Two In The Think Tank - 104 - "THE MEETING OF LIFE"

Episode Date: November 7, 2017

Visualise, Business Confidence Man, Truniverse, Meeternity, MOL, Meaning of Life Killer, Budgetary Jar, Hospital Grade Cover Up, Happy Birthdemian Rhapsody You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!) Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family  You can find us on twitter at @twointank Andy Matthews: @stupidoldandy Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb And you can find us on the Facebook right here Big thanks to George Matthews for producing this pod. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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from our great mites. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's good in the Western hood. All's and the part that I'm having. Hello and welcome to Two and the Think Tank to Show where Alice, Dare and I come up with two and I have to get right there each. And I have to get right there each. Two parts of an intro of a song. Where in yes. Yeah, and we'll put them together to make one. I'm Andy.

And I'm Alice, the Royal Maintainment. I'm Tromblay, virtual. Thank you very much for laying your ears on our sound waves. Yes, indeed. Surfing the sound that we create in a mental beach. Yeah, mental beach. You go to the mental beach. Mind beach. It's because you've laid your surfboard on the sand

And you're still just learning how to surf. Yes The sound waves and so you're just kind of you're laying it down You're laying on the board to see what that feels like then Somebody who's near you is telling you stand up. That's what our sound waves do They say stand up and then you practice just getting up on the board so that once you want to Get on the water yourself. It's like nothing. It'll be like you've done it all before. That's right now You're just doing it in a new medium. Yeah, yeah water water exactly That because that is like that that study that I feel like I come across all the time in my life

I don't know how often you feel like you come across it out of standard I can't wait to find out. But that one where they got basketballers, they got expert basketballers. Some of them we're going to spend a certain amount of time actually practicing shooting hoops. And some of them we're going to spend a certain amount of time just visualizing shooting hoops.

Yeah. And that found out that at the end of that time, the ones who spent the time visualizing shooting hoops were actually better than the ones who'd actually shot hoops. It feels like it's one of those psychological studies that later on they couldn't replicate that. It couldn't replicate that. I mean, it's just got the feel of one of those. Now that we know that those are a common thing, I bet you, we could look into it and maybe there would be some biases that were maybe involved.

But I think that you'll find, and I'll say that the thing that you're basing that on, the research that found that a lot of studies are difficult to replicate has actually never been replicated. So, yeah. Oh, well that's good. I mean, it was subject to a lot of biases. to replicate has actually never been replicated. So, yeah. Oh, well, that's good. I mean, it was subject to a lot of biases. Well, I think the problem with a lot of these

psychological studies is that the people are actually doing the studies and not just visualizing doing the studies. I think that's it. So that's why they're getting worse results. And if they had just been visualizing doing the study. Yeah. And if they just sat in a room and imagined doing it, and you know, just made up all the results.

Yeah. They could have gone a much more accurate. Yeah, or at least better. Better, yeah, better, sorry. Accurate feels like a strong word. Yeah, better. Better, you know, it's a kind of, it's a good umbrella term for things

that are less bad in certain ways. Now, is there a sketch idea in this? Well, I feel like that the way that we could definitely get a sketch idea out of it is that we could have different, we could apply that visualizing thing. Like say, well, I mean, basically exactly what we just did. Yes, there is a sketch idea in it, right? Somebody does the first study or somebody gets the results of that first

study, the one about basketballers, right? Or some more easily understandable version of that. I find it hard to believe that there would be anything more easily understandable in that. Okay, great. And then they, but they're working in some research facility, right? And they come in and they tell all their researchers, oh, well, we've got these results are in. So from now on, we're not going to do actual studies. We're just going to visualize it, right?

Or potentially they apply it to different areas, like brain surgery or what have you. Don't worry, I've never done this before. Luckily. I've only ever thought about it. Luckily. You're in love. I've spent the last six years imagining these. Yeah, and the aurora guy comes in and he's like, I have 45 years experience doing this and they went, oh, couldn't we get a guy who's just pictured it in his mind for the last 12 minutes? Yeah, because the problem with actually doing it is apparently like you make mistakes when you actually do it, but when you visualize it you get it 100% correct, 100% of the time.

Right. Um. Which, you don't even know if that's correct. Like, I mean your technique could be awful in your mind. I think the thing that we're glossing over here is that the basketballers were already very skilled basketballers. And so they had, I guess, the only barrier for them

at this level was their own confidence or something like that. Yeah, right. But, you know, that doesn't, that doesn't, to me, feel like it adds that much to me. It doesn't add. I mean, if anything, it feels like that. Yeah, right. But you know, that doesn't, that doesn't, to me, feel like it adds that much. It doesn't add. I mean, if anything, it, this feels like we're being, we're being taken away. Taking away. Loft the path of, of pure comedy.

That we were on. Yeah. That line of uncut humor. Um, what's the way about this? Was it with you the other day about somebody trying to do cocaine or for mirror, but they don't realize that you've got to lay the mirror down horizontally. Keep trying to get out of line on the mirror on the bathroom all. This is way harder than it looks and he's maybe he's got a photo on his phone if somebody

doing it and he's like, look, how's he doing? He's just holding it on the wrong side. You know, and he's like, look, how's he doing? He's just holding it on the wrong side. And he's like, how's he doing this? Is it something about like, is that then something about like business people who like don't have much experience in business? And by that we mean like every aspect of business, like they don't know how to do cocaine off of mirror.

They don't know how to, I'm trying to think of something that isn't disgusting. They don't know how to park their BMW. Wait, so you're saying it's a business person who doesn't know how to do anything about business, but super confident. But, super confident. Yes, super confident. Super confident.

Yeah. I like, I mean, it could be like I said, picture a guy suit. I think he kind of looks like, you know the guy Jordan Klepper? You see the one from Wolf of Wall Street? Oh, yeah, maybe that's who I'm thinking. That's not who I'm thinking. The guy who is now the host of, it's a spin off from the Daily Show. No, it's probably that.

Maybe, No, but, I might have said the wrong name. Who now has the resistance or something like that, his show. Anyway, he was the white guy off of the Daily Show who was really good at interviewing Trump supporters and then he got his own show. Yeah, wow. Anyway, I felt like he looks like that guy, right? He's handsome, he's confident, comes out in a suit. It's a car show room like that.

And one of the car salesmen says, oh, well, this guy, well, I'll introduce you to our general manager and he'll take care of you. And he walks out of the back of the room and he goes, fuck you like that. And then he walks out of the back of the room and he goes, fuck you! And then he walks out of the building like that. I think he goes over to the car, right? And he doesn't even know how to open the door.

Well, what about he says, fuck you to the person and then he walks over to the car and he lifts it up and he tips it on its side. Whoa! So he's like, is he super strong? Well, I mean, that's what we're discovering, but he's super strong is also how bad he is at business. He's destroying his own product. He's super stupid as well.

Yeah, but confident. Yeah. And then you see him doing cocaine later on, and making up a line, putting it on the window on the mirror Getting real frustrating. What? Smashers the wearer knocks down the whole wall because he's super strong And then the wall is there horizontal on the ground. He does he tries it again. It works this time I like to think that he's not even bothered by the fact that that he's not doing cocaine properly

So he's just got the little baggy, he's banging it up against the window. It's all falling down and he's like going, like that, and he goes, and that and he keeps going. I like it. Yeah, because all that matters in business is confidence. Business confidence. Business confidence, they talk about all the time.

Business confidence is at an all time high. Yeah. Hahaha. all the time. Business confidence is it an all-time high? Yeah. I mean, that's almost better. It's just a news report. It starts with a news report that businesses confidence is it an all-time high? Okay, so that's what it's, and then we cut to overlay, I guess, the business people just being insanely confident. Like that. Somebody's holding a gun for one of their chassis. Let me lay down for it. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t a dance club that you're leading from the gut and he's like, her you want to come home with me? It matches my time.

Yeah. And he takes, he gets a lady home. He gets three ladies home. Wow. And he's both. He's both. And he's just like an orgy scene with just him. It's basically American Psycho, but he's the one guy.

Yeah. He's, you know, that's scene where he's watching himself, like pumping away in the mirror. But then he's just watching his abs like that and it's just but him, but it's just this unbelievable gut wound. You see a shot from the back, so you see the exit wound as well. Oh, so every time he goes down to very sit up

or whatever, it just goes squelch. Well, he's not actually doing this set up. He's having sex with multiple women. Oh, is that what happens in the American cycle? Or maybe you read the book, see? I read the book and I didn't visualize any of that. He didn't. Yeah, well, in the film they cast the guy, they cast Batman to play thing, which I thought was a really good choice. Crazy choice. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird to me. Okay. So, Christian Bale, he still seems quite young, but American Psycho, it feels like that

movie was made like 30 years ago to me. I don't understand. There's something that's broken in my brain where the timeline of Christian Bale's career and youth are, like like no sense to me. Yeah. I think that he's a guy who's probably matured early, but then held on to that youthful maturity. Yes. You know, and he hasn't allowed himself, because he hasn't allowed himself to do a gray hair movie yet. But clearly he must have gray hair.

Yeah. Is he, like, and when you hear him talking normally, he's under a lot of stress. Oh, I mean, I think he's putting people under stress. Sure. You know, is there, right here, so externalizes it a lot. It's like, what it is?

Wait, hang on, is it? Visualize it, Andy? No, I think I was about to quote a line from a Monty Python sketch as if it was a fact in science. That's great. I want to hear it. At least just try to do it. I'm going to sound like such an idiot. Yeah. I just have a, there's a sketch in which he says, Graham Chapman says, I'm murder a murderer is just an extroverted suicide. And scientific fact. Yeah. And then I was going to build a whole thing off that. But I realized that the foundational block of my train of thought was, I believe it was I, that's the mutant that said, he's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

This is a problem when you're steeped in sketch comedy as I am, Elisdit. You're steeping. I'm steeped, that you don't know what's real anymore. Is that true? Is that what happens? I thought you said that schizophrenia was an autoimmune disease. This is a new thing. Possibly. Possibly. Don't preliminary results. Don't get excited. All this stuff about like having to wait for theories to be confirmed. I like just getting excited about scientific theories and the possibility of them being real.

I don't need them to even be real. Well, because what it is, right, is that we're in a multiverse, right, and each time that you have a new theory, right, that comes out, right? Yeah. There's gonna be a multiverse in which that's true, right? Just gotta be.

So you could be in that multiverseiverse and okay, so either it is, you are in the multiverse for that's true, in which case, get excited, baby. And have a real good time. Okay, and if you're not in the multiverse in which that's true, well look, what's wrong with being excited anyway? Have a real good time. It's nice, and it's also nice for the people in that multiverse.

Yeah. To have somebody, you know, to know that there's some like, I'm people outside. I'm people outside. I'm people outside. I'm people outside. I'm people outside. I'm people outside.

Yeah, exactly. I'm happy for them. Yeah. I'm happy for the people in the multiverse where this is true. Hey, this doesn't all have to be about us. No. Very selfish attitude to think that good thing,

where you're going to only be happy about good things that happen in this multiverse. Yeah. And I think maybe that that's- I'll never, you know, I think a lot of the sort of the new atheist philosophy has been to kind of get angry at people with weird beliefs, you know, beliefs that have no sort of, no connection to reality in this universe. Which I think is a, it's wrong to call it a universe since there are so many universes, you know, possibly a multiverse. And really all it is that these people with these weird ideas, right, were by an accident

of birth, happened to be born in the wrong universe where those things aren't true. Yeah. But you can't blame them for that, can you? I mean, I think we could, if anything, we should just be happy that they're happy for the people in another universe in which that is true. Exactly. I applaud that selflessness. Absolutely.

The universe in which spirulina does anything, right, or where a kinesha will stop your cold. or where Akaneisha will stop your call. Q is cancer. But then also things that are less kind of just, you know, preventative medicine. You know, things that are kind of- That also, other ideas. You know, things like crystals or whatever. A crystal that can be-

Where that engineer in Israel did build a perpetual motion machine. That would be nice. Yeah, where there is some kind of Brownian wave form that does help break brown, Ian wave form. Ian wave form that does help break water into hydrogen and oxygen in a very efficient way that you can get a little bit of energy out. Free energy, mate.

Free energy, man. If only energy was free. Okay, do you think that other being happy for a good boy? Yeah, mate. Free energy. Man, if only energy was free. Okay, so do you think that other being happy for a boy? Yeah, yeah. I think, you know, you could make it very small, like, and, you know, just as I think about this may not be funny at all, but like, you know, the idea of you forget somebody's birthday, right? And you write them a card later on, a couple of days late, give them a card.

You don't have to write, sorry, that we're late, right? You just write them the card and you say a happy birthday for the multiverse in which this, this, you're, I'm on time. Yeah, you're welcome. You know what else is multiverse? The song Happy Birthday. Really? It's got multiverses. But I mean, in terms of the songs that you could have picked that had multiple verses. Oh, yeah! That is one of the few that I pretty much only has...

Oh, yeah! That's one of the only ones that only has one verse. All right, it is monoverse. You could say it's a must-cuniverse. It's universal. And the rights are owned by universal. Yeah. I mean, you've picked almost one of the only songs I've ever heard

that doesn't have multiple verses. I mean, all right, Elis, you're mocking me. But what about in the universe in which I said, what, you know what, it isn't multiverse. Yeah. Happy birthday. You would be applauding me. You would think I was so clever.

Absolutely. And it's not my fault that I just branched down this branch of the multiverse. I'm happy for you that you're happy for the people in that other universe in the multiverse. One of our listeners, by the way, got in touch with us on Twitter or Facebook to tell us that the, apparently we've talked about multiverses in previous episodes, that the

group of all possible multiverses is called the omniverse. And I feel like if that listener is listening to this passage and we haven't yet used the word omniverse, they're going to be furious. So we're sorry, Mr. Omniverse. We don't want the sort of the creator, I don't know if he's the creator of the omniverse, I don't not sure if there's a... I don't know if there would be one creator of the omniverse. No, you don't think so.

All right. The one true creator. The one who created all the other creators. Wait, where was I going? Oh, yeah. And whoever that is, they must know. What were you going to say? They must have a cloaca. What?

Look, again, my mind is moving slightly faster than I can actually verify any of my thoughts at this stage. It's good, it's an episode. But it sort of was tied in the idea that for some reason, because there's only one of them, they had to reproduce by themselves to create all these other things. So they have to be Hermaphiditic. Absolutely. And for some reason, yeah, they need a cloaca. to reproduce by themselves to create all these other things. So they have to be hermaphroditic. And for some reason, yeah, they need a cloaca.

They need a cloaca because they have to poop and give birth at the same hole in order to create the omniverse. Yes. I mean, the idea that the greatest creator would have to come out and, well, I mean, that is a, that is actually thank you. And an argument for the existence, a lot of people go, well, where did God come from? Oh, wait, no, that still doesn't solve where it goes. It's like, never, how did God, and also that would be how did God have kids without, without anybody. But then

if, oh, Jesus Christ, I was actually going to what I was about to talk about, is how did God create Jesus without having a partner? I mean, if God was a snail, that would be the ideal one. But crawling up to Mary, firing one of these little sperm spears. Well, no, because I mean, that's how he got Jesus's sort of physical form. But I guess Jesus's sort of eternal spirit would have been existing up there for a long time, you know, before then. Well, eternity, apparently.

Yeah, possibly, but maybe before, but right before eternity. Mm-hmm. I mean, eternity would have even eternity had to start at some point, right? Well, this, I had this, I read like, I was reading a book of ancient philosophy, right? Because I'm very deep, Al.

And the only thing that made any sense in it at all was that some ancient philosopher said the universe couldn't have existed for eternity. It must have been created at some point. Because if it had existed for eternity, then half of eternity would have had to a lapse for us to get to this point, right? Like, first, and my phone's ringing. I don't know how to, there you go, good, it's quiet.

One half of eternity would have had to elapsed for us to get to this point, and that would have taken an eternity for that eternity to pass, like whatever amount of time to get to now would have taken an eternity for that to pass. And so the universe couldn't have existed forever because an eternity of time can never pass. Cause it takes an eternity, I was scared. I know, but I think that claim that half an eternity

would have had to have. Oh, like what even half an eternity? Any amount, any fraction of eternity. Yeah. Is an eternity in itself. I like that he used the word eternity instead of infinity. And then he's just talking about infinity, right? Yeah.

But I mean, like, but that, but you know, look, I'm not gonna get, I don't want to get too technical here, but one second is a fraction of eternity. And that can pass. Right. Sure. But if the universe has started. Yeah. Right. At some point. We're not talking about an eternity of the past. Like the past, the length of time in the past doesn't constitute an eternity, right? Yeah.

We know that there's a fixed amount of time in the past. Yeah. So an eternity hasn't passed to get to this point. Does that make sense? Look, Andy, it's close enough to make sense. Well, obviously we know an eternity hasn't passed because we know that things are still happening. Thank you. But anyway, when I read it in this book, I was like, that's the only thing

that anyone has said in 2000 years of philosophy that has made any sense to me. Everything else is just people trying to prove the nature of the good in a universe in which God believes in some fucking shit. It's all based on sand. It's just these people making up stuff and then trying to prove things based on some scratchings and sand. Yes, thank you. But is there something? Is there a sketch in this?

Yes, standing. I believe there is. There's some people sitting watching, let's say, a bad movie or they're in a really boring meeting. Sure. And one of them whispers to the other one, have we been in here for an eternity? Right. And then in this meeting, they try and prove the fact that the meeting can't have been going

for an eternity. It feels like an eternity. But the meeting must have started at some point. Yeah. I mean, look, I think, I think, first of all, there's a, there's a relatability to this. Yeah, yeah, we really made it and I was meaning I feel like going over on it. Yeah. And then, and that it's, it's been going for so long that it starts to spawn its own philosophers. Yes. And so then they kind of, they're just kind of like, this is the corner of the board, of the board, like, on the table, where they're kind of like, they're turning away a little

bit, they're making little scratchings on like napkins, like coffee napkins and things like that. They go, well, look, this is why it's not possible. Surely there was a beginning to this meeting. A lot of people say that, you know, how can we prove that our world isn't just a simulation, right? But how do we, nobody suggested, how do we prove that this isn't just a meeting that's been going on for a really long time, right? And we Earth are just in some back corner of the meeting, right?

And we've just got distracted and started talking amongst ourselves. How do we know? Well, I guess, you know, it always seems to, you know, they always talk about like this kind of like... We forgot what the meetings about. Yeah, well, we talked about that it was like this, there's kind of like this place where, where, where humanity started, you know, somewhere in Africa,

is where we think maybe that the meeting was first... Yeah, being held and it was... You know, we, we, what is the meaning of life? Well, you know, we might ask, what is the, what is the first. Yeah, being held and it was, You know, what is the meaning of life? Well, you might ask, what is the first point on the agenda? What is the meeting of life? What is the meeting of life? What? Why was this convened?

Yeah. And what are we trying to get to the bottom of? Yeah. Obviously meetings they always run off track. There's always questions without notice. A lot of you know, when I was out of sure loads. Alright, but if we can just get back on to the agenda. What were these first two, the first man and the first woman?

Possibly it was a man, like a homo sapien man and a neanderthal woman. Sure. Possibly, maybe the other way around. What were they meeting up about? What were they meeting up and what were they trying to get to the bottom of and could we figure that out and then solve it and then could we all just die Like I think it's like it would be like killing the lead vampire if we could just solve that one problem then we could just go And then we would all disappear. Can we all just turn to say? Die now? Yeah.

Are you happy? We did it. Go back to the earth. I think we could all just dig our own graves. Get inside, cover ourselves up like that, and then just sleep. Well, I think, I think, like, okay, I think that's a sketch, right? Find out what the meeting of life is. The meeting of life, yeah.

But I wonder if we did find the meeting of life, like maybe we could have a sketch in which this has happened, that somebody finds the meeting of life. And then as soon as somebody tells you what it is, you're just so satisfied with it, that you just lie down and just wait to die. And you don't even have to like, you know, you would be starving to death slowly, I guess, you're just so happy, you don't, you know. And then maybe it could be weaponized, right?

The meaning of life is weaponized in some way, so that if you can reveal the meaning of life to someone without yourself glimpsing it, you can essentially like kill that person. Wow, yeah, I mean, like like I guess the idea first that they would use it in armies and start telling people. Yeah, well then it's getting very close to the the Monty Python sketch about the funniest joke in the world. Do they start doing that in another? Yeah, they start announcing it in German

over loudspeakers and all the Germans run out. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, national average 12 month savings of $744

by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. Laughing from the trenches and falling dead. I don't want to get too close to that. But like, maybe a group of mercenaries, mercenaries, yes, or maybe just gangsters or something like that, or somebody's been doing a series of murders, right? Yeah.

That'd be amazing, a series of someone who's like that they're the meaning of life killer, right? And there's all these people being discovered, just dead on the ground, right, from exposure or dehydration or something. And what it is is somebody's been going around and whispering a meaning of life to them, right? And they're just slipping away, happy. And then you've got to ask yourself, is that a crime? Is that a crime? Yeah, well, I mean, I guess it's assisted, it's assisted dying in some way,

you know, so maybe you could get them under euthanasia loss. Yeah, maybe, but I mean, because you kind of... Because they were so happy, they just volunteered. They, you know, they haven't been coerced. Well, at this point, they don't know. At this point, they don't know. So they just think that maybe you're injecting them with something. Now, why does the person, because I would like the audience, the person's whispering it

to them. But why don't they get affected? Why don't they get affected? They're nihilist. I guess there's a way that you could do it by, I mean, I guess this is again, so it's touching on the multi-part. The multi-part, it's a foreign person who's just learned phonetically the words.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. But there could be somebody who doesn't have the mental capacity to grasp the actual meaning of the words. Yeah, right. And so they're kind of, they can hold it in their head without knowing what it means. You know, that's an alternative to the sort of the foreign language. But then there's the other alternative that it could just be like you've got it on a cassette tape and then you're just playing

it to people and that like somebody discovered it when all right, maybe a computer worked it at. Well, I like yeah, I guess if you were looking for the origin of it, yeah, the computer worked it out and somehow a gangster saw this kind of happen and it just kind of started ticking over in his brain. Like he showed up and he just sees this guy reading this thing or listening to this thing and I don't know. And then he kind of, he just plays it to somebody else and they also die and he goes, yeah.

Like that. I'd like to say a standoff, like a Mexican standoff in which two people are holding cassette tapes, right? And they've got their fingers hovering over the play button. Oh, that would be cool. And somehow they've just put the headphones on the other person. Yeah, or it's in some sort of a funnel, so the sound is so directional that they can just blast it at the other person. I wonder how long it would take to, like, do you think it's one of

those things that you take three or three or four words, and if you say it real quick, you know. Yeah, I think you could get it like a decent joke out or or statement in about three four seconds four five seconds I'm so interesting that you think it would be a joke. No, no, well, I mean look that I was just referring to like the only reason Why I said that was because when I mean when I sort of And recording Jokes to try to measure how long they go and sometimes you can get a good sentence out in about four seconds ago. Well, now I have another 49 minutes and 50 seconds to write. This is crazy.

Yeah, I gotta, you gotta talk slow. I'll stay with you. Look, I think that this is a, I mean, I wouldn't even be surprised if this is already a story that somehow exists. Yeah, but I mean, bloody hell. I mean, we could, we could write that, this is a podcast series, this is the next,

something big. It's gonna be big. I don't even know, look, there's an element of which possibly infinite jest is a tape, I still haven't finished it. I haven't got about 100, 200 pages in. I have not even got a hundred, 200 pages in. But there is something about a tape,

a videotape that they watch and people laugh themselves to death. Which I guess again, it's closer to the Monty Python thing. Yeah, right. I think this one will look, we'll understand that there's some things that there have some similarities to it, but I think we'll make it original in the...

Yeah, we'll make it original. It's that idea, but we'll do something different with it. Yeah. It's like, you know, the Nirvana were trying to write a pixie song when they wrote, it smells like teen spirit, and they just fucked it up. So that's good. And I said, they got, you know, whatever it was,

they got, I think it was, smells like teen spirit in the end. Yeah, well, that's good. Yeah. I'm gonna try and write a multi-pathens parrot sketch to see what I get. I think I know it too well. I probably just transcribe it. Well, actually not me. I only have to remember it and I also think that it's

a little bit boring now. That sketch. Yeah. Well, sure. Sure it is now. Yeah, I know, but I think after 50 years of being the funniest sketch of all time. Yeah. Yeah. But I think I think what that would be an advantage to me, to be bored with it. And so to try to do something to make it exciting to. Maybe the parrot could be alive.

Oh, I like that. Yes. And he's just banging it on the counter like that. Yeah. You know, maybe I'll go into more specifics about what kind of paradise I think it was a cockatoo. Well, they tell specificity is very funny. Yeah, I think so. I think if it's a cockatoo, it's kind of bigger as well. So I think like the brutality of sort of banging it against the counter.

Yeah. You know, I think a budgie, nobody cares about a budgie. I think it was a Norwegian blue. Oh, well, it was like the size of a bud Yeah, you know, I think a budget nobody cares about a budget. I think it was an Norwegian blue. Oh, well, it was like the size of a budget, you know, a budget regard. Do you know anybody in your life that says budget regard? No, but we have a cookie jar that we put out money that we're saving for our sons in that jar in the house.

You put them in there for them? house. You put the money in there. So I guess you would call that a budgetary jar. No, I'll stay. A budgetary jar. Budgetary jar, entry. I think I've broken you. Look, Andy, it's just, it's no. You've just taken, I mean, that would be, that's an alternative

in a way in which we could make it. It's an alternative to the, to the multi-pithe and funniest joke in which it's a pun that is so disappointing. That is so disappointing. That removes people's will to live. Tell people and they go walk into a river, they bury themselves, they sort of, they just, they refuse all food.

They take their shoes and they just start bashing themselves over the head with it. Wow. I mean, that sounds like it's done more than remove their will to live. It sounds like it's created the will to die. I guess to just remember, it's because it's, just like that budgeri jar.

Budgeri jar. Budgeri-che-d-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r- hold a thought because it was just it vacuum clean that whole thing out. You liposuctioned thoughts out of my mind. It had laid waste to an entire ecosystem. Like a like like like it was nape home. Yeah, I was going to say I'd been orange but nape home. Yes. Nape home of the mind. Yes, well, Alistair say something, my mind's gone blank as well. I mean, it could offer quite a peaceful thing. You could regard that, you know, the absence of thought, I mean, that's something that the Buddhists have been trying to achieve for some time. So, I mean, it doesn't have to be used to kill people, right? It could be used to help people achieve enlightenment. If you say something so dumb that it, you know, it, it, it, it,

it empties their mind of thought. Well, I think that would be nice. I mean, to be honest, one of the worst things about life is the knowledge, having to carry around the knowledge that you're going to die and being sad about it. Sure, right? Sure. So I think maybe hearing a pun that's so, just that's so awful that maybe removes your fear of death would be kind of a nice thing.

And the idea that the person who delivers this is like a very kind of dad looking guy, like just a kind of a slightly excitable sort of slightly ponchy kind of dad. This is me, you're just grabbing me. Well, I mean, I think at the moment you kind of still have a little bit sort of, there's a useful edge to you still. Sure, to my point. Yeah, to your punch and to like maybe even like just due to the area that we live in,

things like that, we can't help but absorb. Well, fortunately, I'm moving out of this area. Luckily Andy, there's soon you will become sort of the Dalai Lama, but for, you know, but for people who are godless and religious and things like that, and just don't necessarily want anything extra in their life, but just want that one thing removed. Yeah, I could do that.

Yeah, sure, come random at place. I'll disappoint you. You know why that your real father never could. No, but it's just, yeah, I think that there's something there upon that removes your you fear of death fear of death it makes you okay with dying you go. Yeah, it's gonna be It's fine that I'm gonna die now You know like like like with the with skydiving they take you up there in the plane and very often people change their minds about

Jumping at the last second they get very scared. I don't know why, right? But you know you've got the door open, the winds whipping around and the instructors there and you're like, all you got to do is get yourself to the edge and then just lean forward, right? But you know they won't do it. And you know very often the instructor will actually just give them a little push at the last second there or something. I imagine. I think they do that. I think that happens a little bit in bungee jumping when I was there. Yeah, right.

In case some people kind of like essentially get a little shove. Far out. Anyway, maybe like that, but they don't give them a physical nudge. They just push them over the edge with some rather depressing statistics about the state of the world statistics about the state of the world or you know reveal something about their own path in life. What about something like you know because this is when somebody told me who works in this field and she was like you know. Skydiving?

No no no like the field of the statistic I'm going to tell you. Something like, you know, 95% of men get a form of prostate cancer. Yeah, well. It's just a lot of them. It might just come too late that something else will kill you anyway. Yeah, and a lot of those guys get the good form. Good form.

The one that gives you a bit of, go a few more years on your life. Yeah. It's the one that, like, inches on your dick as well. Oh. Like nothing like a couple of tumors at the end of your life. Tertiary.

Tertiary to give you a couple of inches. Oh. Do you imagine tumors are rigid? I always picture them as being quite like a turgid, solid, hard lumped, but they might not be, right? I guess, I guess I could be soft. Well, I always picture them kind of feeling like,

you know, like cooked liver or kidneys or something like that. Yeah, they're right. You know, or like just fleshy. Okay, more, yeah, I think more like a stress ball. Yeah, right. Like I wouldn't be surprised if you could take, you know, a tumor out of a person and then squeeze it to kind of to de-stress from the stress that comes from the operation.

Of the operation. Of the operation. Yeah. Obviously you still got a, I mean that would help carry you through the second half where you got to kind of like stitch him up and like you know, quarter rise of things like that. Oh, is quarter rising in quarter. I was gonna say quarter rise. Is that what is it?

Are you cat them into four? Quarter rise. Yeah, I mean, that's, I guess that's when the operation has gone not so good. Not so good. Not so good. You know, it's like it's a hospital. Where if this surgery goes well.

Great. But if it goes badly, they have to dispose of the bodies. But anybody knowing and deny that they were ever there. It's like the scene in Reservoir Dogs, where the cleaner, is it Reservoir Dogs? No, it's in Pulp in pulp fiction where the wolf comes around and he helps them to clean up. You know, they get some of the come around.

I don't know, Jesus, this operating theater's a mess. But like the doctor, the doctor goes to the family. I like the idea that the doctor or the nurse going to the family is waiting in the waiting room and going, Mr. Williams, Mrs. Williams the families waiting in the waiting room and going, Mr. William, so Mrs. Williams, what are you doing here? I'm sorry, our son is in the operating zone.

How's it going? We don't know what you're talking about. Were your son not, doesn't ring a bell, sorry. Sorry. Never heard of him. Behind him There's a like a ding that's unrelated What what what's the dig? It doesn't ring a bell I think that's something yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the hospital that actually- That's very shifty.

It's like somebody does. Whatever somebody does, they kind of minute. Jesus Christ. Another one. God, I hate this. Like that, and they've got like a surgical, no, we don't have a surgical, but they've got like a carpet that they roll them up.

Yeah. And they like, they get some- Over the shoulder. And they get a bunch of like a couple of the nurses to dress up like janitors or something like that or removalists, and they hide them in the back of a couch and they get them to move them out of the hospital into the truck and then they dump them into a river. I mean it's funny. I'm laughing now. I like it. Hey, I reckon we've got enough sketches for

today's episode. I reckon it's a short one. Yeah. Yeah. 40 minutes. You don't want to do another sort of 10 hours and 20 minutes? Oh, sure, I want to. But the way that you achieve happiness is by not allowing you to have the things that you want. That doesn't sound right. Does it surely not? Surely the things that you want are the things that bring your happiness.

Gee, it was. There's a lot of philosophy in today's episode. Yeah, it was very nice in that regard. Do you want me to take you through some of those ideas? Take me on a through the forest. Well, there's the people who accomplished the visualization study and realized that now they don't need to be doing any more studies. They just need to visualize them and they'll get better studies out of it as well.

Right. And there are a lot of the problems with studies and the inability to replicate these studies is because I think maybe that's how, people would have done this and then they're saying that this is people trying to replicate it. Well, that's because they were doing this study and they weren't just visualizing it. They tried just visualizing it and they go,

oh my God, we got perfect replicated results when we visualized it I tell we got to publish this and then they go don't you think it would be better to just visualize Because I mean there's the risk that we could fail Save on printing and then we've got a News report saying that business confidence is at an all-time high Yeah, and then it cut see those business people some of these business people way too confident Walking out in front of trains. Yes. I like to think he's well

I like like maybe the car guy Somebody so so that there's a salesman. He says oh well. I'll let you speak to our owner and he'll take care of you And he's coming out and he's holding the coffee and he just spits the coffee right in the face of the person who's one of the by the car. And then that's when he goes up to the car and then he lifts it and crushes the new roof and everything. Great. See, that's, when you first told me that,

I was visualizing that it was the business person who was buying the car. I was confused by that scenario. So, man, that has been cleared up. That's what happened when you were in the car. It's a good thing we do this bit at the end. Yeah. Then we got beliefs that aren't real,

but in other universes they are. So you're happy for people who, in this universe, believe those beliefs because they're sort of happy for the people in other universes. Exactly. Yeah. Which is a really nice thing to do. Yeah. I'm so happy for the people in other universes. Exactly. Yeah. Which is a really nice thing to do. Yeah.

I'm so happy for you. And also, while we were there, when you were talking about the other universe, see, if there's the omniverse, so because I guess if there's a multiverse, then we're talking about that there's also possibly multi-multiverse. That's right. Yeah. I think that's why this person sent us that message because, you know, we were discussing that. Also, by the way, online, somebody referred to themselves

as a listener of the long tit, which is what we're going to call, what we're friends of the show are called on the show now. Well, some of them, the ones who have no self-respect with us. Long tit, listen to the long tit. I love listening to the long tit. And obviously that makes out. Listen, long, long titdies. Long titdies. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I was going to bring up when you're talking about that other universe where there's the happy, happy birthday is a multiverse song that has more and more. I like to think that in that universe, there's, there's at least a version of that universe where every other song only has one verse. Yeah. That's the only.

But like, happy birthday is like the Bohemian Rhapsody of that universe. Everyone's amazed by the lyricism of this song. You know that I only took one guy, Freddie Mercury, to write happy birthday. I'd love to hear what took one guy, Freddie Mercury to write, happy birthday. I'd love to hear what some of the extra verses are in happy birthday as well. I'm writing that down as a sketch idea. It's like nobody knows the second verse to advance Australia fair. I think there might even be a third verse to advance Australia fair, but people don't know the secret 12 other verses of Happy Birthday. It really goes on a journey like it takes you places.

And there are 74 key changes. Wow, Andy, thank you very much for filling that time with that great musical detail. Then we have proving that a business, approving a business meeting has not been going for eternity. So that's some of people in a business meeting and then they, they feel like they've been there for so long that they just start philosophizing and about the nature of the universe and time. And then different, the school, the philosophers, they fracture into different schools of philosophy. Aristotleian and other one. That's the first time I've ever heard the word Aristotleian, and it's so much fun to say. And you would want at least one person in the history of the universe to at least use that word in a rap.

Yeah, I hope I'm pronouncing it right now. Well, I was totally in, if it's not how you pronounce it correctly, it's how you pronounce it better. Right, yeah, better. We've got the meeting of life, and that's kind of about that actually originally the whole reason why we're here is to have a meeting, and we went off track. Suddenly, there's no longer just two people here. There's now seven billion and we've... People always get dragged into meetings, don't they?

Yeah. Right? We need John from accounts in here. John? Yeah, but then also there's that thing where you end up starting a whole race of people and doing sex with each other. It's only happened in meetings. Well, I mean, I think these days we've learned how to not let meetings go that far off the rails. Well, you know, and I think. And that's why they've put sort of a lot of OHNS practices and things in place so that you can have sex in the workplace.

Oh, and that's why we need walls, you know, that's why we had to invent walls so that meetings could be contained. Because the original meeting just sprulled out all over the earth and the people up the back of course can't hear what's going on. So they're going to lose track of it and they're going to start talking about something. I think it was just one out of the two people is one person mumbling to themselves and one person far at the back. Yeah. Then we've got the the meaning of life killer, which is the guy who finds out West is you, the secret of existence, and you lie down and just wait for death to

take you away. Happy. How come this could be the reveal? I mean like I know we already said that this probably isn't the reveal, but can go how come the meaning of life doesn't affect you? And he goes, okay. Okay. No, I'm not English, but I'm a poor, poor, poor, poor. No, I don't speak English, please. And apparently not Spanish, or that we're other. Poor, poor, poor.

Then we've got a pun that makes you fine with dying so that removes the fear of death. It's one we could probably even just use the budgeri jar. The budgeri tree. Budgeri tree jar. Budgeri tree jar. Budgeri tree jar. Budgeri tree jar. Budgeri tree.

Then we have the hospital that worries that they've killed somebody and so they have to like smuggle the person out and pretend like it never happened. Yes. So I think like we almost have more sketch ideas now than we've had almost in any other. This is what happens if we do a like us in the morning rather than the last thing at night. Very exil, absolutely exil. All right, well. 50 minutes. BANNEL THE BEACH, WHERE THE BEACH WAS GOING. I'm been whin'in' tonter flowing.

Get on my board and I go around and take a band. And the riptides you. Downland the beach with my sister Jessica and a friend Miguel. and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the

next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the next and then we're going to go to the It's very it's very lovely a lot of people have been getting in touch with us on Twitter and Facebook and that's the fucking shit Yeah, it's really appreciate that he's and If you review us on iTunes, it's really good for our self-esteem and also for the visibility of the podcast So please if you have a couple of seconds

Hop onto iTunes to in the think tank. Yeah, Chuck is a five star review and write a little comment. If you know of ways to get other people to listen to it, it's always good when it's growing. If there's anything you can do, you know, I want to listen to the podcast. We officially endorse whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. You can support us on Patreon if you like and we give the money to George who edits the podcast. We're still yet to give him the money but we've got to just take, we've got to find out how to get it out of Patreon.

Well, the moment it's all in the budget tree, yeah. It's all in the budget tree drawer. And we, but that's also a few supporters on there. That's great. Yeah, and we'll, I eventually I love about the future. What does it take? Great. Yeah. And I'll eventually I'll do something with that to make it so that there's something more to it.

Something for you guys, for you, or something. You know, other than just getting to support the podcast that you listen to for, you know, for whatever. For free. Yeah, but, you know. But then you won't be listening to it for free if you pay money. So.

So, you know, that's something that you're going to have to deal with, find a way to deal with it. Getting something for free is obviously a great joy. We would like to remove that from you. Yeah, and if you would love to remove that joy from your life, you can. It's a bit too much. Patreon.com's less to in tank.

Let's turn this into a financial transaction, shall we? And you can find me on Twitter at Stupid Old Andy. And I'm at Alistair TV. And we are at To In Tank. We're also on Facebook. We started to do a bit more engagement on Facebook. So if you want to get involved in... Alistair is just started asking people for sketch ideas on Facebook. And there's been some real good stuff. A lot of comedians jumping on. Yeah, comedians are jumping on. People, you know, other people who are non-comedians or we don't know that they're comedians. Possibly everybody who listens is a comedian. That would be lovely.

I would like that. Yeah, this was just a comedy scene podcast. Oh my God, what a beautiful thing if comedians think it's worth listening to the podcast. We didn't talk about what sketch ants would like. Very quickly, Alistair. Any ideas? Let's see. Business confidence.

I feel like they'd be spilling a lot of things. Maybe all that cocaine is going on to the ground. Yeah, I mean, I guess I mean, we would... The ants like cocaine? Well, it doesn't mean they would make the more confident as well, I think, right? Yes. I mean, they're bringing it back to the queen.

I think the queen would sort of start getting quite manic. It would be, I don't know, maybe I think ants would not like cocaine. Because then... Oh, yeah, the queen, the queen is like always on this buzz. Yeah It's sort of the bring some sort of like nest instability I think definitely the people who just lie down on the ground and wait for death would be good for ants Because ants would be able to go like crawling to their mouth and get the water and in their ears and stuff Oh, loves to get the water out of people's ears. I mean that's me talking from the point of view of an ant obviously

also I appeared on the podcast, Internet Hate Machine, which is Internet Celebrity Backpatreitas and Chris Cannetz's podcast, which you can go find on everywhere, you know, online, Internet Hate Machine, Backpatreitas, put that on. And so you can listen to that and they're very good podcast.

They talk about all internet news and happenings. It's very good. There's a lot of that about. There's a lot happening. And I was on the TV show, GAMY GAMY GAME, with Evan Monroe Smith on Stupid Old Channel. Check that out. It's very funny with Jess Perkins from the Do-Go on podcast.

Oh, hello. And Naomi Higgins. So that is a bloody fun time we talk about computer games. So I think we've won this down for as long as we can. Oh boy, have a way. So I'll tell you what though. We love you. Do you say you?

I just did for the first time. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. Hey Dave, you're Andy. Since we founded Bombas, we've always said our socks, underwear, and t-shirts are super soft. Any new ideas?

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