Two Hot Takes - 52: TMI & Tangents ft. Stiff Socks

Episode Date: February 3, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-hosts Trevor Wallace & Michael Blaustein from Stiff Socks podcast!! This may have started one way but went a bit off the rails.. so enjoy stuff you'd want to ask guys, sharing too much info (TMI), and our tangents.  LIVE SHOW: www.MomentHouse.com/THT We would love to have you join us for our very first LIVE show!! Exclusive merch available on the Moment House site as well! Socials: https://www.tiktok.com/@stiffsockspod?lang=en https://www.tiktok.com/@trevorwallace?lang=en https://www.tiktok.com/@blaucomedy?lang=en Appreciate your support <3  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

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Yeah. I feel great. Alright, awesome. Yeah. Is that Nicholas Cajun on your cup? I love him. Explain yourself, please. Um, national treasure is like my safe space.

Oh dude, every single time I think about everything, I look at a lemon. I go, I want to put this on water. Do you know, that's my favorite. Please have me go to the scene. Oh yeah, from when they were fixing the cons, the declaration of independence. It's my favorite part. Yeah. Yeah.

No, in the blow dryer. And then it was so hot when they'd go and like blow together. Yes, dude. That was, that was a film. This is a movie? Yeah. Was that your sexual awakening? What?

Was that your sexual awakening? No. Top Gun, when all the manned volleyball players had their shirtless and they were devolved all back and forth. That's what I was like. My is Britney Spears Toxic music video. Let's go. Oh, that's a hot one.

That was legal porn. Did she have a snag around her neck? I don't know. I think that was another one. Hold on. You said you had a snag around her neck? Yeah. I was choking myself.

Alright. That was, uh, it gets me going to this day. Yeah. God, that was a good one. Can I even, I wouldn't. Wow. How does it? Timerslave.

Is that it? Timerslave. Is that it? That's another song. Oh, so hot music video. That might be the snake one. What are we? What is this rated?

Are we fine? Oh, this is explicit. Alright. Awesome. You know what? How come every Britney Spears music video got me rock hard? Like every... Because it's Britney, bitch.

Okay. That was good. Did you do this down by for that? It's Britney, bitch. Bitch. Dude, the first time she said that I was like a teenager. I was like, alright, relax. And then she popped off and they're like, it is Britney, bitch.

It is Britney. I would say it's my mom all the time. So. Yes. Let's, let's kick it off. All right. Let's kick it off. Let's kick it off.

So. Kick it. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Too Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. And today we have the Stiff Sox podcast guys. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. What is going on? What?

In the research. Are we on Nartlewater? I know. I feel like I've just like soaked up so much from listening to your TikTok clips and stuff from your podcast. So I figured I'd save all the best stories I have from Reddit and listener right ends that only guys that are as comfortable with their sexuality as you can answer. Yo, yeah.

I love it. That's why we're here. I mean, yeah, let's, let me throw it at you. I'm freaking ready, dude. Okay. Let's dive in. Hi, you guys, I am so, so, so excited to announce our live show is officially set and tickets are on sale.

We are going to be doing two hot takes live on March 6th with a meet and greet the Thursday before and an after party right after the show on that Sunday. I'll be there. Lauren will be there. Alejandra is going to be there. The whole gang is going to be there. First time all four of us at one desk, you don't want to miss it. It's going to be crazy.

I can't even imagine the shenanigans we're going to get into with all four of us in one place for the first time. So be sure to check out the trailer Justin made. It's going to be dropped on the channel as well. It's amazing. He literally got feedback on it that it felt like a Marvel movie. So it's, it's pretty good, but I'll post the ticket link in the description and there's some exclusive merch as well.

So check it out. Go to moment house.com slash THT moment house all one word.com slash THT. Okay. Now on to the show. Too much info and tangents. It's a little out there you guys, but enjoy. So first one is a listener right in and she's, she's got a really important question. Let's go.

Please don't expose me, but when I'm giving guys head, I go all out. And the problem I've ran into is how they feel about me eating their ass a little rim job action. Well, some men absolutely love this and will ask me to do it every time. Other men think it's absolutely unacceptable and refuse it. So my question is, does it feel good or do men just get turned on by the idea of it? Do they think it means they're not manly? I just can't understand how there is no in between.

They either love it and are obsessed with it or they'll actually get very mad and everything right then and there ends. I don't mean it to sound like I've slept with tons of men either. This is like a very caring novel. Yeah. Our fans are like, yo, I got my ass eaten and I don't know if I liked it. Is this chill or not? Yeah, not done.

I don't mean it to sound like I've slept with tons of men either. I've just never been in a relationship and I'm a very sexual person. Please ask this for me. I think there's minor leagues and there's the pros. I think every guy's brought into this world thinking that ass play is wild. I was like, well, that was on that train too. And then Michael, one day after recording, was like, come here and bend over. He told me about the mystical journeys that can await down there.

And I was like, what? You want to do a ha with somebody I love for free in exchange for dinner? No. And then I was like, oh, hold up, there's somebody knocking out the door. I think it's just, it's a new barrier. You got to get over that. And if the guy doesn't fully trust the woman, then he's going to be like, whoa, it's my alpha parts.

Yeah. I think that every dude on a planet would be super into it if they just relaxed and open their mind to it. Because there's not a dude on this planet, and yes, I'm painted with a broad brush here, but it feels incredible, incredible. So if you can get past the social constraints of people saying, dudes, don't do that. That's a no go for an alpha male, blah, blah, blah, blah. The toxic masculinity.

That's what it is. It's just you're brought into this world when your dad's like, hey, don't have a girl touch your asshole. You're like, cool, I'm in third grade. Yeah. It's fun. My dad used to do it. Okay.

No, my dad was sober with me way early. Like literally, he was like, I shit, you know, I probably was in sixth grade, maybe seventh grade. And he was like, he was like, hey, they're telling me openly about like tongue play and all. He's like, hey, I'm like, I'm barely jerking off at this point. We're like, we're open about tongue play. Anyways, weird tangent.

I liked it. But no, I think I think it's that barrier because it's to answer our question. Like, yes, there probably are some dudes that aren't into it because it doesn't feel good for some, for some, whatever reason. But I think the majority of dudes are, are super into it or would be super into it if they could get past that barrier. For sure. Yeah.

I think it's just, it does come off a little weird if it's a girl you've only been like saying a little bit. Yeah. Like if there's a one night stand and you're like, can I eat your ass? It's also, there's all those steps to it. You can slow bake it in there. You can't just, and for a dude who's not super comfortable with you, it's hard to go from just like getting head to just all of a sudden doing it.

If you go from head and you like, what, your fingers a little bit as you're giving them head and you can kind of stroke the rim a little bit and make them, you know, you, you, this is good. You just do take it. The Bob Ross, the butt point. You've got to start, you've got to start the engine. You can't just go, you can't just drive it six miles an hour. You've got to warm the engine.

I think the phrase eat ass is a jokey phrase in this era. So it's like, if a girl's like, let me eat your ass, you're like, haha, well, yeah, you're crazy Courtney. Yeah. But it is, you know. Dude, it's the same way as like, you got to test barriers. Like before you got to go 10% then 20% and 30% and if everyone's okay with it and there's like moans and happy, joyous tones, then we keep going.

But it is, it is a wild question to like echo what Trev is saying. It is a wild question just to be like, Hey, can I eat your ass? It's like, you can ask me without asking me. Which is like the 5% to 10% to 15% and just how I kind of keep going into it. Fire truck. Remember that game growing up? Oh, you put your, you put your hand on and big, oh, no, no, no, no, no, come on. You guys are not talking about like middle school, like you'd put like a hand on someone's

leg, but oh, fire truck and they, you like, and you'd move your hand if it was like green, means like go. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. But then they grow like red and then fire trucks don't stop a red. Very, very, saying Oh. This is a little meatyish.

Yeah. It can be playing in in 2022. How old were you? Right now? No, when you played, Oh, this is like Third Grade. Oh God. Wow. You starting, you started early.

I was into it. I tapped out at the yellow line. I got nervous. Okay. Okay. You a respectful little boy. Those used to play with me, so I didn't have a game. Yeah.

I got like that. You don't know this game right? It's like Duluth, Minnesota. We were just vanilla innocent little people out there. Yeah, it's like almost seen like a Yeti or something. It's way up there, almost by Canada. So what were y'all's like playground games when y'all were trying to get freaky?

Hand jobs in like jungle gyms? No, I really don't remember anything. Like I think it really started in eighth grade. We'd like steal our parents' booze and go get like blacked out at this arcade and just like make out in the laser tag and stuff. That's when it like really started. And what grade was that?

That was eighth grade. Whoa, that's like really late. Late? Yeah. Really? It didn't hammer it and go make out with people in laser tag? I mean, making out. I mean, that's like fourth grade.

I was dry humping in fifth grade. No, I had my first kiss. I had my first kiss in eighth grade. Yeah. What are you raising your hand for? Shall I be making out of it? Whoa. Oh, good.

Yeah, I had my first kiss in eighth grade. And I was like, this is big. It was cute. And she kissed a guy right after me. Oh, that's a little bit. What was that, bitch? Who was that guy? I don't know.

It was just like she was like, you guys won't kiss me, like one of those type feels. And then she kissed me and then she kissed my buddy CJ. I was pretty fucked up. Oh, god. I did that, but with another dude. At least you're first. Yeah, I did.

Me and my buddy Francisco, some girl that we wanted to make out with, or two girls we wanted to hook up with. This was like maybe sophomore year in high school. Oh, it's too late. No, no, no, dude, I already done banged at that point, OK? I'm out here. This guy's still saving it for real, man.

No, but she, I'm the virgin. So, but yeah, she was like, if you guys want to make out with it. It was literally like a movie. She was like, if you guys want to make out with us, you get to the make out first. And without hesitation, we're like, bet. And we just like kiss each other on the lips. For how long?

Eyes closed, head cocked. Definitely eyes closed, head cocked, and probably about, I would say two seconds, enough. Count it out. It was like this. OK, no tongue. No tongue. That's like an airport kiss.

So you kind of cheated a little bit, because you didn't really make out if there wasn't any tongue. You're totally right. You cheated. You just don't tell in your own mouth. Yeah. Just to feel it. And then did they make out?

Yes, they made out, and then we ended up poking up with them. I don't think we, no, I don't think we did anything past like, you know, some hand play, but it was worth it. It was at the beach. There's no rules to the beach. Well, I don't know. I just don't really like the beach as a hookup spot because like sand gets places.

And like the last place I want sand is up my vagina. Yeah, sand. It's a good memory, though. Yeah. You're like, well, I'm getting sand on my vagina because fucked at the beach. Let's go. Like just take me out in the ocean.

Wealthy. Boat is a flex. I mean, having a boat opera. But it has to be like a good boat. Like a pontoon boat, sad, yacht, flex. You want to go on my boat? Sometimes those party bars just slap. Wow.

I don't know, a rowboat? You could fucking go to a boat, you saw a rowboat. Kayak would be impressive because those things are tippy as fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or paddle boarding. A lot of. Really impressive.

Yeah. A lot of core strength. That's a lot of zen. Yeah. A lot of balance. Can't do all those. OK. Up next.

Yes. Michael, I'm so sorry to do this to you. Kick him out of the room. I'm so sorry. I have to leave? No. OK. What's happening?

Am I taking my shirt off? Why are you doing this? You're done. No. This one has to do with feet, but not in a good way. That's OK. OK. I'm so used to this at this point.

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and finally build that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah, when did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Today I fucked up by walking in on my girlfriend

feasting on her foot. Her own foot? My cat does that. Let's see if it's similar. I wish my girlfriend did that. I'm so pissed. Maybe this is your dream girl. Let's find her for you.

Let's do it. Hear the rest, though. So today I was at my girlfriend's place taking a shower. After getting out, I entered her room and noticed her picking skin off of her foot with a small knife and eating it. That's different. That's different.

At this point, she hadn't noticed me entering the room just yet. Let me tell you that I was very surprised and quite disturbed. I did notice before that her feet were a little bit damaged. So were her toenails. But I never said a thing thinking it would embarrass her. Anyways, as I walked into the room, she let out a small shriek and looked at me as if I was a ghost.

I mean, seems pretty normal. I looked at her with wide eyes but thought it'd be best if I just joked about it. So I asked her if I could also have some toe cheese. Come on. What a loving boyfriend, though. Or a partner, whatever's going on here. Yeah.

I thought I could diffuse the situation like that, but she didn't say a word for a very awkward minute. I stupidly decided to try my hand at making a second joke and asked her what it tasted like. My second joke didn't exactly land either, and she furiously told me to leave. As you can expect, I'm writing this post from the couch. So she was still in there just chewing on some feet.

Probably. Yeah, I think, I mean, Michael's a foot fetish, but it's not like a hankering for a snack. No, this is like the exact opposite of what your dream would be. Yeah, because he's talking about how kind of disfigured her feet were, like, probably she was like a ballerina or something like that. Oh, my god, this reminds me of the Black Swan scene

when she pulls out her feet. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Very flexible, honestly. I don't even think I could chew on my own knee. No, but you probably could get to your feet. I think you could get to your knee. Your knee probably. Yeah.

Foot. I think you could at least lick a toe. Let me see. It'd be a quick one. Yeah, yeah, there's no way. But so she's using her. Let me get this straight. So she's using her teeth?

Or no, she's like picking it with her fingers. She's using a small knife. So it almost sounds like a Swiss army knife or like a little pocket knife. And she's picking the skin off her foot with a small knife. OK. First of all, maybe we should tell him to maybe give her some type of groupon for a pedicure.

Right. That's an idea. What is she? DIY pedicure? She's like samurai cooking her feet. But you know, sometimes you're just like, you have a hankering and you're just getting after, you know? You don't got time to go to pedicure.

You got ballet practice in four minutes. You're like, let me just get a quick little ice sculpture shaving. But it seems like an anxiety-ridden thing. My ex would literally like pick her face, and she wouldn't even realize it. But would she eat it? No.

Well, then that's where this differs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The picking, I understand. People are like, I'd chew on my nails. Yeah, me too, yeah. Yeah, but then do you spit them out or do you eat them? I spit them out. I put them in iced tea.

Oh. Oh, OK. That's a nice seasoning. No, no, no. That's the part that I chew and spit on. Yeah, that's what I do too. But yeah, you almost wonder if it is like an OCD or some type of thing where she's like a picker, yeah.

I don't know if that's honestly something to break up with somebody. It's weird, but it's like, I just hope we don't see that again. But I guess like, what are you going to do? Just give her her feet time each week. Just put a sock on the door, feet time. Yeah, just like, hey, this is your feet time.

Take 15 minutes. Pick your feet. I won't come in. That sentence alone. Ignorance is bliss. But also, it didn't seem like he was so violently turned off by it. No, you're just trying to make some jokes.

Yeah, so I think he seems very comfortable with it, but she doesn't seem comfortable letting him into that world. But if he let's her know that it's totally fine. I mean, it's like when you first start a relationship and your girlfriend's like, I got a poop, so you have to leave the apartment. It's like, I don't care.

You can poop on me. I don't mind. I don't mind about the whole pooping-peeing thing. But I think that's the barrier. Once you get past that pooping barrier, dude, this morning, my girl pooped as I'm in the shower. Like, we're at that level now. And I'm like, and I love it.

What's next, dude? The wedding ring? Yeah, but I love it. But girls also poop like this. Don, how did you? You didn't check your phone once. I know. I've just been going over this recently.

And I'll literally come out, and he's like, did you just pee? And I go, no. I was just the coffee hit, and it was just in out. It was good. Like, how big are your poops normally? In terms of size. Because ours are like stupid. Ours looks like Gatorade bottles.

Oh my god, we are eating them. I mean, you know what I mean. I'm exaggerating obviously. I don't know. They're just like normal. Like goldfish size? Goldfish. No.

Like actual goldfish. Like little pebble size? No, they're like solid. No, they're solid. I would say like. Like a bratwurst? Like a thick Sharpie. See?

Like one of the bigger, thicker Sharpies. But I see girls don't have enough to clean down there. So it's very just in and out. Yeah, but even that's pretty small. Wouldn't you say that's small, Trev? Like a thick Sharpie? I don't. I'm all over the place.

I'll sign you a picture next time. OK, please. I'm very fascinated. But back to this, I think that once you cross that barrier with like the poop pee thing, everything gets comfortable, everyone's open. I think he just needs to break that barrier with her. To be like, oh, I don't mind.

I don't mind that you do this. You don't have to like hide stuff. Pick her for you for her or something, for a gift. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's really like you can walk in on so much worse things. I thought at first you wouldn't be another dude sucking her feet. That's what I thought as well.

Yeah. Because this, you're like, yeah, all right, that's your thing. I'm surprised you're like so easily passing this one up, to be honest. I mean, it's not great, but I wouldn't like lose in love over somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a deal breaker.

No, it's not. It wouldn't be. There's worse things to walk in on. 100%. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Top comment on this one. She kissed you with that mouth without telling you.

Not great. I think I'm the wrong person to ask, because things don't like that, it don't gross me out. Yeah. Like it really doesn't. He's a big make out with his dog guy, though. Yeah, OK. Are you a make out with the dog guy?

No. No? Like, no? Do you have dogs? Yeah, I do. I have horses. Like, I'd let my horse lick me, but dogs licking me. I just have a weird thing with dogs,

because they're all up in each other's assholes. And I've seen dogs eat their own shit. Like, my boyfriend, yeah, my boyfriend has a dog. And when he had the older one, the little dog, he's like a little poodle, he would sit under the other dog's asshole and like soft serve the shit. Wow. Like, literally.

So I have a weird thing with dogs licking me. Like, I'll cuddle them and shit, but like, don't lick me. Yeah, I'm OK. And I hear all the issues with it. Yeah. But I love dogs so much that I just don't care. It doesn't face you. Yeah, but there's been two like hilariously

mild flexes that you said. You're like, oh, if it's a boat, it's fine to hook up with. Oh, my horses. Just a lot. I mean, I saw the, what is that called? It's a saddle. That's a saddle. Rain?

It's a saddle. Can I ask you this question? Yeah. I'm so happy. Would you consider yourself a horse girl? Uh-huh. Yes. OK, so many questions for you.

I'm so sorry to derail this. This is turning into a different podcast. I'm so sorry. Let me just derail it for two seconds. OK. So when you were younger, did you get off hella times when you were riding the horses? Did I get bucked off or just?

Oh, I'm sorry. Coming. Did you come? No, not at all. Never not one time. No. Really? No, and I used to ride bareback too.

I think there's like. Bareback? Yeah. That's hot. It like helps with your seat and your balance. Sure, your seat. Do they know anything? Oh, the horse is like, oh, this bitch is crazy.

No, I think they're just like, oh, here we go again, like. What do you hold on to? They still have reins or no? Yeah, so you still have the bridle and the reins, so you hold on to that. Yeah, if you go with no reins, that's real fucking shit. Yeah, which I do. I sometimes do.

Really, what do you hold on to the hair? I'll hold on to the hair, and then I just tie like a little string around their neck. What? Pull onto the hair. Let's go, Willie. Yeah, but like, your clit isn't really rubbing on the horse. Like, your butt has enough lift that like, at least for my body.

But this is not like a myth. This is like a real thing. Like, that's why horse girls are so loving, riding horses, and love their horses so much. Where did you get this information? The internet, and also my cousin. Was this from pornhub? Like, no, no, no, no.

Like, are you watching horse porn? No, I have watched it, but I wasn't watching it when I came with it. I didn't come up with it. I heard it around the water cooler. Let these horse girls be coming because the clits hit the saddle. Is this totally wrong?

I mean, it's just not my clit, but I mean, some people could have some very sensitive clits. I mean, they have 8,000 nerve endings on them, typically. So it could just be, I mean. Get off on that. Yeah, it's a weird. Uber seat or something. I know a girl who a comedian that we both know pretty well,

she popped her chair on a bike seat, just riding it. Oh, gosh. Yeah. And she's still thriving, so I'm not good for her. I mean, my first period I got while I was riding a horse, but I don't think that had anything to do with it. Oh, yeah. Oh, it all comes out now.

Yeah. It was scary. I thought I had just killed myself, because I did get hit with a bike once and bruised my kidney and peed blood, so I thought that was my first period. Oh, which one is this? So do you know how dogs can feel a storm coming? Do you have any, does it just hit?

Your period? Your first one, it just hits. And are you excited, or are you kind of like, what the fuck? It's really, it's kind of a sad moment. Oh, really? Yeah. Why is it sad? I don't know, it's kind of like this sad, well,

especially if you're in a family that doesn't really talk about periods and how normalized they are, it can be kind of like embarrassing or just sad. Embarrassing, I get it. And you're just kind of like ashamed, but. Oh, damn. Yeah, I think it's different for everyone. So opposite for dudes, when you bust your first nut,

you're like, I want to go high-five the neighbors. Yeah. I told my mom immediately. Yeah, I was like, mom, guess what? She's like, what, do you live, work? I was like, no, I've busted a nut. She's like, I know your pants are still off. Yeah, she's high-fived me.

She started eating her feet, it was fucking good. I'm going to ride some horses. Well, I saw that your first boner was from your mom, so. Yeah, that's for Mike, not me. No, my first boner wasn't from my mom, but I would dress my pillow up in my mom's lingerie. I don't know if that's any better. It's not better.

I don't know, I think it kind of is. To be the first time you get hard from your mom, she's like doing the dishes, and you're like, oh, Cheryl. I'm like, that's weird. It's all weird. What type of dishes? It's all weird. OK, here we go.

Now we're getting specific. I can't believe my horse girl theory was totally wrong. I'm sure somebody will write in and be like, I came on the back of Sea Biscuits, so y'all are wrong. There's always some people on the YouTube that want to come and fight, so. I mean, you can get off to anything, really. Yeah.

You get off on a pogo stick, you probably could. The jacuzzi jet one is interesting. The shower head, the handheld shower head, those are good. Dude. Yeah. But do you think the first guy that made the jacuzzi jet is like, wow, everybody's going to be nice and tenderized, and then the girl's like, Bax, what are y'all talking about?

Let me tell you something. You don't think the first dude who invented that shit put his penis in the thing? That was the only reason he invented it. Why would you want to go against the stream? What is your dick, a salmon? You got to go upstream? It feels kind of good.

In it? He's tried it. Anyways, guys, commercial break. Anyways, Michael's banned from floor warms, he is. OK, yeah, I'm sorry to burst the horse girl bubble, but right in, you guys, if you have horses and have gotten off accidentally or on purpose. I think it's on purpose.

Maybe he's not taking, like, rock enough trails. The thing about that? I mean, I have some videos of me competing, and I'll pull them up after. Oh, competing? Yeah, I used to compete, so I was pretty into it. Every horse girl I've ever hooked up with is a furreek. I knew it.

I knew it. Do it it up. Maybe. Something about it. OK, so is that real? Is that a real thing? Literally, I've hooked up with four different horse girls in my life, what I'm talking about.

What's the freakiest thing one of them did? Here's the problem. I think my level of weirdness is like. Your threshold is really high. I don't know if it's really high. I'm sure there are people that are way higher than me. But I think one would flip me over and eat my ass as she's sort of like, all right, how do I describe this?

Tickling your gooch? No, so I'm on my stomach. Superman. OK, yes, Superman. So she's eating my ass and jerking me off underneath. OK, did you have a pillow under your stomach? So you had some elevation there? No, there was no elevation.

It was just sort of using the pressure. And then she was eating my ass. That's the one thing I can think of that one of the horse girls did, but the four were just very open. And then that's where I sort of like came up with this. And I was like, oh, Clit, frigging on the thing. That's how it, yeah. I don't know if I am like, I'm very open like talking about sex.

Like one thing I really want to do in this life is like be a sex occupational therapist. So I'm an OT. I like, before the podcast did grad school, so I have like a doctorate in occupational therapy. And I really want to do like sex OT for people that have had strokes and like, they haven't been getting off. And I'm like, what can we do to get to get off?

Oh, they made strokes from fucking. No, no, no. I don't like the opposite of that. I got a Charlie horse one time having sex. That was terrible. Oh, the butt cramps are the worst. What do you do? You're like, I know, but like it's weird because your dick's

like, huh? Yeah, but your left leg is like, cut me off. Yeah, dude, I even hurt my lower back like two, like in Josh's trip, I was in Josh's with my girl. Like the first night I hurt my back. From fucking? From fucking. The bed was at a weird high angle.

And I had my head like off. Yes, Josh would treat it. Nobody has bed frames. No, this was kind of like a nice bed, but it was a little too high than what I'm normal. I'm only five, nine. You arching weird. Yeah, what was up?

Were you arching? I was arching. You had to stand on the dog kennel. Hot layer. I was standing on my dog. But yeah, like my lower back's on. So I had to take it like a, you know, not a full break, but at least like a 30 second break.

Like I thought I like fucked my lower back up. Did you have an excuse or were you just like, oh, I was like, I think I heard my back. I'm like, do you hear that? What'd you say? You ever do that? Do you hear that? Do you hear that?

It's great. But now you go, do you hear that? What is that? I think the grub's up here. No owner. OK, well, speaking of sex, how do I, yeah, smooth, right? How do I 24 female, get my boyfriend, 27 male, to dress up as the Grinch and fuck me?

Ask him. Next question. Just ask him. But like in the month of December, easy. We're talking January, July, weird, weird. But how do you, he might not be as open to it, but I think he'll do it. How was she going to be dressed like?

I got more details. What is her name? Cindy. Cindy. Taylor Momson is her real name. Who's that? That's her. Huh?

That's Cindy Luhu. Oh, in the movie. Yeah, she was an active girl. Cindy Luhu's not a real person. How old is she now? Old. Great. B.

Let's go. She's a little emo these days. Michael loves emo. Are you into it? It's my favorite dude. She's actually like a big singer. Oh, really? Yeah.

Michael's all about like fishnets and, you know, my chemical romance. Oh, yeah. Michael's going to lose his mind when he's spinning around on this laptop. I'm so excited. Michael's like night early. She's playing.

Fuck. Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah, she's very grunge. I'm so into that. Yeah. Is that called grunge? She looks like Avril Lavigne's tour manager.

I would say she's a little grunge emo. She looks like Adelene if she like swallowed a witch. This is from one of her music videos, I think. Oh, wow. I think Michael's going to go home and break up with his girlfriend. What is this? Yeah.

Watch her music video. One of them, I think she like crawls across a table like really seductively. It's my favorite. Yeah. I like the crawling. I like the crawling dog collar. Come here.

Come get some food. Huh? Yeah. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more.

Imagine yourself in a new tundra where you stop by the home improvement store and finally build that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah, when did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details.

Dealer inventory may vary. So let's get into this. What is the question? This time. Where are we? So it's the Grinch. We got the Grinch. Oh, yeah, the address was the Grinch.

Yeah. Like real answer, all funny for a second. Yeah. It's a wild thing to just straight up ask. I think she needs to allude to the fact that she's like, for some weird kind of like maybe childhood fantasy thing, she's like into the Grinch. And I think it's the same thing as what I said with the bup play.

I think it's like a slow bacon there. If you say that you're into it, like, oh, it's kind of funny. I'm kind of into the Grinch when I was younger. Building questions. Like you're in a role play on the count of three. You say what you'd be down to do, want to do bup. Yeah. But also, I think when you picture the Grinch,

you think of the movie when it's like full makeup. Jim Carrey style. Yeah, full. I got to put on makeup and get horny. Like that's what, you know, it's like, so he's trying to figure out like, you can just tell him to put on a suit and yeah. Yeah. She gets into it.

I'll give you all the details. Oh, yes. I think it's real quick before we get into the details. I think if she like really leaned into it and she's like, I'm Cindy Luhu, like let's do this because I will bet you that that's ish her fantasy. So if she's about to find out. I am, I love this podcast.

Go ahead. I have a Grinch fetish. My boyfriend knows about this and for the most part accepts it. He isn't crazy about it and doesn't really get it. But at least he tries, which is all I ask. He'll sometimes read the book to me to set the mood. Or if he's really feeling kinky, tell me you're a mean one. In the heat of the moment.

He's even begrudgedly come around to at least plain one of the three versions of the film every time we do the deed. Although we tend to stay away from the live action one because it's too much for me. The thing is, I don't want to hear about the Grinch or listen to the Grinch or watch the Grinch. I want to be fucked by the Grinch. And for the record, this is common among women.

The Grinch's bulging sack of toys to me and many others is what a Mack truck is to Cardi B. The fact that he's good with dogs and experienced trauma at a young age makes me want that long, fuzzy dick even more. And it lives in a cave. I mean, I hate Christmas. I mean, that's hot. My boyfriend asked me.

My boyfriend asked me what I wanted for Christmas. And I told him straight up. I told him to put on the greenest, silkiest Grinch costume he could find, kidnap me from my bed on Christmas Eve, and then ravaged me in front of the Christmas tree. He flat out refused. Said it was too weird for him. I was literally begging this man to let this pussy

save Christmas. And he was like, nah, I'm good. It ended up turning into a fight where he admitted he only gave into my initial Grinch kinks to placate me. Placate me? Fucking whatever. And was still uncomfortable. It's placate.

There we go, thank you, Michael. And was still uncomfortable about the fact that I had moaned Grinch during sex a few weeks ago, but only because his song was playing in the background. So he's drawn a line. And if I don't drop the Grinch fetish, which, as I said, is incredibly common among women, but sadly taboo, he's done for good.

I don't want to lose him over this, but it's really hard for me to see past my sexual proclivities, especially during Christmas season. Is there any way we can even compromise on this? Or do I simply need to be more adventurous? She doesn't need to be more adventurous. He does. She's out here.

She does. He's probably just mad that she moaned Grinch and not like Corbin or whatever the hell's name is. He probably took it personal. Yeah. Grinch moaning is. Is sessled, yeah. I mean, yeah, I would do it.

I mean, come on. Here's a time. It just sounds fun. Yeah, because it's December. It's not for Memorial Day weekend, you know, this is. Right, but she's saying that she has a Grinch fetishy all year. It is all year. This is just like, oh, this is just like a Christmas gift

around Christmas. So essentially, this fetish could be construed as like, you want to fuck the Grinch, not me. I didn't know women had a Grinch fetish. Is this true? I didn't know why. Yeah. Timothy Shaw would wear a bust.

No, like all of the comments on this one were like, yeah, like I actually got my partner to do it. Like, I love. What does a Grinch costume look like? Because that'll help me picture it. Also, it's got to be really hot in there. And I hate being hot. Why the fuck am I getting in my head?

I'm sweating. See only thing though. Yeah, but like in a Grinch costume. I'm picturing like a cute onesie. Like it shows your face, but oh, God, that's not what I'm seeing. The face is aggressive. The only Grinch thing I'm seeing. OK, here we go.

Yeah, like that was what I was envisioning, like the cute little onesie. The woman's Grinch. I was thinking it was like that one. Yeah. Yeah, so I guess it depends on what it would be. Like that. Yeah, because that's a full on mask, which is probably

what she'd want. Yeah, of course. I think like if it was me and my girl all of a sudden told me she had this fetish. And I'm kind of out there, but there would be a line for me. There would be like, so this is like every single time I had to be somebody else. Like I'm OK with doing this like a few times or whatever.

But then it's like, this is just what you want. I would feel like alienated from our relationship. That's the way. That was a good point. That's what I would feel. But also like, I think what she said at the end, it's like, like it sucks. But like maybe you like every facet of this dude.

Minus the fact that he's not like into like giving you this grinch thing. Like that could be a deal breaker. Yeah. Like I'm super into like, you know, feet play. If my girl was like, ew, it's disgusting. I'm never going to do that. Like I'm going to be honest.

I love my girl. But it might take a walk. But also slow walk. I want to eat this. Also no fucking shoes. I just want to say how funny is it that a guy like like imagine him like out of brew with his like boys and he's like, fucking dude, she wants me to dress up like a grinch.

I got to put it down somewhere. She's playing the grinch in the background. It's like, hold on. It's better than my girl. Buzz Lightyear, this bitch wants me to be over here. Well, the furries, have you seen like the furry cons? I mean, yeah. Yeah.

So like I feel like the grinch is like more vanilla compared to like fucking as like two dogs. Yeah. Like beowulf piping. Yeah. And there's also like speaking of horse girls, have you seen like the leather dominatrix that make their dudes dress up as horses and like put a bit in their

mouth and then like, like make them pull them on a cart and like have a whip? No, that is the most, that's the least hot thing in the world. Yeah. So like compared to like not to kink shame. I understand what you're saying. But yeah, like not to kink shame or anything, but like there's crazier ones out here.

Like I would just dress up as the grinch and have a good time. Yes. But wouldn't there be like limitations on how many times you would do it? Like so that, so that where, yeah, it sounds like it's just Christmas morning, but it's yeah, it's when it gets to March. All right. Yeah.

When it gets to March, that's when you'd be like, all right, hey, is this just a holiday thing? Or is this forever? Well, cause she was saying like she wanted that for Christmas. Like I think this is like a all the time thing. Putting grinch on a fuck is hilarious. Just every single time. Cause then the song though, like every time it's kind of like,

it gets, it's like a little like the neighbors are like, they really love this movie about Christmas. There's an update update. How do we already get an update? There's nothing. So I honestly regret posting this on the internet because of all the people who kink shamed me and laughed at me. This update isn't for you.

It's for the thousands and thousands of women who reached out, who also want to fuck the grinch my relationship with my boyfriend is over. And I wasn't even the one who ended it. We were taking a little Christmas date this weekend, driving around and looking at all the Christmas lights. It was a really nice time. The Grinch song even came on on the radio while we were driving, but I didn't want to ruin a sweet, innocent date.

So I contained myself. We were happy. We were merry until we passed a house with an inflatable Grinch. It was too much, way, way too much. Please tell me she got a car and started fucking it. Say that. Say that right now. I soaked in every inch of that decoration. I couldn't help myself.

I begged him to pull over and fuck me right there so I could stare at the Grinch's thick, glowing thighs. I said, our trunk could be the back of his sleigh. He got pissed and was like, kids live in this neighborhood, but the green glow in the rear view was too much for me. So I just kept taking off my clothes and then he pulled over. I thought he was going to oblige me, but he didn't. He said it was too much and that he's done

and that he will never be able to think of the Christmas season ever again without thinking about getting fucked by the Grinch. And that's somehow so 2020 and he just can't take it anymore. He wants me to get out of the apartment by the end of the week. So thanks, everyone, for saying he should leave me, for saying I'm a freak, for laughing at something I wrote in earnest. Merry Christmas. So sad, isn't it?

Sad. But I think where she wins is that what she said and there's every Christmas, she's going to have to think about that. And he'll have kids one day like, Dad, can we watch Grinch? She's like, fucking no. Look at what she said about this world Jewish now. That's his Billion origin story. Yeah, fuck, dude.

But here's the thing. Here's the good news is she got out of a relationship that ultimately wasn't making her happy and it allows herself to open up to other opportunities that are going to make her happy in the long run. So whatever your name is, Sidney Luhu, you fucking got it. You're going to win at the end of the day. I think so, too.

I think find someone who matches your level of excitement for the Grinch, at least a little bit. Yeah, here's here's a little bit of a Santa con or something. That would be a good way to find him. There's always the one guy that dresses up as the Grinch. Yeah. Oh, my God. And there's always the guy who's like, he leans into the Grinch. Cool, fuck me.

Yeah. Or honestly, I keep getting TikToks from like Disney or Universal, whatever theme park, had the Grinch dressed up. Oh, I was in those, too. That was a dick, yes. You see that guy? No, he was all he was like yelling. He was like, you know that restaurant we put a hat on you

and they talk shit about you? Yes. Oh, Dick's Last Resort. It was like that, but he was in a Grinch costume and he was like full, full to a makeup. This is where you'll probably see this and just have Hurricane Harbor in her pants. I mean, it was like, I got a little rocked up watching it. Really? This is great.

Because he would be like, oh, well, the fuck. No, it's not. It's a terrible Grinch impression. But he'd be like, No, he was like, OK, make it quick. God, I just sound like my grandpa. You get what I'm saying. Anyways, yeah, go to that guy and just

show your Grinch tattoo and be like, I got something else. I think that would be the perfect match for her. Can I say one thing now? Yeah. All right, cool. Anyways, next. No, does she think that a guy that is willing to oblige this fetish fully is going to be just a good partner in the long run?

Does that make any sense? Like, I just I just feel like if you I feel like one person can have a cake and eat it, too, type of feel. Yeah, but the other the other person needs to be kind of like a ying and yang. You got a higher guy of crisis to fuck you as a Grinch. Cool. That's what I'm saying. OK, I think it could be a dessert and not like where you the whole meal. Because think about the Grinch guy might be like, oh, dude,

none of these girls want to use Grinch fantasy with me. And then somewhere out there, the fucking. Yeah, I don't know. Because I I look at well, I look at it from this perspective if like we're going to just trade out the kink and like say it's the foot kink or like any other interesting kink that people have. Does that kink affect the rest of their life? I don't know. It's true.

So I think it's true. Yeah. And I will say, too, like, I don't know if my girl necessarily like is over the moon about footplay. But I think she's not hilarious. You're probably right. You're probably wrong. But I think that it's really hot to her what it does to you. So that's where that's where she's to find because maybe the Grinch he normally wouldn't want to just agree.

But like when he puts it on the way that she looks at him, must be like, oh, I'm a God. Yeah. So that my text or my number. That sounds hot. Yeah, I mean, there's a guy that I'll do it for sure. One. Yeah. There's a guy listening right now and like, give me a flight ticket. I don't even know where she is.

Yeah, it's green paint all over his fucking apartment. That's such a good point, though, because like again, fucking Tiktok my videos, I saw this lady who like, I guess when you breastfeed, you get like clots, like you can get clots. And so this woman was like self pumping her boob to get the clot out. And so someone commented and they're like, have your husband do it? Like he should be willing to help you. And like people were like, I had my husband do it.

It was way easier to get out. So like you just suck on their boob until the clot comes out. And they're like really big. It's so sad. But she was like something about the Tiktok was like, I give him blowjobs and he can't reciprocate to help me in this way. Right. And it's like, that makes sense. Like she doesn't like giving blowjobs, but she does it to appease him because he enjoys it.

And it's like, he can't reciprocate this like little favor that's going to help her. Right. And you get like a milk ball at the end. You ever have like an almond milk ball from your girl's tit? I mean, you know, who knows? No, but I've had a gum ball at the bottom of my ice cream. That's pretty good. I love that. You know, but it's always so hard. I don't know if you'd want to eat the clump that comes out.

That's what I mean. That's got to be. But that is like, you know, it's like, you got it out. Yeah. How do you see them? No, you're spitting your coffee like, fuck, yeah. Whoa. I know. Let me see. Oh, this is one. They can be this big.

It looks like Boba. Yeah. OK, so it's like a clogged duct. So this is also from Tiktok. If in case your significant other doesn't believe you, that clogged duct hurts. Show them this. Oh, that's got to hurt. Whoa. Yeah. And that has to come out your nipple. Like, that's the only way that comes out. Oh, no.

Yeah. Listen. Another reason women deserve awards for having children. Your body is what it goes. There's insane. It's a wonderland. It really is. Yeah. Our human body is just a Honda Civic. You just like wash it once it once a year. You're good. Yeah.

Five in one body wash. You're good. Oh, really? You do the five in one? Seven one, actually. All right. Yeah. There's what if you had to choose, would you be a woman or a dude? I want to be a girl, but I don't want to have to go through what girls go through. Like if I could skip periods, if I could grow a baby in a bag instead of going through childbirth, like baby in a bag, like in a Jansport, like what do you mean? Baby in a bag. Coming to Netflix.

They're working on growing babies in a bag. You guys, I'm just like giving everything. It sounds like a start up baby in a bag. That's what I want it to be. I want it to be a start up. Hi, sharks. I have. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't like this at all. Oh, they're growing lambs. So they started testing it on lambs, but essentially it's supposed to be four.

Like women down the road. So if like someone's born premature, they can just stick the baby in a bag and grow it the rest of the way in the bag. Okay. The premature thing I mean. Okay. I understand that. I thought it was from the jump. We're starting. I thought you'd met it in a Ziploc and then you're like, which I think this word would be even better. Whoa, great.

Yeah. Like I would love. I just thought I would assert it was last year. Really? Yeah. I thought. Give it to him. I thought, and I'm not a very well educated man. Very well educated man.

I thought the guy like fucked the surrogate woman. Oh God. Yeah. Some people on Reddit have to like, they want to do it that way. I mean, I would too. If I was a guy, honey, oh, don't worry. You don't have to care. I'll put it in Miranda. Yeah. She's like, Miranda's my mom. Shout out.

Yeah, but I, yeah, I like turkey baster. It or Pete tradition. Right. I thought you pumped in, you know, very wrong. But is your dick essentially a turkey baster? Same thing. What is the difference? Yeah. Essentially. Essentially.

Um, yeah, but I just found that out and I was like dead tears and people were yelling at me. Like that's not, what do you mean? I was like, what? You could. Yeah, you could. So like one of the Reddit stories I was going to read on an episode a while ago, it was like,

I agreed to be my sister and brother-in-law surrogate until I found out what they wanted. And they're like super churchy. And they were like, we can't do the IVF like Peter Dish. It's against God's wishes. So, um, sister. You need to have sex with my husband. And then she was like, I'm out.

Was he hot? Was she hot? Did anyone film it? I mean, that's a porn upside right there. One hundred percent. Oh no, step bro, you're now my surrogate? Yeah. Oh no, step bro, I'm stuck on a horse. Where is it?

Let's go. The step bro stuff kills me. So not. Actually, what am I talking about? Yes, it is hot. Yes, it is. I just have step brothers. But if I have a step sister,

beat. You did make out with your cousin, though. I did. Yeah. I did. See, I told you. And she was a horse girl. What the fuck?

That was my first horse girl. Horse girl. What is it? Horse girl. Horse girl. There it is. Horse girl. Okay.

I don't know what's wrong with us. No, no, I was at my grandma's house. Not any better. Was it your first cousin? That was my first cousin. Yeah. Oh, Michael. Wait, wait, wait.

First cousin, like in the family channel, like first cousin, then you're like, all right, let's move on. Who's next? No. No. It was just my first cousin. Wanted to die.

My first cousin. Okay. We talked about this briefly on our show, and I would like to get your two high takes on this. Uh-huh. I know, dude. Look at that. Branding.

Second cousin. Super bad. Okay. You see him maybe once a year at a barbecue, sort of. Beating or no. Hooking up with him in the back of a shed. I mean, it's better than first. Like, Albert Einstein married his first cousin.

See nothing wrong with that. He was so smart. So I don't know. I like second. That's for sure, dude. Two tries. I guess it depends on how far down, like. Second cousin.

You see him once a month. What is that? What walkthrough? What is that? That's your dad's sister's son's homie? No. What's her store? Yeah.

So what it is. So it's your homie. So it's your mom's sister's husband's. We're slower, slower, slower. Yeah, yeah. Mom? Mom. So you have them.

You have your mom. So picture your mom, right? Got it. And then her, does your mom have a sister? Brother. Brother. So your mom's brother is married to, let's give names, married to Cheryl.

Yeah. OK. Cheryl has a sister. Oh, you're technically not even related. Correct. There's no blood. Yeah. Oh.

Second cousin is no blood. Oh, then you're totally fine. Then it might be third cousin on the total. No, second cousin. Third. Why would third be second? Second cousin, you're not, you're not, there's no blood. Yeah.

I'm on board for that. Yes. Like you're not going to have genetically, like. No, no, no, no, no. I mean, would I marry this person? No. No, of course not. Would I drink some fireball and ride in the back of an ATB

bareback? Yeah. Yes. So you would. How come? Why are you yelling at me when we brought it up? You just can't say, you say we're a cousin. I just sounds no blood.

You're my friend's friend. That's like your second. I have a second cousin. Well, if you're listening, what up? That's where it gets tricky, because it's like, you can have like cousins, but then you can have like your second cousin once removed. And so I think that's what that would be.

Is that what I'm talking about? Are they sending me Christmas cards? Can you trust me? Well, if there's no, like. Then I don't want it. I feel like that's a fake cousin. Because if they got divorced, it wouldn't be your cousin anymore. So technically it's a fake cousin.

Whoa. Yeah. That is true. It's a cousin that's not blood. It's not your real cousin. I'm okay with that. Okay, sick. So you would.

I think that's okay. All right. Okay. I'm happy. I'm happy. Everyone go with what I'm saying. Yeah, it's confirmed. Okay, go, go, go.

The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors, and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying. Learn something each time.

Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org. Developed by CDC. Next up, towels.

What is it? Towels. Towels. Towels. My boyfriend, 39, puts a towel on his crotch when he sits to take a dump, because he hates the smell of his own poop, and then proceeds to hang it back on the doorknob,

bent together for three years. I, 31, female, confronted him about it, but he ignored my concerns. I finally found out one day because I accidentally opened the door and I saw the traumatizing image in front of me. After he was done, because I do respect the pooping time,

I approached him and told him what the heck did I just watch. Then he explained to me the reason, and I mean I get it, but still told him that it's disgusting that he hangs it back on the doorknob, because I'm sure the towel keeps some of the disgusting smell of his own number two.

He agreed and told me he was not going to do, to ever do that again. Oh, he will. Because, yes, it's gross. Today, I opened the door by accident. I thought he was in the kitchen and saw the image over again. I confronted him about it,

and now he completely changed his words and claims that it's his towel, and he can do whatever the heck he wants with his towel. I don't know what to do. We only have one bathroom, and I don't know how to approach this. I'm not understanding the vision. He lays it over.

Yeah. Like, so it doesn't have to smell it. So he's seated on the towel. And then he just puts a towel over his waist? Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry. It just sounds like it's over his dick, kind of blocking where smells would seep up from.

I got it. But that's not how science works, but yeah, I'm sure he still smells it. But I guess it muffles it a little bit. Maybe, yeah. I think you just got to... It's like farting under a blanket. You don't really smell it until you lift it up.

Okay. Yeah, no, I think you just go with the flush right away. You go and you flush, and then you wipe, and then you flush again. It would be a better way to deal with that. As soon as it's not even there, it's gone. There's also this stuff that I actually have in my bathroom. It has such a cartoon name.

Poopery. It's like Poopsy Daisy. Yes, it's something. But it's called Poopsy Daisy or whatever. Poopsy Daisy. Okay. It does, dude. So I don't know if you've ever heard about it.

Also, what the fuck is this guy eating? Just Chipotle. Yeah. Yeah. But you spray it in the water before you poop, and you smell it a little bit, but it definitely kills the smell. It's magical.

The towel. The towel seems like a stoner trick that you'd do to hide weed smell. Oh, yeah. But it doesn't seem like it helps that that much, you know? Can I say this? It also seems a bit like a blankie. Like a little kid blankie.

A concert blankie. It feels very comfortable when he does it. Maybe he cuts like a little cloth that he can hold instead for the memories. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think there's ways around it. There's definitely ways around it.

And also, why does it really gross her out? That was like, you're not in the room. Just don't. If I was her, I would get a separate color towel that you know that's your towel. Or you like bring on towel. Like in the dorms, you got to bring on towel to the shower. Because I wouldn't want to use poop towel.

Correct. For your hands after. No. And also wouldn't you? Dad's shower, anything. I wouldn't want the towel near the other towels. I would want him in the house. Yeah, let's kick him out.

I agree. I think it's just like let him have his own towel. I'm like, hide it under the sink when you're done. Oh, I like it. Like it doesn't need to be out and about. Get a storage thing. You get it from Ikea. You put it next to the bathroom.

Sorry, next to the toilet. Yeah, that way he gets his towel. Yeah. It's not like he's wiping his ass with it. Correct. Which we have had a story where a girl like, she had a phobia of like accidentally getting poop on her hand. So she used to use socks to wipe her ass

and then just like throw him away. So it's not like that. That's when the other pair is going for triers. Yeah. So many. How wealthy is this woman? That's crazy. Yeah, she was.

Also soft. Yeah. I'd go t-shirt, no? I mean, it'd be softer. Socks are like, I don't think they're the softest. It's also very narrow. I would go with a microfiber towel because you can get those on Amazon for like almost nothing.

Or a bidet. Or a bidet. Or just like get little plastic gloves and use toilet paper. Like if you're scared about the poop touching your hand. You know? Hold on. What was it? Plastic gloves.

Yeah, like a glove. And then just like use toilet paper, but it's not going to actually get on your hand. That would make going number two hilarious. Afterwards, you take it off your gloves and you're like, fuck that bathroom. The best surgery. Yeah.

Just crush it in there. Yeah. So I don't know. I think. I think this is definitely manageable. I think you just find another place for the towel and you just let him do his thing and don't, if it freaks you out or whatever,

just don't go in there when he's doing it. He has a designated poop towel. Yeah. Yep. That's what the top comment said too. Maybe a special towel just for like his own little hand that can be hung up out of the way. A bunch of like poop emojis.

But then you see like a guest one day and like washing their face like, thanks for letting me stay at your apartment. And you're like, oh no. You can never tell them if that happened. No, no, no, no, no. Next comment. Right next to his poop knife.

Whoa. What does that mean? The next one was poop knife? You guys have never heard about the poop knife? Uh-uh. No. Oh, God, you are Reddit virgins. So in the Reddit Hall of Fame.

Whoa, I'd be going on Reddit for porn. Yeah. There's a lot of panty deals on there too. Panty deals. Yeah. Like if you want to sell your underwear, you can like, there's a bunch of threads to sell your underwear.

It's an interesting separate. Oh, shit. So poop towel is in like the Reddit Hall of Fame. And so it's a story about like, today I fucked up when I learned that every family doesn't have a poop knife. And so this guy and his family took such big shits and it would lay across the whole of the toilet.

That no matter how many times you flushed, it like wouldn't go down. So they had a family poop knife and it hung up in their laundry room and they would like, if their poop got stuck, like go down to the laundry room, get the poop knife and then cut the poop

so you could flush it. So this became like such a big thing that Wow. Now there's an actual product called the poop knife. Can I see it? Yeah, you can buy it. Dude, that makes sense.

When you buy a foot-longed subway, they cut it in half for a reason. You can't digest that all at once. But what the hell was this family eating? It's just like this little knife. So you just cut it. I mean, don't make money off anything these days. I know.

Can we just get back to it? But a lot of people were like, I do it too. Cut the poop. Yeah. What are these people eating? Yeah. Like they're eating like other people's shit. Five cardboard.

Like why is it so... That was what was crazy is like the guy didn't know his wife didn't know that was his poop knife and she had been using that knife to open packages and stuff. Never to cook, but packages. Packages is hilarious.

But can you imagine if she would have accidentally cooked with it? She for sure did want... Everybody's used that one pair of scissors in the kitchen to be like, I'll open chicken with this and you're like, I maybe shape my balls with this. Oh.

Josh is just speaking out of Reddit stories. I'm like, come on. Oh, Chaminella. The poop knife is wild. Yeah. How are you married to someone and have that type of secret? Like that's a...

The poop knife? Yeah, I feel like that would come up a conversation at some point. You know what they say about health? A good poop is good health. So honestly, on one hand, I want to be mad, but on the other hand, I'm like, good for you.

What's wrong with your plumbing? You can't hand... Like your plumbing can't handle a poop. My poop is... But you ever use somebody's toilet and it does like a slow flush? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hate bad water flow. Me too. Especially like a party when you're like, goo. It's always the worst times. Always. Strongest toilets are always where you don't eat them. Okay.

Well, moving along. So the title is, Am I the asshole? Newlywed husband, 32 male, wanted to wait till marriage for sex and surprised me, 27 female, with a micro penis on our honeymoon. Hell yeah.

Oh, she hadn't even seen it? So we only dated for six months. We've been engaged for another six months and just got married on Saturday. I literally just got back from my honeymoon a couple of hours ago. My husband isn't a religious guy. He just says he is old fashioned like that.

That's supposed to change. We got close to fooling around a couple of times, but it never went far. I tried, but he always stopped after it went too far. Anyways, fast forward to now. Am I the asshole for reading into this and being upset that I waited until my wedding night to find out that he probably isn't as old fashioned

as he says he is? I'm not going to shame him and honestly, I don't even know how I'll broach the topic and I'm not seeking advice. I honestly just acted like nothing was out of the ordinary and went to town with him, but I don't know.

I kind of feel lied to. Like a half truth or something was intentionally withheld from me. This was unexpected to say the least. If you've read this far, thanks for your time. Yeah, I think she felt lied to. She felt like it wasn't a religious thing. It was just like, he was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then he like got her and is like, we're married. All right. Yeah, it wasn't. And it's a thumb. She's like, what the hell? I think she would be happy with a thumb. I think this is like a micro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She does say the size. Yes. So she goes, my inbox is blowing up with dick pics. Guys, really? I've seen dicks before. I know what they look like. It's so funny. Guys like, I'll show you micro dick.

For all of you who keep asking, it's about an inch and a quarter. Oh, now I feel bad. I mean, family, like this is about an inch. So you're talking about half a thumb. I mean, this is him in July, like a nice, humid inch and a half. No, that's big.

That's big. That's like two inches. That might be two or three even. This is about an inch. Correct. I think your knuckle, like the top from your... This is about an inch. Yeah.

So you're talking about a little more than a half a thumb. Laying a pint. A ract? A racta. Not like at the gym, at 24-hour fitness, just after a shower. I'm talking about like full ass, fully loaded with blood. Yeah.

I mean, it's... That's tough. It's also got to be hard to... Oh, I don't fucking care. Nothing's hard. Listen. I think you can definitely still come from it. Like you might not like have a penetration orgasm,

but like a lot of female orgasms are from your clit anyways. But it's just the lying. It's a trickter. It's the lying. It's the tricking. It's also like... It's like a timeshare thing. It's like, it's so great.

Come on, sign up. And then she signed up. It's a pyramid scheme. By pyramid, I mean, it's one and a half inches. I think it's that, but it's also the idea that you're not comfortable with yourself. Like not comfortable at all with yourself. So much so like...

You have to... So yeah, you have to like kind of create this whole like, I'm religious for... I mean, yeah, like you won't be in the same room if you go poop with the guy, but like imagine just never having your dick out for six months. Yeah, it's weird. I mean, that's the part where you're like,

you never saw it? You never rubbed up against it? Yeah, like even like, if they were like really conservative, like over the pants, like rubbing... Something. You gotta have like... No brace sweat pants? Never in a tight, you know, subway.

And you're like, kind of got to squeeze past one another. Yeah. Like, well, that zipper is really sharp today. It's like, it's my cock. But yeah, you're right. Like not even like a... You would play around with your girlfriend. I need to see a photo of this guy.

Be like, does he give up small dick energy? What if you just saw a picture of me? You're like, fuck, Michael, hey. I mean, I thought it was gonna be like a three or four inch thing, but like this man is... That's a true micro penis. Oh God, I didn't know... Wow, makes me feel good about myself.

It's like that much. Yeah. I mean, unless he can eat a cooter, it's gonna be a problem. But I don't... She said it wasn't about that, right? She was saying it was just about like, I'm being lied to. Yeah, to lie to, yeah. Like down a path for one year.

It's like, if you do that, like, what else you not... There's gotta be something else, right? Yeah. But also she could be leaning into that because she's pissed he is a micro penis. So, you know. I'd be sad. I mean, wouldn't you be sad if you just like...

Is it the lies? You're like, I'm old fashioned. And then you're like, you have a small dick. Would you be with a girl like with a micro cooter? Is that a thing? I mean, probably... Micro cooter. Like a really, really small cooter

that you can get like just a headier PPN. Like that would be a problem for me. I couldn't do like a full thrust just like the head of it. There are like a lot of women where it's like really painful to have sex and like you have to do sizers and stuff and like slowly build your way up because you can only get like a pinky in.

And so, it is like, yeah, it is like a thing. Like a ear gauge? Similar, but it's like in the shape of like a little, like a bullet vibrator almost. They're dilators and you just like slowly go up in size. You can use them for ass play too to like slowly build up. I've seen that. I've seen that.

I had a feeling you'd be... Yeah, Michael's four in his car right now. He brings it for good luck. So she does confront him. Oh, I love these. Like we don't know what's happening. You go, and she does confront. Either way, we are up the top.

There's more. Yeah. Not at this cock though. Yeah. I confronted him last week about intentionally keeping this from me. And he said he was sure I would leave him if I knew about the size prior to the wedding

and that he wanted to talk before the wedding. That's about concern. But feared it being called off because of his micro penis and said if both families found out slash gossiped about it, he would be crushed, which is basically what I did with the entire world via Reddit and this podcast. But he didn't know this until last night

because I never told him that I posted on Reddit when we talked. So what happened? Oh, there's not... Well, they also... They got married after six months. That's... No, one year.

One year. One year. They did for six months. They were engaged for six months and they got married. Yeah, so one year total. That was it for the update, but then in a comment, she said something about,

I assure you, my husband is a sweet, sweet man. I wouldn't just walk away from him for this. Nobody is perfect and if roles were reversed and he was upset about my lady bits not being up to par, the world would hate him. There's such a unique situation to find yourself in. Thanks for the support and the inbox messages. So it sounds like they're going to work it out.

I think it was truly just the line and the deceptiveness. Yeah. It has got to be interesting to be packing 1.5. When do you find a good time to say? Yeah. Like, have a carnival? Like, whoa, mini corn dogs.

Babe, I've been meaning to talk to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, my favorite candy is Mentos. Listen. Crackin' peanuts. Yeah, so see the size of this. Would you be okay with this size? Big, small.

You folks with pistachio nuts? I measure my dick in the metric system. So I'm like eight centimeters. Is that big or what are we talking? I mean, listen, dude, as a dude, if you have a micro penis man, you catch so much hell throughout your entire life. I can't even imagine.

Like, I can't even imagine, like, the just- Locker room. Just a PTSD that he holds with that. And the amount of girls that left him prior, he's like, fuck it, dude, the next draw I like it. Like, I'm not telling her. And I'm not, like, defending what he's saying. But like-

You feel a little bit of sense. I definitely do, man. Doesn't get a little sad. You can empathize. Yeah, I definitely do. Because Michael has one, but he told me right off the bat. Yeah, I did. I did two inches, but like, you know,

it shouldn't alter our friendship. Yeah, it's not the motion in the boat, it's the water in the ocean motion boat. What the fuck is that thing saying? It's not the whale, it's the wind sail. That's what it is. I love the spot. That's great.

Put it on the Forever 21 t-shirt. Jet skis, it's not the handles in the water, it's the water in the, the jet ski ocean. It's not the handles on the grip, it's the handles. On the tits. Tip. Tip.

This is our podcast now. I'm like, I literally feel like I'm the meme with the math lady. Like, seeing everything above her head. Just like, I'm like, why can't people go on with it? I don't even know where it's going either. Motion of the ocean, though. You ever heard that?

It's not the motion of the ocean. It's, what is it? No, it's not the, it's not the, it's not the length of the boat. It's not the length of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean. Okay, yeah, that sounds right. Right.

But I'm gonna be honest, like, that is true to a certain degree. 1.5 inches? No. Get a bigger dick. But the, but if you have like a four, I think, I think you can, and you know how to work a four?

I think you should just get a good strap on, and then the micro penis would be like, almost like a cock ring axe, where maybe it'll just like tickle her clit. And then it's like two birds, one stone. Like there's, I feel like there's ways you could really spice this up and make it beneficial and fun.

I think that he, I mean, he is probably insanely good at eating vagina. He probably knows how to finger like a fucking, like just a demon. And you can have some dildo play, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And then, and then, and then yeah, and then you go to town on the Mentos.

I think, I think it's all workable. I think he was just very embarrassed. Yeah. I hope they work it out. Me too. I do too. And I hope it's not genetic. Because I wouldn't want to be that kissy.

I wonder. I wonder. I don't know. There's not a lot of research. I've actually tried to Google pictures of micro penises and not a lot comes up. I just imagine how you get a bundle of grapes and they're all like normal

and then like one grapes like kind of small. I feel like it's just like that genetically. Yeah. Just like a flip of a coin. Much of a normal grapes. And then everyone's like, oh, fuck. I got the small grape. I wonder what the percentage is.

I'm sure it's higher than we think. I would love to know like a one in how many. One in 30. What do you think? I'm going to guess. I'll say five percent. I'm going to guess five percent. Five percent.

I'm going to say the valley. How much percent? I said five percent. What are we talking? Encino, Sherman Oaks? High. High. High.

According to this one from the Cleveland Clinic. Oh, Cleveland. No, that's a big one. 0.6 percent. So not even 1 percent. 0.6. It's rare. So 1.5.

And that's worldwide. 1.5 out of every 10,000. It's pretty good. So let's say I get 100,000 views on my story. You got some in there? Got some in there. Shout out to them. But what is the measurement?

What's the qualifier for a micro penis? Pull your pants down. All right. What qualifies for a micro penis? I just like, what is happening? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A micro penis has a stretched penile length of less than 2.5 standard deviation below the mean for the male's age.

Okay. The average for adult males is 5.25 inches. Yes. Massive. I'm in there. So 5.25 minus whatever the standard deviation is. Because dick size varies by country. So like the Scandinavian countries have big dicks.

And we're- Yeah, they're fucking Vikings. Yeah. They're literally Vikings. You ever seen a Scandinavian person? I'm gonna go take a 23 at me. If you like literally, we went there, me and my boyfriend, and he's like,

I feel very inadequate here. Like everyone is tall and hot. And like he's 5'11". He's not short, but he was like- Wow. He's like everyone here is like 6'3", 6'6", like Vikings. Yeah. Blonde hair, hot.

Yeah. Yeah. Packing. Just a kickstand between their legs. Oh yeah. Just an RB sandwich of a cock. Not, that doesn't make any sense. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. You know. Yeah. This other one says smaller than 2 inches when flaccid. Whoa. When flaccid. Flaccid. I don't necessarily agree with that.

Who's measuring flaccid? Because no one can measure flaccid. No. Because so many people are growers, not showers. Correct. And you'd be surprised what I've seen magically grow. Like- You're a grower or a shower.

What's the biggest one? Grower. You're a grower. So when you're kicking it, where are we at? When you're just like- Kicking it? When you're just hanging out. Micro penis.

Well, are you 2 inches? No, I don't know. This is all sarcasm. I want to- I've never measured soft. That's an insane theory. I would say I'm probably just kicking it. You have some homework.

Like just playing like NBA Jam. I'd probably say I'm like maybe 3. What about when you're podcasting? Podcasting? With you? 11. I don't know. I've never measured.

I've never been soft like get out the ruler. Oh yeah. I don't know either. Get out the ruler. Well, you can imagine. No. Really? Uh-uh.

After a cold shower? I'm fucking myself. Cold shower. Cold shower. It's hybrid. I'm inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Well, I hope they work it out. Me too. I think it'll be okay. She sounds like she's very supportive. Yeah. The way she wrote it, she seems very sweet. Yeah. Okay.

I've got two more for you. Yeah. One more sex one. One more. Yeah. And then we're going to end on like a PG note somewhat. Boo. My 19 male girlfriend, 23 female farts during sex.

Wait, who does? The guy does? The lady. The girl. Okay. The title explains it all. My girlfriend farts during sex. At first I was dealing with it fine

and thought it was just bad timing, but it's gotten worse and I've tried to give up on doggy style all together. I haven't told her because I know it hurt her feelings and to be honest, I kind of like it. But he knows it's not like queef, right? Like it's like farts for him. They deduced in the comments, it's not a queef.

It's not okay. Which surprises me. She's 19, there's no idea. Yeah. And like doggy is like the most prevalent way. Yeah, right. Oh, you'd be queefing. Yeah.

Hemi's cranking. Like the angle just really traps the air out there. Yeah, you put a high school recorder on there, it can play a fucking song. Yeah. But so I did some research. I was like, is this a common thing? And so I found two other Reddit posts,

my 23 male girlfriends, 23 female, embarrassing issue during sex. Every time she's about to come or when she's coming, she farts like 75% of the time. And it happened the first time when I was going down on her. I got a good laugh about it. Ha, ha.

I've actually gone to the point where I associate her farts during sex with her losing control. Yeah. Which usually sets me over the edge. There you go. So this person was on board. So the body just losing all control,

being like just so excited. Yeah. Everything getting pushed out. She might even sneeze when she comes too hard. Yeah, and so. My girl shits on me. Guys, let's move on. The next one, my girlfriend farts

like a machine gun when she gets off. It's adorable, but I can't help that I want to laugh every time. The guy that's wear a machine gun. Yeah. But I don't know. I would be fine with it. I mean, it's just like something

you have to deal with. Yeah. Because is there anything that she can do? It's something you just have to be fine with, I guess? Yeah, she's probably, honestly, female orgasms are so mental too. You really have to relax and be in the zone. Yeah, it's so annoying.

And so, yeah, it's really hard sometimes. Yeah, I need to read Catch in the Rye. Austin, you need to play part cheesy. She smells like cinnamon in my left nostril. Set the mood. 20 minutes of foreplay, though, increases a female orgasm by 60%. 20 minutes?

I got shit to do. You better start taking care of your lady a little better. 20 minutes. That's a full episode of It's Always Sending Philadelphia. Yeah. Put it on. There you go. Or new girl, like one of them.

You know, you got it. I don't know if Philly's setting the tone. Alexis, set 20 minutes. Have you heard of Pure Romance, the sex toy company? No. I think so. So they have this cream. It's called Oak Cream.

And it's incredible. It, like, heightens all the nerves on your clit. So, like, 20 minutes, you could cut it in half. It's maybe even a four. What does it called? Charger. Charger. Much quicker.

It's funny. It's what it called Oak Cream. Oak Cream. It's really good. Oh, I'm going to. And there's flavors. There's Kiwi Strawberry, vanilla. I love vanilla.

Yeah. Oh, this is good. Oak Cream. But, yeah, I think with these people, I think I just got to get used to the farts. You're also, like, both asshole naked. It's like, if that part is the embarrassing part, that's, like, I don't know.

There is a, how do they smell? Is it, like, horrendous? And then there's a problem. But if it's just, like, air or, like, whatever, I just pretend it's a quiff and move on. The one guy said they're never stinky or gross, but she gets embarrassed about it. Yeah.

I have a loose conversation about her. Like, this doesn't bother me. Please don't be offended. I actually think it's kind of hot when you do it because I know that you, like, are losing control and it makes me hard and blah, blah, blah, and you're fine. And you just fucking deal with it. Open communication.

Oh, that's literally the number one thing. And everything else is stupid easy. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. Okay. On that note, Oak Cream. Banana.

I know. I'm getting it. I need your romance. That is the sponsor is. I wish. I would love a supply of it. I ran out. Okay.

Ran out. Yeah. And you don't have to use, like, less is more. Like, just a little dollop if you get it. Just a little dollop. Maybe dollop is what I need to say with my coffee. A little dollop. Just a little salt.

A little splash. Oak Cream. All right, I'm getting it. Okay. One last one. Let's do it. Not sexual. It's PG.

All right, cut it. But. I hate it. How do you feel about coloring books? I'm curious. It's something. Oak Cream. It's something I've really wondered about recently.

And so here we go. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key.

I kept on trying. Learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org.

Developed by CDC. He made me go half on the first date. I, 24, female, met this guy on hinge, 32 male. And he invited me out to dinner. He chose the time and place. We made it there and it was a 30 minute wait. So he suggested getting a drink at a bar across the street. We ended up getting our appetizer there too,

since the wait was a bit long. I offered to pay for the drinks. Didn't think he would let me. But he said, it's okay. I could pay for the next dinner, I guess. The drinks and appetizers were $45. He paid. We made it to dinner and it rounded up to $70.

I paid. This is extremely unattractive to me, only because it was a first date. He knew he would get me to pay for dinner and ordered more appetizers and lots of extras. He chose the place and initiated the date, but I ended up paying. Outside of this conversation, he was okay.

Honestly, the monetary portion of the date threw me off and was pretty gross to me. I've never had that happen. He texted me, but I haven't texted him back. I think I'm no longer interested. Is this a good reason to cut him off? Wow. I'm kind of all over the map with this pain thing.

I thoroughly enjoy, especially on a first date, when there's some inclination that a girl is attempting to pay. The stretch. The stretch or like, oh, no, let's split it. I'm like, no, it's totally fine. Like, I get it, it's fine. And then another big thing for me, which is forgotten a lot when I was dating, is the thank you.

Yeah. Thanks, big. Son. I can't imagine never saying, like, not saying thank you. It's prevalent. It's prevalent that you get up and it's just like. It's expected. It's expected or I deserve or whatever, whatever.

It's like, no, we're both here. Like, I don't have a problem of pain, but like, it should be. Well, it just says a lot about you, right? If you don't, if you get something done for you and you don't feel as though you need to say thank you, it says it bleeds over into who you are as a human. And that's where I have a problem of it. This, there's like a mental gymnastics with this

because it's like, you paid, he did. In fact, she offered, he said, no, I got it. And he, that was $45. And the second thing, and did he offer to pay or was the deal like, oh, I'll pay for this and you pay for dinner. Yeah. I could drink so you get dinner. That's what it sounds like.

If that was the deal, that was like talked about before paying for the appetizer drinks thing. And she, and it was like, I'll get this and you get dinner. I probably, the only weird discrepancy is I wouldn't have ordered all that shit that he said that he did. That's the only thing that's weird. But, but her, but her at paying for dinner, if they had that agreement.

Also, if you invite her out and you pick the place, you kind of, you're just being like, hey, this is my night, I'll pay for it. Yeah, that's my feeling. I, I think on the first date, like I'm down to split things going forward or like, I get this time, you get the next time. But if you're asking me out on a date and I'm getting ready and I'm looking good, then you initiated it.

You should pick up the bill on the first one. Like women get taxed on so much shit. We have like a pink tax on all our products. Makeup, we pay more. Like female deodorant, we have a tax on it. Dudes don't. Like we have a pink tax. So I'm like, it's got to even out somewhere.

So it's going to be the first, first date dinner. I can just like picture this guy though. You know, you have us on the date. I think the, the adding food really is what pissed me off too. I'm like, I think the fact that he like took the cheaper bill on purpose. Yeah. This was like my boss. I'd be like, yeah, for sure.

Running up Brussels sprouts, add bacon. Like it's 9am. I don't give a fuck. T-bone steak. But I'm going to be honest, like $70 for the whole bill, even if he quote unquote added stuff, like where do they live? $70 is like one person's meal with nothing else. Yeah, that's a good point.

Yeah, I think it's a principle. The meal could have been $17. It is the principle. I would, if she, this woman was asking me specifically, I would say I would text them back. I will go out on another date. And I literally would let him know. What I said five minutes ago, it's like crazy open communication.

Seems insanely scary, but it cures so much shit. Yeah. Because if she says, is she super open? It gives him the license to be super open. And then he might be like, listen, I'm sorry. Like I, I like you a lot, but I'm like literally in between jobs. I'm making this. My goals and aspirations are this.

I'm going to be something, but I, but at this moment in time, I don't have a ton of money. I was, I invited two nice plays. I got nervous, like nervous, whatever. Then everyone's on the same page. No one has to play these weird like gender role games or whatever. Like you don't know what he is. Like just based on one, one day.

Are they going to say a soundbite? I'm like, that's what I mean. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no, I agree. I just think too, like if that was the position he was in, he should have then been like, Hey, let's go to traders. Let's go to, you know, Whole Foods, pick up. Yeah.

Like let's go on a little adventure. Go to the soup kitchen, pretend we're homeless. But wouldn't you be a little weird, weirded out on the first date? If he was like, meet me at Trader Joe's. Would you be like a little bit like Trader Joe's? No, Ralph. Yeah, Ralph. He got that shake.

Trader Joe's. Maybe a blockbuster. Like what are you even saying? Uh, I don't know if I guess it's like, Hey, I'll go to traders. What do you want? Meet me here. I guess. I don't know.

How about it just sets the tone. The first date is just very, uh, you know, it's hard to fuck up. If you're doing the traditional play where you're like, you know, you should go to dinner. That's very, it's written in the books. But if you want to go out of your lane, you're like, we'll do the beach and we're going to do a picnic and this and that. Then I can see you get creative.

But like, if you're just doing a dinner play, it's kind of just like, yeah, unless you're the most alpha guy in the world, the fucking half on the chair, because I serve my job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? It's just the first date. You just, you're supposed to be making a good impression. Right.

Make a good impression. Make a good impression. Also, I will say, and maybe, maybe I'm totally wrong, but wouldn't you be a little weeded out if it was like, he has to like meet me at the beach and we'll have a picnic. You're like, bitch, it's the first date. What are you talking about? Too much love.

Too much. Too much. Yeah. And then you got to get out. You know, if you're like, this is weird, I want to do this. I'm going to go to the bathroom and it's like, well, the ocean's that way. Yeah, that does, that does suck when you need to pee

after a couple of months. Yeah, I feel like she's just like turned off by the whole situation. So she's probably not going to go on a second date. Yeah, no. It's fine. There's other dudes out there. Totally.

I think that she should be turned off, but I think that she should give him just one more date just to see what it is. And if it's a repeat and cool, but you know, that's not so catastrophic that it's like, it's over. Some people get nervous. Some people don't have a lot of money. And here's the thing, he might have a lot of money

and he might have been like, oh, shit, you're right. I see your point of view. I apologize. I should have paid for it. I mean, you just don't know. For sure. It's tough. First dates and splitting stuff and splitting stuff

and the relationship is tough. Yeah. I'm not splitting on the first date for sure. Yeah, no. If you want a girl to be attracted to you and like you, at least this is what I like, pay for the first date. I do it. My girl and I split at the first date.

But I really, I was adamant that I pay. And she was like, no, you're not paying. Where was your first date? It was right by you actually on, what's that major thing, the major road in Venice? Whatever, it doesn't really matter where it was. I think so. It was just like sushi spot, I guess.

It's right by you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't matter. But it was right there. And yeah, it was like, it wasn't expensive. Because I think I got a drink and some sushi. She only got like a drink or two drinks or something. And I was like, oh, I got it.

She's like, no, I got it. I'm like, no, sushi is not a problem. And like, you know how you do that and then you look at it in her eyes and you go, oh, she's not fucking around. And I go, totally, totally. She's a checkbook in her hand right now. I'm fucking paying for it right now.

How do you spell your last name? But yeah, but that works. Like if that's what you want to do, that works. Like that's cute. Yeah, it was very much like I don't. And I understood where her and any woman will come from. It's like, I don't want to feel as though I owe you anything. I drank the stuff.

I paid for the stuff. I want to pay for my half. And then we can go on being equal partners in this. I don't want to feel like, oh, you pay for dinner. So then I owe you this. I owe you this. Or you, yeah. I think a lot of people think that way too.

I think like my boyfriend's mom, when we were like talking about this, she's like, no, like, I think you should be a strong, independent woman and like pay for your own stuff. And like just summarizing, I don't really remember it anymore. But I was like, not on the first date. No, that's just me.

But can't wait to hear what people think. Oh, I'm stoked. I'm sure they'll let us know. Top comment on this one. Any reason is a good reason not to continue dating if you aren't interested. True. True.

I'm saying, she's been turned off by it. Yeah. It's done. Can't win that back. Yeah, she might not be getting wet after he didn't pay. Yeah, and even if you like Venmo's or it still like just comes off, it's grimy. Yeah, especially if she like confronted and he was like,

sorry, let me Venmo you make it right. It's all principle. It's not the money amount. It's a principle. It's the principle. It's just the icky feeling too that he like racked up the bill. Oh, yeah. I would love to know what he got.

Polypainter Poppers. He doesn't seem to get classy, dude. Yeah. You know what I mean? He's getting a bread bowl. You're like, it's 10 PM, sir. Couple of blooming onions, you ask me? If you get a blooming onion, you just don't care about her at all.

God. I love a good blooming onion. I wouldn't order on the first day, but it's fire. I want the cinnamon bread from Texas Roadhouse. Oh, the butter with the cinnamon butter? Oh, the butter's insane. That shit is so good. For then a beer bong and call me Sally.

I'm going after it. Let me ask you this, is it Texas Roadhouse? Bread or Cheesecake Factory Bread? Because the Cheesecake Factory Bread. You put the cinnamon butter on the Cheesecake Factory? It's the cinnamon butter. And then you just float into the stratosphere. Yeah, and you just become a Tesla.

That's what happens. I'm excited. I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry. I'm starving now after this. Well, thanks for coming on, you guys. Thanks for having us. Oh, dude, thanks for having us.

It's such a pleasure. Pluck all your socials. Oh, yeah, baby. We got stand-up comedy shows. Michael and I run a podcast together, Stiff Socks. It's a great time. Fuckin' we're right behind you in the charts. We're catching up.

Yeah, we're catching up, dude. Are you? But you guys are catching up, dude. I don't read reviews or look at the charts anymore. I'll read them to you. Anyways, no, we have a podcast together. We do stand-up together. I make videos weekly.

But you can check anything out at www.TroubleWallsComedy.com or StiffSocks.com. I'm Michael Blossine. Go on our podcast, StiffSocks.com. Drops every Wednesday with a Patreon. Also, my name is Michael Blossine. Go on www.blowcomedy.com for stand-up tickets. And that's it.

Love it. I'll make sure everything's linked in the description. I think your TikTok is the perfect place to start. Yeah, it's digestible. Yeah, and then it's good. Like, so funny. I always love when people outside of that room get in there and they're like, what the fuck even is this?

This is podcasting these days? And you have no idea. I don't know how you guys don't get your shit removed on TikTok. We've literally had so many meetings with people there. Well, I said the word condom ones, and they were instant takedown. Well, there's weird trigger words on there.

Yeah, we bleep the words. We spell it all different. We're learning. Like, what is, OK? And even that, it still gets taken down. Yeah, just pre-post. OK, well, be sure to check it out. But until next time, you guys, bye.

Peace. Just a reminder, don't forget to check out the live show on March 6th. Tickets, info, everything you need at momenthouse.com. Slash, THT. What's up, everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services. And if you've been thinking about replacing your old water

heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater, or you want to see what upgrading to a tank list would cost, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available. And right now, you can save $400 on a tanked water heater, or $1,200 on a tank list.

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