Two In The Think Tank - 102 - "GARBAGE WORLD"

Episode Date: October 24, 2017

Impersonasion, Shitler, G DUBS, 2 Hour Coma, Breath Jar You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!) Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family  You can find us on twitter at @twointank Andy Matthews: @stupidoldandy Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb And you can find us on the Facebook right here Special thanks to George Matthews for producing, and introducing, this pod. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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uh uh Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tech The Show where we come up with Alice Day uh five to ten sketch ideas Hey! That's right That is absolutely correct Andy That's very much the bullpuck

And you know what, while we're playing ball Yes Let's dust off our boots with that weird powder sack. Is it, is it there, is it just the, I have no idea what you're talking about, Alistair. How many sports involve chalk? Okay, rock climbing, gymnastics. A pool. Pool.

Pool. Yes. There's maybe that bag. There's just that bag. There's just that bag and baseball, bag of powdery stuff. Is that what that is? I'm not sure. I mean, do they have that though?

They have a bag of powdery stuff. I think so. Okay, great. I think it's like, it looks like a rice bag. Here's another one. It could be a cornhole bag. It might not be chalk. It could be a hopscotch.

Involved in volts, chalk, mathematics. Yes. It's a sport. It's like, you know, people who said that chess is a sport. All the math Olympics. Yes. That's a sport. Yeah. Literature. I remember when it's a sport during the rain of reign of the Nazi party when the the the Math Olympics were being held in Germany? Yeah, and the guy that they got to light the flame at the Math Olympics wasn't actually a mathematician. He was just somebody who happened to write equations particularly beautifully, Had a really good...

Curse of personal font. Personal font. Personal font. I never thought about my handwriting as personal font. Yeah, well. Do you think that Hitler would have been, see now I'm going to go into racial stereotypes, but do you think Hitler would have been really offended when certain racial groups were way better than the Aryan race at mathematics? Yeah, I reckon he probably would have refused to mark their work or whatever the equivalent of the game.

I think he was judging everything. Yeah, probably. That's how you keep the purity of your of your multiple. And the whole sketch is needs this. Yeah, okay.

So whatever I say next, whatever you say next is in. It's needed not only to justify the sketch, but also to make all of this okay. Yeah, and to validate my life. Okay, right. Okay, so what did I say? The purity of your, that's how you ensure the purity of your maps. Perfect.

Hitler was really concerned about the purity of mathematics. Well, he would have had a, see, equality though would have been a really complicated thing for him, wouldn't he? Because, you know, the, you know, the equal sign, you say that one side of the equation is equal to the other side of the equation. All right, now that's already a complicate, that's, that's, that's going to be tough for him to be able to reconcile. Not so far. Allow me. That's that's that's gonna be tough for him to be said to reconcile not so Allow me and you'd walk down to the chalkboard where all the other kids I guess I'm guessing it's kids that are competing and You know and it would come to X is equal to one. Yeah

Depends on the racial history of the X. Of the X? It depends on what color chalk you are using. Are you doing Chinese accent? No, no, no. Andy, that wasn't it. Just because his voice was a little high. Hello, I'm Hitler. That wasn't Chinese. It was just high pitch.

Do we know what Hitler sounded like when he wasn't shouting of only ever heard him shouting? I think he was trying to mask his regular accent because he know... Which is Chinese. Which is no. Well, that's a John Dorbitt. So I can't go there. Yeah, that's unfortunate. So, but it might be, you know, how like people think that he's German. Yes. Was he Austrian? Everyone sounds German when they're shouting. That's the thing. Everyone sounds American when they're singing. Yes. Everyone sounds German when they're shouting. When you're whispering.

Austrian. You think so? It's that close to Germany as well. And when you're doing everyone and everybody sounds Chinese when they're doing a Chinese accent. That's just one of those things. Yeah. Everyone sounds exactly Chinese. Exactly Chinese. And I guess whatever accent or region you're from in China, you would have a different sort of Chinese accent when you speak English. Yes, but when you're doing a Chinese accent? Well, that allows, but that allows for the Chinese, what the Chinese accent is to be broader for all of us. And because it's kind of the most populated country, it is the accent that is the most wide and the most that you can, you know,

in many ways, if you're doing a Chinese accent and people are making fun of you, you know, saying, I'm not making fun of you, but saying, that is not okay. Go actually, I'm doing a very specific dialect. Dialect of Chinese accent. Yeah, yeah. That I don't know where it's from, but I know.

But I'm gnawing it. Yeah, I'm actually doing a specific person. And that's when doing an accent is kind of okay when you're doing a specific person, but Obviously, it's got to be pool rules where you're on the black. You've got to be able to call. Yeah, you got to be able to call The person and that's the only problem not call them on the phone, but name them. Yeah So so that's it's a sketch about a guy who justifies. Yeah, okay. Great.

Why? Why it's okay, what are you doing? Yeah, because he says, technically it's okay to do a Chinese accent. If you do the Chinese accent in one particular person, and then he has a journey where he has to go through China, getting people to speak English to him and finding one that matches up exactly with Possibly who's on a radio show. This is a perfect kind of thing. You know you're on a radio show in the breakfast You know breakfast radio show morning radio You need content. Yeah, what you do is you get that third or fourth person who's on your on your thing and you get them to go to China. It's the perfect stunt. You

get them to go to China and find the person to justify the yeah I mean well I like that this happens in a conversation right and the guy digs himself into this hole telling people that he's he's no he's doing a specific accent right is a specific accent, a specific person's accent. It's not, it's not an accent, it's an impersonation, and it's spot on, but he just doesn't know who it is, and they're like, okay, fine, well, you can, this will be all okay if you can just tell us who it was that you were doing. And it has to go meet every single person in China.

who it was that you were doing. And they have to go meet every single person in China. Well, hopefully not everybody, but that's the risk that he gets. That's the risk. Yeah, he gets the last person turns out it was someone working in living opposite him in his building. Oh, no. There was an ex-pat. Yeah. It was so it was like it was a Chinese person who I guess they would have to speak English. Yeah, they would have to speak English. They would have to. They would have to speak English, yeah. They would have to speak English. They would have to. They would have to. Yeah. Doesn't have to be very good, depending on how bad is accent one.

Now, I realize this is a really risky territory, but can I just take us back to Nazi Germany? And just so can we have, is there something in Hitler not liking mathematical equality. Sure, yeah. Yeah, and what he thinks that, like, could it be that he thinks that, like, number fours are superior to all other numbers? You know, maybe, I mean, well, he was a third right,

so maybe, number three. No, four is superior to X. Four is quite a bit like a swastika, actually. That's the most swastika of all the numbers. Yeah, it's definitely the closest. Maybe like, maybe five, you could kind of... Oh, a couple of fives. Get a couple of fives together, you got your stuff.

It's kind of like a half curly swastika. Do you think that of the, yeah, wow, of all the numbers I wonder which ones are the most Nazi-ish. Yeah, I think five maybe. I mean, the eight, you could cut out a few bits of an eight and kind of sort of fashion a bit of a swastika. Yeah, if you add two. Yeah.

Add a pinch, sure. But I know you didn't have any swastika. Yeah, if you add to. Yeah. At a pinch, sure. But I know you didn't have any fives around. Oh, absolutely. I mean, but fives you do need two fives, whereas you could do it with one eight. That's true. Yeah, I think. I'm not 100% sure.

Two fours, though. I reckon you could really get something going with two fours, all those straight lines. All right, so wait. So Hitler's involved. He did. But so yeah, does he think that one number is superior to all the others? And it's not like he thinks infinity is superior

to all the others. It's just a real shame that 24 is the highest number. It's already been done. There's a really, really good sketch. Yeah, that's true. Probably quite possibly my favorite sketch of all time from Mr. Show, 24 is the highest number. So yeah.

Well, I mean, Hitler could be like an infinity supremacist. Well, well, so he thinks infinity is higher than all other numbers. I don't know. Sure, but he thinks that infinity should be the only number. Well, I think, I think, is there something and this may be too close to the sketch of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, of Mr. Show, but like the order of the numbers. Right.

You know, I've talked about the fact that the alphabet isn't actually an alphabetical order, right? But the if he thinks that the numbers should be arranged in a different order, yeah, according to some kind of Conceptors superiority. Yeah, I mean, I think it could just be because I think maybe if it's the analogy is with like like with people the fact that he just thinks that one number is better than all the others. And that he thinks that let's say seven is superior to all other numbers. So it's not like 24 is the highest number in that. And that they just think that that's where it ends. Yeah.

That's the highest. Yeah. Right. This is that he just thinks that seven or five is superior to all other numbers. And well, he doesn't really have to justify it, right? Because he didn't really have a reason. But well, I think he probably did write a lot about reasons for why. Yeah. He probably thought he had some reason. But there's a lot of evidence why people aren't superior to other people.

Sure. And he probably may have... Probably one of those is thinking that we're superior to other people. I mean, that's probably a bit of a giveaway. Well, I think Andy, if you're giving away that we all think that we're superior to other people, that definitely makes us all look much worse.

And I want to... Well, certainly makes us all look much worse. And I want certainly makes me look a lot worse. I don't think you need to be dragged into this. Well, you said it. I'm the one who wrote that book. I think you were dragging, dragging me in a little bit by, by, you know, I don't know, look, maybe maybe I'm not entirely white. Alice says to the drawing of a swastika made out of two five. It doesn't quite work, but yeah, see what you're trying to do there. Do you think that amongst the sort of the superior race?

Amongst the people in the superior race, Hitler kind of thought that he was the most superior one? Yeah, probably. So then why didn't he breed himself more? Like, why is he not having any? He breed himself at all, do he? Oh, not that we know of. Oh, you think that's something they would have kind of kept that quiet, right? Do you think that like, if you did breed Hitler's? Yeah. So there's a dog show, right? It's dead of dogs. It's all hitlers. Sure, yeah. Everybody's got hitlers. And I guess that, you know, there'd be certain breed standards, right, of the way that the moustache has to appear, right? And the, you know, the,

the, the, the line of the back and that sort of thing. Obviously, the spine. The spine. Yeah. You know, the spine? The spine. Yeah. You know, what the spine's like. Yeah. You know, and you'd have to, I guess, walk them around. You've got to keep them away from the other hitlers, obviously, because they fight. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

But they're all sitting in these boxes. Yeah. Yeah. The little boxes, these display boxes. And it's all exactly the same kinds of people who breed dogs. Sort of over slightly overweight, sort of mid-40s. Like women with with with with track suits and really like big hair. Colorful beads.

Yeah, men with track suits and I imagine like slick or sort of bril creamed. Yeah. I'm basically I'm describing the cast of Best In Show. You've seen the movie, it's that, right? But it's Hitler's instead of dogs. What do you think, Alistair? Any I'm already on board, 100%. Right.

But I feel like I could be even more on board. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, the interesting thing is to get a Hitler, right? Do you have to breed two Hitler's? Well, I guess there has to be a lot of inbreeding. And that is the risk, isn't it? Yeah, I think you want to go behind the scenes,

because I think, look, I think the Hitler show is very fun. Right, I'm having a really good time already. Right. Right, but how do these people get to this point? And you know, are there protesters who think that it's cruel to breed dogs and to hitlers? I'm not sure. I'm not 100% sure. I mean, that would be the craziest thing. If they were just like a line of dog that had been bred and bred to the point where they

looked like they looked like Hitler. Yeah, I mean, that's quite funny to me. I guess it would sort of be like you would have to get sort of, they had the lengthiness of like a great day, but with the flat face of kind of like a boxer or like a bulldog. Boxer bulldog, but then maybe you have to kind of like get one of those hairless dogs or hairless cats. Yeah, get there as well But not a hundred percent hairless because you need that slick you need that mop unless you're giving your dog plugs No, that would be cruel. Yeah, that would be cruel And so it's the law yeah, and so I guess the the big history of how they got to this breed to get to them

Yeah, obviously the lobby played by, by the actors will be humans. Obviously. Right, I don't know if we're actually gonna have to. We're telling people that they're dogs. Because we'll show how they did it. There'll be a lot of shots of sort of dogs having sex. I think that will really help this. Do they, do they talk or do they bark?

I think they bark. But they sound German. Yeah, right. Da, da, da. That's very good I'll say. I, well look, okay, so this is what I thought. I thought, I don't think that's very good. And then I thought, me saying that's not very good,

puts the pressure on me to do something better. And I realized I couldn't't and that's how I came to the conclusion that you were very good. Well, I think Hitler's German Sounded is as bark like as any is any Absolutely even person impersonating a dog has ever sounded like like if I was to just go like Like that definitely sounds like somebody pretending to be a dog. Yeah, but if you hear Hitler going Stringing calling Like that. Yeah, they're a dog sounds like a dog. It sounds more like a dog. Yeah. Yeah I really thought I was because it doesn't sound like somebody trying to be a a dog

It sounds like somebody just They they've eased into it exactly and and a dog doesn't sound like they're trying to be a dog. It sounds like somebody just, they've eased into it. Exactly. And a dog doesn't sound like they're trying to be a dog. It doesn't. Yeah, you're right. It's effortless for them. Yeah.

It's a gift. Sorry, I zoned out. Totally. And I was imagining whether or not this would take place at Nuremberg. And I think there could be,. I think it could be it. I think it's probably fine if there's just regular dog show dog breeds at this place.

Yeah, so that we were going around. Oh, I like that a lot. And then we are seeing then the Hitler section. And if we could get them to sort of run up those little activity courses. Yeah, do they walk on two legs, the Hitler dog? These ones do, yeah. Wow.

But they kind of crouch down a little bit. Yeah, so they got still, they're still a bit dog-like in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's parts where they do have to go through little tunnels. And so yeah, they're still, they still kind of have like their dog roots and you see the in the way that they move. Yeah. They're trying to stop being dogs.

But everything in there, they're being wants them to be a dog. But, oh man, this is maybe one of the greater sketches. You know, especially because these days, these days it's so hard to find a new angle on a head like that., on a Hitler thing. Yeah. Everything's been done, right? That guy, he's had the, the, the comedy has been extracted. And so this is instead of, uh, Hitler's, Hitler's number theory.

It's, it's so much better. It's so much better. And, you know, that was, we were trying to really say something about equality there. I just don't know if we got there. Right. Yeah, no. It was a risky area and we didn't, we didn't shave anything that we sit out to a shave.

Here's an idea you're all set. Yeah. Well, I just want you to know that when we started that conversation, we had no idea where, what we were going to do. So, any achievements that we thought we were going to achieve, they were, they, they, they were not important. They were, you know, you gotta let them go. You know, especially if you find Hitler dog show.

So it's like, it's like we set out to not climb Mount Everest. Yeah. And we didn't, but the thing that we did climb was fine. But you can't set out to not climb Mount Everest, right? Climb a hill and then be disappointed that you didn't climb Mount fine. But you can't you can't set out to not climb out Everest. Yeah. Right. Climb a hill and then be disappointed that you didn't climb out Everest. Well, I think that we didn't set out to climb Mount Everest, but we did find ourselves in the Himalayas. Right. Right. Okay. And we were maybe we were maybe walking along the perimeter of Mount Everest. And we're thinking, well, I guess we could climb this. This would be an achievement. Right.

But then somehow we found this other thing. We're on top of K2. We're on top of K2, which is, you know, in many ways a greater achievement. Yes. And due to its lesser brand name, I think, you know, it feels like less braggie. And also the fact that we did it while not paying attention and not necessarily intending to. Absolutely.

Is a greater achievement still. Yes, it was a fuller experience. I am unaware of anyone who has at this point climb Mount Everest by accident. And I would love to meet, I think the first person to do it, because this is what's great about when that happens. Yes. Is that not only can you be the first person

to climb Mount Everest by accident, but then it opens it up so that you can be the first person to wheelchair to climb Everest by accident. Absolutely. The first woman to climb Everest by accident, but then it opens it up so that you can be the first person to wheelchair to climb Everest by accident. Absolutely. The first woman to climb Everest by accident. Not that I'm saying that the first person to climb Everest by accident won't be a woman, but I'm also not a wheelchair.

Or in a wheelchair, but I'm also not saying that that's something that women and wheelchairs do, which is climb by Everest by accident. Because I would hate to, I would never say that. I wouldn't say that by stereotype. Now, would hate to, I would never say that. I wouldn't say that by stereotype. Now, you had an idea that it's probably gone now. It's gone. No, really?

Wait, it's such a bad idea. You're going to hate this. I'm going to love it. No, no, no, OK. All right, because it's so hack, right? So you've heard of, I can't believe it's not butter, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what this is, is this is where we're taking butter,

and we're making it not taste like butter, right? So it's more of a, I can't believe it's butter, right? Sure. And you make it exactly, it's just like margarine, like quite a bad margarine. What about, I can believe it is butter. So this is from a world in which like nothing tries to be anything that it isn't, right? And everything just plays to its strengths

and nobody expects anything from anybody. Yeah. Right? No one tries to change anyone. Be something that's butter. What is it called? I can't believe it is butter. I can based on it's butter. What is it called? I can believe it is butter. I can believe it is butter.

And then I can believe it is company, sort of umbrella corporation. And I can believe it is the umbrella corporation. And then they have everything. I can believe it is steak. I can believe it is a Toyota automobile. But there's something about saying, I can believe that it's this,

that makes it seem like you probably don't believe it. Like I can believe it is this. It's all of the information in that case. Because you gotta be like, well, I can't believe it's better. If I really try. Sure, so you're saying that it could be something? Which I think is what it's like with God, right?

It's like can believe God exists. If the conditions are right, if I don't think about it too much, I can believe. If I can believe this is butter, if I sort of eat it without really closing my mouth too much, you know, that kind of Chomping thing that you do when like you're eating a hot bit of food or you're trying to, you know, something's too spicy for you Just you're trying to get it too much in contact with your mouth. Sure sure. I can't believe it's not better

I can't believe God exists. I'm trying to not let this concept of God come into contact with my rational faculties Sure, but I think maybe that could be a rival company that just capitalized the can. I can't believe it's butter and I can believe it's butter because it tastes exactly like butter. Yeah. That'll be the tagline because it tastes exactly like butter. And it is. And it is. And I can believe it.

Look, I'm not happy with that at all. No. What was your zone? Mine was worse. Okay. I can't believe it is butter. I can't believe it is butter. But I don't even know if I can't believe it's not butter. I don't know if that even exists as a product anymore.

I know that it was a thing that was being parodied in the 90s. It's being parodied to this day, Andy. I mean, the fact that we're not making it into an actual sketch, but we're talking about it, means it's still being to a certain extent parodied. Yes. I mean, this is a product that we're putting out there for free, but it's still a product nonetheless.

I can't believe it's not I, and I can't believe it's not but a sketch. Because it's so much like one. No, absolutely. Well, I'm happy that we're not doing it Andy But I don't think that I had a bad time great Yeah, you know how I got those cans of Tomato off the side of the road. Yeah, I got a I got a I got a Like about nine cans of tomato off a pile on the side of the road Yeah, as well as some shoes.

So all of some shoes, very good shoes. I'm wearing them right now. Yeah, and I'm not wearing some right now, but I do have a pair of shoes that Andy found on the side of the road. Yeah, okay. So I can't use a tomato. So just while we're revealing things about Andy,

I just want to go into just to know, Andy goes through garbage, a lot, a garbage. I go through a lot of garbage. Yeah. And it's it's like a I guess it's like a bungee jumping for the garbage, you know, and then it comes so close to the trash and then I yank it back at the last second. Sure, yeah. Or you know, it's all maybe it could be a form of polite of care, you know, it's like it is dead. It was probably made peace with that. It was on the curb. And then here I am, dragging it back into the living world. It was probably,

you know, you could probably see the light. It was probably going to happen to go. I guess it could be like that third movie of the Toy Story movie. Toy Story. Yeah. But rather than be from the point of view of the toys like which Because I mean we we've seen them with like the movies are set within the phase where they're toys Yes, right? And then they kind of on the last one they sort of toy with inside. It's not supposed to be upon they play with the idea of them becoming They play with the idea of them becoming possibly garbage or something or even post garbage. But what if you were following a bunch of things and you start them only once they are garbage

and now they're really committed to being garbage. Yes. And now they're sad that they're becoming something that is useful again. They were really excited about going, this is garbage. Garbage would be excited about going to a garbage tip or garbage. They'd be quite like punks, wouldn't they? I think toys that are garbage or anything that is garbage would have quite a punk or an anarchist view of objects that are still in use, right?

It would regard them as being enslaved in some way, you know, and not achieving their full potential. Once things are on the garbage heap, right? They're beholden to nothing and nobody. They can, you know, lip play by their own rules. Now, of course, when something then comes off the garbage heap, gets recycled, upcycled, goes back into the mainstream. It's punk friends from the garbage junk, punk junk, punk junk would be discussed in, they would regard it as a sellout. Well, I guess there would also be a real difference between, there's the garbage who really went

through a metamorphosis, let's say the plastic wrapping on the outside of a meat pie Right, you would take that off and then you would scrunch it up and discard it into the big. Yeah, so then there's a it really went from being a meat pie With plastic around it to being just scrunched up plastic Yeah, so then it had to go through that you know like that weird metamorphosis where now it's a bit of scrunched plastic and it's so it's proud to be Clearly garbage, but then something's get thrown away While they're still in perfect condition and in their wrapping and so I think those things would be at the bottom rung as like as sort of posters in the garbage world What depends on how it works out they could be at at the top run because they still look good, right?

And then there would be other forms of garbage that were finding their own value systems that counteract that. Then there'd be things like your meat pie wrapper, right? And there'd be ones of those meat pie wrappers that try to reclaim their lost youth or whatever it is. So they'd be stuffing other things inside themselves, maybe like some folded up bits of newspaper and walking around, I'm sure these things can walk and pretending, you know, trying to fool everybody into thinking that there's still a meat pie, a full meat pie

wrapper with a meat pie in it. And then there'd be other people who'd be like, have you seen Stephanie? All right, it's really embarrassing what she's done to herself. She's trying to, you know, be something she isn't. Yeah, I guess that is, look, I just felt like there was a purity to in the garbage world.

Yes. The people who are garbage like are sort of the ideals of beauty. Okay. And then the others are kind of, they're kind of what used to be beautiful back in the sort of the full product, unused discarded things.

But I do see how, stuffing yourself full of old newspaper, kind of maybe like a reversed hermit crab. Yes. You know, you're you're you're around looking through the right side of stuff inside you instead of, you know, that's that's that's it. Look, I but I like your idea. I think and I like that you're in in that way the garbage well is an an exact mirror of the real world, right? Like everything's been

flipped around. So what was at the top is now at the bottom, what was at the bottom is at the top. Yeah. So like, let's say a wet scrunched up napkin is absorbed, let's say tuna water. Yeah. And that is like wet and scrunched up. And just of no use in the regular world,

in the garbage world is like King. You know, like a, just a... At Nordstrom, you can shop the best holiday gifts for everyone you love, all in one place. You'll find beauty favorites, cozy presents, fun ideas under 100 and more. Like festive dressing for you in your home. Experience the magic at your favorite store. Or order on Nordstrom.com with free shipping and returns. Need it faster? Pick up your order today in store.

The best gifts are yours at Nordstrom. Now and they can come together. Because of the added its purity of uselessness. Oh yeah, absolutely. Like there's no way it's going back. Well, this is like a reverse Thomas the Tank Engine. Thomas the Tank Engine is all about how everybody's a really useful engine. You know, and they've got purpose and that's why they're still going and blah, blah, blah. Right.

But in this, it's your absolute usefulness that makes you king. Could this be a children's show? Could, could, yes. We make this as an animation. I don't know what the message is that we're teaching kids, but hey. I mean, there could be something in there about recycling, although it would be

pretty, it would be buried pretty deep, whatever message we have in there. Yeah, well, any useful message would be of no worth in this society. Indeed. Yeah, we really set ourselves up to file. And so, like, I think violence would be like the opposite, because if you perform violence on somebody, then you're making them worse, which makes them better in the society. And so the way that you would reject somebody in this world is you would like piece them together and recycle them and like, you know, and maybe you would stuff or full of old

newspaper and make her look like a full pie wrapper again. You go, look at you, you're beautiful're beautiful get out of here you're not welcome here nice throw you out not onto the street but they throw you back onto a supermarket shelf oh man yeah they they make up some supermarket shelves just as a place where they can shame beauty shame people that's a and I don't know if it's like a great sketch I did. Hey look how is there it's a really interesting place that we went to. It's just called the garbage world. Yeah and I agree. Okay. Alright so garbage world. Yeah. Right. But now it's a theme park. Okay. Right. And it's called garbage world. Yeah. Right. And I guess it is a

step of things garbage. Right. And you like not even fun? No, no, no. Well, I mean, I guess it could be fun. Okay. You know, it's it's it's it's it's piles of trash. I guess you you the the the the ghost, the equivalent of a ghost train, would be some sort of a trash compact thing that you go around. Anyway, I don't like this idea, Alistair, and I'm unhappy about the result. Yes, you go. Instead of hair coming out of our faces to make beards, to fingernails. That's horrible.

I know there are some people who have that though, I think, because I think it's the same stuff in fingernails as it is in here, and I think you can have a genetic condition where you have fingernails all over your body instead of hair. Really? So, yeah. Is it a population that is big enough that they could get offended if we made a sketch about it? I don't think so, I'll just say.

At the moment, I'm still skeptical as to whether or not it's possibly real enough. You know, I think, I think, I think you could still claim, even though you did just say that I did. And there's clearly evidence that we're publishing that of where the origin of this is came from. There is. I think you could still claim parallel thinking. You, my thought parallel with the...

Reality? The thoughts of the universe as it kind of the random occurrence of evolution that created this horrible phenomenon. No, you can't call it a horrible phenomenon. Why not? It would be horrible. I'm sure these people are leading great lives. I mean, look, I'm sure their lives are okay. But I'm just saying, if you have to sort of take a set of clippers to your face. A lot of manicured custard fortune, wouldn't it?

Imagine how sharp the blade a barber would have to use when they're shaving your face. Pretty sharp. Hey, sorry. Just briefly, you know how you said something about hermit shells before, right? So instead of the crab finding a shell, finds the crab. Yeah quite like that idea Well, what about a little hair hair was coming out your fingers at the end Okay, that's that's horrible. Okay, you continue with your horrible Well, I guess the I just I

I don't know quite quite how it works, right? But I like like okay like the idea that instead of the the hermit crab crawls Long finds a shell that fits him, right? There's these quite aggressive shells that are grabbing a crab and jamming it in there, right? To see what fits, right? But now then, but then I want to see that as like a shell, the shells are human sized and you've got to watch out, right? Because the shells will get you and they'll make you live in there. Right, so they'll grab you and they'll jam you in, and you'll just have your head poking out. And I guess your arms, and you've got to drag the shell around.

And so then do you lose your family already, or do you, like, or do you, so? I guess you're trying to go on with your life in some way, but, but it's like a permanent thing. It's a permanent thing, right? The shells got, I don't know got something in there, glue or something. So it's like a aggressive, it's kind of like a, aggressive hermit shell syndrome or something. All right, let's change the idea.

Well, I was just getting on board. No, well, I'm getting off, right? The same thing the idea. So you have to drag yourself around. Yeah, you have to get somebody to lift it onto like a skateboard. Yeah. Then you would just sort of roll it. I can't like that. Just the scraping sound. Yeah, the scraping is nice. Yeah. Right. But but if this was a thing that people chose to do instead of it being that so you people who are getting themselves shells, right, and are dragging

themselves around in them. It's just a life choice. Yeah, it's just a new thing that people are doing. Yeah. All right. Now you seem less happy. So I'm happy to take it back to something else. I mean, look, I think it's fine. I think it's, it's kind of reminding me of a time when I had a housemate who was like, imagine if I just decided to live my life to something else. I mean, look, I think it's kind of reminding me of a time when I had a housemate who was like, imagine if I just decided to live my life as a snake, like that. And just from now on, I'm just a snake. Remember, like, there was that lady in Melbourne

at one point who decided that she was going to live her life as if it was the 70s? No, but that's cool. And she was going to do it for a year. She was going to live her life as if it was the 70s. No, but that's cool. And she was going to do it for a year. She was going to live her life as if it was the 70s. And I surely did for a few months, I think. But she did get on TV. Is that a thing that would have happened in the 70s?

I don't know if someone in the living as if it was in the 70s, in the 70s would have made it onto television. For living in the 70s? For living in the 70s. I mean, everyone was doing it. I know, but I think if you were going around saying you're going to live as if it was the 70s. In the 70s. For living in the 70s. I mean everyone was doing it. I know But I think if you were going around saying you're gonna live as if it was the 70s in the 70s in the 70s I think that would be quirky enough true Maybe I'm gonna do that now. Yeah, I'm gonna live as if I'm in the 2010s. Yeah

I'm gonna be doing it I'm gonna be living as if I'm in 2016. I'll be living as if I'm almost one year behind 2016. I'm really living as if I'm always one year behind. Oh Goddamn 2016 all these celebrities dying. Oh, it's the worst. Posting on Facebook. I can't believe David Bowie died. Again. He's not seeing a thing again. For the first time. I'm just experiencing this right now at the moment. No, so you're like you're also a little bit out of line in terms of the months. So maybe you're starting June 2016, the 2017, just because you know, like he died in like

Janie or anything. Is this okay? All right, I'm jumping again. Yeah, although I'm going gonna go back to those aggressive, hermit crab shells. You know that trope of somebody goes into a coma, right? And they wake up 10 years later and you've got to pretend like that time hasn't passed, right?

To you? This is a thing. There was a movie called, like, Goodby Style and it was about it. It happened in an episode of 30 Rock as well. Somebody had been in a coma and called, like, Goodbye Star, and it was about, it happened in an episode of 30 Rock, as well, somebody had beat an Acoma, and then everyone was pretending like it was a different year. Okay.

So what about, I mean, I'm loving how much cultural penetration is I, I guess. I mean, I've got a base of schedule. There's going to be some listeners, anyway, I'll be familiar with it. All right, so this is somebody who's only gone into a coma for like maybe two hours. Right. And when they come out, right, the doctors like, now they've been in a coma for two hours,

okay. They think that it's 11 a.m. Right. You and I, we both know that it's 1 p.m. But they're in a delicate state right now. And we can't afford that kind of a shock. Sure. So what I'm going to need you to do is to help them to live as if it's 11am.

Okay. Oh, I feel like brunch. Is it too late for brunch? You know, and then you're trying to hide everything from them that would let them know that it was later. Well, if it's a later, you wouldn't be asking if it's too late for brunch. It would be perfect time for brunch.

I don't know. I think 11 is a late start. I mean, you're really getting into lunch territory. No, no, no. 11 is perfect time for brunch. That is, I think that would be ideal brunch time. Crunch central? Yeah, yeah. 10, that ideal brunch time. Brunch time. Yeah, yeah.

10, that's still breakfast. 10, 30. 10, 30. But then that's getting very close to 11. Which I'm just saying is too late. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And I accept how you look. Yeah, but 10 is still breakfast time. I think if you can still get pancakes, you know, McDonald's or whatever, I mean, I know that now they do all day breakfast, but... Well, they're very, they're very milestones, by which we judge our lives at their times, are crumbling away.

Well, I guess that's what you would do. If it was, if he thinks it's 11... Yeah, you take him to McDonald's. Take him to McDonald's. They do all day breakfast. It's like time doesn't exist. Wait, no, because that would be confusing, because then, because breakfast him to McDonald's. Take him to McDonald's. They do all day breakfast. It's like time doesn't exist. Wait, no, because that would be confusing. Because then, because breakfast used to end at 10.30,

and he might not be aware that they do 10 into all day breakfast. But I like, OK, so within this world, somebody's gone into a coma and they think it's this time. But then I like that, for some reason, different people keep going into coma as a different lengths of time. So whoever it is who's trying to arrange this thing is like trying to reconcile all these different times and maintain this facade.

Somebody thinks it's three o'clock now, yesterday. How are they all getting knocked down? I don't know. Things falling off high shelves. Can it be meteor shower? It's a meteor shower, Alistair. It was a long shower. Yeah.

You wouldn't want to do that during a meteor drought. So there's a stage three meteor restrictions on at the moment. For anybody who does live in Australia, just so you know, when we have droughts here, sometimes I've water restrictions. And they get up to stage three, maybe even stage four. There might be stage four where they're like, you gotta keep your showers to three minutes. Yeah, when you breathe out, you gotta breathe into a jar.

Keep all that moisture in there. Keep that moisture. into a jar. People all that moisture in there. That moisture. Is that like a, you know, like the, okay, how about this, right? Yeah. There's a collapse in the housing market, right? And everything, the housing is so, becomes so affordable, right?

That you can pay for a house with just a jar full of breath. Wait, I was trying to write down the other idea. Wait, wait. So you said there's something that's happening. Does it collapse in the housing market? And housing becomes so affordable that you can pay for a house with a jar full of breath. But then shouldn't we wouldn't people very quickly, I mean, this is quite interesting,

where people would be like rushing to go get by houses and go like that. But then as soon as you would do that, somebody else would outbid you. To your friends. Like that. And then suddenly you just got all these people going, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

like that. And then people are like, people going Like that and then you go people like Preventilating and then people are kind of coming in and whoever can hyper who can go do the most brass without hyperventilating and painting gets the house Well, I mean and isn't that just like today, you know the person who has the most money is Able to price everyone else out of the market here. It's whoever's got the best lung capacity is suddenly able to price everyone else out of the market. Here, it's whoever's got the best lung capacity is suddenly able to corner the market, right? But at least, then it wouldn't be the baby boomers, right? And it would be older people with their diminishing lung capacity.

It would put people in the prime of their lives, right? You and me, Alistair, absolute prime of our lives. Yeah, absolutely. Fantastic lung capacity, right? We'd be rocking up to these auctions. Oh, you know who would really win though. Swimmers. No, it's people who are having orgasms who are going. That's a lot of small breaths, but I suppose it'll count. It doesn't matter. It's the amount of breaths. Yeah, you're right. Or people bring their dogs after that. Shaking the park. Shaking the park and they're going,

well then the dogs bought the house. They don't hyperventilate. They need, then your dogs and suddenly all these dogs on houses. Dogs don't hyperventilate, do they? I don't, I've never seen it happen. I've never seen it happen. I don't know how many head spins dogs are having.

Nobody's ever told me that's the thing I got a worry about. The vet never said, make sure she doesn't hide by ventilator. She says don't feed it, child. I said she needs to lose a third of her body weight because she's gonna die. That's what they say. That doesn't sound like hyperventilating. Look, I like this breath idea.

Yeah. All right, great. Wait, you got to start talking. Well, I wonder then at an auction, right? Instead of people like putting up their hand and saying a higher and a higher number, everybody's just got a balloon, right? And whenever they want to beat up,

they just put another breath into a balloon. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. I know, but I do just like, I'm sure you like that. Well, I just look, I think the balloon is really good. But this is an auction now. It's a different context.

I don't know what context you're imagining originally. Probably an auction. I know, but I do like the idea of people just around writing, like, like, just competing like that. Like, almost like it's a race. Yeah. I mean, I look, the balloon gives it a nice visual element that, you know, build up.

The breath can often file to have on camera. Sure, maybe people could hold. Maybe people could hold. Maybe people could hold up bits of glass so you could see the breath come up. Yeah, they still gotta be breathing into a jar or some kind of receptacle though. Otherwise, what's the point?

The breath will just get away, you know? So. Well, you think the people need the breath. You think the people want the breath? Well, I mean, that's the point. That's the basis of the economy, isn't it? It's breath in jar. Sure, I know.

It's not worth much, but it's got to be something. I know, but I guess, so we're suggesting that there's not enough CO2 in the air. No, we're not suggesting anything. I know, but it's just that housing is so cheap that you can buy it with breath in a jar. I know, but there's like not enough CO2 in there. No, we're not suggesting anything. I know, but it's just that housing is so cheap that you can buy it with breath in a jar. I know, but there's something that is the definition of worthless.

But then why would the people want more? Because that's the suspension of disbelief. Then we are asking the audience to go with us on a journey, Alistair. Sure, I know, but you can push it to the next level. After we've gone to the point where it's unexplained. Right. As far as that can take us. Yes. Then you add some explanation to allow you to push it further. Whoa. I just looked at my watch. It was nothing personal. I didn't take it personally. I was actually a thing of you. I know you've

got to go and do another podcast after this and I just thought I'd look at my watch Well, that was very kind of you if anything I was thinking about you too much You're thinking about me too much that it got in the way of me listening to you to well This is what I was thinking where the possibility this could have gone right Is that you know at some point we're gonna have to develop these machines these kind of like fake trees that can pull CO 200 the air I'm really looking forward to that. That will be a big weight off my mind At some point we're gonna have to develop these machines, these kind of like fake trees that can pull CO200E. Air. I'm really looking forward to that.

That would be a big whiter of my mind. Absolutely. We're gonna be able to, you know, I feel like Musk must be on to it, right? Elon, do you think Elon's onto it? If he's not, someone should text him. Just somebody text Elon. Get Elon on the phone.

Anyway, we're gonna do that. And at some point it's going to be big business. But then, at some point, we're going to get to a point where we don't want them to take any more CO2 out of the year. But there'll be enough. But then that will cripple that industry. but then that will cripple that industry. Once there's so many in the world, that it definitely matches the amount of C-Opsuit that's being emitted. And so then we're gonna be starting to take out even more than that, which obviously we do need that as well.

But then it's gonna get to a point where like, you know, it'll go down from 400 parts per million to like 350 parts per million and 300. But then at a point we need it, we need some to keep the plants alive. To keep the plants alive, right? Right, and so that's why these jars of breath are so valuable. They're so valuable. Is it?

You can use them to feed your indoor plants. To feed your indoor plants. Pour a couple of jars onto a... Or your outdoor point. Peacefully. Yeah, or your... Because I mean, these people aren't going to have houses once they sell their house. So they're not going to have indoors to keep.

Look, I don't know how that helps us. Also, you don't want to live in a two oxygen rich environment because everything will catch fire really easily. Yeah, that's really true. And so then, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a form of protection. Hmm, and so then. It's a form of protection. Especially with all these dead trees. A lot of oxygen, a lot of dead plants.

And that's why people are trying to get away from their houses because the houses are just kindling. And that's why they're so cheap because everybody's trying to get away from them. They want to get rid of them. They're a liability. Yeah, yet they're still us Gen-Y people who are like, here's our chance to get it. their reliability. Yeah, yet there's still us GenY people who are like, here's our chance to get it.

Yeah, we're going to get it. We're going to get this now. And then when society exists again, we'll be in. Yeah, we'll be on top. We might be on top if society exists again. People are always telling you that society's on the verge of existing again. People always tell you, we're on the verge of the bubble bursting in the housing market. But after society collapses, we're all living in the gravel, eating it like and off rocks.

There'll always be these people going around saying, I just heard that this living on the gravel eating off rocks is a bubble. Right, and the bubble's going to burst and the society's going to be back again. Right, and then you've just set up, you've sort of, you've got your back all bent in the way it's perfect for. You've built all the muscles required for bending over. Yeah, you and your whole line lineage of children have actually given up the ability to walk on all two I'm not twos. You know what I think I think that doing pushups and on on your hands. I think that's a I think that's a scam. I think we're supposed to

Carry our weight on our fists. I don't think our wrist is supposed to be bent back like that. That's my new theory. Fists. I think gorillas walk on their fists. Yeah, they do. Yeah. And like they do it all the time. And here we are showing up, walking on our, like trying to use our hands, like that bend

on our wrists back. I got bad wrists, I think. And I think my son has got real clicky wrists. I think I've passed on my bad wrists. Yeah, well, you know, you should do something good for your wrist, Salister. Yeah, but I wish I wish this was an advertising movement watchers episode, but it's not. Well, that's good. And at one time you organically bring up your risks. Yeah, risks.

Well, I did bring up a risk. And either risk is that we're damaging our risks. Yeah, it's true. All right, I'm going to take us through our five sketch ideas. Guy does Chinese accent and then has to go find the specific person with that Chinese accent so that he can justify it and so that it's not racist. Perfect. So that it's an impersonation rather than a generalization.

It was a specialization. It was a specialization. Then we got the Hitler dog breed at the dog show. I'm really happy with that. Yeah, there's a wall to get there, but I Think this will this will be perfect in the sci-fi show. Yeah, I mean that'll be about futurist. You know, what's the future of dog breeding? Now we know now we know absolutely and there's garbage world, which is you know is really like You know, it's like a sort of like toy story, sausage party kind of film or sketch.

You can be a sketch. Just wondering if there'd be miniature hitlers. You start out with a breed. Shetland hitlers. Yeah, Shetland hitlers. But you get the miniature now. You get your toy poodle, you get a toy hitler. Right, but then of course people start crossbreeding them.

So you'd have a hitloadle, which is like half hitler and, poodle, you get a toy, Hitler. Right, but then of course people start cross-breeding them, so you'd have a hit-loodle, which is like half-hit-ler and half-poodle. Yeah, or a schnitler. Yeah. Ha-ha. That's a schnitler, that's just a schnauzer with a swastika band on its heart. Yeah, well that's possibly it.

Yeah, I mean, you could just do that. Yeah, garbage world, we it. Yeah, I mean you could just do that. Yeah, garbage world. We don't know what that is. Then we got the guy who comes out of a two hour coma and people have to pretend that it's two hours ago. So it's not to like shock his mind. Yeah. And so they all have to stay up like two hours later

than they normally would in order to, you know. You're saying things like, she's got dark early. Yeah. Really early. What is it though? Winter solstice? Maybe they have a winter solstice on her. You don't want to shock him.

Yeah. And surprising him with the winter solstice. I mean, and that's the problem is that you'd be like, can we just put him in a coma for like another 22 hours and just have him go through till the same time yesterday? And then you're like, well, that's actually a whole work trouble because then the wheel will be on the weekend. Well, you know,

well, it's like when the baby, when a baby wakes up from on now a bit too early, you're like, oh, you want to sleep? You're trying to like leave him. Yeah. So he's like waking up from his coma after two hours. He's like, let's just leave him and see because back in. And then there's the only thing that you could do would be to knock out everyone in the world for two hours. So we all go back. I guess we all equalize again. Maybe like a maybe like a big ether bomb? Yeah.

Ether would knock everybody out like. Yeah. And it would have to be perfectly, you'd have to be hard to manage the dose. But look, unless there's no problem. Yeah, great. And what's the longest thought of problem? It's not a problem.

I don't want to bring it up. And then we have the collapse in the housing market, which allows people to pay with frowns with breaths. And then, oh man, it's a bit weak. But I mean, for that scene where people without having orgasms win a little bit in all the houses. But also people like walking out like on a frosty morning to get the newspaper and bare

feet. I do well. Yeah, that's true. But I guess also people can't like an orgasm doesn't last that long. So it would have to be like a tantric orgasm or like a pig orgasm. You know one of those like 12 hour pig orgasm? No, don't. Adardale.

Tell me. Well, I think some pigs can like, when they have an orgasm, they have like an orgasm for like 12 hours or something. And so, if you get, you feel what we bring in. So then, then all these genwise would be like, fine pigs, which I'm sure there's already some genwise that don't pit pigss and you know,

Hitler, not Hitler hipsters. Anyway, which sketch do you think adds with like, I'm really disappointed we didn't do that for the 100 sketch episode. That's a real real real mystery. I mean, we can go back. We can, we can. No, no, I lost it. Look, what was the first one again?

The Chinese accent? No, I'll definitely not. I mean, we don't know. I mean, I guess there's not the history of like people being racist towards other people in ant culture. So they wouldn't, that humor wouldn't bother them. I don't think it would bother them, but then I think that the whole point of it would be lost on them as well.

Like, I don't think they'd get the sketch But you don't think that they would have sort of like there'd be like antenna accents like antenna signal accents Yeah, or I mean, I guess the way they sort of lay furimones and stuff like that like maybe the you know You can tell different accents different furimones probably that's probably actually how they attack each other Fight different colonies anyway I reckon they'd be into the garbage world one, obviously, because there'd be a lot of garbage around. They would appreciate that.

Yeah, I guess that pie wrapper, probably have some sort of pie flakes in there. Pie crust flakes. Mm. Great. And, you know, Hitler, obviously, he was anti. A lot of things so yeah, but do you think that they do you think ants would like puns? Do you think man do you think they would yeah? Yeah, yeah, I reckon they would well. I'm gonna go with the garbage one just

Yeah, yeah, so... Puh! Puh! Puh! Puh! Puh! Bum! Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. Um, sorry, I feel like I was a bit shit today, but uh, hey. Don't worry Andy, we were both a little bit shit today.

That's good. Yeah, so it's okay. At least I didn't say that you weren't shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. bit shit today. That's good. Yeah, so it's okay. At least I didn't say that you weren't shit. Yeah, I think that would have felt good. That would have been the ultimate insult really, low into my face like that. Yeah. But hey, you guys were great.

Yeah. And people continue to have listened to the 100 sketch podcast. And we continue to feel blessed and honored. Yeah, and amazed at people's stamina. And I think, you know, people should see that as a huge achievement, that, you know, even if you've done nothing else this year, ever. An 11 hour podcast that was difficult to listen to.

In parts. In parts, you know, as a huge achievement. So thank you very much for that. I'm thinking about, we have this whole sketch show that we did called Australia get it up here and I'm thinking about putting it in as a Prize as a prize in our patreon so maybe for like anybody who puts in three bucks pledges three bucks You get a whole TV show. Yeah, you get access to the TV show. I think it's just hidden in YouTube somewhere right now. Yeah, so We could do that. That's an incentive. Yeah, that's an incentive look at that sign up three bucks patreon

Yeah, three bucks pledge, you know, you could take it off the next month if you want to or you could just you know not take it off And then yeah, well, so we'll I'll figure out how to do that and And then anybody who's also already pledged hopefully that also will pass on and if it doesn't then just I will we'll contact them somehow. We'll make it happen. Well, I don't have to do anything. They've already done more than enough. You have already done more than enough. We will get this show. Thank you everyone. And so it's patreon.com slash to in tank and And you can follow us on Twitter. I'm stupid old Andy. I'm at Alistair TV. We are to in tank. Yeah, and you can get us on Twitter. I'm Stuart Old Andy. I'm at Alistair TV. We are too in tank. Yeah, and you can get us on Facebook and...

Two in the thing. And we're part of the Planet Broadcasting Corporation. And what a fantastic corporation it is. Fantastic Corporation. Full of great podcasts. We'll make a great product. And we're, oh, by the way, we're sorry about the live shows. They've been postponed until next year.

Yeah. We got George to record a little intro. Thanks George for recording the intro. And then instantly that became redundant. Yeah, but it was good. It was good. It was you guys. And you guys got to hear George. And I thought he sounded great.

He said he was doing his radio voice, but not his full radio voice. Yeah, great. You never go full radio. No. And also, we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit PlanetBcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you.

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