Two Hot Takes - 89: Secondhand Stress.. It's Real Alright

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Alejandra! Not sure about you but we have been feeling the stress and burnout lately, so to take the weight off we wanted to get into other peoples issues and forget ours. Hope this episode helps anyone out there struggling <3 LIVE SHOW TICKETS!!! December 2nd in person Los Angeles Show: https://www.ticketweb.com/event/two-hot-takes-the-bourbon-room-tickets/12614315?pl=BourbonRoom December 4th online intimate virtual show with Moment: https://www.moment.co/THT !!! Join us for our New Spotify Show (It's FREE): https://spotifylive.link/dtrh to join LIVE (download Spotify Live app)!! https://spotify.link/dtrh to listen to already aired episodes !! Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Framebridge: Go to Framebridge.com to get started! ZocDoc: Find a doctor that's actually good @ Zocdoc.com/THT Hello Fresh: Hellofresh.com/tht65 Promo Code: tht65 Faherty Brand: FahertyBrand.com/THT TikTok mentioned: https://www.tiktok.com/@lawyerwynton/video/7125545174083652910?is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7125545174083652910

What's up everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater or you want to see what upgrading to a tankless would cost, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can show you what options are available and right now you can save $400 on a tanked water heater or $1,200 on a tankless. Call Any Hour Services and schedule a free estimate today. Google Any Hour Services or schedule online at AnyHourServices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. Friends, just making sure you know the tickets for our live shows in December are on sale now.

We have two shows this time, one that's in person in Los Angeles at the Bourbon Room and one online December 4th. And for the online one, we even have a special gingerbread making after-party, so make sure to not miss that. Link for the tickets is in the description and we cannot wait to see you there. Okay, perfect, perfect. Unlike these stories we're about to read today. Yeah. Yeah, I- Oh, perfect, unlike the stories. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I was waiting for you to finish. I was like, unlike the stories we're about to read today. That's where I was like, oh, wait, what? Okay, so you've, I was saying perfect, perfect, perfect,

and you were like, unlike the stories that we're going to read today. Yeah. And I thought you were saying, unlike the stories that we're going to read today, this drink is really nice. Like- Oh, is that the sound? No. Dude, I'm broken. Yeah, we're not connecting here. We're just, this is us, two wavelengths running parallel, not intersecting. No, no. Not perpendicular today. No, no, no, no, no. I'm broken. I like don't, I don't know. I made the mistake of scheduling, recording on a Wednesday when I know Wednesdays are my editing days. Yeah, that's a weird move by you. How to get it in. Yeah. How to get it in. And recording today, recording Sunday. Oh, Monday. Recording Monday, recording Tuesday. I'm just like, oh man, just fuck me up with these sessions.

Let's go, baby. Let's go. Gotta get ahead of, you know, gotta get ahead. You're in push. Have some stories in the bank. There you go. But so this theme, I, you know, it, it kind of has evolved over the course of its, its folder life. So I started the folder and it originally started as like, what's the point? Like, what is the fucking point? Because sometimes you read these stories and you're just like, are you happy? Because you don't sound very happy. So why, why, why, why, why? Like, why keep putting yourself through this? Yeah. This turmoil. Yeah. And so it started off as that. And then I just kept finding them. And then I was like, oh my God, I'm starting to feel like stressed for these people in these stories. And then you told me you were feeling a little stressed.

Yeah. Having some night sweats. Yeah. Just not doing well. And I was like, I was like, okay, well, I'm, I have a goal where I want to like, I have this goal where I'm hoping that these stories are so stressful that they'll make you forget about your stress. What the hell? What the hell? What the hell is this? This is a bait and switch. So are you kidding me? So it's interesting. So a lot of times people will tell me, what the fuck? No, no, no, no, hear me out, hear me out. Okay, I'll hear you out. So a lot of times people will tell me, you know, on the comments on the YouTube, they're like, thank you so much. This made me feel so much better. I've been going through it. Yeah. These stories are way worse than my life. Okay. And so

it's that it's, it's that concept in real life here. We're testing it. I'm down bad, aren't I? You have to like pull out stressful stories to make me feel less stressed out about my list. Yeah. What if my problems are worse than these? What if that's how bad it is? Yeah. So this could be really bad. We'll send you to adult happy camp or something. Clearly. Oh, I'm happy. I'm happy. I don't think happy and stress, unless these people are unhappy, but like, I don't think happiness and stress correlate. No, I think they absolutely can correlate, but I don't think that they're mutually exclusive. I think you can have a lot of stress and still be like a happy person. I feel that. That's me right now. Yeah. Like there is, there is like

daily. Yeah. There's a state of stress and then there's having stress and there's the same thing with anxiety. You can be anxious or you can have anxiety, experience anxiety. Yeah. And so I think with stress, like I have maybe had higher levels of stress due to external circumstances. Right. That's signable. All day, every day. All day, every day. It's going soon. Okay. Sad. Bye. Really? I'll put it up in a garage or something. It can go, it can go above a bar. You look like a, like a dad that gives no fucks. Like drinking his beer and you're just like, drinking a beer in my Harley shirt. Yeah. Look at this suburban dad. I am giving dad vibes. Dad. And I want you to rewatch your facial expression when you were

talking. It'll go above the bar. Let the boy live. Like boys will be boys. Put it in the man cave. Exactly. That was my thought. That was your vibe. Not too late in the line. I hate the sign. Okay. Anyway, so Morgan and I are operating on about two brain cells and three tears. Maybe one. Combined. Yeah. Two combined. Exactly. Yeah. So I think we'll be putting that to the test today. I'm hoping it kind of works on me too. I've been, I've been dealing with some anxiety. So that's why I brought you a cheesecake. Oh my God. I literally, I'm surprised I didn't break down in tears. Oh my God. I've been thinking about it all day today. Seriously? All day. I was like, when am I going to be able to go to Whole Foods? If you guys shop at Whole Foods,

please, please, please, please do yourself a favor. There's these baby, baby, tiny, like the size of a a coaster, baby coaster, jumbo, Oreo, cookie. I don't know. It's petite, you guys. It's a petite cheesecake. It's petite. So it's a petite pumpkin cheesecake. And it is to die for. It's really good. I literally put, um, after I went to Whole Foods for lunch, I put every girl I know in a group chat and I go, there's like four girls. I don't have a lot of friends anymore. My group chat ability is strong. No, you read the room though, because everybody was hyped. Oh everyone. I picked the right crowd for sure. And so I send it, I send it to everyone as a PSA. And I was like, PSA, please go to Whole Foods and get this pumpkin cheesecake. Of course everyone reacts very

well. Of course I ran. All 100 ran there. Got it. Immediate text back. This cheesecake. Fuck. Like it is so good. So do yourself a favor. Mini pumpkin cheesecake from Whole Foods. It's worth it. It is. I'll second that. Yeah. So good. But again, today's theme. Don't know a title yet. Maybe we'll come to it by the end, but it has something to do with second hand feelings. Okay. Like our second hand feelings valid. Our second hand feelings a thing. Can you catch feelings from Reddit posts? What do you mean? Like, you know how there's like second hand smoke? Like people. Yeah. So second hand feelings. Like this is not my situation, but like I'm fucking stressed for them. Oh, that's really interesting. I'm mad for them. So like second hand feelings.

Okay. I like what you're doing here. Yeah. Okay. You're onto something. Let's dive in, baby. Okay, let's do it. I'm your host. Oh, God. Yet again, huh? Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host, Morgan. And I'm Alejandra. Nailed that. Crushed that one. Okay. So up first we have, I might be responsible for my brother having a baby at 16. Okay. I feel horrible just typing this, but I really need to get this off my chest. My brother, 17, and I get into fights, which I believe is normal between siblings. But on this particular day, he made me so mad. I had never gone so angry before that I went to his drawer where I knew he kept his condoms and I sat there and poked holes in most of them with a needle. I ended up

forgetting about it. But then the following year, he told us his girlfriend was pregnant. My dad was so upset and kept asking him why he didn't use protection. And my brother just kept saying he did. I immediately remembered what I did and I felt awful. The baby lives with us now, and I feel like I ruined all of their lives. I think about it all the time and how what I did was so wrong and I feel incredibly guilty. That's it? That's, I mean, I feel like that one goes without being said. So bad? Like, yes, you should feel like an asshole. That's assault. That's wrong on so many levels. I mean, here's the thing, a baby's a beautiful thing. I'm sure that they're very happy and they've welcomed this baby into their lives and it's a blessing,

I'm sure, you know, but that's kind of taking control of somebody else's fate and dictating their future in a way. Absolutely. So I think that's extremely messed up. I think you should feel guilty, but at the same time guilty might not be the right word because a beautiful life came out of it. And I guess I don't know how they the attitude towards the baby. I don't know if they go on to say that, but... The username's been deleted. I don't see any comments by OP. So nothing, no other info. That's crazy. I can't imagine being so mad at someone that I would do something like that. And like, we've had stories in the past where, you know, mother-in-laws have poked holes and

condoms to get their daughter-in-law pregnant. We've had that and they're all fucked up. Like, don't poke holes in people's condoms because like 16, the whole trajectory of their life has changed. Who knows if they would have even stayed together? Who knows if they would have chosen to have kids? Like, their whole life is forever changed. And not saying that they won't like, succeed in the same way, but they're definitely going to struggle more. Like, having a kid is no easy feat, especially at 16. Top comment on this one, what the fuck? And someone replies to it and goes, good use of the sub though, because it is like the confession sub. Yeah, that's a good point. Someone else goes, girl, what the fuck? You're going to have one guilty conscience if you're,

if you aren't giving him child support. People get sexual assault charges for this, you know? Yeah, I was wondering if there's any type of implications for doing that. I think the mother-in-law in one of the cases like had been charged. Really? So some people are calling it like, it's a form of intimate partner violence. Some people are kind of saying it could be prosecuted under like reproductive coercion. But then there's like another line in this that like, however, it is not a crime, even though ACOG says it should be. ACOG. Yeah, I'm American. American. American College of Obstetricians.

Oh, I've never known how to say that word. That's a word I've gotten like very far in life without ever having to like actually say. No, that's why you just say OBGYN. Exactly. I've never had to say that word. Never. I've never said it out loud either. Wow. That's a lot coming from you. No, you just say like, oh, the OB. Yeah. It's all good. Yeah. Which is already anyway. Yeah, it's interesting because I do remember there like that coming up in a conversation about like pressing charges. And I thought one of the stories did, but I don't know. I'm not seeing the fact that like, I don't see anything on Google thus far from scrolling that says it is illegal. Well, it just seems incredibly difficult to prove.

Incredibly difficult because how can you argue that it wasn't ripped during an intercourse or that there wasn't somehow a faulty condom that already had a hole? Like there's just so many variables that can't necessarily be accounted for, unless somebody explicitly says I poked a hole in a condom. But even then, it's just a lot of gray area. But I mean, that's not the point of this to be like a look at this from a legal lens. I think it's so messed up. And honestly, those are the types of stories that you know are passed on and essentially turned into like scare tactic stories, like because what if that girl was on birth control, right? Yeah. And now they're going to

tell all their friends, oh, I still got pregnant, even on birth control and use a condom. And now everyone's like, oh my God, you can't trust or whatever. Or like, oh, we used a condom and I still got pregnant. And now everyone's questioning like the safety of those things. Those are the horror stories you hear. And I wonder how many times like somebody poked a hole in the condom and that detail was left out. Yeah. Just the fact he's got to be stuck feeling like that. I think like wondering like, well, we did everything right. Like, and it's still happened to us, like to have that feeling where it's like, oh. Right. But you know what? Everything happens for a reason. I think,

you know, it's hard to say based on the very little detail that we have, what their lives look like today and the relationship with the child. But something tells me that that child was meant to be here through whatever wicked way they were brought into the world. And hopefully that that's just the lens that they look at it from is like, hey, everything happens for a reason you're here. Like, blessing in disguise vibes. Yeah. Yeah. I think it'll definitely work out. Sounds like the family's super supportive and the baby's living with them, which is great. Exactly. They have help. So, but fuck that sister. Yeah. I can't imagine. You have to be very evil to do that one to anybody period and then two to do it to your own brother who's a minor.

That's, I know. Honestly, it seems so wicked. Whoa. Yeah. And they didn't put their age and I wonder what their age is. If they're younger or older, if they're older, extra fuck you. Yeah. But it's giving a slug boy vibes. The one who was poisoning his girlfriend. Yeah. And there's like another person that we covered on the Patreon who like poisoned their friend with laxatives because they didn't want their friend to do better on like a test. Patreon was it? I think it was. I heard this story though. I think we ended up moving it to Patreon for those like that are listening and they're like, what? You never talked about that. But yeah, it was like a story essentially. Like this girl or this person was like poisoning

their friend with laxatives and they admitted it. But I think there is like a common denominator when like you're capable of doing terrible, calculated shit like this. Because like, yeah, okay, you poked holes and then walked away. But like, that's not something I would forget about. No. I mean, clearly they didn't either because here they are. A year later wondering. Yeah. But I think you make a good point. I do think it takes a certain type of consciousness to be able to do these things and walk away and not let it eat you alive. I could never do anything even. I'm not, I'm such a karma believer that. Absolutely. I'm so scared that even if I'm like so angry at someone,

I don't ever think about doing something to get back at them because I just know that somehow, some way that energy will come back to me in a negative form. It does. You know, I truly believe that wholeheartedly. I do as well. So I could never do something like that ever. I mean, it just, like you said, it changes the trajectory of somebody's entire life, two people's lives. I know. I just like, I fully believe in karma. I just totally, it's not worth it. It's energy. It's like you're channeling this negative energy. And I think at one point or another, most of us in life have done something reactive out of anger, whether we were children,

whether we were adults, like you've done something like your brother pisses you off, so you go trash his xbox. We've all done it in relationships. Your boyfriend likes a girl's photo. So you go out to the bar and like hit on a guy. Like tit for tat mentality is a little bit instinctual, I think as humans. The difference is the people who can reflect and feel bad about it. And the people who can say like, I don't feel bad. I double down on it. You know what I mean? And it sounds like I want to say she has remorse because she's running. I don't know. Yeah. First line is I feel horrible just typing this. Okay. But I really need to get it off my chest.

It sounds like there's a little bit of guilt here. Oh yeah. So that's a good sign. That's a good sign. Time to help out. Change some diapers, pay some child support. At that point, I mean, if it were me and it's hard to put myself there. Take it to the grave. No, I don't think I could take anything to the grave. I don't think I could take anything to the grave. But I don't even know something like that. I think I would feel like

I'm living my whole life indebted. Any time that child needs help, I would feel like it's on me. Jump, yeah. Yes. I could see that. You know? I could see it. Okay. Moving along. Yeah. Am I the asshole for tolerating a night out with my girlfriend?

Earlier this year, I gifted my girlfriend 33 female tickets to a concert that she really wanted to go to. That was this past Friday night. I'm 36 male, not a fan of her music, nor the fact that this concert was in the city. But I wanted to make it a great gift. She was elated when I told her that I bought the VIP package. Meet and greet, pictures with the band, etc. Last week, my girlfriend began asking if we had to get to the venue early. Being the thorough detailed person that she is, I assured her I would check. Instead, I was too busy with work. Honestly, it was getting a bit annoying that almost every few days she would ask. So I told her I didn't see anything while deleting a bunch of emails from

the venue for concerts I don't even care about. On Friday afternoon, she told me that she had tried looking things up and was only finding that the doors opened at seven. With that, I picked her up at six and arrived at the venue for seven. Once inside, she showed security our tickets and asked about the meet and greet. The bouncer informed us that the VIP was at six. I froze. Now, my girlfriend turns to me asking if I received any kind of emails. The tickets were in my name. I told her that I deleted emails and she seemed to understand. I actually really enjoyed the whole time. So once her band set ended, we decided to not stay for the last band. And this is where the trouble began. It's 10pm, we're outside of the

venue and she suggests we go to a bar block away and either walk or ride share. I immediately said there was not a chance. She mentioned that my car was in a secured lot and we wouldn't be far, but I lost my cool, which I admit was not the best way to go about things and told her, quote, you don't go out in the city. There's crime all over the place. She responded that we were in the city. I went off how I can't stand it here. So she said that we'll just leave. No reason of her voice. She just said she was fine with leaving. She was silent on the way back and I suggest that we go back to my place to finish out the night and she refused. This also pissed me off because I asked what was wrong with the bar next to my apartment and she shut that down

with her short responses. Overall, the night cost me over $300. And while she is saying more to me now as opposed to Friday night, she is being very distant. She told me she could live with not going to the meet and greet except for how things turned out afterwards. And that is when the disappointment truly set in. My response was that I was only bringing her to the concert nowhere else and thinking of her safety. She continued that I shouldn't have bought the tickets if I was only tolerating doing so. I do accept that I made some mistakes chiefly with making us miss the meet and greet. The timing of the concert should have made this an unforgettable experience since her grandmother just died. Am I the asshole? Honestly, I think so. And

not just for the reason that he thinks he's the asshole. I think so many things he did in that story made him an asshole. And I feel for this girl so much because I'm very type A and I always want details and logistics. And I would be the nag, I don't even want to say nagging girlfriend. I think that's just like totally fair to be asking what time do we need to be there? What are the details? Like you're getting the emails, you're getting the updates. The fact that he was like, I thought it was kind of annoying. Dude, your girlfriend is really excited about this. Like you said she was elated quote unquote about this experience that you bought for her. And you're annoyed that she asks you every couple of days. Like that's her excitement. And that's annoying

to you. Like what? I think that's just so shitty. And then the response that the girlfriend had, I've been there. And I think a lot of girlfriends can probably relate to that where you are so hurt and disappointed that you pretty much just shut down. Yeah, they could ask you to go to like Disneyland and you'd probably just not even be in the mood for it. Like, you're so far gone. You're so far disappointed. They've already let you down so much that nothing sounds good anymore. He already like kind of made her miss this very important experience that could have totally been avoided, but he was careless about it. And then kind of puts a damper on the rest of the night and freaks out on her for suggesting to go to a bar. I feel like she was just over it. Yeah, I think that was

kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. And it's hard because like this could have gone so well, right? Like this could have been the perfect thing. And it's, it's, you know, some people are like, well, it's the thought that counts. And I'm like, I don't agree with that though, because it's, it's all about the execution too, right? Don't do something just to do it. Like if you're going to do something nice for someone, go into it with the energy that is going to like match theirs, right? Like don't just get someone a gift and then just be like, yeah, like I'm not crazy about it, but here you go. Because otherwise what's the point? Yeah. And I think like you said too, it's like, she's not even like, she's just being normal. Like she's excited. She's asking questions.

And if, if you're so bothered by the email, it's easy to forward them to someone. Yeah. Yeah. Or you know what, you already told her about the surprise, you should have put the tickets in her email. So then she can manage it if you already know you're not the type of person to do that. It just makes me sad on a lot of levels because it's, I think that although this seems like one night one event, this to me signals that he's just her interests, like don't matter that much to him. And it makes me genuinely sad for this because I've been there where I'm excited about something and I'm following up with someone, whether it was a friend or a relationship, and they're kind of shutting it down and being like, you're annoying, like stop asking me. And it's like, take a second

and think about why I'm asking you. Do you think I just woke up today and I decided let me text you 20 times because I feel like it? No, it's because I'm excited about this and I want to make sure that all the ducks are in a row. And it's when you look at it from that lens, it's like, okay, she's just like being almost like a little kid because she's so excited. Pat on the back that you were able to give her an experience that she's so excited about that she can't stop asking. Wouldn't you rather that than her meet ungrateful and be like shrugging and just not care? That's like, it's the reaction you want. It's the reaction you want. Yeah, everything about that is really sad. If I were her, I'd feel really, really bummed out.

I agree. They're the point too, where he's like, overall, the night cost me over $300. And it's I think $300, honestly, for a concert ticket and a meet and greet experience. And like, if they got drinks at the venue, like $300. I know it's like a lot of money for a lot of people, but like, that seems like a pretty good value. Yeah, I agree. I mean, obviously, it's all relative to your finances and wherever you are, $300 for some people could be like months of saving and $300 for some people could be like, just not even blink at it. But so I got it. Like to him, maybe $300 was a lot of hard work. And I feel for that. But here's the problem that I have with it, whether it's 300 or 3000. He fucked the experience. He fucked the experience.

So it's like, if you want a bitch about spending the money, like you could have just bought the concert tickets. If you were going to be an asshole, a little bitch and make her miss the meet and greet. Exactly. Or what bothers me about that is I hate when people spend for you, or something for you, and then hold it over you. You shouldn't have ever spent, if you were going to throw it back, like, you know what I mean? It's almost like you expect something in return. Yeah. Once you spend that money, you, that's goodwill. You have done, that's done. Now, if you're expecting something in return, that's not kindness. That's like a transaction. So I spent $300 on this night. One, you soured it yourself. So if you should be mad at anybody,

you should be mad at yourself. And two, don't spend money on a gift or an experience for somebody if you're going to be upset with the outcome. You should spend the money and know that anything can happen, but you're okay spending the money because you want to give that person that experience. You know, it's like spending money on a gift and someone doesn't love it. That's a bummer, but you took a chance by spending that much money on someone's gift. Yeah. Well, and it kind of goes with that rule of like, don't give a gift if you expect anything in return. Right. Exactly. Because then it's not a gift. Exactly. So you were not gifting her this experience

if you were going to get sour about it and then. No. There are a lot of comments from OP. So I will try to remember to post the link for this one. Overall vote on it was, you're the asshole. The top comments are like red box, highly awarded, lots of upvotes. You're the asshole. You deliberately deleted emails despite knowing she wanted to be sure of the details because you found it annoying that she asked. As a result, she missed what was almost certainly the main part of the gift for her, the chance to meet the artist, which was also the point of buying the VIP package. So you wasted your money too. It's like jokes on you.

It's like sticking your hand in a dog's mouth and then complaining you got bit. Exactly. What do you think is going to happen? Yeah. Then you patronizingly told her that there wasn't a chance you'd do something else. When she was trying to salvage some measure of specialness out of her rune night. Bingo. You made an ignorant and bigoted generalization that cities are full of crime, acted like a petulant child when she didn't want to go to the bar near your apartment, which isn't exactly a special or memorable thing to do if you go there all the time. And finally, you misrepresented the whole thing as being about you,

not being sufficiently enthusiastic about the band. This isn't about you tolerating the night out. It's about you ruining it. The fact your girlfriend just got quiet and withdrawn instead of pushing back worries me that you've got a history of losing your cool that makes her afraid for her safety if she speaks out. There might be some merits to that. Okay, maybe. Maybe. I'm not discrediting that. But the reason I don't, I think we need to be careful with that is because I have been in this situation where a boyfriend has soured an entire evening for me and I got so disappointed that I was like, I had the exact reaction of her and there was no history of like abuse or fear for like my safety. It's more just like,

you are so utterly disappointed that you just shut down. So I'm not saying that is not true. I just don't want to say that that is the only reason why she could have acted that way, but it's something to consider. Yeah. And also the he raises another point that I wanted to touch on. I'm like, I'm not done bitching about him. The crime in the city. The crime in the city. Okay. Everyone talks about Minneapolis like that and it's yeah, but here's the thing. Period. Like whatever you think, whatever, that's fine. That's your opinion. Every city is going to have crime. That's just no matter where you go. Then don't go to a concert in the city. If it's so crime written. Yep. Stay away from the city. Same with games. Don't even go to the concert. Why did you

pick the concert? Pick something else. Go stay in your hometown. I hate when people do the shit like that. They're like cherry pickers. Yes. Yes. They want to do something and it's like, it's okay, but that's where I draw the line. It's like, but if the city itself is unsafe, then the crime does not red line. So the concert venue is no different than the bar across the street. Crime is crime. It does not know borders. The same calculated risk. Correct. It's the same radius. So just stay out of the city then if that's your argument. I agree. I hate when people do that. I know. There's a lot. Like I think it's really hard because like everyone's like, I think it's like COVID definitely like heightened crime everywhere. Yes. Like people are struggling more.

There's more robberies. There's more this, there's more that. Like it's totally COVID has definitely changed crime stats. But I think also people like, I don't know. I just like I hear it all the time where it's like, oh, you shouldn't go downtown Minneapolis. Like people are getting shot. It's like, oh, I live in LA. Yeah. Like that's every day here too. Every day. Chicago. Yeah. That's every day in Chicago and it's not right. It shouldn't happen. It's sad. But also like, that's just kind of like a major city. You're always going to have stuff in a major city. Yeah. I agree with that. And I'm in no way arguing the stat. Whatever city they are in could very well be crime ridden and very unsafe. My point is then you shouldn't even be there at all. Yeah.

If that's what you truly believe, stay out of the city altogether. Solid. Solid. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of comments from OP though. Someone goes basically highlighting the fact I assured her I would check, which you didn't. Which you didn't. Instead, I was too busy with work. So someone responds to his point he made and goes, I mean, at this point of the story, you're already a total jacket. Yeah. I find it hard to believe an actual person would write that sentence. You go out in the city and in the comments you explain you work in the city and you had your fill of the city. Well, she hasn't. You really do just think about yourself. And they go on to say a bunch of other stuff and OP responds and goes, this is 100% real.

I own that I totally fucked up on Friday night. The look on her face when the bouncer told us that the meet and greet was an hour before was a mixture of surprise, then sadness. The bouncer pointed us towards the merchandise table, where our VIP package, a tote bag with VIP only merchandise, was stowed away. She lit up because we both received one. On Saturday, she told me that she didn't want to come off as ungrateful because overall she was happy we were there. Up to that point, she accepted that mistakes happen. She brought up that when we were sitting in my car, when she was going through the tote bag, did I remember when she found the VIP lanyard? That for her was when it sunk in how disappointed she was

and she was too upset to speak to me. That's really sad. I think that the girlfriend is being very charitable. I think that he was a major asshole. I don't think I would have let him off as easily, to be honest with you. I just don't understand why he even wrote it because in the comments, he literally, someone goes, you're the asshole in such a large way. The whole, I just deleted the emails and told her whatever because she was asking too much about what time to be there is such a what the fuck moment anyways. So OP responds, my girlfriend does value herself. She is one of the most selfless,

compassionate, and non-confrontational people I know. The issue is less about her standards, which are quite high and more how massively I fucked up. I accept that our relationship may or may not ever truly recover from this. Did it really take you Reddit to realize, like even typing it out, like hearing what he typed out, like I just deleted the emails. You were so careless. Yeah. You really didn't care to even just glance at an email. One thing to me is like missing an email, but you were fully deleting emails. Without even reading them. If I know. The anxiety that would give me. Yeah. If I know that I'm going to like an LA Lakers game, I know I'm going. I bought tickets

and I'm getting emails about LA Lakers. I'm not deleting those. I'm reading every single one to make sure I'm not missing anything. So crazy. It's crazy. Don't bitch about how much money you spent because you flushed it down the drain. Yeah. Sorry. I just, I really feel for her. I do too. Shit experience and. She deserves better. Yeah. I think he should run it back. If you, genuine, I mean. That would be a mulligan. I think there's like deep rooted issues here though, to be honest. It signals to me more than just like you were careless one night. I think he's like, maybe needs to rethink the way that he prioritizes her in his life and her interests. Yeah. But he definitely owes her more than a night out. I'll say that much.

Yeah. I mean, just, I think it kind of, you know, everyone has their flaws and sometimes people can be self centered and just not as self aware as others. But like to give you an example, like I had Coachella tickets one year and went with like a girls trip and on the last night, I couldn't go see the headliners. Like I couldn't go that day at all because I had my last week of my like OT internship the next day. And so I was like, I can't, like I just can't do it. I'd already lost my voice. I was already a hot mess. Like I cannot go out and see Ariana Grande. And I called like Justin and just like, was just like crying about it. Like I was so sad because. Fomo. Well, she was just like my, one of my favorite artists, like

still is up there. And so it was so disappointing. And he like was like, you know, don't worry about it. Like he's like, you know what we're going to do? I'm going to take you to Chicago. We're going to go to Lala Palooza and we'll see her there. Oh, did you? Yeah. Oh, that's so cute. And so like literally we flew across the country and he took me to Lala and like we went and saw her and it was amazing. So it's like, again, it kind of boils down like if he wants to, he will. And so it's like if he lacks the bare like care for his girlfriend and her experience, like just let her off the hook. Yeah. Maybe she'll realize before. Yeah. I think she deserves better. I don't know. It's hard to say. We don't know that much about this couple. But based on this

isolated event, I'm not liking his vibe. I will agree with that. Moving along. Okay. If you've ever had to deal with a plumbing problem, you may have felt the pain of realizing you don't know any plumbers. Whether you're trying to stop a leaky faucet, fix a running toilet, replace your old water softener, or install a tankless water heater, the plumbers at Any Hour Services can help. All you have to do is call Any Hour Services or schedule an appointment at anyourservices.com. Help with plumbing maintenance and repairs is closer than you think. Call Any Hour Services or schedule an appointment at anyourservices.com. No one helps more home owners than Any Hour Services. This is from True Off My Chest. I love that subreddit.

I saw my husband and my sister naked in my kitchen. Okay. I can't move. If I move, it becomes real and I have to accept what I saw and think of what's next. I came home from work early and saw my sister's car thinking maybe she was dropping off some food from her job. But no, I walk in and see my husband and sister naked in my kitchen, the kitchen I paid for. As soon as I registered what I saw, I got into my car and left. I kept driving, just driving, driving, driving until I found the hotel I'm at now. I don't want to believe it. I don't know what to do. My sister, my only family, and my best friend, the one who's supposed to be there for me and support me. My husband, my person, my other half, the one who's supposed to love and respect me.

The two most important people in my life have ruined everything. I've locked them both on my phone. I don't want to hear any of the bullshit excuses they've come up with. I don't want to confront this. I want to go back to this morning when everything was fine. Well, you can't run from your problems. I'll start there. That is really shitty. I'm a little confused. I don't think I could just get in my car and drive away. I think I would. Why? I have an example of a time where I got really pissed off and I just got in my car and left. This is so dramatic. I can't believe I'm admitting this one. Justin, his dad bought this super hot chocolate. Hot, spicy? Yeah. It's the hottest chocolate in the world. There's a bunch of food that's hot

challenges. His dad gave him one little cube of this chocolate bar. I told him, I was like, please, please let me watch you eat that. Just please, just come on. Don't do it without me. Yeah. We were sitting there and over the course of two hours, him and his friend Jake were like, should we eat it? Should we not eat it? Should we eat it? I was just like, okay, they're not going to eat it. Whatever. Were you there? Yeah. I was at the house. I go into the room and this is so toxic. I can't believe I handled it this way. I go into the room and I'm just hanging out. Him and Jake, his friend, are still in the kitchen. All of a sudden, he comes in where he ate it and he's like, oh my God, it's so hot. And I go, you fucking did it without me? Are you

serious? I literally just asked so many times. I sat there for two hours waiting for you to eat this fucking chocolate and you did it without me. I was just like, I just got to go. I just need a minute. I got to go. And so I take my keys and go get in my car and drive away. Okay. That's actually not that bad. And I think that's fine. I think it's okay. I was like, pouty. That's okay. Is that the best response? No. But I think that's okay. You took a, you needed a moment and you took it. Yeah. So I think that's like with this. It's like, no, it's not. And I'll tell you why. No, it's not. And I'll tell you why. I just think I would, I would handle this the same way. Cause what else do you do? Kill them? No, you sit there.

First of all, why would you drive away and give them a chance to create a narrative? Sit, walk in and ask them what's up, what's going on? Watch them scramble to come up with a reason as to why they're standing like that. Like it's not out like a out of mat, like, you know what I mean? Like watching people squirm. Almost satisfaction. I just think that there's these situations can be so easily be manipulated. And when your emotions are so in it, you can gaslight yourself and you can let others that you love so dearly to people that you trust and love so much can really fuck with you mentally and gaslight you. So don't give them even the opportunity. Walk in there and just confront

it. The difference between you and your situation is there was no gray area. You were upset. He did something you left. When you come back, the story's still the same. This is different. You left and you robbed yourself of the opportunity of pretty much confronting them in the act because they can just deny, deny, deny, twist it. I don't know how you can deny being butt ass naked in the kitchen with your brother-in-law. You would be shocked at the things people, oh my God, you won't believe what happened. There's a nest of fire ants fell into the kitchen. I mean, like you wouldn't believe the things people can come up with. And I know it sounds crazy to you and I know we're laughing, but I'm serious. Yeah, we should have happened. I know there's no way to spend this. I mean,

you saw what you saw. How do you really rationalize that? I get that. But you left and now it's kind of open to interpretation. And when you do have to confront this, because you can only hide in that hotel for so long, you eventually have to come back to reality and face what you saw. And now they can kind of like, I don't know, massage that. And why? Just, I don't know. That is true. I would love like, I immediately, like, I just have this image of like her pouring herself a glass of wine and just sitting in a chair staring at them with just like this like, so yeah, tell me, tell me what this is all about. Like that almost like the satisfaction of watching them squirm. Right. That's like, because that's all, that's all you could get from that. Right.

Is like, besides the heartbreak and the devastation and whatever. But and that sounds evil. And that's not my point either. Like, I'm not here to, I want to say that sometimes, like, create any more chaos. But I don't know. I mean, if that's your cup of tea, then sure, why not? I mean, at that point, you have nothing to lose. But I'm more so come from the perspective of I've just, I've been in a situation where I've been so heavily gaslit and manipulated and like, what do you mean? You didn't see that. Like, you didn't see this. And it's just so much easier when you can confront it and say like, I'm standing right here, make it make sense kind of thing. And then it's harder and you kind of allow it gives you what

you need to walk away and move on. That is true. And confront it. Now she's like going and spiraling and thinking of all the different narratives and yeah, it is still a username is still there, not deleted, not suspended, not removed yet. So yay. The comment that OP responds to the only one is from someone that says the quote, my only family part is what hit me hard. I'm so sorry, OP. And OP responds and goes, yeah, we cut contact with our abusive parents seven years ago. Thought we were supposed to have each other's backs always. Yeah, it's really sad. I mean, I know we just went on a tangent about how she handled it.

And I don't mean to like victim blame or anything like that, because it's missing the point. Like she that that is incredibly fucked up. I can't even imagine the pain that you would feel. And just like her, you know, escapism here is because that's so traumatic and painful that you can't even begin to process it. Because how do you move on after that? Like some now you will like you are completely alone. You're completely alone. When your family wrongs you, you turn to like your partner, your partner wrongs you, you turn to your family. But when your only family and your partner wrong you together, I don't get it. That's something like I really don't understand because it's like,

there's so many other people on this planet. And it's like, yeah, you obviously like you're going to feel connected to your brother-in-law, your family. And like, especially if you cut off your parents, like you guys are close. I'm sure like three little amigos, but like to covet your sister's husband, like he's replaceable. She's not. That's your sister. I would never understand that phenomenon. No, why weird? Yeah. Why people go after people who are taken or what? I don't know. Some people could join it. Some people really do get satisfaction in being the other person. I think like the Adam Levine thing and the Sonder girl or whatever her name was.

I think her coming out and being like, I was the other woman. I was dating a man that's married to a Victoria's Secret model. It's like, you're proud because like, what are you coming out here? What are you looking for? Right? What are you looking for? Like, yeah, I'll never, I don't know. I struggle with that. I struggle with like, why, why go for somebody that's dating married intimate with like your family member, your friends? I don't get that. I really don't. I just don't, I, I understand in like a little bit, like, oh, it was a one night stand. Like you both were really drunk. You didn't, you didn't know he was married at the time or whatever. Whatever it is. But then like to go back again and again and again, it's like,

he's supposed to be married to this person and you're the other person. Like, how would you, if you did want to turn that into a long-term relationship, how do you trust them? Knowing what they did to their partner. Right. It's like that saying, like you lose them, how you get them or something like that. I don't know. It's a phenomenon that just fascinates me because it happens so often. I, and I can't understand it. I genuinely can't, and I'm not passing judgment. Like there has to be some type of. Psychological. There has to. Yeah.

Because so many people fall into it. I know. You know, I know, I can name at least a couple of people who I know personally have or are messing around with married people. And it's, I don't get the end game. Yeah. I don't get it. I don't get it. Some people just need some fucking hobbies. I got told I need some fucking hobbies. You're pretty busy, but like maybe, maybe some more cathartic zen hobbies. Like,

do you want to take a pottery class? I took ceramics in high school and I wasn't really that good at it. You don't have to be good to enjoy it. You saw me freak out at the tie-dye party. You did really good though. Your tie-dye tote was the best one. Did you see any of the other pieces? No. Why? Because they sucked. I need to see them to believe them.

You're probably being too hard on yourself. No, I swear. I had to throw the t-shirt away. It was actually so bad. I'm sorry. We would have given it to someone. Oh, wait. No, I don't think I did throw it away for that reason. You're right. I don't think I threw it away. Don't be wasteful. I'm sorry. It was just so bad.

I don't do well with projects. Send me a picture when you get home. I don't believe you. I will. You don't believe me? We're giving it away. Don't throw it away. Okay, okay, yeah. Top comment on this one was unblock them and just let their calls go to voicemail. Turn the ringer off for each of them in your contacts. That way you can get recorded proof of their apologies and excuses via voicemail.

You may need that type of proof for your divorce. Okay, that's enough. Thank you. If you're going to file for divorce, like I hate to be super transactional about these things. Because at this point, you kind of need to be. You have to like, I said it on like the first episode I was ever on, like you need to build your case. You really do. And I'm sorry, but when all is said and done, you still have to face life.

And if you're going to divorce this person, you have to leave this person, you have to have your story and your facts aligned. So you could have caught them, maybe even snapped a photo. I know a lot of people don't have such an easy way to catch cheaters, but again, it's just, it's a fucking shock of it all. Oh yeah. I don't know what I would do because like I, I don't know, like Justin could technically cheat with my little sister,

but there's quite the age gap between us. So it's like eight years. So that wouldn't happen. But it's, I can't even imagine like walking on him with like one of my friends. And it's like, That's what I'm thinking too. Like friends is like, we're all close as we would be as family almost. So it's like, I honestly, I might go back, get in my car and drive it into the house.

Like I don't know what I would do. What do you realistically think you would do? I know it's a hard thing to think about. I do kind of stand with what I said. I think I would react in the very same way. Because I think there's something also to be said like in like, they don't know what you're doing when you drive away and let them like, let them feel guilty that you know,

let them have the anxiety of sitting there. Where is she? What's she going to say? How's she going to react? Is she okay? What's she doing? Cause they do care about her. Yeah. Did they see her? I guess maybe I missed that detail. I think so.

I thought she just saw them and no, I think she definitely like walked in, saw them and then like dipped out. Okay. I guess I didn't know that. I thought that that kind of changes things then. I thought she saw them like in the movies where like they see them. Yeah. And then you like leave. Yeah. No, I think, I think they do know that she came in because of the fact that she blocked them. And I don't want to hear any of their bullshit excuses they come up with.

So it does sound like they're like going to call her and all that. Okay. That changes things a little bit. I don't know what I would do. That's a hard place to put yourself in. And even if you think you know what you would do, your visceral emotions just kick in. Yeah. Well, it's like your fight or flight response. It's like, oh, we have this like perfect delivery plan for when you go into labor

and then it's like, oh, it's happening. And like all that they're all out the window. Yes. So I don't know what I would do. I don't think I would leave. I don't think I'd like cause a rocket. I don't think you would leave. No, I don't think I'd leave. I think you would like to immediately sit down and just stare at them.

I think I would too. I think I'd pour myself a glass of wine and be like, am I interrupting? I'm so sorry. Should I leave? Yeah. Like I would, I'd probably just get sassy about it. I, you absolutely would. I can see it right now. Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Am I intruding? Should I come back later? Well, I wish for the best. I'll keep an eye on this one for updates. And hopefully we get some news that she's doing okay and better. And like, again, like this is just us shooting this shit. Like however, however anyone's going to handle their situation in like any of these stories, however they handle it, it's what's best for them in the moment.

And so there's no, there's no playbook. This is, however you handle it is, is the right way to handle it. But if you can slow down and do what Alejandra is suggesting, I do think it would be very saddest factory at the end of the day. To what? To just sit there with a glass of wine and watch them scramble to get their clothes. And you're just like, you fucking bitches. You motherfuckers.

Take me for a fool. I know. I just, oh, I just feel anger for her. But then again, I don't know. Like I'm acting all like big and bad, but then that happens. And it's like so hurtful and you're in shock that you just have to leave. So again, we're not really passing judgment. I can't imagine. I have been, I have experienced infidelity.

I have been fortunate enough to not have to witness it. Thank God. But I can't imagine how hard that would be, especially with like two people that means so much to you. Yeah. No, thank you. Yeah. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking.

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See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Dealer inventory may vary. Up next, this one is definitely going to leave you with some strong feelings. So buckle up, y'all. Oh, shit. Am I the asshole for not inviting my friend to my wedding because I didn't want to hurt her feelings? Okay, sorry.

I, 25 female, am engaged to my fiance, Nick, 38 male, and we are getting married in a few months at a beautiful old mansion house which used to be next to a plantation. It's pretty local to us and it's a stunning venue. It's been my dream venue that I've wanted to be married at ever since middle school and I honestly didn't know the history of it until we started researching venues. Just to make sure everyone knows, I think slavery is disgusting

and the history is horrible, but I think that we can try and bring good into the world by making happy memories and bringing positive things to these kind of places. I'm not here to debate my venue decision at all and that's all I have to say. I have a very close friend, Adriana, also 25 female who I've known since kindergarten and happens to be black. She is a very...

She happens to be black. Just say she's black. That is weird. Just happens. No, just absolutely. So luck will have it. Like, what? Just she's black.

Say it how it is. She is very active in terms of black rights, causes, and campaigning which I think is amazing and I admire her for it. However, I know she would definitely not want to go to a wedding on a plantation and that it would upset her a lot because she has different opinions from me and feels very strongly about the history of these issues. I decided not to invite her because I wanted to spare her any pain. Adriana reached out to me a few days ago for coffee

and asked why she hadn't received an invitation when the rest of the group had and whether I was planning on making a special invitation because she assumed she would be a bridesmaid. I tried to be really nice about it and gently explained to her why I hadn't invited her and told her that I never expected her to come and didn't want to throw it in her face. Adriana burst into tears and started yelling at me in public that why would I get married somewhere like that

and why would I exclude one of my closest friends just because I didn't want her to make a scene at the wedding. She asked me if I would reconsider changing my venue because she would love to come but I told her that after embarrassing me I didn't think she could behave at a wedding. I think I just lost feeling in my jaw because I like my jaw dropped so hard. She left and said that she needed time to think about the friendship

but I haven't heard from her since. The rest of my friend group and family think that I went about everything fine but maybe a bit harshly and Adriana just needs time to understand where I'm coming from but some people who I invited and Adriana knows have RSVP'd know and I'm worried. Am I the asshole? OP, you are not only an asshole, you should be fucking worried.

Bro. You are a colossal asshole on so many levels. It is disgusting, it's repulsive. Just the ignorance, right? And like I don't know if that's just the white privilege in all of this. Are they white? Or what? Do we know?

I guess the non-black privilege. She could be me. She's obviously not black otherwise. I mean honestly we don't know that but I think it's a fairer to venture to assume that she's not but again we don't know that. Yeah, I'm going to check comments quick and see if there's anything. Okay.

There are quite a few comments. Okay. I mean we obviously have a- Not black, she's white. Okay, she says that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, someone goes, I'll let-

Okay. Essentially I should have included in the post, I'm not black, I'm white. Okay, got it. It's about her responses. And that's a fair assumption based on the context that we got. I don't think, I mean whatever, we're not going to generalize here. We're not going to generalize here. Holy fuck.

We're not going to jump to conclusions but what I will say, what I feel very comfortable saying regardless of your skin color, is that this person's an asshole and she doesn't give a single damn about her friend Adriana. I'll tell you that much. No. You don't care at all about your friend. You call us a close friend. So close that this friend thinks that they would be a bridesmaid?

That is what got me. What? Oh. I'm so, I'm, what? That. This is how close the friend is that they were expecting to be a bridesmaid. Can you imagine? That would be like me not inviting you to my wedding.

Yeah. And you're like, sorry Alejandra, like there's a weird history here and I just didn't think you'd appreciate it. So you're just not invited. What? Also the fact that you can acknowledge the dark history of your venue and I know that she doesn't want to debate the venue but like you can't do that. You can't just say, am I the asshole?

But this one minor details off limits. No, no, no, it's not off limits here. It's the whole context of the fucking thing. It's very critical to the outcome here. That is like, you know, everyone can have an opinion on whether or not we can restore a venue that has a dark history and it can be used for a different purpose moving forward. Maybe so, sure. But here's the thing.

You have a very, very close friend who you know feels strongly about these things. And this is somebody who's been a part of your life and who thought they were going to stand by your side on a very important day for you. And you willingly and knowingly chose a venue that would be harmful to them. You don't care about your friendship. No, not at all. I think of the fact too that she does also try to separate it because it's not just like, oh, it's a house on a plantation.

It's like a beautiful old mansion house, which used to be next to a plantation. It's like, no, no, sweetie, like that was the slave owners mansion. That was their house. It's not just a whole happenstance. It's the neighboring farm. Otherwise you would say something different. It was the owner's house. Yes.

If there's clearly a significance to the venue location and it has some type of negative history. I wouldn't even want to get married there. I wouldn't either. I mean, like it's hard for me to even put myself there because I wouldn't even want to get married there, period. And then if I have a close friend so close, like I'm thinking of the grip of people that would be standing next to me on my wedding day. And if I thought that any of them would be so hurt and offended by my venue,

I don't care how great that venue is. There's a million other venues. So many. Do you know how many mansions there are in this world? And like, oh, it's my dream to get married here. Did she say that? Yeah. Okay.

I've been thinking about this since middle school. It's like, oh, and you didn't know the history? Yeah, also. Right. Here's the thing. Again, she doesn't want to debate whether or not it's right, wrong. She can't even say that though. I know.

Honestly, she can't. She can't. But like her even prefacing that is such bullshit. It's bullshit. You can't even say that. That's like me. You know people are going to come for you. Right.

Like, oh, hey, I cheated on my boyfriend like three years ago. We're not going to debate that. But is it am I the asshole for like breaking up with him? That is a critical detail to the whole picture. You can't just say we're not going to debate this very important detail. But I want to like put that to the side for just one second. If this is your close friend, can't you sit them down and have a conversation and say, Adriana, I know that this is very near and dear to you and that

this may be hurtful, but I want you, I want to talk this through with you. Here's the situation. There's a venue. Here's the history. I know it's not a history that you agree with. I know that it might be hurtful. As I'm saying this out loud, I don't even know why I'm debating having my wedding here. Like I don't even like the fact that you're saying all these things.

Like, and you still want to have your wedding there, whatever. But you can at least be like, I'm having my wedding here. It's been decided. I really want you to be a part of that day. And I'm going to give you the option because you're one of my closest friends. And you're absolutely invited. But I do know that you may have an opinion and that you may not feel comfortable. And if you don't, I'm sorry to not have you there, but this is the situation.

Rather than not invite her and make her wonder and feel so stupid that she didn't get an invite. One of your close friends, right? One of your close friends. And you can't even talk about these things. If you can't have that conversation, then like, are you really friends? Because that seems like the bare minimum, right? Like having that conversation and giving her that openness, that honesty. I think she can't have that conversation because in order to have that conversation.

She has to admit. She has to admit that what she's doing is really just fucked up, to be honest. Let's just call a spade a spade. She's so scared to confront it. So she's avoiding it. She doesn't want to have that conversation. I saw this quote the other day that said they avoid you when they know they've wronged you. People who don't apologize or who don't make something right.

It's because they know how badly they fucked up. Oh my God. We have both seen that play out with totally different people. And that, I will say that is 1000% true. It is true. They know they can't. It's 100%. Yes, a million percent true.

And in this situation, I think I really do think that's what's happening is we're sitting here perplexed as to why you can't sit down with one of your close friends and say, Hey, this is the situation. Like I'll sit one of my friends down and be like, Hey, I know that you don't love sushi, but we're going to go for my birthday to like no boo. And like you're obviously invited Morgan, but I know you don't love fish. So like I get it if you don't want to spend money because common decency.

It's just what you do. The fact that if you can't even do this for like a wedding shows that you either don't care about this friend at all, or you're too scared to have a conversation because it requires an admission of total ignorance or just absolute being an asshole. Yeah. I'm getting, I'm getting big self-centered vibes too. Yeah. Yeah.

And I get people, you know, not everyone can handle a confrontation or you know, whatever, but like I wouldn't even consider this confrontational. Like no, it's just you can start it as an open conversation. It doesn't need to turn into a war right away. Right. Like no. I think the fact to where she said here, like she asked me if I would reconsider changing my venue because she would love to come.

But I told her that after embarrassing me, I didn't think she could behave at a wedding. Embarrassing you by having a normal reaction in a public place. Like you could have had this at your house. Probably chose a public place because you knew how she was going to react. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of comments on this one. People rightfully tore her apart.

Everyone picked up on this whole thing. And OP does respond to a couple. Top comment though is you're the asshole. And then there's this like big long quote and it goes, it's my dream to celebrate slavery during my wedding. It's okay for me to do that if I don't invite my black friend, right? That's, I mean, I think that that's what OP is reckoning with. Like she feels like confronting the situation is admitting that.

Yeah. Uh, next comment goes, this comment is disallowed. OP clearly stated she's not here to debate her choice of venue. You are required to agree that her choice to have the wedding on a plantation is fine because it's her dream. Next comment. I don't know about you, but my son's bar mitzvah reception next year is at Auschwitz. Yeah, that is so like, but it is, that is, that is the reality.

Like people were murdered on plantations. People were enslaved for hundreds of years, beaten, tortured, killed, separated from families, raped. Like it is not some light history that, oh, but it's a beautiful house. So we're going to lighten the mood by having a wedding. Yeah. Yay, we're going to rewrite the history. Do you know, do you know like just the, just the juju that's there?

Right. There's a lot of square footage in this world. There's a lot of real estate. Real estate. Like you, let's just, let's just chalk that one up as an L. Let's just leave that one. It's, we don't need to reinvent the wheel. Just leave that one there and move on.

Find another venue. I just, I can't even, the devil's advocate me and tries to like rationalize, and I'm just not even going to give this person that charity today. No. Like just you're an asshole. I'm sorry you're an asshole. I can't think of a single situation I could ever be in where I would willingly one, choose that venue, but that's not for debate.

And two, do that to my friend all around. You don't care. You honestly deserve no shows at your wedding. Sorry. I don't wish poorly on anybody, but this person just needs to get a grip on reality and that if this is how you treat people, you will not have anybody standing next to you on your wedding day. No.

And I love that people are already RSVP. No. That's beautiful. I think too, like I love the fact that, you know, you know, things are headed in like somewhat of a right direction when you have big companies like Pinterest and, which I'm probably saying that wrong because Justin debates me. No, I like the way you say it.

He says Pinterest. No, it's Pinterest because the word interest is technically, when people say interesting, that's not how you say the word. Interesting. It's interesting. Thank you. No, but. Justin, if you hear this.

Justin, I will voice out you later. Yeah. Just said it. Pinterest. Pinterest. I'm going to. Um, but the fact that like there's big companies like the knot, the knot makes a lot of money every year, promoting wedding venues,

having them on their website, this and that, the knot and Pinterest, both are not promoting plantation venues. Amazing. Took them off. Yeah. They're done. Good. And maybe I'm sure there's some that slip through the cracks,

but like to take that stand says a lot. I agree. And so it's like, that's great. I love to see that. But let's get into some OPs stuff. Oh, okay. Yeah. Let's dive in.

So someone goes, you're the asshole. If you're not black, you don't have a right to celebrate and bring happy memories onto their history. Yes. That land is significant. And as someone who's not affected by the legacy, you don't get to decide how healing happens. You're totally out of line.

And that's the comment she responded to and goes, I should have included in the post. I'm not black. I'm white. Totally missing this person's whole point. Miss Man. Miss Man. Like just literally you walked right into the point there.

You walked right into it. Oh, she's just doing no favors for herself. She did reply to the top comment about like, it's my dream to celebrate slavery during my wedding. And goes, it definitely wasn't my dream to celebrate slavery because I didn't even know about the plantation until last year. And I won't be celebrating anything about it during the wedding. And someone goes, your post says you've known about it

since middle school, OP. I've known about the house. I wasn't aware of its history as a plantation. Okay. But now you do. But now you do. So let's realign expectations and move forward with this newfound knowledge.

I don't get it. It gets raised. So the person that posted like, if you're not black, you don't have a right to celebrate and bring happy memories, they respond back to OP and they go, that's exactly my point. You're not black. You can't celebrate on historically significant land and reclaim that land for positive purposes

when it's not significant to you. And OP goes, there are people of all races coming to my wedding, including black people. I just didn't invite Adriana because I knew that she specifically would be uncomfortable because of her views. Okay. Sounds good.

Someone else goes, just to clarify, the mansion on the plantation is part of the plantation, often called a plantation house. I'm betting the name of the venue includes that wording. It doesn't have that in the name, and I had never actually visited before. But now you know. I feel like sis here has to just like-

Make the fuck up. Just take the L, just say thank you so much and just see yourself out. Like it's like the fact that she's going to war with all these people. Like she thinks she's doing something here and she's just simply not- Nothing.

She's doing quite the opposite. And I'm almost, I almost dare I say feel bad for her because it's like she's so clueless that she doesn't see, she can get the point here. Yeah. You know. It is quite wild. Yeah.

Like people of all races are coming to my wedding. Oh my god. Do you want a word? Do you want a cookie for being inclusive? You had a quota you had to hit or something? Like- Did you have a diversity quota? Also, what?

Okay. Also, whatever. I would never like, I don't know. I guess like for me, I'm like, there's so many other ways you can like relate this. Like, oh, I'm having a wedding somewhere in Oklahoma. Oh, it just happens to be one of the nights for the true L of tears.

Like I would never- The way he said that. I just, I'm really mind blown by this whole thing. Yeah. But as a wedding guest, like we have a friend that's getting married in less than a month now and we're going to this venue and stuff like that. And it's like, I would never in my head think

I need to research someone's wedding venue before I go there. So it's like, yeah, you have all these people of all different races that have maybe RSVP'd, yes. Probably didn't even think twice about your venue. I don't, I don't, speaking of, I don't even know where her wedding is. That's how like little I look into venues.

I might show up and be like, I'll be damned. I'd like, where are we? I have no idea where her wedding is. I just know a place and a time and I'll be there. Correct. I just know the general vicinity and the date and I'll show up. And that's how most people are. I would never think like,

oh, I need to research this venue to make sure like, I'm not going to like a haunted fucking house. So I'm not going to a plantation or I'm not going to a concentration camp. I would never in a million years think I personally need to do diligence to research the venue. That's on the people getting married. I agree.

I'm not diligent in your venue. I'm sorry. I've got other things to do. So yeah, I was thinking that too. Half these people probably don't even know they don't even know what the history is. No. You're not, I'm sure you're not advertising it.

Oh my God. If you are, then Jesus, you're even more clueless than I thought. So this came up on my For You page on TikTok a couple of months ago, maybe weeks ago now. My sense of time is really bad. But it was a black creator highlighting the fact that there's people on Airbnb

offering up places to stay that are on plantations. And one of them was actually old slave quarters. Like the houses? The houses that the slaves were in house in and they remodeled or whatever added plumbing and shit. And they were advertising it as literally come stay on the plantation and stay in old slave quarters. Airbnb was on that?

It was on Airbnb. So this guy, this black creator went on like, like shed light on it. Obviously people responded in uproar. Airbnb has since removed listings that are associated with plantations. Yeah, as they should. But the fact it was still up a couple of weeks ago, 2022.

Yeah. I mean, there are unfortunately a lot of ignorant uneducated people in this world and especially still in 2022. And that's not an excuse. But the problem that I have with this whole narrative with dream girls wedding is you're like acknowledging this terrible history and you're acknowledging it. It's like no better, so do better.

You know, so like correct yourself. Why are you adding to this fuel? Don't support this venue. No, and I did find the TikTok. The username is lawyerwinton. So lawyer, W-Y-N-T-O-N. I'll post the link in the description for this episode. But it is at the Panther Burn Cottage

at the Belmont Plantation in Greenville, Mississippi. So it's called plantation. Okay, so the guests know. Yeah. This is an 1830s slave cabin that is up on Airbnb as a bed and breakfast. How do I know that this is slave quarters? Other than just using my eyes to look at it?

Well, they say it in the listing. Oh, this is the Airbnb. Yeah, this is the listing. Okay. So like there's reviews from like guests. Memorable, highly recommend watching the sunset. We stayed in the cabin and it was historic but elegant. Historic.

What a delightful place to step into history, southern hospitality and stay a night or two. Are people serious? They're serious? Yeah, and so Airbnb has since removed properties that formerly housed the enslaved and they have no place on Airbnb. But, wow.

Yeah, it was really bad. The description in the TikTok, he posts the description of, you know, what it is and there's pictures of what they were posting on Airbnb and it's just, it's crazy. But I will post, I'll post the link for the TikTok that's from him because it is educational and I'm glad Airbnb took off all of those listings

because you shouldn't be able to profit off of like that at all and like using that in your promo is really fucked up, moving along. What's up everybody? I'm Mike Wilson with Any Hour Services and if you've been thinking about replacing your old water heater, Any Hour Services is here to help and save you some money. Whether you're looking for a new tanked water heater

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No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. So this one is from True Off My Chest. It's titled, My Husband Would Choose His Girl Best Friend Over Me Any Day. I, 29 Female, got married a year ago yesterday. My husband, 30 Female. I'm just going to go with it and not correct it. I, 29 Female, got married a year ago yesterday.

My husband, 30 Female. And I have been together for five years in total. My husband has been best friends with Sasha, 30 Female, since they were in diapers. I knew that I never really had a problem with their friendship until my husband and I officially started dating. Sasha would always try and get between us. And every single date we went on,

she was there coincidentally. Which was relatively annoying because my husband would let her stay with us on all of those dates. Now, yesterday was my wedding anniversary and my husband forgot since he had a road trip with Sasha. I didn't know about this trip until he said he was leaving. I didn't bother telling him it was our anniversary

since he didn't remember and he would probably still spend the day with Sasha even if he did know. I didn't bother telling him bye. I just walked out and decided I was going to go shopping and do something for myself. I did that, but then his mother called me during the day wishing me a happy anniversary

and asked where my husband was because he wasn't answering his phone. I told her the truth about his whereabouts and he didn't remember our anniversary. She was shocked and told me that she didn't think Sasha and my husband still had feelings for each other. I asked, what did she mean?

She said that they did date in high school but my husband told me that he never did like Sasha romantically. Everything started becoming more clear now. Maybe he did remember our anniversary but chose not to say anything because he loved Sasha. If he loved her, he could have told me before we got married. I would have been hurt, but I understand feelings

and I know you can't control them. I don't know how to comprehend anything right now. I'm numb and I don't get it. All I know is that my husband doesn't even love me. What's her question? True off my chest. Oh. Um, I personally wouldn't be in that marriage.

I'd be done. Yeah. You don't remember our first anniversary? I think that's kind of your, that's enough for me. I'm surprised and you know, everyone has their own relationships but it really sounds like Sasha has been the third wheel from the beginning.

Like she would coincidentally show up on every date. I wouldn't have gone past the dating stage. I agree. I'm not third wheeling someone. I don't want to have to compete with someone for my partner. Yeah. Call me old fashioned. No, I think that that's right.

I think that I just, I, I'm agreeing with you. I don't think I could get past the dating stage. I just think that's something that I have to iron out before I'm like spending the rest of my life with someone is kind of like, what is the dynamic with this person and how do they fit into our relationship and like, do I feel good about them? And if the answers are anything less than satisfactory,

then I'm not sure why you're getting into that marriage. I think that's enough for me. Like on your anniversary, not only he forgot, but he's spending time with a, I'm assuming this is Sasha's a woman. I think they said she's a woman. Yeah. And so OP does, you know, say that her husband's gender

and the age, it says 30 female, but he, he pronouns are used throughout the rest of the story. So I'm not sure if that was a mistake or not. Yeah. It seems after reading, I would say it is a mistake and it meant to be 30 male. Yeah. Yeah.

But who knows, you know, who knows. Regardless. Yeah. He's spending your, his anniversary with not you. Just why aren't they dating? Honestly, at this point, like I'm just wondering, like why didn't they date? Yeah.

And I get like having close friends of the opposite, you know, sex or just non, like different, you know, friends. But if you're spending a lot of time with your friend and you're willing to throw important dates with your partner out the window, why aren't you just with your friend? Yeah. If you feel deep down inside, like in a non-dramatic way

that your partner would choose a friend over you, I don't feel like you're in the right marriage. No. I think your marriage is where you choose each other over everybody else. And it sounds like the premise of that's just not even correct. You're already off on the wrong foot. So.

Yeah. Top comment on this one is, yo, I bet Sasha remembered your anniversary. Yeah. That's a good point. I mean, I have a bunch of questions about Sasha, but I feel like she's not the focal point here. Because at the end of the day,

the relationship is between two people. So it's whatever Sasha wants to do, Sasha wants to be an asshole and purposely plot, like some type of hangout to distract him on his anniversary. That's Sasha, but Sasha didn't take a vow and Sasha didn't marry this person. Yeah. It's your husband.

So I don't really, I'm not concerned with what Sasha's intentions are, although like she sounds like she sucks. It's your husband who's the one who's wronging you directly. Absolutely. You know? But obviously it's like be a fucking girl's girl, dude. Like if one of my guy friends starts dating a girl,

first of all, I fall the fuck back. Like I know that there's a line now. You know, one of my guy friends has a girlfriend now and I know that there's certain things I can't say or do. Not that I was crossing lines before, but it's just even more out of respect. Kind of backing up a little bit so that you give that person the respect,

the new girlfriend, the respect of knowing that like, listen, you don't have to worry about me. Like I see you, I respect this. Well, that's like, that's the bare minimum, right? That's the bare minimum. And that doesn't often happen, which is sad because you could get a good girlfriend out of one of your guy friends getting a girlfriend.

Like you could, I mean, there's- That's like taking it a step further. Like developing your own friendship and being a girl's girl and having a relationship with that person is like, even great, but like you don't have to, you don't have to be friends, but you should be respectful.

Yeah. Lot of comments and a lot of responses from OP. Someone goes, when you ignored the red flags, and OP goes, love makes you blind, I swear. Yeah, I agree with that, I do. It does. Lot of support, just saying,

OP, you deserve all the happiness in the world. Someone goes, this makes me hurt for you. What kind of married man plans a road trip with his female best friend and doesn't even tell his wife? Let alone on your anniversary. It's all wrong. And OP goes, the men in this generation are really something else.

Yeah. Thank you. I really appreciate the comment, which I can't believe that he lied to her about their history. Yeah. And I think that's obviously very intentional, and it sucks that she found out from her mother-in-law being like, oh, well, they did it in high school,

but I thought all those feelings were gone. Yeah, not great. I don't think they are. Yeah. He clearly has zero respect for your relationship. I can't even fathom a husband not telling his wife he's going on a road trip. You know, damn well that Sasha knows

it's your wedding anniversary, and she planned this. OP, thank you for the advice. And in all honesty, this is my last straw. I'm currently waiting for him to arrive so I can speak to him about this. I feel like also with these things, sometimes you convince yourself that they'll get better. Like, I'm sure that she was-

We'll get married and- We'll get married, and she'll fade away into the darkness, and Sasha will get her partner, and Sasha will be occupied, and we'll build a family, and he won't have time- Like, it's like we can joke that she ignored the red flags, and maybe she did, but I think maybe part of her thought that that would just fizzle out,

or that she would take a bigger role in his life. You just kind of convince yourself that things will work themselves out. Yeah. Someone goes, it's time for the ultimatum, her or you, especially since the other bitch cannot respect boundaries. He is not a single man who can do whatever.

And on your anniversary, fuck all that. I take some notes from PettyRevenge page, and honestly, fuck them both. Take his credit cards, go shopping, and then file for divorce. Oh my God. OP is clearly the bigger person here, which I love, love, love, love, love, her response. She goes, in all honesty,

why should I even give him an ultimatum? It should have been me anyway. I was just going to say, I don't ever want to have to get to that point. Wow. Yeah. It should have always been you, and he kind of chose. He did.

So, what's the point of giving somebody a second shot at the ultimatum that they failed the first time? And she puts it so beautifully, right? Yeah. Like, it shouldn't be an ultimatum. It should have been me. I'm first choice. He married me.

Yeah. I am the choice. Yeah. I'm his wife. That is a good point. I am the choice. Like what? 100%.

There is one comment that goes, this is absolutely brutal. What are you thinking you'll do next? My opinion is divorce. Why stay with someone like that? And OP goes, my next step is talking to him, and I genuinely think that divorce is the next option. It's hard, right?

Because divorce is, you know, a very serious thing, not something to be thrown around lightly. But in this case, you feel like you're not the priority, and that you said in the opening line that your husband would pick somebody before you. Man, I think you do need to trend in that direction. I agree. Time to be done.

Yeah, I would be done. I don't think I can handle that. I think that wound would be so, I think at that point I would almost, and I'm not like a petty person in relationships with, but I wouldn't, I don't, I don't know. I'd feel like they're constantly digging themselves out of a hole.

Nothing could ever make that right. No. Well, no matter how you proceed forward, if the option is, well, I won't see Sasha as much. Is he going to resent you for that? Is he going to say, you know, Sasha, my wife doesn't like you. I can't see you. Like is all of that going to fall on OP then?

Because that's not fair. So I think honestly, obviously proceeding forward here is really tough and divorce isn't easy, but something here is not right. And someone does make a comment about therapy and OP just kind of says, therapy is a nightmare. I prefer these strangers over a therapist any day. My therapy has been nothing but more traumatizing.

I've heard that from some people actually. Yeah, well, an OP does give some context that they grew up in the foster system. And so I think just maybe with that history, there's some trauma there. But it's also like he obviously has an affinity for Sasha, whether it's romantic or it's just a very deep-rooted friendship, whatever it is,

he has very strong feelings and he really enjoys her companionship one way or another. Therapy doesn't like knock you out of that. It's not going to change his feelings towards Sasha. Yeah, he's a grown man. He knows right from wrong. You might be able to establish some very clear boundaries, perhaps, and maybe he'll abide by them,

but he's not going to shut off his feelings towards Sasha. He's still going to wish he was hanging out with Sasha. So why? Why stay in this marriage on Friday night when he's sitting next to you and he's thinking about what he could be doing with Sasha? I'm just really blown away by this and I'm kind of wondering to myself,

if I was in her shoes and I trust Justin so much and I'm just thinking, I was like, would I be okay with him taking a weekend road trip with a girlfriend and getting one hotel room and like his OP, how do we know they have two beds? When they go on these road trips, what are we doing? I mean this is a tough one because you can trust somebody, but it's almost not even about trust.

It's about respect. It's about respect. It's disrespectful. It's just disrespectful. It's super strange. It's also the narrative. I know you don't owe people an explanation, but at the same time, it's kind of hard to explain to everyone

that your boyfriend or husband's just on a road trip with another girl. Like that's just kind of a hard one to like, doesn't roll off the tongue. On your anniversary. Yeah, like just shooting the show with your girlfriend. Oh, where's Tom? Like my imaginary boyfriend.

Where's Tom? Yeah. Oh, he's on a road trip with Ashley. What? Oh, no, I trust him. It's like, yeah, girl, great, but like, and it's your anniversary, please. I can't believe she didn't tell him,

but like I honestly wouldn't either. You're so hurt. What's it gonna do? No, and I think it honestly, it sucks because it does show like his true character, his true, his true, like not obligations. That's not the right word, but like we're not, oh my God, what am I searching for?

Where like his alliance lies or where his priorities, that's what I was looking for. It shows where his priorities lie. That's my point. Therapy doesn't like, you can't like realign that in therapy. Like if you want to be with someone and you crave their companionship, that will hold true regardless of like a therapy session.

Yeah. And that's so heartbreaking. I don't know what I would do. I would be broken if it were my, I would too. Anniversary and my man was hanging out with some girl. You wouldn't stand for it. I would have flipped out.

I wouldn't, he wouldn't have gone on the trip. I would have, I wouldn't have been able to keep my clothes dry. You would have stretched the tires. No, I just would have been like, are you fucking kidding me? It's our anniversary, do you not realize that? But I do see the point of like, no,

let him show us true colors because that conversation when he gets back, as you sit down and say, do you realize what this weekend was? Yeah. This was our first anniversary and yet, you'd one, didn't remember an important date for us and our relationship and two, you chose instead to spend it with your friend.

I think that's the perfect way to go about it. Let them, and then when it's done, be like, that was a very important day. And someone argued, but you didn't even give him a chance to make it right. He already fumbled. He blew it. Like, he fumbled the ball.

He can pick it up, but yeah, you just, you have to. I think in that position, I mean, it's already, it's been done. The damage has been done. What do you want him to do? Flip a bitch, take a U-turn and come home with some half-assed flowers? He already forgot.

Like, it's done, you know? It's solid. It's done. Yeah. So, I just feel so bad for her. I know, it's a bummer and this happens quite a bit. Guys and girls forget about anniversaries. I forgot about my anniversary one year.

Really? Yeah, it was really bad. I have two anniversaries, technically. Oh, good for you. Yeah. Just be nice. I have zero. Well, because I told Justin,

he asked me to be his girlfriend one time and I said no. And then so, it was kind of in my court after that to be like, okay, I'm ready, I'll be your girlfriend. So, on the 27th of December, I was like, okay, I'm tired of correcting people and saying you're my friend, Justin, we've been together dating at this point for a couple of months now, whatever. I was like, we can be dating.

And I was like, but I don't want the 27th as our anniversary because that's hard to remember, right? No. December 27th? So, I was like, can we just wait until the first to be official because I want the first to be our actual anniversary date? Oh. So, I have two.

I think that's fine. He goes by the 27th. He goes by, yeah, I would too. We do. I would too. It's like symbolic. I'm so weird, you guys. So, that's like you having a baby and being like,

I don't really like odd numbers, so we're going to pretend he was born on the 8th. I know, I should have kept my mouth shut for a couple of days. Yeah, you should have been like, let me sit on this one. Oh, the ball was totally in my court. I know, let me sit on it three more days, four more days. Yeah, no, he absolutely loves the way I did it. We were like staying at this like hotel in Duluth called Pier B,

my absolute favorite place. If you're ever traveling to Duluth, Minnesota, the amenities are amazing. They give you s'mores. I'm sure that's on a lot of people's lists. It's so good. Hey, don't shit on Duluth. I'm not shitting on Duluth.

I love Duluth. You know I love Duluth. You watch it, lady. No, I'm just saying like it's not like a destination. It is, trust me. I have nothing against Duluth. I love Duluth. My family has a cabin in Lutzen.

It's good. I love it. But yeah, I just walked in because my brother was like, okay, Morgan, he kept saying all night like, oh, like Morgan's boyfriend, Justin. I'm hanging out with someone called and he's like, I'm hanging out with my sister, Morgan, and her boyfriend. And I walk up into the hotel room and I just look at him.

I'm like, I'm really tired of correcting people. And he just says like that feeling. He's like, oh my God, so it all worked out. Here we are. It all worked out. There you go. Almost four years later. Oh yeah, almost.

Pretty wild. We've like our meeting anniversary. We just celebrated like four years. So you celebrate meeting anniversaries too? So you have like three? Yeah. Wow. I'm like really the worst girlfriend in the world.

I only had one and I forgot. Dude, I celebrate getting mail. I call mail presents. Like I just give me a reason to celebrate anything. Yeah, but like I have like too much on my mind. Like I forgot my three year anniversary. It's like the date has come around a couple of times now. There's like, it's not like my first year and I forgot.

But maybe that was your subconscious telling you it wasn't right. No, the relationship's still on for another year. Maybe your brain knew long before? No. That's just me being a complete dumbass. Like I'm not going to be a great wife. I know that. I'm going to be like that shitty wife.

You know those shows, you know those shows. So you're going to be this guy for getting anniversaries? No, not like that. I'm not going to be like fucking around on a road trip with some guy. But like, you know those shows where the wife is just very, I'm trying to think of like a character. Preoccupied? Just very, no, just very digaff.

Like they're just like, don't give a fuck. Like, oh, yeah. Took me a second to register that one. Yeah, like I can't, I'm going to think, I know there's a show I've seen where I'm like, I'm going to be that mom. Like I just tell that I'm just going to be very like, oh shit, it's our five year in a row.

Oh my God. Like I'm not like sentimental like that. Is there a character like that on Big Little Lies? I was thinking of working moms, but I can't. Yeah, that's a good show too. The red hat is kind of like that. You know? Yeah.

I love that show. I know I love that show. It's a good show. I got to get back in there. I love that show. But I don't know, I'll think of the character. And I'm not saying I'm a shitty person. I'm like not a shitty person and like whatever.

But I just know based on my history, I feel like all of my way friends have been like, the loving ones who like, and I'm just kind of like, I'm a little cold, you know? I don't know. It just doesn't translate well. No, you're very thoughtful. You just, I think honestly, I think,

I think you don't give your subconscious enough credit. No, I just, I think I just know myself. I think I just am aware enough to know my flaws. Okay, put it in your iPhone and set up for a yearly reminder that really pings you. What? My anniversary? The next one you get.

Okay. And when that happens, I'll be sure to do that. You never know. Could be next week. You could meet someone. Some people meet people and they're married 12 days later. Don't you just see that for me? Honestly, I could see it.

That's disgusting. I'm not saying it's out of the realm of possibilities. That's all I'm saying. Technically, that's in everyone's realm of possibilities. Exactly. No, you're good luck with that. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking.

I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it, so can you.

For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. Okay, next one. Am I the asshole for sending an invoice to my wife's cousin after she, quote, didn't have space for us at her wedding? Wow. I own a printing company that I run with my wife. Her cousin came to us and wanted us to do

all the signage, banners, guest books, life-sized cutouts, et cetera for her wedding. We do this all the time for friends' weddings and events and we never charge. We're happy to help out and it's usually a lot of fun working together to make some cool stuff. A few weeks before the wedding, her wedding planner tells us they need all of the items by X date

so they can set it up for the wedding. At this point, we hadn't received our wedding invitations and didn't even know when the actual wedding was. My wife texts her and tries to clarify when the wedding is and if we miss the invitation somehow. Her cousin replies and says, quote, oh, we downsized the wedding and we have decided to have like a close friends and family thing, end quote.

And they didn't have space for us in the small venue. My wife and I are pretty hurt and insulted and on top of it, we've spent close to $2,000 on all of the materials. Her cousin and the wedding planner kept making tiny revisions to the artwork, had us print samples to see how it would look in person, resize several of the items a few times, etc.

All that cost a ton of time and money and we're a functioning business. So we either had to delay other orders or stay late and print her stuff on our own time. So I went ahead and billed her for our cost and said we needed payment before delivery because I'm not going to chase her down for payment for months slash years after the wedding.

We're not making money on it. Just charged her for the cost of materials. So far we've gotten threatening calls from the cousin, her fiance, some random members of my wife's family that I don't know, some of the groomsmen, etc. Essentially calling us assholes. After the harassment, I'm considering charging full price or else we won't deliver the items.

Are we assholes here? Sorry, but I'm not going to waste my hard earned time and money on someone who doesn't even consider us, quote, close friends and family. So was the understanding that they were going to get it for free originally? It seems like it was expected. That's what it sounds like.

Yeah, no clear cut answer based on that, but it feels like it was expected to be free. I might be missing a detail, but I don't think that he's an asshole for that. Not at all. I don't think you should ever expect anything for free unless it's explicitly said. I mean, there's certain situations where it's just a given.

You know that this is a gift. You know that this is something that's being covered, but in this situation, I mean, I don't think they're misreading it at all. And I think that it's really shitty that they didn't even catch an invite to this wedding. Like even more so, okay, that this is more transactional that I actually originally thought. I think they should charge for sure.

Absolutely. It is a transaction. It's a transaction to them. You're not even guessing their wedding? No. And even if they were, I think I would still argue that doesn't like free you of that cost. I would agree with that.

I think honestly, the fact that they were willing to do it for free just for like your family, like I would assume that I'm getting invited to my cousin's wedding next year. Like that's, I think that's a fair assumption to make with family. And so like, you know, that's above and beyond in kindness to give them free product, time, labor, like all of that. I don't even think I would, I would even accept that

from my family member. I think like getting it at cost, I would never want to see them pay $2,000 or whatever the number is for me and all my shit for my wedding. And like them offering their time and their services free of charge, like incredible, but I'm at least going to pay for the materials, especially if I'm being a high maintenance,

needy little shit revisions. Can you print it? Can you redo this? What the fuck? I agree. I think it's totally fair. Yeah. I think it's, I think it's fair to bill for it.

Work is your work and you are a fully functioning business, as OP says. These people didn't really think, I mean, I get it. You run out of room. That's fine, but you didn't make the cut for them, which just signifies the relationship that they have with you is not as deep as you thought. And so fully fair to charge.

Exactly. I think at that point, you're a vendor at this point. You are, you're a vendor. 100% what separates you from a different vendor? Nothing. No other vendors getting an invite? No. Same.

Yeah. And even again, even if you did get an invite, like. I wouldn't want to go anymore. No, I'm saying, even if they had gotten an invite. Like let's just say you were like a pastry chef. And I invite, obviously you're like in my wedding, whatever. And then you just say, hey, I'll have to like bring like some desserts to your wedding.

Like let me know what I owe you. Like if you're fully functioning pastry business, let me know what the cost will be. And like, no, no, no, it's on me. It's a wedding gift. Okay. That's different. But like if you fully own a shop and you're going to be

bringing a service, like you should not just expect that it's free. Yeah. Unless it was premised as like, this is a gift to you. I feel like so many people do though. I saw this TikTok of this girl. Right, it's just. That was, it was actually up for debate where I, okay.

So essentially it was this, the OP, the TikTok creator was like, I have this client who always buys cakes for me, a regular. One day she like gets a cake for me and she invites me to book club with her girlfriends. Hey, come to book club next Thursday. Okay. Okay. Oh, cool.

So she thinks like I'm getting. They're friends. Yeah. And then she's like, bring one of your delicious cakes. So, I mean, this one was actually really like tossed up, but this person shows up with a cake and then invoiced them and or like hit her with an invoice and she was like, wait, what? Like why am I paying for this cake?

But it was the banter was like, she did tell you to bring a cake. And so she regularly buys cakes from you. It's kind of fair to assume that she was meaning like make a cake and I'll pay for it because she's bought cakes from you before. And you don't have really this pre-existing relationship. But then the other camp was like, this was an invite to try to be friends. And the least you could do was just like bring a cake as a gesture.

That's the camp buy-in. It is, yeah. But she was like, is it my announcement for invoicing her? And it's like, it was really truly like split. You got to get there and read the room. Yeah, it was split. Because I wouldn't, I think like ordering a cake, I guess maybe it was the way that she put it where she's like, bring one of your cakes where it could have been like,

we usually all kind of like potluck and bring stuff. Feel free to bring whatever. That wasn't it. Like your cakes are really good if you want to bring one of those. That's different. No, it wasn't that. It's all about that delivery. So it was like, bring those cakes you make or like bring that one cake or it was very like,

it is tough because you're like, is that an order? Like, I don't know. I really was torn on that one. I personally wouldn't invoice because I'm like, I wouldn't have, but I don't necessarily think it was out of pocket to invoice. I think I would have in that moment asked for more clarification and just, but it's like, oh, you're getting in, but you don't want to like rock the boat. You don't want to spoil it.

Yeah. But I feel like I would have been like, oh, do people typically bring stuff? Is it a potluck like dessert or should I bring something out? Like, and then if it, I don't know, like you kind of have to weed it out. But I guess I probably would have showed up and just with the simplest fucking cake you can make. For sure. And then like this one's on the house. And then next time I'll tell her, hey, like, you know.

I'm not going to bring a cake every week. Because then it's kind of like, oh, you just invited me to your book club for my cakes. Or, yeah, or see if she pays you and if she doesn't. Then you know. Then you know next time just say, hey, like I don't, on my days off, like I don't want to make it, whatever you have to say. Yeah. Then now you know.

It's, it's definitely very awkward. And I guess the, and another argument too was like, this person's a regular client. Like they clearly buy cakes from you. Like the, it's a good sign of goodwill. Like you bring a cake to the book club. That's also really true. You might have just lost a good page.

I think she did. Yeah. That's awkward. I know. Because the person was taken back. They were like, what do you mean? Like, what? Well, and that to me seems like a gesture of like, hey, I really enjoy you.

I know we have limited interaction, but like a book club is a great place to start. Yeah. To work on friends. Yeah. I definitely wouldn't have invoiced. I would have brought it and then like read the room and like, if I was the only one bringing the cake and no one else. No, no, no.

I just wouldn't have probably gone back because then it's kind of like, well, did you invite me only for the cakes? And if that's how you feel after leaving, then like it didn't make you feel good to go back. But it's a good point. It is your time. It is your energy. But also that seems like it wasn't.

That seems like it was a nice gesture to be like, hey, let's be friends. It does. But also like the bring, she could have just said come to book club period. No, bring your cake. Yeah. That's where I think it's like. Like total miscommunication on both. It's kind of like the, hey, do you want to go take like a Pilates class tomorrow?

Yeah. Okay. Can you drive? Like, okay, my car is being repaired. Can you drive? You know, that's kind of the vibe I get where it's like. I want to know how that one resolved. Which one?

That. Oh, the cake. Yeah. Oh, you can probably Google at it. I think it went kind of viral. I need to find that one. It was like cake book club and it might have not been book club. It might have been like bridge or something.

It was some type of gathering, but I think it was book club. Yeah. I thought that one was hard. I went back and forth and the comments were like very kind of split and making great arguments on both. And I'm like, that's tough. I mean, that's happened. I can't think of a specific example, but like that's happened to me where even like girls

nights, right? And it's like, oh, everyone brings food or wine and there's been nights where everyone just brings something and that's it. And then there's been nights where we're all like, okay, like, let me know what I owe you, like Venmo, you know what I mean? And sometimes you really don't know. And it kind of sucks because it's like, well, if I had known, I wouldn't have gotten this $50 bottle of wine that I was going to just pay for myself.

I thought we were all splitting. You know what I mean? I know. So it's kind of, you know, mismanaged expectations. I think so. Very miscommunication. Well, we've always been all really good about like, like when we would do girl stuff, we'd always be like kind of like expecting that we're all

sharing and going in on it. Yeah. So that's, but I know that that's not always the case. I know. Which is really tough. TikTok? It's on TikTok. I can't find it based on Google and search a bunch of different things.

So if anyone sees it, please send it my way if Alejandra can't find it. I'll try. A lot of comments from OP on this one and someone goes, not the asshole, they used you. Look at how much money they saved. $2,000 is not a normal wedding gift. I suggest from now on you ask to be paid, but give a discount. You shouldn't end up in the red because of a gift unless you can read it off.

Ask yourself if they never intended to invite you and just wanted free services. Yeah. And OP goes, it usually ends up being a couple hundred dollars max. The constant revisions and reprints jacked the price up considerably. We were still at the awkward stage where we couldn't exactly tell them, quote, hey, this is getting kind of expensive. What? That's where I'm like.

You can always tell someone that. Yeah. That's where you got to kind of like put your adult pants on and communicate because like in this world, if you don't advocate for yourself, no one's advocating for you in your business, you have to advocate for yourself. Yeah. And that's where I think I'm not like blaming OP or anything, but I do think you have to take a little bit of responsibility and say, hey, we were planning on giving you like a massive

discount or this was going to be a wedding gift from us. However, it's starting to get. It's too expensive. It's starting to get very expensive and beyond the price point that we were comfortable with. So we're so happy to still do this for you. Just know that after a certain threshold, we will have to invoice. Yeah, especially after all the revisions. That's an easy point where if they keep asking for revisions, you can say, hey, you know what?

These revisions are really jacking up your price going forward. We're going to have to charge for everything else because we're hitting the $1,500 marker. We're hitting the $1,000 mark and that's extensive for us. Yeah. And just this is out of the norm for us. This is not our typical, we're kind of like going, we're kind of doing like double, double back clicks for you guys here. And so we can't do it at a huge discount because it's already more work than we would

traditionally do when someone's paying full price. Yeah. But again, it's easy for us to sit here and say that and I know it's so much more awkward when you're in that position and you don't want to rock the boat and you don't want to make people feel bad. For sure. But I just think that a lot of heartache can be saved with a little bit of awkward communication can save a lot of awkward aftermath.

Oh my God. Speaking of communication, the fact that everyone else is getting involved too is crazy. I think the groomsmen, you got some loyal friends there. So someone actually brings it up though and they go, what exactly are they threatening you with? Give us free shit or recall the cops. And Opie goes, the groomsmen are messaging me with frat bro garbage like, quote, you're not going to fuck up our boys wedding.

Everyone else is saying how we made it about us and now the bride has to deal with this, et cetera. Nothing of substance. You can't make it about you if you weren't invited to a wedding. You're literally just charging for what you've done, which is completely fair. Completely fair. $2,000 is like, that's crazy. That's way more expensive than a wedding gift.

Yeah. And this is, this comment is really sad. So someone goes, also, what is your wife's stance on this? Since it wasn't mentioned, not the asshole regardless. And Opie goes, she's devastated. She's the most generous person I know and she gets so much joy out of helping friends and family with their special events. They kept trying to guilt her and made vague threats.

So I took over the messaging. That's when the groomsmen stepped in. Total disaster man. That hurts because it's always the people who are so generous and kind that could take an advantage of, they felt like they could take advantage of them. It's so sad. It's so sad. I hate that.

That's all I got for you on this episode of Two Hot Tikes. You're just like form, is like the, is the Harley Davidson and the apple cider just dictating your persona now? Yeah, pretty much. You just merged into the dad. I know, look at the way I have my arm on this chair too. You're literally, you became a dad. Yeah, I don't know what's happening with me.

I'm so out of it. I feel like I still haven't recovered from the jet lag from Iceland and like, I don't know. It's really weird. Usually I don't get jet lag. Yeah, I don't either. But like this time I got rocked. That's interesting.

Yeah. I don't, I don't get jet lag. So it's hard for me to imagine. It's a real bitch. Yeah. It's a real bitch. But what do you do? What are you supposed to do?

You just keep pushing through. I've heard when I came back from Europe, I was really nervous about getting jet lagged, especially because I was. Yeah, food poisoning from hell. I had food poisoning from hell, but I also had to get on a plane 24 hours later, another international flight. So I was really worried about getting jet lagged. I know.

And then after that one, I had to go to our live show. So it was one thing after the other. And I asked for advice because I was scared I was going to get jet lagged. And what everybody said is to get on the time zone. That's the best thing you can do for your body. I didn't need to do it. In fact, I was in three different time zones, but you have to just... I'm like, which one?

Which one do I pick? Which one? Slivercoin. Yeah, I don't know. You probably just need rest. I do. I've been recording a lot of episodes to try to get ahead for the holidays. Yeah.

And our upcoming live show, speaking of it, by the time this episode comes out, tickets will be on sale. So we are doing two live shows, one of which is Friday, December 2nd, which will be in person in Los Angeles, California at the Bourbon Room. And then Sunday is going to be live stream with Moment. So pick and choose what you're able to do. But I'm super excited to have you guys there. And the live stream will be really fun.

I think we're going to make gingerbread houses for the after party. So it'll be really good. I can't believe it's the holiday season. This year flew by. Yeah, we say that every year, but like... This year felt unnaturally fast. I agree, I agree. And I can't figure out why.

I cannot figure out why. I think we were all doing double time to make up for the past couple from COVID. That could be like our run rate was a lot faster. I think people did so much this year. Yeah. I'm finding that everyone right now is already burned out and ready to stop. I'm burned out. I'm so burned out.

On my way here, I picked up a bar of chocolate because I'm literally a freak and I have to have chocolate every single day. That's normal. It's not that I've never met anybody with such a chocolate cream. You're a chocoholic. I'm a chocoholic a hundred percent. And the flavor is gingerbread. It's a...

So I get this brand called Hugh chocolate. Oh my God, this one's so good. They're super good. Do you bring it here? Ah, it's in my car. I know. No, you got me a pumpkin cheesecake. I'm going to go eat that.

Oh yeah, you have a pumpkin. I'm going to go eat that. And a salted caramel one. Oh my God. Anyway, they did gingerbread and I was like super excited because I'm like, yeah, it's a holiday collab flavor. I'll get you one next time. And I ate it.

But to be honest with you, I'm actually glad you're not eating it because where I'm going with this is it tasted exactly like Christmas and it's too soon. Too soon. No, I'm ready. Some pumpkin spice. No, trust me, it was too soon. It was too soon.

I'm so ready for baking Christmas cookies with my grandma. I know. Those cookies go hard. Oh, they're so good. That's so exciting. I love the holiday season. I'm so excited to bake and make cute. I was thinking for an episode,

we should make some holiday cocktails. Oh yeah. I think that would be great. I'd love to see people's recipes. I, my usual go-to is like mulled wine. That'd be fun. But I'd love to see what everyone else would like pick for us. Yeah.

Pick a, I want to take a cocktail like Santa's. Like something fancy. Soda. You know what I mean? Something fancy that takes some effort. Yes. Garnish. Yeah.

A little garnish. I can't do vodka. So consider that when you're throwing out your recipes. Let's just do tequila. Would you do gin? I love gin. Okay. Gin pairs very well with the holiday drinks.

Oh my God. I had the best gin cranberry cocktail last year. So, so good. Yeah. Drop, send your favorite holiday spritzes because I think that would be so fun. That'd be so fun. And like cute little glasses and garnish. Oh my God.

That'd be amazing. Yeah. For sure. And holiday sweaters. Okay. Well, we both need to go to the freaking bed. So thank you guys all for being here. I just, I can't believe we're here.

Like at the end of the year almost. That's crazy. This will be. Crazy. It's almost November. It's almost November. This will come out in November. So it's like by the time this comes out, there's only like a month and a half left.

And it's like, I just can't believe everything we've accomplished this year. And I'm just so thankful for all of you. And so I just, I love you guys. So thank you, thank you for being here. And on that note until next time. Sorry to hit the mic. That's how tired I am.

Good night. Bye guys. Hi, Jan from Toyota speaking. Jan, I heard it's a good time to buy a Toyota. Sure is. From now until April 4th, you can shop all your favorites like Corolla, RAV4, Sequoia and more. Imagine yourself in a new Tundraware.

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