Two In The Think Tank - 07 - "Mongolian BBQ"

Episode Date: June 24, 2013

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G'day, mate. How are you going? Hey, Cobber. Hey, what's going on, buddy? Oh, Elastir. Good to see you. Yeah, nah, sounds good. What you up to? What's going on? Oh, just putting on an accent, you know. Putting on an accent, eh? Yep.

Suits you, mate. Does it? Yeah, fits you around the shoulders. Yeah? Yeah. Bloody, what is that, a three-piece? Yeah Fits you around the shoulders Yeah Bloody what is that a three piece? Yeah three piece Got the The pants

The pants The jacket And the accent And the socks Oh The old suit socks And got the pants The jacket

And the single sock Oh yeah That's the three pieces Of course yes Yeah The socks for my Johnson Your friend Johnson? Yes My mate Johnson the three pieces. Of course, yes. Yeah. The socks for my Johnson. Your friend Johnson?

Yes. My mate Johnson. Me Johnson. Welcome to In the Think Tank, the show where we try and come up with five sketch ideas. Yeah. We don't try, we actually succeed.

Okay, alright. We nail it. How about this for an idea, Alistair? Usually we come up with seven just because. Great. Just because. We think that, you know, some of them might be a bit weak. Yeah.

So what was your idea? Because we don't nail it. No, we nail it, though. No, we nail it. Yeah. Even the ones that are shit, we nail them. Yeah. Nailing being a pretty fluid concept, not really well defined as a thing.

No, nailing is one of those concepts that's still pretty up in the air. Yeah. What is nailing? Well, it's, you know, academics are still arguing about it. When George Bush, instead of saying mission accomplished on that sign, on that aircraft carrier after they captured Saddam Hussein, if he'd said nailed it, people wouldn't have been able to have a go at him so much because they would have been like, well, we're not completely sure what that means. That's true.

Yeah, maybe he has nailed it. And, you know, because it is such a fluid concept, especially liquid nails. Liquid nails start off as a fluid concept. But then later on they solidify. They solidify. It's a much harder... Quite a firm...

Concept. Concept. Yeah. Liquid nailed it. Which means right now it's not very stable. No. But if you apply pressure...

If we just expose it to air for a little while and then bring the two halves back together again... Yeah. Nailed it. Nailed it, yeah. Is that a thing?

I think it's a thing. I don't know if it's a sketch. I don't know if it's a sketch. Yeah, you're right. But it's definitely a nice little bit't know if it's a sketch. I don't know if it's a sketch. Yeah, you're right. But it's definitely a nice little bit of conversation. It's a good little bit of talking. Yeah. What about people using nailed it, like actually on a building site?

How are you going with that highly structurally important section of framework over there? Oh, nailed it. Yeah. Well, it could be a construction company's slogan. Nailed it. That's not bad. Yeah. Yeah.

Nailed it. We're going to nail it. What about a... We're going to nail it. All right. How about this, right? Yeah. Somebody saying that someone is on the computer, right?

Yeah. And then they look at them and they're actually on the computer. So, like, no, but wait, are they using the computer? Yeah. No, they're on... Yes, they are. No, they're physically on the computer. Oh.

And by that I mean they're using the computer. They're physically on the computer. But, like, you can have a few different things. They're like, oh, it's on the computer. But you can have a few different things. They're like, oh, it's on the computer. Where's that... What are you doing? All right, I've got another one. Okay, wait, wait, wait.

We could play with this on the computer idea. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. He's just on the phone at the moment. And, like, you're trying to speak to the person, but your friend is, like, standing on the phone. He's on the phone right now. I can't get him because he's on the phone right now.

Yeah. phone right now. I can't get him because he's on the phone right now. We'll ask him to get off the phone. I'll wait until he gets off the phone and then I'll get him to give you a call back. He can't call you right now because he's on the phone. Cool. Well, this has been a good solid start. We've got... What about Batman? Yeah. He's got the Batmobile, but he's also got the Batmobile. And it's his telephone.

Yeah. Yeah. But he's also got the Batmobile, which is a sort of a hanging thing over his bed. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. It's a bunch of Bat products. And he's also got the Batm Mobile, which is an oil company. It's the oil branch of his empire. And he's also got the Bat Mobile, which is his moustache, sort of leaks this kind of fluid that helps him digest fats. Yeah, that's good. And he's got the... Mob aisle.

Yes, which is a corridor in the supermarket where there's just an angry group of people. Oh, no, I was imagining more like it's an island where gangsters hang out. Yeah, that too. The bat mob aisle. He's also got that. That's often confused with the bat mob aisle Because they're exactly the same word And he's also got the bat mobile Which is an amount of money that he has to pay

For having Moe from the Three Stooges Come around to his house. Yeah, and the Moby-la. Yes, Al? Which is the electronic musician Moby. Yeah. And the French word for them. He has that, does he?

Yeah, it's his How does he use that to fight crime? No, no, well he doesn't use the oil company to fight crime Yes he does Okay, he uses it to fund his crime He uses it to fill up his Batmobile And how does his Mo-bile Anyway, look He he uses Moby.

Yes. To form an electronic soundtrack. No, no, Moby saying the French word for the, the male French word for the. Yep. And he uses that when he's trying to translate something from English to French. to translate something from English to French, but because he has another translator who knows every other word in French except for the French word for the male one. Okay. They know la.

La. But they don't know le. Le. Moby. Le. Le. Le. Moby.

Le. Le. Le. That's the only word that Moby knows. Mm-hmm. Yeah. In any language. But you know what they say, a broken clock is right twice a day.

Yeah. Yeah. And what about Moby? He's right whenever you need someone to say le. He did just have trouble keeping up with the conversation, though, if the conversation was going on in French. Le. Le.

Le. He just had to wait for people to look at him. Le. Le. Le. Moby. Le. Moby.

Ton mot. Dis-nous. Dis-toi. Dis-toi. Dis-nous ton mot. And you go, le. Le. And you go, merci, Moby.

So that's someone in French saying, I need my word or something. Yeah, I need your word. I need your word. We need your word, Moby. Le. Le. Merci, Moby. Au revoir.

That's a funny idea of having a translator just for one word. Again, maybe not an entire sketch. No. But that's fine. But, maybe not an entire sketch. No. That's fine. But look, the Batmobile. It's the Bat range of products. Yeah. I mean, he's got to fund that Bane empire.

No, Wayne. Not the Bane empire. It doesn't find... What are you talking about? Yeah, Bane's Empire. Oh my god. That'd be counterproductive. That goes against everything he stands for. Do you think I should write anything down? No. Okay, I won't write anything down.

Nothing that's happened yet. Except for that bit about being on the computer. No. I'm not writing that down. No? No, not yet. Oh, okay. Depends on how desperate we are. I thought I was on a roll, but it turned out to just be a sandwich. It turned out to just be a chiabatta. A chiabatta.

Oh, it's a beautiful word, isn't it? Chiabatta. Chiabatta. Yes. Chiabatta. Chiabatta. Chiabatta. Chewbacca.

Chewbacca. Chewbacca. Hmm. There's some hair in my... Chewbacca. Oh, I thought you said Chewbacca Chia Bata. Hmm. There's some hair in my Chewbacca. Oh, I thought you said Chewbacca. That's a... I'm sorry, I thought you ordered a Chewbacca. I'll just take that back to the kitchen.

Worst cafe ever. But, like, the idea that they would serve Chewbacca With the hair on Like that doesn't happen With any other animal Where you would serve it up Yeah And it's Oh

Did you want the fur Taken off of that The person's a vegetarian They don't Not usually No it's the whole Chewbacca It's just Chewbacca And they've been

Biting on it And saying There's some hair In my Chewbacca That was the worst. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you meant a bread roll. Yeah, and there's another one to be done about like a solo or a ham solo. I don't know. Ham solo?

Ham solo. Oh, this drink tastes like... Man. What's the matter, Andy? I feel like I'm training my brain to do the wrong kind of things. Like with comedy and things? Yeah. Like I'm training my brain, I'm rewarding my brain for making connections between the dumbest shit

and just completely the wrong kind of connections. I'm almost like chastising, I want my brain to be able to make a better connection between ham and solo and hand solo than it's able to make. And I didn't evolve for this shit. Like my brain is like, but I need to keep you alive in the jungle. But when you come up with ham solo and you laugh to yourself, you actually are rewarded. You're given a little endorphin treat. Yeah. Here you're giving a little like... I know. A little endorphin treat. Yeah. Yeah.

Here you go, brain. Yeah. Way to go for coming up with ham solo. And my brain's like, I don't know what's going on right now, but he seems to like it when I do this. I'll do more of that. Okay. Mark Hamill.

Princess Layham. Layer cake? Layer cake. Is that what you want, brain? Andy, Andy, is this what you want? I'm your brain. Is this what you want, bread? Do you want...

And then one day I'll wake up and I'll just look around the room and instead of having concepts, it'll just be like, just completely tangentially related. I'll look at a book and it'll just look around the room and instead of having concepts, it'll just be like just completely tangentially related. I'll look at a book and it'll just go, chicken. Chickens go book, book, book, book, book, book. And I won't be able to contribute to society anymore. Maybe this is exactly what your brain is initially trained for is to look at things and then see them as food. Yeah.

That's what your brain is like. Is that food? Well, what kind of food would it be yeah how can i make this into food how can i use this to get food but then uh if my career is comedy which it isn't but if my career is comedy then there's a two-step process where i have to turn anything i see into comedy before i can then turn it into food that's's true. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. So comedy isn't your career? It doesn't give me enough money to survive.

I guess you're right then. It's not your career. Thank you. Cool. All right. Well, let's... Well, what would be a... Okay, wait.

Okay, somebody goes to the career counselor, but it's a Korean counsellor. Right, let's move on. Somebody goes to... It's a Korean... Wait, one of those... Yeah, member of parliament. No, it's a Mongolian...

But it's a Mongolian barbecue. Somebody goes to the career counsellor, but it's a Mongolian barbecue. How about that? Is that a concept? Yeah, yeah. He goes, wait, I thought this was the career counselor. Yeah, but the career counselor is a Korean barbecue.

Mongolian. Mongolian barbecue. Mongolian barbecue. Oh. Okay. Oh, okay. Well, sorry, I just had a different image in my head of what a career counselor was. No, no, no. No, this is it.

No, this is what a career counselor is. It's a Mongolian barbecue. What do you enjoy? Well, I guess I enjoy fixing cars, doing other cars. No, I mean like in a stir fry. Pork, beef, or tofu. Yeah. Oh, I guess pork.

Okay, so what do you like to do with your spare time? I read a lot. No, no, like spare time. Like the herb time, would you put that in a Mongolian barbecue? Or would you just leave it out of the Mongolian barbecue? Is this just the game where you try to say barbecue when I'm about to say barbecue? Yeah?

Yeah. Barbecue. Barbecue. Barbecue. Damn. Barbecue. This is pretty fun. Yeah? Yeah.

I like the idea of someone going to the careers counsellor and it's a Mongolian barbecue. Barbecue. Yeah, me too. I also really like the idea of someone going to the careers council and it's a Mongolian coffee machine. Barbecue. I was trying to trick you. You did. Yeah.

I said barbecue. Okay. So, okay. So what happens? Okay. So then he asked some questions like that. Yeah. Yeah.

But maybe he was, because he felt misled because of the word combinations. Like, I know it's a bit counterintuitive. Yeah. Because he felt misled because of the word combinations. I know it's a bit counterintuitive, the way that it's careers, which would make you think of a career, like, you know, whatever. North, south, career. Yeah, north and south career. And then counselor, which makes you think of somebody who would counsel you and that kind of thing. But we meant it as in Korea and Korea as in Mongolian and counselor as in barbecue. Barbecue. Yeah.

Oh, I see. So like not what those words mean. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's because it comes from sort of an older part, like an older form of English where those things... Were incorrect. Were incorrect.

Yeah. Where people had accidentally used to call Mongolian people careers. It comes from an older form of English before we'd worked out how to connect words to concepts. Yeah. So, yeah, it used to be that you could just make any sound, and people just assumed you meant career counsellor. So that's where this comes from.

Just before, you know, before Shakespeare, before the first dictionary, there were lots of different spellings for different words, but also there were just lots of different meanings. Yeah. And the reason that we put it in a school? Okay. Again, it's... We didn't know it was a school at the time. We were using an old form of English.

We thought when they said school, they just meant a really, really difficult place to live. Yeah, which is an international food court would be a horrible place to live. A horrible place to raise a child. A food court would be a horrible place to... A horrible place to raise a child. Yeah. And so... And we were opening up a Mongolian barbecue in a really hard place to raise a child

because those people are sometimes going to get tired and they're not going to want to have to cook. Yeah. And we think this is a really good concept for a sketch because that comes from a time when a really good concept for a sketch used to mean something that was completely unfilmable and incoherent.

I like it. I like it a lot as well. This is actually probably the best idea we've come up with since the... Under... Under a restaurant. Under a restaurant restaurant. Yeah.

I like the idea that the guy running the under a restaurant restaurant... Is also running the career counsellors. No, maybe. But I was thinking about him. I was thinking, he doesn't realise that it's a pun. Yeah. It was his mother's maiden name, Under a Restaurant,

was his mother's maiden name. And it's just a coincidence that his Under a Restaurant restaurant is Under a Restaurant and under a police station. And he hasn't made the connection. Yeah. We need to turn maybe your mic down a little bit. You think I'm probably peaking? Oh, boy, am I peaking.

Yeah, you're peaking a little bit. I just want to shout so much and I won't get so close to the microphone. Okay, yeah. Or you can just not get so close, but then shout. So you can shout. No, I'll do both so that now it's too quiet. See, now I think it is too quiet. It is too quiet.

Oh, my God. Okay, so here we go. We got number one, career counselor is a Mongolian barbecue. Career counselor is a Mongolian barbecue. Yeah. I think I really like these sketch ideas where it's something really absurd and improbable. Yeah. And then you find an explanation for it.

I think the explanation that we found in that one, which is that words have no relation to concepts, is maybe a bit too much of a cop-out. Oh, yeah, it's just because words have no relation to concepts. That's our explanation. No, but it's because we We were using older forms of Of English where ideas have no connection to concepts Yeah, it's because Oh, I'm a linguist

A lingual historian Yeah Also because that's why he's in a school I think you could Yeah, you could use that for anything that's the yep

multi-purpose the multi-purpose excuse for a comedy justify a sketch if there are if there's a multiverse go on

if there's a multiverse which there may be I mean if there's not a multiverse in this universe, there probably is in one of the other universes. Yeah, well, that's what I was going to ask, basically. Oh, really? Could there be multiple multiverses?

Hmm. Like a multi-squared-verse. Like a multi-multiverse. Yeah. I think that would all just fall within the same multiverse. Why? Because, you know, once you've got multiple universes, can't the other multiple universes be part of the same multiple universe?

Wait. But would a multiverse have boundaries to it? I don't know enough about actually what we mean by multiverse to definitively state. what we mean by multiverse to definitively state. I mean, normally, a lot of people do come to me for this kind of thing. Yeah, Andy,

you're letting me down here. Yeah, I am, I am. Or maybe... NASA? NASA. NASA? They come to you? Yeah, NASA...

Damn it, there's a politician called NASA Somewhere and I don't I don't know It sounds like it could be Like a Greek name I think it's Middle Eastern Well

It's close enough to being Greek Is Turkey Middle Eastern? Yes Turkey? Yes it is Alistair That turkey That turkey turkey turn turkey turkey turn.

Turkey turkey turn. Yeah, the comedy turkey. The turkey turkey turn. No, but the... The turkey turkey turn. The comedy turkey turkey turn, right? Yeah, where you confuse turkey the place for turkey the animal. Yeah, it's probably one of the most overused jokes ever, right? I've been thinking about what these are, like the most overused jokes ever, right?

I've been thinking about what these are, like the most overused jokes ever. I don't know if Turkey, Turkey Turn is... Hungry and Turkey. In terms of geography jokes. Oh, yeah. Hungry and Turkey. Yeah, but even Greece doesn't get used that much. I mean, like Greece and Greece the movie? No, Greece and Greece

like Greece. Yeah, but I think Greece and Greece the movie have probably been done more. Than Grease and Grease the Grease. Well, just how do you make a grease joke about oily and fat? Oh, this food's a bit greasy. Yeah, it's wrapped in vine leaves. Oh, there's a... I need some more Grease in my car

I'll get my uncle Vasili Yeah oh this Food's a bit greasy It just gave birth to Democracy Yeah This food's a bit Greasy

Barbecue This barbecue's a bit greasy. Maybe get some grease remover to come around in the truck

and take away the barbecue. The grease remover. Alright. Fuck. Fuck. BBQ grease remover. All right. Fuck. I think I'm flipping out. I'm not sure what we're doing. I like it.

I like it, though. Yeah, I feel like this is like an abstract stage that we've got to get past. Yeah, that's fine. We're about to get past it. So that we've got to break all the rules of polite society. Yeah. Oh, that'd be great. If somebody, like, breaks all the rules of polite society

but then gets to a better form of manners, right? Because you've got to break all the rules of art to create a higher form of art, right? Yeah. You break all the rules of polite society and then suddenly you find a way to be even more polite. Okay, so step one, you just put your dick in your dish and you just piss in it. Yeah.

And you just fill up your plate with urine. With piss. Okay, breaking a rule. Is that one rule? Okay, at the same time, your elbows are on the table. I'm pretty sure that's a rule. That's one rule. Is that one?

Okay. This is going to be a long... I mean, the rules of polite society are very specific. There is just basically a list of all the MC acts that you're not allowed to do. That's awful. Yeah. It's going to be a long process. Yeah, that's why it's hard to...

You've got to know all the rules of polite society Before you can break them as well Dedicate your whole life to this Yeah To breaking all the rules I mean how many meals Are you going to have to get invited to Even with this reputation Of somebody who

Fills up their plate With their own Liquid gold Yeah Okay Something about breaking all the rules Breaking all the rules Breaking rules of polite society Is funny You've got about breaking all the rules. Breaking all the rules. Breaking rules of polite society is funny.

You've got to learn all the rules before you can break them. Yeah. So first you've got to do a four-year course. Yeah. Study all the rules of society. Right? Because everybody hates a rookie who walks in, starts breaking rules when he doesn't even know all the rules. Yeah.

Right? You've got to know how to follow them first before you can break them. Yeah. So you've probably got to get to the highest level of polite society, which is probably something like being the butler for the queen. Right. Yeah. Or being the queen.

Oh, okay. You've got to get to be the queen. But she also, I think a lot of the rules of high society involve doing something in front of the queen. Do you think, so you're the queen, you're in front of a mirror, being polite to yourself. Yeah, impolite. No, but then you start to break some rules and be impolite to yourself. So you get out your queen dick. Yeah, fill up your plate.

Fill up your plate and you stir it around. That's one rule broken One rule Okay Then pop a tit out Pop up Just pop out a little tit Little

Titty Yep And breastfeed A goat A goat At the dinner table At the dinner table Yeah

Of someone who you haven't been invited to Oh wow So she's actually managing to break two Two rules in one go She's found a way to break two Or in one go. She's found a way to break two rules. Or is that one rule? That's one rule.

That's one and then you've got to go and do it. As I said, the rules are very specific. Then you've got to go and break another one at somebody whose dinner you have been invited to.

Yeah, and then you've got to breastfeed all the other farm animals. But you've got to keep setting up mirrors everywhere because doing it in front of the queen is also the thing.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's going to take a team of people. It's going to take a team. It. It's going to take a team. It takes a whole village to raise a family. Well, no.

It takes a village to raise a child. It takes a family to raise a village. Raise a village. Raise a village to the ground. Yeah. Raising a village. Yeah. It's always a village was raised to the ground, right?

That's when you burn a village down? Like, you raise something to the roof, probably. Like with a party or something like that yeah yeah mate yeah yeah wait but um

I am raise I like the idea no I don't I like the idea of um maybe

maybe something to do with break you know that that idea that as an artist you've got to know the rules before you can break the rules or something like that. Something about Picasso breaking a bunch of rules

that people wouldn't necessarily associate with art. Jaywalking. Jaywalking. He broke all the rules. He broke... That was the thing about Picasso. He broke all the rules.

He would put a hotel on his Monopoly board without owning all three... I was thinking about Monopoly earlier. Without owning all three properties. Yeah. That's one of the rules. Of art. Yeah, that he was breaking.

Yeah. He occasionally just floated off into into space yeah rule of gravity yeah it's the rule of gravity yeah um it is funny having the idea of like yeah someone like picasso just having him around the house and he's just breaking a bunch of rules because yeah he's a picasso rule breaker rule breaker and he's a... Picasso rule breaker. Rule breaker. And he's, yeah. I was thinking about Monopoly

and it would be fun to have a sketch about the people designing the game of Monopoly. I don't know if this has been done. I feel like it probably has. Okay. But let's go with it as if it hasn't been done. Okay. I'm just going to say mine out loud just quickly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just imagine the people who live in Monopoly, like in that world, and they're just, for some reason, always on the road going from hotel to hotel, but they can only stay at the hotel. Yeah, anyway, it's expensive. Yeah.

No, but that's exactly what I'm saying. So the people designing the rules of Monopoly would sort of... There's a guy there who thinks this is how the rules work. Like, you know how it is when you go to like a block and you stop there and they've got more than one hotel

so you've got to pay twice the amount you would otherwise? Yeah. You know that? Yeah. Like when you're going around in your boot. Yeah, okay. All right, so you're just,

you're traveling around the country in your boot, you end up on this road that's got a bunch of hotels on it, right? Yeah. So you've got to pay each and every one of them whenever you stop you got to pay them you know it's just life yeah yeah so you decide all right i'm going to start buying up all the empty blocks yeah other people can't put hotels on them right that's the only way you can get a free night yeah and and uh

and if you but you can't put hotels on them until you've got the whole street, right? Yeah. No, no, no. No. And I'm going to buy some train stations. Yeah. You can't put hotels on train stations. What's with that? Yeah.

But that's fine. That's fine. I'll accept that. But the more train stations you own... You know how sometimes you just open a box and you win a beauty contest? Yeah. That's great. I like that. Ten bucks.

Yeah. Do you get ten bucks? Ten bucks for winning a beauty contest? Yeah, that's great. I like that. $10. Yeah. Do you get $10? $10 for winning a beauty contest. And you know how the only way to win at life is just to take everyone you know's money? Just like all their money? You know, like your family members? Yeah, just take all their money.

You just keep going until no one else has any money and that's how you win. You know how like... When they go to jail yeah you cheer yeah and you laugh at them did you play the thing where you put the money in the middle yeah yeah and then you win that back if you get on free parking or whatever yeah yeah i think some people don't do that that's an official rule yeah i know some people get really uptight about it yeah and but like i love it because i think you fill up with 500s or I wasn't sure whether...

I think maybe we would always put a 500 in the middle as well. To start with. Yeah, but then every time somebody wins it, you put a new 500 in there. So it's like a game changer.

So that way... Like life. Yeah. That's why Monopoly's like life. No, but I think it'd be better if life was like that. Yeah. If you got a free parking spot,

you got free money. And you're just competing against a boat and a dog. And a... Yeah. And a gun. And a horse. I once stepped on that boat. Like...

Oh! Because it's got those big, like, chimney things. Yeah. Got it in my foot. And you went down like the Titanic. Yeah. I did go down. I was a kid, though.

Do you reckon that's a sketch? Like designing Monopoly? The guys coming up with Monopoly? Designing. Because it's like life, man. Designing. You know how when you... There's maybe a way you could do it that was less explicit.

Like it would be less about like... Here's guys designing Monopoly. Yeah. Maybe someone just goes to a... Maybe someone just... You just have a recurring thing where like throughout the episode just stuff happens like it would in Monopoly. So someone just stops in the street to tie up their shoelace

and someone comes up and asks them for money or some shit. Or they stop at a train station. Someone says, would you like to buy the train station? Yeah. Maybe it's just like you stop in a town. Where everything happens like Monopoly. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be fun.

And so then at the... Maybe you just reveal it at the end. You reveal it at the end, you go, Monopoly town. The town was Monopoly all along, guys. Guys. I feel like this is a movie that could be directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Yeah. Shyam, Shyamalan.

Shyamalan? Shyamalan. I don't know. M. Night Shyamalan. Do you think he's proud of his work or he's not? I don't know why people are so mean to him. Yeah. I think it's fine.

Like, people direct shitty movies. Like, there are some really, really shitty movies, right? Yeah. And his thing is just movies with a twist in them. And, like, now everyone's like, oh, there was a twist. Why don't you have a twist and not have a twist or something? Like, the twist kind of feels like it's a great thing. It feels like something that a kid would really love.

I feel like that's something he's had in him since he's a kid. Yep. And he's just been like sticking with it. He's just like, no, no, no. And then at the end there's a twist like that. He's like, I'm not doing a movie without a twist. Would you dare? Yeah.

It's my thing. It's the Shyamalan twist. The Shyamalan twist. It's my signature move. Which should be a dance. Do the Shyamalan twist. That's where you turn around, and at the end, and there's just blood coming out of your back. And then you turn around, and you discover the blood coming out of you.

Spin your partner round and round. Notice the blood coming out of their back. It's the Shyamalan twist. It's the Shyamalan twist. It's the Shyamalan twist. You do the Shyamalan. Is that to the sound of... You do the jitterbug. Yeah, jitterbug.

Let's see. Jitterbug. Yeah. The Shyamalan into my life. I didn't know they had words. I guess I did, but I just didn't know what they were. I didn't know they had words. I guess I did, but I just didn't know what they were. I don't know. I don't know.

What? I don't know. Was George Michael big? I feel like he's been bigger since he's had just scandal in his life. Like, I definitely know him more through scandal and people making jokes about his scandal than I do about him. But I don't know how you turn that into money. Like but i don't know how you turn that into money like i don't know how you turn that into a career it's kind of like what life is isn't it it's like it's just the people who are famous are the ones who have attained some level of success some ridiculous level of success yeah that they get known by everybody and then

the rest of us just make fun of them. Yeah. Like with great success comes great comic potential. Yeah. And like the stranger you are because we're all weird to a certain extent. Yeah. And then you just get made fun of. Like you just got to prepare yourself for the abuse. It's a bit grim. I mean, well, some people they don't get made fun of Like, McAuliffe doesn't really get made fun of People must say that they hate McAuliffe Yeah, but they don't make fun of him Because I think he doesn't take himself seriously

Yeah I think that's also the thing Like, you've got to Have something for people to Like, bring you down Like, they've got to The making fun of you has got to be sort of bursting your bubble slightly yeah

and if you don't have whatever that bubble is it's probably you're probably a bit safer the bubble doesn't protect you the bubble's a liability it's just soap and water it's just soap and water

yeah alright sorry that wasn't very funny no that's fine It's just soap and water. It's just soap and water. Yeah. All right. I'm sorry. That wasn't very funny. No, that's fine. What about a sketch about guys on a boat? Okay. Two guys on a boat.

Two guys on a boat. They're fishing. Or they lost at sea. They're lost at sea. Yeah. And they're fishing. Okay. They're lost at sea and fishing.

Well, that's all right. There's something to do. This is something I always thought about people who are lost at sea is Yeah. And they're fishing. Okay, they're lost at sea and fishing. Well, that's all right. There's something to do. This is something I always thought about people who are lost at sea, is that, fuck, there must be, they must get sunburned. Yeah. Oh, that'd be the most brutal thing. How do you get out of the sun? The, um, what do you call it? Sun.

Yeah, you'd peel. Oh, you'd peel. You'd peel bad. How would you protect yourself? You'd have to just... Get under your jacket. Get under your friend. Take it in turns.

Like being the other person's shade cloth. Yeah. Because imagine you went out just in your bathers. You wear a tight pair of Speedos. You went out like that. And it's just a... You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

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Rubber dinghy. Yep. And then it's midday. You know what they say. There's no shade in a rubber dinghy. No shade in a rubber dinghy. Do you think you just sit in the water a lot or? You could maybe get under the boat, sort of have most of your body under the boat.

But I don't know. I also wonder if like if you're in the salt water for long enough, do you start to sort of absorb salt into your body and go a bit crazy? I thought that and I thought wonder if like if you're in the salt water for long enough do you start to sort of absorb salt into your body and go a bit crazy well I thought that and I thought I'd heard that somewhere but then I was talking to my dad about it and apparently there's like a

a chemical balance thing oh yep isotonic something or other yeah homeostasis yeah

some sort of osmosis yeah yep all that good stuff yep alright hypotonic

isotonic diffusion membrane so could that be a sketch where it's just a guy, he's lost at sea, and he's like, I am so sunburned. Like, okay, so he's writing in his diary and he goes, Day two, lost at sea. Day two, lost at sea. I am so sunburned.

Maybe. Maybe. Okay, he's gone back to land, and they want to make a film based on his experiences being lost at sea, and he's kept this detailed diary of his experiences at sea, and all it says, day after day, is, oh my god, I am so sunburned. I can't believe this amount of sunburn. Every day it gets worse.

They're like, we thought this would be, they bought the rights to this book, this story, and they're trying to make it into a film. And all it is, is just that. Day 67. Jesus Christ. The blisters have started to burst. The sunburn. I don't think that even used the word,

he wouldn't even use the word blisters. It's just the word sunburn. Over and over again. The more boring it is, and the more repetitive. I haven't seen Life of Pi, but maybe that's what Life of Pi actually would have been. Yeah. Alright.

I'm going to write that down. Okay. Studio. Buys. Writes to. Writes. A sunburned tail. To.

Man. Man. Lost. At sea. It writes to a sunburned tale. To man lost at sea's diary. And all it says is, oh my god, I'm so sunburned. I think that's funny. Yeah. I think that would be really funny. The hit Trina. Well, I think, yeah, you could have that. You could just have him writing it first, right? And then later go back to it and we'd like to buy your diary and your story.

And he goes, yeah, sure. I think it would make a really compelling film no he's like he's like in his mind he's like because he can because what's he that's that's the only benefit to getting to having something horrible to you happen to you is that you can sell your story later on but it's because they don't hear do they hear the story first and then they buy it? Do you think this guy would have peeled so much, though, that he's just now really skinny? He's just like a skeleton. He's just peeled, peeled, peeled.

He's just turned to a pile of flakes on the ground. A couple of eyeballs and just a big pile of skin flakes. He's in no shape to do business. It's like, what this film is like, it's like 127 hours where that guy gets his arm stuck under a rock. Yeah. But instead of getting his arm stuck under a rock

and having to cut his arm off... He gets his body stuck on a raft. Yeah. He just gets really sunburned and loses a lot of layers of skin. And then he realises he can break his arms off so that he doesn't have to feel them burning anymore. The guy...

He cuts his... My arm was stuck under the baking hot sun and the only way to escape the pain was to cut off my arm. Get the tourniquet. But he's... He's blunted his pocket knife, trying to hold it up into the sun to get shade

behind his pocket knife. It's sunblunt. It's sunblunt. Sunblunt. You know, when your pocket knife gets all sunblunt. From trying to use it as a shade? Yeah. Maybe the idea, the best thing to do would just be,

oh, maybe I cut his arms off. Yeah. And hold them up the best thing to do would just be, oh, maybe I cut his arms off. Yeah. Right? And hold them up. And hold them up. And just hold them up for a little bit of shade. That'd be brilliant. So cool.

Yep. That's really great. We're both looking at our phones. Yeah. What about a sketch where everyone's looking at their phones? Like really high-powered situations. Doctors are getting diagnosed and like, yeah, no, I'm listening. I'm just...

Or, you know, maybe the president is just on his phone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got this, I got this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, what was that last thing? I was listening, I just... Yeah. Oh, what? So, Syria. Syria. Yep, yep, go on, yeah. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um. Sorry, what was that last thing? I was listening, I just. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, what?

So, Syria. Yep, yep, go on. Yep. What, they're, they're here. They're here, they're. Oh, they're not, okay. Cause, oh, whew. Tanks are rolling in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, tanks are rolling in. Yeah, sorry. I'm just kidding. Just one second. Yeah. Okay. Okay, go. Okay, now I'm listening now.

Sorry, it buzzed again. Okay, you have my full attention now. What's happening? Right. Sorry, I'm just... I'm thinking about that text I just sent. And, um... This sounds awful.

Are you guys hungry? Distracted president. Distracted president. Yeah. That's not bad. always like like yeah i always like things that are like the first person to do this you know the first man in space or whatever yeah i might have said this already on the podcast am i repeating myself because we just talked last podcast about do i ever repeat myself but But I like the idea of like the first unemployed person in space or the first president who's just distracted on his telephone or the first homeless person to become the Secretary General of the United Nations.

Yeah. Like, he's a big first. I mean, it's really impressive, right? Yeah, it's amazing. To become... He was homeless. Yeah. Yeah.

But is he still homeless? Yes. Is he just, like, living in the corridors of the White House? Yeah, homeless president. Yeah. Be a movie. Yeah, I just, like... I like title, then movie. Yeah, I just like, I like title then thing. Yeah.

Like that, like, I think you can do that, like, homeless president, or you can do jar of salsa president. What about... Mr. President. Unmotivated president. Yeah. Like, it's, what's really impressive Is that he was able to become The president While being completely unmotivated

Yeah Like he didn't even want to be the president That's what makes his achievement So impressive So amazing He was the first guy To not want to be president To be president

To be president They just They put him forward And he didn't even know And then In a way that's a lot more impressive Than the first black president Yeah Because And It's probably more inspiring and he didn't even know. In a way, that's a lot more impressive than the first black president.

Yeah. Because, I mean, and it's probably more inspiring because there are a lot more people who don't want to be president. Yeah. And none of them have ever been president. Because people who are of any race are just people.

Yeah. And they can be motivated, they can try and things like that, but people who are unmotivated... It's very difficult for them to overcome that. Yeah, it's like I can barely do a load of washing one day, let alone run a country. Imagine how motivating that would be

to know that someone as unmotivated as me could become president. Yeah. But I feel like then I would i would get less i'd be less likely for me to yeah yeah it would it would let you know that you could keep being unmotivated yeah and just do even less probably and still maybe one day become president it'd just justify your your existence yeah yeah and that's all you've got, by the way, is an existence. Assuming that he does a good job. I mean,

just becoming president's one thing, but then you actually got to do something good with it, right? Well, when's the last president who you think did something really good? No. Probably like when they abolished slavery That was pretty good

Yeah But I think there was probably some good stuff Around Kennedy's time with civil rights and stuff Maybe What's the last bit? I don't know I don't know enough Can we put down unmotivated president as a sketch?

First person To come Can we put down unmotivated president as a sketch? First unmotivated president of the United States And it's just really inspiring We could talk to a lot of unmotivated people Get their views on how they feel Wow, I'm glad It's amazing that he did it I personally couldn't be fucked But neither could he And that. I personally couldn't be fucked.

But neither could he, and that's what's really great. It lets me know that not being fucked to be president... It's not an obstacle to becoming president anymore. And I think that's really exciting. And I'm going to be able to talk to my kid. He can't be fucked. He doesn't do shit. I bet him. And it's great that I'm going to be able to talk to him and say, Look, you're on the right

path. Yeah. Don't let that stand in your way. He can't be fucked. Well, I hope he can't because I'm not going to be driving him anywhere. Yeah, that's cool. It would be the best thing to be able to rub in the faces of all those motivated people. You know, and the people who are

pushing their kids to do shit and getting up every morning. Yeah. It's like when people get like sporting injuries. Yeah. It's like one of those things where you're like, see, sports bad for you. There's a smugness to not having a sporting injury because you didn't even try. I've never had a sporting injury because you didn't even try. I've never had a sporting injury.

Yeah, I know. I've had sore knee before maybe. But, you know, I blame sports. I blame running. I blame trying. There you go. Yeah. You know what's the latest, highest cause of failure in the world?

Trying. Having a go. First of all, unmotivated presidents, instead of yes we can, he's going to have maybe we will. Does it matter if we don't? Yeah. I don't know. And I don't care. He's honest. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is another thing that's... Yes, you might be able to. I'm not going to stop you. Yes, you might. Why should I? Look, I mean, what the first unmotivated president shows you is that if you get up every afternoon and don't put in or do, sometimes, you too could do whatever.

If you live your life or whatever, something might happen. And it's great to finally be able to say that. You know, we always believed it, but now we can prove that that's true. I don't know. We're just filling time. We've been asked to do this and we didn't really get prepared for this speech. I'm just riffing. I'd like to hear a president that goes, I don't know, I'm just riffing. I'd like to hear a president that goes,

I don't know, I'm just riffing. Yeah. I mean, it's amazing that as a politician, you can't just riff. You can't just be like, okay, I'm just spitballing here, guys. I'm going to say a bunch of ideas. I might not do any of these things.

Yeah, but the ones that you guys like, we'll have a debate about that. Yeah. And we'll see if maybe we can do something about it. I think that's sort of maybe what they tried to do with that 2020 summit thing. Where they went around and they got people together from communities and they were just like shooting the shit and stuff. Yeah. But people took the piss out of them for not knowing what they were doing.

I think nobody wants to see behind the scenes. They want you to come out and just have that confidence. It's like stand-up, I guess. They want you to be out and just have that confidence. Like stand-up, I guess. They want you to be confident that you know what you're doing. And that's everybody that wants that, isn't it? Yeah. It's like, oh, fuck those people.

That's not how shit works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People don't know what to do. Yeah. People who have been human beings all their lives and know that that's not how it works, being a human being,

still want to see other people pretend that that's how it works. Yeah. I want you to lie to me and pretend that human beings aren't fallible and don't go through some sort of trial and error process in order to achieve anything good. Yeah. No, they have to... Yeah. You just know, like a doctor. Doctors, you should know. No, they have to... You just know. Like a doctor.

Doctors, you should know. No, they don't. They're just people. They're guessing. They're educated guessing. You know what they say about everybody who's achieved anything good? They got it right the first time, every time. Every time the first time.

So anyway. How do you get to Carnegie Hall? You just get there. You just walk. You go hall you just get there you just walk you go there you walk and then you're there yes yes andy i know yes tell me about how you get to the moon how do you get to the moon you go to the moon you go to the moon yeah see the moon go there go there you just get to it you see the direction and you go towards it. And yes, it's moving. I know it's moving. Work out the maths.

Yeah. You're a human being. No, you're not. No, you're not. You're some sort of god. Oh, you're a god. Yeah. So, shut up.

So, beards are in fashion now. Yeah, they are. Yeah. Do you think, like, okay, beards are in fashion. I think beards are fine. Beards don't look ridiculous. But mustaches look pretty stupid all the time. Yep.

Like, I don't know. Do you think there's, like, mustaches just seem like every person has a joke on their face. Yeah. And what a mustache definitely, mustache. I say mustache. I don't know why I'm saying mustache. Mustache. Because that's what you say. Mustache. Mustache definitely... Mustache. I say mustache. I don't know why I'm saying mustache. Mustache.

Because that's what you say. Mustache. What a mustache definitely says is it says, I've made a choice. Okay? Because a beard is just like, eh, it's a beard. It grows out everywhere. That's where it grows. But a mustache says, okay, now I've decided what I'm doing with my upper lip.

Yeah. And my lower lip and my upper lip are going in separate directions. Lower lip, bare, upper lip. Yeah. I'm going to leave the hair there. Yeah. I'm going to leave the hair there. Yeah. I'm going to go around the edges. Mm-hmm.

And once you have definitely made that kind of choice and you've put that level of thought into your face... Yeah. You shouldn't be allowed to do anything. So you think putting levels of thought into your face... Yes. ...should ban you from doing anything? Should exclude you from society. Yeah. Don't think about that. Should exclude you from society. Yeah.

Don't think about that. No, no, I won't. I'm not thinking about that. I'm just... I'm just wondering why I feel bothered by mustaches. Because, I mean, what does I have a mustache mean? Other than, I guess it just means I have a mustache. But at the same time, it means...

I want to have a moustache. Yeah, it does. It does. It means I care about moustaches. Yep. And it means I think I look good or I'm going to achieve something by having this. And because it's not really clear what that thing that you think you're going to achieve is, we can only assume it's something perverted.

I mean, we can't rule it out, can we? Yeah. Well, that's true. We definitely can't rule out the perverted desires. Yeah. And maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's just that it doesn't look necessarily good. Yeah.

And it looks a little bit ridiculous. And so I don't know what your aims are. And I feel like they're sinister. Yeah. Yeah. You're up to something with this. Why are you curling it? I know.

Okay, like I know that that's a stylish thing. Like there's a style to it. But it's not a good style. It doesn't improve your body or face. It's just, it's a talking piece. Yep. But you already have a talking piece on your face and that's your mouth.

Use it. And they are. And they are. Oh, I feel bad. I'm sorry everybody who has a moustache. Not a big deal, anyway. It's fine. Yeah. No, I'm sure they could justify it. But, yeah, but whenever somebody does something and you're not sure why they're doing it, it's when you ask questions.

Yeah. You let your mind run free. Yeah. And you sometimes come up with a sinister explanation. Well, it's definitely sinister. They're probably terrorists. Yeah? Yeah.

Moustaches? Yeah. It'd be great if moustaches were a symbol of terrorism. An act of terrorism. An act of terrorism. Oh, I was thinking about this. I hope I haven't mentioned this on the podcast as well. Oh, my God, this is getting boring.

That God is an act... Acts of God are acts of terrorism. It's like it's religious violence. When people say, you know, that God was responsible for the hurricane, some hurricane or something, how is that not an act of religious violence? How is God not being a terrorist if he sends down a hurricane and kills people or creates a tsunami and kills people? Yeah. So do you think we should blame the church? That's God solving problems with violence.

Yeah, that's true. Just going to kill a bunch of people. And that's not a good example. But what problem is he solving? Or is he solving the problem of those people's lives? Yeah, it's a real problem. Some of whom may have mustaches. He's solving all their problems.

Yeah. No, but that's, it's crazy, isn't it? We have a go at people with religious violence, but then the church will come out, or aspects of the church will come out and say, yeah, that was an act of God. That was God wanting that. But I mean, what conclusion could we lead to from that? Should we hold them responsible?

Yeah. Yep. They're claiming responsibility. It's like when terrorists come out after a fact and claim responsibility for a terrorist bombing. If somebody comes out and says that was our God saying

that he disagrees with gay marriage then those people should be held partly responsible. Those people should be held responsible because we disagree with God if they're his representative, they're affiliated with God those people should be prosecuted. I'm not sure how serious you are about this.

For being fucking idiots? Why not? You reckon your God's responsible? You're affiliated with your God? You're going to back him up on this, are you? Right, go to prison. For all the people that died in this natural event. I think maybe that could be a good

deterrent for people saying that. Yeah. I mean, there should be some penalty for just claiming that, because that's just saying, like, if there's a higher being, your death is what he would have wanted. And there's something kind of mean about that. And also it means, like, God's breaking our laws, right? God is wrong, by the way.

If he's doing that, if that's an act of God, God is wrong and he's just an angry, mean bully. Yeah, God isn't a good person. No. He's a criminal. Yeah. And he doesn't respect our country and our laws.

And he shouldn't come over here and behave in that way Yeah And expect us to tolerate his extreme religion God is not welcome here Yep I don't know what that was Oh, South African

God is not welcome here Maybe I don't know I don't know But, yeah So God is not welcome in our country? That's what I'm saying So God's not welcome in our country? That's what I'm saying. God's a religious weirdo.

That's true. Especially if he believes in himself. Yeah. But, um... It's not quite a sketch, though. No, it's not quite a sketch. But, I mean, it's definitely a truth. It's a bit of a rant.

Yeah. That's fine. We can do rants. Can we?'re at can we yep well good we're not gonna cut them out no we're not um what about something to do with food food restaurants are ridiculous on they you want to sketch set in the restaurant yeah I tried to get one set in a doctor's office earlier. Well. If they served food at a doctor's office, what kind of food would you feel most comfortable eating?

It's a funny short film, at least. A doctor's office where they're like, just want to make you comfortable, can I get you anything? And then they have a menu and you can order some food and they bring out, they can have quite elaborate dishes. Just like a weird, surreal little play. I mean,

hospital cafeterias are pretty awful. They smell like just generic food smell. Yeah. And sometimes they do really weird stuff. Like the stuff that they serve comes in funny little containers and is processed all in the same way. Like, where's the culinary... I mean, I haven't eaten at a hospital for a long time, but where's the care? Where's the love?

What about a food... Like, something happens, and hospital cafeterias are like the next buzz thing, like macaroons were in food. That's what people are trying to get in there and trying to eat in cafeterias. So it's like the MasterChef, but hospital. Have you tried their green jelly in a little tub?

Oh, my God. It's amazing. It's the best. My mom loves it. It's her favorite. But then hospital cafeterias start popping up along Ligon Street and Sydney Road. Yeah. Hospitopia could be the name of one of them.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Ward F. Oh, yeah. The Cafetorium. Yeah. The Cafeteria.

Cafeteria. The Hospital Cafeteria? Cafeterarium. Oh. So it's like lizards and hospitals. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like there like lizards and hospitals. Yeah, yeah. But like, there would be, there'd always be, you'd go in there and there'd just always be doctors sort of sitting around as part of the atmosphere. Sick people.

And sick people. People with wheelchairs. Yeah, wheelchairs and like arms all bandaged up and stuff. Yeah, people with their eyes bandaged. Yeah, yeah. Some of that. Eyes bandaged. I don't like seeing people with their eyes bandaged. Oh, I know. That's of that. Eyes bandaged. I don't like seeing people with their eyes bandaged.

Oh, I know. That's awful, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like scars on their head. Yep. That's not great. Those big pads that old people seem to have on their faces. Yeah, big pads.

Like old people face pads. Old people face pads. It's like encountering face incontinence. Yeah, cafeteria. Maybe in a sitcom more than a sketch show. So it's a sitcom based around... No, no, no. Just as an element of it.

It's some sort of weird world. Someone's like, do you want to come down to this new place that's just opened up? Yeah, it's like a hospital cafeteria. Yeah, it's really cool. And then so you go down and there's a hospital cafeteria on the street.

You just get a tray of food where they just scoop things into little holes. Yeah, those little sections. Yeah, like that. And it's just like steamed frozen vegetables. Oh, this meat is so bland. How do they get it that bland? Oh, how did they get these chips so soggy? Like have they just been sitting there for 24 hours?

Yes, they have. They're called 24-hour chips. You've got to try the 24-hour chips. Don't quite feel like that's a sketch. No? No. Oh, okay. Do you?

Yeah. Okay. That's all right. Hospital. Cafeteria. Bittal. Restaurant. Cafeteria. Vital. Restaurant. Cafeteria.

There would be some other little nuances and elements that you could get out there, but yeah. Anyway, we need another couple of ideas. We need another couple of ideas. Okay, a dentist who also makes burgers. You, like pulling it, he's chipping away at your teeth and he's like, you think you'll be hungry after this. What?

What do you, is this, is this really building up an appetite? Yeah. Oh, not really. I'm kind of uncomfortable. Oh, yeah. Well, we do burgers here now. Yeah. Uncomfortable Oh yeah Well we do burgers here now Yeah I just I think I'm always interested

By people like pushing Food Like pushing Products onto people Like how people sell things Like you know at the end of a A gig When somebody tries to sell

Merch or Anytime somebody tries to sell It's horrible Selling things Oh there's no You would be no more Vulnerable position Than when you're at the dentist

Yeah Like for An Amway sale Or something Like some sort of High pressure Oh, you would be in no more vulnerable position than when you're at the dentist. Yeah. Like for an Amway sale or something, like some sort of high pressure. Yeah. What about a dentist who's like, so can you lend me a couple of bucks? Oh, I'll pay you for those things. Yeah, yeah. But I mean like just off the books.

Just five bucks or just for a cup of coffee. I'm just so tired at the moment. I need to to get the bus home my paycheck hasn't come in i get paid on thursdays yeah it's two days and i got like i got 10 bucks left for the next two days and i gotta get bus fare and stuff yeah people begging for money or asking asking to borrow money is such an awkward but but taking that yeah I think putting that

in that situation like a dentist type situation or at a board meeting yeah okay let's do that like it's another fun little element

the CEO of the company going now first things first can I borrow five ten bucks from anyone that's an amazing Thing for like

The company's going really well Completely unrelated note I don't want to worry anyone As I said The company's going great Sales are booming This is just for me And just to get me through the next couple of days

I just need to borrow a couple of bucks This is just for me, and just to get me through the next couple of days, I just need to borrow a couple of bucks. Yeah. Does anybody... This is like at a shareholder's meeting. He's up there on the podium. And look, as I say... Yeah.

It's just my... Personal thing. My wife is pregnant. Yeah. I need to get down to Geelong. And she's in Geelong. Yeah. And I just need some money for bus fare.

Yeah. Just to get down there. Just 50 cents. Yeah. Anything anyone could give me. Yeah. No, that's funny. Beggars money for bus fare. Yeah. Just to get down there. Just 50 cents. Yeah. Anything anyone could give me. Yeah, that's funny. Beggars in positions of power. Yeah.

The first beggar to become the President of the United States. Just the looks of horror on the faces of the shareholders as the CEO asks them to borrow some money. Yeah. Anyway, it's cool, man. If you can't, if you can't help me out,

but, yeah. Oh, thanks anyway. Thanks anyway, everyone. Yeah. Maybe your bank manager? You're going to get a loan?

Yeah. Yeah, just out of curiosity. Can I borrow a couple of bucks? Just three, four bucks. Yeah. Just out of curiosity. Can I borrow just three, four bucks? Just for some pasta.

Just to get a place for the night. Yeah, just like... My girlfriend's arguing with me at the moment and I just need to get a hostel room. Accepting an Oscar, like part of your Oscar speech? Like, this is such an amazing honour. I'd like to thank my family, and I'd like to thank God. And if anyone could lend me just $2 or $3 for the night, that'd be amazing. I want to buy this Oscar.

How much would you give me for this? If anybody wants an Oscar, I've got one. Does anybody know how to use eBay? If you can sell this for me. Yeah. You can probably get like 50 bucks for this. All I need is two or three. Yeah.

Like this is a genuine Oscar. Yeah. Is there like wine at the party? Do we get bottles that you can hold on to and just... Oh, it's cool. Actually, never mind everybody. Anyway, thanks. I'd like to thank the onto and just... Oh, it's cool. Actually, never mind everybody. Anyway, thanks. I'd like to thank the Academy, and just a couple of bucks would be...

It's shit that they give you an award and not, like, a check or something. Is there any money with this? Yeah, is there money? Is there a money prize for this? Like, I'm actually... I just... My cafe hasn't paid me yet. owe me like 300 bucks that i'm working at yeah um my boss landing on the moon it's one small step for a man and just a couple of bucks

for mankind like if mankind could just get together and just lend me a couple of bucks just to get back to earth my wife is pregnant and rent is really high at the moment and yeah just i got a baby to feed yeah i got this long commute really long commute to the moon and i just spent my life i just dropped my last five bucks between the the shuttle platform. Yeah, and it just flew out into space. Just flew out, and I think it might have burnt up. In the atmosphere. In the atmosphere.

Yeah. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Yeah, I see a bunch of different people doing that. And then, what about this? Yeah. Okay. Just complete blankness. Okay, so... Just let your mind just empty? Okay. Yeah. Okay. Just complete blankness.

Okay. So... Just let your mind just empty. Okay. So when I count back from ten... Yep. You're going to get more and more relaxed with each count backwards. Yeah, I'm actually getting relaxed.

Your hair is just hanging low. Nine. No, but... low. Nine. No, but, no. Okay, it's someone who's going to count backwards from ten. Yeah. And they just never get around to it. It's really infuriating. Like, it's a meditation type thing.

It's like, pretty soon I'm going to start counting backwards from ten. And when I do that, you're just going to feel all your stress just melting away. And, you know, as the numbers get lower, it just goes on and on. For some reason, I was imagining the guy describing a stroke. He goes like, nine, half your face just starts to sag and you lose all sensation in it. and you lose all sensation in it. Eight.

The blood ceases to run through most of your... Your prefrontal cortex. Your prefrontal cortex and... The sections that control your ability use language and... Start to shut down and your... Some of your memories are being destroyed and you feel just a pain and tingling all the way up your left side. Seven, your motor faculties are receding and you're receding to a childlike state. Six, you shit yourself. You just shit in your pants and piss and shit.

Five. Five, like your heart. You're actually, you cannot do anything now. You're actually. Struggling to breathe. Four. Four. Um. Somebody better get help. Yeah. Um. Three, you've been decaying. Your body's been decaying for about two weeks and your cats have started to eat your face. One. One. Your neighbors. Notice the smell. Call somebody.

Zero. Your family sells the house to be rebuilt as apartments, make a huge amount of money and they're very happy. Minus one. Minus one.

Your son has poorly invested the money that he got from selling your house. He's addicted to drugs. Minus one, that your son has poorly invested the money that he got from selling your house. He's addicted to drugs. Minus two, his child is addicted to drugs, born into drugs. Yeah. And becomes, but grows to be one of the biggest drug barons this side of the world. You would have been so proud.

Minus three. Minus three, a meteorite strikes the world. You would have been so proud. Minus three. Minus three. A meteorite strikes the earth. All the dinosaurs come back. It's like in the Flintstones. When you get hit on the head once, you lose your memory. You get hit on the head again,

you get your memory back. It's like that with dinosaurs. We just need another good solid whack. Get the dinosaurs back. Kick them back into gear. Come on. Give it a solid tap like that Just on the side

Just reboot the computer Just Minus four Your corpse has another Stroke and you're back to life Just needed a good solid whack Yeah And

Number five You take You take it from here And you Actually live happily ever after. As a zombie wandering amongst dinosaurs in a fresh era for the Earth. So I think that's pretty much it. Yeah, okay.

So... Countdown. Countdown to stroke and beyond. Countdown. To stroke and beyond. Plus stroke plus more. And beyond. And beyond. You could also do a sketch where it's a countdown like that,

where it seems like it's a meditation thing, but then at the end they say blast off and the spaceship takes off. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Anyway, that's probably enough. Seven ideas. This is fast becoming the seven Idea podcast, isn't it? Careers Counselor is a Mongolian barbecue.

Yep. Designing Monopoly. Yep. Studio 5 writes to Man Lost at Sea's diary, and all it says is, Oh, my God, I am so sunburned. Over and over. First unmotivated president of the USA. Hospital cafeteria

restaurant. Yep. Thank you for writing that down. Beggars in positions of power. Of money making power.

CEO and or dentist kind of thing. And seven is countdown to stroke and beyond. And beyond. And the return of the dinosaurs.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Ah! Thanks for listening to the podcast, guys. See you later. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that.

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