Two Hot Takes - 43: Turkey Day Troubles..

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren!! She's back and we're tackling some Thanksgiving related stories that are so much deeper than just turkey day..  BONUS CONTENT: https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah? When did you hop on the call?

Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Are you ready? We got to hear Mike. I'm ready. When was the last time you were on? Paranorm...

Paranorm... I don't even want to say it. It was a scary time. It was so scary for you. You can't even acknowledge it. Actually, honestly, that was probably one of my favorite episodes. It was terrifying. Did I tell you what happened here after? I haven't even told you. I have it on video too, so it's 100% real.

But me and my dad were recording an episode, and all of a sudden, all of the power in the room stays on, like the podcast recording equipment stays on, our mics stay on, the ring lights stay on, everything's good. The room light shuts off and starts flickering back and forth. And I literally stop and I look and I go...

They're here. I go, fuck, I said something to my dad. I was like, maybe your house is haunted. And he literally looks at me and he goes, that was weird. Anyways. And I'm like, fuck, it was so scary. But I was like, I brought this on myself. All of these scary stories.

Yeah, it was fun though, honestly. Even though I was afraid and a lot of people were saying that they wanted you to bring someone else on to do a part two. I made up for it. Justin came on and I gave him some more scary shit. See, I knew that people were going to be mad though because you were like, I'm not going to tell this one because of you, Lauren.

And I was like, no, tell it, people are going to be... There's going to be a riot with my name on it. And there was. Like the top comment. And there was. The top comment was like... So I was right. Yeah, the top comment.

I love Lauren, but can you get her off? But we need someone who handles the scary stories. I understand. But these ones are just as scary. In a different way. In a different way. Yeah, probably scarier. Probably for a lot of people, I think scarier.

Thanksgiving and the holidays in general are very traumatic. High anxiety, high emotion, time. I actually have a story. We'll get to it when we do holiday woes, like the true Christmas, Hanukkah holiday stories. But I have not talked to an uncle of mine for three years. Wow. Because of the holiday throw down.

So it's a very traumatic time for a lot of people. I completely mean one of my friends were just talking about this. The holidays bring out weirdness. I mean, they're really great and they're really fun and they can be really beautiful. But it's like all these different personalities and dynamics and history and just everything. Putting it all together in one room, heightened time, things can get weird. I didn't want to say it's a melting pot. It's like a boiling pot.

I don't know. It's all of those different people together. Everyone's different heightened emotions. Everyone's different holiday trauma. It's just waiting to boil over. Yeah. Well, especially the more people, the harder it is to maintain. Because I come from a family of seven kids.

And it's like there's bound to at least be one person that's upset on the holiday. Always. It's just like it's beyond. Someone leaves crying every year. Yeah. I remember you texted me and you're like, my sister is mad at me. And I was just like, what the fuck is going on? Like what's happening?

I was like ready to come drive down to the cities and get ya. But it's fun though. It's a good time. It's a good time. But is it? Is it? Well, let's see. Let's see what people say.

Let's dive in. Let's go. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm Morgan and I'm Lauren. So I posted something on Instagram. Just to be like, give me your Thanksgiving horror stories or like hellish Thanksgiving experiences. I've had a lot of people being like, I don't celebrate Thanksgiving. And I'm like, that makes sense because the US is like the only place that really celebrates.

Canada has a Thanksgiving as well. I'm not sure what it is, but even the United States definition of Thanksgiving and like the whole story like Squanto and the Pilgrims. It's not the most accurate. And I just want to like say that up front. Like there's a lot more true history behind the United States version of Thanksgiving. But I think we both look at it as a way to come together with family, friends and just give things for what we all have. I think that's kind of like what we've picked up on. But I just want to say like, if you are listening from another place and you don't celebrate Thanksgiving,

essentially we come together, eat a shit ton of food, argue about politics, family drama ensues. And we all go our own ways at the end of the day. Take a shot, bitches. I just think it's funny that every year that I used to go to my big family Thanksgiving, we don't do them anymore. But I would have the same people asking me, how's dance? And I would have to say every single year, it was actually cheerleading and I haven't done that for four years, for five years. Or six years. Like get it together, people.

It's just like, it was just such a song and dance. Like, hey Lauren. That's like all the holidays. Oh God. And like replace dance with boyfriends. Like, oh, do you have a boyfriend yet? Oh my God, how is a pretty nice girl like you still single? Oh my God.

Like every year I would go back single for the holidays in my family and be like, are you seeing anyone yet? Are you dating anyone? I'm like, no, I'm like so fucking happy single, like you don't understand. Me and my friend Lauren have been like, going to London, we've been going to Thailand, we've been doing all these fun things. I skip out on the holidays a lot. You do? Yeah, you really do. I was in Hawaii last Christmas.

I know. Which is probably much better than cold Minnesota. Well, when I lived in Minnesota, I used to come out to California for Christmas. That's a while. I know. Yeah, you've like done the flip now. Yeah. Well, these people, let's see how they celebrate.

So up first, God, I know how much you love periods. Here we go. What? Thanksgiving brings out the weird. I'm telling you guys. My sister in law invited herself to my home to stay for Thanksgiving, but I don't want her sleeping at my home if she's on her period. A few times in the past, she has come to my house and stayed while she has been on her period. Both times, she slept in our guest room and ruined our sheets and mattress pads.

It looked like a massacre. To make matters worse, she didn't tell us. We had to find the disgusting sheets in our laundry and find the blood stains on the mattress pad. Not only that, she has left tampon wrappers and bloody tampons in the toilet without flushing and blood on the toilet and inside of the toilet seat. Why is she so messy? I told my husband to say something to his sister, but he was too embarrassed to say anything. I figured I wouldn't say anything because she was moving out of the country and I didn't expect her to visit anymore. Well, she just informed us that she's coming for Thanksgiving and I informed her that I didn't want her sleeping over if she's on her period

because the last few times, she's left a nasty mess while on her period and it was disgusting. She cursed me out and called me a rude bitch and said that's why no one in her family likes me. They only tolerate me because I'm married to her brother. I told her that's fine and I'm not tolerating a grown woman staying in my home that can't control and clean up after herself while on her period. I understand having heavy periods, but to leave a mess for everyone to see and to clean up is absolutely disgusting. Should I have just kept quiet or am I the asshole for telling her she can't come if she's on her period? I mean, it's not even just that it's disgusting, it's extremely disrespectful. Yes.

However, I will say the way that she presented it to her, she could have been like, Hey, you've actually left a mess and it was a lot to clean up and it wasn't very pleasant. So if you are on your period when you're here, then please make sure that you're very mindful because that wasn't fun for me. That would have been a better way to say it. To tell somebody that you can't come over if you're on your period, that's a weird way to present it. The delivery was not good. I mean, based off the title alone, we were like, oh, what the fuck is happening here? No, I completely agree.

Bad delivery. Yeah. Really bad. One, Venmo requests that bitch for new sheets and mattress pad. I get everyone has their different sensitivity levels to periods. Case in point over here. Okay, you're talking about a time that you told me of a period bloody bowl in a kitchen bowl in the kitchen. Yeah.

Just bloody period water. It was bad. I don't want to cook my food and eat next to like blood. Yeah. And uterine wall lining tissue shed. Yeah, no. The uterine lining is fine. I'm kidding.

No, but I mean, I love eating next to that stuff though. Yeah. Just the blood. Just add a little extra protein. Add a little spice. Got to. No, but I don't care what other people do on their period. You want a Dixie cup.

You want a tampon. You want a pad. Use what you want to use. But free bleeding in a bed. Like you have to be free bleeding for to ruin sheets and a mattress pad. Well, I mean, not necessarily. Like she could have it. Sometimes people have it that heavy where she had a tampon and it still just happened.

However, she should have notified them and let them know. Or washed it. Or yeah. Washed it. Yeah. The whole thing is just disrespectful. Yeah. I've ruined, uh, I've ruined a man's sheets on my period before.

But that was having sex. And like when you get bopped in the cervix, everything, she says bop everything comes out. So that's, that's tough. But I've also like been at someone's house and I had a spray tan and I had already showered. But like still they had white sheets and a little bit of my spray tan from like the sweat and whatever got on their sheets. I immediately like washed the sheets myself to make sure they weren't ruined.

And if they would have been ruined, I would have been like, Hey, super sorry. My spray tan fucked up your sheets. Where can I get you new ones? Like can I order you new ones? Can I give you money? Whatever. So for her to like not only ruin them once on a period, but twice on a period. Ma'am.

Miss, miss, miss ma'am, like sweetie. Maybe, but it might be some medical problem or something. It's a real thing. Yeah. She should have just said something as the, she should have. But yeah. And also like she's coming from out of the country for Thanksgiving. You're not the asshole, but you really just made your Thanksgiving gathering real difficult

for yourself. I, yeah. What a bitch though to be like, none of my family like. I know it's like, it's so funny that she comes back. This is why no one likes you. Because you're a rude bitch. I kind of like that, that combo, rude bitch. I never call anyone that.

I'm going to start using that during like road rage. You're such a rude bitch. I kind of like it too. Ah, top comment on this one. Not the asshole. That's just gross. I was all ready to jump your ass, but I don't blame you one little bit. It's unsanitary and rude for her to do that.

Don't flush tampons people. That was the other thing I was remembering. Don't flush tampons anyone. Why? You cannot flush tampons. Why? It is bad for septic systems. If you have a septic tank, but even city systems, you cannot flush tampons

because a lot of city water gets recycled. Yeah. Yeah. There's the way you're also shitting in there. So they're recycling shit water. So can't they figure it out with the tampon? Watch the Zac Efron documentary about water. It's episode two.

They go to Italy. It's magical. Ducks were shitting in this water and they still recycled it and became drinking water. A lot of water gets recycled. But if you throw tampons in there, it has a hard time going through the grates. There's an episode with Mike... So do most people just like... Wrap it up in toilet paper, throw it away.

That's what most people do, really. What do you guys do with your tampons? Please tell us. Go to the YouTube. Tell us what you do with your tampons. Weird story. Sorry for the dudes that are listening. But make sure your girlfriends aren't flushing their fucking tampons

because it's going to ruin your sewer lines. Is it though? Yes. That's no different than people. It doesn't matter what water system you have. If you flush wipes, wet wipes, your shit's going to clog. You're going to have a big plumber bill. You can't fuck with that shit.

It's a delicate system. All those tampons are going to be on the sides of the pipes. I did not like that sound you made. Just got to give everyone a visual. Yeah, comments just, they go off. Overall, not the asshole on this one. I love that I'm in this coaster. I know.

My outfit is so funny. I have bat ears on. It's a Halloween pic. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key.

I kept on trying. Learn something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org.

Developed by CDC. So up next, am I the asshole for not wanting to do Thanksgiving dinner at my parents without my wife? Okay. I. Where do these people come up with these captions? That's how you got a right to read it. Otherwise your post gets removed.

I, 30 male, feel stupid for even asking. My sister, 29, and my wife, 34 female, did not have the best history. Before we met, my wife was my sister's landlady. And she was renting the room at the back of my wife's house six years ago. She got evicted less than four months after moving in, because my sister did not pay her rent at all. Then she was taken to court for damages that costed weight. Costed.

Yeah, OP. That cost way more than she put down on the security deposit. My sister did end up having to pay, but basically hated my wife for this. We met after this, all went down, and I went to go pick up my sister's stuff she left behind, that my wife was decent enough to not throw out yet. We started chatting and really hit it off. Started dating. Year and a half later, she got pregnant with our son.

Now happily married, but my sister never took it well. We weren't as close before all this, but after becoming a traitor in her eyes, we didn't talk much. She hasn't even met my son, who's three. My parents are really trying to push us all to have a family Thanksgiving at their place. My sister never wanted to go because I'd be there with my wife, and she didn't want to see me. My parents never pushed it before because they didn't think my sister was being fair,

considering the issues she has with my wife were all things she did herself. This year they feel different though, since my sister broke up with her boyfriend of six years, and it's the first holiday without him. She, however, doesn't want to see my son or wife, so that's why they're asking if they be left at home. My wife doesn't have any other family, and I don't want her and my son missing out because my sister doesn't want them there. It's not a problem for me to miss out on dinner with my wife,

so my sister could have the company, and I just stay home with my own family. My sister is blowing it out of proportion because she wants me there, but I'm being an asshole because she wants the whole family there. Parents are taking her side here because it's been a difficult year losing her boyfriend and job, so she just wants one family dinner for Thanksgiving. I get it, it's been tough for her, I'm just having a hard time seeing how it's selfish or being inconsiderate to not want to exclude my family.

This sister is a major fucking bitch. Huge. Wow. Huge. Whoo! To take it out on the three-year-old too. Yeah. Holy shit, what is going on with her?

She did it to herself. Exactly, she wasn't paying her rent. What, for four months? Yeah, you miss a month. Hey, we all go through shit. You're late on a payment. Hey, been there. Four months, though.

You need to communicate to your landlord and say, hey, I can't afford this, I need to move out. This is... I just don't understand what this sister is thinking in her head. How is she rationalizing any of this? I don't get it. I don't know how a bad breakup rationalizes it with the parents, though, too. A six-year relationship is a big chunk of time.

It's a big chunk of time that is a big part of your life and breakups are really hard. But then to be like, sorry, honey, you can't bring your wife and your three-year-old because your sister's going through a breakup. I mean, I understand that the parents are probably just trying to help somebody who they absolutely love and is in a really bad place

because who knows, the sister may be on the floor crying every single day in their bathroom. This is true. They probably just want their desperate to make sure that they can help her in any way they can. If that's her one wish, then the parents are probably like, please just abide by this because you guys seem to be stable

whereas our daughter is not very stable right now. I know, but then just focus on her. Don't ask someone to then exclude their family. That's his wife, that's his person. But I'm just thinking about them being desperate to tell her and that's what she's asking from them. Please get him to come for Thanksgiving, not the rest of them.

Please, please, please, that's all I want and the parents are like, can you just do this one day? Just compromise, it's a couple hours just for dinner. I wonder though, just for the fact that OP says my sister and I weren't close before this and then the fact that I was a traitor in her eyes, we didn't talk much, I feel like it's almost like maybe a little bit of a power trip.

Or no, I don't know. To me it feels like it's a little manipulative. Maybe the sister is in love with him and she wants to be like inbred. We have seen this before on this podcast. So nothing is out of the question at this point. But I don't know, I don't know. It's a messy situation.

I think what he's asking, clearly he's not the asshole if he wants to stay home with his family. So what is he's asking if he should go to the Thanksgiving and leave his wife and his child? Or he's saying am I the asshole that I don't leave my wife and child?

Yeah, he's essentially like, am I the asshole for not wanting to do Thanksgiving dinner at my parents without my wife? And so he's like, I'm just having a hard time seeing how it's selfish or being inconsiderate to not want to exclude my family. Yeah, it's his family. I think a lot of the holidays,

I think that's what drives up so many people's emotions and anxiety around the holidays is because how much pressure we put on them. It's like Thanksgiving, it's a time for us all to come together and be a family. And it's like, why can't you do that on Sunday?

Why does it have to be Thanksgiving? But do you use Thanksgiving as the doorway? Is that the gateway to get in? And it's the perfect excuse of like, hey, let's come together for Thanksgiving. But it doesn't need to be that much pressure. Enjoy your Thanksgiving and then get together

and try to come to a solution because for the sister, this is your brother and his wife and his little kiddo he's got a kid with this woman now. They're connected. She's gonna be around. Yeah, and our society

has so much pressure on these holidays and having them be so perfect. I mean, you see it absolutely everywhere you go. Retail, movies. Anywhere you are, it's all about how happy and how great of a time it is

to be with your family and for people who don't have always the best situation with their family or even if they do. It's just a lot of pressure that people put on themselves and then it's very emotional and that's why I think that it's easy

and a big family when you all get together for Christmas if it's not going absolutely perfect for one person, they get emotional then the other person gets emotional because why are you acting like this? And so it's like a domino effect but I do think that

you make a really good point because why this one day? Why does it need to be this one day where the sister is like you need to be there. Don't want your wife to be there or the kid. I want it to be my perfect Thanksgiving.

It's interesting. I think it has a lot to do with the pressure we put on ourselves on the holidays and I just want to add to with the holidays coming up and I know finances are tough for so many people especially like this is year two

of this fucking pandemic do not feel the need to overspend your means. I told my family my mom used to go above and beyond just outspending, putting herself in so much debt to give us presents because that's something she didn't feel like she had as a kid

and this year I was like no we are name drawing for people we're each picking one person it's not about... My family has been doing that for a while. I love that because it's not about the gifts the holidays are not about the gifts they are truly about coming together

at any time with the people you love fucking bake a gingerbread house and spend quality time this just became a Christmas movie that was a great ending Morgan Is this a lifetime movie? Is it a lifetime movie? Heart warmed

my heart just grew two times after that comment okay Grinch, okay but yeah it's just I hope the sister-in-law breakups fucking suck but you also need to get over the past someone that wronged the landlord and like yeah she lost in court and then had to pay more

but sometimes you just gotta move on yeah I think it's so ridiculous when somebody there's no question you sign the lease, you sign an agreement like it's not like you were like well sorry your boundaries were not clear

it's there and so it's so wild to me when people are so stubborn, stuck in their own ways and something that's so clearly your fault yeah you agreed to something and you didn't follow through why are you mad about it

why are you mad at the other person, be mad at yourself and I 100% and I get like maybe she was going through a tough situation but then articulate that and then say hey you know what I know I signed this lease however

I can't pay so I gotta move out you can't like stay somewhere for four months you're free, like you just can't do that or if you do it's gonna be a different, not a place that you signed that you're going to pay them each month like I'm not saying that I know her situation she might have been in a really bad time

like it's not necessarily that she was like floating in money and just didn't want to pay because she was being greedy, like she might have been having a really hard time but when you sign an agreement to somebody those are the rules, those are the expectations like you don't just get to like slide past that like you have to either, you have to figure it out for yourself

you can't just like ask for a favor from a completely random person no and it sounded like based on the way like this was written it doesn't sound like she's a landlord and has like a 16 unit place it sounds like it's her livelihood too, she has to take care of herself I know and it sounded like

and that's like as hard because like everyone has this big thing like where it's like fuck landlord lately, like whatever but OP says she was renting the room at the back of my wife's house so this could be a way that this like woman offset her mortgage and the way that she kept afloat

so like we don't we don't know but like you can't you can't rob peter to pay paul if you can't afford to live somewhere this is my homelessness is such a big fucking problem but like you have family like your family might have helped you yeah it sounds like your parents would have let you like

crash in their place if you were really that yeah hopefully they can come together for Thanksgiving not the asshole top comment does point out it's been six years and your sister was at fault time to grow up and drop the grudge

I think what's like really the disgusting part of this story for me is that she doesn't want to know her nephew that's sad that is the saddest thing ever and not only that she doesn't even want her nephew to be at the Thanksgiving dinner this is disgusting

how can you put blame on a child with a real then how could you not want to get to know your nephew it's disgusting that is the disgusting part of the story I'm like cool hold a grudge on this woman who was just doing her job and did nothing wrong but expect you to follow through with your commitment

sure hold that grudge the child it's a little baby yeah that's what I don't get I don't get like anytime people hold shit that their parents did against the child but like her mom didn't do anything I think it's a son

his mom didn't do anything it's just like one of those things where it's like you were wrong you were wrong and like it's been six years your brother married this woman come on it's time to get over it

OP does reply to that comment so they go on to say first off time to grow up and drop the grudge and the fact that she would hold it against your toddler is ridiculous if she wants her whole family there she needs to accept that your wife and child are family

whether she likes it or not family doesn't always get along she needs to deal with that or not expect you there and so OP goes it's how I feel too my wife was the wronged party and she's over it now I'm sure because my sister was the one who had to pay out of pocket

she feels differently about it but still like you said it's been six years crazy yeah the next person kind of like gets into it and they're like your parents have clearly babied your sister her whole life if they've allowed this to go on this long

they should have been nipped in the bud years ago but for some reason none of you put your foot down with her tantrums your responsibility is to your wife and child end of story if your parents are going to act this irrationally and bend to your sister's hysterics it may be time to draw a line in the sand

this is one of those times when taking no side is actually taking a side when one party is so clearly in the wrong and OP replies did you have to say something no I was just going to say remind me how old the sister is sister is 29

yeah so this happened when she was 23 but again six years she's now 29 wife is 34 and so OP replies to that comment and goes for the past few years

they have told her if she doesn't want to be around my family then she can be excluded from family events this is the only time they want to do whatever to make her happy because of what's going on they're desperate to help her yeah a bad breakup six years I think

I mean me in my mind I'm three years in a new relationship but I'm like okay I anticipate marrying this person so six years it's like especially she's 29 she dated him 23 to 29 like those are such big years where you envision

a future with the person you're with why are you with that person unless you see a future so it's a tough breakup but I don't think I would still entertain her being silly

I think I would try to make a compromise I think I would say hey let's have them stop by for dessert let's start patching this up like let's have our Thanksgiving as the parents this is what I would say let's have our Thanksgiving dinner let's have your brother and his wife and kid

stop by for dessert they can just stop by 30 minutes an hour let's start trying to remedy this do you really think that this person is rational for that? no but I think with people that are so set in their ways

I think you have to give them baby cues or like almost Jedi mind trick them where it's like you're getting what you want but also here's an opportunity to maybe get the best of everything and if she says no

then it's like okay well we're just having Thanksgiving dinner ourselves but like you could be like we're gonna do what you want it's just Thanksgiving with the family but then hey let's have your brother stop by just quick just dessert say hi you can meet your nephew we'll call it a day

because then it's like maybe she feels like she's still getting what she wants but yet things are gonna be better and you know it's tough because some people would say hey don't negotiate with the terrorist so you just gotta go with what you think is right

but I would try the Jedi mind trick I really would because it can't go on like this forever Thanksgiving's one holiday you got a shit ton more to deal with I think that if I were the family I would just wait until she kind of gets in a better place

like with the stabilization of the breakup and then I would literally have an intervention and be like listen what in the actual fuck it's fucking time you rude bitch you rude bitch yes perfect way to use that Pelea

hopefully they can get it sorted but OP not the asshole not at all you love your family and you love them hard also is this Thanksgiving that he's talking about so it's like coming up yes I wonder what he's gonna do let's look at his

account let's see if he's posted any updates I'm sure he'll just have Thanksgiving with his family or his wife and child family yeah so it looks like there's no additional posts but someone commented your sister loves to hold a grudge stay home not the asshole

and he replies back yes we plan to so it looks like he's planning on staying home I do not see any additional posts however very very responsive throughout the comments so check out the youtube description for the link if you want to sleuth

yourself up next are you ready what does sleuth mean like to be a detective is that a word did you make it up no I didn't make it up sleuth is a word I'd be impressed if you did I liked it no sleuth a person

who investigates crimes a detective I might not be able to pronounce vague but I know sleuth I don't pronounce that word right either when you were telling us how do you say it I don't know it comes out different all the time that's with the thing

okay so you guys I've literally been trying to explain this to people we're from Minnesota if you're not familiar with Minnesota or the Midwest some Midwest places call the things that you get from a store we say big hey can I get a

big to carry my stuff home in hey can I get a big it's a Minnesota thing and so when I moved to LA California I would say big at the grocery store and they would stop look at me

and say what what what are you asking for and so I changed my speech and now I say bag can I get a bag my Minnesota people make fun of me for it my brother says I'm an idiot

but it's now ruined a lot of the other words I say so instead of saying vague which is how it should be I say vague I literally do that too and I started doing that right when I moved to California and I didn't know that that was the correlation

but that is the correlation I would have people that would always be like what are you saying like bag bag what vague bag I'm like I don't now like my vowels are confused right now is it clicking my brain yeah but and it's funny because like I do that too so like

like Alejandra when she was younger she went by Ali and like I've known Alejandra for 16 whatever like up so many years and so I knew her as Ali so whenever she was like I want to go by my real name which is Alejandra

I had to like program my brain to say like like Ali means Alejandra Ali means Alejandra Ali means Alejandra because I knew her for one way for so long so oh yeah I met her and she put her name in my phone as Ali Nagel yeah but like and so her name is Alejandra yeah

and so and I have another really good friend named Ali Krauser wait I probably shouldn't say her last name she listens she loves the podcast I think she'd love a shout out but I it's funny because now when I'm hanging out with Ali

Krauser I will accidentally call her Alejandra sometimes because I'm so used to like associated with like Ali to Alejandra so I'm just like because my brain was like oh wait that was wrong needed to like readjust and that's what was like the bag bag thing

and so now it's like the other like sometimes get like we're just jumbled we're so jumbled also like I think it's so annoying to me because pronunciation is so dependent on language and I was thinking about this and I was like I give people who learn English

as their second language so much fucking credit because look at the word read R-E-A-D it can be read it can be read like I read that how the fuck do you know R-E-A-D

oh up in the club R-E-A-D I feel like fucking Mr. World Bad but all you people judging me for my vague maybe you're pronouncing it wrong I don't even know what it is anymore is it Vag or Vag Vogue Vogue it's Vogue it's Vogue let's

let's see Vague oh fuck I spelled it wrong Vague Vague Vague it's Vague wait

Vague Vague wait vague it sounds like they're saying vague I know that's what I'm thinking it sounds like they're saying vague but also if you're British is it still vague and if you're British because oh the other word I pronounce wrong god I'm so

tangential today it's tequila someone was like oh you say ruin wrong it's I say ruin and it's ruin like ruin you ruined that versus I ruined that

oh really I think I say ruined it too yeah see it's Minnesota so someone goes do you happen to have any British ancestry and I go no fucking way I just got my 23 and me back and I'm actually British and they go

we say it ruined over here too I'm British too well I mean the people that are listening are from all over the place we know that so it's hard because just love me for me love me choose me

you don't watch Grey's Anatomy do you mm-mm yeah that one was lost on you but I thought you were just having the meltdown I was just waiting for it to stop yeah let's take a break and go

make you a new drink we're done with the pronunciation tangent when we come back it'll be a story I liked that part of the podcast I think we need to clarify for people because we are Midwest girls we just gotta set the record straight well the Canadian that I told you about it's so funny

cause he always says sorry sorry and I can't can I get a coke I hate him every time he says sorry it's too hard on you I love Canada will someone from Canada adopt me the thought of my sons growing up without me

inspired me to quit smoking I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters I started exercising instead of smoking staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key I kept on trying, learned something each time

do whatever it takes we did it, so can you for free and confidential help call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC okay, so up next do you want me to tell you the overall vote

before or after? don't you always tell me after I do but cause it's staring me in the face and I just don't want to keep it to myself I feel like you're angry, it must be the person's the asshole clearly

okay, I'll pick a new story first nah, I'm just kidding am I the asshole clearly clearly you're the asshole we already know that based off of Morgan's reaction am I the asshole for not wanting a Christmas tree up

at my mother-in-law's house on Thanksgiving the holidays are very special and sensitive for me for a female, this year more than ever my brother and I were recently orphaned having lost our mother to breast cancer over 20 years ago

and now our father to septicemia in 2020 I'm trying to navigate how I'm going to manage the holidays without my parents and I'm a new parent myself so I want to establish some nice family traditions with my son one and a half that we will be able to continue

I love this time of year so much I really wanted to be special for my son I agreed to have Thanksgiving dinner this year at my mother-in-law's house and my brother, who is traveling 900 miles to visit, is okay with going over there but as we're

confirming the plans, my mother-in-law says I'm putting up my Christmas tree tomorrow and maybe my son would like to help put up ornaments this sent me completely over the edge this is my reasoning one, Thanksgiving

is one of my favorite holidays and I would prefer the two holidays be clearly split and defined I can't it's so annoying to me when people are so weird about that put your fucking Christmas tree up when you want

I'm sorry, if I wanted to be Christmas for four months I'll have it be Christmas for four months and that's that we can still do Thanksgiving but Christmas also it's just a fucking tree it's just a pretty thing to look at why do you only want to look at it for a month?

exactly, you put so much work into it you put so much work into it, enjoy it my Christmas tree at my mom's house in Minnesota was up until March last year yeah, I also honestly, I think that lights should stay on Christmas lights outside

as long as it's cold and as long as it stays dark early because daylight savings is a bitch honestly, I'm like, it gets dark earlier so that Christmas lights can be on longer there we go so why would we take it off just because Christmas is over?

and hey, Hanukkah lights us Jews can have some fun too put your little dreidel blow up thing outside let's go true, Kwanzaa I'm talking about lights in general put the lights up, no that's what I'm saying put your fucking lights up

this is only point one, she's not even done we got six points oh no two, I want to get a tree of our own and be able to enjoy the awe and wonder of the event with my son for the first time three, I can't get the Christmas tree that I would like before Thanksgiving

so I can preempt the situation four, Christmas is full of mixed emotions for me it's also my birthday so I've always had to manage some feelings of neglect and lack of control five, my parents

my parents passed right before and right after Christmas I would have hoped to get through Thanksgiving without being bombarded with all these feelings I don't know if my brother will have a similar emotional response six putting up a Christmas tree two weeks before Thanksgiving

is not a longstanding family tradition in my mother-in-law's household I told my husband that I didn't really want to go to mother-in-law's house for Thanksgiving if there was going to be a Christmas tree up instead of putting the time into listening to me and at least trying to understand why

he proceeded to immediately phone her and tell her I refused to come to her house if there was a Christmas tree up and she said that's weird and he said it was because I wanted to do it first she's now not going to put up a Christmas tree

I'm not happy I'm so confused you just got what you wanted but okay she's now not going to put up a Christmas tree I'm not happy he didn't take the time to even attempt to understand my feelings or explain my side of things to her

I don't usually dictate what others do in their homes but I believe I should be able to have some minor input into the experiences this year at mother-in-law's especially where my son is involved my husband thinks I'm selfish for wanting to have the experience of putting up a tree

and seeing my son's reaction first he thinks that I just want to be in conflict with his mother and I should have just let it go while I feel he ruined the holiday season for me before it's even begun he believes that if anyone ruined the holidays

it's me now I don't want to go to her house for Thanksgiving or Christmas or ever I will because I understood probably more than most the value of family but I'm feeling misunderstood and ganged up on

so I actually do think that her points I understood some of her points she's saying that it's a very triggering time for her for all these different reasons I also think that it is a bummer that her husband didn't

when she presented it that he didn't fully get in the conversation before just immediately being like I'm calling my mom and telling her basically that you're a bitch yeah he really threw her under the bus that's what I was going to say too he threw her under the bus there

however you know it is it's not it's not her house it's just not her house and she wants to have a Christmas tree up I don't know I just think that it's weird for her to

refuse or dictate yeah exactly I think it's weird for her to dictate that situation and say that I don't want a Christmas tree to be up it would make sense to me if she was like honestly it's kind of triggering for me

it's kind of hard on me this is just how I feel but for her to be like so she better not have that Christmas tree up it's just kind of it is a lot and I don't know how far apart they live from each other but

this story is a lot to unpack after point one I was like fuck this lady and then we get to point number six and I'm like okay I have a little more empathy like I see I do see where she's coming from like it's hard though because like

loss is loss you never truly get over loss you just kind of learn how to grow with it and so even though she lost her mom 20 years ago if she lost her mom right before Christmas like every time Christmas was around that's going to be a reminder of her losing her mom

so I get it it is very triggering so her saying she wants to separate the two holidays it's like please just let me have this one holiday that I remedy with happiness it's Thanksgiving it's one holiday I had with my mom and then I lost my mom you know the next month

so I get it I think I have a problem with I guess her husband not really understanding her but I also think like this can't be a one off you married

this man there has to have been more situations where this man has shown you he doesn't understand you and your experiences because if you've been married now for however long and you have a one and a half year old with this man like

he should understand your past he should understand your trauma and be able to empathize with that so for him just be like she's not coming if you put up a fucking tree and then like throw her under the bus that way so I'm like you married this man who doesn't

like respect you and I don't want to like I don't even know if you would consider this like blaming her like whatever but it just seems like there's so much disconnect between every single person in the story every single person

like the husband is wrong for going to his mom and throwing his wife under the bus who should be his partner he's wrong for not trying to understand his wife the wife is wrong for trying to gate keep a fucking Christmas tree and dictate what other people do in their house but also

they're both wrong for not understanding her trauma and her experience so it's like the overall vote on this one was asshole which is what I was like trying to like I was just like twiddling my thumbs like so excited but now that I'm in it I feel like it's not asshole

I feel like it's almost more of like an everyone sucks here yeah like there's no winners there's no losers because as long as there's this disconnect you're all losing no one's gonna be happy I think that I think it's a little bit her reasoning with

the triggering of the holiday and just wanting to keep it separate and just having Thanksgiving be Thanksgiving you know that's that's fair for her to want that but also like it's also something where she needs to realize that other people are involved

and it can't just like revolve around her I think it's a little bit selfish that she is so worried about being the first one to show her son like this exact experience that she's trying to tell someone else in a different household not to have a tree you know what I mean

that's so true because even if she wants which she did put in her points I can't get a tree that I would like before Thanksgiving so I can preempt the situation and in point number two she goes I want to get a tree of our own

to be able to enjoy the awe and wonder of the event with my son for the first time so you almost wonder if it is more about that experience with her baby and the tree versus being more about the family that is interesting because then it's like

I guess you could make a point where it's like it doesn't matter whose house it is you're still gonna be witnessing your son have that experience for the first time well I also I know I met this young mother once who said that she was not

going to tell her kids that Santa Claus existed ever oh interesting because she wanted to be the one to give the presents to her children and have them be grateful to her and not to a magical

fairy character I've also heard to that point exactly it's very very discouraging if you are a person of wealth to tell your kids like oh hey Santa brought you the dirt bike

hey Santa brought you the most expensive gift while it might be more exciting for your kids they're like oh my god Santa brought me this big present if your kids go back and tell kids that don't have as much yeah so it was this thing where it was like

if you want to have Santa be this person in your kids life and have this experience for your kids let Santa give your kids gifts but let Santa give your kids gifts that everyone could afford because going back to school and having makes so much sense

hey Santa brought me a fucking pony and it's like these damn Santa doesn't like me I was so good all year what the fuck that's exactly what it is and so it makes these other kids that like don't have as much or you know these families that aren't as privileged it just makes everyone feel bad

it's like own up like if you're getting your kids fucking bougie gifts and that's something you want to do do it but like say you got the gifts say you got the gifts because it just makes sense I know it was really interesting I just read it

recently it was like holidays are coming up like let's be better this year like and it's to each their own like obviously if you want to tell your kids Santa brought him a fucking pony you can do that but I think it just like it levels the playing field and like there's so much disadvantage and lack

of privilege and whatever so make everyone feel good but this lady I'm perplexed the kid experiencing Christmas with the grandma for the first time the tree I love trees

like I celebrate Hanukkah I celebrate Christmas I kind of do it all my mom when we went back to Minnesota for Halloween this year we she was like do you want to put up our tree and I was like yeah let's go let's do it let's get it up

so we were going to put up our tree for Halloween so I mean I have a hard time kind of rationalizing it's never too early for the tree any last thoughts on this one no just that her husband needs to chill out before calling

because what she said is that he called his mother immediately and I think he needs to chill out a little bit too even if he thinks she's being irrational I think that wasn't very nice that he didn't let her explain her triggers

even if he still thought that it was unfair because it is in my opinion also unfair so I like your agreement with everyone sucks I really think you're right on with that I think he didn't give her a chance to like really

talk at all he immediately was like I hear no let me call my mom and it was clearly bitter sorry mom my wife's a bitch that's literally what he did and the thing is like when you I've said this a time and time again

because they come up with these stories so much but it's like when you marry someone that's your person that's your ally where you should be aligned and so for him to like just call his mom like mom mom she doesn't want the tree

like buddy talk to your fucking wife I feel like I've done that before like I can't think of a specific situation and not like with like the person I'm with and my you know mom or dad but I feel like I've done that before

where it's just a very angry like well actually nope it's not gonna work because so and so doesn't want this like it's a passive aggressive like a response to try to get the way that you want I've been there yeah I can't think of like a

situation but like you telling me the story I'm like I feel like I've done that before like once before I'm sure we all have I don't even want to read the comments on this one because I think a lot of people it's hard because

loss is loss and we all deal with losses and we all have a unique losses but like being an orphan like this girl lost her dad the last holiday season 2020 so it's like being parentless on the holidays is

very very tough like my dad has told me it's like one of the hardest things he's dealt with and I think a lot of the comments kind of missed that and don't really have a lot of empathy for her but top comment you're the asshole for gatekeeping Christmas any department store right now and you will see trees

are you not going to take your kid to the store make your tree special for him in your own way but don't kill everyone else's spirit which I see their point but also like what happens in department stores is not

what happens in people's lives so just kind of like everyone needs to have better communication and like a little bit of empathy in this situation well you know what's interesting too that we did not touch on is that she mentioned that her birthday is

is it actually on Christmas or is it just around Christmas she said Christmas she doesn't specify when let me read it again just to make sure well regardless the reason why I think that's interesting is because

Christmas is full of mixed emotions for me it's also my birthday right and I used to not think much about zodiacs at all honestly and birthdays and not having like a part

in a person and their personality I just used to plug my ears when my friends would talk about it and then somebody was telling me about the book Outliers and how all these different things birth month affects everything

even if you don't believe in zodiacs he talks about how birth month affects everything because especially depending on where you're from but I know at least where we're from people put a lot of focus on what day you're born it's a constant reminder anything you're filling out

wherever you go somewhere it's your birthday like you go to the airport your birthday everything is like every single year what are you doing for your birthday like that's like who you are that's like what makes you special that's your one holiday

is your birthday and so there's so much focus as a society around that that we identify with that so much and so for example growing up year after year I never thought anything about the fact that I had a summer birthday

so nobody decorated my locker growing up I never brought cupcakes to school I never did from my entire class yeah you had a summer birthday and I didn't think that that would impact me but the thing is that all these type of things impact us as we're growing up

year after year and they impact us in who we are today like that's why as a society I think a lot of us have realized our childhood traumas and using trauma is not just like traumatic but like trauma means just basically experiences that have impacted you

when you were young to the point that you are today yeah so that's why it's interesting because I do think that birthdays really do play a part on our personality so hearing this story and that was one of her points is that like

her birthday is on Christmas and that I don't know it's all just so interesting to me no when I do see where you're going with that because it's like that's her birthday and it's also the time of year her parents are now both gone

so it's like there's a lot of triggers it's a lot of triggers and like I have a friend like one of my best guy friends his birthday is the 26 Tanner is 26 and it's like Tanner really never really had a birthday because it's like Christmas is 25th

his birthday is 26 it's just like it's all smooshed together so it definitely would shape you even growing up because it's like it's not separated like that's your birthday and so if her birthday is on actual Christmas it's like that's just a whole

whole shit cluster fuck of feelings like there's no good way to get around that did she just become not an asshole I think I think Reddit might have given her a bad vote in my book I know people might

come for me for that one but I just because I have a lot of empathy I know loss is really tough to deal with I just think it's not necessarily yeah okay maybe she's gatekeeping the tree whatever but like

she should have been the one overall my opinion everyone sucks she should have been the one to text her mother-in-law like you've been married now you have a one and a half year old text your mother-in-law and say hey I get you want to put up the tree

a very triggering time of the year for me based on losing both my parents would you hold off on the tree like can we just have Thanksgiving like she's an adult text your mother-in-law reach out

because if you can't do that like how old is she did she say how she is she did right she's 34 text your mother-in-law your husband doesn't have to be the middleman he tried to be he clearly fucking sucks at it and threw you under the bus

so I vote everyone sucks here but like I'm sure the mother-in-law would have empathized with her you know what I'm just realizing too you know I said I was like I feel like I've done something like this before too yeah I actually just

I think what I'm thinking of is that I had an ex do that to me where I explained that I oh damn didn't know if I wanted to do XYZ with his friends because of XYZ and I was just kind of like

I don't really know how I feel about this and anyway like they called him and he picked up the phone he was like Lauren doesn't want to go Lo doesn't want to go and I was like don't do that I was talking it through with you like god damn it well nice that thing

I'm a fucking bitch and that's a rude bitch you're rude bitch and that's the thing if you want these people to be in your lives and like clearly they're married they're gonna be in each other's lives you don't talk shit about them you don't throw them under the bus

yeah okay you could vent venting is healthy and normal this was so preemptive like you don't even know what she's feeling yeah like she could have gotten all of her feelings out and he could have been like thank you for explaining that I do think that

you know the tree is still very special to my mother and I don't want to hold her back from that but I also want to be supportive of you and like and find another way to support you while still not like affecting like my mother's plan that's exactly how it should have been and she could have been like oh my god you're the best husband

ever I'm obsessed with you let's have sex that's how it could have been buddy you missed out on a good Thanksgiving blow job I'm bored of this one let's go to the next one next my mom's growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking

I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters I started exercising instead of smoking staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key I kept on trying learn something each time do whatever it takes

no matter how many times it takes we did it so can you for free and confidential help call 1-800-QUIT-NOW by CDC okay up next am I the asshole for not wanting

to invite my mother's home health aid to Thanksgiving I'm 38 female and my mother is 70 female she's been suffering ongoing health issues for some time and has lupus I live out of state and currently can't relocate

although I visit her as much as possible she has a home health aid 22 female I've met the aid on a handful of occasions and she's lovely my mother always waxes lyrical about her that said my sister and I don't know her all that well

I always host Thanksgiving and it's usually a big thing so I start planning months in advance I am admittedly a type A LOL my mom called and asked me if I could invite the aid because the aid doesn't have any family she's a single mother

and is estranged from her parents I'm extremely sympathetic to the aid situation but I'm hesitant to invite her because I don't know her I mentioned that concern to my sister we often have differing opinions on stuff like this and she told me that if mom says it goes

and that otherwise this girl who worked to help our mom so much would be alone on Thanksgiving I now feel like a bit of an asshole but I feel like it could potentially be awkward for her because she won't know anyone except my mom and it will almost be like she's working on Thanksgiving

when she could be having a friend giving her spending time with her baby son AMI the asshole edit she would either have to bring her 3 year old son or get a babysitter as I live out of state she would also have to spend the weekend and stay overnight

that's it that's all the context where's the mom staying though that's my first question is where's your mom staying I mean if they have room for her let's go I guess my thought with the holidays is a situation like that

if the person wants to come open arms I agree if she feels like she's going to be working on the holiday and doesn't want to come that's great but if you invite her because she has nowhere else to go

open arms I agree also I mean I know it's a weird time though right now because of COVID but I mean if she's taking care of the mother I think that's it's a fair game

I agree and I look at it I don't know how much assistance her mom really needs but I look at it as your mom isn't going to get to where you live by herself who's going to take care of her while she's there

can it be you because if it can't be you then does she need the caregiver so she said baby but like her baby son but like a three year old isn't a baby like three year olds are fun they're mobile little people

they talk like they're just they're fun so it's not necessarily a baby the three year olds are fucking the shit they're not just they're so fucking fun they're so fun I want to like skip the ones and twos like give me a three year old

when people say terrible twos I'm like I love two to four no two to five year olds give me the three year old they're hilarious because they're just like little people that like learn how to like they're like drunk people yeah I love the saying where they're like

they're like drunk adults they just do whatever they want but yeah I think overall vote on this one was asshole I look at my family's experience with caregivers like my grandma

like I live in my grandma's house like this podcast studio was my grandma's house like this is my grandma's place and so before my grandma died she had three amazing caregivers they got invited everywhere they were family like my dad still talks to them and we also have another family member

like family friend that we consider family because my family is just inclusive as fuck Judy who Judy has a caregiver Judy's caregiver comes to Passover Seder dinner, Hanukkah dinner her caregiver comes to everything

because she's just like an extension of Judy like she's family at this point so I mean just like you don't have to be weird like it isn't like this isn't the help yeah so I think that's the issue is just so frustrated because

it's not going completely according to plan and she's so type A that she's like I can't make this work I can't be flexible I can't be nimble it's the holidays it's the holidays we're supposed to love roll the punches

that's what we need to do stole the words right out of my fucking mouth cheers to that nope not fist my drink cheers you goofball holy shit I wasn't holding my drink and it just felt like really in the moment I wanted to just keep it going roll with the punches

holiday season is all about rolling and it was a punch so I feel like it went with the it did yeah I don't know I think I think as a culture as a society as a world with the

holidays we need to start setting a different precedence and start to really just focus in on the fact that the holidays really are just a time to take a step back to not be moving so fast

to just enjoy the moment and accept and not judge and love and just really take this moment to be inclusive yeah and I think that move past, past grievances

and just start the year anew well that's why I think it's funny because the movie The Grinch it's just like Cindy Luhu was on to something she really was she knew there's so much noise going around the holidays

that people get so stressed out and so on edge and it causes fights and everyone wants it to be perfect when it's not then they're upset and they put so much work into it and it's not panning out exactly how they wanted it's just like all this stuff where it's like think about Cindy Luhu it's just about love

or Buddy the Elf Christmas spirit so top comment on this one you would be the asshole if you can't create a holiday environment where she feels welcome and not on the clock that's your problem to deal with super ironic that on the holiday

dedicated to giving thanks for all you have you wouldn't want to extend an invitation to the woman who cares for your mother so true drops mic next comment along the same lines she cares for your mother

and sustains her during her life she deals with the accompanied hardships and obstacles caring for an elder is quite hard I think it'll be courteous of you to invite her she will find out that you held a Thanksgiving dinner either way

the evidence might be familiar photos or hearing it from your mom and it'll be uncanny and awkward not to invite her you raised some concerns pertain to her wanting to be with her son or with friends but those can be prevented upon a polite declining

I think you have an ulterior motive you don't see her as a part of the family and don't want her to appear in pictures or intervene in your conversations with family members so can I interject right there because that is exactly what I was thinking about that's what gets me with this story

is that doesn't just say honestly it makes me uncomfortable I don't want her to be there I want to just be family and I don't know her and I feel like social anxiety with people I don't know she's not making about herself she's projecting these other things

onto this person that she has no idea about well you know what she might feel like she's going to be working and I don't want her to feel like she's going to be working on Thanksgiving and also she probably wants to be with some other people like a friendsgiving that would probably be more comfortable for her no like what?

that's an excuse no just own up to your shit if you feel really uncomfortable by it at least say that don't make it about other people and assuming their intentions their desires

don't assume for other people speak for yourself and then go from there I agree yeah I think it's her probably being embarrassed that she doesn't want her mom's caregiver to be there and being like oh who are you? how do you know the family?

oh I'm so-and-so's caregiver it's probably embarrassment trying to portray this image but yeah I think it's a lot of assumptions like you said extend the invitation I think with a lot of these stories this next one that I might read

it's extend the invitation and if the person doesn't want to come or feels overwhelmed it's up to them but at least you extended the invitation your conscience is clear you feel good you did your part

well yeah and you can always also just say hey I completely understand if you have other things going on that you would rather do but if you don't for whatever reason just want to welcome you to our experience yeah

you don't have to be like hey come to my party please it can be casual it can be very casual if you have other things to do no pressure at all you don't want to make it a pity invite but yeah saying hey no pressure

we'd love to have you please come but if you have other things totally get it but still make them feel included exactly which is our next story why 33 male

invite my son 18 male to Thanksgiving it hasn't been that long since we started talking oh my god I'm so drunk I can't even read hold up it gets hard to read as you get drunker

yeah as like the 3 hour podcast slash goes on oh my god so he's 33 his son is 18 so what he added about 15 is that the right math wait I'm pretty sure it's 15

I'm just going to trust myself for sure it's 15 yeah yeah 18 plus 15 is what 18 plus 15 33 yeah it's god this is pathetic how long it takes us to this math I've got it right the first time though

yeah you're good you're good super good alright so he had him at 15 so he's a young father it hasn't been that long since we started trying to be a part of each other's lives I went into detail in previous posts about my history

he was kept from me and I was never told about him my ex's parents his grandparents lied about me walking out on him after my ex passed away and we know the truth now the thing is he's cut them out of his life

for the lies except his aunt my ex's sister but she had to travel out of the country for some family troubles on her husband's side and she most likely won't be here in time basically my son won't have anyone to spend it with

on top of already having such a rough few months with everything and I mean I want to invite him so we can finally meet my parents and siblings and everyone else in my family I'm just not sure if it's too soon or if I'd be making him feel pressured to say yes

given our history is it too soon to invite him to a holiday? family gathering? no so he does go to say edit so sorry to those who commented before I wanted to reply but for some reason I couldn't be my comments irrelevant but

you said what? no I agree absolutely not I don't think it's ever too soon and what does he mean given their history? probably just the fact that he was hidden and his grandparents probably created this narrative

why waste any more time? that is my thought and that's what I viewed on this other one where it was a similar situation for the story that was on my dad's episode where it was like the mom and the baby mama lied to him and said

he's not yours so this kid grew up thinking his stepdad found out he wasn't his and abandoned him and I'm like what's the point in wasting any more time? your kid is already so hurt

just try to make the best out of whatever situation you have life is short life is so so short do not waste any time I just

invite him absolutely invite him no hesitation and again with the whole pressure of not making someone feel like they have to say yes to something they don't people will find a way to say no if they don't want to

they'll come up with an excuse my car died, I got towed I'm sick if people don't want to be there they won't show up so don't worry about just open arms and invite if they say no that's fun

exactly top comment yes yes a million times yes whenever you see an opportunity to get closer to form a bond etc take it unless he specified otherwise go for it

did he say how old he was when he found out about his son? no but it sounds like super recent it hasn't been long since we started trying to be a part of each other's lives so who knows what that means he said you can go look at his post history

which it's so crazy how guys can just have a child and not know imagine if you had a baby obviously it doesn't work like this imagine if you had a baby at 15 years old

and you just found out right now at 27 you have a child you have an offspring and you had no idea for all these years that you have a child it's just so crazy that it works like that your world would be shook

the thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes ashtrays and lighters I started exercising instead of smoking staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key

I stopped on trying do whatever it takes no matter how many times it takes we did it so can you for free and confidential help call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org developed by CDC

yeah so going back on his original post he posted on this account for the first time four months ago the title of the post was my son 18 male mother's family poisoned him against me

he thinks I 33 male abandoned him judging by the age I'm guessing you all know how young I was in my life when he was born his mom and my ex were best friends since we were in kindergarten she was the love of my life we were together from fifth grade

up until our sophomore year her family just made us stop having contact they moved and everything for the longest time I wondered why but now I know my answer beginning of June I was sent a text from an unknown number

you don't know me but and after a long message he tells me he's my son and wanted me to know he graduated from high school got accepted into college no thanks to me he just wanted me to know that he managed to do it without his deadbeat father I have my cell on my facebook page

and stuff so he probably got it from there part of me was thinking he had to be a prank but he mentioned my ex I had to call him and ask to meet up he at least agreed I was nervous meeting him but he seemed to hate me it was very emotional for me because I saw

so much of my ex in him and also some me and I never had a clue my ex passed when he was 2 her parents told him I wanted no involvement in his life but I was never even told of his existence I absolutely would have been around if I had known

I got her pregnant he didn't believe me and he thinks I'm just trying to cover my ass that's not it but he seems to think so they went so far as to tell him I broke up with her when she told me and wanted nothing to do with him as a way to convince him

he doesn't need a dad like me in his life my son left the park where we met still not believing me he was really upset what stung the most was the hate on his face the way he was looking at me as if shit on the planet I'm crushed

I told him I want to know more about him being in his life and I absolutely would have if I had known he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me they've said too much against me how do I get him to see I'm telling the truth I'm heartbroken over this never wanted him to think he was

unawanted his whole life is there any way to convince him I don't know anything about him or what do I do to navigate this with him insane holy shit why do you think that the grandparents did that

um I think it has a lot this is me like assuming a lot but I look at what my mom went through when she got pregnant when she wasn't married and I think for a lot of Christian

households super super Christian households at least they think it's better to move away and say their daughter's husband died or like they just don't want to admit the shame it's a lot of shame my daughter was having sex without

being married I saw another thing recently where it was on tiktok and this girl got pregnant with her boyfriend at 15 and both of their parents forced them to marry and that was something that they could do within their state

and so she got married at 15 had a baby they split up but it was like it was so embarrassing for her parents where they either threatened her you either get married

or were moving and so it feels like that vibe where it's like they're just embarrassed they're embarrassed that their daughter got pregnant outside of wedlock and and I've heard of a lot of stories too where a lot of people have

kids and then they get raised as their sibling say I would have gotten pregnant in high school my mom would have then raised my child as her baby it's just it's embarrassment it's these social constructs that

convince people and this is what they need to do and whatever that is super sad I just like I can't imagine I I'm trying to think if there was something that he did that was so devastating to

the parents of the daughter who had the child so the grandparents having sex with her in high school at 15 but I'm just like how my mom wanted to kill me when I was having sex with that age how do you not want to tell

this innocent little child about their father how do you want to tell them all these lies how do you want to tell them that their father didn't give a fuck about them and that they literally left the mom because like how do you

get off saying all these lies to this like innocent kid like it's just it's awful I don't understand that there are a couple other posts from OP I'll be sure to post the link to his account and all these posts

on the YouTube description but it's pretty complex I it would be a deep dive in itself of probably an hour because there are a couple posts to like go through but one of the posts that I think is super positive

I like to end it on because I've got a little heavy but the title of this post is and it was the original one where I was like reading my 18 year old son was poisoned against me that was four months ago

and one month ago he wrote the title is my 18 year old son called me dad for the first time so I think it does get better and he just says like we're slowly starting getting to know each other after he spent his whole life being lied to that I wanted nothing

to do with him and so it does get better my heart feels like it wants to burst I just wanted to share this don't think I've cried this much from happiness I'm gonna cry it's so sweet it is it's

it's truly amazing so it's not too soon I truly hold this in my heart I believe this in most circumstances at least it's never too early to invite family to things especially important life events

life is short I'm going through some family shit where I haven't shared it I don't even know if I want to share this episode I must be crying but I found out a family member has cancer and it's just

it's fucked life is too short life is too short to not invite people you want to have relationships with two important events and hold grudges why hold grudges everyone needs to just embrace the future and be happy it's just it's hard

love your landlord even if they evict you love your father even if your family lied to you that he abandoned you just love people yes this is the season of love what other summaries do we got

I don't know these stories were quite chaotic I told Morgan I was like what should the theme be and I'm not creative I looked over my friend and I go what should the theme be and she goes Thanksgiving and I was like that's kind of brilliant since there we go it will be released

on Thanksgiving so shoe fits with this one but no I think this was a fun episode because we also talked about a lot of different dynamics it's not just Thanksgiving

but yeah a lot of dynamics any final notes do you have any final notes for the show I'm trying to think of like the cheesiest thing I could say I think I got out all of the cheesy comments

did you though did I though but offline I'll probably be yeah I just have the happiest healthiest Thanksgiving you can have I avoid politics because

at least in the states it's always miserable bringing up which is sad but avoid politics and just embrace the family I mean whatever your family is friends giving family giving whatever you want it to be

and just don't take it too seriously that too and if you are alone on Thanksgiving we're here for you reach out to us to hot takes Justin brought up the fact he'd love to do like a holiday fundraiser so we're trying to come up with like a way

to do like a holiday go fun me type thing so we can like support people in need during the holidays so we don't we want everyone to be happy and healthy during the holidays so whatever that looks like for you and your family just don't feel like you're the asshole for setting boundaries

and doing what is going to keep you the most sane and happy and healthy because holidays are fucking rough you guys but that being said they're beautifully rough let's

coin that term they're beautifully rough let's coin that term just the way that we did rude bitch rude bitch beautifully rough love it it's going to be on a t-shirt along with the

moron stamp at the end of the day I'm building a graphic in my head right now I see it I see it all at the end of the day I think we've only said it twice this episode right I don't think we said it at all I said it once at the beginning

and if someone hears more than twice Lauren might have been too but I think we've gotten better I can't say the same for like I'm an idiot but what? I say like a lot it's my filler word

it's my comfort word it's really hard I think to not have a filler word language is hard you guys vague, vlog, vague sorry guys it's really hard sorry guys

until next time bye guys music music music music music music

music music music music music music music music

music music music music music music music music

music perfect home was hard. But thanks to Burrow, furnishing it has never been easier. Burrow is a new kind of furniture company. One that believes furniture and the furniture shopping process should fit seamlessly into your life. Their in-house design studio has thought of everything. From premium durable hardwood frames to stain and scratch resistant fabrics, their modular

sofas and sectionals don't just look good and feel comfortable, they're built to last. They're also easy to assemble, add to, and reassemble whenever you need. No tools necessary. Beyond seating, Burrow offers coffee tables, credenzas, easy to mount shelves, and practically anything else you might need for your space, all designed to fit together perfectly. And every single Burrow order, no matter how small or large, includes free shipping to your door. Right now, get 15% off your first order when you go to burrow.com slash podcast.

It's burrow.com slash podcast for 15% off your first order. Burrow.com slash podcast.