Two Hot Takes - Unhealthy Relationships?! Ft. Atsuko Okatsuka

Episode Date: July 2, 2026

Two Hot Takes host, Morgan, is joined by guest co-host Atsuko Okatsuka!! Atsuko get's into a lot of relationship dynamics and cute things she does with her husband in her specials, so feels like the perfect person to come on and help us decide if the relationships at hand are healthy or unhealthy. From OP's husband buying another woman a refrigerator, to someones boyfriend being grossed out by how they use toilets, to an OP's partner who gives away their collectable coloring book they got in Japan, and more! Buckle up and get ready for some giggles on these ones!! Checkout Atsuko's Content: https://atsukocomedy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/atsukocomedy/?hl=en https://www.youtube.com/c/AtsukoOkatsuka Partners: Billie: Visit mybillie.com Patreon BONUS Content including FREE stories: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/TwoHotTakes ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ NEW MERCH:  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://shop.twohottakes.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ WRITE IN TO US!! Our SubReddit! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Full length Video episodes available on YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoHotTakes⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Index: 00:00 -- Start Story 1 My husband bought another woman a refrigerator Story 2 AITA for sitting on public toilet seats and not telling my boyfriend? Story 3 AITA for taking a coloring book back from my niece after she got attached to it? Story 4 My husband is stealing my clothes and Idk why Story 5 My girlfriend [25F] is ruining years of my dog's training and thinks I [27M] am being a "dictator" Story 6 My boyfriend blames me for a business deal gone wrong because he was rude to me Story 7 My husband made me cry tonight Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca.

Wayfair, every style, every home. I don't think I've ever watched someone's stuff and like been more excited to meet them and just be like, can we be friends? Genuinely, I think you might be the coolest person on earth right now. Wow. Right now, you know, because like some people could, you know, surpassed. Be born soon. Today, right now.

Right now. Seconds. It isn't like a baby born every, you know, something seconds and then everything happens every few seconds, right? Yeah. No, it's a scary thought. Yeah. Right now.

Wow. Somewhere. And also meow. But that's the good news. Kittens are being born too. Yeah. Yeah. No.

I'm so excited. I don't think I've laughed so hard as when I walk. your father special. Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. I'm like the big son and your colorful outfit and your mannerisms. I'm just like I was dying. Thank you. I'm so excited. Color. Welcome back to another episode of two outtakes you guys. I'm your host Morgan. And today I've got Otko in the house. Wow. Proud. No, I'm not going to. I won't start it with proud Disney adult. Okay. I mean, because we were talking about it. But maybe. How do you want to brand yourself?

Oh, colorful, fun, sun. Yeah. Yeah. Almost like Teletubby vibe, but not really. A little bit. Well, just like, and then I saw your other one and you had like some other like rolling looking sunset thing. Yeah. More colors.

You bring the props to your show. Oh, gosh. I just want, yeah. You know, I just want you to be brought into my world when you meet me in a stand-up special. Because a lot of theaters, you know, they have their own aesthetic. But it was like built by a man, like a long time ago. They weren't thinking of me. You know what I mean?

No. So I just want, you know, the audience to kind of be like, oh, who is Otko? You know, and so even if I'm in a space that is already decorated, I want to put my flare on it. I love that. Yeah. Have you ever met a ghost at any of the theaters? No, I'm really afraid of meeting ghosts. And I often wonder if that's why they leave me alone or I've never met one.

Have you had a ghost encounter? Not at a theater, but yeah. You have. I stayed the night in a paranormal house. Don't recommend it. So this is you seeking it. You went towards it. I didn't.

I was trying to avoid it. Oh. But it just found me. And so now when I go to the theaters, because some of them are so old, I ask just so I can, you know, be on alert and know who to look out for. So this paranormal house you stayed at, did you know it was before? Oh, I see. Yeah, that's a, that's an issue. I didn't sign up for it.

That's a problem. They found me. But let's get into you. Okay. Because I have a feeling you are going to become a lot of my audience's new favorite. You just have such lore to you. Like when people meet you, how do you even know what lore to start with? Oh, gosh.

Yeah. I mean, that's why I start light with like, you're like, is that a lounge fly backpack? I'm like, yes. Yes, I'm unwell. And I go to Disneyland and I think about it a lot. And you came in here, like, buttering me up with Seas Candy. Like, genuinely the sweetest guests I've ever had. You know what I was going to say is actually I was going to, I said, I even told my husband was home and my assistant was home.

And my other friend was there before I came here. I was like, I'm going to bring the C's candy to Morgan. But I'm also hungry. So I'm going to be like, do you think we can open one? Open it now? Well, I just, I ate a protein bar in the car. But yeah, if you, if you're down to open it, I would eat more. I can't take this whole thing home.

Because you also just opened up about how, you know, Cise candy was your grandma's favorite. I wanted to connect with you. Yeah, and I'm a grandma's girl. Not make you feel guilty so you don't eat it. And I'm a grandma's girl. I know. So when you ask about Lord, just, you know, whatever happens naturally like that. Like now you know about me being a grandma's girl.

Wow, I snuck it in. You did. I love on your set how open and vulnerable you are too. And like you've gone through some crazy stuff and you just tell it in such a lighthearted way while also like really connecting with people. but your shows too. I've been watching a bunch of your stand-up clips. You're just, you're so smart, you're so witty. I love all your bits. I also love how healthy of a relationship you seem to have with your husband. Oh my gosh. It is, we work together. And so it's important for us to like,

you know, communicate and have like husband-wife time, but also, you know, work time. And when are we being that? Yeah, co-worker time. You know, when people are like, this is my work husband. I'm like, he really is. And so, yeah, it's a balance that we're still learning. But yeah, it's cool. I've always wanted siblings. And I feel like I also have a sister in him. Sometimes, you know what I mean?

I'm so glad you said sister and not brother. Because we match a lot of times. Sometimes I wear his clothes. Now he dresses more like me, too, more brighter colors. I teach him choreographed dances. I was like really impressed with your moves too. Oh, thank you. I'm like, you can actually, you were a cheerleader for three years?

The lore, yes. This is what I'm saying, you guys. Like, you're going to hear all about this lore today. And you're going to be like, what hasn't she done? Depending on where you meet me, I guess that's where I would start. But yeah, I was a cheerleader too. So I loved choreographed dances with other people. I don't love going to a dance club and like doing your own thing in a corner.

No, no, no, we should all be doing the same, telling the same story. So you want flash mobs? I like flash mobs. I love like a line dance situation, you know? You know, like... I've always wanted to learn. Yeah, when everyone's doing the same choreo. So it's just like, we're the same heartbeat.

Yeah. You know? Did you ever learn how to square dance? No. Is that different than line dancing? It's like whatever that is. I'm not sure. In Minnesota, growing up in gym class.

They made us square dance. Okay. In gym class, we learned one, one kind of square dance. Okay. It wasn't to country music, though. Maybe that's the difference. So it was, why do we do it to? Geez.

Oh, everybody, I think it's everybody likes kung fu fighting. I think we did it to that. How about you? It was all country songs. It was square dance. And then like the electric slide in one of my friends' parents' garage. That was the rave. back then.

Right. Slide to the left. Slide to the right. Cupid shuffle. Yeah. Down, down, get around. Get around. Down, down.

There's nothing more powerful than a bunch of strangers in a room doing the same choreo. I want to feel like you can move mountains when everyone's going to the left at the same time. Nobody bumping into each other. Bring it back. Bring it back. I mean, you've got so much good energy. You've got tandem bike energy.

You've got marinating tummy rub energy. Yeah. You used to sing opera and your little cantata, cantata. You do toe grips with your husband. Yes, yeah. Unhinged. You are unhinged, but at the core of it, I think you can tell a healthy relationship versus an unhealthy relationship.

And the stories I have for you today, you're going to let me know what you think of them. Oh, yay. Let's do it. Okay, let's dive in. Okay. Okay, so this first one we have here is, coming from our very own Two Hot Takes subreddit.

It's titled, My Husband bought another woman a refrigerator. Okay. Is this woman, his mom? We're going to see. His co-worker, you know. Hi, Morgan and Otzko. Longtime listener, first time posted to Reddit. I am a 33 female married to a 35 male.

We met in 2021 and have been married since 23. I'm writing to see how I should react to this situation and I always enjoy the dialogue your podcast produces. My husband became friends with a female co-worker over a year ago, and they would send TikToks and messages. This woman, let's call her Kate, lives in California, as the company they work for is remote, and they have offices in multiple locations.

I have no issues with my husband, being friends with anyone, male or female, as long as there are clear boundaries, good communication, and expectations, as that is what I do for him as well. Well, he has friends that live in California, and he scheduled a visit. And, unbeknownst to me, had planned to have Kate pick him up from the airport to meet. My gut told me something was off, and I'm not proud of this, but I checked his phone, and that is where I discovered this plan. Oh.

I talked to him and explained that his Heidi's... this meetup made it look sketchy as hell and that I would not be comfortable with this. This was over a year ago. Is this when I do this? I'd say. Oh, for the people just listening, it's a red flag being waved. Okay, go ahead. This was over a year ago, and in the time between then and now, there has been more issues

with this friendship to the point where I have set a firm boundary that since this friendship crossed a line, it needs to discontinue. He was upset, but understanding. Flash forward to this morning. I just graduated from college with my bachelor's in speech-language pathology, and I wanted to see if anyone sent him some good photos. And I saw a text from an unsaved number.

Oh. With the notifications turned off. Oh, weird. Oh, no. Yeah, another wave. That text said, quote, why are you sorry? Again, not proud, but I looked. Guess who it was? Yep, Kate. But there were three messages with zero context as to why he was sorry. So I looked at his recently deleted messages.

Tell me why this girl was talking about loving her brand new refrigerator and having sent the last month an upcoming month to him. He is not only friends with her, but he purchased her a brand new fridge and has been having her pay him back? I'm so lost on how to bring this up or how to even go about a conversation. I feel like this is emotional and financial infidelity. Please help. Whoa, emotional and financial infidelity.

Yeah. I've never heard financial infidelity before. It usually comes up in the context of like paying for only fans, girls, or like if a guy's being like a pay pig to someone else or like a sugar daddy. Okay, yeah. But it's not like physical. No. Necessarily, maybe.

Bind someone a fridge. I mean. But then she's paying him back slowly. There's also a payment plan that he set up. That's kind of the context I think she's getting. Yeah. Is his kink just like wanting to role play being a Sears? Like he's just trying to be Macy's and, you know, come by a refrigerator from me.

There's a payment plan. You know what I mean? I don't know. He's getting off on the interest. Sorry to refer to an almost non-existent store as of today, I think. I know. It's pretty defunct. There's one here in Burbank.

There is, okay. Just like one last Sears left. I named it because that's where me and my husband went to buy a refrigerator, like a mini one, like a couple years ago. And we accidentally didn't pay for it and left. But you took the fridge? We took the, no, and then we realized when we got home that we didn't pay for it. But here's the thing. Nobody, have you been to the one in Burbank, this Sears you speak of?

Like probably six months ago? Okay. There's not many people in there. That's what I'm saying. When I say, nobody works at Sears. I didn't see. Nobody is working there. So he might, like this man, her husband might, I was just, you know, he maybe has a thing where he's like, you know, role playing, like, you know, being at a store that's almost going to be bankrupt soon.

But anyway, yeah, no one, no one worked there. We look for people, a cashier. No, nobody was there. So you tried to pay. So then we put the fridge in the car first. And then we're like, we'll come back. But then we forgot to come back and pay. Anyway, that's what happened.

You got to have someone work in there, sweetie. That's why they went bankrupt. Yes, because people kept being like, oh, wait, I didn't pay. But I'm, you know. Yeah, because we were literally like, anybody? That was us. Anybody here? You know, like a scene in the walking dead.

Hello? anybody in this building? You know? And then a zombie comes out. It was like that. I don't know where I had. You know, a catchier a zombie. It was insane going in there.

It felt like just a ghost town. Yeah. And I'm surprised they're still offering warranties and stuff because like what if you close tomorrow? Warranties on like goods that you buy? Yeah. Oh, sweetie. I don't know if we got a warranty on this refrigerator.

No. We almost got it for free. But we were honest. We went back. So you did go back and pay. You're welcome. Mr. Sears Burbank. But this man, yeah, it's interesting because it's not financial invality in that he's getting the money back into their bank account, their joint bank account, presumably him and his wife.

I know. You know, and so that's weird. Maybe he's just trying to be on this girl's good side. Why? Because they're cheating or something. I think that's what's happening. I mean... He's deleting messages.

That. Like, deleting messages. You've set a clear boundary. He already lied to you that she was picking him up from the airport. Yeah. Like, they had a secret rendezvous. Yes. It's their friends.

Why the secrets? So I'm just like, oh, I don't want to assume the worst. Mm-hmm. But... Yeah. There's a lot going on here. you don't know about and he's not being very honest. Right.

The secrets, the deleted messages. And so the fridge is not the suspicious part. The fridge is just like, he's just getting his, you know, the girl he's cheating with a fridge. And so she's like, I got a girl. Like, I'll pay you back. But I think there's other worse things happening. And I'm so sorry to hear that. And I hope that fridge breaks down.

If I know Sears, she has eight months. I don't want to get in trouble from... From Sears, yes. We had a fringe from there, like I said in the story. You're speaking from experience. Yes, this is a mini fridge. It was cute, but like a lot of things. Cute ain't enough.

That's the message for this guy. Cute ain't enough. It's not enough. Top comment also kind of jumps to cheating. He is cheating. Your move. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Next comment down 100%. That trip to California was for her, not friends. Yes, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, your gut instinct is correct. And that's the good thing is that you're asking questions and you got this girl because you are smart to even be questioning this. Yeah.

I know someone says, quote, you can have a long-distance girlfriend or you can have a white in your bed, but I refuse to share this relationship any longer. Choose. Basically being like, here's what you should say to him. Oh, yeah. Great. Yeah. Everyone's given scripts. I love that. I'm very curious. We don't. I just refreshed. Oh. We do have an update. What? We have an update from her. We do? We have an update. After our conversation, I can confirm he does have a white night complex. Oh. So he and I are going to do couples counseling.

For him, he never understood my hang up on the issue because the friendship was always platonic. He had a moment of getting defensive and saying, So I'm not allowed to have female friends, to which I calmly explained that I would have had no issues with this friendship if there had been a level of transparency. I explained that the optics are saying something different than what he is saying.

He said the fridge was not a big deal because it was a zero-cost situation since she is paying him back, and it was purchased with zero percent interest. I asked if she were to stop paying him, would he just be out of the money, or do they have some type of contractual agreement? He said it would be a loss, but there's no risk because she wouldn't do that. His big issue with this was he saw a friend that needed help and helped, so he's frustrated by me being upset. I pointed out that I plainly explained my discomfort with his friendship, and I'm frustrated by the fact that my comfort is coming second to Kate.

Yeah. I said at this point, his choice is that he keeps talking to Kate, or he can talk to me, but he cannot do both because I refuse to continue to be hurt by the situation. He signed us up for couples counseling and also suggested that we both need individual counseling, for me to address my anxiety, for him addressing his white night complex. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. There's some gaslighting happening. where he's like, and you need therapy. He's like, I'll get therapy, but you get therapy. Hey, I fucked up, you fucked up. Excuse me.

It's not just on me. He got, yeah, he's still trying to like be the savior, right? Like, okay, see, I got us into couples therapy. I'm getting to therapy. You're getting into therapy. You're like, hold on. Looks like you're still like running the itinerary around here. If I'm, you know.

He's a cruise ship director for sure. I mean, that's what he should do. Apply for the, I don't know what job he has, but it sounds like this kind of stuff can be fixed if you, you know, be a cruise ship director. Consider volunteering at the local boys and girls club. You have a white night complex, go pick up trash by the beach. Hello? These are great solutions for him. Traveling to California to buy a fridge that you're going to get money back from?

That's, okay. It's like you did nothing. Nothing. No, and he also, I'm just realizing. At that point, just cheat. He put it on his credit card. He said zero percent interest. But did you apply for a Best Buy credit card to buy some other woman a fridge? Like, did you potentially hurt our credit score, your credit score, our spending power in order to buy someone else a fridge? Yeah. It's very, it's very confusing. Yeah. It's still bad stitch. This is like, yeah, it actually got even weirder. I don't like this at all. I also really don't like this next one. Okay. This next story is coming from Am I the Asshole? It's titled,

Am I the Asshole for sitting on public toilet seats and not telling my boyfriend? Interesting. When I, 27 female, need to pee in public, for example, at a restaurant or a gas station, if the toilet seat is clean, I will sit down on the toilet seat to pee. Okay.

If it has a little bit of pee on it, I will wipe it with a tissue before I sit down. My boyfriend of three years recently learned this when I made a passing comment about sitting in a porta potty. And he is absolutely horrified. He is really grossed out that I have sex with him after sitting on a public toilet seat. And he likens it to him wiping his dick on the lid of a toilet seat

or that he is putting his mouth on people's poop particles when he goes down on me. Wow. I asked a couple of friends, and so far the consensus is that I'm definitely the gross one, and I should always hover to pee. I feel like I'm going crazy. Am I the asshole for sitting on public toilets? I appreciate the honesty. I never want to shame anyone for being honest, you know?

I'm a messy girl myself, okay? I didn't know I hadn't been doing the laundry, for example, for the past seven years and that it had been my husband. How did you get away with that? Like, can you please teach me? I don't know if I got away with it because we had a big conversation afterwards. And I did get caught. Did he call you up for some, like, weaponized incompetence? Yeah, it was a, look, it was a devastating day for me, too, trust.

Because I thought I had been helping out this whole time. Really? I thought I had been doing it too. Okay. He and I found out because literally I really thought I had been doing it too. But it was more like when you've seen, you know when you've seen someone do something? So you think, oh, that was me too. Okay.

I also did that. Only to realize, like, I asked him, I went to the washing machine. I looked at the buttons and I realized, huh. Like, I think I've never touched these buttons. before. And that's how and but so I said Ryan Ryan and I was like hey um I was like for a load like this for like underwear's what would you say I should like put the settings on. Uh huh. And he was like and he he he started explaining because he's a he's a nice guy. So he's like oh yeah so I would and then he goes wait wait. Have you not been doing he I saw him doing the math. Have you not

been doing the laundry this whole time? And it hit me too. I was like oh my God. It has been you this whole time. Anyway, so I'm a messy girl. I feel that to my core. I'm the same. And I've, you know, done like gross things before too. In my 20s, I, you know, hooked up with someone in a nightclub bathroom and we rolled around on the ground, on the dirty ground, you know.

On the ground? Making out, going down on each other too. See, I'm like, this is the lore. Yeah. What? What? But I will say, for like a whole year after that, I never got sick. And so I will say that, you know, this girl, so this is a twisted, twisted way if I wanted to see things from her side.

Yeah. Okay. Her immunity might be very strong. She may not have STDs or whatever. You know, I mean, I don't think that's how you get it is from a toilet seat, STDs. No, common myth. Okay, common myth. But poop, yes.

but she might be strong and so at least he's not getting at least he's not getting SDs from her maybe she's showering before sex too like she she's not going straight from the porta potty to is she getting horny right after and being like hey babe let's have sex you know I have questions this feat this

whatever you call it Reddit story has opened up more questions than answers what would you ask her if you could Are you having sex immediately with your boyfriend after these toilets? You know what I mean? Yeah. Then, yeah, think about him, you know? Then let's think about him a little bit, you know.

Have some compassion, empathy, wash your butt. But if you're just, this is how you want to live and then you're showering before you have sex with him, I mean, I think he might be okay. See, I don't know if I've done this in a while. but I think back in the early days of two hot takes we did a poll yeah and we asked people like are you a sitter or are you a hoverer oh yeah I'm a sitter too I put toilet paper down at least yeah you have like the little liners you can put down but it's actually really bad for you to hover oh it is yeah it hurts your pelvic floor it can weaken your pelvic floor muscles so no more super grip oh yeah That's a problem.

Yeah. And allegedly, coming from an Ohio State Medical Center. Okay. Hovering over the toilet seat can lead to UTIs. Wow. You give yourself a UTI from hovering. Huh. Interesting, yeah.

I mean, I don't know how long you're hovering for. Usually I'll hover just to, like, urinate. Quick. So that's pretty fast, yeah. Yeah. But when you hover, you also push. To avoid the dribble. Oh, is that right?

Oh, I guess that's true, yeah. I haven't hovered in a while. You know, in Asia, there's a lot of restrooms, too, that, like, you do squat for, like, to the ground. Yeah. Is that hovering? Yeah. I feel like when you're doing that low squat,

it's more so, like, your body mechanics. Like, I feel like when I did it. It's different than sitting. Yeah, you're kind of, like, standing, yeah. Sitting upon your own legs in a squat position. That's true. So that's still a seat. You're somewhat relaxed.

Yeah, that's true. Okay, yeah. Yeah. So, okay, so yes, thank you. Hovering is bad for you. So you do want to at least sit. Mm-hmm. If you can, girl, try the toilet paper on the toilet seat.

That's what I'm saying. Also, if he's weird about this and he's going to be like, I'm essentially eating people's poop particles, take a shower. Just take your shower. Yeah, I would say like, yeah, shower before you, you know, have sex. You'll be less spontaneous. Yeah. But as you said, you know, clean your ass.

Yeah. That'd be good. Yeah. Don't go from the porta potty to sex. Some people have sex in those things, too, though. Yeah. And, you know, I, there are people where it's like, hey, you know, I can't help you. I can't.

You know, you're going to live. What am I going to, who am I? Your mom? I've tried. Okay, this is where the advice stops. You shower after you use the porta party and then have sex. Okay. If you have sex and a porta party, oh, sweetie, there's nothing more to say.

You live, okay? Life is hard. Very. We have, I don't know, the earth is how many more years we have. I don't know. Some people think it's flat too, so. And I can't help them either. No.

Maybe. So keep out of girl and stay safe. That's all I can say. Don't fall in. The top. Comment on this one, not the asshole. Hovering ladies are the ones who make the toilets dirty and disgusting for the rest of us. Wow.

Interesting, yeah. That is true. Yeah, because, like, when you sit, I guess it is just your skin touching. I hate going into a public toilet, though, and feeling that it's hot. Everything's so hard. Why does going to the restroom are part of having to be a human? I know. I think about that all the time.

Like, why? I want to be like, that's... that part's gone. But I get to still eat. Somehow that still works. We do have it better than some animals, though, because like birds, it's just like an all in one. Oh, what do you mean all in one? Oh, like they, oh, they urinate and number two at the same time? Is that what it is? Oh, wow. I know. A bird pooped on me a couple of days ago. Okay, so that was two and one. It's good luck. They say that, but I didn't feel that while it was happening to me. And I had to run to the hotel and the shower again before I went back out. Yeah.

No. While I was like getting it out and it was like on my neck and back, I was like, yeah, I don't feel like the good luck part yet. It'll come. It'll come. Yeah. Yeah. It'll come. Oh, man.

Well, I hope we get an update from this one. Just like how they solved this issue. I mean, worst case, you're just not going to have sex. And then that's a lot less work for you. Yeah, totally. Yes. But thank you for your honesty. I appreciate that.

We need more of that in this world. This episode is brought to you by Billy. I hate feeling like I'm doing yoga in the shower just to shave and get all my nooks and crannies. That is where Billy comes in. It is going to be a razor that changes your life. Billy is designed for how women actually shave. Legs, pits, toes, happy trail, wherever prickles decide to show up. It has five sharp blades and a pivoting head so you can actually get everywhere without doing shower gymnastics.

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We love this sub. Yeah, Am I The Asshole? Is it also like something to do with the restroom? She's like, it's not a pun. It was all pun. Am I the asshole? I sit on my butt. A very normal, natural thing. It's titled, Am I the asshole for taking a coloring book back from my niece after she got attached to it? I, 27 female, live with my husband, 31 male. We've been married for about a year and a half. Overall, things are good, but we're still figuring out boundaries, especially around our stuff. I collect Hello Kitty and Sonrio items, nothing extreme, but I have a small display shelf in the living

room and a few related things on the bookshelf. Most of it is stuff that I've picked up over the years. I fell in love with Hello Kitty as a kid when I lived in Japan, and after my family moved to the U.S., I stopped seeing it around. So, collecting it now feels a little nostalgic. Last year, I went back to Japan to visit my grandparents, and I found these really nice Sonrio coloring books. They're not like cheap kids' ones at the store. The paper is thicker. The art is really detailed. And I bought them more as a nostalgic collectible than something for random kids to use.

This past weekend, we babysat his niece, six female, while his sister was out of town. I was working from my home office, so he handled most of the child care during the daytime. Uh-oh. Yesterday on my lunch break, I saw her looking at my shelf. She asked if she could touch some of the figures. I said yes, as long as she was very careful and put them back. I assumed she meant the ones she could already reach just the figures she was asking about at that exact moment. Later, I came out to grab a snack and saw her coloring at the table.

Oh. At first, I thought it was a normal coloring book, but then I realized it was one of the ones I brought back from Japan, from my Hello Kitty shelf. I didn't want to upset her, but I thought I set pretty clear guidelines, and six seems old enough to understand that, to me, I could be wrong, so I just said, quote, maybe we find another book for you to color in. She was really into it, and my husband laughed and said we should just let her keep it since she already started coloring in it. I quietly told him, I'd rather not, and that we could easily buy her a different book. He brushed it off and said I was overthinking it. I don't want to argue in front of her, so I dropped it. That night, after she went to sleep, I saw he had packed the coloring book into her backpack.

Oh. That bothered me because it felt like he had decided to give it away something of mine without even asking. So I took it out and shoved it under a couch cushion, L.O.L. I know it seems dramatic, but I don't know. I just knew if I put it back on the shelf, it would wind up back in her bag. The next morning, she had a meltdown looking for it. Crying, screaming meltdown. We explained when her mother came that she had lost a coloring book, we gave her.

After they left, I put it back on the shelf. He said that he was really disappointed in me. Said I was being petty. and childish, and should have just let her keep it. I told him it wasn't about the price. It was about the fact that it was something I brought back from Japan, and it was a part of my collection, and he gave it away without even asking. Now things are tense, and I'm wondering if I overreacted by taking it back.

Am I the asshole? Wow. This is 100% I'm on her side. Same. Yeah. I mean, boundaries were set. They were broken. Like if anyone is into collectibles or there's like nostalgia, you know, you know, your belongings

and the things that mean something to you is a big deal. I don't know if the husband collects like Pokemon cards or like baseball cards. Same thing. He would be upset. It really is the same thing. Do you collect anything? I don't, but I get nostalgia, especially since, you know, I lived in Japan and I also was born in Taiwan. But, you know, I moved to the U.S.

without wanting to move here and then I got stuck here. So I never got to say goodbye to my friends there or my dad and my stuff, my school. So I know what it's like to, you know, every time I'm in Japan, I, you know, for me, that connection is big because it's like, now I don't even have a Japanese passport because when I became an American citizen, I had to give up, give that up because Japan doesn't allow dual citizenship. So it's like slowly bits of my Japanese identity got taken. Yeah, really stripped from you.

Yeah, and my Japanese language is not as good, too. So it's like when I'm there, the things I get from there, the things I'm able to salvage, my dad has found some, like, childhood photos of mine that I really cherish those things. You know, it's not just a silly, silly Pokemon card or whatever. But I think that's similar with people in collectibles, right? It's just something that, I don't know, they're drawn to for a reason. I mean, they can bring you so much happiness. Like, I don't know, some people, they get a good collectible, a good Lego set, and like, their depression is cured.

Like, genuinely, it can really make life meaningful and worth living. And so something like this, when you have a deep personal connection, I mean, similar to what you're saying, it's like you get these little bits and it's like you're getting a part of yourself or a part of your culture back. And I would be really, really upset with my husband if, one, he didn't ask me or if he just like looked at something that was so special to me as just like it's a coloring book. It's like it doesn't matter what that item is. It's important to me. So therefore by not caring about it, you're not respecting or caring about me. Yeah, no. Like I would take it personal. Yeah. And it's like

the six year old, they grow up and they get over things. I mean, you know, I'm a little, a lot of people probably won't agree with me but I'm I'm actually usually oh I'm always on the adult side when there's a kid in the story is that that's so fucked up to say but like why I don't I feel a lot for adults I feel a lot for adults senior citizens kids it's you know I'm child free and my husband also got a vasectomy recently we just knew from the beginning I just knew I just never wanted kids and that's fine kids are great for other people. I like other people's kids. I like the idea of kids. But, you know, I just feel like adults have had to endure more. And so if they're like, you know, that's, I was talking about being a Disney adult, you know, and people are like, oh, so lame. It's like, of course I'm an

adult at Disneyland. I couldn't come as a kid. I couldn't afford it. I didn't have a job. Okay. Of course I'm an adult at Disney. I finally have, my brain is fine. My brain is finally fully formed where I can remember the memories that I just made that I paid for. You know what I mean? In a way, like going to Disneyland as an adult makes more sense. And so that's sort of my unhinged take with. It's like, you know, this is very pessimistic. Okay.

Last thing. I'm ready. A kid at six, he's like, you know, trying to make her feel good. And she might hate him when she's 18. I mean, she's going to be like, oh, great, I broke up with my wife over this coloring book. Yeah. You know, that's your life partner. This girl might hate you tomorrow.

She's six. Yes. She's not going to remember this coloring book. She literally might hate Hello Kitty in two days. I know. She's not going to respect the quality of this paper. She might grow up to be Marjorie Taylor Green. I don't know.

You really don't know. These are literally the things I think. When I meet an adult, I'm like, well, you didn't turn up to be Marjorie Taylor Green. So, yeah, like, I want you to have this coloring book. Is that messed up? No. I mean, she's six. Very unlikely.

This isn't going to be her villain origin story. You never know, man. That's true. You know? But yeah, it could be. It could be. It could be. But unlikely.

And again, it's not hers. It's not her shit. It's not a souvenir. If she wants a little coloring book, go to a 9-9-9-cent store. This isn't going to be her villain story. You're right, though. No. Because this is not a hardship that she went through.

No. And the screaming, the meltdown, I think this is a good lesson that she might need to learn. Yeah. This is actually a great opportunity that she provided her. Listen. When someone goes, oh, only touch these things, listen. Yeah. Keep your grimy paws off.

Top comment. You should be really disappointed in him. He gave away something that was important to you. you without a single thought. Someone else says, I would be locking up my collection after that. That's the type of blatant disregard that leads me to believe he would get rid of her stuff. He knew she didn't want him to give it away and tried to do it anyways. What will he do after this now that she had the gall to take it back?

Yeah. That's kind of a dark thought, though. Like he's going to start retaliating and just like burning the coloring books. Oh, you never know. That, yeah. dark dark what would you do if your husband gave something of yours away i mean you're you're a fashionista like what if you just started giving your clothes away like something that you cherish right yeah i mean yeah that would be i would be like confused like you know there's you're out to get me you're mad

yeah what happened you turned you changed as a person overnight what happened is someone else under there i would try to peel his skin off be like oh Oh, see, I knew it. You know, Scooby-Doo style. Uh-huh. Yeah. Another man. Different man.

Who replaced you? My former manager, I knew it. You know, whatever it is. O.P. does say that this is a very special collector's edition. It was an $80 coloring book. Mm-hmm. So it's like, I'm not giving an $80 coloring book to a six-year-old. No, no, no, no.

There's no way. Six-year-old is happy playing with their imagination. They should be. Yes. Kids need to learn how to be bored again. Yes. I remember growing up and sitting at a table without a tablet. Yeah.

And just being bored and like being okay with being bored. Yeah. Going on car rides, looking out the window. Like teach kids to be bored again. And they need to learn how to self-soothe a little better. Yeah. I'm not a parent. That's me talking out of my ass.

Hot take for the day. Oh, I think this, yes, I totally agree. But the tablets have gotten out of control. The kids need to, you know, I used to just hang out with adults because I was bored. You know, I learned how a divorce works at three. Just watch, you know, listening to other people. My parents had already divorced. Yeah.

But like, you know, just being around like another couple that was divorcing. I shouldn't have to, I shouldn't have to know those terms. No, not at three. But I did because I didn't have a tablet. But I turned out okay. Yeah. You grew up quickly. though. You're like, yes, you're okay. Yes, you did. Yes, yes. Meanwhile, cut to, I'm just at California

Disneyland Park every week. Eating those bignets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your go-to snack there? I, so my husband has celiac, so we do eat specific, like, but they do have a glue and free cookie. That's, God, I know too much. Jack Jack's, Jack's, Jack from the Incredibles, he has a cookie collection. there. One of them is gluten-free. Anyway, we eat that. That sounds good. So no banyers for you. No, no, no. But that's fine. Oh, and the turkey leg. Turkey leg's good. Tricor-Legg, corner of the cup gluten-free? Yes, yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. The chicken terriarchy, they have a gluten-free, too. Dol-whip. As well. Yeah, also gluten-free. Thank you. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Okay. You're still having a good time. See how I lit up? It's because, yeah, I was negotiating other people's divorces at three.

but, you know, I can appreciate the finer things in life. Hey, it gave you, you know, maybe a little bit too quick of a childhood, but it led to you being stunted. No, no. You are just like... The joys in life. You're just an old soul. And like I was trying to think of ways to like explain you. And I feel like maybe this isn't how you feel.

But you feel to me like you've just lived like 10 different lives already in like such a short time. based on everything that you've gone through and all of your experiences and stuff. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, I don't know. Life, you know, it's just, I don't know, it's not easy for everybody. And so people come out with these stories

and then come out the other end. And I feel like you've come out the other end and like it's really just enabled you to be this amazing comedian because of it. Oh, thank you. I'm like, you're so good. I'm like, everyone needs to go watch. But children are suspectful of me.

And suspectful, is that a word? Yeah Children don't trust me Really? They're a little apprehensive of you? I think because they know I'm trying to give their coloring book back to the adult Or maybe they just can sense that you like you clock them Do you know what I mean?

I clock them also I think some of them think I am a baby too Like some babies are like what? Because of my haircut they're like Is she our leader? You know they look at me like that When at the airport They're like, hold on Wait

why does she get to walk around without her parents? They look at me like that. Oh my gosh. Are you kind of a baby whisperer? A little bit. I'm not trying to be, but they think I'm a telitubby, for real. Yeah, for sure. Like you're like, they're like, you know, they're like, what is this?

Is that door they explore? Because I wear a backpack too. They're like, what? What is happening? They're drawn to you. Yeah. You're a baby, baby magnet. Yes.

And I'm like, be careful. I will give your coloring book back to the right. for owner. Reesis knows a thing or two about great combinations. Chocolate and peanut butter, obviously, but there's more than one way to Rees's. From indulgent Reese's big cups with caramel to crunchy Reese's pieces and Reese's miniatures,

there's a delicious Rees for every mood. It's the same combo you love, just with more ways to enjoy it. So whether you're snacking, sharing, or just treating yourself, nothing else is Rees's. Speaking of stealing things. Yes.

This story is confusing me. Ooh, okay. This is coming from our two hot takes subreddit. It's titled, My husband is stealing my clothes, and I don't know why. Oh, okay. All right. I have some ideas. I, 28 female, have been married to my husband, 26 male, for almost four years now.

I have a metabolic disorder that I was born with that causes me to have severe depression, even though I try to be very health conscious. It is very hard for me to care about my life at times, and in turn, causes me to not care about my appearance. So when I like clothing, it's a really big deal for me. I recently got a shirt that I really love. It's kind of an oversized, which is how I like it, and it is in that style that I like. I showed it to my husband, and he claimed to like it too. It's a very casual shirt, but I really like it and I wear it often.

About a month ago, I went to put it on, but I couldn't find it any. I knew I had just done laundry, so it couldn't have gone far. I tore the house apart looking for that shirt. Nothing. The following morning, I was driving with my husband, and I saw the shirt I was looking for in the back of his car. Oh. When I asked him why it was in there, he said he didn't know and was confused, but I just let it go. A couple of weeks ago, I had gotten another shirt that I fell in love with. This one also casual and oversized. But I loved it so much, I bought another one in a different color. I again showed them to my husband, and he claimed he liked them. Same thing happened. I went to go put one on and realized that both of them were missing. Oh. I again tore the house

apart looking for them, but nothing. I had remembered the other one being in my husband's car, so when he got off of work, I went to see if they were in there. What? And I found them in the trunk. So they're all in the trunk? He's just collecting them in the trunk? Like little victims? He's just kidnapping shirts, but hers?

Along with several other clothing items I had that went missing. Oh. I got back inside and asked him why he had a bag of my clothes in his car. He denied knowing. what I was even talking about. So I showed him the footage of our ring camera with him holding the bag of clothes and walking to his car. He then said, quote, Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure you told me you wanted to donate that stuff.

Which I then proceeded to tell him, I've never asked him to donate any of my stuff. If I have clothes to donate, I always sort and take them myself. He then just said, quote, yeah, I don't know then. Oh. Every time I bring it up, he just says he just thought he was supposed to take them to the donation center, which I'm 100% certain I never asked him to do, especially because he was taking all of my favorite things. How do I proceed with this if he won't even tell me the real reason he's taking my clothes? That's really wild.

I'm scared. I'm actually kind of scared. Yeah, it's like kind of serial killer activity because, you know, it's like he's practicing on shirts. You know, what could be humans. I mean, he's putting them in bags and lying, you know, and it's in the trunk. You're right. That's where you put. Victims.

You are, you're so right. I mean, next step is, you know, take them. You know, and he is taking them, I guess, and then being like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, it's wild. And, you know, but, and it's weirder because it's stuff. knows she likes because she's showing them being like, I love these. I know, which is so sad. Unless he doesn't like them and he's trying to get rid of them so that what? She has to wear different kinds of clothes or what? You know, that's my guess. None of it's good. None of it's good. My first

thought was he's taking them to wear them himself. That was my first thought too and I was going to be like, you know, maybe, yeah, exactly. But then why are they in the trunk in a bag? You know, you hear the stories about people coming home and finding their husband and their underwear and stuff like that. So it's like if he was going to take him and wear them, you think they'd be in the house where he could actually get him on. Yeah, I think he's literally trying to get rid of them. I feel like you need to start if you have two cars. If you have a car each, I would start doing it with his clothes too. But you got retaliate. Yes, you got to beat him though. You have to. It has to be like a lot at a time. He's got three shirts so far in this story. Take his whole closet, put it. Put it.

it in your trunk. I like this. And then don't get rid of them yet, but like have him, you know, question where they went, you know? I donated them. Yeah. I thought you wanted them donated. Yes. When he says, no, no, no, I like these clothes. Donate them anyway. Yeah, I liked my clothes, too. That's my thought. And then probably break up with them still, too. That's my thought. Well, they're married, too. It's like, oh, I'm going to eat one of these chocolates. This is stressing me out.

I know, same. This man just lives in this world. We breathe the same air? It's scary, isn't it? He's 28? 26. 26. Kind of a diabolical age for a dude.

He used to go back in the womb, cook a little more. Diabolical? Diabolical. What does that word mean? I actually don't know. I'm going to give us the formal definition. Ooh, fun. Thank you.

Diabolical refers to something highly devious, extremely cruel, or characteristic of the devil. 26 is that, yeah. Because that's still very young. So his metabolism is going. He's got a lot of energy. 26-year-old's heal fast. He's already thinking this way.

Next step is like mutilating squirrels. You know what I mean? I don't know the solution, but my thing is do his clothes to. First step, at least. Sorry, I'm trying not to chew in the mic. No, everyone's going to appreciate that. Oscar, you're just like, you're just taking it to the level that, like, I usually would.

And I'm just, I'm so happy you're here that I'm just, like, not alone in this. The top comment, he's taking what makes you feel good about yourself. If it makes you happy, he can't stand it. That's a good point. He can't stand it. Yeah. That's not a good husband, though, or a person. No.

That's not someone I would. trust to be my person. Like, you tell him you like a shirt. I like this shirt. It makes me feel good. And his next step is to take it. Not once, not twice, more than three times because he's got the three shirts and a bag of other stuff you've been missing. Like, he is, he's insane.

Jail. Yeah, prison, jail now. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So we do get an update. Oh my God. Okay. I hope it's good.

I am pleased to say this was not the update I was expecting to make. Oh. I gathered the footage again and I showed my husband the video recording of him carrying my clothes in the bag to his car. He looked at the footage and said, quote, okay, I'll just tell you. I don't want you to think I'm a horrible husband. Oh. It turns out that he was taking my clothes to surprise me with a photo shoot wearing all of my favorite clothes. clothing items. What? So then I would feel good and comfortable in the photo shoot.

Where? Okay. He said, quote, I know you are battling a lot mentally and I wanted you to have these photos to look at when you are feeling down about yourself and to remember how beautiful you are. That made me tear up. I then asked why he gaslit me when I saw the clothes in his car and why he didn't just tell me. He said he really wanted it to be a surprise. because he knows it's hard for me mentally most days to get out of the house. He said he was just bad at hiding the clothes and didn't know where else to put them but in his car. Wow. He also apologized multiple times for gaslighting me and said he should have handled that part in a different way,

but couldn't think of anything else in the moment when he was put on the spot. I told him I forgave him, but if this ever happens again, I won't be so forgiving next time. and he completely understood and said there will be no next time. I then asked him why he took the clothes ahead of time and not just take them right before the photo shoot. He said his memory is so bad, which is true. He has the memory of a goldfish. Oh, okay.

And a lot of my clothes look so similar. So he wasn't sure he would remember which ones were my favorite. So he took them periodically when I would tell him how much I liked them so he wouldn't forget. I then proceeded to hug him and tell him that that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, and I apologized for thinking he was being cruel to me on purpose. I honestly should have known it would be something like this, because he has always been such a good man. But I started to question because of my relationships in my past.

But he clearly is not like all the boys in my past. I'm so thankful to have a good man. The photo shoot appointment is tomorrow, and I'm actually really excited. I've never had a professional photo shoot before. Thank you to everyone who commented with their support. I know that every comment comes from a place of love and concern, and it was healing to read how much people care. I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Take some cute photos of yourself. We all deserve to be reminded of our beauty. Wow. It's not fair how much acts of kindness is just borderlines, just a fine line before you were looking like a mass shooter. It's just fucked up. It's so messed up. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, when a stranger hugs you, it's like, oh, it's like an act of kindness. Or, like, he's about to, you know, stab you. It's messed up. I got tricked. I got tricked. I was two seconds ago, I was telling her, you know, steal his clothes, burn it down, get rid of them, break up with him. I mean, I don't know if I'm convinced. That there's a photo shoot happening tomorrow?

Uh-uh. I want to see these photos. I would like to see photos, OP. This is on our own subreddit. Like, this is likely one of our listeners. Yeah. So. We would love an update.

I'm glad you feel beautiful. I want you to feel beautiful. As you should. Yeah. Yeah. As you absolutely should. But I'm going to need documentation that this photo shoot was booked before you confronted him. Yeah, because, yeah, yeah, that's a great idea.

Was this a cover up? Yeah, I do. Was this a cover up? Yeah, because you got to, because if this is for a photo shoot, his tactic is a little wild, he's acting like a dog covering, like stealing a piece of bone from the dinner table. Yeah. You know, and hiding it in a hole in the backyard one at a time. You know, you're acting like a squirrel before hibernation.

He has a brain of a goldfish suddenly? I don't know. I'm not convinced. But what does that say about me? Am I just being pessimistic? Am I? No, it's the way of the world. Am I something broken within me?

Do I have trust issues? I just find this. No, no, no. I find something still a little off here. I'm going to need another update, O.P. Nothing's broken with you. Ted Bundy used to lure his victims into his car by being, pretending he was on crutches and that he needed, he had like a broken arm and he needed

help putting something in his car. And out of the goodness of people, you know, and that's how he would take advantage of them. So no, you're not broken. Thank you. Thank you. I needed that confirmation. Top comment. They quote O.P. I'm so thankful to have a good man and they share the meme of Pete Davidson kind of like. Oh, I don't even know what, tearing up. Tearing up. I can't tell what that emotion is supposed to convey, though. I'm not really sure either. Or maybe that's like Pete Davidson saying that. Like, I'm so thankful to have a good man.

I don't know. Like, she's literally, I have no idea. I know. Is it like, like, girl, we don't believe that? Or is that like, oh, that's so sweet. Like, I'm choking up. That's a very difficult face to interpret. Yeah, yeah.

In this case, and this is one of the few cases where I would say, girl use your words use your words because you know right now I can't use more abstractness I'm confused same people are sharing I'm a little shaken that she's still with him and now she's just doing a photo shoot

I need pictures you can send I won't share them send them to me send me a DM we just want proof of life thank you that's all proof of life a lot of people share me like the Britney Spears meme, that one's a little more easy to understand. Yeah, totally.

Right. Yeah. Someone says, my and my husband's reaction when we read this. Like, I don't want to be mean, but girl, come on. Mm-hmm. Someone says, oh, honey. So I think I think I'm not in the solo boat of still skeptical. Yeah.

I think, you know, the lesson is that, you know, boys weren't always taught to communicate and you need to make sure they learn from an early age. Yeah. I think so. How are you doing? How are you hanging over there? Good. Doing okay?

Yeah. I'm just being whipped around by these men. Wow. Well, do you have a dog? Do you have any pets? I don't. We tried fostering for a month. Yeah.

We had a dog for a month. How'd it go? We were not prepared. We were confused. We didn't do research. We didn't, you know, read anything. We just thought, we thought, like, having a dog was, like, a vibe. Like, you just kind of, you feed it, give it water, it'll poop.

We didn't know. We were surprised. We didn't know. We were like, why did you poo again? You know, we were, it poos every day. Like multiple do they do multiple like twice a day more and more than its body size I don't know if it was something was wrong with this dog what are you feeding it do all dogs poop more than its body size because we would wake up and the backyard what kind of dog was this

it's like a pit bull lab mix right bigger dog but we would wake up to the backyard just feel with poop we were like did you have friends over we were so confused. Oh my God. And it was getting bigger and bigger by the minute. The dog or the, the dog and the poop? Oh my God. All of our stuff was wet all the time. We were just, everything was like, day one on earth. We were not ready. We were so confused. We were like, I thought a dog's supposed to help you. What? You know, yeah. We were getting weaker and the dog was getting stronger. Yeah, and when they learn that they're smarter than you, that's when things get really scary. Oh, my God.

At one point, we'd just be hiding in a corner like, the dog's outsmarted us. This is the dog's house now. And so, yeah, we're not, yeah. Okay. So you do have a little experience on a dog that, you know, kind of takes over. Yeah, yeah. Also, no one told me I'd be thinking about the dog all the time, too. Like when I'd be out at a bar, I said, oh,

I didn't know this was, no one told me. It's too easy to adopt or foster. This next one, coming from relationship advice, it's titled, My Girlfriend, 25 Female, is ruining years of my dog's training and thinks I, 27 male, am being a dictator. I have a five-year-old German shepherd named Max. I got him as a pup and spent literally hundreds of hours and a lot of, money on professional training because I wanted a dog that actually listens. He used to be perfect. He'll stay. No begging at the table. The whole deal. We've been living together for about seven months now

and things are starting to fall apart because she refuses to follow the rules I set for him. It started small like her letting him on the couch when I'm not in the room. I told her multiple times that Max has his own bed for a reason, and it is better for his joints and my sanity because of the fur. She just rolls her eyes and says that he looks sad. Now, he won't even go on his bed when I tell him to because he just looks at her for permission to stay on the sofa. Then there is the food. I have a very strict no scraps rule.

She thinks it's cute to give him bits of her pizza crust or bacon under the table. Now Max has started whining and pawing at people while they eat, which is something he never did before. Yesterday was the breaking point. I caught her feeding him directly from her plate, and when I told her to stop, she got defensive and called me a dog dictator. She says I am sucking the joy out of his life and that he is just a dog, not a soldier. I tried explaining that consistency is the only way training works and that she's basically on doing three years of hard work, but she didn't care, she just walked away. Now the dog is confused and honestly starting to ignore my commands if she's around.

How do I make her understand that this is about respect for my effort and the dog's safety without turning it into a massive fight every single night? Dang, that's a, yeah, that's a hard one because... Yeah, I get needing to train a dog. Since we didn't know how to train a dog, it was messy. We couldn't do it. We couldn't figure it out. So, like, if someone did the hard work of figuring it out, yeah, I would want that to be kept too, you know.

What did this dog do to your house and stuff? I would start running and she would chase me and then jump up and, like, bite me playfully. And I thought that was cute. And so I would put it on Instagram and people would be like, you know, you're supposed to stop her. from doing that. You know, I'm like, oh, I didn't know, right? But it's messy, you know, it's, she would like run around the house. My husband, you know, my husband has ADHD and like, I think I do too. I haven't like gone to like get diagnosed. My fans have diagnosed me. But, you know, it's hard for us to like get, stay organized and already on top of things.

So, yeah, just seeing that the dog was just being a dog because of the way we are. Yeah, I get, if you were able to discipline and it's, I know it's expensive. to get a trainer and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't want someone to respect that too, for sure. I'd be pissed. Yeah. I'd be upset.

Like, it's going to be even more difficult, too, down the road, because, like, this is the dog. What happens if we progress further? And I don't know. What if they want kids? And they have a kid. Yeah. And she's like, I don't care. I'm a gentle parent.

And that kid can climb all over everyone in a store or whatever. Ultimately, the thing behind her attitude is, I don't care about like your feelings and your hard work and what matters to you, right? That's what she's saying. I don't care what matters to you. It's not about the dog necessarily. I mean, it is right now, but below the surface, right? That's what's happening.

She's going, I don't respect you. You can't be with someone who doesn't respect you. Yeah. So, yeah. Because then she's, it sounds like they live together, right? Yeah. Yeah. Seven months.

Right. And she's really, you know, done some serious damage. that time. Top comment. Your girlfriend is being disrespectful. Imagine what it would be like to have kids with her. Do yourself a favor and find someone who respects you and your dog. O.P., the person who wrote the post, comments back, the kid thing is actually a scary thought. If we can't even agree on a dog, parenting would be a disaster. Right. We do have a bunch of dog trainers that chime in in the chat. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They say, it might be worth setting an ultimatum and strict corrective action in front of your dog where the dog can see the rules are being set.

For example, the next time she feeds your dog scraps from the plate, you intervene. If you have other issues in your relationship, worth amend, I don't know. Maybe just call it quits. Right. Yeah, that's all about, that's kind of what I would say too. I think so. Because I don't know. I mean, pizza crust is like bad for the dog too, no? They can hurt their stomachs Yeah

Yeah I think I've Then they're really gonna be pooping big poops I heard German shepherds have like very sensitive stomachs too Or like they get like they have I don't know My German Shepherd was like really prone to allergies from food Oh okay Yeah and like he had sensitive skin Oh yeah

He was kind of a high maintenance boy Yeah well I mean But I'm pretty sure they do have like stomach issues And either way you don't want to mess with that That's so yeah No. That's not right. Okay, this next one for us is coming from my friend Direct Caterpillar 77. Ooh.

My Reddit Bestie, who finds all the best stories. It's titled, My Boyfriend Blames Me for a Business Deal Gone Wrong because he was rude to me. My boyfriend, Derek, owns a bunch of businesses. A few days ago, he wanted me to meet with a representative of a restaurant chain in order to acquire one of the stores. Derek invited Alex, the representative, to have dinner with us at a fancy restaurant. Things were going well, and when Derek left for the bathroom, Alex and I began to talk. Alex told me his family was originally from Russia, and I told him that my father trained in the Russian army. When Derek came, I was talking to Alex about a good borsh recipe.

Derek, for some reason, thought I was annoying Alex, and told me. me, quote, Alex came here to talk about business, not some dumb Russian soup. And then said, sorry about that Alex. She talks a lot about useless antidotes. Oh, yeah. I got red in the face and Alex said, quote, well, Derek, I care about dumb Russian soup, because I'm Russian. Things were awkward. And long story short, Derek didn't get approved for the franchise, and now he's blaming me for it. I feel guilty and I don't know what to do. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I don't know. I feel like you just brought messiness to a business meeting. He's the one that kind of made it weird and messy and personal and attacky. Attacky, indeed. For no reason. All he had to do is be like, oh, you're into the soup? Sometimes I get confused about why people will date or be friends with their biggest hater. That is hard.

Sometimes we date, you know, what we know, right? And sometimes what we know is like our upbringing, whether it's like our parents or whoever we wanted to please. And so we just do that again, right? Oh, I was a fixer for a long time. I tried to fix them. Mm-hmm. And I think, you know, my mom had a really rough track record. Of that?

Yeah. Yeah. Like, still, like, she has not found the love that she deserves for how amazing she is. And so growing up, it was like I didn't have a lot of great relationship examples. Yeah. So I fell into that. Right. Yeah.

But, like, you get to a point where you're like, I'm really tired of my partner making me feel like shit. Yeah. And hating on me. and being a tacky. Like, yeah, and this is my fault again, you know. Yeah. Yeah, totally. And so, I mean, she doesn't have to feel guilty, I would say.

That's something she could get rid of, you know, that feeling. And know that, yeah, know that that was definitely not her fault. No. What would your advice be for her going forward? Oh, gosh. And so, like, he's the one that owns all these businesses. I mean, yeah, if he continues like this, if this is like something that's behavior that's common for him, yeah, I would, you know, think about you and whatever that means. If it's like leaving, then, you know, you just put yourself number one.

It feels like you even going, her going to the meeting with him, right? It's like she's so on his, a supportive figure to him. Yeah. Absolutely. Who's the supportive figure for her? So, you know, she should be that. her if just think of you right now. Yeah. It's a really good point. You're showing up for him. Yeah. Helping him schmooze and try to lock up this deal. What is he doing for you?

Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Top comment. Nah, this is all on him for assuming that the conversation wasn't going well and that it was your fault. If he was smart, he should have just joined the convo and found a more natural and less douchey way. to move it back to business. Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. Yeah, totally. O.P. responds, he has a habit of thinking that whenever I'm talking to someone, they're annoyed by me. Oh.

Yeah, that's not good. Yeah. So this is a common thing. So, no. She needs to think of you. You think of you, girl. And maybe leave if you need to. Have you ever been with someone or, like, been friends with someone that you just can tell

that they think you're stupid. Yeah, 100%. Those are bullies, actually. That feeling, or like they're constantly just trying to like, you'll say something. And it feels like you're talking in a different language where they're like, what do you mean? And you have to like overly explain yourself or like they just don't give you the benefit of the doubt. Life is too short to deal with that shit. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. 100%. Hell no. My mom has schizophrenia. It's already solving a puzzle every single day when she calls me at 3.000. three in the morning, four in the morning. When I have 50 missed calls from her, I don't have time for someone being like, why are you smiling like that?

Why did you say that? What question does that mean? No, I don't, yeah, truly don't have time. It makes me nauseous. Like, let me live my fucking life. Yeah, totally. Just let me live. Yeah.

Why are you? Also, you don't like me, so, you know. That. I'm like, you just, you actually kind of hate me. You hate me. Yeah, yeah. So, okay, we don't need to. Let's not hang out.

Let's not be with each other. We do get an update. Oh my gosh. From her? From her? Oh, let me guess. He was trying to set up a nice photo shoot because he's actually truly madly in love with her and this was not a restaurant guy who was actually a photographer. They were meeting.

What was it? After what happened, I started to reflect on our relationship as a whole. Oh. I noticed the trend that whenever I talked to someone, Derek would always be hovering over me. not just business partners, but his family too and during events. Also, him insulting me, for what I would say, was a trend that I didn't really notice until now. I told Derek about this in a last attempt to salvage our relationship because he still had some redeeming qualities. I told Derek I was thinking of breaking up with him because he didn't respect me. Derek claimed that I wouldn't break up with him

because I needed his money. And I pointed out that I come from an upper middle class family and that I'm studying to become an RN. So I don't need anything from him. But his respect. That's all I want. Derek then broke down and told me that he grew up seeing his father, putting his mother down all the time.

Derek said, if I don't have any of my own opinions and I rely on him for everything, then I won't leave. Apparently, that's what his father taught him. I don't know. I broke up with Derek. Yay. You go, girl. And I blocked him, and I changed my phone number after he threatened to ruin my life and tell the university awful things about me.

Oh, good. Good for you, girl. Yes. No one's going to believe him. That guy they met with didn't believe him. That's why he didn't work with him. He saw his true colors. None of us believe him.

No. No. Icky, icky, icky. Yes. Oh my gosh. I don't like it. So glad it wasn't a photo shoot, though. I would have literally lost my mind. Like, I don't know anything anymore. He was secretly writing me poetry. He actually loves me. What? Yeah. No. Yeah. Oh, thank goodness. I'm going to give you a choice on our last one here.

Okay. You can either choose a feel good, happy story titled My Husband Made Me Cry. tonight? Or is it unreasonable to treat masturbation as cheating? Oh, gosh. Let's try feel good. Yeah. Everything's been so insane. I know. Where it's like, he, he was, he wasn't. They're all riddler. They're all dating the riddler. So maybe this one. This will be nice. Okay. This is coming from True Off My Chest. It's titled, My husband made me cry tonight. I was cooking our dinner, which I do every night because I love cooking, and I accidentally burned the pork burgers. I didn't mean to, but I got distracted trying to make the sides. I felt so defeated trying to open

windows to get the smoke out, and my husband walked in the kitchen and just stared at me. I just looked at him like, I don't know what to do. He walked over, kissed me on the forehead, and told me he appreciates me cooking dinner for him every night. Oh. He told me we can scrape the burned part off, no harm, no foul, and he was so excited to eat the dinner that I made. I burst into tears. He's the most loving, caring, and kind human I know, and the little things like tonight just make me so happy to have him. I grew up with a mom that blew up about everything, and my husband heals that part of me that feels like I can't do anything right. He's truly my favorite person. That's all, nothing major, but I wanted to get it out there.

Oh my gosh. That's very sweet. And I was going to, I was curious what happened to her that made her like burst into tears like that, right? Like this reminds me of like when I was in, so when I was in Montreal, I performed in Montreal as part of my tour. And I got a video of my fan filming like his partner who's crying. This Asian guy is crying. Oh, he's crying. He's like,

And his partner's like, why are you crying? And he's like, why are you crying? And he's like, oh, ha. He goes, is it because I got you tickets to go see your favorite? And he's like, oh, and he goes, she's Asian. And he's crying, right? Yeah. And it was so sweet.

And I was talking about it at my show. I said, it's very sweet. But also, I was like, what is wrong with Montreal? This boy is crying. He's like, she's Asian. Like, representation should not hit that hard. It does, though. But not that hard.

One, one Asian person is coming. He's like, he's Asian. But I was like, some. I was like, white people of Montreal, I'm going to need you to walk a little softer tonight. Whatever you did this to this poor Asian kid. And he's just, just one Asian girl is coming. And you're just like, ah, I can't believe it.

You know, I mean, and yes, representation does hit hard. but, you know, for her to burst into tears after she cooks every night and just like, just barely a little something gets burnt for her to react that way, my next question was going to be like, okay, who the fuck fucked you up? I know the bar is low or? You know what I mean? Yeah. The bars in hell.

Who did this to you? Yeah. Right? And yeah, the mom being like, forcing her to be a perfectionist. I totally. Yeah. So it's great. she has a partner that like offsets that.

Sees her. Yeah. I like finding someone that like finally sees you. Oh, such a good feeling. I remember when I first started dating my husband, I like was telling a friend something. I was like, damn, is this what it feels when someone actually likes you? I'm like, the effort they put in, the amount they care about you.

Mm-hmm. Just like really hits different. But that's really, that's really, really cute. that that person surprised their partner with the tickets. Oh, yeah. Because like you, you're like one of only two female Asian comedians, really, to like make it big, right? I saw some stat on something. We have like, oh, the second Asian American female stand-ups to have an HBO special.

Yes, which is a huge deal. Yeah, yeah. The first one was Margaret Cho. And it was 27 years between us. Absolutely insane. Yeah. But there's a lot, you know, there's more of us now. But before, you know, like Margaret Cho was the first one for, and the only one for so long, you know, meeting her.

You know, I, like, super freaked out too. And I was like, wait, it shouldn't be this way. You know what I mean? Like, it's good. It's like, of course, because it does matter to feel seen. But it's like, man, I'm freaking out too much. Like, you know, there should be more of us. Yeah.

It shouldn't be this crazy. It shouldn't hit that hard. Yeah. Exactly. Well, I feel like you're breaking a lot of glass ceilings. Oh, my gosh. Your work is absolutely incredible. Oh, thank you.

I really appreciate you coming on. Thank you for having me. And I ate one of the chocolates. But you can have the rest back. I'm really excited for the caramel. I'm like, oh. I'm just, I'm... And that one I saved for you because I just ate the almonds.

I'm going to attack it right after this. Where can people find you? Where can they watch? I mean, you've got your HBO special. You've got your Hulu special. You're on tour. Yes, yes. The Big Bowl tour?

Yeah. So people can find me on otsegocomedy.com or Ottsko comedy on all my socials. Yeah. And find me in your city. All of Otko's links will be in the description. Super easy to find. I know I'm going to find a show that I can make because I just need to see you live. Thank you guys for being here another episode.

Until next time. Bye. Bye.