Two Hot Takes - 66: Not So Positive Parenting..

Episode Date: May 19, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-hosts Matt and Amy (brother & SIL)! We're coming at you with parenting 2.0, and these stories are a unique mix of problems that lead to a lot of learning on all of our parts.. What do you think of these ones, and what takes would you give to these parents? Merch: https://fanjoy.co/collections/twohottakes Partners: Hello Fresh: HelloFresh.com/THT16 promo code: THT16 Obe Fitness: ObeFitness.com Promo code: THT Bombas: Bombas.com/THT  Page 1 Books: Page1Books.com Promo Code: THT Our SubReddit to Submit Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Patreon bonus stories from this ep to follow soon!!  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter.

Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. I'm Morgan's brother, Matt.

And I'm Amy, Matt's wife, and Morgan's sister-in-law. Yes. You're not going to get me in trouble today, right? Oh, I'm going to rile the people. That's my job. No, no, I'm just kidding. I put my foot in my own, my foot, my own foot in my own mouth the last time anyways.

And you know, sometimes you just... We don't always get them right. It happens. Just like parenting, you know? You take it one day at a time and... You learn from your mistakes. You balance back. How would you describe parenting?

Kids are the greatest joy and like you'll never find like such a deep love and affection for someone else, like beyond your spouse. But at the same time, it is also the most infuriating, stressful thing you can possibly do as a human being,

where you want to just... I am. So I'm home in Minnesota visiting. I came home and surprised my mom for Mother's Day, which if you're watching on YouTube, I'll include the video of me surprising her from a closet. That was fantastic. It was hilarious and like,

it's kind of a jump scare for those watching because she screams her head off. But I also got... I also got to go to my niece's dance recital. So Matt and Amy's kids are five and three as of today. We were recording on the youngest's birthday. But we went to Eloise's, the oldest, her dance recital and Emmett.

You know, he's three. He's a little guy and he was just not having it. It was two hours long. At his wit's end. And I think Matt, you were at your wit's end too because you look at him and you just go, dude, I'm about to lose it. Yep.

And he almost knew though, he was like, okay, but I gotta go easy. You're like, I gotta go easy on my dad. Well, they always pick the most opportune times to act up, right? Like Eloise of those two hours of dancing, danced two songs that were like one minute songs.

And of course, that's exactly when he decided to throw a fit. That's when he was the worst. It didn't matter how many snacks we bought, popcorn, sour patch kids, Twix, Reese's, popcorn, pizza, it didn't matter. Nothing would make him happy.

No. And that's just sometimes the way the cookie crumbles. So today is parenting 2.0 and we'll see how it goes. I feel like this should come with a disclaimer though. Like we are not professional parents. We're just like trying to figure it out. So, yeah, there we go.

Just some takes. It's gonna be okay. Okay, let's dive in. So up first, husband is jealous of our new baby. I think my husband is jealous of our three month old baby.

Since the baby was born, he has completely changed. He complains all of the time now about everything. We went for a walk and made it halfway down the block before we turned around and went home. It took us maybe three minutes.

In that time, he managed to complain about the two dogs, how I walk the dogs and how I should do it his way and how I'm too hard headed because I won't do it his way. This happens with pretty much everything we try to do. We got into a pretty big fight about money. He said, I'm spending too much on groceries.

That $400 a month is insane for two people and that we order out too much. I double checked this. I ordered out once a month for the past three months since our daughter was born. One of those times was for his birthday dinner. Then he told me that he misses his friend

who I asked him to stop talking to five years ago. I had asked him to stop talking to her after she tried making out with him and then sent him a three page long text about how I'm to blame for their crappy relationship. I told him to go ahead and talk to her again.

I don't care at this point. Now he's complaining how sick he is. He said he's depressed. He can't work. He needs to take medical leave and he feels dizzy all of the time. I made appointments for him, for a doctor for the dizziness, a psychiatrist for the depression

and a psychologist for some talk therapy. He was prescribed a bunch of different meds and he's saying none of them work. On top of all this, he's complaining that I'm breastfeeding too much. She needs to start on solid foods and I should switch to formula. Three month old, right?

He says that we need to get a babysitter even though I'm a stay at home mom. He said she bores him and all he does with her is sit in front of the TV. I think all of those things are for my attention. He's done things like this in the past

when I wasn't giving him 100% of my attention but never to this extent. These past three months have been so much drama that I feel like I'm losing it. Trouble. There's some big red flags here. Lots of red flags.

Right. Matt's ready to dive in. Go at it. I don't know. Did this person OP, did they have a conversation about actually wanting to have kids

and do you not know what you're signing up for? A baby is not going... How can he be bored with a baby? Yes, they don't do anything but you have to know what you're signing up for. And it sounds like

overall, I don't know if he thought that his life was just going to stay the same but when you have a kid from that moment your life is not yours anymore. You need to basically sacrifice for your

child and your spouse and it's not the same. You're not going to be going out doing all the things that you wanted to do. Going out and partying and going out to dinners. This guy is ridiculous to think that his life was going to stay the same

and because he's so distraught about his life change I feel like call it what it is may not be an affair, emotional affair, some sort of emotional connection with the other lady

where he is trying to find peace of what he had with that other person but just with somebody that is not his wife and kids because wife and kids right now equals not fun

work, sacrifice and this dude needs to wake up to reality. So I feel like Jerry right now because I'm like, I wonder what his relationship is like with his mother because it sounds like he was flipping rays to be the center of the universe

everything has to revolve around him and when it stops revolving around him he throws a little tantrum like a little three year old so your world is going to flip upside down when you have kids and honestly

what I noticed and what I picked up was that the wife made the appointments for him she got him the appointment to go here, she got him the appointment to go there and where in the world do they live that $400 a month on food is like

that's actually insane, $100 a week on groceries for two people that's like, that's some boss ass budgeting I know, that's really good she might be using coupons 100% and she's breastfeeding which

people breastfeed like I think the normal minimum these days is about a year is what I see people talking about on TikTok is like I breastfed for at least a year I know everyone's parenting journey is so different and some people go

to five two years some people longer, some people shorter and it's whatever works for you but that's a lot of work so I hear that she is putting in a lot of work and I'm guessing she's exhausted and

your husband at that point should become more of your teammate and maybe look for ways to support his wife as they are raising their three month old and not complain that she's not exciting enough, like come on she's three months old, it's so weird it's so weird

well and the fact that there's actually like for moms out there that are using formula right now there's a crazy formula shortage and formula is expensive and he's already bitching about the fact that they're spending $400 on groceries add in formula

now bitch because I saw one woman on, was going on Facebook marketplace to find a special formula for her baby $100 a canister $100 it's insane I just can't imagine so I don't know I think just based on a google search though

because I'm trying to find the actual story and not just my screenshots and read it after read it husbands being jealous of baby did your husband get jealous after the baby was born I 30 male am jealous of my wife's relationship with our new baby

I think my husband is jealous of our baby wait a minute though it's a really common problem I think I think I'm just gonna throw this out there like you can't you can get jealousy confused with like

the inability to bond with that child right away like typically right a mother and their child bond right away and they form a bond not always and you feel potentially left out

I could see that happening where oh they have such a great relationship and I just have this baby and like I just can't do it I can't get to the same level that you're getting to so yeah I guess you could call it jealousy

I don't know it's a bad word for it I guess but also it almost does I don't know with him because I think it's more about the fact that he's not getting the attention or being pampered and the fact that she says

he's done things like this in the past when I wasn't giving him 100% of my attention and so it's not so much to me about the baby it seems like he's just an insecure dude that needs 100% of his partner's focus yeah I mean especially with this

story I'm gonna throw it back but this guy's a fucking clown simple as that this story is ridiculous and especially you have a three month old baby and he's like there's this whole other layer of him and this other chick like they basically had

I don't know some sort of a fair sort of situation and now they're one let's hope not yeah that just becomes even more messy this story does not exist anymore I'm like I'm sleuthing

so I cannot find it the username was DiligentTumbleweed96 and even that account is gone from what I'm seeing but it's a really really common issue with people and I think I could see the bonding being

a really relevant problem for a lot of people maybe not so much him but like other people go through this because it is hard because you also want to bond with a baby and so maybe that's why he said formula so he could have that feeding time but at the same time like it's unfortunate

but fortunate moms are so tied to the baby early on right especially if you choose to breastfeed and you are like you can pump for your partner if you're the one doing the breastfeeding but that's a lot of work too the story still said that he specifically said

you're breastfeeding too much not hey I'd like a chance to be able to feed the baby it sounds like he felt like he had a little bit of ownership maybe over her body and now she

you know now maybe he's feeling like that and honestly she probably feels too that her body is no longer hers even then that it does belong to that baby I don't know I felt like I had kind of some of those feelings after after giving birth especially with

breastfeeding like this body is completely different it's completely foreign and it's you know there's fluids coming out of all of these orifices oh my gosh I didn't even know that anyway we're going too far you didn't know what

I'm already scared of pregnancy so yeah I don't know if I want to know so but definitely like at that time of your life you're not like ooh I feel so sexy like come here yeah so

that's rough I mean maybe some women are but I definitely wasn't that three months postpartum no she's still healing and going through hormone changes still and trying to just get back on track and he's making life very difficult and she doesn't have one new baby

she's got two and that's not what any I don't want a baby for a partner bye I miss her she had two babies basically the guy is being another fucking baby

I was like what are you talking about yeah no just another one popped up there imagine yourself in a new tundra where you stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter when did you hop on the call hi dad mom said you were taking too long

on the phone Toyota let's go places see your participating Toyota dealer for details dealer inventory may vary okay moving along this one is also probably going to pull out heart strings like I think like parenting kind of comes with some heavy

caretorty sometimes it's a good job so this one's a little crazy we've talked a little bit about mother-in-law and boundaries today here we go haul in one alright take a deep breath Matt it'll be okay

am I the asshole I had my mother-in-law trespassed after she entered my home and fired my babysitter I'm a widower I lost my wife Ann 34 just minutes after she gave birth to her first baby Sammy she had a difficult pregnancy so I took

an indefinite leave three months before she was due Sammy's four months old now and before I went back to work I told my mother-in-law Sandra 56 about my plans and if she can recommend a nanny to take care of my daughter when I work she offered to do it nanny

that is for free I told her she's free to come by anytime during the day if she feels uncomfortable with a nanny looking after Sammy but she insisted on doing it herself so I said yes and gave her a copy of the house keys she comes 30 minutes before I leave to go to work and when I come home

she stays for dinner and leaves after putting Sammy to sleep everything was fine for the first couple of weeks until I noticed that Sammy's not feeding as much her formula's barely touched I asked Sandra about it and why Sammy's not feeding well she said she's trying to breastfeed my daughter

wait what yeah I forgot about this one mother-in-law yeah at first I thought she was joking then I realized she wasn't she said Sammy needs to latch for a few minutes every day to activate her milk production

I almost lost it I told her she cannot do that and she needs to stop she said she will but I caught her again when I walked in my daughter's room and she was forcing Sammy to latch I confronted her and told her she's no longer my baby's nanny I didn't ask for the key back

to come visit anytime I asked for a one-week leave from work to care for my daughter and find a nanny I found one but two days after she never returned I called her and she said my mother fired her the day before I asked her to describe

the woman and I was livid when I realized it was Sandra she came into my house using her key and fired my nanny I was about to call her when she showed up and said a convoluted story like how I hired an incompetent nanny etc etc I told her to leave but she refused

and told me she's calling CPS because I'm endangering my child we argued back and forth before I called the police and she was charged with trespassing I know my mother-in-law is grieving the loss of her daughter I am too but she crossed the line when she disregarded my wishes she's very upset with me

my sister-in-law and brother-in-law are calling me ruthless and I am now second guessing myself have I taken it too far by calling the police am I the asshole wow nah no

so I will say I actually have had another story in the past and I did not even know breastfeeding was a component of this I remember that one and I'm like really taking it back that this is happening to me again because this story was the same thing the grandma

was trying to breastfeed the baby or not trying to breastfeed it per se trying to get the baby to latch on her breast to comfort the baby and try to get it to calm down so a little bit different like this is a little even more unhinged well because the baby is not even

drinking as much formula she's not getting the nutrition that she needs I'm sure she is dehydrated malnourished that's so bad wow it's kind of like the audacity boundaries for sure

I'm jumping all over those boundaries that he's trying to set I just I wouldn't feel comfortable like I get the whole fact that your daughter died and you're like trying to do the best things you can poor grandma trying to do the right thing maybe but you have to recognize

when you're out of line and I would flip if I found out my mother in law was trying to breastfeed my kid there's just a line and that's a line I just I can't get behind that's a line at that point she's already demonstrated

that she's not following your wishes because you told her absolutely no and then she came over and didn't say that she tried to do it again and so she's like completely disregarding your wishes for your child like she had her time as a parent

and yes it is so sad because they're both grieving the loss of that baby's mother and maybe she is just not in the right headspace I mean clearly but until she is in the right headspace

if it were me I would be taking that key back and I would say kind of like supervised visits only like you are welcome to come over but how did he not take the key? this is going to be when we are but he needs to change the locks absolutely she's made a copy

she's this cuckoo she's made a copy like I don't know he did call the cops which is an extreme step I feel like maybe he couldn't get her to leave it doesn't sound like she was leaving I don't know I'm all about de-escalating a situation

just how I would work is I would fucking wait until she left and then I would go like alright now we're changing the locks now I'm doing this now I'm not going to have my kid here to a daycare facility

or I will bring it to a different nanny's house and when my mother-in-law shows up next time or tries to get in the house too fucking bad you blew your shot lady a daycare center because then you can really like have like hey

if this person shows up she's not allowed I know I feel like age wise I know I just age wise maybe I don't know well the nanny's house too no no no the baby's age for a daycare I'm like oh she's still a little

4 months little baby nugget immune systems just kind of getting rolling but they usually have like babies like quarantine in their own room especially like where we go age separated yeah yeah I don't know I

literally just googled it as we were kind of talking here and I was like can a 56 year old woman even produce breast milk that's also my question I'm nothing about this so like so according to women's health today a woman who is post menopausal can still produce milk as long as you have a functioning pituitary gland

sell out the prolactin and so if you stimulate the nipples enough it'll get the prolactin going yep and yeah and actually a lot of moms who adopt if they pump enough prior to adopting their child then they can actually

nurse their child I think it's really cool I mean there's so many benefits of breastfeeding antibodies and stuff that get passed to your baby to help their immune system but it is definitely not happening if you're just like coming over

and nannying and latching here and there like come on and also way out of line yeah it's crazy to me it's possible for a woman who has never been pregnant or hasn't been pregnant for many years to relactate to produce breast milk

that was my next question you don't even have to have ever had you don't have to have ever been pregnant to produce breast milk women's bodies are this is so educational they're amazing is what they are blow my mind

this is really cool I do think if you aren't you truly do want to do just formula it's your own choice but I know a lot of moms who produce a lot of excess milk will donate to milk banks and I think there's so many

just get some antibodies we had some really great friends that donated garbage bags full of breast milk to us I was not a super producer I tried so hard so hard

we did nurse for a really long time the amount matters until they're one year of age and then as they're one they're eating more foods and what not so after one the amount matters a little bit less so towards the end

because I'm also a working mom I wasn't pumping enough while I was at work and so we had some really awesome friends who donated their breast milk I would trust them clearly with my life and my baby's life

and so that was just the best gift that they were able to give both of my kids Eloise and Emmett because they had kids at the perfect time just a little bit before Eloise and just a little bit before Emmett so it was great

that's awesome yeah if you can donate milk and you want to help out some other moms look into milk banks in your area I know Facebook is a big so many Facebook groups for that it's great you just you do have to be careful like going through

like if you don't know the person well so my friend Allie she kind of had the same issue and so she did get it through some people she knew but there was one of the groups she was thinking about going through they actually tested the milk for like stuff

now Liz is probably way healthier even than I am so I had no qualms yeah okay thank you for everyone for your advice and showing concern for Sammy I called CPS to tell them about the situation my mom is coming over

to help look after my daughter and look at our options she's a retired family law attorney I do have a doorbell camera but reading some of the suggestions here I decided to up my home security system brother-in-law and sister-in-law know the whole story and they also think that forcing to breastfeed Sammy was wrong

but they were angry at me for calling the cops on mother-in-law and having her trespassed they said it was unnecessary and cruel to do to a grieving mother which is kind of in line with what you said Matt if there was any way not to involve the police

when you say having her trespassed what does that mean exactly like are you charging her like doing the whole deal or was it just like get the cops over and then like take her away right now I'm not pressing

I'm not going to press charges but I just need her to leave there's like a huge difference that's pretty ballsy to charge your mother-in-law that's ballsy if you're going to actually charge her because at some point it's a bad situation to begin with and you want your

child to have a relationship with their grandparents absolutely and it's tough because I look at yes she's crossing a lot of boundaries she's going against him what he wants

and then when he found out she's continuing to cross that boundary but in my head this is kind of like a consent violation for this little baby I don't know this this whole thing is just so backwards but I think one thing too

he noticed his daughter wasn't eating well and babies need food they're at such a vital part of development growing their brains growing like crazy all this shit like you can't starve a fucking baby

just because you hope that your breasts will start producing milk it's almost like is she a little psychotic with this grief oh wow she's psychotic in the medical sense could be a form of psychosis here because

I think about it too with this baby and trying to get this baby to latch this baby's never been breastfed and I know a lot of today's nipples are shaped very similar to breast nipples and all that but this baby's also never breastfed so I'm sure this is just a shit show

trying to get it this little one to latch it's a lot delusional how soon did it start nobody knows I'm sure how long has she been watching the kid by herself I don't know maybe it happened right away

Sammy's four months old now and before I went back to work so not really a super clear timeline but she's four months old now and no mention of like they took an indefinite leave three months before

their wife was due but then just said before I went back to work so not really sure if she had this kind of access to the baby before that's a sad story though oh my gosh

feel really bad for him like to be under all this stress you're grieving the loss of your wife and then your mother-in-law just kind of fucks it all up and you have a baby to raise I'm getting educated tonight so like I just have one last question

does this happen a lot do women still die giving birth often ooh like a thing the US has some of the for a developed country the US is the worst with mortality

highest maternal mortality rate and I plug this constantly on like every show I can because I'm trying to bring awareness to it in every way I can if you're a woman of color you're over 240% more likely

to die during childbirth than a white woman yep it is so bad it's so wrong it's terrible it's scary it's just insane to me I just feel like we're living in an age where

the medical care is top notch and I don't know that shouldn't be happening I feel bad for the guy there's still a sexism in medicine though unfortunately a lot of medical bias your brother literally just gave birth

well not he his wife did but like they just had that little one yesterday and she had a lot of hemorrhaging and it's like I've seen so many women on tiktok where they were like I was hemorrhaging and like I literally the doctor told my partner to say goodbye to me

and there's another woman who her tiktok keeps going by her all where she flatlined and was dead for 20 minutes I saw that and I had to have and wasn't that the one where they had to do like that emergency c-section like it was like the basically a post-mortem c-section to save the baby and they ended up bringing her back

amazing this is depressing we gotta move on I don't know all of these ones are gonna be okay let's just get this one out of the way because it's more boob related I can talk boobs all day long they're amazing

yes they are I don't mean it like that I wish Justin was here to pipe in you'd love this who doesn't love boobs some people are butt people they don't care about what's up top boobs are like coke or pepsi

you prefer big small coke pepsi you prefer one but she'll take you there are they're fantastic I need to do a poll on this one okay so up next am I the asshole for suggesting that my friend wears a bra or thicker shirt before coming over

I have a six month old and just started allowing visitors my best friend came to visit and I texted her suggesting she wears a bra or a thick shirt if she plans to hold my son because he grabs nipples very hard and my friend has hers pierced

and has told me they're super sensitive I explained this to her and she ignored my messages but she came over anyways nipples poking through shirt and my six month old was staring hands ready I offered to give her a sweater she looked at me sideways and suggested I was

sexualizing her breasts and she is not covering up I explained that wasn't the case but she didn't want to hear me I respected her decision and asked if she still wants to hold the baby she grabbed my son from me and within five minutes he had a death grip on her nipples

and she jumped up screamed in pain and pulled him off her I said quote that's why I suggested a bra this made her even more mad I said no you suggested that because you're a misogynist I was so confused

and she left abruptly she keeps telling our mutual friends that I was sexualizing her breasts and was trying to make her wear a bra or that I wouldn't welcome her but that isn't at all what happened am I missing something I feel like her reaction is really

uncalled for this was just a miscommunication where is Justin hilarious miscommunication this is a hilarious miscommunication oh yeah I'm not gonna lie

just at least in our society I'm a guy so I'm just gonna say this your boobs they're a sexual thing no disagree that's the problem see you're gonna learn today

like no guys are attracted to breasts it's a sexual thing it can be but it isn't always why if she's just walking around in a shirt why do you need to sexualize

her boobs when you say you're sexualizing them I'm not sure like attraction is attraction you see things you like things some people like booties right so like you see a girl

in tight jeans and you like her butt like what sexualizing her ass okay let me ask you something now do you find your mother's breasts sexy no I'm not looking

I shield my eyes grandmothers your sisters there's a way to not sexualize breasts you don't have to be sexual especially I mean think about a boob feeding a baby

if you're walking through the airport and you see a mom breastfeeding her baby are you also checking out her tits that titty in that baby's mouth is hot there are situations where they're not sexual here's the thing

I bet her friend has gotten this perspective before elsewhere because I think there are a lot of men out there that will give unsolicited comments to women about their boobs obviously you have eyes people have eyes

we all look at people and they're attractive or oh I like their hair we're constantly making these observations but I think for women that have their nipples pierced it's kind of like a more oh I think there's a lot of guys that give

unsolicited comments like my friend that have their nipples pierced and when they would go out to bars people would come up to them and talk to them about their nipples I just that's just rude it's gross so how people like Jews to express themselves

should be up to them and so to me it sounds like she's kind of been on that end of the spectrum where maybe she has had uninvited comments or whatever where her defense mechanisms jumps to

it sounds like the OP could have been a little bit more like hey you might want a bra or a sweater because my six month old will for sure grab your nipple piercings I mean you do you do you but it might hurt because

I mean those little hands they hurt they're strong they love like hair they love hair they love like with the other nipple I mean that's why they have those little blankets

with the little tags on it because they like to fiddle with something as they're like nursing or whatever I just saw like a little draping thing where you drape it over you as your breastfeeding it's got a fake nipple on it so they won't pinch your real one oh that's so smart

cause that shit hurts well and it sounds like she did try to explain to her she said like he you should wear bra or thick shirt if you plan to hold my son because he grabs nipples very hard and she ignored my messages but came over anyways

well then it's just on her and here's the thing with people I don't think the friend was wrong in any way I think the friend like honestly she was being very considerate she knew her friend had very sensitive nipples I don't think she was being misogynistic or sexualizing her I think she was

honestly just trying to be like here is the situation and here's how you can avoid some pain and so her friend is taking it this way which I think kind of plays off what you said she's been in the situation a lot and she's tired of it

and I'm kind of in the boat where sometimes people need to learn the hard way and this is one of those situations she should not be bad mouthing though her friend and saying telling everybody I don't know I need to talk it out

that's weird it's not that serious like are you embarrassed now and that's why you're running your mouth to all your mutual friends maybe because that's like this communicate people communicate so there is an edit on this one

in the midst of our arguing she suggested that I should teach my son to not grab nipples but he is just a baby top comment that's why you're suggesting that so it should be clear it has nothing to do with sex and she's the only one sexualizing the situation

she sounds like a drama queen is she always like that must be tiring for everyone involved and so OP goes yeah she is I love her but even at my baby shower she kept bringing up about how she had a miscarriage I feel for her in that situation

because it's devastating but it felt like she was trying to shift the focus on her so yeah that's tough no comment OP goes on to say in another comment she's a toxic friend who I can't help

unless she helps herself unfortunately it looks like cutting contact might be the best thing for the both of us right now and I hope she seeks therapy because this behavior is not acceptable and I refuse to tolerate it anymore basically just responding to someone being like has anyone told her it's not always about her because it seems like OP

is kind of sharing other details throughout the comments that her friend is not the best of friends and tries to turn every situation into like her being a victim so she's lashing out because she's still dealing with her own situation and she hasn't

addressed it appropriately it sounds like there's some unresolved trauma here for sure we did it so can you moving along getting away from the nipples what's next

free the nipple so am I the asshole for making my son shower at school saves water my son is in the sixth grade and showering is not a big deal to him anymore to make matters worse he has sports

after school which is at his school so when I pick him up he stinks he will promise to shower but doesn't or doesn't do a good enough job yesterday I went to pick him up and handed him a bag with shampoo, body wash, clean clothes and deodorant

he asked me what that was for and I said he's going to take a shower in the boys locker room there were a few older kids in there who shower he refused and I said he's not coming home until he does he said he'd take one at home and I said nope I also told him to not bother calling

his mom he did shower and was fresh and clean but had tears in his eyes I told him when I dropped him off that he either showers at home or at school I always have a change bag for this with me his mom says the whole thing is a waste of time

edit he can but won't shower at home and very well when he does he's not being prevented from showering at home that guy's a fucking dick too far way too far

how old are you in sixth grade at 12 you're like 10 10, 11 especially when you're sharing a locker room probably for both young boys and girls

like it's intimidating to strip down get naked in front of an entire class or whether it be older students at the gym I don't know this

specific situation like how many different teams are there there's bullying at 10 or 11, 12, 13 14, 15, 16, 17 a lot of people just aren't comfortable with their bodies

at that point in time I'm still not now gyms with the showers like this oh my god no it's an intimidating thing to get buck naked and go into the shower with a group of people and like I can vividly remember

like in school seventh, eighth grade you go to the pool and then you're supposed to go shower after before class and like you're sitting there like hands as you walk to the locker room and you just have your own little shower not easy and if this kid is so

worried or nervous about it you're an asshole dude it's not something that you oh grow up get over it it's fine if he wants to shower at home let him shower at home

oh he stings go fuck off all young puberty age little boys stink I feel like it's a part of the territory it comes with growing up I mean he came home with tears in his eyes that boy had trauma in that locker room

like come on and like teenagers aren't nice they're not nice kids are mean it's not easy being a kid the stuff I got bullied for in school

was like a cakewalk compared to the potential you're opening yourself up to by like showering at school and did you ever shower at school I never did once it wasn't the norm

I think I just sat in my chlorine hair or maybe rinsed off in your swimsuit and changed like in a stall but I even remember trying to change because we had you obviously have gym from like when you're young you don't change at all

you just do floor activities in your clothes I think you start changing in middle school and even then it was kind of one of those things where it's like you do it so sneakily it was scary you felt gross

everyone's kind of like looking around like as fast as you can yeah well and like some girls weren't wearing bras yet some girls were wearing bras and it was just like it was just so uncomfortable I think from a generational standpoint as well like our generation

versus like our parents generation to our grandparents generation like our grandparents like seventh, eighth grade pool time guess what you were swimming naked what? and that was like the norm though you grew up

from like being little and like everybody just did it everybody just has the same thing just getting the pool like it's not it wasn't like this thing and it sense has and how we've been raised has put this whatever it is feelings behind it or stigma right

so like yeah I just think we're more conscious of like I don't know like some of this shit where our older generations went through it's super traumatic and I think we're one we've become more politically correct

and all that but I think we've also looked at like okay that was not right and we shouldn't have been putting kids through that trauma right I don't know I'm mad at this this dad there's much better ways you could have gone about this dude

you could have like no kid wants to stink too you could have just sat him down and be like dude you kinda smell this is like some really wonderful axe body spray old spice I wanna know if there's an update do we find out why this kid had tears in his eyes

like he wasn't ready for it he was forced to do something he wasn't ready to yeah having your dad be like don't bother calling your mom you're not getting in my car until you go back in there and shower he's 11, 11 you're still a little baby

you're a little baby that's like your kid's 5 times 2 like you're still a baby and so I don't know OP's comments are 6th grade or 12th I counted it out so I was born in 1994

in 2006 I was in 6th grade so 6th to get to 2000 like 11 turning 12 yeah 11 turning 12 so just shitty but what is that 8th grade then

8th graders so yeah so OP comments like older kids were in the bathroom 8th graders or 13 year old so he's that's probably what 6th or 7th grade yeah 7th 13 8th 14 yeah

it's a lot less serious for boys to shower he's seen and been seen naked with the same kids who shower at school why is it a lot less and this is my question it's a lot less serious for boys to shower like there's a big stigma about you know

that's some toxic masculinity the downstairs when like comparison right yeah I think like guys get it really hard like I think I just look at I had a high school boyfriend who was uncircumcised and I found that out before I even hooked up with him

from his friends bullying him for it and it was a running like a running joke at their school it was bad but that's like kind of you get you hear it from size you hear it from that or boys that mature early or late you know

well at 11 12 like it's just starting right it's not even it just makes me so sad for that little boy yeah so OP comments a shit ton like someone must have commented like you should have talked to your kid

have a you know a nice conversation saying where you're coming from and OP goes been there done that peer pressure works fine go on that is not a good parenting mentality to have that is a very authoritative mm-hmm

Terian it almost feels like he's like oof control issues I don't even I don't even like that response like just sounds cocky this guy's he's a tool bag yeah he has that whole I'm big you're

small mentality exactly do what I say no matter what instead of hey you are your own person who is growing and my job is to facilitate that growth and bring you up in this world yeah and hopefully it should just be it should just be a conversation like hey if you're not ready to shower with the rest of the guys

like you can shower at home no big deal like you're an adult I think to the not showing at home it's like okay well are you even paying attention to your kid like why aren't they showering at home has something happened because like I mean there's so many things

that can point to like trauma abuse and like I don't know if it's dad or what but like maybe he's gone through something maybe he's having mental health issues like like what's the underlying cause here if he was showering and just stop showering because yeah young boys

pubescent boys sometimes don't shower or have more BL but like where's all this coming from and I don't know I think there's a stage as you're growing up where like baths and showers are fun and you go and you hang out in the bath you play with toys or you're like

taking showers now and like that's cool and then at some point it becomes just a thing you have to do yeah it's work and as a young kid who wants to go and do work like I'd rather just like I

you a lot of times probably don't smell yourself at that age like you just get like accustomed to it right nose blind right and so you're like I don't need to shower why don't you shower for I'm just sitting here playing video games or I'm just hanging out my room like I don't need to it's not important to me

but as you get older and you start caring about what you know the opposite sex thinks or whatever or the same sex like you know you start thinking about what other people are thinking of you and then

oh hey I need to shower here's my thing what's the worst thing that could happen from this kid being a little stinky nothing maybe he gets fewer dates I mean he's 11

he'll figure it out by then and he's 11 he's a baby he's got six months a year to figure it out what people start dating in seventh grade no way my first little peck on the cheek was eighth grade

so top comment on this one which has over 20,000 votes you're the asshole forcing him to get naked in a place where he's clearly uncomfortable doing so makes you not only an asshole but an absolutely terrible parent next comment down goes this traumatized me

shouldn't even be a thing anymore, period too many coaches caught peeping etc I mean there's been some bad shit that's happened in locker rooms why subject your kids to that when he can just shower at home

yep I think we've covered those two yep let's go hit the nail on the head is there anyone else that agrees with OP, is there like one person on it that's like obviously you should be showering at the school or like

so this one goes you're not the asshole for wanting your son to shower however you are the asshole for how you went about it if he's refusing to shower at home after he said he will that's a parenting issue have consequences at home for not keeping his word don't force him to go and shower at school

in a public locker room he's 11 and slash 12 your body issues, body conscious is brought to the forefront get to the root of why he's not wanting to shower for real that's like the age where you develop life long issues so you gotta be careful

you're so vulnerable so vulnerable that one only got 170 upvotes so like it's it's I just searched the keyword not the asshole and it's it's literally the very last comment on the page moving along

am I the asshole for refusing to stop calling my 9 year old son honey the situation is a bit silly but I'll let you guys decide I, female 36 have been dating my boyfriend Joe, male 38 for a few months he has met my 9 year old son and they both get along

pretty well Joe started staying longer during the weekends and days ago while he was visiting he heard me call my son honey he stayed quiet during the entire breakfast then brought it up with me I asked what was wrong and he said that I shouldn't call my son honey

especially because I call him that and he thinks just this term is used for romantic partners I laughed it off because I thought it was a small and silly thing to comment on but he got offended by my lack of care for his concerns and asked me to stop using this word with my son

since he feels it's misplaced I told him no this was not a valid argument by him and in my opinion he does not deserve consideration we argued for a few minutes then he decided to go out saying we'll talk about this again later

but I firmly told him there's nothing to talk about and I will not stop calling my son honey end of story he got upset and went out he then sent a long text about how I keep disregarding his thoughts, opinions, and input and brushed them off not caring about how it makes him feel

he said it would only be reasonable to use my son's nicknames when referring to him and we can be done with the issue but I refused to stop he's gone silent now save for a text here and there am I the asshole for not compromising and flat out refusing to stop calling my son this word

this is a boyfriend right yeah even if it was a husband or whatever I just wanted to clarify for my own thought but no lady keep doing you like I call my daughter I'm like

she's five I call her babe hey babe what you doing like I don't think what you're doing calling your son honey is that's not wrong at all the kid is nine years old

you don't mean it in a romantic way like honey has nothing to do with being romantic it's a standard term of endearment oh my gosh and that is one of my favorite terms of endearment of all time

with my kids I call them honey so much I don't even realize it so to the point where when Eloise and I play Barbies she's like okay mom you can be the mom and I'm gonna be the honey aka the honey is the child because

I call my children honey both of them so much that's adorable so there's I think that the boyfriend needs to get over himself come on find your own pet name if this is like that traumatic for you and then also if you think about it

what message is it going to send to that son if your mother all of a sudden stops referring to him with this term of endearment and only refers to her boyfriend with this same term of endearment that she used to call her son her beloved son

so not the asshole I just I think it's weird that it almost feels like he's jealous in a sense to me yeah insecure yeah I would say that he just hasn't found his place in that relationship yet

and he's insecure over that and I just think that this is not the type of person you want in your life especially as we'll say a single mother right you want somebody who is confident and

supportive of you and your relationship support your relationship with your children and compliment that relationship not be the one to be you know you don't want somebody to get in the middle of it I guess it does feel like he's almost competing

or looking at her son as competition he's that insecure about it by basically saying like you need to stop calling him that which I think with what you said Amy would it would almost make her son or could potentially make him feel like his relationship with his mom is not as secure right

my mom is picking this guy over me my mom stopped calling me honey because he didn't like it my mom still calls him honey because at nine you don't know that like honey has romantic implications potentially but like it's not being used that way so don't make it something it isn't it's just like I like you said

a term of endearment also I'm just gonna throw this out there like there's nothing romantic about honey no I think it's a neutral I feel like honey is a neutral for me I think you call it it's a term of endearment like you care about that person

they're like hi honey like how's it going not hey sexy right that's different like there are way more romantic type terms and we've already established that this guy's a loser anyways because he's what

ghosted her basically for the most part mine's a few texts here and there for something ridiculous if this guy was in it for the long haul he would work it out and he'd be like hey this is how I feel this is why and she like they can have a conversation about it

and then ultimately like you said he can have his own pet name feeling Justin vibes again communicate yeah and he's not doing it and you know what I think any man or woman who dates a single parent

they need to realize that that child should be number one and they need to support and be there for that relationship and I'm sorry but until you get married like you I don't know

and even then like as far as status goes you're not number one dude no her son comes first her son should come first like you have not earned that honey title no a lot of the comments are kind of picking up

what we said like someone was like not the asshole I would stop calling him that him being the boyfriend like he sounds extremely insecure someone else goes not the asshole here's the list of people who have a say on what you call your son you your son

end of list end of list someone else not the asshole in my experience honey is not reserved for romantic partners he's being very silly yeah an OP response no it's definitely not reserved for romantic partners like what

I really don't know why this is bothering him so much like he has never heard a mother calling her kids honey people just get goofy take him to the curb onto the next one babe I would agree with that walk the dogs, school drop off

meetings from 10 to 3 kids to soccer then no time left for a jog when everyone else is relying on you it's easy to put your needs last better help connects you with a licensed therapist online so you can show up for yourself the way you do for others

find more balance with better help visit betterhelp.com today to get 10% off your first month that's better h-e-l-p.com two more quick ones and we're done so am I the asshole for not punishing my daughter for ruining her stepfather's briefcase I 34 male

have a 10 year old daughter Ava with my ex wife we were together until she was 7 we each got half custody at that time but it currently is every other weekend at her mom's house she remarried to someone I'll call Rob who has two sons

who he clearly favors over our daughter who he seems to hate I've expressed concern at the way he seems to feel about her but have been shut down last weekend Rob and my ex went on a weekend trip where they had to drive for 3 plus hours each way

on the way back Ava was sitting in the third row of their minivan and got sick she ended up throwing up over Rob's new fancy briefcase that probably cost about $200 he was mad because they had given her something to throw up in

and she purposefully threw up on his briefcase he said that he didn't think she should be able to see her horse or take lessons until it would pay for a new briefcase for him and after I picked her up texted me that her mother boards a horse at the same barn

Ava goes to and so she saw her and was very upset that I wasn't quote honoring the agreement I don't think it was reasonable and I didn't agree to co-parent with some idiot who hates my child so I have no reason to enforce his punishments her mother says I'm undermining her

authority and being an ass am I the asshole for not punishing her hey most 10 year olds you know when they get sick and they gotta throw up they think about it and they purposefully try to like throw up to fucking ruin your shit like didn't she know that

the fuck is wrong with people these fucking stories are pissing me off Morgan my god I know I picked a really good one for you why? these are kind of some like just

we're kind of picking on the dad though no this is the mom this is the mom and her new husband the step dad the step has an asshole but this is her the mom to advocate for your fucking child are you that insecure in your ability to attract

a good man if this one decides to leave you because you're gonna pick your kid over him see I heard this differently mom I thought this was a dad the dad's writing the dad is writing yeah he's trying to co-parent with the mom and this asshole Rob the step dad

so the step father mm-hmm the mom's new husband he needs to go fly a kite he needs to go fly a kite I was uh thank you for saying that because I was gonna take it no he can fuck right off

yes go grab your toe on a bed 20 times eat a fucking can of rocks I don't care you suck he's a terrible human being like seriously a 200 dollar briefcase like come on pretentious asshole it's probably leather too wipe it off and give it

some saddle soap no I'm pretty sure that at 200 dollars it's not real leather this this guy is cheap as fuck 200 dollars 200 dollars doesn't buy you a nice briefcase I have an Oakley briefcase it's like

$280 for an Oakley this is why we have separate finances that was 10 years ago and I worked at the sunglass I had a 50% discount Google Shopping has them starting decent ones around 300

I see 900 oh yeah it was those are expensive 475 for genuine leather coach has one for yeah no I'm sorry kids get sick and the

places I've seen kids throw up I feel like when kids get sick for us sometimes we get a warning a little bit but for kids I feel like it goes from 0 to 100 and they're just throwing up yep it just happens I feel like your kids don't throw up that much do they

I haven't heard or seen anything I mean they have they've thrown up on the floor on the couch or on the bed like whatever it happens like it just happens they're not vindictive poor little girl yeah poor Ava

I feel bad for her she has to feel that parents it's ridiculous ride that horse every day of the week she needs to like get extra riding time or something to make up for her jerk of a stepdad

I've been in that situation too where a stepparent hates you and you know it's really uncomfortable too and I was probably the same age 10 at one point and it sucks like

especially at that age you just want to please like the adults around you yeah this is crazy I've just disciplining a kid for throwing up it's crazy but

I do want to say like even like tonight just like from my interactions with you guys you guys stick to like a very positive parenting model and you're very good about disciplining oh thank you Morgan that like makes my heart so happy because

I try so hard sometimes I feel like it's all yours doesn't work your patience definitely gets tested but like you guys do a great job keeping it together alright nobody's perfect we screw up we have moments where we

yell we try not to we try not to raise our voices we try not to instill like the fear like that's not our take nobody's perfect it happens we rebound what's nice about like

I don't know when you have a good partner at least for us we know each other so well when I am about to lose my shit Matt knows it and so I can tell like okay go take a walk Amy

he just takes it over and he like turns on the like the self control and like he's got it and when same like we like take turns almost and like okay yep I'm gonna take over here it almost like gives the other one more patience in a way

it's really weird it's like this little thing dance that happens and so that's why like parenting together for us is so much easier and lovelier and nicer and why I hate hunting season so much yeah cause you lose your partner

hunting widow someone does comment though that I do like and they say please start documenting these incidents of disproportionate punishment slash treatment if this is a glimpse of the way they treat her constantly you need to evaluate a custody agreement

living with them she will grow up to have many emotional issues speak to your lawyer discuss the situation check what is needed to be done for you to gain custody this situation will only escalate please please fight for your daughter I like that

cause we I mean we've talked about it I think a little bit throughout all of these stories but like I think the locker room one and showering especially because like things like this shape you and this is it matters it's like your most important job in the world is to parent

your kids do some research find out like you know don't just do it the way that your parents did it it's just because your parents did it doesn't make you right sorry no I I completely agree I saw I shot my computer and I'm smiling I have a shicker

on my face right now because I saw Matt reading the next title Matt! can I just I'm just gonna throw this out there like I have a hard time like following this like I like as Morgan's reading it I like to also read it I'll print out stories next to it

so like I can see it at the same time it gives me better comprehension not totally an auditory learner the last episode you miss details I miss some details I do too I have noticed like this is gonna sound like the biggest self-flex

but do you remember when we had to take those like standardized tests like the ACT or SAT or whatever the heck it was I think it was ACT in Minnesota here my reading score was like the best one like my reading comprehension is really really good so when I read these stories I can remember all the details and like even recall them in like

future episodes then but when I'm like getting a story read to me it is very hard to like sit there and you're like okay I'm trying to stay at the wall and I'm like focus! it's really it's difficult sometimes people roasted me last time for details I miss

it's okay I'll open it back up but I do great we have talked about that too where it's like I got a wooden spoon on my ass and that's not something you guys parent with so it's just it's great to see how parenting evolves

but it's also hard like reminding our parents like I got this one yeah gentle parenting yeah what did I call it positive parenting positive parenting yeah I'm gonna show you an awesome take talk later okay okay

walk the dogs school drop off meetings from 10 to 3 take kids to soccer then no time left for a jog when everyone else is relying on you it's easy to put your needs last better help connects you with a licensed therapist online so you can show up for

yourself the way you do for others find more balance with better help visit betterhelp.com today to get 10% off your first month that's better H-E-L-P dot com so last but not least alright here we go

am I the asshole for describing my wife as fat to our young children yes yes 100% yes you don't have to read anything else woo you wouldn't have to read we could we could just go like my wife

41 and myself 44 male both work in education and believe in properly explaining things to our children four female five male we have agreed to never use quote because I said so reasoning with them my wife is unfortunately around three stones

overweight her weight has crept up gradually since having the kids and I don't think she has even been aware of this gain until I gently raised the subject with her last year oh she was aware you didn't have to gently raise this 30 pounds a stone is 10

okay thank you for that okay but she was aware okay I think a lot of people are very sensitive to their own bodies yeah she agreed she needs to remedy this since then we have worked together to shift the excess weight and I'm proud to say she's lost around 10 pounds but she still has a lot

of work to do to reach her target weight she is best at sticking to her diet if there is no temptation around so for Easter I got her flowers instead of an egg she seemed happy with this then yesterday my children were arguing over a missing Easter egg each accusing the other

of eating it I knew instantly what had happened I asked my wife to tell the children where the egg which was quite big had recently gone and she admitted she had eaten it my son whose egg it was was very

upset and confused and asked his mom why she had eaten it my wife replied that she would replace it which would be impossible as it's now after Easter I pointed out on clearance it's on clearance it'll be even cheaper I pointed out

that she has not answered the question our son had asked he was very upset and kept asking why she had stolen his egg I felt it was unfair she hadn't properly answered this as he was getting more distressed my wife completely threw me under the bus here and said

quote because I wanted a chocolate but daddy didn't get me an egg they already know the importance of healthy eating so I explained that mommy was not wanting to eat too much sugar several but why questions down the line and I finally said quote because

mommy is fat and she needs to work on this by not eating sweeties oh my god I used the word fat because my sister is fat and always says it is not a shameful thing and she prefers to be described this way she says to not use the word implies

there's something wrong with being fat I probably was an asshole to presume my wife would feel the same way about this term and I wonder if I should have said overweight instead my wife hasn't spoken to me since this and has seemed very upset I feel terrible for upsetting her

but I think she was wrong to have taken our little boys Easter egg without asking and wrong to have blamed me for her actions I regret upsetting her possibly using the wrong terminology but I had run out of ways to explain to the children why I hadn't bought my wife an egg I wouldn't have had to explain

why I hadn't bought an egg if she hadn't told them this fact or indeed if she hadn't eaten the egg to begin with but I do feel I might be an asshole for upsetting my wife you are an asshole how about you know what I forgot I completely

forgot it's my fault I thought your mom would really love flowers more she really likes flowers so I thought that she would really like flowers more than a chocolate egg or I forgot what

because he didn't want to be he didn't want to take any responsibility he wanted to be on her she was responsible for eating the egg your mom's fat she shouldn't have eaten your fucking egg that's what he wanted to get across no blame or accountability in this agreed

what an asshole she birthed your children also I feel like 30 pounds if a stone is 10 pounds 30 pounds like I feel like I can fluctuate between 20 pounds like really quickly like 30 pounds doesn't seem like that much after having two kids

nope I don't know why you would want to set that tone or example for your children saying that oh mom's fat overall regardless of what your sister thinks that's just ridiculous

you could just say you know what I forgot mom ate the egg because she didn't get one but you know what we'll get you another egg who cares if it was after Easter that you went and got your son another egg

you can still find the candy kids don't care if it's Easter they love candy Monday through Sunday people just ask our son he's a candy man I will just say I think there is like

the sister isn't wrong there are a lot of people that are pushing for the word fat to kind of like reclaim it it's no different than like gay like gay used to be a slur like in a sense where it's like oh you're so gay and it was like even look at Taylor Swift

like I'm a big Swiftie but like gay has shifted now and so I think fat and like people who are fat are trying to like take back their power where it's like you're not gonna call me fat I'm okay with being fat but that's not something his wife has been okay with

so to use it in this negative context it's like it's the context that it was used how look at Lizzo she is amazing like she is the queen and she is somebody who I think is such a positive example of someone who just like brings her light

in my opinion but it's all the context that this man is bringing to having gained 30 pounds after birthing children and you know if that is her goal because she wants to be healthy maybe she doesn't feel as good as she used to

maybe she feels like you know the extra weight is getting in the way for her being active and feeling good then great I love a really good supportive husband who is like yeah girl get it like if this is your goal I want to be supportive of you but then to turn around

and he was the one that brought it up she didn't even say babe I want to try eating healthier he's the one that said hey you've gained some weight asshole he body shamed her and then did it again in front of his kids which I think that is huge because then they're going to take that

and they're gonna apply that to themselves and they're going to say that when I gain weight that is wrong and I am less than when that is the furthest thing from the truth you are more than and you are enough just the way that you are absolutely

absolutely I agree I may have some feelings about this well it's tough no it's just not something that we even say about ourselves like on purpose like I don't know I could lose some pounds

like I'm not sitting around saying I fell off the wagon I feel it or like I try not to say that in front of my kids right like instilling healthy body images you want to instill healthy body images yes you want to instill healthy eating habits and be healthy

but guess what there's candy out in the world people like candy and if she wanted to eat an Easter egg she should be able to eat that whatever she wants how many times have you guys stolen your kids Halloween candy?

we throw it away all the time what? we throw it away it's too much candy when you have a 5 gallon bucket full of candy it would last it's too much

they would either eat candy all day for a week it's just too much you just throw it away they don't miss it how you see yourself like that teaches your children so I make a conscious effort even if I'm feeling on the inside I don't like the way I look in this

this stress if my daughter's around if my son is around mommy is beautiful I will never talk myself down in front of my kids because I don't want them to feel again less than because I felt that as a kid

my mom was always on a diet she was never good enough in her own skin and I don't want my kids to have that I want them to like just feel beautiful no matter what the weight that they're carrying things happen in life

you slim down, you get heavier you go through puberty it's normal for women in their 20s to gain a little bit of extra weight that's normal something I'm hearing about recently is women having a second puberty and we

go through another weight gain in our 20s and all of this it's the math and it all makes sense and also weight is a really complex issue there's family history there's your genes you're born with there's environment that you're raised in

there's your emotional health there's your cortisol levels there's your thyroid there's so many things that contribute to the weight that you carry not just a person's willpower and I feel like that's the stigma that society has placed

on on carrying extra weight than you carried in your teens or your 20s it's fault they're overweight that's not the case and so I really take this to heart because I think I struggled

with body image growing up and that is the worst fear as a parent for my kids to struggle with that as well if I can in any way shield them and protect them from the filters, from the societal beauty standards

we just had magazines when I was growing up now they have Instagram all the social media I don't know how you combat that but I guess my strategy will be that I'm going to be body positive about myself from day one

and you don't need to say whether a body is thick or thin or small or big it does not define a person's worth and so why do you have to even bring it up and in fact my kids have brought up

in public even oh that person is really big and you know what I say, yes people are different we come in all different shapes and sizes and that's what makes us beautiful you guys are doing such a good job you really are

parenting is fucking hard look at all these stories and what people are going through this one just this one was it for me yeah so there are some edits okay let's hear them my wife said she didn't want anything for Easter I felt uncomfortable with this and so I got her the flowers

I don't care about her appearance she has a family history of heart disease including her older brother who died of a cardiac arrest in his 40s I worry every day about her health she watched our 5 year old accuse his little sister who was crying of stealing the egg

without admitting she had taken it only when I asked her outright did did she own up I feel that's really unfair to both kids which is why I asked I'm just gonna throw this out there but maybe be a little selfless

and recognize that maybe because you've had these conversations about your wife's weight that she was ashamed to appoint to admit it in front of you or in front of your kids maybe you should be selfless and just take the blame again

well I would have just said I forgot I don't understand why he feels the need to bring it up and make her admit it like why does she have to own up why are you making her yeah I'm not buying his like excuses now he's back peddling

oh it's about her health isn't that what they all say it's about her health 30 pounds like granted we don't even know her size in general but it's like 30 pounds from her baseline is not like again it's like people fluctuate that's not people are human right like even if

she is 30 pounds overweight and she said yeah she wants to like work on her weight it's not something you bring up with your kids you don't bring it up with the kids and what's one I don't know like what kind of Easter egg we're talking about here they're probably British it's probably an amazing little

Cadbury egg and they're good I get why she wanted one but also I don't know 500 calories the Cadbury's aren't that big but they do also like I'm thinking about the big chocolate bunnies we have here maybe it's a big egg

but I think here's the thing like kids are also easily like changed like Emmett today was having a meltdown I go Emmett do you want the present did you brought you instantly stops crying yeah they're upset yeah they're crying but can't you kind of like

divert them and be like mommy just wanted a taste I'm so sorry I'll get you a new egg you know how you handle the situation they follow your lead he didn't have to do it he's back peddling he's in the wrong well it's like but why but why

we promised our kids we would always tell them the truth when they asked us you can do I mean that I have that value also but like the truth also can be I thought your mom would want flowers more that is also

the truth yeah he didn't have to throw her under the bus and like almost embarrass her I think that's what he was trying to be right and yeah we're kind of rub it in her face easy asshole yeah and everyone everyone agreed

you're the asshole a massive massive asshole do does OP ever respond do OP's ever respond once they're called out I've yeah I've read a couple like the swim swimming dad was like there's probably 40 or 50 comments from him or do they change

their tune and change their mind they're like oh geez thanks internet sometimes or do they double down but not usually there is another comment though that people just need to learn but there is a comment here that's interesting they go why is everyone excusing the wife's behavior she literally

stole from her own child let her other child take the blame for it until OP came in there until OP came in there and then tried to throw him under the bus she's a grown adult and pathetic yeah and that got that got 11,000 upvotes

there are some terrible people in this world rainbow underscore maker maker m a k 3 r not making rainbows bra 11,000 people seriously

someone else goes out under their comment I'm with you letting her kids blame each other and fight over something she did was an absolute asshole move which I get I get like yeah okay your kids going at it but still the bigger issue here is the way the dad

acted in all of this and calling your wife fat and just you don't have to be right and are you giving your kids license to call other people fat like yes like way to go for his sister for embracing that terminology but in this point in our culture

it's not widely accepted in society I would be very offended if an 11 year old called me fat I would be very offended if I would cry I would yeah I would go home and cry it's not the social standard like way for way to go for his sister for trying

to push those social norms but it's not socially accepted yeah I'm not there yet for myself I don't think rainbow maker or the other person here that's agreeing like has really any parenting experience period have you

ever been in a household maybe it's 850 square feet you got two adults two kids two dogs things are crazy kids are fighting you're not listening you don't know what's going on you have one adult taking care of a situation shit's going to cry and then it all comes down and you're like hey just both the kids are screaming

what happened to the egg hey wife like admit it like who knows what the situation was leading up to that regardless as an adult you learn to handle situations and de-escalate especially with 5 and

7 year olds or 5 and 6 year olds in this case like 5 and 4 like de-escalate the situation figure it out you don't need to bring the other person down she's clearly feeling ashamed or she doesn't want to admit it if she's involved in the conversation of what's happening so

all you people that are agreeing with the asshole man you can go pound sand and oh god you're too kind I thought this was like your redemption to her like you're supposed to not cause fights I'm just saying like it's ridiculous people need to have compassion

and empathy for other people and like especially when it's your spouse like you're grown up and I don't know you just don't treat people like that no you shouldn't fat shame your partner positive intent this feels like he's and this is what's annoying I think to

1000% don't like shame your partner don't belittle your partner you're supposed to be on the same team and this almost feels like he's fat shaming her in the moment like this feels like a like a subtle dig to fat shame her and to almost like embarrass her

and to keep on her diet and her healthy eating like this feels like or to induce a eating disorder it just feels wrong feels wrong no no no that's it we're two hours deep two hours deep so that's all I got for you guys in parenting

well thank you for having us Maureen I'm so proud of you like you have like done so much and come so far and I'm just like really really proud of you all thanks to my little family but thank you guys for coming on yeah thanks for having us

when are we gonna release the Married in the Midwest podcast to be deterred I don't think that the viewers want to hear more from us I don't know let the viewers decide you're not everyone's cup of tea potentially but you're some people

I just think you know I just got off on the wrong foot with that last episode I have positive intent people like I mean everything I just I took a take I went with it maybe you know I took a hard edge the stripper stories get the best of us sometimes

it's hard I can be soft I can reverse the next theme I have you on I'm gonna call it vulnerable and we're gonna see how vulnerable you can get let's do it people are gonna be calling you shaman ultra you're just so soft

never he's like I don't know until next time guys bye when everyone else is relying on you it's easy to put your needs last better help connects you with a licensed therapist online so you can show up for yourself the way you do for others

find more balance with better help visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month that's BetterHELP.com the thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters

I started exercising instead of smoking staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key I kept on trying, learned something each time do whatever it takes no matter how many times it takes we did it, so can you

for free and confidential help call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit betterhelp.org developed by CDC