an argument. I'm a blogger. I have a small space in our apartment, sort of like my office, but very small, where I work for hours. Sister-in-law always enters the room and takes stuff and doesn't return them, resulting in me replacing them till I got a lock. She was going to the beach with some friends to let off some steam and asked if she could borrow my 2K video camera to record the trip. But I declined and explained that I was working on the weekend and would need it. I got done with my project and left my camera at the desk. When I woke up the next day at 9am and had a shower then breakfast, I entered my office and didn't find my camera. I freaked out and my husband told me to calm down because his sister took it with her to the beach.

He assured me it was in safe hands, but I kept worrying about it and was upset by the fact she took it and he gave her the key. She got back at 7pm and was pissed, talking about getting in a fight with her boyfriend after seeing him with someone else at the beach and it ruined her day. She started crying loudly and cussing him out. I asked for my camera back. She said she didn't have it. She left angry after the encounter and forgot her sunglasses, cream, hat, and my camera at the beach. Her friend Aiden picked some of the stuff and brought it back, but the camera apparently got stolen. I started yelling, calling her irresponsible and reckless, and this was a $2,000 camera she left behind. She started apologizing, then tried to blame it on her now ex-boyfriend for getting her into a fight with the girl he was with.

I said I need the camera for my work and she had to replace it, like yesterday. My husband got involved and said it wasn't her fault it got stolen and suggested I get a cheaper camera from Amazon for now, till I can afford to buy a new one. I said what? Why should I buy a replacement when it was his sister who lost it? She took it without permission and was responsible for whatever happened afterwards. He tried to make excuses for her being an emotional mess. I said I have no problem suing her. He asked if I was serious and I said yes because I've worked hard to get this camera and my work's always been known to be of high quality.

So for him to suggest a cheap camera from Amazon was offensive. He said he was just trying to help fix the problem, but I said he was just helping his sister avoid responsibility. Both him and his sister aren't speaking to me anymore, so suddenly claiming they're giving me time to calm down when in fact they're cold-shouldering me, making me feel guilty for saying that. I'm not sure if doing this will be morally the right thing since she's family, as my husband says. Am I the asshole? Clearly no. Swear ass. There's clearly an asshole though.

Wow. This one's maddening. I was left in anger. I was seen red. But... And then you're all of a sudden blamed? Oh. Gaslet?

Oh, just buy a cheap Amazon camera until you can replace the one that she lost. If you ask to use someone's stuff, whatever it is, or thing, and they say no, it's no. It doesn't mean, oh, I'm going to then go like to your husband and we'll get the key and get in and it's all good. He doesn't own the camera. It's just, there's so many problems here. I just, oh my god, I don't know. She's not in the wrong. No.

They're both in the wrong and it's just so frustrating that they can't see it. Yeah, and it sounds like the husband is enabling his sister quite a bit. I mean, the door was locked for a reason. She got a key on that room, her work space, for a reason because the sister kept stealing her shit and she was replacing it with her own money. So it's like, don't give your sister then the key, which is fucked up that he would go against her and violate her trust, his wife's trust. So I picked this one for the underlying issue of like, yeah, the sister is the asshole. She is not the asshole for wanting to sue her, but there's some underlying issues with the husband here. 100%.

Like big issues. Yeah, one that just sucks now. Because yeah, she should replace the camera. 100%. She basically stole the camera. He kind of stole it too though, by letting his sister in there and giving her the key to get it and get in there. Yes, they are collectively responsible. But then, okay, to then leave it at the beach because you're mad about some X thing, it's not even yours.

Even if I asked, which I have in the past, asked to use someone's whatever, some item, I feel like I am secret service to that item. I am protecting that thing no matter what. I feel like when you borrow something, you almost treat it, you treat it better than if you owned it. Yeah. And you had spent the money on it. Absolutely. So just to disregard and just, I don't know. But again, the theme, couples counseling or call it quits.

Husband, sister sucks. Hands down, sister fucking sucks. Yes. She needs to get a job and get the fuck out of this house. Yes. But the husband is the one I'm really like, you got to nail to pick. Yeah, where my mind goes is, I don't know if this is a one time issue. I feel like if this is the first time that it's like, you know, something along the same lines of borrowing stuff out that she doesn't want borrowed out or anything similar.

Then there's just a discussion that needs to be had. But it feels like there kind of has been and he's just kind of pushing it to the side saying it's your problem. Go buy a camera on Amazon. So yes, that is a huge issue. If it had been a mistake of letting the sister borrow it and then it turned into this, then it's a matter of, I'm sorry. I should have let her do it. Be all replace the camera because it's like, I did that. Yeah, it's on him at that point.

If the sister is not going to replace it, that's on him. So yes. You're the one that did this. If she's trying to save it, like if this is the relationship to where this is not the issue to bring it down. Yes, go to counseling and figure this out if you two cannot figure that out. Yeah. What do you think about the court thing? Like taking them to court, the sister to court or whatever, if they're not willing to replace it?

Do you see that being an issue? My gut reactions that it's just kind of a threat, such a strong word, but it's more just like a thing you say to just prove how serious you are. Oh, I'd fucking do it. Well, I know, but it is tricky to draw that line and officially turn it into like a lawsuit. Yeah. I mean, is it a lawsuit? I don't know. Well, I guess technically it would be a lawsuit.

You're suing them. You're taking them to small claims court. Right. You're taking this thing that could be just something figured out between you two because you're family and you're bringing it up to this next level. But what if they say no? And what if they keep saying, fuck you, go buy yourself a new camera? You big blogger? Then they're not the right people to have in your life.

True, which that would be an answer. So the OP responds a lot throughout the comments, like super, super responsive. You like that? Yeah. Not the asshole. Make her or your husband replace your camera. He refused and said that I was being unreasonable to be expecting him to replace it after he took his sister's side. Not the asshole, but your sister and husband are.

Your husband should never have given her the key against your wish or without confirming with you first. For the sister-in-law, she stole it from you knowing you said no and didn't even take care of it. If your husband is so adamant about not making the sister pay for it, he should pay for it himself. 2k isn't a small sum. And the sister-in-law should stop feeling entitled to your stuff. And OP goes, no, he refused to take accountability for defending her and thinks I should replace the camera with a cheaper one of my own money. I asked why he thought this was fair and he responded that what wasn't fair is calling his sister reckless when she didn't mean to lose it. Boo fucking who?

Yeah, and almost I think the worst part of the whole thing that I heard was that they're not talking to her so she can calm down. They're stonewalling her. That's the worst part. That's abusive. Suing and going to court's one thing, yes, about the camera issue, but there's bigger issues here. Sounds like some enmeshment too with this comment. So someone goes, not the asshole. Does he always do this?

Help her avoid responsibility because yikes. And OP goes, yes, he always sides with his sister and acts overprotective of her with everyone. Their mom does the same. Well, people will be who they are. I mean, they're going to do what they're going to do, but this is just flat out wrong. Yeah. I mean, taking, you can take someone's side and protect them to a point, but how can you just not see that this is fucked? It's terrible.

So that's why I'm like, I would, like if this is a relationship where you truly want to salvage it, yeah, like you definitely need to go to couples therapy. Your husband has some difficulty with boundaries with his sister clearly. There's some emotional incest or like enmeshment going on a little bit. Like the relationship is not, it doesn't seem based on OP's comments and just, you know, how this played out. It doesn't seem like it's normal. So yeah, I would say couples therapy and like if you can't get him to like come to terms with the fact that like he was wrong, his sister is a 20 year old adult and should have been responsible. She's in the wrong.

Like this is just one problem. This is over a camera, but these issues are going to continue happening over other things. Yeah. What if it, and like, I just look at it like if it's something that's small, that's creating a big problem where he's getting like so... Wait until the sister crashes their new car or... Or leaves the baby at the park for two hours. Like who fucking knows? But the comments on this are great.

Like the thing I asked you about like the court and what you think about it was because OP like does make a comment. Thing is my husband thinks it's always wrong to get the law involved in family matters. I admit that my family are the type to take things to court, which may not apply to every family, but I think she should be the one replacing it, not me. Yeah. I love like small claims court. Like take her on Judge Judy. This is perfect for Judge Judy.

Judge Judy would rip this apart. Oh my God. The TV court people... Oh, it'd be so satisfying. But there is another TV court judge and she's a black woman and she's fucking amazing. I've seen her on TikTok a couple of times and she fucking tears these people apart. Hell yeah. Let's go.

It's crazy. One super long comment that I kind of want to read just to see. So someone goes, not the asshole, sue or something to hold sister-in-law accountable. And they decide what, if anything you want to do about the fact that you married a guy, that doesn't respect you. True. Good luck with that. And so OP goes, yes, he did two things that I didn't appreciate.

One, giving her the key and letting her access my workspace and tools. And two, expecting me to just get a cheaper camera till I'm able to buy a better one. Or the one like, sorry, click something. Let me go back and find where it was. Or the one like his sister lost. When I explained how unfair this was, he said his sister's emotional health should be a priority. When I mentioned suing her, he got more upset and tried to get me to back down. He's now not talking to me except for basic one to two word sentences.

And it's making me have second thoughts about wanting to sue. That is the point of what he's doing. It is emotional manipulation. And his sister's quote, emotional health should be a priority. What about her emotional health? I just don't know how they can possibly think this is cool. I want to fucking egg his car. How do you think like that?

He's delusional. He's enmeshed with his sister. He's protecting his sister over his partner. That's not what you're supposed to do. This is your partner. You go to bat for your partner. Your sister's clearly fucking wrong. Braids.

You're not even, it doesn't even feel like you're choosing one or the other. It feels like there's clear right and wrong on top of it. Yeah. Wow. No updates on this one. I'm stressed. It was posted about a month ago. Oh, the rest aren't any better.

They're like, they're kind of petty problems, but also they kind of like show where the cracks are in some people's relationships. They're small problems, but incredibly maddening. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. She should start to go fund me. Fuck that sister in law.

Yeah. It's just, that sucks. That sucks. I'd be pissed. Let's start a little camera replacement fund. I know. We should. We should.

If everyone donated like 10 cents, we could get her a new camera. On the condition that that key is not accessible to anybody anymore. Change that fucking lock ASAP. Yeah. Seriously. Change it. But that just sucks too. You feel that you need to hide shit in your own house from family.

Yeah. Ah. And then it's like, if they're not going to respect her and her space. One, time for that. One, change the locks. Two, take him to court. Three, sister in law needs to get the fuck out and get her own place. Four, couples counseling.

Or maybe 1.5 couples counseling. Lock couples counseling. I mean, it's just a, it's just revealing a lot. Yeah. Well, up next. Any hour services has a team of technicians that can take care of any plumbing, electrical or air conditioning needs you might have around your house. Got a drain that's clogged.

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No one helps more homeowners than any hour services. Am I the asshole for telling my wife she embarrassed me by bringing a meal to my work. I 33 male recently got hired at a large company in the south where me and my wife moved months ago. My wife was excited for my new job and talked about preparing a surprise for me, which got me excited. But I didn't know what it was till she showed up at my workplace two days ago with a meal. She said she prepared specifically for me since it's my favorite. Apparently this was her surprise.

I was a little upset. She brought it to my workplace. My coworkers who are vicious and brutally honest and sarcastic got involved and kept teasing me about the meal. One of them, Austin, joked about how mommy is so supportive by bringing food to my workplace. I felt like shit as he and other coworkers kept laughing at me. I went to work the next day and Austin kept making jokes about me saying shit like, is mommy going to bring lunch today as well? And when is mommy coming to change your diaper?

Is this fucking middle school? And some other shit. One of them, who's someone I don't know well, said, oh you guys, I can still smell the meal. My name's mom brought yesterday. She's such a great cook. Bless her heart. And the goddamn giggles kept on.

I felt so awful. I went home and just blew up at my wife telling her she flat out fucking embarrassed me and just torpedoed any goddamn prestige and respect I had among my coworkers. I told her what Austin and others have been doing and asked if she was happy for giving them ammo to come at me like that. She argued that she was just trying to do something nice for me and didn't care about what people might say. But I was a selfish jerk who only cares about what others think

rather than how she felt by my constant berating over a meal she put effort, money and time to make and bring me. The argument escalated after I suggested that she could have waited till I got home to surprise me with this goddamn meal instead of showing up while I was working, which made me seem unprofessional. She said she came during lunch break, but I was still working during lunch break.

She said at this point I clearly find it easier to blame her than stand up for myself against these childish bullies. I said I don't appreciate what she said, but she replied that I should be grateful she cared enough to bring me a home-cooked meal than thanked me for showing her it's not worth wasting any more of her time cooking for me after this. I told her to stop blaming me for something she caused and asked her to admit that maybe she should have consulted me

before bringing the meal over so I could avoid being the goddamn butt of every joke my coworkers told. I don't even know how long this is going to last. She told me to man up and either report them or quit then. I was floored by what she said and I had to walk out because I couldn't take any more of this and felt like she wasn't listening to how her behavior caused me an issue at work. I almost just started when you were in the middle of the story.

I think it's clear at this point that obviously she's not the one to go after here. Oh, it just makes me sad. I don't know because I love little, I think I always just love the little things I always have and that just being a little thing that someone put, planned, put time, effort into doing it's just like that's not the fucking problem. That's like just cool. Appreciate things. No matter what happens, I always appreciate things people do for me.

Even if they're the smallest little thing, someone took time and thought about you and tried to do something for you. Even if it's not your favorite thing or whatever, it's still really cool. I always appreciate that stuff. I know. I made you chicken nuggets and brought them to you at work. And guess what? Everyone in that room said, oh my God, your girlfriend's just the perfect person.

Everyone just loved it. It's not like that. Also, what the fuck? I know. Where's this guy working? I just think it's pathetic. Clearly, these other people have issues. I would just turn it back on them.

This isn't a big deal. Your wife was doing such a nice thing and brought you a homemade meal. Fuck, I would love if someone brought me homemade meals to work instead of me having crappy leftovers or cafeteria food. Who are these people? It literally is middle school. Clearly insecure little boys. I would turn it around on Austin and be like, oh Austin, it's okay if you want me to share. I know you don't have a nice partner making you food.

I would turn it around on them or fucking stick up for yourself versus being like... To get all worked up and take it home? He went off on her to a level that I've never seen on such a simple problem. I get you're embarrassed and now your coworkers are kind of laughing at you and whatever. But just go home and say, honey, I have some assholes I'm dealing with at work. Can you please not bring me any homemade meals? I appreciated it. I really enjoyed it, but these guys are ruthless.

Well, he's taking the feelings and he's targeting the wrong. Yeah. I just... Yeah. Overall vote on this one was clearly asshole. People popped off on him in the comments. Top comment, you're the asshole. Your wife is an absolute sweetheart.

Your colleagues are bullying you and bullying your wife in return isn't going to fix anything. Yes. Someone else goes, my first thought was OP sounds like a preteen embarrassed by their mom. He needs to grow the fuck up. OP. Literally. You're the asshole. And I hope your wife never does anything thoughtful for you ever again because you obviously don't deserve it.

Yeah, it's very concerning. Yeah. Someone goes in the next comment, I just like scanned ahead and it's kind of what I said. But they go, if someone made fun of me for my partner bringing me a home cooked hot lunch, I'd just throw back at them. I'm sorry, my wife loves me so much and does nice things for me. Don't take out your loneliness and bitterness on me. Yeah. No lunch.

I almost wouldn't even believe it. You would almost think that it was just like an actual joke. It's crazy. Oh my God. I just like literally since middle school, I haven't experienced a single thing like that. I don't know if it's the people I surround myself with or just the situations I end up in, but I'm like, I was shocked. Yeah. He does have an edit.

And I'm not sure when it was added, but it goes edit to say that I in no way don't appreciate my wife's efforts. But the only problem I have is that she didn't tell me beforehand about whether it was okay to bring the meal over to my workplace. I really preferred that she waited till I got home or we could have gone out later to eat. I agree that the main problem I have is my coworkers, but I lashed out because I felt overwhelmed with their hurtful remarks that offended my wife as well. Yeah, but that's a very fucking immature way to respond to those feelings. Your wife would not have known about their remarks unless you told her or reacted the way you did. So using that as an excuse like, oh, I was defending my wife's honor. No, you fucking weren't.

Your fragile masculinity was impacted by your coworkers bullying and you don't have the mental strength to stand up for yourself. Let's just let's just admit that. Like, fuck you. He doesn't appreciate it. He can say it, but he doesn't. No, it's he's blown smoke up everyone's asses to make like the light of this situation a little better. Like he's a fucking prick, which couples therapy or call it quits. Another another small issue, but really this one's tough because I just.

They're married. I think at the point, at the point at which you would be married to someone, this response and this reaction is just so out of line to the point where it's. Like, I don't know, like on YouTube, you can get community guidelines strikes or whatever. This is a goddamn strike. Like this is one of those. Those things that you'd look back on and if like a couple more happened, you'd be like, I'm, I'm out. Yeah. Because this is big.

This is big. And it's so I just saw this comment that OP replied to. So OP does reply a couple of times in the comments and. It sounds like he is having a really, really hard time at work. So like we, like you said, I think specifically that like he's targeting the wrong person with his, you know, his issues, his anger and everything that's happened. But a lot of people point out like Austin and the other coworkers are such childish assholes. They probably don't have a partner to bring them their favorite home cooked meals and OP goes. I have a problem with this guy specifically, even before this happened.

And I thought about going to HR about the harassment, but I had second thoughts because I've been told he has connections with most of my superiors in the company. I'm not the type of person who wants drama, especially not at work. And I tried to avoid him, but I can't do it anymore. I of course am aware that the stuff they said was hurtful to my wife as well. And my point was that I'd have appreciated if she waited to surprise me, blah, blah, blah. It's irrelevant. Second half of this is relevant. But then he goes to someone else.

So someone goes in a comment. You're the asshole. Instead of standing up to a bunch of work bullies who are insulting your wife and bullying you, you take it out on your wife because it's easier than being a man and standing up to the real problems. And OP goes, I'm aware of what they're doing. I had issues with them before this even happened, but I got so overwhelmed with their level of harassment and thought maybe my wife should have talked to me about bringing a meal over to my workplace. I would have suggested other options instead of that hostile environment I work in. No, that was the whole point. She's excited about you having, getting this job and wants to support you and do this little cool thing.

Obviously, if you need the job, then you got to kind of figure it out. Start looking for something else. Yeah, I mean, no. So many places are hiring. Yeah, you don't need to lose all of your happiness and everything just to try and fit in at this workplace. No, he's saying it was already a hostile work environment. So why stick it out? It's making you miserable.

Well, if you have to, that's a different story. Yeah. But yeah, life is just too short to force yourself through all of that if it's not necessary. Exactly. And I shouldn't say a lot of places are hiring. A lot of places are hiring, but not all of them are livable wages. I've just never heard of this. I've never heard of these little like, I mean, I worked in a corporate office.

There was none of this going on. It's crazy to me how petty these people are. And he's 33. He's a 33 year old dude. And so are these other people. Probably that or older. I mean, similar ages, you would assume they could be new grads, but I mean, he's 33 fucking years old. He's been new grads.

Like by the time I was in college, nobody who would, even if my mom brought me a meal to class. No, I think I'm not going to get made. I don't know. It's craziness. Absolutely fucking craziness. So for her sake, I really hope this is a one off and he can get his shit together. Couples therapy, I think either way, because he needs some help. Yeah.

Maybe personal therapy too. Because it sounds like he's really struggling. Yeah. And that, that's got to be a step. Otherwise it's not looking too good. No. So this one, it was posted about eight days ago and there's no update on how he's handled the situation yet. So hopefully, hopefully his wife and him.

I wish we had a wife right then. I know. Hopefully he can apologize and I get it. Like everyone's in really tough situations right now. Like fuck the other dude. Like if he doesn't buy the new camera, then fuck him and like call it quits. But this guy, I really hope this is a one off and if it is couples counseling. Yeah.

I mean, I stress and being overwhelmed can lead any human to saying things they don't mean. Yeah. But then to, the difference becomes when you continue to fight for that and prove that you're not wrong and that it's the other people, other person's fault and all that. Yeah. That's when it starts. Yeah. Sorry to interrupt you.

No. I had my point. It's just that's when it becomes a bigger problem. It's not just, I said something I didn't mean. I'm sorry. Well, and he's clearly still like in the comments fighting for the fact that his wife shouldn't have brought his food there. If you've ever had to deal with a plumbing problem, you may have felt the pain of realizing

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Okay. So on to the next one, another food related story. Am I the asshole for no longer letting my boyfriend eat what I cook after he raided my food in front of my family? I'm sorry if formatting is bad because I'm on mobile. Mobile. Mobile. Mobile.

Mobile? What am I fucking British? I wish. My 25 boyfriend, Jerry, 31, has a culinary art diploma. He works two jobs related to his field. One as a chef in a restaurant and two as a cooking instructor. We've been dating for almost 16 months now, by the way. I had no real experience in cooking, but he encouraged me to learn and helped my skills

improve so much, even though he has a habit of rating every meal I cook, which I find a bit rude. For example, X meal gets 7 out of 10, or Y meal gets 8.3 out of 10, or even Z meal would have gotten 9 out of 10 if the sauce wasn't so salty, etc. I didn't feel great with him rating my food no matter the score, but he says he's helping me improve, so... My family came over to visit and I wanted to cook their favorite meals. Jerry sat with my parents and chatted till the food was ready.

He started eating and kept making comments about my choice of meals. Once he put his fork down, he cleared his throat and literally started rating every dish I made by giving me 7 out of 10 for this, 4.8 out of 10 for this, and 6 out of 10 for that. My family were so confused and I was floored. I felt awful as he kept giving advice on how to improve my score next time. He kept a straight face while doing it. It was awkward. Just awkward the entire evening.

We had a huge argument after my family left and I told Jerry that he acted poorly and embarrassed me when he started rating my food in front of my family. I said to him that I won't have him eat what I cook anymore. He said I was overreacting and claimed what he was doing is just constructive criticism and I shouldn't take it personal since he's just used to rating his students' work. I said I wasn't his dang student and he wasn't Gordon Ramsay to be heavily putting my efforts down in front of family. He got offended and said my reaction was way over the top since he was just giving constructive

criticism in order for me to make progress and said he was trying to help and that, quote, Gordon Ramsay comment, was totally uncalled for and just a low blow to his abilities as a respectable chef with a respectable career. He then asked what made me think it was okay to come at him like that over a few ratings. He stated he was hurt and went to stay with a friend for the night probably expecting an apology from me. Am I the asshole? So my first thought was the Gordon Ramsay thing.

Yeah. That was first thought. I'm just picturing Gordon Ramsay and that one meme of him with the two pieces of bread and he puts it on the lady's face and he's like what are you? Yeah. And she's like an idiot sandwich. Oh my god. But it's like that's kind of what he's doing.

Like he's really targeting them. And that is kind of what we see in the chef food preparation world. I mean Gordon Ramsay is one thing. But then when we watch Great British Baking Show, sometimes they're just like this is terrible. This tastes terrible. I know. It's like our favorite show.

And they're just like underbaked and it's just, it's very direct. There's no beating around the bush. So my question would be, has there been a line drawn in the sand about this before? Or have they gotten into this habit of I'm really trying to learn and I want you to criticize? It doesn't sound like that because in the first paragraph they mentioned, I didn't feel great with him rating my food no matter the score. But he says he's helping me improve. But did they make this known?

It sounds like there was already a conversation about it based on that. Like they probably mentioned it and he was like, well, I'm giving you scores because I'm helping you improve. So that then if there was a prior discussion, then yes, this is a big asshole-ish moment. Yeah. If there wasn't, I can see where you get into the habit of doing the critiques. And it might be fun to kind of show off and show this game in front of family. I don't know.

But if there was a prior discussion with them being uncomfortable about it, then yeah, this is the worst place to be doing it. And why isn't the chef master of everything? Why aren't they making or they probably switch off or something? Or just like probably switch off. And like it sounds like they wanted to cook like a really nice meal for their family. Yeah. But like then do it together.

Or just shut up and fucking enjoy the food. Right. You're not having to cook, which I can imagine as a chef, it's probably like, it would probably be really difficult because it's like, some jobs you truly don't go home with your work. But we all have to eat. So it's like, you're still going home and cooking and you can never escape it. But at the same time, you're not the one cooking. Just enjoy it.

I don't like everything I eat. No matter who cooks it. I cook it. It gets cooked at a restaurant. Like you're never going to be a 100% happy with every single little morsel of food you put in your fucking mouth. So just shut up. Well, and also too.

I'm one of those people that isn't a super big food person, like all the specialties. So I'll probably often prefer something that you or I would make over one of these top, top, top chef, perfect meals or something. Yeah. I'm sure it'd be great, but, you know, we're not terribly hard to please. And it's just, it just seems like there's this prestige of this perfect meal. Yeah. And how everything goes together.

I mean, we see it in the shows every, every time. I know. Well, I just think it's so unrealistic for Jerry too. Like he has a culinary art diploma and works two jobs. One as a chef in a restaurant and a cooking instructor. Like he's clearly an expert in the field. Otherwise he wouldn't have these positions. So how can you expect someone who you've only been dating for 16 months and recently encouraged

to start cooking? How can you expect them to have 10 out of 10? Like this is so unrealistic. Just let them have the fun of cooking. This is a new hobby, a new passion potentially for them. Like don't discourage them and be a jackass. Yeah. Okay.

Maybe you could help time to time, but like have a little tact. Yeah. Well, and some people on the flip side might thrive under that kind of criticism. Like I just want to know, tell me how it is. I'm trying to get better. Yeah. This is probably more like you said, one of those fun new hobbies to explore with someone that can guide you.

Yeah. Maybe not in the same way as they would with a student or like on a show. Yeah. Well, that's a thing. Like this isn't a show. This is their real life. And I like personally, I, I know like I had you grade my paper once or like not grade, but like proofread one of my papers once.

And you were like, it was constructive, but I think in my mind I was like, oh my God, he's tearing me apart. I was like, it's, it's good to get some constructive criticism from your partner from time to time. But I think it's like really hard when it's just like your partner constantly berating you, constantly grading every fucking thing you cook. Right. I can imagine that would be like really draining, especially something like you're trying your best.

Let's see. I was just trying to help. I know you were. I was just trying to make it as good as it possibly could be for you. I know. And your edits were great. I was just. I made edits.

I got you and say, this sounds terrible. Try this. No, exactly. You did it in a good way. I'm just like very sensitive. And it was, it was hard. So top comment on this one. Not the asshole.

Sheesh. This is the real world. Not Yelp. If you're both working on improving your cooking, then constructive criticism is generally fine. Not when it's not asked for though. It doesn't need to be every meal. Right. Definitely not in front of guests.

He may think he's helping, but this has turned into belittling and looks to be a power trip. Your garden Ramsey comment was right on the money. 10 out of 10. Yep. Uh, someone goes, maybe try putting things in a way he might better understand quote. I'm sorry, but I'm just going to have to rate you as 2.3 out of 10 as a boyfriend. Your hygiene is decided and you carry your weight financially. So that's good.

To bringing your work home, being very unsupportive of my needs and not being able to accept or even handle criticism while dishing it out is just killing your score here. Far too bitter and unpalatable to rate any higher. I love that. That's a thing too. Instead of having like a calm conversation about this, what did he say here? He got offended and said my reaction was way over the top. The Gordon Ramsey comment was totally uncalled for and just a low blow to his abilities as a respectable chef. Right.

He's basically flipping the table on them and kind of gaslighting and like, oh, he storms off and went, like went to a friend's house. Like it didn't, it didn't have to be that serious. Like it sounds like OP was just like, hey, please don't rate my food. Like I'm not, you're not going to be able to eat anything I cook anymore if you're going to continue to do that, which is fair. I also, the storming off thing is always interesting to me because it's like you can just communicate and have a discussion and work through it. That's what you kind of signed up for. That's what a relationship is. I've never been a storm off person.

I've needed my moments. But needing a moment's different. I feel like you're storming off and you're staying elsewhere. It's more dramatic than just saying, hey, I just need a minute. I need to walk. I need to cool down. I just need some space for a second. Also, can we talk about the 8.3 and the 5.2?

Come on. Why can't it just be, is that a, is that a thing? I don't know. Like we watch the bake off and they don't give fucking scores. Like the technical. But come on. 5.2 versus a five. Tell me the difference.

An asshole. It's him being an asshole. Just make it an even number. He's a dick. Like think about diving nine out of 10. Eight out of 10. Honestly, I've seen Gordon Ramsay's TikToks. I think he is nicer.

I want to see what Gordon Ramsay thinks about an 8.3. I think this person should cook for Gordon Ramsay. Let's go. Calm down. It's nice because like they're not married. So there's not such an attachment. They're 16 months in. So they're kind of over the stage of like.

Still fresh. But 16 months, you know, they're almost at a year and a half. That's like a true, you should know this person really well by now. And like maybe this is the point where things are just starting to kind of like. That happens. Really bubble up. Well, that's when things start to slip through the cracks a little bit too. You kind of put your guard down a little bit.

I think around this time too, you start to realize. I've been putting up with this during my, you know, the whole relationship. 18 months. Now we're kind of getting serious. You better see if like a future at least. So it's like, do I want to put up with this? Do I want to have my food judged the rest of our lives? True.

No. No. Yeah. Just checking to see if there's an update. Oh, so here's someone goes info. Before this incident, have you ever told him you didn't want him to rate your cooking? And Opie goes, I did. I even explained in details how it makes me feel about cooking in general.

See, that's what I was here of being judged, but to no avail. See, that's what I was, that's what I meant. That's the first thing I said is if there has not been a line drawn on the sand, then I can see how it could escalate. But if there's been a clear point to say, I'm not cool with this, then huge asshole, this is a way bigger problem. I think this is really like, I'm reading Opie's comments too right now. And I think it's really like some red flags are really popular.

Oh yeah. I didn't, that's, that's what I wanted to know. Okay. Let's get into this a little bit then before we move on. So someone goes, not the asshole. There are other ways to give someone constructive criticism rather than rating all their cooking. Like maybe, hey babe, this is a little salty. Maybe try less salt next time.

Not that hard. He sounds like he has some sort of God complex and thinks he is better than you. You need to sit him down and make him listen to how it makes you feel without him turning it around and making himself the victim. And so Opie goes, yeah, and I'm open to them, not gonna lie, but already said I don't feel great about my cooking whenever he starts rating it, despite him saying he loves it no matter how flawed it is. Yeah.

And who knows how flawed it is. My guess is that they're not also trying to be a professional chef. And so if you started producing music and you're like, I'm just gonna try it just for fun because it looks, you know, I love when you, I just love like the process and seeing you do it. And it just seems like something that'd be kind of fun to try. I'm not gonna sit there and be like, oh, why'd you choose this sound? And this part's just not good.

I would be very supportive and just kind of excited that you wanted to experience something in my world. Yeah. And to have that, it would just be something so fun, I think, to do. And that's how a couple should have a shared interest when one of the partners is an expert. Like this, like in the... I don't think I'm an expert.

You're an expert. You're really good at what you do. It's supposed to be fun and you're sharing this passion of yours, but it's turned into something that is not that. That's just mean. Yeah. So someone goes, not the asshole, he's rude and cannot read a room, needs a lesson and etiquette and to get the fuck off his high horse.

Him staying with a friend is also a huge red flag. To be honest, I would be done. And OP goes, he is like this with every fight, honestly. Okay. Yep. Yeah. I would be taking all the flags and running with this one. I think it's time to call it.

Might be. There's a lot of really good comments. Someone goes, you can clear this problem up quick. Start rating the sex. Someone goes, I would ask him why he sees you as his student and not girlfriend. What he did was incredibly rude and uncalled for. Do you guys go to a restaurant and he rates the food too? Not the ass.

Right. Not the asshole. Tell him to make his own food. OP like responds back to that and goes, yeah, he does. Especially if it's a restaurant that I pick, but he does it in a way that is more of complaining rather than rating it. I try not to make a huge fuss over it since he says he's just giving an opinion. And so I should not be policing his words as he claimed several times.

That can't be a cop out for everything. No. Come on. It's to the point where it's clearly really uncomfortable. And even if you're like, okay, I'm just trying to help you get better. They don't want the help. They've said it makes me uncomfortable. Please don't rate me.

That's the thing that changed at all. Yeah. And so at that point, you should be just concerned about how your partner feels and making them feel good and making them feel like they're succeeding and accomplishing and like make it lighthearted. Like the one person said, like, hey, babe, it's a little salty. Yeah, I wouldn't want to cook anymore. No. Really frustrating.

Really frustrating. This was posted 10 days ago. No update yet. You're in such a great position to help and make this such a cool thing. But he's an asshole. He just fucking sucks. Yeah. Dump his ass.

Call it quits. I'm with you. He clearly doesn't know what it takes to be a partner either. If he runs out of every fight like that, like a big, big one where you need space, you got to cool off. Sure. But every fucking fight. Yeah. That's not a partner.

That's not a safe partnership where you can openly communicate your feelings. Fuck you. Fuck you, food guy. Okay. I don't think there's any more food ones. But I like that on some level, I'm starting to like, it's very satisfying when the comments say kind of what you were saying before, before you read them. Yeah.

It's very satisfying. I know. I really like that too. It is validating. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more.

Imagine yourself in a new tundra where- You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details.

Dealer inventory may vary. Okay. No more food involved on this one, at least. You're making me hungry. I think the next one does have a snack mentioned. But for this one, no food. I don't think. Fuck.

Don't quote me, I guess. So, up next, I, 30 male, pissed my wife, 27 female off, and now she wants me to do everything. I already know I'm the asshole. I just want help to fix it. To begin, when I met my now wife, she had about 9k in credit card debt. She grew up in poverty, got her first credit card, and got into financial trouble with it. Song as old as time. She told me about it pretty early on in the serious phase of our relationship.

We had been friends with benefits for a year already before we decided to make it exclusive. And even told me about her plan to fix it, showed me her budget, and had a timeframe. To her credit, she did it. It took her about 14 months of hard saving and scrimping, and she rejected all of my offers to help because she wanted to own her mistake. That was five years ago. We're now married with twins, aged six. She's a stay-at-home mom, but receives about 1,000 per month in VA disability.

That's veterans. Nope. So, and cleans houses part-time while our kids are in school. The $1,000 goes entirely to our mortgage, plus some of the money that she makes cleaning houses because she likes to put extra on the principal. So, she has her own spending money. We do have one credit card, mine, of which she is an authorized user. I do stay vigilant about the card because I guess I never really let myself trust her with money.

On to the problem. I noticed earlier this week, after years of good financial decisions and fiscal responsibility on her part, that the credit card seemed higher than normal. So, I went looking at the statement. My wife hadn't mentioned anything, and I hadn't seen anything expensive coming into the house. So, I was shocked to see charges from GameStop, grocery store charges outside of her normal shopping trip, a salon, Walmart, a movie theater, and Amazon. It came out to about $600, and I immediately realized she had a relapse.

I confronted her in the kitchen while she was putting together something for our kids' class, and I admit, I laid right into her. She just kind of stared at me while I'm getting more and more worked up, and when I had said my piece, she agreed she had messed up, would return everything except the salon services obviously, and give me back the credit card. I thought this was an admission of guilt, which made me even more angry and demanded to know how much she spent on these Halloween goody bags she was putting together, because it looked expensive, and I didn't see why we would spend so much on first graders,

and she said only $15, since she got everything at the dollar store. Well, I found out today how badly I fucked up. She told me that everything had been returned, and now I was in charge of the birthday party, the birthday presents, and the Christmas shopping, and the class Christmas party contribution, since I didn't trust her to do those things. Turns out, all those charges were for the kids' birthday and birthday party at the movie theater, November 10th is their birthday. Christmas shopping, she had actually finished for everyone we usually buy for,

and even the salon charges were for our son's haircuts. Now she's returned everything, and even has told me grocery shopping is also my job now. I can't handle all that. I didn't even remember it was my kids' birthday soon. How do I fix this so we can go back to how it was? I've already groveled, and she just says I apparently have five years of groveling to do if all I've been waiting for is the other shoe to drop, when she's been nothing but exemplary when it comes to finances in all this time.

Help, please. Wow, I didn't expect that. No, 9K in debt when you grow up poor and you live off credit cards is nothing. Nothing. Yeah, it's a big burden, but fuck, my credit card bill when I was in grad school using it to live, it was more than hers. And for her to be such a badass and get her plan and all her eggs in a row and get that sorted on her own, and he's still so tough, and he still doesn't trust her.

Yeah, I just feel like there's some kind of breakdown in communication between these two. A, the trust, the not trusting her thing is a big piece, but also the fact that almost there was like, oh, she relapsed all these charges, and just to be so out of touch with what it could actually be for, and you think that she's just going and blowing money, there's a large disconnect here. And then just not, I just, I don't know, I don't understand people that blow up. I don't people that understand people that let this anger build up between them and their partner, and then they like lash out, and it becomes this huge thing.

Why can't you just go home and say, hey, I noticed this at first, maybe I thought it was fraud or something, I'm just trying to make sure, because that happens. Where all these charges in one day when it's out of the blue, and just say, do you know what it's about? Oh yeah, I actually did this, the kids this, the Christmas shopping this. It could have been so easy. Like, what in the hell? So I see where she's coming from in the sense that, yes, I'm going to go return all this shit,

even though it's so inconvenient. But it's the principle. I'm going to go prove the point, return it, and you can manage it now, if this is that big of an issue to where you're going to come home and flip out. Yeah, what he like, openly said, I laid into her. I would never ever say that, because I would never do that. Buddy. Like you said, it could have been so easy.

All you had to do is be like, hey, hun, just cares what all this is about. I just never approach things that way. I've never lead into anybody. That's just not what I do. It's fucked up. The fact that this woman only spent $600 and got all of that accomplished. I think we spend $600 in just Christmas shopping. Like birthday party, birthday presents, Christmas shopping, all done, and two haircuts.

One haircut in LA is like $100. It's ridiculous. How? How did she do it? I mean, my haircut wouldn't be $100, but... Men's haircuts are still really expensive. It'd probably be like $60 for you. I had a $50 one in New York, and then we found the spot where we would get them done for $20.

That's good. And haircuts are a little cheaper, but still like minimum $25 a haircut plus tip. Dude. Well, I love his ignorance coming on, just being in the spotlight with... And those goody bags look expensive. And then they were all from the dollar store. I know. It's just ridiculous.

I have a lot of issues with this OP. One, didn't know when his kids' birthdays were... Yeah, what? Fucked up. Two, the fact that he says something about the money. I do stay vigilant about the card because I guess I've never really let myself trust... Feels so controlling. ...her with money.

Yeah, but he says something about the credit card specifically. We do have one credit card, mine, of which she is an authorized user. That is like really annoying to me. I don't know how much their mortgage is, but all of her money from her VA disability benefit is going towards the mortgage. She also makes additional payments from her part-time cleaning job. She's not a stay-at-home mom. That is doing this woman a disservice.

She's a stay-at-home mom and a worker and has VA disability, so was a veteran. This woman is a super mom. He is really selling her short. And then she went and took care of all of this shit. Yeah. Well, funny how too. I can't handle all of that. How do you think she just did it?

Why is this guy so out of touch with everything? You just... When people write stuff like this, you almost wonder, did you get hit in the head? Well, as you're typing it, do you not realize when you can read it flat out in front of you? Literally. Read in between the lines. It's literally hitting you in the face.

It's right there, buddy. I always... I understand the benefits of having mutual accounts and combining finances and such when you get into serious relationships. I still think it's important to still have your own credit, still have your own accounts and credit cards because with this, there's an element to this monitoring and this observing constantly. It's financial abuse.

Well, also, you just got to have some freedom. If you want to go spend the money that you went and worked for or from your disability, if you want to go, yes, you have things that you commit to with each other. You have things that, we're going to split this, we're going to do XYZ, but if you want to go to the salon and not feel guilt-tripped about it, you should be able to. That just feels weird. It does. This dude is just fucked up.

He kind of know he fucked up, but he's just like, how do I fix it versus own it? Take responsibility. You fucked up. Now make it right. Just seems incapable. He is incapable. Top comment on this one. The ultimate...

Not the top comment. It got pushed to the top for some reason, but it's got like 509 upvotes and they go, the ultimate fucked around and found out. Someone else goes, LOL, there's no quick fix to this. Sounds like you either beg her for forgiveness for a very extended amount of time or get to shopping. Also, it sounds like she is deserving of some spending money, to be honest. Sounds like all she does is take care of you and the kids and has owned up and corrected

all her previous mistakes. Let me get this clear too. I don't think it's a mistake. I hate how everyone's being like, oh, it's a mistake. There are some times where we just don't, one, have financial literacy. I was able to just get a fucking credit card at 18. I didn't know what the fuck to do with it. She came from a poverty, he says, I think he says poverty, grew up in poverty.

You don't just have financial literacy and also we are human. We have to survive. You don't know what that 9K was on. If it was her spending it on shopping and the shopaholic, sure, but if that was food and her living, that's not a mistake. That is just her trying to fucking live. Hate that everyone's calling it a mistake. But agree with that person and agree with what you said too.

Even if you are a stay-at-home mom, try not to be financially dependent on your partner. Always have your own money set aside, just maybe a side hustle, a little hobby job if you can. Yeah. Yeah. OP has some comments too that I wanted to point out. He replies, a bunch, they're just, I don't think they really, they don't help his case here.

Yeah. Someone goes, yes, you're the asshole. You want to position yourself as a responsible one, but you don't even know your kid's birthday. I do know my kid's birthday. I just hadn't realized it was so close. Okay. Yeah. That's, uh, that's an interesting one.

This is really interesting too. So OP comments something here. It wasn't much of an argument, honestly. I had been expecting some pushback or some attempt to explain herself, but it ended up being just me asking how she could do this to us. I knew it was only a matter of time because addicts can't be trusted. What is it going to take for her to understand that credit cards aren't magical free money? I said a lot and I may have said it louder than my usual voice.

I'm not proud, but when she didn't argue, I just thought she knew she had fucked up and wasn't going to own it. And so someone replies to OP and goes, you called her an addict on what basis is that justified? Yep. And OP goes, she didn't rack up 20 K and credit card debt by not being a shopping addict. You know, when you're an addict, you don't just stop being an addict. You're just in recovery.

I guess I've been waiting and watching for her to relapse all this time and those charges just blinded me to everything else. I'm not sure. I'm not sure where the 20 K number comes from because in the original post he mentions nine K. So I don't know. But also like, you're not, there's no specifying what she was buying. So is she an addict or was she just living?

I don't know. But just the fact of that statement being there, I feel, I feel terrible for the kids, but this relationship is not healthy. Yeah. This is just not. No. Someone else goes, and this is where I think it's going to get a definite. This woman needs to run.

So someone goes, so she's disabled, works part time and takes care of your children. She's not a stay at home mom. Stop minimizing her contribution to the household. She pays the entire mortgage, but for years you've had a leash so tight she couldn't even go get her hair done. You really had to yell at her, making goody bags for Halloween party for school. She took care of her own debt before even marrying you. So you have no reason to nickel and dime her.

It's hard to imagine that $600 worth of purchases is breaking the bank for you. It is clear from the way you speak about your wife that you do not respect her and believe she needs to be monitored like a child. Meanwhile, she's the one making the trip to the store to arrange goody bags. She's the one dropping off and picking up the kids from school and spending hours cleaning. Sounds like her entire life is work. It's so unfair that you are taking almost all of her entire check for the month and putting it towards the mortgage, leaving her with very little leftover money for literally

anything else. Her cell phone bill could easily eat those leftover dollars. And OP goes, she can go get her hair done and her money from the cleaning job is hers to do with as she sees fit. But she said before she's a hard time justifying spending money on herself unless she really needs something. It's severe enough usually that her family will give her gift cards to specific places like Starbucks or a nail salon, a women's clothing store, or most recently it was a

car detailer so that she can't use it to buy something for the kids. I don't nickel and dime her. I just wanted to know as early as possible if she was getting up to her old tricks. She probably is scared to spend a dime on herself because she has a financial manipulator of a husband that would flip the fuck out if she did spend any money on herself. He flipped the fuck out when she didn't spend any money on herself. She just spent money. Run.

I want to track this woman down. Yeah. Run. It's pretty bad. Call it quits. Fuck therapy on this one. I'm a big pluger of therapy as we all know. Oh my God.

Just imagine the weight lifted off her shoulders. She is doing it all. She is being a single parent and then some. What is this man doing? What is he fucking doing? It's literally someone goes if you want to fix it do as she asked buy everything she bought and returned and he goes I see what she bought on Amazon since we share an account at least.

This is great advice. Thank you. How fucking dumb are you? Go buy everything. Make it right. Make it right. This no see this person he's just oblivious it's not going to happen. No.

She deserves better. Yeah. She deserves better. Yeah. Fuck. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking.

Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying. Learn something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit WayToQuit.org developed by CDC.

Yeah. Okay. I got one more. I know the ending, so I'm not going to say much, but I'm going to read the original story because this one does have an update. None of the other ones have had an update so far. So I'll read the original, get your take and then read the update. We can talk about it because I feel bad giving too many hot takes because I did read the

update on this one. Okay. Okay. Last but not least, my 22-female boyfriend, 25 male, is hiding all of my stuff and I have no idea why. My boyfriend of five months just moved in with me three weeks ago. He had some problems with his apartment, damp walls, and it has to be renovated. As my roommate is currently spending some time abroad, I told him it would be okay if

he stayed at my place for four to six weeks. He'll be able to move back to his own apartment by that time. So now we've been living together for three weeks and things started out great. Jealousy had been a bit of a problem between us because we often go out separately, probably once a week, but coming home to the same apartment helped him get over that. Interesting. But there has been one new problem. Now this may seem petty at first, but I'm really at my wit's end with this one.

Ever since he moved in with me, things started disappearing and then reappearing one day later in the same place they were missing from. I'm talking about documents, small household items, and food. And it's not like losing keys and then finding them again somewhere. I specifically look for something in a certain place where it isn't, but it's there the next day. For example, I like to take a chocolate bar with me to work in the morning, and for that, I normally have a pack of chocolate bars at home.

Shortly after he moved in with me, I woke up to find all the chocolate was gone. I asked him about it. He said he didn't know anything about it. I came home just to find the chocolate bars are in the cupboard again. I asked him. He says he doesn't know anything about it. Quote, maybe you just didn't see them in the morning. We're talking about a large pack with about 12 chocolate bars.

How can I not see that? At first I thought it was maybe some kind of strange humor, but he seems angry when I bring it up and it's starting to really piss me off because sometimes it's been items belonging to one of my friends that I wanted to give back to them and then couldn't. Or it was certain documents I needed for a certain day. Now I have absolutely no idea what this is about. I am not crazy. I just don't understand at all.

It's a ghost. He gets really angry when I talk about it saying I'm making this up just to quote, cause drama. Why should I? I have no idea what's going on. Any ideas? So there is an update. Well, it's a ghost. It just seems at this point it seems just very strange.

It seems a little gaslighty to me just based on this initial post. Just like fuck with somebody? I don't know what the motive is. I think it's just like, I think he's pushing limits or like- It's like the weirdest shit I've ever heard. Yeah, but I also wonder if it's a tactic to like, I think when people gaslight you, they kind of start small and then work their way up big. So like it almost makes you feel crazy in every sense.

How do you plan that out though? Oh, I'm gonna start with this. So I'm gonna hide this like ring and then the next day it's gonna be there. People just- What does that accomplish? That's the dumbest thing in the world. All that, like this man, he's got some issues. There's something a little quirky going on here.

All right, let's do it. There's something. So the post I'm reading off of is from a forum like the best of Reddit updates. So it's a compilation of like OP's post and like little comments. So they highlighted two specific things based on OP's comments from the original post. And they go, they only met two months ago and he quickly showered OP with gifts and gestures. He wanted a relationship very quickly.

And then they link OP's comment, which to me, that's love bombing. And love bombing is a big, big red flag. How do you differentiate between a love bombing and I mean, I guess for example, like when I met you, you're trying to not only show the best version of yourself, but you're trying to create a kind of cool environments to get to know each other. And for example, two months into knowing you, I booked us a trip to New York. So where does that kind of, where do you cross the line? Because I had never done anything like that before.

But I knew that there was something special with you. And obviously I wasn't trying to show off and say, hey, look, I'm going to take you all over the world. Or like we could have a really special, amazing time together in New York for the holiday season. And I think that's why there was like a time pressure on it because I so desperately was like, I've always wanted to experience the holiday markets and all of that stuff out there with someone.

And that was the perfect way to do it, you know? It was, it was like more about the experience of like doing it together. So OP's comment that like made people like point out the love bombing was I've known him for about two months when they like started dating. We met at a mutual friends party. I was just out of another relationship and wasn't interested in dating, but he showered me with very romantic gifts, gestures, letters. And so we go, and so we started going on dates about a month after we met, he wanted a relationship

very quickly. And at some point I thought, why not? And so I think it's like, I think the difference between like what you did in love bombing, it's like, you just did one trip. It wasn't the trip and like letters every day and like, I love you so much. I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I see us having kids after, after like a week of dating.

Right. Okay. Yeah. All right. There we go. Yeah. So, there's another highlight on this. OP is now being educated on gaslighting when other commenters mention that's what her boyfriend

is doing. OP comments that her boyfriend doesn't like it when she spends time with her friends. Classic. Here's the update. First of all, thank you all very much for your suggestions, advice, support and concern. I've gotten multiple PMs asking if I was okay and I really appreciated it. So back to my situation. After I read all your comments and did some reading on gaslighting, I was really freaked

out. Many of you told me there were other red flags in our relationship. It got me thinking and more and more stuff came to my mind that should have worried me a long time ago. Our whole relationship felt pretty rushed from the start. I didn't even want to date, but he shored me with romantic gifts, gestures, texts and I finally gave in. He was pretty upset.

I didn't want to say I love you from the start when I didn't want him to meet my family right away, when I didn't want to have sex without a condom, quote, you don't trust me. And when I didn't want to book an expensive vacation with him, he was very jealous and didn't want me to go out with him. Although he went out with his friends all the time. He made me cancel plans to spend time with him and then stood me up. Fuck no.

He logged into my Facebook and changed my relationship status one day after we started dating as a surprise. I actually did worry about that, but thought he was just bad at making surprises. And then they give a username, pointed out all the stuff that has gone missing, had something to do with me leaving the house or meeting friends and family, a gift for my friend, the key to my parents' house, a USB stick I borrowed, documents for an application for a semester abroad, which we had a huge fight about because he didn't want me to go. After I read all about gaslighting, I ordered a nanny cam.

Unfortunately, delivery took four days and after day one, I already knew I couldn't be with him any longer. I wanted him out of the apartment ASAP and with as little drama as possible, I told him that my roommate had gotten a really interesting job offer and would cut her vacation short and come home in a week. So he had to move out. He was pretty angry, but I told him that there was nothing I could do. I also told him, as some of you suggested, that his landlord had to get him a place

to stay and that he should call him. The next day, he told me that he had talked to his landlord and he could move back in to his own flat on the following weekend. The renovations had not taken as long as planned. At this point, I doubt the apartment ever had damp walls to begin with, but who knows. In the evening, he asked me if I wanted to move in with him because, quote, it works so well and quote, you don't like your roommate anyways. I never even said that.

I told him, sure, I would move in with him in June. He was pretty excited about it. While I was waiting for the nanny can to arrive, there was one incident when something went missing, a book that I had ordered for my dad over Amazon and wanted to bring him the next day, or at least that's what I told my boyfriend. Yes, okay, this is amazing. Of course, in the morning, the book was gone. I chose to ignore it and he reacted quite strange to it.

Even asked me on my way out if I had taken that book with me. Why on earth would he ask that if he didn't expect a reaction from me? I just asked, what book? The book you wanted to bring your dad. I don't know what you're talking about. In the evening, the book was back on my desk again, of course. And I ignored it again. Two hours later, he casually walks by my desk and says, ah, that's the book I was talking

about. I just said, oh, that book? He seemed pretty angry for the rest of the evening. Two days later, the nanny cam finally arrived. I set it up while he was at the gym and again, when he was there, placed a letter I needed for work on my desk. I wasn't surprised at all when it was gone a few hours later and reappeared the next day.

When I finally was alone at home again and could check out the nanny cam evidence, I only saw what I already knew. I took the letter while passing the desk, put it in his gym bag and put it back a few hours later. However, as soon as I saw the evidence, I decided against confronting him. To be honest, I was scared of his reaction and had already decided to break it off as soon as possible. Also, the camera didn't show me his motive and I figured he probably wouldn't tell me

anyways. However, it frustrated me very much that I would probably never know why he did it and on the last evening before he moved back to his newly renovated apartment, I told him I wanted to watch an old movie called Gaslight. Thanks for the tip, everybody. It really is a great movie. He sat with me through the whole movie, but was quieter than usual while I talked the whole time about how unrealistic the movie was and that he was obviously insane.

I actually expected some kind of reaction from him, but he just sat there looking nervous. On Sunday, he took all his stuff back to his apartment. My brother had organized someone to come and change the locks and as soon as he was gone, I wrote my boyfriend a text telling him that it was over. I had no interest in being contacted again, that our breakup was final and I thought it was very sad that he had to hide my things to keep the relationship interesting. Since then, he called me more or less nonstop, but I haven't picked up and I won't. I know this isn't the heroic or exciting ending I could have confronted him with the

video evidence, but instead I cowardly broke up with the text message. However, I really didn't want to confront him and have a dramatic fight. That's not cowardly. I just wanted it to be over as soon and as smoothly as possible. If there's anything I've learned from this, it's to not rush into a relationship. For the past seven years, I've jumped from one long-term relationship to the next and I think it's time to stay single for a while and concentrate on my college classes. For now, I'm going to stay with my brothers for two or three weeks and I should probably

change my phone number. I'm sorry that I can't give you any insight on why he did it. It might have been a kleptomania, a prank, or messing with my stuff because something about me frustrated him. I will probably never know. In all the texts he's sent me, it only says he doesn't know what I'm talking about and he never took my things. Yeah, right.

Okay. Wow. Yes, she's great moves, genius moves all through. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. I love that we had a follow-up on this one. It's so satisfying. So needed.

I feel like it's some measure of control and manipulation because it relates directly with the fact that he's uncomfortable with her doing anything or studying abroad or seeing her friends and has an issue with jealousy until they live together and he could do it directly every single day and have more control. He's excited that she can move in because he can regain his control again. It's just like, I think it's taking that jealousy to a whole new level. This is what leads to the credit card lady. This is what leads to not being able to have friends, not being able to go anywhere, not

being able to do anything. I see what you're saying. Just wow. Yes, this would have turned into an abusive relationship. It's just scary. The thing that's sad about it too is you are now then in fear and then you break up and you're in fear because I wouldn't want to be in that same, I would want to move. Especially as a female, it's just scary.

Then you change your number and then it just sucks because it feels like you're always like, where's it going to pop up or something because these people are nuts. So smart to not confront him because the way this was headed, it was not cowardly. No, not cowardly at all. The way this was headed, you don't know the state of his psyche. This could have been an I kill you situation. You don't know with someone this unhinged. He's still not admitting, even though at this point, he knows, she knows.

He's still not admitting it. God, I would just love for him to see the video and say, I know. You almost just want to text it to him. He still is like, I don't know what you're talking about, but you also don't because like, yes, sure, you'd get the final word, but you don't know what kind of reaction that's going to ensue and you can still find her and it's not worth it. It's not worth it. And it's, it's like, what is that going to get you?

Right. It's a satisfying in the moment, but it's, it's just, you don't know what you're going to create. No, it's going to potentially put you more at risk. Oh, wild fucking ride for this one. I think like I picked this one too, especially with this theme, like couples therapy or not, like this seemed like a really small issue. Well, it was just like, based on the initial post, it was like, what, what are

you accomplishing? And then, then you start to connect the dots. And so I think like trust your gut, like look out for those common red flags. Love bombing, gaslighting, bread crumbing is another one that we like, I really want to talk about more, but look out for those things. But like trust your gut. Like she knew immediately that it was him. She knew she wasn't going crazy, but she was just like, what the fuck?

And if someone is doing that shit to you, no amount of therapy is going to save your relationship, cut your losses, call it quits and run. Like it is only going to down, go downhill if someone is fucking with you in this regard or in any similar regard, like they're fucking with you and your mental health and your psyche and your like instincts on purpose. It was him fucking with everything. Well, yeah, and, and I like the point that was made that it was connected with anything that was exterior.

It was outside friendships, relationships, family that was trying to be manipulated and taken away or controlled in some aspect. It was totally about control. Totally. It's scary. It is really scary. Um, I'm really, really happy for OP. Like I'm glad Reddit, Reddit like did not feel on this one.

This is like one of the best Reddit, Reddit, like influences, like people's responses on the original posts and all that. Um, and people really were just so supportive in the comments, which I love to see this as like a Reddit success story. And I'm happy that she has gotten to a place too, where she wants to just be single, take some time, don't just keep jumping right in. Like that's a, that's a, a great thing. That's a great thing for her.

It is. And there's a lot, OP was really responsive. So again, like all of these stories will be posted in the links. But, um, I think this is one that is like kind of important to highlight. And so the original posts kind of flew under the radar. Like, I think the, the best of Reddit updates post did a lot better, but this original post only had 334 comments. So like, thank you for the people that saw it and like, did fucking God's work.

So someone goes, I hope this doesn't get buried, but OP, I've read what you wrote and your response to questions. And I'm a little bit concerned with the following things appear to go missing and directly linked with you leaving the house. It's almost like he's trying to subtly stop you from leaving. He is jealous of you going out with your single friends. Him being angry that you think it's too soon to introduce him to family. He seems to be pushing the relationship to be serious quickly by using guilt.

This can be the warning signs of a potentially abusive relationship. His behavior starts small and insidious and escalate. I had a friend who started a relationship and her boyfriend hated the fact that she hung out with me as I was single and participated in what he called slutty activities. Um, they go on to like give more examples. Um, but basically being like, she exited that relationship two years later and admitted to all of us that he was physically and emotionally abusive.

I'm not saying everyone who is jealous is an abuser, but can bind with other red flags. You should be cautious. Don't let him dictate who you can and cannot hang out with. Don't let him guilt you into doing things you're uncomfortable with. I will PM you an information sheet about abusive relationships. Be, please be wary and look at the situation with this new found information. Cause this is on the original post.

And so Opie goes, thank you very much for this comment. That's really makes a lot of sense. I know someone who was in an abusive relationship and I was always sure it couldn't happen to me because I wouldn't let any guy treat me like this. But if this is how it starts, I can understand a little better. And to be honest, I'm getting very concerned. This, this, like, that was real. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think like that's too, when you get stuck in that cycle, it's like, you know, why would you stay like in an abusive relationship like that? And it's like, why, like, why does anyone stay in a relationship? That's, you slowly get trapped. That's less than, you know, what they deserve. Like you do, you get trapped. You, you believe that this is what you deserve.

This is normal. Like this is just how it is. Right. Cause yeah, you think about it. Like if you're going to be physically abused right off the bat in a serious way. Yeah. Yes. Then you, it's, it's like you're not invested in any way.

Exactly. And it's easy. Like if someone like hits you right away after a month of dating, that's a clear red flag. That's like, wow, I need to get the fuck out. The biggest red flag. Yeah. But when if it's something like this where it's so small and like just jealousy,

like, I think jealousy is a real red flag. Yeah. I don't think like, I think, yeah. And I think like jealousy is something that you can address in couples therapy. But I think when it's like as debilitating as this, it's time to call it. Well, I think jealousy is natural. And I think to some degree, jealousy is healthy because it means that you have this deep care and this deep love for someone.

I don't think jealousy is the right word though. I think there's a deep love for someone to where you don't want to lose them and whatever, but if your love is real and you share it mutually, then there's no need for jealousy. I take back what I say. No, no, no, because I think jealousy, like we're human, jealousy is normal. You are going to be a little jealous, like from time to time. But if you let your jealousy then cause you to control your partner or cause you to hide

your partner's shit and then gaslight them to make them feel crazy so that you have an easier time manipulating them in the future, then there's levels to it. Like a little bit of jealousy. Yeah, that's normal. We're human. But like if it's this bad, you guys get out. This is real bad. Yeah.

Well, that is couples therapy or call it quits. Part one, there's going to be a part two coming because I do have a lot of really good stories related to this theme. So part two will be coming maybe next week or the week after. I shall see. I have some exciting guests that are coming up in November. Again, March is live. So be sure to check the link in the description for that.

As far as other updates. I'm just still mad about the food one. Father knows something released its second episode. We're really excited about that show. It's like our little, our little baby right now. That's me on that one. Yeah. Justin is, we went in 50 50 on the editing and production.

So it's, it's been really nice. And yeah, you're, you're the host on that one. Yeah. So check that one out. Um, you can find it the YouTube version as well. But I think that's all I got for you guys. We're off to go cuddle, go to bed. We're so sleepy.

Needed. So needed. But thanks for joining us, you guys. I really enjoyed this episode and I'm so excited to get back to the drum. Yeah, let's go. Okay. Well, until next time. Until next time.

Bye guys. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota sure is from now until April 4th. You can shop all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where you stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house. You promised your daughter, Sarah. Oh, my God.

I'm so excited to get back to the house. I'm so excited to get back to the house. I'm so excited to get back to the house. I'm so excited to get back to the house. I'm so excited to get back to the house. I promised your daughter, Sarah. When did you hop on the call? Hi, dad.

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