Two Hot Takes - 73: Spark Some Feelings.. Ft. Victoria Paris

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Victoria Paris! This episode features an assortment of stories that were intended to spark some feelings.. whatever they may be.. ;) First story starts at the 4:07 mark!  LIVE SHOW TICKETS: https://concerts.livenation.com/event/06005CDEA5B32000 CODE: "TAKES" if you get there before general sale :) Partners: Pepper: WearPepper.com/TAKES ZocDoc: ZocDoc.com/THT BLACK COLLAGE HOODIE / Merch: https://fanjoy.co/collections/twohottakes Bonus stories & Get your own "What's in the Box?!" at https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

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Let's get her going. Hi guys, the live show tickets for Minnesota are on sale now. You'll find a ticket link in the description and you just go to the link and enter code takes all caps and you can get a chance to get a ticket to see us in Minnesota live in person. We will be doing a Moment House stream with this as well. And we're trying to work out a way to make that super special for you guys. It's going to be super, super fun.

So if you can't make it in person, be sure to keep watching for the Moment House link. Bring your dogs, bring your cats, bring your kids, bring your moms, dads, grandpas. Bring everybody. I don't know if the pets can come actually though, but we'll be there. We hope to see you there. We're ready to party. We're already starting. We're pre-gaming right now.

We also only have one mic right now, hence this sharing is caring vibe. So be there, be square as they say. Oh my gosh, you're funny. I also just want to thank you guys for all of your kind messages and comments on last week's video. I was in the brink of a mental breakdown. And to say it turned things around for me is an understatement. I know this is kind of hard to believe, but I didn't realize how big of a home the podcast

has with some of you. I'm blown away. I really like was crying, reading the comments, shocker there, but it was really, really special for me to see. And I feel like I'm revived and like my purpose is aligned again. And I'm feeling a lot, a lot better. So I just wanted to thank you all so, so, so much for reaching out and sharing your kind words and your love for the show.

I hope everybody knows that the first pictures from James Webb were just released. So if you're unaware of this, I don't, I don't have anything to say to you, but for the people that know and that are into it, let's go and let's keep pushing for a space episode or for me to be able to speak my mind on space, you know, at the end, maybe it becomes a little theme, something like that, you know, I'm always looking out. I'll see you in the comments. Okay. With that being said, you guys, enjoy this episode with Victoria Parris.

I've been sitting on this for over a month now. It's long overdue and she comes at all of us hot with some really spicy takes. So enjoy. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan, and today I'm joined by Victoria Parris. Hello. You started on TikTok.

Yes. Yeah. Launch. Yes. Pani. You were a Pani one too. That was me, right? Oh yeah.

Post-end pandemic. Yeah. I wasn't really in the beginning. I feel like I really lost out on like sooner in the pandemic is like really when people gain so much traction. Oh my God. I was February, 2021 is when I first started. Bro, I don't even know what day today is.

So asking the wrong girl. Okay. Well, I love your content, your YouTube. I'm really drawn to your really, you're so relatable. And just like, you just say it how it is, and you're just like a quick little whipper snapper. I appreciate that. I love your content on YouTube.

So that being said, your theme today is just like all over the fucking place. You said some stuff on one of the videos I watched, and you're like, I just like don't really feel anything anymore. And I'm like, I'm going to spark, I'm going to spark some feelings today. Some visceral like reactions, like some really hot takes. Yeah. Some of them are a little out there. So we'll see what you think.

I'm excited. Okay. So up first, am I the asshole for switching from non-dairy to dairy milk and inadvertently making my flatmate shit herself in an interview? I'm not lactose intolerant. I buy hazelnut milk because I like to have hazelnut syrup in my coffee. And adding hazelnut milk makes it even more nutty. My flatmate is severely lactose intolerant though, and has been drinking my milk ever

since she moved in a few months ago. I don't have an issue sharing milk with her, but the issue is that she drinks so much of it all day, every day that I'll get a single cup of coffee out of an entire carton. Sometimes she'll drink the entire carton before I even had a single drink. And then she never replaces it or refunds me or even acknowledges that it wasn't hers to drink. At some point she stopped buying her own milk and I was having to buy new milk daily. I asked her many times why she was drinking my milk and said that if she does, can she

buy a new carton? And she would say sorry that she just grabbed the first milk she saw and that she'd get me a new one, but never would. She started getting annoyed when I brought it up and would say I was being overdramatic when I mentioned how much it was costing me. Last week I got sick of it and decided to go back to drinking dairy milk, thinking that as she's severely lactose intolerant, she would stop and buy her own milk. I thought wrong.

The dairy milk is clearly labeled. It has a bright red label on it and it even says cow's milk, but she still helped herself. Unfortunately, the day she decided to drink the dairy milk was the day she had a new job interview and the effects of the dairy laced coffee she took with her kicked in as she was in the middle of it and she didn't make it to the bathroom in time. She came home absolutely furious and laid into me about how I ruined her life, how this job was the opportunity she needed and I destroyed it for her by being a selfish cunt and that I did it deliberately because I was too uptight to share my milk.

Here are the reasons why my flatmate thinks I am in the wrong. I knew she was lactose intolerant and so knew if she drank my milk she would get violently ill. So by switching to dairy milk when I knew she was drinking my milk and might potentially drink it again, I was putting her at risk. She also said that sharing milk isn't a big deal and that I'm selfish. She thinks I was overreacting and being cruel just for the sake of it and that I should have spoken to her about it instead of secretly changing milks.

She has threatened to report me to the police, but I don't think she has a leg to stand on. Regardless, she is making our flat very uncomfortable to live in. She's taken my leftovers from the fridge and opened up my milk and left it to ruin. She's all her mess everywhere for me to clean up and has misplaced documents of mine. Am I the asshole? Like first reactions to that? Somebody give her a titty to suck on because she's a child and needs milk.

Like, god damn. Also like if you take it to the police, I mean nobody cares, but this is civil court. The milk is like $5. You got to be over a few grand to really be pressing criminal charges so I'd be like take me to the police. Let's go. Like put me in cuffs. I don't know, this girl just sounds like a child gaslighting over the mill while refuses

to buy her own milk and you can't even like control your asshole enough to like exit the interview and say, hey, I need a second to go use the lavatory. I'm sorry. Well, and I know I have really bad stomach stuff. I have IBS and I know when I need to go to the bathroom, you start to feel your stomach turning. I feel like for her, she had to have some inkling to be like, okay, my stomach's a little fucked up.

Like I need to excuse myself. I'm so sorry. So for her to just sit there and shit herself in the interview, I don't even know how you shit yourself sitting down though. Like it seems like, I mean, I only have a shit myself. I don't know. I don't really want to get into that. I don't know.

Back that one up. No. No. I don't know. I've had I, so I'm an OT and I've had patients like sit in wheelchairs and they just like poop. So I like, I know it can happen. I feel like it just like splooges.

Yeah. Like leakage. Yeah. Well, I haven't had a poop story on this podcast in a while too. Hannah, poor Hannah is here for every single one. Like Tefi, we talked about poop and that was, I think the last time. I love pooping. I poop like four times a day.

Healthy. Very healthy. Yeah. What? Did you just get a lot of fiber or what? Yeah. I eat so much fruit. I'm addicted and it just makes me like shit my brains out.

Okay. Well, I'm really happy for you. Thank you. It sounds great. Thank you. But this person, no, this person is also unhinged and like, yeah, it's $5 milk. Like I don't know if hazelnut milk is, it sounds really bougie. Yeah.

Yeah. Cashew, hazelnut, all those. They're very expensive. I've like really like ventured through the milk types and it really says a lot about who you are as a person, the type of milk you're drinking and the fact that this person is so not pressed to drink their one specific type of milk that they'll just drink whatever's in the fridge says a lot about them that they're just like a butcher and they don't care about most anything.

So to get up in arms over shitting your pants when you don't seem to care about much. Cheap ass. Yeah. Cheap ass. Also, you know, I feel like for me, if I know I had an allergy and I was like on a very strict diet, I would ensure that I had what I needed. Oh yeah. 100%.

I wouldn't trust or like depend on anyone. Yeah. So fucked. So the top comment on this one was not the asshole. So overall vote, not the asshole, which was 100%. Right. Yeah. Rightfully so.

Not the asshole. You didn't secretly change milks. You made a different choice at the grocery store because you could no longer afford the expensive hazelnut milk because she consumes so much of it. It's her job as someone with an allergy to be aware of what she's consuming. It's not like you disguised the milk. Your own bad behavior and carelessness put her in an uncomfortable spot and now she's making your life miserable.

This is why I don't live with people anymore. Living with people is so difficult. Even living with my dad, like I love him, but he has this thing where he's saving coffee grounds lately. Like, so he, we have a Keurig and like he'll pour his own coffee grounds into like the fucking cake up, which instantly gets everywhere. And then he has this thing where he'll keep his coffee grounds and when he goes on his morning walks around the neighborhood, he'll just pour them out because apparently it's

good. Yeah. Yeah. Like compost and whatever. I don't fucking know. I feel like, I don't know how the neighbors feel about it. I'd be so weirded out. They definitely can't trace it back to him, you know, like it's just like, who the fuck

is doing that? And it's like, they probably think it's like a random homeless dude and it's like, no, it's my dad. Yeah. And oh my God, his poor shoes. I just bought him new shoes because his shoes were like full of fucking holes. And I'm like, they probably did think it was just this weird person and God, he's just, the thing is, is when I was, when I was living with people, like I was the person who stole

their food. Like it was like, I, so like coming from somebody who's like a food stealer, like I get it and I would never get mad over the food that I stole, making me shit my pants, you know. Yeah. I feel like you asked for it at that point. Oh yeah. 100%. Like, yeah.

My friend Lauren is a food stealer too. And she, oh my God, it created World War three sometimes because she stole one of our other friends like salmon that she got at like, like no boo Malibu or like somewhere super fucking bougie. And it was like irreplaceable salmon and Lauren just decided to drunk eat it one night. Yeah. I mean, the thing is that there's like food stealers who own it and there's food stealers who like lie and hide and gaslight about it.

And I'm like, I own it. Like I ate that. I will go to Nobu. I will somehow figure out how to get the fuck into Nobu and get that exact salmon and replace it if you're that pressed over it. Lauren offered to. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the thing. Like I don't get, I don't get up in arms about those food stealers. The other food stealers though. Like no. No, you can't hide it. No. Yeah. Okay.

I'm moving along. Am I the asshole for walking out of a restaurant because my girlfriend ordered spaghetti? I 25 male. I'm dating a woman 24 named Allie. We moved in together five months ago and I really love her a lot. Allie just doesn't have great table manners. She eats noisily and sloppily in a restaurant environment. Usually this isn't too bad because of the natural ambient sound in a quiet room.

It's much more noticeable. I don't exactly like it, but usually I can tolerate it. However, when Allie eats pasta, she slurps her noodles so loudly that people from other tables look. It's completely mortifying to hear people murmur about her loud slurping all the time. I know this might be normal in some cultures, but from where I'm from in the U.S., it looks really uncultured and bothers some people who are more sensitive to sounds. I've tried to teach her how to use a spoon to spin the pasta into a ball.

Nope. She doesn't want to do it. I've tried to ask her to take smaller bites. Nope. That's how she eats pasta and that's how she'll always eat pasta. We've been to a local Italian restaurant half a dozen times and each time, but one, in a basically empty restaurant, she humiliated me with her loud, slurpy eating. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I agree with the patrons.

It's disgusting. People are trying to enjoy a meal. I finally got frustrated one day and told her that I wouldn't eat noodles with her in public anymore. She can eat alone or she can go with friends. I'll happily drive her to the restaurant, but I will not sit down with her. She kind of blew off my message with a quote, oh yeah, you're perfect. So I get it.

And I thought that was that. Last night, Allie really wanted to go to our local Italian place again. I asked her if she would be ordering spaghetti. She rolled her eyes and said she'd get the lasagna. I agreed that that was fine and we went out for the first time in a while. When the waitress came to take our order, Allie completely went back on her promise and ordered spaghetti. Period.

I told the waitress I wouldn't be needing anything, stood up and walked to our car. I relaxed in the car listening to a podcast until Allie came out a while later. She sat down and started giving me the silent treatment. When we got home, she yelled at me about embarrassing her, would not let me say a single word without shrieking over me and said that she's only interested in an apology. I refused and she went to another room to loudly talk shit about me to herself intentionally so I could hear. I don't know if I went too far.

Why am I the asshole? This is why I don't date men anymore, literally. You obviously have way more issues with her than the pasta, just say it. I'm really torn on this one. Wait, what? I am. I'm really torn. Surprisingly, the overall vote on this one was not the asshole.

Oh my God, literally I remember on Valentine's Day this year I took my ex to this Thai restaurant and she was on edge or whatever. She hit this glass over on the floor and it shattered everywhere and I was like, in those moments you can be embarrassed and be an embarrassing partner and I was like, who did it? Who hit the glass? I was turning and pointing at people around us in the table, it couldn't be us, it couldn't be me.

It's because that's my partner and I would never want them to feel embarrassed or whatever and especially as somebody who's a messy eater. I remember my parents screaming at me growing up and being like, Victoria, sit up straight, hold your fork right, this sat in the other thing and it's like, again, these are made up societal social constructs and your embarrassment is coming out of your own insecurities that you're projecting on her. She seems comfortable in herself to be fucking slithering her shit and she's paying to be there.

If she's not tipping and she's not paying for her food, then get the fuck out of the restaurant but if she's paying to be there and everybody else is like, you can't slip that loud to really annoy somebody that bad. That's what I want to know. She's like, or is she like, I need a voice clip, record it because I promise it's not that deep. It's not that deep. I'm envisioning the first one. That's what I'm envisioning and for me, I'm kind of in the middle of getting tested for

autism. Oh my God, I'm autistic. I know for a fact. I have really tough times with sensory stuff so loud noises just set me off, repetitive noises set me off. We went to Runyon once and we were hiking down the hill and one of my friends had like a metal water bottle in their bag that kept hitting the keys and I go, please just fucking carry that for you because you're not even noticing and it's driving me bonkers.

So sounds drive me up a wall but then I relate because every time I go out to eat, I drop food on myself. I'm the messiest fucking eater. I'm messy in general, brushing my teeth, I get toothpaste all over the fucking place. Always. That's how you know you're doing it well. Yeah, I don't know how they make it look cute in the movies. They don't fucking use toothpaste or some shit.

I don't know. So I feel for her in that way but I'm like, oh, I'm like how fucking loud is it? That's what I'm saying. I need an octave level. Also, especially being somebody who knows they're autistic and deals with a lot of stuff like that, there's things that I do myself to mitigate how much I have to say to somebody. Can you move your water bottle? I put on my AirPod Maxes when I'm in public and I put on white noise.

People are like, you're always wearing your headphones and I'm literally playing white noise so I don't overheat and get anxiety. And a lot of times as a woman who was really saying they're autistic in their 20s and 30s, you are set up to live a certain way and you're not given the tools to take care of yourself. Yeah, it's crazy. And so you have to figure out all these little things that help you go about your day. It's wild. It's never something I...

I was diagnosed with ADD, ADHD2 in college and so I'm like just seeing stuff and doing more research, I'm like, okay, wait, the shoe really does fucking fit. Oh yeah, yeah. But it's society. Like society isn't. You have to learn these little tools like the AirPods and stuff like genius. Also the girl like slurping her pasta, she needs somebody who's going to be there with her slurping.

This obviously is not the girl for you if this is the hill you're going to die on. Yeah. Well, so the top comment which got 18,000 upvotes, you really want a girlfriend with table manners of a 10-year-old who cannot distinguish between what's acceptable in public versus private and won't change. Not the asshole, but it's a losing battle. Accept her or ditch her. Come on, like you really want a man who's going to be like, I mean, like I hate that

you really want a girlfriend because girls are supposed to be so feminine and so dainty and petite and like, one noodle at a time please and like barely finish their food. And like I want, I want to date a girl who's going in on her play and eats good and like fuels her body. Yeah. And like feels like she can take up space and make noise. And like that's something that is like normally attributed to men. So I want a girl who lacks table manners.

Yeah. And doesn't give a fuck what anybody thinks of her. Sure. Yeah. The confidence. Well, and that's like something too where it's like, if she's not embarrassed by it, like it's, why are you embarrassed by it? Like it's kind of one of those things where it is hard when we have friends or people

in social settings and they're, you feel embarrassed, but it's like if it's not bothering them, like that's kind of a you problem. Yeah. For sure. Like I've like really like tried to control my own insecurities and not project them on other people. And like obviously like there's things that would really embarrass me like her not tipping when embarrassed.

Yeah. That would embarrass me. That's really affecting somebody else, but like she's again, paying to be there if she's paying for the food, like yeah, that's her prerogative. I think it's just a losing battle. The guy's username is next stop my ass. So I tried looking and see if there's any comments from OP, but no other comments, accounts been suspended, no updates, but I don't know.

It sucks because they live together and like breakups when you move in are that much harder. Oh yeah. But I also, if you've gone to the point of moving in together, like, you know this about her, you know this stuff and you live together, like, come on. Yeah. It's, I don't know what you were getting into. You knew what you were getting into and it's so frustrating too because it's like, I get where you kind of asked her not to eat spaghetti because you're embarrassed.

Okay. But then to like get up abruptly and make a show of it and leave her in a restaurant. Yeah. When he's embarrassed of her making noise and making a scene when he literally just made a scene and made like, what? Just, I'm very torn. I'm like, okay, I need, I need the audio before I can make a final verdict. I need the audio.

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Sarah, when did you hop on the call? Hi, dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. This one, this is where we start going off the deep end a little bit. So it's titled, Husband Wanted to Fuck Younger, younger, oh, we really are going off to deep end. Husband Wanted to Fuck Wife's Younger Sister Suggestions.

So last month, my husband, 28-year-old, our two-year-old daughter and I, 31-year-old, are staying the night at my mom's house. My mom and my younger sister, 29-year-old, are there. The next day, we went home as if nothing happened. I was happy, peaceful, and couldn't be more grateful for my life as usual. But the night after it, my sister messaged me and told me that she needs to tell me something really important about my husband. I asked my husband what could possibly happen, but he answers that he has no idea.

Nothing comes to mind. My sister then starts to tell me the secret she holds, that my husband woke up at 1-2 a.m. when we're staying the night yesterday, sees my sister watching TV in the living room, and approaches her to ask if they could have sex right then and there. My sister said no, and then my husband went back to bed to try to fall asleep, but failed. He woke up again and asked my sister once again if she had changed her mind. My sister said no again. My heart dropped hearing it.

My whole body shakes. My heart raced. My mind went numb. It's as if all of a sudden there was no oxygen left in my body. I immediately googled how I can divorce him, but when he found out what I knew, he was bawling, saying that he was sorry, etc. He says he finally realized that he wasn't being a good husband to me all these years. I'm the only thing he didn't want to lose.

He holds all the power in our relationship, so he became greedy, etc. So then I tell him to tell his parents first, and to my surprise, his parents almost seemed like they were siding with him. His mom says something like, it's normal for a marriage to be tested like that. It's fortunate that the unfaithful act didn't really happen. His father says, you, aka me, should be fatter. Which I assume is another way to say that it's my fault that my husband tried to cheat because I don't appear sexually attractive anymore.

After all the shit I've had to endure, I made up my mind to still divorce him, but I'm clueless as to how I should do it rationally. Since I don't have a job, he didn't let me, or money, for good quality daycare. I also am thinking about if my daughter prefers for us to stay together. I do want to stay for my daughter, but I really want to divorce my husband as far as I know in my country, Indonesia. I can't stay together in one house while being divorced. Do you think I should just forgive him for the sake of our daughter?

Any suggestions? I mean, that makes my heart break. All those feelings she described are very real when you hear it. The thing is, is that you're not lucky that the unfaithful action didn't happen, you're lucky that your sister said no. He would have done it if she didn't say no, and also you have to think about the type of woman you want your daughter to look up to, and you want your daughter to look up to an autonomous female who is empowered and doesn't rely on any man for money.

I feel like growing up in an extremely traditional Southern household where it's like, you get married, you have a man pay for you, to now be in control of my own life, to be dating a woman has flipped that all on its head, and it's so much better than relying on anybody or answering to anyone and so much more empowering, and you want your daughter to have that example. Even if it takes being broke or, I mean, it's easy to say from the outside in, but yeah, and also divorce in Indonesia, I don't know if you get any money in the divorce. I don't know. I can't even imagine.

If there's a prenup, and also he could get full custody of the kid because she doesn't have a job or study income, which really sucks, but that's when you need to rally the people around you in your community, their family or friends to support you in doing the right thing. Yeah, absolutely. It's pretty black and white. It's so tough. The fact that he wouldn't let her have a job if she wanted one too is the biggest red flag.

My mom was always very, almost down my throat, but I appreciated it now, looking back, but she was always like, you should never have to depend on a man for money. That was always just really pushed, be your own person, have your own success, which I appreciate, but when you're 16 and you're constantly hearing that, it's a lot. The fact that he didn't let her have all that, that's the biggest red flag. Financial abuse is so scary, especially if you are a woman, and even in this country, if you're a stay-at-home parent, and your options are super limited after divorce and stuff like that, you're stuck, almost.

You are stuck. Let's googling quick. In Indonesia, divorce is actually decided by the court. However, the court has the obligation to hold a mediation between husband and wife at initial proceedings, and the court also shall always try to reconcile the couple. It doesn't even sound like in the divorce proceeding, she'll have a lot of autonomy. It sounds like honestly, if the husband is like, no, I want to stay married, I want to stay married.

It sounds like the court could almost keep them together. That's crazy. Yeah. I don't know. That's also why deciding who you get married to and who to have a child with is such a massive decision where people get caught up and like, I love you, let's get married, let's have a kid, whatever, whatever. It's like you're tethered to this person for forever via via the child, and obviously

people change and things happen that you never expected, and it's so scary to be tethered to somebody in this way where they're horrible actions are stuck keeping you together. Forever. It's so crazy. There's so many stories on Reddit too where I'm like, you didn't listen to the red flags and then you had a fucking kid with this asshole. It's just so sad. Yeah.

People are so surprised by divorce rates when really wise. People should be surprised by marriage rates, why people continuously choose to get married. That should be surprising when we see how much failure there is in marriage and how many issues there are in marriage and that the system itself may not be working. It's so wild. I look at some of the people I went to college with, a couple of people got married and are already divorced, and then some of them are married, but their partner was actively cheating on them all throughout college, and I'm like, do you even know, do you know to this day?

Yeah. I mean, monogamy, again, construct, but something that you can strive for, and again, with good intentions try to achieve, obviously there can be lapses in judgment, and it's human nature to think things. It's not human nature, I would think, to act on things when you have conscious thought. Yeah. Yeah, which this story reminded me too. I had a listener write in recently, and I'm doing little articles for USA Today occasionally.

That's cool. Yeah, it's really fun getting to answer people. So different. I feel like fucking Dear Abby. I'm like, oh my god. But it's engaging in a new way, where you can sit and think about it instead of immediately having to respond. Yes.

It's really nice actually having a breath to put my thoughts together. But she went through the same thing. Her husband didn't ask to sleep with her sister, but her husband is into music and likes writing his own songs, and so she was on his phone one day and just saw one of these notes about a woman, and it was a song. She was reading the lyrics, and she got through it, and she was like, this is not about me, so she confronted him, and eventually after her really interrogating him, he confessed that, no, it's about your sister, I've had feelings for your sister, but I haven't acted

on it. I haven't done anything, but she did mention they've always had a really close relationship. Some people would even make comments that it was too close. This is during the husband. Yeah, and so it's like, where do you even go from there? Out of all the people this asshole could have propositioned for sex, he had to go to her sister. Yeah, I think it's the taboo of it, like, oh, this is so wrong, it must be right.

And I was even talking to my partner now about how we have friends who have broken up. My friends were living together, we were dating for three years, living together for two years, and one day he just woke up and said, I'm leaving, and I'm done and moved out in her and broke the lease, and it goes to find out that he was cheating or wanted to cheat on her and laughed, and so he thought the right thing to do was just move out and break up and then go see somebody else, and then that relationship, of course, didn't pan out. And all these taboo, like, oh, I can't have her, I'm in a three-year relationship, I sleep next to my girlfriend, it makes you want it that much more, and then it never actually

ever works out. Acting on your impulses never brings anything to fruition or any good things to happen. Growing up and becoming an adult is learning to do the right thing and be a stand-up person and make the hard decisions. Yeah, I would agree with that. Just sucks. Just sucks. I can't imagine marrying someone and being that committed.

There's so many horror stories. So many horror stories. It's absolutely terrifying. Yeah. And it's so weird because I just recorded a little dating game with my boyfriend, and one of the questions is, what's your biggest fear? I think a lot of people's biggest fear is cheating, which is so rational. Even cheating, I've been cheated on so many times where I'm like, it's not even my biggest

fear anymore. I think literally your partner cheating and getting someone else pregnant is my biggest fear because then they're tied to that person, kind of like what you said, they're tied forever. Yeah, I think cheating is just something you have to accept in a relationship, not accept that it'll happen, but accept that it's a possibility and that they should make the right decision in that moment, even if tested, even if the thought creeps in. I think about all the time, I'm committed to one person right now, but you can be on the stream and be observed and be like, that person's hot, and not spiral and be like,

I want to become friends with them, and then I want to get close to them, and then I want to spend more time with them. There's spiraling and identifying where a relationship can go from the jump, and then there's allowing it to spiral and get out of control. Yeah. Cheating. It's a wild concept, which also has to do with the next story. So this is from the subreddit.

It's called true off my chest, and people will admit some of their darkest secrets are just crazy. The reddit's crazy. It's nuts. It's so nuts. The next thing, the interface of it is so sick too. If social media apps could interface a forum, like reddit into there, like that's what TikTok's really done now, like the chat element of TikTok and comments is amazing.

I love it. So this one, my husband cheats on me sometimes, but I don't care because I'm very well taken care of. Solid. I know this is against the norm because cheating is looked down upon, and I used to care a lot more when I was younger, but now, not so much. My husband and I have two kids together, and I consider myself fit, curvy, and beautiful. Most people can't tell that I've had kids.

I run a few businesses, and we also have a nanny, which really helps both of us when it comes to having our own time. I've always known my husband has wandering eyes, and for the most part, he is amazing, except for the times where he will go fuck around with someone when he goes to Vegas for the weekend or something. Before these trips, he will always leave me extra cash, and he always brings me back something. It's never the same person, and always a one night thing. He doesn't take girls on vacations, he doesn't have sugar babies, he only does hookups.

He doesn't want to commit to anyone else, even though in the traditional way, he's not fully committed to me either. He is safe, and I also test myself regularly. We don't talk about it, I'm the open, and it's kind of one of those things I know but don't speak of, unless something in particular upset me. We are loving, sex is great, and nothing is amiss. He lives with us and comes home every day. The main reason why I don't care so much about his occasional one night stand is because

I'm very well taken care of. Anything I want, he will get me. If I tell him I want to go on vacation somewhere, he will take me. I don't look at the prices when I shop, and if I do decide to leave him, he doesn't want me to, but I do feel that one day I might. We have already discussed my monthly alimony and child support, which is close to the mid five digits. Right now, everything I spend is on his card that he pays off, and he also gives me monthly

allowances for me to keep slash save despite me having my own money from my businesses, that he helped me open. I've never spoken about this out loud because I know people will tell me it's wrong for me to value a comfortable life over a monogamous marriage, and they'll call me a gold digger. But the truth is, I've been with my husband since he was flat broke, and while I would love to have a faithful marriage, if I had to choose between that and never having to worry about money, I would and am choosing the latter. Yeah.

I mean, there's a few things that stand out there. I mean, he only hooks up with them for now. Things can always get worse, and we as humans are subject to change, and relationships change. But also, again, as a woman, being financially autonomous or financially taken care of gives you the freedom and liberty to educate yourself, to grow businesses, to set yourself up for success outside of this marriage. So fuck it. Set yourself up for all the success and plan for the future and any possibility.

I think there's no black and white. I remember growing up seeing things in my parents' marriage and being like, oh, this is egregious. This is insane. How could you do this to one another or this, that and the other thing? And as you get older, you realize that relationships are just shades of gray. And if something's working, it's working. If it's not, it's not.

But nothing, like, again, like the hill you die on, it can't be black and white, and just be like, oh my God, hate sheeted on you, like, be done. Like, you have to think of things cumulatively, like we've put in years together, I've seen him from here to here, like, what do I do if we have kids involved? And honestly, like, it sounds like she has a great head on her shoulders and is setting herself up for success, whether he's faithful or not, whether their marriage works or not. So like, just ride the fucking wave. I agree.

I'm like, I, I know so many people are going to be like, no, I could never, I would never let my partner do this. I, I would never stand for this. And I think if you have the intention of having a monogamous relationship and that's what you want and your partner does cheat, yeah, you're, you actually have the right to leave. You should leave if that's like outrageous to you. But she's come to such terms with this. And like you said, is like setting herself up, like she has businesses now that are her

businesses. And like, she's, she's, She doesn't sound like it's eating her up in the side and like she can't sleep. And like, it doesn't sound like it's affecting their sex life or their relationship. It's like, it's like, like my husband smokes like a pack of cigarettes only when he goes on trips with his boys. And like, it's a guilty pleasure. Obviously sex is different in relationships with other people, but it's like, well, what

does a pack of cigarettes turn into? Is it like he's, he's doing drugs on these trips now. And that's when it gets worse. And that's when like, you really start to question it, but like, again, we are humans and we have vices and to each their own, if it works for you, it works for you. Exactly. Well, and so many people nowadays are in like open relationships or like a lot of people are pursuing polyamorous stuff.

So I feel like for this, like she doesn't talk about it being reciprocated on her end, but like she's kind of just come to terms where like it's open on his end and like it just is what it is. Yeah. The real question is if she wanted open, like how would he react to that as well? I think like, oh my God, I'm seeing so many friends go into open relationships and it's, I made this video on Tik Tok and I was talking about how like dating a woman was like opening Pandora's box and there's no closing it.

And that's what open relationships are like too. And I'm like, yo, that's a box and I'll leave for a little bit. Like, I mean, I see so many people go through it and it's just crazy. It's so wild. I mean, have you been on Tik Tok? Have you gotten into the Mormon? Mom talk? Oh, shit.

What's happening? I don't really know what's happening, but it sounds like it's a lot of like, they were talking about being swingers and they were talking about like soft swinging and like not actually having, or if they are hooking up, their partner has to watch and, but it also sounds like it's a lot like a very played up for views. And I feel like they're like, I feel like the, the couple it's centered around, which I don't know their names, but the couple it's centered around seems to be moving places. And I wonder if it's just like a bunch of publicity employee around the moving and then

they get back together or something. I don't know. That's what I'm starting to see now. Like everyone's been breaking it down. So I had no idea who the fuck these people were before. All I knew is that they don't wash their hair and they drink like a lot of soda. They don't wash their hair? The mom talk thing is like they wash their hair like once every nine days.

Well, the one, the main girl. And also like they all go, there's all these soda shops in Utah where they get these like Stanley cups filled with soda. And I'm like, sounds like a good low key besides the swinging. I don't know. I just like my wine too much some days. Like I couldn't, I couldn't do it. But it seems like they're really breaking down Mormonism.

And really like some like swinging like some are probably even drinking like Mormonism is like cracking out into the open. I would agree with that. And like a lot of people have like broken it down. They're like, they're not, they're not real Mormons. And it's like, well, that's their faith. And if like they're dictating or they're diverting a little bit from the norm, like that's all faith changes, whatever.

But I just thought it was so crazy. It kind of reminds me of that where I'm like, she's just, I don't know if she's good with it, she's good with it, but there is an edit. She does add more edit wanted to add this in, in part, because some asked why we don't talk about it. So I'm copying and pasting the response I wrote to someone. Well, we have had a conversation about it before. I caught this point of view and he told me that he is safe and it's never the same girl.

I was at a point where I wanted to move on and I wanted him to tell me the truth. So he did. And I actually do believe him and felt better after knowing this was when I started to think, well, maybe I am actually okay with it because it didn't hurt me hearing it. It was the not knowing that hurt. He views it as some kind of game and loses interest as soon as they put out. His words, not mine. Him and I were actually longtime friends before we got together and he was broke

when we started dating in our early twenties. I was his second girlfriend ever and we dated for about seven years before we married in our thirties. We've been living this lifestyle for the past five years. What we don't talk about is every girl he's hooked up with and what happened during each trip he took. Sometimes he does hook up and sometimes he doesn't, but he still leaves me extra spending money and brings me back a gift regardless.

This was something he did even before he had money. Back then it was just something that reminded him of me. Now they are shoes, jewelry, purses. I will admit that these trips have significantly decreased since he's older now, the last time he took a trip somewhere, August of last year to Miami. And I know he didn't hook up with anyone because my best friend ended up going on the same trip with her boyfriend. Sorry.

I know my post made it seem like he's hooking up with someone every weekend. Yeah. I don't know. I just, she doesn't seem too pressed about it. Sounds like she wants to bet and like, just get it out there. That's what therapy is for a true off my chest post, which like this reminds me too of like, I keep seeing, um, this one pair on Tik Tok and I forget their names, but they're like besties and they're like platonic life partners.

Oh, I've never seen them. Yeah. And so it's like, there's so many different ways to have relationships now. So it's like, at the end of the day, if you're happy, just be fucking happy. Yeah. There also is like an overpopulation crisis. So maybe like platonic life partners might be great. I'm, I'm all for it.

Like, I think what's crazy too is like all this Roe v. Wade stuff coming up and people are scared. They're like, people millennials aren't having kids. Millennials aren't, they're not having kids. And it's like, yeah, no fucking shit. The planet's dying. We can't even afford to buy a fucking house. Yeah.

Yeah. So everybody's divorcing. Like, I mean, I'm gonna have kids with somebody who I don't even know if they're going to like stay loyal and like, you know what I mean? And like, I have to deal with all this Reddit shit. Co-parenting? Yeah. Co-parenting.

Oh my God, bro. It's a tough gig. Yeah, I don't know. And also like, yeah. Yeah, crazy. It's fucking wild. But happy for her. Happy for her as long as she's happy.

You go, girl. Yeah. Got to walk the dogs, school drop off, meetings from 10 to 3. Take kids to soccer practice, then there goes the extra time for a jog. That's OK. Maybe next week. When everyone else relies on you, it's easy to put your needs last. Therapy is a dedicated time to focus on what you need to be happy.

So you can show up for yourself the way you do for others. BetterHelp offers convenient online therapy on your schedule. It's the same professional service you'd get from an in-person therapist, but with the option to communicate when and how you want by chat, phone or video call. Go to their site and fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Find more balance with BetterHelp.

Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHELP.com. Next one. Am I the asshole for not telling a guy what I do for work and letting him pay for my drinks during the whole evening? My friend Grace invited me to a board game bar to play and have drinks with her, her boyfriend and one of their friends, Nick. We went to get drinks in pairs.

Grace, going with her boyfriend. Meanwhile, Nick and I stayed at the table and vice versa. So Nick and I had plenty of time to talk, just the two of us. Nick started the night by telling me about his recent career change. He decided to quit his previous job, go into coding bootcamp, and he got a job as a developer one or two months ago. He was very proud of himself and his new salary and told me multiple times. He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a bit.

Occasionally saying, quote, sorry, you don't understand that, haha. During the entire evening, I never told him I had been working as a software engineer for the past four years because he never asked. And honestly, I found it a bit entertaining. When it came to the drinks, he invited me to every single one, quote, don't worry about it. It's not a problem with my developer salary. I told him multiple times he doesn't have to pay for me, but he insisted.

At the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, he took out his phone to send me a friend request on Facebook. My job is listed in my profile. So that was when he realized that I'm a software engineer. He asked me if it's true that I'm a software engineer. And I answered yes. He asked me why I haven't told him. Why did I let him believe I was a cashier like Grace used to be?

Parentheses, I never implied that. And why did I let him pay for everything when I probably earned more than him? I told him that he never once asked and it was his fault he assumed. He could have simply asked me about my job, but he only wanted to brag about his. But if he wants me to, I can pay him back for the drinks. He was angry and said I made a fool out of him. I think he did that, not me. But now Grace and her boyfriend are on his side too, saying that it would have

cost me nothing to tell him early in the evening. And I only kept it for myself, for my own entertainment. Well, I did find it entertaining, but I really don't feel like I did anything wrong. Am I the asshole? First off, there's still a wage gap, so let him pay for fucking everything. And until that's righted, he can go fuck himself because like what? And if he actually cared about what you did, he would ask if he actually thought you were making money, he probably still wouldn't let you pay, especially like

being a woman who's made more than my male partners have in the past. It is such a fucking issue constantly. They still want to pick up the check and I still want to feel like they're 50-50. And I'm like, bro, like if I make more than you, I can pay for more. And that and you know that. But then in those moments, they still want to fight and like pay for it or pay for more than me as like to have something over you. Again, like the financial like hold and like threatening.

And it's also so much to do with insecurity too. So much insecurity that as men, they need to be providers and they need to take care and like no way get a woman to take care of them or like it go the other way around. And like again, there is still a fucking wage gap. And I'm sure that the other software engineers at her company that are men are probably getting paid more than her. And that is just like a sad truth as a woman to accept. And until that is righted, he can pay for fucking everything and fuck off.

I mean, he's just an asshole. Like for him to flip it on her, like, why didn't you tell me? Did you ask? Yeah, why didn't you ask? Why don't you care? Like, why is what? And also I'd find it so entertaining because it's not like she saw herself marrying this guy. No, she probably after this was like, he's a pretentious prick. Like doesn't even care to ask about me. And that's the biggest red flag.

I think when you go on like, and it doesn't sound like this was like specifically a first date, but it's it seems like a setup. Like it seems like her friend and his her boyfriend brought him along. Like it seems like a setup to at least introduce them or whatever. So the fact that he didn't know by then that she was a software engineer shows that like what? Like what was he trying to do? Just trying to hook up or something. I don't even know.

I just think it's crazy to me that he didn't even ask like, oh, what do you do? There was no genuine interest in her or getting to know her. He just wanted to talk about himself continuously. Yeah. And I've been on dates like that. And they're so fucking brutal where like you're constantly the one like having asked them questions where it almost feels like you're interviewing them. But then there's no like engagement back. And it's like, so if I'm not the one talking to you,

you're going to just let it be dead, silent, awkward. Like you really don't give a fuck right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So rude. I've honestly like gotten like feedback in the past with people I've like dated, being like, you don't ask enough questions about me. Like you don't seem to care. You don't seem to be interested in my job. And I'm like, no, you are so interested in what I'm doing.

And my life, you ask so much like and having been somebody who's been questioned so much throughout their life and especially in their career, like I'm not the type to ask questions back because I hate prying. I hate feeling like people I'm like really like, what do you do? And crouching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I like to like, like let people naturally like offer up as much as they want to and like kind of create this abstract of their life and what they do. Yeah. But people constantly

misconstrue that as being uninterested or like not engaged. And I'm like, no, yeah, having been somebody who's been subjected to so much scrutiny and questioning, I let people offer up what they are interested in. Yeah. Well, and that's like a good way to like not encroach on someone's boundaries or cross a line that, you know, it's something they don't even want to talk about or bring up. So I guess that there's a fine line. I just think like in this case, it's one of those things where it's like,

the fact he kept bringing up his salary. Oh, I got the drinks. It's not a problem with my developer salary. Like, bro. And now it's a problem because of my salary. Like if you feel threatened, but it's also like the amount he's getting paid is not changing. This is not going to break his bank. But the fact that I can pay for it, too, is threatened his salary

and like how much he makes and like his relationship with me. Yeah. It says a lot more about, again, like back to the pasta thing. It says a lot more about the guy than the girl. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think he just is feeling very inadequate and he probably does feel super stupid, but that's on him. And hopefully he never goes on a first date type thing again and doesn't ask someone about themselves.

Yeah. So top comment is like quoting what OP says. Like he never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a bit. Occasionally saying, sorry, you don't understand that. Which is another thing, like just I'm smarter than you. Like there's so much like subtle implications with all the shit he said, where like they're just like little digs at her. Like you're not smart enough for me. You're beneath me.

Yeah. And then like, oh, I thought, I thought you were a cashier. Like why do you think that women women can't have STEM jobs? Like what? And so someone like quoted that and just goes, this right here, not the asshole, poor OP was in a no win situation. Shut up and listen to him brag or say she's a software engineer with four years experience and be accused of either emasculating him, downplaying his accomplishments or having sex with the bosses to get her position. Women sometimes we get put in the catch 22s.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's also like in a lot of these stories, you don't even get the visual of what these people look like. And especially like a lot of women who fit the beauty standard or like are beautiful. Like it's it's never like synonymous with being intelligent. It's never like synonymous with working in STEM or like anything like that. And it's frustrating to want to be a three dimensional woman, to want to be a complex woman, to want to be a reserved woman

who doesn't have anything to prove and doesn't need to like on the first date, say what they do and how much they make. Yeah. And I find that having been a very abrasive woman who is very forward with who I am and what I do and how much I can bring to the table. It's made me not want to be like that anymore. Made me want to be more reserved, like how she was and not tell him because it just changes the dynamic of the relationship so much. It does. And I think people then I think if she would have told him,

I think he would have acted like a snot the rest of the evening. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also think he'd be less interested in her. It seems like he wants a power dynamic that's not even. I would agree with that. And I think a lot of men are threatened by that. Like something I talked with my girlfriends about is like our partners feeling somewhat threatened or just like

like insecure about their own success when we do better than them. And like, I have the most supportive boyfriend. Like the podcast, this all exists because of him. Like he bought me the equipment, pushed me to do it was so supportive. I get everyone has like bad days where they can feel like that. But like if he was constantly like that and like insecure about like me making more than him or like threatened or like, I don't even know, just toxic. I would be like, OK, we're done.

Like this isn't this isn't going to work if you feel inadequate because of me. Yeah. That was like, honestly, one of the main reasons why I stopped dating men recently was because like I was dating men through like the conception of my career. And they like all grew to resent me. Like every every guy wants an empowered girl boss who can pay for herself and is smart and has her own thing going for them until they're with her. Until they're with her and see like how much work it takes and how much space you have to like actually take up.

And like you have to bring to the table, which is 110 percent more than what they do because they are men and like in a society that favors men, they can bring 50 when I have to bring 110. So when you have to sit next to somebody who's bringing 110 percent at all times and you're bringing 50, you're going to feel even more inadequate because I'm having to do like two times the shit you do. And again, all men want a girl boss until they're actually with a girl boss.

And people are going to be like, that's not all men. That's the man I've been with. I cannot speak for all men in the entirety of the world, but I cannot deal with somebody resenting my success anymore. And I need like somebody who like trajectories aren't always the same. Like your boyfriend could end up blowing up like in two months, way more than you. And like it can go back and forth and back and forth.

You shouldn't compare. You should be supporting. It's well, it's not if with him too. It's when like he's in music, he's so fucking talented. And so it's like, like, shut the fuck up. You got it. It's coming. You'll be fine. Like you got it.

It's so, it's so hard. And I think like that's the biggest challenge and like just relationships in general is like, you should not have to muffle yourself at all to appease another person or be in a relationship with another person. Be yourself wholeheartedly, unapologetically. And if they can't handle you, they're not the person for you. Yeah. Same with the pasta slurping, like literally the same shit, just in different fonts.

Like when it comes to money, it's a lot more like because money rules the world. Like, oh, that girl should stay with him because he's cheating and he sets her up. But like, oh, God forbid she has bad table manners. Like, come on, like if she had great table, if she had horrible table manners and was subsidizing his life, he would put up with it more. I guarantee you money changes the whole dynamic of everything. And then the complexities of like straight where hetero versus like gay relationships with money is like crazy.

Like I don't foresee myself dating a man for a very long time because of that. And me just like being driven by money. And yeah. So you're bi, right? Yes. OK. Do you feel like dating women that like construct isn't as a parent in relationships where like the financial stuff is just like it's like negated almost first date with a woman is always like, it's pretty like we always just split the check.

Always. Every that's not a question. Yeah. But with a man, it's always like, oh, like, I don't like, no, like with women, it's like very or like every other or like then once we are further down the line and learn like the dynamics of the relationship. Like if I say I'm making a lot more, like it's I'll pay for a little bit more. And like I just find that like with men, it was constantly a fight of like.

Either like, yeah, like they still have that hold over me. And I'm like, yeah, why, why? Like I'm good. I can I can pay. Yeah. And I can pay for you too. And like, or if I'd want to go on trips and they couldn't afford to go, I'll be like, I'll pay for it. And they're like, this is again, not all men. This is my experience, but they would get uncomfortable by that.

And it's like, well, why are you uncomfortable with that? Because if the gender dynamic was switched with, if he was a woman and I was a man, it would be. No question. It'd be sick. Let's go on that trip. Yeah, no question. But there's tons of guys who who would go on the trip and let me pay. It's just like the men that I've dated in my experience. Just take the trip, dude.

Shut up. Like, come on. Yeah, it's tough. Money, money is always tough. Like with anyone, like partners, friends, anyone. I find the toughest like people to be around are the people who try to act like money doesn't matter. It does.

And I'm like, it's the fucking elephant. It's right there. Like, can we just acknowledge it? And like, they're like, I just, I just don't care. Like, it doesn't matter. And I'm like, it's a privilege to not care. It's a privilege for it not to matter. Like, do you not see that?

It's a huge privilege. Like, there's so many people that like even I keep seeing like rent go up everywhere right now. Like rent is just astronomical. And like someone, they were like the minimum minimum wage is like 725. And the the median rent in the United States right now is like 1,800 for a one bedroom. And if you're making minimum wage working 40 hours a week,

you cannot even afford like the cheapest apartment in any city. And it's just like, it's just so fucked. We are at such a breaking point with like. Yeah, I feel like minimum the 725 should be for like part time seasonal. Yeah, like holiday workers. Yeah, but a holiday workers who are children, like children, like in North Carolina, you're like 15 or 16, we can be employed to 18. When you're when you're living under like when you're when you're under

somebody else's tax, like bracket, like your parents, that that's when 725 should maybe be justified. But a lot of these kids in foster care or supporting themselves, like they should be subjected to the full income of like the New York City minimum wage, which is like $15 an hour. That's how it should be everywhere. Yeah, it's just there should be a sliding scale and there should be a lot. There it shouldn't wage the wage brackets should not be so black and white.

I agree. I agree completely. OK, moving along. Walk the dogs, school drop off meetings from 10 to 3. Take kids to soccer. Then no time left for a jog. When everyone else is relying on you, it's easy to put your needs last. FetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist online so you can show up for yourself the way you do for others.

Find more balance with better help. Visit betterhelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's better H-E-L-P dot com. Am I the asshole for leaving in the middle of a celebration because of the toast my husband gave? I, female 25, married my husband, male 31, three years ago. I'm currently pregnant with our first baby together. We found out it's a girl and my in-laws wanted to invite us over for dinner

for a, quote, gender reveal announcement and celebration. We got there, saw many relatives coming to congratulate us and celebrate. It was bigger than expected, which made me nervous because I'm not a fan of being around that many people. We sat at a dinner table and I barely ate. I was feeling so much anxiety and was sort of upset. My husband didn't warn me about how many people were coming, but I tried to stay calm and collected.

Anyways, after the announcement and in the middle of the celebration, my husband wanted to give a toast. He opened a bottle and poured a drink and wished that our daughter be, quote, healthy, happy, but look nothing like me. Everyone at the table laughed. I sat there staring in shock while he kept laughing with them. I felt so much rage and my anxiety got out of hand, not going to lie. I got up, took my purse and made my way out.

His mom followed me asking me if I was okay. I told her I just wanted to go home. He came to the door asking what was wrong. That's when we started arguing. He said this was a joke toast and that my reaction was over the top. But the thing is ever since I got pregnant, he kept hinting he doesn't want our daughter to look like me. He even once got up in the morning and first thing he told me was how much he

wished our daughter looks nothing like me. It hurt me while I'm already dealing with low self-esteem and anxiety. I wanted to go home, but he said I was being a baby and that I should learn to take a fucking joke. I said he made everyone laugh at me, but he defensively said it didn't warrant me to walk out of dinner and be so disrespectful to the relatives who came to celebrate with us and share our joy. I went home and he called me many times telling me to get over my insecurities

and get them in check before I passed them on to our daughter. He urged me to get therapy and stop acting so dramatically like how I did in front of his family. I think leaving dinner wasn't the best solution, but I just, I just got overwhelmed. Am I the asshole? Oh my gosh. See what's so, so, so, so scary about this.

Like what you're saying is like the scariest thing to you is like not cheating, but him getting the person pregnant, like your partner. What is so scary about this scenario is the child is not even born. No. And you are already tethered to this person before this, this little like placenta sack is even in the earth. And that is so sad because in that moment I would have left and it's probably too late in the pregnancy to even terminate.

And like I would not want to be able to like be in that prelude period where it's like, wow, I'm going to have to deal with this for the 18 plus years, the 80 plus years this kid is alive. And it is so scary. Like this, you're just scaring me straight. And I'm going to go get on like more birth control right now and like not get married because this is so scary. Like the dynamics of bringing a child into a relationship and also like just

again being tethered to somebody is ridiculous. I have one word, divorce, like divorce babes, divorce. This is so fucking toxic to give a toast in front of your family, friends, relatives, whoever the fuck was there. And to give a toast and be like, I hope our baby's healthy, happy and doesn't look a fucking thing like you. Why are you married to this person? Were you not attracted to them in any way?

Was this like the only person that would put up with your poor self? Why the fuck are you with this person? Yeah, I have a story for you actually. So, so, so like opposite of the card. So I have this friend in New York who dates like a lot of like model like influencer girls and he's like, yeah, I would never marry one of these girls though. And I'm like, why? Like what?

And he's like, he's like, I would never marry a woman this hot because you have to live your life knowing that there's guys always in her DMs trying to hit on her. And like, I have to worry that people are at the grocery store like trying to get my girl. He's like, I want to marry like a homely looking girl who I know like nobody will ever try to go after. And I'm like, bro, why is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you? What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, you're so insecure. I was so insecure. You're so scared. She's going to answer the DMs and you're going to, you're going to marry a girl

who's uglier than you are uglier than these girls because you'll feel more secure in the relationship. Maybe you just don't feel secure in yourself. He needs some help. Oh yeah. Fully, fully. Oh my God. No, if you treat someone right and you love them and you cherish them and you

build a strong foundation, foundation. They're not going to do that. And cheating does happen. Like cheating happens. People make mistakes, whatever. But typically when cheating happens, it's because one partner is feeling extremely neglected or their emotional needs aren't being met. Yeah.

So like check in with your partner, communicate, like build that strong foundation and it'll be fine. She won't answer the Instagram DMs. Yeah. Yeah. This is, this is insane. Also, like the fact that like it sounds like she thinks that she's crazy because she's surrounded by like a community of people who sides with him and like sees her

in this like extremely negative light and is probably like, like kind of egging on these feelings out of her and making her feel inadequate because you can kind of like be the sum of your parts. And if all the people around you make you feel ugly, you'll feel ugly. It's so, so fucked up. I feel so bad for this person. Well, I mean, like literally if it was me, I mean, one, I wouldn't, it's so easy to be like, if this was me, I would never let it get to this point.

But God, I'm thinking about bringing a child into like the earth with a parent like that. No, I'm like still thinking about your friend too, because it's like. Oh, yeah. Like I'm not a model. I am not homely, I would say, but like it's weird talking about yourself in this way even, but like, I know, yeah, I'm like, I know I'm like, I'm, I'm okay. Okay. I don't know.

However you want to put it, I know I'm not ugly. Whatever. Definitely not. There's a so fucking weird even say, but even me, like I still get Instagram DMs from people, like this one person was like, they listen to the show and they're like, if you and Justin ever break up, I'd love to take you out. And I'm like, the fuck, there's, there's, doesn't matter who you are. Like if just, even the people who you think are like the most like stereotypically, like

ugly, like not attractive people, like, but they could be hilarious, super successful. It doesn't matter what you look like, you can still like get cheated on or you can still like pat people into you. Like people are so insecure about their own looks. Like I've just gotten to this place with the way I feel like I'm striving for body neutrality and like neutrality towards the way I look and like trying to get there. It's a fucking bad. Oh, it fully is.

It's also like, it also like in the same way where like I'm trying to, I have emotional neutrality where I don't feel anything. It's also like I don't get excited about the way I look anymore. I don't feel beautiful anymore, but I also don't feel fucking ugly anymore. So it's like, maybe this is better. It's a progress, but like you just hope you get over like that neutral threshold and like, yeah, like, yeah, I feel a little bad about myself. Sometimes I'm a little good about myself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like some like I want my spectrum of emotions. Yeah. And the spectrum of my own self-image to be shorter. Yeah. Oh my God. Your friend's story just rocked me. But I think with this one, which is hard because his whole self-worth is so based on how attractive he is.

Let me like hit you with something I feel so strongly about. Okay, I'm ready. I don't fuck with male models because I don't fuck with men who go into the one field where women are paid more. Like you're just choosing to struggle at that point. You're just choosing to get paid less because we all know that's one of the very few fields that men are paid less than women in. Like why?

Why you are given all your allocated all the privileges and for a lot of people like modeling or a lot of the, a lot of careers like that, or is like their way out. And I totally understand that. And like they can definitely see success in that. But for like cis, hetero, white men to aspire to be models and aspire to go in this field, one of the very few fields where they're paid less than women. I'm like, I don't really feel bad for you. It's interesting.

But I guess if you look at it where it's like a male model, like that actually makes it, which is like very few versus like a finance job. Like, do they make more? I guess I'm like, I have no idea. Depends how senior you are in finance, but like also to even get up to the, to the role in finance versus in mail. Like finance, like even to be in that role is like you're set on this like trajectory of like going to an IV or baby IV and having the finances to like do a summer

internship and live in the city and barely get paid anything. You know, we get so hard as a gavels and oranges. This is true. Yeah, I don't know. Modeling, modeling just sounds so, I can't even imagine. It sounds, to be honest, like the worst thing in the world. Oh yeah, fully. Again, I want like body image neutrality.

I couldn't, I couldn't deal with being like turned down from a job just because of the way I look. And that is what is so amazing about this job field, which I feel like you can kind of relate to is I can show up to work looking my fucking worse and the videos still, still do well. And so it's made me not even want to get ready. It's made me like want to film videos in my pajamas. No, it reinforces it.

Yeah. And I always wondered like how like these super successful artists, like there's like that whole rumor that like post Malone smells and like, Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Like literally have a listener right in and tell me he does smell. He's like, let himself go and whatever.

And I remember before doing this job, I was like, how can these people who are so rich and have so much success, like let themselves like go so much. And it's because like when you become so successful and the success is in writing on the way you're looking and you've been torn down so much, you just stop giving a fuck about anything. Yeah. The way you look, the way you sound, like the way it's received. Yeah.

You just become like almost like people go nose blind. You almost become like comment blind or just like. Image blind for you. Yeah. Like you don't, you just stop caring. No, you stop caring about so much. Yeah. Literally like I've had so many things happen to me since like this, since what

like doing TikTok and whatever, then I'm like, nothing surprises me at this point, like literally. Not even this one. Um, well, my friend, my friend literally said the same shit, like that he wants to marry a girl who is ugly so that he feels better about himself. Like somebody I know personally. But then what about the kids? So like this guy in this situation, he's like, I hope our kid looks nothing like

you. That's the reason you gotta take, dude. Because he couldn't handle having a kid who's, what is, what is the issue of having an attractive kid? Like what's his issue? It's the same issue that my friend had with having an attractive girlfriend or wife or whatever. They can't handle the idea of their like daughter being hit on or their daughter

being attractive. And it's because they probably want to, like probably the same dynamic of the initial couple wanting to fuck the younger sister. Yeah. There's weird familial, incestual, like sexual relations, I find. Yeah. We just had one on an episode recently. Really?

It was really bad. What? What was it? This dad ended up like fucking his daughter at like 14. It was so bad. Again, it's like taboo shit where people are like, oh, it's so wrong. Like, but it feels so right. Like, no, it's just wrong.

Like it's extremely illegal. Yeah. And it's extremely disgusting. I'm like, what's wrong with you? Yeah. This lady needs to leave. I have seen other stories though, kind of along the lines of what you were mentioning is like, there was one woman who posted on Reddit and it was in an

extremely abusive, bad situation and had just found out she was pregnant and decided to terminate the pregnancy because she was like, I can't bring a child into this world. Yeah. If he got 50% custody, he's beating me. What would he do to a kid? Yeah. And so she decided to terminate the pregnancy.

And so people do make that, that decision and it's, it's their lives. It's, you know, whatever they want to do. But again, it's right now it's only comments about her looks, but then what does it turn into? Yeah. You know, like, and when you're pregnant, you're in a very fragile state, like your body's totally like not your own. Like you are like only like that for nine months.

And for him to be commenting on the way you look at it in a period that is so different from your entire life, like this extra fucked up. Yeah. Being pregnant is like also one of my big, big, big fears. I have a friend who's pregnant right now. And she's like definitely going through like a lot of like self-image issues and like stuff like that. It's so challenging.

I just, I just don't want to lose my teeth. My teeth are so bad. Oh, I've been seeing those and I talked to my mom and she's like, I didn't have any issues with teeth. And I'm like, okay, well, every online apparently did. So many women lose their teeth. Oh, I don't know. Like again, overpopulation issue.

Oh, I just went to the dentist too. And like, I knew I had a couple of cavities. I have like one up here and two down here. I'm working on it. But then he goes, oh, well, you got another one up here. We'll do that one today. And I'm like, what the fuck? I let it go.

What the fuck? I would get a second opinion. No, he's, he's amazing. I went to this one dentist and he was like, you need four crowns. Your teeth are fucked. Yeah. And then this guy, and then he was, he's magical, always get a second opinion. Period.

He's magical. Top comment on this one. Leaving is the best solution. Question mark. Yes. And not just the dinner. He has said more than once he doesn't want his child to look like you. Then he made you the butt of a joke in public.

Then he dismissed your perfectly normal feelings. Then he blamed you instead of apologizing. Pay attention. He has shown you exactly who he is and what he really thinks of you. Believe him. Yeah. Yeah. When people show you who they truly are, believe them always.

Yeah. The gaslighting is a big problem. I think one thing about this that really peaves me is he called me many times telling me to get my insecurities and check before I pass them on to our daughter. Well, insecurities that he's like building in her, he's like planting the seed, watering, speaking it into existence. Like, come on, getting everyone else on board with it. And even if she wasn't insecure, I'm sure he'd make his daughter insecure son.

No, that's exactly. Is he going to stop calling you ugly the minute the baby can talk? Yeah. Like, is that just going to end because the daughter is going to pick up on that? I saw this like really interesting. Well, there's all these like little like tiktoks being like, if you tell your plant, it's beautiful and you're doing great, like it'll grow better. And it's like, well, it's very real.

Like words are really real. And like, if you're saying that, like you're just going to knock somebody down. Like the more, even if she doesn't care, the more and more he says it is the worst it's going to get. Yeah. People start believing stuff after they hear it. Oh, yeah. You brain wash them.

Enough times. Yeah. It's so bad. So bad. Okay. So up next. Am I the asshole for accidentally outing my gay best friend? I 19 female have a girlfriend, 20 female.

I've been out as lesbian to my parents since 2017. While my girlfriend comes from an extremely conservative Catholic family. We've been together since 2020. She moved to my school that year and we immediately became best friends. Our parents are aware of our relationship, but are not aware. We have taken this friendship to the next level. At the beginning of this month, I asked my parents if they would be interested in joining me for a dinner with my girlfriend.

For some background info, I have my own apartment and my girlfriend still lives with her parents. I thought this dinner would be a good opportunity to allow my parents to get to know my girlfriend better before announcing that we are together. My parents agreed to the dinner and on Friday night, my parents picked me up and we went to my girlfriend's home. Her parents were very friendly to mine. I had known them very well as she still lives with them.

However, this was Sarah's second time meeting my parents and I was hoping it would go well. It was going well, about halfway through the main course and my parents brought up the topic of dating. I was hoping they wouldn't say anything about me being gay because Sarah's parents are extremely homophobic. Mine don't know this. Lo and behold, they mention it and her parents just sort of look at me in a weird

way. They say, quote, you don't have a crush on Sarah, do you? I wasn't thinking and my instincts just kicked in. I was so upset at my parents for outing me to them. I thought maybe they wouldn't allow me to hang out with her anymore. I just said, quote, well, at least she likes me back. Then I immediately regretted it and wondered what I had just said and why I had said it.

Her parents got mad at her, were threatening to kick her out and now she refuses to talk to me. I have tried talking to her, but she just leaves me on red. I feel very guilty for what I did and don't know why I did it. Reddit, am I the asshole? Unfortunately, yes. I mean, I think the thing is, again, financial autonomy. Like she's still living under her parents' roof.

She can't just like, it's not your story to tell. And due diligence is important. You're supposed to arm your family with the information to not out somebody else. Be like, hey, don't bring this up. Don't bring up the fact that I'm gay. Not that I'm in the closet or want to hide, but to protect somebody else's safety and security and their own roof on their fucking head. Yeah.

People get killed over coming out. You should never out someone. Like the fact that you felt insecure in that moment that her parents were like, well, you don't have a crush on her. Like, get over yourself. This isn't your story. This is her story to tell her parents, like to come out to make that choice. Like, fuck you.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that like this is coming from a really privileged place for me to say this right now, but like I hate coming out stories. I never had a formal coming out. I just like made a video and it got like three million views and it was like everybody in my life, like I'd seen it and knew about it. And it's like, I didn't really feel like I owed anybody like a sit down and be like,

by the way, dating or I literally came out, started dating a woman. And it's like, if my parents didn't accept me, I would just be like, fuck off. And that's again, privileged to say, because like with a lot of like extremely religious families and a lot of like people who still have to answer to their parents, like they can't do that. But I think that coming out culture can be really toxic sometimes and people can even rob you of that experience. And it's extremely disheartening.

Yeah. I, I can imagine it would be really tough. And like, I think the coming out stuff is really interesting. I think I agree. It's, it's an interesting concept. And like, I think the flip that people like to say is like, well, straight people don't come out. That's what I'm saying.

Like they are who they are. My like really strong take on sexuality is that pan sexuality should be the default and heterosexuality, something that you go into or being bisexual or whatever, like whatever sexuality you want. Like it should be the default is like no defined sexuality. Yeah. And the fact that heterosexuality is the chosen norm and what you're born into makes absolutely no sense.

You should be given all the options when you're born and then you decide. But it's just like heterosexuality is it's compulsory. Heterosexuality is put on to us, especially in capitalism, especially in like religious households, especially in all these things. Yeah. And it just serves all these structures and systems that we live under. I know it's really interesting. It's just like they're so when you like really dive into like the social

constructs and everything behind it and like capitalism and the patriarchy and like all these different things that influence us. It's just like, oh my God, it's it's overwhelming, but so interesting. And like it's just you can't you can't de-enterize any of it. But you can take it in stride and like take it in your thought process. I absolutely love people lose their mind over like gay characters. And it's like, you're like, how dare you have two gay characters kiss? Like blah, blah, blah.

And then meanwhile they'll have their kids like have two Barbies make. That's so crazy. Disney Channel has like two gay girls on it. Like it's just fucking wild. And then like someone was like some person was like something about like Disney and like people are boycotting Disney right now. And someone was like, they've had cartoons kiss forever. And someone goes, yeah, but it's been heterosexual couples.

And they put a picture of Mickey Mouse kissing Minnie Mouse. And someone responded and go, those are fucking rats. Those aren't people. Like I think you'll find this really interesting. I saw this video and it was like, if you want, people are like, don't introduce like LGBTQ or like a homosexual topics to children or like being gay to children young because it sexualizes them. But then a lot of heterosexual couples are like straight people

sexualize their kids by being like, you're going to be such a heartbreaker. All the boys are going to love you. And it's like you're sexualizing your like five year old right now. You're going to have to beat them off with a stick. Yeah. Like why are you sexualizing your child at like age five? But then they can't understand that an option could be to be gay or they are gay. And it's like, it just makes no sense.

The double standard is ridiculous. It's fucking batshit crazy. I literally just saw another video too, where they were comparing like girl baby clothes to boy baby clothes. And from the time like literally three month old baby denim shorts. Are like inherently like sexual, like compared to the boy shorts, like the boy shorts are longer. And then like they compared like three month shorts to six month and then three year.

And with the boys shorts, they progressively get longer and they get like a bigger waistband. And the girls shorts, comparing all of those ages, were the same length. Yeah. How can a three month old need the same length as a three year old? What's also really sad is like thinking like who designs these clothes, like the clothing options. And I don't think, I mean, this is again, like I don't know this as a fact,

but like a lot of female designers and a lot of women ourselves have this internalized misogyny and these internalized ideas of what a woman looks like versus a man and what a female child wears versus a male child that are inflicted upon us by men, the patriarchy, misogyny, all these things like internalize and we perpetuate. And it's like, if you don't think critically and de-internalize that should or at least make an effort, then like we are going to be our own worst enemy, you know, I agree.

I want all of my baby shit to be like so gender neutral. Like I, I'm not telling anyone what I'm having because if I do decide to have kids and have a little girl, like I fucking hate pink shit. I hate like the tacky pink baby clothes. And so I'm like, I don't want any pink shit. I want greys, tans, I want the most neutral, like Kim Kardashian skims, baby, baby, skims, baby, that's what I fucking want. It's like people are not going to know.

And if you do know, like, I just know my mom, my mom's going to go off the walls with pink shit. I'm like, I just, it's also like really like true blue, like authentic fashion is being able to cross the boundaries of one specific type of style. Being able to dress for multiple different gays is like street style versus couture versus like a mask or fem. Like people who can throw 10 different types of styles are fashionable. People who stick to one lane and dress one way, it's not, it doesn't give to me.

No. And so to see like the boundaries of gender breakdown and fashion, it's just I love it. I love shopping in the voice section. I'm like, people will ask me. I'm like, yeah, it's the boys from H&M. And they're like, that's a guy. I'm like, yeah, I love it.

I love it. And it's also prices are a lot different. And you'll see that so much fucking cheaper, so much cheaper to my men's clothing. So much cheaper and usually more material, usually it's more material because men are usually better, but also larger than most women's sizing. So if you are allocating more fabric for cheaper, this makes no sense. Make it make sense. The math ain't fucking math.

Yeah. A lot of people are gonna be like, that's not based on any facts, but like low key. I just, I just, yeah, you just go through H&M's website. Go shop. Top comment on this one. You're the asshole. You should have spoken to your parents beforehand, giving you new the sensitivity and wanted to avoid the topic totally.

Your parents outing you at the dinner isn't an excuse for outing your girlfriend to her parents. What was the age again? 17 and 20. Because that's also not even legal. 19 and 20. Okay, good. I was going to say like 19 and 20. So she's been out.

God, there's so fucking math, so much math. This was posted three days ago. They've been together since 2020. So they met at like 19 and 17. I don't even know. The math is really challenging here, but it is interesting because some people start college at 17, which is really tough. That's why I firmly believe in holding your kids back.

From kindergarten. Yeah, yeah. More soft boys because they need the extra boost. But yeah, this one sucks. I feel bad. Feel real bad. Okay, I got two left for you. Four.

I'll let you off the hook. Gotta walk the dogs, school drop off, meetings from 10 to 3, take kids to soccer practice, then there goes the extra time for a jog. That's okay. Maybe next week. When everyone else relies on you, it's easy to put your needs last. Therapy is a dedicated time to focus on what you need to be happy. So you can show up for yourself the way you do for others.

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Am I the asshole for not wanting the ring my fiance proposed with? My 29 female, now fiance, 30 male, proposed to me about one week ago. While I love this guy to pieces, I'm genuinely upset with the ring he chose to propose to me with. Now, before I continue, I'm not as shallow as I may be coming off here in the last couple of sentences. Fiance and I have been together for just under three years now. We are, slash, we're pretty open about our intentions, and it was obvious he would propose sooner than later. Knowing that, I've dropped heavy hints on rings that I like

and even had straight-up discussions with him on this topic. This included photos. I'm not jewelry-wearing gal typically to begin with, so the style and practicality of the ring is really important to me. Most importantly, the rings I've shown him are not break the bank expensive, at least in terms of how expensive engagement rings can be. All were under $500. Damn.

Thrifty. Thrifty, lady. Fast forward to last week. He proposes with his late grandmother's Goddy, dirty ring that is several sizes too big for even my fattest finger. I was hurt, starting with the fact that if he wanted to propose with his grandmother's ring, he could have at least gotten it cleaned at a jeweler's place and not given me something where the diamonds and band were so crusted up with, I don't know what, maybe years of hand lotion.

Next, the Goddiness. As I was hoping for something simple, and lastly, the total lack of effort. You'll just have to take my word on this. He received this grandmother's ring at some point years after she passed, and he has had no care for it whatsoever. He kept it as a fidget toy at his desk computer, threw it wherever convenient, bathroom, laundry, kitchen. It ended up in the vacuum cleaner once, while I was cleaning the house and had to dig it out, etc.

I hope I'm painting a vivid enough picture of him not caring much about it. To me, it means the ring he proposed with is meaningless to him as well. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I spoke to him midweek about how happy I was with the proposal, but gently asked if this was a placeholder ring or were there plans to get me something less over the top, and hopefully less grimy and well-fitting, as I previously asked him. He became irrationally angry and, of course, said how ungrateful I was for his gift. He almost shut down like a child.

Gift is a proposition. And was unable to have a rational discussion about the topic. I dropped it at that moment, but at the same time, I want to keep pressing the issue. It feels like the entire proposal was done with little effort. His emotional outburst aside, am I the asshole for being unhappy with the proposal ring and not wanting it? I don't think I'm being ungrateful, but I guess I want some input before I press the issue further. Before you started getting into the story itself, I started thinking about like

proposals in the ring and the surprise seems like really great, but it's like trusting somebody to buy you the exact right car you want. Like, it's an investment. It's something big. It's huge. It should be a conversation. Unless this person has known you for years, spoken to all your friends, and knows they're getting exactly what you want,

they shouldn't just take it upon themselves and get you something random. And then to get more into the story, to just kind of pawn it off and use this old ring, and just seems like no effort was put in, and it kind of alludes to more into the relationship. This thing has been vacuumed up. Yeah. Like it wasn't in a little safe keeping place box, like whatever. He was like throwing this around willy-nilly. Yeah.

I mean, I think I did. I got my mom like a placeholder ring until they were making more money and got her a better ring, and that's like, I think that's totally fine and normal and great. And it's a new do together. But this is a totally like whack-ass thing that I'd just be like, fuck off. I'm not marrying you. Because what else is he going to do?

I think this is, and some people are going to say I'm materialistic, I am. I want a nice fucking ring. Material girl. If I got to wear this thing on my hand for 20 years, like I want it to be good. Like Justin knows I want a big oval. My dad's name is Justin. Ah, the J-Dames.

Yeah. I love it. But he knows I want a big oval, simple gold band, because I want the band to be 75% diamonds around like the actual wedding band, not the engagement ring. But I want a big oval. I don't even care if it's a real diamond. I actually want moise night so I can get a bigger carrot for less money. I'm all about a bargain.

But if it's not that, and like say he was going to propose to me with like a fucking square with a halo around it. It just shows that he's like not like listening, doesn't care. Not listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you care about what I want? Yeah, yeah. Like this is for me.

Yeah. Yeah. And this is like an extension of your love. And this is like something that like shows for our relationship. And if it's grimy, not even clean. Like also to go to a jeweler and get something clean is very cheap. It's, sometimes they'll do it for free. Yeah, I had a ring clean for free recently.

Literally, like most places will do it for free, especially if you're like, oh, I'm looking around. But like, could you clean this in the meantime? Sometimes I find all these stories like to be like so crazy that they can't even be real, but then imagine and like literally having to go to Reddit to like find a sounding board and like find advice. You must be like in such a dark, not dark place, but like such a place where you're so confused and really need help and like a sounding board.

Well, yeah. And by the sounds of it, that's exactly where she is because he became irrationally angry and like shut down, called her ungrateful over the gift. This should be a once in a lifetime thing. Ideally, ideally a proposal should be a once. Like one, you get proposed to you once you get married. That's it. Yeah.

And in an ideal world, that's how it is. And the fact that like he couldn't even give her like something like $500 ring. I know like $500 is a lot of money for a lot of people. I get that. But $500 on an item you are going to have for the next 20 years. If you broke that down, how you're paying. But the thing is, he could have, he could have like sold the grandmother's ring. And I get that it's a fairly family heirloom, but he was not treating it as such.

He was throwing it around, vacuuming it up. So it does not seem like he cares about it. So sell it and put the money towards the actual ring that she would enjoy and maybe pass down to your kids and so on and so forth. So yeah, $500 is a lot of money, but he could have like probably made it a lot less with like selling the grandmother's ring that he did not seem to respect at all. No, I'm like trying to do this math. I'm so bad at math, you guys.

Well, people like, yeah, like the AirPod Max's are like $600. People are like, is it worth it? I'm like, I've had them for two years. That's like $2 a wear. I definitely think it's worth it. Okay. So how do I do this math? If it's 20 years.

20 times by 365. That's how many days you'll wear it for. That's how many, how many days? Divide it by 500. Or is it 500 divided by that many days? I don't, I never get that right. Divide it by 500. Wait, remember that number and divide it by 500.

Yeah. I think it's the other way around. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's 500 divided by that big number. One hour later. Yeah.

It's literally six cents a day. Six cents a day. Yeah. To get her the ring she wants. Yeah. There's no excuse. You can finance it. Oh yeah.

You can also, yeah. You can finance that shit. And you can put on, you can buy $500 on a credit card. That's what I mean. Like just go swipe. Yeah. Just. Yeah.

I mean, 50% of Americans are in debt, so. Of what? My student loans are so brutal. I just. Bruh. You need to start crowdfunding. Sell some feet pics. I'm ready.

I'm like 20 grand in student loan debt, but it's like I could pay it back, but I don't want to because. Wait. Just wait to see. Yeah, I would be taking this as the big red flag it is and reconsidering if you want to accept the proposal at all. It's so easy though for us to talk about these moments in a vacuum and be like done, break up, whatever.

Leave it as that. I put in three years. I put in 10 years. We have a child and things always get so gray and hairy. Yeah. It should never get gray and hairy to the point where you forget that you deserve to be respected and you deserve the world and you should be loved and you should be happy.

Yeah. And that should never be compromised. And if you are unhappy, leave. If you are not loved, leave. If you're not respected, leave. Yes. That is all. I think as some people might say, yeah, okay, that's materialistic.

It's not about that. It's about the love. But the thing is, if you love your partner and want to make them happy and cherish them and their needs and their desires, you would have just gotten the ring they wanted. It's such a simple thing. No, the thing is, the people who say it's materialistic, okay, get that.

But why was it not a conversation that I'm not in the place to buy this $500 ring and I will be giving you this? And hopefully maybe one day when we do have the finances, we get the $500 ring. So if he knows that he can't give that to her and she's vocalized it and talked about it, then why was there no conversation? Conversation costs nothing.

Respect costs nothing. Have the decency to respect your partner. Free. Okay. Last but not least, a little palette cleanser for us all. Some ginger. Yes.

So this is another one from Off My Chest. And it's titled, I'm in love with my gym bro. I, male 22, fell in love with my gym bro, male 24. Gay rights. Problem being, I thought I was straight. This all started a few months ago. I noticed this guy at my gym and I knew something was immediately off.

I was like nervous to even look at him. But I decided to get rid of that nervousness and just talk to him. He was actually really nice and funny and we quickly became buddies. Then about two weeks later, my girlfriend broke up with me. I told him that and we had a heart to heart

where he casually came out as gay. But that initial offness that I felt when I first saw him didn't go away. And I quickly started to piece together that it was the same feeling I get when I look at a really pretty girl. And over the months, it's been increasingly hard to be near him

because he's just so gorgeous, I guess. Whenever I go to sleep, I just imagine him there snuggled up to me. I just want to text him all the time. I just want to kiss him so bad. I guess this is me coming out as bi, dot, dot, dot. I met a beautiful guy at the gym and we became best friends.

I love his personality. He makes me laugh nonstop and not going to lie, he's mad thick. I want to ask him out so bad. Why not? I mean, like that's the thing, like gender, sexuality, all these things are fluid. It's a sliding scale.

Yeah. You can be, you can be in a hetero relationship and then go into a gay relationship. Like you can identify with something for some period and some other thing for whatever. Like nothing is black and white. Like again, I really think pansexuality

or like no sexuality should be the default. Sexuality, same with like gender fluidity. Like you should be able to move around and test and experiment. If you haven't kissed a man, why not kiss a man and see if you like it? And if you don't like, it's the same thing. Just try, just like test driving a car.

Yeah. Try it all out. When I started having sex with men, I had sex with like, I saw my heterosexuality through, through and through. And I didn't like having sex with a lot of guys. I had sex with, it sucked. That doesn't mean I didn't like having sex with men, period.

So a lot of people are like, oh, well, I couldn't see myself like, oh, I kissed a guy and I didn't really like it. Kiss some more guys. There could be like, there's eight billion people on the face of this fucking planet. Odds are you'd want to have sex with somebody the same, the right person.

Yeah. That could be the same gender or- Oh, there's, and there's bad sex. And then there's- There's so much bad sex. Oh my God. And all these things leading up to this shows that like, it doesn't have to do with the sex.

It has to do with the personality, which is what a legitimate, good relationship is built off of. Yeah. So we do have some updates. Update one, at the gym right now, we're going to do our sets. And when we leave, I'm going to walk him to his car and tell him. Thanks for the courage, everyone.

Yay. Update two, I'm fucking crying in my car right now. Holy shit. He said, yes. Yay. It's so cute. So I walked him to his car and told him, and bruh, the way I couldn't speak,

laughing my ass off, I was so nervous. But basically, he said he kind of thought I was into him because, quote, I can only catch you respectfully staring at my butt so many times before it's a little sus. But I told him that I'm bi and we're going on a date Friday. But like bruh, he looked so flustered and cute when I told him. He had the prettiest smile.

And for the people saying stuff about my vocab and texting, I'm a history major, not spart. Me too. My vocab consists of, I guess, like, I don't know, bruh and fucking. I get this guy. Same. This is me. But anyways, I guess we're a little bit more than just Jim Bros now.

I seriously couldn't have done this shit if this didn't get so much random ass support. Anyways, I'm fucking shaking. I actually did it, bruh. I love him so much. So, so, so fucking much. Thank you for the support. That's so great.

The beauty of Reddit. That's so cute. I know. Can destroy you and can also make you. There's so many cute little stories like this where I'm like, there was one I had about a man that was adopted and found his birth mom and would like go visit her at a restaurant and like wasn't going to say that that was like him.

And so Reddit was like, no, tell her. Like, you got to tell her. Absolutely tell her. And he told her. It's all about the community you're surrounded by. It can be online or in person. My mom like doesn't have like she is extremely, you know, compromised and is very sick and can't leave the house because of that.

And she has found so much community online to rally around her and it's very real and legitimate that a lot of people like need a sounding board like this. And like when you hear these stories, these are real people and it's important to remember that there's real people online. And you can also find like a real community online. You really can. And I think you're a great one to follow.

So where can everyone find you? At Victoria Paris on everything. So be sure to check out YouTube and subscribe. I know you're like, not really the YouTube is not my money maker. I know it was so simple. Well, not even like it was so surprising. I just feel like it's just, I feel like my personality doesn't translate well

in five to 30 seconds, which is surprising that TikTok was the platform I blew up on. And YouTube, I translate a lot better, but I just find that, I don't know, like I just don't gravitate towards that medium that often, but I should try it more often. You should. Your videos are so relatable and just down earth.

And I just think you encapsulate a lot of what people are feeling, but might not be willing to say, which is like, just like sometimes. Everybody's gay. No, but it's like, I've been looking into this a lot too, because like sexuality is such a spectrum, just like everything else. And there's this little graph where it's like, no one is like, okay, maybe there are some people that are zero percent gay,

but like some, you know, it's spectrum. I think you would die at my DMs. I get of people being like, I'm married to a man of six years, and I came out as bi and you made me feel so empowered and all these things. And it's like all these people, like hetero relationships, realizing that they are like belong to the gay community,

but like they can't act upon it. And that's where like bi erasure happens and all that stuff. I was going to say, yeah, that's something you've touched on and like we did a LGBTQ plus episode last Pride and like bi erasure is like a big thing that a lot of my listeners deal with too. So I can imagine. Well, thank you for having me.

This was amazing. Thank you for coming on. This was so fun. Until next time, guys. Bye. Just a reminder that live tickets for Minnesota are available now. Be sure to come get them so I can see you. We're going to be doing a special little thing

across the street from varsity theater, where it's at after kind of a little mixer. So if you can't make the show, be sure to keep your eyes peeled for that as well. But super, super excited to see some of you guys in person. And the Moment House link should be coming soon. And the black collage hoodie is available at Fanjoy, along with the beach towel.

And I'll put a picture right here. Right, right here. Maybe right here, somewhere. But bye, guys. Bye. Walk the dogs. School drop off. Meetings from 10 to 3.

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