Two Hot Takes - 86: Jaw Dropping is One Way to Put it..

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Justin! England and Iceland turned into out podcast studio this week and just like the sights these stories were jaw dropping. From intentional white dress wearing at a wedding to a husband letting his friend name his baby.. it was nuts for us. We can't wait to hear what you guys think of these ones! Join us for our New Spotify Live Show: https://spotifylive.link/dtrh to join LIVE !! https://spotify.link/dtrh to listen to already aired episodes !! Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: NextEvo: NextEvo.com Promo Code: THT Flip: Download the Flip app for FREE & save 30% on your first order with Promo Code: twohottakes Kiwi Co: Kiwico.com/THT Framebridge: Framebridge.com

Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites, like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia, and more. Imagine yourself in a new tundra where... You stopped by the home improvement store and finally built that tree house you promised your daughter.

Sarah? When did you hop on the call? Hi, Dad. Mom said you were taking too long on the phone. Toyota, let's go places. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Hello? Have you tried your Saito yet? No.

I didn't make this thing taller. What? What's the... Ah! You guys, as you can see, we're in London. We are lucky enough to be recording at this amazing little bar called The Vault of 1894. Shout out to George for hooking it up. Yeah, George.

Wow! Wow, wow, wow. I just feel so surreal to be recording an episode in London and then the second half will be coming at you from Iceland. It does feel interesting. It doesn't really feel like we're here, but also... I'm so jet lagged. Kind of fogged.

But it is a cool little spot. This bar is tucked in under the bridge. It's got its little spot right under the towers. That's prime real estate. Like, it's incredible. And they have a cider for us. And they have a cider. It's incredible. It tastes amazing.

I have good stories. Our trip so far has been unreal. Justin and I... I like... I found some points hack on TikTok. So I bought our regular plane tickets to come here and then paid an extra $500 for points to be put on the upgrade list.

Well, it worked. Thanks, TikTok hacks. And we got upgraded to the little pods on the way here. So we laid down on the flight. It's not something I've ever experienced. I'm usually traveling in peasant mode. So that was...

That was absolute insanity, too. Yeah, also a fun fact. Yeah. London is where I kind of discovered cider, hard cider. Yeah. And fell in love with it studying abroad here. And slowly but surely it started to become more popular in the U.S.

And then that's why now we have our favorite breweries back in Minnesota and all of that. But this is the birthplace of it, honestly, for me. And I love that. Every time you get a cider, and I'm sure it's the same with beer, you always get it in the

correct glass. So it's always served in the brand of the cider with the matching glass. Wow. Thank you for that fact. Okay, guys. This week's theme is jaw-dropping. It's kind of how I feel

about this whole trip. I'm just in awe of everything jaw-dropped. And... Sounds of the city. I think we're being kind of inconspicuous. We're not drawing... This isn't like some big production sitting here. No, no, no. Most people aren't even realizing.

No. I mean, we're getting some funky looks as people walk by. But it's fine. Pretty low-key. We're chilling. We're just doing it. But this week's theme, jaw-dropping. Because my jaw was on the floor reading these stories.

And I have a feeling it's going to be like that the rest of this trip. Yeah, true. I think I'm going to be a little on phase, though. Because I'm already so fogged out that I honestly think I'm going to be chilling. Yeah, let's go. Okay, okay. Let's dive in. Let's go.

Okay, up first. Kind of a few updates for this one. I'm full of regrets believing that my husband cheated on me when he didn't. Cheating is something that I've always had strong opinions about. I've been cheated on before and it's sucked. Everyone knows that I don't forgive cheaters.

So when my sister-in-law, my husband's sister, staged an elaborate scheme about my husband cheating, I ended the relationship. My relationship, unfortunately, wasn't the only one that was affected. My sister-in-law, Lisa, 32, her best friend, Emma,

32, and my husband, Jamie, 29, were best friends growing up. Emma got married when she was just 20. Her husband was abusive. She had two children with him. She got divorced 10 years later and she was finally free from his abuse. She suffered a lot, however,

and was, probably still is, in therapy. Her and her children. I, 30, met Jamie four years ago. We got married two years later. Everything was just awesome. What I didn't know was that Emma wanted Jamie and Lisa made it her mission when Emma finally got divorced

to bring her brother and best friend together. I didn't know any of this, but I knew there was a hidden agenda. When I, a few months into my marriage, overheard Lisa talking about how Jamie was cheating on me with a married colleague of his.

In hindsight, I can tell it was staged because she was saying unnecessary details and was very loud. She meant for me to hear it. I confronted her then and there and she played very flustered and apologized and begged me not to ruin my marriage. She told me Jamie loved me

and she never wanted to lose me as a sister. At the same time, she provided me with pictures and texts. They were all photoshopped of my husband and his colleague. She begged me not to mention where I found out and I was grateful for her support and promised her not to expose her

as the source. I confronted my husband with everything and he adamantly refused to admit anything. It hurt me more that he never admitted nor apologized ever. He asked me where I got this from and kept my promise and told him it was an anonymous tip.

I also went so far that I contacted the colleague's husband at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. The colleague is this very beautiful woman that my husband worked very closely with many hours a day. I was a bit jealous of that and I confided

my fears with Lisa. She used it against me. I asked for a divorce and the colleague's husband did too. After that, Lisa, who I thought was my friend and sister, disappeared from my life. Like I never existed. Even when I bumped into her

she was short with me and indifferent. Months went by and I was still heartbroken processing the separation. My husband stopped trying to make me see reason and agreed to divorce. He said he wanted to move on. I started having doubts. Why is Lisa doing this now?

She was my friend and wanted the best for me yet now shouldn't even answer my texts. I follow both her and Emma on Instagram and I started seeing how Emma and my husband gradually started hanging out. At least once a week Emma or Lisa shared stories about my husband with Emma and her children.

What I did next is very questionable and yet I don't regret it at all. I was desperate and I needed the truth. I was still very good friends with Lisa's on again off again boyfriends. Mike, sister. I told her my doubts and everything.

I told her that Lisa was my source and that I'm starting to doubt everything and that I needed their help to unearth the truth. Mike was easier to persuade to help me than I expected. He had Lisa's passcode and he went through her messages with Emma and there was everything. They have plotted everything.

They used my idiocy and insecurity and made me throw the best thing that ever happened to me away. He sent me all the proof I needed even the original photos they used to photoshop my husband with his colleague. My world was turned upside down and I went into a deeper depression.

I stayed in bed called in sick for two weeks. I have not ruined only my life but also another family. I don't know why I'm writing here if I want advice or just to vent. I don't blame anyone but my stupidity for ruining my marriage. I should have trusted my husband

and the love he's shown me. I should have been honest with him about everything and where I got the news that he was cheating from. I should have not gone to hurt the colleague and her family just because I thought her beautiful. She has since quit her job and moved but I still had her husband's contact info. I had to at least apologize.

We met and I told him everything. He was so angry with me. He was crying and yelling at me and all I could think was that I deserved every insult he threw my way. I found the colleague on Instagram and DM'd her everything in a long apology. She didn't answer me.

I don't know if I should tell my husband too. I know I don't deserve him at all and I know that he doesn't want me anymore and maybe he should just know what Emma is doing and what she's capable of doing. He deserves to know the truth. Maybe I could start with reassuring him that I'm not trying to win him back.

I'm just trying to help him understand and apologize. I need to apologize for everything. I don't know. The sister must really not have a lot going on in her life to so badly want a relationship for her brother. Like that would break up.

To go to these lengths really to Photoshop. This person's bored. Literally has nothing to do. How do you have this much time to focus on someone and you have this much care? What must be going wrong in your life

to have this much care to want to go and destroy this whole thing? Well, not just one person's marriage but two because the colleague that was in that picture the pictures that they Photoshopped OP went to her husband so she broke up two marriages.

She ruined two people's lives by doing this. Which makes me wonder what does this friend have on you? Why are you so obsessed with your friend and the idea of your friend and your brother getting together? What if they get divorced?

What if they didn't work out? That becomes messy for your brother and your friend in your life. It's just very strange. You know how sometimes not to sympathize but to try to get your head in a place where you can think like this.

This is just beyond me. I don't even know. If you really have that much time and that much care about something you got some problem. She needs a hobby. Update. I'm full of regrets believing that my husband

cheated on me when he didn't. Hi. Have now an update. Thank you for being so supportive. It was not long and boring. At all. It was long. It was long but not boring. I remember being so desperate and wanting to tell everything from the beginning and put it out there.

Maybe to try and make excuses for myself and for what I did. I appreciate you wanted to help. I decided not to meet up with Jamie. Every time I tried to text him and ask for a meeting I panic. That wasn't a good sign at all. I wanted him to know everything in details and I tend to be all over the place when I'm panicking. So I decided to email him instead.

I made a lot of drafts cross-checked all the information and waited a whole day before sending. Adding some details here and there that I've forgotten to include. I sent him all the manipulated pictures and the original. Every screenshot Mike sent me from Lisa and Emma's conversations.

I made it clear, however, that I wasn't trying to manipulate him to have me back because I knew what I did was unforgivable but that I wanted to warn him who he's been dealing with. I told him that I've been watching Emma and Lisa's Instagram stories and I've seen that he was getting cozier with Emma.

I wanted him to know all the facts if he was dating her. This took all my energy to write this. Just the thought of him dating Emma I mean, I can't. I texted him that I've sent him an important email. He didn't answer me. On Wednesday when I came back from work

Lisa, Emma and Emma's two children were waiting for me outside of my building. When I let them in stupid, stupid me Lisa started yelling and threatening me. She told me to call and tell Jamie and Mike that I've made all of this up

because I'm a pathetic loser. She told me I didn't want her as an enemy because she would make my life sour. Believe me. You don't want to make destroying your already miserable life my mission. Emma just smiled the whole time. She later said that my husband already

had a crush on her and that he wouldn't believe my nonsense because he could finally be with her. The thing is I felt like Lisa was more angry that Mike knew what she did rather than her brother and she was really annoyed about Emma and told her to shut up the whole time.

I couldn't get them out of my apartment so I just left and called Jamie. I told him that they were at my place and that I couldn't get them out. 15 minutes later I saw them leave. Jamie texted then that he wanted to come over if I was alright with it. Yes.

Really quick. Yeah. Emma was in on it. Emma was in on it the whole time. Emma was a part of it from the start. Emma was probably egging her friend on which is the brother's sister. So she was in on it.

Absolutely. Emma wants the husband. I thought you were saying that the sister was the only one doing this whole thing the whole time. And that's why I got really confused because I'm like you broke up the Emma marriage too but she was willing... She was divorced.

She was divorced from an abusive husband. Right. Okay. Sorry, friends. Get it together, Justin. Well, come on. Come on. Get it together. I'm supposed to be sleeping right now, technically. Jet leg is no excuse. Okay. Got it. So then that's why Emma's

being kind of all weird and pushy. But oh my god, can you imagine having someone like Lisa in your life? Imagine having someone like Emma. Like me with your brother. I love your brother. But then Lisa's that fucking crazy to say, yo, you don't want me destroying your life. Yeah.

Well, and the fact that Lisa is now going... And I believe it. You need to tell Mike that you were lying. Right. Tell Mike that you made all this up and you're a pathetic loser. She's only trying to do damage control with Mike because that's her relationship

on the line. True. But I also don't like how OP is like... I know I don't deserve him. I did an unthinkable thing. And I honestly, I don't agree with that. I think she did. She just believed the evidence she had in front of her. When did it all come together

for her? When Lisa started ignoring her. So after she broke up her marriage, Lisa just dropped her like a hot potato. And so at that point it's like, well, if Lisa was doing this for me, why isn't Lisa still my friend?

Well, because Lisa doesn't give a fuck about you. Lisa just wants her brother because Jamie's the husband. Yes. So what happens when they get together? Okay. So he told me that he was very hurt that I would doubt him like this and believe rumors.

I told him everything again without panicking. I told him that I loved and trusted Lisa. She was like my sister. And I asked him to put himself in my shoes. And if he happened to hear Lisa talk about me being unfaithful. Would he have had any doubts in his loving

sister's intentions? He stayed the night and left the next morning. We've been texting several times a day and talking on the phone and FaceTime every night since. He says that he loves me, but that he doesn't know what to do. He is very hurt by his sister and Emma, of course, but

even me. He hasn't talked about canceling the divorce process yet. I will just have to wait and that's understandable. I've turned his life upside down twice and in such a short period of time. On a happier note, my husband's colleague and her husband are back together. My husband met with them

and apologized. I've already told them everything, but my husband felt the need to apologize personally. Mike has ended it with Lisa. Lisa and Emma's relationship is very strained. Both have blocked me from IG, of course, but apparently Lisa is blaming Emma

for Mike leaving her. And Emma has tried to throw Lisa under the bus telling Jamie she was innocent in all of this. Oh, wow. I really hope my husband forgives me and I promise that I will make it up to him and love him forever. There's obviously some problems, but it's hard to blame

someone for reacting a certain way in certain situations. Yeah. And so you kind of, it's very tricky because was any real wrongdoing done by OP and her husband?

No, they're both innocent victims in this. Right. But then like, obviously the thought is how could you believe that and whatever and then put yourself in my shoes? It all makes sense. It does because I would believe it if someone sent me like good Photoshopped pictures and I had no idea they were Photoshopped

of you making out with someone, I would 1,000% believe it. You believe what's in front of you. She must be good at Photoshop. Or you just pay someone on Fiverr. That's true. I mean, I've paid someone on Fiverr literally five or ten dollars to Photoshop a girl out of my picture. I think the only time I've ever done

that in the past is you say, oh, well, I sent you the message on this day. Yeah. Like I sent you a text. I sent your reminder on this day. It's very manipulative because then you can Photoshop the date, whatever. You can Photoshop everything.

You change the name in your phone and you make it look like their texts from the husband and colleague. You can literally Photoshop anything nowadays. It's especially with AI too. Have you seen the things on Tiktok where it's like this and this and this and this.

It's not long, especially with stuff in music. It's not long until voice recreation is like mastered. I mean, they already can do it. They're already doing that. They already can take snippets like a whole collection of someone's voice and then make new sentences

with it. Well, so what they're doing with music is this one singer recorded a bunch of stuff and now you can almost use it like an auto tune filter so you can sing in her voice. They're doing crazy stuff already. So where does that end? Because what if you could manipulate

really recreate someone's voice image video and you could literally say, oh, they posted this video on Tiktok and it's like it's not even that. Well, that's why deep fakes are so scary because that's essentially a deep fake. That's why like you can have people like famous celebrities

and you implant their face on another girl's during a porn video and it's literally like, oh my god, it's Amelia Clark porn and it's not Amelia Clark. It's a deep fake. It's it's absolutely terrifying. It is scary

because that stuff's only going to get more like better. Yeah, but yeah, this situation is very tricky because I don't know if you carry a mistrust going forward because the blame that is misplaced

but as the husband imagine your sister doing this and you know, I'm an only child so I'll get myself as close to that as I can think like in my mind to have someone related to you manipulate that

and basically break up your marriage. I mean, it would be like my brother coming to you with pictures of me cheating. True. And your biggest fear is literally cheating so you would believe it wholeheartedly. Well, and he would be so convinced in his lie that it would seem super natural

because he's acting like upset. Well, especially if he had an attention behind it. Like, I want to hook my sister up with my best friend. You're going to sell that so hard. I do not blame open for believing this. Who wouldn't? Who would not fall for this? Especially

with so much evidence presented. Yeah, this is fucked. This is insanity. This... And what's scary is like anyone could do this and you could really go and fuck anyone shit up.

I know. Do you remember when there was that that app where you could send text from other people's numbers? Yeah, it was like a ghost text or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone in the chat would know. Ghost number. Yeah, ghost number. In the comments. That's so crazy too.

I remember that app and I remember having... There was a couple at our high school that broke up because someone sent like fucked up shit from the other person's number. Wow. So this is just like that. Yeah.

But on a whole different level. So the top comment on the update is he doesn't believe Emma right? That she was innocent and only Lisa was involved. Also, were they dating or just hanging out? And OP responded, no, he doesn't believe Emma. I sent him screenshots

of hundreds of texts between Lisa and Emma. Also, he didn't like her hitting on him when he believed she was my friend too. I asked him about the crush and he said it was when he was 15 or 16. Not now. So... Well...

I... Is that the last update? As of right now. It looks like OP might have even deleted the account because the comments from OP are showing up as deleted. Oh, okay. And so another comment goes, so are these people going to just get away with attempting to ruin your life? Right. And OP goes,

I really don't know. Since I found out everything I've only thought of my husband and his colleague and their forgiveness. Not sure what legal action I could take against Lisa. The hard thing with Lisa though is... I wonder if you could. Yeah, but at the same time, a person goes to that lengths to try and do something like this.

If they have a vengeance like against you forever, that's fucked. That's almost like... She's going to. Because she ruined... OP ruined Lisa's relationship with Mike. She's 100% going to. People that are capable of this devious

chaotic, psychotic schemery shenanigans. They're unhinged. She's for sure going to retaliate. For sure. It just honestly would make you want to move.

It just makes you want to... I don't even know what you would do. You have this virus attached to you now. Essentially. But what do you do? That's your husband, that's your person. You're not going to leave it all behind. Imagine family gatherings. She's just in the corner.

You think she's plotting something at every moment. I wouldn't be able to eat at family gatherings around her. I'd be fearful that she would poison me. I would have to bring my own Tupperware food. Wow. So someone else goes,

marriage counseling might be a good idea if you both want this to work. OP goes, I have suggested this. He just smiled at me because it was something that he suggested before our breakup. And I refused. Because at that time, I thought nothing can fix infidelity.

Yeah. It reminds me of that movie again. Where you just can't believe anyone. You don't know what's true and what's not. What's reality. Yeah. And what's been fabricated. It's just a nightmare. That's a literal nightmare. When you start to question

what... The hard thing about that is when you have someone that manipulative, you don't know what to trust at all anymore. Because then anything that goes on in your life, what if some real infidelity happens?

Or what if... It honestly could be anything and you start to lose trust for any human. Yeah. Because then you're like, the only thing I know is that I trust myself and my thoughts and that's it. But when everyone around you

you start to question what their motives are, I don't know what could be worse. To not trust a single person. Your whole radar and judgment would feel wrong. Your whole sense of perception almost of other people

and your faith in other people. Everything would be really, really challenging. What is the movie called though? I don't know why I'm blanking. There is a movie with Beyoncé in it that's actually really, really good. It's called Obsessed. I mean the one that

messed me up all mentally. Are you talking about the Austin Land movie? Yeah. Austin Land is not even that bad you poor thing. That's not like this? I mean in a sense,

things were a little off in that. I thought it was just like this. But I'll say it again. This story could be a movie. It could be a movie. Maybe we make it one. Because you're watching this movie

and you could play out all these... You could play out every part of the deception Yeah. And then you could... I guess the worst part... There's a movie with Beyoncé and it's called Obsessed and Beyoncé is married to this great guy

and he's got a secretary that comes in and starts working in his office and the secretary makes it look like they're having an affair because she's obsessed with the husband and her and Beyoncé have this showdown at the end and kick the shit out of each other. Great movie.

The story about this one is you could... The end of the script could be kind of where the last update ended. And you cut and it goes to credits and there's no resolution. Everyone's just like, what the fuck? I don't know. Dude. It would be good. And then you have a part two.

Fine. Learn something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org Developed by CDC. Alright. I need a...

I need another story to redeem myself. Okay. Let me give you an easier one. Jeez. Am I the asshole for asking my stepsister which mom she is referring to during a heated argument? I'll keep it short. So basically, my 15-female

stepsister, 13-female has been living with us for almost a year after the death of her real mother. Ever since then my parents have been very distant with me. Almost like they forgot me. They always compliment her for literally anything. Buy her more

things than me because, quote, she scores higher grades at school and so on. Despite all of this, I tried my best to remain calm and show that I'm not really bothered by it. But today is where I lost it. My friends and I have been planning a sleepover at one of my friends' house

for today. The thing is today is also my stepsister's birthday. Because of this my parents are all caps forcing me to go out with them and cancel my sleepover plans. I was of course very angry.

I do not want to celebrate her birthday. While I was arguing with my parents my stepsister decided to step in and say, quote, I can do my sleepover plans tomorrow and that she wants me to be there with mom and dad. This is when I asked her which

mother she's referring to. Now, both her birthday and my sleepover are cancelled and I'm punished. Can't go out for a month. Did you guys think I was in the wrong here? Why should I be forced to spend time with them when I don't want to? My friends said

I am in the right, but my parents obviously think otherwise, which is why I'm posting here. Wow, okay. This sounds like this has been building up for a very long time. A year? It's been about a year since the little girl's mom passed. Okay.

So it's not that long, but I guess at that age you really latch onto kind of, you're not only finding your identity, but you are you're looking for validation I think at the same time

and it's at that age it's very I would say it's impossible not to compare yourself to other people, especially those that are living under the same roof and being treated differently than you. A little bit reminds me of the story with the grandparents treating the

some children differently than the others that had lost their parents. Yeah, that was on a father knows something episode that we did. Okay, so there's times in these stories where people end up saying things that I

do believe they will later regret. Yeah, absolutely. And I I know what it feels like to be in those moments and try to control that. I mean, you maybe it's something you've wanted to say for a while or it just

it crosses the line. It may feel satisfying in that one little moment, but really at the end I think most of the time you would regret what you end up saying because it forever kind of draws a line. Yeah, well, and I think for this like

obviously this is a very, very tough situation like this little girl lost her mom and now it's like oh, she's been living with us for a year since her mom died. It's like we're like OP writing that and just the whole way this was written our writer is struggling clearly with this adjustment.

I think that's also part of the age because we can look at it from perspective. I would not have been this big of an asshole at this age. 15 you can almost drive a car. That is true. Like think about how you were at 16. I would not have acted like this if my

because I look at it like this kind of too where their step children, so it's a little different, but like me and my brothers, we all have different dads and if one of them lost their dad, I don't know, I would never act

this asshole-ish. I just think it's crazy to me and so I think it's hard though when you are younger and you kind of forget you don't have the mental maturity so it's a lot harder to control your emotions

and you also can't really think about the true effects you'll have on someone from things you say because the things that people say to each other in middle school and the way people treat each other in middle school, early high school

you don't realize what that does to some people and the effects it can have. It can ruin their lives. And so now once you get a little older yes, of course not everyone is an asshole at that age, but I think there's a higher chance of

inadvertently being an asshole because you truly don't realize the effects but you need to be taught or I guess in some instances you kind of need to go through these experiences a little bit just for the pure fact that you need to see how this affects people

I know, but why is this little girl that already lost her mom need to be traumatized for this other girl to have personal growth? It's completely misguided. And this is where I think the parents did the two of them a disservice they should have been put in family therapy, all of them

all together should have been in family therapy from the start of this transition to set them up for success to put the little girl in a place where you're not being replaced as my daughter. I love you, but like she is also going through it. Can you imagine if you lost

your mom how devastated you would be? Yeah, it's totally misplaced. I think she's very much so in the teenager stage of me, me, me, me, it's all about me and that needs to be nipped in the bud like absolutely grounded for a month

fair, absolute perfect punishment. Fuck you, fuck your little friends that think you're not the asshole. You sit your ass at home easy, but they need to rectify the situation by putting them in therapy

and getting their family unit whole because they're not whole and I get that that girl is struggling with they treat her differently than me and she gets more stuff because she has better grades but it's like, okay well if she has better grades, then that's the fact She's also unable to put herself

in that girl's shoes. She doesn't There's no empathy here. She's just kind of like oh you lost your mom, she is no way she probably hasn't even lost a family member yet. No. Right and so you don't know what that sense of loss could be especially a parent

I mean we don't even know what that feels like so to of course it's 100% wrong and yes, you are the asshole it's just there needs to be some of this work through and I think therapy could help lead to you being a little more empathetic and understanding

what the effects of your words are especially also understanding the amount of trauma this girl is experiencing Many years, but years fresh It is really weird to me and this is something like a thought that's come into my head recently

but is empathy something you can teach like is empathy one of those personal traits that you either have it or you don't I mean because you can see little kids that automatically have empathy where like one of their friends is hurting and they give them their popsicle or whatever

it is like is empathy one of those things? That is a good point I guess there are people probably our age that you can think of that look at situations so differently from you I feel like we watch the same videos on tiktok and we'll both get that sense of like

that wash of emotion over us and it's like you know whether it be an animal video or something or even some of the happy videos that like it's happy tears it's like oh my god that's so amazing we find kind of the same emotional response

in us and there's definitely people probably that I can think of where you could show it to them and you wouldn't get that sense of response so that is an interesting point I will just say too I think this would have been a little different

for me if she wouldn't have said which mom are you referring to because it's like you know what you were doing with that intention 100% you're she's insecure that she looks at her step mom as like another mom kind of feeling the

void of losing her mom and so to use that comment shit Sherlock she's talking about but that's the whole point one of the comments I can't even find the post anymore I'm like searching so I'm just going off screenshots that I have but one of the top comments at the time was wow yes you're the asshole

your friends are too I get that teenagers can be self centered but Jesus Christ her mom died show her some sympathy and OP did go back and add an edit unless your judgment is different than you're the asshole

you can just stop commenting most of the you're the asshole comments are just saying the same thing anyway so you can stop if you think I'm an asshole just downvote this post and move on with your day thank you yeah I mean it plays right into it it's the same you can tell it's the exact same

vibe I hope this is a wake up call for her well some people like that don't change though some people like that will never see it so it goes back to whether that's learned or natural I really don't know

I don't know either I mean there's also the thought that maybe something like this could something some kind of thing happening in someone's life could change that something could happen to you that at a later age makes you empathetic and flips

a switch I think that's definitely possible but in this case I don't see this changing I don't either I think this little girl is going to be very stuck in her ways and I think this experience is probably going to cause her to resent her step sister more true

moving along the thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes ashtrays and lighters I started exercising instead of smoking staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key

I kept on trying learn something each time do whatever it takes no matter how many times it takes we did it so can you for free and confidential help call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC

you know about you know weddings and how you're not supposed to wear a white dress to someone else's wedding right? you know that whole thing? I think I've become extra familiar with it since knowing you though I don't know from as a guy if you're not really

with someone if you're not dating someone it's not you don't really think about it to be honest because you're just you're not going to wear a white suit right? who would wear a white suit? to someone else's wedding or really in general I saw a video or a picture of someone that did

recently like didn't my dad wear kind of a white suit jacket to someone's wedding and we were both like wait what we're like oh you shouldn't have worn that and you were like that's kind of dicey risky it's a little risky there okay well this next one it's a wedding one

and some bitch tried to wear white tried to alright am I the asshole for kicking my wife out of the car on the way to my friend's wedding after I discovered that she was wearing a white dress underneath her blue dress I, male 33

have a close friend named Tom male 34 he got married to his wife Lauren female 32 a few days ago my wife Hannah female 30 has never gotten along with Lauren there's no reason in particular

but Hannah claims that Lauren is full of herself and has fake beauty I tried to get to the bottom of why they don't get along but to no avail when Hannah and I attended the engagement party she and Lauren ended up getting into an argument

because Hannah called Lauren controlling when Lauren jokingly said she picked Tom's suit for the occasion we had to leave early but Tom was incredibly understanding of the situation we were invited to the wedding and Hannah casually showed me

a white dress that she said she was going to wear I snapped and told her that this dress was off limits but she threw a fit saying I get zero say in what she should wear I told her if I saw her wearing this dress then I wouldn't take her with me to the wedding

she sulked but then showed me a blue dress that she decided to wear to the wedding I waited on her in the car while she was getting ready she wore her blue dress like she said and had a jacket cover her upper body as I was driving I brought up the white dress issue

and why I didn't agree on it seeing that it's not acceptable to wear white if you're not the bride but she smiled and she said she will prove to me that it was perfectly alright to do that I was puzzled

I looked at her and caught a glimpse of a white strap on her shoulder I asked if she was wearing the white dress underneath the blue dress and she denied it I stopped the car and told her to take off the jacket she refused but I insisted she took it off and parts of the white dress

were showing underneath the blue dress apparently she was planning on taking off the blue dress when she got there but I lost it on her and told her she started arguing but I didn't let her finish I just told her that it was pathetic and repeatedly told her to get the fuck out

she got out crying and I ended up going to the wedding alone and she was waiting for me at home when I got home she started arguing again calling me an asshole for kicking her out of the car for making her miss the wedding and for trying to control what she wears it got too much

I had to go upstairs and stay there it's been days and she's been giving me the silent treatment and saying I cared more about Lauren's feelings than hers to treat her the way I did you know how we always talk about you have your partner, spouse boyfriend, girlfriend

partner you have their back no matter what over anyone else's so what does that say about this it is innately wrong to wear white to a wedding especially

when it's so pointed like this when people do it I mean there are people who kind of dut-du-du kind of forget whatever and wear white or they wear a dress that has a pattern on it but it's still mostly white

and to them it's not fully white and they just don't understand that but this is pointed this is purposeful and so if your spouse, partner is doing something wrong

where do the lines fall how far do you take this because like in the show Your Honor dude's son kills somebody and he jumps in even as a judge and starts hiding it because it's family family comes first

and I think that's a common thing like oh it would help you through anything no matter what like you're my kid, you're my spouse you're my partner I think the issue here is the fact that oh you go on

well I think it's the fact that it was pre-discussed and then it just doesn't make sense because now she's playing the card like oh you're supposed to have my best interest over anyone else's but is that even a valid argument

where does that where does the line get drawn because she can die on that hill but from his perspective it's like hey I'm just trying to go enjoy my close friend's wedding yeah one of his besties and so of course

you don't want to be she should have worn the blue dress sucked it up who cares if you don't like the bride just support your husband's interest in this wedding because it's one of his close friends if you don't get along with her that's fine if you don't get along with her

then have the discussion with your husband like hey I don't love hanging out all four of us why don't you go hang out with them or you and him go hang out or whatever the case may be and it's just maybe better if I just you know I'd rather kind of not be a part of it

that's a different conversation than sucking it up for a wedding and just going this is weird though one thing why does she one have such a problem with Lauren and I get not everyone is going to get along

not everyone is going to be your best friend not everyone is your cup of tea whatever but at the same time why is she so adamant about sabotaging Lauren's happiness and like her the other guy's happiness too the dude's friend

like what is going on here does she actually have a crush on him because no one does this no one does this especially after having a conversation with your partner where he says you're not going to the wedding with me if you wear white that's end of discussion

she wears the dress under the dress I was going to take it off right when I got there I think the only thing you can fault him for is for just kicking her out of the car on the side of the road because people get kidnapped and that's kind of dangerous like he should have

turned around and driven her back home but like otherwise like not the asshole like she is being a deceptive crazy person that is true they both have a little bit of crazy because that is kind of a crazy move but I also I feel like at that point

he was like girl are you kidding me we've already talked about this I know but beyond we've already discussed this and you still went against our conversation and you're wearing this white dress under and she's trying to be sneaky about it yeah

and then to be like I'll show you I'll wear white to the wedding and show you it's not a big deal it is a big deal right there's a lot of deceit there's I don't know a situation I could ever think of where I would pull over somewhere that isn't

you know it's if you're a couple blocks from home that's different but pull over any distance from home you're normal and just say you have to get out of the car it's not the kind of person I am would you bring me to a gas station at least

bus station I would probably get you home I would take you to a place where it's I don't know but that's just my preference besides that it's just the type of crazy

to want to go somewhere like a wedding wear white clearly everyone's going to know it's not like you're subtly just making this jab at the wife and at the at the dude it's you are going to be the spotlight

focus and I know that's probably your intention to cause this trauma she wants to say fuck you Lauren in every way she can can you imagine standing there in that white dress and just being like how are you guys what's going on oh where's the bar I'm gonna grab a drink she's delusional

comfortable knowing you're like the elephant in the room and but she wants to be she wants to be the center of attention she wants to ruin that Lauren girls day in any way she can and I'm gonna be honest I'm surprised she was still invited to the wedding

after creating an issue and a fight at the engagement party or bridal shower or whatever it was are you kidding me instantly at that point you'd be uninvited if you're gonna be dramatic and you're gonna bitch at me it's a normal thing to be like yeah I picked out his suit that's normal

couples do that they give each other feedback on outfits especially for wedding stuff for our wedding I'll go with you when you go try on suits and we'll pick it together I don't think that's controlling it all I think that's just like helping your person out

coming up with the best look for the day where's the problem what's the problem it's problems are being created out of nothing that's why I'm like does this girl what's the motive like him and she's pissed that he's getting married

like what the hell is going on here right because no one does this I would never be mad if your friend Austin and Hannah put them in this situation or any of your friends if you had a guy friend who was getting married to someone and I didn't like his partner

again I wouldn't care I would just be like in private to you I'd be like yeah not my person like good for Austin like glad Austin found his gal I would never go out of my way to then make that girl's life harder you have to be a serious level of deranged to do that

seriously yeah it's I don't have that in my blood I don't have that I'm gonna go so far out of my way to make this to ruin this in any situation even if it's not a wedding but it is

I thought that because before the wedding I guess there's always the potential that you could end up with that guy there's always the potential they could break up you all of a sudden break up because it's perfect timing oh my god we're both heart broken

let's console each other like there's always that thought you can always find a path and as soon as there's marriage it's a lot harder to find that path it's a path at that point you're breaking up a marriage

versus oh we both broke up at the same time how convenient or you're waiting for their marriage to fail that's a long game it's less likely than a boyfriend girlfriend situation it's a lot longer of a process

and a lot less likely for them to split if they make it to marriage but I didn't even realize they were married they're married they're not even dating so it's interesting then when you start to think about that it's his wife

so when that comes into play you gotta think there's some years there there are the people that get married after 6 months and power to you there's a definite commitment for sure yeah there's definitely some years and you definitely when you make the commitment for marriage I think you are

pretty certain that you know this person pretty damn well damn I wonder if they had an affair before the other guys started dating Lauren but when you start to feel like you really know someone and then something like this happens were there ever any signs beforehand

how do you get all like so far into where you're married to someone and then they start acting like this and you're like wait can you imagine if that was the first time but you said that's a thing after they get married sometimes

they do because there's a certain level of security in that commitment but this is like I literally you guys if you are not watching I just like slunked in my chair because I feel so dumb that I missed that like key important crucial pivotal detail

that they were married to because this is now the most perplexing story I think I've read in a while to me I'm like what the hell is happening so the top comment on this one is not the asshole is your wife usually this self centered and OP goes no

she's not like that normally until Lauren came around it was like there's this constant and unexplainable tension between them so could it be could what I mean it I guess it could be that she doesn't have a crush on the dude it could be she just resents this girl

she just hates her fucking guts it's also possible damn I can't even imagine that level of contempt for another person right so someone else goes do you feel like there was a shift in dynamics with the friend group was your wife the center of attention and that attention shifted to Lauren I may be off base

but it sounds like a jealousy or envy issue if she's only like that with one person I know it gets thrown around a lot but would your wife be open to therapy her reactions were childish and therapy could help her process and communicate her emotions in a healthier way and OP goes actually no in fact

my wife started hanging out with the group less than 10 years ago Lauren is the same way they only show up when there's a formal occasion even in holidays or trips the women let us men hang out without them because of work schedules so interesting

because then you start to think well I wonder if they had some weird interaction behind the scenes that the husband didn't know about or that either guy doesn't know about yeah but then once you think you'd talk about that like hey tonight like Lauren did this really piss me off and whatever

feels like you'd talk about something like that I just feel like it's kind of like unsperred I feel like this anger and like hate for Lauren is like coming out of nowhere and so someone comments like I'm so curious about this why is Lauren beautiful in a way your wife is envious of does your wife have specific insecurities

the fake beauty comment is interesting does Lauren seem to have specific work done if so expect your wife to want those procedures soon if your wife is comparatively beautiful ask yourself if she has mean girl tendencies or seeks validation through her looks anyways you don't owe the internet anything

but there's something about Lauren that your wife is letting herself get drawn in by and it's revealing a lack of and it's revealing a real lack of character yeah that's interesting OP goes I think that by saying fake beauty she means how Lauren wears extensions eyelashes nails etc

and basically calling her fake for these things but I can't for the life of me understand how it's any of her business my sister is a pro makeup artist and uses extensions and all that stuff but Hannah has never made a comment about it before

and so someone responds to that I'm going to ask the hard question is your wife in a Tom is that why she hates Lauren has your wife ever dated Tom and so going back to it I said OP added some more info info

Hannah was not like this before there's this unexplainable tension between her and Laura I think he meant Lauren for those asking why I didn't take her home instead of leaving her on the side of the road I have no defense to use here I did it out of anger and that is why I'm asking for judgment

for those who are saying that she has feelings for my friend question mark I'd like to know where you guys got this assumption I'm just stunned that lots of people are thinking it maybe I'm missing something here from a guy's perspective it wasn't my first thought

and you latched on to it pretty quick I just don't understand another reason to why she would be acting like this because no matter how much you hate someone it's not your partner she's not really in your life so why go to such extreme measures to hate on her

it's weird as soon as you said it it kind of clicked in my head I'm like yeah that makes sense it just feels really fitting that makes sense because it's not harder to get to the place of oh I just don't like her but

I feel like I'm honestly more worried about the camera right now than I was with the horses really because of the wind? because of the ponies you know when they're walking over there I think it's pretty locked in in that chair though I did a pretty good job good job camera

tripod bestie and the fact that a lot of people are on that as well there's so many people so many people in the comments it just I wonder if I would have ever gotten there in my head as a guy

and maybe it's a guy I think maybe it's not but I do wonder I think something's happening here and I think that might be it the shoe fits I'm just gonna see if there's an update on this account so he did delete the post and in terms of updates

nothing nada zip zero crazy and I basically read every comment there's not any additional comments that are worth writing home about one last one for us here

and then we'll see you guys in Iceland to the tower so this one is titled am I the asshole for refusing to let my husband's infertile friend name our son my husband male 33 best friend male 37

will is infertile he got divorced two times because of it and because he lied to hide his infertility and his life hasn't been the same since the day he was told he can't have kids he has always had a soft spot for children and when he found out that my husband

and I are expecting he was so thrilled and started buying us gifts and decor pieces that he made from his woodwork for the baby my husband thinks that those are all nice gestures but I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable especially with how much he keeps mentioning the baby

a few days ago my husband and I found the gender of the baby the minute we told will he started calling the baby a random name he picked and was going to give his baby if he wasn't infertile he then started begging us to use this name and my husband said it was a

quote done deal I refused but my husband called me heartless and asked me to do this one small nice gesture for his struggling friend to give him closure and honor him after all the things he has done for us I flipped and said it's

my baby not his will heard this and left immediately my husband yelled at me saying it's his baby too and my behavior told towards will is abhorrent he left he left after him and didn't come back till the morning

he kept saying the same thing and pressuring me to agree on the name but I refused am I the asshole for choosing this hill to die on no way bro what is up with these people wanting relationship secretly with other people this is weird

it's his baby too no but like the will guy I feel like will and this ladies husband are using her as a surrogate this is so weird no one does this right the fact that he said it's his baby too what

that's where it's a little weird I do have sympathy for people who struggle with fertility and the ability to not it probably was a dream of his there's other options though you don't have to like hijack someone else's baby

no of course not and that's where it becomes weird but I'm just saying I have the sympathy absolutely it is a very tough struggle and I can't imagine what that does to your mental space and we saw this we've seen this in other stories where people get really attached to someone

else's kid and almost start to take it on as their own and you want it so bad that when someone close to you has it you almost start attaching and that's where a line needs to be drawn

from the husband like dude and it's not you and your friend versus your wife it's you and your wife making the call and it's like you're not gonna take your friend's opinion over your wife's

I know because why is this even a consideration this is you and your wife's child this is your baby that you're gonna name because you're gonna have them in your life forever and it's like an honorary thing

I think it's very cool to be able to name someone that's really cool and that's so crazy to think about because names can determine a lot yeah I think there's a lot of pressure when it comes to pick a name

but I also think if you overthink it you're gonna want to call you're gonna want to pick 10 names but the real thing here is it was when we could do this one thing this is the one thing we could do

and this is not this is not the thing helping your friend who has infertility issues is helping them figure out a solution to this not you and your wife's kid becoming the solution because that's just strange you're gonna set up a weird relationship from the beginning

absolutely because that's not gonna this doesn't end with just naming the kid this is like oh me and Blowerbar are gonna take whatever the name is to the zoo today and it's like where more so they become a couple and Will

becomes a surrogate parent in a way and can you imagine it probably would turn out like that where he goes I want to make Will our baby's godfather and then Will is like oh this is my kid too because I'm his godfather well he definitely has some a huge insecurity about it which anyone would

because I think as a guy when you think about meeting someone you generally in our society you think okay I'm gonna meet someone get married and eventually have kids like that's kind of the motto right

yeah and so from a guy's perspective you start thinking and this is probably why he hit it and ended up in divorces and that's also further this this mental down spiral he's in but he lied about his infertility because there's people out there

that are also struggling with the same thing that would be willing to adopt with him yes but it's the lying yes it is the lying is the fucked up thing so that's a whole different thing in itself but yeah there's no reason

for the husband to pressure his wife into this and it's just like and it's so uncomfortable like in her position it's like well okay so now I'm starting to kind of question this whole deal because you're being

really fucking weird dude yeah so someone goes and kind of like off the point that you're saying not the asshole mom and dad have rights to name the baby nobody else mom doesn't like the name doesn't get included in the list of potential names dad doesn't like the name

doesn't get included in the list of potential names why is your husband picking a friend over his wife this should be your concern here also your husband is the asshole his friend needs therapy not to pick baby names for closure your husband is actually a bad friend for entertaining this

and someone comments under also make sure every nurse in that hospital when you give birth knows that the birth certificate doesn't get within 10 feet of your husband not the asshole oh that's so crazy too because you do have to consider that that's so crazy top comment though was and then you're like

not on the same team anymore no because then it's just like okay now I need to watch out for you hijacking our baby's name yeah that's not cool no and that's the last thing you should have to consider after you just gave birth you should be able to be comfortable safe and not feel on edge that your

husband is going to sabotage you with a baby name you don't want and let his friend name your baby yeah so this is hilarious so goes not the asshole is your husband also building his friend an art room in your house question mark right which there was a reddit story a couple months ago now

probably where this guy wrote in and he was married to this lady and they had an extra room in their house and he was obsessed with his friend and so he turned their extra room into an art room

for his friend without asking his wife lo and behold shit goes goes down and it comes out he's in love with the best friend which I haven't read that story yet but now that I'm talking about it I'm going to read it for patreon

so okay that one will be on our patreon sometime this month yeah I think really the thing here is it doesn't end with the name this does not stop at the name it's a it's a lack of boundaries is the problem here correct but

the naming if that were allowed you're opening the door canoer that's that's the door opening that is not he is not going to be satisfied you think all of the mental just

pain and stress that he's been going through with his infertility is all of a sudden you miss all by naming someone else's kid you think that's going to like this is the one thing exactly it might make it worse because then he feels like he has such a personal connection to this child exactly

and in her case finding that door will also change her life for ever absolutely because it's going to also say to the husband hey I'm okay with you coming in and bulldozing me and getting your way

because it's this is so much bigger than just naming the baby I think that's like there's small little circumstances like that in relationships marriages partnerships having a kid together where like your ability to compromise on things like a baby name or

house or what kind of dog you get I think that says a lot because it is that skill of communication compromising coming to an agreement and like I think this whole thing it might seem insignificant but it definitely can open

a big can of worms well that's why it's very important when you're starting to get serious with someone you start testing the waters before you get into deep as in you know where would you like to live where do you want to end up what do you see your life looking like

what do you think about pets what do you think about kids you need to have these conversations because by the time then if you get to a kid and kids coming or houses purchased or my my moving truck is packed yeah and then you start

trying to figure this stuff out no chance it's going to be a it's going to be a tough road no chance I have to pee I'm very frazzled by these stories I feel like heated like we're we're actually off to the tower of London after this

and I'm just going to be like ranting because I'm just glad I got my my head screwed back yeah you you got your shit together there this this story gave you the chance now let's get Morgan to a place that she is going to love I'm so excited I think we need to go into the vault though take a shot at tequila the walk across

the bridge yeah and thanks again to the vault for hosting us this has been amazing like this view is this view is absolutely incredible big vibes big vibes the bar the restaurant the food everything unreal um so thanks guys and we'll see you in Iceland

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services welcome to the blue lagoon you guys we are filming from our hotel room at the retreat hotel which is a part of the blue lagoon and I definitely didn't fit in when we walked in here it's like it's way

too nice of a place like they greet you at your car take your luggage for you like it's really crazy and this is like a bucket list thing for me so I did splurge a little but you know you gotta treat yourself from time to time

so this place kind of fits with our theme still where this whole place the experience here has been jaw dropping I mean we've lived in these bath robes we're wearing since we walked in the door yes and we are oh my god they're so good and we are gonna

have a really fun travel vlog from this whole entire trip so I can't wait for you guys to see that but let's get back to these jaw dropping stories okay okay so this one is from am I the asshole it's got a trigger warning for

emotional abuse the title is am I the asshole for calling my stepmother delusional for thinking I would change my mind on her adopting me okay fuck my mom died when I was six years old

my dad ended up turning to one of his good friends Anna and they ended up getting married when I was seven Anna brought up the idea of adopting me the day of the wedding it was something my dad was all for but I went nuts when she mentioned it to me and I kind of spoiled the rest of the wedding

for the next year we did this really intense therapy where I was told over and over again by the therapist and them that I needed a mom that it would provide safety for me and that it was not a betrayal of my mom to accept another loving mom into my life

the therapist put the recommendation into the court to approve it but when the judge spoke to me I told him that I would run away and that I would do everything to never come back I was eight at the time and I meant business damn

he asked me why I didn't want to be adopted he listened and when he addressed the court again he denied the adoption request and told my dad and Anna that until I was on board no adoption would be approved in his court they did try again requesting a different judge but received the same response

I was asked constantly to change my mind I would put her all into trying to fill the place of my mom in my life every time I told her she could never be my mom she took it as a challenge to try harder and better and she would dedicate so much time

to me it was crazy I never appreciated it because instead of just being Anna and instead of my dad telling her to just be Anna she saw mom as the only thing she wanted even when she had kids of her own I was their oldest son I was her son, her boy

herself, boy mom, etc whereas I never called her mom if we're being honest I don't even love her at all after all these years I see her as more of an intrusive family member who won't stop my relationship with my dad is also not the best

because I don't like that he wouldn't take no for an answer and that he was so quick to try and push for an adoption even after I told him I would rather be with grandparents or an aunt or close family friend to Anna if he died he insisted being with Anna

and her being my mom was the best for me I turned 18 a few months ago and I ran like my ass was on fire to get away from dad and Anna I lived with my maternal grandparents for a little while before moving in with my maternal uncle who lived near a really good apprenticeship I wanted

my paternal grandparents celebrated their wedding anniversary this past weekend and I was there while there Anna approached me with papers for an adult adoption she told me she loved me and she wanted me to know it was not too late that she would still adopt me

and she wanted to make our relationship official as mother and son I asked her how she could be so delusional when I have said no to being adopted for 11 years now I told her I would not change my mind she and my dad were so pissed at my choice of words

and chaos ensued at the party am I the asshole hell no this person is psychotic like no means no right and it's like it's a complete sentence from the beginning all I could think was

it's really never going to happen unless they actually want it to happen it has to come from them because the continued effort the entire way is just pushing them further away well I think a lot of people

don't understand like as a step parent you don't have to be their parent and I don't know why this anelady is obsessed with being mom mom is just a label it doesn't change you being a motherly figure

to that person that little boy and she already has kids but she does now but she's still hooked on it after he's 18 18 and out of the house I mean to get away from her and the relationship if she would have

maybe after the first time stopped I think the relationship would have been totally different I think it was her insistence and opi even said that opi was like I don't even like her she's an annoying family member that just won't stop she's completely sabotaged the relationship

for herself yeah it's amazing to me that some people can never take the hint they can never read the message they just can't figure it out well and his dad too

what a shitty dad to just be insistent and like oh my god no this is your mom this is your mom and is your mom a year after his mom died they got married a year later asked

to adopt him on their wedding day do you know how traumatic that is for a child well I like how headstrong this person is though I know 18 they just dipped out I mean it's never going to change

that lady is never going to change I'm really happy opi has other family members that are super supportive he was able to go live with his grandparents and now his uncle I just think that is amazing to have because not every kid has that yeah in that position

just continually get pushed away mm-hmm it's like how do you not realize that also it's like she's clearly got some years on him right and so to be

much older having gone through more life stages how do you not like at that age even realize oh I'm just going to keep pushing this person away sure that might not be something you get when you're younger

because you're like you haven't learned all that yet but when you're younger you could do things and you don't realize that they're pushing people away but by this age you should be able to recognize signs and kids like

you could tell this person was certain in their decision from the beginning they're not going to change they said they would run away and picture the conversations between the stepmom and the dad like oh maybe he'll just he'll come around

I don't know how do you just get so blinded to it you know well the fact that they then went to another judge they didn't get the answer they wanted so they went to another judge trying to force it there's a comment I don't know I don't know why she's so stuck on it

insecurity that she's not getting the mom label bad judge when they put it through could you then pull that back at 18 yeah I think you could do both parties to no I think you could change it if you wanted to you could also become an emancipated minor

and then you are your own decision maker you don't have a parental guardian anymore well could have yeah he could have but still it's it all now it's all like

I mean everything's fine and dandy the problem with the you know having a strained relationship with your dad isn't fun but having the freedom now to make your own choices not be under you know forced to be at the same yeah so there's a comment

that OP responds to and the comment says her continued insistence all these years and the way she goes about it is suss as fuck is there a deeper and hidden reason for her insistence what else does she stand to gain if you accept or lose if you refuse

hold your ground not the asshole yeah and so OP goes I think she loses the fantasy she had in her head I feel like she wanted to be the step mother people talk about as being the good example the one who had such a good relationship that she adopted her step kid that he loved her

just as much if not more than his own mom who died and that she was good enough to help me forget the pain of losing her and that she was enough to make all that fade away into a neatly wrapped family I also feel like she has issues with the being treated differently to my dad and my mom

like she doesn't want to be less than she wants to be the exact same to have me love her the same and treat her the same and for it to be again wrapped in a perfect bow someone goes time to maybe have a discussion with your dad and set boundaries

if Anna can't respect this boundary then she doesn't have a place in your life circle and time for a serious one on one with your dad on how much it's negatively affecting your relationship with him if all fails run at that point OP goes talking to my dad will do nothing

he does not see any of this as wrong and he won't back me in this that's why I moved out as soon as I could and didn't speak to them in months make sense yeah someone which is like one of the most awarded goes I think you need to get a mother's

day gift for Anna a copy of the declaration by the courts that you have legally changed your last name to your late mother's maiden name rotten flowers and dead rubber rat with a card written with thinking of you optional kind of like it jaw dropping for sure

when she gets that gift but this is not how you it's almost like though with this type of person it's almost harder for them if you don't play a card like that if you don't put like obvious fighting words back

if you just simply move on that's the hardest for these types of people to swallow I don't know I think that would because she wants this perfect image and so right now they probably have the same last name so it's still like oh my step son I love the name change I'm saying that's

a great idea I'm just saying the like there's the move on after that you know I don't know it depends I mean it's this person's choice or because that's definitely an option and I'd love to have a video when she opens it I know I would love to see it

it's just sad OP does comment here too if this last interaction doesn't stop them asking then there will never be enough times they will always try to find a way to bring it up I could stop speaking to them for a decade and they would still ask me so even without saying what I did to her

we have not spoken in months and that wasn't a good indicator of what I would say slash how I feel just crazy OP comments a lot on this post so I'll try to put the link in the YouTube description if I forget please just remind me my brain is probably

going to be broken after traveling but wow I'm really really happy OP got out but sad sad sad sad for him because I'm sure that was a very traumatic childhood and not not when he needed after losing his mom yeah and it sounds so quick

when you just read it it sounds like oh you know and then I turned 18 whatever but this has been years and years I think about the day to day yeah like a year is a long time when you sit obviously when you think back on the last year like it feels like it went by very quickly but

when you think about day after day after day I mean it's a long time this has been going on since they were seven or eight yeah so it's a long 10 years a long time to get asked repeatedly again and again

and again can I adopt you can I adopt you well there's probably so many instances we don't know about like it's probably endless yeah well at that point it's like is that like there was a trigger one on this for emotional abuse but

like yeah that is abuse when someone says no and you continue to hammer on them and hammer on them emotional abuse and then everything psychological abuse though because you're doing it again and again and again in hopes of getting a different answer just so so messed up

yeah okay let's take the hint take the hint the thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes ashtrays and lighters I started exercising

instead of smoking staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key I kept on trying learn something each time do whatever it takes no matter how many times it takes we did it so can you for free and confidential help call

1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC moving along am I the asshole for making my chronically late friend miss her seminar my friend 25 female it's constantly late for everything be it

work related or fun activities she always be at least 15 to 20 minutes late she does not have a car and so often times I 25 male will pick her up from her house I work at a university and she is a PhD student there and her place is along the way for me

last time I offered her a ride to work she ended up being 20 minutes late after I've already arrived at her place because of that I ended up being late for work she's always very apologetic about her lateness but never changes this week she was supposed to give a seminar

at the university which is a crucial part of her PhD program she asked me if I could give her a ride to work that day I told her sure but that I was picking her up at 8am and she must be there exactly at 8am and not a minute later she chuckled but I told her

I wasn't joking and she promised that she will be there the morning of her seminar I drove to her place and got there at 7.55 and texted her that I was there and she told me that she would be out in just a minute at 8 there was no indication

that she would come out and she didn't text anything so at 8.01 I drove off at around 8.20 she called me asking where I was I told her I was at work and that I wasn't joking when I told her that she had to be ready right that minute

she started screaming and crying over the phone and told me that she was having a hard time that morning couldn't be ready at 8am she then begged me to come back to pick her up as her seminar is at 9am and she needed to be at the school before then I could have done it quick enough

to pick her up and drop her off without effecting my work but I decided I didn't want to do that and told her that I won't she was crying and hyperventilating at that point and said she had promised to never be late for anything else again and re-emphasized

that this seminar was crucial for her PhD and that she absolutely cannot miss it without severe consequences I responded oh well and hung up and then I went about my day at work normally I feel like I could have went back

and picked her up in this scenario since I wouldn't have been detrimental to me and at the same time this was something very important for her I feel like this should be a wake up call for her chronic lateness the end oh wow

I think you can be really frustrating when you have people that are very late especially when you are very punctual as in you need to get somewhere at a certain time so when you make it blatantly obvious I need you here I'm going to leave

yeah this was very clear then that's one thing this was a very important thing you could have gone back but also it's 8.20 and it doesn't start till 9 how far away

if he could literally go back get her and then come back in that time she's not far away from where she needs to go is there not uber or anything that's what I was thinking and is there also nobody else in the world to help I'm not sure

he made it very clear so it's very fair 8.01 is very like send the message but also she didn't text him until 8.20 being like hey where are you that's 20 minutes well I don't know the dynamic

but I feel like I would have called at 8 and said listen I have to go right now giving her one final warning but I don't know because after years of dealing with it I don't know what you do I'm not critical for someone not to miss something

but I feel like you kind of make this stand when it's like oh I'll pick you up and we're going to meet everyone for a dinner or a birthday gathering or something then you just say I had to go I wasn't going to be late and I think that's totally fair

like if you are being generous enough to give someone a ride stop pick them up give them a ride to where they need to go they also need to kind of accommodate your schedule you're doing them a favor so they can accommodate you more like I would never be like oh can you pick me up

and then sorry yeah you're going to have to wait 20 minutes and then also I need to stop at the mall on the way don't think so like that's not how favors work so get with the program I think the fact that she didn't text him until 8.20

she didn't even realize no and so it's like if he would have waited that entire time he would have been waiting there for over 25 minutes 25 minutes when he said 8 and got there early at 7.55

to give her a 5 minute warning perfectly fair and I think some people need to be taught lessons like this like she's learning the hard way now and also like I know how I was in grad school and on important days where I had like my dissertation like speech

kind of like present my capstone idea I was there like 6 a.m. even though it wasn't until like 9 like I am so anxious on big days that like I have to be the early and I know not everyone is like that people are different but at the same time if you're a

PhD student and this is a big step in your career why are you not more prepared why are you not making a greater effort to be ready at 8 and like the comments kind of like most of

them said not the asshole like you warned her she had 40 minutes to make other arrangements even after all her procrastination which is true like call uber I'm sorry if you can't afford uber but you missed your ride so if you couldn't afford uber or arrangements like that be ready

but there's one comment that literally goes everyone sucks here for one leaving if someone isn't immediately right on the dot on time is pretty extreme at least wait 5 minutes if a few extra minutes was going to

kill you you shouldn't have agreed to pick them up in the first place secondly taking it upon yourself to teach someone a lesson at the worst possible time is pretty malicious you could have left them behind to teach them a lesson literally any other time when it wouldn't

have really mattered but you chose this of all times just to really twist the knife right which is also true but again I'm going to go back to my thought where if this is an important day for her and something she's paid a lot of money to be a part of

a lot of time sweat tears I'm sure she's cried a shit ton for this degree be fucking ready well it's like are you late to class every day maybe probably but at that point like I have 80d I have terrible time management

I have a terrible sense of time but I have started to like set alarms like I'm like oh hey Siri set an alarm for 9am labeled Spotify call and I'll like set a backup alarm for 9am tomorrow thank you my little baby

like Siri's my buddy like he is my best friend I ask him what the temperature is I mean he is my buddy I ask him where he is when I lose my phone so use your technology to your advantage and fucking don't be late I hate people that think being late is like

a cute personality trait and we all run late from time to time like you're going to be late from time to time but there are people I know that are chronically late like oh ok be here at 7pm 9pm rolls around and they're finally showing up oh sorry

no 7 mean 7 maybe 715 that's why you gotta lie to people and just say oh it's starting at 6.30pm it's actually starting at 6pm it's like that one USA Today story that is like that writing you got yeah

that's crazy ok one last one here at the lagoon because they told them to show up they told them like an hour earlier and then they showed up and were pissed it's like I was going to be I was going to prove it to them and then they actually showed up on time for the first time

and then they were then mad because they were told in earlier time honestly I get why they would be upset but like it's a birthday dinner grab a drink at the bar like hang out you're still with two other people it was a group of three of them I think

and it's like this is what you get for always being late your friends don't trust you anymore don't be late ok so one last one from the lagoon am I the asshole for asking my niece to babysit my daughter for an emergency I got a call telling me my wife

had had an accident and is in the hospital I have a 4 year old daughter and I adopted my 12 year old niece a few years ago after her parents died I called every single one of our babysitters and none of them could come I was in a hurry so I asked my niece

to look after my daughter until I came back she refused and we argued for a while she yelled at me and said I'm not your personal babysitter I was so desperate and angry at the moment I called her and told her yes you are that's why I adopted you

I truly regret what I said and I know was wrong and I'm an asshole for saying this but I was worried about my wife and I had no other option after that she agreed to do this and I left on my way back I knew she would be upset

so I bought her several gifts and snacks to apologize she took them and we seemed fine but later I got a call from my sister I know what I said was very wrong but I don't think I'm an asshole for expecting her to help in an emergency right

but for what you said you are absolutely again a theme on this show is there's so many people that say things that you can never take back and you can never make right again it's just that it doesn't matter what you're going through

you can't cross that line it doesn't matter I know I mean I can't imagine what it's like to get that call and the freak out but there's still no situation

where you can say that because it's also not true it's not true and so it's just like I don't know no matter how flustered or crazy you can get just thinking going through some crazy stuff

it's just a line you can't cross you gotta have some sort of mind control a little bit to where when you're going through the most traumatic things you still don't like

cross a line like this because now this I mean I would never forget that you're scarred it doesn't matter what you're going through also she's probably like we don't know how her parents died but she could be having a lot of trauma associated with like

oh I gotta go, blah blah blah is in the hospital, there's an accident that could be so triggering for her and then to throw that in her face when yeah you're stressed, you're hurt but I think like you said the biggest thing here is that's not true so to even like

go above and beyond to cut at her so deep with a lie all you have to say is like no, I know you're not my babysitter but clearly this is an emergency I just need your help could you please watch little Sally for a couple hours

please talk to her, she's 12, not 2 she's not like incapable of understanding and empathizing she's probably just scarred there's like no debate on this one it's just clearly such a wrongdoing

I literally read it and I was like what the fuck is wrong with this dude and one of the top comments is I wanted to start with not the asshole but I was so desperate and angry at the moment so I yelled and told her yes you are and that's why I adopted you what the fuck is wrong with you

not even in biggest fear and stress you can say that to your child, never ever of course you can ask her to be a babysitter in an emergency or else which she is allowed to decline but it's not her job to babysit your biological child just because

she's older and you want this you adopted her she's your child too, not your slave you're the asshole big time for screaming and what you said and you fucked up the relationship with your niece as you call her maybe don't call her your niece

it's your daughter so your daughter is more important than your niece did you really think gifts will repair this she won't ever forget and forgive this, poor girl lost her parents got adopted but is still just the niece and is always second place

and obviously your free babysitter for the future which I don't necessarily agree with that comment with the fact like oh she's your daughter because we don't know what she wants she might be exactly like our other OP that just wants familial figures

in her life parental figures but doesn't want to be called your daughter you know what I mean? exactly so I don't necessarily agree with that aspect of the comment but for the most part yeah

it's your kiddo at least it's your I wanted to say your ward but that sounds so formal it's like she's your responsibility you agreed to love and take care of her so don't treat her

like a toy servant well good luck with this one I mean you're not coming back from it yeah OP does respond though and goes she is my niece she was 9 when I adopted her she will never see me as her dad

she is not second place my wife even sometimes complains that I love her more than our own daughter I was just very desperate at the moment I get it's a crazy crazy situation but you just can't there's no way

in my mind at least as I'm sitting here in a row at a resort but I just can't imagine what I'd have to go through to say shit I don't mean and just like

like just fire off just not in my DNA I mean something to that extreme too that's what I mean I mean everyone's gonna say shit they don't mean but not to this level this is a whole different there's no excuse

which also kind of makes you think like it's you just want to know more now you kind of want to know if there's any other instances where this guy just pops off who knows I don't know

but I just don't think I could ever cross across that like she's never babysat before but it was her nap time so she wouldn't be so she would be asleep most of the time but

none of that matters I understand like OP goes here I didn't know how bad my wife's situation is or how long I'll be gone I couldn't take them with me like this I thought she could babysit her for a while and one of the babysitters told me she would be free in a few hours so if I wasn't back by then then the babysitter would be there with them

which I had to babysit my little brother at like 9 and that's definitely too young but like in the case of an emergency yeah that's not where he's at fault here it's a very that's very understandable 100% but it's the fact that what he said

to kind of manipulate her because that's what the intention was because why else do you say something so hurtful true yeah manipulation guilt trip whatever it was but not okay but

that's where we leave you guys I'm gonna take this camera outside right now so if you're watching on YouTube you'll get an amazing view of the lava fields that we're looking at right now they're actually 800 year old lava fields with moss covering them

and it takes 80 to 100 years for this moss to grow so it's absolutely spectacular and I'm really excited to show you outside but other than that we have our Spotify live show down the rabbit hole which is live

every Tuesday on the Spotify live app so download that and follow us it's really really fun and I love bringing people on stage and really interacting with you guys and if you can't watch it live it does drop on the regular Spotify app on Fridays but Tuesdays

7pm Pacific 10pm Eastern come join us love you we'll see you there until next time guys until next time bye bye Hi Jan from Toyota speaking

Jan I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota sure is from now until April 4th you can shop all your favorites like Corolla, Raph 4, Sequoia and more imagine yourself in a new tundra where you stop by the home improvement store and finally build that tree house

you promised your daughter Sarah when did you hop on the call Hi dad mom said you were taking too long on the phone Toyota let's go places see your participating Toyota dealer for details dealer inventory may vary the thought of my sons growing up without me inspired

me to quit smoking I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters I started exercising instead of smoking staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key I kept on trying learn something each time do whatever

it takes no matter how many times it takes we did it so can you for free and confidential help call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC