Two Hot Takes - 79: Wounds Deeper than the Mariana Trench..

Episode Date: September 1, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren! These stories all relate to a common them of deep wounds or events that could be a bit traumatic. We wore special hats this episode and the weirdness rubbed off on us.. apologies ahead of time! Also last story really is a cryer so be careful y'all!!! Partners: Draft Kings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app promo code: THT (Disclaimer in notes below) Upside: Download the FREE Upside App and use promo code: 2hottakes Little Spoon: Littlespoon.com promo code: THT50 Lumi Labs: Microdose.com promo code: THT Patreon // & BONUS CONTENT https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Disclaimer: If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800- GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1- 800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/footballterms

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I think so. After my saved folder is just pooping the bed, but I think I'm good. We're starting? I don't know if I'm emotionally prepared. Okay. Hence the emotional support animals. There is at least five times sitting here

that I wasn't sure if we were starting. I know, it was like a tug of war back and forth. Okay, I'm ready. Not working. I was like, so how's your day? Just to have small talk? She's like, bad. Like, cool, good talk.

No, it just has been a really, really busy day. I overcommitted myself, and I've just been running in circles, taking calls, taking meetings, preparing stuff. It's just like nonstop. I'm also, on nights that episodes come out, I have a really hard time falling asleep. So I post the episode around midnight,

and then I still don't go to bed until 4 a.m. And then I wake up at 10 a.m. to make sure nothing is wrong with the episode. Most days it is, there's a glitch in the audio. So it's just- How was it today? There was like a little issue with an ad I recorded, but audio was fine.

So I was like, oh, it's fine, no one's gonna notice. Yeah, no one's gonna notice. It's all good. Nice. I don't know why I decided to do this theme after having such a rough day, because the theme I have for you today is Deep Wounds. Okay.

They're just stories that I just like, I didn't really have a theme for, but I knew I liked, and I was like, well, overall there seems like there could be some trauma that stems from this. So Deep Wounds it is. Okay, let's do it. Let's dive in. I just need like five seconds to like,

apparently if you Superman pose before you do something important, it sets you up for success. I've heard that like a decade ago, is that still true? Yeah. Apparently you will like perform better on a test and everything. I just watched a bunch of Spider-Man movies.

Okay. And I've never watched the last one with Tom Holland. Yeah. What? There's like three with Tom Holland. I didn't even know that. Oh yeah, there's been so many Spider-Man remakes. Honestly, the last one was really good.

I love how they tie it all together. I gotta watch. You didn't watch? No, did you just give me a spoiler? Fuck you, Lauren. It's fine. Okay, up first. How did this only get 301 upvotes?

I'm shocked. Oh, because it sucks. Like they're an asshole. Am I the asshole? Way to give it away. Well, you're gonna know right away. Just based on the title. Okay, let's hear it.

Am I the asshole for suggesting my pregnant sister should put her baby up for adoption? My 31 female, sister, 27 female, was married to A for three years. Prior to their allotment, they were on and off for about four years. Because of their unstable relationship, my sister never introduced him to our family

until they were married. I'm trying to fight the young. Our family is very tight-knit and traditional. So with this late introduction, me and my family never formed a close bond with brother-in-law and our relationship was strained because of it. About a month ago,

my sister called me and told me that brother-in-law was in the ICU at the hospital, being treated after he was hit by a drunk driver. He unfortunately passed a few days after and my sister was understandably devastated. My sister held a funeral for brother-in-law and my parents graciously offered to cover the cost of the funeral and burial.

A week after the funeral, my sister didn't show up to my mother's 60th birthday party, which was odd since she helped me and my brother, 34 male, plan the party. I went over to her house after the event was over to check on her and found her place a mess. There was takeout boxes and trash spread

around the entire kitchen and an entire sink full of dirty dishes. I offered to help clean since my sister was in a rough state. While I was cleaning, she began to tell me that her and brother-in-law had been trying to conceive for the past year and were unsuccessful,

but she was late and decided to take a test today and it came back positive. I asked her if she was sure and she said she was confident and that she was going to schedule an appointment with her doctor. I told her not to get her hopes up until the doctor confirmed the results with her.

For the past few weeks, I hadn't heard anything about my sister's quote, pregnancy. So I thought it was a false positive and that the signs were just from the stress of her loss. Today, during our Sunday dinner with our parents, my husband and brother and sister-in-law and their kids, my sister announced that she was pregnant. My parents were shocked to say the least

and my sister-in-law immediately began congratulating my sister. After the dinner, I asked my sister if we could talk in private and brought her away from the rest of the family. I expressed my concerns to her and asked if she was truly prepared to be a mother right now,

if she can't even take care of herself. My sister got mad at the comment and said I have no right to comment on how she chooses to grieve and that her baby is the last piece of her late husband. I asked her if she was truly prepared to be a single mother, even though it would ruin any chance of her moving on since no man wants to date a single mom.

I suggested that she should put the baby up for adoption so that it could be in a healthy, stable home with two parents. She stormed off and told the rest of my family what I had said to her. My family thinks that I'm the asshole and my husband thinks I should have chosen a better time to talk to her about this.

But I don't really think I am the asshole for trying to protect my sister. She is still so young and she shouldn't have the burden of taking care of a dead man's child alone. Jesus, how heartless. That's great that she thinks she's protecting her sister but I don't, how do you think that you have the right?

Like this is not your life. And you, this just blows my mind. Isn't it just like wild? The things that run through some people's heads. I always think about that. I always think about how like differently their neurons are firing to like make them behave this way

and say this stupid shit. Right. And if anything, if she was worried about her sister not being able to process things correctly because she's grieving and she wanted to look out for her sister, then she could say like, hey, like I just wanna make sure that you understand

like all of everything I wanna talk through this with you, like how can I support you? Like, you know, it's gonna be hard. Are you prepared? Like, you know, how can I help you? Yeah, that's what fucking family is for. But to be like, you know what? You should consider adoption.

So you're gonna force her to be pregnant for nine months. Go through labor and then just give the baby up. Absolutely not. Why would she put herself through that? So there is another Reddit story that I have found. And it is a very similar situation. And the woman lost her husband in an accident and decided to have an abortion.

And like, she just didn't want, she couldn't do it alone. She was so heartbroken over the loss of her husband, she didn't wanna do it. But like, she's excited. She said she's excited and happy. Right. So why even bring that up to her? Yeah.

Also like her not showing up to the mom's birthday party a week after, that's totally acceptable. Yeah. And like, oh, there's takeout all over the house. Her husband died a week ago. At least she's eating. Oh my God. Yeah, I forgot that it was that.

That is insanity. A week. How can you, to even judge anyone slightly at that point in their life, like, who are you? And I agree with you, at least she's eating. This is crazy. I would hope like, I know I would just be a mess in this like, I just can't even think,

I can't even put myself there. So it's just like, I would be catatonic. Yeah. I would be completely just out of my mind in Spain. You would have to, I need a padded room. Yeah, I really do. And I don't mean that lightly. Like, I definitely want a padded room.

Yeah. I soundproof, just give me, I wouldn't give a fuck what anyone in the world thought about me while I'm grieving that. That's insane to have the people that are closest to you come into your home and then judge you for it and decide that you're unfit to be a mother. Absolutely not.

No. I don't even know how I would be able to, I don't know how my relationship would be able to come back from that. I don't think I would. And it sucks, cause it's like, it seems like she's, her intentions are in the right place. Maybe, because she's like, I'm trying to protect my sister,

but no, just no. What would you do in that situation, by the way? Like, or what do you think you would do? You obviously don't know, but like if you got pregnant with your husband and then he passed away, would you wanna keep the baby? If it was like... Yeah, because I don't think, like, yeah,

I had, you know, Jerry, my dad in my life, but like my mom for the most part was a single mom. That's how she, that's how we operated. And my dad moved back to LA when I was still in middle school. So we operated like with a single mom. I don't think any family needs two parents to be whole and happy and have like healthy, happy children.

I agree. So that to me is just like, that's not... That's not a reason at all. I completely agree. And I'm more so meant, like, would it be too hard for you, the grieving aspect, like you said, with the other woman? I think that might be like,

the only thing that would keep me going. Right, and I think that's how I feel like my brain would go too. Yeah, and I think, I think like, I think it, honestly, I don't know. I feel like this one would be 50-50 and like, I... I feel like it would save my life. It would save me from just like wanting to die.

Yeah, I can find that other story quick and like maybe read a blip of it just to like explain her reasoning of why she chose the other route. But I think like, honestly, people would be really like, maybe 50-50 on that of like, which way they would go. But... No, I don't, I totally understand too.

Like I'm not, I don't think it's crazy to go the other route. That's why I asked you what you would, what you think you would do. Yeah, it's so crazy to even like think that way. Cause like, I obviously I'm not, I don't think I'm pregnant. But I don't know, I just, I, it's hard to rationalize any like concept of that right now,

but I would probably, especially if we were trying, actively trying for a baby, which she was, she was struggling with infertility issues. But I like thought about it too, when I, when we were just talking now, and I was like, in my head, I'm like, nothing in life is guaranteed. You could be married,

you could have three kids with someone and all of a sudden they could get cancer and be gone in a month. You still have three kids like all on your own, regardless of like nothing in life is guaranteed. It's so unpredictable. So I'm sure she'll, if she wants to move on and love someone else down the road,

being a single mom, isn't going to stop someone. Yeah, the right person. And if that's what you want to follow your heart first and foremost, and then the person that loves you will be able to fit into that. You don't just like give your baby up for adoption because you think it's going to be harder to date. Like that's not a good reason.

I mean, if you want to, like, cool. But if you, if someone's telling you that you should, so that you can date, fuck that. Fuck those societal norms. No. It's total bullshit. I'm trying to find that one story too, about the woman who

dramatically lost her husband. And it was something really weird where the sister was mad about her getting an abortion because the sister wanted to like adopt her baby or something. But she was like, no, I can't do this. But in the meantime of trying to find that one, there's another post from three years ago, would I be the asshole for getting an abortion

after my husband dies? And basically they've been trying to have a baby for two years. They just found out recently that he has pancreatic cancer. He's permanently bedridden and very clearly sick. And so she doesn't want to be a single mother and doesn't think she can support a child

on my own while grieving so much. Yeah, I mean, that's her choice. I know, and I completely see both sides. I completely see needing to just like curl up in a ball in your own grief and not get out of bed for a month and just fade away for a little bit. I don't know if I would shut down

or go so like, I need to get away. I need to travel. I need to be busy. I don't know what way I would go. I think I might shut down. I mean, actually, I don't know. It's hard to say. It's so hard.

But I think I would do the catatonic route, like I said earlier. I think I would really like, cause I just get really blue and I just like sit in my bed for days and just like on Monday, I think it was Monday. Yeah, definitely Monday. I have this app on my phone I've been playing

and I literally sat in bed all day. Woke up at noon, played Peggle for a little bit, went to, took a nap, played Peggle some more, went to bed. I like couldn't convince myself to move. And I think that it's good sometimes to be able to just let yourself be lazy and not feel guilty about it.

Because one thing that's really annoying is when I'm like, this is what I want right now, but I'm feeling guilty the entire time. Like I want a Sunday of just watching movies, being by myself, but I feel like I feel guilty and it's annoying. It's just like, no, I don't need to feel guilty if this is what I want, if this is what I need,

if this is making me happy, then this is what I'm gonna do. Like there's no wrong or right way. Like, yes, being productive is looked at as great. I know this one girl who went through a breakup. I was like, damn, good for you. Because she went through a breakup, she was like, it was so miserable. And then she ended up running a marathon

and like getting promoted twice in work and like making so much money and just like traveling. And I was just like, this is amazing. She's just doing all these like, she's like, yeah, I channeled all of my morning into activities, like good for you. I just want, that's a productive way to deal with it. I think that's amazing.

And like, I'm like that after a breakup, like after a breakup, I need to stay busy. I cannot be left alone. Cause I'm like, it's not that I'm gonna like reach out or text them or like anything like that. It's just like, I just need to like keep moving in that sense. Cause it's like.

I need a little bit of time to myself. Cause I feel like I'll, if I, if people like push me to go out like or do something, I feel like dead weight sometimes. That's okay though. I'm just like floating on the universe. And I'm like, I shouldn't be here. I don't belong.

Just taking up space. But sometimes it's okay to take up space. Like the last time when I was really sad about something, I went to a plant nursery with a friend and I was literally just like, what am I doing here? So he gave me home. Oh my God. You couldn't even handle plant shopping.

And I love plant shopping. Oh my God. Well, top comment on this one. Even if she hadn't said such a horrible thing, she would still be a truly terrible sister. What kind of quote, tight knit family isn't regularly checking up on their sister slash daughter after a traumatic loss like that.

So true. And then once she sees her sister is struggling like crazy, doesn't check up on her again until weeks later. Opie's definition of tight knit is clearly wonky as fuck. Terrible asshole. Terrible asshole. Someone goes tight knit and traditional. Is a totally different animal than simply tight knit.

Traditional means we are nice to you when you behave. Ooh, I love that. Wow. We are nice to you. My sister says this about certain people. Yeah. There are certain people in the world that they will love you and they're so nice to you

as long as you're doing what they like. The minute that it's something that deviates from exactly like their preference, the way that they wanna talk about anything that's going on in the world, they don't like you anymore at all. So that whole traditional comment, I love that. That's insanity.

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oh God, I forgot this was over here. That could have been bad. Yeah, like I want this like here, but then I also want to run me. Also, if you are watching on YouTube today, Lauren and I are wearing animal hats. Obviously, as we said, for emotional support, those of you that are listening,

you probably wouldn't know that until now, but I'm wearing a horse because of course, and Lauren's got a little ram on, which like lambs are my favorite too. And then we have these Bigfoot earrings on our glasses. We're using them as like, I don't know what you call this, drink decorations. What do you call them usually though?

They make them for like wine glasses. Wine glass decorators. God, what are they called? Ornaments, wine ornaments. That sounds really good. Yeah, something like that. So this is from an amazing artist, a listener that sent them our way.

Redlyn Creative. She has an Etsy. Turia, thank you so much. We love them and we're using them as our like other little mascot today. So thank you. Okay, now moving along. Am I the asshole for not choosing

to spend my birthday with my kids? I, female 37, am a mom of four kids. Two girls, 19 and 14, and two boys, 16 and 12. My 19 year old daughter and I got into an argument about a week and a half ago over my birthday and now none of my kids will speak to me. My birthday was on Friday and I had planned to spend the entire weekend with my boyfriend

because he wanted to treat me since it would be my first birthday that we were together. I didn't hear at all from any of my kids besides the casual texts the whole week. And I assumed they probably weren't planning on seeing me or had forgotten. My 19 year old was usually the one to plan my birthdays after I divorced their dad two years ago.

But I didn't hear from her. So I made my plans and stuck with them. On Friday, I didn't get a single happy birthday text from my kids. This made me a little sad. But again, I just assumed that teenagers will be teenagers and they were busy. They told me they were staying

at their dads this weekend. My boyfriend picked me up from work and drove me home so I could change into something nicer because we had plans to go out to dinner. When we got to my apartment and walked in the door, the light suddenly turned on and my kids jumped and yelled, surprise. Turns out they hadn't forgotten

and all four of my kids were there and they had decorated my apartment with all types of balloons and decorations. I was so happy that they hadn't forgotten. And my 19 year old gave me a big hug and said she was sorry. They made me think they had forgot. I gave them all big hugs and kisses for being so sweet to me.

But then I told them about my boyfriend and I's dinner plans. My kids were upset that I wasn't staying. I apologized and told them I had made plans because I didn't think we were doing anything together. My 19 year old requested to move the party to the next night but I told them I couldn't because I had plans for the entire weekend

with my boyfriend. They then asked if they could at least go to dinner with us. And I told them no on account that my boyfriend does not like children. Go on. And him and my 19 year old do not get along. So this would be very awkward. At this point, my 19 year old got very upset

and started to argue with my boyfriend for stealing me away on my birthday. And also at me for not even wanting to spend time with them. I tried to tell them that it was my birthday and I was allowed to spend it how I wanted. And I got to spend it with them every year and that this year was special. My 19 year old again started to yell.

And by then my boyfriend stepped in and told her to stop acting like a brat. And then all of my kids started yelling at us. We ended up leaving and going to dinner. And I did spend the weekend with him but my kids are very mad at this and are now staying exclusively with their dad for the time being.

Good. Was it so wrong to want to spend my birthday how I wanted to? Fuck you. This is some like deep, this can cause deep seated resentment. Oh God, yeah. If I can imagine if my mom did this to me

I would be fucking heartbroken. Like I'm putting myself in this situation as a child if I was 19 years old too, like or any of the ages. The youngest is 12. That is heartbreaking. Are you kidding me? Like I get the first part at first I was like, okay. Yeah, like she thought they forgot

and she made these plans. She was kind of sad, cool. You know, she's excited about her boyfriend. But then it's like they surprised her. And then they're like, well, okay. Like we understand you can't do the surprise party now but like what can we do the rest of the weekend? Sorry, I'm busy this entire time.

Like how obsessed are you with this guy? Like how boy crazy are you that like that you're gonna choose him over your children? And not only that, like I'm sorry, he doesn't like you. So you can't come to dinner. The fact that she said that out loud. Also, isn't that a red flag for you? My mom would never.

My mom literally was like, even people that were like, I love kids. When she was dating, she was like, I honestly, like this is her own preference. She's like, I wanna date people that have kids because that's just my preference, right? Like they get it, yeah. They get the sacrifice that it takes to be a parent.

They get that you're gonna be competing with kids one in time. Yeah, my dad, she would never, she would never. But that's, I know some people can make it work. Some people that don't have kids can step into a step-parent role and be fine. But it's not for everyone. And my dad dealt with a lot of women

that would literally be like, it's a problem. They're not even your kids because we're technically not, he adopted us. And so a lot of women would be like, you're choosing your kids over me. You're not spending enough time with me. It's like, he's a dad first and foremost. Right, right.

How is this not a red flag to this woman that her boyfriend is fighting a child. 19 is still young. Yeah. And it sounds like the 19 year old is kind of being a mom to all the other ones. Yeah. 12 is so little.

Honestly, that's so sad. But, and I, just for the record, I completely agree. We've talked about this in an episode a long time ago, but I absolutely agree. Like I would date somebody who had kids probably giving like the, given the circumstances. Like I don't think that you need to have kids to be compatible with another person.

Yeah. But that was my mom's thing. And that to me, we always used to say that's extreme. Like to my mom growing up, we would be like, we don't care. We don't care if they don't get it. As long as they're a good person, like date whoever you want mom.

But that was just her own little rule. And I've seen rules like that for other circumstances. So like widowers, widowers like will only date a widower because they understand like, look at how many Reddit stories we've had come up where new partners are worried about a ghost. They're competing with the dead when they don't need to.

So there are standards that people set for themselves. That's totally fine. I like it. If you know what you want, don't settle. You don't have to make sacrifices. And I was just using that as a reference point to show like how crazy I think this is that this woman is more than okay

with this man not liking kids, first of all. And then second of all, not liking her daughter, like specifically. Yeah. How could you date him? Bad vibes. And like if you did date him, how could you not want to work on it?

Because it's like, okay, this sucks, but we're going to figure it out. They're going to come to dinner with us and you guys are going to work your shit out. Come on. You make, you're selfish. I don't care if it's your birthday. They do.

It's different this year. This year is special because I have a boyfriend. Lady. Yeah. Get your shit together. I think it's like when I was reading this, I was in my head. I'm like, oh, they booked an extravagant hotel room.

I thought a weekend getaway. A weekend getaway and the hotel is non-refundable. They have $1,000 out on the line or whatever. They're like literally leaving the city to go somewhere. That is understandable. But oh, okay, we're going to dinner. It's like, why can't we come, mom? We're going to Chili's and the reservation is only for two.

Tomorrow, we're going to Chuck E. Cheese. We have half of apps at Applebee's. You cannot come. God. Yeah, sorry. This one just really grinded my gears. Okay, so what is the mom? I want to know the mom's reaction when,

because everyone else is saying like, what the fuck, right? Yeah, so. I want to hear her either defending herself or realizing like, yeah, maybe that wasn't cool. Yeah, so top comment is my boyfriend does not like children and him, like they're quoting her. So the top comment quotes her and says, my boyfriend does not like children

and him and my 19 year old do not get along. You're the asshole. Your boyfriend does not like children, yet you have three minor kids. He also separately does not get along with your only adult child. Meaning you are dating a man who doesn't like any of your four children.

Clearly you are saying loud and clear to your children that getting laid is more important to you than any of them. This isn't about what happened this past weekend. It's about your general priorities and how skewed they are. Agreed. Next comment. I raised my brows there.

If someone doesn't like kids, dating someone who has at least one is not a deal breaker for them, question mark. She's got four. Yeah. Three that are minors. I don't get this. This doesn't compute in my brain.

Most awarded. So this is after the edit it looks like. And they say, I don't even care about the edit at all. Making excuses for him. Who dates someone that doesn't even like children when they have children? And then surprise Pikachu face.

They're mad. She chose dick over them. There wasn't an edit when I found this one. So let's do it. Edit. You all do not understand how the dynamic between my children works. Sorry, I need to have less of a tone.

I'm just angry at her. I usually try to do a good job being like unbiased as I read. But like, wow, the sass. I was like totally bought in though. I was like, yeah. Yeah, that's definitely how she sounds. That's fucking right on, bitch.

My 19 year old is like their ringleader and they follow what she says. She did not like my boyfriend from the beginning before he could ever have done anything to warrant her dislike of him. She pulled mean pranks on him at the beginning by convincing all of her siblings to call my boyfriend Fat Matt behind his back.

Of course, when he found out about this, he was upset and felt incredibly disrespected. My boyfriend is 31, since y'all want to know he does respect that I have kids. He just does not want children. And I'm done having kids. So that's why this isn't a problem for us. Okay, so he doesn't seven minus 19.

Oh, don't do this to me. Wait, I got the calculator. 37 minus 19. Okay, so she had her oldest at 18. Cause I was like, wait, he's 31 and she's got four kids, 19, what's age gap? But okay, okay. The math is, it's still math and it's not too bad.

When she's, how old? 37, okay, he's 31. Next edit. Okay, I get that you all have made up your mind on me and that's fine because I did post on here, but please know that you all do not know everything. Only a little part of my life. When I posted this, I asked if I was the asshole

because I didn't choose to stay with them. But many of you have started to attack me for my dating life and I think that's unfair. Your dating life directly impacted the fact that you didn't stay with your kids. Your dating life is in question because it's directly causing you to neglect your obligations as a parent.

Right. Kids want to celebrate with their parents. Kids want their birthdays celebrated with their parents. Their children. I just wanna hug each of these kids because if I were in that situation, it would make me so fucking sad. Like I'm, cause I'm a family, I grew up a family of four

and so it's like, you get it. Yeah, I'm picturing it and it, I would be bawling my eyes out. I'm picturing myself as a 12 year old and just being heartbroken. Yeah, I would never let someone dangerous around my kids. I was in contact with my kids the week before my birthday, but they never asked or inquired about my birthday plans.

I realized a little later I should have told them I was going to be gone that weekend, but I thought it would be fine because they were all spending the week with their dad. They all have keys to my place and they are never there alone for more than a day or so. Plus my 16 and 19 year old are usually there with their younger siblings.

I should never have posted on here. At the end of the day, it is always on the mother to be the angel and always make perfect decisions. My ex-husband isn't a saint either. He didn't contact me about my kids or if they were going to spend time with me for my birthday. Cause it was a surprise. I don't know the relationship there,

but it comes a point where you're responsible for your own relationship with your children, especially after a divorce. Yeah, yeah, of course. And that's the thing is I feel kind of bad now because I'm sure all of this attacking, she's probably feeling really shitty. And it's not her intention to be a shitty mom.

Like she could be the most wonderful mom ever. Like we don't know what she's like. No, we're just talking about this one situation. We're just talking about this one situation and like everyone is kind of coming at her as like a mother as a whole. So like I do feel, I feel, I feel for her in that aspect because it's like, okay, she met someone.

She fell in love. Like we've all been there where it's like, we have these like tunnel vision on and we're just so obsessed that we kind of forget other priorities around us. So I don't, I don't think that she's a bad mom. I'm not saying she's a bad mom at all. She was just shitty in this moment.

Yeah, in this moment, it's like carve out some type of time. Like the entire weekend, you can't like cancel one thing. Literally make it Sunday. And like Sunday night, do a nice dinner. And also go to the movies with them. To have kids in your teens that desperately want to spend time with you, that's a blessing.

Seriously, and put in the effort to surprise which they committed. I think she showed up the minute that she knew like, oh, I'm planning stuff. My kids don't want to be with me. She should have said, hey, you guys, just so you know, I am planning on going away for the weekend.

She could have easily done that. And then they could have like- Wait, so she did go away? Or like she had plans, like whatever. I thought she did. She didn't. She just went out to dinner. That's like the night time area of Chuck E. Cheese

and T.J. on Friday. Chili's, which Applebee's actually does sound really good right now. Dude, I love those places. Boneless wings. I used to go all the- But we're obviously, we're making a joke because they're so casual.

Yeah, exactly. And that's what I'm just like envisioning, where it would have been easy to like tack people on. Otherwise like, why the fuss of not bringing them? And restaurants like, unless you book on open table and it's your third no call, no show cancellation, you're not at risk for anything. Like a lot of places don't ask for your credit card on file.

Like you'll be fine to cancel and go somewhere that your kids can go. But I will say like, you kind of made me think about the fact she did have her kids young at 18. This is probably her first real like time experiencing like dating as like an adult. That's such a good point. And maybe she's getting too wrapped up in that.

I didn't even put that together. That like crossed my mind when you said that. But I also am getting kind of the vibe that she relies on her older kids to parent the younger ones based on her saying. Ringleader. Well ringleader because they respect her and maybe look up to her like more of a mom figure,

but they're never alone for more than a day or so. Plus my 16 and 19 year old are usually there with their younger siblings. So it sounds like she leaves, stays at the boyfriend's house for a day or two and they're out of the house by themselves. And that might be, that's actually makes a lot of sense. Like she's dating now.

Like she's being young. She's dating a younger guy. She's actually like going out and doing these things. Like she's experiencing something that she missed because she had babies so young. Yeah. But I also like you have split custody and when you have a 12 year old

like your 12 year old should not be alone with their older siblings parenting them. You have split custody. You spend nights at your boyfriend's house when your kids are with your ex-husband. At least that's the expectation I would want or like I think would be more normal, but I don't know.

I don't, I don't know. I definitely was alone a lot. Like as a, I feel like as a 12 year old. Yeah. No, this happened to me. I definitely, I definitely got left alone with my younger brother and had to do this stuff. And yeah, it's just, it's a lot to ask of your other kids.

I guess I don't really, I wouldn't really know cause I didn't go through that. I don't really know what's right or wrong cause it's kind of like, oh, we all pull weight. We're a family, you know what I mean? But it is kind of interesting where it's like, well, what is too much to expect your children

to watch your other children? Yeah. You know, like what is being a family and what is like taking advantage, you know? It's a fine line, really fine line. Well, that was, that was a nice like character development. I feel like I have a bigger heart for her now. I still think she fucked up in that situation.

Yeah, no, I don't agree with it. But like overall, I think she's probably just trying to do her best and is infatuated by this guy. I know, but it's not, it's not an excuse in my head, but I will say like the one comment that I- Definitely don't think it's an excuse. No, yeah.

And like the one comment I do kind of see with is like, at the end of the day, it's always on the mother to be the angel and make the perfect decisions, which I do agree. I think we hold mothers a higher standard to a higher standard than fathers. Right. And-

Totally. Like a lot of the emotional labor and like, a lot does fall on moms, typically, or mother figures. But if this was a story about like, if the dad did this, the exact same story, we'd still be tearing it up. I would say the exact same thing. Absolutely.

So it's like, take the gender out. If we, yeah. I'm gonna do that for a theme. Ooh. I'm gonna take the gender out of it. I love that idea. Yes. Yeah.

Yes. Just not say the age and gender. Yeah. I can say the age, but- But no, just in general, not a cool situation. Overall, you're probably trying to do your best and keep on chugging along. I hope you take some of this advice though.

Yeah. I don't know, based on the comments, she seems- I mean, of course she's gonna be defensive. It's like the internet is attacking her and like going after her like as a whole, you know, not just the situation. So, but I'm sure she'll probably reflect like- Absolutely.

If she loves her kids, which I'm assuming she does. Yeah. Just sad, hopefully, hopefully it gets better. It's just sad to not have your mom and feel like you're competing with a boyfriend or a significant other. Yeah. I've been there.

I think you came with, there was one Father's Day where I wanted to like take my- I just thought about this. This was like so traumatic for me, but there literally was a Father's Day where I wanted to take my dad out and like you were a sibling basically, so you were different.

But he was like, I wanna bring my girlfriend and her son and I go, but what does that have to do with you being a dad? Like this is Father's Day. And he goes, yeah, it's my day. And I'm like- Cause she offered to take him out. Yeah.

And so you were like, no, I'm taking you out. It's Father's Day. And he was like, yeah, it's Father's Day. It's my day. And you were like- No, your birthday is your day. Yeah, your birthday. Father's Day is technically for your kids

to celebrate their parent. Yeah. Whether that's Father's Day or Mother's Day. Yeah. It's technically like not your day. You're only a father because of me, bitch. It's funny cause I totally agreed. Like your logic makes complete sense.

But at the same time, like I, cause I went with you. And I was like, I don't, I mean, I didn't- You were, I think you were a late addition though because she was coming and her son. So you invited me for a backup. Yeah. I was, I hated her. She literally tried to like make my dad,

her son's dad after like- That was so weird actually. Being friends for like three months. And that's why she wanted to celebrate Father's Day with him. Yes. Cause her son didn't have a dad. Cause like he was born out of a really bad situation. And so-

Which is, if you think about it, like, it's, I get it. Yeah. He's a great dude, but like- Yeah. He can be the internet's dad, but like, it's different when you're like really trying to steal him. I don't know, I felt, I felt wrong. But I mean, at least she was thinking about her son, you know?

Even though it was, it was a weird situation, but like, she just wanted her son to have some male love. I think that's great, you know? Yeah. And celebrate Father's Day. If you think about it that way, that's really sweet. But he also was like a 13 year old and he's like, can I go skateboard now?

He wanted nothing to do with us, he didn't fucking care. No. It's like take him out for a dinner another day. And then me and Morgan like, I don't know, a few nights later were like walking down to like the gas station or something and then like some kids are like skateboarding and they're like yo, and like at night time and they almost like run into us and we're like, it's you.

Danny? Yeah. Hi. He's like, there's a ghost. Moving along. He probably looked at his friends and was like, I don't know them. Now we were cute and he's probably like,

yeah, my mom's fucking, no, we wouldn't talk like that. That's not, that's not normal. This episode's kind of weird today. I don't know what's happening. I think it's the hats. It's the hats. Yeah. Yeah.

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our commitment to you is not. University Credit Union is now you first credit union. See why it's getting even better here. Welcome to you first. Visit us at youfirstcu.com. Okay, officially moving along. Okay. I'm leaving my husband because I found out

that he has been making fun of me behind my back to his ex. My husband, male 45 and I, female 36, met about six years ago. We've been married for one year. When we met, I was very fit and athletic. I started gaining weight, however, after suffering two miscarriages

and the loss of my mother to cancer. I was very depressed and barely got out of bed if not to go to work. I stopped exercising and instead started eating junk food. I gained 40 pounds in two years, 2019 to 2020. Under this time, my husband, then fiance, was very supportive and loving. I felt guilty and tried to give him an out several times,

but instead he proposed and we got married last summer. Since our marriage, I've been feeling much better and it showed I've lost around 20 pounds so far and I gained back my muscles and abs. He was so happy to see me feeling better. On his computer, however, it was a totally different story. No. He was talking almost our entire relationship

to his ex-wife about me. His ex-wife, female 46, left him about seven or eight years ago for her colleague. The relationship didn't work, however, and she tried to get back together with my husband. He had already met me, but they stayed friends, mostly via chat and texting since she lives about 12 hours away.

My husband was complaining about everything about me, my job, my depression, my cooking, but mostly about my weight. He was telling her how disgusting I was to him, how he often found it hard to share the same bed since I snored like a dog. He sent her pictures of me while sleeping. Oh!

Sometimes in underwear with comments about my belly, double chin, back boobs, et cetera. What? The fucking fuck. She found these pictures extremely amusing and she came up with the name White Whale. They both found it hilarious and now that is what they referred to me as.

What is wrong with people? What? What? Why are you married? What are you doing? Why are you married? What are you doing? And like she said, he literally proposed to her

while she was that weight. Why would you put her, why would you do that? That's so evil. You're robbing her time, valuable time, but she could be with anyone else besides you. Fuck you. Continue. They don't flirt exactly or talk about being together

or starting an affair, but they do say that they miss each other and they reminisce about the time they were married. She's more flirtatious and he really enjoys it. Whatever he's telling her isn't what I have experienced with him. I don't disgust him. He tells me that he loves me all the time.

We have great and passionate sex and the way he touches and makes love to me is so great, he must be a really good actor if he was really disgusted by me. And he hates the few times we have to sleep apart. He's lying and I don't know why he's doing it. He's lying to one of us and I'm not sure if I want to know who he's lying to and why.

I decided to get out of this marriage and leave this behind me. Good. Right now I'm acting like everything is normal, but I have started looking for a new job in another city and a place to rent. I also started with birth control pills in case something happens between us.

And I have talked to a lawyer to prepare the divorce and start the process once I'm gone. So she's still sleeping with him? I don't think we really know. Well, I don't understand why she's saying I started birth control pills. We'll get there. Okay.

One thing I'm not going to do is fall back into depression and gain weight again. I will not allow it. What a waste of love he has been. At it, I can't believe I need to explain this about the birth control pills. Very simple explanation. Up until I went through his messenger,

I loved and trusted this guy. We had a great sex life and we were trying to conceive. When I read what he has written and the way he took pictures of me sleeping, all like a shit ton of exclamation marks, something happened inside of me. Like I don't know this person in front of me anymore. I can't read his face and I don't trust him.

I don't know how long I'm going to need to stay under the same roof as him. I don't know what his reaction would be if I refused him under a long period of time with no real excuse. I don't know what else he's capable of besides taking pictures of sleeping people. I don't know if I, in a moment of weakness, succumbed to lust

or if he for a moment could fool me that he actually loved me. For all these reasons and many darker scenarios I have played in my head, I'm taking extra precautions. This was kind of mean of her. What? Anyone with an IQ of a chicken could understand that or so I hope, which one of the hat options was a chicken.

Good thing you didn't put that one on. I kind of wish I did. Just sitting here like a dumbass. No, I mean, I think it's a very fair question because it's like, you said you're going to leave him right when you found out. So like- Why would you even consider it?

We didn't, no one here is thinking like, oh, she's going to be under the same roof with him for at least six months and she's playing it cool and she might like fall under like lust. Like, I mean, that's a pretty normal question. She's a little defensive there, but it's okay. She's going through a lot.

She's going through some. Going through a fuck ton. I'll take it. Oh my God. I'll take it, I'll take the chicken comment. Do we want the original comment, like the original top comment on the post? I think we want it all, this one's interesting.

This one's crazy. It was posted about two months ago, by the way. She goes on to say after the chicken comment, thank you everyone for the support. I will update you and I know more on where I'm headed. Top comment, I'm proud of you for leaving. Stick to your plan and be done with him. I can't even fathom the gut punch reading white whale was.

Definitely make sure to screenshot and print out the conversations for when you make your exit. Block him, block his family if need be, because you never know what kind of crazy story you could make up. And most importantly, take care of yourself. We're rooting for you.

Well, and this kind of reminds me of the feeling that I had whenever I've brought this up multiple times now, but like when I found out somebody that I thought was a best friend and I was living with for years had been stealing from me. And it was like this thing where, well, I just, I wanted to just exit. Like I didn't even,

I just- You didn't even wanna confront them, you just wanted to be gone. I wanted to just continue, like move on and start living because like I've said, it fucked with me so much because I started thinking I was losing my mind. I'm like, how are these things missing? Like what is happening?

Cause I trusted everyone. I didn't even think that somebody was stealing from me. I just thought that I was losing my shit. And so it was such a relief to finally be like, well, this is the truth. I know the truth. And now I just wanna move on with my life. And it kind of reminds me of that with this situation

where she's just like, I've been wasting my time with someone who I didn't even know. I thought I knew this person. And if you can either lie to me or to her, that extreme and like send vulnerable pictures of me, that's like- Text is one thing.

That's abuse. Like that is- It is. That's horrific. Well, and like I think the text is one thing because like words, whatever, like words hurt, but to take pictures of someone in a vulnerable, intimate position

while they're sleeping. In their home, in their room. This is why I don't sleep naked. My belly would be out. Like I can't, I need a big t-shirt. I need to be comfy in my big t-shirt and my men's like manscaped boxer briefs. That was not an ad.

No, I just, I actually live in them. Like I live in them. I wanna try some. I've never tried them. I'll get some for you. Okay. Let's do it. But like I, you shouldn't have to like worry

about what you're sleeping in. Like you should be able to like comfortably sleep in your home with your husband and not worried about him sending pictures to his ex-wife calling you a fucking white will. Well, fucked up. And of all people, his ex-wife. Why?

I think there's something deeply wrong with him, whether that's insecurity and he needs his ex-wife's reassurance. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So didn't she say that his ex-wife left him? Yeah. Yeah.

And it reminds me of somebody that I know. Anyway, it reminds me of somebody that I know. That's a good thing because I don't want it to be obvious, but it reminds me of somebody I know. And it just, it feels like this like need because you're so wronged by your ex that like you need to get their approval. Even though you like whatever it is,

but you're just like feeling for that approval because you're so deeply like scarred from that person. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost like he needs her reassurance or validation to just even like feel normal. Yeah. Because I kind of believe for some weird reason,

I believe that he means it with his wife. And I feel like it's this weird, like he's getting off by, or like getting his confidence by his ex-wife. I could see that. But loves his wife. I could see it. Which is still fucked up, like leave him still. And it's also like, it doesn't make sense really

if you have this amazing happy relationship and you love your wife and sex is great and your life is great. Why do you even feel the need that, you need that reassurance and that confidence boost? Like what is so missing in your, honestly? I just like, again, the way people's neurons fire. Yeah.

It's crazy. Well, I was actually talking about this. I've had a couple of true heartbreaks, but that's more rare, like for me to just be like truly heartbroken. But what happens to me a lot is like, I get ego broken. It's like, okay. Yeah, it's this thing where I'm like, it's not about them.

It's about feeling, like putting my value and worth into what they think about me. And then so if they like, if it doesn't pan out how I think it should or how I want it to, then it's like my ego is broken. And I just feel shitty. And I was like, it's- Yeah, no, that makes sense.

It does make sense. As hard as it is to not seek validation from external sources, we all do it at times. When you go out and you try to look good and like, oh, I'm not feeling good in this dress. I don't feel good in this dress, but I'm going out and blah, blah, blah. And then when you have someone not respond well to you,

it's like, ugh, you just feel even worse. I get that. Yeah, it's hard. So it's like, even though this guy, like let's say, you know, he's so happy with his wife, but his ego has been so shattered that he doesn't know how to pick the pieces back up. And so he goes back and tries to fix it where it was lost.

Yeah. I don't know. It's just theories. I don't get it either. But I don't even understand how they reconnected because like your ex-wife left you for a colleague. It didn't work out. She tried to get back together with him.

But like- That's probably it. And then he probably was like really entertained by the fact that she tried to get back together, probably made him feel good. And so then he was like, wait, I like this feeling. And then kind of just dangled it along. He needed that validation.

Yeah. I hope he gets some help. Me too. Okay, but we do have some edits. Okay. I have now left my husband and served him the papers. White whale out. Hi again.

I don't know how to make an update, but my original post is on my profile. Sorry if I'm using the wrong terminology for Reddit, but I'm feeling happy. So happy for the first time in weeks. And I wanted to share that with you since so many of you supported me and requested an update. I thought it would be the decent thing to do.

So here comes nothing. I didn't pry or spy on my husband. I used his MacBook to do some work and he had forgotten to log out from Facebook and Messenger. He has never given me any reason to spy on him. After I found out, however, I would occasionally check his phone, maybe hoping that it was all a bad joke.

He continued complaining anyhow. And now he was telling her, I was being distant and cold in manner. Jesus, how much is he filling this girl in? And that he was tired of me. He even lied and told her I was gaining even more weight, even though I'm not. He told her we weren't having sex.

I avoided him because he couldn't find it under the roles of fat. Wow. A joke that she highly appreciated. I didn't spy after that. I like how she says that. She's like, she really appreciated that one. I'm sure she could tell based on her response being like.

No, I know, but I just like how she's just like, she really appreciated it. I do, I like how she puts that. I didn't spy on him after that. I got the confirmation I needed. In the meantime, he acted the worried husband with me, concerned about me and asking if I was going through a new depression.

He told me he loved me and that he was here for me. He did. Psycho. Actually. Pouring another one of that. Yeah. Get me while you're at it. He did everything like previous times I had dips.

Called from work, came home with takeouts and from my favorite restaurants, did all the cleaning and washing around the house, baked fresh bread in the mornings, flowers and chocolate, and asked me if I wanted to go for nighttime drives and walks. He used to take me for a drive the nights

I was feeling very down and depressed. How can anyone be so two-faced? To be honest, this makes me feel like we should not. What is it called? Hmm. It makes me feel like we should support the act of looking through people's stuff. This is like-

Do you know what I mean? Cause it's like, how long could she like, would she have lived with this fucking liar? I think they would have gone on the rest of their lives. Yeah. I truly believe that. And that is sickening to me. I think there is seriously,

like there's something really going on here. So this makes me feel like I don't care how much like, we trust each other. At one point, like on provoked, we need to break through each other's shit. I don't, God, I know. But I do like, every four years, like a presidential election, like just to like-

Just quick check in. Quick peek at the recent messages. I don't, and I've talked about this a lot. I don't believe in going through your partner's phone, but like, I think this is kind of a new fear unlocked. Yeah. And that comes up a lot in these episodes where I'm like, holy fuck, new fear unlocked.

But like, this is one of those because this is just it. Like, I love you. You gaining weight doesn't affect me. Like sex is still great. Like still cares, still does like cute things. If I'm sad, he's like even more supportive. And I'm like, I don't, I would be wrecked if I looked on his phone and he was calling me a white whale.

Yeah. Like I don't even care what color. Like I am, you know, whatever white, but like just a whale, like I am very self conscious about my weight. Did you just say I don't care what color? Yeah. Like the color doesn't matter.

Like, but why, like, why did he pick white? Cause she's white. Like, why did the color, like why didn't they just go with whale? I think, oh, I think I called it beluga. Look at this beluga bitch. Yeah. Like, I don't know. It's just a white whale.

It just is really sad to me because I, I do relate to the like depression in the body insecurity and gaining weight when you're having a tough time and to just have someone who's supposed to love you. And then he had a chance, like she gave him an out and then he's proposed. So it's like, what's your excuse? Right.

I know her saying that it's not like, yeah, there's literally, not like that would be an excuse, but there's just, there's no excuse. You need to tell. After like, she goes all bold, how can anyone be so too faced? I have my big sister who lives in another city.

I told her that I was leaving my husband and that I was looking for jobs in her city. My sister is married and she lives with her husband and daughter in a big house. She offered me one of her spare bedrooms. I got a few job interviews and one of them turned into an offer. It's not exactly my field of work

and it came with a significant decrease in salary, but I thought about it and it's a good start until something more suitable comes up. I didn't want to prolong my stay with him any longer and decrease in income is a good sacrifice. Plus I'm going to have lower rent and I'm selling my car since the new job is walking distance from my sister's house.

So no more worry about the crazy gas prices. My new job starts on October 1st. I'm working my notice period from my computer. The two months between jobs, I'm just going to have fun and work on myself. I took my name off the lease, but I'm going to pay two more months. I left him last Sunday.

The night before I prepared a very nice dinner and I fucked his brains out all night. Okay, there's the birth control. Hey. It felt so good to hear him whispering how much he loved me and how lucky he was to have me. In the morning, I left the divorce papers and my attorney's number in the kitchen.

Wow. Fuck yeah. Oh, just a badass. When I got to my sister, I finally could tell her and the rest of my family about everything. I showed them all of his conversations and even the picture he's taken of me.

They're all pissed at him. He's been calling and texting obsessively, but he doesn't know where I live now. Emailed DM. He went to my parents, but they just shunned him at the door and advised him to let me go. Maybe he knows now

because he's been asking to explain and apologize, et cetera. I don't care. All I've texted back is that if he wants to convey a message, he could do it through my lawyer. Ooh, I love it. I love it.

Baby. That's a satisfying one. That is amazing. Okay, but question. Do I have a villain brain for the fact that my thought is hold some type of event for him, invite all of his colleagues, invite everyone, let's say it's his birthday,

and have a big screen and say you're going to do a slideshow of some of the best moments that you guys have had in your marriage. Do a couple of them and then screenshots of all of the things that he has said to his ex-wife. Why do I love that?

Did you see the thing on, it was going around on TikTok recently and it's really hard to kind of tell what it is because it was posted, I saw the original and not a repost or articles on it, but it's in, it's from a wedding in China. I believe it's China and they're speaking Mandarin or whatever language it is.

I need to get on babble more apparently. And the groom all of a sudden starts playing a video projection as they're standing up at the altar and it's a video of the woman cheating on him with someone else at their wedding. How did he get the video? He got that video.

Was she like making out with him? I don't know, I didn't, you couldn't really see. Like it just showed like a portion of the screen and all of a sudden you see the video come on and she takes her flowers and just like fucking flips. And so now there's like articles and stuff on it. Oh my God, I need to read that. But that's kind of what you're, that's, yeah.

And okay, this sounds weird, but the reason, I know it sounds like really kind of, oh my God, what's the word? Insane. Yeah, but I think that like, if I was doing something so shitty to somebody, like so- You deserve it. Yeah, and then they were to expose me in front of everyone.

I would honestly feel like I fucking deserve it. Like I deserve that. Like this is what I did, it was shitty. You made your bed lay in it. The only thing is if she was like having sex with someone and you shared that, I would not, that would not be okay. But like if it was just like,

she was making out with someone or was like, I don't know. I don't, yeah, I don't think it was super graphic. No sharing porno, absolutely not. But like something else like that, the text messages. Yeah, this is, I, it's crazy. Well, and like she like truly signed off or like someone signed off for her. Her Reddit account is now deleted.

But the top comment on the update was, just read the original post. I would have left that jerk too. Good luck to you moving forward. Yeah. This is the update I'm waiting for. I feel glad for you. And oh, OP respond.

Or at least I think it's OP. You can't be certain because where it would say username, it says deleted now. Thank you. It feels like a big weight has been lifted off my chest when I finally left our apartment. Good for her. I just like, I hope he knows.

Oh, he knows. I hope he knows how caught he was. I know, and that's why I want to have a whole slideshow. Tell her to call me. I really would. I think if it were me in this situation, like I know I've said it a lot, where like sometimes I don't need closure.

But I think in this circumstance, I would want to like have him, have just like a small ounce of embarrassment that he put me through by taking those pictures and trading me that way and making me like, I don't get it, I don't get this one. But I feel like we all deserve to be like called out when we're doing something shitty

that we just like don't even think about how much it'd be so hurtful if like it were to be known. Yeah. And yeah, maybe not so extreme, but like in some way, shape or form, we deserve to be called out on being shitty as humans. Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, people do it to us in the comments sometimes. I have a smile on my face, I'm mostly kidding. And I was like zoning out, I was like very much so disassociating just now a little bit. And I know I'm probably not using that in the right way, but I have like really weird like zone out slightly. It's kind of scary.

I feel like something's wrong with my brain. I'm gonna go get a full body scan. I just need to like make sure I'm not riddled with cancer. It's like really stressing me out. Let me know where you go and if you like it, I would wanna do one. I think it's just worth the investment. I don't care if I have to put on my credit card

to afford it, like I want it. I need to know. Just with all the cancer going around in my family, I was like, I need to know. But yeah, the reason why this one is in this theme too, mostly like because of like deep wounds, like I think going forward for her, like I'm really happy for her.

She got out like the way she executed her plan, amazing, everyone take notes. Yeah. Because I think a lot of people would confront their partner and not just serve divorce papers and like easily be convinced, but I also like someone that can do that to you for years. Honestly, like I get what she was saying

about the birth control because like, I don't know what he's capable of anymore. Well, yeah, that, absolutely. Like I'm scared. You don't know if he can lie like this about me. But also like, and that's what goes through your brain. When you're so betrayed by somebody

or like deceived by someone, when you see two different personalities, it's almost like he's Jekyll and Hyde. Then you have two different people. You have no idea what they're capable of. Exactly. Well, oh God, I just forgot.

It's like you thought you knew someone so deeply for however many years, and then you found out they're hiding such a huge part of themselves that's evil towards you. Yeah. Well, it's like, and you also know he's like bluntly lying. Like when he was saying like,

oh, she's being cold, she's ignoring me. Oh, also she's gaining more weight. Right. She's gaining weight. So it's like, she already knows he's lying to her, but then he's lying on top of the lies. Like he doesn't need to lie to her.

She doesn't, that ex-wife doesn't see OP. How like, what are you doing that for? You already have your inside white whale joke. What are you doing it for? Probably because he thinks that if he tells the ex-wife that my wife, like my wife's being shitty towards me, but not because I'm like a bad person

just because she's depressed and she's gaining weight. Do you know what you mean? It makes him- It's probably not on him. Yeah. It's like clarifying like she's having issues. Eases up that security. It takes any blame off him.

Wow, but yeah. Deep wounds to like dating going forward. How would you date and like even trust someone again after this? Well, and someone you like married was capable of doing this too. But I've been thinking about this actually like since the last time I was here

and that horrific car accident that happened very close to your house. And what you said, it's just like, I don't know if I leave here today and I die. I don't know that. And so it's like these moments when it for her probably was scary. Like it's probably like this is what I know.

This is who I love. I see him, he speaks to me in this way and it feels right to like just move forward and try to work through this. Yeah. But it's like life is so short. There is no time to waste on just trying to make something like that work.

No. You know, and it's scary to get away from it because it's what you know, but it's worth it. Because you just don't know how much time we have. And it's like that is so much unhappiness and so much miserable shit that you'd have to work through to even try to, you know, and I'm not saying like divorce on like the first like issue.

Absolutely not like it. This is not a minor issue. Yeah. They're hard work and you know, there's a lot of things that you have to work through when you're with a partner. But something like this, this is, I'm just, I'm happy for her too.

And I'm proud of her to just get up and move on. Tastes a lot of courage. I am too. And I completely agree with what you're saying because you can put that in a lot of different circumstances like even a minor breakup where it's like, why dwell? Like why waste any more time when this person was cheating on you or going behind your back and lying

and manipulating you or whatever. Like whatever the circumstances, if it's a negative relationship and truly wasn't healthy by any means, small bumps in the road, yeah, you can work past them. But it's like, why waste any more of your time? Like life is too unpredictable and it's not worth it to be anything less

than wholeheartedly loved, appreciated, communicated with openly and respected. Like I just responded to a write-in for USA Today and she was like, I moved my entire life for him. I uprooted my life, I quit my job, I moved to where he was. I started from scratch essentially and then he broke up with me. What do I do now?

It's like, well, you have two choices. You either stay or go back and if you stay, start building a life for yourself that is fulfilled and happy without him. Do not stay, if you're gonna stay, do not stay there with any hope that he's gonna come back. Right. And he will, he absolutely will.

Right. They always come back. I always do. They always come back. I'm sorry, I didn't realize what I had. I'm so sorry I made that mistake. I didn't appreciate you. I really fucked up.

They always come back. No matter who you are or what the situation, like an ex will always come back one way or another. And it's up to you if you're gonna let them or if you're gonna realize your worth and that you deserve more. Damn. I was so heated and that's her.

And so, yeah, I'm really happy for her. Oof. Yeah, I, oof. Sorry, I'm getting so hot. I'm like, yeah, that blanket. Hold on. You're ditching the hat. It's gonna be a knee hat for right now.

I look so cute on you. I'm so hot right now. No, I'm just horsing around by myself. But you're really, really cute. And this is a knee hat now. Hmm. So. It's not the same.

Okay, well, you'll get used to it. Okay, moving along. Oh, okay. I feel very unresolved after that one still. I know, honestly, I'm like, can we continue to break this down? It's just like a lot, but I want an update from her.

I'm really sad the accounts deleted. I want like an update a year from now being like, I have met this new person and they're amazing. And they don't have an ex-wife that they talk to repeatedly every day and call me a white whale. And I know because now I check. We're not promoting that. Fine.

I think, fine. It is scary though. It is, that is a scary, scary concept that you could, Sorry, couldn't you? That you could just like be married in that deep and like literally not like, cause you trust him. I trust Justin. I have no reason to check Justin's phone

or read any messages. But just like the happenstance, it's just crazy. Yeah. I'm just realizing too, I've actually never looked through somebody's phone besides when I saw over their shoulder. Because it's not like, it's not on purpose. I'm just such a curious person

that if I'm like right next to someone and they start like texting or like laughing and they're looking at something, I'm like, huh? Yeah. And so I was looking over someone's shoulder, saw him messaging something on Instagram that I didn't like. I was like, that's just not a way

that I would communicate to other guys. And also you tell me about all of your friends who are female and everything. You're very open about it. That's not someone I know about. And so then I took their phone and I was like, who's this and who's this? Damn, he popped off.

But other than that, I've never looked through anyone else's phone. Just one moment of weakness. Yeah. I was pissed. I was like, I literally am so respectful. When guys DM me, I just heart their message and move on. I know that too.

I just go, ha ha, thanks for the compliment. Yeah. And I'm like, what is this? Someone messaged me. Like they listened to the podcast. Hello, if you're still out there listening. And they were like, if you and Jess never break up, I'd love to take you out.

I'm like, my God, thanks. I saw a comment one time that was like, yay, Lauren and Jeff broke up, smiley face. It's like, now's my chance to swoop in. Thank you. Yay. Yay. Just revel in my misery.

No, you good, you good. Well, but no, I agree. No, no promoting going through phones ever. Okay. I'm glad we're all on the same page, mostly. Hopefully. Maybe. Okay, I'm gonna take back ever, but.

I can't commit to that too solid. Utah is growing and we're growing too. What started on the U of U campus has grown to over 110,000 members with 20 locations. And we're ready to meet even more of you. More than a campus or a branch, we're Utah's teachers, businesses and families. For over 65 years, we've been part of your community.

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Put it on your knee. I don't have a knee up. I can't, because my computer. I can, you can borrow my other knee. I'm just kidding. No, but if you want something to put your feet out on, you could pour the rest of the wine in our cups evenly and then put your feet out on that table.

Cause I know how uncomfortable it is sitting with your legs bent up the whole night. You can just tell me you want more wine. That too. Ehh. Why is it so hot in here? I love that sound. What?

I sound like a dying sheep. I liked it a lot. I feel like I've said too much tonight. I like it. I don't. I need to reel this back in. What's the next story? Am I the asshole for flipping out on my fiance

for canceling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back? I'm going to go with no, but let's hear it. Okay. My fiance, 31 male and I, 25 female, are getting married soon. There wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. Me and my family are vegans

and there are so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. My fiance and his family are the complete opposite. They're hardcore meat eaters, which is fine by me, obviously. However, when deciding on the wedding food menu, I wanted to add four to five vegan options. My fiance and his mom objected,

saying it was a waste of money over food that quote isn't real food. They also argued that this would be offensive for their guests and suggested my vegan options just be the good old salad and appetizers. His mom wanted cupcakes, LOL. I said, no, because for one, it's me and my family who's paying and two,

I want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second-class citizens by being served salad. My fiance made a face and said, isn't that what vegans eat? I refused to argue about it and said it was final. The other day, I found out that he had canceled all the vegan options and took them off the menu

completely behind my back. What a weirdo. I was seething. I called him at work, but he kept on hanging up on me. I went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. He was stunned to see me. He at first said it was his mom's idea,

then told me to go home because I was making a scene at the office. The fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughts and input and refusing to accommodate his family. But there were plenty of meat options. Why?

Why can't I get four to five vegan options when I'm paying for it? He yelled that it was his wedding too, not my family's. My family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go, but I refused. Am I the asshole for putting my foot down on this? Am I the asshole for thinking I would want a divorce before getting married?

How to get divorced before getting married? I'm kidding, but this is a testament to the future they'd have. Yeah, exactly. That is actually very concerning, extremely concerning. Everything here that he says is a contradiction to himself. And what also is really annoying is like, is it really just him?

Is he actually, does he have a mind of his own and he's feeling very strongly about this because maybe he has some insecurity about when he eats meat. He's like, people that are vegan are judging me and I don't want to feel that way. Maybe he has something like that, but or is it his family that are controlling

his little mind to decide to do things and stand up to his wife because he's the man? Yeah, he definitely does not have big brain energy here. Like, I like that, I like that a lot. That's a thing, that's a thing now. Is it? I think big brain. I don't go on TikTok, so I don't know.

I've never, if it's a thing, I haven't seen it. Oh, okay, cool, so this is new, cool. Cause like there's like his little brain, like can he not compute standing up to mom? Like he definitely does not have big brain energy here. And I'm saying that with like a grain of salt, like any family member, does he not have the ability to stand up to family?

Like it could be anyone, fill in the blank with mom, dad, grandma, aunt, uncle, kidney, fucking donated uncle. Like I don't fucking care who it is, but like something's off here. Yeah, and so this whole thing would just really derail me. Why should I just go full fucking robot? I don't know, but I really liked it.

Damn it, that was so embarrassing. What the hell, Morgan? I don't know, we're pulling out some weird moves today. Like both of those are saying things that I feel like we normally don't, I don't know what's going on. I like it, but I also don't. I'm kind of scared.

Really scared? Yeah. Okay, continue. Oh, yeah, no, I was just saying that like- Oh, yeah. Okay. No, I was just saying that I'm kidding, like I'm not saying that I would call off the wedding.

However, I would definitely question like overall, do you respect me? Do you need to like follow what your family's telling you to do or can you make decisions for yourself? Can you have a conversation with me before doing something like this? Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Or are you gonna go behind my back? Like all of these things are foreshadowing potential things in the future so much. And so that's the concern. It's not about like, oh, what type of food? It's like whatever, it's fucking food, like cool. Also like vegan options are good. So good.

Have you ever had like an eggplant parmesan? I love vegan food. It's so- I love vegan food. I do too, I love it. And well, we also live in Los Angeles and they have so many options. Yes, vegan options.

I go back to Minnesota and I'm like, not feeling meat today. And they're like, oh, well we could have a, what do they call it, like a spring salad where it's like mixed greens and like a couple of cherry tomatoes. Literally what he said. Yeah.

Isn't that what vegans eat? No. Also, for someone that's your fiance, how does he not know what you eat? Are you trying to act tough in front of family? Like- He's like salad, isn't that what vegans eat? I think I've said this before,

but this is what I really respect about my sister. My sister's vegetarian, but vegan when she's home and vegetarian when she's like- Traveling because it's harder. Yeah, and out and about because she's been to like family gatherings where people are like,

I made this vegetarian dish just for you. I'm so excited about it. And she's like, well, it has cheese in it. It's not vegan, but like I'm gonna eat it because I'm not gonna be that big of a hassle. You know what I mean? Which I feel like this is their vegan

for health reasons, which I totally get too. But I feel like there's kind of like this stigma and maybe it's true, but it's not something I've encountered from the vegans I know. But like vegans, the vegans I know aren't like slam it down your throat. So if you eat a meat, you're eating that meat.

Do you know how that cow died? That cow got shot in the head with a nail gun and was fucked up. Oh my God. Like I don't encounter vegans that are like that. How'd you just like come up with like such a dark like scenario like that so quick? I did my-

You've seen it, it's happened. I did my- That's unfortunate. I did one of my high school papers on horse slaughter. Okay, so there was some truth behind that, that sucks. Anyway. Terrible. No, I haven't eaten a burger in three years.

Wow. Four years, okay. Well, so anyway, I feel judged by you. Right now, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. It was, I was playing off of the conversation. Yeah, but like most vegans don't like, they're not at the wedding.

Like if everyone has food options they're happy with, no one's going to flip out. Yeah. Or say shit. No, it's a wedding. But that's, so with my sister, like I respect so much because she's been vegan vegetarian for so long and she never makes anyone feel guilty

or like we're sitting around eating like a hot dog and which is probably the worst type of meat ever. And she's doesn't even bat an eye. I just think that people should just let people have their food choices. And if you feel passionate about something, like speak on it when people want to hear about it. Right?

Like if people are asking like, why are you vegan? Of course. But she's never just like slamming it down someone's throat. Yeah, pun intended. Yeah, no, I love that. I appreciate it. Yeah, that was funny, that was funny. I kind of missed it.

Oh. Well, like she's not slamming it down your throat. Like food? No, like metaphorically, but then it also could be the food. Okay, yeah. It was a cute joke, but whatever. I'm a little slow today. I haven't slept much.

Yeah, also don't watch how hot dogs are made. I won't. It's really bad. I never do that. Don't do that. I would get behind meatless Mondays because cows are actually like, cows and factory farming is like one of the biggest

carbon contributing things right now. So I would get behind if everyone could commit. We have two hot takes Thursdays and meatless Mondays. Do you know in Argentina, there's more cows than there are people? That's cool. Do they eat them or are they? Oh, they're big cow people.

Oh yeah. Okay, okay. They love. So maybe we focus meatless Mondays towards our Argentina, Argentinian audience. There's no way. No chance. Shits on spits all day.

Yeah, lot going on here. Also, I just want to point out one comment he made. Continued the fight at home by saying that I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughts and input and refusing to accommodate his family. I'm very confused by that. And I think that's like a common tactic with people that

will manipulate words at you. How is his family not being accommodated when they have their meat? They're getting their meat. There's like no question about. I was trying to do it in the Arby's voice. I don't know what that is. But what's the Arby's slogan?

Arby's got the meat. But he's getting the meat. The only difference here is whether her family and even her, what do you want your fiance to eat at your wedding? Do you want your fiance to be like happy, content, whole, full, like what? You want to do the cha-cha slide on an empty stomach?

I don't think so. Like why, your family is being accommodated. So why are you using that to like throw back at her and manipulate her? She feels a little gaslighty. Baby, he wants them all to get wasted because they only have salads. And then all of his family will take advantage

of all of her family. This is a joke, but they sound sick. So update. So his mom messaged me earlier to try to get me to listen to what she had to say after I kept ignoring her phone calls. She sent long walls of text just to address what I did at her son's workplace,

calling it all kinds of stuff from immature to unhinged. I will say, the work confrontation was, it's a borderline unhinged. Wait, it was in front of all of... So he kept hanging up on her. So she showed up at his work to have confront him and fight. Ooh. So that is a little unhinged, but I will say,

I think when it comes to wedding and planning and thinking about how much goes into planning. People go crazy. Well, bridezillas are a thing, but I don't think that's necessarily bridezilla because of the fact how much... I mean, you have to give your caterer so much lead up to prepare for weddings.

And so when you have someone cancel last minute, they're getting married soon. So she doesn't specify in the post. But if this was two weeks or three weeks before the wedding and the caterer then says, well, I can't get those vegan options back now because he canceled. I would be a little unhinged myself, I think.

Yeah, and I think sometimes we see red. So it's like nothing else matters. You don't care about who's around and what's appropriate and what's not, you know? Like it's just like... Especially when he keeps hanging up on you. Yeah. If you wanna have this,

if you don't want me to come embarrass you at work, communicate with me and step out for 15 minutes and answer your fucking phone. So she's, you're right, it is unhinged. However, I can sympathize. Yes, a lot. She then went to explain how she's noticed that me and my family kept, quote,

acting dismissive of her son's input and quote, contributions to the wedding. She said that she noticed my behavior towards him and her entire family and wanted to speak up earlier, but didn't and tried to keep the peace. She then went on to address the food menu issue and denied her involvement in the cancellation of the vegan option.

But that didn't mean she doesn't support her son's decision. Moreover, she thought it was so responsible of him to make that move because of my continual refusal to see how this stuff is a waste of money. That bugs me. I'm gonna say it right now. I wonder if there's some type of insecurity

on the fact that it's like her side paying for it. You know? We do have another update after this. We're gonna steamroll through. She also pointed out how I kept saying, I paid for it and said that technically this isn't just my money. It's mine and his because we're getting married.

So she suggested I wisen up and get rid of the my money I paid for it mentality. She must make more than him for that comment. She finally mentioned how bad this whole situation is making me look and said that she and her son had already offered a number of compromises that I chose to brush off and decided to make it my weird hill to die on.

She said that not only her son is upset but she and quote, the family are as well after hearing about it and suggested I just agree on their compromise and be done with it. What compromise are they making? Yeah, that's what I'm gonna look confused. I wonder if we're actually missing something because we're not.

She said four to five vegan options, which is like literally how many? Cause usually at weddings, I thought there was like four options total. So I'm kind of confused by that. It depends on how they do it. If there's a plated dinner, if there's a buffet, some people do food trucks nowadays,

which I'm a big fan of. So the only weddings that I've been to are either like a buffet style. Or plated. Or plated. And with a plated, it's almost always been three, maybe four max. Chicken, red meat, vegan.

Yes. Or vegetarian. Yes, exactly. They don't really offer vegan. And so that's why I'm kind of confused about how this setup was. I'm like, how are there four to five vegan options? You're thinking it's excessive? Well, I'm just confused.

I'm like, and then was there just one meat option? So then, I'm not sure. Do you know what I mean? Like, is there something we're missing? Well, I think about it too. And I'm like, oh, if they were vegetarian, like mashed potatoes are typically a side for meat.

So there's an option that everyone could eat, but they're not, they're vegan. It's not just vegetarian. So butter and dairy products go into mashed potatoes. So it's a whole different, like almost menu that you need to have for vegan options. Right. So four options on a vegan menu is literally a plate.

So, okay. So if it was a buffet, then it's just like, the same kind of proportions that someone would get on a normal plate. I was thinking four to five options of meals. Yeah. Like plates. I was confused about that. I think it's four to five different food options total.

Which for a normal, like other option, you would have meat, chicken, red meat, vegetables, potatoes. Which would all not be vegan because they probably all have butter on them and stuff. All of it has some sort of animal byproduct in it. So it makes sense. I don't, okay. I just, we got to finish.

We got to get, we got to just get this out. Yeah, you're right. This pissed me off beyond belief. I responded by letting her know that I'm still standing my ground on this. Even if I'll have to call the whole wedding off because of it. Because honestly, question mark,

this is just ridiculous. It is. My mom and dad, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, they don't even know what to say anymore. Apparently my fiance saw my response to her. He's with her and now is trying to call me. But right now I'm waiting for him to get home and see if he's still insisting on the stance he took.

I'll update if there's anything worth adding after we talk. I need to know, is there not an update? Oh, there's an update. Thank God. If you've ever had to deal with a plumbing problem, you may have felt the pain of realizing you don't know any plumbers. Whether you're trying to stop a leaky faucet,

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at anyourservices.com. No one helps more homeowners than any hour services. There's an update from Ms. Sarah Jake 2022. Did she just like put her actual username there? That is the username. I don't know if it's her real name. Update, didn't realize how long the title was, LOL. So the talk didn't go well.

I waited for him to come home so we could have a final conversation about it, but he's still insisted on his stance for more details. His family are a bit on the heavy side. Most of them are obese. Nothing wrong with that. They're perfectly within their right to decide how they live,

but they get quote easily offended at the mention of the words weight and food. I tried so hard to focus on the issue at hand, but I noticed there was a pattern of this behavior. He said it wasn't true and that this was just an attempt for me to throw past conflicts at him in order to win the current one.

He claimed he tried to reason with me about why and how his guests might see those vegan options as quote offensive. Also said that his family love food and consider it a big deal and how he didn't want his family to feel like there's certain options that they couldn't touch

and feel that there's quote difference in how I treat them versus how I treat my family. He then went on to explain how it's just an event and how my family should just accept what's on the menu and if they felt inconvenienced, so what? It's just one thing. They're not going to die if they quote had salad and appetizers.

Oh, your family is they're going to die? If they, if they do, that is so hypocritical. Everything he has said in his arguments has been hypocritical. He contradicts himself in his own statement. It's beyond frustrating. We don't have to deal with your family's insecurity.

They can live their life how they want. If they like to eat that food, that's fine. If your family likes to eat the food that they like to eat, that's fine. You don't have to like change your way and make yourself, it's like that thing that Danielle always posts. You don't have to make yourself smaller to make other people feel good.

Do yourself, do what makes you happy. What he said wasn't good enough reason for me because his folks are gonna think and say what they want. But at the end of the day, it's also my wedding and to be honest, realizing that my partner himself thinks it's okay to steamroll my opinions and decisions simply because he is prioritizing others and their opinions over me.

And that was really upsetting and not something that could be looked past. Normally I'm a person of rational discussions and compromises. I'm all about compromises. I'd compromise on much bigger matters than just food. But like people said, it's not about the food anymore if it ever was.

Like he'd literally lose nothing if he let me have what I wanted. But apparently he was willing to lose it all over this which is fine by me. I gave him back the ring and called everything off. I just couldn't envision myself living like this any longer having to walk on eggshells for his family and letting him basically override my opinions

and have the final say no matter what. Marriage is about compromise. And here he has nothing to lose. Yet choose to do this to me and my family. I knew this is my first serious relationship and I didn't know what to expect. But it's safe to say that he and his mom and family did make it feel like I was taking crazy pills

on many, many occasions. So that's that. Last thing he said was that I chose my family over him and ended everything between us for the sake of quote, keeping him happy. Decision's been made and it's done. Just wanted to give you an update for those who wanted it. Thank you so much for your endless stream

of advice and support. This man is happy for her. Yeah, this is gaslighting. You ended it for keeping him happy. You ended it for keeping him happy. You're unwilling to compromise. You're unwilling to compromise. Also him being like, oh, you're gonna make people feel bad

because they don't know what they can and can't eat. Why can't they eat vegan options? They're probably gonna like the vegan options more. They taste really good. They do. They taste really good. I will say there are some shitty, dairy-free cheeses out there. The DIA version of dairy-free cheese, not good.

I mean, there's shitty versions of every type of food. Exactly. The Trader Joe's almond milk, cheese, mozzarella shredded, incredible. So if it's a catering type thing, I'm sure they got their vegan recipes down. I'm sure these people are on point. It's gonna be good.

Get enough so people don't have to choose vegan or meat. They can get what they want, problem solved. Have enough there so that the vegan options, the vegan people are guaranteed a meal, but then have extra. Yeah. A lot of people let them, like if you're doing a buffet style, you can take home the extra food.

Crazy. I'm happy for her. I am too. Top comment, which the update was just posted 13 hours ago, which is kind of crazy. My life, kind of crazy. You kind of sounded like, what's her name from EZA? And...

You don't know what I'm talking about, right? Pembergast, the character? No, no, she's also in Crazy Stupid Love. La La Land. Yeah, what's her name? Emma Stone. Emma Stone, yeah. I'm blanked on an actress's name harder.

I know the names. I might not pronounce them right, but I know them. Ooh, okay. Yeah. Well, pronounce her name. Emma Stone, yeah, that's good. Ooh, nailed that one. Emma Stone.

Emma Stone. Weird. Psycho time. Don't know what's going on. Okay, what were you gonna say? I don't know, where were we? Top comment, good for you. Marriage is about compromise,

and it doesn't sound like your ex is interested in compromising, or even letting you have a say in things. That isn't a partnership. Oh, we're reveling over the fact that I found this 13 hours ago, and I feel like the biggest badass in the world. OP responds, thank you, and you're right. Honestly, I felt kind of hesitant about posting an update.

In fact, I was hesitant about posting about my situation as a whole. Normally, I'm not the type to share my private business online, but I was desperate. Like I said, there were times where his family made me feel like I was taking crazy pills. Honestly, and I'm gonna say this anyways, I hate them.

They always made me feel like an outsider and a stranger. Never really warmed up to me, and instead, pretended to like me. But it was obvious they resented me. They claimed that I'm a covert, fat phobic, but in reality, I got mocked, along with my family, for being underweight due to health issues I'd mentioned before.

Don't even get me started on ex-future mother-in-law, though I feel as though I gotta let it all out and vent. Keep it coming, let's go. Well, it kind of reminds me of what I've said in another episode where it's just like, I was eating really unhealthy, and then I started eating really healthy, and I felt really good about myself.

I was like, wow, because I used to take Adderall, and I stopped taking Adderall, so I was like, I'm gonna focus on just like, putting like, energizing things into myself. And then I had somebody making fun of me for what I was eating, and I was just like, as if it was so bad and stupid, and I was just like, wait, oh my, I should feel good about this.

I'm doing good things. And that's what that reminds me of, where it's just like, why are you coming at her for like, her weight and her lifestyle, you know? I just don't understand. And this relates to all aspects of life, especially like, politically. I really don't understand why we need to be so involved

in other people's business. It's because, and that's why I'm like, referencing this, is it's because if somebody else is doing something different than us, so different, then we question if what we're doing is right or wrong, and to make sure that we're right, we tell the other person that they're wrong.

Well, okay, so this is kind of like, I just saw this thing, and it's like, it's on TikTok, and it was like, it was a story about like, this guy who was like, or it was a, okay, it was so many levels of a stitch that it was like, it's kind of feels like an inception TikTok right now. But essentially, this girl was like,

hey babe, do you wanna go get a milkshake? And he's like, no, but I'll get you one. You sent me that. And then the girl was like, ah, and like upset about it. And so someone like stitched it and go, it's a guy. And he goes, hey buddy, let me break this down for you. When your girl is asking you for a milkshake,

she has essentially a tiny voice in her head that's saying, get a milkshake. But then she's got another voice that says, you don't need a milkshake, don't get the milkshake. She's just looking for an accomplice. She's looking for permission to have that milkshake. And you could boil it down to that with this story. Like I'm not, I don't wanna imply anything.

Like that's an assumption. But otherwise, like I don't understand the control about what other people are eating. Like there's something else going on with this family where maybe they do feel bad. Maybe they aren't happy. And if they are happy with their choices, then why the need to control others?

So there's just that. I think it's really good to like remember and take a step back sometimes and just think, okay, whatever this person does or doesn't do, whatever they eat or don't eat, does not change me in any way, shape or form. So take a deep breath and move on. And not just with eating, anything.

Yeah, anything. If this person gets a promotion in their job, my friend, if they get a promotion in their job, that does not change who I am. It doesn't. I know, we have like such a, we're very, and I'm saying this like, at least me, I feel like this, I feel like a lot of us out there are very quick to like,

we compare, we do compare others. And we take what other people are doing like personally as like a negative against us. And it's like, no, we can't compare. We're all at different places. We all want different things. We all do different things. It's like, but it is really hard.

I honestly think it's like more innate in humans to like feel that feeling first. And that's why I think it's important to take a deep breath and think, okay, my friend, you just got a promotion at their job. I'm really happy for them. That's amazing. That shouldn't make me upset.

That should inspire me in whatever I want to do. And be completely separate entities. I will just say, I'm like going through OP's comments and there's not too many on them. It looks like there's just six. But for clarification on options, aside from the vegan, we have six options with meat. Okay.

So that's a lot of meat. Yeah. No, that clarified the question I had earlier. His mom picked one option. I'm paying for the whole thing. Frankly, I have no idea why his mom feels so strongly about getting involved. I only included in wedding planning

only because I respect her. But I guess it's like they say, give an inch and they'll take a mile. He said it's his wedding. I'm just going to read the comments because I just in case this gets deleted or OP deletes her comment, whatever. I just want everyone to be able to see him.

He said it was his wedding too. Do you guys have a way to get back at me, I guess? Yes, I noticed. He and his mom agreed to come against me on this. I read the one, thank you and you're right. Honestly, blah, blah, blah. And so OP responds to someone else on the update and says like, you go girl,

dude 100% laid out a roadmap where only his opinion matters and yours is irrelevant. This probably wasn't the first time but it for sure would not be the last. Exactly. Like I said, I'd noticed a pattern of this behavior but kept rationalizing it, which was a huge mistake on my part.

It's been utter torture trying to please him and his family. I'm an emotional mess right now but there's this little voice of reassurance telling me I've gone through the worst and survived it. I'm so thankful this happened. It helped me see things clearer. I'm gonna hug her. Happy for her.

Me too. Last but not least, this is a very deep wound but like kind of like supposed to be a palette cleanser in the sense that like people can be amazing in such dark times. It's from Twitter actually and it was posted by Jen Rose Smith. The username is Jen Rose Smith VT.

And I'll post on the YouTube, I'll try to post the screenshots because there's amazing pictures that I think like make this whole story. I'll post them on Instagram too after. This is a reminder to me to make an Instagram post with the pictures of these tweets because it is amazing.

I'm gonna cry thinking about it and I haven't even started reading yet but I was bawling my eyes out when I read it on Twitter. So, a day after we took this two years ago, my dad fell to his death in the Olympic mountains. I miss him terribly. After he died though, an astonishing thing happened that still fills me with gratitude and hope.

Here's how three strangers. That's really good. Okay, I'm gonna be okay, I'm gonna get through it. Here's how three strangers saved this photo from being lost forever. And it's a picture for her and her dad. The accident. On the second day of the week long Bailey range traverse,

a back country hike, our party of five got off route and my dad fell down a steep gully. He tumbled out of sight. I dropped my pack and climbed downwards over steep scree towards the place where he disappeared. He died in the fall, his body stopping tenuously above yet another drop. We struggled to move him amid sliding scree.

There was serious rockfall. Later, a team from Nassui SAR winched my dad, then me, out of that gully into a blackhawk. The pack was the last thing on my mind. Both Nassui SAR and Olympic NP showed so much compassion that day. The Navy SAR team lowered from a hovering helicopter into an unstable situation.

Staff from the Olympic National Park met me at the helipad, brought me to a quiet place called a funeral home. You're killing me right now. I'm so sorry everyone. Okay, sorry for that brief interruption. I've composed myself now. Staff from the Olympic National Park met me at the helipad, brought me to a quiet place called a funeral home,

booked a hotel. In the stunned days after my dad's death, I began to bitterly regret the loss of the final images of his life. They were on my cell phone in my backpack at the top of the gully. Strapped to the outside of my pack was an ice axe my dad carried for more than 50 years.

Meanwhile, after driving us to the trailhead, my mom had met a friendly family from Forks, Washington. They'd done the Bailey Range Traverse multiple times and we exchanged phone numbers. A week after my dad's death, she said, quote, I want to ask them if they'll look for your pack. That seemed totally wild to me, unreasonable, but I didn't want to shut her down.

We were all off the hinges with grief and shock and trauma. Who was I to tell her what she could do? I felt sure they would say no. Anyways, she called, quote, we'll pray about it, they said. Some orientation, the Bailey Range Traverse is not a well-built trail, it's just a route. When my dad fell, we were a little off that route. It was a day and a half from the road.

I didn't know exactly where. My pack weighed at least 50 pounds. They called back to say they were going in. Three members of that family walked for four days, two in and two out to look for my pack. I worried for their safety. I thought they'd never find it, then the phone rang. Fucking egg, keep it together, bitch.

They found it, split the pack up three ways and carried it all back out. They walked for four days. Every day I see that last selfie I took with my dad. It's pinned to the wall by my desk, but my favorite of the rescued photos is this one, from the morning of his death. He's studying a map at dawn,

sitting in a field of avalanche lilies in the background is Mount Olympus. Oh, no, if you lose it, I'm gonna lose it again. He spent a lifetime seeking out high places and taught me to love them too. Once he told me, quote, if I die someday in the mountains, I won't think I've chosen the wrong life.

I don't think he did either. So much gratitude for Nass Weesar who answered my SOS and Olympic NP staff who met us with compassion. This family's extraordinary generosity will touch me for the rest of my life. When I remember my dad, I remember them too. Kindness always matters. Oh, that's so beautiful.

It really is, Lauren. And that's it for this episode of Deep Wounds. These emotional support animals did nothing but make us crazier. They really did. They didn't help in any positive way. Isn't that beautiful? So beautiful.

Until like, I just can't imagine the first thing you're concerned with in that moment is like, fuck your stuff. Like you gotta like repel down and like make sure your dad's okay. And then like afterwards when, you know, he's gone, you're just like, fuck, I just lost the last bit of him that I had.

And the pictures are beautiful. You'll see them on YouTube or the Two Hot Takes Instagram. I'll be sure to post them so you guys can see them if you're listeners. But life is full of these stories that shape us and cause these deep wounds and trauma. And it's what we can make out of it

and how we can heal and live the rest of our life. Happy, happily as possible. Well, and I, I like that you ended with that because I do think it's a good reminder after a lot of the stories that we talk about that humans, humans are amazing too, you know? That family that went in after just meeting them, passing on the trail.

Yeah. It was a blink. It was a blink. They just met them and saw them in their darkest moment. It was a blink. And they were willing to go risk their lives cause her dad died on that, where they left that pack. That's how he fell and died.

And they were willing to risk their lives and walk four days for complete strangers. That's amazing. Amazing. Sorry, I interrupted you. I'm just like this story without I read it, I'm like, I'm so glad I accidentally opened up that folder today when I was like going through my panic before we started

and I couldn't get my stories to load. I accidentally opened that folder and I was like, oh my God, like thank God I did because the tweet when I liked it, there were only 12,000 likes on that tweet from the screen grabs. So I don't know how far it made it, but I think it's a story that is so incredible. Yeah.

I want you to finish what you were saying. I interrupted you. You were saying humans and something important. No, no, what you said was great. That's, I mean, I, no, I, I just think it's really important after we talk about these crazy ass fucking Reddit stories, it's great to remember how selfless and kind humans can be.

And it's really beautiful to hear stories like this. So I'm glad that you shared. Sorry, it caused us all undue emotional distress. I know, and it's kind of, I like, and I was thinking about it too, because I'm not a good palate cleanser. Or like, I feel like we need another one to like recoup after that one.

No, but I feel like I should remind everyone too, who's not looking at the video, but I was laugh crying. I think like we're both like, because I know you were laughing at me trying to say sliding and I kept saying sliming. No, I know, but they're like every, anyway, it doesn't matter, but great episode.

God damn it. Good talk. Good talk. Yeah, no, that's it. That's it. Be sure to check out Patreon, because there's even more stories coming from this theme. I mean, my folder is a, it's a full, full folder.

So be sure to check out the Patreon. But other than that, this will be released in September. We are going to have a tie-dye party at the end of September. So for those of you that order merch from Fanjoy, we have like a white crew neck available, a black sweatshirt.

So we're gonna be doing a tie-dye party. So if you order the black sweatshirt, you could choose to bleach it. Or if you order the white, you could actually tie-dye whatever you want to do. Okay, I love this. This is the first that I'm hearing of this. Yeah, this is gonna be great.

So it's gonna be playing for the end of September. Everyone's included. I've ordered merch for everyone to be here. So we all have stuff to tie-dye. I'm invited. You're invited. I'm invited. Probably.

But yeah, tie-dye party, it's gonna be really fun. It's gonna be end of September. It's gonna be included for everyone that buys merch. I'm getting, I was planning on getting the emails of people that bought merch from Fanjoy to make sure that everyone who has bought merch can actually be included. So that was my plan for that.

So get ahead of it and order your white sweatshirts or whatever you wanna get so you can get it in time and be included in the fun little party. That sounds so fun. I'm actually excited. I'm pumped. I'm gonna get so crafty. I ordered a stone colored tie-dye kit.

So it's not rainbow, it's stone. Neutrals, gonna be beautiful. But I got a P. Love you all. Thank you for putting up with my crying per usual. Please don't leave me more mean reviews about crying cause it just like is so sad. Like when I cry and I'm vulnerable in front of you

and then you go leave me a one-star review because I cried on a podcast, grow up. Just kidding, grow up and start crying. Embrace the tears. Embrace the feelings. Love you all. Love you. Until next time.

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