Two Hot Takes - Bonus: The Best of Father Knows Something

Episode Date: July 7, 2022

While Two Hot Takes is away, Father Knows Something is here to save the day. Self care is so important so, in order to be more present in my life and this podcast, I'm taking the week off from releasing an episode to recoup. BUT I couldn't leave you all hanging, and so Justin and I put together a few stories from Father Knows Something to hopefully tie you all over until next week. Thankful for all you support. <3 Morgan Our SubReddit to Submit Stories!!! https://reddit.app.link/twohottakes Merch: https://fanjoy.co/collections/twohottakes Bonus stories & Get your own "What's in the Box?!" at https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes

Gotta walk the dogs, school drop off, meetings from 10-3, take kids to soccer practice, then… there goes the extra time for a jog. That's okay. Maybe next week. When everyone else relies on you, it's easy to put your needs last. Therapy is a dedicated time to focus on what you need to be happy. So you can show up for yourself the way you do for others. BetterHelp offers convenient online therapy on your schedule.

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So I'm trying to figure out the direction. I want to go with the show and kind of get my head back in a good space. But I didn't want to leave you guys hanging, and I wanted to share with you something Justin and I have really put our heart and soul into, which is Father Knows Something. Yes. It's a show we've talked about in past episodes, but we created it with my dad in mind,

and then it kind of has morphed into this show where my dad gives his... I don't even know what generation he is, but he gives his old advice and wise advice, and we kind of add a millennial or more modern take, I would say, sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes we battle. It's kind of still finding its footings, but it's a really amazing show, and we get amazing write-ins,

and some of the updates we get so far have been incredible, saying the advice has really helped and put them in a better space. And so we kind of put together some of the stories that have really stood out to us. They all do, but I think these ones have really encouraged some thought-provoking advice, conversations, and led to some really good help. Yeah. I just think the polarity between how all of us view these and go through them is very cool, especially because every single one is written in specifically to the show.

Yeah. It's amazing. So with that being said, enjoy our favorite write-ins from Father Knows Something. Let's jump in. Let's go. This first story is from episode 28, Father Knows Turmoil. This is a heavy first one. So if you have family or yourself or anyone dealing with cancer,

this one could be very triggering for you. Okay. So it's a trigger with family health and cancer. Hey, Jerry. Love the show and all the wonderful advice you give everyone. I'll get straight to it with the issue I'm having. I don't know if there will even be a solution. I, 40-year-old female, was diagnosed with stage four inflammatory breast cancer

with metastasis to parts of my spine and a few ribs in November 2021. I went through 16 weeks of chemotherapy treatments. I'm now on a Brantz daily chemotherapy pill along with hormone blockers because my breast cancer is hormone positive, which makes my hormone tell my cancer to grow and spread faster. My oncologist and team of doctors have given me 24 to 36 months to live. What I desperately need your advice on is how to, or if I'll ever be able to date again before I die.

I've been single since October 2021. I miss dating, being close to someone, having that close friendship that comes along with dating slash being with someone. If I try to meet someone a date, telling them I have stage four cancer and 24 to 36 months to live is understandably going to make them run. I know it's not fair to expect someone to get close to me knowing I'm dying, but I want so much to have someone in my life. To date, be close to, have sex with, cuddle, watch movies together, cook together, etc.

I could go on and on about everything I miss and want with another person. I just don't know how to tell someone I might meet about my situation or if I should even try to date as much as I want to because it's not fair to expect someone to be okay or deal with trying to date someone knowing they have terminal cancer. Any advice from you would be so helpful. I'm just going to do the ideal outcome and additional info because I just think it's necessary.

So ideal outcome, to date someone, get close to them, have a relationship and all that comes with it before I die and then anything else. I had two other opinions from oncologists and breast cancer centers after my initial diagnosis to make sure I was getting the best treatment options. If my diagnosis was the same from other oncologists slash breast cancer centers, also not sure if this matters, but I thought I'd add that I'm a lesbian. Well, I didn't look at the lesbian to be a factor of finding love. No, I just wanted to make sure you had all the info.

I appreciate that. It's one thing to recognize the fact that your prognosis for long-term isn't good as far as being here mortally. And I'll start with that because I had a friend that recently passed. Morgan's aware of this not even a few months ago. And he apparently had been sick for quite a while. He really never told anybody that he was going through issues for 12 years. And he told me about two months ago that he has had cancer

and it's, you know, anyways, it has come back strong and strong and fierce. But it's not going to change his plans. He's going to go live his life and he's going to buy these cruise ship, you know, tickets for a cruise and he's going to live life and go as long as he can go and he's going to do all the protocols and try to find whatever other protocols are out there. But he's going to continue with his life. And there is no doubt in my understanding, you're right in that you're going to do the same. You are going to live your life to the fullest.

And I say, why not? You go for it, girl. There is someone out there that will love the opportunity to have loved you and be with you and intimate with you and to cook with you and share every factor of life to the day you pass. And you will leave a mark on that person's soul that they got to experience and grow from you and your experience. So with that, I say cheers to you. And I raise my cup because it is really a blessing for what you're asking for

and I cannot imagine that if you make that an important thing with you as you meet people, you will find that that person will be supplied to you by the universe. I'm an optimist. I believe in these things that all happen for reasons. And just for the way that you put this out there in the universe, let's see what comes to you with that. It's a great seed that you planted. I say, bless your soul and bless your heart and we're here with you and we'd like to hear more about you.

Keep us updated about you. I love to hear what Justin and your take is on this. Yeah, I think my first thought, absolutely date. You need to live your life and be happy and finding a partner to spend your life with is, you know, it's very important to a lot of us. So just because you have this diagnosis and are dealing with this doesn't mean, ugh, my heart just breaks for you. But you should get out there and I think you said it very well.

Like the universe will give you, oh my God, it's so sad. My mom is going through this actually right now where her longtime partner has stage 4 cancer as well. I should have done my makeup after this fucking episode. And, you know, she's sticking by him and they're not, you know, they're not officially married. They've just been dating for forever, like 18 years or something like that. And so, you know, she's stuck by him and it's tough. And she's got really, really hard days because he has terrible days and your person and who you find will be there for you. I think one thought I had was maybe find a group of people with cancer currently and maybe you have, you know,

people in that group that are in a similar position as you that want to date and want to find love. And I think maybe both of you being in the same situation can understand each other a little more and maybe help each other more than just a person that's not dealing with cancer could. So I would really look into groups, support groups or even like activity groups for people with cancer and try to put yourself out there in that way to kind of connect with others. I can't help believe that if you're going through this and you find that special person that recognizes who you are, it doesn't matter if they were sick or not sick. They're going to really, I mean, love you for who you are right now in every aspect.

And if you are both going through health issues or one of you are and the other one isn't, I know one thing that if I met the right person and unfortunately I knew that they were ill, would I have run or walk the other direction? Absolutely not. I would have absolutely be a part of that person's life as long as I can because I want them in my life as long as I can. I would cherish and drink every day. So I can't imagine that find that person and keep your eyes open and definitely don't isolate yourself. Get yourself out there and do whatever you physically believe you can deal with

because I know that some days you're going to have good oxygen levels and good chemistry and you're going to be able to go out there and do things and some days you're going to have bad days. We recognize that. I think anybody that's experienced any kind of these health issues recognize that. But you're brave and you have the right attitude and that attitude may get you through things and you never know how this thing could get bit in the ass and when you think that you're here for four months and next thing you know is you've got four more years going on to share with this person. So don't waste a day and we are here again supporting every aspect of what you're looking forward to achieve

and send it up to the universe and bless you. Well, I mean, I think the only thing I can think to say that you guys haven't gotten is just the fact that you're already as a person, you're already in a spot where you're so selfless that you're considering the fact of, oh, I don't want to do this to someone because of what's going on. So if you're already that, have that character where you're already thinking that far ahead and so conscious of not wanting to hurt someone or put someone through that, I think that points towards you'll absolutely be able to find someone just because you're already showing your character even though our write-in is relatively short

through that paragraph you can already read into it so much. I agree. Yeah, I mean, amazing strength, character, empathy for other people when you should be concerned about yourself. I mean, yeah, amazing. And you figured out that, I mean, obviously the most important things about us to experience in life is the exact things that are important for you to continue to experience until you pass in transition. So I'm optimistic for you.

Stay optimistic because I hear optimism in you as you go forward with your days. And I know sex is a big part of what you want and everything, but you might even be able to find a platonic life partner through reaching out and meeting new people and going to groups and activities and stuff, whatever you can handle. You might even find someone that's just willing to just be life partners with. And I know sex is a part and maybe you can find that elsewhere through dating apps or whatever, but I think you can check a lot of your boxes and maybe even on traditional ways too. Yeah, but I've always thought that the best intimacy and best sex is when you start as your friend

and then it grows into that. There's certainly love making and there's sex. Sex is pretty available out there if you're looking just for sex, but obviously looking for that intimacy and I was feeling your depth and that's why I didn't go down that path to go find a surrogate or some other way of getting sex, but really to enjoy that intimacy because I really think that's what I was... No, she definitely wants the toilet package. That's the vibe I was feeling and boy, when somebody comes with that kind of power,

it's going to hit somebody and it's going to be pretty good, pretty good. Well, keep us updated. We would love to make sure you're okay and all of that, so be sure to keep us posted. My boyfriend, 21 male and I, 20 female, have been together for almost three years. Last night, we were looking at furniture on his phone for our new apartment. We are moving in together in two months. I have a habit of swiping out of all apps and tabs when I'm done with them and in doing so, I saw something I really wish I hadn't.

It was a porn tab, a tab that said, quote, He described my mom, 41 female, when I turned the phone to show him, he just sat there looking shocked for a minute. Then he started stuttering, crying and apologizing. All I said was, quote, He kept apologizing over and over and I just asked him to explain. It took him a while to get the words out. He admitted he is attracted to older women, moms specifically.

He said he was just curious and horny and it came to his mind to search my mom's description to, quote, see if there were any porn stars that looked like her. He claims it was a one-time thing and showed me the rest of his porn history, which was mostly just step-sister, lesbian and sometimes milf, but no other searches that matched my mom's description or age. He was so embarrassed by it. I don't really care that he watches porn and I honestly don't care if it's milf or step-mom porn either.

I'm not trying to judge him or shame him, but I just feel so grossed out and humiliated that my boyfriend thought about my mom while he masturbated. He also said he promises he doesn't have a weird obsession with my mom and doesn't think about her like that when we are with her. He also said it's normal for guys with mommy issues to be into milfs. He has extensive mommy issues. And not that that's an excuse,

but I can see how his mom-related trauma could shape the kinds of porn he watches. I'm also worried about how this is going to affect our sex life. I can't help but feel disgusted that my partner is attracted to my mom. We talked about this for a long time last night and he apologized. Said he was going to talk to a therapist and overall seemed really remorseful and conscious of my feelings. He promised it would never happen again, but I'm just afraid that he will still feel some type of way about her.

When I told him that I'm scared that this is something deeper, he denied it. Then he said he thinks that it's normal for guys to be attracted to their girlfriend's moms, especially since my mom is still pretty young. Him trying to normalize it made it feel even more disgusting to me. Is that true? Can he watch porn that looks like my mom without it being something deeper? This whole thing is making me second guess if we should move in together, but I don't want this relationship to be over.

He is a good person and a great boyfriend and I just can't believe this is happening. I love him so much and aside from this, we don't have any other major issues. Well, I had my first instinct was a total different read than that when I was here. He was looking at porn that looked like a possible mother-in-law. I've really first anticipated and he clarified that this is not it, that he just wondered that something that triggered and something she may have done or said that maybe this chick's into porn, maybe she's a porn actress and he went searching to see if she is a porn actress.

That I found to be where my mind went on this. Yeah, I have a friend that actually a girl he dated, her parents are porn stars. So I was interested. Okay, well that one, I thought maybe that's what he's searching for. But not the case. Not the case, disappointedly not the case. I have gone out with a few women in my life. I don't ever remember thinking that I'm going to look for,

do Mrs. Dale's mom rather than Dale. There was a commercial. Okay. Never thought about that, but I never had mommy issues. I never had mom issues. So maybe that's part of that one. The fact that he was able to come clean with you and talk to you about it is a good opening. I don't know what makes people have their triggers that gets them off or gets them aroused

or what makes them go down an avenue sexually from one to the other. And I will say that in the years that I've been active, I would certainly say my tastes have changed. You're not attracted to the same kind of thing. You meet somebody that something hits you about that person. You like that about them. You may look for that in the next person. Then you finally realize that's not what you want.

And then you're going for somebody totally different and you flip around. So this is something I guess you're just going to have to stay with. Let them go to therapy. If you go with them, maybe you can get something answered for yourself in this. You're obviously, whatever is going on, you're able to identify there's something going on early on in the relationship that makes you flagged. And my advice or my fatherly advice, if Morgan came to me regarding, you're not into your mom, are you? My mom.

Your mom. Anything like that. Are you? Oh, yeah. Just kidding. He's all nervous now. You're going to have to be cognizant of this and say, look, if something's just not working in the bedroom, and you've been together for, I think, for two years now?

Almost three. So you guys know each other pretty well. You know what works for you, what doesn't work for you by this point in time. And you're going to have to just simply identify if this is a healthy relationship and you like the way it's rolling. It probably will keep growing and continuing down the path and hopefully growing if he is emotionally growing. And that's the biggest thing. Anyone that has been affected by their, by a mom or a circumstance in their life,

you want to make sure that not only do they chronologically get older, but they emotionally grow. And that's what you're going to have to see because you got a big, big trail ahead of you on this happy trail. And you got kids and you're going to have them growing up and setting examples and going through their lives with marriage. And you're going to be going through different financial issues as you go through your 30s and your 40s and your 50s. There's a big trail ahead. So take note of all these triggers that are going on now because if you find that they can't be addressed, this is when you decide, you know, maybe we part our ways because there's something that's going to get bad later. And it's already, now it's starting to get a little, you know, off course.

And I see this, it's almost kind of like when you get off the freeway and you do an exit that goes over under the freeway and then goes off way off to the west rather as you're going north. So if something like that's going to happen to you, you best jump both of you should make your departures now before it gets really bad. And if you can get through this and you see that it was really nothing to cause a disruption in your relationship, you continue to grow. And this is where you get to make decisions and choices in life as we get older. And no one can give you that answer but you and your instincts.

I think something that is really surprising about this one is how open he was about it when confronted and honestly, there were so many moments where you could deny, deny, deny and push it off and explain it other ways. No, he came clean. He flat-out said it. And I think that that is honestly probably pretty rare. And also the fact that in your writing, you're so open to, you know, maybe it is just this one-time thing or maybe whatever. You're both, you're both so open and I can see a strong relationship here because there is really good communication happening. How old is he again?

21. Especially for 21. Wow. To have that. They're pretty young still. But to come clean about something like that, I think that's probably not the norm. That's definitely, so that has to speak to there's something good happening here. To where I kind of, from my spot, I'm like, you know, obviously I think you could just roll forward.

And if he says that was just that, that's what it is. I believe him because he was so open about it in the first place. And I'm tending to, now that I recognize the fact that he's 21, there's a lot of experimental things sexually that's going on within his hormones. I mean, it's crazy what goes on in a man in their hormones at the age of 21 to, you know, probably to 30. And some take another bumper, another change of 30 to 40. But the fact that he was able, like no different than what you said, he was able to identify, talk to you about it. That's the most mature thing that he is doing. You guys are having a communication as a couple.

And that's important because he may come up with some stuff saying, you know, I want to try this. And it's better that he's got the freedom to talk to you about it than to hide it from you. And all of a sudden it's behind your back. And that's where the real separation comes within the intimacy of your relationship that he feels he can't talk to you. So you don't make him worry. He's afraid to talk to you in your response. And he's got to feel the freedom that you guys can communicate and you can navigate through this. I know that in my life I made changes in my relationship where maybe I shouldn't have made those changes in the relationship

because I didn't know how to be mature to have a discussion with that, with my significant at that time. And a woman I was dating. And so I was, you know, at that 21 to 24 age and I just, you know, things were changing so rapidly for me that I just said, I got to go out and experiment and I'm not going to take her along with me. And the answer probably was, is maybe we should have had a better conversation because as I went through life without her, sometimes I would, you know, look back and say, you know, I probably could have had a really great life with her and a full life with her. But, you know, we would have had some bumps in the road.

And I think you just have to identify these bumps and say, are we willing to take these bumps as we get them because we will grow from it and we'll get through them. Yeah, I will just say, like I think you guys, the communication, you know, like you guys said, the communication is really impressive for their age. I think, you know, it is difficult to come clean like this. I don't know if he would have come clean about it. Obviously, if she wouldn't have discovered it herself. Right.

But I think the only thing that kind of like makes me just like wanting to say like, do maybe be a little apprehensive about things and try to maybe push your move in date out a little bit until he can follow through on that therapy that he said he wants to go through because I think the only thing that kind of stands out here is not so much the fact that he was searching that porn because I mean, I remember being in like eighth grade and having my brother's friends come up to me and being like, Morgan, your mom is so hot, your mom's a milf. And I remember his friends when I was young, like saying that. So I wouldn't say it's necessarily true for every guy, but you guys are young.

Your mom is young. So like, yeah, that does play into it because that's what my brother had to experience too. But I don't like the way he kind of flipped it to try to like almost just kind of manipulate it. And maybe like, it's fine because it's normal like blah, blah, blah. So that's the only thing I would worry about is like him just not sticking with his owning up to it and then trying to kind of flip it a little on her. So I would just be a little apprehensive about that. But I think, you know, the ideal outcome is I want to work through this if we can.

But first, I guess I need to know if this is a huge red flag deal breaker or if it's just a super weird porn fetish. And I wouldn't necessarily say it's even a red flag, more so a yellow flag. Like if it's something that bothers you, then it could be a deal breaker for you. But if he's willing to work on it and continue to be open and it's not like he's continuously thinking about your mom. When you're having sex, then like, okay, you can get past it. So I would just say like continue the open conversation and therapy to address his mom issues or whatever you guys mentioned and go from there.

And maybe just push back the move-in date a couple months if you can. Yeah. I think so. I don't see it as a red flag at this moment. No, just like a caution sign. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Story number three is from episode 27, Uncomfortable Situations.

With the gecko. Okay. All right. Number two. Hello, I am looking for advice on how to let my dad know that I would prefer it if my mom walked me down the aisle at my wedding and that I will not be inviting his friends to my wedding. Some background for you. Trigger warning here for child abuse.

Okay. When I was in elementary school, I reported my father for child abuse and he's hated me ever since. When I was in high school, he told me every day I was nothing but a constant problem. This really affected my mental health. When I was in university, I developed pretty serious health problems. And at this point, my father became nicer to me and started to help me out in life. We have an okay relationship now, but I still feel resentment for how he treated me growing up. The idea of my father giving me away makes me feel sick to my stomach and causes me a lot of anxiety.

I worry that not allowing him to walk me down the aisle will cause him to freak out and refuse to attend my wedding along with preventing my mother from attending. Similarly, he is very adamant that I invite his friends to my wedding as we grew up with their children. However, I always felt resentment towards them as my father was always nice to them and praised them. I would like to ask my mother to walk me down the aisle as she is the only reason I am still alive. When I was very sick, I came close to ending my life, but I didn't because of the support and love for my mother. My mother is very non-confrontational and I worry she would refuse as to not offend my father. My parents are still married.

Well, first thing that came to my mind is, let me get this right. This is her father's wedding? That was her wedding. It's her wedding. Oh yeah, her wedding. That was the thing I had to do. Yeah, so I believe in your wedding, you get to write the rules of what you want, who you want, because it's your day. It's your day and the person that you are going to be betrothed.

Look, I'm going to assume we've all gone to weddings and the one thing that you want to have consistent is a happy day. And I'm sorry for your father, for whatever happened in the relationship. He's got some responsibility here. If he wants to accept that responsibility and try to work it out with you, that's great. But you can just point blank, say, you know, Dad, we're getting along better. We're trying to build our relationship, but I have issues and the issues came from the behavior that happened with you. And you were the adult and I was a child. And if you can't figure out how to get us through that, then I'm going to have to hold my line because I want to have a nice day that day.

And I think that if you really love me, even though it might hurt you, you're going to have to understand this. And you're going to have to play this around the guidelines and the boundaries that I put up because life right now, as I'm now going into adulthood, or I am an adult and I have this new person, I'm going to have this, you know, our own castle. Our own castle has that boundary and we're going to live within that boundary. And yeah, I'd love to allow you in sometimes and I hope that we can make it all work. But for this event, unless you can come up with a different way and answer how to get me comfortable, I'm not comfortable with it. And this is just the way it is. And be very direct.

Then with your mom, you say, mom, I know that you're going to hurt for dad, but you nor I put dad there, he put himself there. And it is important to me that you're there and I hope you will be there. And if you can't do it, I will try to understand that as well and I'll respect it. But nonetheless, this is your day. You do your wedding and you hold your ground. Absolutely. Yeah, and, you know, her father, I guess she didn't specify sort of exactly what was going on. Right.

We don't know the abuse. But her father is getting a little lucky that, you know, she's willing to, she's down to rebuild the relationship. He has been given a second chance and this is kind of an opportunity to be like, okay, you know, is he really down to play ball with me? To rebuild our relationship? Because if he gets upset about this, if he doesn't understand why, you know, I feel this way. If I tell him all these things that, you know, that you just told her to tell him and he concedes and he goes, I understand. And you're totally right. And I, you know, then, okay, maybe he's down to play ball.

Maybe we can form a greater relationship. But if he's not, then he's still abusive. So I hope he's bright enough to say, honey, whatever you need, I'm here to live what you want. Honor what their wishes are. It's their wedding. Stay with the plan. And that's the rules of doing a wedding for somebody. And dad, that's your rules.

Yeah. He's got to be able to concede to her. Yeah. I mean, I think that point is like sums it all up. If he is good with this, there you go. He's learned something. Right. And if he isn't, then...

He hasn't learned a thing. Right. Then you start to, you know, see how far this extends. But I think it's great. Okay. Okay. Story four is from episode 24, Feeling Avoid, followed by its actual update from episode 26, Advocating. My dad moved from Boston to Norway when I was five.

As long as I can remember, he has lived in a different country. He got remarried, had two boys and started a new life there, all while my mom, sister and I made due back in the U.S. We used to have a really great relationship. We would talk on the phone at least once a day, usually twice. I would visit in December and he would bring his family to Boston in July. Fast forward to the present day and I've been blocked on everything. How did it get to this? I truly don't know where it fell through the cracks.

His new wife is the definition of evil, stepmom. She is the absolute most toxic person to walk this planet. I've blocked out most of the horrible things she said and done to me because that is just how I deal with trauma. Some of the many things are, she told me I was the reason they would get divorced. She would block me on social media just to see how long it would take for me to notice and then cry about it because she said I didn't care about her. She would speak her native language in front of me saying horrible things about me. I didn't know what she was fully saying. Those are just the very, very tip of the iceberg.

If I kept going, we'd be here for days. I know my dad isn't perfect, but his wife has a horrible toxic controlling influence over him. In June, he told me he wasn't going to make it home that summer because of the travel restrictions. I called BS on that because I'd traveled out of the country and there wasn't much of an issue, just extra testing. Anyway, fast forward to July, the month I would always look forward to and literally count down the days till he came. I was on vacation out of the state and I saw a picture on social media that they were all in Boston. They showed up and tried to hide it from me. I was so hurt it nearly ruined my vacation.

It was a horribly toxic summer to say the least. End of July comes around and it's my graduation day. I hadn't heard from my dad in a few days, but I was holding out hope he would show up. The night came and went and he didn't even send me as little as a text to congratulate me. That said a lot and made a statement. I sat back and waited for him to reach out, radio silence. I was done putting in all the effort if he wasn't going to reciprocate it back. For God's sake, I'm the child at the end of the day.

The last I talked to him was July. Skip a few months to September. One of my brothers moved to Boston to play hockey. He is 15 and was moving in with a... Billet family. With a billet family. No one told me about this. I had to find out through talks of the town.

Anyway, I reached out to him and we would get dinner about once a month. Until one day I tried to send him a snapchat and said pending. I looked at my other brother's status, also said pending. My dad's username, yep, also pending. I checked Instagram, none of their accounts even came up. I was blocked, I checked Facebook, none of their accounts came up. This was all two days before my birthday. All day on my birthday I waited for something, anything from my dad to wish me a happy birthday.

My damn gyno sent me an email to wish me a happy birthday, but my own dad couldn't. So, I haven't talked to my dad in months. Oh, and by the way, whole family is moving back to Boston sometime in the next three months. Do I write him a letter? Do I leave it and see what he does? He is the parent in the situation and I've tried reaching out. Slash all of his tires when he moves back. Egg is fucking house, I hate it.

So, oh my God. First of all, how old is she? I am not sure. She graduated high school or college. Bottom line is that the question is that obviously I believe that this woman, the stepmother, the evil stepmother is giving a lot of pressure to the father. And the brothers too. And is making life miserable for everybody. And is going to, and is threatening death to the world, atom bomb destruction if anyone breaks that silence.

Probably. And it's unfortunate because she doesn't need her father. She's very clear about that. So, but when I got confused about it, I mean, she talked to her dad a few days before. Yeah. I haven't talked to my dad in months. So, I mean, this has been going on for about a year. And I guess it's sad, but she can keep trying to break the wall to get through to him.

Or wait till he does get back to Boston and show up on his face and say, what the fuck is going on? Yeah. You almost need to do that. I think in my head, I'm wondering, I'm like, did the stepmom go on his phone and block all this on? This is, it's just crazy. But you would notice on a birthday. Yeah. When you tried to contact someone.

Well, no, he knows what's going on. Yeah. There's no doubt that the stepmother is controlling. Remember, he's got kids with this woman. It's a whole of their life. This is, in fact, it's our marriage. You can't go against our marriage. I'm going to divorce you if you do this.

He's got his own pressure now. Some guys would say, fuck you and go get divorced. I'm going to talk to my daughter. No one's coming between my daughter. I understand that because I've had evil women in my life that try to get rid of my kids. And I said, fuck you. It wasn't a difficult decision. Yeah.

So that's, I feel that's going on here. There's a lot of manipulation. Absolutely. And he is too much of a pussy to go stand up to you, even make contact with her to say, I got all this shit going on, honey, and I love you, but I'm just trying to, you know, get through my marriage with my boys and whatever else and so forth. Yeah. So it's a shitty place.

So I look at it. I'm like, I don't think I would send him a letter because he probably won't get it. He won't get it. So I guess your thoughts are show up at the doorstep when he moves and Wait till he moves here. Last ditch effort. And she's going to have to find him and she's going to have to corner him. And after that, if there's no change in his attitude, then she'll know.

And she's just got to tear the cloth as they say. He's dead to her. It's sad because there's something going on that's weird. And the guy doesn't invest that kind of, you know, phone calling and consistency. He doesn't give a shit for all these years. Yeah. So I just, I don't believe he doesn't care. I believe he's really got his balls in a, in a vice and evil stepmothers is holding

the clamp on those, you know, on that vice. So. God, I just. You just got to just, you know, be optimistic that it obviously this is what it is. And till you know different, take that tact until you know different. And you got to get ahold of him. You got to, you're going to have to corner him wherever, wherever the fuck he is. I just don't get how someone could have such a problem with you talking to your kids.

They're out there. It's disgusting. They're out there. It doesn't. They, they are out there. I think it comes from a place of insecurity. I think, I think a lot of these negative behaviors that people have and act like this, it's coming from such an insane place of insecurity.

Absolutely. If normal people don't behave this way, this is not a normal woman. No. This is a woman that's got some serious fucking problems. It reminds me of the, the women. Well, women or men in this case, but when a spouse is widowed and they find someone new and that person has this crazy insecurity about someone who's no longer even here. Well, I will say also that the kids even have a problem sometimes when the parent finds

somebody else. Yeah. That they don't want that. Sometimes, but I think, yeah. Just this is crazy. This almost is to the point. I'm sorry. You can go.

I was going to say it almost like this is so dark to the point. I was going to say it reminds me of lions and when a new male lion overtakes a pride, he will kill all of the cubs that were sired from the past lion. Really? Yeah. It's, it's terrible. I never heard that. Yeah.

The new lion that comes in will not have any cubs that were sired by that past one. So he kills all the cubs and that's what this reminds me of. But like there's a difference between a human and a lion and this bitch is acting like a lion, like taking out his relationship with his, his other kids. It's so toxic. And going so far as to make her sons block their half sister on Snapchat. It sounded like she was working on a relationship with her brothers and then just stripped from her because this crazy fucking see you next Tuesday is so insecure.

This is, this is what it is. Well, it's almost like moving from Boston to Norway. It's almost like he left his old life completely behind and just started new as if he didn't exist. Except, except that he did keep contact with his kids. All right. So what do you think about this? I talked to my dad briefly in December and I told him, this is my Hail Mary.

I couldn't put up with the ups and downs and the toxic roller coaster he and his wife were putting me through when he hung up. He said we would talk soon, but his wife wouldn't know about it. A recurring theme nine times out of 10. Wife couldn't know when we were talking. That's why we communicated through Snapchat because it disappears. It was ridiculous, but I wanted to be wanted and loved by my dad so much that it did anything and put up with everything just to get the bare minimum.

Anyway, we hung up and I haven't talked to my dad since. I know this is so scattering all over the place. I hope it makes sense. I just need some outside thoughts on this. Well, the outside thought is simply as your dad's a pussy. Yeah. When you're talking to him, this has nothing to do with you. You are enough.

His shitty behavior is his shitty behavior and him enabling this crazy toxic bitch of a person. I think it's talked about a lot in the LGBTQ plus community where your chosen family can be just as valid and just as important as your birth family. For you, you have your mom, your sister, and you can try confronting your dad one more time, but you already did give the Hail Mary. You gave a last ditch effort and then it still- Her heart is still broken, Morgan. I mean, if I quit talking to you because some woman came into my life and I would say,

gee, I can't talk to you because I got to hide you, what would you think? I would think you are having- The most crushing thing ever. Yeah. It's almost like a Stockholm syndrome where you're bonded to your abuser. It's a trauma bond. With all that understanding, how would you still feel? I know she's crushed.

She's crushed. There is no doubt in my mind. There's gut wrenching, identity crisis causing, world ruining, depression inducing. This is gut wrenching. This is terrible. That's why I'm so mad for her. I just want to go and slash this bitch's car tires. When she moves to Boston, drop me a pin.

I will be there. I will drive you. I will egg the house after he's a dick. I'm so sad for her over this because this is so unacceptable of a parent to do. When she had this conversation in December, did they discuss this any further on how to deal with it? That's all we got. He said, I will talk soon. But she can't know.

But life can't know about it. Yeah. Maybe that's one of his reasons he's coming back. He can sneak. He can figure out how to have a relationship with you. I'm sure. And I'm not trying to be pessimistic here. But by the sounds of it, if the brother moved to Boston for hockey at the age of 15 and is living with a billet family, he's really good.

Like really, really good. I don't know what a billet family is. A billet family is essentially like a caregiver family. So if you are playing for like a development team, like there's the US development team that you can play for, like depending on what age you are and how good you are. It's like a host family. It's a host family. Thank you. Yeah.

It's a fancy word for host family. So he's really good. So I'm sure they want to move back to be close to go see his games and support the little golden children, her children. And so it's hard that they're in the same city. And I don't want to be negative because I do, I really, really hope this turns around when he gets here and he wakes up and it's better. But the brother stills in Boston. Yeah. And she knows where the brother is.

I mean, I'm sure if he's that good, all you have to do is Google his name and hockey and it would come up. Right. So she can go find her brother and have a discussion with him and say, really, can you help me with insight? What's going on here? He's probably brainwashed too. Yeah. And he's 15. I don't know how appropriate that would be for a 15 year old if he was 18 and a little older in his own person and removed from mom and dad a little bit.

I would say yes, but 15 is he's brainwashed. I'm sure. Yeah. And so I think I don't want to say give up because you need to come to that kind of in your own heart, in your own head. I'd say one more shot when he's in town and then from that point forward, he'll have regrets. He will, this will fester. This is not something that... I mean, you can go to him and say, this is what's going to happen.

Are you okay with it? Are you okay with the fact that I'm out of your life? That you will not walk me down the aisle. That you will not meet my kids. Right. That you will not know my partner, that you will not... I mean, he is really damaging our relationship, her. I mean, it's really sad, but this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

I'm so sorry to hear this, but I hope that you will write us and let us know how things are going for you. Yeah. Let me know if you want a ride. I haven't been to Boston. I'm ready. Oh, I love Boston. Yeah. You can go to the JFK Museum.

Maybe we could just like corner him and you, I'll punch real quick and then you punch and then... I don't punch. I try to... You can punch him with words. I have a different way. What is wrong with you, you piece of shit. That's not going to work. He's hypnotized.

Yeah. So... Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll get divorced. We have an update from Boston. Oh, this is what I've been waiting for. Yeah. This story is from the last episode of God is 24. It was called Feeling Avoid and it was the very last story on that episode happened around the 48 minute mark.

And so this was a story that came from a listener that has been struggling to maintain a relationship with her dad that moved from the states to Norway. There's an evil stepmom involved and it's been very challenging where her dad has blocked her on everything, doesn't respond. Her doesn't communicate, shows up in Boston, doesn't tell her she's there. And we were... We ended the recording and we all looked at each other and we go, wow. We were all upset. We were so upset for her. And I think a lot of our viewership, there were some comments that were even made for this person in her favor.

And a lot of people are upset about this. Yeah. Yeah. This one really rocked us. So here we go. Hi guys. I was surprised to hear my write-in on the pod, but thank you so much for featuring it. I know my OG write-in was a perfect representation of my scatterbrain.

So let me clear some things up. Not only is my dad's family moving to the same city, they're moving to the same small suburban town. My sister, 27, has not talked to my dad in years. He is fully out of her life. I was so happy to have my brother here and have him close and show him support. So the situation has been really heartbreaking. My dad's big saying is he's, quote, just trying to keep the peace with her. That was always his big saying.

My feelings and emotions got put on the back burner just so he could keep the peace. I know his wife is so happy that my sister and I aren't a part of his life right now. When I was listening, I felt like I was talking to my friends. You guys nailed every point. My stepmom is so beyond insecure. My dad and her are so manipulating. I really think it is mostly her. And like Jerry said, he just has no balls to stand up to her.

I had my brother's whole hockey schedule on an app that the team provided. I was also blocked on that. I didn't even know it was possible. I wouldn't put it past my stepmom that she blocked me from his accounts. She has all of his tech set up to also get sent her laptop. She is so emotionally and mentally abusive. Wow. Holy shit.

I was also sent threatening messages from my step sister, stepmom's daughter last summer. As for the update, since I sent in the red in, my dad showed up again. Maybe a little confusing on how I found out, but I was babysitting in town. And the billet family's kid was over for a play date. And he said, quote, aren't you so-and-so sister? So I said yes. And the kid goes, quote, oh, isn't he at blank with your dad right now? Like I said, small ass town.

But yeah, he was in town and didn't reach out once. He can't even put the blame on he was too busy or she wouldn't allow him to see me. Or he couldn't get away to see me. He traveled here alone. Literally no excuses. It crushes me every day. I have major abandonment issues. I'm on medication for mental health.

It truly impacts my day-to-day life. I can assure you the family is not moving back to the US for any other reason than my brothers want to live in Boston. I loved the advice of fully saying to him, is he okay with me fully out of his life? Because that's the way it is looking right now. I feel like I'm still leaning towards a letter because I'm the worst with confrontation. I just cry immediately. And I feel like I won't get all of my words and thoughts out. Let me know if you have any more questions or need clarification on anything else.

All thanks. XOXO, see you in Boston soon. I'm ready. I'm ready. Yeah, you're ready now, right? Yeah. Yeah, this is bad. I was really waiting to hear her say, I dropped what I was doing and I went and I confronted him.

I was waiting for her to say that. Oh, I would have rushed out of the nanny family's house, but yeah. I would have been there and knocked on the door and say, Dave, can we have a talk? Yeah, but. I don't know if I would even call him dad. I think I would have, I don't know how I would have really reacted at that point, but definitely she had an opportunity and I wish she had the strength that she could have just got up and gone over there and said, I'd like to have a conversation with you.

I think strength is a key word here though. And I think having this type of confrontation, I mean, like she said, she's like, I kind of want to write a letter. I cry every time I confront someone and same, I cry. It doesn't even matter if it's confrontational or just like a conversation. If it feels like a lot of pressure on me, I cry. I have a really hard time with that. So I think it's going to take some time to build up to that and get ready for that and emotionally and mentally prepare. He can't wiggle and waggle when he's in front of her though.

He can't, but I think he'll talk a big game to get out of it and nothing will change either way. Very, very sad. And if this is the way he is, you know, I'm sad to say it, but you don't need him in your life. Not at all. It's time to move on when somebody can't even be responsible enough to care for the feelings of someone that he fathered. What a piece of shit. Yeah. And I don't know what his name is, but I hope somehow he gets a copy of this link and really hears these and let him know that he is a piece of shit.

For someone who's not going to stand up for his daughter and certainly do whatever he can to make his children feel the best that they can feel by just a simple, I think of you and I care for you. This is everything in the total opposite of that. Yeah, it is. Story number five is from episode 11 called nagging feelings. Okay, this one. This is a big one. Big. There's a lot to unpack here.

I work in a male dominated industry where I am the only female. Ever since I received this promotion two years ago, the guys in this department have tried their best to run me out. I reported the hazing that involved refusing to train me, leaving poop in my toilet and rudeness. When I reported this the first time one and a half years ago, they took my bathroom away and made it a unisex bathroom. The entire department accused me of sexual harassment and placed the harshness but the most experienced vet in the industry with me. It worked to my benefit because I have since then proven myself to him and have learned so much. They originally placed him as a partner to see if I would sink or swim and I swam. The others constantly talk down on him since he won't talk bad about me.

He's told them I outwork them and has vouched for me. I recently had to make a report again because the hazing continued. They pee in the shower on the toilet seat and bowl and I have to constantly clean every shift because I cannot stand to pee. They've also peed in my boots and refused to disclose information I need for my shift. This has happened in front of my manager and in my meeting with HR he admitted to lying and covering for the other individual. They came back with their results in their investigation and came to the conclusion that I am the problem and everything I complained about that I am the one doing it to them. I told them how it's a wolf pack and they are all bonded together and they do not want me there. All I've done is asked for help and they cannot see that it's an environment as a whole.

All I've asked for is minimum professional respect. I'm being silenced and the more I pushed back in the HR meeting the more they threatened to fire me due to the guys reporting my nasty behavior towards them. My partner vouched for me and yet they did not take his word. He is shocked at the results as well. I don't know what to do. I've worked so so hard to get where I am and I'm trailblazing for the next woman to try and come into my field of work but I'm breaking. I don't have money to retain an attorney or even know if I have a case. I want to file a complaint with the state and labor board but I'm afraid of everything going worse and getting fired. The stress is killing me and I'm grieving the loss of my father and it's all just overwhelming. What do I do?

Gloria Allred. No. That went over both our heads. Explain please. You have a lawsuit and there is a lawyer who I'm sure would love to communicate and talk to you. The first words that I can think of, I don't know if you're talking about being in the army, that you're dealing with the armed services. There's a lot of information here that we don't have that is running in my head and I can't ask you the questions because if you had the answer to the questions Justin you would have kicked them out. My answer is Gloria Allred. She is one of the most amazing lawyers for women's rights that is out there and she does contingency work.

I can't tell you that she's going to take your case but I can't imagine she would not listen to it especially if it's a big case. This thing is big. This is huge. First of all you mentioned showers so you're all using the same shower. You're wearing sounds like fatigues or boots. I'm envisioning like a civil engineer of some sort. I don't know what it is but there's obviously it's a man's world and civil engineers, it's not always a man's world. You got women that are in these jobs and I think that they're accepted.

No, I see a woman on TikTok who sounds like could be literally in the same job and she bought like a pink hard hat and it's OSHA approved and she works with mostly men and they ream on her. Well, Gloria Allred. Yeah, I would sue their ass for sure. Because someone's got to hear this on a more professional, defensive but someone to stand next to you to really guide you and give you real time advice with all the facts. Not somebody that only has half the facts and started giving you some ideas. So as much as I really thought that we would be able to dig into this. No, we are helping. I think you saying this is hopefully going to allow her to realize that.

I know we have a person in the next room that is a specialist in HR but we don't have enough facts even to bring that person into here. So this is someone that can fight for you and that could be your abdicate. I mean there are a number, I'm sure an unlimited amount of lawyers that would take this on. Gloria Allred. Look into her for sure but if she's too big or not taking clients, who knows, there are so many lawyers that would do this for free. They take a cut of whatever settlement so on a contingency is what it is and just sue them because this is outrageous. At least talk to someone that's like this that can certainly listen to it and give you some really sound advice. And that's if Morgan came to me with this problem and this is what we're about.

This is come to your dad, come to your father and ask some questions and see what he's going to say. I'm going to say honey, tomorrow we're in the car at nine o'clock and I'm calling Gloria at eight and then we're going to see if she's in town and she can meet you. And let me tell you this woman handles cases all over the country. She's it. She's the one. Start there and then work your way. Google her name real quick. Let's see if she's even still active.

Yeah, so Gloria does have a website. She has it linked so it's through Allred, Morocco and Goldberg. That law firm has. Allred, Morocco and Goldberg. Yeah, but you can go to her website and if you click it's Gloria Allred. It's A-L-L-R-E-D, her name.com. And if you go to contact Gloria, it has all the information about employment, harassment, discrimination matters. Just read about her.

Yeah. Read her profile. She looks like a baddie. She's 80 and still practicing. She's a badass. Yeah, so I'm outraged. Justin actually looked up something before just to have kind of some answers for you. But it's really tough.

I think for the situation too because she is by the sounds of it in a really great position. She's learning a lot. She's crushing it. And I'm not sure if there's another company she could work for because that would be my first thing. It's like they're not making your life even livable. So if there's a shift you could do laterally to another company and you could actually be valued and not treated like fucking shit. Like I said, we don't know enough if she was in the army. We don't know what this is.

No idea. I mean, it sounds like she's passionate about the work because she's excited about, she was put with the highest level person. That person respects her and told her she outworks all the other. They're threatened by her. Yeah. They are. No doubt. Men being threatened.

Yeah. Insecure little boys. Not men. Insecure little boys. Truly. And we don't know what part of the country is and what's acceptable down in that part. Look. If this even is the states even.

I don't know where this is, but I'm going to say start with Gloria already. And then if you have no success there and you want to write us and tell us more, certainly the more I know, the more questions are answered in my mind. I can certainly come up with different concepts. I got a link too. We have your email address. So I will make sure to send you this link as well. But so Justin found this article. What to do when you have a problem at work and human resources won't help you or completely fails you because they suck at where you are.

So this post mentions like different steps. They say start searching for another job. Harassment and discrimination in the workplace indicate a certain level of dysfunction on the part of the company. If you, if the situation has progressed to the point where you found that HR won't even handle sensitive complaints, then it's probably time to move. However, like I said, like if this is truly a once in a lifetime, the only job, you know, company where she can be for her, her skill set and what she's doing, then it makes this that much more difficult. The next step is go outside your company for help. If HR has made it clear that they don't have your back, it's time to start looking for support elsewhere. The article's author recommends alerting the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

The best course of action for an employee to take when HR dismisses their complaints, if they are that agrogious. Don't yell at me, is to go to the EEOC and file a complaint. No company wants the EEOC in their office. And they also add in extreme cases where you feel like your safety is threatened, which yours is. They are putting your health at risk. They are literally pissing and in your boots, like, Can't be more direct than that. It cannot.

Like your safety is threatened. Like that's like animal shit. Yeah. So if your safety is threatened, you can also report to the US Department of Labor's Occupational Health and Safety Administration, our good friends, OSHA. So there are steps you can take. I would honestly consult a lawyer first and go from there. But you have a strong case and sue them because you might be trailblazing,

but if they're making this so outrageously difficult for you and they're not even accepting you, they're not going to accept any woman down the road. Well, and it could escalate. I mean, it's been escalating. Yeah. I know you're going to send her an email. And I hope you'll send us back an email and share with what you feel comfortable with. Yeah, let us know what happens.

I think this is like really scary too because it sounds like she's working, if there's showers and there's locker room kind of vibes like this. I don't get that at all. I think it is like, to me, I'm like construction, architect, something civil engineer, engineer. I think it, you know. It reminds me of like an oil rig or something where you're stationed away from home. And you don't go home every night. Definitely an oil rig.

And I can see could oil rigs are designed that way. Yeah, they're typically designed for men only too. You're off shore. You're on for 10 days. You're off for 10 days or something like that. And there's a helicopter that literally, you don't get off that thing unless you get, you're off on the helicopter or the crew boat. Yeah.

So whatever this is, I look at this situation is getting, it's going from bad to worse. Like this is so toxic, so unsafe. And if she needed help at this job or if she, you know, I'm just envisioning something like where she's hanging by a fucking grappling hook or like whatever her harness, like they're not going to help her. She is literally putting herself in a life and death situation potentially by just going to work. This is what's interesting though. When she said the harshest but most experienced, oh, that as a veteran.

Yeah. Okay. Never mind. Never mind. I'm just like, yeah. That caught me when I, when I heard that. No veteran, like a superior worker. He's been there forever.

All right. Like I said, I'm going to say it again in two little words. Gloria all red. Sue their ass. Yeah. Anybody, anybody, anybody gets a call from Gloria all red. Trust me. They, they shit in their boots.

They literally will shit in their boots. Wow. Bring it. Let's go. Yeah. Keep please. All right. I'm kind of posted.

I will, I'll get a form together. That is just strictly for updates. So we have an easier way to funnel and like see these responses. I'll get that going this week. Sorry for talking so much. I know this is your show. Not, I don't even, I shouldn't have joined. I just, I talked too much.

I'm glad you were here. It always brings more, more, more, more flavor. I just got so heated. Oh my gosh. Six is from episode seven. Tough combos. All right. Here we go.

Let's go. Hi. I come from quite the family and could ask for advice on countless things, but I'll just ask about the upcoming issue. My stepmother is truly a terrible person and has made it a point my entire life to make me feel excluded from the family. My father and her half. Almost two years ago, she crossed the line and attacked my mother for asking for child

support. My stepmom convinced my dad to stop paying when I was 12 and my mom, being a great mother, didn't want to cause more problems for me at their house and just let it be. My mom has put me through college, but really had a hard time. So she took my dad back to court for back pay on the child support so that I can go to college. Because of the terrible things my stepmom said to my mom, I cut her out of my life. I am still friendly at family gatherings and do my best to not make it hard for my siblings

with the current situation. My cutting her off has really upset her and she continues to reach out as if nothing happened at all. Flash forward to now. I am graduating in December from undergrad. I only get five tickets to my ceremony so it will be my mom, dad, stepdad, and both my grandfathers. After graduation, we are going to do a nice lunch with everyone.

My dad's mom told me that my stepmom has decided upon herself that she is going to come to my graduation and sit outside and wait for us to be done and then join the lunch. She also plans to bring my nine-year-old brother along. Side note, the past few years she has been lying to my brothers saying that I don't care about them anymore and that's why I don't come home as often. This obviously pissed me off because if I wanted her there, she would be and my mom refuses to be in the same room as her. My dad hasn't come out and told me this is actually happening but he tends to bring her

to a lot of things without any sort of heads up. My grandmother doesn't think she was supposed to tell me because my dad knows it'll upset me but I really just don't know what to do now. I don't want her there and really want to have one day that is about me and how hard I worked the past few years. Do I talk to my stepmom? Do I talk to my dad? How do I explain to my nine-year-old brother that he will not enjoy sitting for three

hours at a graduation? Am I just being too stubborn and should let them sit outside? Thanks for all your help. Well Justin, I handed to you. You said this is going to be a tough one and it's deep. Let me kind of identify the issues that I see. The first thing is our graduate certainly respects their mother. There's no doubt about it.

Mom has been there. She deserves all the respect in the world and no need to disappoint and put mom into a position where this woman, the stepmom, keeps pushing everyone's buttons. Secondly, graduate also has a baby brother who is nine years old and is too young to understand the dynamics of all what's going on. So to have a conversation to say anything on the negative, it's that child's mother that would be being attacked and that's not going to work well for anybody either. So here's that balance of the bridge.

Dad is an idiot because he's a pussy because he is not watching out for the best interest of his oldest child. And for the fact that he let his second wife pull his strings on what the right thing to do. So he's an asshole anyways. And I understand it's your dad. I get that. But he should know better than to put you in that position.

So here we have all this dynamic. If this woman wants to go sit outside and sweat in the heat, well you're going to take your time getting graduated. I hope it takes six hours to get through that procedure. Then let her cook her ass off. But now we got all that aside. What can you do? Well, you're certainly a mature adult.

You have roads. Road one obviously is to take the high road and let her, I guess I would start by having a dialogue with your mom. Because it's really your mother's feelings that are the most important ones here. If it's your mom that she wants, obviously your mom and your grandparents that they want to come there and not have any eruption, then you can say, look, you want me to tell my dad not to come because he's not going to respect my wishes. It's my desire for him not to show up, period.

That's option one. So we know that mom and grandparents are going to be at their graduation. And if dad and stepmom are going to cause ripples and waves, maybe they're just ousted. He tells dad, dad, I love you. I have no great warm fuzzy feelings for your wife. She's your wife, not my mom. She certainly wasn't a mom when it came to my school and for child support when mom needed help, she made it through it.

But you were a dickhead. And I think that you have to kind of recognize that. Now, the only way that I see this thing coming down, if you want to come to this graduation, is you're going to have to have mom say it's okay for that other woman to come. And maybe that other woman needs to go be humble to my mom and bow to her to give her the respect that she deserves. And just maybe at that point in time, it might be okay for her to show up. Otherwise, absolutely not, she's not coming.

Yeah, or the dad could come without her. Or you can come without her. But he's going to be thrown into a tough place with her. Remember, he's compromised. He can't do that. He's compromised with the affections of his second wife. And he's being put between the rock and the hard place, but he's stuck himself there. So I really do believe it's the graduate's choice to say, you want to come?

You're welcome to come. She is not going to be there. Far as my little brother, go to little brother and say, buddy, you want to come? I'm letting you know what this thing is going to be. It's going to be a long three hours sitting outside. You will be bored. I love you and I'll be glad to do anything with you privately because I do love you. And I'm old enough now that you guys, you can come and we can go do, you know, spend

some days together and we can do fun stuff. We can go whatever those things are that they can find things to do together. He needs to build that relationship with his little brother, but that has nothing to do with his graduation. All of a sudden they're bringing this chess game and everyone's becoming pawns and men that who can we topple over? Right. Well, the brother is the brother.

I do believe the easiest thing is to tell, tell dad that, hey, I'd love to have you there, but mom is the one that I'm going to respect on this one because you didn't respect her. I'm going to, I'm going to have to give you an education now that I'm an adult. What respect is this somebody? Yeah, mom stepped up. And if you want to go find a way to go make it all happen for you. Hey, that's great, but it's not going to happen with your wife coming.

Hey, I don't want her there because she doesn't respect mom. You didn't respect mom. So you want to go figure it out, go figure it out, but until mom tells me it's okay that she's satisfied and this thing is behind us, you're out. Yeah, and the mom doesn't really shouldn't even have to make that choice of to feeling like she needs to include them at all. The mom is the reason she's here. The mom like did all of this bent over backward to make this happen.

And so I think what's happening here is these feelings have been building for this person's lifetime. I mean, this has been building forever. So now we're at a major life event and there's going to be a many more life events that come up, major life events. This is going to continue to be a problem. So maybe this graduation's the time to take the stand, set the boundary, say, I don't want her there.

I don't have this relationship. This isn't about her. I want this one day for me. Celebrate this. That's all I'm asking. I don't even want to take the high road because if I take the high road. High road is compromising everybody. Right.

And in a few more years or however long, maybe never. But if there's marriage down the line, are we going to have this same discussion then? Am I going to have to worry about thinking, Oh, I'm going to take the high road again. Oh, she's coming to the wedding and I don't want her there. No, I think this is a perfect time to set that boundary and get it made it make it known, get this like understood with your dad so that it's not something you deal with for ever and ever. Right.

I'm fully on this one. Was there anything there as we've gone through so much conversation is was there anything there where the mother said, Gee, it's okay if she comes? I don't think that their mom has been consulted. I think that the mentions of the mom is not been absolute champion. Mom has been literally the the parent in this in this story. Mom is the parent. Mom gets to make this decision.

If mom wants to be if mom wants to take a higher road and says I don't give a shit what they do or I don't care, then and mom is being honest with her about it. That would be a different thing. But I don't. I really do believe that this that the graduate is position right now is protect mom. I think it's the graduate's decision though. It's a graduate's day. Mom helped her.

Yes. Mom's the reason it happened, but it's the graduate's decision and it's her time to just write it straight. But I do believe the graduate is trying to protect mom still. Well, of course. I think protecting both of them. Yeah, but I hate to say dad is out. But I don't because right now dad is proof.

Dad has simply proven he is not going to honor to keep this woman out of their face. He is still shoving them down her their face. He didn't put his foot down and say, honey, sorry. I'd love to have it, but it's not going to happen this day. Right. When I think the step mom kind of bringing herself in inviting herself all just be outside. I'm going to bring the brother. She's trying to take something away from graduate's day.

She's trying to make it back about herself. She's trying to come in and stake her claim and I just think maybe you sit down with dad and just say, listen, if you truly care about me, want to be happy, you're proud of me for this accomplishment and you respect me, then maybe it's best you don't come. If he can't come out, come without her. If you can't come without her, don't come. Do I talk to my step mom? How would you approach that conversation though based on the fact that right in the post it

says, I don't want her there. So maybe I think the question is how do you approach, do you talk to her and say, I don't want you there. Yeah. I don't want you standing inside. I definitely would say if her mind is at the part, no matter what this woman does, they can certainly tell that woman point blank. I do not want you there.

If graduate in their mind are absolute and resolute, they do not want that woman there. Absolutely go tell her. I do not. You are not. I don't think you would want to be somewhere where the person that is there doesn't want you and I'm letting you know now, I don't want you there. And you would do that over talking to the dad. Talking to the dad is really telling the dad that go talk to your wife.

I don't want her there. Now what you did, the graduate did, is graduate said, I'm taking dad out of the equation. I don't want you there, meaning the woman. Dad, if you want to show up, great to have you, but I went to Bonnie, hypothetical Bonnie and say, Bonnie, I don't want you there. And you could if you if you want to have a conversation with your dad, you can say, dad, I'm going to let you know, I'm going to have a conversation with Bonnie. And I'm going to tell Bonnie, I do not want her there.

And whatever position you want to take, I will respect, meaning if you want to show up or not show up, I will respect your wishes. But Bonnie is not coming. It's just not going to happen. And if you don't respect that wish, you and I are going to have a problem. Right. Now, she can certainly say that and that takes everybody else. And that's the best direction.

Graduate was absolute. I do not want that person there. Yeah, especially kind of with how their dynamic has been, and it seems like she's inserting herself in it probably to take away from the day. So maybe, yeah, just confront it head on. Right. Step one is certainly go to father and say, father, this conversation is going to happen. I'm giving you the respect to let you know it's going to happen.

You don't have to have the conversation with Bonnie because I'm going to have the conversation with Bonnie. And go right to Bonnie and just lay it out plainly. And then as for your little brother, you just go to your little brother and say, if you want to come, you're welcome to come and be my guest and you can sit with us because I would love to have you there. And if you choose, you don't want to go because it's going to be boring and it's all hell for you.

I get it. We can do something special with you and I. Yeah. And now you've given him the personal attention. He recognizes that he can have a personal connection with you and what he can and can't. He doesn't have to go through mediators to have a conversation with you. You keep reinforcing. We have a direct line.

You're my baby brother. I love you. Just go for it. Hit him. Hit him hard and fast. Be clear, confident and take your day back. Make it yours. That's it.

And we're very proud of you for graduating. And you gave us a very deep and concerning story that we certainly processed it all and that is the answer. It's up to you and go carry that ball and hit out of the park. Okay. Let us know how it goes. Please. Thanks.

That was a good one. And story seven is from episode nine, uh-ohs. I've been dating this guy for three months. Him and the mother of his five-year-old child split almost two years ago after being in an on-again, off-again relationship for 14 years. After the split, he realized he wanted to try again to get his family back, but she wanted nothing to do with him. So he moved on.

He has dated on and off since then, but no real relationship. Fast forward to when he met me. He was happy again for the first time in a long time. Things moved quite fast for us and we're going great. He told me I was the best thing to come into his life since his son and he could see great potential in the future for our relationship. We got along great. We respected and appreciated each other and shared the same values and morals, et cetera.

Something he didn't have with his ex. Their relationship was so toxic. She somehow found out he was dating me and has been hounding him every single day for three months about missing him, how much she loves him and wants her family back, even very sexual and flirty texts. He's been pretty open and honest about it all and shows me the texts, but in the last couple of weeks, I've noticed him being more sneaky about texting her. Well, last week, he laid it out on me that he wanted to try again with his ex so his

son can grow up with his family. My ex comes from a very toxic, broken home and he has been open and honest about not wanting his son to go through what he went through. So he's willing to put his happiness on hold and sacrifice a good relationship, ours, which he told me I would be a great influence on his son to go back to his ex for the sake of full control on raising his son. He knows he will likely be unhappy that things with her probably won't have changed. He just wants to be able to tolerate her and not fight in front of his son.

He's been very upset and can't bring himself to break up with me because he knows he's letting go of something great. So I've basically had to do it for him. He says this has nothing to do with me and our relationship and he's not choosing her over me. He's choosing his son and making sure he doesn't have the life he had growing up. I'm having a very hard time understanding his reasoning. I'm not a parent, but I know you would do anything for your children.

But I think he's making the wrong decision here. And not just because I want to be together. My issue is that he knows the relationship with his ex won't be great. They broke up many times over the course of their relationship. They are just not good together, but he thinks she's hit rock bottom and will change. I think she's manipulating him because she only started begging for him back when we got together. She wanted nothing to do with him the last two years, even when he was trying to get

his family back. Can you provide some dad insight on this? Thank you. Well, I had a lot of things going on in my head. The first thing is I said, we've mentioned the fact that I would love to do a live show. And I would look at the audience and the audience would all scream up and yell boo for this woman, for the ex-wife, knowing exactly what she's doing. You get what she's doing.

He is being seduced by the dark side. I don't really believe it's about the son. I believe that she's got some kind of grip on him, that he's hoping that she'll change and he's a moron for believing it. And I don't even know these people. But that's what's coming to my mind that we all get it. Completely agree. At this point in time, you got to be smart enough and confident enough in yourself to

say, this is where I got to move on. You deserve better. Absolutely. So it isn't about him loving her, not loving her, loving you, not loving you. The answer is you got to love yourself. So as your dad advice you're asking for, I'm saying, sweetie, it's time you open your eye and me get my face back into the microphone and really move on and find the person that's going to really take your love to the next level because this is now becoming drama.

You just don't need it. So that's my advice to you is take this as like getting pulled over for a speeding ticket and let go and with a warning. I love that saying. That is the perfect analogy for this because to put it in a perspective too, they have only been dating for three months. This is easy. This is, you know, when you really get into the bottom of this, she's dodging a bullet.

She is. This has been going on, as she mentioned, they've been on again, off again for the past 14 years. We all recognize this thing and the fact that he's not even being really honest with himself at this point in time, the whole thing needs to go away for you because there's so much more for you that's out there. Yeah. It sucks because I'm sure she does like him. It sounds like they've had a really great relationship so far the past, you know, couple

months and it is hard seeing someone you care about make a mistake or put themselves in a path of destruction. But unfortunately, at least I think nothing she's going to say is going to change this course. I'm going to ask you a question. Okay. They've been together for three months. Very, very short.

This is the infatuation period. This is the best it gets for the infatuation side. It's from three, six months, a year, when you really start to get to know that it's all the relationship side of what you guys do together. You're just the pure joy of being with one another that really shines through and he's blowing it off right now. This is really... This is easier to walk away from it three months.

Yeah. I mean, if you were two years invested in this thing, it would be much more difficult to get out and much more reason to go continue with the drama. The fact that it's just... This is easy. You need to just shut it down. Yeah. I think he's using his kiddo as an excuse too because if their relationship is truly

as toxic as she describes, that's not about the son. A kid shouldn't be put in that. Kids are intuitive as shit. Absolutely. He is five now. He's going to pick up on his parents yelling behind a closed door. This isn't about the kid. I think he'd give them what he's shopping for.

He wants to buy this bag of tricks, let him have it. Let him go for it and he'll be back. But it's your job at the next time to say, I'm sorry, I'm gone. Shut that shit down. Because it's going to keep happening. Yes. It's a drama and you don't need drama in your life. No.

Drama is no fun. No. Please just be using protection, condoms, birth control because the last thing you need is a love square with this situation. Then it really is a bigger drama. Oh my God. Can you imagine? I mean, it goes on for like 20 more seasons.

It would be bad. Bad. Protect yourself. Like my dad said, you got pulled over for speeding and got let off with a warning. That was a really good one. You might need to print that on a t-shirt. I don't think I coined that. I'm sure you heard it somewhere.

I don't think it's mined, mined a coin. I'm sure you heard it somewhere. I can guarantee I heard it somewhere. Well, that's all we have for you guys. I really, really hope you enjoyed these clips from Father Knows Something. Like I said, it's a real passion project for us and it's shaping up to be a really good show. Thanks for joining us and until next time.

Until next time. Bye guys. Gotta walk the dogs, school drop off, meetings from 10-3, take kids to soccer practice, then there goes the extra time for a jog. That's okay. Maybe next week. When everyone else relies on you, it's easy to put your needs last. Therapy is a dedicated time to focus on what you need to be happy.

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That's BetterHELP.com. The thought of my sons growing up without me inspired me to quit smoking. I talked to my doctors and then I threw away all my cigarettes, ashtrays, and lighters. I started exercising instead of smoking. Staying away from alcohol when I was first quitting was key. I kept on trying, learned something each time. Do whatever it takes. No matter how many times it takes.

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