Two Hot Takes - 74: It Ain't Adding Up..

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Alejandra! This episode features stories where the math just wasn't mathing.. whatever the story was it just felt off. First story starts at the 5:30 mark! **TW** Last story contains mentions of kidnapping and talks of SA (starts at 1 hour 28 min mark) LIVE SHOW TICKETS: https://concerts.livenation.com/event/06005CDEA5B32000 CODE: "TAKES" if you get there before general sale :) Partners: NextEvo: NextEvo.com  promo code: THT Hello Fresh: HelloFresh.com/tht16 promo code: tht16 Babbel: Babbel.com/THT BLACK COLLAGE HOODIE / Merch: https://fanjoy.co/collections/twohottakes Bonus stories & Get your own "What's in the Box?!" at https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

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No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. You know, another patched in intro where we forgot to say who we were. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host Morgan and I'm Alejandra and you're in for one. Where's our calculator? Get the Caltee! You asked for it, we delivered. We're so good at math, in fact we're mathematicians so we thought we were going to bring our skills

to this episode for you. So welcome to It Ain't Addin' Up. No it's not. Let go. Let go. Okay. Are you ready for today? Um, actually yeah, I've been ready for a while.

I know, you've been waiting for this theme. I have been waiting for this theme. It's going to be really good, I just don't even know what we're about to get ourselves into because there's some crazy ones, like I kind of went. How did you go about your selection process? So, you know, you'd think if the theme is math it would have to do with some numbers, but there's not a lot of actual math stories, so we had to get a little crafty. And so, I just like was browsing for stories where I'm like, this person who was writing

in just ain't computing. They're not working with a full deck of cards, it ain't adding up, blah blah blah blah. So that was kind of my parameters for this equation. This segment, this equation, I see what you did there. That's exactly I was looking on Reddit for things that just didn't add up. Like this does not add up. The math is not math. That's what it was.

But then I saw someone like, is the math math and I just don't think it's math because I'm bad at math. Yeah. That's a good point. That's where the listeners will be coming in. Math is objective. You know that mean girl quote where it's like math is the same and yeah, they're like I love math.

I'm not subjective. Oh, did I say subjective? No, you said objective. I'm just dumb. We're off to a really good start here. Solid. Solid. It's already not adding up.

Yeah. Things are already not adding up. But math is like an objective language, if you will, in the sense that whatever language you speak, two plus two equals four, right? Yeah. Except in my line of work, we always have this one line that we say one plus one equals three. Oh, I don't like that.

I know. And the math, the math's not math thing, but what it essentially means is that like the result is greater than it just one plus one equaling two. Like there's this X factor that takes you to the next level. A little hidden exponent there. Exactly. It's almost like a little algebraic, if you will. Your girl wasn't great at algebra.

Yeah, it sounds right. I feel like you were really good at algebra. Just don't lie. Geometry. You were good at geometry. So Katowah. Don't know. That's all I know from it now.

But geometry was like the best math I did because I had a great teacher and he really fostered my development. Yeah. A good teacher will do that. I have that in high school. So algebra I did okay. Pre-algebra. Zegelmeyer.

If you're out there, thank you. Sorrows. If you're out there, thank you for everything. I just had a flashback. You have to hear this right now. Thanks for passing me, Zeg. Thanks for passing me. On our math final, so Whitney and I, I'm bad at math and then there's like, Whitney's

like, somehow worse at math. Wow. Love you so much, Whitney. But you just know this is true. Okay. I'll never forget this. It was senior year. We both waited till senior year to take our math because we'd just been putting it off.

Somehow someone let us be in the same class. And it's our math final day. I don't know what I'm doing. Obviously. Oh God. And so I'm doing my final, trying my best. And at the end I just like put my pen and paper, whatever, pencil down and I turn around and look at Whitney and I just shrug and she looks at me and shrugs back and picks up

her exam. It's blank. She didn't even try. She spent the whole hour sketching a photo of a 1940s couple. I have the photo if you want to attach it. Oh yeah. Let's do it. And she just holds it up and shrugs and she just was like, I took the L. I just didn't

even try. Sometimes you have to. And I think that's what these people should have done. Some of them should have fallen on their sword like that. Yeah. She was like, I just can't. And they didn't. Yeah.

And they wrote into Reddit instead. Yeah. And here we are. Here we are. My senior year, I got this boyfriend named Chris Palm for those of you that remember from the live show, the first one we did, I got this boyfriend, the way you said his name. Named Chris Palm.

I think he's getting married actually, which is really funny. Good congratulations, Chris. But I got this boyfriend, so I missed an entire month of math class and you had to get at least a C minus or a C and that's exactly what he gave me. He was like, not one point over. He just like wanted me to graduate. Yeah. He was like, get rid of her.

For sure. For this. Yeah. I had that too with chemistry. Yeah. Oh God. It was bad. Don't even get me going.

Yeah, it was really bad. Okay, but here we go. Okay. Everyone that wasn't at the first live show is going to be Chris Palm. He's a poor man. All I'll remember is someone in the comments on the chat of the first live was like, step on a Lego, Chris Palm. I lost it.

That's so good. Let's dive in. Okay. Okay, this first one is just going to be a rapid fire just to get us going. It's a little out there, but OP is in the comments, so maybe they are genuine. Okay. My fiance cheated on me at the start of our relationship, says it doesn't count because it was with his sister.

Stop. No. Stop. I got to give us a good warm up. How could you start with that? Okay. It's a good warm up. Okay.

We've been together just over six years since the very beginning of college. We've never had any significant issues and he's been a good partner throughout our relationship. We live together and are getting married in September, or at least we were going to get married in September. Now I don't know if I can go through with it. My sister and I had an argument yesterday that culminated in her telling me that my fiance had cheated on me with her about five months into our relationship. He defended himself by saying it doesn't count as cheating if it's with your sister.

The only reason he did it was because he was less experienced than I was and he wanted to practice, so he'd be better for me. I don't even know how to respond to this. I've gotten to stay in a hotel for now because I need time to collect my thoughts before I make my decisions. I feel like if he'd admitted he'd made a mistake and clearly regretted it, I'd be able to forgive him, though it would still weird me out that he cheated on me with his sister. The fact that he's trying to justify himself and doesn't think I should be mad makes me

wonder if we have a future together. I don't have anyone to talk to and I'm hoping the internet hive mind can help me sort out my feelings about this. Any advice, thoughts, run? I know. I have questions, but I don't even know if I want to know the answer. So there is a comment, someone goes, please tell me you forgot to add step, OP responds. Nope, they are full biological siblings.

Oh my gosh, okay, that was one. What do they mean by hookup? Full bio. They're only a year and a half apart in age, OP goes, six years together still means something to me, I guess. I'm in shock and staring down the barrel of losing the person I thought I'd spend my life with, my home, my friends since many of them were his friends first and the future I'd built for myself in my mind.

I think I'm still clinging on to all of that and having a hard time letting go of it even in these circumstances. Tell his friends he fucked his sister and they're yours. So they had sex? It doesn't get specified anywhere throughout these comments. Not that it matters because to me it's equally disgusting, but I don't know, this is really bad to me. I think I would agree.

Yeah, I don't think, personally, I don't come back from that. No, no, I think one, they were together for five months and I don't know what that's defined by, like were they casually dating, were they just talking stage, like what is that really? But I think regardless, if it was with someone else, yeah, you could probably get over that, but his sister, that's someone that's in his life and it doesn't sound like he's going to cut her off. I just can't get over, I'm trying not to sound judgmental, but I just don't know what head

space you can be in where that's okay, you know what I mean? Well, yeah, and I guess the whole reason he did it is because he was less experienced than her. That's the point I'm getting at. It's so insecure. It doesn't make any sense. No. So what?

I don't know. How do you convince your sister to do that? I don't know. I don't like this. I have, I don't even know what folder I saved it in. This is so problematic, but I have seen a couple stories of people finding out their parents were actually siblings and ran away together so they could get married and have a life.

What? Yeah. Aren't there laws? Laws, yes, but I'm blanking on the, aren't there like birth incest, aren't there incestual? Definitely like genetic implications, like a lot of birth defects or abnormalities and things like that, but they all ended up fine, like her and her siblings, that's crazy. I don't know where to stand on this. I just, I've never heard, it's, I'm speechless.

I know. I don't, I don't know what to say other than I personally don't think I could look past it. Like I'm putting myself in the shoes of. To the old breaker. Yeah. Someone who just had a long-term boyfriend for years. He has a sister and if, if I'd found that I just don't think I could, I could ever get

over that. I think that that would be too uncomfortable for me to imagine. And then I think I would forever have a little bit of a severed relationship with his, with his sister. Yeah. And that would just be an all-around weird dynamic, like do you keep that from your family and friends? Do you keep that from his family and friends?

Like now she has to kind of bury this secret for the rest of her life or it has to be this like open topic, but that's just so uncomfortable and I can't imagine everyone's just going to forget about that. Yeah. It would definitely be quite the can of worms to open up, especially like to his family because no chance his parents know. Right. Imagine your, your parents finding out about this.

Oh, the thought. I've just seen either of my brothers even naked. Exactly. Exactly. Oh my gosh. I'm sorry. All they just looked like a cat having a hairball. No, it's, it's so bad, but what's her question?

How do I get past this? Yeah. Any advice, thoughts? I think kind of like her comment says she's just like grappling with the idea of like this massive loss because everything you thought about this person, the past six years of your life have essentially been a mirage, a lie, like false in some, like in some pretense, tense, I don't know. I think maybe it was like founded on a false pretense, but all of the good times that they

shared are still good times as far as what we know from what they've shared. Yeah. I think that the concept of looking back on your relationship and feeling like it was all a mirage or smoke and mirrors is typically what people explain when they come out of a relationship with a narcissist or a sociopath. I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for sure. I would think he's a sociopath. I don't want to diagnose him, but based on what I saw, I would believe that, you know,

exactly who I'm talking about. And I think you'd agree with my analysis. But anyway, when I look back on that relationship, everything felt like a mirage because essentially they're blowing smoke up your ass and they're mirroring you and telling you what you want to hear. In this case, I don't know if he's doing any of that, but I feel like the relationship is probably still real. Okay.

I would, I feel, I agree with you. It's just like he started off on the wrong foot. Yeah. And I guess you have this really messed up situation. And if you decide to go forward, you now have a potential secret you have to hold on to forever and get passed. Exactly. Can you get passed being with his sister in the room?

Or if they sit together on a couch, are you going to envision them having sex? Thanksgiving dinner comes around. They're joking over the sweet potatoes. Are you going to vomit? They're bumping elbows over the green bean casserole. Oh, did I, did I reach for that fork first? Or sorry, bro. Or like, like they take a family vacation and you're just uncomfortable.

That is a position you should never be in. No. I personally, mom and dad. Hey, do you mind sharing rooms? Oh, I don't think you get passed it. It's done. It's done as sad as it is that you're like at the 11th hour. Your wedding is this September.

It's April, May, June, July, August, September. Four months. Yeah. So it's like, no, wait, wait, no, July is almost over. Okay. So April, May, June, July, August, two months. Yeah, it's wait, we're like two months. The finger math here.

I can't start at July and know what number it is. I have to start at April because I was, no, that's four. So the end of the month, May, May, June, July. Yeah. I can't just start at like July. No, July is. To go where? Seven.

Start there to go where? To count for further in the months. Oh, I see what you're saying. There's like the ABCs, July seven. Yeah. I am not one of those people that can say the ABCs backwards. I have to start at like literally and be like, Elements of PE, I can do Elements of PE.

I could not do the ABCs backwards. Some people are just fast. That's, I feel like there's not many people who can do that. There was a kindergarten teacher at my school. Hermintown Elementary. She taught everyone how to sing the ABC backwards. So they're all passing? Do you, do you, I just, yeah.

That should be a legal to include. I don't think that's real. I hope. But I saw that one cop that made that guy dance, like Shuffle, Shuffle. Heel-toe ball change kick. And she was like, that was pretty good. And he goes, yeah, I'm drunk. And she goes, oh, that's the best video.

So good. The top comment on that one, it is pretty straightforward, though, I will just say, I got so many tabs open, I lost it. I don't know, I lost it, sorry. Uh-oh, the people are going to want to know what that top comment is. Oh, I got it. OK, good.

Because people are going to be up in arms over that. I know it. That's how long it is. Incest is the bigger problem than who he gets married to. Leave and be thankful you dodged a bullet if this isn't a troll post. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota.

Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where you stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter. Sarah, when did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad.

Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go, Places. See you're participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Moving on to stuff that I actually see happening. OK, that one you don't see happening? I do, actually. OK.

People are sick. People are sick. Am I the asshole for predetermining my baby's sex? Sorry if the title isn't great. I had a hard time coming up with something that would make sense. Hopefully it does, and it's not misleading. OK, to start.

Me, 27 female and my husband, 28 male, have been married for four years. His parents, his mother specifically, and I have never had any problems, but we've never quite meshed or seen eye to eye. We've always gotten along and been civil. Our future family has been the talk for years. My husband will be the last of his siblings to have children.

All of his siblings have at least one. It's been a running joke in the family that if our first happens to be a girl, she won't be accepted because everyone else had a boy as a firstborn. The joke has never quite sat right with me. But I've laughed it off because I don't want to start anything, and maybe I'm just

being sensitive. Fast forward to a few months ago when we started trying. It took about three months for me to get pregnant. We tracked my cycle and had scheduled sex for the best chance. Infertility runs in my family, and my hubby and I agreed on a big family, so I've been worried about starting a family so late in the game.

When I did get pregnant, we were overjoyed. We had all the typical couple conversations that come with having a baby, the excitement, names, nursery themes, gender predictions, et cetera. He talked about wanting a son first, so he could be the big, strong leader for all his younger siblings and carry on the family name, a very big deal to him instilled by his parents.

I expressed my desire to have a little girl that I could dress up and match with. It became a playful banter. He had referred to the baby as son, and I would call the baby our daughter. About a week before our gender scan, I searched up all the old wives' tales and made us a chart we could fill out together

to see who would hypothetically win our little bet, and included the ring test, Chinese horoscope, heartbeat, cravings, et cetera. The results ended up being about 50-50 in the end, which made us even more excited to find out for certain at our scan. The following week, we went to our appointment and discovered that our baby was a girl.

Ooh! We were both extremely excited. Hubby was disappointed to lose, but told me he was overjoyed to be raised in a daughter by my side. That night, we called our families to share the news. After calling his family, his mother asked to speak to him privately.

I went to bed all alone as their conversation carried on for well over an hour. The following morning, I woke up alone. There was a note on my husband's nightstand explaining that someone would buy the house to pick up his belongings later this evening. I immediately tried to call him, only to realize he had blocked my number.

I then tried his mom. His mother picked up on the first ring. Before I had the chance to get a word in, she started chewing me out, calling me a manipulative bitch. I asked her what I had done, and she told me I'd ruined her son's reputation with my inexcusable behaviors and tendencies.

I let her finish her rant before kindly asking her what the fuck she was talking about. She told me the divorce papers were already written up and I wouldn't have the chance to tear apart the family like I had been intending to do all this time. I again, slightly less kindly this time, asked her what the fuck she was talking about, to which she told me my husband would be leaving me

because our child is a girl. I was gobsmacked. I explained to her that it takes two to tango, and there's no way to truly decide the gender of the baby. And if her or her son had a problem with the gender, it was his fault as it's his chromosome that determines the gender. But she had proved that I'd, quote,

hand-picked to have a girl. Like I said before, we used a calendar to determine which days would be best for sex. Well, mother-in-law accused me of forcing him to do it with me on the specific day which the Chinese horoscope would point to a girl. She also interrogated me on the sex position we used to conceive the baby.

Oh my God. Which I gave her a piece of my mind. Please. Told her that it was none of her business, but she smugly informed me my husband had already told her and the position we used makes it 60% more likely to have a girl that way. If anyone's currently trying for a girl,

specifically doing cowgirl, sometime in the middle of February should do the trick every time, apparently. She finished off by telling me that my clear preference for my family name was disgusting, and she was glad to be finally rid of me in my manipulative ways before hanging up. I've had no contact with my husband since

and it's been over a month. He's blocked me on everything. I can't help but feel that this hasn't been all his choice, but then again, he's a grown-ass adult, so I can't imagine his mother controlling him like that. I've been staying with my sister since it all went down. She says I can stay as long as I need, but I'm thinking I want to get my own place,

maybe even a few states away. What do I do? Should I pack up and move on? Should I continue trying to contact my husband? Any advice would be appreciated. I don't know how to say this kindly, but that guy and his family are the most unhinged. I've never heard of anything like fuckery.

I don't even know what else to call it. What is that? What is that? What is that logic? I do not know. I'm going to search real quick just to make sure it's not on any other subreddits. This one was actually posted on the Two Hot Takes subreddit.

Wow. Yeah. That is, I just, first of all. And I don't know if it's on anything else. So I don't know if it was a repost and they copy and pasted it, but I'm seeing it on Two Hot Takes. That's it.

So unless I'm missing a link somewhere, this is an original Two Hot Takes post. That is insanity. Yeah. I, speaking from the position of the first born female and my dad's family in terms of like grandchildren, my family was over the moon. Like so excited.

Everyone was so excited. Well, okay, that's a lie. So I wasn't, I was the second, but there's some family dynamic as to why I was like. The real first. Not the real first, but like the first one people got to meet. Okay.

There's some trauma. There was some stuff going on. There's some trauma. So no one met the first, but until later. Anyway, I think that that's so offensive regardless of anything else. Holy shit. You should be, her history,

I have so many feelings about this post because she touches on so many things. She touches on the fact that her family, there's a struggle of infertility. So first and foremost, you should be so happy to have been able to conceive a child regardless of the sex. And the fact that you're with somebody

who can walk away so easily from you and your unborn baby and your family because of the sex of that baby. I don't care if this woman did some witchcraft and she Googled that if she does cowgirl in the middle of February, then she's guaranteed a girl. I don't give a fuck.

She was able to conceive a child and that is your baby. And the fact that you can turn your back on that. Abandon your child. Because your reputation is tarnished because the first, I'm sorry, you should feel so special that your firstborn is a girl. I hate gender reveals. Watching those videos of the dads stomp off and pout,

you're pathetic. You are a fucking pathetic man and you don't deserve that child for acting like that. And the other little girls, like there was a dad that had three girls looking up at him and he pout, throws the bat or whatever it was. And it's like, what do your little girls think? That they're not wanted because they're a girl?

Like, fuck you. I'm wondering what the culture is because- Yeah, I was wondering that too. Like, I know in some Hispanic households, like they take their mom's last name. There's something where- Sometimes you hyphen it, but- I've seen a lot of hyphenating.

Are there any cultures where the mom, where you get the- In Spain, a mother's surname is used as the real surname and a father's surname is a sort of middle name for children. But there's a couple of cultures where I have seen or heard about people, they take their mom's last name. So I'm wondering, but then I'm like, okay, do girls take the mom's last name

and then boys take the dad's last name? And that's why he's so pressed about it. I feel like that would have been added in the context. Yeah. I mean, I could be wrong, but I feel like that's such an important factor here. That's such a key detail. And not that that makes it right.

I wouldn't be like, oh, in that case, I would still be like, grow the fuck up because this is life and this is nature and this is biology. So I know cultures have their cultural traditions and everything like that, but you can't play God and you can't predetermine the sex of your baby. They're talking crazy out of their ass that some position and some time of the month

guaranteed some outcome with the baby sex. I don't buy into that. No, I don't. The only way to determine the baby sex beforehand is to do in vitro. And you know what that baby is, that little Petri dish embryos, fucking fertilized egg. You know what that is in the dish before you implant it.

That's the only way. Like Chrissy Teigen knew I have one embryo left on ice. It's a boy. If it works, I have a boy boy. That's the only way you know. And there's even people like that's, I mean, there's a lot of people that have problems with that where they're kind of like,

oh, you're getting to like kind of eugenicsy vibes where you're going to start determining eye colors in the Petri dish and then you're going to term in smarts. And like a lot of people are scared about that kind of stuff. So it's interesting, but I don't get this man. I don't understand the people that can't grow up and let their parents have such a hold on them.

To the point where you leave the doctor's appointment, the scan, and you're excited, and then you abandon someone that you've been married to for years. Yeah, and the family, I feel so sorry for this woman. I feel so bad for her. And I think you have to take this for what it is and that you married either a coward or a child.

And unfortunately, this person is showing you who they are, regardless of what seed the mom is planting in his ear, the fact that she's listening and divorcing her and left her, that is so despicable to me. And I think that like her question is, what do I do? Like you move on, I think. I know that's easier said than done. And I know that's the father of your child

and maybe the love of your life, but this person is leaving because of something out of your control and something that should be such a happy and celebratory moment in your lives. And they're obviously so influenced by their mom and their family's beliefs. Yeah.

I'm really, I'm kind of at a loss for words with this one and kind of to go off your point in exactly what you're saying. I'm glad that OP like kind of recognizes cause they go, I can't help but feel that this hasn't all been his choice. But then again, he's a grown ass adult. Exactly.

He could say, mom, kindly fuck off. And I'm gonna go tend to my family now. You are so welcome to be a part of it or not. But also here's my thought too, right? Like let's just say she convinces him somehow to stick around. You now have this like, like what environment are you raising this baby girl in?

Because to me, she's already been shunned by the family. She is already rejected by the family. So do you really want to raise her in this environment with also what kind of father figure is that? No, I don't think anyone that's willing to abandon you over this. It's not just the fact he was upset. Okay, you talk to your mom and you realize, wait,

okay, I did want a boy, I'm a little upset. Okay, you know, there is some validity in being sad. You're not getting the expected gender or the desired gender, I get that. You can be a little sad. I still think you're goofy, but I get it. But to then not even have a conversation with your wife to block her, leave and have the mom be the one

communicating to your partner and saying, yeah, the divorce papers are getting dropped off. Right, coward. Coward, have a conversation with this person. You married this person, you love this person. You decided to have a child with this person. You owe them that. Yeah, at the bare minimum.

The bare minimum. And I mean, what are they citing as reason for divorce? I reconcile all the differences. How? Like you say I'm behind it before I judge and you say, sir, I believe that, or see your sir or ma'am, I believe that she dictated the gender of our baby

and therefore I refuse to have a girl. Judge is gonna laugh this out of the courtroom, which is where exactly OP needs to go. Take him for everything. Get the max fucking child support you can, live a cushy life if he can afford to give that alimony and child support or whatever. But that's like the top comment on the

to take subreddit thread too, is take him to court and get the child support that he owes you. He doesn't get to shake off his responsibility like that, which is what he's trying to do. He's trying to have a fresh slate. He wants to go get married again and have a baby with a woman who's gonna give him a boy.

And I hope to God, if he gets married again and goes on to have other children, I hope every single one is a fucking girl. I hope they're not. I know. Because I don't want any more girls in this world to have a dad like that. That is true, but like, fuck.

I don't want any more girls to feel. But then they'll get nice adoptive dads like me and Jerry. I hope so. Yeah. That's the best case. Let's manifest that. That is one situation. No, you're right.

You know what I mean? I'm just like, oh, I just don't, I hate when people like this. No, I hope he never gets, I hope he never has the blessing of a baby ever again. That's better. Cheers to that. Thanks.

That's the perfect solution. No babies for you. Fuck you. Go adopt a puppy or something. Yeah. You can make that be a boy. There you go. There you can determine the sex.

Yeah. When I was gonna adopt my dog, I got to hand select that bitch. I was like, black and tan, male, big body boy, like crop the ears. I go to a breeder, like go get a puppy, sir. You fucking weirdo. Like, oh, he makes me so mad.

We want more girl dads. He's not a girl dad. He's not a girl dad. And that's why like Kobe Bryant. Yes. Like, I don't remember if it was before he passed or after, but the talk of a girl dad came up. I think it was before he passed actually.

And they were like, he's amazing. He coaches his daughter's basketball team. He blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And everyone was like, there's, it's so sad. Kobe doesn't have a son, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, he was so happy to have his daughter. His daughters are incredible athletes too. Yeah.

It's so insane. And like, this makes me so sad because like, I know it reminds me how fortunate I am because I was the first born in my family. And I obviously, not obviously, I'm a girl. And my dad, obviously my parents got divorced and I've talked about that when I was young and they went for split custody.

But my mom initially, because we were so young, went for full custody, not because my dad's a bad guy. Just stable, like one home. Yeah. She was like, they're really young, whatever. And my dad went to court and fought for split custody. It was like, I want access to my daughter. I want access to my children.

And so I think of that, how like there's dads out there who are real girl dads and we'll go to bat for their children, boy or girl. And then I think of this piece of shit who didn't want his baby girl and ran away. Abandoned. It's disgusting to me. There is a little bit of an update

and it's posted on the user's page. It's brilliant, proud. And this is an account that was created in December of 2020. So it seems like this is someone's account. Like it wasn't created yesterday to post the story. And they go, thank you all for all the love. It means so much to me right now. I'd like to add that I've seen a few comments

about my story being copied. It breaks my heart to think of anyone else having to go through something similar. Also, I should have mentioned originally that I had a gut feeling to record the call with my mother-in-law. So I have all of that on hand if it's needed in the future.

I'm planning to try to catch my husband on his way out of work sometime next week. I'd like to hear his side of the story. I've decided, however, that if there is any saving our relationship, I'll be changing my last name back to my maiden name. And our daughter will be taking my last name or at the very least have a hyphenated name.

Call me a feminist or whatnot, but it will be non-negotiable. I will also be requiring many boundaries between me and his mother. And she will not be in my child's life until she can find it in her to apologize to me sincerely and change her attitude towards us.

You are being way too nice. Yeah, I mean- Grandma would be dead to me. I'm a pretty forgiving person. Husband might be dead to me. They would all be dead to me, but I'm pretty forgiving. I'm more too forgiving sometimes.

And- Same, to a fault? Yeah, to a fault. I would say I have grown out of that a little bit. Like less forgiving? Yeah. Really? Good for you.

Yeah. Good for you. You learned. It took you a bit. I've been burned a couple of times. It took you a bit. I don't know. I don't know if I'm there,

but I get it from my dad. He's just like the most forgiving person in the world. But even how forgiving I am, I don't know if I would forgive the mother, honestly. I would be one of those things where I would forgive her for me, for myself. I don't wanna hold on to this anger and this negativity. So I'm gonna forgive you,

but you do not get access to me and my daughter anymore. You don't. You know. That's where I'd be like, I forgive you because your heart is so cold and you really need help, but you don't get access to my daughter. I'm sorry. You have wanted nothing to do with her

based off of who she was and the way she was conceived. Yeah. No. Unless you have some come to Jesus moment, you go to therapy, you work through your prejudice towards a baby girl. Misogyny. Yes, your misogynistic tendencies.

Yeah. Maybe let's have a conversation in a couple of years when you've done the work, but you don't get access to us. No. Like hell no. No. And that deadbeat dad, sorry.

I'm like getting really heated. I just can't stand people who can't own up to their responsibilities and can walk away from their families. Especially on these terms, I think that's so disgusting. It's so sad to me that people can do this. There's absolutely no excuse. There's no justification for this.

There's no devil's advocating this. No. This is straight up terrible, horrendous. I mean, there's nothing else we can say except this guy is a piece of shit. And I hope he is blessed to not have any children. Yeah. And I hope she grows up to be like the next,

the first president of the United States who's a woman and everyone's just like shitting themselves and his family's like shaking in their boots, being like, that could have been our lineage. Yeah. She's gonna go on to do great things. I just know it. I just know it.

It'll be, it'll be interesting. I hope we keep getting updates on this. If you are a listener, I imagine you are because you posted on the Two Hot Ticks subreddit. Please make sure to keep us posted. And then I will- And we are here for you. Yeah.

We got your back on this one. Yes. Seriously. Gotta walk the dogs, school drop off, meetings from 10 to three, take kids to soccer practice, then... There goes the extra time for a jog. That's okay.

Maybe next week. When everyone else relies on you, it's easy to put your needs last. Therapy is a dedicated time to focus on what you need to be happy. So you can show up for yourself the way you do for others. BetterHelp offers convenient online therapy

on your schedule. It's the same professional service you'd get from an in-person therapist, but with the option to communicate when and how you want. By chat, phone, or video call. Go to their site and fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist

and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's better, H-E-L-P, dot com. Oh, my gosh. Well, speaking of babies and DNA... You always give me baby stories.

I feel like we talk a lot about babies. I don't think there's a lot of baby... It does come up, but this one, the amount of times this story got sent to me. Oh. Okay. It's just crazy. Okay.

And Lauren sent it to me too, even. Huh. It's nuts. So, the title is My 29 Female Husband, 31 Male Got a Paternity Test on Our Daughter, 5 Female, and it came back negative. But I never cheated. Now he thinks our relationship is a lie

and wants to divorce. What do I do? Oh. Why do you look like that? Because this is the one I got too. Oh! That's why I'm like... Sounds familiar.

Sounds familiar. I tasked you with finding one story. You can just read it. All right. Do you want to give me that big baddie? Yeah. Yeah, take it. Take it over.

Take it over. It's real heavy. Careful there. Don't hurt yourself. It's real heavy. Hold on. I can't believe we found the same one. Oh, my God.

This must be a good one. Did you read the update? No. Did you? Yeah. Okay. Well, we're in for a treat. Okay.

You already read the title, so we'll go into that. Yeah, just get to the juicy details. Get to the juice. Okay. I don't know how it happened, and I haven't been able to stop crying all day. I never cheated. I love my husband, and we've been together since college, and he's the love of my life. He's handsome and kind, and while I slept with two other people, both were before we got together.

There is no other potential father for our daughter. We were married already and actively trying for a baby. I never cheated. I would never cheat. And I don't know why he took that stupid test because I would never, ever cheat. But it came back negative, and now he thinks he's not her dad. I don't know how to convince him it was a faulty test, and I'm so scared. That's the story.

There's an edit. So that, do you want me to go ahead and read the edit? I forget what it says. Okay. Edit. The specific advice I want is how I can prove I'm innocent and how to make sure this relationship works. I want to keep my family together at all costs.

Another edit. Also, I just had a conversation with my husband. He's out of his room now and we discussed some things. I told him again that I would never cheat, and I started talking about a list I made of tests I want done, but he told me that he didn't want to hear it right now. We're going to have a longer conversation tomorrow, and he said that he still loves our daughter and he won't try to keep me out of the house or our room for now. For now.

For now. For now. I asked him to hug me and he did, and I'm scared I won't be able to convince him. I just want our family to go back to normal. How can I be a good wife and support his needs while proving my innocence? I cannot even imagine. I don't know what my first thought was when I read this, but I just remember thinking like, how do you convince someone of the truth when the evidence literally points to the

truth not adding up? It literally, the math doesn't add up. He's got a paternity test. I just want to know what prompted him to get that test in the first place. Like, did the daughter not look like you? What was it? Because I see this again and again on Reddit. Husbands sneakily getting paternity tests behind their wives back.

Is it that or is it like they want out of their relationship and they are throwing a Hail Mary to be like, if I can prove that I'm not? Anything that sticks? Yeah. I don't know. I was wondering the same thing. What prompted the paternity test and then I've seen both. So I've seen one that was like someone kind of let on that she cheated.

And so then he did the test on the two youngest kids and they weren't his. And then there was another one who this guy wrote in, I got a paternity test. My wife is now threatening divorce help. And he just thought his youngest didn't look like him. And so he did it. But the wife was like, fuck you. You would really, you think that of me? Right.

And so with this case, it's like he did it, but it's coming back. It's almost like she's like feeling all the guilt and she's not stopping and going, wait, wait, wait. Why did you get this to begin with? I mean, but yeah, you know, but also it's like, I mean, your mind just races so fast. And what you can talk about after the update, but like, like what, like when you read that, you haven't read the update. So you, you like, don't read it.

Don't read it. I'm not. I'm trying to find it. I don't even think it's. You just keep clicking. I did. Keep clicking. You guys got to keep clicking these screenshots.

I see it, but I won't read it. So don't read it. I won't. So what, like, what rationale is behind this? Like when you read, when you hear this story, like to me, I think I sat there and I was like, what's going on? Like this is a twilight zone. Yeah.

Like what could be the possibility? Like DNA tests, like got mixed up in the lab. Like what was your, don't you dare read? I'm not. Okay. Back to the original post. I see your little eyes. It's the OG poster.

I see your little eyes on the screen. No, no, no, no, no. So what are your, what are your thoughts? Well, my thoughts are I, I'm not blaming her or accusing her of anything, but I just thought it was a little interesting how many times she says I wouldn't cheat. Didn't that strike you as like, she keeps saying it throughout the whole post. I would never cheat. I would never cheat.

Like sis, I hear you. Yeah. I think that's the point where it's like, okay, you're hitting, you're beating a dead horse. I would never, I would never. And it's like, oh, well, not just that. It's like, it makes her sound guilty of something and I'm, again, we don't know, like it sounds like an awful situation.

No. And I, I do feel a little bit like, obviously, cause I know I did read the update, but for me, I just felt like it was like, oh, she was driving herself crazy trying to be like, I didn't cheat. I didn't cheat. And it's, if she would have had IVF, then I would be like sperm got mixed up. And during IVF, or, hey, just like our father, little fertility doctor injected bunch of women with his own sperm, sicko, great documentary, but sicko, Netflix, really good.

I need like, what's it called? Our father. Oh, yeah. It's that fertility doctor and multiple other fertility doctors with DNA testing. Now it's coming out that multiple doctors were doing this. They're putting their own sperm into, they were putting their own sperm in these women that would come to them for IVF. Oh my gosh.

And not all of them were just getting donated sperm. Like these other, there were some women that went with their husband and had endometriosis or whatever and needed in vitro fertilization. And they were there with their husband. Their husband would go into the room, give a cup sample with sperm, and the doctor would just throw it away and use his own sperm. He literally would be in his office, masturbating with the cup and then would come in. To the exam room.

That's so sick. So they, what was the point? They just wanted their like, legacy to. Yeah, there's like, they talk about in the documentary, but there's, there's kind of like a cult that, there's a few religions. There's another documentary on Netflix about the cult in Texas with Polly. Amorous. Yeah.

Like the leaders have a lot of wives. And the more children you have, the closer you'll get to God. Like the more, the more you'll be rewarded. And so they were thinking he was that, but what is the most messed up thing about that whole thing is there wasn't even a law to prosecute him. Like they were fighting with the state and they're like, this was rape. This was sexual assault. And the, the DA, the prosecutor was like, I'm not touching this, which fuck that guy too.

Yeah. That's such a disservice to those victims. That's so. That is assault. Icky. They didn't agree to that. It is assault. I don't know if it would fall under not a legal expert rape, but it's something

it's like tampering with somebody's. They break it down and like they even had the DA, like he, he breaks all these definitions down and goes through the legal stuff. I guess, yeah, there are. Assault at the minimum was like something they could have prosecuted him for. Well, no, now that I'm rethinking this, if in vitro is the one where they have to like actually insert, sorry, we're getting so graphic, the semen into the cervix. Right.

Like turkey baser. They do, right? Yeah. And that is kind of rapey. Cause you are making contact with somebody else's fluids that you did not sign up for. You didn't consent to. Yeah. It's like, it's, it's rapey.

It's a really good documentary and I, they, they did change the law. So it's illegal now. It should have been always illegal. It's like, it's, I think that's what's so hard about laws and stuff that annoys the fuck out of me precedent. It's not illegal until someone does it. And then it's like, oh yeah, we do need a law for this. Oh, well, I'm, I can't wait to see what happens.

That Texas, yes, I'm so excited. I think it's, I think it's like this weekend or it's soon, it's July. It's coming up. It's coming up. I think it's like two weeks away for a court date. Yeah, but maybe it's like the 26th, but there's someone commented on one of the news articles and they were like, there is, there was a case in another state where they tried this and the judge determined that the unborn baby was not a heat person.

Was, was. Yeah. I got to find it. So, so they're thinking, especially with Texas stands in Texas, I mean, I, it'll be interesting. I'm interested. It's genuinely, it's genuinely, no matter where you stand, it's just interesting. Well, I think it's more so like remove yourself in your own political beliefs.

Or don't, and if you view it one way. Yeah. You can't have it both ways. It's the double standard. Right. You can't have it both ways. That's it. That's all.

That's, that's it. No matter what you are, what you think, identify who, whatever, you can't have it both ways. That's like anything else in this world. No. And I think it should be a thing. I think we should make it the standard that pregnant women get to go in the, the carpool HOV lane because their bladders are getting pressed and kicked all day. Very true.

And they got to get places. Faster so they don't pee themselves. Yeah. Yeah. So my pregnant, my pregnant co-worker was like in a store the other day and she said somebody greeted her and they were like, how are we, how are the two of you doing? And like looked at her belly and then acknowledged it as a person and she was like weirded out. She was like, we're fine.

What if I had a two in here, bitch? Right. True. But it was just funny. Okay. Are we ready for the update? Yeah. Okay.

First off, I wanted to thank everyone who reached out. My original post got so much attention. It was hard to get to everything, but I ended up making a list of plans and tests and what I wanted to get done. My husband was understandably distrustful of me for a while, but he apologized for the way he acted, which I didn't need, and said that he wouldn't try to kick me out of our home. He did say-

Fucking drama king. Right? Queen. Queen. King. King. Drama king. Drama king.

Yeah. Lord Farquaad vibes. Yeah. Yeah. He did say, though, that if every test came back and I'd cheated that he was going to go scorched earth. Okay. All right.

We did a few tests, blood paternity tests for him and me and our daughter, and we had an appointment with a chemrism, chimrism. I think it's like chimera. It's got an interesting pronunciation and I butcher pronunciations as it is, so I'm not even going to try. It's C-H-I-M-E-R-I-S-M. I don't know. Chemrism.

We're going to go with chemrism. Chemrism. I think it's chime. Chime. I don't know. I don't know. Chimerism. Chimera.

We're bad at math and language. Okay. Actually, I'm pretty good at language, but I've just never seen that word in my life. Just Google the pronunciation. I'm trying to think of the root word here, like chime. Go to Google. Chimerism. Chimerism.

Chimerism. Chimerism. Yeah. Just so off. Chimer- Chimer- Chimerism. Chimerism.

Maybe. Chimerism. I don't know how much we trust YouTube. I don't need it. Also, fuck you and all these tabs. Okay. Back. Okay.

I'm a tab queen. Chimerism. So my brain works. Okay. All right. Blood paternity tests for him and me and our daughter, and we had an appointment with a chimerism specialist coming up. Okay.

But that got canceled because, well, some of you guessed it, but my daughter is not biologically mine either. Blood twist. I don't know how this happened, but a police officer came to our house and took our statements and we're suing the hospital where I gave birth. I don't know what happened to my baby, and that is terrifying. I have my husband back, but my whole world- Do you want him?

Yeah, right. I have my husband back, but my whole world was still upended, and I just wish he'd never taken that stupid test. I've been sleeping in my daughter's room, and I'm so afraid that she's going to be taken away from me, but at the same time, I want to know where my biological daughter is, and if she's okay, I pray to God she's okay. I, is that it?

Yeah, I think so. Okay. I can go check the account too and see if there's any other updates since then. First of all, you just had this child for five years. Yeah. Like, they got to track down their kid. It's not like, let's all keep this to ourselves, especially if they're suing the hospital.

It's all going to come out. It's not like they can get the best of both worlds and they get their child. What do you do here? Like, even if they find their child and she's okay, and she has a nice, loving, warm family, are you just going to like trade? Like, what happens?

What happens? I don't know. I think we need to like phone a friend. Like, we need to call a lawyer. Well, I think what happens legally is you are entitled back to your biological baby. Yeah. And the biological baby that you had is also entitled back to there. Now, there's so much room for gray area here,

but I would imagine that's what happens, right? Yeah. And an ideal world. But that, and this is like, this is the whole nature versus nurture thing, because what if both families decide that they just want to keep,

they just want to, they just don't, they don't want to switch. Then you might go through a formal adoption process. I know. But then if those children find out down the road, like everyone's life, everyone's life is so upheived. Oh, I went to the doctor and they just,

offered me a free 23 and me and I was, I literally said to my family, I go, if there's anything I need to know, now's your time, because I'm about to do some dirty digging on this family. Yeah. Like you're going to find out my aunt is my mom. Exactly.

Or my sister is my mom. Speak now or it's about to get weird. I, yeah, it is, I don't know. I don't know how you even navigate this going forward, because I think at the end of the day, you're still heartbroken. This isn't a win situation at all. No.

Because you lose. You lose your child of five years. The child you loved, thought was yours, nurtured. And on the flip side, you don't know what life your biological child has had. Are they in the foster system? Have they been in an abusive home? Are they alive?

Are they alive? And then what if you get your, your child that you've had for five years taken from you to only find out, oh, yours died in a traumatic accident. Yours didn't survive birth. That's why you got this other baby accident. I just don't know.

Or it was like this. I just don't even, my head just goes down the rabbit hole. I know. And there is a winning situation in my mind. And that is, it's such a, it's such a perfect situation. Like it would have to,

everything would have to align. And that is that they've tracked down this other family. They have their, their biological five year old. They've raised her in a loving home, a supportive home, the best family. And they both just say, you know, we want to keep things as is. But we maintain a relationship with each other.

That's like a perfect quote unquote scenario where you get to know that your bio daughter is loved and safe and you have contact with her. And later when they're old enough, you guys can talk about what happened. And I mean, it would be weird for everyone. But at the same time, like everyone is okay. Everyone's happy.

Everyone's healthy. Again, it would be nice if like they, I guess it like gets complicated because like one, they obviously were born at the same hospital. Like both of those mothers gave birth at that hospital. Cause that's how the switch happened. And so hopefully they're still in the same area. And cause that's where it could happen

where it's like you raise your kids together. You switch back, but then you remain close to where you're not that mom anymore, but maybe you're her aunt. Or you're like, just, or yeah, or you don't switch back. Yeah. Or they don't switch back. And then they can still kind of do that same vibe where they're really close. And I guess you, I mean, they're five.

I guess you could leave it up to the kids. What? Yeah. I don't know about that. I hear me out taking a five year old away from the home. They've known like, I'm not sure if you can even have an age appropriate conversation with a five year old to say, when you were born at the hospital,

they mixed you up with another baby and you're not actually our child. No. I don't know if you can have that conversation yet with that five year old. I don't think so. So I'm wondering if you just keep it kind of how it is at maybe 10, have an age appropriate conversation

and say, we're going to meet your bio mom and dad and you can decide the relationship. And then here's where the log gets complicated and we just don't even know. I don't know. Yeah. This is a, this is a shitty situation to say the least and honestly read it sometimes and stills it unlocks trust issues

that I didn't even know I had. Like now if I ever have children, I feel like I'm going to ask for a paternity test on site. Yeah. Or is it called a maternity test in that? Yeah. Yeah. I would honestly be like, let's just make sure

because you would think, oh, but you would know with your baby. No, I wouldn't. My mom was convinced I wasn't her baby when they brought me to her. They were, she was convinced I was not her baby. Yeah, Alhondra had red hair and was pale as a ghost. They called her Casper.

Yes. That was when I was a child, but when I was an actual newborn, I was literally purple. Like because I guess I like lost oxygen or something and I had a ton of black thick hairs. You had black hair when you were born, but then it turned red. Yeah. It like all fell out and it went red.

Sure. Genetics are crazy. I have the weirdest genetics. I had blue eyes until I was like three. I know like most babies have blue eyes when they're born, but mine like stuck around for a while. Yeah. And then went brown. Yeah.

And my hair was bright red and curly. Wow. And then it went like dark. And then I was had the most, honestly, you should put up a photo. Like my skin was pale, like translucent. And then I got olive skin later. It's so wild.

I know. But my point is like, I would honestly not have any idea. I'd be like, I don't know. I think it like, I don't know. They all look the same. I know babies. Yeah. And I think the thing is now they used to,

I mean, if you think about even television shows, they would show it like friends. They used to put babies in like a whole nursery with like all the babies together. They don't do that anymore. They don't. No. So at least at the hospital, my sister-in-law gave birth.

Like that baby does not leave the room unless you have to go to the NICU and your baby needs special testing. Like obviously then they take it out. But their children did not. Well, I don't know about Emmett because Emmett kind of was, Emmett got. Walk the dogs, school drop off, meetings from 10 to 3.

Take kids to soccer. Then no time left for a jog. When everyone else is relying on you, it's easy to put your needs last. BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist online. So you can show up for yourself the way you do for others. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com today to get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp.com. A little bopped up in the birth canal. Emmett almost died. Oh my God. They almost like literally told my brother, we have 60 seconds and if we don't get him out, we could lose both of them. Like it was very, very traumatic.

But Eloise, she was normal. Or not traumatic, I should say. They're both normal now. Whatever. I don't know what I'm fucking trying to say. But she's staying in the room. They have like a bassinet that the baby stays in your room the whole time.

Okay. Is that for purposes of not losing them? I think that and kids used to get kidnapped very easily. By who? The nurses? Some bad shit crazy people. There's one lady that kidnapped like 5,000 kids and was running an adoption ring. I did hear about that.

Yeah. So there's a lot going on here. Stupid moderators removed the update on the actual Reddit. But some top comment on there is usually in this situations, the children's don't switch families. But the families come together with frequent visits. Sounds like a nightmare, all for the best of you. An OP response, that would be all right.

I just hope I like the other family, dot, dot, dot. I 1,000% believe this post. OP then goes to the subreddit legal advice. Did not see this. The title was, I just found out my 5-year-old daughter isn't mine or my husband's. I don't want her to be taken away from us. I don't want this information to go public.

What are my rights? And step one. You pursued the hospital. Yeah. So you made it public. Yeah, that we've spoken to a few lawyers, but they recommended going public, which I refuse to do. They've been tested multiple times.

I hate the mods on these subreddits. They deleted this post too. Why? I don't know. It was deleted because they wanted to keep the community safe, civil. So I just, sometimes they overdo it. I get removing some of the troll posts, but like, They overreach.

They really overdo it sometimes. Um, I'm not seeing any other comments from OP on this one. That's a, that's a really tough one. I don't know where you go from there. I don't either. And so I, I hope. But also her original thing was kind of pertaining to like, how do I be a good wife and how do I do that?

I know. I'm curious as to if her husband, you know. Are you ready? No. So there's another post. Okay. Labeled, my husband saw my post. Okay.

Well, she doesn't say anything bad about him. She's actually very graceful towards him. Dude, she is too nice to him. She's like, I didn't need an apology. Yeah, you did. Yes, you did. You did. And I understand his whole world collapsed.

Your first rational thought is cheating. I get that. I'm going to give him an inkling. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt there. Justin would shut down. I know he would react in a, I don't think the same manner. I think he would actually communicate with me and have a conversation with me.

But I know he would be hurt and react similarly or just, yeah, he would shut down. I could see him shutting down. But after, I don't know, even when she was like, I want to do these tests, I'm telling you, someone who cheated wouldn't offer to do all these tests. Wouldn't be going above and beyond to prove their innocence. So at that point, him saying,

I'm not going to kick you out of the house. Yeah. What? Thanks, babe. What? Thanks, sweetie. Yeah. So title, my husband saw the post.

So I don't know how many of you have been down a self-doubt rabbit hole before, but it's not the most logical place to be. I think this is written by him. What? Yeah, this is written by him. It's even less logical when you have the whole damn internet telling you that your wife is cheating

and that she's planning to take the house and take you all for your worth. And never really loved you. And you always sort of thought she was too good for you anyways. So you end up seeing every sign as infidelity and then you get not one, but two failed paternity tests on your daughter. When COVID happened, I got fat.

I got depressed. I stopped feeling like a person. My wife stayed beautiful. She stayed herself. I was sure that she'd made a mistake and that she'd regret being with me. I started getting into some online groups, especially on Reddit,

that were full of guys who'd been cheated on, lost custody, lost everything. And when someone said that his tip off was that he and his wife both had blue eyes and their son had brown, I felt fucking stupid. I did not want to jump to conclusions, but when I made a post about my fears,

everyone said that she was cheating. People said not to say anything because she'd use it to hide her cheating and get ahead of me on the divorce. I got the test and didn't really think it'd come back negative. Then it did. I didn't want to believe it, but yeah, I pulled back.

I felt betrayed. I wanted to be a good husband, but I couldn't shake this. I tried to find evidence of an affair and failed. I got another test. When that one was also negative, I snapped. If you've been cheated on, you know what it feels like.

My wife denied it. I got angrier. I just wanted her to leave. I didn't want to go through what everyone seemed to think was going to happen. I didn't want to lose custody of my kid. I didn't want to lose my house. I was scared and angry,

and I wanted the truth. I felt like if she couldn't even be honest, there was no getting past this. I took a few hours to calm down, and when she came back with a list of tests to take, I tried to keep my cool. I tried to keep my cool for so long. I know I was wrong about the affair,

but so was everyone else in my ear. My kid is genuinely not biologically mine. I didn't immediately consider the switch at birth was even an option. I've been through a messed up time, and I don't think getting angry one time because I thought my wife cheated and lying about it makes me a monster.

So... Okay. Okay. Okay. Fine. Fine. All right, buddy, old pal. I'll let you have it.

No, and I get... We all have our insecurities. 100%. And COVID really has rocked so many of us. Yeah. I think it's unfortunate in this situation that he let Reddit is an amazing place, and Reddit can do magical things

and help people find amazing communities. It's sad that he fell into one that was kind of vapid and spewing insecurity and doubt and self-doubt. And just I'm sad he fell into that. And instead of communicating with his wife and saying, babe, I feel like I've lost myself. I've gained weight in COVID. I don't feel like, you know,

I feel like I'm a shell of who I was. And I'm noticing that our daughter has different colored eyes because they could have done those paternity tests together. It didn't have to be this battle on his own. Right. And so I get his reaction after the tests because like I said, I could see Justin being rocked. I just wish he wouldn't have fell down that hole

and would have communicated and been more of a partner because he was playing this like a chess game. And I need to go behind my partner's back and I need to beat her before she beats me versus I trust this person. I love this person. I obviously, because I married them, so I'm having these feelings.

I can't open up to them. It's very, very sad. This whole, it's just sad, everything about it. The first reaction I had when I, after hearing his side of things is that the unfortunate reality is that hurt people will hurt people. And sometimes people get in their own way. Like I saw this quote today.

I think it's by Brian Holiday said it. And he says like we suffer more in our imagination than we do in real life. Yeah. And it's like we create sometimes, right? Sometimes in our reality is actually that hurtful and traumatic. But a lot of times we can create a situation that is very catastrophic or worst case scenario.

And we suffer and we put ourselves through this suffering and this pain and of a scenario that hasn't happened yet. Or, and my belief is that to the point about Reddit, like kind of spewing these things is I do believe that, but also, and here's where I'm going to be a little bit of a devil's advocate. No, I like it. Let's go. You know me. I always want to like look at everything aside.

Let's see all the sides. No, because I agree. My takeaway is the same as yours. I would just say that like, I also think that there is the, you have to consider the fact that this person was really down on themselves. His insecurity was getting in, clouding his judgment.

It was getting in the way. He was leading with insecurity. So he went into his Reddit post. I would love to see what that Reddit post said because I'm willing to bet it was written in such a way that the community also fell into his narrative. Do you see what I'm saying? Well, when you go into something looking like-

You're looking for a, like you're looking for, it's like if you go digging, you're going to find dirt. Yeah. Well, it's also like almost listening to something with your triggers. So it's like if you're feeling insecure and you gained weight through COVID, but your wife stayed beautiful and all this, and you're almost like,

God, like almost everything's triggering for you. So you fall down this rabbit hole of other people who gained weight during COVID and their partners did the same and maybe their partner cheated. And you're like, oh my God, the shoe fits for me. This must be my life as well. So it's almost, yeah, you start convincing of things,

even though they're not as relevant to you, but if it fits a little bit, you'll convince yourself that it fits entirely. It's kind of like when you Google your symptoms and you convince yourself that you have like cancer now because some of them resonate with you. It's like you're going fishing and you know exactly what you're fishing for.

And similarly, the community that might be responding or chiming in has maybe been through something similar. And also, this is also a really, really good illustration of how when you get one perspective, it's like those movies where they show you like different perspectives of the reality and it kind of fucks you up because it's the same situation,

but you see it through two different lens. Oh my God, what's the one Christmas movie that's iconic? It's like, I love it. It's with everyone in it. Not the love actually. Yeah, love actually. Isn't that so interesting how it's, it can be the exact same situation,

but when displayed through two different perspectives, you get a whole different rendition of it. And so it's like they both went, they both are in a fucked up situation for lack of better words. They both had their child switched at birth and they were both living a lie, but he convinced himself that that lie was something different

and that his wife was like out to get him and coming for everything and that she lapped him and is, you know, winning at life and he feels so down on himself that he convinced himself that he was not worthy of her and that she went off and cheated and that's the baby that they have now. And meanwhile, she's over here.

Like I didn't, she like going crazy, feeling like, you know, and so anyway, I mean, long-winded way of saying, I feel for him because I know. We can see it now, especially getting his perspective. We do empathize with him. Absolutely. Insecurities can absolutely,

like I, when I'm insecure about certain things, I turn into a different human. I let it, I'm the queen, president, and CEO of self-sabotaging when I feel insecure. Yeah. Truly. And that's exactly what he did. I'm in the same boat.

I mean, yeah. I mean, look at me last week or two weeks ago, it'll be two weeks ago. Like I was feeling so insecure from the comments. I literally took a week off and I am glad I did, but like... That's not self-sabotage though, that's self-care. It's a fine line. That's not self-sabotage.

I know, but I feel like in my head, I'm like, did I hurt myself by not releasing an episode? Like that's where, but there's where the self-doubt comes in. And then it's like, no, that isn't something you should be insecure about because that is self-care, but I mean, I do it in other situations too. I think the moral of the story, we all do. And if there's anything to take away from this,

if you are feeling insecure and you are down on yourself and you have a partner and someone you're committed to, open up. There is no shame in opening up. There's no shame in being a sensitive man, an emotional man, an insecure man, if you can then open up and communicate to your partner. I think even if he had communicated all of these things, I'm feeling insecure.

I gained a lot of weight. I don't feel like myself. I don't feel physically appealing to you, all those things. It wouldn't have reconciled this inkling he had that she had cheated. He had no way of confronting that unless he asked her. And this is where there's a sign of mistrust, to be honest. Yeah. So even though he's feeling insecure and everything,

I'm curious to know why he felt like he couldn't just take her at her word. Yeah. Well, and I don't think he confronted her ever. Exactly. He did the DNA test first. But why didn't he start? With a, hey, this is how I feel and this is going to sound crazy. But our daughter is, I'm her dad. He was either too scared to ask her that because he thought it would set her off

or he wasn't sure he would believe her answer. Well that, so I believe that. And I also think based on what he said, I think people on Reddit were so down his throat being like, no, no, no, you can't confront her. She'll convince you and then she'll get ahead of you in a divorce and she'll take you, she'll take everything. So they were so, they were just so vapid.

And I mean, he was, he was in a tough situation, but again, that's where I think that's where he's at fault. He should have gone to her. But then because of that self-doubt, and like you said, maybe he wouldn't even believed her at her word. If he would have then, like if they would have gone together and been like, no, like let me prove it to you. Let's get a DNA test.

Like this is our baby. He would have found out then it wasn't. And then it kind of would have been this whole thing. And it's like, would that have been worse or better? Because she would have said to his face beforehand, no, I didn't cheat on you. He would have been hit with the paternity test that was negative. And then it's like, you lied to me.

But then I guess they would have gone through the test. Like at least they're a little bit more on that. The outcome would have been the same. It's just how they would have gotten there. And I don't know if that would have made a difference. I don't think it would have. In any event, it sounds like they're both like, that we're on the same team now.

Like how do we move forward? The bigger thing is how do we like keep our daughter, etc. It's just so shitty. Actually, maybe it's not shitty. Everything happens for a reason. Like if he hadn't felt insecure, if he hadn't weirdly gone that paternity test, they wouldn't even know.

And I don't know, maybe that's for the best, I guess. Yeah. But you have to remember this could always come out later. And it could have been a way worse instance. She could find out through a 23andMe one day, or the other bio daughter would find them and now they have this weird and she's a lot older. It's harder to navigate the situation now,

because at least when she's younger, you can kind of like guide it. But when she's older and has more autonomy, it gets a little harder. So I'm trying to look at the silver lining here. It's like, maybe this happened now, it needed to happen, and they're going to address it the best way that they can moving forward.

I think they will. And maybe it'll strengthen their marriage. Yeah, I think they will. This is a tough one. Yeah, that was weird a lot to say. Let's move on to one that's a little more clear cut. Okay. I have so many in this folder, like they're truly,

they're so good, they're so good. That one really did not up though, so that was it. No. That's why when I found it, I was like, oh wow. It was perplexing. This does not add up. Not at all. Yeah.

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Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHELP.com. Okay, moving along, am I the asshole for using my husband's car to get to work after he tricked me into going to his family's barbecue party? Okay, let's hear this. I, female 33, am a nurse. I have a very, very busy schedule. It's been absolutely crazy the past couple of years.

My husband, male 36, works an office job, and because he's a very family-oriented type of guy, he's always hanging out with his family. His family live on a ranch in the middle of literally nowhere. It's a hassle to go there, and due to my work nature, I don't go to most of their functions. I do, however, make sure to attend the big ones. Last week, his family wanted to host a barbecue party.

He wanted me to go with him so badly since all of his brothers were bringing their wives, and since they mocked him for coming alone in the past. I said, sorry, but I have a shift to cover. He begged, suggested I swapped shifts with other nurses who were my friends, and even called them all to beg them to cover for me. I grew irritated and told him to stop it. He sulked for a whole day, then dropped it.

In the morning, and hours before my shift, I discovered that my car's tires were all out of air. My husband offered to drive me to the hospital at 4 p.m., and I agreed. I got ready and we got in the car, but instead of taking me to the hospital, he drove me straight to his family's ranch. I was dumbfounded and angry after he said he tricked me into attending this barbecue,

and that I had to suck it up and sit this shift out. I was so mad I didn't know what to say. We got to the ranch, and I sat outside, fuming. I waited and saw I still had time to make it to the hospital, if I figured out a way to get there. I watched my husband go inside, leaving his keychain next to me, right where he was sitting. I took it and rushed to the back where all the cars were parked,

got into his car, and drove off. His dad saw me and told him he started calling my phone relentlessly until I turned it off. I got to the hospital in time, but didn't dare turn my phone on until it was past 8 p.m. I opened it and saw tons of angry messages from him, berating me, calling me horrible and a manipulator. I got on the phone with him and he yelled about the awful stunt I pulled

and bailing from the party and making him look bad in front of his family. He then calmed down and said that he now knows that work is more important to me, and that he won't ever trust me after I basically stole his car and ran with it. We've been on terrible terms since then. His family are also mad, but I haven't spoken to them about it yet, nor calcified anything. Am I the asshole for what I did? I was desperate and worried that missing my shift might cost me my job.

I don't- this is- this is a tough one because like two wrongs don't make it right. He kidnapped her! I know, but I think they're both kind of shitty. Okay, let's hear why. I think they're both kind of shitty. I think he is definitely- that was a really manipulative shitty move. That was weird. The fact that he took the air out of her tires,

that he's going to drive her to work and then took her to his family's party, that was a really weird move, and that was a little borderline manipulative. However, it was manipulative. It was manipulative. I'm not agreeing with it. That's why I said they're both shitty people to me. I think she's a little shitty because like sis- girlfriend, you married into this family, suck it up once in a while and go see his family with him.

It's not that hard. I understand you work a lot, but if there was a possibility for your shift to get covered just this one time, it meant a lot to him. You can tell. And now that I know that he's kind of shitty, I'm like, well, whatever, fuck it. But like in the beginning, I was like,

he's begging, pleading for you to come spend time with his family. And like all you should want to bond with those people too. And maybe it's not your first pick of an event. Maybe it's not your favorite time, but from time to time, you got to take one for the team. And so to me, it was a little weird that she was so unwilling to be flexible. Like when you're married, you marry into each other's families. That should be a priority.

So I thought that was a little shitty. However, his shittiness does overshadow her shittiness because he fully lied to her, fully tricked her, did something against her will. He did compromise her job, which is really important here because she could have lost her job if she hadn't sold in his car to get there. So I thought what he did was like just straight up desperate. Yeah.

But to me, I don't know why. She gives me a little bit of shitty vibes too. So I think that's where we need more context. Because if this is like, they only do a family barbecue twice a year and she doesn't make any effort to be at any family events, then I would agree. But then I'm like, okay, but if this is a regular thing for them and he's just always with his family and they do a barbecue every weekend

and it's just like, this is just another weekend, even though they're making a big deal of it, but they make a big deal out of everyone, then I'm like, okay, she doesn't need to be there. But I also look at in a lot of countries, especially right now with all these variants picking back up again and getting a lot more wind beneath their wings. And even before these variants, the nursing staff

at my hospital that I worked at was so, so understaffed. They were actually allowing OTs and PTs to come in outside of their shifts and get hours helping nursing turn patients. Because they didn't even have nursing staff to turn patients on the two hour rotations they needed to to prevent bed sores. So I kind of like where I'm like, and she says it here where she says like, I've been really overworked. It's been absolutely crazy the past couple of years.

I have a very busy schedule. So I think where there needs to be given taken every relationship. And yeah, like sometimes you do have to suck it up and go to things you don't want to go to or, hey, switch shifts. But it sounds like healthcare people, my hospital, and this was something that was really, really hard for me, my hospital did schedules two months out. And so I had to like commit to things or schedule big things

two months ahead of times, which is really hard with like friends that were planning their birthday parties and they're like doing it two weeks before. And I'm like, I'm already working that weekend. And so it's like, when did this come about? Was their consideration given to her schedule? Could they have picked a day she could have made it? And yeah, okay, you're sacrificing an easy day for one person.

I'm like, where is the give and take in their relationship? There's so much context here where I think my initial reaction is like not the asshole he kidnapped her. It was deceptive, manipulative. He was the one that definitely led the air out of the tires. And I think if he was upset, there's a better way to go about that, where you sit down with your partner and say, hey, this is beginning to be a deal breaker for me.

If you don't start making an effort to come to these family things with me, like we really need to reevaluate us. Yeah, it does seem like a mismatch in terms of compatibility. Because I always think about when I date somebody, I always think about the fact that like, especially if you're in the mindset of like you're dating Mary, who is their family and what do they do? Because you're marrying into that.

And how close are they with their family? How important is family time? You have to be aligned on those things. You definitely do. Because you'll run into these situations like this. And I agree with you. I mean, I don't mean to call her an asshole. I do need more context.

Do they do this once a year or do they do this once a week? And did they ask her in advance? But I get where you were coming from where like, if she doesn't go to anything, because he does say like his family mocked him for her not being there last time. It's like, okay, one, they're the family sex for doing that. But if she truly doesn't come to anything,

then there needs to be more of an effort. Yeah. And honestly, like if I, I don't even think, if my boyfriend, if I had a boyfriend and he was never coming to my family events, I think my family would also mock me. Because they would just be like, is he real? So that part didn't really, you know what I mean? Like, are you making this up?

Or I guess in this case, they're married, not boyfriend and girlfriend. But I don't know, I think I need more information. I think it's just the way she's written. Like she's not writing it from the perspective of somebody who like gives a fuck about the family. That's kind of the vibe I get. And I could be wrong, but she's not like, don't get me wrong.

Like I value family time or don't get me wrong. If I try to like, you know what I mean? She was like, I try to be there every once in a while. But it's like, this is clearly something that's important to him. So maybe you guys are just not aligned on your values. A mismatch. Yeah. I completely agree.

I do think they're mismatched. I just can't get past the fact that someone would stoop so low. No, it's weird. And also like a nurse missing their shift, like that's essentially people dying. Also we're kind of overlooking this. The fact that he went to call her coworkers was a little overstepping for me.

I saw your face cringe at that point. Yeah, that because I'm not with that. So no, for the record, she's not the asshole for taking her car to get to her job. But again, I'm like, they're both like, I don't know, I need more information, I think. Yeah, not the asshole for what the problem is.

Right. Which is taking the car. Right. But their relationship needs some help if they are going to stay. Yeah. Also his reaction, I'm never going to trust you again because you stole my car and ran with it.

You gave her no choice. Agreed. And also like, he kind of tried to gaslight a little bit by projecting. He said something like, yeah, like, how could I trust you or whatever? Like you manipulated me. What?

Sir, you literally emptied the air out of all my tires, pretended to take me to work and then brought me to an, like, no. Yeah. You are the manipulator. Don't call her a manipulator. No. She didn't manipulate anything.

She took a window, saw a window of opportunity and took it. I don't get it. I don't get this one. Top comment, not the asshole. You do know that he was the one that fucked with your tires, right? Yeah.

44,000 upvotes. Yeah. That was what I was thinking. Just crazy. So this is a little bit longer of one. And I don't, I'll see what you think and if you feel the need to comment, but I know you're going to like this one,

knowing your interests. So this is crazy. Okay. My estranged family revealed that my loving, family-oriented dad was a monster. And this is coming from the subreddit, true off my chest. So they're not looking for advice or anything,

just kind of like getting stuff out there. So this is last, but not least guys. This is a doozy. Growing up, my friends would always say that my brother and me had the coolest parents. They were the laid back, but still involved mom and dad parents.

I was especially close to my dad and thought he was the best dad ever. But he made a Hot Wheels dollhouse by hand for my birthday to give you an example. When I wanted to be a super girl, my mom hand sewed me a costume for Halloween. My parents are a physically affectionate couple too. And my brother and I thought it was gross

when we were kids, but now we realize that being in your forties and still love is a miracle. My parents are immigrants. And because of that, we were never really close to their families who lived in their home country. But recently,

my brother and I got in touch with some cousins on my mom's side on our own and got to know them. They were awesome and really chill. My aunts and uncles and grandparents were a little stiff, but they were nice. They only wanted to hear about what us and our mom were up to and not my dad.

So I kind of got frustrated and kept mentioning my dad. Finally, my cousin said, if we didn't stop talking about our dad, our parents wouldn't let them talk to us anymore. None of our cousins knew what was going on either or why they hated our dad so much. So they all started asking around

and digging into family stuff. I thought it was going to be something stupid like class differences or my grandparents not approving of my dad for some reason, but we found out the truth. And it was a lot worse than what we imagined. My cousins found a single short newspaper article from a digital archive about it.

When my dad was young, he kidnapped a university student and kept her for a bit. He was a minor, so he didn't get named or get real punishment or like anything on his record. I can't look at my dad the same way again or my mom. Why would my mom marry someone

who literally kidnapped and hurt a person? My parents have noticed something off with us, but I don't even know how to bring it up. Oh my God. We have an update. Oh my God. I have so many feelings that I just don't know what I would do. This is like my worst fear

because my dad is amazing and everyone always tells me how kind of a dad he is. And so I'm always like, what a fun day I just find out that he has another family. It's like my worst fear. It's like I'm not getting a trauma. Oh my God.

And this is like finding out your parent, kidnapping, murdering. I mean, Did he murder? No, but he kidnapped. Okay. But I'm like still like- Kidnapping is still bad,

but I was like murder? It seems like the gateway to murder. Kidnapping is like the gateway to murder. It's like what all these people start off doing. Like I listen to crime junkies, it's like they kidnapped and then let that one go after they rape. God, this story's getting dark.

But like you hear that and it's like, oh, and then it just keeps escalating, escalating, escalating. Yeah. Well- Like kidnapping is the gateway to murder. I don't know if that's true, but I would think you're right.

I don't know. I'm going to Google it. Probably. You don't hear a lot. You don't hear of a lot of people just kidnapping and then like really saying, because for obvious reasons, it doesn't work that well.

There's nothing on it. Kidnapping's the gateway to murder. You might, I'm not saying like you're right. I just listened to too much crime. Did they say that? I have no idea. I'm just, I'm drawing conclusions in my own head. Kidnapping is just doing the math.

I mean, if you think about it, I'm going to try to help you here with this logic. If you think about it- Can I be helped? If you think about it, it makes sense because what other alternative is there? What other alternative is there? If you let them go, you get caught.

Exactly. And you're done for. So you either keep them around forever in your basement or you got to get rid of the witness. So I can see where you're going with this. Okay. So there, I'm also reading this off of like the best of Reddit updates.

So there's a relevant comment from the original poster that basically says, it's okay if you don't believe me. It's kind of an unbelievable, horrible thing to happen. So my cousins know more about this stuff than me or my brother since they actually speak the language and talk to my aunts and uncles about it.

One of my aunts made a few kind of vague statements about what happened, like him being bad as a teen and my cousin searched for what she talked about and they found the article and asked her about it and she basically confirmed. I don't know why he did what he did. The article was really short,

only a few lines in their native language. It just said he kidnapped a university student and kept her basically. I just need more, I need to know more. How old was he? Yeah. What happened to the university student?

The victim was a student at a university so she had to be at least 19 or 20 from what my cousin said. He was a minor. So she was a woman, not like a girl. I don't know what to think. My cousins don't know much more than me

since the older generation has kept it hush hush. Update. Okay. So I tried to bring it up to my dad, but I couldn't. It would really hurt to accuse him of being a monster if he had literally done nothing wrong because it meant that I actually thought

he could be capable of doing something like this. So I decided to talk to my mom first. I told my mom everything and she kind of started to justify it, saying that my dad was young, stupid, was in love, and was mentally all over the place. And then she slipped up and said,

quote, he didn't hurt me. And I told her, Oh, she was a university student. Ah, sorry. And I told her, quote, I thought we were talking about the student he kidnapped.

And she kind of became really quiet. She said she had to go and left the room. And then a couple hours later, called me and my brother down to talk to us with my dad. My dad said he knows we know and that it was a horrible thing to do and he regrets it and he was forgiven, but didn't say much otherwise.

I asked them what happened. And my brother told me he didn't want to talk about this and long story short, this is what went down. She was a student at a university an hour and a half walk away from her home, but she usually stayed in the dorms. Their university had stuff like curfews for women

and strict rules. And she was pretty sheltered in other ways, even though she was a legal adult. She was going home for the holidays and it was raining. My dad came up to her and struck up a conversation and offered her a ride home on his motorcycle. He was wearing his school uniform and he looked pretty harmless.

So she thought it was safe, but he took her to his house instead. He wouldn't let her leave and she didn't know how to get home. My dad didn't hurt her or threaten her, but he might have done stuff that scared her. And when the maid came, she saw an opportunity and escaped.

And then my dad was arrested, but he got slapped with a few months of juvie, but a clean adult record, which is how he was able to come to the US. She visited him to figure out why he would do this and then stuff happened. I kept asking my dad why he would do this, but he just being stupid and selfish

and didn't realize that it was scary to her. My mom said what's done is done and that they got over it. And now my mom and dad are in love and happy and that we could go to individual therapy to deal with it further if we wanted. My brother said it didn't matter anymore and he wishes we didn't know it all.

I can't look at my parents the same way again. And honestly, I agree with my brother. I regret talking to my cousins and I think my estranged family have a right to avoid my family for what my dad did. This is so weird. It feels like Stockholm syndrome almost. Yeah.

But then again, I don't know. I don't know. I know. There's no, we don't have enough detail here. Well, and it's, I just like, I'm not a psychologist. I don't know. Like Stockholm syndrome is so complex

and it doesn't sound like she was kept very long. Yeah. So can it develop over that period of time? I don't know. I mean traumatic situation. So maybe trauma bond. I mean. Oh yeah.

There's so many things. It's insane. Or maybe they literally just vibed. And she was just like, yeah, I don't know. I actually kind of like this guy. I don't know. Well, it's like, it's like that movie

that everyone talks about on Netflix right now, like 360 or whatever it is, like the mafia boss kidnaps the lady and they have nonstop sex. What? I mean. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 365 or whatever.

Whatever that is. Yes. That is a good comparison. Yeah, like this is. And then they end up getting married. And this is, no, no, no, I know. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's like, I haven't finished. I don't know a lot about it. So I don't, whatever for me, but I think this is, you see storylines play out like this in those dark romance novels. And so that taboo, like she was into it clearly. Yeah, like even Fifty Shades of Grey,

I feel like there was instances where you kind of held her captive. Yeah. And. Yeah, Anastasia got a little brainwashed. Yeah. So people, that movie was not well received because of the moments where it's like,

wait, Mr. Grey is like asserting a little bit too much dominance to the point where it's like against her will. Yeah. And I don't know, like we are just, it's confusing. We can see why the children feel confused and conflicted.

Like is this marriage and love real? Is she just trauma bonded to him or what happened? What happened in that captivity? I don't know. I don't know either. Fun fact for everyone, did you know Fifty Shades of Grey was written to be a Twilight fanfic?

I think I did know that. Wild. Wild. Here's where I'm going to go a little off the deep end. Okay. You're just going to let your imagination just full send. I, and I don't know if this is because I feel like I just think about things differently.

I kind of like shut down emotionally sometimes. And I don't think I would let this shape the way I look at my parents. Okay. I was thinking the same thing. As weird as that might sound. I think I'd be over it. I'd be over it.

Same. It happened 40 years ago. Same. It hasn't affected me. Right. And I'm like, my parents love each other. Right. They moved, they got away from their family.

They're healthy. They have a healthy relationship. It's not an abuse of relationship. And yeah, he was a teenager. Like, was he 16? Was he 17? Right. Like, and that's not an excuse.

Like this is still kidnapping. It's still wrong. But you're so far removed from it where I'm like, I don't think I would let it bother me. I was thinking the same thing. So fucked up. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I was like, you know what?

I'm not that bothered. I don't know. I know. Fucked up for sure. I think it's because like you said, it's just so out of sight, out of mind. It doesn't affect you. And that you can see at least.

It doesn't affect, like, the way I see it is, you could have gone 40 more years and died a happy life. And if no one told you about this, would it have changed anything in your life? No. Nothing. I think, and it is, of course, easier said than done. Yes.

You're going to be a little rocked for a little bit. Like, oh God, it's big news. Picture your dad doing something like that's really tough. Yeah, it's jarring for sure. But he didn't murder someone. It's, he didn't rape her. He, oh, I just feel so wrong even saying this. I know.

But I'm there with you. People are going to hate us for this one. Really? I'm so sorry. Really? I don't know. Maybe people might see it that way too. I don't know.

But I just, I look at the history now where they've literally been together. How old are these people? You make a good point. They never said they're age. It's easier said than done. Like, maybe if it were us, we would not be able to look at our dad the same

and it would really impact the relationship. So I get that. I'm not denying and trying to be aloof to the situation or insensitive. But I just, I have to be honest. You're kind of speaking what I was thinking is I was like, I don't know how much I'd let this really like rock me. I think it's something you obviously won't forget.

But I wouldn't let it kind of impact how you view your parents. It's no different than, oh God, what story came up tonight? Where we were like, oh, the first one I hit you with, tied it all together here. The first one where the guy cheated on his fiancee with his sister. And so the past, the six years of their relationship wasn't, it wasn't a total lie.

Like the beginning part was a little, but they still, the good times were real. The good times were still the good times. And that's how this one is. The good times were still the good times. You don't have to forget what your dad did. And if you let that shift your view going forward, that's valid.

Your dad did kidnap someone. Now I do hear the opposition right now. And what they're saying is how do you know that their dad didn't spend years after the kidnap in grooming this woman, priming this woman. Maybe their marriage shouldn't have ever even happened. For all you know, she's just operating under like. Stockholm syndrome.

Yes. So like, you know what I mean? So I can see her. Because he got what he wants. Exactly. He got what he wanted at that point. So I can hear how the other side might be up in arms about that. And that's where we need more details.

That's where we don't know. But from the way it stands, and it sounds like everyone's happy and healthy today. I don't know. The math ain't enough. Math ain't mathin. Math ain't mathin. We need more here.

We need more. There's some missing y equals mx plus b. Yeah. We're missing a factor that makes or breaks. Yeah. It's fucked up. I mean, I just don't know what else you do. What do you do?

Cut your dad off now? Because it's something he did 40 years ago? You're cutting both of them off because they're together. You cut them off now? That's not worth it. I don't know. I don't know. I think it's different.

What's the, what is the option here? I don't know. You live with it or you go, you, I think therapy is a great start. I think no matter, no matter what, go to therapy. I love therapy. Unpack it. Maybe therapy will tell them, give them more guidance.

We need a professional here. Yeah. This calls for therapy. I think that's undoubted here, but I don't know. I mean, what's the option you can't forgive your dad and therefore you cut off your parents or you go through therapy and you heal these bad feelings that you might have towards your dad

and you live happily ever after and your whole family is happy and healthy. Yeah. I don't know. I think that's, that's the, I mean, the ideal solution in a perfect world. Yeah. I would love to know the update on.

I know. What happens? Nothing from what I see so far. It's like a top comment. Let me go to the update post and see. I feel like there's more to it. Yeah. Because the family seems kind of,

the family that doesn't want anything to do with the dad seems very upset. So it almost seems like there's something more that maybe we're not getting. Yeah. So this has flown very under the radar. It was posted 10 days ago. It's from true off my chest.

Like I said, has only 83 upvotes. So the top comment has only 47 upvotes. This is all very odd. There must be something missing between your mother forgiving him and her family hating him. Holy fuck, are you psychic? I don't know.

I'm just intuitive tonight. What is the country in which this happened? My ex-mother-in-law was kidnapped by her chauffeur and kept in the shed for three days. No further violence, no sexual advances. Then she married him. Why? To save face.

Can't disappear with your chauffeur for three days without juicy rumors. This was in the Philippines, in the province, late 70s. Oh yes, someone else goes. Oh yes, the save face reason. What does that mean? I guess like, They're embarrassed?

She will, in cultures where like, if your daughter ran off with a man, she's ruined. Like you can't, no one would marry her at that point because everyone assumes. Yeah. That's so sad.

Yeah, it's crazy. So someone comments, oh man, I'm so sorry you had to discover this. I have no clue what I would do if my parent had done something like that. I think there would be a sense of distrust or betrayal. Parents should be safe spaces. Somewhere you can go when you need to feel protected,

comforted. Learning something like this will would forever change my perspective on my parents for the worse. I really hope you can overcome this mental block. There is a response from OP, but I will just say, yeah, it might shift it a little,

but if your parents have like, fucking thought for you tooth and nail your whole life, like making you a super girl costume, like your parents still did that. So that has to hold some weight too. Like I'm thinking about my mom, like if I found out my mom kidnapped someone, my mom has done so much,

sacrificed so much to make sure I could go to college, have clothes on my back when my dad lost his company and lost, we lost everything, like food stamps, welfare, like we were on it. Like we almost lost every, I'm just like, I, it wouldn't shift my perspective of my mom that much. And maybe that's why I'm thinking the way I'm thinking,

because I'm envisioning my parents in this case. Yeah. But OP does respond and goes, it feels unreal. Like this is my dad. He tucked me in a bed as a kid and told me how to be safe and drove me home from parties and was literally my rock. And knowing that he's literally capable of kidnapping a woman

off the streets is insane to me. And knowing that my mom came up with this BS excuse that he didn't hurt her. So it was fine when she admitted she was terrified because he literally kidnapped her and she had no idea what he was capable of. I don't know. My head's not screwed right now.

Those are all valid points. I think you start to use your imagination and you start to kind of like wonder and think of like the worst case and you start to like get very colorful with it. So I get how that would be really kind of traumatizing. And I can empathize with that. I'm not at all saying like get over it or anything like that.

No, no, no. No, it's totally, totally. Valid trauma. Yeah. And it is, I'm putting myself in those shoes and I keep trying to picture my dad doing that. And it would definitely shake me because I have such a high standard of my dad.

I have such a like positive image of him. He's never done anything malicious to anybody. So then to hear that story would like, it would rock me a little bit. Yeah. But again, like I don't know. I don't know how much I would let it like bleed into my present dynamic.

Yeah. OP responds so, so much on this update. Dad was 16 and mom was 20. Okay. He lived with his grandpa and my great grandpa who was always out of the country. His side of the family was very well off. Nobody was home because it was the holidays

and the servants also got time off. The maid came in the morning to either pick stuff up or drop off and my mom crawled out of a window. Wow. It almost sounds like given this context now, he was a kid who had never been told no and was used to getting his way. And so he thought he could just like take this person.

Like to him, it was no different than like taking a ball and like keeping it. Yeah. Like he almost objectified this person and was like, I want it. I got it. Like I'm going to go get this person. Especially if he was well off in a very poor country.

Yeah. And I'm almost, I'm not justifying him, but I'm almost wondering if in his mind. You're just trying to see. I'm trying to see it through is like, what would make this like seemingly good human thing that that wasn't okay. And it's not okay.

It's so wrong. It's completely wrong. But like given this background, I'm almost like, oh, is he just someone who thought his way always prevails. And so if he wants something, he's just going to go grab it and doesn't even see it as kidnapping.

He's just like, no, this is just me grabbing this person that I want to spend time with at my house. So that's exactly what I think he thought. Because OP does give this comment and says, my dad did kidnap her, even though my mom insists that he didn't hurt her and she was fine. But she admitted she was terrified

when she was in his house because she had no idea what he would do to her. Right. So he definitely did bad things. He even, he regrets, which is the kidnapping edit. He wouldn't let her leave. So it almost gives that vibes where like, he thought, oh, she's beautiful.

I'm going to take her home. I'm going to convince her to hang out with me. And then just like wouldn't let her leave, which by definition not letting someone leave is kidnapping. But I do see that a 16 year old boy who's so... Unsupervised, unregulated. Like he's probably...

The world is his oyster. Yeah. So he's like, no, you can't leave. What? My rules, my house. I know. This is pretty crazy. But to everyone out there not shaking your face,

we are not justifying kidnapping. No, we're just trying to wrap our heads around this in any way possible. Yeah. This is still kidnapping. The man, we're not like sitting here trying to bail him out. He absolutely was wrong. Completely agree.

There's one more comment from OP that stands out. My parents were always super supportive of me. One time this boy was making me uncomfortable in middle school and the teacher told me to ignore him. My dad marched up to the principal and made them move him to a different home room. He's always had my back. Never judged me for clothes or partying or makeup.

My mom knew everything about my boyfriends. They let me live my life. That's what's so hard. If I got kidnapped, they'd go nuclear. But they can justify their own relationship, at least my mom can. That is a very interesting take. And maybe they're that...

They were that hard on that boy because of his history. Exactly. And he's like, I did that. I'm not going to let my daughter go through that. Yeah, because he feels so much guilt. I don't know. Lot to unpack. Lot, a lot, a lot to unpack.

We're like playing detectives here. I definitely feel... Trying to figure out the motive. I'm just trying to understand it. Me and Morgan should be tasked to solve a murder. I do. I really, genuinely think we would do a really good job. I think we could do it.

I think so too. If there's one murder I'm trying to solve, it's the Jamba Day Ramsey case. Didn't something come out recently? I don't know. You would know. I would know. You would know.

But that's the math. Is the math mathing? That's the math. It ain't mathin'. Wasn't mathin' for me. I feel rocked. Yeah, that's not a great subject to leave off on. But what I will say is that the CBD that you gave me the other day,

whatever company sent you, worked really well for sleep. Next Evo. Yeah, so I'm going to take that tonight to help me sleep after this traumatic episode. Yeah, next Evo. Yeah. There might be an ad for them on this episode actually. Nice.

Plug them because I was going to tell you I've been having- I tried the gummy. It was really good. Oh, they have gummies? I can give you a gummy. Can you give me a gummy tonight? Yeah. I just want to try it.

It's so good. I've been struggling to sleep and my mind, I mean, you know, I'm having a slew of health issues right now. I rabbit hole as I'm sleeping. I was having like an actual anxiety attack the other day, like actually an anxiety attack. My heart was having heart palpitations and it hurt my chest. It felt like somebody like snuck Adderall into my like water.

Like, I'm not kidding. It was like a reaction. I know. And I was, I was like, what's going on? And it's, it's almost like I'm having a cortisol spike at night or something. I don't know. It's that like 11th hour where you're like sitting there and like everything just hits you.

Everything that you have to do tomorrow. And it's like- I don't know if mine was from that perspective. Like granted, this was two nights ago. It was two nights before I had all my labs. So I think I was feeling a lot of anxiety because for me it's really traumatic. So I was like-

Oh God, in your white coat syndrome. My white coat. I was working myself up about the fact that I had these. So it wasn't necessarily like the scarries of what I had the next day, but it was elevated. Like my blood pressure was really high. I have to take it every couple of days. So I'm like, anyway, I at night have been struggling to sleep

and I don't like to do like any type of sleeping pills. I don't like to drink wine because you don't really sleep well when you drink wine. It just puts you to sleep faster but your actual quality of sleep isn't good. You wake up at like 5am because that's when your body starts metabolizing it. Yeah, it's not good for you.

And so it's not a good habit to get into. And so I'm trying to find more natural ways to do it. It worked well. It knocked me out. I don't remember falling asleep. I love that. Yeah. Speaking of Adderall in your drink,

so I just saw this video of this couple and they were like trying to provide awareness, raise awareness around it. But someone put Adderall in the groom's drink so he would have a good time and stay up. That's so messed up. So they roofied him and he didn't have a good reaction to it

and like his whole wedding was ruined. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen. So don't ever put Adderall in people's drinks. Don't put anything in someone's drink especially. I always think about like how I'm going to do if I get married like a wedding because I obviously want to have a good time but I don't want to be blocked out.

So I'm like, how do you balance that? I know you want to have sex on your wedding night actually and a lot of people don't. Yeah, I believe that. You probably passed out. You're so tired. Also, I thought I knew what I wanted for a wedding but I keep seeing a lot of wedding stories

and I'm like, it all sounds terrible. So you don't want a wedding anymore? I want a wedding but I don't think I want it like as extravagant as I thought I did. Same. I'm like, I want to have it at my farm and then like have food trucks and like just like have it. I want it to be fun but not.

I don't want pressure. I don't want to have people spend thousands and thousands of dollars just to go to my wedding. Just to get there. Yeah, it was a write-in I think for a father knows something and this girl was asking like what I'd be wrong if I didn't go to my boyfriend's brother's wedding because it's going to cost me $3,000.

And I was like, ugh. Weddings are steep. It's so steep. I agree with you actually very wholeheartedly. I don't feel like I want anything crazy. I just saw this like wedding recently on Instagram. They did it very low-key and it looked so fun. Yeah.

And like she even wrote like it was- Was it the one where they rented a big Airbnb resort in the mountain and had their whole family stay with them? No, it was kind of similar to that. I don't know where it was but they were just like very it just seemed I'll send you the details on Instagram. It just seemed way more laid back. They were more just like non-traditional.

I love that. And just kind of wanted people to be comfy and not go crazy. Like it was and it was smaller and just like it wasn't crazy. Like they didn't have these crazy decorations and these elaborate like arrangements, which is beautiful. But like they didn't, everything came out the same. Like everyone had just as much fun. The pictures were just as beautiful

and they didn't spend all this time on these crazy little like details. And I don't know. I think for me, I think the money part of it too. I look at what people spend and like my sister-in-law's brother just got married last weekend and my mom, like my mom knows how much they spent and it was over. I feel like it was around 26,000. I'm not remembering the number, but I'm like,

and my brother spent like 35K or something crazy on his wedding. It's like that's a down payment on a house. That's a really nice vacation or two. 10 if you get right. Like I'm just like, I'm so frugal with money and I can't imagine wasting it. So that's why I'm like, Justin, we're having it at my farm.

We ain't paying for a venue and they got married in a barn. Like my sister-in-law's brother last weekend, they got married in a barn and they paid $6,000 for, or $5,000 for just the venue. And guess what? That venue didn't even provide them chairs. They had to go out and rent chairs. Yeah.

When things are so expensive, I'm overwhelmed. I don't even have a prospect. So it's not even a thought to me right now, but when I get there, I'll be overwhelmed. Crazy. Which speaking of weddings, two episodes from this one, there will be a wedding episode or maybe three,

I don't know, about a math again guys. But there's a wedding episode with Hannah Burner coming up really soon. Did she have a wedding recently? She got married recently. So she was the perfect recent bride to have on. But live show. August 18th in Minnesota.

Our home stage. We're so excited. So excited. We're really excited to meet you guys in person. Those that can come, those that can't come, there's going to be a Moment House virtual show to go along with it. We're trying to get something together to do

like a special thing before the live show starts to really interact with the Moment House crew. This theme will have two audio exclusive stories up on the Patreon. They're good. They're such good ones. They're really good. I'm going to be honest, the video died.

And that is the only reason they didn't make the cut. Otherwise it would not have. That was way too good of a story. They're fucking insane. Yeah. So if you were, I've been on the fence about joining Patreon, this is the episode to join. This is the one. Because you want this access.

This is the one to join for. It is, they're good guys. They're really good. But I don't think I have any more updates except... Live show. Live show. Live show is so exciting because obviously all four of us are from Minnesota that will be there.

And it's so cool because we have a group of folks who are coming out who are like our friends, our family, you know, our people who want to support us and show up for us who have seen this podcast grow and have watched it on YouTube, but haven't really seen it live and in color. And they know us one way. I was like, Morgan and Alejandra and Lauren

and Justin from Minnesota 10 years ago. And now we're showing up in a whole different light for them. But then there's also this other side of it of all the people in Minnesota who are following this that we don't know yet. And it's so, you know, we get to meet new people from our home state that rock with it. I think that's so cool.

So I don't even have words. I'm so nervous, but so excited. And if we want to like, I think this is the craziest part for me. My bedroom overlooked the varsity theater where we're performing my college bedroom. Like every night I would lay there in bed and just hear the shows going on.

Like I would open the window and get a concert. Wow. And so I lived there my whole college career basically and would always overlook the varsity theater. I would take the little alley to shortcut to get to the bar across the street. Oh yeah, which we might. Which we are going to have our after Shindig there.

It's now college club. Yeah. It's college club instead of the library, what I knew it as. I remember the library. This is so interesting. I don't know if I told you this, but when I first moved LA I was like looking at going into entertainment and I actually applied for a job at Live Nation.

Oh my God. So it's so funny because Live Nation's putting this on and I was like, whoa, like there's just so many full circles here. It is a total full circle. And I think we are going to make it a really fun magical show. So again, if you can't attend, it's still going to be really cool. A moment house.

Yeah. Because our, our live show with moment house in March was like a hit and it was so fun and so great. So it'll still be really cool. It'll be really cool. Put on that note. You didn't even spell out SOS on your count on your calculator. I didn't know that we wanted that for the show.

No, you got to show them that you can do it though. Oh, right. Alejandra learned how to type hello and SOS on the calculator. Actually, no, you, we typed. We did it together. It was a team effort. No, it was H-E-L-L-E. I didn't even get it right.

It was hell with an E. Okay. Which is what these stories were, hell. Could a girl who's bad at math do this? Stop. Two plus two is four. Five plus five is 10. What the fuck is this?

I love that audio. We need to literally, I want people, I, god, there's this, we're going to do it. We're going to literally do it on the two hot takes account. There's a filter on TikTok right now that is like a math filter and you sit there and it's like one plus one equals and then you have to like tilt your head. Oh, hell yeah. For the answer. Hell yeah.

And we're going to, we're all going to do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Okay. We're going to do it. And let's see who's the worst at math and voting me. Oh my God. So you'll see that after this episode.

Yeah, it'll be on the TikTok. So look out for it guys. But until next time. Bye. Bye. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters.

I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you for free and confidential help. Call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC.

What's up everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with any hour services. And if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, any hour services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater, or you want to see what upgrading to a tank list would cost, the plumbers in any hour services can show you what options are available. And right now you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1,200 on a tank list.

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