Two Hot Takes - 78: Who Let the [Grass] Dogs Out?

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin.. and some horses! These stories are as chaotic as the special guests we have.. almost unhinged 3.0 vibes. What are your thoughts on these ones? LIVE SHOW TICKETS!!! Moment House LIVESTREAM Tickets: Momenthouse.com/THT Partners: Babbel: Babbel.com/THT CASETiFY: Casetify.com promo code: 15TWOHOTTAKES http://cst.fyi/lMOz0 Cerebral: Cerebral.com/THT Patreon // & BONUS CONTENT https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

As we approach Memorial Day, let's take a moment to remember and honor the brave men and women who have served our country. And what better way to do that than with a cozy Minky Couture blanket? Whether you're spending the day at a picnic or just relaxing at home, Minky blankets are the perfect way to stay comfortable and show your patriotic spirit. With a wide range of colors and designs, you can find the perfect blanket to match your style and pay homage to those who have served. So this Memorial Day, make a statement with a Minky Couture blanket.

Send it to MinkyCouture.com now and find your perfect blanket. Just in time for the holiday, happy Memorial Day from Minky Couture. Just a day on the farm. We might be the biggest dorks ever, but we're showing you who we are. We're back home in Minnesota on my family farm. We have the little munchkins behind us, aka the ponies, the horses, my little babies on the far right. You have Chester.

He is a brown one with a blaze. You have Chrome right behind me. She's also brown, but she has one blue eye. And then the Palomino, aka blonde one, is Honey. Who knows how this is going to go with three horses behind us and expensive equipment sitting on an old bucket using a water trough as our table. But we're here for it. Yeah.

It's like we had to take advantage of the aesthetic and the audio quality might be a little different. We have road noise. We have horses eating buckets behind us, but... It's all part of the experience. There's flies buzzing around me. We have piranha flies around the table in case we need it. But I mean, what is this show?

Except Chaos. Yeah. No, I think this is good. Embrace it. I prefer this. Okay, cool. Yeah, this is really good. This theme is going to be as unhinged as our setup.

Unhinged? Yeah. Well, I'm pulling a lot of stories that didn't make the cut for the live show we just had, which was absolutely amazing, you guys. If you haven't watched it yet, I got Moment House to extend it until Sunday, so you can still go on and buy a ticket. I lowered them back down to 10, so don't miss out on this one. It was absolutely incredible.

Yeah, it was. Oh, also, I'm just waiting to run up and grab the camera. Also, shout out to the TSA agent that recognized my mom in Montana, is that where it was? She thought that was pretty cool, and so did we. Shout out to every single one of you that came to the live show in Minneapolis. I had the pleasure of meeting so many of you, and it was the highlight of my life. My brother, Matt, is still talking about it, how he's lost his mind that people actually wanted to meet his sister, little me, so.

It was insane. It's really cool. Awesome. So, with that being said, let's dive in. Chester. You want a treat? No, I had a treat ready. Beautiful.

Did I say let's dive in? I got distracted by Chester coming. Come here, Chrome. Chrome. They just come up and then like, nope. God, I have treats ready. They are so weird. Okay, let's do it.

The bucket's hurting my butt. Yeah, we got to get going. Okay, let's dive in. I got it all. I got it all. Okay. Second time's a charm. Second time's a charm.

Well, the horses are distracting. Look at these clouds. Here we go. Bob Ross. Okay, talk about it. Let's get it going. Sorry. Are you going to take a picture for the people?

Yeah. This also might be one to watch on YouTube just in case you're debating, checking out the video, but I'll also post a bunch of pictures on the Instagram, so you'll still see the ponies. Okay, so at first, am I the asshole for not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom? Okay, I already know it sounds bad, but I, 35 female, and my husband, Jeff, 37 male, are currently expecting a boy. His first child, my second.

I got pregnant with my first when I was 18, and his dad was never in the picture. I work as a substance abuse counselor, and I love my job. This is where it gets tricky. My job offered me eight weeks PTO for when I have our son. I've been so happy because I didn't want to go back to work so soon. Me and Jeff got together when I turned 30, and he moved in with me because I owned my house. We just got married this year, and have talked about childcare multiple times, so he knows

I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom. Well, I'm due in November, and he just brought Chester. Okay, you're giving the people ASMR. These are not my mouth noises, they're Chester's. Well, I'm due in November, and he just brought up the idea, and I was very confused because we've already talked about this. But I guess my mother-in-law and sister-in-law believe I should stay home with our son. Quote, as a mother and wife, I just don't understand where their opinions came in because

I already know where they stand. Both of them stayed home with their kids. All three of them sat me down to have this talk, and they want me to focus on the kids, cleaning up the house, making dinner, and all of that, but I already work and do those things. Well, mother-in-law decided to throw it in my face that I never got to be a stay-at-home mom because I was a single mom going to school and working, which she's not wrong, but it definitely made me pissed that she brought it up.

I told them that I worked so hard to give my son a good life, and having another baby doesn't change my decision to keep doing something that I absolutely love doing. And that if they all want someone to take care of the house and kids all day, then Jeff should be a stay-at-home dad because I make more money than him, and it would make more sense for him to stay home instead of me. It turned absolutely horrible after that. I got yelled at by my mother-in-law and sister-in-law that it's not his role as a father to do those things, that he's the man of the house and should be the one making the money.

Jeff just stood there, not saying anything, and I blew up and reminded all of them that this is my house, not his. I kicked my mother-in-law and sister-in-law out, and Jeff is so mad at me that he went with them. He said he won't come back until I apologize to all three of them. So am I the asshole for not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom? Who do you think, honey? Okay, well, so this is second child?

So it's her second child and his first child. So she got pregnant in high school, and it sounds like they were like a later couple. Okay, so it's unfortunate that this wasn't... This was probably the worst idea we could have had. It's unfortunate that this kind of thing isn't... A lot of times I... Girl. I don't know.

Keep going. I'm listening. That this stuff isn't... Okay, well, of course, in a perfect world, these things would be figured out on the front end, but... It sounds like they were, though. Oh, and it was already kind of decided that she wouldn't? Yeah, because they were talking about childcare already, and he knew that she didn't want

to be a stay-at-home mom. And then it flipped. Yeah, and his mom and sister are now getting involved saying, you need to stay at home. You need to be a mom. You need to be there for your kids. And then when she was like, well, if this is about whatever, Jeff should be the one to be a stay-at-home parent. I make more than him.

And that's where they were like, Jeff isn't responsible for those things. I wonder commonly if that's what ended up happening because it was always like, oh, I'm the guy. I go make money and the mom stays home. That's classic, right? It's just kind of like... That's just the patriarchy we've kind of had for the past so long. I think it's cool that there are so many stay-at-home dads now, and I think it's really cool when

that comes up in stories, and it's like... We had one where the guy's like, yeah, I'm really excited. I love... It's going to be amazing to stay at home and provide that role. I think the main problem here is why did we flip? Why? What was the change of heart and why is it all of a sudden just so controlling and weird about staying home with the kids?

Is it the insecurity that she makes more? Is it the fact that it was like someone changed his mind and is manipulating him to go in and be this way? I don't know why it changed because if they did have good communication on the front end, then was he lying or was there actually a change of heart? It just feels weird because it just feels like this is a serious, serious thing. Oh my God. Yeah.

This is big time. To try and get on the same page and then all of a sudden stuff changes, that's really scary not only for this situation but the situation overall with your relationship and your life and raising a kid. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, God, you said so many good points just now that I'm like, oh, what one do I want to attack first?

But I probably feel like it is a lot of insecurity and that's what's making him kind of switch. I think a lot of guys can't handle their partner making more than them. I think a lot of people can't handle but I do think it's more common in heterosexual relationships. Yeah. In those relationships, I think men are more often than not insecure if a partner makes more than them. Because that breaks the norm or whatever.

Yeah. It breaks that controlling. Patriarchy. Yeah. I think a lot of people are stuck in that toxic masculinity that a man does need to provide and be the head of the household and all this stuff and it's like, no, everyone needs to do what's best for their family, which in this case, he was on board for them to have a babysitter, a daycare, a nanny or whatever and if they're dual income and one kiddo

that needs childcare, they probably could afford that. So then I think his mom and sister-in-law are probably pressuring him, but that's where you need to step up as a partner and be like, hey, mom, sis, I love you, but this is my relationship and I'm going to do what is best for my family. Yeah, but you said something else too that was super important and I was just like, ah, but you said so many great points. What was the last thing you said? That someone manipulated him into changing his mind?

Yeah, which I think is the mom and sister for sure. Or the fact that he's changing his mind is a big red flag, not only for this situation, but other big, big life choices like this? Yeah. You need to be a partner, you need to be a team and not let your family dictate you and also it is weird to me that he's letting his mom and sister-in-law get so involved with his life because he seems like he's independent and I also think the mother-in-law, the rowing it in her face, oh, you didn't get to be a state at home mom last time because she got

pregnant in high school. It's kind of like a slap in the face to her. She's taking it as one. Which is weirdly trying to make it sound like it's empowering, which at the same time, if you want to be, right, if you want to be a state at home mom, then that's amazing because that's what my mom was and I mean, it was really great. We had an awesome relationship and I had a really cool childhood because of that and that's just what her and my dad worked out was best for them.

But if you don't want to, then I don't think it's the same type of empowering where it's like now you get to, no, it's like she doesn't want to, so why does she now get to? It's more like you're trying to manipulate it back into that through this weird way of making it empowering. Yeah, absolutely. It's like the Jedi mind trick of it all. You know they don't find it that flattering because when she said, well, Jeff, should be a stay at home dad then.

If this is about money and securing our household and making sure everything's good, I should be the one to stay home because I make more than Jeff. You know that they don't think being a stay at home mom is as great as they're trying to let on because of the fact that they flipped shit the minute that their precious Jeff, their son, their brother was put in the position to be a stay at home parent. Yeah, so I'm starting to wonder if it's coming from him in that insecure way of being like, oh, I'm like, I'm going to have to tell my friends I'm going to stay at home dad and just wherever all of that is coming from, whether it is the toxic masculinity type stuff

or it's just him being weird about the money thing again, it may be coming from him and they're trying to come in and like enhance it and reinforce like his feelings now. I could see that he like maybe vented to them. Yeah, and it just feels like why is this whole army coming out for you and like doing that? It just doesn't make any sense. It seems very clean cut as to like, oh, well, one of us should stay home and take this and the other can keep working, but it is big life choices and it is for both people. It's big on both sides.

Absolutely. It is a huge choice to be like, yes, I'm going to go be the stay at home parent or yes, I'm going to keep working, but that's where I find the lack of teamwork here and I just, I really am so, I think the next sweatshirt needs to have like team or something to do with team because I feel like a broken record about it. It's like taking the communication thing a step further to being like a relationship is built off of a team, you work together to do this and so it's like, if this isn't the most logical choice, you're not being a team and if you both don't want to be stay

at home parents, there's ways to work that out as well and then you find the balance, but you can't force someone into doing something that they clearly have made you aware they don't want to do. Well, and that's why this feels like baby trapping to me. I think this could also fall into the category of baby trapping and it's not something we've really talked about in a while, but I think this absolutely fits. If you agree with your partner prior to having kids like, hey, I know you love your job. I wouldn't, you know, if you don't want to be a stay-at-home mom, I'm okay with that.

But then once she's actually pregnant, then you flip the script on her and you're like, you need to be a stay-at-home mom, I'm upset you're not a stay-at-home mom. And now she's stuck, like she obviously wants this baby, they tried for this baby and now she's like stuck with this asshole partner that is like totally not upholding his end of the bargain. And essentially like, I don't know, like taking away her financial freedom, like her financial independence, because that is a risk you take when you're a stay-at-home mom. Wow, okay.

You are financially dependent on another person to support you. And that's why those fucking like all these divorce stories we get where like, oh, my husband wants a post-nup now, oh, my husband's, we're getting divorced, I was a stay-at-home mom, I helped him build his business, but he wants 80-20. No, like you have to realize if you have a partner that stays home for you, no matter the gender, whatever, like if you have a partner that stays home for you, they are giving up a lot to ensure that you have the potential and the independence to succeed and whatever. And yes, you're supporting that partner.

Like we've talked about this, if you had to pay stay-at-home parents, what they would actually cost, it's crazy. So this feels baby-trapping to me. Yeah, I think I'm falling into the camp now, it feels a little bait and switchy where it is an element of control that was planned. An element of control that was planned, like, okay, I'm going to go along with her or whatever she wants, and then as soon as she gets pregnant, her hand will be forced. Exactly, because her hands are already tied.

Yeah, I can see that, yeah. So, and it's also annoying because she already has an older kiddo. Like, if you had a problem with her being a working mom, why did you even start dating her because you knew that was her prerogative? Yeah, I don't know. I think that's the hardest part for me with dating and people where it's like, I knew I didn't want kids, but they want kids, but I loved them. It's like, no, that's not something that you should compromise on.

If you know, like, don't waste each other's time or heartache. Yeah, it's a lot of being on the same page. A relationship, I think too, is finding balance. You're never going to find the perfect one. I just think that doesn't exist. They're perfect in the right way for you. What's wrong with me? But technically, there's not a single human on this earth you're not going to find some

kind of flaw in some shape or form. The thing you need to be aligned on is the big things. You need to be on the same page. Some of the small shit, you can work that out or there's couples, long, successful couples that have agreed to disagree on certain things that are small. They're not this big, like having a kid or being a stay-at-home parent or doing, like, these are bigger roles. These are bigger things.

Well, and there's like a couple of therapists that said that too, where you don't actually have to come to an agreement with your partner when you're fighting on stuff, like small stuff. It's okay to disagree genuinely, and you don't have to compromise. You can just move on if it's a small issue, but this is not one of them. So one of the comments is not the asshole, and I think long and hard before letting any of them back in. I realize how many times we forget to answer the question.

I know. But clearly. Well, that's what's so sad is she was whatever they made her feel. She felt bad enough to ask if she's the asshole for not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. Yeah. Oh, I guess. And we're kind of sitting here being like, you don't even have to ask. No.

But sadly, she does because of the people in her life, manipulating her or using words against her. So someone does comment on that, like her statement. So am I the asshole for not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom? And they go, nope. Not the asshole. It's 2022. OP, you make more.

It's your house. Your in-laws are dinosaurs, and your husband just proved that he doesn't have your back. Bonus, here's your to-do list for tomorrow. Change locks. Makes an... Oh. Apparently there was an update. Spicy.

Yeah. So I'm not going to read the rest of this comment because it ends with like, sorry about the marriage OP. So we need to read the edit update. It's currently 1.15 a.m. and Jeff just called me. He informed me that he cleared out our joint bank account and deposited it into his personal account, bill money, savings for future trips, grocery money. Also that he's been thinking, and the only way he'll come back home is if he can be

responsible for all the finances. And I put his name on the house too. I said absolutely not and hung up. I have already reached out to my boss and will be working from home tomorrow via virtual meetings. I will be calling and talking to attorneys tomorrow morning to see what my options are. I didn't let Jeff know I will be home. So I'm sure he'll try to stop.

I will update again soon. Info. He cleaned out the joint account, but do you have a personal account that he can't touch? And then OP responded, yes, we both have personal accounts. The shared account was just for things we saved slash paid for together. I'm the only one on my personal account, so he shouldn't be able to access it. Another person wanting more info. Has he tried to strip away your independence in any other ways?

OP's response. I mean, the only thing I can think of is my dad and him never got along. Always would be an issue between them when we got together with my family. Not to the point where Jeff didn't want any of us to go to my family gatherings. He would stay at the house instead. Yeah. This has been slowly crumbling, crumbling, crumbling, like a crumbling. There's red flags.

I think it's... No, I know. Go. No, I just couldn't figure out if the word was right. It's like when you're designing something and you look at a word too long, it looks different. Oh yeah. I know.

I think about that. Sorry, say what you're going to say. No. Crumbling. It's like red flag. He's a big sign of an abuser is them separating their victims from family, loved ones, friends. That's what he was doing. For me...

And so what? Yeah. Oh, for me, it's clearly at this point with that update. It's control. Oh yeah, there's... It's always been control. We're still going. Yeah.

You were on it. It was definitely a baby trap type vibe here. I didn't put two and two together because the update for this one is actually in the comment of the post because I got deleted, so I'm on a best of like redditor type thing. So it's interesting. So another person goes, if you think back on disagreements between them, who generally started them, people who want to control others in the way your husband seems to want to do here often start by trying to separate their victims from family.

This usually looks very much like the situation you just described here, OP's response. Okay, so the main reason I got into my line of work was because my dad suffered from substance abuse since before I was born. It took him a long time, but he's been sober since my son was two years old. Jeff thinks we shouldn't be obligated to go along with the rules my dad has set for family gatherings. They are no alcohol or any type of substances at his house, which everyone is absolutely okay with except Jeff.

He would always bring it up at every gathering and start an argument. Nice. Someone else goes, not the asshole. My question here is why their mother-in-law and sister-in-law so affected in OP not being a stay-at-home mom? Is OP's first born a bad kid in jail, a rebel, or they cross over from a multiverse that is in the 1920s? OP's response, that made me laugh a little.

My son has gotten into trouble, but nothing that serious. They just don't understand what worked for them isn't what is going to work for me. They honestly believe you can't be a good wife slash mother if you have a job. Wow. That is, yeah, they are from the 1920s, huh? Yeah. That was a good way to put it. Literally.

Multiverse. Well, and there's one other comment from OP like, info, did you actually work full time, make more money, and still do all of the childcare and housework? When does man-child chip in, and is he also an adult? Not the asshole. I don't know. I don't know what they meant there. But they go, not the asshole, by the way.

Obviously, they are all sexist. OP's response, yes, I work full time, even if I'm not working with one of my patients. I have to do reports if they are sent by court. Sometimes I actually have to go to court if my patient came to me because of an open case with Child Protective Services, and I also set up a lot of housing if they need it. I do make a decent amount more than him. I never expected Jeff to be a father figure to my son. So yeah, I take care of him on my own, and still manage to keep the house clean and cook

dinner. Crazy. Wonder Woman. What is this man doing? Is he participating in their life at all? Also you can like, you can- No, he's embodying his control. Literally.

And I think it's so fucked up because yeah, you can like, you can find someone when you have a child, and they can be a step parent. It doesn't mean they have to be that child's dad, but it doesn't mean you still have to be a single parent with a partner. Yeah, it's not a team. That's not how that's supposed to work. When you become a team, you also take on what the other person is taking on themselves. You figure out problems.

If there's a problem that one of you is experiencing, that's the whole beautiful thing about a relationship is if someone's going through something or needs help with something, you can be there for them. And then it's funny because at some point that'll flip and you'll need the help and they'll help you. It's the whole point. Team. Teamwork.

Teamwork makes the dream work. Has no one heard that before? Ugh. Well, we can't use that. That's unoriginal. No. God, this is shaping up to be an unhinged episode because this next story is also in that boat.

Okay. The sun keeps moving and it's starting to get me. Yeah. Shades, shades on. Oh, oh, okay. Yeah. I can still see my phone screen with the sunglasses on. Kill in the game.

Look at that. Don't it? It's like the live show, everybody. The first one. Oh my God. I did have shades that I rocked because I got a little drunk at the end there. That's right. I did not get too drunk on this live show, but like, I can't stress this enough.

Like, I think I was terrified to do another live show after like Austin because like people weren't really listening because they weren't there for us, but this was incredible. Like the reactions from everyone there and it made the entire show. So again, if you haven't seen it, get on and watch it. It's really good. Okay. So this one. Am I the asshole for taking my best friend to a wedding after my boyfriend invited his

children? I, female 30, have been with my boyfriend, male 33, for a little over a year, 16 months, exactly. Boyfriend has four children, 12 male, seven female, seven female, five male from a previous relationship. I met the children around our seventh month of dating after meeting their mom around month five. Biomom and I get along well.

I understand her concerns of being replaced and assured her I'm not trying to take her place in any way. On to the situation. About three months ago, I received an invitation to the wedding of a friend. I am allotted a plus one and naturally invited my boyfriend. We discussed the theme of the wedding. It's a cannabis theme, transportation because it's an open bar and a few other details. I also discussed these plans with my best friend, female 31, in case there was an emergency.

She is my support system as I am low contact with my family. Fast forward to the big day. After spending months discussing plans, boyfriend shows up to pick me up for the wedding with his four children in the back seats. I look at him with a confused look and ask him what's going on. Him. What do you mean? Me.

Why are the kids in the car? Did you forget you were picking me up for the wedding today? Him. I didn't forget. I just thought this would be a good family outing. At this point, my mind is blown and I am frustrated. I asked him why he thought that, seeing as how we discussed the plans. He said it's not a big deal.

They'll only be attending the ceremony. I inform him that my invite is for me and my plus one and not a plus five. And besides, nothing about this event is appropriate for children. He then says, okay, we can skip the wedding and just have a family day. I told him absolutely not and that his bad decision making was not going to be my problem. I sent him on his way, called my best friend, and two hours later, we attended the beautiful ceremony. Boyfriend sees this on Snapchat and goes ballistic on me.

How could I go without him? How could I replace him? How his children felt rejected? How I should have skipped the wedding for a family day? I waited until he ran out of steam and calmly told him that he made these choices. We had plans and he chose to try and change them last minute. That his changes were inappropriate and also not my problem. He called me an asshole and is refusing to speak to me until I apologize to him and his

children. He also wants an apology from my best friend for attending the wedding in his place. Am I the asshole? Oh man. This is exhausting. Why is he so weird? We're like six months in. Is that what the deal?

16 months in. Ah, still. Same thing, basically. That's almost a year and a half. That's a decent chunk of time. Right. But not too long to easily. Yeah, this is very concerning.

This is a red flag for the future. This is a heartbreaking tale of some, it's always fucking weddings. It's always weddings. I don't know what it is. Something about a wedding will always put you to the test. We've done pretty good at the weddings we've gone to together. That makes me feel good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think so. That makes me feel good. I think so. Well, not surprising though. I like your confidence in us. I mean, it's just so clear. I don't even know what to say about this because literally it doesn't make sense. It's a huge red flag.

I don't know why you brought your damn kids. That was dumb. Like, it's not a family outing. You're not married. And no, if you were married that I could see, because whose wedding is it? A friend of OP's. And it's not even his friend. Or best friend.

She's not in the wedding. She just has a friend. So it's a random ass wedding. Why would you ever think to bring the kids? And then why would you get mad when she's like, yo, what's up with this? Oh, no, let's go to a family day. That's another weird ass control and shit. This is weird, dude.

Yeah. Well, also like his oldest kid is only 12. And why would they even want to be there? They're going to be obnoxious. Well, and so it's probably like, she didn't specify, but like, what if it was a child-free wedding, and he's just going to bring four fucking kids? Do you have to specify that really? Or do you, as the guide, do you have to ask before you think to bring the kids?

Well, and I don't know. I don't remember how old I was when I figured out what weed was and marijuana being a thing. I have no idea, but this is a marijuana-themed wedding, a cannabis wedding, and an open bar. People are going to be blitzed. Even if it wasn't, even if there was no weed and no alcohol, it's still not the right choice. No. Why?

There's no reason for them to be there. So we have updates. You barely have enough reason to be there. Literally. So why are you bringing- You're the plus one, bitch. So you don't get to tack on more invites. But I'm the plus one a lot.

Just to like- But I feel like I'm friends with everyone's wedding you invite me to, basically. But I think the call, the right call was like, oh shit, this is fucked up. We're not coming to an agreement, and I have to go to the wedding. So I'm going to get my friend and we're going to go. And then him having a problem with it and then being mad at the friend. This guy is like immature. He's not ready for this.

I don't know how to do this for kids. I respect a guy that is taking care of four kids. What's 33 minus 12? But- 21. Yeah. He started having kids at 21, so he was a pretty young dad. Right.

So, listen, I'm not saying anything negative about the fact this guy is a young dad with four kids. I'm saying this guy's choices regarding bringing the kids. The kids are just like, they're just like the innocent victims and their dad's dumb decisions. Oh my gosh, you literally just tuted at our faces. That was deliberate. Get your head in the game and figure this out because this is not right.

It's just not. No. Imagine, too, you kind of reminded me that he wanted an apology from her friend. Can you imagine explaining to your friend, hey, my boyfriend sabotaged the whole day by trying to bring his four kids, but do you think you could still apologize to him because you took his place as my plus one in what world? And that's where it gets weirdly controlling and just does not make sense. And this is like weird immature young dude.

So the top comment on this one, not the asshole, his actions are selfish and bizarre. They show lack of understanding, maturity, and responsibility, possibly an insight into his divorce status. True. Oh, he goes, I wanted to ask his child's mother about the situation, but assumed that would be inappropriate. And so someone else goes, you might need to talk to her, at least to clarify stuff with her in case your boyfriend decides to paint you in a very inaccurate picture of you ditching

the kids last minute or something. That's tough, though, too, because from what I'm reading about this guy right now, if you start talking to her without him knowing, that's going to blow everything up. But I don't know if it matters at this point. I think it depends on the relationship. If you're in this situation, you're kind of being a step parent or you're dating someone with kids. I guess.

I do think if you have a good relationship, I think it is so beneficial to maintain open lines of communication and just be like, but then it's like, okay, your loyalty is to your partner. So it's like a fine balancing act, right? But I do think in this case, you could be like, hey, I just wanted to check in. Make sure the kids are good because blah, blah, blah, tried to bring them to a wedding with me. Make sure they're not feeling rejected and whatever.

God, it just feels so weird that you even have to do that. But I understand. Yeah. You shouldn't have to. Your partner shouldn't be this silly and like knuckleheaded. I don't know. Here is the update. Okay.

Finally talked to my boyfriend. I showed up to his house this morning at 5 a.m. because the silence was driving me insane. He works overnights and gets off at 4 a.m. So I knew he was up. And we discussed the situation. And he did apologize. Apparently he spoke to his children's mother and she ripped him a new one. She did text me this morning.

I don't think she thought I was up to try and help his case. Informed me that he didn't really grow up going to social events and the only wedding he's ever been to was family. Apparently they just show up with friends and family, whatever that means. She also thanked me for having common sense and not taking her children to a quote, fucking weed wedding. Yeah. And if she had known, she would have switched weekends with him or came with me herself,

LOL. Right. She told me to call her next time something like this happens. I just told her not to worry about it. Anyways, the conversation was productive. After he apologized, he explained that his babysitter, his sister fell through. She tested positive for COVID and he didn't know what else to do. He said he understood where he went wrong but was too embarrassed to admit this to me.

That was the red flag for me and she has like three emojis of them. I told him that I understood what happened and wished he had just talked to me. He told me it wouldn't happen again. I told him that he was correct. It wouldn't happen again because this would be our last conversation. Four days of not speaking really spoke volumes and the fact that he was too prideful to admit his fault didn't sit well with me. I also showed him the post and he got upset with me for sharing personal business with

strangers. I told him it really didn't matter at this point and he accused me of not considering his feelings. I took Reddit's advice and just left. Didn't say goodbye, just walked out and blocked him once I got to my car. My brain started to hurt at the thought of continuing the conversation, let alone the relationship. I just want to let you all know that I handled it the way it needed to be handled.

Thank you for the last two hours because I seriously thought I was wrong for how I spoke to him in front of his children. Hope everyone enjoys the weekend. I'm going to sleep now because this situation has been plaguing me for a week and I'm tired. Yeah, I like it. Cool. Why didn't he just say his babysitter fell through and he couldn't go anymore? That's the thing.

His character downfall. It's not even, yeah, it's that. It's the, I don't know how much I even believe that. Really? I don't know. It just sounds convenient. Maybe it's true. Let's say it's true.

Let's believe it's true. If that's true, then yes, 100%, you got to call and be like, listen, I'm kind of stuck with them. Would it be okay if they come? If they come, I know it's kind of weird, but since it's a cannabis thing and there's alcohol, maybe I'll stay home with them and you go with your friend. That's how it should have been. That's a mature adult.

That is a mature adult because at the end of the day, this wouldn't have been a big deal if he would have just said that to her. She would have understood. And then on the back end of all this, their follow-up convo still just doesn't get it. Doesn't get it. No, really doesn't get it. It's just so clear that it's like compounding on the fact that, yeah, he didn't call when the thing was happening and now he's following that up, improving that like, okay, there's

problems here. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you also, I know the ex-wife or whatever the situation was there. I know she's also trying to help, but it also, it kind of weirds me out to where it almost feels like she's trying to convince OP to forgive him and stay with him because she's just like, she knows how good OP is to her kids and all this stuff and I get it. But it's also not her mess to try to fix. No, but she called him out, right?

Yeah. She tore him a new one. So she knows a little bit of the vibe for sure, which maybe that is giving insight into that, this played into that divorce. For sure. Which is literally what one of the comments said. Yeah. And maybe she recognizes they've been together for a while and it's been working and maybe

she has enough heart for him and as the father of her children to say, you know, I want you to like end up happy. But I mean, at some level, you can't help someone do that. They're going to be their own downfall. So yeah, I think it ended how it kind of should have. Yeah. I didn't really see a happy ending coming out of this. I didn't either.

Either way, she would have been left with someone who was just too immature to admit their faults and not be like the bigger person in all of it. I don't know if I'm convincing any of you to maybe be horse people with me, but I hope so. Because look at, they're just like big dogs. They're just like big dogs. Chester, you gotta go away. You gotta go away.

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Head to MinkyCouture.com now and find your perfect blanket just in time for the holiday. Happy Memorial Day from Minky Couture. Okay. Wow. My butt hurts from sitting on this bucket. So I think we have one more outside with the pony and then we'll head inside. Okay. Not the asshole for taking the best friend at all, which was the original question.

Yeah. No. Pretty clear one. I know. I think I need to make a habit of doing that. Like going back to the original question to make sure that we stayed on track. I know. We're bad at that.

We're bad. We are bad, but it's okay. I just feel like sometimes it's so obvious. I'm just like, come on. Come on. I know. Okay. This one, this one's kind of fitting.

We are in Minnesota, obviously, and a big part of Minnesota is like going to people's cabins and like kind of lake life vibes, land to 10,000 lakes, you know? Yeah. Most people know someone with a boat or lake. It's more like 15,000 though. 16. Yeah. It's actually a lot more than 10,000.

Okay. And it also fits the unhinged theme, I think, that we've got going. So am I the asshole for expecting my girlfriend to pay for her stay at my family's cabin? My grandparents own a big old cabin where every generation after them enjoyed annual family vacations. Due to the cabin's age, there's constant maintenance that needs to be done. Every time we've replaced, fixed, or repaired something, there is another thing that needs fixing.

We've also started slowly renovating the cabin as the interior has become quite dated as well. These costs have become too much for my grandparents to handle alone, especially since their age means they can't do much of the work themselves, and they need to hire professionals instead. This has caused them to implement a fee system. The rule is as follows. Every person from the age of 20 years old needs to pay an annual fee to be allowed to stay at the cabin.

The size of the fee varies as it is calculated according to how many people plan on using the cabin and how big the upkeep costs were since the previous year. I've happily paid this fee ever since the rule was implemented and so have my parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Every summer, my extended family tries to find a weekend during the summer where most of our vacations overlap so that we can all meet at the cabin and catch up. I decided to invite my girlfriend along as I want to introduce her to this tradition. As she is someone I'm imagining spending many future summers at the cabin with.

She was ecstatic about the idea of meeting my extended family and going to the cabin, as she's very curious about it after hearing me talk about it a lot. Naturally, I sat her down and told her about the rule and how she needed to pay. As everyone else paid, and it was only fair to her to do so as well since she would be using the cabin when coming with me this year. This year's fee is around $200 to $400, depending on how many people use the cabin, due to a big roof leak and some pretty substantial water damage. The idea of paying this fee really upset her and we had a big argument where she concluded

with saying she would make other plans without me this summer. The rule is very simple and made completely fair on everyone. I don't understand why she thinks she should be exempt from it. My brother told me I should just pay her fee for her, as my extended family really would like to meet her. But I really don't think that's fair for me to pay double the fee when she's completely capable of paying it herself. Am I the asshole?

Uh, yeah, let's start with that, yeah. What the hell is going on here? Well, bye, Pony. Goodbye, Chrome. The whole fee thing is just kind of... What the hell is going on here? So the fee thing, the fee thing's a little interesting. That starts me first, but if the whole family agrees on something and it works for you,

cool. Yeah. It is what it is. I don't know in what world this would ever extend to a guest. Well, and that's the thing. And I know OP could argue, like everyone else, like the overall vote on this one was asshole. So people are like, dude, you're on hand, just as weird. But OP could argue, well, like she's not just a guest, she's my girlfriend.

She's going to be here all summer with me. All summer, they're finding one time to meet. By the sounds of it, yeah. They all pay every year to meet at this one place once, just rent a place. Well, that's like the where the girlfriend probably is, like, well, why am I not just renting my own place? Why am I not going on a weekend cabin trip with my friends? Why aren't they all?

Like tradition, sure. But this is just a pain in the ass. I don't mind it so much. But I think there needs to be other rules implemented. So like if everyone brings one guest up in the summer or whatever, like I get helping the grandparents to keep this amazing Lake Cabin thing of a tradition. Like I get that. Yeah.

Grandparents struggle. Let's help them. $200 a year. It isn't that much for a family, you know, each person, but it shouldn't extend to guests. And that's the point. Like, what if they broke up? Is she going to get her money back? No.

It just, it, ugh. Like give each person 10 guest passes a summer with their fee. It's not taking away or make the family member's fees a little higher and include guest passes. There's ways to work around this to where it's equitable for every family member. Yeah. Family member. Yeah. But no.

Yes, she's, yes. Family is what you make it. Until, until they said I do, like, then they pay the fees more. You know what I mean? Sure. It's still interesting to me, but yeah, I guess. But as it stands right now, what, I guess, damage or cost is she going to cause to the cabin going there one time besides a little bit of water, maybe some dirt on the floor.

Why is she participating in fixing the building? That'd be like if you go to an Airbnb and it's like, oh yeah, by the way, during this day, we all split this shit. So that'll be $200 on top of like, no. Kind of does sound like what Airbnb does though. They're fucking cleaning fees. All I know is it makes no sense. No, it doesn't.

And I'm not going to get to a place where I can feel like it makes sense because I don't even know how much the other part of it makes sense. Well, and I think if you do want to like, okay, this is a membership due. It's no different than being a part of a gym or a club with a pool in the summer with a YMCA or whatever, but then you prorate it because the girlfriend isn't enjoying every single day that the other family has access to. She's going for one weekend. She shouldn't even be considered.

She shouldn't. But if you do want to like make it fair, her fee would probably be $10 for a one night stay at this luxurious cabin with family. Right. But in what world, if when we, I don't know, how far in are they? I don't know if OP is specified. Okay. So assuming we're at least like a year in.

Yeah. It doesn't specify how long they were together. So imagine like a year in with me. If I tried to pull this shit on you. Oh, I'd be running. You'd be like, wait, what? No. I have to pay to come be a guest at your family's cabin that you, that you want to bring me

to. Yeah. It's obviously a red flag, obviously. Like I just, oh, I feel like these are all just laughable. This is like a comedy show today. People like are crazy though. People actually will look at themselves in these situations and think they're right. And I get, I do see a little where OP is like, this is the family tradition.

This is kind of what's done. Like. Misplacing it. It definitely, but like again, you need to prorate it because she doesn't get access. It's one thing if you want to say, Hey, you have access any day you want the rest of summer, if you pay, you drive up there even without me, you can go, you're welcome. Yup. That's one thing.

Even for one weekend, then you prorate that bitch and she gets the weekend for $10 or whatever the math is. You have 90 days in the summer, 200 divided by 90. What is that? Sure. I think it's, I think it's less about the, the situation of the cabin. It's $2. Let's say she's there for three days, $6 and 67 cents.

Right. So it's less about that and it's more about the dynamic between the two of them with her. I would agree. Just assuming like, Oh yeah, I'll just ask her for her cut of the yearly upkeep of this place she's going to visit one time versus just being like, Hey, grandma and grandpa and parents, you psychos. She isn't going to fucking pay because she's coming for a day.

And if that is like weird for you guys and you want me to pay a little extra, I'll take care of it. That's the proper response. But like, if someone would have said this to me, like if a boyfriend or girlfriend, anyone, even like my friends, like my best friends, if one of my best friends would have asked me for this money, I would have looked at them like they had three eyes or became a centaur. Like I would have lost my marbles.

Yeah, it feels like a prank. It does feel like a prank. Yeah. It really does. So some of the top comments on this one, you're the asshole. She's perfectly within her right not to want to spend $200 to $400 for a weekend at a shared broken down cabin. It's not her family's property.

She has no emotional attachment to it and she may never reap the benefits of fixing it up. Oh, hello, little lady. The next one. This, if she pays the fee and she only visits this one time and OP in her breakup, is she entitled to use it to the rest of her contribution? Right. You're the asshole.

She's your guest, not a family member who agreed to pay into the communal fund. Paying $200 to $400 to stay in a shitty cabin for a weekend with a bunch of strangers is just an absurd ask. Yeah, no, this is just weird. So someone goes, yeah, if OP had said like $20 to $50, I would have thought fine, but really OP should be footing the bill. This is her first time going, first time meeting the family. And he wants to charge her the annual fee.

Get the fuck out. If I was the girlfriend, I'd be seriously considering not just my holiday, but the whole relationship too. Thank you. That's it. That's the whole thing right there. So OP does have a comment though. Okay.

Guests at the cabin are usually limited to significant others and children who are friends of children in the family. The latter don't have to pay. Hence the age rule. Significant others over the age of 20 do have to pay. If she pays the fee, I guess she could technically use the cabin whenever. I don't see why she would though. And we've never run into that situation before, to be honest.

Yeah, it's just very, very weird that they almost feels like, I feel like if I went to this cabin, I would show up and in the bathroom, there'd be rules as to how to flush the toilet, how much toilet paper you can use, how many squirts of soap you can use. And it's probably one of those places where you have to bring your own body wash and shampoo and conditioner. There's definitely rules on the fridge that limit the amount of anything that you can take. There's probably limited outdoors time.

You only can have AC at a certain level or if on at all. Not past 72. I think you only get one towel for your stay and if it gets nasty, you can't grab another because that's an extra fee. I mean, this sounds like one of those things you sign up for, some like outing or something. And all of a sudden, it's like fee, fee, fee, fee, fee, and it's like, what? I think you show up to this cabin and there's probably just rules. Every door has rules and then maybe like a couple inspirational posters or something.

But that's the vibe. That's the vibe I'm getting here. I would say so. And you have to pay for parking. It's $45 a night. Oh my God, I could totally see them charging for parking actually. I bet they have assigned spots at this cabin, like dead as there's probably assigned parking spots.

Like rent things. Oh, the paddle boards? Yeah. Paddle boards aren't free. Paddle board rental costs $2 an hour. That shit ain't free. That's the vibe. Oh, you want to make a s'more?

S'mores ain't free. That's an extra $5. Yeah, and $100 to start the fire. Oh my God. This feels like it's an episode of Survivor or something actually. So OP does comment again and says, meeting the extended family is just a bonus. It is also something that she specifically has said she'd want to do. She has also said she loves the idea of the family gatherings at the cabin and was really

excited to go. It could have been so good. This could have been just so normal and good and just happy. I know. The fee can go up to $400, but likely won't as a lot of the family have confirmed they're going to go. Partners of my siblings and my cousins have all gone through the same thing. But this is the first time I've heard it's unreasonable to expect.

Waving the fee is out of the question, but based on the comments, I'll probably just pay her fee myself. Oh God. I don't think they get it. They don't see it. I have so many more comments I just want to read because it's providing us so much more insight. Okay.

I don't know how exactly the rule came about. It was announced and nobody objected to it and considered it fair. I myself am only planning on staying that one weekend with my girlfriend. Some people only stay for a couple of nights. Others stay for weeks. The fee is the same as it's up to each person to decide how much they want to use the cabin. The rule does not discriminate between partners and spouses. I don't see why it should either, as marriage doesn't necessarily signify a more committed

or stable relationship than one between two unmarried persons. Info. How many days per year can you stay at the cabin in exchange for the annual fee? Doesn't it make more sense to charge per night instead? It seems weird to rope your girlfriend into paying an annual fee for staying for just a weekend. OP. I can now see that the rule was perhaps not that well thought out.

You think? However, I didn't make the rule and I've never realized there were any complications with it until now. There is no allotted time you're assigned to use the cabin. The cabin is also big and can accommodate a lot of people staying at the same time. When there have been conflicts between people regarding who and when they can stay there, it's been resolved between them and I don't know the details of that. This is kind of weird.

Yeah, I want nothing to do with this. I don't either. Don't invite me to your cabin, OP. I'm good. I always wanted a friend with a cabin. I kind of prefaced the story where I was like, oh, Minnesota, a lot of people know people with a boat or a cabin and I actually didn't have any friends with houses on a lake or a cabin.

I just wouldn't feel comfortable. I wouldn't feel comfortable staying there. I'd just be worried about if I was getting my money's worth out of it or if I was going to incur any additional fees. It just feels like you're walking on eggshells. Yeah. And where are the hidden fees? Oh, I got makeup on your white towel.

Hidden fee. It just doesn't seem like a happy place and $200, like OP even said in one of the comments, he's only going the one weekend, $200 for a weekend. That's not like just a family fun vacation. That's the same weekend as like going to resort in pain. So I'm perplexed by this, but as long as it works for their family and the girlfriend doesn't get roped into it. Well, see, that's the thing.

If it, though I do find it odd, the situation with the cabin and the family, if it works for them and they all agreed on it, then that's great. That's fine. It's just the rest of this that gets really troubling. Well, we have a brewery to get to. Wild State Cider in Duluth, Minnesota. If you guys are ever in Duluth, it is really, really good and they have amazing ciders and pretzels and ice cream and just an overall vibe.

So we are off to meet up with some family and have some ciders and the rest of this episode will probably be completed indoors. Without this fucking bug. Yeah. I don't. It sounds like a phone alarm going off. I'm like very confused by it. I really hope it's not too loud in the mic.

I think it'll be okay. Okay. Bear with us, people. See you soon. Look where we're at. See you soon, guys. Replacement windows by Amsco Windows are masterfully crafted right here in Utah at prices you can afford.

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They are tucked in, eating hay, having a good night. They got their nails trimmed today, hooves trimmed, but, you know, I never knew that was a thing. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. It was like a file.

It's more of a file. Well, they clip it first and then they file it. Yeah. Yeah. So guys, we've had like the craziest day on the farm, like the craziest, craziest day. We have like pigeons in our barn, like a horde of pigeons, and we've been like trying to get rid of them for the past couple of years because they destroy the barn. There's pigeon poop everywhere, feathers everywhere, and like their poop is really toxic for the

horses, I guess. Yeah. It's no good. And messy. It's just messy. So messy. So, so, so messy. So we didn't want to kill them.

So today we spent some time rehoming pigeons. So we like caught them in the barn and then put them in a little box with hay and took them to the local zoo and let them loose. So they'll probably be back tomorrow because pigeons I've heard can find their way home. You know, I just want, I want to make the barn nice and have the wedding barn here someday. It's just time. They got to go. And I didn't, like we didn't hurt them.

They, we let them loose in an area that we actually saw two other pigeons at. So like. I wonder if they actually make friends or if they're like, nah. Don't make friends. I'll post a video of the pigeon pigeons, pigeon release on the YouTube. Yeah. So you guys will see them. They're really cute, but they just, they, they couldn't live on the farm anymore.

It was time. So continuing with the unhinged vibes. Of course. I don't know what I'm going to call this one. I think it's kind of like out in the wild or like. That's kind of cool. Who let the dogs out? Who let the pigeons out?

Who let the ponies out? Who let the ponies out? Come on now. So this is another box story, except we know what's in it this time. Yeah. But that's troubling because there's going to be a piece of it that maybe we don't know. No. I don't know.

It'll be good. So this was posted about a week ago in relationship advice. I got a fridge lock box and it's destroying my relationship. Some background. Boyfriend, 28 male and I, 25 female have been together five years, lived together three. Our relationship was great. Truly. We have a joint account.

We contribute to monthly to handle joint expenses, rent, groceries, et cetera. Everything else is split. Boyfriend is six, three, 200 pounds and works out daily. He eats a lot to keep up his calorie intake, which is fine except for this one issue. We buy snacks and he always eats my half before I can even get to it. Normal food and ingredients he's fine with. But if it's quickly accessible, I'll never get any. We argue he apologizes, rinse and repeat.

This is literally the only bad thing he's done. Seriously, in all other aspects of our relationship, he's respectful and considerate. Snacks are where all bets are off. Anyways, last week I lost it after he finished an expensive cheese we had gotten that I was really looking forward to eating. It was all gone after an hour. I lost my shit. I didn't speak to him for a day and ended up ordering a fridge lock box.

After our snack run a couple of days later, I divided each snack in half and locked mine in the lock box. From his reaction, you'd think I was murdering puppies. He said it was disrespectful and controlling and how dare I keep food that he paid for from him. When I reminded him my money went into it too, he screamed that he didn't give a fuck and then left. He slammed the door so hard, a picture fell off the wall and broke. He didn't come back until the next day, but that was to change for work and leave immediately. He came home late and went straight to the guest room.

Four days of this, I broke last night and asked him to please talk about it and he said that he had nothing to say to me until I got rid of the lock box. Honestly, I'm completely appalled at his reaction and I'm genuinely worried he might be on drugs or having a mental breakdown or something. This is the most irrationally I've ever seen a grown man react. He's ignored me only to randomly ask if I've gotten rid of the lock box yet. I am not getting rid of the lock box. We're supposed to renew our lease next week.

I'm considering cutting my losses and just leaving. Is this relationship even worth salvaging? Is there anything I can do to solve this? He is refusing to communicate unless I get rid of the lock box, which is not happening. Oh, okay. Well, it's very childish. Was it an am I the asshole one? No, just a relationship advice.

I got a fridge lock box and it's destroying my relationship. The things that are so difficult is when you try to talk to someone about something so many times. And they apologize and you think they understand it and just keeps happening again and again. What are you supposed to do? You could give an ultimatum, but that's kind of weird to end a relationship based on just the snack thing. Or is it not? Because at this point, the thing that sticks out to me is the reaction of book this, whatever, slamming the door. Like that's some kid shit.

Come on. In a relationship, it's just that stands out to me. And then the fact that it's going to be a hold out to really see like who can not talk to each other the longest. Like this is all so detrimental. None of this is positive. No. And so it's more, I think throughout this episode, it's been more the handling of the situation, almost more so than the situation itself. Because this one's pretty basic.

He eats all the stuff that you're hoping to share and that you mutually pay for. And yeah, it would be super annoying because that's the whole fun part of getting snacks is to be able to indulge and have those at your house when you get hungry. And just like, you know what? I'm going to watch some TV and have some snacks. Yeah, but he keeps eating all of hers. I'm saying for her, from her perspective, like that's why you get this shit. And for him, it's like, oh, I'm hungry all the time. I'm going to eat everything.

It's similar to the Oreo story that we had where the boyfriend ate all of the Oreos or something. And so she like licked them so he wouldn't eat them. Yeah. The food, food is really interesting because I think food precures a lot of weird problems for people. Oh my God. I am irrationally mad when I buy something that I'm really, really, really looking forward to. And I come home and find it gone. I, I'm the definition of hangry.

Yeah. Like I fully believe hangry is a thing. Yeah. It's like that Snickers commercial. That's me. Like you're not you when you're hungry and I'm a raging bitch. Like I'm so bad. I'm so bad.

So I get it. And she like doesn't get anything. Like she's spending also her money and then doesn't get any of the snacks. Yeah. And so I see the lock box is, you remember when the lady put salt in the cake? Was that on this show? Mm-hmm. You know, everyone, maybe people thought, I didn't read the comments.

Maybe people thought that was a little overboard, but I like the lock box because you're trying to prove a point. You're trying to find a way to make him understand because he's clearly not understanding. And so sometimes you might need to get the lock box and separate it. I don't know if it's a permanent thing, but it's more of like a, Hey, I've tried. I've been trying. You don't get it. You don't, at this point, you're not respecting me.

And the way you're reacting to this box, this lock box is making me literally consider the entire relationship. Yeah. Well, and I think, you know, it is, it is true. And I went kind of back and forth on this where I was like, I do think, you know, okay, if you have to lock up your food from someone so they won't eat it, that's kind of like, I'm like, it's a red flag on both their parts. Like, is it immature that she's doing that versus having a conversation, but she says,

She's tried. She's tried and it's lather rinse repeat. He still does it. So then I kind of agree with you where the lock box and like making a point like that maybe is constructive because he's then going to realize how often he's going to try to eat her food. Right. Because now it's unattainable.

So now it's like, Oh, I want more snacks. I'm going to go, Oh, oops. Yeah. It's in the box. I'm going to like teach him like, Oh, I am eating her food a lot. I am disrespecting her a lot. I am going over, but I was going to say when you were talking about his reaction earlier, I kind of think about this a lot and I, I, it always comes to my mind and it's like Sir

Isaac Newton's like law of motion where it's like every action has an equal but opposite reaction. And when the reaction doesn't like line up with the action and it's blown out of proportion or it's over the top immature, crazy. That's a red flag. Like that's an issue. And for him like slamming the door to where a picture frame falls off. Childish.

That's scary. That's you're almost threatening your partner by that like violence. And I know it's violence against a door, but that's how people start. They start by punching holes in the walls. Well, and still that's just not fun to be around. He wants to be around someone like that forever. Another thing is too. Why don't we try and maybe have him separate from you, buy a shit ton of extra food.

If he's the one eating that much, then maybe you don't, you guys don't need to go mutually buy all of your snacks. Maybe it works for the meals you're going to plan and that kind of thing. Yeah. Go buy your own snacks and then you don't need to feel so territorial over all the food on either side because you're controlling your own stuff, which maybe then he would finish all of his extra stuff and then still eat it. And then it's just like, dude, I don't want to live like this forever.

So either let's figure this out or I'm done and the lease is coming up. So great timing. I know it was interesting that she kind of points that out where she's like our renewed our lease renewal is supposed to be next week. That's how serious she's considering cutting my losses and just leaving. Well, it's because he's been a holdout. Who doesn't talk? I mean, sure, all of us in early relationships in high school and whatever, we went through

that phase where it's like, I'm not going to talk to you. I'm not going to talk to you either. And then you go like three days and you just like build all this intensity up and it just, we've all learned that doesn't do anything positive. So we don't do that anymore in healthy relationships, but you go through that period. But I cannot imagine for with a circumstance as silly as this, not talking to you for four days. Even when we live together, imagine I just come home, we would be stonewalling is such

a bullshit. Yeah. Top comment on the original. So what I'm seeing is that he isn't even a little sorry for pilfering all the snacks. If he were, he'd stop. Now it seems the man child is pitching a full on temper tantrum because you pushed back. Instead of saying, yeah, I'm kind of being a jerk. I can understand why you do that.

He doubles down on his selfish behavior by pulling a silent treatment and this toxic temper tantrum. This is more than a food issue that's been kicked over. It's control and a deep seated selfishness. I would bet you a dollar and a donut that if you start rummaging around, you'd see there is a lot more of selfish behaviors that you just don't fight back on. Yeah, I could see that for sure. You ready for the update? Oh yeah.

Hey guys, I don't know if anyone wanted an update, but here it is. Can I predict? A lot happened. I'm kind of leaning towards the cut it at the least. That's where I'm leaning. So we'll see. Okay. Boyfriend kept staying out late and refusing to talk.

So I tried to talk to my boyfriend about the lockbox again and I mentioned that I didn't think the lockbox was the real issue, but he was a brick wall, insisted that it's abusive and controlling to deny him food. I kept pushing, asking if he was on drugs or cheating. I said him flipping out over something so small and staying out at all hours was suspicious as hell. I said that I thought he was using the lockbox as an excuse to be out of the house doing something bad.

Me saying that unleashed an hours long screaming tantrum that ultimately resulted in him throwing my Mac book against the wall and shattering it. Yep. True colors. Honestly, I really thought he was going to hurt me. So yeah, called my dad who called the cops. I don't want to get too into the legality of it, but I'm pressing charges for the destruction of property.

It was a $2,500 laptop. Yeah. Dad and my godfather moved me out yesterday and I'm now looking for a new place. I don't have a lot except for clothes and a couple of kitchen appliances. I left the lockbox but took the snacks with me because fuck him. I left it locked too. Ex-boyfriend has been spamming me. I'd block him, but I feel like I need this for evidence in case his behavior escalates.

I texted him the first night that we are done, took our photos down, everything. He began ranting at me. Some jumps. Raging about how I still didn't get rid of the lockbox, asking for stuff he gifted me back, telling me I owe him money and rent for his new place, that I owe him a car. I have no idea why he would say this. I have never even driven his current car. That my MacBook was old and worthless and he wouldn't pay for a new one.

I bought it last year, brand new. After about an hour, I guess he realized that we were actually broken up and he couldn't bitch me down anymore. Then came the paragraph about how he was going to marry me. He loves me. He wants to be better for me. That I can keep the gifts and he'll buy me a better MacBook. He freaked out overseeing I took our pictures down from our shared place. He then started sending me screenshots of his Google searches of engagement rings and telling me to pick one.

He also sent a couple voice messages of him just sobbing. Any respect I had for him as a person is just completely gone. I want nothing to do with this man. I don't care if he's having a breakdown or on something. He's not my problem. I screenshotted his messages and forwarded them to his mother. She can deal with her son. That's the most I'll ever do for him again.

As for me, I'll be okay. I have some savings, so taking on full rent for a place as well as deposit and fees won't be too much. This has been a weird week. I feel like I should be sad, but like I said, I lost all respect and don't feel anything but disdain for him. My parents have been buying me my favorite comfort snacks and being super supportive. They're gently pushing for therapy and I think it's probably a good idea. I'll start my search once I'm getting settled in my new place. Yeah.

I mean, it's the story we've seen play out so many times. It's so classic. The still trying to control be mean, say terrible things and then realize, oh wait, no, it's over. Oh, I'll do this and this and this. The engagement ring. What is that? Oh man. It's just manipulative.

Some guys are just so... Oh, it's just like... That is what abusers do. Once they know you're out of their control, they flip and they become the most loving, remorseful. I'm so sorry. This guy is just... I love you. I want to spend my life with you.

You're my soulmate. No. A lot of people do think that they've changed and they go back in. It takes, on average, it takes seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. I know. And thank God she was able to get out on the first one. But it's so wild to me that he went this off the rails out of like after five years. Five years of being together and three years living together and this just fucking set him off.

How can someone change like that? And that's why her comment where she's like, are you on drugs? Are you cheating? Are you having a mental breakdown? Like what is going on? Yeah, because you would have seen something. You would have seen something. You would think.

Yeah. Five years and this... Well, that's not even like... A lot of times I think people say you need to live with someone because it really... You really see how your dynamic is when you live with someone. And they did for three years. So they knew what living together was like. It's just crazy that it's interesting how when you're in a relationship and you view

everything as being so perfect and you try to take little, what seemed little problems and just push them away like, oh, everything's so great. You know, no one's perfect. So this might be the one little flaw and you try to make it this little thing because you like what you have. Yeah. And then you don't realize how big of a problem that actually is. And I think that's what happens as you start to go through more relationships is you're

like, no, this is like, this is a problem. This is a big problem which got greatly exposed. I just like... And I knew him slamming the door and like all of that I knew that was going to escalate. And that's why I said like, it's scary. Like, yeah, okay. He abused property and not her, but like that is so scary. She didn't said it.

Yeah. She was scared to get hurt. Oh, no, the second time, but like even just the door slam on the first fight, like, obviously he escalated things even further by throwing the computer at the wall and shattering it. And then like... That's next level. I would be terrified. Someone yelling at you relentlessly for hours on end.

I don't know how the neighbors didn't call the cops. Psycho. He is deeply troubled. I really wonder what's going on here. But top comment on the update. I actually LOL'd when I read that you left the lockbox empty but still locked. Fuck him indeed. Yeah, good move.

I like it. I love that for her. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter.

Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Okay, moving along.

This person. We've had some wacky wedding ones. I love the wedding stories. Am I the asshole for not wanting strangers in the background of my wedding pictures? I, 24 female, recently had my wedding on the beach of a beautiful hotel in Cancun. Many of my friends and family could go, so I was very happy. The only problem was, during our ceremony, there were people on the sea playing or doing jet ski activities. It really bothered me because they would appear in the background, so I told my wedding planner about it,

and she was very understanding and said she would fix it. Well, when she talked to the owners of the activities and to the people in that area of the sea, we expected them to be kind and nice, but they just declined and continued. I even took the time to go myself and ask them to stop, but they didn't care. I was about to go and tell someone from the hotel, but my now husband stopped me and said it would be an asshole move to do that. I told him standing up for myself wasn't an asshole thing to do and went looking for hotel staff, but they said there was nothing they could do. When I returned, my husband was moody, and I wonder if it really was an asshole thing to do.

Am I the asshole? Well, so essentially, nobody owns that sea, right? So there's no way you can tell someone, hey, you have to stay out of here. There's no way to actually control this. What are they going to do? Go put out buoys and say, this is a no-go zone. Listen, Photoshop, even my grandma could Photoshop these people out. Probably. Photoshop these days with people in water are distant in the background.

So easy. It's so easy. It's like one little click. So go through your wedding photos, pick out your favorite ones, ignore the backgrounds. It's so easy to make these people disappear. It's not like they're popping in behind you like, oh, like popping in shit right behind you. Literally giving the bunny ears. They're out in the water and shit.

This is so easy. So are you an asshole for making it a big deal and being like, these are my photos and no one should be in the background? Yeah, it's kind of an asshole vibe. She sounds like a Karen. It's like, dude, it's going to be fine. And it comes with the territory. What did you expect? You're in Cancun.

Literally tourist city. That's like trying to say, yeah, I'm taking my wedding photos here in Times Square. Can everyone just move? It's like, no, what? And you're not, the other asshole thing is trying to ask the activity people to like either stop or move the shit, which this is like, I think those people out there, this is their bread and butter. Like they can't miss clients out there. No. They have to keep doing their thing.

Well, and if that was such a big concern for her, you're having a wedding in Cancun. I can't imagine that's cheap. Pay for the two hour rental during that window. So none of them are rented. It's fine, but still it's granted. If they had 20, that's a little expensive. But the Photoshop, there's an auto tool now that can auto fill those parts and you would never know or you could hire the kid down the street to do it. That's a graphic designer.

Yeah. It would cost not much money at all because it's literally the simplest thing. It is wild. Top comment on this one. You're the asshole. Get married in a public place. Be prepared to deal with the public. I rented jet skis in Mexico once.

We had an hour and we're limited to a very specific area between two buoys. True. I'd have kept going too because I paid for that hour and it wasn't cheap. Info. Did you rent out the entire sea? Yeah. Very, very Karen vibes for me. Yeah.

It's your wedding day, but you don't own the whole resort and the beach and the water. Be realistic. When you were scoping resorts and places for your wedding, did you literally look at that and think it was going to be empty? Right. You literally have to be a president or prime minister for that area to be cleared. Yeah. Maybe if you got up at 5 a.m. and no one's there. Another strategy.

Like, but that's not going to happen. No. OP does comment on it too and goes, it wouldn't have taken more than just two hours. If someone else asked me that, I would do it. Really? I highly, highly doubt that one. No, you wouldn't. I paid for this.

This is mine. You don't own this. Oh my God. That's the most ridiculous comment ever. So, so well, there's more though. Like, I don't, this is like in response to someone, but she goes, because the hotel helped me plan my wedding and it wouldn't have been the whole ocean, just the visible area in my pictures. Which is pretty big. Someone replied and goes, if you wanted your pictures to look like you were in a private location, you should have gone to a rented private location.

Yeah. Someone else goes, you're the asshole. You can use either Photoshop to take them out or there's a new app called Pixel Cut that does that very well also. But get married on a public beach, others are going to be around. Yeah. And OP just responds, thank you. Oh. Yeah.

Oh. Oh. Hmm. Okay. One last quick one. Okay. Am I the asshole for using the name my ex-girlfriend had planned to use for her future daughter? Years ago, I cheated on my ex, Natalie, 28.

I was 21 at the time, dumb and just a bad person, and I still carry around a lot of guilt and regret for what I did. We still share friends from those days and she's doing well. It doesn't make it easier, but she's successful and I'm proud of her. I ended up getting married to the girl I cheated with, Kate, 25. Natalie and I thought we were going to get married and had talked about kids' names. There was a girl's name that was special to her. She was adamant to name her daughter at one day. It wasn't anything crazy or unique.

It's a pretty common name. We also had a little joke surrounding it. When Kate and I discussed names for our daughter, a name similar to Natalie's special name came up, and I thought of the joke we had. Just reminiscing, I said the name out loud. Kate repeated it and her face lit up. I didn't think anything would come of it. I really thought she'd change her mind for the 25th time and that would be that. But she indeed named our daughter this name.

I was kind of taken aback, but the more I thought of it, the less I cared. I needed to stop associating it with Natalie and start associating it with my wife and first child. It became easier until three months later, now, word got around through shared friends that I was further hurting Natalie. Once she heard I had a daughter and found out the name, she expressed to friends it was painful because we had chosen that name because it was special to her and this was just salt on that old wound. Kate was livid, I didn't tell her. My friends are pissed and blaming both of us, and I feel just as guilty as I once did. At the same time, it's a very common name. So Reddit, give it to me.

Am I an ass? Thanks for telling us the name. Of course, that's going to be the comment. Well, yeah, it's kind of fucked up. It's weird. It's just creepy, almost. I mean, no one owns a name, but this is just, you didn't have to. This is fucked up.

No, and you know how special that name was to her. She's adamant about naming a future child that name. And you literally made a joke with your new wife that you cheated on her with using that name as the joke. Yeah, no. And then he's trying to say, oh, I need to stop associating it with Natalie. So it's like, every time you look at your daughter, But every time he looks at his daughter, do you think about your ex-girlfriend then? Yeah.

Like, what do you mean? Well, it's not like I don't see him being hung up. Maybe, I don't know. I more just see it as dumb dude who literally just can't help but keep making mistakes. I don't know how guilty you think you feel. You might think you feel guilty. Yeah. But if you really did feel guilty, you'd have a better head on your shoulders and think through this one a little better.

This guy sounds like a boxer ox. I would agree with that. One of the top comments, you're the asshole. It sounds like the name meant a lot to Natalie and it was yet another thing you took from her. Yeah. You had ample chances to stop Kate from keeping the name and telling her the honest reason why. Once Kate finds out, she'll probably be mad too. Someone goes, oh, he says Kate is livid.

So yep, you're right on the money with that take. That is the other point. Which, yeah, I would be so annoyed if you named like our kid after an ex-girlfriend or like after an ex-girlfriend's name that she wanted. Right. Weird. It's almost like you're still harboring a flame, which he kind of does say and like, I know you can be happy for people and their success, but he does kind of say like, she's really successful and I'm so proud of her.

It's like, leave her alone. Yeah. That also too could just be him trying to pump himself up a little bit more in this writing. And sound like a better person. Because he knows, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. That would make sense.

Yeah. That's why I'm just like, are you guilty or are you just trying to appear guilty? And it's just not like, why would you want to start all this on that? Well, and you already heard her. It's so unnecessary. You literally, the two of you like already hurt her and then to hurt her further. And he's just slimy when he knew that she was being serious about using the name. To say it, I can't believe you didn't.

No. So there's a couple of comments and a couple of responses from OP. One of them goes, I have to think about her and what I did to her for the rest of my life. It was thoughtless. I harbor a lot of guilt for it. With the name, I actually stopped thinking of Natalie in association with it. Oh, good job. It was odd the first week or so, but I quickly realized the name belonged to my daughter,

shared by my wife and I, not my ex. And then another response from OP. Honestly, my wife had never had much sympathy for Natalie. We dated before Natalie, remained friends and rekindled. To her, everything was just meant to happen. Okay. Yeah. They're made for each other.

You still don't have to fucking cheat. I knew your relationship. Oh, God. Yeah. This person just sounds not bright. Mmm. Softish. It's not a lot there.

Softish, not working with a full deck of cards. So what's the name? I don't know, it doesn't say. But it doesn't matter. Like even if it's a common name, Katie, Sarah, Ashley. It's like, what's in the box? What's the damn name? Like, come on.

I know. I do want to know. Just to know. I know. It's not going to impact our opinion. Just to know. Just to know. Because maybe we'll use that name.

I don't know. Once we read this Reddit story and heard this name. Yeah. I love the idea of having a really, really, really Scandinavian name since like last name Thunström. I just think it would be so cool. Like I love the name. That's cool.

It's so cute. I love it. Don't steal my name, y'all. Yeah, it's risky actually. Risky saying that. Maybe we'll have to bleep it. Yeah. So sorry.

Guess in the comments or give me some other Scandinavian name options in the comments. I mean, Justin can start adding them to a list. That's not a pregnancy announcement, by the way. But yeah, this was a good episode. Lots of crazy stories. I'm still like unsure of the title. I'm still waiting for like honey to come up right behind me. Oh my God.

I missed the ponies. So fun. Yeah. Also, let me know what you think about us recording with the horses. We do kind of want to record another one at Justin's house on the lake this time. But yeah. How about an episode on the ponies? Oh my God, that would be so fun.

Can you imagine? Yeah, we should. And we're just like walking around. We'd have to put like a GoPro on our heads, our faces to show our faces. Oh, the helmet one? Yeah. But I would love to hear like where you think we should record an episode. I met someone that worked for an aquarium in Long Beach.

And I was like, hey, podcast episode at the aquarium. So the audio would be so bad. The audio would be trash. The audio would be really, really bad. But let us know where else you'd love to see us record and hope you liked this one. Yeah. I had a good time. Also, also, also don't forget if you haven't listened to the live show yet.

You have a couple more days to buy a ticket on Moment House. So try it. I've posted some of the little like clips from it on Instagram. And it was amazing. You guys like truly one of the most fun experiences. The stories were insane from like biological siblings separated at birth dating to a dad asking his daughter to be his surrogate. Yeah.

I mean, the stories hit for this show. They're so good. And the crowd reaction and hearing that, it was like nothing. It's a whole different experience for sure. It's a whole new world. So moment.co.tht if you want to get tickets. Otherwise, the link will be in the description. And I think that's it now.

So. Okay. Until next time. Until next time. Bye guys. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye.