Two Hot Takes - 44: Couples Therapy.. or Call it Quits Pt. 2

Episode Date: December 2, 2021

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin. This episode is getting back for part 2 of some drama relating to couples and whether we think therapy or call it quits. But this time.. most of the stories come with updates! Connect with us on YouTube to tell us your takes on these stories! Bonus stories found on our Patreon :)  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah? When did you hop on the call?

Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Y'all cozy? Comfy? Yeah. Okay, so...

Let's do the intro this time. Oh, okay. Before we do it at the end. I know, I always forget. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. I'm Justin. And we're coming at you with Couples Therapy

for our luck quits, part two. We figured we'd better do it before we get too far away from it because these stories are so good. And... I... I have no words for the ones we're going to talk about today. Oh boy.

I know, one of them I had probably 20 different people send me. That's a lot. I know, it was highly requested. Are we starting with this? I think we should. Okay, let's dive in. Okay, I'm just going to tell you right now,

I can't even look at you. My neck hurts so, so bad. I don't know what I did, but you know old age is setting in when all of a sudden you wake up and you can't turn your head. Ow. I should probably turn my chair before we actually do it.

Already? This can't already be happening. We're old. Oh. No, but I really I fucked up my neck today. I don't know what I did, but it hurts so bad. So, if I don't turn

my head and look at you that much, that's why. You read the story, you look for a reaction, you're like, oh. I know, I wish I had one of those Aspen colors on. Oh no. I almost just start reacting to that

instead of the story. You just like turn your body for it. Okay, well let's start off with the one that people sent me. This was posted in Am I the Asshole. It was removed. OP posted it once.

It was quickly taken down. They reposted it in hopes to remedy the mods problems they found with it, essentially. And so they removed it again, but it was up for a while. Many, many people

sent it to me, but the mods ended up removing it again because they felt it was like revenge. Oh wow. And they were like, this would be better suited in another forum. Wow.

And so they removed it again. Are you ready? Oh yeah. Am I the Asshole for cancelling my significant other's birthday plans after finding out I was not invited? All right. Let me start the post

off by saying my 21 female significant other 22 male love language is gift giving. He loved to shop for people. He loves to give gifts, especially extravagant ones. For example, over the three years we've been together

Oh my god. For example, over the three years we've been together, he's given me a car, three dogs, a new phone, and many more smaller items. I, on the other hand, struggle with gift giving especially for him. He is the person, if he wants it,

for himself. Two different times I had purchased him a gift before the holiday rolled around, he had went and purchased the exact same thing for himself. So finding something he both likes and doesn't already have is a struggle. This year I decided I would go

above and beyond. I set aside a couple thousand dollars a lot for me, not so much for him, to make sure I can get him extravagant gifts. This year he discussed with me I found a four bedroom house, more than enough room for his friends, him and I.

I also booked a yacht for us to spend the day on. That ended up being more than I set aside for, but I booked the yacht anyways since he always goes above and beyond for me. And I wanted him to have a great birthday. Well, tonight I asked him if I should purchase his gifts

here and travel with them or if I should go shopping in Puerto Rico. He tells me I was not coming. No, earlier this week he discussed us going to Puerto Rico. Also discussed how his friend

no named, would be traveling with us on this trip. So he immediately sensed my confusion. He quickly started backtracking and told me I would be coming just at the end of the week, missing his birthday. My feelings were hurt at first.

To think the person I wanted to spend my birthdays with doesn't want to spend theirs with me, hit a little different. My feelings soon changed as I realized this also meant I would miss out on the yacht I went over budget on. Immediately I went to cancel

the yacht, trying to get some form of payment back since it had already been 24 hours since booking. The yacht was a surprise, so it was never mentioned. But after canceling it and only getting partial refund, I told him what I had planned.

I also told him since I would have to wait 5 days after his birthday to even see him, his gifts would not be as extravagant. And I would not have things like a cake, decorations, or anything set up for him. He told me I was the asshole.

The yacht was for him and not me. So regardless if I attended, I should have left the reservation in place. He tells me his gifts should not change since he will see me after his birthday. I can't imagine spending thousands of dollars on gifts for someone

just to give it to them a week after their birthday. I also cannot imagine spending over $1000 on a yacht that I will never see. Am I the asshole for canceling my plans for significant other's birthday after finding out I am not invited?

I just don't understand how some people's minds work. I think when you were first reading the story I was thinking this is him and her. She's going to book this as a couple's trip.

Because that's what it makes sense to spend your money on really. If you're going to go above and beyond it's like share it with the two of you. And then I was surprised like wow, she's doing a bigger house to include his friends and make it a whole thing.

Now you're going above and beyond. That's already going above and beyond. Yeah, definitely. So how do you then turn that to hey, I'm getting us a trip to go with you and your friends for your birthday? To oh, yeah, you're not

coming, right? How? I don't even know how to react because it's just like how do you not understand? They're clearly not connecting. There are red flags from this all over the place.

I'm like you're doing a big boys trip for your birthday. That's great, but like don't make her feel like she's coming and then like to be like oh, you shouldn't have cancelled it. Are you going to pay for it then? No, it wasn't even a boys trip though.

No, that's what I mean. He kind of misled her I feel like so she would maybe plan everything or like book everything. Either way, there's a lot of red flags going on. I would be really weirded out by this.

Wouldn't you just feel sick doing that in any way? Like oh, you paying for me to go do something and you don't even enjoy it. You don't even participate. I can understand

like hey, I'm booking this for you and your friends to go do. Specifically, this is me buying this for you to go enjoy with your friends. Spot it, whatever. Little trip, whatever. You know whatever it may be. That was not the case from the beginning. No.

She was supposed to be included. Yeah. I know it's really annoying. So I'm just kind of blown away with this one. I have never seen an OP comment more than this girl did.

Okay. Like truly, truly I've never seen so many more comments. I like that. Yeah. And it's just, it's not good. So again, we have to remember couples therapy or call it quits. So based on the information

we get from all this, let's see what you guys think because I don't know. Okay. So the top comment on the original post that was removed is not the asshole. He's either trying to spend his birthday with another girl

or spending his birthday with his friends is more preferable to him than spending it with you and friends. Either way, this is a red flag territory and I'd reassess this relationship and I would, that's like what I was saying. Like it gives me really bad vibes where it's like, hey, let's go

on a boys trip and just go fuck girls like blah, blah, blah. Cause it's like she sounds like she's chill. Yeah. Okay. Your girlfriend's going to be like fifth dealing with you and all your buddies. She sounds like she was very accommodating. It was like I just want him to have a good time. I want to

be there. I want to hang. You know, I want to be included. And so for her to be like then like, you're not coming. It's kind of like whoa. Well for him. Yeah. But it's like, well, why don't you want me there?

And see, I'm not I get the red flags. I'm not immediately getting that this is to go and spend it with other girls. I'm getting that this is okay, you're going to book this trip and I can go enjoy time with my friends

without my girlfriend kind of fifth wheeling like you said. I wasn't getting the immediate Oh, yeah, let's go party with all these other girls like bachelor party style. That's not what I was feeling. I was feeling

more of the, oh, thanks for booking this for me. This is going to be so cool. And I'm going to have a really great time with my friends, which is still I don't understand the thinking regardless. Yes. The cheating takes it in a whole new ballgame if that's kind of the plan here. Yeah.

But it's still just the how he just doesn't understand that it wasn't that from the beginning. It was just, but it almost makes you wonder if they're truly on two different pages. Like, I know some people like I dated a guy who

has his family owned a restaurant. He was very well off and he never like wanted to be official. Like it was kind of just like this awkward stage of like a situation and I would still get very nice things. I was still treated very well. So I look at this where it's like, okay,

granted, like she's got a fucking car. Like he's gifted her a car three dogs. Yeah, why three? That's a lot of dogs. That's a lot of fucking pets. If you can handle a good for you, but like, oh yeah, you're fucking 21 like three dogs.

I can't even handle one big commitment. We split custody with my dog right now. Like I can't even handle a half a dog. It just feels like a trip that would be booked by him for him. Exactly. Not that. Yes. Yeah. If you want a boys trip,

then book it your fucking self. Don't let your girlfriend book this and they'd all probably book it together for your birthday. Yeah. So OP comments back to that one where they're like not the asshole. He's spending it with another girl or like red flag. And so OP goes, that's honestly the vibes I got.

I found a way better house in the Dominican Republic. Way bigger and quite a bit cheaper. He wouldn't even look at the house in DR and insisted he go to Puerto Rico. I got the vibes. He had someone in Puerto Rico he wanted to spend his birthday with.

But I also thought that might be a tad easy. But why even bring it up? Why even get to the point where you're discussing this with this girl, girlfriend or whatever you think it is. If that's your plan, why even bring it up so that she books it? It's not like you're desperate and

starving for cash to go on this trip to see someone. Why even bring it up in the first place? I think it's... Why not, hey, I'm going to do this trip with my boys to Puerto Rico and then I'll come back and we'll do an awesome week and when I get back. Why even make it this hard if you're trying to hide shit,

why make it so obvious? This little bitch probably thought he was getting a free party planner. He thought he was going to have his nice little girlfriend be happy at home, complacent at home, and he was going to get a fucking party planner for free. Well, if he thinks that and if he thinks

he's hiding this shit, it's really not a great way to go into it. No, but he's not hiding it. He's saying, oh, babe, you can come five days after. Come towards the end of the trip. That's making it sketchy. Yeah. There's ways, if you were planning this and planning to do

these bad things, there's ways to do without being that sketchy. Boys are dumb sometimes. Boys are not very bright. Yeah. Boys are just silly, silly gooses. So, OP's

comments are like all crazy. Yeah, it's rapid-fire. So someone comments on this and basically says, so not on the original post, but on the post where I actually found the story where they reposted it, but they essentially go

oh, her relationship is a train wreck. He gave her herpes, chlamydia, which caused a miscarriage. He cheats on her. He doesn't want her to come on a trip she planned. She should DTMFA which

is dump the motherfucking asshole. But that seems unlikely. And so someone else goes, after taking a look at OP's common history, looks like the same boyfriend gave her two STDs. Yikes. Oh, okay. Wow. Yeah. And so you go through this and one of the posts that they had that

they deleted, it was I contracted a lifelong disease from a man after a three-year relationship. And so someone goes, a large percentage of the world has herpes without symptoms. You'd struggle to find someone who doesn't have it. And then they go just to add if he's not

your first partner, there's no way to verify if you did indeed contract it from him or if you've had it all along. You can carry herpes for years and never know until you have testing like you did. And she goes first relationship he got tested as this was my first

and he has had many second relationship. I didn't take the precautions. And this is from OP. So same boyfriend that gave her these STDs. So that's all from just the comment stream. This is all of her common history. So like posts that

she's commented on. Oh, okay. Not necessarily the post we're reading. Oh wow, people went in. Yeah. So people really dug and like I scrolled to the bottom of her comments and that's how I found that one myself. So that was reading it from her. Got it. And again they comment like even if my partner

were to have herpes and for me we could have practiced safe sex. For me it's not so much about a lot of people have it. More say a lot of people who have casual sex contract it. That's not a decision I made for myself. I've had sex with two people my whole 21 years.

Yeah. Yeah. So basically alluding to the fact that like he gave it to her again goes into details about like talking with her mom. Her mom asked her why they weren't wearing condoms blah blah blah blah.

She assumed that they were both healthy and a monogamous relationship. Obviously not the case. And then we get into like it just keeps going. Like the comments about this situation particularly are just

it's extensive. Like I don't even know which comment to pick but basically her just being like why doesn't a 23 year old guy want some sex on his birthday? I would be absolutely stupid to think he will just wait until he gets back to me. True. OP knows. True. OP knows

in her gut. That is a good point. OP knows like I think like this is what's really hard about this one is she puts in this comment. I thought the same thing but chucked it up as being paranoid and crazy. And that's the thing I think in a lot of these situations that we've read so far on this theme it's like

do you trust your gut or do you like kind of keep putting yourself in this situation where you kind of already know the result you've been down this path. Yeah well and I think the thing that limits a lot of

that too is once you cross that bridge of making an accusation or starting to question someone's faithfulness you really can't take it back.

I think in some sense it is fine as long as you are pretty confident but it's I also it feels really bad when you're wrongly accused and it's just kind of like oh okay what are you just

like suspecting these things do you not trust me like it flips in a really bad way very fast. Yeah. And I just think that also limits some people but this seems pretty this one's a little more obvious but I think that does kind of

it makes people start to feel like oh I'm just overthinking this I'm just too in my head or people talk themselves out of it a little bit because they either don't want to believe it or they don't want to open the can of worms that it could be. Yeah. Or they might think

that maybe they're wrong and then they're creating a problem out of nothing so. I know this is a tough one too because I am like diving into these comments a little bit because again you guys there's just so there's so many but they go I was planning on paying for his birthday events because

I wanted to make sure he had a great birthday and great memories he's done it for me the past three years he deserves it this year. I also don't know why I would go for the last half and told him I would not be coming no point in me booking a flight flying hours and hours just to be out of the country for a couple hours and do it all over

I'll save money time and energy and so she goes to I was not paying for trip to Puerto Rico and his friends were splitting the house evenly like they have every other trip I attended and I was paying for extras like boat, cake, decoration,

presents, etc I assumed which was my fault I was invited because he previously discussed how his friend who was being released from jail would be coming with us I didn't specify if the us was him and I

or him and his friends but once again assumed him and I was on the trip. She found the house and everything per the post and this is why I think like I didn't know this was like a recurring thing that's the thing

so why was she allowed to come on every other trip but now this one is like it's somewhat different and this is where I'm kind of like where I'm trying to take this is like is this truly the worst fucking communication mishap

ever or is there more going on because clearly in the past there's been more going on like he cheated whatever or even if he didn't cheat he was dishonest about his health and so gave her something

and so I'm just wondering like is this truly the worst communication style we've seen in a couple because another part that I didn't like in this post the original post by her was the fact that she said

the yacht was a surprise so it was never mentioned but after canceling it and only getting a partial refund I told him what I had planned I also told him since I would have to wait 5 days after his birthday to even see him his gifts would not be as extravagant

it's almost like now that she knows she's not coming she's kind of saying these things to be like well because I'm not coming I'm not doing this for you it's almost like a manipulation tactic for him to be like well wait

okay no no no I want you to come I want the yacht she's just feeling bad about it though so it's just like a defense mechanism I get that but this is where like mature communication would come into the relationship and so again kind of like

is this terrible communication or is this just like the most toxic relationship ever they go hand in hand fuck I feel like the original post could have had a lot more information it feels

after reading the comments a little bit like from what we've shared it feels like it was a little deceptive on purpose I was deceived well I was going down a whole different path here I know how are you going

oh how I said like oh I don't know maybe he just wants time with his friends like clearly it's not but maybe it is maybe he's changed his ways and he's a good partner now it just doesn't feel like it's an official

relationship it feels a little front-ish a little fake yeah and it's like just a gif thing we were talking about in the other episode where people just shower with gifs and it's all this flashy

oh he love bomb her at the beginning with the car and shit the dogs potentially I don't know it would make sense does she say how long they've been together three years oh wow three years they've been together

okay wow we're deep in deep in but there is a lot going on in this one OP does kind of get into the fact that she recently got a DUI and so

stipulations were 15 days or jail 30 days of home incarceration the reason why people started pointing that out on this post is because of her post history she asked like how to pass a drug test no so there's an interesting dynamic duo here

I did not expect this post to take the turns that it has people are questioning how she has so much money as a 21 year old and she was like I invested in crypto I jumped in when it was around 400 apparently it's doing very well

well I mean this is true people are accusing her of being a sugar baby I'm not a sugar baby LOL this is an invested relationship on my end we've had a child which I lost before she even came on this earth

we have three dogs we spend almost every day together since graduating high school he could never buy me another thing in my life and the love I have for him would not change thank you for your opinion though very interesting yeah

someone else goes I don't think you are a sugar baby but reading your post history 27 days ago you said that he gave you STIs that caused you to lose the baby and now you have lifelong infections did that not change your opinion of him and she goes of course it did everything changed in that moment

and so someone goes yet your relationship status didn't change it should dick is a resource that is in high quantity and low in quality and the dick you're writing is especially low in value wow

no dick is worth getting STDs for yeah wow put that on a t-shirt I'm blown away people reply to that and go saving this for pasting at appropriate locations

literally yeah and so someone else goes don't you think his cheating history is relevant for this post and killing your child didn't change your lifelong love for him he sounds disgusting yeah I think she conveniently left out a lot of information

it seems like this post was extremely manipulated to make it seem like she wanted one answer no you're not an asshole for being upset but also she didn't want to hear you should dump his ass yeah exactly it was very conveniently written

yeah no I don't think this is a couples therapy one after really diving in I didn't read this one at all before this I had no idea what we were getting into yeah I mean they just maybe they're content with their dysfunction and like to

post about it but wow in the most real sense yes it's not a it's not worth the therapy no that shit's expensive also one thing I do want to say too I will share it on Instagram but I found this woman who

her and her husband have been going to couples therapy since they started dating and she was like people judge me constantly when I tell them that we go to couples therapy and she was just like kind of talking about it and she was like if your relationship is at the point where couples therapy is your last resort

to save your relationship then it might be too late already like couples therapy is a regular thing you should be doing to preserve the longevity of your relationship to make your relationship last long term

and be healthy happy have great communication whatever and so when you look at this situation it's like they have already been through more than couples face in a lifetime and they're still not connecting

so is it worth it? where it doesn't just seem like bad luck no I think he's deliberately going out and fucking around and they're young like they've been together since high school they've got some growing up to do it's a crazy life to be living

yeah fucking crypto I gotta get some I guess but I think she should move on I think a lot of people worry with partners that gave them STIs and STDs it's like well now no one's gonna love me

I have this lifelong disease but I'll never forget my dad actually dated a woman who was very open about her past and her first high school boyfriend gave her herpes and I remember we were like driving to the fucking century city mall one day

and she was like oh yeah like you're out here with your boyfriend or like your dad says you have a boyfriend she was like I just you know I know this isn't my place I'm not your mom not your dad but just like make sure you're being safe like my very first boyfriend gave me herpes and

her and my dad both talked to me about it we take the necessary precautions so like I don't get this like we don't have sex during an outbreak blah blah blah and it's like that one person pointed out too over 60% of the population has herpes it's like you're not damaged

is that the number let's fact check so 50% to 80% of US adults have oral herpes so there's two types there's HSV1 and then type 2 67%

of the population are infected with herpes type 1 so they estimate anywhere from 50 to 80 but most common number I'm seeing just quick google scroll is 67% yeah so I mean it's more than half so it's like

you're not like incapable of finding love it doesn't define who you are it's so stigmatized and that's something we need to work on but get the fuck out of this one

fuck take your dogs and go and go it is time my Minnesota accent came out there go go Hi Jan from Toyota speaking

Jan I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota sure is from now until April 4th you can shop all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia and more imagine yourself in a new tundra where you stop by the home improvement store and finally build that tree house you promised your daughter

Sarah when did you hop on the call hi dad mom said you were taking too long on the phone Toyota let's go places see your participating Toyota dealer for details dealer inventory may vary okay well that was a fucking shit storm

can of worms if I've ever seen one yeah I'm happy to not be involved okay so the next couple that I have are really really interesting because the last time we did this

we didn't really have any updates except for the very last story and now all of the stories going forward have updates love that okay so I do know some of the endings some of them I do not so I'll preface it and then I won't say as much

as I typically would because I want to hear what you have to say yes let's see if you can predict me you let's see my opinions let's see if you can predict the outcomes on this one am I the asshole for faking food poisoning to teach my boyfriend

a lesson so my boyfriend 28 male and I 26 female both love to cook and are very good at it we often make males together and it's something really bond over however he has a serious issue with cross contamination

that drives me insane as a result I feel like I have to constantly keep an eye on him to make sure that he is sanitizing things properly it frustrates me that I feel like I have to watch him and it frustrates him whenever I point out something he's done

that seems unsanitary last Friday evening we were making carnitas when I noticed that he was using the same knife and cutting board that he had used to chop raw pork to then cut up onions and radishes hell no

I could literally see red splotches on the cutting board from where the meat had been sitting I pointed out that whenever I need to cut both meat and produce that I always do the produce first so that way I can use the same knife and cutting board without having to worry

about cross contamination I then told him that we couldn't use the onions and radishes for this dish because I was not about to top my carnitas with them now that they were contaminated with raw pork he flipped out and kept saying

it's not like it's chicken I said so what it's still raw meat and there's still potential for foodborne illness he wouldn't let it go so finally I was like fine I'll eat your tainted fucking produce which pissed him off

further he stormed off into our bedroom and refused to finish cooking with me without him knowing I cut up new onions and radishes for garnishing and we ate dinner separately the next day we were supposed to go to his parents place as they were hosting a congratulatory

dinner because my boyfriend recently got a new job in the morning I faked being ill and hung out in my bed watching Netflix and reading most of the day he seemed baffled by my being sick and I was like I don't know

I mean I did eat those onions and radishes that you were so pressed about he looked irritated after that but he seemed to believe that I was actually sick when it came time to start getting ready to head out to his parents house I said I was still too ill and ended up staying home

his mother it's kind of funny his mother messaged me later on explaining that it was extremely rude of me to have missed the dinner and that I should have taken some Pepto Bismol or something so that I could be there to celebrate with them

I didn't even bother responding and when my boyfriend returned home that night I could tell he was bummed but not mad that I missed the dinner multiple people in his family are now pissed because they think I'm an unsupportive girlfriend I do feel guilty about missing this dinner

since it was important to him but I was also at my wit's end as I've tried to talk about the contamination thing with him nicely many times in the past but he always gets pissed off about it and then doesn't change his ways am I the asshole

so here's where I stand on this kind of thing I think there's there's only a few really important moments in life and by a few I mean like there's plenty but there are few and far in between and going to a dinner

that's celebrating a big life change or a big accomplishment or celebrating someone I don't think that's the time to take out your feelings on a completely unrelated manner I think

for moments like that where it's for moments that you're celebrating with someone you gotta go I think you gotta suck it up and go I get that this is annoying and that's been a repeated problem

but I don't think these are the things to take it out on I think you can do that with a dinner that you too had planned or something that's between you two I don't think it should have to extend out like this

for one would be on the exact like I would have the same mindset I was disgusting well for me it's always chicken cause I don't have red meat really so when I cut chicken you're meticulous but a lot of times with the way I cook

the chicken takes longer so I am cutting up vegetables or something afterward I scrub that goddamn board I take that brush and shhh like I feel like I take a layer off that thing easily

I'm not getting contaminated I hate food poisoning you're very scared about food poisoning I've been on the wrong end of that so many times I don't like leaving chicken out we've been over this I'm a disgusting person

but you would still clean cutting board absolutely but no I'll leave pizza out overnight and still eat it the next morning I mean it's the same thing like you take the raw chicken out to the grill on the plate you don't put the cooked chicken back on the plate and bring it back in the house

right and so I'm on board with that and I get how that would become very annoying and you almost have to watch because you're like I'm not eating that shit you take what I risk you want but I'm not doing that like that stuff just no I'm on the same page with that

but I just feel like with a temporary dinner or something of the sort it's just not the place to take a stand and and try and force change that way so I'm torn I'm really torn

because of the fact that she says I've tried to ask him nicely many times in the past but he always gets pissed off about it and then doesn't change his ways so like I look at it where I'm like I'm kind of agreeing with you where I'm like okay yes it's not the time it's not the place

like this is a big deal for him he's very excited it's a big accomplishment big new job promotion whatever so I'm like well because he's kind of a dick and doesn't give a fuck about cross-contamination or what you have to say you're probably

going to get another opportunity to fake sick if you really want to do it to prove a point like you're probably going to get another shot because your boyfriend just doesn't give a fuck about cross-contamination but then I'm like at the same time I'm like well this is a big moment and so maybe it is the moment to kind of like

you reap what you sow buddy like you made me eat fucking pork blood onions so I'm torn I'm real torn I can see that I just think you might when you start fighting fire with fire you start

opening up the potential for things to get worse and I get you've approached it from a try to ask nicely in things but then maybe just maybe get to the point where and I I understand too because the feelings fresh happened what the night before

so I understand it I do think in the long run especially if things change and things work out you will regret missing that I don't I think at least for me I feel like I would regret missing something like that

but if the ways don't change and it becomes that big of a deal then this is a thing where you say I think counseling or I think we need to re-evaluate our situation yeah I mean this could easily be a deal breaker for a lot of people this

probably would be a deal breaker sure and that's but I think that's the way to approach it is that's gonna that's gonna alert him that's gonna really be like okay I'm serious yeah missing dinner it's kind of like I mean it made

him upset it's it's not gonna make him want to not cook not cross contaminate it's I think the two aren't gonna be associated true it's more like you need to say hey I have a problem with this and if this

doesn't change I'm out I'm starting to kind of lose interest yeah definitely and I think too again like it doesn't seem like they can handle points of conflict very well because of the fact he always gets pissed off about it and then doesn't change his ways

maybe you do need a third party like a couple of therapists to kind of establish healthier ways of communication during points of you know turmoil or contention so overall vote on this one was asshole top comment

is you're the asshole well thinking yes he should make changes so he doesn't cross contaminate but this was hella ready of you and you missed an important event just to prove a point and be spiteful that is very immature and so someone goes while lying to him this is more than immature

this sounds psychotic and someone goes psychotic experiencing psychosis unable distinguish between beliefs and reality sometimes inducing hallucinations not psychotic but manipulative and mean that is that are you ready for the update

love the update I actually read this one too before the update came out and I like remember seeing it and I think when I listen to it I was like God like if you really have to go to extreme measures like that to prove a

point like and be petty like that I'm like why what's the point are you happy right exactly what's the fucking thought yeah what's the fucking point what's up everybody I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater Any Hour Services

is here to help and save you some money whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a tankless would cost the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available and right now you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1200 on a tankless call Any Hour Services

and schedule a free estimate today Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com no one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services so on to the update oh wow I received quite a few messages regarding this post

and I figured I would give an update since something incredibly ironic happened anyway to start many of you suggested that I purchase color-coded knives and cutting boards and that I have a serious discussion with him about the subject

these are things I have done in the past but I figured another try wouldn't hurt I sat down with him and explained how cross-contamination might not be a big deal to him that it is to me and that it would make me feel a lot better if he would please take my feelings into consideration

he promised me that he would be more careful but then the next afternoon I saw him put a cutting board away without washing it after having chopped raw chicken on it this obviously bothered me

but I decided not to say anything since we were fresh out of conflict the same night I took him out for a nice dinner as a way to make up for missing the one at his parents house we had a lovely time and things seemed to be on the mend for a few hours later that night however

he developed really terrible food poisoning and to make matters worse he was supposed to start his new job the next morning and ended up calling in sick he blamed me for it because he thought that the food

at the restaurant was what made him ill I told him that I didn't see how it could have been that because we shared the dishes and I was feeling fine yeah and she didn't cook it the following day his mother called and let us know that she had

just taken his dad to the hospital apparently he had been feeling super unwell and we all assumed it was related to a chronic disease that he's had for a few years now he ended up needing multiple blood transfusions and tests found none other

than E. coli in his urine in the days following my boyfriend continued to miss work and I discovered that about half the people that attended his celebration dinner the weekend before ended up sick a bunch of other bullshits happened with his mother

trying to blame me for getting people sick and bothered going down that rabbit hole at the moment if you hadn't already guessed my boyfriend got fired from his job without having worked a single day there guess not showing up during your first week isn't a good look

on the bright side he has shown a sudden and intense interest in kitchen hygiene apparently getting sick himself and having his dad end up in the hospital is what it took it's been a couple of weeks since this all took place a lot of you suggested that I break things off and at this point

I think I may be headed in that direction edit since some of you are wondering my boyfriend has gotten sick like this more than once but he usually has other reasons why he thinks he's not feeling well both of his parents have gotten the quote stomach flu

a few times since we've been together his dad has a blood disease that has progressed over the years and so this recent bout of illness put him in pretty bad shape I always thought my boyfriend had a sensitive stomach we only began living and cooking together about a year ago

and I hadn't realized the severity of his lack of kitchen hygiene until then that is absolute true karma wow um crazy about the dad

that's scary I don't understand why when people get really upset and realize they've been wrong start to try and blame people in ridiculous ways I think that is

I know the mom you got us all sick well and him blaming her for taking him to dinner that stuff I don't even need to talk about it how do you put a god damn cutting board away

after cutting raw chicken on it what do you mean put away what do you mean put away put like in the kitchen cabinet put away and it's not just it's not like when you cut I mean you can cut carrots and there's not going to be anything on the board

when you cut chicken there's like there's fucking blood some chicken has blood but that's not the most common it's more like pieces of chicken stick little tiny pieces

on the board so I don't know how true the stat is can you can you literally imagine pushing that back into the cabinet no that's actually vomit inducing I mean what does he do

cook and then not clean the pans too it's disgusting it's absolutely disgusting so this is like a stat I heard I don't know where I just wanted to fact check it and it's the same with a lot

of our foods that we produce maybe it was a fucking PSA for veganism but a lot of the chicken you buy from the store has poop particles in it and milk cow's milk has pus blood in it

raw chicken especially has a lot of feces in the meat and so I just wanted to fact check and based on a small sample size 48% of chicken has E. coli in it yeah you can't fuck around with chicken I see people eat raw eggs and shit on

tiktok but well and it's way smaller for eggs like way smaller but chicken is just eggs is like salmonella chicken oh yeah but chicken is just not you gotta cook that shit

that's why every time I make food I'm like dude I don't think the chicken's done I know yeah you're really scared about it I'm checking that that's why I got the thermometer yeah 165 yeah no it's and this was on like

a lot of these are from the best of reddit updates just because it's like so nicely compiled and like they link another post she had recently where it was like have you ever considered breaking up with your partner because of their parents and

that's a whole yeah that's a whole different part of this a whole another can of worms but I again like even with this resolution thank god his dad is okay but like if this is really what it took for him to shape up even after she had another

serious conversation with him well it's like what's the next thing gonna be yeah it seems like he's the type of person that doesn't really care about what his partner finds important or what their feelings are until it like directly affects him

right it took having this happen to his dad for him to really give a shit right and then you start to think well what other issues could we have that will take extreme things to make him actually realize that I am right

I think conflict resolution is probably the the biggest piece of a long-term relationship yes and one thing I saw that there was a trend on tiktok for a while where it was like

it was really good but it was like what's the best piece of advice a therapist has ever given you and this one lady comes up and she says I go to couples therapy with my long-term partner the best piece of advice that we've ever gotten

is that you don't always have to have a resolution or come to an agreement during a fight you can disagree you can agree to disagree they basically explain that

you're both okay to have your opinions as long as it's not going to really really impact you and then celebrate your fight with something so their tradition was like going out for dumplings after a big fight yeah but it was like you always like I mean even in my mind

I'm like okay if you and your partner are like really at odds with something I kind of had in my head too and maybe this is just me like being my over analyzing I fixate on problems when I have a fight like in any area of my life

but I think like that is kind of an interesting concept to wrap your head around there doesn't have to be a solution at all you can just move on but in this situation there was a clear right and wrong oh 100% clear

I would I think this for me would be a breakup I don't think this is a couple's therapy can fix this person's ways and I think he might shape up for a little bit but I think eventually he'll slip back into his chicken in the cutting board ways

I feel like after that PTSD he'll be scarred I feel like that will really change his ways but it's just the the way of thinking and the way of dealing with the situation and how

that will apply to other points of conflict not necessarily cross contamination in the kitchen but anything else like that yeah no his style of communication and conflict resolution

is not good very poor good luck lady holy smokes I'm getting warm okay I got my little therapy dog over here

my emotional support puppers I am ready to go for these next ones hold on we gotta get him in the shot okay there he is are you in there little buddy you should walk him around ralph's the grocery store

yeah pull him on a little leash why is your support support dog may support puppy maybe someday I've had a lot of anxiety lately but probably not as much as this gal my 26 female fiance

27 male told me he didn't even like me for two years of our relationship my fiance Bruno and I have been together for a little over six years we met in college and I'm the one who asked him to be my boyfriend last night Bruno and I met up

with some old friends for drinks we all went back to our house afterwards well into the night once we were all wasted we decided to all confess our secrets it's a pretty good time and we're all sharing goofy confessions suddenly Bruno says

quote when Gigi me asked me out I was like so not attracted to her at all the whole room falls totally silent but he continues quote like she was just physically unattractive to me at the time

and I didn't like her personality all that much I mean I only said yes because I wanted a relationship I probably would have said yes to anyone I don't even think I liked her until like two years in he continued talking

but I stopped listening and left the room I immediately called an Uber and went to a friend's house I haven't talked to him since I left it's currently about six ish the next day and I don't even want to go home what should I do

do you think I'm overreacting I honestly don't know if I'll be able to get past this but should I give him a chance to please help a girl out fuck no I'd be out instantly yeah

and she doesn't mention how long like they've been together like in the post but in like the summary well it's a decent amount of time yeah yeah yeah and then like in the summary at the bottom she goes

my fiance of six years confessed that for the first two years of a relationship physically unattractive and didn't like me I haven't spoken to him in almost 24 hours and don't know what to do why would you be with someone for two years if literally you weren't into them what fucking

weirdo wants to be in a relationship that bad that they'll be with someone they're not attracted to or don't even like I would instantly feel like I did not know that person your whole relationship at that point is a lie how do you recover

but how do you even believe him now I no I'm saying I like I would leave but it's done I'm done I'm out this one's easy this one's simple this one's very simple it is

done I'm appalled I that's some crazy shit I just like I'm truly lost for words the first two years of your relationship are like

those key bonding years that's when you really get to know someone you go through the happy exciting first dating period you go through the honeymoon phase you go through the storming informing phase where you're really

like getting each other's boundaries and getting the nitty gritty of things and then you kind of go through this like normal like I really know you I like you or I know you and I don't like you they've been there's six years in

according to this what the flying fuck is this oh my god if there was nothing ever to tip you off before that from her perspective I mean it's a complete nightmare

she's heartbreak this is world war three you're losing everything right then oh my god this is like oh my god this is such a worst case scenario and there's so many stories like this where it's

these people find out who their partner really is by like accident or like happens chance or whatever the saying is like the only reason she found this out was because he got wasted it's like the people that find out their partner was cheating after they die and the

actress or the mister shows up at the funeral like this is the same concept they think their partner is this person that they know and love and then all of a sudden the bubble is popped holy fucking shit

poor gg I didn't read this one oh my god this one's overwhelming I know I'm like I'm just I'm in shock right now you guys one of the top comments throughout you know this one is

I wonder what other surprises he's holding back and OP responds that's my main worry too why hasn't he fucking contacted her I don't think there's gonna be a bigger surprise why why why why hasn't he tried to like be like oh baby I'm so sorry he's probably like holy fuck

I just fucked the whole thing you kind of know at that point it's done you kind of know there's no salvaging oh poor gg how could you listen that is something that oh and I know a heart it would be to walk away from someone after so long

and everything like could be basically perfect except for this she what if yeah like what if she never would have known would she have gone on with the wedding or like well yeah was there anything else that was stopping her but some people get engaged and then don't realize

like there's um there's something called ring clarity yeah so once you get the ring you really hyper focus you are like oh wait wait wait wait wait okay this is real this is real this is real and like they get ring clarity so maybe

that would have happened further down the line for her but like I can't imagine there's no other issues in their relationship because like this whole like I look at this like their relationship for the first two years was fake like this isn't even a real relationship because of the fact he was faking it

for two years it just seems like she was totally blindsided though what someone else comments not only like to the other one like I wonder what else he's hiding and so they go not only this but he said he wanted a relationship and it didn't matter

whom I was with does he want to be married to you or just looking to get married as hard as breaking an engagement is it can be for the best I broke off my engagement three weeks before the wedding it's not too late to walk away and find someone

who loves you and OP goes thank you so much for this comment I'm so blessed to see so many people encouraging me to do what's best for me yeah wow oh god that'd be so hard wow

are you ready for the update yeah of course it was removed by reddit but I still got it I got the screenshot hi everyone I literally can't thank you all enough for the love I received on my original post

I'm not sure if this is how to properly update a reddit post but here it goes I sat down with Bruno earlier today and discussed what went down before I even gave him a chance to speak I made sure to express how much his words hurt me I told him how difficult it was

to look at him after learning that he deceived me for two whole years luckily he was very understanding of how I felt he told me that he wished it didn't come out like that and he regrets not telling me sooner or in a more private environment

it wouldn't have made it better but still a way to do it wow he could have had more tact yeah definitely he recognized how embarrassing it must have been for me which I also really appreciate I can't go through every point we discussed in depth

so I'll rapid fire a few of them off was everything he confessed true yes did his friends we were with no no did he ever plan on telling me no was he hiding any other major things from me no did he

ever love me during our six year relationship yes I still have a lot of unanswered questions but I'm happy with what I got he told me that he was going through a very dark time and basically used me because he thought a partner would fill whatever

hole he had wow selfish once he got professional help is when he realized that he truly did love me overall we did decide it would be best for us to part ways romantically there was a lot of toxicity from both sides

we had been ignoring so this really is for the best again thank you for all the support and love it's so mind blowing to see so many people care about lil old me gg oh gg

yeah well this is just the straw that you know it broke the camel's back yeah I mean if they I think it is good that they realized there was a lot of other stuff going on because yes you're right it would be

very odd for everything to be great and then this comes out of the blue I can't imagine I would literally like if you said that to me right now because we're almost three years in three years is December so we're like a month away and I'm like

if you said that to me now where you're like I didn't like you the first two years of our relationship I would be fucking crushed I want to try thinking about it well and just let's let's consider the thought of let's say

oh wow very cute okay let's say that you went into a relationship maybe not under the best terms maybe not as selfish as this but what if you just kind of were like

I'm gonna see what happens and you did kind of go into it like this guy and then you end up falling madly in love with someone just not right away I guess the way you approach that is you never say shit about it

but also it's just like if in the moment and if for the last four years if there wasn't all this toxicity and whatever and then you truly did were madly in love and wanted nothing more than to support this person

and be partners forever yeah that's also a really tricky interesting thing obviously you don't reveal it like this but that's another like think about that it's a crazy

concept to think about I think my biggest thing is like it's just unrealistic I guess no not so much because I think a lot of people do get into relationships where I look at us and you initially asked me to be your girlfriend and I said no

and it was because of the fact that I was unsure I didn't know if I was ready for a relationship I was enjoying being single and I wanted to make sure you were the right person before I really established

that I just wonder in this the other situation you described were like yeah some people do it to see if you know things will change their feelings might grow blah blah blah blah but does that take two years right

well and time does move pretty fast so there could be situations where where it could where you're just kind of going through the motions seeing how things play out not putting too much pressure on it not thinking too deeply about certain things

kind of letting it work out I think you really could I think you could I don't think that that maybe would turn into such madly in love all of a sudden out of nowhere but you never know

I mean you go through some different phases of your life you go through different mental cycles I don't know and maybe you have a big realization and which is what he sounds like he was describing like

he said to her I was in a really dark time I was in a really bad place in my life and I thought getting into a relationship would fix it so he was probably in one of those spaces where mentally he wasn't doing the best and thought hey I need someone this

is going to fill the void that I feel yeah and then that relationship really developed and he realized wow this is a really great person I love this person so I don't know but

for sure fucked up delivery oh yeah no one I think with the added toxicity and everything I think they're making a very mature choice it's just just crazy to consider the flip oh my god yeah just wow

insanity good for you Gigi it takes a lot to call off an engagement I wouldn't know but like it seems like it would well the even engagement or not to be that deep in with someone that much time

I think a lot of people don't make a choice that probably would be better for them just for the fact of I'm already this far in or I'm going to end up wasting all this time and it is a very

big choice to do that yeah well and I'm just looking at other posts too and so this um it looks like it was an actual account like it doesn't look like it's a throwaway so two months ago she posted am I the asshole for not changing my wedding

for my friend and it goes I am getting married next year the thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, astrays and lighters I started exercising instead of smoking staying away

from alcohol when I was first quitting was key I kept on trying learn something each time do whatever it takes no matter how many times it takes we did it so can you for free and confidential help call one eight hundred quit now or visit way to quit

dot org developed by CDC so this was probably like a next summer wedding so this is I mean next year could be January like this who knows who knows how close this was so it's just wow

it takes a strong person to get out of a relationship like this where where you're so deeply invested well and maybe there's some deep down reason he truly did say it now that a wedding's approaching

guilt his conscious was was grappling with the fact yeah then maybe it's the the ring clarity oh my god what's that ring clarity oh yeah what's that saying though like something about your conscience it's weighing on you

yeah I keep wanting in my head I'm like is it a dirty conscience heavy conscience heavy would work yeah heavy conscience there's a saying though about conscience conscience am I saying that right

people are gonna fucking come the more I say it the worse it sounds holy shit we're just let's just pretend that I said that that right you guys if I did say it wrong okay I think we have time for one more and then it's it's bedtime

what's the pupper's name I don't know oh we should have people name him because I'm bad with animal names he can't not have a name he'll get one kujo okay

okay best for last it's gonna be hard to top that last one wow well I better do it my 35 male girlfriend 21 female uncomfortable with my wife's ashes

edit girlfriend is 31 not 21 instantly made me feel better going to try to keep this as short as possible please tell me if I'm in the wrong here married my high school sweetheart at age 25 she died in a car accident five years ago we loved

to travel and so I had her ashes made into a diamond to take her with me on my adventures her ashes along with both of our wedding rings are on a chain I carry in my pocket on our adventures helps me feel close to her I always love and miss her but I know she would want me to be happy

and find love I've been dating a new girl for over a year I dated a bit a couple years after her wife's death but never found love until new girl M M is great and has been so supportive and understanding of my late wife she knows about the chain and never said it bothered her

though she never knew the stone was my wife's ashes I used to keep the chain on my bed post but thought it would be disrespectful to M so it's now safe in a drawer I still take it with me on travels M and I have talked about moving in together when her lease ends in two months

I am ecstatic for this I want to spend my life with her yesterday I was packing for a solo weekend trip to the east coast as she was over when I picked the chain M asked me what the other ring was not X's ring

or my wedding rings I explained that I had my X's ashes pressed into a stone and she flipped couldn't believe I had quote, lied to her for a year and said what I had done was creepy and weird

gave me an ultimatum get rid of the stone I can keep our rings on the chain just not the ashes or she will not move in with me I asked if I could put the stone away in a drawer but she said no, it had to go

she refuses to spend another night with my wife in the house and said it's her or me please help reddit I don't know what to do I don't want to lose this girl but I also don't want to give up respect for the woman I once loved my X was not close to her parents

so I cannot give it to them I can't just throw it away I'm at a loss I canceled my weekend trip I just wanted to make things work with M edit I keep thinking to myself that making this stone was totally crazy

M told me that no girl would ever be comfortable with it and that if I keep the stone I will quote be living a lonely miserable life women or men would this be a deal breaker to you am I insane

no, not a deal breaker for me wow, I feel like my first reaction is I think she has been waiting to bring this up it just feels like it was like oh, what is that?

out of nowhere not like a a shock oh, okay and then you kind of take the time and think about it do you feel like you kind of already knew maybe a feeling but I just feel like

the bracelet itself, I feel like has been just waiting to be like a point of contention I don't know why I guess well, and if she already knew the fact that the rings on the chain were his wedding ring

the wife's wedding ring if you see a third ring on there you're probably like wow, what the fuck is this so she probably has been wondering about it for a while it just seems so like ask and then pop

it was quite the explosion I really really really have a problem with the fact that she is being really guilt trippy and just popping off on him

she refuses to spend another night in the house with my wife in it what is that nothing nothing I feel so bad for this guy he's just trying to he's dealing with so much shit

and he's trying to move on he's found some happiness which is amazing why can't he cherish an old relationship it's just like it's having a symbol of an old amazing friendship I think it's beautiful

I've said on other episodes in the past I would love to be turned into a ring and like pass me out like a party favorite, a family I don't give a fuck I told my mom this though too you can turn ashes into a ring she was like

my mom obviously loves jewelry she worked in the jewelry business for over 20 years she loves jewelry and she was like I think I would like to do that I think it is a beautiful keepsake we've recently talked about turning your dog's ashes into a stone for you to put in a ring I think it is a beautiful

way to remember someone and stones last forever like once you make that it lasts for fucking ever oh yeah and it's it's hard to find a thing to do with ashes too like

you like to spread them in someone's favorite place or plants or whatever but or just have them there but I think the ring or just a stone in any sort of jewelry or anything you could apply it to

is is a way to make it it can be with you at all times that I cannot tell you the last time I've been to a cemetery like I've lost a lot of grandparents

and I haven't been to a cemetery and like paid respect to their tombstones or their graves in forever having a diamond like that or an important piece of jewelry that like I find it

I get some people are probably like what the fuck no that's gross and also I kind of tussle with this because I love the Jewish tradition of like there's no embalming you go back to the earth so I'm kind of like just maybe chop off an arm and like

cremate it like I don't again I don't know it's it just the chop off the arm is a little graphic but I don't know or hair you can do it with hair someone actually I saw on tech talk there's this like a

eternal diamond account or whatever someone cut their horse's mane and sent just the hair in so you can do it with just hair maybe just shave my fucking head I don't know but the ashes thing I literally had a shit grin on my face and I was like I'm gonna throw my ashes and spreading them

because I also just saw a tech talk of these two girls that went to spread their father's ashes in this ocean or like throw it in the ocean off a cliff or something and the wind picked up right as they dumped and their father's ashes

all blew back on them went in their mouths went in their eyes that's terrible it's so traumatic like then he didn't even get where he wanted to go like

sad make rocks or coral reefs well I think you can do both or trees it doesn't take the whole thing it doesn't it from what I've seen about the process of it like it takes such a small it was like a quarter cup or something

I think it's less it's real it's small oh yeah I mean it's not a lot I think you can multiple things which I think is really cool I just love the thought of it turns it into a keepsake in a whole different way yeah I completely agree

I think it's for the right person if you find value in that I think it is so special this gal though are you in the therapy boat do you think they could come to terms or are you in the call it boat so far hmm

well what I do know is he's caught in the middle of this like he is in one of those very unfortunate places that I it's the place I I

hate I hate being in that place of it's this or this and you're caught in the middle of like a of a big decision and it's just like well fuck I don't want to be here like what I hate I just hate it so much but yeah they're a little toxic

most times I feel like it's an overreaction I feel like you could have a conversation say hey I'm uncomfortable for these reasons and the thing I'm focusing on is I think her reaction

and that is what I would focus on first less about the topic more about the handling of the topic and the emotions that is just I like someone I can

sit down and have a conversation with no matter I get emotions I get you know right away there might be she was probably in such shock and that's fine but I think if you can if you can get yourself together sit down

and have a conversation that's a real true relationship that's where communications at its best emotional reactions sure everyone has them they get the best of us sometimes but it's very unfair

to put him in this position and so I feel like he lost the love of his life right now he's found someone else he's willing to spend the rest of his life with which is huge

you don't want to just throw that away over someone giving you this little ultimatum he did kind of slip that in there that is important I think this is a therapy situation I don't know I just hope it works out because I don't want the

I do know the end for this one the rock doesn't need to go it doesn't and I feel like even the fact when the part that I felt so bad about was like well could I just find put it in the drawer or a safe place or whatever it's like no it has to go

it's like well come on work with me yeah so he does give an update on the original post whoa this totally blew up I had no idea in my story we get such a response I was hoping for a comment or two but this is crazy this morning I took the time to read what all of you wrote and I'm hoping that M will settle

for a safety deposit box or leaving it at my mom's I've never had somebody she cares about pass away and I think the thought of my wife's remains being in my house freaked her out she's coming over tonight to talk I will try to update you soon

thanks again for all the support and helping me know what I did with my wife's remains wasn't that insane because one of the top comments on this one is first off you turning the ashes into a diamond is the most awesome way to carry someone with you it was a great idea don't ever get down on yourself

and this is important don't ever get rid of that stone ever you'll never ever forgive yourself correct um wife's remains like they're not remains it's not like you have her mummified in your home

you took the ashes and pressed the carbon into a stone like it's not remains it is and it isn't but I get what you're saying I know like it's like don't make it sound so weird

yeah okay oh god I'm so warm today this is what menopause feels like I'm hot I wonder what the earliest you can go to menopause is okay update I don't know where these thoughts come from

I have really high thoughts sober it's always been me okay like shut up to the update let's get done with this we met up on Saturday there was a lot of dialogue between us but I'm going to try to keep it short and paraphrase what we said I know many of you said to give M time to cool off

but I just couldn't spend my whole weekend knowing she was unhappy I invited her over for dinner and spent the day cooking her favorite meal I took the ring over to my mom's house because I know it being in the house made her uncomfortable and bought her some flowers I really wanted to show her

that she has no competition that I love her when she comes over the first thing she says is quote is it still in the house when I assure her it's not she comes in and sits down I start by apologizing explaining that I never meant to lie to her

or hurt her but that I now realize I was lying by omission it wasn't fair to her I apologized again and said I hoped she didn't lose all her trust she had in me I then told her how much I love her I explained how much she means to me

and how easily I could see myself spending my life with her I go on and on about how happy she makes me blah blah blah she likes all of this lovey apologetic talk and is smiling and holding my hand telling me it's okay and that she loves me too I then say quote

it's time to talk about the ring and she changes right before my eyes she lets go of my hand and her happy face is replaced by one of anger she said something along the lines of I thought you got rid of it and I told her that I never said that

I simply said it wasn't currently in the house she got angry but I asked her to listen to me before she said anything I explained that when my wife died I didn't have the heart to bury her and having her remains around felt odd to me so the ring seemed like the best option

at this point she's crying with her face in her hands I ask if she would be okay with me keeping it at my mom's place or in a safety deposit box she's silent then cries quote why wouldn't you just bury her like a normal person

now I'm crying and I say that I'm sorry that I respect my wife's memory but I wish I didn't disrupt our relationship because I love you as we cried she said that she wishes the ring didn't bug her as much as it does but that she's just not sure if she can be with me

she says making your wife a ring isn't what quote normal people do and it's making her question my character I asked her what she wants me to do with the ring what her idea of quote get rid of it is hoping we could compromise she said she doesn't know what I should do with it

she just wish it didn't exist she said she loves me but she's just not sure about the relationship anymore told me she needs to think on it left without even eating her dinner I haven't heard from her since I'm not quite sure what to do or where we are at this point

we have stuff at each other's places and both have keys I love this girl and I don't want to easily give up on us but I'm hesitant to reach out to her again I'm thinking of giving it some time and hoping she reaches out to me I don't know the thought of losing M breaks my heart

edit I want to add that I really don't think this is about being insecure or jealous of my wife I really think M is freaked out by the fact that I've had my wife cremated and turned into a stone I think even if I had her in an urn M would still be freaked out

M hasn't had any experience with death but I think she was raised with the idea that when somebody dies they go into the ground the fact that my wife isn't buried somewhere freaks her out interesting update number two

let's go last night I came home from work to find a framed photo from my wedding hanging on the wall with the chain dangling around it there was a five page note from M on the coffee table I'm not going to type the whole note

because a lot of it was very personal to M however I will say that there was a lot of apologizing on her part she told me that she thought a lot about the ring she did some googling and realized that it's not all that uncommon she said she was completely embarrassed by her reaction and that she was uncomfortable

with the thought of being around anybody's remains she called herself disrespectful, childish and pathetic M also said that what I did was a beautiful thing and shows what a sensitive and loving man I am she said that she wants to be with me more than anything

and doesn't want to change a thing about our tradition taking the ring traveling she told me she now sees that it's a lovely idea and that my wife was lucky to have me and my family that she as well as lucky to now be a part of my and my family's life

she concluded saying that she felt as though we had a good connection and handled conflict well I'm going to disagree with that before I go on but okay M she said she hopes that I know her well enough to know that this isn't the way she typically reacts. I do

she also told me she was going to get therapy as she is worried about what will happen once somebody she knows dies. The last part of her note said that she left a surprise in my fridge a six pack of my favorite beer and that she'd love to enjoy them with me if I'll have her

she told me to take all the time I need before calling her and that she hopes someday I will forgive her for her actions I called her immediately we talked and she pretty much repeated what she said in the note I repeated what I said at dinner she is my number one and that I am so sorry

for lying about the ring we have plans to see each other tomorrow night I love the photo of me and my wife I don't have many photos of us and none that are framed the chain looks perfect around it and it's a nice little memorial to have in my home I love the idea of starting a new home with M

while still having my wife's memory be a part of it I know this is not what many of you wanted to read you wanted me to kick M to the curb however I think that a year of good actions makes up for one bad action her apology was genuine

and I really do feel as though this won't happen again if she tries to control something like this again and I can't resolve it I guess I know where to post I can't thank you all enough and then they go again at it I was expecting you all to be disappointed in me and yet the first comments are saying how happy you are for me

thanks again reddit good rough road on that one are you shocked are you kind of shocked at the ending? yeah a little bit but like the ending is how it was supposed to be the whole time 100%

100p I am understanding the more fear of death and remains and that kind of thing having more of that reaction yeah like spawning that kind of reaction

is my death anxiety rubbing off on you? no no no I am saying from her perspective if that's truly a huge fear I can understand how it's like how you would have more of that strong reaction versus an emotional response

to a memory of a wife and a token of a wife I truly think like especially the fact that she pointed out like oh she googled it and realized it wasn't that uncommon I think she was just truly super uneducated like she probably thought he was like a one of a kind weirdo

that just did this and then being uncomfortable already being uncomfortable with death as it is this was probably just like over the top for her like oh my god what happens when I die is this man about to cut me up in pieces? she was probably so confused

initially oh my no she had a grade A meltdown grade A but worked out well I still think they need to go to couples therapy though because I do not think they handle conflict well no that was

an interesting point in there and it also like I don't know if it was like the gaslighting initially that she did like only weirdos do this or you're going to be lonely like normal people don't do this

there's a big emotional response yes and so I don't know if it was the gaslighting that made him feel so bad but throughout all of this he was the one that was so apologetic when it's like he didn't really have anything to be apologetic for yeah and like safety deposit box

like mom's house he was more than accommodating it's just you're almost going too far to accommodate a little bit yes yes it was almost unrealistic expectations and expectations that shouldn't have been put on him

they were very unfair like we see this a lot with a lot of these posts wife destroying pictures that's exactly what I was thinking about boyfriend destroyed my best friends t-shirt you know that they're past and

I think people have a hard time competing with ghosts when they don't need to but like come on people it's 2021 like ghosts and X's too about to be 2022 let

sleeping dogs lie just you can't compete with the dead or the living that are now X's X's sneak back up on you sometimes though for certain people I know but I think it some of that

the good ones don't don't ruin something with a good one because you just have some insecurities like address it in couples therapy there you go coming up next or maybe before this depending on how my morning goes tomorrow

will be unhinged the stories are good you guys just like these I mean they're good I like the updates I know the updates are nice because we get solid answers of like satisfying did it work did it not work

but I highly highly highly recommend couples therapy me and Justin are gonna me and Justin are gonna go soon either before the holidays or after I hope before I think we gotta do before set us up for success on our trip home

what was in the box and on that note you guys until next time until next time bye what's up everybody

I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a tank list would cost the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available

and right now you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1200 on a tank list call Any Hour Services and schedule a free estimate today Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com no one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com