Two Hot Takes - 93: Not Responsible For Your Whiplash..

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Lauren! These stories all kind of make you do a double take to make sure you heard it correctly.. These stories were a bit whiplash inducing for us. Can't wait to hear your thoughts on these ones. Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Partners: Nutrafol: Nutrafol.com Promo code: THT Manscaped: Manscaped.com/twohottakes ZocDoc: Zocdoc.com/tht Babbel: Babbel.com/THT

Our Marie location, it's gone. And we've moved the remaining inventory to American Fork. Our new location isn't ready, but we don't have the room for the extra 500 vehicles. So we're selling everything for less, but we don't carry just liquidation vehicles. At National, we simply carry the best. With letters on site, we can approve anyone,

even with zero down. So get down here to American Fork. Premium inventory with liquidation pricing. Better hurry, these offers won't last long. That'll do donkey, or no, that'll do pig. What's pig? Don't you remember babe? Not really.

The little pig? He goes, that'll do pig, that'll do. Yeah, I don't remember quotes from that movie, I just know the main characters. The pig? Yeah. That's about it. The little mice.

Isn't there a, isn't there a Charlotte, like a spider? Charlotte's web. Yeah. Yeah, that's a totally different movie. Well, you win some, you lose some. Okay, well kind of like us just now being confused, babe the pig needed a double take there, just whiplash, that's what the themes are today.

Look at you sneaking that in. I know, I don't know how I'm gonna title it, but it's just kind of like stories that you read and you're like, wait, wait, what? Like, did I read that correctly? Like whiplash-y, you know? Where you're just like, oh, heart your neck, just doing a double take.

Something along those lines. Actually, that reminds me, I was really proud of this, but I commented on a two turn Tony, Tony, two turn Tonys Instagram. And I don't know who that is. You don't know who that is? Oh my God, he is literally the most like opposite of our podcast and that could possibly exist.

Really? Yeah, it's really, it's hard to watch his stuff. Like he comes off like very misogynistic and just it's basically what I commented makes a lot of sense to how I feel about it because I commented, what did I say? I was like, every single video is like a train crash. You don't wanna see it, but you can't look away.

And I was really proud because it was the top comment. And I was like, I'm so famous. People agree with me. I used to like make that a point to like try to get the top comment on certain TikTok videos. I did, I was really good. It's like, it feels really, really cool.

I don't know what it is, but it's just like- It's a certain achievement. It is, and it just feels good to have like a community behind you backing you up, you know? I know. Yeah. Okay, how was the live show for you? I thought it was really fun.

Out of blast. I really enjoyed both of them. I absolutely love, love, love, love the live shows. It's such a different vibe. Like actually hearing from people interacting and you can still watch it for the next couple of weeks. So be sure to go to moment.co.htt to get some tickets because after two weeks, it's gone.

It's just gone. Okay, let's dive in. Ooh, let's do it. Okay, up first. Am I the asshole for serving my boyfriend a cookbook for dinner? My boyfriend, 28 male and I, 25 female have been together for over a year.

We recently moved in together and we'd split chores equally. Cooking is outside of chores, but I try to cook whenever I find time and since he praises the food I make. I'm in college and right now, I'm preparing for my upcoming exams. I can barely find time to shower, let alone cook. He's been complaining about me not dedicating time

towards cooking and has been giving me a hard time about it. First, it started out with him begging me to stop studying to cook dinner. Now he's almost demanding it, saying I prioritize studying over his feelings. Yesterday, he kept pestering me all day while he was working telling me he wanted me to make dinner. One of those elevated dinners I make in my free time.

I refused, but he kept texting and persisting. I've had enough of it. What I did was grab a basic cookbook from the store, place it on a plate, then cover the plate with a lid and left it at the table, then went back to studying. He got back, found it, instead of an actual dinner and went off on me, saying I was ridiculing him and that I could have used the time and effort

to cook an actual dinner instead of acting so childishly and spitefully. We had an argument, then he went to stay with his brother. We kept arguing over the phone for a while. Then he texted me about how hurt he felt by what I did to him and how I basically made fun of his cooking abilities. He doesn't know how to cook.

Am I the asshole? No, no. And also, it's like... How babied was he by his mother? Like, what is this mentality? I'm shook. I don't like it, that's for sure. No.

I think a lot of parents, like my little brother, Taylor, doesn't really know how to cook. And I love the kid, but like, sorry, Taylor, but like, he doesn't really cook his own stuff. And it's just coddling. Like, I think a lot of people are like, no, I wanna do this for my kid

because it's an act of love, but you don't realize, like, hey, you're setting your kid up to be a little incompetent. I think a good thing to do, and I would have loved if my parents did this with me more often when I was younger, but to cook with your kids. Yeah.

I think that would be really helpful. Just like, we've talked about this before in another episode where when you're in a relationship, I think it's really important to sometimes check yourself and think, what would I do without them? What I, you know what I mean? Like, what would he do if they broke up? Like, so would he starve?

What would you do? Would you starve yourself? Yeah, like, and so it's just like, or if it's not takeout, it's him finally having to muscle up and like read a cookbook, and like, like she did for him. She put the cookbook there,

and just give it a go. It might suck, give it a go. Just follow the instructions. It just, it blows my mind when people expect other people to like take care of them, and like so aggressively. Like when we're in a partnership, of course, like we wanna be able to like meet halfway

and help each other out and do things for each other, but it's like, it gets to a point where when those expectations are so causing like this riff now in their relationship, it's just kinda like take a step back and think about what would you do without them? Why are you expecting them to take care of you? Well, it's also like she's in school.

Exactly. Like she is in the midst of studying for finals, and he is so pathetic that he can't find a way to eat on his own for a night while she's studying, grinding, working her ass off to better her future, her career, education, all this. And it's like, what did you do before her? Exactly.

And it's kind of the same question. Like what would you do without me? Like would you be able to survive? And it's like, pretend I'm not here. Yeah. Like pretend I'm not here. And it's so, so annoying to me because I keep seeing this on TikTok, especially right now.

And the amount of like weaponized, purposeful incompetence lately is driving me crazy. There's this TikTok of this mom going around and these women, like they put these TikToks out there exposing their partners. And it's like, what the fuck did you think was gonna happen? And so it's this woman with three kids and everyone in the house is sick.

Like she's kind of sick, her husband's sick, all this stuff. And she like TikToks going into a room. He's in the guest bedroom sleeping. Meanwhile, she's dealing with being sick and caring for three kids. And it's like, why doesn't she get a break? Why is he not helping at all? And there was another one

where this woman was in the hospital for two months and she comes home and her husband had left her a ginormous box of bills, letters, mail, all this stuff. Didn't even care to go through it. Why? Why do we let people be so incompetent? And I just saw another TikTok right before starting this. And it's ironically from a girl

that follows the two hot takes TikTok because it says follows you. And she's posting like, hey, this is your reminder to fill your girlfriends stockings or get whoever a Christmas gift because last year my stocking that I gave my boyfriend like it was full while mine was empty. And it's like, you shouldn't have to remind someone

to care about you. Why? Why are you so okay with substandard treatment? Yeah. Absolutely. We have some comments from OP. Okay. I'm not the asshole.

I want to reiterate the sentiment here that you are truly awesome. Don't ever cave to this kind of guy, marry him or have kids with him. The entitlement and immaturity is only going to get worse. He sees women as homemakers and that will never end well for you if you have aspirations beyond that.

And OP goes, I don't know. He constantly talks about how he works more and makes more money, but we pay rent equally so I don't get his point. So you get to save more money and you still want me to make food for you. Fuck off. Well, that's the other thing.

You know what I mean? Like if they're paying the same rent and that he says that he makes all the money and it's like, well, are you providing for me? Like what are you saying here? I know. Well, and she's in school. Yeah.

It's so strange. Yeah. It is so interesting because it's like, if you, and I was just talking to my friend about this too, about when you move in with somebody and like being able to split up the chores and like split up the responsibilities and like have these type of conversations and agreements.

And I think that it's just really important to like keep the communication open of like what you're, you know, how we can all help to make the home happy. And, you know, sorry, I lost my chair to that. Chores, communication. Oh, okay. So, and we were talking about how it's like, it doesn't have to be so split equal even in a way of like,

okay, I scrub the floors this day, you scrub the floors that day. Like if somebody hates scrubbing the floors and then the other person hates doing the dishes and you're like, you know what, I'm gonna take the dishes for the most part, you scrub the floors for the most part. And then it's like,

but at the same time we still clean up after ourselves. Like having those type of communication, like conversations, I think are really important. And so it's, I don't know if this guy went in to this relationship thinking like, okay, well, if I pay for all of us, like us going out to eat for dinner, then she'll cook me food.

I don't know if that's like a conversation he had in his head and just didn't say it out loud or like what's going on here. But that is just so important when you move in with somebody to really kind of nail out what makes sense for the both of you. And what's really annoying about this situation too is like how upset he was with her reaction.

Sure, you can call it petty, but at the same time, it's, he's like gaslighting her into like making her feel like she's so, like as if she's doing something so wrong as if she's so crazy, like as if like, I can't believe you, like you hurt me and not taking a step back and being like, okay, what was my part in this? All I did was not cook one meal.

Yeah, literally, right. And that's what a comment says. Like a comment goes, not the asshole, he's nearly 30. And it is not at all unreasonable for him to at least be able to feed himself something cooked or not when you have a lot to do. It would be nice if he could occasionally prepare food for you when you have so much going on too.

I don't personally see the cookbook thing as ridicule, even though I guess I get why he'd take it that way. If it was me, that would be a not so gentle reminder that perhaps he too could figure out a way to throw a few ingredients together. I've known a lot of people who can't seem to bring water to a boil and I'm a basic, basic cook myself.

Don't let me fuel you, but many of those same people can learn at least a few simple dishes they really want something cooked for dinner. Absolutely. And OP responds and goes, he can be a little too much when it comes to food. He loves a homemade meal and constantly praises my cooking. Yeah, because he doesn't want to fucking cook.

And then they go edit, this is the commenter. It is also extremely weird to me that he has decided to try to guilt trip you by saying that not cooking him dinner because you are busy studying is somehow ignoring his feelings. That doesn't really make any sense. And to me, it only serves as some way

to make you feel like you are neglectful of the relationship itself because you're not cooking for him when you need to study during a busy time. It's not as though you are out there cooking a four course meal for one and ignoring him. Yeah. And something that popped into my head

when you're talking about communication, there's like, that's something we've preached on this show for so long, like communicate, like just talk to your partner, communicate. But there's another part of that that we kind of haven't really touched on and it's comprehension. And it's like, do you have the ability

to understand what I'm communicating to you? Because he lacks the comprehension. She's communicated so clearly. I'm studying, I don't have time to cook for you. And yet he badgers her, he pesters her, he's now guilt tripping her, gaslighting her. He's not getting the comprehension part. So I think-

That's so well said. I think that's like another part of like relationships we really need to consider is like, are you comprehending what I'm saying? Oh yeah. And like you can check for comprehension. You can be like, hey, you know, could you just like repeat how you interpreted

what I just said to you? Yeah. Because like I just want to make sure we're on the same page. Absolutely. That's such a good point that you bring up because there has been, I was in a relationship once where it was the most infuriating thing.

I can't even explain. I felt like I was losing my mind because I'm like, whatever I say, I feel like it's hitting a brick wall and bouncing right back at me and nothing's happening. And it's just like, I'm like, am I even talking to a human right now? Like who am I talking to?

I'm talking to myself like, nothing is getting through. Nothing. It was so fucking infuriating. It made me lose my mind. I was like, and so I think that it gets to a point where it's like, like you said, that's a really great way to handle it. Like, could you please repeat to me

like what you heard me say? But it also gets to a point where it's like, if there is not comprehension there, you can communicate to the fucking like until you literally turn purple in the face and nothing's going to change. And if that's, if you're seeing that pattern, then it's time to take, pick a step back

and be like, is this the right relationship for me? That mic drop right there. Yeah. Okay. Moving on to another somewhat infuriating one. Ooh, okay. This is actually from the two hot takes subreddit. And it's titled, am I the asshole

for hiding my melatonin from my husband? Okay. I 25 female hid my melatonin gummies from my 31 male husband. My husband and I both regularly take melatonin since we both have trouble sleeping. I normally take melatonin gummies while my husband takes pills.

For about five days, my husband has been using a few of my gummies since he ran out. He promises every night to buy more the next day, but continues to forget even after I send him a reminder text. Last night, he took the last of my gummies, but once again promised to buy some more today.

Lo and behold, he forgot once again, even after I called him on his way home to remind him. Because my husband habitually forgets to buy melatonin and takes all of mine, I decided to buy a backup bottle. While my husband was in the shower, I took my gummies, but hid the others.

When my husband asked about the melatonin, I told him we were out. He freaked out and got mad at me saying I should have reminded him and so on. Now he is having to run to the store to get more melatonin and is very upset with me. So am I the asshole? For context, my husband does this with all caps, everything.

Oh, that's so infuriating. He consistently uses the last of something and doesn't replace it. There are numerous times that I've been in the bathroom and he has used the last of the toilet paper or he drinks the last of the juice without replacing it. I've talked with him numerous times about this, but it never gets better.

Also, we have separate finances and he makes over double my salary. He has plenty of money to pay for the melatonin while I myself struggle to pay my half of the bills sometimes. This is why I don't pick up his melatonin sometimes. Fuck that. This is so,

I'm sorry, goodbye. Goodbye. This is again, purposeful and confident. It's just like, it's so frustrating because it's, yeah, exactly. It's just he's so used to be able to like lean on her to take care of these things. Walk all over her.

Yeah, that he just, and what really gets me is the fact that he got mad at her and ran to the store and was like, you should have reminded me. First of all, she did. Twice. Yeah, and then second of all. And a call, a call on the way home.

And then second of all, it's not her fucking responsibility. You remind yourself or you have a joint account for expenses and you say, hey, babe, here's the joint. Can you pick up my melatonin too? But I'm sorry. If there is something that is that important to you,

this is what gets me. If it's so important to you to have melatonin every single night, then you take care of yourself. If you are gonna freak out if it's not there, you take care of yourself. Like, I know that I don't wanna be low on anything so I always stock up on stuff.

I don't like expect it from anybody else. It's just like, take care of yourself. Stock up on what you need to stock up on. Don't get mad at other people for like yourself dropping the ball. Absolutely. Well, and I think if this was just about the melatonin, it'd be one thing,

but like I think there's a bigger relationship dynamic going on here, like an imbalance. Like age gap, okay, six years, not so bad. 25 and 31, he's 31. But it's also the fact that we have separate finances and he makes over double my salary. He has plenty of money to pay for the melatonin. Well, I myself struggle to pay

my half of the bills sometimes. If he's making over double your salary and you're struggling to pay bills, there's an imbalance there. He should be paying more. He should be paying 60, 40, maybe 70, 30 if he's making that much more than you. If my partner, someone I took vows with,

that I promised to love and have and hold, whatever the fuck you wanna say up there. And my partner was watching me struggle. For what? Why am I with you? Pick up, it's a give and a take. Sometimes you have to give a little more on some days. Some days you take a little more.

Like it balances out, but if my partner was watching me struggle to pay bills. And we've talked about this before too, because the thing is, is with like that different dynamic and with paying and couples and whatever. So if you, like let's say that she was making much less, but she demanded like a really nice big house

and she was like, I can pay my portion. And he was like, no, I'm pretty modest. I'm fine with whatever. Then it's a little bit of a story. She was the one demanding, but, and I'm not using them because this wasn't an example in their story, but I'm just saying in general, if this was like the case.

But if the person who makes more money, so let's say it's a guy in the situation, if he makes more money and he is like, I need to have this house, it's a mandatory for me. And she's like, well, I only make this much and I'm fine with much less. Then I genuinely think that he should be like, well, you know what, this is my priority.

So like I'm going to cover like more than you because I know that this is what matters to me and it doesn't matter to you. And if I'm going to be the one saying like, this is what needs to happen, then like I need to pull my weight. Because you're fine with, you know, not that. So I look at this situation in comparison

and it's just like, okay, that's fine if they won't have separate finances. But like you said, it's like, if she's struggling to pay her bills, what was the situation here? Was she the one who like, wanted this house or were you the one? Like it just feels like there's like too many holes

in this story that feel very uneven. Like you said, there's an imbalance. So I do have one comment. I went to see if there's any comments from OP and there's a response to this one. Not the asshole, you're his wife, not his mother. He is responsible for his own things. He needs to stop placating blame like a toddler.

He did it on purpose because he knows you'll get so annoyed and do it yourself. Or in this case, buy it. Weaponized incompetence, search it. Are you splitting bills, utilities, groceries, 50-50 or based on your income? We are splitting bills based on incomes. I pay about a third of everything

and he pays the other two thirds. Normally I have a little bit more money but I had surgery in the summer and it pretty much wiped out all my savings. So at least there's that. I don't understand the incompetence then. And like someone goes, y'all need, like the top comment right now is not the asshole

but y'all need prime or something. And then the next person down goes, seriously, this is 2022. As someone with adult ADHD, I use things like the prime thing that ships on a schedule. And yeah, that's like, that's super, super helpful. But I don't think that's like, he got a call, he got a reminder, a call as you're driving home

and you don't just say, oh fuck yeah, next stop. Well, when I have ADD, like I get the struggle. I literally, I'll be doing something in this studio, I'll walk out and completely forget about it. So I get hanging up and it's done, you forget. But like five days in a row, well there needs to be some accountability. And that's what, that's really what gets me

with this situation is like, okay, it could, like you said, it could just be like extremely forgetful, has a lot in his mind, he's not trying to be a dick. Like he's not trying to make her do it. He's not trying to lean on her. It's just like he genuinely forgot. And it maybe this would be a really great thing to solve, like having prime on a schedule

so that you don't have to think about it. Your melatonin pills, your toilet paper, everything is just there when you need it. However, what gets me, this is like the only thing that really gets me with this whole entire story is like how mad he got at her when he had to go and run to the store and then he blamed it on her.

That's the part where I'm just like, I hope that he, if he can't like check himself there and realize like, no, I need to be a fucking grown up and take care of myself, then that's the part where it would be really hard to get past that for me. But everything else I think could be solved. It's just like, he needs to be able to realize,

like be a grown up. It is time. Yeah. DL Evans, the founder of DL Evans Bank, was never hesitant to give credit to his widowed mother, Quinn. It was her drive that led the family from Brigham City, Utah to Homestead 160 acres, and her guidance that saw them through college

in Salt Lake City and returning home to teach. Giving back to the community, life lessons that would become the cornerstone of DL Evans Bank since 1904. This is Community Banking. Okay, moving along. Okay. Am I the asshole for not trusting

my mother-in-law anymore? I, 28 female, have never had an issue with my mother-in-law 68 before and actually thought that I was pretty lucky in the mother-in-law department. Until recently, that is, when my then boyfriend, 28 male, now husband, and I was going to announce our pregnancy to our parents,

my mother-in-law surprised us and said she already knew because I was sending out signals. I wasn't showing her anything, so I thought it must have been a small signal that someone who had been pregnant themselves would notice and she refused to tell me what I had done. That gave it away and said I would just not do that in front of her next time, but no hard feelings.

It's the first grandchild for both families, so the joy is never ending. A couple of months later, my boyfriend and I decided that we want to get married, but we don't really want fancy parties and decided to just invite our moms out for dinner and then accidentally visit the courthouse first and then surprise them.

After the wedding, my mother-in-law again said that she knew and I was the one who had given her the signals. I was choked because I had not spoken to her at all other than inviting her out for dinner to celebrate the baby's gender. The rest of the day went well and was filled with joy, but I did notice my mom, 58, and mother-in-law whispering a lot to each other.

When we got home, I went to my moms and asked what it was all about. She's our neighbor. She said that I was not allowed to tell my husband, but my mother-in-law never logged out of his Samsung account when she got his old phone, so she can see our messenger conversation. I was furious.

She has been reading me and my husband's texts for God knows how long. Every picture I had sent him from the scans at the clinics and pictures we send each other of ring designs we liked, I didn't send signals. I only texted my husband like every other couple does. I told my husband and he wasn't nearly as mad as me. He was more mad on my behalf.

And now I honestly don't know my heart's like racing. And now I honestly don't know how to feel. I feel betrayed by a person I love and respected. And since I learned this, every little thing my mother-in-law does actually pisses me off and I hate this feeling. My husband is asking if I want him to talk to her, but I don't want to have them at each other's throats.

But one thing I know is that I will never trust my mother-in-law the same way again. Am I the asshole? Are you the asshole for what? Nothing, what? Not trusting my mother-in-law anymore. No, absolutely not. What?

Oh, that literally had my heart racing. That is so invasive and so wrong. Are you kidding me? Like even if I, I don't know. I just, I couldn't do that to somebody. Like even like curiosity, whatever. I just like, if I was the mother-in-law and like I saw like a few messages I'd be like,

oh, and then I would log out. I just, I can't imagine that. It's so fucking invasive. And I just don't understand like how the husband's not more upset. Is he just like, I'm like, did he do it on purpose? Was he just used to his mom like reading his text messages as a kid and it makes him feel safe?

Like what is going on? I don't know. It's almost like from the live show with the mother-in-law that kept like bursting into the bathroom. And so the girl was doing like weird poses every time. And then the husband was like, well, so what if she sees you naked?

She's family. And it kind of gives that same vibe where it's like, you'll make these excuses for family, but if this was a friend or anyone else breaching this level of trust and privacy, instant done. But because it's family, you give them more of this pass. I don't know. People say like, I was just talking about this yesterday.

So it's funny that this comes up. But like there was a TikTok that my friend sent me and it was like, would you rather have, people have access to see anything you have ever searched online in your entire existence? No. Yeah. Like anything, everything, like just that's all out there,

public information. Or would you have like you and like one of your closest friends or like closest people that you've talked to the most to about everything, have that be like out like as like a script where everyone could read absolutely everything that you've ever said. These are two terrible options.

Horrible. Horrible. I vent way too much. Right? Way too much. I honestly don't know which one would be worse because there's like, and it's literally in the existence

of like the text string conversation too. Well, now I'm thinking about my Google searches. Yeah. I don't know. But it's like there's been times in my life where I have, you know, texted things when I was like in a really bad like headspace, like just being really angry.

Yeah. And I don't even know what those things are. I couldn't even tell you, but I just know that there's been times where like I was so frustrated and I'm like venting to somebody. And so it's like, I wouldn't want that to like be like a book. No.

So manual script. But like also like there's weird fucking things that I like have Googled too. So I don't. Well, like what's the cutoff age? Cause I think about like when I was like 13, I definitely Googled like homemade sex toys for all time.

Yeah. I think I'd take the conversation. It's hard for me. I think I would do the conversation, but at the same time, I was a very curious kid. There's some weird shit there for sure. It's tough.

But with that being said, it got me thinking. I was just kind of like, how, what if, like, what if I texted? I don't, I can't even think of anything specific right now, but I just know that like in the past of my entire lifetime, there's been moments where I'm sure that I've texted things were like out of anger. You know, I didn't even like mean it,

but I'm sure I've said things that I wouldn't want to be just out there. And so hearing this story is so triggering to me because it's like that she just completely took advantage of a couple. It's not even like friends. It's a couple. Like who knows that they were sitting back and forth

like like sex pictures with each other. That was my thought. Yeah. And like talking dirty to each other or like her sending something like very, very vulnerable and personal that only she's discussed with him. It's like that it feels so wrong.

And also what I don't like is that her own mother said, you can't tell your husband this. Yeah. What? So we're just going to continue to let her. That's exactly who you need to tell. Exactly. I think she just fears the mother.

She's the one to get the repercussions of like, well, this is the only, you're the only one I've told. So that must be you. That blew my, my fucking crazed shenanigans. But if you found this out about like your daughter, if you found out that your daughter's mother-in-law was doing this, wouldn't you immediately be like,

what are you talking about? I'm not going to keep this a secret for you. I'm going to tell them right away. Yeah. That's wrong. I wonder how she even admitted this to the mom because it's like, you know, I actually knew they already got married

because I am logged in a little Jeff's phone. I see everything. Is this person's name Jeff? No. I just first named the pop in my head. Ironic. I was looking at you. I don't know what came up.

God damn it. But I was actually going to say Jimmy and then I was like, it was just, it didn't roll off the tongue. There we go. Okay. But it is an interesting thing to admit that level of like deception and disrespect.

It's weird that she was almost like bragging about it. Yeah. Cause it comes, that's how I envision this happening. But there's a couple responses from OP. Not the asshole. You can't possibly trust her. This is the most grotesque invasion of privacy imaginable. How long did your mother know about this?

And why didn't she tell you? My mother-in-law told her on our wedding day and my mom told me the same evening. And then someone else basically asked the same thing. Not the asshole, but why didn't your own mother tell you as soon as she learned what mother-in-law was doing? It might be best for you and your marriage to move far away from both mothers

and make darn certain no one else has access to any of your accounts. OP responds, my mother-in-law is dot, dot, dot, how do I say it? Convincing and talking. She fills the room with talk as soon as she walks in. My mom is 180 degrees from that. So they get along because my mom doesn't talk much.

In my mom's defense, she was about to call me when I went over to her house instead. But she wouldn't say it when my mother-in-law was there because she knew I would be sad and didn't want that for my wedding day. Like this literally happened after wedding celebration dinner. Like I don't blame her mom at all like to tarnish that moment with this.

No, that makes sense. No, I think that's fair. It's not about the timing thing, what I brought up, it was more of the fact that she asked her not to tell her own husband. That is still weird. I think you can say like, hey, I'm gonna tell you this.

Obviously I know you're gonna tell your husband, but like, please, let's just like act rationally. Like I don't want it to come back and bite me in the ass. Right. Well, and it's hard to tell somebody to, like if you're telling someone like, hey, please don't repeat this. And it has to do with like them or like their life

or something that doesn't have anything to do with like the actual person. Make, it's absolutely fair to expect them to honor that. But it's like, if you're telling them something that has to do directly, that affects their life. And then you're like, but keep it a secret. Like how can you expect somebody to do that? That's not a fair place to put them in.

No, you cannot ask someone that. Especially something like this. Yeah. I am so scared about like people are recording me. I always think about that. Like, I don't know, it pops into my head at the weirdest times. But I was like, I was at Justin's mom's house

and I was like, chain Jane or something. And his mom would never do anything like this. But like my head, I mean, I think about it everywhere. Like Airbnb's, hotels. I'm always like, what if there's a little camera? Same. Like, ugh. And I was just like, I was getting dressed

and I'm like, well, this is her office. Like, what if she had a work camera and it was accidentally turned on? Like, ah. And then I see videos on TikTok about people who find hidden cameras all over their Airbnb. Oh my God. It looks like a normal outlet,

but it's actually a recording device. So fucking creepy. Like what? And I just saw this one where these people were switching through the channels of their hotel. And on one of the channels was a camera showing above a toilet. And the manager of the hotel couldn't figure out

where it was coming from. No one could figure it out. Oh my God. I hate that. And that's what's scary. It's like, with all the technology, it helps people solve mysteries and like save lives. But it also like creates this really creepy fucking dynamic

that's really hard to control. Because it's like, who is stopping people from like in Airbnb's from doing that? And it's so, it can be so sneaky these days. You can put it in a fucking teddy bear. But I do think about that a lot too. Like if I'm at someone's place or something and I know that I'm home alone

or and I'm get out of the shower and I like quickly like run to grab a towel because it's not in the shower. Then I'm like, what if they have cameras in their living room and I'm just naked running around? Like, innocent as that. No, and so many people have like cameras these days for their dogs.

Exactly. That's my point. Not even to watch me like friends and family that I'm just like, well, what if they have one for the dog? Like, you just don't know. And my friend, Jordan does have a camera in her living room for her dog, Harlow, which like, I think is a really normal thing.

Like so many people have those cameras that like disperses treats for their dogs. All this stuff. I just think you should notify people though. Like if you like are leaving them like home alone and you're home, like be like, okay, just so you know there's a camera so don't like change in the living room

so see it. Exactly. How would you proceed forward if this was your mother-in-law? Oh, I honestly don't know because it depends on what the relationship is from the start. Like, is she someone that you can actually get through to?

Like, is she someone that has shown a history of comprehension as we talked about? Yeah, I wonder. So it's just, it's hard and it's really hard if your husband doesn't care. Like the fact that he's only mad on her behalf that makes it even more difficult. And do they need to like change their password

or can they go sign out on her phone? Like do they need to take the phone back? I don't really know how that works. Yeah, I feel like a lot of things nowadays you can see what devices are signed in and you can either sign out all or like sign out specific devices. I don't have a Samsung so I'm not sure about that one

but I know with Apple stuff you can really well Google you can so. I imagine. Yeah, I imagine you could. Password changes also trigger that sometimes automatically. But I mean, I would have to, it's like if I wanted to have a good relationship with her it's like I would have to talk to her about it.

Like you completely cross the boundary for me and I don't know what you were thinking and it's gonna make it really hard for me to, like you lost all trust. Yeah. And like you're gonna need to like work on building that backup with me because I just, I would never do that to you

and I just can't believe that you did that to me. Like, so you'd confront her directly? Yeah. Unless she was like some like awful, like I'm telling you, like if it was something where I just felt like there was a complete dead end, like there's no chance I was gonna get through to her

and it was not worth my time. Then I think that I would just create like a separation like as much as I could. But I wouldn't want that. That would not be ideal because I want my husband to be close with his mom and I would not like feel like at odds picking like me or his mom.

I would never want that. So I would hope that the mom is like well enough. I don't know the word for it. I just hope the mom would be able to receive the conversation and understand and not just like be on her high horse and be like, I didn't do anything wrong. You did something wrong. You're the one who didn't log out.

You know what I mean? I think that's the reaction. We have more? No, I think that would be the reaction. Just for the fact that she's been doing this for so long and has no remorse. She's telling people in a way, I don't know what way,

how do people, and like maybe that's just like a generational thing where she doesn't, I don't know how anyone could think that that's okay. I don't know. A lot of people have ideas on what to do. There's a lot of people that are like, you should use this to your advantage now.

Like start texting stuff to like throw her off or like really like kind of fuck with her. And so someone goes, send your husband a text. Tell him your friend just told her mother-in-law has secretly been reading all the emails and texts between herself and her husband. Say, can you believe that? What kind of person would violate someone's trust

and privacy like that? How hurt your friend is. How she's now thinking about keeping her mother-in-law from meeting her grandkids because she can't trust her and you don't blame her. How thankful you are that nobody in your family would ever do something like that to you. So painful and violating.

How your friend said if her mother-in-law had admitted what she had done before getting caught and stopped immediately, she would have forgiven her. And you agree with that sentiment and find it admirable. Oh my God, this is hilarious. It's made you realize you don't take data security as serious as you should and then request your husband

contact the phone company and email company and make sure nobody else has access to your accounts. Since that's a thing they can tell if requested. Have your husband agree with everything you said and keeping the grandkids away from them is a good call since they've proven they can't be trusted and that he'll contact the phone companies ASAP. Then see what happens.

That's honestly fucking hilarious. It sounds a little too obvious, but then again, I like it. No, I'm saying like I feel like the mom might be like, oh wait, they caught on. Yeah, but I love it. I do like it a lot. I know, someone is like, or send him a text telling him the baby isn't his.

Oh God. And then someone goes, so you're literally suggesting that OP gives her mother-in-law totally false reason to hate Maline Belittle her for decades to come. Great idea. Yeah. Couple other people.

This one has like an award. So it's got the fancy little red box, not the asshole. And I would send a text that bluntly says, quote, honey, now that we know your mother has been and is continuing to read all of our private texts, I just want to send a message to follow up on our conversation about how she has irrevocably broken our trust and single-handedly destroyed

my relationship with her. With this absolutely shameless and grotesque violation of privacy. I'm no longer comfortable having her in my house and I will be nothing but honest about why our relationship has fractured with anyone who asks. I am, of course, not going to stop you from having a relationship with her,

but this text will be the last thing she hears from me until she is able to offer a genuine apology and explanation for her actions. And even then, I'm not sure if I will have the wherewithal to welcome her back into my life. As you know, I am incredibly hurt and disturbed by this. Also, can you pick up some milk? Yeah, honestly, that was the best one.

Yeah, that was the best one. People are kind of pissed at him, too. This is another Red Box Award. You have a serious husband problem. The fact that he wasn't as pissed as you is a massive issue. If you want your relationship to last, you two need couples counseling. He needs to grow a spine and let his mother know

that what she did is a massive breach of trust. This will only get worse as time goes on and you have kids. You really need to deal with this now. If my husband wasn't as pissed as I was about this particular scenario, I would be having serious second thoughts about our marriage. It really does confuse me.

That was like one of the first things I said. I just... Yeah, and it was worded really interestingly. It was worded in a way where... Hi, where are you going? Of course, I told my husband and he wasn't nearly as mad as me. He was more mad on my behalf.

Right. Which, that is interesting because the mom is doing the same exact thing to both of them. But because, again, it's almost that parent pass where it's like, well, it's my mom, like I'm mad she did it to you, but if she did it to just me, it'd be fine.

Because that's just one conversation. She's got access to everything. You don't just have access to the one comment thread from the wife. She's gone through all his stuff. So he actually has more reason to be mad. So it's interesting. Unless he's just one of those people

who does not text at all. So he just is like, there's... There's nothing to see here. Yeah. Maybe. But even so, it's still like, it's not okay. It's so interesting. I don't know.

I can't imagine like a scenario where I wouldn't be upset. I'd be pissed. Yeah. I would be really pissed and really frustrated and hurt and just overall feeling deceived. Not good. Oh, hi Holly.

I guess that's what's better. She's a funky dog. I'll give her that funky little thing. Moving along. Okay. You hear the term for fathers, but at DL Evans Bank, the term we like to use is for mothers.

Because before there was a bank, there was Gwen, a widowed mother. Her drive led the family from Brigham City to Homestead 160 acres. Her guidance ensured they went away to college, but returned home to teach, giving back to the community, life lessons that would become the cornerstone

of DL Evans Bank since 1904. This is community banking. We're cruising through these bad boys today. I like it. What is that, three? Three. This is four. Okay.

How many do you have? Always too many. Am I the asshole for asking my husband to join us in my sister's birthday since he was in the same restaurant? I, Female26, was invited to my sister's 18th birthday party a few days ago at a restaurant. My husband didn't come because he said

he had a meeting dinner with some clients. This made my family feel let down, especially my sister who wanted him there. And also her 18th birthday was a big deal to her, obviously. To my surprised, when I arrived, I noticed that my husband was having his meeting at the same place.

His table was right in the corner and he had about four men sitting with him. My parents and the guests saw him as well. I waved for him and he saw me but ignored me. He obviously was as much as surprised as I was. My parents asked why he didn't even come to the table to acknowledge them after the cake arrived. I got up and walked up to his table.

I stood there and said, excuse me. My husband was silent when I asked after I introduced myself to the clients if he'd take a few minutes to join me and the family in candle blowing and say happy birthday. But he barely let out a phrase and said, I don't think so, I'm busy right now. I insisted saying it just take a couple of minutes

and that had mean so much to my sister. He stared at me, then stared awkwardly back at his clients. They said nothing and he got up after my parents were motioning for me to hurry up. He sat with us while my sister blew the candles and cut the cake. My parents insisted he takes a piece and join us in the selfie but he got up

and walked back to his table looking pissed. We haven't talked till we met later at home. He was upset and started scolding me in front of my parents saying I embarrassed him and made him look unprofessional and ruined his business meeting. I told him he overreacted since it only took a few minutes and it was my sister's birthday

and my family wanted him to join since he was literally in the same restaurant. He called me ignorant and accused me of tampering with his work but I responded that ignoring mine and my family's presence was unacceptable. We argued, then he started stonewalling me and refusing to talk to me at all.

FYI, I didn't have an issue with him missing the event but after seeing that he was already there then it became a different story. Also, it literally took five to seven minutes. He didn't even eat nor drink, just sat down and watched. Am I the asshole? You go first.

Yeah. This is the weirdest thing I've ever, like he's in a business meeting. Why, why do your needs and your sister's birthday come before his professionalism? Yeah. You're being a weirdo. Yeah.

That is really uncomfortable. Oh my God. Really uncomfortable. So awkward. I think though, like, okay, if, and we don't know what these dynamics are either because business is so different from your personal life or it can be, I should say.

And so it is weird when there's these two worlds collided and if he would have told his, like if whatever the situation was, if you were to say, oh wow, actually my wife and her family are right over there. I had no idea they were going to be here. I'm going to go say hello to them to be polite. I'm going to come back.

Then maybe that would have worked out nicely. But the fact that she inserted herself and made that happen was so uncomfortable because it's like, he didn't make that decision. And now it's like, it just throws off everything. And I don't know what he was discussing. I would, that would be really weird for me. I'm picturing if I were the husband

and I was meeting with people and my, I'd be so pissed. Another did that to me. Like that would be really, really not cool. It just doesn't look good in front of clients at all. Especially if like it's him and there were four other people sitting around him and like those people are solely there because of you.

And then you get pulled away by your wife, like coming up to you. It, I don't know. It's kind of getting brushed off like, oh what a coincidence. We ended up at the same restaurant, which I get it. It can happen. But it almost feels like the wife like planned it.

And this is just me going down like a dark hole of like the last one where it's like, the mom was reading the messages and it's like, what if she knew and then like set this all up so he could be there and blah, blah, blah, blah. Cause I have heard, well he might be thinking that. He like, he, and that might be going through his brain too. So it's like the whole dynamic,

it was she should have let him lead. Yeah. Like that's what I would want if I was him in that situation. I would just be like, okay, if I decide that it's a, it's comfortable enough to like come over and like say hello, then I will, but let me lead. We, I clearly saw you.

I clearly was startled. Like if, what if he is thinking like, did she figure out that I was here and try to like bombard me? And the other thing too is that like, how was this, was it really that important to the, the person, the sister turning 18? Or was the, was the wife just like,

I want you here and I'm mad that you're not here. I'm making it, it's like such a big deal. I'm sure that the sister would have loved to have him there, but like, was it really that like, detrimental? Yeah. And so it just, it feels kind of like a self, like selfish move. Absolutely.

Is there any comments? We do have a couple of comments. So someone goes, everyone sucks here. You shouldn't have interrupted the meeting, but he could have also handled it better. When he saw you, he could have excused himself for a minute, go to your table,

congratulate sis and apologize that he asked her to turn in the meeting immediately and does not wish to be disturbed from there on. And they got downvoted, I guess a shit ton. And they go edit 2.4K downvotes. You guys all right? Wait, why? I guess people just didn't like the, everyone sucks here.

The overall vote on the post is asshole. Okay. So I guess people like didn't like it. The top response to that is not from OP, but it's from someone else. And they go, this is a very narrow minded perspective. For me, the type of work I do and the type of clients I deal with,

I would absolutely get up for cake and a selfie. It wouldn't be a big deal. At the same time, I've worked in information security in the past where there have been more challenging client engagements. Some of these dinners are important to shoring up relationships through trying times. In those situations, no way would I be able

to just get up and walk away. And this doesn't even take into consideration those people who work with international clients that may have a very different cultural standard. Absolutely. Oh my God, yeah. You don't know the husband situation, so best not to assume.

It would be easy for him to just excuse himself for five to seven minutes. That's how long OP said it took and is entirely different than stepping out for one minute. Even for my current clients, I wouldn't step away for that long. And I'm betting husband knew that would be the situation if he got up.

You're the asshole. Yeah. So OP response to the one like everyone sucks here. I waited on him, especially after he saw me and my family and I gave him time, but the blow-up was not expected. I did not expect him to react like that. It does feel very ignorant.

Like it just feels kind of, does she talk about if she works at all? Cause that's what they, when they said everybody sucks. Wait, no, who was it? Whatever. One of the comments was talking about how it really does depend. Like there are situations where I could be with a client

or I could be with a manager where it would be totally appropriate for me to get up and be like, oh my gosh, my family is here. Let me, do you mind if I excuse myself? Quickly say hello and then, you know, come back. But there are situations where I would not even, I would literally want to pretend that they don't exist because I would be so stressed out

and want to make sure that I'm articulating myself and that I'm at my like, at my best, that I am so professional. So it really does depend on the, a lot of these dynamics. And that's why I said she should allow him to lead. If he saw her and he is not getting up, and then on top of it, he already said no and she insisted again.

That is very much, that's just crossing boundaries. You know, it's, why do you feel so entitled to him in that moment? Like, yeah, I don't know. It's really strange to me. I would never, ever do this. And I think there's so much context that makes it either worse or like, you know,

I don't think, I think she's the asshole regardless. Yeah. But there's a lot of context that does make it worse. Also like, depending on what point of the conversation you are with a client, like you just can't get up and leave. Exactly. And it's like, you're there celebrating a birthday.

You guys are going to be there. You sound like you got a group. You're going to be there. Client meeting might not take as long. Let him do his thing and then he can come over after. Yep. Like don't disrespect him, his professionalism. Wait, like this is so weird.

So someone goes, you're the asshole. You have never had a professional job, have you? It was so important for him to be there. Why didn't you guys move the dinner celebration to another date? Upon seeing him at the same restaurant, you should have acted like you didn't even know him since it was a business meeting with clients.

And OP goes, I was fine with him missing the party, but when I found out that he was in the same restaurant, I thought it'd be different because he was there with us at the same place. If anything, it's my parents who thought he should join us. I mentioned this in my original post. Why are you letting your parents dictate what you do in your relationship?

Yeah. Question one. It just feels ignorant, truly is. It doesn't sound like she was trying to be malicious. Just sounds ignorant. Comments. I mean, there's a really long red box one at the top. You're the asshole.

And they quote a bunch of what OP says. Congratulations to your sister, but work meeting Trump's sister-in-law's birthday. If you wanted him there, then you should have moved the date of the celebration. Which is true. You could have moved it back an hour or two. Could have been on the same day.

Could have been exact same date. Move it back a couple hours. Like he was not a priority because if he was a priority and like the sister-in-law wanted him there so bad for her 18th birthday, you make adjustments. Right. So, yeah, very, very ignorant.

I cannot believe she did this. Like I really can't. I would be so embarrassed, so embarrassed. Especially, it's just funny that the other people didn't say anything because, and that just shows you what type of meeting it was. Because if he was with people who he was very comfortable with, they had a certain type of rapport

where they'd be like, oh my God, your family's here? Yeah, go blow out the candles. Then it's like a different story, but the fact that they just stared back at him and didn't say anything just shows you how much stress he was probably under meeting with them, seeing that his family was there, and then having her come up and pull him over,

not only once, but twice. You know what I mean? That's just so cringy. It's so cringy. What was she thinking? DL Evans, the founder of DL Evans Bank, was never hesitant to give credit to his widowed mother, Gwen.

It was her drive that led the family from Brigham City, Utah, to Homestead 160 acres, and her guidance that saw them through college in Salt Lake City, and returning home to teach. Giving back to the community, life lessons that would become the cornerstone of DL Evans Bank. Since 1904, this is community banking.

This one's popping up on the top of Am I the Asshole right now, it's posted two days ago, similar to the one we had, you'll see why. Am I the Asshole for leaving a fake positive pregnancy test in the bedroom to catch my husband's mom snooping? My mother-in-law moved in with us a month ago. I began to notice my stuff in the bedroom being touched. Furniture rearranged, stuff to move, et cetera.

I felt like I was going crazy, because my husband is the only one who has access to the bedroom, and he doesn't usually touch nor come near my things. I figured it must be his mom walking in and snooping on my personal things. I told my husband, and he said his mom would never. I had a huge hunch, but couldn't install a cam

in the bedroom to catch her in the act. I wonder why not. So I got me one of those fake positive pregnancy tests and threw it in the bedroom's trash can. Note the trash can was placed in the corner near the closet. Literally the next day after I got to work, I got a ton of calls and texts from my in-laws, congratulating me for my pregnancy.

My husband came over to my workplace and was all worked up about it, asking since when I was pregnant, and why I didn't tell him. I asked how he found out, and he said his mom found the positive test in the trash can in the bedroom. I asked if his answer just confirmed

that she's been snooping in the bedroom all along. He had a realization moment, but demanded we stick to the bigger issue. I said there was no bigger issue because the positive test was fake, and this whole thing was done to expose my mother-in-law's snooping. He was not convinced.

He had me take an actual test right in front of him, and he was livid, asking how I could lie about such a thing, and break his mom's heart since I know very well that she longs for kids. I got a lot of shit because of this from him, his mom, and family now calling me a liar and manipulator. Am I the asshole? Nope, no.

And the other thing too that, okay, not only did was she snooping around, but like where the fuck are your boundaries? If people find out that they're pregnant, they don't always want to tell everyone right away. Like there is this like a window where people don't like to tell people, and that is so up to her to decide

when she wants to announce it, and when she wants to have her big moment. So not only was she snooping in her house, but she also took that away from her by telling the entire family that she's pregnant. When she also doesn't know, she could have been like, I had a friend over who was crying, bawling.

Literally. You know what I mean? Like it is just, it is so boundary-less that it's frustrating on not just like the snooping around, but like on so many other fronts. This one to me is worse than what? The phone. Oh, it hasn't been going on as long,

but at least that mother-in-law wasn't like breaking the news to everyone. Like, oh, guess what? They're already married. Yeah. Oh, no, I don't know. Maybe they're both equally as bad, but I think like losing that autonomy over your body

and your choice to tell people is so just distressing for me. Because like you said, there is a turbulent time during the first trimester where people don't like to share. And then you have some people that are totally fine with people knowing right away, because if they do have a miscarriage, they don't have to go through it alone.

Or if she had this whole dream of surprising them, people like to do certain things where they make a cake and then it has some type of pun on it, or you know what I'm saying? Like you might've just taken that a moment away from somebody by doing that. You for sure took it away from her being able to tell her husband.

But like I'm saying, even if she had some like Pinterest idea of how she wanted to announce it. Like she took, you know what I mean? Like it's just- All of it. All of it. I do not like the husband's reaction. No.

At, no. Oh, throw him away. Throw him away. The fact he literally made her, made her, take a pregnancy test, a new one, right in front of him. I just envisioned him hovering over the toilet as she pees on the stick. Made her, you made her do something?

Yeah. This is weird. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, well the bigger issue here is that you lied. Also, sorry, did I miss something? So the mom, she has keys to there? She moved in about a month ago.

Okay, that's what I knew I missed something. There's a lot of comments from OP. Info, so they're going in order of like response, the earliest responses from OP. Info, isn't your husband concerned? Mother-in-law felt completely comfortable to snoop and report what she found. Why isn't that a part of the problem here?

OP responds, apparently no. Because even after I explained, he still said I was in the wrong and that the positive test was manipulative. Not the asshole. Throw the whole family away. He forced you to take a pregnancy test in front of him, psycho vibes.

Thank you, thank you. And so OP goes, he did it after we went home. I couldn't refuse because he was waiting for me to prove I was telling the truth. If your partner doesn't believe you at your word, you have bigger issues. Like really big issues. Wow.

Next comment, not the asshole, approved your point. Very nearly everyone sucks since you probably should have looped husband in, but given his reaction, I'm assuming he'd have tried to stop the plan or is he just upset about not knowing? OP goes, if I told him, he would have had an issue with it anyways,

now he's claiming that I deceived his mom and broke her heart, since she thought I was really pregnant. Comment was removed by the moderator, but OP responds and says, I think the issue is that he doesn't even think his mom is doing anything wrong. He's always jumping to her defense,

saying things like, mom would never do that. And if she did, then she meant well. If you got offended, then that's on you. You don't wanna speak to her, then that's a you problem. And rinse and repeat. In other words, in his eyes, she can never do wrong. Admittedly, the pregnancy thing maybe was a bad idea since the topic of children is touchy for both of them.

That is literally the narcissist's prayer. It's like this thing. And it's on thelifedoctor.org. It's a narcissistic personality disorder expert apparently, but I've seen it before and it goes, that didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault.

And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it. Can you send that to me? I wanna repost that for some peeps. I could sub-tweet somebody. No, no, not necessarily. I just think that it is a really good thing to acknowledge when you are speaking to somebody.

Kind of check yourself sometimes. Like, are you sounding like this? Absolutely. And some of these stories have just been making me think that. It's really frustrating to me when people can't take accountability or just like take a step back and be like, okay, what was my part in this? I think it's so much more beneficial of a conversation

and a relationship when you can do that, even if somebody is being absolutely ridiculous. Like, where's my part? What am I doing? And then be able to have a conversation from there. And I think a lot of people just go so quickly to be like, well, if this is how you're feeling, that's your fault. That's your problem.

Like, I didn't do anything wrong. It's all you. And it's just, I think that quick reaction is just, it doesn't get you far. It doesn't get anyone far. No. And apologies can be so easy and yet so hard because it's all in the wording because it's like,

obviously you were not directly responsible for how someone else reacts. But if you hurt their feelings based on something you did, yeah, you should be apologizing for that. But then you kind of get into this gray area where it's like, are they overreacting? Was there a miscommunication? Okay.

So I've like really struggled with like, how to word apologies where it's like, I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings. Like that wasn't my intention. But here's what I was thinking or here's why I did what I did. Because there's certain instances where people are hurt, but it doesn't necessarily feel like it was a you issue.

It feels like more of a them. So it is hard where you're like, fuck, am I brushing them off? Like this way, like this narcissist prayer or are you just trying to like clear the air and make the communication more solid? But you're still apologizing. Yeah, I think the way you said it

is a more positive way of approaching it because I think sometimes when people say, like, I'm sorry you feel that way, it just kind of feels dismissive right away. You shift the blame onto them. Right. And where it's like, if you say like, I'm so sorry that I hurt your feelings,

I'm sorry that what I said like made you feel this way. Like that, you know, wasn't my intention, but like to just straight go to like, that I'm sorry that you feel this way. It's like, it is very, it does feel very dismissive. Yeah. And I think that's like the thing. Like obviously people that you love and your friends and family and whoever,

like you don't want to hurt anyone. So yeah, at the end of the day, they were hurt apologized for that and then get to the root of like, where does this really lie? Right. Where they triggered because of something you said that you didn't know about, was there miscommunication? It's like, it's just have the conversation with people

and like really get to the bottom with it. And if they still are brushing you off and not receptive to your apology, then like, okay, that's probably not on you. Right. No, definitely. And I, and I don't have any, like when I was saying, I want you to send that to me. Oh, it just kicked my microphone in my face.

I don't have anybody top of mind that I'm thinking like, oh, I want to subtweet this to you, but I just think it's a good reminder for everybody when we communicate, because it doesn't need to be a narcissist. Like it just being more aware of how you're communicating with people when you are in a conflict.

No, I really think about the apologies as I type them out. I'm like, I'm like, don't come off like that. Well, that's good. It's hard. I think that's good that you think about that. That's like the first step is like being aware that like you're trying to be productive here. You know, you're not trying to cause more tension

between you and the other person. Exactly. A lot of comments from OP. This one was removed by the moderator and I have OP's response, but don't know what the initial one was asking. But OP says, she was originally planning on staying for two weeks

after she got into a fight with father-in-law, but now she's refusing to reconcile with him and go home. I think she just wanted an excuse to move in with her son. Not the asshole. You didn't lie and broke no hearts. If husband doesn't understand it, send this one away together with his snooping mom. I don't know why that comment was so funny.

If my husband ever demanded, I take a pregnancy test in front of him. I would tell him only if he puts his head in the toilet while I do it. OP responds, I know I shouldn't laugh, but couldn't help myself after looking at your response. It's true. But it wouldn't have been an issue

if she wasn't snooping in your bedroom trash can. I agree with posters who say you have a husband problem. OP responds, my thoughts exactly. One last comment that OP responds to at this point in time, and the person goes, not the asshole, but ordering a lock for your door and kicking mother-in-law out seems easier.

If you were pregnant, how dare she announce it? So many red flags. One of you needs to go and it shouldn't have to be you. And OP responds, the lock is an issue because my husband wants access to the room at random times and we only have one key. I don't have time to lock slash unlock the door all day long. Not a sufficient solution if you ask me.

Get a new lock on the door. Locks are $10 at Home Depot. $15, 20 bucks. Get a new lock with multiple keys. I have done this on multiple places I've lived to ensure I have a lock on my door. And here's the thing, let's just say that she, I don't know, like clogged the other toilet,

if they only had one toilet. And so it was actually just a total coincidence and the mother-in-law literally just went in there because she needed to use the bathroom and then she saw it. But the issue is telling everybody. So it's like, it's just, she doubled down because the husband could have a case being like, dude, like she literally used our bathroom

because the other one wasn't working. Like it's not that big of a deal and you set this trap on her. But he can't even use that because it just shows that she has no boundaries because of what she did next. It's the telling too. It's everything, it's everything. This one, there's a lot to unpack with this one and I think it's gonna, I can't imagine.

This was a good one. I'm glad you didn't skip this one. I know, well, I didn't read it beforehand. So I'm like, I don't know what it is. But based on the title, I was like, it sounds similar to the other mother-in-law. My stories are all over the place. I have way too many tabs open.

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Call Any Hour Services or schedule online at anyourservices.com. No one helps more homeowners than Any Hour Services. Okay, I'm moving along, okay. Oh, so this is coming off the Two Hot Takes subreddit as a screenshot, but it is originally from Am I the Asshole, I believe. And on the Two Hot Takes subreddit,

they go, this one is rough. It's titled, Am I the Asshole for telling my wife I don't want to look at her Bordevoir... Bordevoir. Bordevoir, Bordevoir. I have no idea how it's spelled. They're naughty photos. B, it's French, so that's why I can't fucking say it.

Bordevoir, Bordevoir, Bordevoir. Okay, Bordevoir. Bordevoir. Okay, cool. Got it. This girl I know, she was showing me that she made this like, it was like a sexy photo album of all, why am I forgetting what the word is?

The one's like print right away. Polaroids? Polaroids, and she showed me it too. And she made it for her husband or fiance. And it was so hot, like it wasn't anything explicit. That's what this is. It was just all like super sexy and like lingerie and like black and white and like a silhouette.

And I was like, I want to make one of these for myself. Literally, you absolutely should. Everyone should. Everyone should have one of these photo shoots. Literally, that's what the story is. Okay, so now that I know how to say the fucking word. Am I the asshole for telling my wife, I don't want to look at her Bordevoir.

How did I already forget it? I knew you would, I knew you would because I already did too. Okay, Google. Bordevoir. Bordevoir, okay, Bordevoir. Am I the asshole for telling my wife, I don't want to look at her Bordevoir photos.

My wife is two years older than me. She's 41 now and I think she knows that she's been aging. Even though she takes reasonably good care of herself, it's pretty stark how she looks and how everyone else in our group of mid to late 30s people look. She must think I'm not attracted to her either. She has a friend who said she would give my wife a discount

if she wanted Bordevoir photos done. My wife went ahead and did them. Yesterday, she surprised me with the results of them. Saying she hopes this quote helps. I frankly don't think Bordevoir photos make her anymore or less flattering and a quick glance at them did nothing for me. She kept trying to get me to take them

and I finally put the pictures on the couch behind us and told her to stop being desperate and that there's other ways to deal with a midlife crisis and that's what she's having. To be honest, I hated how desperate she was acting and knew that the pictures don't do anything for my attraction to her. Am I the asshole?

Yeah. You don't think he is? Oh, absolutely. Sorry, you looked at me funny. No, I'm just blown away. Dude, what the fuck? That's heartbreaking. Let her go, you're an asshole.

Like, I mean, I get it, you can't always control, I mean, you can't control attraction to an extent. I guess, I don't know. I don't know, if he didn't feel an initial knee-jerk reaction of being attracted to the photos, it's like, I don't know how much he could have necessarily controlled that, but what he could have controlled

is not being a fucking asshole. And I think that that's what really gets me. It's like, do you even like your wife? Are you attracted to your wife? Do you want to be with your wife? Like, why would you, if you're feeling these ways, then let her go be with someone who is going to literally look at her as the prize

and amazing human that she is. And it's like, he's looking at her as if she's like, the way he writes it even is as if she's like, washed up, like he's a dick. Like, if anyone talked about me like that, I would not want them in my life, but especially not want them to be my fucking husband. So it's like, let her go and she'll be able to find someone

that will treat her much better, I'm sure of it. Completely agree. The fact that she said to, like, she surprised me with the results and saying she hopes this helps. There's clearly a reason she did this. Like, she feels bad. Maybe their sex life hasn't been as good, this and that.

And like, the way he talks about her, like, I think she knows that she's aging. Even though she takes reasonably good care of herself, it's pretty stark how she looks and how everybody else in our friend group of mid to late 30s people look. He's 39. She's only two years older than him.

Are you acting like she's 60? Maybe he is. And he is the one who's like, I'm about to be 40 and like, I don't know how to fucking handle it, so he's projecting under her. So it's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, yeah, this whole story, how it's written is just so gross, like.

It gave me such ick. Yeah. I just can't even, because this is such like a nice, I think this is a really thoughtful gift. I've seen so many TikToks where people like, before they get married, will take these sexy boudoir like photo shoots. And I mean, the feather robes, the outfits,

the poses that these photographers know, incredible. And this one bride posted the reaction of like her and her husband were sitting outside on this patio. And the friends were in like the room recording and you see her hand him the book and he starts like, he's like, oh, what is this? Flipped to the first page and he's like,

like you can just see how elated this man was. And he like literally like flips the page and I think he eventually like grabs her. It's just so excited by this. And I think you should like, our bodies are so beautiful. And I think we all go through these phases of like, damn, like I hate my body right now. Like I'm really having a tough time with my thyroid

and like I'm getting on medication has been great, but like I've had a really tough time with like, how I look, how I feel, mostly how I feel. And I remember thinking in high school like, wow, I don't feel good. I look like shit. And then you look at high school pictures and you're like, damn, I looked good.

Why, like, why wasn't I happy then? And like now like, I'll probably feel that same way five years from now. Like if I have kids and your body changes and it's like, damn, why couldn't I have been appreciative of that time in my life, of that amazing body of like, whatever it's like, our bodies do such amazing things for us every day.

It's just kind of like trying to rewire your brain and be grateful. And I think that these Boudoir sessions are such an amazing way to do that. And like Moira Rose, take a little tip out of Moira's handbook. Take as many pictures of yourself as you can. Like you should.

Bodies change, we age, it's a part of life. If you're not aging, then you're not alive. So we should always be grateful for it. It is such a gift to be able to age. And I think if you look at people in your life that haven't been given that opportunity, that have had chronic illnesses or accidents, traumatic events happen,

like it is a gift to be able to age. And to age beautifully with a partner that loves you. And it's like, you could have it all, dude. Like your partner at 41, like she loves you. She's making an effort and like, you are just a terrible fucking asshole. Well, and that's the thing too. It's like, if I just don't know how you could be

so disrespectful. And the fact that she said, I hope this helps, like we were saying, it shows me that whether it was things he actually said, his body language, his like reactions, like she knows, not because she knows, it's because you're fucking obvious, dude, because you're an asshole.

Sorry, I've said assholes so many times, but like this just really rubs me the wrong way because it's like, if you really feel like you can't be attracted to your wife anymore, then let her find someone that will be, because they are out there. Like you're just like, like if that's how you're gonna treat her,

like don't like, what I feel like is happening is that they're gonna eventually- Split. Split. And it's like, don't split on a note where you break her down to the fucking ground and then let her go. Like-

I think how many times in your life have you gotten a gift you're not crazy about? Do you ever react like this? No. Do you ever throw it and say, I'm not interested? No. Split on the couch behind you and walk away? What?

It's a gift. It might not be for you. You might not be turned on by those sexy pictures. Maybe that's just not your cup of tea. But at least be appreciative that she took the effort and gave you this gift. Totally. Absolutely.

I know, I felt so bad one time somebody gave me, an ex-boyfriend gave me a watch and I wasn't, I didn't really wear watches. And I thought he kind of like knew that. And I was just like, oh, thank you. And he was like, that's it. And I was like, yeah, it's nice.

I felt like such a fucking dick afterwards because he was like, I spent so much time picking it out and so excited about it. I couldn't wait to see your reaction. I spent a lot of money on it. And he's like, your reaction's like literally like makes me wanna cry right now.

And I felt so fucking bad. Cause I didn't, I wasn't like, get it away from me. I was just like, oh, thank you. You're just taking it back because it's, I think a gift should be a representation of that person. And there's definitely gifts that I've got where I'm like, oh, okay. And I need to be better about it too

because I'm really kind of goofy in my head where if it's not something I like directly picked out myself I have a really hard time with it. I don't know why, like I just like, if I have a list, like stick to the list guys. Because it's just like, it's like, I want stuff that's like really meaningful and useful. And so I don't like getting like gifts

that don't represent me and our relationship. Like if you know me, you should get me like a gift like that. Like the watch, it's like, he didn't know you don't really wear watches and stuff like that. But yet now you wear an Apple watch every day. So he was on to something. It was a nice watch. It was a different, like it wasn't an Apple watch.

But no, it is, it is, I felt so bad after that that it like really made me check myself. Because I was like, it doesn't matter that like it's not something that I would be, that I would wear it. Like he put so much excitement into it. And like I want to like give him love back for all of the effort that he put in.

And that should be like my first and foremost like reaction for him. And then afterwards I can be like, you know, I actually feel like I might like a bracelet even more. Like, could we go look together like a return it? Cause I don't want you to spend your money like on something that maybe like might, that I might wear more often. Like it could be a conversation later.

So it was definitely something where I learned my lesson from. Yeah. And I think like, I think that's a good reminder. Cause like I don't want to come off as like unappreciative. That's not the case at all. I think, and it's not monetary for me. Like I love, love, love flowers. I love like thoughtful little things. Like you could give me cute coasters

and I would be really excited. I just wanted to be something where it's like, I wasn't an afterthought in you purchasing this. Like where it's like, you know, when you can clearly tell someone got something as a gift and then they re-gifted it to you. I hate stuff like that. Like don't, don't give it to me.

Yeah, it's funny. Just like, just like, it could be a Starbucks gift card cause I love Starbucks. It could be just something so small. And I think that's what you're saying is just like you, you want to feel like they had you in mind with like your actual personality. Exactly.

And that they've like listened to you when they've bought you the gift. Yeah. And so maybe, maybe that was his process. He's like, I wasn't into this fucking thing. Like she should have thought of me when she gave me the gift. But when it has to do with like your own like self-reflection, like that is something that people need to be

very hyper aware and sensitive of. Yeah. So it's like this- It's just her body. Yeah, exactly. And it's, well, it's also the fact that not only was he unappreciative of this gift, but he literally goes,

she kept trying to get me to take them. And I finally put the pictures on the couch behind us and told her to stop being desperate and that there's other ways to deal with a midlife crisis. Yeah. You just put her down. You body shamed her. You belittled her.

And the top comment really says that it's got 4.7 up votes right now. My wife took fancy pictures and showed them to me. And I called her desperate and attacked her emotionally. Yeah, dude, you're the asshole. Let people be happy, especially your wife. Question mark, question mark, question mark. Don't forget how he calls her old and ugly the whole time.

You literally- Wonder why she's self-conscious. Literally. Super weird. Okay, I have one last one as a palette cleanser to make us feel a little better. Okay, cool. Ironically, all of these stories

have kind of flowed together today. Yeah, honestly, I was thinking about that too. And I wasn't going to read this one, but after that last story, I got to pull it up. I got to find it because it's good. I feel like I have like a bug bite. I keep itching my ankle. Oh my gosh.

Lauren, you've turned into my dad. Why? Because on Father Knows Something, he like always shows his socks and people have been commenting on your socks everywhere lately. I love fun socks. What socks are you wearing today?

Butterflies. Alhander wouldn't be happy. No, she'd puke. It's so crazy to think how many people think- Don't like butterflies? No, I was going to say, like, get me and Alhander confused. The comments on the trio episode,

they're like, I didn't realize these were two different people. It scares me. Because I'm like, what is she saying that like people might think that is me saying it? No, but people literally were like, there was two comments right after one another and it was like, Lauren, like don't apologize for being like extraordinarily vocal

or whatever you said on that episode. And then the next person goes and they like quoted you, but they go, Alhander, quote, I'm a really vocal. And it's like one after the other, like one person got the name right and then your comment, but then the next person like literally goes, Alhander said it, like they still had you mixed up. Because other people were saying too,

they were like, sometimes I can't even tell who's talking. It's weird because I think that all three of us have a similar sound, but I also think all three of us sound so incredibly different. So it's interesting to me, but obviously we know each other and our sounds so much better for over decade.

Yeah, I have to listen to them all day every day. Right, get used to it. No, I, we literally said fuck these at the same time. It was on YouTube, right? Where are these comments? Like audio, I'll give you some. You totally, audio makes sense. But YouTube?

Yeah, that was surprising. Come on guys, you can see us. I got a new camera for a reason. You can see us really well. But sometimes behind the mic, they don't see our mouths. Yeah, you quit hiding yourself. I'm gonna have no stills to use of you. Okay, fine.

You gotta show your cute self. You had the greatest reactions too. You were sitting there like, Today? My mouth gaping and I could just tell I was thinking to my head that mic just blocked her. Today? The whole time, yep.

Oh wow, okay. Yep, the whole time. I don't even notice honestly, it's so like reactionary. Your expressions are so good. You just, you gotta, you gotta show them off. But no, it's actually funny though because sometimes Alejandra, I had somebody from my work who lives on the East coast

and she messaged me that her friend sent her the podcast and she was like, oh my God, I had no idea you were in this. And then she was like, I just listened to this episode and they were both all, and she was like, you sound so amazing. She was like, you articulate yourself so well. And I'm like, thank you, but it's not me. Oh, awkward.

But it's just funny because I'm, I don't know, anyway. Here we go. Here we go. I found this one. So it's from True Off My Chest and it's titled, A Stripper Made Me Cry. The other night, my boyfriend and I were out celebrating a friend's birthday.

As the night went on, people started talking while bar hopping to a nearby strip club. I was very hesitant and my boyfriend offered for us to just go home, but I didn't want to kill the vibe and I was having fun with friends, so I decided to go. I'll admit, my insecurities were running loudly in my head. I don't think I'm ugly, but I'm a curvy girl and being in a room of topless women

with my dream body is intimidating. Our group sat at a table near one of the stages and one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen got up. She was a talented performer. The ideal girl next door look and a perfect body. She looked like she could be on the cover of a magazine. Our group threw some money for her. A few minutes later, my boyfriend walked with me

to the bar to get a drink. And while we were waiting, the stripper came and said hi. Just small talk. She was incredibly sweet, complimented my dress and just had warm energy. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to dance. I reluctantly said sure. As she's given me the dance,

I guess I said something about how I wished I looked like her. She sort of paused and says, quote, you're kidding, right? You're the most beautiful woman in the building. I know strippers are always nice. It's how they make their money. So I just said, yeah. It's what she said next that made me tear up. She paused and says, quote, you know,

it's your body that inspired the Renaissance. There are paintings worth millions and millions in museums all around the world of women who look like you. The ancient Greeks painted Aphrodite to look like you. Why is this one gonna make me cry? No. She then gave a few specific compliments. I teared up.

I had never had someone speak about my body like that. I've never looked at my body in that way. She made me feel beautiful. I think about what she said every time I catch myself in the mirror picking myself apart. I hope she made a ton of money that night. I might go back to thank her again. I love that.

I just, it's so important and like, people don't even realize that sometimes, like how important it is to, oh, that kindness, that was amazing. I know, and that's just, holidays, like a great reminder, like holidays right now are so tough on so many people. So like just be kind, like look at what this did.

This compliment that she got, this was not that other girl pulling that out of her ass. Like she truly meant that. And just like, it's crazy. Well, and when you think something kind about somebody, it's really awesome to say it. Tell them. Because there's, that happens to me a lot.

Like I see like my server or something. I think they're so, I love their personality. I love the way that they communicate. I love their look, whatever it is. And like, and then sometimes I just don't say it because I'm just like, I don't want to be weird. But it's not weird. It's so amazing.

It's so kind. And you can make their whole week. Yeah. Day, night. Yeah, the top comment is damn, not only did she compliment you, she reminded you of your body types, historical presence and relevance.

Sheesh, I love it. Seriously, a genuine and unique compliment like that is the best. And yeah, like compliment someone. Like if you're listening to this and you haven't talked to anyone, like we talked about this on another episode where I don't like, I don't know if it's like COVID,

but I definitely don't talk or interact with people in public as much anymore. And I think that like scaredness of like getting COVID from a random stranger was like a big part of it. And so we were at like Trader Joe's the other day. And this worker in the alcohol section I was like talking to and he was like, oh my God, I carded a 2000 baby and they were able to get alcohol.

Like how weird is this? And then I just started like babbling on cause I think it was around the time where we were talking about age and stuff like that. And I was like, hey dude, like age is also like a concept. Like the younger you think you are, the better you're gonna feel and that's been proven. And I'm just blabbling, like oversharing.

I get out of the store and Justin's like, okay, let's get you out of here, Jerry Jr. Cause I was just like, I was acting like my dad. But that's amazing. I know, but we don't do that enough anymore. At least I don't. I feel like I've definitely gotten quieter and less communicative with people in public.

And so like if you're also like that, like and you're out and about today or this rest of this week, like take the time to compliment someone, like take the time because I don't know if it was you or Justin, but he sent me this video and there's these gals on TikTok that go around just complimenting people

and they're driving by and they see this woman on the sidewalk walking and they yell out their car window at her and they go, you are so beautiful. We love your outfit. And she looks at them and she almost like gets defensive at first. Like she thinks like maybe they're fucking with me.

But then she goes, wow, I was having the shittiest day, the shitty and like breaks down. It's like, we don't know what people are going through, especially this time of the year. So take the time to give one compliment this week. Like think about how many of us are in this community. If each one of us took the time to do that, how much brighter and better.

It's a lot of love being passed around, yeah. So much. And it happens to all of us, like goes through our heads all the time. Like I think of compliments very often whenever I'm like meeting people or I'm out and about and it's just like, we don't always say them. Like next time say them.

Yeah, say it. I know. We have people that just get like, there I am. I just said, I'm picturing like an old lady with her purse just like bashing someone and like, don't hit on me. And they're like two odd takes, tell me to compliment you. We are not liable for any damages

that incur from compliments. No, I just, I think it could be an amazing opportunity to just brighten someone's week. I definitely like, I want to find the time to like go volunteer this holiday season in some way. I just, I think giving back this time of year, giving back always is super important, but I think the holidays really highlight struggles.

And there is this like really beautiful magic that happens and that's, so I like listening to the radio during this time of the year too. I know, the Christmas miracles. I know, Justin of course is obsessed with Dave Ryan who's a radio host in Minnesota and I would love to get involved

in his Christmas wish thing he does and have us all, I want to like collaborate with him. That would be amazing. I got to send some emails today and get that done. Now that the live shows are done, I have like a little more time, I can breathe. I can breathe again, but. Oh, I'm Lauren by the way.

We'll patch it in at the beginning, we'll patch it in. I forgot we never announced ourselves. We always forget, but that is it for this episode. I have one story for Patreon and then we are going to eat. But thank you guys for being here and I hope that December is treating you right so far. And just check in, if you are needing like support, the comments on YouTube of people being like,

I'm sick and I needed this, like I'm going through a really hard time. Like I see people respond and be like, I'm so sorry. You guys have been amazing to each other. Yeah, truly amazing. So if you are needing a little extra help this holiday season, like go to the comments on Instagram or YouTube. Instagram, I see them all.

YouTube, they get a little, there's a lot of them, but just check in, check in and communicate with the community we got here. But that is it. So unless you have anything else? I don't think so. No, okay. I don't think so.

On that note, until next time guys. Until next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Now we know theHayes are waiting for some newasion tricks. Thank you all for the great experience. Have a great week.

Have fun. Come up next time, maybe some something useful is on the agenda once we open the MoVenture content. You can have lots of fun with it. Sure. Okay next? There we go.

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