Two Hot Takes - 81: Disabled NOT Differently Abled.. Ft. Molly Burke

Episode Date: September 15, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Molly Burke! We start off by talking a bit about Mollys experience of being a blind woman, disabled vs. differently abled, and taking some time to really learn. Reddit stories start at the 15:53 minute mark with Molly responding to stories related to disability, and working our way to some familiar drama ;) towards the end.    Partners: Everlywell: Everlywell.com/tht Hello Fresh: Hellofresh.com/tht16 Promo Code: tht16 Casetify: Casetify.com Promo Code: 15TWOHOTTAKES or http://cst.fyi/lMOz0 to get 15% off on your CASETiFY order Faherty: Fahertybrand.com/THT Promo Code: THT Patreon // & BONUS CONTENT https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

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Enjoy! Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. You might recognize her voice, but I'm joined today by the amazing, incredible, cute little Molly Burke. Thank you, I'm so happy. I like, literally the only podcast I listen to are True Crime or Two Hot Takes. Oh my god, I could not believe, because I must have been on your For You page the same time you were on mine, because I saw you transitioning guide dogs, and so that's how I started seeing your content, and then you reached out and I was like, stop, I know exactly who this is. I love nothing more than like, hearing some good tea and giving my opinion.

So, I'm pretty, I feel like I am the friend most people come to for advice, not that I think I actually give good advice, I think I'm just very good at listening. Okay. And I'm always the one who's like, do you want me to listen, or do you want me to give an opinion? Because those are different tasks. They're so different, and I think I need to start asking that before, because I think it's like, you kind of get lost in the sauce sometimes when your friends come to you, and they just want to vent, and then you're like, well, why are you still dating him?

He's a piece of shit, and then they're like, I love him, and you're like, oh, I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have been so honest with how I really feel about your partner. Yeah, I think I got to do that when my friends break up with people too, because it's the worst when you just go off and then they're back together three months later. Oh, God, very awkward. I'm really good at not giving my opinion on people's partners. I feel like unless there's an abusive situation where it is my place to be like, hey, this is unhealthy, this is toxic, but it's a good relationship, but I just don't like the person.

That's not my place. It's not my place, and they will figure out in time that I was correct. I can get a read on someone, and a year down the road, they do exactly what I predicted. Okay, wait, what's your read on me? I think you're very bright, kind. I think you're very genuine, and granted, I'm going off of your videos and our limited interaction, but I want to keep you around. I just love you.

Oh, yay. I think you're just so nice. And our time at the TikTok party and chatting, I just had such a good time. Well, it's so funny because we planned to do this, and then we ran into each other a few days ago at the TikTok party. So we didn't plan to meet before today, but we accidentally did, which was kind of perfect. It was meant to be, and this is the perfect segue. So Molly is blind. You've been blind since you were 14?

Yeah, I've been legally blind from birth, diagnosed at four with a disease called retinitis pigmentosa, which causes progressive loss of vision, and then lost the majority of my vision at 14. Okay, do you have any left at all? Light and shadow. Okay. So I can see there's two ring lights. Yeah. And then everything else is black, and I can see that there's light glowing back here,

which I know is the two hot takes sign, but I can't actually see. Okay. I couldn't read that. Yeah. I couldn't even tell you what color it is. It is red, but that's so interesting. So you happen to get tagged in a video, and I'm sure if you've been an OG two hot takes listener, you know exactly what one it is. And I literally, I could have died.

I could have melted away in a moment. It probably would have been that one. So Molly, we were talking about her upcoming appearance on two hot takes and she goes, yeah, like there was an episode where, you know, someone on it said differently abled. And I go, Molly, it was me. It was me. And I haven't, I still like we'll see comments from that video that pop up here and there. And it's, it's something we kind of got into a little bit at the party, but I heard that term because differently abled is not something I heard my whole life. I always kind of knew it as disabled disabilities.

But in grad school in my OT program, there was a group of disabled people that wanted to be called differently abled, which you had a great take on like where that's coming from. That literally hurts my heart for them because they've been indoctrinated into ableism and don't even know it. Like I don't know one singular empowered confident disabled person who's like, I want to be called differently abled. Like this topic makes me so heated. Seriously, it is just like the most condescending term ever that was 100% created by able bodied people who were uncomfortable saying disability. And the thing is, I am disabled. I can't see that is a way in which I am disabled. Am I still capable?

Yes, that wasn't the question. I am disabled though. And you can be capable and disabled. Yeah. And so for me, not only does the term differently abled sound so condescending. When you say it like that, oh God, it's terrible. Oh, the amount of people who will come to me and be like, you're not disabled, you're differently abled. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm just disabled.

Yeah. And I think it's like it's so, it's such a disservice and something like I want to go back to my grad program. And I say this every time something like this comes up. I need to send an email. I'm honestly a little scared, which is why I've put it off. I'll do it. I'll help. I'll be your backup.

Okay, good. We'll coordinate it. We'll coordinate it. We'll coordinate it. We'll coordinate it. I'll just connect you with them. You're the better. Just send them my video about it.

Just send them the link to my YouTube video about why you shouldn't say differently abled and be like PSA. It's so annoying. Even with like person first language, that was slammed down our throats during my grad program. By able-bodied people. By able-bodied people. But it's so, it's like, it's just disgusting how someone like myself or other OTs out there,

PTs, whoever it is, and maybe other programs are better about it. But for them to constantly be like, I would literally write my treatment plans. And I remember one treatment plan I put like, for this autistic boy, and I had my teacher red line it and be like, a boy with autism. And they just, the whole program, just person first, person first. Let's respect the person. They're person first. And again, if you need to be reminded that we're people, the problem is you.

Like you should not have to have person first to remember I'm a human beyond my disability. And if you think of literally every other way we speak, like just language, we say oldest son, not son who is oldest. We say trans woman, not woman who is trans. Whether it's about another minority community or whether it's just like the way language is, we always put the descriptor first. And in no other circumstance are we like, but we need to remember he's a son, not just the oldest.

Like what? It's so stupid. And again, it's able-bodied people who come up with these things. And the only disabled people I know who support these beliefs are people who have been indoctrinated into ableist beliefs, who have been surrounded by ableist people, which let's face it, majority of society is ableist by nature because we have had such limited access to disability education, representation. And so most people follow the medical model of disability, which is inherently ableist.

And so, yeah, it's just kind of this vicious cycle. And thanks to social media, we as disabled people in the disability rights movement are able to finally get a voice and share and voice these opinions because until now, it's been able-bodied people getting to narrate our stories instead of us. And finally, we're taking back our own power and rewriting it. And to me, am I a woman who is blind or am I a blind woman? I'm both, but blind woman is quicker and easier. It just doesn't matter.

And I am disabled. And at the end of the day, if we go around saying things differently abled, not only is it condescending, not only does it expose you as being uncomfortable with disability, but also we're ignoring the fact that I am disabled by many things that society has constructed. And we're ignoring that by being like, oh, but you're not disabled, you're just differently able to have all of these other special abilities that you have. So it doesn't matter that you're disabled. Like, no, it does actually matter.

It's a big part of your life. It's a big part of my life. It's a huge piece of who I am. And I have so many issues with my disability due to the fact that society has at large ignored us and our needs and our rights. And we need to have those very difficult and sometimes painful conversations, sometimes awkward conversations in order to further our cause and our voice. Yeah.

I know. That's why I put myself in this position to feel a little uncomfortable with what I said. But we grow and we learn and I think it is hard when the majority voice is we're disabled. We prefer that. And so I guess for people out there that might be struggling with their disability and how they view it and they are more, their preference is differently abled, how would you recommend they kind of overcome that internalized ableism? Well, I think it's finding the disability rights movement.

It's finding a strong and powered disability community, whether it be online, which literally there's so many incredible disabled tiktokers, incredible disabled YouTubers, like just hashtag disability awareness on tiktok and you will find so many incredible outspoken disabled advocates and activists to help you unlearn these ableist beliefs because I grew up in an ableist community. I grew up in the cure community. I grew up like absolutely enmeshed in the medical model of disability, which says that disability needs to be cured, changed, fixed, healed.

And when that's not possible, like for me, you end up walking around with a lot of guilt, shame, you feel broken, you feel not good enough, you feel like you'll never fit in. And how can you be a strong, confident, capable leader when you feel all of those negative things? Oh my God. No, it would be never coming to terms with something would probably be the most depressing thing ever. Like it's just a vicious cycle of like, okay, I need to be fixed, but I can't be fixed.

And so here I am. Like it's like learning that you, you as a disabled person are whole. You are good enough as you are, you're exactly who you were meant to be. And I know that when you're stuck in this kind of ableist mindset, that's actually really hard to hear. And I know because I was that person, I actually felt angry when people used to say things like that to me. I was like, no, I am not.

My life is horrible. It's so hard to be blind. Being disabled sucks. Like I, because I was just so stuck in that mindset, but once I, no pun intended, opened my eyes to this other view and I started being more open to seeing this incredible, vibrant empowered community, I was like, wow, I can learn to just love myself as I am. And how wonderful would that feel? How freeing would that feel?

And I can tell you years into this, it does. It's the best feeling ever being like, nah, nothing's wrong with me. Nothing's wrong with society. And I'm going to put all of my energy into not changing me, but into changing society. Yeah. Yeah. No, there's a quote I've shared a couple of times on the podcast and I'm blanking on what it is right now, but it's the fact that like, it's not the disabled person that is

like inequipped. It's the fact that society is like so disabling for that person. Absolutely. If I am able to read a Braille menu instead of ask somebody to read a menu for me, I'm not disabled because I'm reading the menu just like everybody else is at the table. But if there's no Braille menu there, I am forced to ask somebody to read it to me and then I am disabled. How often do you find restaurants have stuff like that?

I mean, they're legally supposed to, but most don't. That's crazy. Yeah. Well, you think with ADA, like, I mean, there's so many online services that could easily print a couple Braille versions for them. Like that is beyond annoying. I'm sure you get heated about it. I do.

As probably this whole rant has been evident, but I just really like I'm really passionate and I want other disabled people to get to this place, like to feel whole in themselves and to let go of the guilt, the burden they feel and to realize like you're not differently abled. You're disabled and that's okay. It isn't a dirty word. And I know that these people were probably told like by an able bodied person at some point in their journey when they were down on themselves about being disabled, like,

don't worry. Don't feel bad about yourself. You're not disabled. You're just differently abled. And I know that it comes with well-meaning intentions. Like, I know able bodied people who come up with these things, like, they're either trying to comfort themselves because they're uncomfortable with the fact that maybe their child or spouse has become disabled or they're trying to comfort a disabled person who is feeling down on themselves.

But I just think like, even though it's with the best of intentions, it is actually more harmful than good. Yeah. I would, I would agree with that, especially based on, you know, talking to you and learning a little bit more about it. And I think, yeah, we have said it, I've, I'm guilty of it. I've said it and it's, it comes from the best intentions of just trying to be inclusive. But the, that isn't inclusive.

It's essentially discriminatory by denying who that person is. So it's okay to ask somebody like, how do you want me to refer to, to your disability? Like what makes you feel comfortable? Um, I know I love when people ask me that because then I will just say to them, blind, there's a lot of people like, I always joke like, blind is like the B word. Like people, like, people like literally don't want to say blind as if I don't know I'm blind. Like as if they're the first person to ever tell me, so they'll be like, Molly can't see very well.

Molly is visually impaired and I'm like, that's actually more misleading than just telling people I'm blind because then they think I could see more than I can. I'm blind. Yeah. I'm just blind. It's okay. Like you can say it. I'm not going to be shocked.

Oh my gosh. I have some really good stories for you today that I think you'll be able to shed light on. I wanted to, because of, you know, the privilege I have having you on today and you being disabled, I picked a lot of stories that are speaking to that realm of disability, but after learning you're a horse girl and things like that, you know, I threw in some other ones too, but this is going to be a good one. I am very excited.

I'm very ready. And honestly, I'm kind of nervous. Oh no. It'll be really good. I just don't want to have a bad hot take. I think I have one every episode. Please be kind to me. Let's dive in.

Okay. So up first, I, 21 female, have no clue how to cut off a toxic friend, 23 female, who uses my disability as a joke at my expense. This title sounds dramatic, but I can promise you it's a lot worse. Also I'm on mobile, have a sleep and recovering from surgery. So formatting and spelling issues should be expected. It's on background. I'm currently attending university and I'm almost finished.

I am also on the autism spectrum. I struggle really hard with making friends. So if I'm being honest, the only friend I've ever made on campus at my school is my now boyfriend, 22 male. That is until I met Jenny. Jenny and I were in class together January of 2021. She messaged me through zoom and we exchanged numbers and kept each other afloat during that course.

Due to the pandemic, we never hung out physically, but through texts, she seemed to be really cool. After we both got vaccinated, we met up to actually hang out and it was really fun. But I quickly noticed I had to set a lot of firm boundaries. She wanted to hang out every single day and would get upset with me if I said no, which I often did. She would invite me into group settings where all the jokes would be overly sexual. One girl there grabbed my ass and when I acted in shock, they all brushed it off like, quote,

all friends do this. And she would invite herself over to my house randomly and stay for hours. She would also just show up at places I was. If I told her I was teaching a piano lesson, she'd show up at the music studio. All of this was really bad in of itself, but I had a serious talk and it temporarily lightened up. However, things quickly began to spiral when I told her I was on the spectrum. Jenny completely changed.

If we went out for lunch. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just hate. Like that's disgust. I, first of all, I assumed she had known the whole time. The whole time. Oh my God.

I'm sorry. It's gonna be worse. I'm sorry. It's gonna be worse. Keep going. Keep going. I'll say what I was gonna say. I'll hold it.

If we went out for lunch, she would make a show of ordering for me even after I requested that she wouldn't. Once when I got excited, I started to drum and she loudly proclaimed, oh my gosh, you're so cute. I didn't know how autistic people actually did this. She and I worked together and she would loudly bring up my autism and quote, are you getting sensory overload? It's pretty busy today around my coworkers.

One day, I told her I needed to talk to a professor we had together after class and without me knowing, she went to his office hours to quote, give him a heads up about my disability. I still don't know all what was said. No. No, that is literally no one's place. That is disgusting. Okay, go on.

She introduced me to a large group of strangers, even though I had expressed I was not comfortable with that and complained to me when I quote, didn't act enthusiastic enough meeting her new friends. She even wants to try to go behind my back and invite my boyfriend to her house to play video games with my boyfriend. Being an actually decent guy, he showed me the text as soon as he got them. I wanted to test Jenny, so I texted her asking if I could join them. To which she replied, all we play is Stardew Valley.

People probably hear the real games Colin and I play and get sent into sensory overload. Most recently, I was rushed into surgery as my appendix had exploded. She tried to come to the hospital over- Did she blame the appendix exploding on her autism? If would not be surprised. She tried to come to the hospital over my own mother as my one allowed visitor. All these and more are the reasons I cannot stand this relationship anymore. However, I feel stuck because we work together and most likely have classes together next semester.

I normally try to avoid confrontation, but this is just too toxic for me. How can I cut her off? Okay. Obviously, the first thing that sent me was hearing this whole, she changed after I told her I was autistic. Now this really bothers me because this happens to me. My worst experience was when I first moved to LA and I was trying to make new friends and I went to this gathering with my one and only friend that I had at the time, literally

been here for a few weeks. He introduces me to this group of friends. Shockingly, don't introduce myself like, hi, I'm Molly and I'm blind. That's not my intro. It just hadn't come up. Usually I bring it up when it makes the most sense to bring it up and I didn't have my cane with me. I think I had my service dog with me, my guide dog.

Because service dogs are used for so many different disabilities now and also obviously people train. Most people look at me and think I'm training him, to be honest, and if not, they assume I have some other disability. I've been asked if it's a seizure alert dog, if it's a diabetic response dog. A lot of people assume it's a medical alert for a hidden disability. And so I'm rarely as my guide dog pegged as being for blindness, which is weird because guide dogs wear harnesses, other service dogs wear vests, but I digress.

Some mobility dogs wear harnesses that look kind of similar, but still guiding harnesses are pretty distinct. Yeah, they're pretty specific. Anyways, so it just didn't come up. We're chatting, she asks what I do, I tell her I'm a YouTuber, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, oh, what do you make your videos about? And I was like, well, this makes sense. This would be the time to mention that I make content about lifestyle content.

Easy transition. That includes me being blind. And so I mentioned it, and she was gasped like that when I said I was blind. And after we had already been talking for like 10 minutes, she turns to our mutual friend who's standing kind of in between us and goes, what happened to her? You said you were blind, not deaf, right? And I was like, ma'am, A, I'm right here. She said that here you were like still standing right there.

And I was like, I just told you I make content about my disability for a living. I'm clearly very comfortable talking about it. What a goofball. It was so bizarre. And my friend was just like, what do I do? So I just stepped in and I was like, oh, I was born with a rare disease that caused me to lose my vision. And she, again, to my friend goes, that's so sad.

And I was like, what is happening? Like it's a Twilight Zone episode. And like just the way she treated me completely changed. And it's crazy to me how often people go from treating me like completely normal and like interact with me like they would anybody else to when they find out I'm disabled, they treat me like a child. Oh my God, that's so frustrating. Like I'm incapable.

And so that's why that was so triggering for me because this is like very much a real thing. This happens to many disabled people who can pass disabled body. Very similar experience with like this girl, the minute she said she was autistic, things changed. Yeah. So that's like major red flag number one. And it definitely is just spiraled from there.

I am like, I'm like OP. I like avoid confrontation. I am not a confrontational person. I think it's like years of being bullied. I'm just like, I like struggle with confrontation. We all do. Yeah. So I get it.

I like feel her on that. But I do think that she needs to somehow separate from this person who seems very intermeshed. I think if she's having issues in the workplace, I feel like it's completely fair to go to a boss. Yeah. And express those issues. I think that also PS, if anybody's listening to this, it's not your job to out people's disabilities to anybody.

Like the disabled person gets to decide when, if and how they disclose. So to have gone and disclose that to a professor is so vile. That's insanity. Like is so not okay. I can't believe he even accepted that conversation and wasn't like, I don't talk about other students. Thank you so much for visiting. Have a good day.

I mean, I assume she maybe has an IEP in which case like her professor already knew. Yeah. But it is still never okay to disclose somebody else's disability for them unless they have explicitly asked you to. But I would either just do like the nice slow ghost, like the slow faith, you know, where you just kind of respond less and less and like kind of ice them out to the point where they get it. If you're like really don't want to do confrontation, but obviously that's like the last resort

because that's not very nice. Not that she's been that nice to you. So she doesn't really deserve your result. Yeah. But still because you have to see her, I feel like it's better to do the respectful thing, which is just to have a conversation and be like, look, I don't feel like you're respecting my boundaries. I don't feel like you respect me as a disabled person.

And I can't have people in my life who treat me that way. And so I, I'm going to have to end this friendship, like basically a friendship breakup, right? Yeah. Like you would break up with a partner. Yeah. I think that's kind of her only resort, but it sounds like that might not even go well considering the fact, OP has tried to set so many firm boundaries again and again and again.

So I think your idea of the slow fade honestly might be the best way. I know. Even though it's like not nice, again, like the she even deserve to serve respect. Like sometimes to be like ghosting is completely uncalled for when the person has done nothing wrong. But if the person has been like an absolute piece of trash, like this, just like give them what they've been giving out, right? Like you attract what you, what you put out, like give them right back, give them the energy

they deserve. Exactly. You know what I'm saying? Well, so this one flew really under the radar. It was posted six months ago. There's only 14 upvotes on the original post. So like no one really saw this, but the top comment does say do the slow fade. Put Jenny on an info diet right away.

Don't tell her your location. If you have, if you have to hang out, always have something scheduled right after so you can easily get away and just decrease the frequency you reply to messages until they move on. It might be awkward, but work, we'll work in the long run. And I think that's the best way to do and like, and if she's like, why are you not talking to me? You can always be like, sorry, I'm so busy right now.

Exactly. And just kind of like pushing it off until she gets the hint and like stops trying. Yeah. I know the fact they work together is so unfortunate. That's the very unfortunate part. And that's why I think maybe going to HR or a boss, because ultimately like if she's really treating her like this, it's, it's in certain ways like workplace discrimination. Yeah.

You know what I mean? So I feel like it would be appropriate to go to the boss. I feel like the slow fade is honestly the safest thing to do with somebody who's this kind of toxic, but you still have to see in your pretty regular life schedule. Yeah. I feel like it's just the safest way of least resistance. I agree. Even though it's not ideal, like the ideal thing is to have a conversation.

Yeah. I do feel like you're right. Like she's disrespected the boundaries so many times at this point, she's shown that the conversation isn't going to work. No. I think, I think when you get to this point, like you're at your wits end with this person and it sounds like she really almost like wants to like tote her around like her token autistic friend and like show her off and like, Oh, look at me.

I have an autistic friend. I'm so inclusive. I'm so great. I mean, it's that inspiration porn. It's that like, I'm a hero for being friends with a disabled person. I'm such a good person. They use like literally use disabled people as an ego boost. Freaking weirdos.

Yeah. So I think, I think you're, you're spot on with the slow fade. And sometimes like some of, some of her comments almost make me feel like she's making these comments to almost show like when she says things like, are you getting sensory overload? She's almost sounds like she's making these comments to be like, look how woke I am. Look how aware of autism. I know. I know the lingo.

I have an autistic friend. Like I'm cool with you being autistic because I like say it. I openly say that you're autistic to show that I'm so comfortable with you being autistic. Like it's just this weird, I don't know where the fuck she's coming from, but it's not okay. And I'm okay with the ghosting on this one. I'm a big advocate for not ghosting, but sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes ghosting is the only option.

Yeah. Well, I'm getting like where your skin vibes. So I think it might be the safest for her as well. I'm getting you on Netflix. Literally. Yeah. Like just showing up. Freakin weirdo.

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Moving along. This one is probably like going to relate to you very personally. So if you do feel uncomfortable with it, tell me and we can move on. Oh goodness. I'm nervous. I will not hurt my feelings if you don't want to respond to this one. Okay. So the title is, my parents are against me being with my girlfriend because she's blind

and they'll say she'll quote, limit my future options. How do I deal with them being rude towards her and trying to guilt me out of my relationship? Yep. Okay. Go on. Let's do this. We're going there. We're going there.

I'm sorry. I feel it's so important to address this stuff because I think you could replace blind with any disability. Literally any disability. Absolutely. This happens all the time and like whenever my girlfriends complain about how hard it is to date, I'm like, okay, so I have the normal 2022 dating struggles and I'm disabled. Yeah.

Add that extra layer. So yeah, I get the dating struggles. So they go on to say, side note, I, female 18 came out to my parents as bi a few years ago and they were nothing but supportive and understanding. So I know this isn't likely part of the issue. I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend, female 20 for a few months now and my family recently found out and got to meet her. She's come over for dinner and my family and I a few times and she's always really polite

and they have good conversations. She's the kind of person who knows enough about most things to be able to participate in whatever topic and in general, there's been a positive vibe when they're together. However, she's blind and my parents seem to have a real problem with her being a burden on me or something stupid like that. After the first time she was over for dinner, my mother had a talk with me about how things were going. If it felt like a long term thing and I said, yeah, they sat me down again later that week

and talked about how I need to always make sure I'm thinking things through and considering my best interests, et cetera. And I didn't feel comfortable, so I didn't prolong it. After she'd been over a few more times and once again, there was no obvious issues and them getting along or any animosity, my mom asked to talk to me again and discussed how it's not, quote, in my best interests to be with someone who will, quote, limit my future options, end quote. I'd love to understand in what way she thinks she will, like a blind person will limit her

daughter's future options. Like I'm very, I would have loved for her to elaborate on what exactly that means. I'm not sure if there's enough context. I didn't read this one, so I'm blind reacting with you. No pun intended. I admit when we talked, I reacted badly and got angry because she was saying it in a really condescending tone and acting like my girlfriend is helpless or something. She's really independent and capable and I've explained that before.

And since then, they haven't had a conversation for the past few weeks, but they don't like whenever I bring her up and they've been a lot more cold and almost rude to her at points for no particular reason. They don't greet her when she comes over to hang out or try to show any interest. And when they do talk, they have the stupid patronizing way of doing it that irks me. I have no clue what to do about this because they've just been being discriminatory and unpleasant about something that doesn't affect them because they think she's going to limit me somehow.

And I seriously hate it. I'm worried they're just trying to be passive aggressive to make her feel bad and guilt me. Advice is needed big time. Okay, obviously a lot of thoughts. Yeah. I think this really speaks to the issues that arise when we as disabled people don't have authentic positive representation. Like in 2022, we have 3.1 percent representation of disability across all

media forms in North America, which is disgustingly low. 3.1? 3.1 percent. That's pretty small. Yes. Considering like, do you know the actual percentage of population? Over a billion people in the world, 25% of the world's population is disabled. So those numbers are very skewed.

Yeah. So it's, and of that, of the 3.1 percent that we have, majority is written, directed, produced and played by able-bodied people. So therefore it's inaccurate and authentic. Um, and as I said earlier, just perpetuate stereotypes and misconceptions, which leads to ignorance, which leads to discrimination, the vicious cycle, my favorite, which is why I have taken the route of creating content about disability to build representation for at least myself, at least my experience of blindness.

Um, my experience as a disabled woman, my experience as a service dog user and try to use my platform to uplift the voices of other people trying to do the same. And it's clear that her parents have never seen or known of a disabled person like being successful and being independent and being capable. What they know, their worldview of disability is probably what they've, the little they've seen in the media, which either pities us or praises us for simply existing as humans. I mean, the amount of times that like I am told when I'm out just like grabbing

my coffee at Starbucks, like, you're so brave, you're so inspiring. And I'm like, um, you don't know anything about me other than the fact that I'm disabled, like you have no, like I could be a drug dealer. I'm not, but I could be like, you don't know what I've done in my life. I could be such a jerk. You don't know I could be the high school bully. Like you don't know that I'm an inspiration just for existing. If you know my story, if you know everything that I have been through,

which granted is a damn lot, uh, you can say I'm inspiring because I have had to fight through more than even many people in my own community. So like if you find what I have overcome inspiring, I am happy to be that for you. I am not happy to be inspiring for you by simply existing and getting my coffee. Yeah. Cause you have no context. You have no context for what I've been through, how I've gotten here, where I am today. And so those are the only ways media has historically portrayed and framed our

stories is with pity or with praise for literally existing as a human in society. And it's clear to me that these are the views that her parents hold of disability. And so I think one thing she needs to do is gather up like a list of, of content creators like myself and say to her parents, I would, it would really mean a lot to me. I think she first needs to say, this really hurts me. Yeah. Like the way you're treating my girlfriend really hurts me. And I think you're ultimately being discriminatory.

And I think it's really good for her. If she like frames this conversation with her parents, as if other people were treating her that way. Yeah. Like how would you feel if I was dating a boy and his family didn't want him to date me because I'm bisexual and have previously dated women? Yeah. Like how would you feel if your daughter was being discriminated against in a

relationship for just simply being who she is? Yeah. So I think it's important for her to raise that flag that like as a bisexual woman, I can be discriminated against being in the LGBTQ plus community. How would you feel if this was me? Yeah. Um, because just like you're discriminating against my girlfriend for being disabled, something outside of her control, that is how it would be if

somebody's discriminating against me for being bisexual. Yeah. Which people do do that. So it's people do. It's honestly, it could be a reality for her if they don't work out. Exactly. So I think it's important for her to like frame that this is why it offends me so much.

How would you feel if, if I was being treated this way in a relationship by somebody else's parents and here's like a list of creators or resources that I would like you to review, to look at, to take some time to understand my girlfriend, her community and like see how capable like this community is. Um, how independent she can be. Like there are so many blind people, so many disabled people who live alone, who cook, who clean, who hold a nine to five corporate America job, who pay their bills, who are single parents, like probably the single most difficult

job you could have. Yeah. Like I have many blind friends who are single parents to like three or four children. You know, like, I can't even imagine that as like me as an able-bodied person. Kids get a shit out of me. I don't want to be, I don't want kids. So they're so scary.

I'm like, oh dear God, how do you do it? But they're, love them from a very far distance. Yeah. I like to babysit at this point, but I, I, you know, I, I go back and forth on a daily basis, but they're scary. I don't. I'm pretty firm. Child-free.

I'm planted in my child-free existence. But, um, yeah, I feel like that, that is maybe the route to take. I also just selfishly like kind of hope she has not told the girlfriend because that is the type of thing that could kill a person's self-esteem for a very long time and could potentially, depending on where she's at in her self-acceptance journey as a disabled woman, really harm her for future relationships. If this does not work out. Like that's the type of thing that could give somebody a complex.

Have an update. Oh God. Okay. Give it to me. I'll stop. I'll stop. I can talk too much. She cut me off every time.

No, I'm not going to do that. I'm trying to get better about not interrupting people. So I did search on the original post for Molly and there was one person that I know O.P. saw it because they replied to their comment, but they, they basically said like this may sound off topic, but I swear it's related. Show them strong independent blind people living their life and how they don't burden anyone and they don't limit their significant other's future options. My brain immediately went to Tof from Avatar the Last Airbender, even though

she's a fictional character and all things in that universe are a bit different. But the show really displays that she's not helpless and carries her own weight with the group despite being blind. Maybe show them videos from Molly Burke on YouTube. So they have a bit more insight on how your girlfriend doesn't limit you in any way, just a suggestion and O.P. responds back and goes, I actually love that show. So I know they saw it.

So hopefully they go to the videos, but we do have an update. Okay. Um, I made a post here a few days ago talking about my parents discriminatory attitude towards my girlfriend because she's blind. I'd like to say thank you for all the people that took the time to comment on the post and help me out. Today she wanted to come over again and I told her about the post. So I decided to talk to them first.

I sat down with my parents and discussed some specific issues and basically pushed them to actually name some ways they thought her disability would inconvenience me. And so I answered those concerns for them. After that, I asked them to please stop treating her the way they are and that I wasn't fair of them and enough is enough. I mentioned that she was coming to stay for the night and that if they talked to her, I wanted it to be respectful and inviting.

They took it okay. And my dad definitely took it better than I thought mom, not so much. Afterwards, I spoke to my dad privately and just asked him to keep an eye on my girlfriend whenever they're in the same area and watch how she does things by herself and is independent. And he said, okay, tonight has been okay so far. They haven't really had any conversations this evening, but there wasn't anything rude or condescending slash belittling.

And I'm wondering how long this will last. I hope my dad actually pays attention and maybe points out some of the independent things to my mom, but I don't know. My girlfriend was pretty pleased when I told her about the post and said it was really sweet that I wanted to go and seek advice for how to help make them treat her better. So I got good girlfriend points for that. I figured people might appreciate this update and I thought I would ask for

strategies to use so I can keep this initial little bit of progress going. And make it an actual change. Okay. Well, I'm glad her girlfriend responded well. Yeah. It seems very confident in her personal journey. I think a lot of us are also just very used to it. Like I have heard people tell me they wouldn't date me because I'm blind since

I was literally like 12. So I'm just very used to that. Like I know, I know that there is a large percentage of the world that will never give me a chance because I can't see. And like that's fine. I don't need you. Um, like I don't want you anyways. So it's fine.

Um, so I'm sure that her girlfriend is no stranger to hearing things like that as well, though that said, it doesn't like hurt any less when you, when you, when you are confronted with it. I, my longest relationship was two and a half years and it was with a sighted fully able bodied man. And I remember when we broke up, we, we remained friends and I, you know, I said to him, like, you've been in other long-term relationships with able bodied women, like how, how was our relationship different?

Cause I, I wanted the Intel, you know, it was my first long-term serious relationship. So I wanted to be able to like kind of get his perspective and maybe take some of, some of his feedback into consideration for future relationships. Like how could I be a better partner? Um, that's what everyone does. You want to learn to go forward to not like repeat your mistakes. Yeah, exactly. Repeat your past and grow.

That's like the whole point of like breaking up. It's like, okay, this was great. This taught me, and now I'm going to move on to the next one and be even better. Exactly. And it still sticks with me. And I'm, I'm so grateful that this was his response. Um, but he was like, honestly, Molly, the only thing different about dating is you couldn't drive.

Like that was literally it. Like that was the extent of like the challenge it presented. Like we'd have to decide if like we both want to drink that we were going to get Ubers or like, you know, like he's like, that's really it. That like, I knew I was going to be DD if we were going to a party and we wanted to take the car. Yeah. Like, but he's like, that's like, there's so many people who can't drive because

of other medical issues, like, you know, people with epilepsy often can't drive. Um, there's also just people who are scared. They've maybe been in a car crash or had trauma around driving. Like, so he was like, that's really like the only thing that comes to my mind that it could be a little tricky sometimes. Yeah. And I was like, so lucky to have a relationship with somebody who like genuinely viewed it that way.

Yeah. And I mean, let me just say our blind, my blindness had nothing to do with our breakup, like literally nothing to do with the reason our relationship ended. And is this the one that went to OT school? Yes. Okay. Yeah. And yeah, I'm, I'm grateful because I didn't like develop any further complex about

being a blind woman dating because like I said, being a blind woman and dating is hard enough as it is between the discrimination, the stigma, and the, just how hard it is to date in general nowadays. Yeah. Plus combine it with like being in the public eye, like that's obviously not for everybody. Oh my God, you have so many layers. I think being a successful woman, that's not for everybody. Nope.

I've literally had guys be like, I would never date a girl who makes more money than me. I was like, okay, then walk away. That's fine. Goodbye. Goodbye. So I feel like I have so many layers that make dating. So I'm in the, I'm in the like single for life era of my, of my existence. I'm like, I am just never dating again.

I, I'm just happy with my, with my dogs and my squish mellow. I don't think this will, knock on wood here. I, that scared me. Don't. And I'm so sorry. I was like, are the police there? No, they're coming for us. I don't anticipate being single anytime soon, hence I had to knock on wood as I'm like saying that.

But if I ever were to become single again, I would love to try a matchmaking service. I think it would be just like so much fun. Honestly, I've considered doing it like just purely for content. Cause I think it would be interesting and fun. Cause I've never really, other than like millionaire matchmakers. Did you go on a dating show? Didn't you go on like a YouTube dating show? Oh, I did.

Yeah. Oh my God. I feel like, and it was the poor guy ended up like knocking wine all over you. Was that right? Or am I seeing a different video? And if that happens, I've blocked it out of my memory. Oh my God. I feel like probably for the best.

It sounds awful. I've had so many bad dates though. They all blend. Okay. Yeah. I feel like I saw a TikTok and it wasn't your content. It was someone else posting it. I'm going to have to, we're going to have to.

Oh my God. We have to find this. We have to find this. I'm so curious. But I think he like knocked over his wine or something. Let's see. Who did you go on this? It was like a dating show, right?

I've only ever done one dating show, but no wine was involved unfortunately. Oh man. I'm so curious though. Did I do something and not even know I did something? No. I'm sure it wasn't you and I'm just an idiot. Oh my God. I have to know that.

Now I want to see this. It was really, really good. It was, wait, today I surprised my blind friend with a blind date. Oh, oh my God. Okay. With Joey Graceffa. Is it Joey Graceffa? I believe so.

Oh my God. That was a horrible date. Yes. He never told me he was doing that. Like I was just like, what video are we doing for your channel? He's like, I'm not sure. We'll figure it out when you get here. Like that was a completely.

You got blindsided. I got literally blindsided. And it was a horrible date. Yes. So weird. They did a TikTok cut down of this video. And then the guy sat there like in like a post date interview. And like, did you not hear?

It was so weird. It was bad. It was crazy watching. It was the most uncomfortable I've maybe ever been filming a video. It was horrible. Oh my God. I didn't think of that as a dating show because it's just like a Joey Graceffa's channel and like we just like did a collab.

Sorry. That's why I didn't know. And it was years ago. No, that's four years ago. The TikTok cut down that he did like made it seem like it was like almost like a dating show. No, no, it's just like we were just doing collabs. So we like filmed a video for my channel, filmed video for his channel. And like I said, like, I was like, okay, this is what I want to do for my channel.

Like, what are we doing for yours? I love Joey. Like nothing against Joey. Yeah. But he like completely like obviously that was like part of the bit was that he fully surprised me with it. Yeah. But oh my God.

And afterwards I was like, where did you find that person? And he was like, I just like posted on Facebook if anybody knew somebody would be in a video. Like he didn't know the guy at all either. Oh my God. That actually sounds very dangerous. I mean, he was like a nice guy, but it was all very weird. Like, never would I go on a date with him. No, I'll post the link in the YouTube description and the episode description because it's really

funny. And I'll have to find the TikTok because the TikTok was like, Oh my God. I don't think I ever even watched his post date like interview with him because I was like, I can't even watch this video. I can't relive this trauma again moment of my life. It was so uncomfortable. He was like, he was just bringing up topics that like made me very uncomfortable,

but I was being filmed. So I felt like I had to go along with it. You know what I mean? Like I was just like, oh, I like feel like I have to like go along with this, but I'm actually very uncomfortable. Like it was just weird. Yeah. Okay.

I'm glad it was you though, because you do have pink hair in this video too, which I'm like, was it her? That's how many years ago it was. I've had purple, gray, blonde since then. You like to experiment. Yeah. I've been many hair colors since that era. I'm not brave enough.

I want to go brown from blonde, but I'm, I'm... What hair color are you naturally? Blonde, but I used to be like white blonde as a kid. And now it's like sandy blonde. And then so I do the highlights. Yeah. Like a cheap Amazon brown wig tested out. I think that's what I gotta do.

Yeah. Okay. Moving along. Good update though. I think there's definitely progress there, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it could work out.

Hopefully. Girlfriend sounds like a cutie. They sound really good together. They do. Although I'm at a point where I've learned in my life, when you're in a relationship, you're like also marrying that person's family. Oh yeah.

You know what I mean? And like I am not interested, no matter how wonderful the man is, I don't think I'm interested in marrying a trash family. No. Who disrespects me. So that would be like very hard for me to get over. That would be like if it didn't improve,

like if years in it was still an issue, I don't think I personally could stay in a relationship where I am a part of a family that like disrespects me. Oh my God. The mother-in-law stories I read, I just like... Those women are saints. Saints. And I understand being in love,

but I'm like I, for my own sanity, like you can only put up with so much. Yeah. It's like you're exposing yourself constantly to something toxic and it's just not healthy. No, no. At Sakana, we transform complexity into clarity.

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That's C-I-R-C-A-N-A.com. I-R-I and N-P-D have come together to form Sarcana. So this one, my 24 female boyfriend of three years, 26 male, has become disabled and it's causing too much strain on our relationship. Let me start with this.

I love him. Our issues have nothing to do with ableism. Let's call my boyfriend Drew. Drew was in the military for a few years before we met. I met him in the last six months of his contract, during which he was dealing with some slight back pain. Then the pandemic hit.

We've had our fair share of arguments, discussions and tragedy over the last three years, but none hit more like August of 2021. Drew was walking down the stairs, turned to me and said, quote, I can't feel my legs. After agonizing months of doctor's appointments,

including a medical malpractice incident, we finally landed on his condition. Lupus was severe arthritis and swelling near his spinal cord. He has all but fallen apart from this. Every month we have a knockdown drag out fight about something he says. Tonight, and several times over the last week,

every time we get into an argument, he says, quote, I should be alone. You need to leave me alone forever. It could be an argument as small as taking out the trash. I'm the only one working. I work three jobs to support us. He relies on savings and VA disability.

He pays our rent and car payment with his GI Bill housing stipend, but I'm left with pretty much everything else. He is a hermit. I had to beg him to go out with me to get his haircut for Valentine's. We went to dinner afterwards, and he seemed like his old self.

We even came home and had passionate sex for the first time in months. I miss this part of him. I want to make him feel better and help him regain his strength again. But every time I try to help him, we get into a fight. He says I overload him with things

he already feels bad about. But even when I remind him to do something kindly, he gets worked up and mad. I walk out around on eggshells constantly. How can I help him feel better without being overbearing? All I want is to help him, but lately, he keeps pushing me away.

First off, if he is not in therapy, he needs to be. He needs to be in every form of therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, talk therapy, couples therapy. Like they need to be doing all of the therapy right now. Absolutely. Getting a diagnosis like that is life changing.

Absolutely. And you can't expect to just like cope with that and get over it without help, like without professional help. No, you are not equipped with the tools. If you are typically just an able-bodied person and you have something like this happen, you're not taught how to deal with this.

You don't have the tools to just deal with a diagnosis and something so shocking on your own. Absolutely. No, they both need to be in therapy individually and they both need to be in therapy together. I think that's like absolutely step number one super important. Yeah.

I think that like seeing those glimmer, the glimmer of his old self in those little moments shows that like there is hope. Yeah. But it's hard. I mean, for me, like when I lost the majority of my vision, I went through years of being angry, resentful, bitter, suicidal.

Like it was very hard. Yeah. It was very hard. And I, by the sounds of it, I mean this sounds like depression. It sounds like he's really battling it. And it doesn't sound like it's even, you know, August 2021, it hasn't been even a full year.

It's very new. Since his, yeah. Like so, so fresh. And so, you know, there's not a lot of details of where he's at now. Like he has lupus, severe arthritis, swelling around his spinal cord, but it doesn't really give a lot of context.

So not knowing where he's at, you know, if he's a wheelchair user or what his day-to-day looks like. I mean, I worked a lot with MS, people that were dealing with MS. And it can be very limiting, but also there are so many adaptations you can make to still have a very full, fulfilled life where you're not limited by your diagnosis.

Absolutely. At all. Yeah. So it's, I just, it's tough. And I commend her. It sounds like, you know, working three jobs and, you know, dealing with a partner that has depression and is making this adjustment

is a lot, but. That's why I think she also needs to be in therapy. Absolutely. Because this is a lot on her as well. Like I often feel like it was almost harder on the people around me who loved me, seeing me go through what I was than it was me. Because you feel so helpless, right?

Watching somebody go through something so traumatic and feeling like there's nothing you can do to stop or change it is very difficult. So this is everybody's journey right now, not just his journey. And I think it's maybe important to have that conversation with him as well if you think he can handle it.

But I think individual and couples therapy would be very helpful in this moment. I also, as a disabled woman, like I myself have had to come to terms with the fact that dating me isn't for everybody. Not everybody can handle dating a disabled person. And that's really freaking hard to accept. That's really hard to accept.

And as much as I want everybody to accept my disability and to see that I'm capable and confident and to think that I'm good enough as I am, it's not the reality. A lot of people can't handle it. And there's going to be people who can. And it's just finding that person. It's finding that person.

Yeah. And so, yeah, it's like a really unfortunate situation. But I feel like it seems like she's really open to it. As she said, it's not like an ableist situation. It's not that she believes he's incapable or doesn't love him because he's disabled now or chronically ill.

It's more so the mental health as she's coming along with it. Yep, exactly. The bitterness he's feeling, the way she has felt like she has lost him. Right? And so, I think it's really talking to him. And if he's not open to therapy saying,

then this is done. You've got to almost play chicken, right? Be like, okay, well, I need to feel like we're both working on this. Yeah. And right now, I don't. It's okay to walk away if it's unhealthy for you because you can't run yourself into the ground

trying to love somebody who is unwilling to work on things. Yeah. And this is regardless of his disability. Like regardless of his disability, as a partner, you cannot run yourself into the ground helping somebody who will not help themselves. You need to think of yourself as well. And it's okay sometimes to be selfish

and to say like I deserve and need more than this in my partner. And again, I truly don't feel like this has anything to do with his disability. It's his mental health. It's his mental health and his unwillingness to potentially work on that. Yeah.

And so, I think if he's willing to work on it, I think there's a lot of hope here. So much. And I think this could really work out and be great. But if he's not willing to work on that, then I think this could be, it's not a healthy relationship for either of them anymore. No.

And maybe he needs that wake-up call. Yeah. You can only burn yourself so much to keep someone else warm. And I think looking at the context of this, saying, hey, we need to go to therapy. I think you should have individual therapy. I think that is such an easy ask. And he does, being a veteran,

he should have insurance that will cover that. He should be able to afford that. And so, I mean, that's kind of like the bare minimum to keep this going. And I do, just from my experience with OT, something that was talked about in our coursework is the gender disparity when a partner becomes disabled. And female or people that identify as women

are more likely to be abandoned by a partner versus males. And so, I mean, she's in the thick of this with him. And so, she's trying to help him, but you also have to take some responsibility for yourself and your mental health. And I get, if he is in the thick of depression, that is so, so difficult right now. It's so hard.

I mean, I struggle a lot with mental illness and I get it. I work so hard on my mental health. Yeah. And to the point where one of my new doctors was like, oh my gosh, you really work on it. And I was like, thank you, I do. Thank you for recognizing the years I have put into my mental illness.

So, I really think this is such an awful situation. And I feel for both of them, I mean, I've been on his side. Um, but I also know that like caretakers can only do so much. Yeah. You know, and I think that sometimes with disabled or chronically ill people, people tiptoe around us. Like they don't want to be honest. They don't want to give us the truth, but like,

sometimes you got to just give us the truth. Yeah. Like you don't have to pretend that everything's okay. Like sometimes I know I've needed people to be like brutally honest with me to kick my butt into gear, you know, and to be like, you're right. I do need to step up. I do need to do more.

My blindness is not an excuse. My disability is not an excuse. My mental illness is not an excuse. I do need to work at this and be intentional. If not to save this relationship, to save his life, like for himself, he deserves to be happier than he is right now. He deserves to live a better life than he is right now. And you can and he will if he puts in the effort.

Happiness doesn't come. Happiness takes work. Yeah. Well, and Lupus, like it is a very scary, severe disease, but I have family with Lupus. He's a practicing lawyer, works 70, 80 hours a week. Like he is grinding and he has kiddos and a wife and has this very full life.

So it's like, it's so scary to get a diagnosis like that, but it doesn't, it's not a death sentence. Absolutely. You have to decide like, do I want to be bitter and resentful and angry and give up? Or do I want to express those emotions, like feel it, and then like kick my butt into gear and realize I deserve better than this.

Like I don't want to live like this. That's not a life worth living. Like I want to feel better about myself, about my relationships, about my life. And like, sure, life has drastically changed. There are things that you maybe can't do that you used to. There are days that are going to be way harder than others. There are going to be times when you can't

or won't be able to get out of bed. But there are better days too, like that date they went on when he like got to have passionate sex again and got to like get a haircut and like follow himself, like live for those days, you know? And I really hope for both of them that they can be healthy, like obviously like living with lupus. I don't mean healthy in like the traditional sense,

but like that they can have a healthy relationship as now an interabled couple. Yeah. The top comment on it is like, just along the lines of what we said, and I'm really glad it was. It says, go see a therapist. This is way beyond the scope of Reddit. He's obviously having a problem accepting his disability

and you aren't doing the right things to support him. So you end up getting in a fight. Seeing a therapist will address all of these issues, helping him deal with his diagnosis, helping you know what to do and say to support him and teaching you both how to continue your relationship in a healthy way. Absolutely.

Yeah. So there is another comment under that pretty much this, but to add, I was diagnosed with lupus eight years ago. It steals your life in so many ways. I've never met someone with lupus that has not struggled with depression. The things he has said, I'd wager, everyone with lupus has gone through that. People with lupus only have so much energy

taking him out in the sun to do things has a cost, which let's just go back to the spoon theory here, people. The best thing you can do for your partner is be understanding. There's a lupus story called spoon theory. Funny. I didn't know that was coming. The idea is that you get so many spoons per day to use. It's different for everyone, but let's say his is five. Take a shower costs one.

Preparing lunch costs one. Cleaning the kitchen costs one and so on. Once you reach your limit, you can borrow against tomorrow's spoons, but then you start tomorrow with three spoons, not five. It's important to remember this. Just remember he didn't ask for this, but he does have to try to get help. And oh, he saw it and just responded.

I appreciate your response. Thank you so much. I think finding a support group, whether it's in real life or virtual, would also be huge. A support group for fellow caretakers, to a loved one, or for fellow spouses or partners of people with lupus. And for him, finding a group for people with lupus would be really, really helpful as well.

I completely agree. The place I worked, it was UCLA, and they had a special, I think it was donated by one of the Hilton's, who actually had MS. And so it was an MS center where we would do regular evaluations and evaluate where they were at. Wheelchair fits, walker fits, all this stuff. But it also was an activity center,

and they had so many activities where they would just work together and paint and get back into things they loved and seeing the camaraderie between all of these people and such a safe space. And it was just an incredible place to work. And so I think something like that would be really cool if he could find it. Yeah. And I think also finding new things that he can love and do and enjoy.

I know for me, when I went blind, I thought of all the things I can't won't, shouldn't be able to do. And it was all of the negatives. I was just in the negative spiral of thinking about the fact that I'll never be able to drive and I'll never be able to do XYZ. And I had to grieve those. It's really important to grieve.

And this is so early on for him still, as we said, less than a year. Less than a year. So he's got to grieve. You just have to grieve your old life. You literally have to grieve the death of the person you were and the person you thought you were going to be and the life you thought you were going to have. And you need to learn to accept and build a new future,

build this new human, find this new identity in yourself. And I think that for me, a huge helpful thing was finding things that I could do. So instead of just focusing on all the ones I wouldn't be able to do anymore, finding the ones I could. So when I had to quit, I was a competitive soccer player. And when I had to quit competitive soccer, I started downhill skiing for the blind. Oh, that's really cool.

Very different sports. Yeah. But both action, fast speed, I had to quit when I was eight, but I was a competitive soccer player until then. I was center forward. I mean, sometimes left wing, sometimes right wing, but always forward. And so I was the runner. You know, it was all about speed, getting that ball, scoring.

So skiing, going down the hill really fast, doing my best run yet, it gave me that same kind of feeling even though it was different. And so obviously given the energy issues that can come with chronic illness, he might not be able to be as physically active as he used to be. So maybe finding an alternative like some kind of art form that takes less physical strength or energy. Just finding a new passion, playing the piano, something like that, where he finds things that he can love and is passionate about and is talented at and can do.

So it's not just all about the things he's lost. It can be also about the things he's gained. And she can really support him in finding those things. Absolutely. I think with Lupus and MS, anything in the pool, as long as the pool isn't heated too warm, is amazing because it takes the pain off your joints and your cooler. That is one of my favorite things to see with OT is the water therapy. But then I'm thinking, I'm like, okay, he's a vet.

And technically he wasn't disabled during his military service, but Wounded Warriors is such an amazing program. And they have so many cool adaptive sports. Like they have adaptive surfing, adaptive horseback riding. They have so many different things you can do within their organization. So I think even reaching out to that and having that like camaraderie with your fellow veterans and people that are dealing with similar things as you would be amazing. He's got options.

He's just got to be willing to now get the mental health in check so he can pursue them. Totally. Okay, moving along. What's up, everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services. And if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a tank list would cost,

the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available. And right now, you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1,200 on a tank list. Call Any Hour Services and schedule a free estimate today. Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. Are you ready for some drama? Oh my God, we are just getting started. That was a warm-up.

That was a warm-up. Oh, Lord, give it to me. For those that attended the live show or saw the TikTok, this one might sound familiar. I actually recorded this episode with Molly on August 6th, like way before the live show even happened. And I was going to steal it and cut it from the episode and just read for the live show. But I think everyone deserves to hear the story and see another reaction. Okay, here we go.

I just found out that I've been dating my biological brother for six years. Oh my God, I saw, I heard a blurb of this. I am 30 and my brother is 32. I'm just going to call him my boyfriend for the majority of the time while I type this. I feel weird about this. I was adopted as a baby, but I didn't know that I was adopted until I was in high school. I didn't feel betrayed or care much. I love my parents and my parents love me.

Who cares if they aren't my real parents? My boyfriend was also adopted and when we met, it was one of the things we sort of bonded over. We both didn't learn we were adopted until high school. And we were both really lucky and had good families. We weren't passed around from foster home to foster home. Our relationship was and still is great. We understand each other very fast. We were attracted to each other quickly.

I've never met someone I felt immediate attraction and familiarity with. Now I know that that comfort and familiarity is because he's my brother, not my half brother. He is my full brother. We've done everything a couple that has been together for six years could do. We've said we love each other. We've had sex. We've celebrated anniversaries. We've met each other's families.

I'm just glad we both agreed early on that we don't want to have kids. So that has never happened. I don't want to deal with the health risks and have to raise a child and them know that their parents are siblings. I discovered it when we did the DNA test thing to see our ancestry and what exactly we are. I ordered two for us. We spit in the tube and sent it out.

It took like a month for the results to come back and I was excited to see what we were. But before I could even get to that, I saw that we were siblings. I was shocked to say the least. I only just found out this information and haven't told my boyfriend. I'm really hoping they made a mistake, but things are kind of starting to make sense to me now. We always get the quote,

you guys look so alike or he's the male version of you. Long before this test, we've always gotten compared. We always just laughed it off, but I have spent the morning looking at pictures of us together and realizing that we really do look so alike. It's freaking me out and I don't know what I should do. I still love my boyfriend slash brother. And we have been together for six years.

We have a house together and a whole comfortable life. I'm really hoping that this test is wrong and we'll do a real test soon, but I'm panicking. I still see him as the love of my life. There are so many layers to this. So many. It's like I heard it yesterday and it's still shocking to me to hear it again. I think, okay, there is always hope that it was wrong.

There's always hope that like there was a tube mix up. But obviously the whole adoption situation, looking alike, being so similar, red flags. Did you, I've heard that you're more likely to stay married if you marry somebody that looks like you. Really? Yes. Yes.

I'm so curious. Very interesting. But anyways, there is like a, oh my God, what does it call like familial attraction? Like where? I can see that. They're like, it's a known thing. Like it is a known phenomenon that family members

who grow up not knowing each other, like a father and a daughter or mother and a son, siblings. Will find each other? When they find each other, when they're older, it is like a, there was a romantic sexual attraction. That is like a no, if you Google it right now, there's a name on it and it's driving me nuts. I've literally watched documentaries about this.

Okay. Because it is, it's really, it's a, it's fascinating. And like, obviously like we cannot blame them. Like it would be very easy to be like, ew, disgusting. It's not their fault. Like they did not know. Genetic sexual attraction. Exactly.

Is a concept in which strong sexual attraction may develop between close blood, between close blood relatives who first meet as adults. Yes. So it's a real thing. It is a real thing. And that's even between people who meet knowing they're related. Yeah.

Like I've seen a documentary on it and it was like, a lot of the couples like met knowing that they were related and still ended up in a sexual relationship. Wow. And it's like, yeah, it's a known phenomenon. So the fact that she, like they had an attraction, like it's not necessarily surprising or unusual in this circumstance. It's obviously heartbreaking and very sad.

I wish for her sake, she had not found out alone. Like I wish they had found out together. Why? Because it's now like kind of on her to decide what to do with this information and how to tell him and bring him in on this. For sure. My heart is like absolutely breaking for her. I have so much empathy for what she must be going through.

There is no like… There's no easy answer for her. Like this is an extraordinarily unique and complex situation. And yeah, I just feel a lot of empathy for her right now. For sure. I went back and forth on this one too because I'm like, okay, well technically they're siblings. So, okay, it's a little goofy, but they grew up completely separate.

They don't plan on having kids. This wasn't a situation where they lived in the same house. Like I also found a story today where it was a sibling story because I was trying to find this one again. And it was a sibling story and it was like, I'm 21 and I've been having sex with my brother since we were 16. They lived together, they grew up together. Wait, no, no, no.

That's completely different. And even this like this thing, what's it called again? A familial? I already closed the tab. Genetic. Sexual attraction. Like even this is people meeting as adults who never knew each other as children. So like, no, that's weird.

That is major problems. That's disgusting. I found one. I'm like, did I read it or am I going to read it? I probably will read it soon if I haven't. But it was one where the daughter found out that her mom and dad were actually twins. No, oh my God. And they like ran away from Germany together because they wanted to be together.

Okay, no. So many, so many no's with all of those. So this is so much better. This is so different. So much better. Truly like they don't need to feel guilt or shame. This is not their fault. This is not no.

This is pure chance. This is pure chance. Like what is the likelihood? Crazy. It's really crazy. I just, my God. Would you tell him? Yeah, I think he has to know.

He's got to know. I think like the guilt and like carrying that secret from the love of her life. I think it's too much to hold. I think you guys need to work through this together. And I mean, as long as you're not bringing children into the situation, I think it's up to them to decide how they navigate from here on out. Yeah. And like, oh God, I just have, I'm so glad it's them and not me.

That is just. It's a tough one. So tough. You definitely can't tell each other and like decide what you're going to do with your relationship. But I don't feel the need for them to tell anyone else. No, no. It's they decide. That is their private information.

Yeah. Like people don't like have any kind of right to your personal private information. No, no. So the top comment on this one. Wow. That's quite a bombshell to find out. Well, step one is to tell your boyfriend now since he is currently unaware and this is something he needs to know that is going on.

Then get more testing done to confirm the results. Pass that. It's up to you too. Definitely no kids. So it's good the two of you already made that choice. And if you decide to stay together, I'd recommend not telling anyone that you're biologically siblings. And so OP responds, I want us to get a real test.

I wish I never decided to do this. Fuck. Oh yeah. I mean, I absolutely second all of that that that that poster said. Yeah. All of that is absolutely the route she should be taking next steps. And if you know what, and if they end up deciding to stay together because you're already six years deep, what's 10 more?

What's it going to change? What's going to change? I know. What's been done has been done. And if they one day decide they do want kids, it'd be beautiful for them to adopt. Just like they were both adopted. You know what I mean?

So I feel like, I don't think any of us watching this, listening to this, reading this post, none of us can judge them. None of us will ever probably be even in close of a situation as this. And we just cannot judge. We don't know what we would do in that situation. So like I'm supportive of them doing whatever the heck they want to do as long as they don't bring kids into it. That's they can do whatever they want to do.

Yeah. I completely agree. It's really unfortunate, but like also kind of a reality that maybe is more common than we think. Because OP does have a comment on here where they go, just want to say thank you to the other adopted people who told, who said that this was a big fear of theirs. It came true for me.

But I'm so glad I'm not the only one while during a hookup was like, am I related to this person? It's scary not knowing anyone you're related to. Absolutely. And that's the thing like how many other circumstances are there where this is a reality? And only because of things like 23andmeanancestry.com, have we been able to uncover them? And I mean, so many dark family secrets have come to light

because of these DNA testing services. Oh my God. Like I hear them all the time. Have you seen our father on Netflix yet? Yes, yes, yes. Oh my gosh. Exactly. So like who knows how many people have gone through life in this exact circumstance

and just never found out because DNA tests weren't something we all used to just run around doing. No. So yeah, that's a lot. Yeah. Good luck to them. Best of luck. Yeah. My heart goes out to them.

For sure. I will keep my eyes peeled for an update on this one. Please let me know. I will keep you posted, but it sounds like they're going to like hurry up and get a test done. But it sounds like she does still like really want to stay together. Comment a bunch and just says like nobody else knows and I still love him. So I'm very curious. Well, also like she just found this out, right?

So she hasn't even been able to process or work through her own emotions. Oh my God, no. Like as this unfolds over the next weeks and even months, like they will probably go through a lot of ups and downs and like a lot of different stages of emotion because they can't unknow this, right? For sure. Like they will never unknow this information. And again, like she's in the awkward position of being the one who found out first.

Yeah. So she now has to be the one to break it. It's just, it's a lot. It's really rough. But I think, you know, as weird as it is to say, I think this is the one case I'm okay with dating your brother. Like I think kind of like we said, like what are the chances they've been together six years and just got to deal with it the best you can.

Yeah. It's, it's a really unique circumstance of, of incest. The most unique. Yeah. That's so hard. Okay. Moving along. This one has been a roller coaster of a story I've been following since the very first post.

And we finally have an update. Yeah. Okay, good. I like stories with conclusions, like with updates. I need it. I need it. I just like, I hate feeling so unresolved and like I'm missing something. Which is really unique for this story.

So it's a wedding one and we typically don't hear from the wedding ones where they're like, I'm getting married and I, I chipped out on catering and I just didn't want catering and I wanted to have Mickey and so blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And we never get updates, but we have it here. Okay. Okay. How wild is this? Like, do I need to be prepared?

Because we've, we've, we've heard some things. We've, we have this one, I would say on a scale of one to 10. And it's entertaining, but like you feel sick over it. I think a three, four. Okay. I don't know. There's some, I mean, there's some homophobia involved. So that may be a seven.

There's a lot of moving parts here. Okay. Let's delve in. Would I be the asshole if I didn't go to my brother's wedding over a bridesmaid's dress? I'm currently in medical school and live across the country from my brother slash family. I was surprised when his fiance asked me to be a bridesmaid because I barely know her, but she wants to have all the siblings in the wedding. I made it clear that their wedding was during my final exam week.

And while I was able to get an accommodation to take my last two exams early, I still wouldn't be able to help much with planning or be present at things like a bachelorette party slash bridal shower. She said this was fine. It would mostly just be to have an even number of bridesmaids to groomsments for pictures. There's a group chat that was created months ago that I would read through every couple of days to get updates on things I needed to do, namely to order a bridesmaid's dress.

Links were sent with three styles to choose from and we would be updated on colors later. So a couple of weeks go by and I ask what color to order. Bride says she's still thinking about it. Couple more weeks go by and she's still thinking. Then a couple more weeks. You get the idea. Now it's at the point that if I don't order this dress in a couple of days,

it won't be here in time. So I ask on Saturday, what color? No response in the group chat to me. I asked again yesterday, Sunday, what color do I need to order? Then I'm flooded with messages lambasting me for not ordering a dress yet. Isn't it lambasting? Is that how you say it? Yeah.

Yeah, thank you. Lambasting me for not ordering a dress yet from her sisters and my sister and her. My sister called me and told me to quote, get my shit together and order a dress already because my lack of preparedness is causing the bride intense anxiety because she doesn't think my dress will be here on time for the wedding now. She texted me this morning, quote, don't forget order your dress.

Love you with smiling and kissing emojis. Still, no one has told me what the color is. I've scoured the group chat for a mention of dress colors or an image of a dress but only the maid of honor sent a photo of her dress and I don't know if she has a special color. There's thousands of messages, so it's not simple to find anything. Everyone else can meet in person, so I assume the decision on color was relayed in person.

I can't tell if I'm being purposefully excluded. About an hour ago, my brother called me pleading with me to work things out with the bride because she's panicking about me. I tried to explain this to him and he told me he doesn't care. It's a petty ladies issue and since I'm not there for anything else, this is the least I can do because the bride thinks I don't like her because I wouldn't come to anything. He's taking her side.

They know I'm in medical school and I have literally no say in my schedule. I'm on the other side of the country, five and a half hours by plane. I'm fed up with them and contemplating telling my instructors the wedding was moved and will take my exams at the regular time. I'd have more time to study that way anyways. Haven't told anyone in my family I'm considering this. Would I be the asshole? Tell her the damn color.

It's not that hard to text the color. Blush, blush pink, pastel blue. Just text somebody, text her the color. It's so bad. That said, if it was me, I would just look at the photo of the dress that was sent and order that color. I do think if you're not getting a response and you know that time's tight, just order the color of the one you saw and if you show up in the wrong color,

be like, yo, here's the evidence that none of you were telling me and this is the only proof I had of which color to order because I think it's quite rare that one person in the bridal party has a different color. It happens, but I'd say more often than not, everybody wears the same color. I would say, I don't know, I feel like I've been to so many weddings lately where each bride's maid has the same color but a different style to fit their bodies and I love that. I think that's awesome, I love that too.

But then I had another wedding, my friend sister, who just said get gold. It can be gold sequins, it can be gold satin, it can be gold whatever you want. And so that was really cool. So everyone had a different color. And I don't know, I don't remember what was my initial thought on this and I'm so biased now where I'm like, I just don't even want to say my take. Right, because you've read the whole thing. I've read everything.

And so I'm not even sure if I picked up on it a month ago when I read the original post, but the comments did an amazing job of sussing this one out for sabotage. They thought this was so intentful. See, my mind doesn't even, I'm just not conniving. You're too nice. I'm not conniving, so I don't think of manipulation. Or I don't, my mind just doesn't go to sabotage because I would never sabotage someone. So my brain doesn't even compute that way.

Yeah, and everyone was just like, the initial comments were group text. I would love to order my dress, I would love to have ordered my dress a long time ago. In fact, I don't like being pushed to the wire anymore, but I've repeatedly, repeatedly asked for the dress color. Next comment, group text, all caps. What color dress? Next comment, all caps. For the love of God, tell me the color so we can end this living nightmare of misery, Jennifer.

This is like so frustrating. Like I'm frustrated for how I'm like, what is the color? Well, and it's like weddings are stressful and like it's kind of a common thing. Like, oh, haha, bride zillas. People are going to be high strung during their weddings and on edge and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But she also went above and beyond to ask multiple times. Yeah, it's not that hard. Like it's really not that hard of a question to answer.

So there is the first update. I called my mother and asked her what color the bridesmaids dresses are. She said lavender. The only color option on the website that I would call lavender are named pearly lilac, periwinkle, and orchid orchid orchid. Oh my God. I'm really bad at pronouncing stuff. I knew exactly what you were trying.

I was like, she's trying to say orchid. Orchid. I could feel it coming. I could feel it. Orchid purple. I texted the maid of honor bride sister to ask what dress color and got multi paragraph long lecture about not having ordered my dress yet. Basically, they are trying so hard to accommodate me being across the country

by including me in the group chat. She said she didn't remember the shade name, but it's a dusty purple. Ben sent me a blurry picture of a wrinkled order confirmation, and the shade name was mulberry. Oh Lord, what is going on here? On the dress website, that is a darker wine slash purple color. So not lavender. No. Like nobody would call that lavender.

No. I told her this and she said to order the lighter dusty purple color. I sent her a screenshot with a list of shade names and asked which of these. She said she didn't know because everyone ordered their dress so long ago and asked for pictures of the dresses in different shades from the website. This is so much more complicated than it needs to be. I don't understand. It's like they're speaking different languages at each other.

Yeah. But there's such a miscommunication where it's like so purposefully intense. There's such a miscommunication about something that there should not be a miscommunication about. No, this is purposeful and competence, but in a different way. Such a different way. So I sent screenshots of all the light purple colors. No response for a while, so I called her on the phone and she was upset about it

because it was past 10 p.m. over there. Her response was quote, look, I don't care what your problem is with me and my sister, but if you want to stay in good standing with this family, you need to get your ducks lined up girly. I ignored the lecture slash comments and asked, what color? Her response, light purple. Of the three I sent, which one is it? I don't remember.

I'll have to ask one of the other bridesmaids for her receipt. I'll get back to you. I want to bash my head into a wall. And I say that a lot on the show, but that was OP's writing. I called my second brother, the one not getting married. He said they're pulling similar things with him and he feels like he was deliberately given the wrong dates for the bachelor party by the best man who happens to be the bride's brother.

What is going on with this couple? So that he would miss it. They are conniving. He inadvertently learned about the change date the morning of and when he asked the best man, he told him it must have slipped his mind to tell him. Then joked that he wouldn't have missed much since he probably wouldn't have joined any of the quote festivities anyways. They've been making homophobic jokes and comments to him that he's been ignoring,

but he thinks they're trying to get him to back out of the wedding. So if we both back out, then there will be an even number of bridesmaids to groomsmen again. Oh my god. Only speculation on our parts, of course. And so the top comment even had an update and goes like edit big paragraph, edit two, like trying to like still be the devil's advocate. Like guys, I rationally know not everyone looks good in lavender, blah, blah, blah,

and then edit three. Now I've read your edit OP. Go scorched earth with these people. Stop communicating. They're being shady jerks on purpose for whatever reason and are treating you like garbage. Screw that long ass group text. I suggested just say this. You can all suck a fart straight out of my butthole.

That's your wedding gift. Don't bother letting me know how it tastes because I'm not talking to any of you anymore then block them. But that's not done. We, we get more. We get more. So to the final update. Dun, dun, dun.

What is it? What is it? What is, what was the result? Oh my god. So thanks to some of the responses, I called the bridal salon and asked what colors were ordered. Four dresses in the color flint, one in mulberry. The maid of honor was setting me up to believe mulberry was the color of all the dresses. So I ordered one in mulberry and one in flint.

I only let the maid of honor know I purchased a mulberry dress. I caught a red eye to be there for the rehearsal. Oh, I love that she's giving it right back to them. This is what I live for. I caught a red eye to be there for the rehearsal. They had a room to get ready in the morning and wanted all the dresses sorted there. I showed up with my mulberry dress. The bride begins crying because it's too late to fix it.

She asked if I would be upset if asked to drop out because mulberry is for the maid of honor. I pretended like I had made such a big mistake. I said, quote, I know a girl that works at the salon. Let me call her and see if there's any way to make it right. And if not, I'll step down because I want you to have the perfect day. I show back up the next morning and start getting ready with the correct dress color in tow. Quote, my friend looked in the back for me and they just had this returned yesterday. What are the odds?

Exact style, color, and my size. It's a sign. Silence, then an awkward quote. That's amazing. Now, I'll be honest. I thought the revenge would be that they had to have me and younger brother in the wedding and photos. I couldn't have planned for the next part.

What? They had to explain to the makeup artist there was an additional bridesmaid, meaning they planned from the beginning that I wouldn't be in this wedding. Oh my god, so it was. That was the whole thing. The ceremony went fine. We took pictures after. Then there were no place settings for me and my little brother with the wedding party at the

reception since banked on one less bridesmaid and one less groomsmen being present. The table was almost not long enough. Two chairs had to be thrown on the ends. We didn't get food initially because we were actually in the seating map at other tables. Wow. So our plates were brought to those place settings. I can tell my brother, the groom, seemed ticked off at the staff for seemingly not having things set up properly, but the bride and best man diverted his attention.

Before he, the groom, left, he found me and said he asked the maid of honor why the settings were wrong and he was told I asked to be dropped from the wedding party weeks ago, then showed up and demanded to be in the wedding. Still throwing her under the bus. Still throwing her under the bus. I said I didn't ask to be dropped and showed him my phone where she gave me a thumbs up on the dress. He noticed the screenshot was not the dress I was currently wearing.

So I said I had to last minute switch it out after confusion on the color. He seemed satisfied with that. They left on their honeymoon and my brother returned several days early. Dot, dot, dot. Alone. So you can guess how that went. And that's all we got. Oh my God.

Fucking crazy. It's so, I feel so bad for people who get bamboozled into a marriage. And then there's a bait and switch. Once you're married, the real person comes out. Yeah. I heard this crazy story about a girl who married a guy and then when they were supposed to be going on their honeymoon, he started acting really off. Oh no.

And then basically like months later, she found out he was like a very, very severe opiate addict. Oh wow. And I'm like, that is just so. It's hard to hide stuff like that when you go on like an extended trip together. Right. And so it's just like, that is just something that's so hard to find out right after you get married.

Oh my God. You know, like those are things that should be very transparent going into a marriage. For sure. And it's just like, I hear these stories like that and it's just like, oh God, that's so tough. Like, because essentially you tricked somebody into marrying you. Yeah. Like it would be like if I like pretended to be sighted, which I obviously can't do.

Like there's literally no way I could pretend to be sighted. Though people think I'm pretending to be blind all the time, which is the funny thing. But I like literally couldn't pretend to be blind or be sighted, but it's like if I could, you know, like it would be like me pretending I'm sighted, marrying them and them being like, surprise, meet my guide dog. Like it's just like, you can't do that. No. Marriage is the most serious life choice you will potentially ever make.

Yeah. It's definitely a big commitment. Yeah. I cannot believe that. It's so annoying to me that the brother didn't picked up more on it or like didn't believe her when she was texting him being like, no, they won't give me the dress color. It's like, oh, this is a petty girl issue. Like figured out yourself.

It's like, just be my brother, like have my back. Get your head out of your bride's illus kooch. Like come on, buddy. But I'm really happy with how it worked out. I still feel unresolved in the fact I need to know what happened on the honeymoon. Yeah. Right. Now that that's what that's now what I'm like hyper focusing on.

I'm like, oh, what went down? Well, and it was only it was only this last update was only posted two days ago. Oh, wow. So this wedding just happened. Yeah. And so it's I'm just like, I just need to know. But OP comments so, so much basically kind of just being like the bride and her mom and her other sister are really, really close.

Like the bride goes so far as to be like, you're my mom. Like I love you and the sister and her besties. And so there was like a lot of like confusion or even like suspicion to like how much involvement her own mom had in all of this. Right. Which was shitty. And there's one comment that she says little brother and I are the black sheep of the family. I've wondered for a while if our mother is a narcissist and my little brother and I

shared being the scapegoat. There's a reason I moved away from them. I'm hoping my little brother will too. So lots and lots of comments. Family drama, lots of family drama. So much. But I will keep an eye out for an update and hopefully we can find out what happened. But no, nothing about what they were fighting about.

Interesting. Yeah. She does, she does say I'll try to remember to keep you all updated. I don't have all the in-person details because I flew back home, but through my little brother, I've learned that currently our older brother isn't speaking to his wife. Our sister is still her bestie and she is trying to get them back together. It's unclear if anyone, aside from the bride and groom, knows exactly what happened on the honeymoon.

I wouldn't be lying to say I hope this ends in an annulment. Oh my Lord. I actually just heard about a friend of a friend who got tricked into marriage. Oh my God. Recently. It's like my biggest fear. Right? I think this is why I'm going to be single forever.

Or you just apply for the matchmaking service. Do it so I can live vicariously through you. I want to know what it's like. I do too. I really want to know what it's like. Like there's a show. It's like Millionaire Matchmaker. Yes, yes, yes.

It's so good. I live for reality TV and it's not even something I realized until recently where I started watching like Mama's Boy on TLC. Don't know it. 90 Day Fiancé. Oh yes, I have been known to watch a season or two of 90 Day Fiancé. I love Love is Blind and Married at First Sight. I love romance.

Love is Blind. Like romance reality shows get me. Yeah. I'm right there with you. It's my dirty pleasure. Oh, hopeless romantic. Okay, one last one for you. Am I the asshole for buying horses instead of helping my friend out of debt?

My friend got scammed last week and ended up losing 30,000. Her parents are not offering to help and she's on her own. She told me she called everyone she knew for money and got approximately 6,000. But she's about to be homeless and completely broke. I told her I could at most let her crash in my house for a month or two while she got her stuff together, but that I wasn't going to lend her any money. I don't have a job and I live on my parents' allowance. My parents taught me never lend money because if the word gets out,

I'll have a lot of people suddenly struggling to make ends meet. Anyways, yesterday I bought some horses because horses are social animals and I only had one. Which I think is sort of animal cruelty. My friend found out and got hurt that I would rather spend money on horses than quote someone in need. I find it very hard to sympathize with her because she got scammed very obviously. And I had told her before I do not mix finances with friendship, but I do understand why she could be upset. My other friends said that it was insensitive.

That I should have helped a little, but again, I don't know. Am I the asshole? Wow. We have the horse bias on our side here. That's a lot of money. That's not a little ask. That is a major ask of a friend. It's like how close are these friends?

Like you got to be family level and like I got to be rolling in dough and you got to be my family. You know what I mean? If she doesn't have that much money, they're not even maybe that close of friends. Didn't really go into how close they are. It's just really risky. If she already lost a lot of money making a stupid decision, do you really trust her with your money? Oh, that's really tough. That is such a huge ask of a friend.

That's a risky thing to do, especially if you don't have much money to lend a friend a lot of money knowing they just made a major financial mistake, which is why they're in this situation. Oh my God, yeah. But then hearing like, but they might be homeless. I think the ways to help is like offering for them to stay on your couch. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like there's other ways to help that aren't enabling them to potentially be reckless with your money as well. I completely agree because I like looked, I was like creeping just now and I'm like, how did she lose the money? Because my poor grandma and her husband went through this and he literally just got scammed out of thousands and thousands of dollars. It was one of those scams that you literally see on TikTok or YouTube, like someone calling from a call center in India being IRS. Hi, is there a problem?

Like we need to refund you money, but we need your account information. Oh my God, I feel so bad for him. He literally went out of his way after getting scammed because he gave up his account information. He then got scammed into like going to stores and buying gift cards. So he then got like 5000 and gift cards for them and just like my grandma lost so much money. And as someone that like they're living off social security at this point in their lives, like they're in like their late 70s, 80s, it's tragic. Elderly people are the biggest like at risk group for these kinds of scams.

Because it's technology scams and they're very vulnerable when it comes to that. So I was like, okay, what did this person get themselves into? And by the sounds of it, it's cryptocurrency. So OP goes, she got into using money to make money type stuff very early on, where she would convert money from currency to currency to make more money from the exchange rates or something like that, which may have been low key legal all along. And then just people are like, what do your parents do? I want my children to buy horses on their allowance.

I sound sarcastic, but I'm dead serious. And so OP goes, my dad is a realtor. My mom's side of the family is in politics. Someone else asks, how old is she? She's 25. Wow. So I mean, I think the good news is she's young enough to be able to dig herself out of this, right?

Like it is much harder when you're older. Definitely. I think, like I said, the better way to help as a friend is to offer for her to be able to stay for a few weeks till she gets her feet back under her or help her find a job at your place of employment, if that's possible. Like I think there's other ways to help that don't put your finances at risk. Yeah. I mean, a roof over her head is so, so nice.

Being unhoused is like, it's so, so stressful when you're faced with that potential. So I just, it's really tough. I have like a really weird situation with the condo that we live in where it was gifted to my dad, like, and not necessarily gifted, but he, he's able to live here for as long as he lives because an aunt bought it. And like, so the trust owns it. Right. And it's like, it's very, it sounds like very rich people problems.

But like, because of COVID, my dad has been like essentially unemployed for three years, hasn't been able to make HOA payments, hasn't been able to do anything. So like, we were getting foreclosure letters in the mail. And I'm like so thankful that this podcast and like, I have listeners, I have a platform now because I literally was able to like pick up the pieces and like keep a roof over our head, which is something I've not admitted to anyone, which is like, I'm just like oversharing right now. But being faced with that is fucking terrifying. Yeah, I can't imagine.

I can relate to her in that sense where I'm like, I have so much empathy, but at least like a place to live is covered. And I don't know what like OPs allowance is, but if she does have like an allowance where she's still living like month to month based on that allowance and her current expenses and all that, like she can't put herself out to help her friend. Like you can't go into debt to help somebody out of their debt. Yeah. It's like, I was saying earlier, like you can't burn yourself out helping somebody else.

Yeah. You need to prioritize yourself sometimes and that's okay. I always say my goal is to be like selfless when it matters the most and selfish when it matters the most. Like I need to at times put myself first. Yeah. Otherwise I'm not going to be here. That's such a fine line to tote too because I find myself doing that where I'm like, I'm kind of a people pleaser in some sense.

I'm very much a people pleaser. But I also just try to be a good friend and I put myself like I overextend myself sometimes. And then it comes back to bite me in the ass. And so I think kind of like we've said like finances is very dicey to mix. Again, there's a way like even say in a world like where she does have some more financial freedoms, being like I'll like help cover your groceries or like I'll take you out for some meals. Like I think I'll put some gas in your car. Get me back when you can.

You know, like I think there's a way to aid her that isn't like, let me give you thousands of dollars that I don't know what is going to happen to it. Or like there's a bigger commitment to get that back. For sure. Or if and if you are able to and want to do that for a friend, make sure you put a contract in place. For sure. As if it is alone, like from a bank.

Like make sure even if there's no interest, like make sure that there is a payment plan that you guys are putting together a payment schedule for you to make your money back and that there is there is an agreement in writing because. First case you can take her to Judge Judy. And I hear Judge Judy pays for whoever wins. Exactly. Yeah. So I think that there's like if you are able to help a friend financially or family member,

that's incredible to do so. And I know if I was ever in the situation where I where I needed to do that for somebody, I would make sure to get it in writing and a payment plan created to hold that person accountable. For sure. Yeah. Well, and luckily she's got a roof over her head. If OP even went above and beyond help with food, amazing. But also she's already got $6,000, which is a shit ton of money.

Like that is money that. It's actually quite impressive. Like a lot of by the sounds of a great friends because I mean, I know people that like especially right now with our economy and everything like kind of taking a shitter here. But like six grand, like I'm pretty sure I could stretch that three months. Totally, especially if you are able to maybe stay on the couch. Like I was lucky that when I left my job, when I was younger and was starting out doing what I do now, like my parents were able to take me in and allowed me to stay rent-free.

Like that's super fortunate. Yeah. And I know that that's not something that everybody has. But if you are able to find somebody who is kind enough to give you that, then all of that money can go into paying down your debts and paying for the essentials. For sure. That's all I got for you. All right.

I feel like we had a lot. That was intense. I need food. I'm hungry now. I'm starving. I need pizza and ice cream. I need to heal my heart from all of this chaos with like bad food. I need all the bad foods.

Have you had Mendocino Farms? Oh my God. I love Mendocino Farms. They're chicken sandwich. Yes. I think that's what I'm going to order. Oh, that sounds magical. Their avocado salad is also incredible.

The kale one. The superfood. Yes. Yes. Okay. You can tell we're hungry. So let's get Molly out of here. But where can people find you?

You know, all the platforms, literally all of them, at Molly Work Official. M-O-L-L-Y-B-U-R-K-E Official. Amazing. I'll be sure to put all of Molly's socials in the description. But thank you. Thank you so, so much for coming on. This has been absolutely amazing. And I am just like so grateful because, as I said, I feel very mad about my OT education.

And I just think we all have a lot of ingrained tendencies. And so it's amazing having someone who is disabled come on and be able to speak to this topic. Yeah. I mean, I hope I did my community proud. I am not perfect. Like I'm just one human trying my best. And I try to give a lot of grace to everybody else. Like we're all just trying to do our best in this world.

And I really believe like most mistakes are made with no malice. You know, like it's all innocent. And so thank you for allowing me to come on. I hope I did an okay job. I know I talk a lot. I'm sorry, everyone. I know I talk a lot. No, you did great.

I know I cut people off sometimes. I get excited. Also when you're blind, I can't see people talking. So like it's hard. No, which like, I don't know what we were just talking about, but it reminded me. Oh, when people like accuse you of like faking being blind, there's like conspiracy theories on the musician. Stevie Wonder.

Stevie Wonder. Where people are like, no, Stevie Wonder got in an elevator with me and made eye contact with me. But I'm like, as I'm sitting here talking with you, like you make eye contact. But it's, it's just, I feel like it's almost natural when you turn your head to look at someone. Yeah. It just happens. Like when I hear, when I know where your voice is, I know we're about eye level. I know you're right beside me.

So I can just turn and look. It's like not that hard. People are freaking weird. People are freaking weird on the internet. I'm like, would you like to see my stack of medical records this big? I'm sure there's a whole Reddit thread to Molly Burke is faking blind. Yeah. What?

Yeah. We're not going to look because we don't, we don't read negative comments. No, I don't. I don't look at that stuff. Well, thank you. Toxics. We don't need it. We don't invite toxicity into our lives, ladies and gentlemen.

I try not to. I was kidding. I, I'm, I'm getting better. But until next time, guys. Bye. Bye. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes,

ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying. Learn something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it.

So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org. Developed by CDC. If you've ever had to deal with a plumbing problem, you may have felt the pain of realizing you don't know any plumbers. Whether you're trying to stop a leaky faucet, fix a running toilet,

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