Two In The Think Tank - 105 - "IS THAT DAVE" with JACKSON B. BALY from SANSPANTS RADIO

Episode Date: November 14, 2017

Constitutional Buzz, Pollentrapment, You From The Future, Ant Debt, Inevitable Plane ENORMOUS THANKS to the hilarious Jackson B. Baly from Sanspants Radio for joining us on this ep. Find his many excellent podcasts here (sanspantsradio.com) and his twitter @alldogsaredead You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!) Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family  You can find us on twitter at @twointank Andy Matthews: @stupidoldandy Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb And you can find us on the Facebook right here Large thanks to George Matthews for producing this pod. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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from our great mates. Hello and welcome to Two In The Think Tank to show where we come up with five sketchy ideas. I'm Andy. And I am Alex from George William, Charlie Bertrand Lynn. Let's just, let's just dive straight on in the reason Dave straight on it. Dave? Are there other than there's no diving at the pool at the shallow wait. Yeah, shallow into the pool no being Dave like One guy who's definitely not Dave like that's true is our guest today mr. Jackson oh Dave Davidson Jackson Bailey from Sanstead's radio and what's crack? Hey, yeah

What is cracking? I'm gonna say boundaries between podcast universe. That's true. We just opened a portal Yes, come on throw. Yeah, absolutely. And I appreciate you coming on. Oh, look, any time. And being so nice. I think me and Andy, I don't know whether Andy was feeling it, but there's always because of that silly sound thing that we do at the beginning to try to create our own intro music. Whenever there's somebody there who's like an outsider, like if you're, if there's a bunch of people on LSD and then an outsider comes in, suddenly you just become very conscious

of what you're doing and you're like, I feel a lot more shame than I was moments ago. I was great watching that. I was awestruck. Well, thank you very much to that. That was awesome. You must also be on LSD. Yeah, that's great.

That turns out, that's good. Sometimes the outsider is bringing more LSD. Yeah, that's good. That's sometimes the, sometimes the outsider is bringing more LSD. And sometimes you just don't know how much LSD you're on. Exactly. It's actually very difficult with LSD because it's hard to know the nature of reality. Well, there's that too, but then there's also just the concentration of the LSD. So people don't really know the strength of it. I wouldn't if someone gave me like a tab and was like like this I don't know yeah, I don't know where I'm going off to that well Probably to your room

Somewhere although licking it won't won't be quite enough You want to like lay it under your tongue and just let it kind of dissolve for a bit and then just swallow the paper LSD sometimes is like like they're like a Mickey Mouse or like a Donald Duck Yeah, there could be paper with anything printed on it bit and then just swallow the paper. LSD sometimes has like, they're like a Mickey Mouse or like a Donald Duck, yeah. There could be paper with anything printed on it. Why can't news paper? Yeah, they could soak it in newspaper if they wanted to. That's right.

I guess they could basically make a tissue box filled with an original copy of the American Constitution. Yeah, that might actually, if you perforate that and cut it up into little squares that could be and you could sell that. That's a real basis. Yes, historically significant high that you would go on. Yeah, and I think you'd probably start getting paranoid pretty early on that people were coming after you. Possibly because you just stole and destroyed. Put a bit of the Constitution under your top.

Yeah, I'm doing this. Which is something that I never planned with the Constitution. They never like, let's put that in just a guess. It's one of the safeguards that the founding fathers didn't prepare for. Protect the integrity of this Constitution. By not soaking it in a vat of sort of LSD. I think is there something in the idea of like, would you even need to soak it in a vat of sort of LSD. I think is there something in the idea of, like would you even need to soak it in anything, right?

Or would just the fact that you've put a bit of the concentration under your thrill, the thrill, exactly, of doing that be enough. Like certainly the paranoia you would get, but like would you get any of the other good feelings? If I ate the constitution and didn't find myself back in Constitution times Yeah, I would be fucking disappointed. Yeah, I think look I think it looked there's there's definitely a chance that both the possibly Obviously the natural highs from you know, there's there's the rush

Obviously the rush the rush and you would be You know, there's the rush. Obviously the rush. The rush and the actual highs. You actually probably would be in a rush. It ain't a bit of a rush, I'm just trying to get away. Would you ate the constitution before or like, when you were there, would you try and take it out of the museum or wherever it is?

Well, if you have it in the museum, then you would also have the buzz of the alarms, the pressure sensitive alarms going off. That's true. So we've got a rush, we've got a buzz, and... So there's a ringing in your ears. A ringing? It sounds like a kind of side effect that you'd get with a drug.

And then of course there's the actual biological effects of eating something that is that old and kind of organic and that is probably... Could be some mold and bacteria. It's not like there is a chance. There's a genuine chance. If you're in the constitution, you'd trip balls. And I was watching videos yesterday on trip alarms, trip alarms and balls. But then I was reading yesterday about fungus intelligence, a fungal intelligence and that slimes and things like that. You know, if you put a bit of food at the beginning

and at the end of a maze and you do the head and the maze has slime in it, it finds the shortest path between the slime mold. Yeah, it's a slime mold. Oh, no, that guy. Look, that guy. He's like, what is he? He's a fungus. He's ants.

He's everything. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that an actual guy? Yeah, the slime mold is this like, it's not even an animal. We just can't properly categorize it. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it acts like a plant, and then it separates from like the plant thing.

It becomes lots of little things that fuck around and do some stuff and then it comes together to become like a big old slug and then it goes off and does, it's slime mold and that's, I was reading somewhere that it does the same thing goes, tries, it's like smarter than a mouse or something. Smarter than a mouse, you heard the guy. I don't have all these facts but goddamn it.

I will absolutely agree with that. Yeah, and so imagine if whilst you're consuming the Constitution, probably a small amount of slime mold in there would be surprised, ye oldy slime mold, one of the founding slime molds. That's mold with an A on the end. Moldy. Look, I think just getting a rush from eating paper that isn't necessarily LSD, but you know, like this is, I guess it's...

He's starkly significant, Piper. Yeah, it's kind of like, it's like a sort of a LSD, Somalia kind of, you know, know-how-person, but who's on a serve? I know how-person. I know how-person, who's kind of looking beyond, you know, what's LSD like, but not necessarily LSD for the person who necessarily wants to take a non-elicit substance because I guess the eating of the constitution is still elicit. Yeah.

I think also there are rumors about things that you can get high off. So there's rumors about if you get the stringy bits out of banana and you drive them and you smoke enough of them, you can get high off that. I don't see why there can't be a rumor that if you put the constitution under your tongue you get high off it. It's just like one of those things

that's really difficult to disprove. Yeah, exactly. Nobody's going out there. And if somebody does disprove it, well, everybody's gonna find out there and if somebody does disprove it like well Everybody's gonna find out That's in jail. Yeah, and it's probably just the authorities that are now mind controlling him to try to stop him and Disencourage other people to from doing it's funny Like after he's eaten it even if it was true

It's like a mood point because you just can't do it again like if he's eating the whole thing It's like well it worked worked, but too late now. And then, if you've eaten the whole thing, there's enough quantity of probably old ink and stuff like that where that probably would be psychoactive. There's probably, I don't know, there's lead in there. You get sick, what are we gonna do? Yeah, I'm getting sick as a form of getting high.

Yeah, it's just getting high like in a negative way. I have a bunch of friends that were slowly eating a copy of Dan Brown's Da Vinci code. And their share house, they just had one and they would chop up parts and stir it into their stir fries and things like that. And I tried some and it was very sour. It was kind of, it was some and it was very sour. It was kind of, it was just, wasn't good. So they were making their lives worse.

Right? Which I guess you do by eating the book as well. Did they? Did they read them? Did they let them, did they somehow like tweet at them? We're eating your book, you fuckless. Yeah, I don't think, I think this was even pre-Twitter. So this is quite a while ago. yeah but um they I think it's maybe

about time that people do let Dan Brown know where reading your book you fuck eight let's hashtag reading your fun and awful your height yeah by their book yeah it's a shame you give it a money but then eat their book it's still look it's it's it's kind of it's kind of hard to trolling. You're still buying their book, so you're supporting them and you're allowing them to kind of still thrive and create their art. So that's a generous act. But then you're eating their book, which I guess is, look, it could either be seen as a

violent act or an aggressive one or just as a kind of a neutral thing, as more of a culinary act. Exactly. Yeah. D. I've written a bunch of things down on my hand because I wanted to talk about some things that we've covered and then go go back. Sure. All right. Is that all right? Yeah. I'm going to take you back. Right. Firstly, and this is the pun thing, so I apologise. It's correct. It's not even a sketch or anything. I just want to make the observation that you said tripping balls.

Yeah. Right. And in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, when he, that ball comes rolling down the thing, because he's tripped the ball. He's tripped the ball. And he was tripping ball. Tripping ball. Right. Okay. Singular. So there you go. And I think, okay, look, this may be nothing, right? But do we say something about the slime mold? Right.

And it made me think about plants that have those mechanisms to attract like a moth or a butterfly or something where their flowers look like a moth or a butterfly so they can pollinate it. And I thought that would be great for, if there was one of that, there was like a human. Right, so there's like a flower that just looks like a person waving at you or something or like

someone that you kind of know. And so you go along to like shake their head and then they're like dab some pollen on them. Like it's great. So like, is that Dave flower? Or you're like, yeah. Is that Dave? Is that Dave?

Dave over there. Dave, what are you waving at? What are you waving at? I shake your head. Ah! Then you get pollen on you and you're like, Oh, you run. You run around and then you see another day. You're like, Oh, that's the day. Oh, there you go.

Dave, you wouldn't believe it. I bumped into a guy who looked like, Oh, it was one of those hits days. Then he's into it. He's pollinated the day. Is that Dave? Is that Davey eye over there? E-I.

It's rough to be Dave in that situation. Yeah, man. People don't talk to me. But Dave just has one of those faces, right? Well, you keep thinking you see him. Really convincing that the pollinator, is it like a Venus flytrap or just like eats you at that point? Oh, wow.

Well, obviously there's the risk. There's both a risk here, but I think there'll be a whole, I mean, this could be a whole genus of flowers. It's a form of kind of modern evolution, possibly due to climate change, things have kind of sped up a little bit. Yeah. And then the flowers have adapted to,

we're the only species left on the million. Because the intersects have all died out, right? So they've got to use mammals to pollinate plants and they evolve to attract humans. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so there'll be like one that's like a, use mammals to pollinate plants and they evolved to attract humans. So there'll be like one that's like a food truck or something. No, it could just be those flyers. People hand you a flyer.

And then you go and you put it in a bin. If there was a plant that looked like a person holding a flyer, that was the male plant. And then the female plant looks like a bin. Because you just grow up, you were a boss, you just grabbed that flyer and then you go put it in a beard, like you faggot off. Yeah, and then you're perpetuating a species. Yeah. Of course, I think one that would survive even better is one that with a male looks like a place, like a stand that's giving out free samples. Yeah, like that. And then the

female looks like your own mouth. And it kind of just, and it just, it just, it kind of grows in front of your regular mouth. Like those ATM skimmers. Yeah. Like that. And then you kind of bring it in like that. And you go, ah, I can't get it in. And then, you know, while you're trying to push it into your own mouth, it just pollinates the thing. And it kind of like, it falls off or floats away. So the mouth falls off. You see it on the ground. And you're trying to push it into your own mouth It just pollinates the thing and it kind of like it falls off or float floats away So the mouth falls off you see it on the ground. They're like yeah, it crawls off It could be a butterfly. Maybe it's a butterfly. Yeah, just so that it can then fly away The terror thing it fall on the ground of being like is that my mouth?

Did my mouth just fall off? That yeah, and it just kind of like maybe it releases its spores into the dirt and then it's too late. It's just sewer or something. Yeah, sewer dirt, you know, maybe this maybe in the future we'll just won't even have sewers, which is have dirt that we said of. Oh, and the future will just shitton the screen. Right. What kind of terrifying hellscape is that it sounds like it's like post-apocalyptic,

but the plants are still like, yeah, I'm a food truck. I mean, look, there's a lot of countries right now that are experiencing this future that I am. And that I'm already. Well, people say that time is cyclical, right? So eventually we will start just defecating in the street again. Absolutely.

All right, it's just, the place is coming back, it's bound to. And if you're shooting at the street and somebody comes along and says, oh, what are you doing? A good defense is time is cyclical. Right. So just bear that in mind.

Before you judge, before you come at me, judge in a way. No, I'm making a philosophical statement about the nature of the universe. This one day will be you. That's what you say to them. That's what I'm saying. I'm you of the universe. This one day will be you. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I'm you from the future.

Yeah. Wait, is this you in India? No, it was just in the street. Just doing a shit to somebody's asking you the stuff. But you say I'm you from the future. Like that old ad, like that old ad where it's like I'm you 20 years from now. Like, it was like, I was like a life insurance ad or something. I think if I saw someone shitting, I was like, please, sir, don't shit.

I was like, I'm you from the future. Oh, well, carry on. I mean, from the future, I made bad choices. This is a lesson to you. I mean, the craziest thing would be if it actually was you from the future. Yeah, if one day you're like, God, I need to take a shit. I'm just ducking to this alley and Yeah, if one day you're like god I need to take a shit. I'm just ducking this alley and then you ducking you're like oh my god

What do I become yeah, I mean Is there a moment? Is there a sketch in that idea? I mean obviously the probably is yeah I think I think definitely like like even it depends on on whether or not it's a person who shits in the street a lot. And it's just come up with a lot of really quick ways to defend themselves. All right? Sure. Because a lot of people try and move you on or get you a rescue, a rescue or whatever. This is philosophical.

I'm you from the future. Yeah. I mean, you could the future. Yeah. I mean, yes, you could ask them, you could ask them for money. You could just, what are you doing? If you got $5. I thought you were maybe like, it was busking. Like, there's a hat, me like, what are you doing?

They just pointed at the hat. Oh, chuck a dollar in, chuck. You mean, shit in the hat? I mean, that's the risk, right? A lot. I mean, of course, the reality is that I think when you're shooting in the street, a lot of people probably just try to avoid you. People don't really try and say anything to your movie or anything.

Because you don't want to move in the middle of it, you don't want to be like, get up and go and just go and just go to finish. Is there something in like, just that I'm you from the future defense? Yeah. You rob a bank or something, the cops come in and you're like that I'm you from the future defense? Yeah. You rob a bank or something, the cops coming, you're like, I'm you from the future, the cops are like, well, okay. Well, I make some choices.

I mean, clearly. But especially if you're talking to multiple cops, because then you have to kind of be like, exactly, and actually, eventually, we all become one person. We become one, and that person, Rob's Banks. Rob's Banks, goes back in time and Rob's Banks. And I'm doing this to save us because we are, we are in drop.

Yeah, we need, we need money. We do. We're in dire straits. Guys, we're like, we've, what are we gonna do with this money? We're all one person. And what we need like 500 bucks or something. We've got to pay off the ants or whatever.

Look, we've made some bad choices. You have no idea what's coming. When people say that, you know, you, you, you, you, people say, we're, you know, we worry about in the future will all be slaves to the ants. Yeah. No one considers that it might be economic slay, where we're kept in just a state of debt, and so we have to work for them to pay off loans. And ants would love this sketch, by the way. Yeah, ants would absolutely love this sketch. But I think maybe the idea was that at some point, we had to make this decision whether or not we all continue being mortal, or whether we all join together, fuse together, and we have essentially a mortality

or like, or 7 billion people's worth of life spent all alone. We're really in debt to the ants. Well, because you tend to imagine that the economy globally speaking must at least cancel out or maybe be in surplus. We have extra money. So maybe that's the basis. We were like everyone's like everyone's in financial trouble. If we all just become one, we'll all roll our you know,

our assets into the one entity and they at least won't be in debt anymore. Then we discover when we do that actually we are all still in debt. And we're like who could be possibly in debts to and that's when the ants come out. So it's us. It was fire ants, and they created, instead of creating that island, the island for surviving floods,

you've seen that? Yeah, yeah, I have the ants being together. And yeah, yeah. Well, they've come together to form a banker like that. And so we're, you know, he's now, well, they're now the 0.01% or whatever. And then we're just in debt and so then we have to go back in time and rob banks. That's great because that's nothing I'm you from it's just true

for everyone you go off you're like put the money in the back I'm you from the future this is fine and why are you in the floor I'm you guys from the future why you would give money to you from the future especially if he was pointing a gun at you I think I think you from the I would give money to you from the future, especially if you was pointing a gun at you. I think I think you from the I would give money to me from the future. Yeah, or even somebody who tries to say that either you from the future go, yeah, right, good try. I mean, there's a chance. If they looked like me, I might be like, I'm giving myself 20 bucks basically, you know, in the future. I'll be able to spend that.

Yeah, but I also love that this person's solution for getting out of trouble in the future was to design and create a time machine to get away from the ants. Rather than like going maybe further into the future to see if maybe there was something that works out or maybe even going further into the past where you just live out his life happily. But I think there's a thing, and if we've become one, if we're all one, then there's no basis for an economy, right? So you can't earn any money because there's no one to sell anything to. So I think probably your only option is robbing me. Absolutely. In the past.

In the past. Yeah. Well, I've chose dear half. At that point. Yeah. I was really in a corner. You know,. Yeah. What do I choose to do at that point? Yeah. I was really in a corner. A lot of people find themselves in a desperate situation where they don't seem to have a whole lot of options, but nothing is quite as desperate as this guy. But just the idea that you could back somebody into a corner that is the corner is designing and building a time machine and going back and

going. Well, when people are desperate, you know, necessities, the rather of an engine, people get very creative. The best part, you know, that's humanity's choice. Right. And we're all rolled into one. We've probably been quite smart. We're like, this is the best solution.

Time travel bank robbing. That's not what we're going to do. Let's give take a little while to write this one down. I'd love to give money to me from... Giving money to you from the future they would be filled disappointing because you know the way inflation works. It'll be worth less than the future.

But giving money to you in the past would be really satisfying, especially if you could tell them to go and invest in Google. I once burned myself in the past. So I was looking through like an old book and I found, no, burn me in the future, sorry. Past me got me good. So I was going through an an old book, and I found, no, burn me in the future, sorry. Pass me, got me good. So I was going through an old book,

and a note fell out, and I was like, what, what's this note? It was like a book from when I was a kid, or like a teenage. And I opened it up, and I said, hey, future Jackson, fuck you. That was just like, I can't ever get myself back. Like, that insult is one way.

I can never throw that back at pass me. I'm just, he got me, he got me good. That is the arrow of time. Yeah, the nature of entropy means that you can never get back on your past self. I can never share bobs with me from the past. Yeah, it can be a bobs. Share bobs.

Like you know, like, like, B-A-R-B. Oh, bobs. Not bobs, like, bobs.A.R.B. Bob's not Bob's like Bob's Bob's I mean you could always share Bob's with yourself. Yeah I got a couple of Roberts to come back to your house. These guys are mine and to now and tomorrow Present me in future me to enjoy these Bob's Well, present me in future me, I can do enjoy these balls. Oh, that's fucked.

Did we write down the Dave plant, the Dave Shake your hand? Yeah, I wrote down the modern evolution. Is that Dave? Is that Dave flower? Yeah, I think that's really fun. And then it's got the both the flyers and the bin flower and the free samples and your mouth plan right. Yeah, obviously they'll have Latin names I like to think that that you know if evolution was to speed up at some point, you know, maybe it just

Selv reproduction and stuff gets faster. It'll really open up jobs for biologists in the future Because I mean like you know, I think they're they're feeling like they're like, you know, more and more stuff. Yeah, evolution is so slow. Yeah, so fuck. Like, I mean, I know there's like, so that's why now they have to go all the way to the very bottom of the ocean. And shit like that. Where's the good shit?

That's what they're wondering. They're like, oh, fuck, now we gotta like, yeah, we gotta find like, go deep inside a rock to find like, more like washing bacteria on a grate to find like go deep inside a rock to find like more like washing bacteria on a grate to observe surely every time they're like another bug must be something they say pretty like oh great another that's the new animal is another bug yeah, it's sweet and ant yeah yeah if you're a mammalian like a biologist you're just kind of like oh god there's nothing it's just nothing left and if if there is, it's no good.

I think the last mammalian animal we found was a little deer. A little deer. It was small. So it's just, it's not even a good deer. It's not even, it's almost not even really worth kind of, kind of like, when deer are going to deer gets good for you. Like, what's your like threshold when you're like,

you're all right. We talking like 120 kilos. See, that's a fine deal. A good deal. Yeah, a beak. Oh, you're looking like a mousse or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, huge. The bigger the better.

And if they've got cool antlers, yeah, that's right. That's true, yeah. It kind of looks like lightning going up, but made out of wood, you know. That's when it's a good deal, little deal. Unless it's really little. Oh, how the direction, okay.

And if it's really little and like 150 kilos, dense, like a dense, little dense deal. Yeah. Like that's a lot of value in your deal. Yeah, absolutely. It's great to imagine the biologist being like, ah, just another little deal. Oh my God, it's happening.

Yeah. One that kind of has like a muscle bone. There's no muscle, there's no bone. It's this crazy, flexy, flexy bone. Anything. It's all bone. It's all bone. Maybe the antlers grow in.

And so it's just full of antlers. Yeah. At a certain point, this deer is just stiff and it's And so it's just full of antlers. Yeah, at a certain point this deer is just stiff and it's dense because it's all bad. But it's like a muscle bone, so it can still move. Still move. I don't know what would move like, maybe like a... Cardage?

No, not cardage. I just have this image of all of these getting really heavy and rolling down a hill to take out pry. I mean, it's... It's so important. And just getting like... Oh, so they're predators. They're predatory, they're tiny, dense predator deer.

Well, it would be, maybe it would work that like you could, you're, it's a little deer that is, it's super dense, right? It gets eaten by like a predator. But it can't be, it's so dense, it can't be digested, right? And then it just like eats its way out. Like a snake, a snake would be the thing that can't be digested, right? And then it just like eats its way out.

Like a snake, a snake would be the thing that has to eat it because so that it doesn't need to be chewed up. Sure, yeah, yeah. Well, it's a whole bunch. You see a snake trying to move, but it just stuck. You cut it open, it'll be like stuck on the ground. Yeah, like it's super, so hot heavy that snakes just, it's trapped, doesn't know what to do.

I feel bad for snakes that take on too much like that. So how you see some that split open because they try to swallow a whole... Brady. Brady snakes. Yeah. Well, a deer. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe a deer, just a normal deer. Even a small deer would probably be too much. That seems like a snake. I mean, I guess a snake going over. Like, antlers, man. Like, you can't eat that. You're a snake. You know?

Because that looks like, it kind of looks like slightly hairy wood, doesn't it looks like, it kind of looks like slightly hairy wood. Doesn't it? It kind of looks like it has a peach fuzz on it. I'm not sure what Antlers made out of it. I think that's velvet. Is that? I think that's like the origin of the velvet concept

and possibly even like original velvet fabric was somehow got off. Don't, uh, Antlers. Don't Atlas malt? Did I make that up? They might malt. Yeah, I think somehow got off. Don't, uh, antlers. Don't antlers malt? Did I make that up? They might malt. Yeah, I think they peel off and you get like, like velvet.

Yeah, that's the, you peel it off the antlers and smell them. Wow. I think you can see pictures online of like these with like bloody strips hanging off there. Oh. Yeah, because that's like what the antlers, they have like a skin on them or something. Oh, I don't, I don't know where this might be a lie.

No, no, no, no, no. I would like, I would like it if part of the, if they had like a neural network in there and somehow this was like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like, yeah, just going all up in your toes, your toes are like making like working out mass equations. It would be funny if they're like the most of your decisions. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify

for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, national average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. Right in your fate. Yeah. That's where the expression of foot feeling comes from. A foot feeling. Yeah, I know that expression. You just got a foot feeling about this one.

Yeah. Look, I don't know if there's a, if this deer is a sketch idea though. Look, I don't know how to, yeah, make a little dense deer into a sketch really. Yeah, I'm afraid I don't either. No, look. I mean, maybe they could, they could discover it. I, you know, I quite like the idea of, you know, there's a tiny deer. I quite like the idea of seeing some zoologists just sort of weighing it up in their hand and being like feel that Really heavy

You picture like in your hand Yeah, yeah, like a small enough you could put on like one of those scales and it like it was down cuz it's so Okay, I was picturing it more like a wombat size Right that's a tiny You're getting a round seat. Oh, man. Oh, right. That's a tiny deer. Yeah. But look, even that, I don't know, it just still doesn't feel quite like a sketch idea. Yeah, look.

I mean, but it would be the beginning of a potential kind of like Pokemon-type real life world type thing. I mean, I guess you still have a, I guess it would have to not be able to suffer. It's right. Can Pokemon suffer? Well, I mean, they look like they suffer. I don't know what the ethics of Pokemon are, because you can heal them by taking them to a thing and they just kind of become fully healed again,

but they do get angry with you sometimes, I think. Yeah, if you don't fucking look after them or something, they're furious. Yeah. So, I don't know. I don't know how roomy those balls are when they go in there. I think they become like a gass or something.

They're like, oh, yeah, maybe plasma, because they do kind of like shine in that moment. Yeah, yeah. So maybe they're like a plasma, they're just a series of ions. They're kind of like in between two teleportations, maybe. Yeah, yeah. So you don't want to take two Pokemon back at the same time, get the fly situation.

Or maybe you do. Surely that, surely they've done that at some point in the Pokemon series. They must have merged, Pokemon must have become somehow. Surely. You know, look, I've only seen the original series. There's a lot more kind of weird electric stuff in this later series. Like all the Pokemon look very futuristic.

Right. And spiky. Yeah, spiky. Spikier, a little bit. A little bit more like, you know, they look like more airplane design, and there's a lot more of those ones that kind of have that. I do start to look more and more like airplane,

since they go. I think that's kind of any TV show at some point, the characters do start to look like airplanes. To look like airplanes, essentially. It's gradually, it's like the latest seasons of cheers. And the phrase is head started to sort of widen out like that and get all narrow at the side. And you're like, I think the show's run its course.

Yeah, and then they just eventually, they just turned the show instead of running the show any further, they just turned it into LAX. And that's where the LAX came from. Every airport was once a sitcom. That's just, you know, it's a- They're like, let's get the cast, let's just, you know, just move. They're like, let's get the cost of Frazier to, you know,

somewhere where it's going to be practical for us. And then one day you got an airport. They have to keep making the sets bigger and bigger and bigger so the cast can land. And then eventually you just rename it, you know, JFK, you're done. Yeah, actually a lot of sound studios don't aren sound studios don't look that different from an airplane. That's true.

Yeah, and coincidence. Coincidence, I think not. That's why you want to nip your set common, the Bud 4 seasons, 5 seasons. Like the British afford ourselves. The British always have kept their season so short, because it's a small island. They don't have room for all those airfields. Exactly. That's why John Cleases had such a long long career because he's managed to just make very

short TV series. Yeah, he doesn't even look a bit like an airplane, but that's the interesting story. But you can see Ted Danson, who's appeared in quite a few long series. He's a lot wider, he's slimmer, kind of more aerodynamic. Yeah, absolutely. He's become hollow up. You can get in him now. Well, absolutely.

Yeah, he has those bird bones. Yes, definitely. And actually, I had a thing I have a friend who rode, who sort of rode in Ted Danson off of. Right. Cliff, instead of a squirrel suit, he just kind of got into Ted Danson. And you can, you can, you can base jump Ted Danson. Yeah.

He's lighter than, he's a lighter than here. Well, yeah, presently. Yeah, but with sort of makeup technology, you can, you can still make him look at Man like enough to sort of get him to star in a few series, especially kind of nice. Certainly if it's just a cameo or something. Yeah, exactly. The lights not on him. Yeah.

You notice also his most recent show, The Good Place, is set up in the sky and have them. So, that's how they did the work around that they do. And it's sort of a gradual transition, because they know they're like, you have to have the conversation in ageing sitcom style, like eventually you'll be an airplane. So, like, you get to come out and explain to your fans. Okay, so this might be your last big hurrah if this goes long enough to show, and then you just be working in an airport. Yeah, John Travolta will be flying you for, if you go to Australia.

Yeah, people say like, John Travolta has got his pilot's license. That's not actually his plan. He's an airplane. He's an airplane. And if anyone looks like an airplane, it's John Travolta. Don't.

Supply that if anyone looks like an airplane as John Cove also Nobody's nobody's buying that jet black dyed hair Just a wig on an a380 Kind of cover up his windscreen I don't see any way of making this Oh, Christ I was about to make a case that this isn't a sketch, but... You've got to think about where this came from and the amount of work that would have to be done

to set this up. I know, I understand. I think that... I think you can drop people in on that. Yeah, I'm willing to do the leg work. So we don't do any of the Pokemon, like, background stuff. You just can't make it, you just throw people in. It's Ted Danson, he's doing an interview for like one of those behind the music and he's like,

look, you reach a certain age, you know, every sitcom start doesn't. You realize you're slowly transitioning into a plane and then they like have shots of other, you know, this is the guy who played, uh, fuck, what was the guy in cheers, always sat at the bar real sad? No, this is norm now. Yeah, just applying. Maybe cliff, maybe cliff. Obviously, that's why he went just, went into voice acting and he mostly only

see him just doing. Exactly. And the, the, the, the, the sort of a Toy Story films, he played the pig on that. Yeah, oh, really? He's playing now. So like, yeah. And these days, yeah, his voice is not

that distinguishable from the sound of a jet engine. What do you think? Using auto-tune technology, you can sort of make it modulated the kind of sound like a voice. But then also with that motion capture thing, they could just put, you know, like they do motion capture to make, who is it like Robert Downey Jr. be able to play a young Robert Downey Jr. in the Iron Man

movies. So they'll do that, but like they can make a plain version of Debra Messing play. You know, they put the dots on and then they can just sort of digitally compose it. Based on her amazing things. Yeah, absolutely. A young, at least humanoid, depressing. Enough that it convinces your average movie goal, but if you got the eye, you can... Oh, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. DEMRUM MESSASMIT, more like.

I don't get that. Is that a plane? Is it a name of a plane? Oh, yeah, great. MESSASMIT. I mean, it just sounded like you could have been her last name. It was probably was named after a person. Yeah, no, actually, I think it's German for Mr. Smith.

It's a plane called Mr. Smith. Yeah, the Messerschmitt was, I think, the Germans like answered the spitfire during World War II. Yeah, right. Yeah, I think World War II. I love this. We didn't have jet planes in World War two did we? It was all propellers like like anyone they wouldn't be

Some when that when we were testing out like the stealth wing bomber A stealth bomber maybe I mean back in those days a stealth bomber was one that was just painted blue Just flew over being like, shh, shh, don't look this way, no, no, no, nothing to see. Put a big sheet of it. No one can tell. When you said that, I mean like this may be nothing, but when you said that, you know, that the Mr. Smith plane was a sort of an answer to the spitfire. It's nice that during the war there was kind of like a dialogue going on, you know, but it would in terms of sort of engineering and aerodynamics and things like that. Well, it's like, you know, it's the arms race was really like a technological version of that sort of quickfire repartee that they had in the movies back then, you know? Yeah, well what to was just witty dialogue basically, yeah, but we're killing people instead of that comebacks. Yeah killing people in sort of bigger and sort of more efficient ways.

I guess that's you know, that's essentially why you know, an insult is called like a take down Put down and that actually. And that's probably why it's called Quickfire because it's weapons. It's actually killing people on the ground. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know whether that's a sketch idea. Although we do have five technically. I don't know if you want us to try to...

Look, I'm really happy. Yeah. It's been really great fun. Yeah. And I would hate to like keep going and then regret it. Yeah. You know, that is how we all kill ourselves. That is the kind of thing that I look, this is it.

Today I had a fun. I went to Bunnings today, right? For some reason. And got a length of pipe. And, and well, I did go, I went to the section into the section, I just found myself in the rope section. And, and well, I went, I did go, I went to the section into the section, I just found myself in the rope section. And I just started laughing.

And I just, because I was just looking at the rope and just, just thinking about killing myself. They have a special code in Bunnings. So when they have someone laughing in the right section. Because like, and all I could think of is like, uh is another day, another opportunity to observe the bunnings, sort of extensive rope collection. That's a code gray. Get him out of there, suggest him some pipes or something.

Somebody comes in and says, can I help you, sir? No, can I help you, sir? All right, well, here is where we're at. We have a, obviously eating the Constitution of America to get high. This is an alternative to taking LSD, is that there are many of the same effects that you get from both the rush and the...

The buzz, the thrill. Yeah, the ring in your ears, the thrill, the trip. And then obviously all the very old and poisonous and fungal substances within it that will actually have a psychoactive effect on your brain. And obviously just the history, I think there's that. Yeah, just the amendments. Do you think you'd get anything from the emergence as well? From any historical document, you're probably the older the bad off, but you know.

But I think like you might go to a dealer, right, to get you a bit of the constitution. And then like he try, he slips you just like, you know, some really recent amendment to the constitution, telling you that it's an as a constitution, like getting nothing. Some A4 kind of reflex printed paper. Well, you just printed a handex. Yeah, you just print, was this just the e document that you printed off yourself? That doesn't really do it for me.

Or I guess if you could just, you know, I guess it doesn't have to just be paper. If you could just eat like some of the flag that was on the moon, you know, like the other flag that went to the moon or the moon. Yeah, yeah. Or if you could eat a bit of like Neil Armstrong's boot. All his foot though. Oh, absolutely. I was thinking eating historical people's guns. Well, that's right. Yeah, that would be actually quite amazing digging up sort of Marilyn Monroe and he'd eat her knees or something. Yeah, I mean, that's disgusting. But I think,

I think it would have been great if Neil Armstrong had just left his foot to sign. So I'm just like, when he died, just cut off that foot there. Yeah. Have it on like a little plent or something. Yeah, or even just like his foot span. Like, but just both the legs. Both the legs. Put in the sort of, in the distance,

one of the first step. You know, the first step. They put one up on a little ladder there, and then the other one's sort of on the ground. Yeah, and some dirt maybe. I guess they brought a lot of moon dust back. Yeah. Which was a bit of a waste.

Yeah, I mean of like, Moon dust, they just didn't need that much. It's all the same. That's true, yeah. Probably we got too much. Time's on back. Well, they did, one of the moon guys, one of the guys, I think the guy who stayed in the capsule,

he became an artist and he just sprinkled some moon dust on the sun for heaps. A lot of people stole Michael Coleswell, I think, after they were like, because it's all in the laboratory and you're like, well, I just sneak some moon dust to bring that shit home. I don't know, do what with it, but... There's no moon dust all over this. Great country. Really? I guess looked as, you know, that is another thing that you could probably just take to see if it gets a little bit lower.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I feel like it may be Kylia, but that's a gamble I'm willing to take. It's called Moon Dust. It's got to do something. Yeah, exactly. I guess the things that are, like that drugs are named after, you know, angel dust and what's all these things? Come on.

A dragon, something chasing the dragon? The demons herb. The demons weed. I don't know if you actually had the demons weed. You'd hope that that would actually get you. Yeah. Anyway, okay, modern evolution is that day flower, obviously. These are flowers that look like that of all of them.

Someone you know. Look like someone you know, or just a random person is trying to get your attention. Yeah, but I don't think it can be a random person though, because you saw it before. You avoid that. It's like, it'd be like, oh, this someone trying to get me to sign up for something.

It's got to look like that. So it's got to evolve to specifically want you. It's got to look like Dave. So it's got to evolve to specifically want you. It's got to be like, you're not like, who is that? Like is that Dave? Yeah, or have like a real generic face that like everyone thinks they know, maybe. Or like it, yeah, it could be like a food truck or something like that.

Something that people actually go along. Yeah. Imagine being able to crossbreed them and sort of make, you know, being able to sort of make them look like your mom or deceased mom or something like that. She's just sort of outside in your backyard. It's like looking through your window. I think it'd be just concerning

looking out the window and seeing my mom be like, hey, come here. Thank you. I would give you my mom a hug. I just know you're not my mom. Yeah, come on. Come on. It's so, yeah, it's real creepy.

But then there'd be people who like, who decide to live with that. You know, like maybe they breed one that looks like they're, you know, they're dead partner or something like that. And we're like, oh, it's really pathetic. He's like living with a plant. That's where I was at. And it's just pollinating him all the time.

I was covered in pollinant. Excuse me. But he's not like, you know, admitting it. He's got to move on instead of trying to make a life with that flat. Another idea that did come to me when we were talking about this before was that there's this idea of biomimicry and engineering

and different things like that where you sort of mimic what plants do. And maybe this is the same idea that people use biomimicry in dating. And so maybe some women find ways of dressing themselves up as Ferraris to kind of contract to attract sort of you know sort of relatively rich, you know Sort of shallow men who love Ferraris on the summing be any way to like the Ferraris shall

Yeah, yeah, I think that's a broad statement that is still unfair to make, but I don't give a shit Yeah, and you know things like that anyway, that's just another right. We got man shitting in the street and his defense is obviously, if you were a person who commonly shat in the street, you would have built up a lot of defenses, but including, I'm you in the future, and as possibly his strongest defense. And then there's the possibility that he actually is you in the future. It's a great, like, really strong high negotiating position to come in. Right? A lot of people might be tempted to go like, oh, no, leave me alone or I'm not hurting anyone or something

like that. Or just like, oh, my day's gone badly. But like, you come in real high, like, I am you. And then they can maybe talk you down to something else, but as long as you start high like that, it's almost like, could it be like a, like I have some, some inspirational videos, almost like the Alec Baldwin, like, have always be closing the speech from a Glen Gary Glen Ross,

but it's given by a guy who shits in the street and he's like telling you the way to get away with it. And it's like, you always go high. You never make any concessions, okay? There is no higher starting place than being you from the future. It's, yeah. Cause I just leave.

Like if a guy was like, I'm you from the future, I'd be like, well, yeah, okay. Oh, I'm going to contemplate this now. Gee, where's all right? Really? This is where I this now. Gee, whiz, all right. Really? This is where I end up. Yeah, I gotta go work. Fuck.

And then there is the actual possibility, then there's the reality where he is possibly you've from the future, and then you have to deal with that and why you've also, I mean, obviously we deal with this in the next sketch, but why you've gone back in time, obviously we deal with this in the next sketch, but why you've gone back in time and sort of shitting in the streets in the past. But maybe it was the only way

that you could get your own attention. Yeah. That's true. We've got, after all humans become one, obviously they've all joined and merged. In an attempt to eradicate death. And I think we're going to be dead. To eradicate death, yeah. And know, and it was you know because we don't want death in life to be pointless Dead. Sorry. It was a right. Okay. Yeah. I was like that we're not eradicating death

That's scary We don't have a carbada that will die No, no, I think I think we need to eradicate debt and death. Yeah, we're consolidating both our lives and our debt That's so funny because people always say there are only two things that are like, what is this like the only thing? Death and taxes, which we eradicate both. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be interesting like if we all lived in the same body, it would be almost like the way in which we all live on the same planet. And there'd be like a whole lot of people who just treat the body really badly.

That's true. What have you seen the name? Like, yeah, man. Oh, yeah. And that there's a group of people who are responsible for the name. Like, and that the brain is being run like a twitch thing. So like everybody's having like everybody's making a decision. And we kind of get the amalgamation of all the decisions,

kind of making the small choices, right? But it was the only way to get rid of the pointlessness of existence due to the death and the no-save game, right? Yeah. And possibly death, a death. OK, so then once we did that, we were like, oh wait, who? We're still in debt, who are we in debt to? And then we realized that the fire ants all joined together

to make a banker. Well, they have banked shine that we'd all become in debt too? I guess, you know, the same way we would. Separate. I guess it's good, but I guess we found out that the person at the top of the 001% or whatever was actually the ants. Yeah. And then they were running the show the whole time that the Illuminati were real.

People, when people say they were lizard people, they were wrong. They were actually ants. And, and, and, and. They may have people, just a, actually just a actually people the things that are very vulnerable to lizards which is which is great misdirection from the ants by the way yeah making us think it was lizards because then we hide lizards yeah like less of them in the ants like yes and and they've made us believe somehow that we need the ground aerated.

I don't know why we think that the ground needs to be aerated. I don't know why that's something people go on about. We gotta know if we need ants, man, the ground's gotta have air in it. Oh yeah, why is it ground? Oh yeah. If it wasn't aerated. If you wanna air it, how about just air?

There's a place where there's air, the sky. Anyway, ants would love that sketch. Anyway, so then we have to go back into time to rob banks. Yep. That's the only way we can do it. And that's the only way we could pay off the ants. And I'm not sure what the future will be, but I think there's a whole TV series in it.

Oh yeah. Rob and Bags trying to get it. Robbing different banks at different time periods, hearing the screams of 8 billion people all trapped in. That's very cyclical as well, because the ants made a bank. So we go back in time, we robbed from the ant bank. We're stealing from early ants.

That's where the debt comes from. Yeah. And so that's cool, because then it has like a kind of matrixy vibe where the ants are kind of everywhere. And they're like the Mr. Smiths and stuff and they're kind of control the, you know, the banks, so they also control the,

the economies where they are, but they kind of have to be able to communicate with themselves in the past and make themselves aware of us and then track us down. And they're a great nemesis for us as well, when we're all wrapped into one person, because really the answer like one mind with like a billion bodies,

and we're like a billion bodies with one No, we're one body with a billion minds. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. See who wins. I really like this. Mr. Ant I think there's a good podcast series in this maybe a nice cereal And then we've got as a TV she obviously this is a I mean, this is a classic sort of TV sketch. As a TV show continues, the actors slowly all become planes. Classic TV sketch. I think they did that on Full Frontal in the 90s. So I mean, it's a bit of a re-hatch.

It was a poida sketch, wasn't it? Yeah, it was a poida sketch. It was whatever, what's his name? Eric Banna. Yeah, Eric Banna did before. He was a famous movie actor. He would just do sketches about people becoming planes. And look, that is where we are for the end of the... Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, But episode. Thank you guys so much for listening.

Jackson, thank you for coming on the show. This was fantastic. Absolutely. And I cried. And there's actually like a bit of similarity between what both of our podcasts do. So that's why there's such a great synergy here. Absolutely.

And you are from Sans Pants Radio, which has many, many, I don't think plugging on us will have a great effect. No, but please just take us through, summarize a few of your podcasts. All right, so we got plumbing the that stuff. That's our biggest one probably, and that's where we're like,

hey, the Jurassic Park theme parks, not a very good theme park. We asked questions like that. Like, why don't you go to that? I think we did the math this very old episode, but we did the math and it's like 30 grand to go to Jurassic Park. It's gonna pay for like, fly storage and teeny. And then you're gonna pay for like a helicopter ride

to Jurassic Park and then you're gonna play the staying of Jurassic Park. And then you go on that one like car item, maybe say a sign of sorry. And you're like, why did I spend the money? That was not worth it. Yeah, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's not a sore. And you're like, why did I spend the money? That was not worth it. Yeah, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's just nonsense,

like, which Disney princess would make the best stepdad and stuff like that. Of course, yeah. And we got, of course. Yeah, yeah, cool. That's like, D&D's for nerds. It's just a Dungeons and Dragons podcast. Awesome.

That's good fun. Yeah. Shut up a second, which is just like, hey, let's pick a topic and try and be funny about it for an hour or so and movie maintenance people try and Picture they're like oh this movie wasn't great. Here's my version

Yeah, and it's just good business which is me my little brother my mom and my dad and we pitch business ideas at each other Whoa, that's fantastic try and make each other off and come over the good business plan so far we have them Yeah, have you guys thought though of starting a podcast? and make each other laugh and come up with a good business plan. So far we haven't. Yeah. Have you guys thought though of starting a podcast? It's an idea. Yeah. It's always ruminating in the back of the video. Yeah, one issue maybe another.

You know, or just even giving it a go. Well, you guys, Eric, you know, Eric, you've got what it takes. Yeah. Yeah, you've got to get it on the ground floor, or a podcast, they're so small. Yeah. And then we can build up.

So that's what it's about. Where can people find you online? You can find me personally. I'm at all dogs of Dad on Twitter. Oh, hear me out. Or AdSansma is ready for a salesman's ready. And I think I've skeleton's have no bot hold on Instagram. Sure.

If you'll find me there. Yeah, and that is also both true. Both true, though. Yeah, both of them. Yeah. But they do have to do as a big hole though, still there, right? There's a hole. There's a hole. Actually, if anything, they have a bigger butthole

so a hole where the butt was. Yeah, that's true. It really like. It's a butt absence. Yeah, that's a way, that's right. Every part of the skeleton is a butthole, right? That's true. You could squeeze shit through any...

Look, I don't want to... You could scale in the skull and it'll come out. It'll come out. Essentially, you could use a skeleton as a replacement for the current pipe network that we have in our sewer system. That's certain. And you would almost not notice a difference. They're more hold than bone, so.

I think maybe some places in France actually tried that. Yeah. They were just buried anyway. I'm at Alistair TV on Twitter. And I'm at Stupid Old Andy. We are at two in Tank. And if there are some more people who have been leaving comments on reviews on iTunes, and we love it.

And there was one recently that made me feel very good about it. And so just keep in me going. And so just know what's keeping me going. So just know that our mental health is intrinsically entangled within whether or not reviews are left and whether or not they're positive. And if there are international ones, we will hunt them down and find them and feel bad about them if they're negative.

So don't think you can get away with it as well if you're overseas. All right, we are insecure on all continents. And there's also the Patreon, somebody just added a dollar pledge to our Patreon. That was really nice. I'll take any. I'll take, I turned off my phone. I can't, I forgot. I will read out your name next podcast. Great.

And we will tell everyone how much you donate to a well-apparent one. Actually, that'll, yeah, wait. I, that's not a very good thing to do. We'll read out your name at some point in the future when the buzz around this one's died down. We can say that with a few more people have donated. Yeah. We need more people to sign up and donate to the Patreon so Al can now hide the fact that he's out of the amount to this person paid. Which was the minimum amount. Which I still am thankful for. That's still great. But we are so happy about the minimum amount. Yeah. I wish the minimum amount was lower so that more people could donate less. Yeah. And if anybody wants to donate to the minimum amount, you can find us at patreon.com slash to intang. And one of the thing, we love you.

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