Two Hot Takes - 48: Marriage.. With and Without Kids

Episode Date: January 6, 2022

And so the first episode of 2022 kicks off!! Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-hosts Matt (brother) and Amy (SIL)!! These stories are all about getting married, being married, and how to handle some of live's problems with and without kids.  MERCH :)) www.fanjoy.co/collections/twohottakes Appreciate your support <3  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

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and while our name is changing, our commitment to you is not. University Credit Union is now U-First Credit Union. See why it's getting even better here. Welcome to U-First. Visit us at ufirstcu.com. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan,

and if you're watching on YouTube, you'll recognize some familiar faces. If you're listening, you'll recognize their voices, but I'm joined by my brother and sister-in-law. Hey. Matt. Oh, there you go. My name's Matt. Morgan's brother. My sister-in-law.

Hi, I'm Amy. They're back. I'm home for the holidays, and we figured we'd get another episode in. I'm so excited. This is so much fun. I'm pumped. I have found such good stories, or at least I think so.

You guys will be sure to tell me, but today's theme is going to be marriage with and without kids. Ooh. Let's do it. Let's do it. Okay, let's dive in. See, this is good film.

Okay. Well, you were giving Amy a little sneak peek of a story that has been a family debate. Should we start with that one? Yes. I only know the tiniest little bit of it, and I was already shocked, so let's go for it. Okay.

So up first, my 33-male fiancé, 28-female, made sexual contact with a male stripper at her hen party. Advice, please. So not married quite yet, but just about there. Okay. Hi, all. It happened weekend just gone. My fiance and I each went on separate hen and stag parties

and agreed that we wouldn't have strippers or go to strip clubs. Just as I was leaving to go on my stag party with all of my friends, my fiance's best friend said she hired a stripper, and I didn't want to be a party pooper in front of my friends, so didn't really say anything to that which now I regret. The next day on my stag party,

my fiance's best friend's boyfriend shows me pictures of the male stripper and my fiance, and one of the pictures is of his penis touching her face. I am devastated to say the least. I was quite naive when it came to male strippers. I thought it was just some guy who kept his trunks on and just did a silly striptease, et cetera. When I came home, I confronted her,

and she said she's annoyed at her friend for arranging it, but felt pressured to act along with it. When I asked her what happened, she said he did a lap dance on her, and then she laid on the floor, and he dangled his penis around her, and it touched her face a couple of times. She said nothing else happened after that.

I'm now having serious doubts over the wedding because for me, this constitutes cheating. I'm not really sure what to do as I do love her, but I feel really hurt by this and can't help the way I feel. I assume the situation could be quite commonplace. What is my best course of action, please? Am I being too insecure about all of this?

Many thanks. I'm really curious to hear Matt's. But where are they from? Hen and stag party, that's like- That's UK vibes for sure. I love it. I do too. I'm gonna start calling all the best,

well, I don't get to go to bad spirit parties anymore because I'm too old, but they're all gonna be Hen parties from here on out. Yeah, I mean, you have one at least, mine hopefully. Yay, yes, absolutely. You're gonna have a Hen party. I'm gonna throw it. I hear you, you're ready.

Will there be strippers at Morgan's Hen party? I don't know. I think so. I do like a good stripper here and there. Like, how insecure can you be? Like, legitimately, it was a bachelorette party. He knew that there was gonna be a stripper there. It's his own fault for being ignorant

about what happens at parties. Yeah, I mean, he definitely had his shot to say something. She didn't initiate it. She wasn't at the bar wasted. She didn't fuck them. She didn't give them blowy. Yeah. So, at the end of the day, it checks out

and you need to get over your insecurity because what is there even to be upset about or insecure? Is this super common though for them to dangle their penis on your face? I've seen some that are so aggressive. They'll literally take you if you're a gal. They'll take you and hoist you on their face and dance with you sitting on their face.

I've seen stuff like that. I mean, you go to some of the shows in Vegas, they get all up in there. I mean, I've been to Thunder from down under. Yeah, yeah. What'd you see there? No penises on faces. So, I didn't go that far.

No. I mean, I was at a bachelorette party once at some low-key out in the middle of nowhere barn. I watched two strippers bang each other on a table with a double-ended dildo. That's also very aggressive. That is, that's something. I mean.

And we're still married. Why would you be upset with me? I didn't plan it. What did I do? I was a spectator. Innocent bystander. Okay, I feel, okay, let's get back to the story. So, I understand the shock of it.

Like you're seeing that graphic, you're not just like hearing about it. Like, oh, here's photo evidence of some other man's penis in or around, not in, around. Just a little dick slap on the cheek. Yeah, gross. Well, here's my next question. It's kind of funny, I guess.

Has a dude ever been to a strip club because you think about you're sitting wherever. I'm sure if he's been to a strip club, he's had some titties in his face, at least once. Yeah, it doesn't sound, I mean, there's no mention of it. And this was just two days ago. There's not really a lot of comments from OP on here, but it doesn't really sound like it.

It sounds pretty inexperienced to me. I definitely wouldn't like question the marriage. Like, get married, you know, if you love that person, you made that decision, and you have that much experience with your partner where you feel like you really know your partner. One bachelorette party. Shenanigan.

Shenanigan. Shouldn't, I'll put the kibash on that. No. This girl needs to run. He is way too insecure. It screams divorce five years down the road. I think it is a little bit of a red flag too. And I guess he knew about the stripper coming.

He had his chance to be like, hey, I thought we talked about that. We weren't gonna do that. He had the chance to call in an emergency stripper for himself if we wanted to like also have one then at that time because now you know. But I wish the friend would have said something. Like that to me is a little slimy on your friend's part

because I feel like stuff like that is very ignorance is bliss. Like go to a strip club with your partner and it's fine. Like you're both there experiencing it together. But without it's kind of like, I don't really want to know what you experienced. Like good for you, glad you had a good time. But just keep it to yourself.

You guys went to a strip club. You had your first experience recently. At our five year anniversary. Are we gonna tell strip club stories? Yeah, I have a horror story. I don't know. I can't remember if I've shared it on the podcast or not. Mine was wonderful.

My very, I've so. Please share. I will. So, sorry. This is so weird being on here with Matt. I don't know. I feel like it's gossip time and here we are. Okay.

So we went to the best restaurant in Minneapolis, the Oceania for our five year anniversary. It was fantastic. We were supposed to be in Hawaii, but COVID. So, you know, we did, we splurged on dinner. They lit our dessert on fire. It was fantastic. And then afterwards we went to like the only open bar

down the road. It was like desert time. Like I've never seen Minneapolis, so dead. Yeah. Not only was it COVID, but in Minneapolis, we had the riots from George Floyd, which was several blocks away at the time. Yeah.

So the area we were in, it was ghost town. Yeah. It was very desolate after all of that. So we went to another bar and it was just, you're kind of run of the mill. Nice. Well, not really. I mean, it was a bar and it was fun.

And we had a couple drinks and we're like, okay, well what next? Everything is closed. And Matt goes, well, I think this drip club down the streets open and I was like, I have never been to strip clubs. Let's go. She was excited. Yeah.

I don't know. I wanted to see what it was all about. So we... deja vu. I don't know. What is it? The Spearmint Rhino. Oh, Rhino.

Okay. Okay. I hear Matt said it was classy. Rhino has drinks, right? Yes. Yeah, has drinks. Yeah, deja vu doesn't even give you drinks. We were one of two groups in the entire place.

Oh, it was empty. It was the best. That sounds like the best experience. No, I'm not lying. When I'm saying like it was the best. So we get there and I guess was feeling kind of baller because we were like, oh, you guys want a private table? Like, I mean, they're all private

because no one's there, right? There's no one there. And Matt gives him like he had a $100 bill for our cash, like meaning to just pay for whatever. And they're like, oh, you want the like the big package? So they brought us like a bottle of wine. What else? I don't know.

I know. I was like, okay, well, we are big shits. I don't know. So they set us down at the, I mean, it wasn't really, it was just a table. They sat us down at a table and they gave us a bottle of wine. And there was nobody else there.

And there were some very athletic females that were very beautiful. And they... It's amazing what those women can do. Oh my gosh. It is a... I'm really impressed. It is an athletic feat.

It should be in the Olympics, to be honest. Yeah. Do you have some of those? No, seriously, like you're kind of giggling, but do you know how much strength it takes to hold yourself on a strip pole with just your legs or your arms and they do like the walk thing in the sky? Like that's some serious strength.

And you could judge that like a dance competition. So it should be in the Olympics because that is more impressive than the little flag dance. Yeah. Mic drop. I used to be an athlete. I could do it. You go to the club after this.

Matt's pole dancing. Yeah. I'm glad you had a positive experience because like I said, I don't know if I've shared this before, but I went to the strip club with Matt and his friend, Pete, who's sitting here in the corner watching our camera.

So thanks, Pete. And it was around the holidays. And so as you walked in, they gave you candy canes and it was really great. And so I'm sitting at the stage like with everyone and I'm like, I have my diet coke and my candy cane. I'm like getting ready. I'm going to enjoy this.

It's going to be a show and a treat, whatever. Pete puts $5 in front of me and I don't notice. Like I'm just kind of like looking around, seeing the sights. And all of a sudden she comes up and she grabs $5 and then takes the candy cane and starts using it on herself as a sex toy. And I was just so sad because I wanted to eat it. And after that, you couldn't.

Don't put that in your mouth. I mean, it was wrapped, but still, it's a little too far gone. Don't put that. The candy cane, right? Yeah. So, Justin hasn't been to the strip club. So that's on our like couples bucket list.

He's never? No, and we tried to go in. You should have gone during like the height of COVID. I know, I think, well, I don't know, maybe LA is still really cautious with masks. Maybe LA would still be okay. But we tried to go in Denmark and the one that was right by the Canal Street,

Nyhaven, or I think it's Nyhaven, I don't know. I butcher every name, so don't quote me. But it was closed down that night. And it was his birthday too. I was gonna like ball out on his birthday and like get him a good, good dance or two. One of the best. Hashtag, couple goals.

Yeah. Five year anniversary goals. One of the highlights though, was when one of the strippers complimented my shoes. Oh God. I know, she's like, you've got the cutest shoes. And they were really cute there. They were co-choosier.

Your mom gave me, I love it. Well, I'm glad we all have our positive view on strip clubs because the people that responded in these comments, we're not happy for this man. And I should mention that I think to your point, this is kind of a run situation, because of the subreddit he posted this in. So this man felt the need out of all of reddits,

subreddits, all of the forums to post it in. He posted it in surviving infidelity. This girl needs. This is bad. A little dramatic, little dramatic, right? Yeah. Like, she didn't have sex with someone. And I know emotional cheating can be just as bad.

But like. It wasn't even, it wasn't even emotional. She, how is it emotional? She didn't develop an emotional attachment. No, no, I'm just saying like it can be just as bad, but I think like to post it in that subreddit versus just like relationship advice, or am I the asshole for reacting this way?

He's already assuming that she's cheated. Yeah. And I think it says volumes about him and how he feels and how insecure he is about his area. Or just his like insecurity in the confidence of their relationship. Yeah. Like he says it himself in this line.

I'm now having serious doubts over the wedding because for me, this constitutes cheating. So top comment on this one. Were the boundaries discussed? Yes. Did she cross the boundaries? Yes. Did she confess?

No. Is that a deal breaker for you? Yes. The problem is not only that, do you have a question? Can I circle back to, did she cross the boundaries? Let's come back to that. Okay. Is that a deal breaker for you?

Yes. The problem is not only that she stepped outside of the established boundaries, there are other things to worry about. Her friend circle, who influenced her. Her not taking a stand to say no when things were getting too far. Her not owning up her wrongdoing and confessing that.

You don't need to rush into making a decision. Take your time to think it through. If you feel that's an unforgivable act, then do whatever is best for you. Which I would agree with the last statement, but everything else, I'm like, why is this so dramatic? I'm like, I think her friends are fun. I think so too.

I just wonder too, if roles were reversed, how would she reciprocate things? How would she act with all of this? And it's so interesting because we did ask our little brother, Taylor, so another dude, and Taylor was like, yeah, that's cheating. That's terrible. That's disgusting.

I would call it off. Like Taylor took it total opposite direction of me and Matt. No comment. No comment. Yeah, someone else goes, I read all the other comments. I don't think you need to go further. This one addresses it all. Great response.

Give yourself some space. I would consider this cheating, but I also think texting someone behind their back is emotionally cheating. She may also not be 100% honest with you. Seems like she dipped her toes in the water to test your reaction. I think people are like really over thinking this.

I think she was just at her hen party and there was a stripper there that someone else bat and paid for. And he was the one who was being like, lay down. Here's your dance. This is what I'm getting paid for. It's not that serious. And she was like, okay, I've had a drink or two.

This probably feels really uncomfortable. Probably like five or 10. Right. It's a bachelorette party. Yeah. Her friends were the ones that hired it. Did she even know about it? No, it was a surprise.

It was a surprise. So one, I don't think she really crossed the boundaries because at that point, the stripper's already there. What is she gonna do? Run out of the room, run out of the party. Her friends probably sat her down in like some middle of the room chair. Like here we have a surprise for you.

Blindfold it. And then, hey, there's a stripper. Oh my God. This guy is dramatic. And all these people are dramatic. These guys, these people are fucking clowns. This gives me fucking clowns. This gives me big incel energy.

Like true, and I just don't wanna open a can of worms, but there's definitely like the people on TikTok that are like, I'm alpha. I would never be a beta male. I would never raise another man's kids. And this is like the vibes it's giving me. Like you're so insecure, you can't even let your future wife have fun.

I don't know. Yeah. Those people are weird too. Yeah, I think it says more about him than it says about their relationship or anything else. He needs to conquer something in his world that makes him feel almost built up wine. Confident.

Confident. I would agree. There is one comment that has kind of made its way towards the top a little bit. And I really like it for the story that he shares. So, edit due to lack of proofreading and typing this in the shower, ha ha. I don't know, I completely disagree.

I think it's innocuous and not really a concern. It wasn't sexual in nature. I mean, your wife wasn't turned on at the time. She was probably laughing at how ridiculous it was. And what was happening was indeed actually happening. That's exactly my reaction at my own bachelor party when the two mobile strippers that had been giving me lap dances told me to lay down on the floor.

They told me to close my eyes, so I did. About 20 seconds later, they were both slamming their genitals against my ears, one on either side of my head. I had no idea that was about to happen. And I was drunk as shit. At the time, it was the most hilarious thing in the world. The fact that I actually had two vaginas slamming

into my ears was not sexual in any way. What so ever. But it would have been as hilarious to watch as it was to be the center of. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I could barely get a breath in. Anyways, I eventually told my wife one day, but neither of us were the slightest bit

concerned that I had cheated on her in front of 20 of our mutual male friends, which included some of her cousins. And none of them thought that was too outlandish either. Frankly, it wasn't sexual. So trying to make it seem like I cheated on my wife would be a massive stretch. OK, this is terrible. The first thing that comes to my mind,

like when I am envisioning the situation, is like, what if one of them had gonorrhea or chlamydia? And somehow it like, I don't even think. He went into his eyes. Well, for sure, it could infect his eyes. That is like, total possibility. It's a real thing. I don't even know if it possibly could cause an outer ear

infection. Maybe. Who knows? Do I feel like a cut? I don't know. The PANU is coming out. It would be like a medical, you know, the first time ever thing. Maybe it's probably not the first time ever.

Weird things happen in this world. But yeah, I mean, especially with sitting on someone's face. And I'm sure it, you know, everybody's clean, whatever. But still, there's that risk. There is that risk. Gross. But that's funny. Yeah, so that's the comment I really liked.

He kind of does fall off the wagon a little bit towards the end. So I'll save that for you, friends, if you want to go and read it yourself when I post the link. But yeah, dude was dramatic. Dramatic. Let's move on. I like it.

I'm glad you two have enough assurance in your relationship that you trust each other and you go to strip clubs together. One of them. I know. How do you feel if Matt was going to sell pictures of his feet? Would you be OK with that? Yes. OK.

I like this. I encouraged Amy to sell pictures of her feet. Why don't you? How do I sign up? My little Taylor, my little brother's girlfriend, we were talking about this and she did it for a while. And we were all like, my mom is like, I want to do it. My mom is like so on board.

My mom wants to sell her underwear. Like she's like so down for this. But like she was talking. She's like, yeah, I made like $900 one month, just selling pictures of my feet to one person. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Pretty wild. And they didn't even see her face. No. You had no idea who she was. You had no idea who she was. Like, I'm going to shave my feet and send pictures out there to the world. We can paint them.

Let's do it. Yeah, we can make them pretty. We can definitely make them pretty. OK. This next one is written from the perspective of the child. Oh. OK. Are you tired of taking antidepressants

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Or visit their website, ketamineslc.com. I've been hearing my parents have sex since I was a kid. And now I'm older and only visit home two weeks a year. But I hear them. I'm so disgusted. Why can't they be quiet for one week? Figure something out. My bed is literally on the other side of the same wall

as their bed. I have PTSD, and a lot of sexual things are triggering. This is especially so. I have been crying for a couple hours now. I really don't want to bring up with them, but I am really upset. And it's Christmas, and they're all opening presents. But I'm locked in my room crying still.

At it, I'm 21, and they still support me. My PTSD is not from my parents. It's from something else. Matt, why don't you take the first response? How do you deal with having sex with two kids? We assume they're so young they can't hear anything. They're foreign too. They're asleep.

They're sleeping. And if they did wake up, they wouldn't, they're not old enough to know, Morgan. God. I don't know. That's a little, that's weird. I think she should find this person. It's a she, right?

They never say. All right, well, this individual then should go sleep somewhere else. Go sleep in the living room. At the same time, as a parent, I guess I'd be like, okay, our 21-year-old is right across the hall. Let's go bang in the basement.

There's a coach down there, or we just would be quiet. Yeah. That's a weird one. I don't know. It is weird. They're all adults, so yeah. Here's my opinion, like kudos for these.

She's 20, so I don't know, at least 50 maybe, 40-year-old couple relationship to still be hot and heavy most of the time. I mean, if they are having sex while she's home, they're having sex regularly. Yeah, which is pretty impressive, actually. Here's my disappointment, though. This person seems very, very uncomfortable,

and I don't know if it's because of whatever trauma that they don't really mention what the trauma is or was, but I feel like there should have been more discussion and communication about sex growing up then in the household to make it more of a, oh, mom, oh my god. Instead of this drama that you have. I completely agree.

Or, I don't know, she's 21, just have the conversation. Hey, mom, dad, I can hear you banging all night long. The headboard keeps clapping against the wall. It's ridiculous. That's where I would be. You could tone it down or go fucking the car. The tea. You need a garage, right?

Wherever you gotta go. That's where I would be with this. I think at 21, and I know not everyone has that relationship with their parents and isn't as comfortable, but I would literally just be like, hey, you know what? Really happy you guys are getting your rocks off, but I don't need to hear you climax.

I'm good. Yeah. So they do have an edit. Edit, this is kind of blown up. I didn't mean I wanted them to stop having sex, but I was just expressing my frustration. Like, it's not that hard to be quiet for one week when guests are over.

I'm also shocked at how rude so many of these comments are. No, it is not, quote, healthy to hear your parents fucking. And sex does not equal love. And I don't need to be, quote, happy to hear them fucking. Y'all are trying to problem solve, but I came here to vent. My emotions don't need to make sense to you. Some of you have been really kind and supportive and shared your own experiences.

And I thank you for that. I plan on telling them once I'm back in my own apartment in a few days. So good, that's good. Kudos to that individual for recognizing that they can own their feelings and feel how they fucking want to feel about it. I love that.

Feel how you fucking want to feel about it. That was good. That should be on one of our shirts. Make a shirt. Feel how you fucking feel about it. Top comment on this one. My bed shared a wall with my parents' bed, and I heard them a fair amount.

This is also why I never brought anyone home. When I was in college, I brought someone I was hooking up with home, and we fucked in my room. A month later, my dad was adding an extra layer of drywall and insulation to the wall we shared, LOL. I wonder why. So, oh gosh, I'm going to go there, TMI, but my dad is a carpenter, and so he's so talented.

He has either built or remodeled every home that I've ever lived in. And one of my childhood homes, I remember them saying that they double insulated the bedrooms to be like more soundproof. So OP does respond to that comment, and they go, oh, that's funny. I've never had sex in my room when my parents are home,

because I know they'd hear. And someone responds back, you need to assert dominance. They're some of the funniest. Like, seriously? We've fooled around since 17, late 16, 17 years old. We were just fooling around. No, we were 18. Yeah, when we had sex.

Oh. I mean, we did everything under the sun prior to that. Nobody needs to know that. Parents were home, people in the kitchen, were just locked away in a bedroom. Oh my god, this shit. I was like, I don't even, I wasn't 16 yet, because I couldn't drive.

I was 15. I think I was giving my high school boyfriend at the time a hand job, and his mom walked in. I was like, oh my god. Like, no. OK. So you know the memory that's coming to my mind then. No, we're not talking about that.

So funny. I need to know. Sure, the people want to know now. You can't tease them with that. What birthday was that? My 18th birthday. Yeah. You made lasagna or something.

Like, we made a private little dinner. What happened? What happened? You can tell the rest. We were fooling around, and people were supposed to be gone. And I was like, OK, somebody knocked on the door. And I was like, and they kept knocking like, what the fuck? Is this the duplex?

Yeah, is that the duplex? OK, OK. Small house, whatever. So I throw on boxers, and I walk out to the door, I open the door, and here's our mother. Here's mom sitting there. She's like, I forgot. And she's like, put your dick back in your pants,

because, you know, boxers have this with it. It's like, so there we are. Indecent exposure. Indecent exposure. Just dick hanging out. That's tough. And she left. She's turned around.

She's like, thanks for my keys or whatever. And she's like, peace. Be safe. So that was good. That's like one of the all time embarrassing moments in my life. Oh, no, Sherrod. Globally.

You're welcome. Oh, just when your parents or your mom listens to this podcast. No, they're not going to listen to it. Not allowed. Yeah, that's tough. That's really, that's something. Well, now you know that, you know, I told you guys,

you've got to get those handles for your doorknobs so your kids can't walk in on you ever, because at least there's a closet in between your room. Or just lock the door. That works as well. Yeah, get them noise canceling headphones. OK. They're sleeping, they're fine.

Someday we'll have a bigger house. Yeah, very soon I have a feeling. Moving along. For over 65 years, we have been part of your community. And we work to make a difference for every member every day. And while our name is changing, our commitment to you is not. Find out how it's getting even better here. Welcome to You First.

Visit us at youfirstcu.com. Wife didn't get me anything for Christmas, and it kind of hurt my feelings. Every year I go through months of planning to find a way to surprise her for anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, et cetera. I bought her a pretty nice diamond necklace, which she loves. This year she told me out of nowhere

she wasn't getting me anything. I kind of thought it was a joke. And today I watched my kids, wife, and family open thoughtful gifts for and from each other. The only thing I got from anyone was a wallet from my brother, which I'm very grateful for as I needed a new one, but nothing from my wife. I don't think I would care this much,

but it kind of really hurt my feelings. It doesn't even need to be expensive. A card with something cute in it to show that she cared would have worked. I kind of just feel forgotten and unloved. I just needed to vent to someone without looking childish in front of my family. She's having an affair.

Really? No, I'm just kidding. I was like, what do you know? Wow, yeah, there's a quick jump to conclusions. So I guess we talk about it and we always say, hey, either for events like Christmas, birthdays, Valentine's, hey, we're either, are we doing gifts for each other

or are we not doing gifts for each other? And I find it odd that they would have had that communication. He wouldn't have been like, so no gifts between each other? Why would she have that conversation? And just think that it's a joke, right? So then he obviously went out and bought her a gift and I don't know, lack of communication.

And then I also find it odd, I'd be curious to know how old these kids are. Are they four and two? Are they 12 and 10? Because even us, we took our kids and we were like, all right, why don't you pick out a Christmas gift for your mom? And why don't you pick out a Christmas gift for dad?

And we took them around the store. Matt, what did the kids buy you? Mario Kart Hot Wheels, action toys. What did they buy me? Sheets. No, that was you buying sheets. What did they pick out for me? An Ariel princess doll that we were gonna share.

Oh, look at that, so clever. So clever, that's really, that's cute though. I know. That's like a cute tradition to do. Yeah, so I don't know, it's weird, but maybe she is having an affair, maybe she just doesn't like him anymore. Didn't she say, I'm not getting you anything?

Yeah, she told me out of nowhere she wasn't getting me anything. So maybe was she trying to say, don't get me anything, are there finances like tight? And she didn't want these big extravagant gifts that he's known to give her. Maybe she was worried about the budget. Maybe she should have told them

that she didn't want them to buy her a gift. Hey, the credit cards right now are plasma hot, which they are, but we gotta reel it in. Don't buy me a gift. Communication could have been better, there could have been more of an explanation. Definitely, well, and considering, they never say they're gender or anything,

so considering they bought her a diamond necklace, like that's kind of like she got a diamond necklace and they got nothing, like that's gotta feel like shit. And the grandparents got involved here somewhere towards the end of the story, like they were all exchanging gifts. Yeah, everyone was. Like the mom bought the grandparents gifts

and the grandparents bought everyone else's gifts. Yeah, what is going on? Why didn't she get him a gift? There's something weird going on behind the scenes. Did she plan a trip? We don't know. Maybe she planned a trip. I don't know.

Maybe there's a big thing coming. OP does comment a lot, kind of scrolling. So someone goes, your feelings are completely valid and understandable. I'd be hurt too, damn. Did she ever explain why she isn't getting you a Christmas present? Is there a reason you both haven't talked

about it with each other yet? And OP goes, I thought it was a joke. We are still with family, so I haven't brought it up yet. Well, so this seems really fresh. Maybe, maybe she got him something really big. And it's like, surprise, we're going to Hawaii or at the strip club. She's banging other dudes.

It's goofy. I'm looking at a lot of the comments and like someone responded to him just like with positive words and he goes, thanks, that's why I posted here. I feel like it's impossible sometimes to talk about how I feel as a man without looking like a big baby.

I was hoping to have an outlet on here, I suppose. Which is so, like, I- He should know that as a man, you take your feelings and you stuff them deep inside, so- We're not promoting toxic masculinity. You are so full of shit. You're just kidding. Yeah, I'm kidding.

Settle down, people. God. People in the YouTube comments are going to come for you. I know. Trust me, with our son, Evan, he's like, oh, you're having big feelings. Let's feel those big feelings. Yeah, I don't, poor little Evan

was having a meltdown when he left today. Oh, I know. And Matt was okay with him wearing lipsticks, so I don't think we have to come after Matt in those comments. These two, it's okay. Yeah, he's a little nugget. So OP does comment this too.

She said the holidays aren't about gifts for her emotionally. She sort of expects me to feel the same way. She said she's sorry and didn't realize it would hurt my feelings. Love languages. Oh, we just talked about this. We did. That Christmas.

So gifts is his love language, clearly, and she does not get it. And so she needs to read, apparently, the Love Languages book, which I've never read, but I've heard a lot about. Yeah, yeah, I've heard a lot about it and I've heard some criticism recently. Yeah.

I heard that it wasn't founded in science and I'm all about science. I know it's from. So it was just kind of somebody's ideas, which is fine. They're lovely ideas, but. Yeah, if you're not on the big religion train, people are really against it.

I guess it's from a pastor or something like that. And it was, I'm not sure. I haven't researched and knew it that much. I took my quiz and I know I like gifts, so. But. It has nothing to do with science. Those are feelings. It's a very subjective.

Feelings are not. I mean, unless you're eyes. So there's social science, though. Yeah. There's social science, so there are studies and then theories of, okay, you can be classified on this. Like, these are your love languages, blah, blah, blah. It could be a scientific study

if there was some way to conduct it. But this was one guy who was like, these are my thoughts, I'm gonna write them down. And so, to my knowledge, that's been the criticism. Yeah, this other comment I wanna read. I talked to her this morning and she said she didn't realize it would hurt my feelings because for her, Christmas isn't about gifts,

just being with family. She sort of expected me to feel the same way, even though I have no family where I live other than her, our kids, and my brother. The rest of my family lives very far away. She did apologize after I explained that it wasn't about the cost. It could have been a picture of the kids, et cetera.

She said she was very sorry and she didn't know that my feelings would be hurt. So it sounds like at least they did communicate, but... Justin would be proud. Yeah, he would be proud, he loves to preach communication. But I also kind of feel like this is a cop-out for her because what person in their right mind thinks it's okay to kind of exclude someone

or to just not get them anything? Like a signed card from you and your kids that you share together. Like that to me just feels like such a cop-out. So devil's advocate here. Let's hear it. What if mom was the magic of Christmas? What if mom was cooking all the food,

getting all the gifts for everyone else, doing all the wrapping of every single flippin' present, stuffing all the stockings. What if she was doing all of that and at the end of the day, she was just kind of tired and like, I just can't, I just don't have the energy to think of something thoughtful and meaningful.

I mean, clearly she didn't say I'm so sorry, I didn't do that, but she was like, for me it's watching everybody else unwrap the presents and the magic and whatnot. And so I thought that you would feel the same way because I'm putting so much effort into this, it's about seeing it unravel. So I see your point

and maybe she's not like that. Again, we're like Jerry, I need more info. I know. Did she do all the stuff or did she do nothing? I know, well, and I think I saw some comment here where OP said she works from home doing clerical work for a big company, we also share bank accounts,

so what's mine is hers, et cetera. I guess she just didn't want a big holiday, but I drew the short straw. And then they say too, this one just makes me so sad for him. Like even a photo of my kids that I could have put on my desk or a page ripped out of a coloring book by the children

would have been nice. It didn't need to be anything expensive. Kids are young. Yeah, kids are little nuggets. Give her the D. Divorce? Yeah. That's a red hit, give them the D.

Just so everyone knows, I bought Matt a lovely robe this year. I know, that was nice. But it was a nice robe. I actually, like I scoured the internet for, I literally typed into Google, world's best robe. Yeah, you did good. I bought another one so I can have one too.

That was good, yeah, poor guy. Well, it sounds like they communicated, I hope next year goes better for them. I do too. Okay. All right, let's do it. So. We're back at it.

The last time I had you on Matt. Yep. We got into the subject of surrogacy and sperm donation. Here we go. Here we go again. Great, I love it. It's a perfect topic. Am I the asshole for kicking my brother-in-law out

after he referred to himself as the father of my child? I know the title is a bit off, but let me explain. Me, 30 female and my wife, 29 female, welcomed our son into this world a year ago. Both of our families are very accepting of us, but my wife's family has this weird obsession with, quote, passing on the family genes,

which made adopting out of the question very early on. Me and my wife have always wanted a sort of family, but things got difficult when my wife found out she was infertile. We knew her family would be understanding, but I am terrified of pregnancy. From what I have been told, I'm almost physically identical to my bio mom,

who died during childbirth. So that has led me to believe I wouldn't hold a pregnancy very well. After a few months of brain storming and letdown, mother-in-law suggested that we do IVF, using my eggs and my brother-in-law's sperm, and let my wife carry the baby. I was skeptical at first,

but gave in because the plan hit all the marks. Her family get their genes passed on, and my wife and I get to start a family, and I don't have to carry the baby. We went through extensive counseling and therapy to make sure everyone was on the same page and could handle it. The procedure was a bit expensive,

but my wife's grandma happily covered the cost, since our baby would be the first of the new generation in their family. Everything went great. My wife loved being pregnant, aside from the morning sickness, and we were more than overjoyed to welcome our baby boy in the winter.

The problem arose last week. We were preparing for my son's first birthday when brother-in-law made a comment about how he should get a say in the planning as the child's father. I was shocked. I cringed and told him that he wasn't. He just provided the sperm.

He looked me straight in the eye and said, quote, yeah, so he's our child. I looked to my wife, whose mouth was wide open, and mother-in-law wasn't making eye contact. Before he could say anything else, I demanded that he get out of my house and that he'd be able to come to the party when he apologized.

He got angry but left when my wife started to cry. My wife has always struggled with self-esteem and her infertility really took a toll on her. For months, I had to constantly reassure her that she's an amazing mother and that she wasn't, quote, wrong. She faced a lot of homophobia and misogyny growing up. Sister-in-law called me later that day and called me a bitch.

I argue that brother-in-law had no right saying any of that, but sister-in-law kept yelling. Me and my wife have cut all contact with her family. It's turned into something bigger than it needs to be, but I refuse to let someone call my family incomplete again. Call me dramatic, but I grew up with family in and out and never knowing who is real family and I refused to let the same happen to my son.

Brother-in-law signed away his rights and verbally agreed multiple times that he's just an uncle. He's never had a problem until now and it's kind of out of the blue. If he was starting to feel more of a connection to my son, then I'd understand if he calmly spoke to my wife and I instead of staking claim. I've reached out to brother-in-law a few times

looking for a reason, but he has just thrown insults to my wife and I. My wife is devastated over losing contact, but neither of us want to forgive brother-in-law until he apologizes. So, am I the asshole? No. No, not at all.

What a sad situation. I know. Oh my God, I feel really sad about this. We need to like to do like a whiteboard somewhere so we can keep track of all these people. Sister-in-law, brother-in-law, wife, wife. Okay, so. They give some edits that might help. Do you want me to read them first?

I think I got it. Okay, have at it. Number one, back to the last episode that we did about this topic. That was the same exact surrogates. Why are you making it complicated? Why are you even going with someone you know? You're only asking for fucking trouble.

Brother-in-law is a fucking douchebag. Yeah. Like you don't agree into something like that. And maybe he didn't know and he formed this like weird connection thinking like, well, it's mine. I produced that. Well, guess what, buddy? You agreed in the first place

that you were just a donor and you're totally overstepping your bounds, in my opinion. Now, wife and wife, those two, that couple, they're fucking dumb. What? They're fucking dumb. You don't go and ask your brother-in-law, oh, hey Cliff, my wife needs your sperm.

Oh, I totally would. No, absolutely not. Well, it's her brother. So it's her brother, but it's OP's brother-in-law. So it's the two siblings. I love that it's the same situation of the story. It's the same exact setup. And I was like...

That's why I picked it up. I'm like, I'm gonna put Matt back in it again. I'm like, I'm totally cool with this. Like, especially he agreed to it. There's, you know, I think it's beautiful. No, you're a person, that's the situation. I think a lot of it is like one, this couple is like they want, like OP says here,

her family gets their genes passed on. Like the family has a thing with an obsession actually, with passing on the family genes. Royalty. Maybe. Or eugenics, or just you wanna know where your kids come from, so you know your family history and any hereditary issues.

True. But I mean, with DNA testing, you can also analyze genetics. And I think a lot of donation places do that actually. They analyze the sperm, the progenetic stuff. They're asking for it. You're asking for trouble. Just go to the sperm bank, get the sperm tested.

You don't really know where that sperm is coming from. I would much rather know that there's, you know, no history. I'd rather fly somewhere in the country or out of the country and go bang somebody that you don't know and you're never ever gonna see again. You have no complications at that point. Oh, but she's infertile. The sister was infertile.

And there's potential for so many complications at that point, oh my God. TDs, HIV. Let's court this individual then. I've actually, I have heard of people like, I don't know if it was Reddit or wherever it was. And I've probably mentioned it before, but I've like a lesbian couple going to the bar

and being like, whoever gets knocked up first, like, yay. And then they're both knocked up, oh shoot. I mean, good for them, but. Double trouble, more fun. If that's like what they're comfortable with, but I totally am not weirded out by that whole situation, especially if they went through the counseling, they went through all the steps.

I don't know where the brother is coming from, being like now, like, oh, this is now my child. It's weird. I feel like there is an insecurity that he has or something that he's, does he have kids of his own? Does he, is he wanting kids of his own? Is he feeling like he's not like as far along in life or whatever?

I mean, he is married. Why is his sister in law? Oh yeah, he has a sister in law. Why is his sister in law going crazy? Like does she want claim over this baby as well? So let me read the edits, because it does mention the sister in law connection. So edit number one, we don't know where mother-in-law stands.

She expressed that brother-in-law was out of line, but has also said that he is technically the father. Fucking bitch. So when you donate something, like if I'm gonna donate something to say- Goodwill? Goodwill or something, and somebody else like takes it from Goodwill,

it's no longer mine. It's yours. That's the perfect analogy. It's yours. It's not mine anymore. I'm giving it. When you give something away, it's gone. I agree, but you, the complexity changes

when you're throwing some genetic makeup out into the universe. I think that it was a conscious choice. Still? You still feel like it's part of you. It is half your genes in that little- So what's wrong with being an uncle? Nothing.

I didn't say the brother-in-law is right. I think he's an idiot. So Matt can never donate sperm. No, no. He's also told me I can't be a surrogate. What if I want one? We only share, we only share a mom. It wouldn't be that weird.

It's not. Matt is so uncomfortable. I'd rather pay Amy than a stranger. You don't have to pay me. Yeah, I would. And she does so good, she does so good pregnant. You have fun. She glows.

No, it's not. This is not to be taken as an insult right now. I don't know how to phrase this appropriately, but. Baby, don't say it. I don't want you to be pregnant again. I know our relationship suffers when I am right. When I am pregnant because I am so tired. This is why I don't want to do it.

OK, it's great. In some aspects, you get to feel the baby kicked. That's cool. But body changes, crabbiness, emotional, hormonal changes. Which are all OK. All OK. That's great. And it's a great experience.

You just don't want to go through it again. I just don't want to go through it again. We're poor men. We almost got our life back, four and two. We might even sleep through the night one day. Someday. Just comment. I think the greatest thing you've ever said.

Me and mom walked in your house the other day. And you had not one kid, but two kids crying and losing their minds. And we were walking and we're like, what's wrong? And you go, oh, no big deal. We all just hate each other right now. You were just ready to just rip out. I'm at the end of the rope right now.

We are a two kid family. Two kids family. I think two kids a good number. Two dogs, 800 square foot house people. 850. Woo. You know, if we were in New York, that would be like a mansion. Oh my god.

Probably would be like five grand a month. Yeah, no. OK, so Amy can't be my surrogate. Bummer. So I would do it for you. The rest of the update. Mother-in-law steps out once she senses any conflict. That's why she wasn't making any contact.

Many people are going after my mother-in-law, but she's been essentially on my wife and I's side. It's my father-in-law that wanted the genes to be passed on. At it too. Also, sister-in-law is my wife's sister, not my brother-in-law's wife. Brother-in-law's wife isn't in close contact with us, so I'm not sure she even knows what's going on.

Kind of goofy. You know, you can. I do need that whiteboard with the chart. Yeah. I got it. I got it. I'll figure it out now. You can cut negativity.

You can cut all these people out of your lives and you shouldn't be upset. If they're ruining your life, fuck them. Cut contact. Be happy. Go worry about your own shit. Don't worry about them. Move on.

Move across the country. Brother-in-law probably is not going to. Communicate, I mean. Whatever. Yeah. But if you can't come to a resolution, I mean, ultimately, it's up to what's best for the child. Yeah.

And mother-in-law, she encouraged it in the first place, right, from the first story. She brought the idea to him. I would drag her right back into it and be like, hey, you better speak up, lady. Yeah, mother-in-law did suggest we do IVF using my eggs and brother-in-law's sperm and let my wife carry the baby. So for her to kind of bury her head in the sand

and not make eye contact with all of this is happening, that's when you need the people who are supposed to be your advocates in life to step up and be like, you know what, sunny boy, you're wrong. This is just 23 chromosomes. And you need to sit down and shut the fuck up. If you want a baby, you know where your wife is. If she's on board, you talk to her and go home and make your own.

Boom. Yeah. OP does respond a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. I'm just trying to like scroll through the comments real fast to see if there's any good ones I want to mention. I want to know the update. Where are we at with the story? There's no update.

There's no official second post for an update. This was posted about a month ago. So I'm sure things are still like really developing. Yep, and holidays, it's messy. I'm sure there is going to be an update soon because holidays always stress things out. You can get us on 3.0, we'll circle back. Yeah, no official update.

And I mean, there's so many comments. It's really hard to get through and pinpoint what the best ones are. But I think the fact that they talked to counselors got him to sign away his rights. I mean, they went through everything in the proper way. So for him to pull this card out of nowhere, not even when the baby was born either. It's like the one year birthday.

It's kind of like, well, are you going through some shit and you feel like this is your last try? That's what I think is going on. Yeah. He's got some personal stuff. He needs to go to a counselor. Yeah, I would agree with that for sure. Top comment on this one, wow, just wow.

I'm inclined to believe that mother-in-law has already had at least one conversation about this with your brother-in-law because she stayed silent. I cannot stress this enough. I hope you have your ducks in a row from a legal perspective because it sounds like a huge dumpster fire. I'm really sorry you're both facing the situation. However, I find comfort in knowing

that you're facing it together. I'm just looking dozy if there's anything else. That was stressful. Parenting is hard enough. It is. It really is. And people were mean on this. The one comment I did see from OP that I'm like, OK, fuck you.

Whoever wrote this. But someone was like, someone called her essentially like the quote, some other lady. So they go, everyone sucks here. He should have approached it more calmly. But yes, absolutely, he still is the father. A shit father for signing away his rights. But the father nonetheless, quote,

you aren't the father you just provided sperm. They wouldn't have picked him. They wouldn't have chosen him had he not signed away his rights. Not agreed to do that. There was a, oh, people are so dumb. People on the internet are fucking wild some days. Yeah, that's what the father's biological function is. You're all kind of assholes to the kid

for all being present in his life. And yet his real mom didn't carry him. Some other lady is also another mom. And she carried him. And his dad signed away his parental rights before the kid could speak. But he's just fucking there. That person needs to go take a nap.

They're unhinged. They need to be locked in a padded cell. OP responds, though. What the fuck? My wife and I are his parents. She's not, quote, some other lady. Brother-in-law only provided his sperm so that my wife and I could start a family,

and the in-laws could be satisfied too. He knew he wouldn't be the father in any way, but biologically. My wife is more of a parent than he will ever be. Someone goes, huh, is it possible for a commenter to be the asshole? Oh, yes, the commenter is the asshole of the story. Absolutely. And the brother.

Fuck that brother-in-law. That's their baby. And maybe you're right, Matt. Maybe they shouldn't have gone with him. But knowing where you're traveling. For anybody listening out there that's going to think about doing this, you're adding so much complication to the mix.

OK, I will get on board with that. Yeah. Everybody has emotions. Emotions. And they change their mind, and they have feelings. And guess what? Feelings change over time. That brother-in-law at the time was probably like, yeah,

give me my sperm, whatever. No big deal. And then like. He sees the baby. 10 months later, baby comes out and is like. And he looks like him. Oh, that's my kid. What did I do?

And now he's having some buyer's remorse. He's a fucking idiot. I wonder. I wonder what the process is for sperm banks these days, too, because I feel like, wasn't there an episode of Friends where Joey Tribbiani tries to donate sperm to make money or something like that? Never sat.

Yeah, I think there was. I know what you're talking about. I'm not a huge friends person. Yeah. Good show. But no, I can't recall the details. I do wonder if they were to go to a sperm bank, or if any of the listeners out there have done this for themselves

and could comment, that'd be great. But just what are the steps to get approved? Because I think the argument, too, OK, they could have done an easier option, a sperm bank or whatever. It is nice kind of knowing where your juices are coming from and all that. Sounds like a stand-up guy, no?

Perfect. OK, moving along, too. On to the next. A less complex problem. For over 65 years, we have been part of your community, and we work to make a difference for every member every day. And while our name is changing, our commitment to you is not. Find out how it's getting even better here.

Welcome to You First. Visit us at youfirstcu.com. Wife and son calls me bro when angry. It's starting to piss me off. My, hey, bro, my wife. It's just like, son's got to be a teenager. No. Oh, brother.

My wife, 24 female, calls me bro when she's mad at me. And now my five-year-old son is starting to do the same. I used to think it was funny. Never told her that. But it's really starting to get under my skin. Is it as irritated as I think? Or am I just being overly sensitive? I've got to redo it.

I thought I made that keep it in. All right, I'll redo it. That's good. What a bitch. What do you think, bro? What's up, bro? You mad, bro? So I want to know, like, do they give an example somewhere

in here about what he's getting mad about? Because I think it's fucking hilarious. Well, he said it was funny too at first. You didn't do the dishes like you said you were going to do the dishes. What is up? I can just imagine me and Amy being a fight about something stupid, probably the house being dirty.

Oh, what? Well, I didn't bring the laundry basket down. You mad, bro? You mad? I could just see Amy getting fiery fucking pissed. Yeah, I mean, anyone would be. Right, but there's this line, like, are you really mad? Or are you just like, OK, come on.

Oh, you mad, bro? Like, getting a ride on somebody? Or trying to make it more light-hearted? Trying to make it light-hearted. Now, the wife, being 24, setting the example for the five-year-old, that's even better. Five-year-old. He's got a five-year-old terrorizing him.

No, I don't know. That's, come on. It's a more light-hearted problem. As he talked to her about this, as he had the conversation, like, hey, I'm really upset. I don't want you to call me bro. All right, bro. Communication, or is she doing it?

Because she knows it pushes his buttons. Probably. She probably doesn't like him anymore. That's probably a little maybe malicious compliance, or I don't know if that fits. I just love the word so much now. But I don't know. No comments from OP.

So we have no idea if he's said anything or, you know. Which does everybody else think on this? Top comment is very rational. During a calm time, have a discussion on the topic. Explain how this is setting a bad example. Also ask why she is doing it, and does she know? So logic. Someone goes, this is the only advice worth following here.

So yeah, they took it very seriously. Is there any good comments, like fun ones? I'm not your bro friend. I'm not your friend, buddy. I'm not your buddy pal. Just people going down the line, being weird. Bro, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Talk to your wife about it.

That one's funny. Yeah, I like that. I don't know if you have the ability, but. Oh, I do. I do. Put it on there. That one's funny. That's good.

Have our kids ever called you anything except dad? God, I don't know. I'm going to think about it. I feel like. I think sometimes they call you Matt. Yeah, they call you by the first name every once in a while. Oh my gosh, that's not funny. I'm going to teach them how to call you bro.

God, I opened a can of worms. I opened a can of worms. I'm going to call Emmett, bro. Oh, do you? Let's go, bro. Oh, yeah. It's cute. I know you called Amy mom today, and I was like, mom's here?

I was like, wait, what? No, we totally do that. I'm like, I call Matt dad. They talked about this, I think, once on the Today Show, and people thought it was weird. I don't know. Maybe your audience can weigh in. Is it weird for me to call Matt dad?

No. Like in reference to, hey, dad, come give this to Emmett or whatever. Not when it revolves around your kids because you're. That's their reference point. You're not being like, hey, bring this to Matt or Emmett, bring this to Matt. No, but if I'm talking to you.

Just like, hey, dad, hey, dad. Hey, Matt, bring this to Emmett. Yeah. I don't think that that. You'd probably say that too, and I don't think that's out of line either. But if you were to call me dad, I don't think it would. No, that's dumb.

A couple of years ago, this stuck with me, how people thought it was weird. And I was like, I don't think it's weird. I think Savannah Guthrie, if you're out there, she referred to her husband as dad with their kids. Like, dad, will you bring me the milk or whatever? And people thought it was weird. And I didn't think it was weird.

And I do that as our home as well. As long as you're not. Your vocabulary changes, right? Yeah. Hey, bring this to mommy. Bring this to daddy. Especially as they're learning language. Come and read a book with us.

Yeah. Hey, dad, Emmett needs another glass of milk so he can go to sleep just to wake up two hours later. Can you tell Matt hasn't slept in like two years? It's true. Probably more like four and a half. I feel like Eloise was a better sleeper than Emmett. Emmett has not slept since he was born.

True, that's all right. But as long as you're not saying, hey, daddy, you bring Emmett another glass of milk and you're keeping it PG, I think you're good. No, sometimes I say daddy. I mean, that's still PG though. That's what my kids say. I think it's PG because people have ruined daddy on the internet.

Daddy's not our thing. I have never called Matt daddy outside of his, like, being a dad. Yeah, then you're safe. In the bedroom? Do you want to? No. Should we try it? No.

Weird. I think you should. Weird. I'm going to spank you and call you mommy. Oh my god. I will be like, done. Oh my god, I love it. Done.

I love it, yeah. Don't try that. I think the internet has gone a little too far with daddy. But mommy became a thing. Mommy became a thing. Mommy, sorry. Mommy, sorry. Mommy.

It's a TikTok. Yeah, but like they made it sexual. And like, I thought mommy was safe. Like daddy got compromised, but I thought mommy was safe. And TikTok just took it out there. Because it was a Megan Fox thing, right? With machine going Kelly. Oh, is that what it is?

Whatever you want. Daddy, daddy, daddy. Oh, that makes sense. Megan Fox. Yeah, she's hot enough to get away with it. OK, let me peruse for one second. I think maybe one more. We'll do one more.

Break? Well, we don't have to break. You just keep looking. I don't give a year's break. Yeah, yeah. I found like when I was perusing, like there's two I kind of want to get through. The first one's short, so let's do it and let's go.

Well, we can finish them. OK, OK. Is it my job to make occasions special for my mother-in-law and father-in-law now? I've been married to my husband for over a year now. And I'm noticing my mother-in-law and father-in-law are starting to rely on me to host everything and make every occasion special for them.

For example, this most recent Mother's Day, I hosted mother-in-law and father-in-law at my house for lunch. I made them food, a Mother's Day dessert, bought presents, et cetera. At the time, I was just trying to be nice because we bought a new house. And it was also kind of a housewarming with them

so they could see the place. So I wanted to go above and beyond as a host. I feel like I screwed myself over, though, because now I'm getting the impression that I need to do this for every occasion. It's my father-in-law's birthday, and my mother-in-law called us that they're going to come over to our house and we're

in charge for his birthday. I'm also nine months pregnant now, and I'm just not in a place where I can clean my house, cook food, make a birthday cake, et cetera. It's also weird to me because that's my mother-in-law's husband. Like, shouldn't she be the one doing everything for him? Why me?

I'm only related to my father-in-law through marriage, but he's still a stranger to me in a way. I don't really want to be putting in all of this effort for him. For background, whenever it's my dad's birthday, my mom just tells me when and where I need to be for his celebration. But my mom plans everything because that's her husband

and kind of her job to make his birthday special. That's just my perspective. Is it my role to be doing these things now for my mother-in-law and father-in-law, or can I tell them that doesn't work for us? It doesn't work for her. That's weird. It does not work for her.

And she's nine months old and pregnant. Fuck that. She's got cankles. And she's uncomfy. No, and she doesn't want to do it. It's not coming from her heart. Mother's Day came from her heart, and she was excited to do it.

So wonderful, but it doesn't become fun when somebody tells you that you have to do it. And so then it's not her job to decline. It's her husband's job to tell his parents that they will not be celebrating father-in-law's birthday at their house. That's my take. What do you think, Matt?

No, I was just going to ask, where the fuck is her husband? I know. Like, it's not this wife's jobs to be dealing with the in-laws, just like it's not my job to deal with my in-laws. It's my wife's job to deal with her parents. And not that I can't go and deal with it. It's just that it's easier working with your own parents. And if you're going to draw some lines and some boundaries,

it's best that it comes from your kid and not the in-law, the son-in-law going to the mother-in-law, like, you're not going to do this, or we're not going to do this. Like, it's just becoming better from you. So that, I don't know, this is weird. And like, yeah, you have a new house, and like, maybe it's a really nice house, and it's big,

and it's great, and her. She still shouldn't have got a present. Like, that should have been her husband's job, too. Like, if your mom is coming over for Mother's Day and like you're doing this house warming slash Mother's Day thing, that should have been on her husband, not her. Yeah, I get hosting. But I get, like, I get making something special,

like, on occasions, like, oh, hey, I do nice things for Bruce and Cindy at times. But it's not my job to do them every single time. I just don't even expect it. And they don't even expect it. So for the in-laws to expect it, there's something. Fishy. It's weird.

It's weird. And like, I don't know, there's, again, we don't have enough info. Maybe that they live in an 800 square foot house, and they just want to go somewhere else. I don't know. And if that's the case, and their house is baller, and they just want to do the celebration over at their house,

then the mother-in-law should ask her daughter-in-law if they could just do the thing over at her house. And the mother-in-law provide the food and decorations. They should ask her son. She should ask her son. That's true. Hey, can we use your house for the party? We'll do all the work.

We know that your wife is nine months pregnant. She can just show up. So we'll clean up. We'll have everybody bring a dish, and we'll just whatever part of there. Yeah. Also, like, yeah, nine months pregnant, I would just be like, no, sorry, we're nesting right now.

Not doing it. Or just be fantastic in-laws and be like, yep, we're going to bring the food. We're going to clean after. Do you know that your grandma, who is currently watching our kids, whenever she watches our kids, I know I'm going to come home to a clean house. I know my mom does it too, disaster.

Yes, your mom does too. It's the best. It's amazing. Sometimes I can't find things, but it is flipping the best. Yeah, maybe I need to have a kid just so I can get someone to come clean for me. You live across the country. Well, I told mom I made her a deal.

This is not nice of me. But she was like, you can't steal your mother. Yeah, so this is the deal she made with me. She goes, well, this was before she found out. Her partner was really sick. But she was like, yeah, well, Morgan, you want kids. And I was like, I don't know. Like, it just sounds really hard.

And she goes, well, I'd come help you. And I go, yeah, well, maybe for a week. And then you'd leave me. And she goes, no, I'd stay longer. And I go, OK, well, if I have kids, you have to stay for a year. And she goes, OK, deal. And I'm like, oh, be careful.

I mean, we could do shared custody. Yeah, try. Jesus. OK, so top comment. My sarcastic self would have told her that I'd get back to her after pulling out the marriage certificate. There must be an heir, because I could have sworn

that I married my significant other, not father-in-law. But seriously, you are heavily pregnant. So he needs to handle his mom and explain that she is out of line and that she will never tell you all what you are doing in your own home ever again. She can plan her own husband's birthday party. And it will not be hosted at your home. Next comment.

Quote, hosting at our house won't work for us this year. But if you let me know what your budget is, I can help you call around to some local restaurants and make a reservation for the celebration. Hey, that's really nice. Weird. Weird, weird, weird. I would immediately start pretending

I had Braxton Hicks or something, and be like, oh, can't plan it. I'm going to bed rest. OK, so truly the last one now. OK. Well, let's make it good. You started out so hot and juicy, and now we're like going, let's see how it goes.

So. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th. You can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where

you stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details.

Dealer inventory may vary. Am I the asshole for forcing my son to wait to marry his then high school girlfriend? I, 50 female, have two sons, Dan, male 22, and Sam, male 27. Dan started dating Fran at their junior year. Towards the end of senior year, Dan came to me and said he wanted to marry Fran. At that time, Dan had multiple college options,

which he was going to decline to stay in our town and marry Fran. I obviously didn't support this. I wanted my son to go to college and knew he wanted that too, as he'd always been ambitious. I told my son that he had his whole life ahead of him and he could get married later, but didn't need to rush it. I told him that if he went to college and waited,

even just a year or two, I'd pay for his tuition. At the time, I didn't know how serious their relationship was, and they'd been together for a little over a year and was scared it wouldn't work out and he'd waste his opportunity. My son happily accepted this offer and agreed with me that it would be best to wait. This year, my son graduated college,

but maintained a long distance relationship with Fran and they announced their engagement a couple months ago. We were all ecstatic about it. Sometime between then and now, my son told Fran that I was the reason he waited until now to propose. I wasn't aware until Christmas when during dinner, Fran said she wanted to say something. She began saying, I paid my son to not marry her

and actively tried to ruin their relationship. She then said she was blessed that, quote, evil hadn't won and couldn't wait to have a long and happy marriage. Everyone was silent and didn't really know what to say. My son approached me later to apologize and said she had twisted his words, but it's been constantly weighing on my mind

as friends and family present all have different opinions. I think this is the perfect one for us. Lord. Okay, because there's two things that I kind of want to talk about. The first thing is, Matt and I started dating when we were- Junior, same time, Fran.

16? 17? We started hanging out somewhere around there. Briefly in soft end of- We were in high school. We went to two different high schools. That's when we started dating. We were young and we kind of dated.

Mostly on, but a little off throughout our 20s. And in our early 20s, I really wanted to get married. And now looking back, and we didn't get married until we were 29. You know, Matt had gone through school. I had gone through school at that time. I was still biting at the bit to get married by that time. It was like a decade later.

Was it what? A decade? A decade and years? Yeah, something like that. So I mean, it was quite a long time. But looking back, we both say, if we had gotten married when I originally wanted to get married in my young 20s,

we would for sure be divorced. Yeah, I wouldn't have worked. 100%. We just both weren't ready when we were so young. So for us, that was our situation. I know that that's not everybody's situation. And people get married young and they do great. Yeah.

And they do just fine and that's wonderful for them. But for us, for sure. And especially it seemed like marriage, like it was marriage or college. He was putting that on a, like, okay, it's this or that. Definitely. So as a parent, I would for sure

be a little concerned about that. Like, are you sacrificing your own personal ambitions? 100%. 18 is so young. Yeah. What do you think about it, Matt? Yeah, I mean, we had a lot of growing up to do. Like one of us did.

One of us did. One of us. I'm not gonna say who, but we all know. I did it a little bit too. We all know. I don't know. So he's 22 and she's a junior. So let's just say that puts her at 16, 17.

He's 22 now when they met and were dating initially. It was during their junior year. They were both in their junior year. Both in their junior year. So they're the same age. They're like us. Yeah, it's the same scenario. All right, that makes sense.

I guess as a parent being where like what I've learned about myself, about relationships, what I've seen, I just, I would advise my kids like, hey, just wait. There's no rush. You guys can be together. Like if you guys make it, great.

But there is a lot of growing up and a lot of life changes that happen from the age of not just 18, but I think from like your 20 to 25. Yes. Okay, throughout that period, you turned 21. You're introducing probably a lot more alcohol into your life and access to bars and freedom

that you didn't have before. And then you're going out, you're partying, you're doing whatever. As you graduate and graduate college, 21, 22, right? You're getting first jobs. There's just a lot of pressures and then, okay, are you guys living together? Are you renting together?

Are you gonna buy a house? You're gonna get married. Where are you gonna live? What are you gonna do? And I don't know if this story is recent. I don't know. Two days ago. Yeah, I don't think you guys are getting a house together

at that age. Unless you've inherited some money or your family's very well off. True. I just, yeah, it's, there's a lot of things that go along with that as you grow up. And I think that I personally didn't grow up

until I was like 28. 29. Yeah. Maybe 29, I don't know. No, I like to say that I am a big advocate for right person, right place, right time. All of those things have to be right. I know, and I would agree.

I heard something recently because I've went through this with a past, like boyfriend of mine. And I had, I was dating this guy and his older brother was married to this girl. And when we broke up, I was like really devastated and she talked to me

and she was like, you know what? Timing is everything. If I would have met so and so's brother at a different time, we wouldn't be together, blah, blah, blah. Well, now they're divorced and it's interesting. But I saw something after this, like more recently where someone was like, if it's the, if you think it's the right person

and the wrong time, it's not the right person because the universe wouldn't do that to you. The universe isn't gonna give you the right person at the wrong time. So you just think it's the right person, but it's not. The right person will come along at the right time. And that person that you thought was the right one, this is the mental gymnastics right now.

I'm sorry guys, but when it's right, it'll be right. The universe isn't or God or whatever you believe in isn't gonna just fuck with you on purpose. It's, I don't know, I'm gonna give decade of my timeline to show us a lot of fucking around. You had a lot of growing up to do, it's not my fault. Let's talk about Fran. What a bitch at the fucking table.

Yeah, that's some fucking crazy shit. In front of the family, man, now Dan has gotta go rethink his marriage to this girl. Yeah. Out's the mother-in-law to me at the table? You're not creating friends, Fran, that's for sure. Fran has got some balls. Do you wanna hear the edits first before we discuss?

Hold on one second though, hold on one second because the second thing that came to mind was your mom did this exact same thing with one of our friends. Don't you remember? What? Yes, your mom did this exact same thing and they did not end up getting married.

It did not work out for them and he was very happy. Bad radio. Matt, you're not supposed to name names. Oh, sorry, man, it'll be fine. Okay, so my mom was like a numerical worker? She did a good thing? Yes, we had a real long talk with Ben and my mom said, if you wait two years

before you get married, I will buy you your ring. Damn. And after that point, it lasted like three months or four months or something. And hindsight is always 2020, right? So Ben at the time was like, oh, that was, thank you, Danette. And then like a year or two later,

he was like, I wish I would have married her because we would have worked through it and we would have been together. No. And then now? He's with a wonderful- He's with a wonderful lady. Woman and they have a baby in the way.

The baby, they're getting married. Congrats, Ben. Yeah. Boop, boop. Life works in mysterious ways. So see, there you go, the universe, right person, right place, right time. Danette won, universe zero.

Ben owes her mom for all this. I know, oh, he's just under a fruit basket or something. Jeez. Okay, now let's hear the edit. A fruit basket's still a thing. Yeah, edible arrangements, they're bomb. Oh, they're so good. If anyone wants to send me a birthday present,

it's March 4th. So edit, if my son had married Fran out of high school, he wouldn't have gone to college. My son chose to go to a school so far away. There were closer options, but he liked the school he chose. I would be showing Dan this thread and update if he responds.

Fran currently works at her mother's bakery. She wants to be a stay-at-home mom once they get married and was waiting for Dan to come back home. What a bomb. Not a bomb, it's the hardest job on the planet. It was a joke. Okay, thank you. Sorry, I was triggered.

Triggered, I've never been a stay-at-home mom. It is the hardest job. Anybody that wants to be a stay-at-home, but they don't have kids yet. She should at least strive to be something until they do. Or just find a passion versus, I don't know, some people dream of having kids. I don't have that desire, but.

Stirring the pot over here. Yeah, that's why we have him in the middle. Yeah, Matt's just being dramatic for fun. So update number two, or yeah, first one was an edit, this is an update. Dan and Fran have talked and cleared the air around the situation. Fran feels awful about what she said and realized

she should have come and talked to me privately. The situation, however, has brought up other issues between the two and their future. As Dan expressed to Fran, he would like to go to law school. Fran wants them to start their life together and thinks it's unfair for Dan to make them wait four plus years. Dan is currently home,

and we will be dealing with this together. Thank you for all the advice. Dan has read this thread and is now feeling unsure about their relationship. You know, I suggest a long distance relationship. Mom for the win. You went through this. Yeah, Matt, I literally went through this exact same thing.

I went to Jacksonville, Florida for school. From Minnesota. Yep, and Matt wanted to come with, and I told him, no, you can't, because I want to focus on school. And I know for a minute. It worked out well. And that forced us to work on our communication.

And I think that was one of the most important things. And I just gained a ton of confidence and self-value and worth and esteem and yada, yada, yada. Because I was forced to move to an unknown area by myself without any family, stand on my own two feet, go through school, the hardest schooling that I've ever had to go through, do everything by myself.

And so that actually helped our relationship a ton also. So maybe he can do that as well. Yeah, I don't know how Fran's at. I think it's hard, because I look at all of my past relationships, and I think with each one, even my youngest ones in high school, I'm like, oh, you always talk about marriage,

and blah, blah, blah, and it's like, I look back and I'm like, thank God, I didn't marry my high school boyfriends or my college boyfriends, because fuck, I'd be miserable. I also think you hit one of your, I think you hit your high school boyfriend with a car. I think you drove him over.

Pretty sure you hit him with a car. I think literally in a parking lot. I think you were being a little dramatic. Nope, in the parking lot. I was at the baseball. He wouldn't move, if I recall. Yeah, he wouldn't move. He was standing behind my car and wouldn't move.

He was trying to be dramatic, and so I didn't run him over with a car. I just literally put it in reverse and took my foot off the brake, and it casually rolled and bumped him. Well, I'll believe that's how the story went. Fuck that. Well, no one is allowed to trap anybody in the car.

I didn't hit anyone with a car. Oh. Slander. That is kind of funny though. Fran's done, she's gone. But you know what? If her life goals truly are to be a homemaker, and that's what she wants,

and that's what she wants now, then yeah, maybe this partner that you're with is not going to help you achieve your dreams, and so yeah, maybe you should call it. Yeah. And find somebody who has goals that are aligned with yours. Last point, why can't they start?

Why can't he go to law school, and she's a stay-at-home mom? They can have kids, and she stays at home with the kids, and he can go to law school. Money. I mean, show me the money. Jerry McGuire. I mean, I'm sure they could make it work.

They could make it work. I mean, grad school, you get a lot of loans, and you know. But then maybe he wants to be more of an involved father than he can, and he knows he's going to have to do intensive. Law school's only two years. It's quick. Yeah, like, it's quick. He's going to have to study a lot for the bar.

Bar exam sounds like a bitch. I don't know, I just think. I'm not saying it's easy, people. It sounds like you definitely can. It sounds to me like Fran might be very comfortable in her small town. You know, he moved away from school and had this big opportunity.

He wants to move and go to law school again, and it sounds like Fran is very comfortable in her small town, you know, working at her mom's bakery. She's got her goals of being a stay-at-home mom, which is amazing. It's a tough gig. So it, maybe they're not a match. They're not a match.

Top comment on this one, not the asshole. Your future daughter-in-law showed to the entire family that you were correct and that your son was wise to delay marriage. 43,000 upvotes on that one. Can you read the next one? Wisdom. By, quote, evil, did Fran mean stopping her

from getting pregnant at 18 and raising a baby she's obviously not ready for? OP was correct. Fran was definitely not ready to get married at 18 and probably isn't now. OP's son should rethink marrying her now or ever. Fran treating her partner's mom like an obstacle to their love story, even though she's just looking out

for them, calling her mother-in-law evil might be the precursor to a very strained, potentially toxic, mother-in-law slash daughter-in-law relationship. Maybe. Nobody has time for that. Yeah, also the next comment literally says, also it was just an offer that OP willingly took her up on.

All she said is, hey, if you wait, I'll pay for two years of college. True. He still made that decision. Yeah, that Dan took the OP up on. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know, if you're gonna be mad at anyone, your boyfriend didn't, like that was his call.

He wanted to go to school and that's not, you know, especially, I think to a point, like if she does wanna be a stay-at-home mom, you should be pushing him to go to law school or like, like pushing him to succeed because that's your, that's your security. Yeah. Get that money, baby.

Get that coin. Well, I think that's where we end it. Honestly. That was a good one. That's a perfect one. That was great, you guys. I'm gonna have to fly home or fly you out. You gotta.

I had so much fun. Well, we're coming. This is so great. We should go in the summer. Let's go, we gotta plan it. Let's get it going. Let's go in the summer for a five-day surf, scuba and podcast.

Podcast. Can you come up, can you come up with, can Pete be on the next one? I will make Pete a theme. Knowing his takes to when he was piping up in the corner from what we read today, I have some ideas of what I'm gonna give him. All right, all right, all right.

Thank you for coming on. Thanks for having us. This was so fun. This was so much fun. I know. Now time to go relieve grandma from babysitting. Yes. Hopefully your kiddos are asleep.

Oh, they will be. Okay, well, until next time, you guys. Bye. lungo music If you've ever had to deal with a plumbing problem, problem, you may have felt the pain of realizing you don't know any plumbers. Whether you're trying to stop a leaky faucet, fix a running toilet, replace your old water softener or install a tankless water heater, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can help.

All you have to do is call Any Hour Services or schedule an appointment at AnyHourServices.com. Help with plumbing maintenance and repairs is closer than you think. Call Any Hour Services or schedule an appointment at AnyHourServices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where…

You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that treehouse you promised your daughter. Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary.