Two Hot Takes - 92: Taking Gender Out of It..

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-hosts Alejandra and Lauren! If you guys don't like the talking eps this one is not your cup of tea as the trio gets INTO IT!! But this is such an important theme, and we get into even more on Patreon. LIVE SHOW TICKETS!!! December 4th online intimate virtual show with Moment: https://www.moment.co/THT !!! Join us for our New Spotify Show (tis' FREE): https://spotifylive.link/dtrh to join LIVE (download Spotify Live app)!! https://spotify.link/dtrh to listen to already aired episodes !! Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Alo Moves: Alomoves.com Promo Code: THT Manscaped: Manscaped.com/twohottakes Skylight Frame: Get $15 off a Skylight Frame with Promo Code: TAKES  at SkylightFrame.com

The Invigorating Performance Machine is now at Tim Daly Mazda Murray, the 2024 Mazda CX-90. And for a limited time, Tim Daly Mazda Murray has 3.9% financing on the 2024 Mazda CX-90, making it so easy to get your new Mazda. So don't wait! Head to Tim Daly Mazda Murray today and get your brand new 2024 Mazda CX-90 with 3.9% financing and own your own Invigorating Performance Machine. We see some restrictions applying all for based on 24 months. See dealer for complete details. We didn't do intros. I don't think I've ever done an intro with Morgan since like day one. What? How do you guys introduce yourself? I don't know, I never do intros with him. We forget every time. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes.

I'm your host, Morgan. And I'm Alejandra. And I'm Lauren. Can you tell that we forgot to do this yet again? The trio is back. And seen. Today we are drinking magical pomegranate and gin holiday drinks. A lot of you sent some really nice recipes on Instagram and actually this one was sent a lot. Really? Yes. Except people suggested a cranberry gin fizz. This is pomegranate because selfishly, I don't like cranberry. I love pomegranate. So this was a great upgrade. Yeah, so I made it pomegranate. I love it. Yeah, this was a very, very highly suggested one. I saved some of the more like Christmassy ones for December, like Candy Cane Martini's. For the live show. Yeah, we should post. For the live show, I think we should do our individuals that are friendly. Oh my god,

the mixologist sent us. Amazing. Thank you, by the way. Yeah, Shelby, that's so incredible. Maybe we should post the recipes ahead of time though. So anyone attending the live show can pick like choose your character. So that'll be really fun because the drinks that Shelby made are like really curated to our personalities. She did good with me. She nailed it for everyone. Hit me on the money. Like hit me on the money. She nailed mine too. She's on TikTok, right? Yeah, she's on TikTok. So we'll shout her out. Yeah, we'll have to share her TikTok. I'll post it in the description of this episode. Check it out. If you find a better drink that you want to bring for the live show when you join us, that's fine too. Live show, get your tickets, you guys. There is an early bird

special, so try to get it as soon as you can. You might have already missed it, to be honest. Isn't this coming up the day before? It is coming out the day before, so you definitely missed the early bird special. But I think you should join us nonetheless. I'm trying to get like all my announcements out because I always forget. Also, this is like the most important, I think right now, subscribe. Whether you're listening on an audio platform or watching on YouTube, make sure you're subscribed. I'm going to start dropping like special videos for members and I'm figuring out a way to do that, but you have to be subscribed and it also helps us. So please subscribe. And now, you probably saw the title. I don't know what it's going to be yet.

We'll have to brainstorm. But you're probably wondering, huh, what, what does this mean? And so this is going to be by far the most challenging episode for me to read stories for. But we are removing the gender from any story we talk about today. So there's no I, 25 male. Nope. It will be I, 25. Okay, I was wondering about the ages. I'm removing everything. That's why like I still had to hold true to two hot takes like you guys are going to be blind. I obviously can't because I'm, I'm reading, but it's going to be a nice experiment to see if gender influences opinions at all because you guys will have no fucking idea. That's so interesting. That's so cool. I wish it was a double blind though. I wish you were blind too. I wish I'm going to have to have someone

like prepare it next time and like just be like, like remove everything and like rewrite it. So I will have to kind of like rewrite these stories on the spot just because there are so many pronouns mentioned. She, him, his, hers, like every, like, I'm going to be on the spot like reading and changing things. So if I change the story and like you've heard it on a different Reddit podcast or read it on Reddit yourself and you're like, that's not how it went. I'm trying to change it. So I keep it as like blind as possible for these two. So give me a little grace. This is going to be one of the more challenging ones we've done, but let's dive in. Let's do it.

I'm so scared. You're scared? We're scared. We don't even know what to expect. It'll be good. Okay. Okay. I'm going to start like using the, like I'm going to miss I just know I'm going to accidentally do it. I'm going to like make up the story in my head and I'm going to like visualize everything because that's what I do when people tell me something. I start picturing everything and I start and like when people tell me stories, I asked to see pictures just because I like to put a face to the name to the story. Yeah. It's just like, that's how, how my brain works. So I'm, I don't, I have no idea what's going to happen here. Well, and that being said, like Laura and you have been criticized for being

the queen of misgendering. It hasn't been that many times, but I think once is enough and then once is enough. Yeah. Well, and it's, it is hard because I do, I do hear that like on, on like father knows too, we like, you just kind of get the story. Like people don't like stick to the format usually. And so it is kind of hard. Like you, I, as a listener too, if I'm on an episode and I'm not reading, I get so lost and like envisioning someone or like the story, like I literally watch a play out in my head, like a movie sometimes. So it is easy to like create this person in your head. And then you're like, Oh, her. And you're like, wait, no gender got mentioned. Exactly. And it's not just us because I've had guests on the podcast where they,

multiple stories, no gender was mentioned and like gave each story a gender. Yeah. Everyone leads with their own bias and like prejudice. It's just human nature. And obviously it's an active thing to have to train yourself to not do that. That's just not natural. That's the reality, but we try our best to do it, but we're human. Like, yeah. Oh yeah. Like it'll happen. It's like, there's never, ever, ever meant to be any type of disrespect in the slightest, you know, never it's, but there's sometimes where, you know, you picture a story. And I think the, like most like, what I'm thinking of when I'm referring to it is the time that there was the non-binary person who was like giving birth to a child. And every time you said

they, I thought you were talking about like the couple, the partner too. And so that I like, and I felt so bad afterwards because I never, ever meant to disrespect anyone, but it's like, I was just building the story in my head. So clearly every time we hurt your feelings, it haunts us. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Actually, I don't even want to admit it, but yeah. We do, we do listen to you guys, which is why I'm, I'm doubling down today. Are you ready? Yeah. This is really interesting because I'm like pretty neutral. Like I'm a pretty even person. So I, this is interesting for me, I should say, like, I'm curious to see how this pans out for me because I always think of myself as being like a pretty, like neutral person.

I don't try to give weight based on any type of factor. You're pretty objective. Yeah. Like I'm a pretty objective person, just generally speaking, but I'm curious to see like any type of bias that I might have that I don't even know about. That you don't even know. And this kind of removes another layer. Right. Okay. So this first one, so it's from relationship advice and it's titled, I look exactly like my fiance's parent. I 24 have been with my fiance 28 for the past five years and engaged for the past year. They're the love of my life and we get along very well. They've always had a strange adoration for their parent.

They usually talk about how smart, how kind, how funny they are. I always thought it was sweet because I don't have a good relationship with my parent. They often said, I have the same personality type as their parent too. We're both INTPs. During our whole relationship, I hadn't met their family. We live in Germany, there in the US. We're currently visiting them now. When I met their parent, I really liked them. They're 64. So I didn't notice our resemblance at first, but when I looked at their wedding photos with my fiance's other parent, I really looked like I could be their child. Even my fiance's other parent pointed it out. We both have curly ginger hair and green eyes. We are a similar

height and build. It's so eerie. If you compare a photo of them in their youth with me, we look like we could be twins. Their parent is also a fan of red hats. Guess what color hats they buy me? Red. I asked a few friends what they thought and they said this obviously can't be a coincidence. I decided to speak to them before bed yesterday and I pointed out how similar I was to their parent. They shrugged and said people usually choose partners who are similar to their parents. I didn't believe them, but they showed me some articles on Google. I tried to let it go today, but I met some more of their relatives and everyone is talking about how their parents and I look like we're related. Their parent finds this whole thing cute and has

said, my child misses me so much when they're in Germany that they found my look alike. How do I approach a conversation with them about this again? Or am I just overreacting and should I let it go? I would love some advice. Oh God. Don't read the updates yet. Well, I feel like an edit. It's an edit and I feel like it's absolutely necessary for us to have our next conversation. A commenter told me to add this here. I didn't want to earlier because it's a bit vulgar, but they do call me daddy slash mommy in bed sometimes. Yeah, that's a critical thing too. A lot of people have a mommy. Don't come from me. I get confused between fetishes and kinks. One, you absolutely, there is a difference between- Oh, please break

it down. I don't know. I forget because it's something that I don't personally relate to, so it kind of falls out of my head. But a fetish versus a kink, one of them you absolutely need to get off and the other you just enjoy. Is the kink the latter? I think the kink. No, I think the kink is the one you- I feel like fetish doesn't fetish sound like when you need. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's correct. Yeah, but we will fact check ourselves. A fetish is similar to a kink, but the difference is that something is a fetish when it must be present in order for a person to achieve an orgasm. Very cool. Well, that's why they say foot fetish over a foot kink, because people who are genuinely foot people, I feel like they're

they'll go out of their way to pay money for it and all this stuff. Okay, what? No, I didn't know that. I'm like, oh, that makes sense. I thought you were reading more stuff. Well, but I know someone with a foot fetish and he doesn't need feet every time. But I don't think that- I don't feel like I don't- Maybe he has a foot kink then. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, like, okay, yeah. But like, okay, is a fetish really like you need it to get off? Apparently. Because remember that one guy that used to pee his pants to get off? Yeah. No, I'm sorry. Why are you looking at me? No, there was a guy, I think he's shit. No, he peed in front of everybody. He used to like- Oh, the embarrassment kink. Yeah, he got the embarrassment kink, so he would get up in front

of everybody. So that's technically a fetish. Yeah, because it was like he couldn't like stop, even though it was affecting his relationship. But he was like, no, like it was like a- Sounds like a fetish. A knee-jerk reaction. Like, I feel like that is where it separates from like fetish to kink. Yeah. This has been very educational. Very insightful. Yeah. Okay, who wants to start? I think you should. Yeah, you got it. Yeah. Yeah, take it away. Fine. So, you know, as you're reading this story, it was so interesting to me because I have heard this before that you are naturally attracted to people who kind of exude the qualities of your

parents, you know? And so I was kind of giggling in my head because I'm thinking about like the last person I dated and then my dad. I think we can all kind of giggle at that. Like, not at all, but it didn't work out. So, you know, I do feel like I gravitate towards men who have qualities of my dad for sure. I have noticed that about myself recently, not necessarily the physical attributes, but maybe the like things that they value in the way that they treat me because my dad's like so amazing, you know? So, I obviously want something like that, but sorry to bring it back to the story. Initially, I wasn't that weird at all because I have dated guys where they very clearly have a type and I look like either their sisters or their mom and I don't

think it's like that weird. They just clearly have a type. Yeah. However, they were not calling me names like mommy and bed. So, that is where it gets a little interesting and the fact that it's been kind of like addressed and almost like played off of like, oh, he or she found my twin, you know, to keep them company. That's weird. The fact that the parent kind of recognized that. Yes, the parents playing into it. That's kind of weird. It almost sounds like they liked it. Well, that could be it. Or it's also, it could just be very harmless. And it could almost be like, I don't know. I mean, there's so many ways to look at this one, to be honest. There's so many lenses you can take. There's one where it's just super harmless and they're like, she's a beautiful,

or he or she, I'm sorry, is a beautiful person. And I mean, it's like birds of a feather, like flocks together. So, it's almost like, well. Well, and something that I'm thinking too, I'm thinking too, which is like, this is a bias. But we've normalized daddy in bed. I mean, there's a fucking podcast that says, call her daddy. But it's like, you don't really hear that that often where it's like, mommy, when you're in bed, I mean, kind of maybe a little bit. I don't know. It doesn't seem like it's that normal to be like, mommy, when you're in bed. Yeah, no, I think the whole call me daddy and like, zaddy, I think that has been really normalized. And it's honestly like, ruined daddy for a lot of people. Honestly.

Like, my dad is so sad that I don't call him daddy anymore. He literally said that because I did used to be like, hey, daddy. You did? Yeah. What? And the whole sexualization of daddy, I can't anymore. It repulses me. And he's talked about it on his show. He's literally been like, why don't you call me daddy anymore? And I'm like, let's not talk about this here. I used to have my mom and my dad and my phone is like, mommy Rolf and daddy Rolf. And like, I had to like, change it whenever I got older and it became such a thing. Absolutely. If that notification popped up, nine out of 10 people would be like, what guy are you talking to? Like, that's your father. Tell them I said hello. Yeah. You know, so my point is like, not because it's like, we are trying to

be like neutral with this whole story and everything, but like, there is this, again, like these are societal norms of things that humans around us have all made up and we just decided to go along with it. But it's like, it is more normalized when people call people daddy in bed than like mommy in bed. Which one do you think this is about? Do you think, do you want to know the genders now as we continue the conversation? No. And if you, I think it's, I think that they are calling them mommy, because I feel like that is like, worth writing home about. Women call men daddy all the time in bed. That part's not that weird. I don't think. The bells wouldn't be ringing. It wouldn't be like, in my opinion, I don't think it would be

about it. It could be now contextual, right? Like in a vacuum, calling someone daddy maybe is normal in our society right now. But if this, let's just say OP is a woman and let's say that the significant other is a male. Sorry, never mind. Let's just say that they're calling them daddy, but it's a guy. Yeah. Well, I mean, we don't have genders. It could be a gay couple. Right. That's true. Yeah. That's true. But let's just say you're calling them daddy and they do look like your dad. That would be kind of, that would be worth, that would be worth writing about. It would. It's all the context. Yeah. So yeah, context really does matter here. Well, and I think, I think with the gifts is also weird. Like the fact that

yeah, the fact that the parent is like really, really, really in a red hat. And so the partner buys OP red hats. Wait, so it's the partner. I thought it was the parent. I thought it was the parents. I'm sure. Yeah. So the parent is really into red hats. So the partner of OP, the one writing in, the partner buys OP red hats because that's what OP, what the partner's parent loves. Yeah. Yeah. I just, oh, it's hard because it's like, are you really going to end a relationship off of speculation? But at the same time, this is some crazy kind of like speculation. Like this feels weird. I think so much so because like also the other family is like talking about it. Yeah. You went to go visit them. You went from Germany to the States, like United States to go visit

their family. And now you're at this family get together and like everyone's talking about how much you look like their parent. Like I would be like, uh, like, I don't think like obviously don't think that I would think it's that crazy up until the, like the part the parents comment. Sorry. I'm, I'm no, no, no, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. I'm just, no, it actually it's funny because like anytime you interrupt me, then it makes me rethink my thoughts. I'm just like, no, no, no, like in a good way. I want to hear your original thought. I need to stop. No, I'm like, this is out of control. This is meant to be. God came down and was just like, save Lauren from this thing she's about to say. Exactly. 100%. No horsing around

this episode. You're doing God's work, Morgan. Literally, literally, on a Monday as a Jew. Exactly. It is the season. But anyway, I'd, yeah, I don't even know where I was going with that. So the top comments. Damn, all that for nothing. Now, where were you going? I want to know. No, it's okay. It's really okay. I think that there's something about this story that would not give me weird vibes, but there's just a couple little things that do give me like sirens a little bit. If I was in this situation, I'd be like a little bit weirded out, but if it's a really good relationship, like,

I don't know, are we that worried? I would have, I would point it out. Absolutely. Yeah. If it were me, I'd be like, listen, sir, that I'm dating. Like, I look a lot like your mom. Can we talk about it? Yeah. Let's talk about that. Yeah, I would, doesn't have to be contentious. You can just kind of throw it out there and then see what they have to say. Oh, I know. You guys started dating you. Okay, now it's getting clear. But they already said it's very normal and they brought up articles and they're like, read these articles. That was the family. It sounds like OP hasn't had a one-on-one with their partner. Oh, that's my gathering. No, they did bring it up to their partner and we're like, hey, I kind of look like your parent and

then the partner brought up the articles. Oh, I don't know why I thought that was with their friends. I thought they went to their friends and the friends were reassuring them. Both. It is scientificamerican.com. Are we more attracted to people who look like us? The rather uncomfortable theory was originally put forth more than a century ago by Sigmund Freud. Yeah, he keeps winning. He keeps winning. Blah, blah, blah, blah. It just keeps going on. It's a very interesting article. I would probably read this. I'll post the link for you all. Where are the results? God. Oh my God, they literally say, or this as the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together. Nailed it. You literally were on this.

Wow, I love when I'm on point. It doesn't happen often. And I also don't think that it's, I don't think it's creepy to go after people that are familiar to you, whether it's with what you recognize in yourself, your parents, you are a part of your parents, so it makes sense. You also recognize in it in yourself. Whatever all that is, I don't think that's creepy. And they might be looking into it a little too deeply with the in bed comment. The in bed comment is the only thing that kind of like triggered me a little bit because I'm like, if someone just looks like your mom or your dad or your parent, like, I mean, well, they did. So in this study, I, it really, I had to like see through, but

they did find that men often favor women who resemble their mothers when choosing mates. So since the cat's out of the bag on that one, the genders for this story, it is a female writing in. It is a male and obsessed with the mom mother. Yeah, or picking a mate based on the mom. So yeah, 24 female, 28 male and calls her mommy in bed. So there is the one phrase when people are like, like, and I feel like I hear this in songs where it's like, I, mommy, like that's M-A-M-I. I feel like is it a M-O-M-M-Y? Yeah, but we don't know how he's spelling it when he says it out loud. Hey, write it down for me. You know, when you're in bed and you do that thing,

write it down. Can we pause for a sec? Can you write this down? Write it out, write it out. I need to know. Is it M-A-M-I? Stop, stop, write it down. Or M-O-M-M-Y. Big difference, need to know. Sorry, I can't hear you. Could you write this down? Your moans are a little loud. You know what I mean, though? Like it's like, a mommy, like that's like a lot, like, you know what I mean? Yeah.

But M-O-M-M-Y, like mommy, I don't know. I, I don't know you guys. If you're out there and like, that's your thing, then we're missing out, I guess. I don't know. It kind of reminds me of the one baby fetish. Remember, was that? It's like an OG episode. Oh my God, you're going back. Was that your guys' story? Was that our story? I don't remember whose story that was that. What did I just say? I don't remember whose story that was. I don't remember either. But it was like the, when the guy was like, put me in diapers.

Yeah. Because it turned him on. Yeah, I, I don't, I, like, I feel like I get, I feel like I read these stories and I kind of block it out. So that's why it's healthy. Yeah. People are kind, well, not all of them, but like sometimes, but no, I'm serious. It's probably healthy. No, that was G's episode. Oh, yeah. So there are some updates. So someone on the original comment. Oh God. Fuck you moderators, you stupid bitches. Keep this in please. I liked that energy. Yeah, what happened?

There was an update and they deleted it. Why? It violated the community code. They're just assholes. They don't want any of us to have fun. The original post, someone commented, like, change your appearance and see what he does. And so she actually responded and it goes, I'm going to, like, I'm going to dye my hair. And then there was, so the original post was posted a month ago and then the update came later. So people were like, also please give us, give us an update about what happens when you manage to get back home. And Opie goes, this sub only allows two posts per conflict.

So I'll have to post on my profile, but I will try. Okay. So here's a question that I have. So because if, are we in city and are we insinuating that he could be attracted to his mother, like specifically his mother, or is it very separate? He has never in his life been attracted to his mother in the slightest. He just likes a familiar face, but like he's never been attracted to his mother. Like, is that okay? Like, or what is like the line of what's like, what's weird to us? Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm not sure because like me and Justin's mom have, we both have blonde hair,

but I wouldn't consider us to like look alike. Like I wouldn't look at us side by side and be like, oh yeah, they could be related. So I think like it's the fact that they have similarities, but people are literally being like, you look like you could be related. Like there were, it was hard for me to change as I was reading, but people, the family members commented like, you look like you could be her daughter. Like that's what the family was saying during this visit. So I don't think it's so much like, oh yeah, they look similar. Like they both have red hair. It's the fact that they look identical. Like if you compared pictures of the mom when the mom was young to the girl writing, and they look that much alike, and you're like,

wait, who's who, which is which? That's where it gets scary. Like, yeah, we're going to have similarities. Like, but like, why is it scary? Is it scary because then you think that he might have been attracted to his own mother? Or is it scary? Like for me, that's what it would be. It'd be the fact like you're attracted to your mom. Like, are you thinking of fucking your mom when you're fucking me? Yeah, that's one way to look at it. I, that's not even what it does it for me. I think for me, and we've talked about this a little bit with like, you know, people having interesting relationships with their parents is like, I would feel like I can never replace your mom. And I will always like fall short of that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's a good fair

take. An impossible role to fill. Yeah, it's almost like something might, we don't know anything about their childhood and the relationship that they had growing up with their mom. So there could be something that we're missing where like, he's trying to replace that. And I would feel like I could never live up to it. Like if we're that similar, like you just by default are always going to compare us. And the fact that the reason I say that is because of the gift situation. Yeah. Like clearly there's this, there's this like, parallel that he's trying to draw between the two. Otherwise he would treat them as completely separate entities. I don't know, that's the way I came from it. I totally see your perspective on like, this maybe potential fetish

that he might have. That's a little, you know, for lack of better words, disturbing, I don't know, to some. And the way I saw it is like, I'll never be your mom. I just can't be. Yeah. And it's almost like you're looking for the next best thing to fill that role. And I will, I will always fall short of it. That makes sense. I'm working my ass off over here to like really find this. Morgan's brain cells are firing on overtime. Well, and I had, I had a listener come up to me at our live show in Minnesota and like handed me this piece of paper and they're, and they were like, if you can't find the story here is where you go. It was the nicest thing. It was so, so nice. And I literally put it in my pockets that night, got too drunk and can't find it. No.

So I do need it again. But sorry, the whole concept just made me laugh a little delayed, but I laughed. Yeah, it's just like really sad because I, I just want to know what happened. And based on the comments on the update, it took a turn for the worse. It's honestly going to be in your jeans somewhere. That's what's making me laugh. Like one day you're going to be gone, gone, gone, gone, laundry. You'll take out the back. I, I wear the jeans all the time. They were like my favorite pants. I got too drunk, probably left it at the hotel. Like who knows what drunk Morgan did. Yeah, maybe she took something out of her pocket and it flew out. Yeah. But basically there was an update at one time. Fuck you moderators of relationship advice. I say that with my full

chat. Get them. But the top comment is quoting something OP said and it goes, I then asked him why he called me mommy in bed and the person responds, well, that settles it. So it didn't, it wasn't a good update. Wait, what? We're lost. Yeah. So basically he responded that settles it after the, no, the person commented. So when you like quote something OP says, it like puts it in this other little like formatting and then the person commented a different person on Reddit goes, well, that settles it based on being like what the response was. So the response has to been like, because you're my P of your mom, my mom. Yeah. So there are comments from OP. I'll try to read their comments. Maybe it'll give us like a more insight. Dating is so crazy.

I know. Truly. I've been thrown out to the wild these past weeks. I feel like I've been thrown out to the wolves. Also, they both have bangs, which is also an important distinguished thing. Like I didn't read it because I felt like bangs would be an identifying feature of like a certain gender, but they do have ginger hair and bangs. Okay. So what was the red hat? Lipstick. You would have immediately known. It was red. Just kidding. We live in West Hollywood. Yeah, you never know. Speaking of when I was at Ulta. No, no, no, no. Okay, fine. So she said not today. So someone comments it and goes, I definitely want to see OP change her hairstyle drastically. For sure. See if he freaks out and insists it needs to go back to looking like it was before.

Oh, hell no. I've dyed my hair black before and he hasn't freaked out, but he did keep suggesting that I change it back. He said, I looked much better with my natural hair. And when I did eventually go back to ginger, he paid for the hair appointment and all the products I needed to care for it. Okay. But like, let me step in really quick and say- Some people look shitty with a different hair color. Exactly. Black is hard to pull off, you guys. Ginger to black, I mean, black is not for everyone. Should we sun in the picture when I try to dye my hair blonde? Someone else goes, I think you're reading too much into it. I would not stress over it until he calls you mommy during sex. He does. And OP goes, you're not going to like what I'm about

to tell you. I'm just reading all the comments. So on the update post, how are you not on the, how are you not on the first place back to Germany? This is creepy. I looked at tickets and they're expensive. I'm going to call the airline, blah, blah, blah. I'm not sure if this will be the case. Emergency flight, like you could try to maybe get to the airport to see if they could put you on the airplane. Emergency flight? It's not that serious. Like people are freaking out. It's like, it's not that serious. Like he's not- Yeah. I mean, it's weird, maybe. He might fuck you because he looks like you look like his mom, but it's, you know, it doesn't seem as bad as it could be. Yeah. I mean, I guess you never know. But I don't know,

on its face, it doesn't seem like emergency flight back to Germany. No, they've been together for five years. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about that big, big detail. So someone goes, honey, honey, honey, he only gets aroused when you look like his mom. Why are you making yourself okay with this? This is someone commenting. So someone commented on your update. But I'm saying, when did they affirm that he only gets aroused? This is on the update post. Got it. So again, we don't know what the update says, but this is someone commenting on the update. And they go, honey, honey, honey, he only gets aroused when you look like his mom. Why are you making yourself okay with this? He's literally conditioned you into being her doppelganger. Then he lied to your face about it.

Why is she okay with this? Don't ignore the ick feeling. This will get worse when you have children and you don't raise them exactly like mommy did. Get therapy for yourself. Figure out if this relationship really serves you or not. How much of yourself have you changed for him? How much have you given up? OP responds, I don't know, to be honest, he's my first everything and we've been together for five years and everything was perfect until I met his mom. I know that this relationship is a sinking ship now, but some part of me doesn't want to lose it. And then they quote what the person said and goes, why is she okay with this? And OP says, she thinks it's cute and meshment. And basically OP just goes, I don't think I've changed much about myself,

but I probably wouldn't be able to really tell. So earlier I said there's a lot of lenses you can take to look at the situation. And one of the lenses that I didn't want to dive into because it's a little bit darker is the idea of some people love are super, it kind of reminds me of that documentary of the guy who wanted his sperm to just permeate the world. So he was reader fetish, only to watch that. Something like that. But I don't want to assume the worst of people or the darkest intentions, but there are some people who are obsessed with spreading their seed and their heritage or whatever the word, their lineage. And so one lens is like, well, maybe there's families just obsessed with the idea of reproducing little mini-knees and

look-alikes. Yeah, maybe the mom's a part of that. Right. That's a far-fetched idea, you guys. But in this comment, one of saying, what did that, it said something to the effect of like... Why is the mom okay with it? She thinks it's cute. Right. So I don't know. I mean, again, that's kind of a stretch. But some people just love the idea of, hey, we want to reproduce people who look like us. Yeah. Yeah. No, they definitely, it sounds a little eugenics-y. But I think some people do have that definite breeder fetish. That's definitely a thing. Yeah, I don't know. I also think with like enmeshment, like in the mom being like, I think moms and sons are like, for me, the most common form of enmeshment I think of. And I think the mom being like, oh,

well, my son loves me so much. My son values me so much that when he was choosing a partner, he basically chose me. He chose my doppelganger. So maybe it's like, that's why she thinks it's cute. That to me would make sense. Yeah, I see that perspective, but it's like weird because he's sexualizing it, you know? But enmeshment, they do sexualize their kids almost. That's like a part of enmeshment. They rely on their child as they would a partner. Yikes. Yeah, no, it's such an interesting thing. I haven't looked into it as much as you have, but it is weird because it's like, it's non-sexual but sexual. Like I feel like it's almost like emotionally like crossing these boundaries, but do you know what I'm saying? Well, and it can cross further. Like

there are some parents that sexually abuse their children and they would consider that enmeshment still. I'm not sure if that changes that. Like I don't know if it's enmeshment up until sexual abuse happens. Like I'm truly, I have not done that deep of a dive slash I'm not a psychologist. So I'm not sure, but now I am curious. Yeah. But I think typically within enmeshment relationships they do become very intimate to the point where it's like, oh, they're doing date night together and they literally call it date night, but they don't have sex. Like it's just mommy, son date and they go to date night. But I feel like date night with like parents isn't like a crazy term. I feel like I've seen TikToks. Yeah. They're like,

I'm trying to think. Yeah. Well, and date is used very loosely. I think maybe some people, my weird amount, I'm like thinking about it. I'm like, does it weird me out? I don't know. But I think it's, it's like a multifactorial like thing. Like it has to check multiple boxes versus like, I got just like, oh, date night and you're enmeshed. Yeah. It's like, it's all the context. Right. Moving along. This has been like, what the fuck is this? The invigorating performance machine is now at Tim Daly Mazda Murray, the 2024 Mazda CX90. And for a limited time, Tim Daly Mazda Murray has 3.9% financing on the 2024 Mazda CX90, making it so easy to get your new Mazda. So don't wait, head to Tim Daly Mazda Murray today

and get your brand new 2024 Mazda CX90 with 3.9% financing and own your own invigorating performance machine. Moving along. Yeah. Am I the asshole for not letting my partner move us into a tiny house? My 29 partner, 31, has been getting into tiny homes for the last few years, watching videos and shows about them, reading about them, helping their friends move into them, the works. I thought it was just a general interest, but it seems like it's gotten to be more. I own our house outright. I bought it a few years ago before meeting my partner with a combination of savings and the inheritance I got when my

grandparent passed away. My partner is not on the title. This is important because a week ago, my partner came home with a realtor's info. They were going on about getting rid of all of our stuff, selling the house, buying a tiny house and some land, all that. They said the realtor would be there for an assessment the next day. I immediately stopped them and made it clear this was not happening. They did not have my permission to sell the house. They were not getting rid of my things. They can do whatever they want with theirs, but I am not living in a tiny house. I'm sure some people love it, like their friends do, but their friends, partners and children are all miserable. They have no privacy, had to get rid of a lot of sentimental items. The kids are

always fighting because they're on top of each other and I refused to do that. I told them I refused. They got super pissed off and said they were making the best decision for the family and that I would get used to it. I reminded them that I owned the house, not them, and that they could live in a tiny house if they wanted to. I would be comfortable here. More arguing and they left to go stay with one of their friends. Some friends agree that I'm in the right, that tiny home living isn't for everyone and I would be miserable living like that since I enjoy my space, privacy, and sprawling. Others have said... That word already was, I was trying to not laugh and then Alejandra gave a giggle and I couldn't

let it in. I just picture someone like sprawling up, like all of a sudden just starfish. Yeah, this is a funny image. I enjoy sprawling. I can't sprawl in a townie home. We just cannot be on my free time. Others have said that my partner can't live their dream without my help and I'm selfish for not at least giving it a try before shutting it down. Am I the asshole? No, not my opinion. Not my opinion either. Honestly, one of the things that I will always feel, I think, is that it's totally fair to have your own wishes, dreams, aspirations, and work for those. But when you make commitments to another person and you start moving together in that way and it's going to affect both of your lives, then you need to have those conversations

and the fact that OP sounded like they were blindsided by what was going on. That's where I'm like, no, you're crossing the line. If the conversation are to be had beforehand, like, hey, this has been my dream. It's always been my dream. Are you on board? Then there's more communication. You know what I mean? But that type of way of treating somebody just makes it seem like it's your life and they're living in it. I think that when you're in a relationship like that, you've got to think about how it's going to affect both of you. You've got to take into consideration both of your dreams. I don't think that's an asshole move. Okay. Alejandra?

Sorry, I had a big yawn. There's so word. No, I don't. I feel like I need more info, like why the tiny homes? Like, you just woke up one morning and wanted tiny homes or like, did you guys completely miss having a very important conversation about your dreams? And are they married? Did I miss that? They are married. They're married. So it's like they could be in the camp of what's mine is yours, you know? So it's like my house, you know, we make the decisions together. So me bringing a realtor to our house is not that weird, even though you bought it with your assets and inheritance. I don't know. But I

just, when I hear these stories, and maybe it's because I haven't been married or I haven't really shared like a dwelling with somebody that I'm in a relationship with, I just don't understand how you get on such different pages. How does one of you like dream of being in a tiny home and that was never talked about? Like, well, it sounds like it was a hyper fixation. After the friends started doing it? Yeah, it sounds like they were watching videos and shows about them, reading about them, helping their friends move into them, the works. I thought it was just a general interest, but it seems like it's gotten to be more, which like how many of us have these like hyper fixations? Like mine is fucking horses. I love horses. I got horses all over the place.

And that's like, but well, I can't say that because I literally just got a house that I have a fucking horse in my backyard. I'm a psycho. I'm a psycho. I'm a psycho. No, you're not. But you know what? It's like, I know we don't know the genders, but I just know that the tiny home obsessor is a guy. I just know it. I'm sorry. I just know it because no female would, okay, I don't want to generalize, but like it just seems like a guy thing, doesn't it? Like he's just sitting there plodding away. Like I can see my dad doing that. I can see my ex doing that. So here's my solution. Wait, I want to insert this before we keep going. This reminded me of the time when I, we all, we first moved to LA. You were still, you were already here and I was getting

a car. Oh, I remember. I think about that a lot. Tell them what type of car I wanted to get. You wanted like a smart car. Like, is that what they're called? Really? The tiniest car? Literally. She wanted the car that like fits one person, maybe two, if you're really small. No, no, no. And I was like, you're, they both were so upset about it. And I was like, it makes sense. You're like, this is actually a calling. You're not getting that car. I'm literally my cousin drove one of them. And for anyone that has them, please comment your experience on the YouTube. But my cousin drove one when he was abroad once and he was like, anytime I drove past a bigger car, I thought I was going to get blown off the road. So you guys, that's why I decided against it,

because I'm pretty sure, but have you seen the crash videos on YouTube of them? Those things are built like a fucking steel tank. They can ram into a cement wall at 70 miles per hour. And they just like bounce off of it because they have such a strong steel cage. It's about time for me to trade in my car. Anyway, think of the times you've had like moved and you've had to use your car for space. Please think of the time you've lived out of your car. Well, now I'm happy. But at the time I thought it was brilliant. And then I'm pretty sure the only reason I was like very, like against it or like decided to go a different direction is I'm pretty sure your dad was said that type of thing. He was just like, well, what if like if there's an accident, like

no, they're, they do do okay. You're going to just shoot off the road. But it's okay. Your slingshot off the road. You're 27, 20, what is it? 20s. How do you say that anymore? 2007. Wow. I was about to say 20 zero. I was like, where are you going? My car is 2015. Oh, your car is a 2015. Wait, no, you don't need a new car. It's fine. Those things kick for a while. I know, but the doors don't even unlock. I know. That's a whole different situation. I think that could be fixed. No, more expensive to fix the doors than buy a new car. It's like two grand per door. Yeah, which is more than the car door to fix the locks on them. It's so annoying. That's, have you gotten a second opinion? No, let's start there. Okay. I think that's ludicrous.

Okay. So I did want to say something at one point where it was kind of like, like, why does their dream overtrump the other person's dream? And that is kind of interesting. It's like, they took such initiative to like be like, well, this is what I want and this is what we're doing. The writer is coming, which is interesting because it's like, you are a partnership, should be more of a conversation. Totally. Especially because like, you already know the house deed isn't in your name, but you were on to something because genders in this one, 29 female husband 31. Okay. So, so it is the, the male that wants the tiny home. Me and him should get together, tiny house is a tiny house. Well, but you know what? Like,

I was thinking about it. Look at this room right now. This, this isn't a large room. Yeah. This is the same square footage that someone would have in a tiny home. Wow. Do you know the average square footage of a tiny home? No, but it's funny. Sorry, go on. I was just going to say, like my ex had a weird fascination with tiny homes. Tiny homes are generally designed as being under 600 square feet, but the average size of a tiny house for sale in the U S is just 225 square feet. They're like a good business venture. I've heard like put one in your backyard for an ADU as an Airbnb, put one as an Airbnb. There's a company called like getaway and they have them all over the United States. You can go unplug for a weekend. There's like a phone box.

Great. Amazing. We should try one down, down. Justin's want to do it for five days. So what, but to live in permanently. Okay. So what, what is the benefit of it? Because I feel there has to be some benefit. And like one thing I will say is the reason that I like the idea of kind of like smaller and just like less is that it kind of like fucks me up thinking about how many humans are on this planet and how we all just like own these like things. Like people own like four cars and like huge houses. And I'm like, you're just one person. And there's so many people. Like it just like, it's so crazy to me. Like how much stuff. Yeah. Well, that's one of the benefits. That's the smart word for it. Yes. According to ABC news, living in a tiny home,

less clutter. When you have a tiny home, filling it full of stuff is not an option. Less time spent cleaning, more savings, higher quality of life. I'm going to, I'm going to go against that one. And a lower carbon footprint. Of course. Of course. There are there, there are economical advantages to reducing. And freedom. You can drive it around. Yeah. Oh, you can drive them around. So how do you tow it? How do you declare state tax? Like what's your income property? Like, I don't even know how to do my own taxes. Someone in a tiny home going across the US. Back to this one, tiny home though. The top comment on this one is quote, he left the house to go stay with his

friends. Quoting, they're fucking tiny homes. Quoting OP. And the person goes, where do tiny houses have guest rooms? Lol. Not the asshole. Maybe suggest that he gets the tiny house and some property for it and you use it for weekend getaways or something. Which is what I was going to say. Like I think you could like maybe get him a shipping container and he can repurpose it into his own little like hobby house in the backyard. But that would be a fun project. I know. You've talked about it a lot like like with us. No, I genuinely want to do it as a business. Like you want shipping containers. So it's like, I get it. But the idea of like, gifting, gifting the shipping container and I'm picturing just the most like raw version of it. Give him a fucking metal

box. It's excellent. Give him a metal box. Let's go. I just like, I love it. But I agree here. Like if I married God, all these stories, you guys make me like scared of partnerships. Like they're all just like so misaligned. But anyway, I guess that's why they're writing in. Yeah. That's why we got him pulled up. I'd be like, can we meet in the middle? Like I think we should live in our beautiful home that we have and we can invest in a tiny home. Let's like rent one out. You know, there's ways to go about it. And I understand all the cost money. I know. But I'm saying like, let's talk about those things. Let's not just like all of a sudden scrap the house and we're moving into a tiny home. Like,

I think a fun experiment would be to make him live in a hotel for three months. That sounds like an expensive experience. Okay. Long, long stay hotels aren't that bad. I just saw a video of a girl on Tik Tok that is living in the Hamptons for like really cheap in a hotel that because it's off season. Well, shit. I just, I agree with what you're saying. Like work remote down something that's so surprising to me and like something that I've like realized recently, which I don't know if it's like a good thing about me or a flaw. But like I, I say things like if I'm dating someone, like I say what's on my mind. I say what like makes me happy. I say my concerns. I say what I

like. I say what I don't like. Like I say these things. And like I've been talking to like some friends recently who have been talking about their relationships and they're like, you know, I don't really like this, but I don't think it's worth saying anything. And I'm like, you can always say something, but I'm always, but I'm always like, huh. I don't know. I'm not hearing the issue with you. With me? Yeah. But, but my point is, is that like I see it like some friends relationships and it just seems like they're so happy and I'm like. On its face. I'm like, I'm like, maybe it's a girl might be miserable behind closed doors. I don't know. But it's just this weird thing where I'm like, okay, well, what is the line between

like being so direct and honest about everything and then being like, you know, this is like not worth a fight. We can like talk about this. If it becomes an issue, like continuously a fight though, just because you bring it up. That's true. That's true. But I guess my point in the presentation. Yeah. My point is like, where is the line of like sometimes just like not saying something because it's not worth saying it. And then sometimes saying something. And then I hear this story and it's like, well, like to your point, Alejandra, where was, where was the conversation? It sounds like this was, yes, it was a passion of his, but like, how was this not a conversation that this is something that like I want in my life? How was that not picked up on? He never had it.

And then that's the thing too. He literally sprung it on her. Well, and, but like, also like, I don't know. I just feel like, don't you have these type of, if that's so like hardcore part of your values, like I think about the movie into the wild, you know, the guy literally like graduates college and then he takes all of the money he was given and he like burns it in his car and burns everything he owns. Doesn't he die? Yes. He don't give the movie away. It's been out for 20 years, but don't give it away. Yeah. But anyway, yeah, it's just one of those things where I'm like, okay, well, no, it's fine. But like, don't you, don't you like know them well enough to know that this is

kind of something that they like, it's just so crazy to me to think that these conversations are not more like obvious or had or like even like context. I don't know. It's so wild to think about it because I'm so annoyingly like vocal. I think that there's that saying that we all know, like pick your battles. And I think what you're describing is, and I say this a lot in like my line of work is there's, there are nice to haves and there are must haves and you have to identify where things fall for you. So when you ask the questionable, what's worth bringing up, ask yourself, is this a must have? Or is it a nice to have? So the tiny home, is that a must have? Or is it you'd like to have that one day? Because you'd like to have that one day,

let's have that conversation and let's strategize. Because I love you and your passions are your passions and I'd like to work together to achieve some of these things together. But if it's a must have, that should have been raised earlier. I get it, things change. Like today I decided, I think I need a Sphinx cat. You know, that wasn't the plan she did a month ago. But now it might be. So things change. So cool. I know I did too. People are fluid. Yeah. So I get it. Maybe his dream wasn't of a tiny home two years ago, whenever they got married. But now it is. And he's okay. And he has the right to change his interests. Beautifully said. Maybe just talk about it before you call the realtor. Right. Yeah. That's the one thing. That's like, of course, I'm not defending

the tiny home. At that point, it's like you're then progressing forward to like really execute it. I think you heard what I said. Yeah. It's asking yourself what's a must have, what's a nice to have. And if you're OP and you're like, I must live in this house. Like that's, I'm not budging on this. It's non-negotiable for me. And the partner's like, no, living in a tiny home is a non-negotiable for me. You or two are misaligned on your expectations. You need to have a conversation. 100%. I love that. Fair. That was great. Thank you. The invigorating performance machine is now at Tim Daly Mazda Murray, the 2024 Mazda CX90. And for a limited time, Tim Daly Mazda Murray has 3.9% financing on the 2024 Mazda CX90,

making it so easy to get your new Mazda. So don't wait. Head to Tim Daly Mazda Murray today and get your brand new 2024 Mazda CX90 with 3.9% financing and own your own invigorating performance machine. We see some restrictions apply. All for based on 24 months. See dealer for complete details. Two more and we're actually going to be really quick about them. Like around. No horsing around. No horsing around. You've been horsing around. I just went pee. You guys, I had one pee to your two two peas. You peed twice and I peed once. She's not wrong. So don't slander me like that. Feels like an attack. Okay. So this one is titled, am I the asshole for making my ex a birthday cake even though his new partner told me they

already ordered one? I'm sorry. I definitely need more details. Yeah. I'm an amateur baker and I like to make cakes for people for their birthdays. My ex doesn't like sweet stuff, but our shared children like helping me bake a cake for them. So I normally make one for them anyways for the kids' s sakes. This year, their new partner planned a party for them and they told me they had already ordered a cake for them. So I didn't need to make one. I told them that that was fine, but my child kept asking me when we would make their parents cake and was upset when I said we wouldn't because they assumed I didn't like my ex and that's why I wouldn't make them a cake. So they, they share a child together. Yes. Okay. Since the cake has always been more for the kids than

my ex, I decided to just make them a small one since it's not like they eat cake anyways. And I don't want my kids to think I dislike their parent. I told, I told their new partner beforehand that I was going to make a small cake and they told me not to and that I couldn't bring it to the party. I told them I had to bring it to the party as that's when the kids would give them their gifts. I offered to come early and give it to them before the other guests arrived and then they could put it away and nobody else would know about my cake, but they didn't agree and repeatedly told me not to bring it. I did take it with me in the end and now they keep complaining to mutual friends that I did it on purpose to ruin the party and calling me weird

for making them a cake after I was told not to. Am I the asshole? No. No. And also let them, like let them talk shit. Like what the hell? No. It's a fucking cake. Are you kidding me? From a child of divorce, like when I was growing up as a young child, I obviously didn't have money to like buy things for my parents on their birthdays and my parents would technically were buying each other gifts in my name. Like my mom would buy something for my dad and be like, here you go, give this to your dad for his birthday. Hello. Like I understand not everyone does that, but come on. The cake was from the kids. I agree. Are you kidding? I think when you how insecure are you? Well, thank you for the extra cake. Like when you first read off the title,

at first I was like, wait a minute, this is weird. Like why are you so adamant about like getting your ex a cake? But then it's like when they, when children are involved, suck it up. Honestly, like, yeah, it becomes different. Yeah, it becomes different. Like it's not about like, don't like think too hard into it. Like there were no kids and they were still friends. It'd be weird. Even then, but the fact, whatever, there's, well, yeah, but if you have a good relationship, yeah, yeah, like why, why sweat the small stuff like drama, it might be a little weird, but the fact they have kids together, it's like, it's about the kids. Yeah, that's the thing is about the kids. So like suck it up. Like, yeah, yeah, I agree. It's so top comment on this one.

Red flag, you were clear. The cake was from the kids. Yeah. The new partner is asserting their dominance literally. That's so weird. I would be like, thank you so much. This is like the kids want to present it to their parent on the birthday. Like, absolutely. Yeah. Thank you for doing that. It means a lot. I'm sure to the parent like, who are you to stop that and then be like, this person's a weirdo, like they baked a cake like literally, yeah, for their kids to give to their parent. Well, it's just like words that are like, I want to suck your dick on the cake, then it's fine. Or like your vagina. You don't know who it is yet. You're right. So that being said, you're already, you have a picture in your head.

What are you assuming the genders are in this one? Take it back. Take it back. I take it back. No, no, no. Answer the question. What do you think the genders are in this one? I mean, I guess I was just thinking about myself, which is why I said suck dick. Okay. You want some dick or do you want one? Hey, you're in here first, everyone. No, no, that's not, no, I just want to get tea back. Okay. No, I was, this is what I was, I was, I was picturing myself. I was picturing myself bringing my ex a cake. And then I was thinking like, unless I like put on there, like, I want to suck your dick. That's why I said that. Okay. Yeah, you rationalize, but what do you think the

genders are in this one? I don't know, actually. So interestingly enough, you're not going to let me guess. Oh, yeah, yeah, you guess. What do you think there? I think that OP is the baker is a woman. And I think that the ex is a male and that the person, the new person who's like, don't bring the cake. I think that's a woman as well. You would be correct. Yes. And this is hard not to generalize. It's hard not to generalize. It is, it is. I mean, it's not because of the baking element, to be honest. That's not what gave it away for me. No, I mean, Giuseppe won Great British Bake Off last season. This year, Shabira had it in the bag with her creative flavors. This is so true. Yeah. Yeah, we have real shows and animated shows. Hey, Ratatouille is real.

They, that's not what gave it away for me, actually. It was the reaction of the new partner. I will say though, so this is something I was going to kind of bring up is it is interesting in the way that new partners deal with dating people with kids. Because I've, in my experience now, with Reddit and Father Knows, you're going to get weirdness on both sides. And you would think it's different. Like based on the animal kingdom, when a new male lion comes in, a male lion will kill all the cubs from a different male. It's like the craziest thing. And so you would think that like a male dating a mom with kids would have an issue with those other kids by biology. But I feel like it's very, very split. Like you'll have a stepmom come in

or a stepdad. And it's almost an even split of like stepparents having problems with other kids that came before them. It's so interesting to me. I think it does come down to like a jealousy and insecurity thing because, and that's not, no one's safe from that. Like it doesn't matter what gender you are, you know, like we all can have those feelings and they can all bring out the worst in us. So it's like, even this person might, you know, get out of this relationship and look back and be like, what the fuck was I doing? Like, why did I get so jealous? Like, I was so insecure that I don't have, let's say that this person doesn't have children of their own or like, do you know what I mean? Like felt like that there was a bond that they could never ever

tap into. So like, the cake meant so much to them, even though it's like, it's, you know, it should have been about the kids and they just weren't thinking straight because jealousy took over. Like, yeah, I feel like we're all, we all can be victim to that, you know, no matter what. Well, and that's, I think the common thing is like, it's going into a relationship with someone that has kids when you don't have kids. And that's just based on my experience and like my dad dating people. And he's dated a lot of people that don't have kids, even like his current girlfriend. And so even though I'm 28, like, it's almost been a conversation where it's like, well, she's an adult, she's not like really your kid, like, you don't have to worry about her anymore.

It's like, what? Like, it's a common theme in relationships with him and people he dates that they're jealous of the relationship he has with his children. It's so interesting. And it's never, like out of the people he's dated, it's never with like people that have their own kids, you don't have that issue because they understand what it's like to be a parent. They understand my kids come first before this new partner. But for people that don't have kids, it's really interesting that dynamic where they don't really understand. Like, they're like, why aren't I your first priority? Like, why don't I come before your kids? Absolutely. I mean, it's the devil, you know, like, you don't know anything other than what you know.

So like, I'm not saying it's right, but can you blame them? Like, that's all they know. It's like me when I'm trying to put myself in the positions of a mother and I, my take is it misses because I'm just not a mom. So I don't know, you know, but it is so it is such a fascinating topic. Yeah. There is another comment that basically the first one does go on to say like, the girlfriend is asserting her dominance. Any woman who says her boyfriend can't have a cake from his kids needs to think long and hard about being with someone with kids. Freaking out over a small cake from the kids, ruining a party is ridiculous. She's very insecure,

not the asshole. Next comment. Yeah. Even if I think OP was wrong, which I don't, I can't get past the girlfriend telling people that an extra cake from a child ruined the party. Yeah. I'd be like, great, the more the merrier. There's more dessert. Let's fucking go. Let's go. If the next comment, if the presence of extra cake ruins your party, your party probably sucks. Totally. You also probably are so miserable as a human. Like, that's on your radar. Have you ever, like your party was lame? We've had another story like this before too. And it just like baffles me. I'm like, I don't know. Like to like, to put your, to put yourself worth in a cake, like it's, this has happened before. Like people are literally

like, whose cake is better? And it's like, just because someone else's cake is better. You don't even want just fucking wait for the live show. Really? Which is literally tomorrow. That's crazy. But here's the thing. If you're listening to this episode late, you can still go on Moment House and buy a ticket for the virtual, for the virtual, for like the next 16 days after. Oh, it's 16. Yeah. Well, how are you doing? Like you're splitting the stories because we have different stories for the live and like in person. The one that mentions a baked, a baked goods is for the virtual. Very cool. The invigorating performance machine is now at Tim Dele Mazda Murray, the 2024 Mazda CX90. And for a limited time, Tim Dele Mazda Murray has

3.9% financing on the 2024 Mazda CX90, making it so easy to get your new Mazda. So don't wait, head to Tim Dele Mazda Murray today and get your brand new 2024 Mazda CX90 with 3.9% financing and own your own invigorating performance machine. We see some restrictions apply over based on 24 months. See dealer for complete details. We have one last one. Am I the asshole for letting my child call my best friend dad slash mom? My 30 relationship with my partner, 29, has been rocky since our son Oliver was born two years ago. We got pregnant a few months after we got married and things were fine up until Oliver's delivery. I assume it was postpartum depression. They never sought out a specific diagnosis, but after our child was born,

it was like they just couldn't care less about our child. We hadn't planned to have children so early into our marriage and it was scary. But I can't describe to you the all encompassing love that comes with being a parent. The fear was worth it for me. It still is and always will be. Throughout our child's life, but especially the first year, I was essentially acting as a single parent. The only help I had, and I don't mean for that to sound diminishing because this person is a godsend, was my best friend, 33. The plan was for our child to be breastfed, but my partner had no interest in it after our child was born. I was the one changing diapers and mixing up formula for bottles and being in the house we shared. It felt so oppressive. Like the joys of bonding

with my child were being sucked out of me because of the energy there. So I would take my child to my best friend's house. I don't want to ramble on for too long, but there have been exactly zero times in life where my best friend hasn't shown up for me. I've known them since I was 19 and can safely say that after all that time. But this is the most wonderful thing they've given me. I could sleep soundly knowing my child would be taken care of. I had a place of refuge. They were so, so good with my child and were my shoulder to cry on. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay them, but I'm definitely trying every single day. Things with my partner have kind of started to look up, but recent events have sent us in a huge downward spiral. Our child was having some

speech delays, but they've been really picking things up as their third birthday nears. They've babbled, dadda slash mama towards my best friend and I for a while now, but dadda slash mama has since been added to their vocabulary and that is used to refer to us both. I have never corrected my child. I have checked in with my best friend to make sure they were fine and they said they were honored to be bestowed with such a title. My partner got to hear this recently when I was FaceTiming with my best friend and they basically went ballistic. As much as I hate to admit it, I did say they were more of a parent than they have been, which while true is hurtful. I need outside opinions on this. Am I the asshole for allowing my child to call my friend dad slash mom?

I'm going to go with yes. Okay, and why? Well, I think that there's a lot going on there and they should be speaking to their partner about everything that they're going through. I just think that there needs to be more, it's understandable to be upset and to want your partner to be more involved in your child's life. I don't think that's the right way to go about it. Even if the friend is really, really there for the child, that's amazing, but if I was in that situation, I would suck, especially like maybe I was bringing home all the money and like I really wanted to be there, but like I also knew that I was the main provider and I wanted to be able to support them and it sucked for me. I also just watched a TV series recently. I won't

give away too much, but it's called From Scratch. So good. Yeah, so good. I just saw the pain in one of the couple's relationships about having to work and not being able to be there with the child and then there was just so much pain on both sides. The woman, she didn't want to be working she wanted to be there with her child and then the husband genuinely wanted to be working and with the child both, but like they both had so much pain and so I think that if they were to instead of have a conversation together and all of a sudden she comes home and has her husband having somebody else call them by you know, I think there's better ways to handle it. Yeah. It feels, does it feel a little familiar to you? Yeah, it does. I know, I kind of picked it. This

is a hard one to kind of take the gender away. Well, it feels familiar to me because of you. I literally, I was going to talk about myself. Yeah, sorry, I won't stir your thunder. No, no, no. No, I really won't. Well, and it is interesting, right? Because for those of you that don't know, my dad Jerry is not my bio dad. He kind of adopted me based on this exact situation. So like my mom and Jerry were friends, they lived together, they kind of were trying to date, but like it's messy like life is, but he was so involved and I didn't really have a relationship with my bio dad that I started calling him dad and my mom was like, well, what do we do about this? Like, and so he adopted me and then it's really interesting because my little brother,

while he has a different dad, different bio dad, Jerry would come and pick me up and take me to like go to the zoo or go like do whatever a dad daughter relationship entails. And Taylor, my little brother would just sit there banging on the window crying and Jerry was like, I'm not doing this to this kid. So soon enough, Taylor started coming with two and so Taylor's also Jerry's son. So it's interesting because despite having that, I think OP is still the asshole. And I'm like, I really question myself with this because I'm like, well, this is what you had, but something that's different, you know, than my circumstances, like this other parent is still in the picture. That's what I was thinking. This other parent

doesn't sound like they're unhealthy and like not involved. It just sounds like maybe they're battling with postpartum depression, which for those of you that don't know, like postpartum depression, like usually last months, but if it's untreated, it can last years. Some people that give birth have postpartum depression for years. And it's rare. It's, I don't remember the exact percentage and it's really rare. I think it's like 5%, 6%, but it happens. And it's like, we know that they didn't seek a diagnosis. So there's something going on, but it just feels like this person is taking advantage of their friend and almost using their friend as a surrogate parent versus really addressing the underlying problem with their partner. Yeah, that was really

well said. And actually, I didn't even think about that comparison. Isn't that crazy? It kind of blew my mind because whenever I've known that story, obviously, and I never for a second thought there was anything slightly wrong with that story. Do you know what I'm saying? And I still don't, because it's like, it is a different situation. Like you said, this is a situation where the two parents are both still very much involved and they're still together, correct? Okay, yeah. So it's like when you operate like that, they're married. When you operate like that, you should move together as a unit as much as possible by having as much conversations when the two parents are not together. Then it's a different story, in my opinion.

Obviously still communicate as much as you can. But if one of the parents is not involved, then it's kind of like, you know, I know it is interesting. I feel really weird about like my personal story, and then like having this like opposite take. It almost makes me, but I'm like, it is different. It is so different. But I'm like, am I a cherry picker? No, you're not. No, you're not. I don't think so. This is so different. This is so situational. Like you didn't, that was your dad. Like the title dad and mom runs further than biological, like it's relationship based. Like people, I mean, I grew up in a house of divorce, you know, like you have stepmoms, you have stepdads, like the title dad, the title mom is deeper than just blood. It's the

relationship that you have. And like in your case is a perfect example of that. And so I think it's so different because in the story that we're reading, the other OP's partner is still in the picture and sounds like they would like to play a role because they're livid about the fact that their baby is calling the friend a title that signifies mom or dad. Well, the friend even recognized that too. They were like, I'm honored to be bestowed that title. It is a heavy title. It is a heavy title that shouldn't be given away loosely, but like the difference here is Jerry went on to adopt you. He is your dad. This is not the case. This other friend, OP's friend, as far as we know, is not adopting this child. He's not, he, she is not stepping in. They is not

stepping in as the second parent. As far as we know, based on the story, right? So to be given that title in my opinion, again, coming from the perspective of a woman who has never been a parent, I feel like that's confusing for the child. Again, different from you because that was your dad who was like the most available person to you and played that role. In this case, whether it's mom or dad, this person has two parents that occupy that role currently to have this third person now be a mom or dad is a little bit confusing. In my opinion, right? Like they're going to grow up having three parental figures, two of which share the same title. Yeah. And I don't know, it would be interesting because I think there were comments on the other story we had that was

really similar to this. And I think some of the other comments were like, you know, this is great for a child to like have other like bonds and stuff like that. But I think for me and something that like kind of I correlate with both stories is like, I think, I think it's easy to just like be like, oh no, that's not daddy or mommy, that's uncle or auntie. Yeah. That's exactly my thought. That's uncle Matthew. There's so many names. Like there's so many, yeah, there's so many other solutions. Yeah. But I think for me, something that just like, I'm happy that they have a really close friend that they can rely on because obviously it's really challenging when your partner is going through mental health issues and to not feel so alone. That's amazing. Yeah. But I just don't like

how both of these stories and this is my feeling on it. It just feels like they're almost taking advantage of their friends and they're using their friend in such a surrogate parent role. Well, actually, so something I was thinking too, do you guys think that there's any possibility that the friend has more like, like an intimate relationship or do you think there's no chance? So that's actually interesting. You bring that up. Lauren did not watch the episode. I strictly told her like not to watch the last episode. Ale and I did. It is interesting. You bring that up because that's something we kind of like hinted at. And I'm more so hinted at it because it's kind of like a running joke now with Reddit. And it's, it's kind of like, oh, once you're part of an

inside joke, you like feel the need to bring it up. And it's because of a story about like a guy who actually did develop feelings for his friend or like didn't even recognize his feelings, but then like crossed boundaries with his wife and realized he had feelings. And so we kind of hinted at that with the last one, we're like, maybe there's, you know, something more going on there. And people went so far as to call us homophobic, which first and foremost, if you think that about me or anyone sitting on these lovely couches and chair, please leave. Because yeah, I'm sorry, you don't know us at all. Or this podcast. Well, no, you, you should know us well enough by now. Right. That's my point. You've been in it with us for 93 fucking episodes. Do you think I would

continuously pick stories that highlight trans people, that highlight gay couples, that highlight polyamorous relationships? Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to come at me and call me homophobic? Touch some grass. Touch grass. And I say that in the most respectful way. Respectfully. Like you know me. You know me. Yeah. I think the good thing though, is that sweating over here. That was great. I love that. I feel like that needed to come out eventually. I'm glad that we were all here together. Is there a question now? Do we, are we questioning things? Are we clear? Are we clear? Um, yeah, no, I think, I think what's frustrating is anytime that it's like totally fine to people don't agree with everyone. Absolutely. Like that's totally great. We're

never going to agree. Come on. But labeling people was such like harsh, like just harsh, untrue things are just like, that's, that's where it's just not like cool. Yeah. Well, you also have to remail. You also have to realize like, I'm, I'm doing this full time now. Like I'm podcasting, but the other two people on these couches have full time jobs. Well, just kidding. We both had some rough days at work. Let me just bring up work. But you need like, it is kind of the thing. And like, you guys are taking a risk to come on this show. And if it ever, if it ever gets to a point where people are slandering you online, you're, you guys are going to have to quit. Like that's the reality we face. For sure. And so we all like, it's, it's the internet

and we can all say whatever the fuck we want on the internet, but just keep that in mind when you're writing these comments. Like we live in a very different time and like cancel culture is a very prevalent thing. But I do think that there are a lot of people, a lot of, a lot of people more than not that do know us and do know our heart. They love us and do, and do believe in our virtues and our moral and our character. So I, I don't want to give those. No, we're giving them too much airtime because it's super negative and honestly doesn't deserve any more energy. We've said what we needed to say. Anyone who knows us and knows this podcast would know that our intentions are never to come off a certain type of way. That's disrespectful or inconsiderate.

So anyway, I think we should just move on because let's do it. So the top comment on this original post, which we do have an update actually. So the top comment is, I think you are going to get lambasted for this one. I'm going with not the asshole for me. However, I have been hospitalized previously for depression and I think it's amazing my now wife stayed. Shit gets rough out there, but everyone gets to be happy. That includes you. Soft toss on ask yourself if you are in love with your friend. Seems like you act as a couple, no judgment, but leave if that's what you want. And they go edit. Wow. Surprised people are super upset about asking someone to think about their feelings. Also commenters try to call out your own bias. I am a queer male who happened to fall

in love with a woman and have beautiful children. I don't think I can read the rest. It'll give it too much away. I am actually not sure what the word lambasted means. You know, it's come up once before on a podcast and I didn't even know how to say it the last time. The context makes me think it's like you're going to get split reviews. Criticized harshly. Oh, okay. So it's interesting. One of the questions that came up in my mind that we cannot answer, but just something that I think is a relevant detail that would help to kind of give an analysis is, is third party friend, is that title the same title as OP's partner? Do you see what I'm saying? Because I think that makes a difference. Where it's a direct replacement.

That would, I mean, either it doesn't change my answer per se, because regardless, I think it presents a dynamic situation. But if it's the same title, which I would venture to assume it is, based on the very emotionally charged reaction that OP describes, then I can see why it's a little bit more of almost like a direct attack, right? It definitely would feel like more of a twisting of the knife, right? Well, I also have a parallel too. I live with somebody who has a dog. And because of that, and I love the dog, I've started taking care of the dog like almost like equally as much. And so sometimes I'll be on walks with a dog and somebody will be like, oh, like the dog's mom, something like that. And I'll correct them. I'll be like, no, I'm actually

the dog's auntie. You know what I mean? Just out of respect for the fact that I'm not the dog's mom. And so, and it's not, and that wouldn't be a big deal. But that's my point. No, I get it. I get it. But what her point is, the fact that she would even give that much respect to a dog. Yeah, for a dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like, I think, and I also, another example too, is I think this happened, don't quote me because I could be wrong, but like back when my sister first had her baby, my mom was helping out a lot. And I'm pretty sure there's one point where my niece said like, mama to your mom, her grandma, my mom. And that was just like really like triggering. And at the time I was kind of like, I get it, but like not, you know,

not fully because I was younger. But it makes more sense to me now. It's like that is a title that people really honor. And so it's like to find out that that's been being used like behind your back would be not feel good. And I'm sure, and if it was a different situation where it was like, I don't know, maybe if the person was more involved in this conversation, then maybe it wouldn't feel so triggering. But the fact that it was kind of like all happening behind their back, and then they found out by like happen chance, like it just, that would not feel good. I don't think. And again, like, I don't have kids. So it's hard for me to really evaluate it. But I think about if I, the fact if I were a mom, I think that's such a big responsibility and such

a big title. Like if my child was calling someone else a mom, even if it was my mom, I think I'd be upset. Yeah. I think I wouldn't like that. I know. Because I'm their mom, like it does feel especially when I'm like alive and well here. It's a slap in the face almost. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's how I would feel about it too. For the update, the invigorating performance machine is now at Tim Daly Mazda Murray, the 2024 Mazda CX90. And for a limited time, Tim Daly Mazda Murray has 3.9% financing on the 2024 Mazda CX90, making it so easy to get your new Mazda. So don't wait, head to Tim Daly Mazda Murray today and get your brand new 2024 Mazda CX90 with 3.9% financing and own your own invigorating performance machine. We see some restrictions

on that. I never thought I'd be back here with an update this soon or that this would be the update. I came home Thursday with a plan to talk to my partner. I texted them in advance, so I was able to jump right in when I arrived. As suggested to me in the comments of the original post, I was vulnerable. I told them I was feeling exhausted and worn down. I said frustration had built up with them being so uninvolved. I said I wanted to see real major change in the way they act with our child within the next two months or an ultimatum of getting them help slash divorce would be given. It also made it clear that if they wanted to get help now and not wait those two months, that was also acceptable. I would assist them however they needed, but I wanted to see some

initiative being taken for our child. At first I was met with anger. Eventually we were able to have a genuine conversation where they admitted they didn't feel very maternal slash paternal at all. They felt I had pushed them way too hard to have a child when they got pregnant and they often wonder what our life would be like had they made a different choice. Obviously this was all hard for me to hear. Resentment was building up on both sides, but did it have to build for nearly three years? I can't help but feel like it was mostly their responsibility to bring up this conversation. My frustration was over their treatment of our child. Their frustration was over us having a child at all. I can't even fathom a world without our child in it. While they were pondering

what our life would look like if they never existed. It's been a few days since the conversation and I'm still feeling a lot. I feel sad for them. I'm very angry for my child and that the last three years could have looked different slash saved us from so much pain and exhaustion and negative emotion. It doesn't feel fair. They and I are going to start the divorce process soon. I'm hoping that it will remain civil. I called my parents to update them on the situation. They've been unconditionally supportive of me and we're ready to jump into action mode to help. They will financially support us for the time being and offered us a place to stay. My friend and I discussed it and we don't think that's a viable option. My child is already going

through a big life change so taking them out of state to a house they're unfamiliar with would be harmful. It would also complicate things during the divorce. We're going to move in with my best friend. On top of all of the practical reasons why it makes sense, my friend expressed that they would hate for us to be so far from them slash that anywhere they are would always be home for my child and I. We still have a lot of things to pack but we've been here since that conversation. My child was already used to life here so the transition has been smooth. I have a lot of emotions to work through and plan on starting therapy soon. There is an edit which I feel like I might as well read before we get carried away.

The mentions of coercion and force are ridiculous. My partner has never said outright that they didn't want a child. In fact we had conversations prior to marriage about starting a family together. It was just never planned that it would happen so early into our marriage. They were scared about having a child so early. I did my best to assuage those fears by reassuring them but always giving the option for them to have an out if they wanted it. There was never the expectation put upon them that they needed to have a child with me. Yeah this is, do you want to go first? No go ahead. I was just going to say this is tough. I don't want to say that it makes me change my mind or anything but it definitely adds a lot more to it because sometimes even when things

are not the right way to handle things, sometimes it's what needs to happen in order to get to that point and the fact that it took three years for them to finally have this conversation and that they didn't realize that their partner was having these feelings for so long, it's a really tough situation and I get the resentment on both sides because there is this pressure and society doesn't help either. They are constantly ingrained in all of us that there's this way and there's this path that we should follow and so I think that it's as much as at first and it still is not the right way to go about things but it ended up resulting in them being able to find a resolution that meant that they shouldn't be together.

So I don't know if that's what needed to happen, if it could have been like happened in a better way but it got to the point that they needed to be. But honestly, I've flip flopped the situations and I still, to me, it doesn't matter. I stay true to my opinion on this one. I played out both scenarios. Naturally, I've played out both scenarios where it's OP's a male and I've played out a scenario where OP's a female and my opinion does not change. I don't think mine does either and looking at this story and the Halloween one we had, they feel identical to me. They feel very identical and I did go back and listen to the Halloween one after and I was like, I wonder if the wife and the child-bearer in that story

didn't want a child and was kind of forced to have a child. I don't know, I think that's kind of a leap. It could be a leap but in this situation, this person is feeling very resentful for having a child. So you just wonder, obviously these stories have so much more to unpack than what we're presented. But it is interesting. I will just say, so the genders in this one, they do identify them upfront. This was a hard one to un-gender. So the person writing all of this is a 30-year-old male and the wife is Sam who is a 29-year-old female. The friend is Matt who's a 33-year-old male. So was the baby calling Matt a dad or a mom? Dad. Interesting. So it's not the same title that would replace. Did you picture it as a replacement title? I wasn't really sure,

to be honest. I was replaced no matter what. You figured it was the same title? I figured it was same-same. Which would make sense why it was so triggering and so jarring. Like it's still, I get it, but at the same time it's like, I wouldn't be as triggered. All right, you want to give up that title. It's on you, big dog. But like, yeah, I'm my mom. There's only one of me. That is true. Yeah, like, okay, weird flex. That is very true. Also coming from an OT standpoint, I guess like you could look at this too. For me, I take things like very personally. So for me, I'm like, ah, no, I get it. Like he's treating the friend as like a surrogate parent. But why do you say surrogate? Because when I think of that, I think of like someone who carried the baby.

I think surrogate is more of like a fill-in, or like you could replace surrogate as like an adoptive parent or like a standby parent or a fill-in parent. And I think based on everything that this person is doing with their friend, it just seems like they couldn't find a partner in their, their wife, their spouse. And so they replaced it with their friend. They needed, they needed that emotional support, that physical support, that help with their child, and they didn't have a partner. So they used their friend. That's what I'm, I'm more upset with versus like, hey, you waited three years to have this conversation with your partner, which you could have addressed this back in year one and addressed their postpartum

depression and maybe kept your family together. But hold on, we don't know there's postpartum depression. There's speculation of it, but we don't know that there is. No, because they, they never sought a specific diagnosis. And I think it's safe to assume that there could be. True. But we can't be certain one. And then two, I'm putting myself now in the shoes of the woman, Sam, the mother. I said on this last episode, I don't feel very maternal naturally. Who knows, that might change one day. But as, right now I don't. And so I put myself in her position. And I think it kind of reminds me of the story with the, with the couple that conceived by accident with a condom being

poked in the hole. It's like, the baby's here. So Sam probably didn't want to be like, Hey, by the way, I regret this baby. She probably was, she probably was battling herself, being like, should make it work. Yeah. And so you can, you can look at it from the perspective of she waited three years to have this conversation, or you could look at it from her perspective of she's been fighting this for three years and hoping that she never had to have this conversation. She was hoping that one day she would accept it and embrace it. That's the way I see it. And it's, it's easier for me to see it from that lens as a perspective of someone who fears that I may not connect with a baby. Yeah. Even if it's mine. So. Well, maybe that's why they're

so upset. Yeah, correct. It's like, that, that just like almost solidifies like, I'm not going to have that relationship. And that it's, it's highlighting the insecurity that, Hey, I can't bond with my kid. I don't know how to bond with my kid. I don't feel that instant love. So that's not an easy thing to say. And I'm not discounting what you're saying. That's hard to admit. Yeah. I just, it's easier for me to put myself in those shoes because I can see myself. Yeah, you can relate to it really easily. In a way, no, I'm obviously not a mom. But I, and I honestly like this with all that we've been given, I don't think that either of them are like, they, neither of them were being shitty. Like they just were really not like

supposed to be together and they were trying to make it work as much as they could. Yeah. Everyone's just trying to live a fucking life. Like we all have it really hard. And so like the guy in this scenario, but like they were really just trying to, like by the sounds of it, they were just trying to keep afloat. They were just trying to keep their head above water. And like, yeah, they turned to a friend, which amazing that they had that friend. I just hope that like for everyone's sake involved, like, and same with the last, the Halloween story, like I hope that this is a wake up call. I hope that the moms and both stories get the help they need and can maybe bond with their kid. I will just say like,

OT perspective here. And I think I was trying to start it, but like, you could look at this too, where it's like, Oh, the kid is calling the friend dad. But like, at least he's starting to talk. You could look at it as like, Hey, at least he's like getting somewhere. But I will just say, like if you're a child, like make sure you are like paying attention to those milestones for your kiddos, because you could very, very, very easily qualify for free services, like OT and speech therapy. And so for me, I read this and I'm like, uh, there's no mention of speech therapy for this kid, but he should probably have speech therapy. So like, if your kid's not talking, have your pediatrician write you a prescription for an evaluation, like it is easy to get

a lot of times. And there's so many, like even if you don't have insurance, like there's CHIP, there's like childhood insurance that's covered by the government, like there are ways to get services. So try to keep up on like milestones and where your kids are at and seek out those services because early intervention is key for kids. Yeah. And what I will say too to that is that this couple or any couple in this particular situation should also be a little bit more mindful of their child's development, because if they are going to proceed with the separation and a divorce, that's probably going to impact the child's development. Absolutely. Even more so, if they're already having some type of struggle. So something to keep in mind. But it's interesting,

the story, like, you know, for me, my takeaway on it is like, this is why it's so important to have these conversations upfront about kids. Yeah. And it sucks because you said this earlier, Lauren, is like, society does place a certain type of pressure on, I'm just going to speak from the perspective of a woman, like women, to have kids and to be maternal and to want kids. And like, I got asked this question literally today, do you want kids? And it's a hard question to answer sometimes. I could ask this once a week. Well, mine was from somebody who was like interested in dating me. So it's like an even harder question because I'm like, this is like a barred entry for some people. Yeah. So you're like, what's the wrong answer? What's the right

answer? Society tells me the right answer is yes, I want kids, of course. But like, you know, there's pressure. And then you, in this case, you sometimes feel pressure to say yes, and you have the child. And now here you are three years later, not connecting with it because you truthfully didn't want to have kids in the first place. I had a co-worker once and he had been with his girlfriend for, what was it, like seven to eight years? I think he said eight years. And he, and I was asking him, it's just like, oh, like, you know, do you guys think you, do you think you're going to, whatever, move forward, move forward with your family? I know, I didn't, I don't even remember I said, I said something like, because okay,

this is what it was. We had a co-worker who just proposed to his girlfriend. And then they were talking about like proposals and engagements. And the girls were like talking about like rings or whatever. And then he like started talking about his girlfriend. I was like, oh, like, are you like thinking about it too? And he basically said, no, absolutely not. I asked why. And he was like, well, I want kids. I absolutely want kids. You remember this, I told you this, maybe you don't remember. I remember telling you this and I remember like your reaction to it. But anyway, he was like, I want kids and she doesn't. And I, why are they still together? That was my point. And he was the fuck is the point. And, and that's why I remember your

response. Your response was just like, well, it's like, you know, he's wasting time. If he wants to have kids, there's like a time, there's a time limit, you know, guys get it a lot longer than like females. But like at the same time, I don't know why he's continues like wasting his time. Like that's what his end game is. And she is hardcore, like no, no children ever. But he kept thinking, well, like maybe she'll change her mind eventually. People that are like dead set on being child free, don't change their mind. Or they do. And then they're resentful. And you're here. Yeah. And you're here. This comes up so, so much, like whether that's Reddit, but like we've had some on my dad's podcast, father knows, I keep talking about it. It's come up a lot where this

person like married her partner, got like went full, like got married. And the guy, the guy agreed, I think before they got married, like, yeah, I'll have one, one kid, like at least one. What happens if you have twins? That's why people like people don't make a bargain. You can't even uphold. Like yeah, that's the triplets. Yeah. On top of it. Yeah. You just never know. One pregnancy. So they were now married. And the guy was like, I don't want kids the state of the world. How can you, how can you, which it's fair. Like a lot of people, a lot of people do think like

that, especially, you know, climate change. And is there going to be a world if I have a kid, what are they going to be left with fresh water, water wars? Are they going to have to fight for water? The water wars, like that trips me up. It's so scary. But I think it's like, if you already know what you want for yourself, like there's going to be a person out there that wants the same thing. Yeah. Kids, no kids, adoption, surrogacy. We were like the most in sync. Yeah. So in sync. Ever. We sounded all down about too. It did. It felt like Julia Fox, what? No, I was going to say something so. It did sound like her. I got, someone commented saying I sounded like Julia Fox. I wanted to literally.

I don't know who that is actually. What? Okay. Anyway, what were you saying? Moving along. Wait, should I know who that is? I mean, I feel like, yeah. Like is she like A-list, like actress or like TikTok famous? She's blowing up on TikTok, I would say. Okay. You guys know I don't go on TikTok often. I'll send you a good TikTok of hers. Okay. Wait, I'm so sorry. I really have to be. Go for it. Okay. Thank you. Well, that's all I got. Obviously, the computer's closed. We've been sitting here for quite some time now. Live show. I've plugged it quite a bit, but I'm just like,

I'm truly so, so excited for both shows. They both offer very different things. So check it out. We're going to have a gingerbread party. Does everyone want to share what house they're building? No. I don't even know what house I'm building. You picked a, not a house. You picked a box. Okay. Stop it. She has options. She has options. I want them to be surprises. Okay. Cool. Okay. You got to come. If you want to see the gingerbread houses we're building,

but I will say they're absolutely incredible. You chose the box. I like the box. I think you're making a mistake, but we'll let them decide. I just, I'm so biased. Well, we can say what Lauren's not building since she's not building it. Well, aren't, aren't one of you guys going to build it? No. No one's building it. It's you or no one. So Lauren is passing up the opportunity to build a gingerbread Barbie dream house. And it is the coolest thing ever. I don't identify with Barbies. Like I just don't.

It's just so cute though. Polly pockets. I was super into like... The tent is a Polly pocket house. It's the same vibe. It's a Barbie house. Whatever. You have fun building your box. What's in the box? What's in the fucking box? Uh, but thank you guys. December is coming to a close coming up.

Well, this will air in December, right? Where is the time? This comes up December 1st. Well, then why would you say December is coming to a close on December 1st? Because it's like, there's only a month that time has been flying by. She, I don't think she gets it. They're only a month. What do you mean December is coming to a close? You mean the years coming to a close?

Yeah. Oh, okay. There we go. December's coming to a close. Same thing. The December, the years. On December 1st. On December 1st. We're just nearing the end. People will kind of maybe get it.

But then it's just funny because then you double down, you go, well, yeah, it's only a month. Well, it's just like, don't you feel like this year is full? Yes, the year. It's always a hundred percent. Yeah, but you said December. That's why it was funny. Well, if you think about it, like it's the last month. We've already gone through 11. Like it's going to be flying by.

You know what? You sold me. I'm sold. I don't know. Point was made. I don't know what's happening. Points were made tonight. Again, I just like, I keep reiterating every episode. Just I'm very, very thankful for all of you. And it's been a good year.

There's just a couple of episodes left. Just I think I'm only doing three in December. So yeah, there's only, there's only two episodes left after this one. So you only didn't save it. I believe so. I got to look at my schedule. Do you have a bunch of guests? No. Oh, okay.

I think she wants to take the week off for Christmas. Yeah. Oh, that's what you're saying. Okay. I need a little. Okay. A little break. I thought you were saying you had them all lined up. So I was like, I don't know. Tis the season. Tis the season of gratitude, everyone. Yes. He is.

Thank you. And until next time. Until next time. Bye. Bye, guys. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key.

I kept on trying, learn something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. Get some green when you go green with Cypress Credit Union

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