Two Hot Takes - 84: What the Damn Hell.. Ft. Drew and Deison Afualo

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-hosts Drew and Deison Afualo of Two Idiot Girls!!! This episode is full of stories that have us wondering what in the world in going on with these people... Do you have any idea? Checkout Drew and Deison !! Their Podcast: Two Idiot Girls YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEHlefWev5Ketdt2M_VY1Mw Two Idiot Girls Audio: https://audioboom.com/channels/5073529 Deison: https://www.instagram.com/deisonafualo/ Drew: https://www.instagram.com/drewafualo/ Join us for our New Spotify Live Show: https://spotifylive.link/dtrh to join LIVE !! https://spotify.link/dtrh to listen to already aired episodes !! Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: KiwiCo: Kiwico.com Promo Code: THT EveryWell: Everlywell.com/THT ZocDoc: ZocDoc.com/THT Ghostbed: ghostbed.com/THT promo code: THT

What's up everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a tankless would cost, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available and right now you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1200 on a tankless. Call Any Hour Services and schedule a free estimate today. Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. I got Day some vegan corn dogs. Like as like housewarming, I ordered her a bunch of groceries

and stuff. Because I had no water. Yeah, she's like, I've been stranded at my house all day because like I think my mom had her car. Yeah, one of my parents had my car for some reason. And she's like, I've been stranded. I'm like, why didn't you fucking call me? I was down the street. She literally up the road. So I instacarded her like a million groceries and like stuff she needed for the house. But I got her a bunch of vegan like stuff. I was like, I hope it's good. It was really good. Yeah, breakfast burritos. Are you vegetarian? I eat things with wings. So no cows these days. That's also like no like real red meat or anything. No, not even the piggies. Things with wings. Do you feel better? Oh yeah. That's the sea of it all, isn't it? It sucks.

It's unfortunate. Every time I see a burger, I'm just like, God, that looks so good. That's true of a like crispy chicken sandwich. Oh my God. I will fuck up a chicken sandwich. Let me tell you something. You wanted the best chicken burger. Yeah. Stout and make sure you get a pretzel. It's called the B 56 chicken burger. Little arugula, Thousand Island piece of bacon. I love arugula. Oh my fucking God. I put that shit on everything. Me too. Everything. It doesn't add anything. I don't know. Probably not. Just for vibes. It's all for the vibes at that point. The aesthetic of the Leafs. Justin's like, that's what the tripod is. It's the arugula of the setup. We need it. Right. Oh my God. This is going to be straight chaos today, you guys. I'm excited.

I'm excited. I'm so pumped. We have our emotional support animals. That's what they're for because today is, all I had like a lot of these stories when I was reading them was like, what the damn hell? I'm sure. That's like all of them. Whatever that show is from. That's your brand. Yeah. It is. It's a strange and unsettling. It's like the only reason to have a job. I know. You're like, thanks a lot, I guess. Thanks. Oh, you're dating your brother? Tell me more. Thank you for posting this on the internet. I love you. Oh my gosh. Hi guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. You might have recognized their iconic laughs, but today I'm joined by Dyson and Drew Ophiwallow. The Ophiwallow sisters. Two

idiot girls. Born and bred. Yes. You know what I mean? Yes. There it is. Drew was on an episode a while ago. It's probably our one year anniversary. No, truly it is. We were saying that when we came over here. I was like, literally, I remember. That's why I said, look how far we've come, Morgan. Oh my God. I know. Makes me moan. Look at us. The class. I love it. Yeah, we have come a long way and now we're kind of initiating Dyson into the class. I know. Welcome, brother. I've only ever watched. I've never participated, so I'm excited. Welcome to the full, brother. Happy to have you. Should I not be excited? Are you though? Are you though? No. I'm going to start off with a pretty good one. We'll maybe ease you into it, but more lighthearted, I would say,

versus straight, catatonic, anxiety inducing. We wear a packet. Right, literally. Are you sure you want to be here? No, no, no. It's going to be good, guys. We got this. Yeah, I believe in us. I think it's going to be fun. I agree. We got, yeah. I have more faith, I think, than you, but it's okay. It's okay. Okay, let's dive in. I don't know how much I want to scare you right away. Let's just jump right in. Really? Yeah. Okay, first. Okay. We're going to keep it a little lighter up front, up front. Okay. My boyfriend won't stop calling me Tony Pizza. I, female 21, and my boyfriend, male 21, currently live together and have been together

about four months. To explain why we are living together at the four month mark, we started out as roommates, but then started dating. I have to say, my boyfriend has never been good at pet names. Some early ones were Little Stubster and Sour Meat. One of my nicknames for him in comparison is Little Bird. Anyways, about two weeks ago, he started calling me Tony Pizza. This doesn't even make sense, and he uses it more often than my actual name. He is obsessed. It honestly bothers me that he can't even bother to find a somewhat nice nickname for me. I have had a couple of conversations with him about it, but he says he just can't think of anything better. What, what do I do? Is this going to

become a bigger problem, or should I even address it? I hate being Tony Pizza. I feel like I may have seen this on Twitter. Well, just the Tony Pizza sounds familiar, but I think it's so funny. What is that from? I think he just made it up. I think, maybe her name's like Antonia or something. But he called her Sour Meat, so I also can see it being so random. Her name's like Rachel, and he's a little Tony Pizza. Maybe he keeps doing because he knows it bothers her, and that makes it funnier. The fact that she's been like, I really hate that name, and he's like, I just feel like nothing's more perfect than Tony. Tony Pizza. It's giving Tony Pizza. I think if you were to start bothering him back, you should start calling

him Pizza Tony. Yeah. Just like reverse it. No reverse, bitch. Tony Pizza. Two can play this game. He called him Pizza Tony. Oh my God. The top comment on this one's a little unhinged too. Leave him. He was out of his league dating the one and only Tony Pizza anyways. No, literally. Honestly, that's kind of hilarious, but what makes it funny is that it bothers her so much that he's just like, he's doing it out of love, you could tell, but he's also kind of like just ruffling her father. It's like her brother, like when we tease him, it's about stuff that makes no sense, because it makes it way funnier when he gets mad. So I'm like, no, you didn't change your Tony's today, and he gets so mad. It's just the silliest shit. Even though I know he did.

It's way funnier. Honestly, I can't even like really talk shit because like my boyfriend would find that fucking hilarious. Like he would call me Tony Pizza. If he thought of that first, he wouldn't. Maybe I wrote that. From the future. Yeah. It's me like predicting the future. Yeah. I think I'm going to start calling you Tony Pizza. That's what I'm saying. Like I'm saying, I'm telling you like an annoying nickname like would make him laugh so hard, like something silly like that. Dude, what do you call people who like your podcasts, like your fans or whatever? You call them all Tony Pizza. That would be so funny. The Tony Pizza. The Tony's. Too hot Tony's. Too hot Tony's. Tony's. Tony's. You guys want to be Tony's? Tony's would be funny.

I think this could be a thing. There you go. Too hot takes Tony's. The Tony's. Okay. I'm sold. Everyone's a Tony. That's so funny. You're either a Tony or you're a pizza in this world. You choose. You decide. I would definitely be the pizza. I think so too. I'm cheesy. Jason's a Tony. I give off Tony energy. Yeah. What's okay. What would you define it? A Tony. Yeah. I feel like a Tony is just someone who's there for the vibes. Okay. I like that. Jason brings the vibes. Yeah. Morgan and I are people who like keep the house from burning down. Sure. That's the pizza. That's the pizza. Yeah. Oh, God. That's so good. Okay. Makes sense, doesn't it? Yeah. I feel like Justin gives off like mad Tony energy too. He's a big Tony.

Tony. Especially compared to Morgan. He's a big Tony. Yeah. I'm just here to bring the advice. It's so is Billy. Billy's a big Tony too. There you go. Tony for sure. Maybe that's the success of it all. You need one Tony and one pizza. So you've got to find your Tony. No, my pizza. I am the Tony. Oh, you are the Tony. Me forgetting immediately. You're right. You've got to find pizza. Yeah. Too many Tony's I've encountered. You need to find the pizza. Yeah. Yeah. You can't both be a Tony. It doesn't work. The fact that we're talking, it's like starting to make sense. It really does. The longer I talk about it, I'm like, yeah, that's so profound. We need to send this to her so she doesn't feel so bad about it. I know. Because the one comment that she goes,

I hate being Tony pizza. I hate it. Please. I hate it. It's like, it's okay, sweetie. He's probably like, do you want to be Tony pizza or sour meat? I think sour meats funny, but I'd rather be Tony pizza for sure. Sour meats funny as long as it's not like a vagina reference. Yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah. I agree. I agree. What if that's what maybe that reminds him of Tony? Why are you reminding your boyfriend of meats so much? Maybe it's a you thing. Yeah. I want to know. Look inward. Yeah. Maybe. What about you? I'm interested. You're here with the pizza. He's the Tony. There you go. I think I was going to say something right now that had something to do with Tony pizza. I remember something. I thought it was so funny. Yeah. I think I remember seeing that. I just remember the name

Tony pizza. I just think that that's so random, which makes it hilarious. And that she's posting about how mad it makes her makes it way funnier. There's like nothing I'm looking for Tony pizza. There is a brand called Tony's. The little party pizza. Oh, I remember what I was going to say. One time I saw this thing. I forget what it was. I think it was like a tweet or something. And this guy said that he got into this like full blown like screaming argument with his girlfriend because they were arguing about whether the little Caesar's guy says eat some pizza or pizza pizza. Yeah. Oh God, what is it? It's pizza pizza. I think it's eat some pizza. Oh, you think so? I think so. This is like a Mandela. I was just about to say. I was just about to say whatever. Maybe he's saying

Tony pizza, but we don't understand that. I'm saying like that seems like a Tony pizza situation. Like she just knew it was bothering him. So she was like, no, I think it's pizza pizza. And he was getting, he said, he got so mad he had to leave the house for a while. So that's love. Honestly. Take it off. You take it off. We can all take them off. We made it one story. The little tale. Pizza pizza. Yeah, exactly. Pizza pizza. It was introduced in 1979. Women are always right. Yeah. Mad for no reason. Believe all women. Women are always right. There was something recently where we were like fixing a barn door at my house in Minnesota. And we like took off the hinges on this old door and it had these carriage bolts and I had to

wrench them off and then bolt cut them off. It was a whole ordeal. But I was like, oh, there's four bolts in each one. And me and Justin go to this store called Menards. It's like a hardware store in Minnesota. And I was like, okay, yeah, I need to get two packs of these because they have four in each pack and like that doesn't work. And he goes, no, there's only three bolts on each door on each thing. And I go, no, there was four. And he goes, no, there was seriously three. And I go, okay, well, I'll get, I'll get six. But like if we have to come back, I'm gonna be really upset. And he literally goes, just get the get the eight. He goes, you're always right. And I'm like, those are fighting words, buddy. I'm always right.

VML. I was like, bro. See, such a Tony move, Justin. That's where you go. Oh my God, I just told our cousins, Josh and Mayo this, but like, I got into a full blown, like literally like a yelling argument with my boyfriend, Billy, because we were sitting in my car and I was like watching, we were watching TikToks separately of each other. Mind you, he just recently got a TikTok. So like all of a sudden he would watch him in his browser. Yeah. Or I would just text them to him and he'd watch them on Safari or whatever, or on his Instagram reels. Oh God. He was one of the old guys. Like two months after that.

Have you seen this? That's who our cousins is. Yeah. So I was watching this. It was like a dog, like a TikTok of a dog. And it was like a little wiener dog. And she was like overcoming something like, it was just like a really sweet video. And I show it to Billy. I'm like, oh my God, look how cute, right? And then he watches it and he goes, oh, I've seen that. And I go, yeah, he goes, yeah, you sent it to me. And then I go, I didn't send you this TikTok. Mind you, just myself and Jared, his brother are the only ones who send him TikToks. Yeah. So he goes, no, you definitely sent that to me. And I go, I've never seen this TikTok. Do you see a heart on it already? No. I literally go,

I literally have never seen this. It just came up. Yeah. And I go, you're looking at it on the for you page. Like I was turning, and he goes, you've definitely sent that to me. So the way that like it, I'm not even kidding it, it was an argument that lasted like two hours because I was so angry. And I'm like, I just don't understand like, why, why are you gaslighting me? Why are you doing that to me? Why are you gaslighting me about this wiener dog? Why do you do that to me? And I was like, and he goes, I don't know why you're getting so mad. Like you're the one who forgot that you sent that to me. And I was like, dude, say it to me one more time. Say it to me one more time.

Well, now I can't be the only one with the hat on. Yeah. No, you take it off. You take it off. Do you have a wig on? No. The way she's trying to clock me like that. Your hair is so long. Oh my gosh. I'm just kidding. How do you hide all that hair under a wig when you do the wigs? Oh my God, girl, with a wing and a prayer. Your bald cap must be, you wear a bald cap? No, he just braids it down. He just braids it so good. Yeah. Oh my God. He braids it so tight to my head that I can literally hear my own, like feel my thoughts leaving my fucking brain. God. Yeah. That just sounds nice.

Because I have some extensions in, but that's it. Very nice. Very nice. Thank you. Okay. Speaking of food, am I the asshole for dropping our dinner on the ground and walking out when my boyfriend asked me, quote, what's for dinner tonight, bitch? Is that that TikTok trend? I was over at my boyfriend's apartment this weekend and I was cooking dinner because he was studying for exams. I made pasta and a chunky sauce with meatballs and veggies. I told him dinner was ready and he goes, what's for dinner tonight, bitch? With like a lot of emphasis on the last word. I was fed up and had a pretty rough day with work and I have some awfully bad associations with that word being used by other people in my life who were pretty abusive.

So I was so irritated that I dropped the pot of pasta sauce I had been carrying right on the ground and was like, quote, well, nothing's for dinner tonight now. And I better not hear you using that word again. It's for the girls. He was freaking out about how sauce had landed on his rug and he even said, you're seriously acting like a bitch right now. And I don't know what else to call it. I just walked out and got takeout for myself and went to my friend's house. She thought it was funny, but my boyfriend was furious. He kept texting and calling and sending me voice memos trying to explain that saying what's for dinner tonight, bitch was a TikTok trend. And that he was just quoting someone as a joke to put on TikTok. I thought that was the shittiest

excuse ever. And it doesn't matter if he saw it as a joke or stole the joke. It was still disrespectful. But it didn't change the fact he thought that shit was funny. To demean me when I was trying to do him a favor. Like hell, I came over when he was studying to make a home cooked dinner and he decides it's time for jokes. So I put my phone on do not disturb for the night and split a bottle of wine with my friend in her roommate. The next morning he was sending me angry texts demanding I clean his rug because he was too busy with exams to do it. I was shocked he left it overnight. That's disgusting. I texted him back saying quote, yeah, so that's the bitch tax, honey. Leave me alone till you're ready to handle your own cooking and cleaning because this bitch

isn't anymore. Also, it's vile you left that soaking in all night. He called me and told me he was okay with doing his own household work. But I did throw a full pot of sauce at the ground. So that's on me to clean up. I told him, yeah, no, I'm not comfortable doing chores for you if you see me like your bitch. He told me he didn't. And it was just a trend. And I got pissed off. He was playing that TikTok trend bullshit excuse again. And I told him, well, I'm starting a trend called saucing, where as a little joke, people throw pasta sauce around. You can't be mad because it's just a little trend, a little jokey joke, just a little prank, bro. He got really pissed off and hung up on me. And now I'm seriously wondering if this dumb fucking TikTok joke is going to be

the end of things between us. Am I the asshole for how he reacted when my boyfriend asked me, what's for dinner tonight, bitch? No. No. Yeah. In short, no. Funny how he used to study, but he's watching TikTok. Yeah. Well, also like you did the, okay, you did the joke. Look what happened. Yeah. Now what? You know what I mean? Like, did you get what you wanted? Did you get the content? Like, there, there will quite literally never be anything less funny to me than like couple prank. Yeah. Shit. Like leave that in 2016, babe. Like we've advanced far beyond that. I can't stand that shit. Especially when it involves like being abusive towards your spouse. Like what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, I would do the same shit. In fact, I would

have done something a lot worse probably. Throw the sauce on him. I would have thrown the sauce in the ground and then taken a human shit on the ground to right next to it. And then I would have been like cleaned both of them shits up and also go fuck yourself. I'm on a left. So, I mean, I think it's, yeah, that's like something like her empathy is getting the best of her. And that's why she's like, do you guys think I went too far? Yeah. But that's because she cares and it really did hurt her, especially even, okay, let's say that was purely the driving force was the joke. If you know that she's sensitive to that word, do you think that's a funny joke to play on her? No. Like immediately you're a fucking psycho. Like you're insane if you thought that would be

funny to use a trigger word on her on purpose, like for content intentionally for views that makes you extra vile. So like, I even with the before that, I was like, no, with the context, even more so, no, like leave it there for the rest of your life for all I care. That's so weird that he didn't clean it up. Like that just goes to show he was expecting her to do it. Yeah, absolutely. He was like, she's going to come back and she's going to apologize to me and she's like, no, it's been sitting there all night. Are you being serious? Are you kidding me? It's soaking in. At that point, at that point, it's you're living with that stand for the rest of your life. And you're just leaving like open meat on your ground. Like, it's not raw because

it's cooked, but like, it's gonna go bad. Free ball meat just on the ground in your apartment. He has people over, he goes, don't mind that. My bitch girlfriend needs to clean it. Just step over it. I could see him leaving it there though. Yeah, guys are like sometimes like that where it's going to be moldy before he cleans it. Yeah, disgusting. That is so gross. Like, and it's also like, yeah, like you said, the expectation of it all. That's why he didn't clean it. It's arguably more offensive than what he actually said. Well, also the fact that he doubled down after when she did react. And then I would have just been like, I'm sorry, I was supposed to be finding it wasn't it instead of trying to clean the wrong. He cares more about

the stain than he does about how it made her feel, which is the problem. And then to double down and be like, you're acting like a bitch. After you know that word literally just triggered her and caused the fiasco. See second bitch, I'm taking a shit on the floor. Yeah, immediately. This is on top of the sauce. I think this one is done. Honestly, I would kick her kick him to the curb. If you don't need someone like that, someone who like intentionally like twist like the knife in your wounds that you've like been vulnerable about with them, like that person has problems. That's weird. Well, then how silly is he to watch the trend and think it's real? Like you get told they're all playing. Yeah, exactly. Like they're like in it. Like, yeah,

that's such a good point. People are involved. Yeah. And he's like, this is going to go fly. Well, he's supposed to be studying. He's like, TikTok time. Yeah. The girls are going to eat this up. The girls are going to love this. That's what he's thinking. I just saw one that made me like actually like tear up for this poor girl. And I mean, the account has like six million or seven million followers. So like, you know, they've been doing this stupid like couples prank shit forever. But there was one where she like built this like extravagant Lego. It was like some Star Wars ship or something. And he literally goes, Oh, this is cool. And like chucks it across the room. And it just shatters and her face after

like, she's either like a really good actress or it actually hurts over it. She's just like so depleted. And someone stitched it and they go, this is what emotional abuse looks like. No, literally. And also like, who are you? You prank versus prank? You know what I mean? They didn't even last and look what happened. They literally said it. It puts such a strain on their relationship. It's not even funny because then you just have to keep like outdoing your last prank to each other. But then at what point, like I said, at what point is it abuse at that point? Yeah, especially if you're doing it purely for views. Like if you're doing it to make content because you think it's funny and then you find out after, okay, that's not funny. And I can't do

that anymore. That's just like you like being an idiot. But you like intentionally harassing and abusing your partner for the enjoyment of others. That's weirdo shit. Like you have a problem all the time. I can't live like that. I'm sorry. I can't. I got enough cortisol as it is. I don't like being pranked in general. Like I don't like pranks. Like I don't think they're funny. I think they're juvenile, but also like, I like it depends on what it is. Like if it's like scaring someone when they walk around a corner, that's funny. But if it's a little boo here and there, that's fine. Yeah, but if it's like a bit that you commit to for however long, like poison, what are you Lance 210? Where's that guy at? I went to the graveyard and resurrected a

Ouija board question mark prank. You know what I mean? Killed my friends prank. He's burning my grandma prank. Pretending my mom was dead prank. Like what is wrong with you? I don't know if he did that one. I'm sure I was. Is that the guy that married his best friend's mom? Oh, I don't know about that. No, that was David Dobrik. Oh, remember you married Jason's mom? Oh, that's right. Morgan not knowing who David Dobrik. I'm like, I don't know who was that. I actually never watched his stuff. Yeah. And I ran into him at the. Oh my God, what was that neon carnival? And like the way he was like talking to people. Oh my God, like my friend Lauren got his number. It was the weirdest interaction I've ever seen in my life. I saw him. I just wanted to crawl away. I've only seen him

from a distance. I've never met him. I saw him at the at the Super Bowl party. Yeah. And he was with Dixie D'Amelio and Noah Beck. Yeah. Yeah, they were all three of them together. Tiny people. When you, when you come into this industry, you realize everybody is five three. I want to meet Tom Cruise. I've heard he's real small. Oh yeah. He's crazy, but I just want to see how tiny he is. I just want to see how tall he is. I just want to see how much he bit. I want to see what's for dinner, bitch. My rug, it's him. It's a prank. It's a prank. Tom, please. There is a little bit of an edit. Edit to address a comment I've gotten a lot. Quote, but did you tell him not to call you a

bitch? Like, how would he know otherwise? And so OP goes, honestly, if someone has gotten to the age of 30 and not realized that women as a whole do not like having demeaning slurs used against them, they're beyond my help. This isn't something that needs to be told. I shouldn't have to go through life like, Hey man, just in case you were thinking I might like demeaning slurs against my gender used on me, I don't actually. And if you were about to comment something like that, let me just tell you in no uncertain terms, women do not like being called bitches by men. Do not call women bitches. If you needed to be told that is unkind, consider yourself officially told. Now you have no excuse not to understand. I think that's fair. I think calling it a slur

is maybe a step too far. Calling a girl a bitch is not a slur, but it is a mean thing to say. It is a prejudice term, obviously. It's an oppressive term of a man. Yeah, it's an oppressive term for sure. I don't know if it would qualify as a slur, but I get what you're saying. Cause we can say the word bitch if we think of other slurs, but I can't say other slurs. There's a fine balance. Yeah, like so I get the messaging now. You're right, to an extent. I also think too though, like there's some things where you know, calling your partner names in general when you're arguing, even if you're not, is not a good thing to do. Yeah, I feel like that's pretty common knowledge. And if you don't know that,

it's because you're not in a grown-up relationship or have never been in one. So calling your partner names in general is not a good thing to do. It's not a healthy thing to do. I think the only thing I've ever said to Justin is fuck off. And I was blacked. So that was, that was not like, that wasn't me. That was Morgan 3.0. It was a prank. It was a prank. It was a TikTok trend. Justin, you didn't see that. What's up everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a

tank list would cost, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available. And right now you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1,200 on a tank list. Call Any Hour Services and schedule a free estimate today. Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. So this next one, a listener sent it to me and I don't know if it's made its way there yet, but it probably is going to end up on bar stool. So I haven't read this one. In a good way or a bad way? I think it's all bad. Yeah, I haven't read it. I have no idea what I'm subjecting us all to,

but the listener that sent it in was like, holy shit, you need to see this. So it goes, I'm going to end up on a Ohio State bar stool and maybe the rest of the internet. I apologize for what you are about to read and see when it comes out. I'm so sorry, but I have to get this off my chest and try and explain myself before I become known as the Ohio State tree fucker. So this morning around 6.30, I came back to campus. I live off High Street, but don't have class on Mondays and spent the long weekend home deciding to wake up early and commute back today. I didn't want to fall back asleep because I have an 8am, so I was hanging out on the oval sitting on one of the trees to the right of the Thompson statue.

Its branches are a little lower and I was using it kind of as a bench to sit on at first, but then just sat down next to the tree on my backpack. There was a hole in it and I kind of started poking my fingers in it. Some water squirted out and I don't know what got into me, but I started really going at it. With his fingers? Yeah, I think he was finger fucking the tray. It squirted again and I might have moaned a little bit and went to lick it and all of a sudden I heard a little scream and I turned around and there were three girls staring at me with their phones out recording.

It's the three of us. I wish I saw this in person. And I was there on my knees hugging the tree with my tongue in the tree hole. I swear, I looked around and there was nobody there before I started. I don't know where the girls came from. I want to apologize and please, if you have the video, do not post it anywhere. I'm literally begging you. I'm considering going to Ohio State Student Legal to negate the fallout damage if the video does come out because I'm so scared. I will literally pay you to not post it. If you have the video, DM and we can work something out so my life isn't ruined.

I'm speechless. I like how he prefaces it with like a whole straight up at my mom's house where they're holding it down. I went to church. I went to the soup kitchen, you know, donated. I gave some blood. I donated plasma. Overall, I'm a really good person. Anyways, I was fingering a tree and it was turning me on. I like how he said I'm not, I like how he said I'm not a tree fucker and he absolutely is. He's a true finger fucker. That's the difference. You're just finger banging on campus tree and you think that you deserve the right to explain you can't sue anyone for that. They should sue you for emotional damage.

The fact that he's like, I'm not a finger fucker. Well, you are. You did it. You be the, I mean, you be the judge. I mean, I guess I would say he's all before I'm known to the world as the OSU tree fucker. I would like to see my story. I like how he's giving us, he's giving us a bird's eye view of where he was at to the right of the statue. The branches are a little low. Because that tree is mine. Yeah. Because if anyone else touches my tree, I swear to fucking God, dude, that makes me sick to my stomach a little bit. And it's squirt.

Okay. I do want to know what kind of tree this was. Do trees do that? It was probably a sprinkler. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm thinking like a sprinkler that like sometimes sprinklers like, you want me to explain, I want to explain to this man. What's the science of this tree square? The pussy juice that was coming out this tree. I think it was like maybe a sprinkler or something. And maybe that's why like it was bubbling up or maybe that's what was coming up. Or maybe it was just do like you said, like, but do like lays. It doesn't squirt.

Like if you, if you touch grass when it has do on it, it doesn't like jump up or, or squirt out or like squirrels in the tree hole. I'm like, what's he doing in our hole? I'm scared. I'm scared, you guys. At least he didn't take his dick out because I could see a guy doing that. If I'm being real, I would rather him have done that. It's worse to me that he was fingering it because it's almost like he's, he's, he's like having foreplay with the tree. Like he's warming it up. I'd rather have been for him, not the tree's pleasure.

I was like, I had a pickle I wish had pleasure in there. Oh my God, the way, the way he's like, yeah, you like that, you little tree. You little slutty tree. I think we forgot the fact too. He went in like hugging the tree, then with his mouth, like he was performing cuddling us on this tree on the tree to the right of the Thompson statue. Oh my God, nightmare fuel. The way that that is the most bizarre, I honest to God, listen, man, I don't want you to, your life to be ruined, but I really do hope that the video comes out. I, okay.

I'm trying to see it. DM it to me personally. Yeah, DM it to both of us. Like I will. Put us in a group DM. I will pay you more than he will. I will pay you more. I'll double whatever he's going to pay.

Fuck it. Let's triple it. Let's put our money together, Morgan. We can, we can come up with a nice pool. Sweet in the deal here. I can't. One of the comments that the listener sent me was, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that? Me. It's me who wrote it.

Forget student legal. See a therapist. I thought he was going to say, I'm going to like see a therapist for it. For help. Yeah. If that isn't like the most aggressive proof that like men will fuck anything. Dude. I'm saying the way that he said like not for the trees.

That's worse. That's so much worse. I wish it was for his. Yeah. Same. Well, he won't. Like when people like cars. Yeah. He was getting something out of this.

Yeah. Because, but it was like he was, he was imagining bringing the tree pleasure and that's infinitely worse to me than like you just try to get your rocks off in a tree. Like it wasn't even that early in the morning. So everyone has ADMs. So people are going to see. Yeah. The way he's acting like it was like two in the morning. He's like, I don't know why people were out here. It wasn't in broad daylight.

After I visited my mom for the weekend, I came home. After I gave and went and read to the children. Volunteered. Yeah. And volunteered to the children at the Ronald McDonald house. You know, I'm a really good person. This guy's going to end up on a list somewhere. I'm Jesus Christ.

No, seriously. Some other comment is a lot of guys won't even go down on their wives and OP is out here willing to tongue fuck a tree. The bar has risen, ladies. The way that like I just picture like him committing these adulterous acts on this tree, this like, and then these girls going like, like that's what that's what brings. He's like turns around.

That's what like snaps him out. Yeah. It's like a girl squealing because she cannot believe what she's like. I would have. You wouldn't have heard a fucking peep out of me. I wouldn't let him go to town. I would have seen how far he was going to take it. I like recording.

Yeah. That's me. Ew. OP response to that one. Oh my God. And he goes, I was not tongue fucking the tree. I barely touched it. I know it sounds bad, but I don't want to blow it out of proportion.

If you saw it, you probably wouldn't think it was that bad. That's why they were recording it. And you have this tangible fear that the world's going to see it. Literally going to legal services to make sure you can deal with the fallout. You're going to pay big money for this. It seems like a big deal. You literally offered American currency in exchange for the Mimeo. I'm going to go ahead and say it's as bad as you described.

Even if you didn't factor any of your precautions that you're taking, just the description alone is bad. I don't need anything else. I don't need the visual, honestly. Just reading your words is more than enough for me. I would love from someone from PR to comment on this too, because I don't know if it was better to get ahead of this in this case. I think he issued his statement after.

This might have been one where you jumped the gun a little too early. A little bit. I tried to Google. They weren't even recording. They were just holding their phones. Yeah. 9-1-1 ready. Yeah.

They're on the phone and they're like, you will never believe what I'm looking at right now. Oh my God. I made it to your own crime. What's wrong with you? There's no way. Okay. This next one.

My boyfriend jerks off to videos slash photos of his dead wife. I'm feeling mixed feelings. As the title suggests, I, 35 female, have been dating a widower, 52 male. We are serious, bought a house together, mesh well, and are sexually adventurous, the entire thing. Like I mentioned, he is 52, and he tends to like a particular kind of porn of a certain generation.

Huge fake boobs and stretchy shiny outfits that stay on throughout the video. You get the gist. His now deceased wife fits these criteria closely. And I know he uses their old sex tapes from time to time, and I can't help feeling oddly creeped out by it slash insecure. But I also feel like I don't have any right to be upset. Had this been an ex,

I feel the porn gets deleted when the relationship does, unless someone consents to you keeping it. But this is his dead wife, whom he loved dearly and had sex and intimacy with for nearly 20 years. For context, she died 14 months ago from a rare aggressive cancer that went from diagnosis to death in five months. Her last wish was that he let someone in again as he is a strong stoic loner.

She is still the screensaver on his phone. His WhatsApp photo is still one of their old photos. I see and compliment his wedding photos that are still around the house. I am well aware and have made peace with as much as I can, given the current situation. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Do I keep my mouth shut and just file it away in the petty folder? Thanks immensely.

Oh man, that's a little... That one's like super layered. Yeah, I feel like if it makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to communicate that to your partner. I get trying to be empathetic, but at the same time, it's not like you're telling him to take down the wedding photos. Who cares about your life or get over it or change your screensaver

or whatever it is that he's using to grieve. But that's not what's going on. He's jerking off to him having sex with somebody else, which is his obviously deceased wife. That's weird. I feel like he's not moved on yet. If anything, I'd just remove myself from the situation. I wouldn't get mad about it.

I just would be like, clearly you're not in a space to move on. And that's okay. That's fair. I'm going to move on though, because that's weird. Yeah. Well, and it's like she only died 14 months ago. And so the whole timeline of this, like the fact they're dating and already bought a house together.

I thought the same thing again. It's moving too fast. It's yeah, he's trying to put a bandit on it and he's clearly not like grieving. And he's not in a space to move forward. No. And also like how often is he jerking off that you know this? Do you watch him do it?

Like, does he tell you he does it? Yeah, have you caught it? Yeah. Have you caught him doing it secretly? Does he just do it openly? Like, I know she said the sexually adventurous part, so I don't know if that's like... That's the adventurous part?

I don't know. I don't know if that's an indicator of like they're like... Watching it together? Yeah. Like I don't know if that, if he wants her there, clearly not because she said he's jerking off. So like he's doing it alone. But like you clearly know he's doing it

because he's doing it often. So like you don't need me here. If you have that, you don't need me. I think we're good. Yeah, I think I don't need to be here. It's like fair for you to be like weirded out by it, but it's also unfair of him to expect you to just sit there and watch him do that for like however long.

Yeah, well, and I like we've had so many stories come up on the show where partners are like competing with a ghost, especially like when you have a widower. Yeah, an Alex or a widower. Yeah, and so it's like this is... I just, I don't know if I would be comfortable with it. I think putting myself in their shoes, it's like, well, how long does this go on?

And like when you're having sex with me, are you envisioning her? Especially because she described how the girls he likes watching porn look like his ex and she doesn't. Yeah, look at that. I'm like... That right there is like he has a very specific type when he watches porn.

And if you don't fit in that category, you don't find that weird like, you know what I mean? And also she, the way she described it too, she said they just mesh well. So you just get along? Like, were you some like companions? Like you guys are like, you get along. Yeah, like you're just like, you're cool with each other.

She wasn't like, I'm madly in love with him. Like he's everything to me. This breaks my heart. She's just like, it makes me uncomfortable and it's weird. Yeah. I think you're not even as invested as you think you are either. Yeah. That is so, yeah.

Well, no, it'd be hard to be too, especially if like, that's his screensaver, his profile photo. I think it's more so, more than anything, I think it's a guilt thing because you feel creeped out by it. Yeah. And you're like, I know he's grieving and that makes me feel like a bad person if I'm like, that's gross, right? And the jerking off part isn't gross.

It's the, I wouldn't even describe it as gross. I think it's just weird. It's, it's not comfortable situation to be put in. Absolutely. So don't subject yourself to it if you don't have to. Yeah. No. And I think the screensavers is also a really telltale sign.

Like, I think, to be honest, I think he's dating this new person. Solely because that's what his wife wanted for him. Yeah. He doesn't even want to, he just wants his wife. He's like trying to force himself to move on. That's exactly the vibe I'm getting. And that's unhealthy for him and her because now she's like, okay, well, now I'm like, kind of stuck because they bought a house together and stuff.

But why? Why? Why? I don't know. Like that's what I'm saying. Like he's older too. Like he's significantly older than her. She's in her 30s.

Like, girl, you're in your prime. Like cut it loose, go find somebody else. Seriously. You know, like you said, you can't compete with a ghost. Like you really can't. No. And I've seen so many people that are widowers and only will date a widower. So that like, that person understands that.

Oh, that makes sense. I could see that. Yeah. And so I think it's also to one of those things where when you're like, you feel like you're competing with a ghost, like you almost like, like I said, like you're making yourself feel bad all the time. Like you feel guilty all the time because you're like, I don't like that.

That makes me uncomfortable. And as like an equal partner in the relationship, you should be able to communicate those feelings. Yeah. But then you can't because you feel bad. So then you start growing resentment towards them and what they're going through, which then makes you feel bad. It's just like a cycle.

There's no getting ahead with this one. No, I cut them. I cut them loose, babe. I would too. Not ready. So the top comment at the time that I screenshotted this was, she's dead 14 months and you've already, you're already at the stage where you bought a house together.

How long have you been dating? It seems like he rushed into dating to try to fill the void with you without any processing or working through his grief. Yeah, absolutely. And that's also an indicator too that like he's, it's like band-aid on a bullet hole, like you said. But then it's also like, I mean, why would you want to enter in a relationship with someone who literally said that he loved someone for 20 years?

And that was the love of his life. You know what I mean? Like, why would you want to so quickly enter into a relationship with someone who's like still grieving from that? No, I wouldn't. 20 years? You know what I mean? That's a long ass time.

What's that? Isn't there like a thing where the time to grieve your relationship is like, how long it was divided by four or like something like that? I saw it was like times two. So like if you were together with someone and like, or half of the amount, I'm sorry. So if we were together with someone like me for eight years, then it would take me four years to get over it.

And I'm like, do you think you're on that timeline? I don't want to do four years. I'm like on my way out. Yeah. No, she's for sure way ahead of the curve in that sense. I think they're saying like give yourself at least that much time, like or maximum or minimum that much time. But if you get over it faster or takes you a little bit longer, that's fine.

But they said like, I think it just gives people like a goal. Because I feel like when you're going through grief like that, like it feels like there's no end. Like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. You're never going to see it. You're never going to come out the other side. And then when you have people who give you tangible goals to work towards, you're like, oh, just give yourself four years.

Yeah. Then you're like, okay, four years, four years. That's what you're telling yourself. It like motivates you. Well, and breakups are different from like losing like that. Exactly. It's a different form of grief, but it's like not the same. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a much, I think it's like another level of bereavement more than anything. Oh, yeah. I, we've had a couple of lost stories too. And people are always like, you don't ever get over grief like that. Like you learn to grow with it and like around it. There's actually like an image.

Yeah. Yeah. And so that comes up a lot when we have stories like this. And I think too, like this is, I think they should break up if they haven't already, but if they haven't, I think you should. Because this is like a learning lesson for you too. You know what I mean? And then it's okay if you feel creeped out by it.

That's okay. Yeah. It's a valid, it's a valid feeling. You're allowed to feel that way, but you don't have to tell him not. You know what I mean? No. Especially if it's the one thing that's like bringing him peace right now. Yeah.

Like you can be empathetic towards it and just be like, listen, I think that we're on two different paths. So you continue on your healing journey. I'm going to go somewhere else. See if you can sell the house. Yeah. Literally. Or he buy me out on my half.

I don't want to hear you working on it. Yeah. He's probably, he's probably established. That's why I was, he's older. So. Yeah. He's, that's, that's okay. He's got it.

He can, he can keep the house. Mm-hmm. Up next. I only saw him in pictures slash videos. He's overprotective of him. Okay. And then he flat out said that the dog thought I was ugly. This shocked me completely.

I looked at Michael and asked if he was serious. He started explaining that this dog is like that with some people and that I shouldn't get offended over an animal's behavior. I felt horrible because I, as a person who has always struggled with self-esteem and I'm no stranger to the word ugly. My issue wasn't the dog, but with what Michael said. It's like he was indirectly giving his opinion about my looks and using his dog as an excuse.

Long story short, we had an argument and I ended up canceling dinner and going home. Michael called several times. Then when I picked up, he was lashing out the entire time saying that I overreacted and that I cannot blame him and punish him for something his dog did. He advised me to get rid of the quote, toxic sensitivity I have and deal with whatever insecurity I have as soon as possible

because what happened will set the tone for our relationship and eventually our marriage later. I did respond later, which caused another argument. My sister said I messed things up with my stupidity and that I should have laughed it off, but for some reason I wasn't able to. Did I overreact here? No.

Fucking run, dude. The way that he was gaslighting the shit out of her, like... Yeah, what the fuck is toxic sensitivity? Yeah, like he's like, you better deal... That's a new one. Deal with that insecurity, bitch. I know I called you ugly to your face, but like deal with it. Deal with it or else it's going to affect our relationship.

Bro, get the fuck out of here, dude. And she's over there making dinner. You know what? I would have sauced his rug. You know what's funny is dogs have no thoughts. Dogs don't think that person is ugly. Like dogs don't do that. Dogs hump everyone.

Dogs think like ball, food, safety. Like that's what dogs think about. Dogs don't aren't like... That person is the ugliest bitch I've ever seen in my life. It's different if you was like joking because I've said that to my sister like, oh my cats don't like you... Or it's with my brother.

They don't like you because they think you're ugly. Yeah. But it seems like he was being serious. That would fucking piss me off. Well, you're like... You have to think too. The relationship dynamic between you and your brother is different between like people who are dating

and like are new to a relationship with each other. Like, I swear to God, if Billy ever jokingly called me ugly... Done. You know what I mean? When we were first dating... Yeah, first four months. Four months.

That's for a first date. Fuck that, dude. He's like, oh, ha ha. Sounds like you want to fuck your dog. Like why are you so like... Oh, he does that sometimes. Ugly bitches, am I right? What it sounds like is he was trying to nag you.

That is what I picked up on. Yeah, it sounds like he was trying to nag you and it didn't work. And then he was like... Then he gaslights you after that. He's like... Then it's your fault, yeah. Yeah, you're so insecure.

Like why are you so insecure? Because my dog thinks you're a fucking ugly bitch. Like that's what it sounds like. And he's still doubling down. Yeah. In the like the second phone call with her, he's like, why are you blaming me for something my dog did?

I can't control my dog. Here he is. You take it up with him. It's on Facebook, it's just a dog. See? He's still doing it. And the dog's licking his pee pee. And he's like, see?

He still thinks you're ugly. That's on him. Why are you mad at me? Dude, I'm sure that dog had a red rocket when she was there. Like they all do. They all do. Like any dog that sits and starts staring at you,

that thing comes out. A dog has no, like little to no brain cells. Like dogs lay there and dogs literally look at themselves in the mirror for 20 minutes. Like what do you think that... Do you genuinely think that dog is the cognitive ability to be like, this person is ugly?

Yeah. No. No, no chance. You were making that up because it was probably supposed to be a joke, but it's like a negging joke. Yeah. I don't get why guys do that.

In your 30s? Because why he's still single at 31 or whatever age? In your fucking 30s, like you're still trying to neg girls that like came to your house and like you guys have dinner plans and all that shit. Yeah, and she sounds like a fucking pick me. Pick me, ass bitch.

Yeah. You're being stupid. No, you're stupid and that's why you're single. That would be me, I'm sorry. You have reacted. You know what's funny? If that was me and you and you were the girl that got like,

he said you were ugly or you were the dog. Because that would happen to me, that's what you're saying? No, you would come home and say, no, what I think would have happened is you wouldn't have liked it, but you would have like stomached the dinner and then you would have came home

and you would have told me. Isn't that weird? And people will say the most bizarre things to me. You had some weird dates. Especially on dates and then I go, oh my god. I'll be like, I don't know, she said this thing to me and then you're like,

that's so rude and I go, oh. Yeah, and I go, what the fuck? She said that to you and she goes, yeah, I'm like, fuck that bitch, dude. Like what a mean thing to say. Like that's so disrespectful. That was the one girl that catfished you. Yeah.

And I told her when she told me that story because she was like, do you want to talk about what she said? I told her we were playing that card game. I just meant on this. Oh, I don't care. Kind of people have. And she had said, I like how in your bumble profile,

like usually people try to make like it with like good looking pictures or pictures that will attract other people. But yours was just you being yourself. And I love that. Negging. That's fucking negging. And then I go, I said,

she said that to your fucking face. I was like, was that like weird because I like didn't know how to react when she said it. Yeah, she told me she goes, yeah, and then she said this and I'm all to you. And she goes, yeah, I go, like on the day, she goes, yeah, I go, what'd you say?

I want to laugh. She goes, I literally was just like, oh. Like that's it. And that's like, she fucking showed up and catfished you. Well, and then I told her too. I was like, you should have been like, what do you mean by that? What is that supposed to mean?

What do you mean? Yeah, I was just like in such shock. I guess, yeah, the same thing. He's like, yeah, he thinks you're ugly. That would have made me laugh. I would have been like, I don't know. He told me he thinks you're ugly before I came in here. Like that's funny.

That's funny. I saw you fucking a tree earlier. You want to talk about me being ugly? I bet you it's the same dude. I know. I bet you anything. Oh my God. So the top comment on this one,

which at the time of the screenshot had over 20,000 upvotes. So wait a minute. He's continuing to blame his dog for insulting you and is sticking to a story that his dog, not him, thinks you're ugly. This guy is just yikes. I personally wouldn't marry someone who communicates by translating his dog's mean-spirited thoughts.

Is it an animal medium? Is that his dog's a bully? He thinks you're ugly. Dude, I keep getting those animal mediums on TikTok though. Oh yeah. I haven't seen those. Oh, crazy. I've seen like one or two.

They just read dog's minds. They talk to your pets. Yeah, they like communicate to you what your dog is thinking. By talking to them or in their heads? No, they're like kind of like spirits a little bit. Yeah, like this is virtual mediums. Yeah.

They're like the presence is telling me this. No, my cat's now a mole. Hey, look at me a mole. Yeah, that's what I thought. My dog's almost there because he's a baby. Yeah. Yeah, my dog's a baby. My dog, I'm the fun parent and it's upsetting to me.

Billy's the calm parent. When Billy's there, he goes and lays down and sleeps. With me, he comes and he stares at me like, and then I go, don't, and then he nips at me and then he takes off, gets zoomies. Yeah. As soon as I tell him, get out of here, he starts getting zoomies really bad.

When she first got him, I would chase him. And now after he comes over, he tries to goad me into chasing him. I literally told Adam this morning, I was like, Dyson's like the fun aunt because when he sees Dyson, he gets excited because he knows he's going to be chased and he likes to be chased. Yeah. So he runs up and he's like, he waits.

He hits my foot and he runs away. Oh, well, you're scary. Now he scares me. Oh, well, I don't want to play with you. You're scary. He's just a little guy. I know. He's a little asshole.

He has that crazy look in his eye and I'll trust him. I want to babysit. He's, oh my God, I would love you to. He's such a good boy. He's actually a really, really good puppy, but he's just in his naughty face right now. Is he six months? No, he's going on four.

He's a toddler. Yeah. Yeah, toddler. That's what I'm saying. He's in his toddler face. Like he's entering where he's like testing the limits and the boundaries. So.

He's getting like a little personality too. Which is really cute. I love that. I have like the biggest puppy fever. And oddly, I kind of want to become a dog trainer in my spare time. I love training dogs. I just think it's going to be so fun.

I am fascinated. Anytime someone brings up dog training, I'm like, you know what I read? Like I literally like, it's like a, it's like a fucking trigger word for me. Like it makes me excited. Are you on dog trainer TikTok? Yes.

I see them all the time. I'm fascinated. Sometimes I'll tell, I'll tell Billy. I'm like, listen, this is what we have to do. I saw a video about it today. And I watch dog training videos all the time. I'm obsessed. I literally taught my boyfriend's mom.

She has three dogs. I taught one of them to stop jumping on people when you come in the house. Yeah. Do you just walk into them? You just ignore them because I watched a TikTok on it. And I was like, ignore them until they calm down. And once they sit down, then you acknowledge them.

So now what he does is he goes, he doesn't jump, but he goes and brings you toys. Like he'll bring you his favorite toy and like put it at your feet and then he'll wait for pets. A story? Yeah. And I taught him that. You're good.

Hire me. She's really good. She's really good. You're good. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters.

I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW

or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. Well, I got a vet clinic one, kind of a dog one, while we're here. Today I fucked up by thinking that the emergency vet clinic gives out goodie bags and excitedly asking about it. So today we ended up bringing our cat into the emergency vet clinic. He's fine now.

After he was all fixed up and I had paid, I was waiting for the vet tech to bring him out so I could take him home. While I was waiting, I noticed a couple who had also just paid waiting and assumed they too were waiting for their animal to come out. Before my cat was brought out, a different vet tech came out to the couple waiting,

carrying a fancy paper bag. My dumb ass should have realized then and there. But alas, this is where I fucked up. Instead of realizing that the bag carried the ashes of their dead pet, I excitedly asked from across the waiting room in a bright and sunny voice. Do we get goodie bags? I realized what was in the bag as the words were coming out,

but not soon enough to actually stop saying them. The vet tech handing the bag froze, mid-pass-off. The woman receiving the bag, who was heavily pregnant, burst into tears immediately and everyone else just looked deeply uncomfortable. I started apologizing immediately and tried to explain but it was too late. The room was dead silent except for the sobs of the pregnant lady.

It was at this moment, of course, that the vet tech that had been working with our cat brings him out, cheerily proclaiming him happy and healthy and ready to go home. The couple with the goodie bag left in a hurry without looking up at me again. I have never been so fucking mortified in my life. I feel so bad that I made their already horrible day worse, Ugg.

Oh my god, dude, that's so funny. Yeah, the, ooh, do we get goodie bags? Trick or treat, what if she's like, how come she gets a goodie bag and I don't? I saw you give that pregnant lady a goodie bag. How come I don't get one? What if that, dude, that's so embarrassing. I could see this happening to me.

Yeah, if that were, I would probably ask, I don't know if I'd go, ooh, but I'd probably be like, hey, what did they get in that bag? Yeah. And then I would still feel like an asshole, but- At least not in front of a bunch of people. Yeah, honestly, if that were me, I'd be like, do you guys mind queen meeting me next?

Because I don't think I want to live to see it tomorrow. Like after that interaction. Can I go back there really fast? Do you guys have like an opening? If I could just stick my head in that furnace, that'd be great. Oh my god, dude. It's giving that audio. It's like, someone sedate me.

Yeah. And you're like- A gun, a gun, yeah. That's so, yeah, that's one of those things where you just like want to run into the woods and never come back out. Yeah. Oh my god.

I don't have like, I'm trying to think of a moment where there's been like one recently, I talked about it, where I met Molly Burke at a TikTok party. Oh yeah. And I had said like differently abled on a past episode, which is not an appropriate term. It's just something that like came up during my OT grad school. And she was talking because she was coming on an episode

and she was like, yeah, someone on your podcast said differently abled and like, that's really bad. And I was like, oh, fuck me. That was me, fuck, fuck. You were like, oh my god, yeah. What a bitch. What's for dinner, bitch? It's probably Tony Pita.

It wasn't me. And that was someone named Tony Pita. I really am not friendly. I actually got rid of him. He's gone. That bitch hasn't been back since. He asked me what's for dinner, bitch. And my dog thought he was ugly.

So, you know, it was a lose all around. It was a lot going on. Dude, I don't know. But I'm like, I was trying to think of any other meltable moments and like, I don't have any. Of like embarrassing things. Yeah. I mean, for me, I don't know.

Nothing like that, like as far as I remember, sometimes I block things out from my psyche, I think intentionally because I'm embarrassed. But no, I don't think so. No, not for me. I can think of one for my dad with the eggs at the restaurant. That's my mom's favorite story. What?

Dude. He was like, it was like during the pandemic. So we had gone on like a road trip to Oregon and we were like all wearing masks and not seeing people. Yeah. We went to a restaurant to eat outside and my dad, we were ordering breakfast and the lady's like, how do you want your eggs?

And he was like, oh, omelette. And she was like, hmm. And he went. Strike one. Omelette. And me and my mom were both starting going, what the fuck? And she's all, hmm. And he goes, I'll make this easy for you.

Easy over. And she went, oh, well, he means scrambled. I was so embarrassed. What are you talking about? Had the interject. I did a stupid she left them all. Did you say easy over? He goes, oh, I meant over easy.

I'm like, okay, that's one. What the hell is omelette? And he goes, an omelette. He kept saying an omelette. Oh, no. Oh my God. Do you know what an omelette is? And why are you saying it like that?

Like it's wild. Dude, as a server, that should happen to me all the time. Yeah. What's the other one? Like a euro. And people are like, can I get a gyro? Yeah. The fajitas.

I love TikToks of waitresses when they're like, do you still copy here? And it's like a coffee shop. She goes, no, you stupid bitch. Yeah. I watched one like that too. Those are so funny. When they're like a little diner.

Which is like, do you mind turning the air off? It's freezing. She goes, actually it's a million fucking degrees outside. So no. And I'm serving 12 tables. So no. Can't blink it. I don't think I have anything like that.

Talking wise. I'm trying to think. Now you got your shit together. You seem like you like really, you always have your shit together. I think more than that. Yeah, that. But also I think I'm just quick on my feet.

So like if something embarrassing happens to me, I lie almost immediately. Because to like cover my tracks a little bit. Because I'm embarrassed. So it's like I'm quick thinking in that sense. Because like the thought of that stuff makes me want to lay in the middle of a train track. I'm trying to think.

I've had embarrassing things happen to me, but they weren't like. Oh, I got hit by a car while I was riding a bike. That was really embarrassing. That's true. And then I got up and picked up my bike and tried to walk away. You say that so casually.

So they're on a podcast on the show. But yeah. I was literally laughing so hard. I started crying when I was telling the story. Wait, I think I did see the TikTok breakdown on your Instagram. And it bent the wheel back. And it's like a freaking 10 year old beach cruiser.

So when I would bike, I couldn't turn the wheel if this foot was for it because it would get caught in the wheel. And so one time I was running late for work. I still had that like fucked up bike. And I had eggs and hot dogs, which used to be my favorite meal before I was vegan. In one hand like in a truck.

Weenies con huevos. Yeah. A classic. A classic. So I had it in one hand because I was late for work and I was getting on my bike. And I tried to bike and I tripped and fell. But I caught that I didn't spill my food.

And a homeless man saw me. He's like, are you okay? And I was like, yes, I'm fine. And I was so embarrassed. She's like, I wanted to get up and throw my bike over the fence because I was so embarrassed. Oh my God. Yeah.

I don't know. I think getting hit by a car was more embarrassing, but. Well, the fact you apologize to the person that hit you. Yeah. I was like, sorry about that. And like I had like blood coming out. I was like, see you later. And we're trying to leave.

It's so embarrassing. You're supposed to get there and possibly can pay for your injuries. I know. Well, and so because I was on a one way street. So I was on the sidewalk because I didn't want to go in the bike lane because it's going against traffic. Like I'm against traffic and I don't know how to ride my bike because it's a 19 year old each cruiser.

And this guy pulled out of a driveway like and I saw it like right before it hit me. So I slammed like on my brakes and then ran into the side of the car and lifted up, smashed the windshield with my arm and fall on the ground. She literally hit her while she was driving. And then I got up because he didn't get out of the car and my ex was actually walking towards me on the sidewalk.

And like saw it all. Yeah. And I didn't see her because I was watching the driveways. And so if she didn't scream and yell, he wouldn't have gotten out of the car. And then it was worse because then I walked to the hospital because it was a block away. And I told him like, yeah, I got hit by a car.

They're like, where am I? Like right over there. I don't know. They're like, yeah, we saw so embarrassing. Are you the girl that got hit by a car? Oh my God. We were all wondering if you were going to come in here. I know.

And I told her, oh, I should have glassed my arm. And he was like, let me see it. And he just wiped it off and I'm all, what is that? A thousand dollars. Could have did that at home. I didn't know if I had any broken. It was fine. But yeah, I think getting by a car.

It's so embarrassing because like, what do you do? I didn't have a helmet on. I'm so like, I didn't hit my head. Yeah. But I just got up and I was like. The humiliation was overtaking her. Yeah. I'm trying to think, I don't have anything like that.

I was an Amber alert once. Really? Yeah. I hit my head off a horse and went in a car and like passed out and like buried myself in clothes that were in the back seat of the car. Like, I don't know. I just like needed to sleep and they thought I got kidnapped. So they made me an Amber alert.

They couldn't find you? They shut down. It was at a horse show. So they shut down the whole show, the whole fairgrounds. Like stopping cars and like, Amber alert, Mogan. Meanwhile, you're just sleeping. Sleeping. KO'd.

I don't remember anything from that day except like getting to my dad. He had this like old two door gold Lexus. And I just remember sitting up in the front seat and just puking all over the floor. That's all I remember. So concussed, so bad. I was, uh, when I was in, I want to say fifth grade, I was, I played the flute. Whirlwind. Woodwind.

I said whirlwind. Also. Woodwind. But I made honor band. So like when you make honor band, you do like your final concert. And then our teacher would like announce like who is like making honor band. So before the concert, you had to wear black bottoms, white button down tops. Okay.

My mom had these black velvet, uh, dance pants, like super flared. I was like, those are eaten. I'm wearing them. So I put them on and they're way too big on me because I was like 10. Yeah. And my mom goes, those pants are too big. Like you shouldn't wear those. And I was like, you don't know anything.

I got it. Yeah. And she goes, well, at least roll them. You know, and then I was like, I don't, if I roll them, they bunch and then you're going to see the bunch and that's going to kill the fit like mom, come on. So I was wearing those. I remember this so vividly because it's a core memory in the worst way, but like I was wearing the velvet pants, the bun down Puma's, right?

Yeah. I go, go to honor band, kill it. And then he's like, I'm going to start announcing honor band. And then my last name is at the very front. So obviously I was like, I was the first one he called. And I was like, period. So I walk, my seat was at the very like almost at the back of the orchestra. Okay.

So I started walking all the way up, right? I'm walking all the way up. So the very front of the stage, there's tons of people there. Like at least 200 people. Yeah. We'll hold like little multi-purpose room. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. I go to the very front. He gives me my medal like he puts it on my neck. And then we take a little pick and then I turn around to go back to my seat. As I turn around, my whole shoe gets stuck in the pant leg. No. So I stepped down on my shoe, I pull my pants down and then I fall.

I had no time to like, because it was so like sudden, I had no time to like block my fall. I smacked my forehead on the stage. Like literally I went from my feet to my face. My chonies out, right? Chonies out my shirt up. Of course. So I might not even, my shirt could cover my chonies, my Hanes underwear. And I'm, I'm literally laying there.

And I remember laying their face down. And because there's floor, there's floor mics because it's orchestra. So it was, it sounded like, it sounded like Thor landed outside. Right. And it ripples because of the room. Dude, everyone goes like that. Like I'm fucking movie. That sounds like I made it up.

And my chonies are on my literally just low enough around my butt, like around my cheeks, real. And then I'm all, oh my God, like in my head, I was like, this is not real. Like in my head, I started lying to myself. So then I pull my pants back up. Face down. I like literally pulled them up. So at least my ass was covered while you're still in the ground.

Yeah. Face down. I literally just pulled them up really fast. Got on my hands and knees, crawled back to my seat. I didn't even stand up. Like I crawled back. I think I thought like if I, And it was like while he was announcing to me, he's like, you're all following.

He's all Morgan. And then he's like, Joe, are you okay? I didn't answer. Crawled all the way back to, on my hands and knees, crawled all the way back to my seat. And I remember my, my, my, the next chair. His name was Billy. How ironic.

And now they're together. Well, his real name, his real name was William. But I, little white kid, little nerdy white kid with glasses. I sat up, got on my chair. He goes, he's looking at me like this. And then he goes, are you okay? Cause we were friends. I go, yeah, why wouldn't I be, me immediately gaslighting.

Immediately. I'm like, did something happen? Did something of note happen recently? And then I was like, yeah, I'm totally fine. I was sweating so bad. I like started sweating through my shirt a little bit. Cause I was so humiliated. And they just went on with the concert.

When she trips in, my mom went, that's what she gets. That's what she gets. And then we go outside. I go see my family. Mom goes, I told you those pants are too big. I told you. Immediately. How old?

Immediately. The way my mom was like, okay. Like she let me, she let me do me. Sometimes. Unfortunately for me. Me going, I don't have anything embarrassing. That's like one of my most embarrassing moments for sure. Yeah, I forgot what that was.

I remember. That was amazing. I remember the, what the room looked like. I remember what it smelled like. That's how traumatizing it was for me. Let's take a look at the bike. Come on, man. It was sunny.

It's like a Tuesday. It was like dusk. Right. I remember my pumas were blue. Didn't even match my outfit. I remember those pumas. Those, the pumas and the etnies. Yeah.

I had a pair of those too. Yeah, and white ones. I love that. And K-Swiss. K-Swiss doesn't make any comeback. Oh yeah, I've seen it. I remember recently when we went to Disneyland. I told Billy when I had my healies, I was like insufferable.

Yeah. I was like, oh, that's crazy. I was healing, I was everywhere healing. Oh, these everywhere. And so I wore them to Disneyland. And I remember my mom telling me like, Hey, you probably shouldn't use those things, right? Once again, me not listening.

And I go, nah, it's fine. The girls want to see me. Me constantly trying to pull focus. Like I'm just like doing circles in front of the entrance. People are meeting goofy and you're like, Hey, that's pretty cool. Have you seen this? Can he do this?

I didn't think so. And then I'm doing all that shit. And then again, trouble. So then the guy, they pulled me to the side and he was like, They took your wheels. I'm going to need to confiscate your wheels. So I gave him to him, but he didn't know I had a backup pair. So then I put another pair in and I'm walking.

You know, he walked like they're high heels when you have the wheels. You're like on tippy toes. Yeah, I was like trying to be chill. Clicking, yeah. Yeah. And then I started healing again. And then they literally told me they were going to put me in Disneyland jail if I didn't stop.

So he confiscated my wheels again. And then he goes, do you have any other wheels on you? Same guy. Yeah. He was following me. I think he knew I was full of shit. So he was like, And then I'm walking.

It's like, because they're so heavy. Oh, they're clunky. They're clunky. High heels. You know what's crazy about all this is, you know, somebody has a video of that, uh, concert. Somewhere. How hasn't it leaked yet?

If you do, I'll pay you money to post it, honestly. I don't know. I feel like it was so long ago. Like 10 or... People aren't drawing the connection yet. It's been 10. More than 10. High school was 10 years ago.

That's right. Well, I'm 27 now. But I was, yeah, 17 years ago. So like... Holy shit, we're all... 17. Yeah. No shit.

17 years ago. How, when is that like 2000? You were in eighth grade? No, I was in fifth grade. What year did you graduate high school? 2013. Then it was 2006. Yeah.

So I don't know if like people had camera phones like that back then. Oh, you know there's some dad. I hope there's like a quarter footage of it though. Like if there... Oh, if there is, please send it to me. I'm sure we have some. I don't know. I don't think so.

It'll surface. I hope so. Now that you're manifesting it, you're putting it out there. It's gonna come out. Please do, honestly. We'll make a TikTok of this and be like, does anyone have the footage? Please send it to Drew and me, me first.

Of my fucking pantaloons out of my... Out of my velveteen pants. Dude, if there was someone that went to school with you in eighth grade, has the video and they happened to be listening to this podcast. That'd be sick. Please let me know. You'd be done. I do have some Facebook friends, I think,

from like fifth grade. So maybe they... You put up a mass message. Posted on your wall. Does anyone remember this? I kind of wanted everyone to forget, but does anybody remember this? What happened to?

Do you guys remember that really embarrassing? So her pants fell down? Yeah, when I watched the Lizzie McGuire movie, I was like, I feel seen. Yeah, I remember that. When she ate shit. At least her chonies weren't out, though. That's what makes my fear.

Every time I go on something to talk, I get to that Spotify thing recently. And they had the little chairs and the little stage, and I had to go sideways to get to my chair. And I was like, I want to fall off this fucking stage. Yeah, watch. Oh yeah, it was a skinny one, huh? Oh my gosh.

Baby stage. Baby stage. Yeah, we've got some solid core memories, which is actually what someone said on that dog post. They literally said, congratulations on your new core memory. Against your whale core memory, yeah. Literally.

Okay, your bread and butter. Are you ready? Ready. Trigger warning on this next one, you guys. It does contain talks of child loss and eating disorders. I accidentally made a comment about my girlfriend's weight, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not sure how to start this out.

So here's the backstory. My male 21 girlfriend, female 19, and I have been together for two years. When we started dating, she was a gym rat. We constantly worked out together to keep ourselves in good shape. My girlfriend also had a son when she was 15 from another guy

who never bothered to be around for her or the baby. She had to lose a lot for her baby. She was kicked out and worked two part-time jobs on top of school to pay for herself and the baby. However, he was diagnosed with leukemia a few months into the relationship and passed away five months ago after chemo failed. This hit my girlfriend hard.

She got in contact with her parents who offered for her to move back in and not work so that she could deal with her grief. Instead, she moved in with me, and I currently support her financially. Since his passing, she's gained over 65 pounds and is no longer in the shape that she was when we first started dating.

She has gotten back to normal in some aspects, such as being able to enjoy doing things and has been more sexual again. Well, recently, I went to a party and ended up cheating on her. It was nothing past sexual, and it was just because of how much her body reminded me of my old girlfriend. Turned out, a few of her friends were at the party

and ended up taking pictures of us making out and then leaving together. So, when I came home the next morning, my girlfriend was obviously pissed. She was yelling and crying to me about how she trusted me and how she couldn't handle this after losing her baby. I didn't really think much of it. She's been erratic in her emotions since the loss,

so I was letting her take her time to process it. She just wouldn't stop, though. It was over a half hour before I snapped back and said, quote, if you didn't get so big, then I wouldn't have to. I immediately apologized and tried to explain that I didn't mean it that way. She didn't listen and locked herself in the bedroom for the rest of the day.

She wouldn't even let me in when it was time for bed, so I slept on the couch. The next day, we talked it out and we decided to try to deal with this going forward. However, she hasn't been the same. She refuses to have sex with me, and the one time that we did, she made the lights be off and didn't let me touch her.

She hasn't been cooking meals and has only been getting food for me. She has canceled all dinner plans that I have made with our friends or told me to go alone. She hasn't been wearing the bright outfits that she usually wears and only wears black sweatpants with a sweatshirt. She doesn't let me cuddle her anymore,

and she keeps a pillow in between us as she needs it to, quote, align her back at night, even though she faces the other way. We used to shower every morning together, and she hasn't done that either. She's been showering when I'm at work or locks both the bedroom and bathroom door. She barely talks to me or even looks at me.

I've tried holding her hand and she pulled it away. Everything that I try to do with her, she just ignores me. I'm just so done with her acting so distant and cold to me. I want to be able to go back to the relationship we had before she lost her son, or even before she started acting distant to me. My one friend has two kids of her own

and said that I am at fault for doing that less than six months after she lost her baby. She also went off on me about how I should have never commented on her weight, and that a lot of people would turn to food as a comfort. My girlfriend was diagnosed with binge eating disorder when she was 13. She went to treatment, and that's when she became a health nut.

Ann said that I will never understand how she currently feels. But we both agreed that we wanted to have more kids. This conversation took place after he passed. So I feel like that should have given her some closure towards his death. I feel like if she is acting this way, then our relationship isn't going to last much longer.

I know that her dad told her recently that she is still welcome to move back home and even offered to pay for her grief counseling that she goes to three times a week. I don't know how long I can put up with her having this much attitude. I'm worried that I'm going to make this same mistake if she doesn't take care of my needs soon.

I just need to get her back to who she was before. What can I do to help her get over this? Is there anything I can say to make this better? Yeah, you can fucking choke on my dick, bro. That's what you can do. Do that and then go eat a big pile of fucking shit. Like, that's what you should do. I'm going to talk to the girl.

She needs to leave him immediately. Immediately, expeditiously. The minute she... The fact that he makes the death of her son about him. Yeah, that's nice. Bro, fuck you. That's a terrible fucking person. Electric chair.

No, truly drop dead dog. If that's real, you deserve to die alone, for real, for real. I hope you do. I'm going to pray for it, honestly. Yeah, let's manifest that shit. Yeah, I'm going to manifest that for you. She does not deserve anyone. No.

Let alone her. It's so wild that he knows he fucked up and then he's like, I just wish you could go back. Quipping such a bitch, God. I called you fat once after your son died. That's wild. Fucking embarrassing. The gaslight's crazy, though, in that message,

like the way that he's writing it is if he gives a shit about her. No, he doesn't. No. He doesn't care about her. He cares about him. And it seems like you have no problem putting your dick in other bitches,

so why don't you just go do that? I can't believe she stayed with him. I get why. Probably because she's in the throes of her grief. Yeah. But I mean, if she has the option, fucking take it, bitch, leave. I'd rather be homeless, if that's the case.

At that point, I'd rather be completely alone, no parents either, than do that. Because I know he's supporting her financially, so maybe she's worried about that. But at this point, if your parents are like, hey, come back home, I'm leaving that night. Drop a pin. I will pull up with you.

Yeah, I'll literally help move you, babe. She needs her parents to just show up and be like, this is what we're doing, to make a decision for her. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Maybe she hasn't told them about what she did. Boy, he did, yeah. About what he did.

Obviously, they know about her son. But like, dude. And then he's like, I told her that we could have more kids. Yeah. You're not over the death of your first one. Like that fix is losing a child. Yeah. And on top of that, she had that child so young.

Yeah. And she got kicked out of her family for having it. Her baby. It still worked. Because she figured it out. Yeah, she was working. And then if you think too, like, he's like, oh,

and she got diagnosed with an eating disorder, which she is like probably still an active recovery of. Yeah. Even if you exit treatment, I'm sure she's still recovering. Always, it's like always fighting. Exactly. I think when you have an ED, I think it's like, it's not something that ever really goes away.

No, it's ongoing for sure. Yeah. Well, and I think like if she's working, and then she got to a place where she was like one extreme, from one extreme to the other, that doesn't necessarily mean it was healthy. Like her coping mechanism, if it was like from one, one like end of the spectrum to the other,

that doesn't necessarily mean it was like a healthy way of coping. No. And you know what? She could be a very, for all we know, she could be a really healthy weight. But like what she was when he was dating her, when she was a health nut, like she was probably just undersized. Which they age gap.

So they're two years of parks. I always think of things like that. 19 and 21. Yeah, which means she was 17. And he was 19. So minor. Yeah. Yeah.

She lost her child six months ago, and you're still like, you said you're like, he's still making it about himself. He's still saying, my needs, you better change. I don't know if I can deal with this erratic behavior of yours. Oh my God. I don't know how much more I can put up with this attitude. Yeah, and describe her grief as that is just so gross.

What is it supposed to look like after losing your child? And then you're doing like the meanest thing you could possibly do to me right now. And then blaming it on me for why you did it. It's literally not even six months later. Yeah. Are you out of your fucking mind? That's why I saw this TikTok today.

And it's kind of relevant, but not really. It was this girl, and she has these really big scars on her arms. She goes, every time people see my scars, they ask me what happened, and I tell them I got stabbed. Right? And she goes, and then I say, I got stabbed by a man. And they're like, oh, a man. And she goes, and they go, is he in jail?

Is he in jail? Like, did he get locked up for it? Did he get in trouble? And I go, babe, did you not fucking hear me? He stabbed me. He is dearly departed. He is no longer here. Right?

And she goes, he is no longer with us. He no longer lives on this earth, on this plane. After this happened to me, and I was like, that's me. If that kind of like horrid treatment is what comes from your partner when you're in the throes of grief, like throw it in the fucking trash, bitch. Done. No.

That's all I said. Tell that man I said drop dead or send me a pin, honestly. Oh, I seriously would. Like if I got a message from her and it was like, OK, Morgan, I'm ready for the U-Haul. I'll expense it. That's a podcast expense, right? Like fuck this, dude.

I can't believe how many, that's how you know, he knows like he fucked up with the amount of details he's putting in there. Like. He's trying to find any bit of redemption. He's like, let me give the backstory as if that makes him look any better. It just got worse and worse.

Her friends took that video of me, OK. As they should. I would have called my friend up and said, but you better get down here. So first I saw the tree fucker, now this guy. I'm calling my friend and be like, I'm going to go swing on him when he's not looking. I'll wait for you to get here.

Here's the pin. That's like one thing. Like I'm happy her friends took the picture, but if I saw this, if I was in that situation, I saw my besties like shit fucking boyfriend walk out with another girl. I would have like, I'm a little psycho. I want to be honest.

I'm like a Tasmanian devil. Like I'm not scared to like start chirping someone. When like this, especially after a couple drinks, I would have been like, where you going, Thomas? Yeah. Hey, Tommy, Tommy, who's who's your little friend here? Does she know that your girlfriend is at home? Grieving.

Grieving for her lost son. Son. Well, you're over here canoodling, you fucking bitch. Tommy, I know you're trying to get your dick wet. Yeah. Like like that. Yeah, I would have caused the scene. As I said, I'm a swing on him.

I'll see you here in 10 from behind. I'm Molly Wappen. I'm punching the back of his head like that game at Dave and Buster's. You know, you go run or you punch a really cheap bag. Yeah. To see how high the score goes. A full sprint.

Yeah, a full tilt. I'm running headfirst towards him and I'm swinging as hard as I can. You know, we usually don't provoke violence on this show, but I think in this case. In that situation, yeah. It's necessary. Especially with the backstory.

Absolutely. Just seeing the cheating is one thing, but when you factor in all of the other terrible things he's doing to her. Yeah. The way I started to like hold her fire, I'm like, what the heck? And then she goes to her son.

I'm like, dang. Then you cheated. What the? You're just like, and then now she's like mad at me still. She won't let me have sex with the lights on. Just the most shower with me. I know. And also showering together every morning.

What do you have? Nowhere to go. You could tell they're codependent. Yeah, dude. Codependent. Wait, you have nowhere to. That's annoying. Like, I'd be like, dude, get out.

I have to shower. This is my, I'm late. I got to pee in there. Yeah. This is, that's my me time, honestly. Don't come in here. I like blasting music. I'm in there by myself doing my scalp scrub.

Living my life. Justin loves to hop in there with me. I don't know what it is. I just always have to pee in the shower. And there's sometimes where I like push him to the back and then like aim the water at him. And I'm just like kind of peeing in there. And I always wonder, I'm like, this,

I should have done this by myself. Like, can you smell that? Here you are. And now I'm sharing it to the world. Fuck me. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is.

From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundraware. You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house. You promised your daughter. Sarah, when did you hop on the call?

Hi, dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Okay, one last Reddit story and then I've got some listener things to share with you guys. Five.

Let's do it. Romantic dance with your son? Question mark, question mark. My boyfriend, 23 male and I, 23 female, have been together nearly five years. We have been really good friends for about three years before we started dating, and I always liked his parents.

Things were great when we first started dating, but within the past year, his mom has taken a turn. He's always been a bit of a mama's boy, but she's really ramped it up in the last year. This year on a bunch of my special days, birthdays, our anniversary, my graduation party, she calls him and tells him big family news.

On my birthday, she told him that she found a lump in her breast. Three months prior and left it at that. Hours later, she called back after he was understandably upset the rest of the day and said, quote, Oh yeah, it ended up being nothing, but I figured I should tell you.

Also happened at my graduation party. She told him that a family member had been in a car crash three weeks prior and now is not doing well. One phone call with bad timing is understandable, but it happens pretty frequently. Also, they talk every day, so there's no reason why she wouldn't have told him prior.

So three weeks ago, two years ago, Most recently, we were at his grandparents' anniversary party and he and I were dancing to Perfect by Ed Sheeran. About 30 seconds into the song, she came over and pushed me out of the way and said, quote,

Let me dance with my son. I walked away and he just let it happen, which was probably for the best as to not cause drama. I was super upset by this, as was he, and we had yet another conversation about his mom. They don't treat any of the other significant others like this, and I have no idea what I did to make things like this.

She is not a widow nor a single mom. She's been with my boyfriend's dad forever, so I don't believe it has anything to do with a lack of emotional validation. My boyfriend is good at setting boundaries, but she just continues to cross them. How do I go about this? Man.

It sounds like his mom wants to fuck him. And I would- Not perfect by Ed Sheeran. Is that the one with Beyonce in it? Yeah, he did a version with her. What we're not going to do is talk bad about my good dude, Ed Sheeran. No, I know. I will stand for no slander.

I'm just saying not his mom wanting to dance with him to Perfect. Yeah, like such a romantic song. Are you kidding me? I don't. Honestly, I think, okay, if you really, really love this dude and you want to marry him, you got to have the conversation with the mom. Like you yourself and he needs to be there and you need to have the conversation.

I would make him do it. Oh, you got some- He's already done it. He said he's set boundaries and she continues to cross them. Yeah, then it needs to be something the three of you do. At that point, family meeting. I'm calling it, what the fuck is up with you, bitch? When she has a big day, we need to have a meeting.

Yeah, when she has a big day, you're going to announce you're pregnant, even if you're not. Every time she has a big day- I thought it was, I'm sorry. Every time she has a big day, announce you're pregnant. You just start out playing her at the game. Sometimes you got to do it. Yeah.

I think that's fair. You start sneakily putting his phone on do not disturb on any important occasion. Just from her. So he doesn't see it. Her number. Oh my god, there was one girl who the mother-in-law always called them at 1 a.m. at night when they were trying to be intimate. And so one night she answered the phone and was like,

like making sex noises and stuff and just caused World War III. But mom wouldn't take the hint. Two wouldn't take the hint. God damn, bro. Some of these moms are weird, bro. I would literally, I would have, if you really, really, really love this dude and you want to stay with him, because if you don't get out now, it's just going to get worse, especially if you get married,

you have kids, anything like that's going to get worse. But I mean, I would have a frank conversation with her and I would be like, do you have a problem with me? Yeah. Is there a problem that we need? Because I feel like one time is an accident. Two times, okay, a weird coincidence. Three or more, bitch, this is a pattern.

It's been established. Like something's wrong, like. Completely. And the breast cancer one where it was like, she called him, said, I found a lump, but she already knew it wasn't cancerous. So then she let him sit with that emotional. And that's evil. That's like emotional psychological abuse.

Yeah, literally. That's psychotic. That's manipulation. That's psychotic to do to someone else. Yeah. She's like, and that's not even cancerous. I'm going to tell him later. Fucking bitch.

Yeah. I will say though, like she says my boyfriend is good at setting boundaries, but she just continues to cross them. Your boyfriend isn't good at setting boundaries then because he's not willing he's not willing to enforce any consequences. No, that's true. That's that's a good point. Because like you got to step up and like.

Just because you tell your mom, like, please stop doing that. But then you still let her keep getting away with it, but you're not maintaining. Well, and then, and yeah, in the sense that you need to enforce them. So like, for example, the dance. Like I'd be like, hold on. Like he should have been like, no, I want to dance with my girlfriend. I'll grab you next, you know, during the YMCA.

I'm not going to dance during this with you. Like, you don't have to say all that. Just be like, no, no, just let me dance with my girlfriend. Just for a second. I'll dance with you after. Like he should have like stood up for you. Yeah. But I get why he may not because like he may feel, you know what I mean?

Like he's in front of people. Well, yeah. And he's caught between a rock and hard place. I give you props for being mature and not being like, what the fuck is your problem? Yeah. Right. Like as soon as like, I wouldn't do that, but I would be mad.

I'd be mad. I would. I would have went home. I would have went and sat in the car and waited to leave. And cried. Yeah. I would have been really pissed. I would have got a little drunk in the corner.

And then confronted her yourself. I just say some sly comments under my breast sometimes. When I get heated. I think you need to tell him to enforce his boundaries. If that's too much for him or it doesn't work. Then tell him you're going to do it and then watch what happens. Yeah. One, and tell him to like, if this continues to happen,

I don't want to be with you anymore. And see like if that really makes him do something about it. Because otherwise, you know what I mean? He's just, he's encouraging the behavior by not like enforcing the consequence. Like you said. Nipping it in the bud. Yeah, there you go. Exactly.

Top comment on this one, which only has. I don't know why it's the top. Maybe it's the best because it only has two upvotes. But it's from someone and they go, I'm always grossed out by romantic gestures given to adult children from parents. My dad used to playfully slap me on the butt. And once I was about 12, it gave me the ick. Ew.

Right, rightfully so. Her own dad? Yeah. Yuck. Yeah, that's a little weird. My dad used to do this to hurt my head if we weren't listening. Does that count? Knuckles on the scalp.

That's a little more tame compared to an ass slap. I, that's funny because I, even as a child and now, I hate being. Touched. Touched. I hate being, I hate being hugged. I hate any. Did I so bad at hugs?

Yeah. Deson loves to hug. Like, so she always hugs me for no reason. I'm always like, dude, come on. Get off me, bro. Like, I just hate that kind of intimacy for some reason. I'm just like, ah, okay, that's enough. Yeah.

I don't care if my mom or dad want to hug me or Billy, but like anybody else, I'm like, nothing. And that's like, like greeting someone. Yeah. Yeah. If you're greeting someone, I just mean like, I mean, an unplanned hug. Yeah.

I know, I'm like, oh, fuck. Let me just take myself out right now. It's like an uninvited hug. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like someone. If it's a mutual, like. Yeah.

Like a greeting. A greeting is fine or whatever. It's like a spontaneous hug, I guess, the way I describe it. It gives me the ick. Like if I got up and came over and hugged you. Yeah. Like if she hugged me, I'd be like, okay, that's enough.

Oh, man. My brother loves to hug too. And I'm always like, okay, that's enough. Yeah. That's enough. Thank you. You guys are hilarious. So your show, Two Idiot Girls, is amazing.

Thank you. You guys have done some, so like some seriously funny, funny, funny fucking episodes lately. And so you really involve your listeners in your show, which I love. And so recently you asked like, what are weird things you did as a child? Yeah. You asked for like date horror stories.

You've been asking for all kinds of stuff. So to give you a taste of my listeners and hopefully steer some of them your way, so they can come and ask us whatever you want. Yeah. So I asked people today, I was like, what's the weirdest, high thought, but I'm sober that you've had pop in your head today. And so like, I always have these weird thoughts where like, okay, we ride like a lot of animals.

Like we ride horses, cows can be ridden, but like, well, hasn't anyone like tried to ride a moose yet? I see what you mean. Yeah. So I always have these crazy thoughts. So today, like mine was like, what if I'm six months pregnant and like don't even know? Like I could see me. That's her.

That's me. All the time. Dude, that's a nightmare for me. I think I'm going to be the one that has like a toilet baby. Like I could see that mean me. You go and you pound like anything to see if it makes you like sick or something. Like if you anything a little nauseous, you're like, oh my god, morning sickness. That's her.

That's me. Not anymore, not so much anymore. But yeah, that was my illness for a while. For two years, it was so bad. But maybe you had morning sickness and now you're over it. Second trimester. Maybe that really big shit I took the other day wasn't just shit. Dude, every period I'm like, this is, this is not a normal period.

There's a lot of tissue in there every time. Like I just like, I freak myself out. I'm such a hypochondriac. Same. Yeah. Once I had a really bad period and I told my doctor and she was like, maybe you had like a miscarriage. I go, girl, there's no way that's possible.

But then I was like, what'd you say? And like a miracle, maybe? Yeah. Unless Jesus Christ himself said it. Yeah, he said like the Virgin Mary, maybe. You know, accidental insemination at a pap smear? That was me. Listen.

Shit happens, dude. So people responded and they go, touching the car battery would be fun. I was like, are you not allowed to do that? Oh yeah. You'll die. Dude, the car, okay. If the car's off, you can touch it though, right? No, I don't believe so.

I don't think so. Listen, anything with the car? I don't know anything about it. Anything with the car? I genuinely resort to what misogynistic men believe women are. That's me when I think about cars. I'm the embodiment of that caricature of vapid women with no cognitive thought whatsoever. That's me when you talk to me about cars.

Like I hear you talking to me and I'm like, I'm not going to absorb any of this because me and cars just don't match. I don't care. I don't care. The car is white. My dad's going to help me. That's all I care about. I call my dad about everything having to do with my car.

Always. I feel that. I feel that. That's why I was like, can you not touch the battery? Oh, okay. I think you can't touch it with like metal. Yeah. I think you could like just poke the plastic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Or you have to be careful when you're doing it. Like they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't trust us. Me saying and I don't know. If everything on earth is made of water, then could we hypothetically drink ourselves?

I mean, if you could fuck a tree, you could probably drink yourself. If you could finger bang a tree, I think anything is possible at this point. This one really fucked me up. A lap isn't real. It only occurs when we sit down. Oh, when you said lap, I thought you meant like running a lap.

That's what I thought until I- A lap. Oh, like we're like, I was thinking like we're cats sit. Yeah, exactly. By those standards, anything that is a chair is a lap. There you go. Wow.

There you go. That was deep. We're all sitting on someone's lap right now. Technically speaking, I'm on this chair's lap. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Can rescue pets have flashbacks of their life before rescue?

I always think of that because I rescued my cats from my parents' barbecue. And I always wonder, well, do you think they remember what it was like in there? And sometimes they act like they live in there, I can tell. I don't, I honestly don't know. I think that pets, unless it's something that's consistent, like a human or food, when it's time to eat,

anything that helps them survive, they hold on to. Yeah. But if it's anything else, I feel like a lot of times their brains are plugged in and then wiped every night. And they're like, I don't remember. You know, some dogs will never remember that they don't like the vacuum until they see the vacuum. Oh, they hate that motherfucker.

Yeah, so they'll never know unless you bring it out. And they're like, oh my God, I think I don't like that thing. What is that? Yeah. Yeah, they relive it every time. So I don't know. But then again, you know, there are some dogs who like... Some dogs are a little flinchy.

Yeah, yeah, because they've been abused or whatever. So like... We had a dog like that, yeah. So I think it's like, that's what I said. Unless it's consistent, I don't think so. I don't think they hold on to anything. And honestly, I envy that. Okay.

I wish I could wipe my brain sometimes of any cognitive thought. The one I get a lot is that somewhere right now, Dwayne The Rock Johnson is just existing. That's crazy to think about. Yeah, just being himself. Is it normal to drink at 4.30? No, it's really not. It must be a Wisconsin thing.

I don't know. What time do we start today? I don't know. I think like 2 or 3. 3.45. Yeah. Dude, the rock thing is fucking me up. Just the thought of him like, you don't have to give me another day.

Okay. Like it's in the same vein as like the rock shit. But like us sitting here. Okay. So like obviously like the three of us are like social media people now. And like, okay, this isn't me sucking my own titty, but like I'm not The Rock, obviously. But like there are a lot of people that would do anything to like hang out with us.

I'm not. I tell you that. I don't think I'm that cool. Morgan, you're not giving yourself enough credit. But like there are people that would be like, oh my God, like I would just love to see like what they do. In a day. Every time we're at her house,

like I remember when her New York Times article came out. Yeah. Like all of us were really emotional because we were like, like I was saying, do you think my dad ever imagined like we tried not to cry? Seeing her last name in the fucking New York Times. Yes, but you're nutty. And so we all went to her house and we bought like cookies and she was sitting there like just being herself.

And I was looking at her and I was like, do you know how much people would pay to sit in here and watch her? And she's just so irritating and just herself at all times. Well, I just think like, can you imagine like the rock like? Yeah. Like getting up and like taking his morning dump. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like he goes to the surreal. He's doing human stuff too. Yeah. He goes to the bathroom. He's just like us. He takes a shit. Yeah. Like just like things where he's existing as a normal person.

Yeah. Like what's a normal person thing? Like loading the dishwasher. Yeah. Like taking out the trash. Brushing clothes. Thinking about him doing that shit like makes me laugh. Yeah.

Because like picking up her dog shit. Like people love picking up. I mean, he probably doesn't pick up his own dog shit. But like maybe he does. Who knows? I pick up mine. But like my dog shit. You're wondering guys.

My dog shits are probably the same size as Dwayne The Rock Johnson's honestly. He poops like a full grown man. Have you ever seen your dog poop your little guy? He poops like a full grown man. Like his shits are like this big, which is insane. But anyways, I was literally thinking I'm like, when I was eating my firehouse sub earlier, I was like with Spencer. I was literally thinking like someone would kill to be sitting here watching us eat these subs

and like just listen to us like keke and talk. That's wild to think about. Just doing like normal people shit. Like yeah. Like think about like the Heddeeds. Like what do those bitches do? What are they doing? You know what I mean?

Like do they sit and they like pick their nose? You know what I mean? Do they like? Dude, people everyone picks their nose. If you don't pick your nose, there's a saying. It's like, well, I've been saying it. You either pick your nose or you lie about picking your nose. And I'm a nose picker.

I don't know. I just sit there sometimes and me and Justin or just like, I'm just like picking. Yeah. Like the Heddeeds, like do they like itch their coochies? You know what I mean? When they're laying down like on the, you know, like, do they pick wedgies and they're like, uh, you know what I mean? Do they smell their belly button lint?

Yeah. Like do they just lay down and like exist as a normal person? It seems like the answer is no. Yeah. Doesn't it? I would say no. I would say no. That's what it seems like to me.

I loved the rocks, uh, TikTok where he like drove up on one of those Hollywood like vans. Oh, I love what he does though. Those are so cute. He's like, what the heck? He's such a dad. He's such a dad. He's such a dad. He's such a dad.

I love that he's such a dad content. He's like, check out these banana pancakes. French toast for the win. Hashtag cheat day. Like, you know what I mean? Like that's the most rock shit ever. So much peanut butter. Yeah.

PB for my real ones. Like, you know what I mean? Like the most dad captions ever. I love that shit. I'll eat it up because of you were in me for life. Okay. Last one, Disney related since we're all Disney adults. Love.

Yes. In Lightning McQueen's cars world, do the cars have life insurance or car insurance? I would say life insurance because there are no cars. Cars don't make sense. They just are. Oh my God. Where can people listen to your podcast?

How can they find you? What it's called? Give them, give them the scoop. Our podcast is called Two Idiot Girls. You can listen to it anywhere you stream podcast and then you can find it on our YouTube channel which is also Two Idiot Girls podcast. Yes.

And you can find us on all socials at Drew off Wallo. Yeah. Jason off Wallo. And then our Instagram for Two Idiot Girls is underscore two idiot girls. And then I'm trying to think what else. That's it. I'll be sure to link everything too.

So people in the show notes, the description of all the videos, just click, easy to find, easy to follow. Also, Drew gave me a little present. I gotta stand up and show it off. I did. Yes. I gave Morgan the goods.

Let's go. And give her and Justin more goodies later when I get them. I'm obsessed. I'm so glad you like it. Be sure to check out her new merch as well because it's amazing. Like this is thick.

It's good quality. And I'm not giving Justin anything. I was gonna say, Justin. No chance. You heard of your first. I tried to give you both stuff. She's gonna cut it out, cut it out, cut it out. Nick, cut.

No, I'm just kidding. Well, thank you so much. Oh wait, we're going on tour in January. Oh my God, China. Tell the people. When do you think this will go live? Like, maybe the end of September? October 8th.

Okay. October 26th. But we're going on tour in January, so make sure you check out our Instagram for all the details. Amazing. I need to come to the show. I'm excited.

Are you kidding me? Absolutely invited. Yeah. Okay. Well, I don't think I have any other announcements. Thank you so much for having us. Thank you so much. Thank you for coming on.

We fucking love Morgan. I know. We adore Morgan and Justin. Literally, Billy the other day was like, we should hang out with Morgan and Justin. I know. I was like, I know. We're all Disney adults, so we'll all go there.

We need to go out. We keep saying we're going to go out. That's my place of worship, so. Just give me a date ahead of time. We'll request a little passes from Justin's little fancy Disney shit. And we'll be there. Fun.

Neither. Love. Thank you so much for having us. We love Morgan and Justin. Two hot takes is the best. Make sure you guys follow and subscribe to them, too, if you haven't already. Until next time, guys.

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