Two Hot Takes - 97: More Drama than Gray's Anatomy..

Episode Date: January 12, 2023

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Amy!! These stories all have a medical influence in them. That old "apple a day keeps the doctor away" saying seems silly when you hear these stories and what our OPs are going through.. Can't wait to hear your takes on these ones!! Amy's and Matt's upcoming podcast: https://www.instagram.com/p/CnTWa82u-Jo/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY= Patreon for bonus content:  https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Our SubReddit to Submit YOUR Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes Non Profit of the Week: https://coloncancercoalition.org/donate/ Partners: ZocDoc: zocdoc.com/THT Thrive Market: http://thrivemarket.com/tht Next Evo: Nextevo.com/podcast Promo Code: THT

The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it, so can you.

For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit www.waytoquit.org Okay. Are you ready? I don't know. For a shot? Okay. Cheers. Cheers, yeah.

I've not taken a shot of gin. I don't think ever. I was just gonna say, I think that was my first shot of gin. Hey, here's to new things together. Wow. Oh my God. I don't recommend it. It's great gin.

It is. It's really, really good. It's great gin. It's actually from a local distillery here in our hometown of Duluth, Minnesota. It's called Vikra. If you look at it, if you see it in the store, you'll probably think it's vichy, but it is so good. And it's the juniper infused one.

I think they're on to something. It's really good. I also love at the beginning of COVID, they shut down their distillery and started making hand sanitizer. They did. Isn't that so cool? They're amazing. They're a really amazing business.

Yes. Such a great company. Juniper gin, they have a spruce gin, they have a cedar gin that I really, really like. Everything. The cedar is really good. So try it, you guys. If you have the ability to get your hands on it, it is so good and worth it. And we love supporting little Duluth businesses.

But here we are with another episode of Two Hot Takes. Hi, welcome. I'm your host, Morgan, and today I'm joined by my sister-in-law, Amy. Hi. You guys are pretty familiar with Amy by now. And if you listened to the very first episode of the year, she was on it with my brother, Matt. But we all need some quality Amy time, and so today she gets her very own episode.

That's so sweet. And we're going to medical vibes and not, not like straight healthcare. It's not like, hey, I have a high blood pressure and no, no, no, we're not on that side of Reddit. They're very loose, like medical issues entwined or just, you know, always speak to your primary care provider before making any medical decisions and on that note, let's dive in. Good. That was really good.

Got jokes. Okay. So this first one. Am I the asshole for bringing up my brother's premature birth at Christmas dinner to get my parents to shut up? Weird. Okay. I am a nurse practitioner and I am a primary care provider for a lot of low risk maternity

cases at the practice where I work. I also work hand in hand with the doctors and midwives to create a healthy maternity birth and postpartum situation. My fiance is completing her residency. We live together and have for a few years now. We aren't in any hurry to get married. We originally had plans to do so a couple of years ago, but then we got really busy for two years.

It is driving my very religious parents crazy that their youngest son is living in sin. I don't really care. I'm an adult and I do what I want. We are getting married in June. So we are visiting my parents for Christmas. The way it came together this year, everyone is at my parents house. So that's my folks, my three siblings, myself and fiance and seven grandchildren. So 17 people total.

At dinner, my mom starts going on about how she is so glad that we are finally getting married and she won't be embarrassed at church anymore. And my dad says how proud he is of one of his three older kids who all either waited to get married before moving in together or got married right away after moving in together. My fiance was getting embarrassed and I was getting mad over this stupid argument we have had too many times before. And a family dinner was the last straw. I have asked them repeatedly to just accept that they cannot control how I live my life.

I refuse to stay with them when I visit even if I come alone. Hotels are just easier. So I started talking about a premature baby I had been reading about. It was almost three months premature and weighed about 1.6 pounds. It was super strong and healthy for being born so little and the NICU had high hopes for the baby doing well. My mom and dad both got dear in the headlights look on their faces. Too bad.

Should not have fucked around with my fiance's feelings. So I asked about my older brother. He was born almost four months premature. Is there a chance that we could check out the family album where we keep all the records of family births and stuff? I already know my brother was over nine pounds and almost 23 inches long when he was born. There's no way that baby was four months premature. No way.

My grandmother told me all about it the first time my parents tried to shame me. I see where this is going. The subject gets changed very fast. After supper, my parents told me that I should not try to embarrass them with private things that are not my concern. I told them that if I heard anything about my living arrangements ever again for the rest of my life, I would make sure to keep bringing up the fact that my mom was in her second trimester when they got married.

My parents are mad at me for telling them how to behave in their own home, but my fiance is happy that they seem to be off the subject for good. Am I the asshole? Nope. Not at all. Not at all. There's a lot of hypocrisy going on in that family and I am not cool with it. Not the asshole at all.

No. No. So, doing the math, yep, that baby was no way four months premature at nine pounds. I had a nine pound baby. He was two weeks overdue. Yeah. That's a big baby. A big baby.

I ended up getting a little stuck, but we got him out. Traumatic birth story. It's fine. It's okay. It's just messes with me. It's fine. All's well that ends well. But yeah, no way that that nine pounder is four months premature.

So, I hate it when there's this double standard. Yeah, we've talked about that a lot recently. I think especially the way we treat our girls and our boys growing up is like there's kind of a double standard there. At least in my household, when it came to like sex education, there was a big double standard where like Matt got a cohesive sex education and whereas me, it was like no sex before marriage and that's it. And like my mom did, like I did go on birth control in high school and then my mom got

shamed by the rest of our family. And lo and behold, I have cousins that are now in high school, young girls, guess who went on birth control? Yeah. When the shoe is on the other foot. When it's convenient for you. Very appropriately. Yeah.

Very appropriately. I'm very pro. No. Absolutely. Birth control. Yes. Doing what works for you, knowing your values and. But don't be a cherry-picker.

Yeah. Standing up for your values. So I think that people forget like how hard it is to be an adolescent, how hard it is to be a teenager, how normal sexual activity is in our everyday lives. It's a wonderful part of being human. It really, really is. And so to be shamed for it, not cool. Although I can really relate to this story actually because I was brought up in a really

similar household where we went to church every Sunday and it was abstinence only. And in fact, although Matt and I lived together before we got married, it was just understood that we didn't talk about it in my family. That's how we dealt with it. So we didn't come out. Yeah. My family was never very proactive about doing any sort of shaming or anything like that. We just, you know, it was the unspoken thing where we just, nope, we're not going to talk

about it. We're going to brush it under the rug. All Matt's stuff, it goes into a closet when my parents come to visit. That was at your college house, right? Yes. In college. In college. And even in this house before we were officially engaged, I think, I mean, I think, I don't

even remember. Once we were engaged, maybe it was acknowledged. We might not have been until we were married. That part is kind of fuzzy. But college, they didn't know you like, you guys lied, like he wasn't living there at all. No. Never.

He was never, never living with me. No, I never did his laundry. Never did his laundry. No. Oh my gosh. It's so funny. Yeah. So I can really relate to that and how frustrating it is.

And honestly, it's like you can't just be open and honest with yourself and with your family who are the people who love you most. Like it's a little bit of a cage that you're in and not feeling like you can just be free and talk about what's going on in your life and your experiences because, oh, I'm not supposed to do this. So we're just, we're just not going to talk about it. So in this case in the story, I mean, they're taking it one step further and they're like, literally calling them out on it, basically, when they did the exact same thing.

I know. Like calling the kettle black. Right. Like that's not okay. Well, come on. It's so funny because I actually, and I don't know if my mom like ever really put this together. Maybe they did.

But so I've been like interviewing my grandma for like a little time capsule for myself and like, we sat down together and like I whipped out the mics and I was asking her just about her history and her first husband and what that marriage looked like. And then, you know, how did it go? You got married and then you had kids and blah, blah, blah. And I'd never really asked her this before, but my grandma is also one of those people that is very religious. And I was like, oh, you got married.

Okay. You got married in August. And then you had Derek in February. And I was like, wait, grandma, August, September, October, November, December, January, February. I'm like, grandma. And the math, like I don't, it was not math, it was actually six months in between. And so it was six months. And I go, grandma, what were you doing before you got married?

And she goes, and I'm just like, okay. And then knowing that and then the way, you know, she was really hard on my mom when my mom got pregnant. So young. It's just like, aha, like you were in those shoes once too. And I think you remember, don't you remember those feelings? I know. It is really interesting.

It's almost like we have amnesia or, I don't know, I feel like for my mom and me, like because she got pregnant so young, it was almost the opposite where she was like so hard on me because she didn't want me to go through the same thing. But that's not the case for this guy. I mean, he's a nurse practitioner. Awesome. He's marrying a doctor. Love it.

And if he's a nurse practitioner, I mean, he had his bachelors in nursing, had to work for a certain number of years, depending on what school, then as a nurse practitioner, masters, yep, or doctorate level, yeah. And so like the age, it's like, you're not, it's not like they're 18 and living together and young and like, not even whatever, but like they're very established and they're engaged, getting married. So it's like, come on, right? Why this archaic pressure?

There's a lot of comments. Let's hear them. From OP, I don't see any mentioning age. Some people are kind of popping off. The overall vote was not the asshole, which is good. It's got 50.9K upvotes in just five days, so it really did pop off. The people are like kind of weird, like they're like not the asshole, but you shouldn't have disrespected your parents in their home, which like, I don't, I don't think that he necessarily

did it in a super disrespectful way. He wasn't like calling you out, hey, mom and dad, I know you were having premarital sex because- It was very discreet. Right. It was very discreet. It was very discreet. It was like, huh, this premature baby was nine pounds, that's interesting.

That's a very interesting thing. Yeah. Yeah. And someone goes, no conflict, no need for reassurance. There is no, my siblings are calling me out, my fiance thinks I went too far. And OP goes, nope, all of my conflict is with my parents. Sorry, I didn't exaggerate it for your amusement. So it's like, everyone else is fine with this.

It's just mom and dad because they got caught. They don't want to be embarrassed. But it's like, hey, pot can't call the kettle black. And we got to stop just caring about the Joneses and what they are thinking, like in judging and whatnot. Just embrace who you are, embrace where you're at, be honest about it. And if you don't feel safe being honest, like that's a really sad place to be in. So, and here's the thing.

I also have siblings who did wait until they're married and it worked out great for them. And I have the utmost respect for them and their decision to do that. That wasn't my route that I took. And I also think that that worked out really well for me. And so, like choose the route and the path that works best for you and your value system. But don't pass that judgment on other people and shame people for things that maybe you're not choosing in your life, especially if you went down like the exact same path and like, just don't be a hypocrite, please.

A lot of hypocrisy and a lot of commenters point that out. And like, I just think like, I've come to this point in my life where, and I've kind of always been this way, but like especially recently where I'm like, I don't care what anyone does. No, whatever you want to do, whoever you want to love, whatever you want to be in life, whatever, whatever you want your life to be, go for it. I don't care what other people do. And I like, I have a really hard time wrapping my head around stuff like this where it's

like your kid is happy, successful, healthy, has a loving partner. So many things to be thankful for. Exactly. And I just think about anything in life, people that are like up in arms about people being trans or gay or any of these things. It's like, does it affect you? Right. If the answer is no, fuck off.

It's not hurting anybody. It doesn't affect you. If your decisions are that you're going to be a serial killer, I have an issue with that. Like that's a problem. Yeah. But the things that we're talking about are not that. No.

Okay. It's like, it's not on that level, right? So yeah, love who you want to love, be with who you want to be with, acknowledge that sex is a normal, healthy, natural part of being human and embrace that and do that in a safe way. So it's interesting. So because I was brought up in that environment, I always had health insurance, but I was always terrified and scared of my parents ever finding out that I was sexually active.

Oh, Planned Parenthood was my bestie in high school. So Planned Parenthood, that's where we, that's where I went. So and actually Matt and I, oh gosh, I'm over sharing. This is terrible. Oh my God. No, let's go. I love this. I forget that there's like going to be like people watching this and that I'm not just

like sitting down and having drinks with my sister in law and hanging out and chatting. Basically. Right. I mean, basically. Matt, just you, me and a couple of friends. Just a couple of friends. Just a couple of friends. Right.

So Matt and I started dating when we were really young, right? Like we were 17-ish, like maybe we met when we were 16. We started dating maybe when we were 17. And we were each other's firsts and we didn't have sex for an entire year and that was just what. I like it. It worked for us. Yeah.

But at that point, like I didn't get on birth control before I made that decision. And there were a couple like whoopsies with condoms. Like that terrified me, right? Because I was also a 4.0 student in high school. Like I had everything theoretically like lined up and pregnancy would be a really, really difficult thing. Yeah. So actually being raised with like the purity culture aspect as well.

Right. Very much purity culture. Yeah. Very much you don't do it. Very much you're worthless if you do have sex. You know, your value as a woman just declines. Anyway, I don't agree with that. I'm going to raise my daughter differently.

So I love it. Oh gosh, interesting conversation we're having here. So anyway, always. So insurance wise, I didn't feel safe going to my normal provider to talk about birth control. So I went to Planned Parenthood and they were so caring, so loving, so non-judgmental. And for years, that's where I went to get my health care as a woman in my birth control. And I like to say that because of them, I've never had a whoops or an oops or whatever because I was able to get the care that I needed for me.

And so often when I see protesters at the local Planned Parenthood, and someday I'm going to do this, ready? I need to get like one of those big cardboard signs, you know, like the poster boards. And then, you know, when they have their signs, I'm just going to roll on up. And on that poster board, I'm going to, it's just going to be, thank you, Planned Parenthood, like for supporting me or something that I never had to make hard choices that I'm in have to make. I know.

So I just hold up that sign and be like, hi, how are you? It's a great day we're having here, isn't it? Yeah. Thank you for supporting women. Well, and that's the thing, right? I think like so many people have this misconception that like all that Planned Parenthood does is like abortions. Oh, it's not.

And that's not the case at all. So much of it. Cervical cancer screening. Yes. It's the birth control, it's the SCI screening. It's so many different things. Yeah. Well, and I will say like, I know we have a very diverse listenership here, very diverse

community. And like, I think, you know, everyone's entitled to their own beliefs. Yeah. But I will just say like, if you are very pro-life and fall on that side, then you should be standing outside Planned Parenthood and being like, hey, you guys are having sex, get on birth control. Right. Prevent these things.

Like you should be so pro-birth control and quality sex education because the stats are there, the data's there, that the better sex education you give kids, middle schoolers, high schoolers, the less likely they are to have to make those difficult decisions. Right. So you might be pro-life, but hey, you should be fucking pro-birth control too then. Absolutely. Like prevent what you're so scared of. And you have the tools.

Don't be scared of them. Like that just kind of, ugh. But for those, like I'm going back to the comments on this one. Yes. Let's get back on track. And so many people are like really lost. They're like, can anyone explain this to me in simple words? And then there's another comment, okay, but I still don't get the premature baby bit.

And so just for like, in case anyone else is a little confused for this story, there's a certain duration, it's about 40 weeks, can give or take, you know, here or there depending on the pregnancy. And so the fact that OP's parents had a premature air quotes there on the premature baby, but he was, you know, nine pounds or whatever OP said, it just kind of goes like the parents were lying about this baby being premature. Right. Well, especially with their reaction with like, hush, hush, don't, like don't bring that

up. Like this is my home. Don't disrespect me. Don't call me out on my lies that I have like firmly established. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I just thought that one. And then this is the last comment I'll read, um, but someone goes, you're the asshole,

you aren't going to change anything by reciprocating hostility. You already know it's there and you know it's not going to change. Your parents will likely not change their viewpoints. And I think you're the asshole for just escalating it. You will template temp. You will temporarily feel like you showed them, but it will just create tension. And sometimes even though you are right, it's not worth the fight. I think this is one of those times.

And OP goes, no tension needed. They shut up. That's all I wanted. I'm a firm believer in sometimes you need to fight fire with fire. And I, I will say in this situation at least, I think their fear of being personally embarrassed is going to trump their worrying about their son living in sin. Like they're more scared about being embarrassed and being outed and being these things. Cause like, right.

They're, I mean, they're comment about like, I can finally go to church and not be ashamed. Like it's like, if people found out this about them, like, so they're, they're not going to bring this up anymore. They're, they're going to be scared. This is, this is a threat that they're going to take seriously. Well, and how easy is it honestly to just let it be. Just let it be. You don't have to talk about it.

You don't have to shame people. You don't have to judge people. You can have your personal beliefs and I 100% support that. My parents, I mean, I'm sure that's still their belief and I 100% support them in that. I disagree, but you know what? They 100% support me and Matt. And that's all okay. And here's the, again, getting to personal Morgan, what are we doing?

I know I really picked, I didn't realize I, I read the title in like a little blip, but I didn't realize how much the story like hits for both of us. It's, it's really interesting. Yeah. Yeah. We got to, we got to go and move on. I know 30 minutes in only one story down. Oh, two.

One. One. Oh geez. We got to move on. I know. It's okay though. I like, I like the quality time. With my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking.

I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learn something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you.

For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org developed by CDC. Okay. So this next one, it is from three years ago, a little bit of an older one. And it's titled, Am I the Asshole for Going No Contact with My Parents After Learning They Had Lied to Me About My Allergies All My Life? Hey everyone, I'm 19 years old and my parents are in their 50s. For as long as I can remember, I have been allergic to several things. Dairy, wheat, flour, gluten, legumes.

Since I was a young child, my parents have completely kept all of them out of our house. While other kids ate breakfast cereals, I ate fish and assorted pickled vegetables for breakfast. While other kids had lunchables, I had grilled chicken or fish with again assorted vegetables, usually sweet potatoes. While other kids ate birthday cake at the birthday party, I had an apple. I never questioned this until a couple of months ago. I was at my aunt's house for my birthday party and she made brownies for everyone.

For me, she took great steps to make them with almond flour and avoided all of my allergies. I started eating them and thought little of it until my aunt suddenly looked at me and in a panicked way, I asked which plate I took the brownies from. I pointed from the one where I got my brownies and she immediately stood up and told me we had to get my EpiPen. She raised to ask my mother for it and I sat there scared out of my mind because I had never mistakenly eaten flour before. I noticed my mother had calmed her down and then she said that we don't need to worry

because she had switched the plates of brownies and after all, I had eaten the ones made with almond flour. I found this incredibly odd because really, why would she swap the plates? That doesn't even make sense, but for the time being, I let the issue rest. It didn't sit well with me for about a week and I finally went to get an allergy test. The doctor started with a skin prick test and lo and behold, I didn't react to any of the above substances. Then he ordered a blood test and when the results came in, they said that I had absolutely

no intolerance to any of the foods I'm supposed to be allergic to. I was furious and called my mother. She eventually admitted that she lied to me because she wanted me to be on a Paleolithic diet and wanted me to be able to avoid all temptations. She raised me with a lie about her own health, but she keeps insisting that I try to see it from her perspective. She spams my phone with messages about how healthy I am, that I never had acne, that I have been in great shape my whole life, that I have strong teeth and bones, and even

that I got onto a D1 college tennis team. She has started calling me ungrateful for her intervention and insisting that I really should be glad I never got, quote, carb addicted. I don't know what to think. I carried around an EpiPen for all those years, one that I suspect may be fake, seeing as my mother never got me to replace it, and I don't even know anymore. Am I the asshole and ungrateful for losing it over this? Well, this person just found out that they were lied to for their whole life.

Yeah. So no, not the asshole. Not at all. And your feelings are your feelings and your feelings are valid. Let's not gaslight anybody. So someone told you you're allergic to something and you find out in your adulthood that you're not actually allergic. Maybe you're a little bit healthier than you would have been otherwise.

Maybe not. Who knows? Here's the interesting thing is that of medicine, right? All of the medical societies have not come together and said, this is the healthiest diet. This is the diet that humans should maintain and will lead to longevity and lead you being healthy. Isn't that so interesting? All the data and everything we have.

And you can argue that there's politics involved. You can argue that there's a lot of money behind the big pharma, the food industries, everything. Yeah. There's a lot of different complex issues going on here. But worldwide, there hasn't even been one diet that says, oh, okay, for human consumption, the Mediterranean diet should be the end all be all. It's the Mediterranean diet or the paleo diet or the intermittent fasting or so many different

diets that are touted as being the end all be all when science wise, we don't know. So this is a mother who is probably doing her best and thinking that this is the healthiest diet. And I really want to make sure that my child is a healthy individual who lives long and prospers and does very healthy things. And so she told a lie and said, hey, you're allergic to all these things. But in that, this kid, now adult, missed out on a lot of different things, didn't know the truth about themselves, felt like had ideas that were not the truth about themselves

and now have been discovered, you've been outed and now this person is like, wait a minute, actually, okay, kind of who am I a little bit? Like I was forced into this culture and this diet when I wasn't allowed to make my own decisions for myself. So which you can tell OP has a hard time with. I mean, I think the birthday cake at like as a kid, especially like there are a lot of kids now that are actually allergic to gluten and flour and all these things. For real.

So I think like, and this is something for parents out there to consider, like if you're having a birthday party for your kid, sometimes the parent with a kid with those eating, you know, limitations, limitations, thank you word I was looking for, will bring a dessert like I think that's kind of common practice. And I think we read a Reddit story a long time ago where this was an issue and the parent was like, am I the asshole for not making strawberry cake with gluten free, whatever, because my son's best friend is allergic or oh my God, no, it was worse. The son didn't invite his best friend to the birthday party because he was allergic to

cake. That's sad. I'm sad. And so it can be really exclusionary. And so I think, you know, if you have kids, something to consider is like have a little gluten free or dairy free treat or options, like who doesn't love options. And sometimes that stuff tastes better anyways, but for OP, it's very clear that like while other kids ate birthday cake at the birthday party, I had an apple.

And I do see that a lot with like Reddit stories about parents where they are very restrictive in what their kids get. And they're worried about, you know, diabetes or obesity and things like that that can be valid concerns for a lot of parents, but heavily restricting your kids has been shown to like cause the opposite effect. Like your kid is going to binge when they do have access to those things. Maybe, you know, obviously that's a little bit of a blanket statement, but it can happen. And so it's like, teach it, like it's all about balance.

Like you can have birthday cake if it's a balance, like you can't have cake every meal. Just like, you know, we watched or we were talking about the McDonald's Super Size Me and Justin was like scarred from that, which we did stop at McDonald's today and he ate a McDonald's french fry for the first time in 20 years. What? What made him do that? Me. He had a 20, like three year streak.

We were really good french fries. I bet. We were, we took a little bit of a, we took a three hour drive today. Yeah. So really funny. But we were talking about this and like Super Size Me really scarred him and fries is like that's as far as he'll ever go. And he literally had like three fries being dramatic.

But you know, obviously if you're, it's balance, like, yeah, you're going to stop at the drive there and get your kids a happy meal when you're running late and life is crazy. But it's not, you're not going to supersize me. You're not having McDonald's for every meal, every day for 30 days. It's about balance. Yes. It's about balance, but a little bit is about honesty also and like being free to say, hey, this is our belief system.

This is what we believe. We believe that the healthiest foods are not legumes, wheat, whatever the, what else was on that list. And to lead a healthy lifestyle, this is what we're going to do. And you can absolutely do that with your child. And then when they grow up, they, they get to make their own decisions because they are their own people. They're not many me's, they're not many use.

They are their own people who get to grow up and make decisions for themselves. So I, I, that's what I have issue with the line, the line, the medical twisting saying you have an allergy when you don't actually have an allergy. I mean, an allergy is like a rash, anaphylaxis. It's not like, oh, I got an upset tummy. Yeah. Well, that's the part that like really makes this whole story kind of give munchausen by proxy vibes because of the fact that the mom made this such a dire medical issue to the

point where she basically said like, you need this EpiPen, you need to carry this EpiPen on you at all times. And what if like, OP actually would have used this EpiPen, granted it would have been fine, like she would have lived, but at the same time where it's like, ah, like, why do that to your kid? And like in all, you know, what you're saying about honesty and transparency, OP does respond to the top comment and her response kind of talks about that. The top comment on this one is not the asshole.

You spent your entire life thinking that you could easily die because your mom wanted you on a special diet. Right. Allergies are incredibly serious. And while you can grow out of them to be lied to is unnecessary. Your mom did, what your mom did was manipulative and poor parenting. She easily could have had you on a diet like that without lying and making you fear for your life.

And so OP responds and goes, that's what I was thinking. I was a good, respectful kid. I followed her directions. Why did it take a lie to get me to eat the way I thought I should? I'll probably keep eating this way for the most part anyways, but knowing a strawberry milkshake won't kill me is a huge relief. Yeah. Like, we kind of talked about this on the last episode in regards like a certain person

that lives somewhere north and where it's like this fine line of like, do you lie to your kids to get them to do things? Or like, do you always have a very open and transparent, honest relationship with your kids? Because in the long run, that's going to pay off way more and you're going to have like more trust. Like I saw something, especially in regards to like high school misbehaviors and like teen drinking or like having sex in high school, the more open and like respectful you are

like with your child, the more likely they are to tell you those things or reach out to you in times of need when, hey, mom or they need help like where it's like, mom, dad, I, you know, I made this decision and I went to this high school party and people are drinking and I'm uncomfortable. Can you please come get me? If your kid is scared of you, they're not going to call you. So yeah, you're obviously, you don't want to like encourage those things and like binge drinking in high school and going behind your back, but like maintaining a really good healthy

relationship of respect and open communication with your kid. You're going to get better results. You're going to, it's okay to have those discussions of like, hey, here's the repercussions. That could possibly happen if you choose A, B, C or D and I, you know, in my experience, that's been really, really, really hard or maybe I haven't had those experiences because I've really avoided A, B, C and D and so I really encourage that for you. If you ever find yourself in this situation, I am your safety net. I am who you can call and here's our codeword, here's our code phrase.

If you ever say that, I don't know, I'm really feeling for some pineapple tonight, whatever. That's a good one. I know, pineapple, I don't know. No, that's very discreet because Lauren and mine, our codeword is hippopotamus and it's really hard to work that into a sentence. Yes, you gotta think of something like obscure but kind of still relevant. That's a really good one. I don't know.

You come up with something together where like you've got this code sentence where, okay, yep, because people can hear that other person on the other line as well, right? Yeah. Like if you say that, then I will come and get you and I will say no to whatever you're asking for because you feel unsafe or not, you know, in a good situation and I'll be your safety net and come and get you and pick you up. Yeah. So, I'm not there yet with my kids so this is all very hypothetical.

Yeah, you got nine years, give or take. Right. Oh, geez. It's gonna fly though. She's already turning six. Maurya, why do you have to bring that up? Isn't that crazy? That is crazy.

No, but this is so wild. Like Justin was creeping on my Instagram today as we were like driving and he goes, oh my god, is this Eloise in this picture? And I go, yeah, isn't that enough? She was tiny. He's like, she was born in 2017. Yes. I'm like, uh-huh.

Time flies. Yeah. Time flies. So, if you haven't come up with a safety plan with your kids, come up with a codeword safety plan and tell them that you are going to be there. They're safety net and no matter what, you won't ask questions. If they need you, you will be there. Yeah.

Your friends too. Your friends too. That's a great idea too. Anyone close and trusted in your life. Like I think it's good to have a couple of these. Think about who your safety net should be and if you don't feel comfortable saying, hey, come pick me up. You don't feel comfortable texting, hey, come pick me up.

Have some kind of codeword, some kind of system where you've got somebody who's gonna have your back and come and make sure that you're safe. Yeah. That's the biggest thing. I love that. All right. We need to move on. Moving along.

We are talking way too much about each of these things. I like it though. Cheers. It's good. Oh my God. They're having a good sister-in-law date. Yeah. I know.

This is so good. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Growing away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes.

We did it. So can you. For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytokwit.org, developed by CDC. This next one is really interesting. So you were just telling me a story the other day. Was I? About a patient you had and obviously no details, HIPAA, but I think you'll have a really good take on this one.

Okay. Am I the asshole for yelling at a woman after she wasn't behaving and making my job harder? I work in phlebotomy and I like my job despite some of the craziness that happens, like what I'm about to share. So it's pretty shocking and funny how many people say that they are terrified of needles. I mean, these include grown men and whenever they come to the lab and I need to take their blood, they're always sweaty, shaky. Some of them cry, feel faint, all over a little poke.

These are adults, shouldn't they have gotten over it by now? It can be pretty frustrating when some sit there and cry, slash overreact before, slash during, slash after the procedure because it just makes my job a lot harder, especially during the aftermath of a pandemic. Plus, it is really annoying and I kind of just want to yell at them to grow the hell up, which is kind of what happened today. So this young woman came in and she was already teary eyed. I mean, this was before I even asked her to confirm her name.

She was sitting down, palms clammy, breathing weirdly, so already she's working herself up for no reason. I'm getting my supplies ready and then she tells me that she's really scared of needles and then she goes on and on about how she cries whenever she's near a needle, that she feels sick to her stomach, etc. I told her point blank that she's just working herself up over nothing and she needs to stop. Otherwise, it's going to make my job a lot harder. She begins to try and take deep breaths, but the tears are still flowing.

Now she's starting to get on my nerves. Nonetheless, I begin to prep. Oh, poor woman. She then stops me and asks me to, one, give me a minute so that she can compose herself. Two, not show her any of my supplies slash prep my equipment because that would supposedly make her more, quote, anxious. It would. The later was laughable because I have to have my supplies near me in order to draw blood

in the first place. So I don't know where her brain came up with that. I had had enough. I looked at her and said, quote, look, are you going to behave yourself and let me do my job or not? If not, get out and stop wasting my time. Okay, keep going, keep going. This is painful, but keep going.

She began to cry harder and said that she didn't mean to make me mad. She was just really terrified of needles. Yes. I told her, quote, yes, I heard you the first time. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? You're acting like a toddler. Isn't this person in health care like tasked to take care of people? Then this woman says to me that the reason why she let me know that she was scared was

because she wanted me to be gentle and comforting. Yes. My God, these people are so entitled. Not entitled. I asked her, quote, what do you think I am, your mother? My job isn't to coddle you and rock you to sleep. It's to take blood. If you can't act your age to even do that, then leave.

She got up, still crying, had the audacity to call me sick, and then left. So I was on my lunch break and then a coworker approached me and said that I treated that woman horribly. Yes. I told him that I was just trying to get my job done. Nope. I shouldn't even be taking care of people if I'm going to, quote, act like this. And that I should pray that she doesn't file a complaint.

What? Question mark, question mark, question mark. Wow. Okay. So let's see what Reddit thinks. Am I the asshole? Yes. You're an absolute asshole.

Oh my gosh. This is a real thing. I cannot believe the level of absence of compassion that this person has. Needle trauma or like a phobia of needles is really pretty dang common. And yep, there's absolutely things that you can do to help mitigate that. In my practice, I find it fun to let the patient, like if I have to do a biopsy or whatnot, I always tilt them back to a little bit avoid the risk of fainting, but also make them more comfortable.

I always bring in my cell phone honestly and I say, Hey, what is your favorite decade or genre of music? Cause we're going to play that today. But everyone's going to be like, can I have Amy as my provider? I mean, sure. Yeah, absolutely. Come on over. Um, and we listened to that music and I've had some, so here's the most interest.

I'm so much getting off topic, but like the heavy metal, I never thought that that would be really Zen and actually like, yeah, but I was really into it. I've had a few patients who've requested that. Um, I mean, it's really common to have seventies, eighties, nineties, anyway, whatever music, music is helpful. I've been telling everybody that we need to paint our procedure room like of this calming Zen, like ocean blue color. Nobody listens, but that's okay.

Um, it's a joke that I make with my patients and it makes them feel more at ease. I think long story short, needle phobias are real. Yeah. A lot of times they have resulted in a history of medical trauma for some reason or another. Maybe they were in a car accident. Maybe they were in a near death incident where they had to be poked and prodded. Maybe they had cancer as a child and they had, again, had to be poked and prodded and it was a really, really traumatic experience for them.

That is a real and valid thing and it's not something that should be made fun of or dismissed or you're, you are making my job more difficult. It is your physical job to make your com, your patient more comfortable. Yeah. It is your job to find out, okay, do they prefer to like Zen out and be quiet by themselves or do they prefer to be, for me to be chatting with them, to make them feel more at ease so that we can get this task accomplished? Because yes, blood draws are absolutely necessary.

They give us an infinite amount of information that is really important for a multitude of conditions or symptoms or complaints or whatnot. Yeah. They're very, very important and you have to go through these blood draws. They're not super pleasant. Not everybody's going to be super comfortable with you sticking a huge needle into their arm to draw blood and you need to be compassionate and realize that they're people and that they have different experiences from you and maybe different fears and phobias and that they're

all valid. Like, come on. Who is this guy? I, that's why I'm like really confused. I honestly don't understand the disconnect because I think like as someone also in healthcare, I think a lot of the people in healthcare that I've worked with, the one big thing we all have in common is empathy. Yes.

Kindness, empathy. And like, I do think that's the majority of healthcare providers. Yeah. Otherwise like, I'm sorry. This is probably a one off. It is. And I mean there's people asking OP like one of the comments like, you're the asshole 100%. Why even work in the medical field if you're completely void of tact, patience and empathy?

And OP just responds and goes, people like this test my patients. You're in the wrong field. Yep. You are in the wrong field. Find something else, buddy. This isn't your talent. I, I'm just like blown away by this because I, I obviously we all have had bad experience with healthcare providers one way or another.

Someone a doctor didn't believe you. They might have misdiagnosed you. They might have brushed you off like there's an abundance of things that could have happened. But typically healthcare providers are empathetic. They're in that field because they want to help people and care for people. Otherwise, especially nurses, they wouldn't be there because you're underpaid and underappreciated for what you do. And some people disagree with that.

But from my experience, that's my experience. And so I just look at this person and I'm like, this is your job. And I don't think there's a lot of people that are comfortable with needles. I think that would be like, I'm one, I see exception to the rule. Well, and that's me. I love, I'm like, let me look at it going in. I'm the same. I'm like, yeah, this is the good one.

I'm like, yes. This is the good one. It's right here. It's this arm right here. Yeah. You can see it right here. Yep. Go for it.

People with needle phobia are literally throwing up and crying right now. Oh, they probably are. Yeah. Just by listening to it. But that's why I am the person who gets to take off your weird looking mole or your whatever. You literally were the ingrown toe queen. You're like colleagues.

Yes. I have. I gave you a cake. Yes. I was in my collaborating position, literally baked me a cake with the, I still have pictures of it. This was like within my first year because he taught me how to do ingrown toenail removal and made this like outline of a foot and it was fantastic.

I love that. It was great. I love that you remember that. Yeah. Of course. We're going to have to put a picture of the toe cake in. I think I still have it. On the YouTube.

I'm sure I can find it. You'll find it. It'll be good. Yeah. I'm just really blown away by this. I truly don't understand it. And I think anyone who's in healthcare who thinks this way and acts like they're above someone or in their, like, go fuck yourself and get a new job.

You're not in the right field. Justin is one of these people. He is deathly afraid of needles so much so like he avoids getting regular checkups because he doesn't want to get the blood work. I think that's so common. He has to take major anxiety meds, like prescribed meds to even go to an appointment. I mean, it's really bad. And so if he were to get a reaction like this from someone, it would traumatize him even

more. It would just perpetuate the issue. It would. And he is one of those kids that like, he had a weird childhood illness that no one could figure out. So he was poked and prodded constantly as a kid. He's got a little bit of a white coat syndrome. I think that's like justifiable and a lot of people have that.

Alejandra is another one of those people. Like, she's more common than you think. Yes. So I'm like, telling an adult, like, are you going to behave and like let me do my job? If not get out. You are lucky you're employed. And I'm not most healthcare providers. If you are one of those people who are scared and you are avoiding healthcare because...

This is the exception. This is the exception. This is not the rule. I think, Morgan, I think you have like ZocDoc or something on your thing. I love ZocDoc. I don't know. I'm not really familiar, but it seems like you can look up the reviews of your providers. And people don't bullshit the reviews on ZocDoc.

Right. You will know. So, but also even in the healthcare system that I work for, I don't think that we're like connected with ZocDoc, but we provide videos that we are like freely able to speak to the patients that we see and what we enjoy seeing and you can get a feel for people's personalities through that. So do your research. Find somebody that you feel comfortable with.

Find even just word of mouth is worth so much. Find a provider that you're like, oh, you know, this person really feels comfortable with this provider. That's why I find my guy now. Yes. Which I need to go back to. Word of mouth is so good. And you need to go back to that.

I've been like three years since I got a pap smear. Don't ignore your health. Three years. Okay. Yep. You're due. You're due. No, no, no.

Really. If you're a pap smear with normal and you're between the ages of 20 to 30, that three years might be okay. You might be right on track. I'm going to be 29, but, but she didn't like my breast tissue and that freaks me out. So it's okay. I'm going to get a reduction and a lot of it's going to go away anyways. Get a check.

Dr. Rodriguez. She's great though. So I'll be back. Have a little more time. I have health insurance finally. So we're good. We're good. We're going to get there.

Um, but yeah, I think, I think we've, we've really hit this one on the head. I mean, the top comment very clearly, this person was the asshole, um, seven months. And this post is at zero as far as upvotes. Like people really said, fuck you, account spend suspended. There were some comments from OP using the way back machine that I've seen. Just overall asshole, never realized that they were wrong and really doubled down in all of their comments. The top comment is you're the asshole.

I'm diabetic and I'm fucking scared of needles. Right. Jesus. You treated her like crap. Yep. I would have reported you. It's your job. Yes.

But you don't need to be heartless. Mind you, I've been handling my needles since I was five. You could have been sympathetic, but you chose to verbally assault her instead when she just needed someone to calm her down. And honestly, that person probably made that their own job 10 times harder. That all you had to do is say, yep, okay, I'll try to prep behind you. If you see anything, hey, just know we're going to make this as quick and painless as I possibly can.

What's your favorite Amazon Prime music station? There's my trick. People like it. I don't know. I don't like music. Seriously. They're calming. Other ways you could distract from this, like seriously, hey, have you played the heads

up game? Like have you done this? Like let's play 21 questions. Go on your Instagram or on your Tik Tok, go on your phone, like how often do we just like zen out on that anyway? Right? Yeah. Use it to your advantage.

Seriously. And if a healthcare provider ever treats you like this, report them. Absolutely. I'm really happy the co-workers stepped up and called this person out, but I wish the co-worker would have gone farther and reported them. Maybe they did. I hope they did. I hope they did.

But yeah, I mean, everyone really doubled down. You're the asshole. How you treated that girl is horrifying. People like that kind of bedside manner should not work in the medical care. Right? I agree. Fuck this person and moving along. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking.

I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it. So can you.

For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org, developed by CDC. All right, what's next? This episode is going to be like three hours long. Here we go, Morgan. Honestly, we have too much fun together. Other people would love that. They would. I have two hour long episodes and they say make them longer.

No way. That ass. Well, cap? Is that a thing? What is that? Factor cap. It's not cap. It's not cap.

Not cap. Is that how they say that? Okay. Too old. Okay, so this next one is a little bit of a downer, but we're going to make it through. Here we go. We're ready. I also have ulterior motives for this.

This is kind of like an episode about like raise awareness and advocacy. I didn't realize it, and I don't know why I'm doing this weird dance if you're watching on YouTube. I didn't realize it as I was like finding these stories, but they're in the folder and now I'm like, okay, okay, it's here and it's happening for a reason. Advocate. Let's be positive lights in this universe. Here we go.

That's why we're here. That's why we're here. So this one is from relationship advice and it is titled, I 45 male have stage four colorectal cancer and I will be dead in five years. My partner, 37 female wants to have a baby with me. Buckle up everyone. Sorry. Last month I was diagnosed with stage four colorectal cancer.

The prognosis was not good and there have already been signs of spread to the rest of the body. I'll be dead within five years. The doctor said it'll most likely be sooner given the status of the progression. We're going to try fighting it, but the chances of survival are slim given the spread. I've been with my partner for 11 years now. We met at the library as I was doing my masters in behavioral psychology and she was completing her undergrad in environmental science.

I still remember the first time I saw her with her finger pressed so hard against a textbook as if it was going to fly away. We've talked about kids and marriage in the past and it wasn't something either of us were interested in. We discussed it a few times and she always said she would prefer to backpack across Vietnam which we did then raise a baby. It has been such an honor to be with her. After the diagnosis, we took our separate ways of grieving.

She poured into her contacts and ways to fight this. Apparently there's some magical Australian berry I have to start taking next week. I've come to accept it and I will contact my lawyer soon to get my affairs in order. And here is my conundrum. She approached me a few nights ago, sat me down and told me she wants to marry me and have a child or two with me. I was of course blindsided. Having a wedding or a child is the least of my priorities or wants at the moment because

well, I'm dying. She was adamant if this is the last thing I do for her, let it be this. She told me that it's only at the end of things that she realizes what's important to her. She told me she wants concrete things to remember me by and being able to see my face in our child as well as a wedding ring which she said she'd wear even after my secession is what she needs. I am concerned and I voiced my concerns, which provoked tears. I told her that she has no family here.

Her only family was a mother who passed away when she was 20. I told her her career is flourishing and she has her passion in environmental monitoring. Being a single mother will be a huge impact on her. If I was going to be alive to help her, I'd be more amenable, but I won't. The discussion didn't end well. I'm lost on what to do. On one hand, I could go through with all of it and give her the family she wants, but I know her struggle will be immense.

But on another hand, if she has a child, she may not be all alone after I die. What do you think? Please give me perspective. She will get everything when I die. Our net worth combined is estimated to be 1.5 million, so she won't be in want of money. I warned you it was heavy. I'm sorry, y'all. I'm really sorry.

I almost cried multiple times during this reading. What a hard situation. What a heartbreaking, hard situation. I don't think anybody's going to have the wisdom to really tell them what to do. I think honestly, this is something that they just need to come to an agreement and talk it over and talk it over and come and do the self-introspection and figure out what is best for them and their situation. Yep, money's not an issue.

Great. That's wonderful. At this point, she wants somebody or something that is like a ... She wants to make a family with him. I totally understand that. I love that my kids have our, you know, my jeans and Matt's jeans. It's not lost on me that if anything were to happen and one of us were to not be here, that's an amazing comfort.

If she's going to be a single mom, absolutely, that will be really, really hard. Are there single moms that do that every day and make that choice? A hundred percent, absolutely. Are those kids still a blessing? A hundred percent, absolutely. I don't feel like I can say, yep, have kids or no, don't have kids. I know. It's just a really, really hard position to be in and I'm really, really sad and heartbroken

for them that this is their position that they're going to be in. I would say just do everything that you can to make the most of the time that you have. Ultimately, in our lives, all we have is time. Time is the only non-renewable resource. You can get more money. So finding out what's important to you and what's important to your partner, I think having a lot more discussions, a lot more talks about this and coming to an agreement between the two of you, I think that's going to be what you need to do because I think

different people are going to come to different conclusions. Some people might be like, yep, absolutely, we're going to have a baby tomorrow and that's going to be the absolute best case scenario that we're going to do and we're going to enjoy that baby as long as we can while the time that we have on this earth and that is wonderful and beautiful. Other people are going to say, nope, it's going to really be more painful than it is going to be something that's going to be helpful and that's also okay. Either way is okay.

Yeah. This is a really, really hard position. What do you think? I agree. I don't think anyone could tell any other person in this situation like a true right or wrong answer. Life is just hard and unfair for a lot of people and turbulent and crazy and happy and sad.

I mean, it's fucking life. It's all those things. It should be the definition in it. It's all those things. And so I think whatever decision gets made, it's hard because your wife could have a little you and you could get to experience this joy of being a dad, a parent, and for however long you have, you get to experience it. But again, if you rapidly decline and you have a newborn and you also need a caregiver,

it could be a lot. It's going to be really hard. It could be a lot. But then again, your wife could have a child to remember you by and just like that amazing joy of being a parent. But then again, that child grows up not knowing their dad. And so, I mean, you could argue this back and forth until the cows come home. It just, there's no winning this situation truly because OP is going to be gone if a

miracle doesn't occur. And you know, depending on where it's spread and how things are like, yeah, stage four is fucking stage four. And I did, despite this being really heavy, I did bring this one up because my mom is with someone she has been for years and years and years. And he was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer and it spread to his lungs and other areas and it's terminal and they're fighting this clock. They had these big hopes and dreams.

They wanted to get married in Italy before he was even diagnosed and then he was diagnosed. And so, it's kind of like this one, everyone should live life to the fullest if there's something you've been waiting for the perfect moment for or been saving up for or whatever. Try to do it. Let 2023 be the year of doing. Don't wait. Don't fucking wait. Life is too short and unpredictable no matter how secure you feel and how much time you

think you have. And the other thing is, I really, really, really want to see colonoscopies and cancer screenings, especially for men. I think there's going to be a big shift in that age. I think the age is going to start coming down. I look at this person, they're 45. And I look at big people we know, like Chadwick Boseman, our beloved Black Panther, colon cancer, and Ryan Reynolds, oh, one, one, one.

And Ryan Reynolds made a bet with one of his co-stars, both young, healthy dudes, both of them made this agreement like, hey, if you learn Welsh, I'll get a colonoscopy. Both of them ended up going in, getting colonoscopies, and having an abundance of polyps they need to remove, all this shit. And it's like, they're young, healthy guys. I'm a full believer in this age needs to be lowered, especially if you have risk factors on either side of your family. So I'm a family practice kid.

I have this conversation on the daily, and I bring this up a lot. So it used to be that the recommendations for colon cancer screening were starting at age 50, that everybody should get a colonoscopy. And here's my spiel. So the best thing about colonoscopies is that it's the one screening test that we can actually prevent cancer by doing it, because if they go in there and they see a polyp, they can remove it before it's cancer and prevent it from becoming a cancer. The average time that it takes a polyp from being a polyp to turning into a cancer is

10 years. That's why if you have a completely clean colonoscopy, the next colonoscopy that you will need is 10 years later. So if you have a colonoscopy and you have polyps removed, your recommendations may be different. It may be that you need a colonoscopy in three years or in five years, but generally it's dependent on the pathology of that. But this is the only screening test that we have that actually prevents cancer.

Everyone should be doing it. So this year, this past year, and I don't know if it's common knowledge yet, but I literally when I have my patients come in for their yearly complete physicals starting at 18-19-20, I'm like, okay, your mammograms, if you don't have family history of breast cancer, they're going to start at age 40, and your colonoscopies now are going to start at age 45. It used to be age 50, that age recommendation has dropped from age 50 down to 45 because we are seeing more and more young people developing colon cancer than before. And we don't know why.

There's a lot of looking into that and investigation, but we don't have any specific medical evidence that is exactly pointing to the reason why. So your insurance... Don't fucking food. So your insurance should cover colonoscopies, screening colonoscopies for colon cancer starting at age 45. I know I'm going to be signing up for a colonoscopy at age 45. I know it's invasive.

It can... It's absolutely invasive, right? Yeah, a little camera gets shoved up your ass. You're not used to that. It's invasive. No, it's... You're not used to that. It's a lot for a lot of people.

You are medicated. You are not going to be awake and like fully aware of all of this happening. Light anesthesia. Yeah. Get out. You're not... But you're also going to be very, very, very comfortable, okay? We don't do this procedure in a way that is not comfortable.

It is a life-saving procedure. If you are 45 or older and you've never had a colonoscopy, please talk to your primary care provider. It should be covered by your insurance because it's a preventative healthcare measure. So yep, absolutely get your colonoscopies, especially if you have signs or symptoms of colon cancer, which are recto bleeding, bloating, black tarry stools. If you're consistently having those symptoms, you absolutely need to go in and have that colonoscopy even sooner.

Even if you're not having... You're not meeting the age requirements of 45. Just go in and talk to your medical provider. Yeah. And if it makes you feel any better, if you're scared about a colonoscopy, Justin's got a friend that has Crohn's and so he has to get them regularly and he does his wake and he has a chill time with it. So if he can do it awake, I think you can do it sedated.

It'll be good. You got this. Yeah. Hold on though. Let's do a little bit more education because we are on our soapbox. Here's my soapbox. Okay. So, colonoscopies are not the only screening method available if you want to screen for

colon cancer because colon cancer, let Morgan and I be your witness, it's not a fun cancer to have. No. No. It's painful. It is probably one of the worst ones I've seen. It's really not a good colon cancer to have. I feel personally for anybody who's had a rectal colon cancer, it's not fun.

No. No cancer is fun. But like from what I've seen on this one, don't wait, meet your screening requirements. However, if you are like absolutely Amy, Morgan, there is no way in hell that you're going to convince me to have a colonoscopy because that is just way too invasive. I respect that. I don't agree with it, but I respect it. There are other options.

The next best option as far as that I am aware of is a colo guard test. Poop in a box. So this is a test that is mailed to you. You can request this from your primary care provider and they test for the DNA of colon cancer and it's pretty sensitive. It's actually, the results are pretty good with it. So it's not going to do anything to prevent colon cancer for you like a colonoscopy would, but it is going to screen for colon cancer.

Which is better than nothing. And if that is positive, then the next step would be a colonoscopy. If that's positive, then you really, really should get a colonoscopy. There are multiple options that you can do to screen for colon cancer. Please protect your health. Please get checked out. Screening is now happening at age 45. Don't wait until you're 50.

And honestly, this dude was 45. I know. And I'm just like, I'm really, I think we're going to see a push. And this is like the standard now. I'm so thankful it's been lower to 45. And I personally think there's going to be an even lower on that, but we're always following evidence and medicine, right? So we'll see how it goes.

If you're having symptoms though, especially if you're having blood in your stool, if you're having black tarry stools, if you're having abdominal bloating, if you're having things that just aren't right and you know it, go in and see your medical provider get checked out. Okay. And I mean, there is, so I'm on, it's an article from the University of Texas, MD Anderson Cancer Center. And so it's like, what do young adults need to know about colorectal cancer?

And there's a quote by a doctor, Nancy Yu, and it goes, if the current trends continue by 2030, colon cancer cases are projected to increase by 90% in patients under age 35. Isn't that scary? 35 and you, what? Right. And like granted, okay, maybe 90% increase isn't a huge number, but like, seems big. It could be a fear step, but like seriously, like just be in control of your health. Like if this episode has kind of shown anything, like always be in control of your health because

your health and your time and like, well, I'm a firm believer that you know your body best. And so be an advocate for yourself. If you're feeling dismissed, if you're not feeling heard, find someone else who will listen and we'll hear you. Absolutely. So we do have an update on this. All right.

Tell me. We have an update. Here we go. So update, I 45 male have been diagnosed with stage four colon cancer and will be dead in five years. My partner, 37 female is asking for marriage and a baby. Please help. Oh, I got to back it up.

Before I get to the update, there are some amazing comments on the original post that I do want to read for anyone who may be in the similar situation or dealing with cancer in general. And we did have a story on father knows something and it was a write-in from someone dealing with cancer terminal and still wanting to date. And there were a bunch of people that recommended a podcast. I remember that. I know.

And now I'm like, Oh my God. I'm blanking. And I'm like, I'm like panic Googling. And so it is a podcast called dying for sex. And it's when host Nikki Boyer's best friend Molly is diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. She decides to do something bold, leaves on happy marriage and like, it's just the whole journey.

And so people recommended that podcast. But I did see some comments on this one that I was like, that is really, like, that's really great. And I think we should take into consideration. And so the top comment on the original post is you should read, quote, when breath becomes air by Paul Kalanithi, a doctor who was in a very similar position to you. It details a very similar conversation between himself and his wife. You might find it helpful.

Very sorry for your diagnosis and wish you weren't having to face this at all. Next. I think, oh, just there's no words for OP and what they're going through. And the next comment is you might find some more food for thought in this episode of the podcast, quote, terrible. Thanks for asking. At around the 29 minute mark, the host does an interview with Paul Kalanithi's widow, Dr. Lucy Kalanithi, digging into her grief and her experience of being a single mother

since the death of her husband. It's a thoughtful and well done interview. And I suspect it will give you a lot to think about in terms of your own situation and that of your wife. And the specific episode for that podcast, when I click the link, it is Happy-ish Holidays. It's an older episode from December of 2016, but I'm sure based on the post, it's good. It's still relevant. Okay.

For the update now. Okay. So guys, I remember seeing those comments, I'm like, I got to get them out there. Update. Thank you for all of the responses. Please know that I read through all of them and replied to a few. I took all of your views into consideration and I appreciate the time and energy you all placed into your replies.

I believe the general consensus was that I shouldn't have a baby or that if I did, I should freeze the sperm and have her do as she wishes at a later point. Well, we cooled off and I had a talk with her last night. We talked at length about the baby matter and I had a strong discussion with her about the autonomy of the child, the ramifications of using a child as a grieving mechanism, and the effects of the child on her career. She hit the career point first and roughly laid out financial and practical plans to continue the course of her career while employing an au pair.

I pointed out the possible bonding issues, but she said she would deal with that as it came. So that's the career point sorted on the child front. She said that she understands my concerns, but she is still adamant that the child or children will be genetically spit between the two of us. As such, there will be remnants of us residing within them. She was honestly quite offended and reminded me that we're both scientists here. We know how babies are made and we know how children are human beings who need their own

autonomy. She told me that it is undeniable that when she hugs them at night or eats with them, there will be glances of me every now and again through them and that's enough for her. That was the gist of the conversation. She asked how I felt. I told her I was nervous about the entire thing because kids are a lot of work. I also opened up and told her that I was concerned she may be going through a period of acute psychosis, not at all irregular, and I very easily misinterpret as rational.

As such, I told her we should go to couples grief counseling for a minimum of two months. If at the end of it, she still wants a baby, I'll do it. She didn't argue and we made up and had a nice evening. I've started recording birthday videos and writing letters to my possible future children, just in case. This sub-forum doesn't let me update again, so this is it. You won't hear from me again. Thank you for your time.

Please live a kind life. Edit to those of you telling me to not give up hope about my survival. The cancer has spread to a number of different major organs and progressed within them, one of which is the pancreas, which at this stage is incurable. Another is my brain. I will be dying within the next few years. Thank you for your concerns, though. I appreciate the intent.

Wow, I think that they are such a strong couple. I know. Can I just cry over here for a minute? It fucking sucks. It fucking sucks. There's no, no fucking, there's no happy ending for this one. I mean, there was the hope, like in the original post, like don't give up hope, but it is what it is, unfortunately, an OP, like what an amazing, strong person I just can't even imagine.

Again, I think there's no right or wrong answer. I think it's, yep, go to a therapist, think about things, work through things, give it a couple months, and yeah, if that's what you want to do, go for it. If you feel like you want to have a baby, absolutely do it. If you feel like that's going to be really hard and painful and not going to add, don't, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here. No, there's really not. I think, I think they're on the right track, grief counseling, like anyone dealing with

a difficult situation like this, counseling, personal couples, if you're in a relationship, I think we're not equipped to naturally be able to deal with these major catastrophic life events. We need tools, we need help sometimes, and it's totally okay to reach out for help, but I think, I think they're on the right track and I'm fucking make cancer. It sounds like they love each other so much. They do. It sounds like they have such a wonderful relationship. I'm so happy that they have like that love and that support for each other to help them through

this really hard, really tough situation. I mean, beautiful couple, I think in the initial post, he said it is an honor to have loved her, like, or whatever he said, like, can someone say that about me, please? I'm sure Matt does. I know, I think he just, he's so sweet. But God, I just, I feel for them and OP is still posting. I'll remember to try to post, I'll try to remember, I should say, to post the links for all these stories, but OP has been posting on other accounts as recent as 22 days ago.

We're posting to commenting on other people. I hope in the best. I hope for a miracle for them. I hope all the wonderful good things that they can have. I really do too. I don't see any other comments on the update. And it's kind of annoying that people are like, I don't think you should have a kid because that's really not your decision to make.

I think like, but again, the thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes. We did it, so can you.

For free and confidential help, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW or visit waytoquit.org. Developed by CDC. Threat it. People come here for takes and insight. Yep. This is a tough one. There we go. Okay.

I'm going to give us a little bit of a light palette cleanser. It has nothing to do with medicine. Wonderful. I think we're exhausted with it today. I have a whole nother folder though for you. So this is definitely going to be a recurring theme, I think. Well, if the people want it, I'll come back. I think it'll be good.

I don't know. I think it'll be good. Okay. So this one is from True Off My Chest. Okay. Lot of awards. And it is titled, I can hear my neighbor talk to his cat. Every day when my neighbor comes home from work, he unlocks his door and says,

Hello, Kevin. And Kevin the cat meows back in greeting. Our apartment building is small. And I can hear nearly everything that happens in the communal hallways in my living room. I don't know my neighbor at all. Not even his name. But I know his cat. My neighbor also likes to smoke a lot of weed.

No shame. I like to indulge too. Just not every day. I work from home and live alone. But hearing, Hello, Kevin, has become a part of my routine. It makes me smile every time. Yesterday, I heard the normal, Hello, Kevin greeting and Kevin's meow. I later smelled the blunt he smoked.

Then I heard him go into the laundry room and come back. But then heard something odd. Kevin's meowing was super loud and he sounded pissed. I waited a little while, but Kevin persisted. I opened up my door and saw Kevin outside the neighbor's door. He was practically screaming and jumping up to hit the door with his little paws. Inside the apartment, I heard my neighbor echoing Kevin's cries. Meow, meow.

My neighbor sounded frantic and desperate, calling Kevin over and over again. I walked up to the door and knocked. I heard my neighbor pause. Then quietly with amazement and perhaps fear, repeat, Kevin. At last minute, I decided to dart back into my apartment and softly close the door, listening while my neighbor let Kevin in. He whispered, How did you do that, Kevin? Oh my God, I love it.

I've been laughing to myself about it since it happened, imagining my stoned out of his mind neighbor, contemplating how his cat human knocked on his door. X, X, X. Oh, I love it. There is a little bit of an edit. It's just, Hello, everyone. I'm so glad this brought joy to other people.

It makes me so happy that this has been a bright spot in people's day. I'm dumbfounded by how much attention this has gotten. Thank you so much for the awards. I wish I could respond to every comment and tell you how amazing I think you are. I'm a longtime Reddit user and I never thought some dumb thing I did would make so many people laugh. I don't have many pictures of Kevin to share. I don't want to invade his privacy. I only see him when he monitors my trips to and from my car,

but I can give a description of what he looks like. Kevin is a small cat with long grayish hair. He looked fluffy, but not chunky. He was very skittish and kept his distance. So I think he's probably pretty shy in a loof. He has tremendously big eyes, but I'm not sure if that's his panicked look or not. Maybe since he was locked out.

I, I added that maybe part. I hope everyone has a great day, week, life. Give your pets a pat for me. That's just the sweetest. I mean, come on. We all needed that one. Oh, all of us. Yes.

We all needed that one. The palette cleanser, like, come on. Oh, dear Lord. The Kevin. The Kevin. Oh, that's so sweet. That's so good. Thank you so much for coming on.

You're welcome. This is fun. We have big things for you guys in 2023. Maybe. Another podcast. Maybe. Another podcast in the works for the THD family. Married in the Midwest.

Will people listen? I don't know. I think, I think there's some hope. I think there's some hope. I think it would be really good. You guys have such amazing takes on parenting and being married and all that comes with sustaining a happy, healthy life relationship.

Kids, we should, we for sure have real life experience. That's, that's for sure. That's, that's going to be good. Yeah. It's going to be good. Not sure of the title. They, they definitely don't want to go with married Midwest bitches. No, no, no.

So we'll see. I just can't. I just can't. We'll see. It's got to be appropriate for Amy to share at work, but. Or just to help you. Has to be heartfelt and kind. Yeah, yeah.

We're from the Midwest after all. Minnesota nice y'all. Minnesota nice. So by the time this episode comes out, they will have an Instagram up and running. Okay. For updates and when it's coming, I'll post the link in the description.

I'm, I'm putting the pressure on right now. Can you tell? So here's the deal. Like I need, here, here's what I need. If anybody can like tell me what kind of things you are interested in hearing or what you'd like our opinion on, or what you'd like us to discuss, like that would give me so much direction.

Because I don't know. Would you feel more confident in it? Probably. I don't, I don't know what to talk about. We are literally have the first three topics for you. We literally grew up in this itty bitty little town in Minnesota with lots of snow, but you have so much experience and life that you've lived. Yes, I know.

We are so old market. You're not old, you little weirdo. But you're just like, you, you've been, I mean, it's interesting because it's like, oh, I just live in like little Minnesota. Like what do I have to talk about anything? It's like, look at this, like look at this fucking show. All right.

Who would have thought? Yes, I mean, Who would have thought? I will. Who would have thought? I would have thought from the start. From the start. From the start.

Got some good stuff, y'all. I mean, we, yes, there are some salads that aren't actually salads that we bring to every single family gathering, but maybe some life experience. I don't know. I think it's going to be good. Okay. I think it's going to be good. Well, well, I mean, just tell me what you think.

Help me out because I like, I literally don't know. This is really foreign to me. I'd rather just come on and be a guest and forget that there's ever going to be anybody who ever sees this conversation between me and Morgan. Yeah. There's going to be some people, but I think your show is going to be great. So be sure to follow along on that Instagram for updates. It's, it's going to be an amazing show.

We'll figure it out. It's going to be good. I don't know. It's going to be good. As far as this week's charity, it's going to be. Yes, tell me. What was it? It's going to be one geared towards colon cancer screenings.

Yes. So the link will be in the description. Wonderful. Be sure to check it out. Get your colon cancer screening, everybody. I know. Preferably a colonoscopy if it's too much for you, that's okay, but preferably a colonoscopy because it prevents cancer as well as screens for cancer.

Yeah. It's not that bad. Life is too short to not be taking care of yourself. And I know a lot of us are scared of doctors, but do your best to get there. I'm not a doctor. It's not scary. It's not scary.

Do your best to get there. Find a provider that fits your personality. There's a lot of different ways you can do that. Absolutely. ZockDoc is a great place to look. They've been a sponsor of the podcast for a while now, but I truly have been using ZockDoc for over five years before they even came into my life for the podcast sponsorship.

I'm a firm believer in it. I love it. I love creeping on all the doctors before I see them. And that's how you find a good one. Find a good one. Everyone deserves to feel felt and heard by their healthcare provider. And if ZockDoc isn't in your area,

I don't think it's really in our area. But a lot of times your area has providers that will put themselves out there and do videos so you can get a feel of them or even word of mouth. It's just so good. Find somebody that's going to work with you. Absolutely. I know a lot of insurance providers don't, you guys.

And I know a lot of insurance providers do have a list of, hey, this is your insurance. These are options you can go to. And just go on Yelp, go on the actual hospital website. Like for us in Minnesota, a big one is Ascension and Fairview. And Amy is saying a lot of providers will have these videos or there will be info about them. And just diving in to find someone you like.

Literally, I love my job, you guys. I love helping you guys. I love seeing my patients, connecting with them. I mean, I'm not a unicorn. A lot of people are out there like that. There's good ones out there. Yeah. Just like little Amy.

But thank you guys so much for listening. And there will be a Patreon from this episode. This is a little long. We're at like two hours, 11 minutes. I knew it was going to be always, always with me. Way too long. So one is going over to Patreon. So be sure to head over there.

Link again is in the description. But thank you for being here. Second episode of 2023 and already off to a good start. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. But on that note, until next time, you guys. Until next time.

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