Two In The Think Tank - 117 - "ALT-CENTRE"

Episode Date: February 6, 2018

Thanks to Harry's Shavers for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank for $13 worth of FREE SHAVING STUFF for NOTHING BUT THE SHIPPING COST Cryptocracy, IRLGPS, Old Age Pot Dealer, Militant Middle, Real Movie Teasers, One Embarrassing Step for Mankind And you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!) Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family  You can find us on twitter at @twointank Andy Matthews: @stupidoldandy Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb And you can find us on the Facebook right here Guttural thanks to George Matthews for producing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. This counts not available in all safe and situations. visit planetbroardcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Alistair. Yes, Andrew. I'm glad I've got you here because I have a question for you. Which is when did you last do anything good for the podcasts ad revenue? Andy, all recently I got this Harry's ad. Oh yeah.

And has it changed your life? It's completely changed my life. The ad itself has this beautiful soft handle. Yeah, it's very well-wited. Yeah, it's a sharp ad that can not only cut the hair off of your face, but also anything off of your face. It sounds like an amazing ad. Well, the ad in many ways is a metaphor for a Harry's razor. That's incredible.

I can't wait for the ad, which will be later on in the episode of Two in the Think Tank, the broadcast that we're about to record. But let me just preview that ad with my joke. And I ran my Harry's Raves over to do a start again. Well I ran my Harry's Raves over a peach, Andy. Yes, Alistair.

Another peach is a nectarine. Boom! Andy. Yes, Alistair. And, Charlie Birchhole. And we are repeating the same thing that we always say at the beginning of the podcast, which and and it's such a weird thing. I remember listening to other people's podcasts and thinking, how is Mark Marin so good at doing those intros at the beginning where he says the same thing over and over again, what the fuggers, what the fucking ears, what the fuck an ears, what the fuck an oes, you know, whatever.

What the fuck an ux. But I didn't realize at the time that he is completely working off of muscle memory. His brain is not even, he's basically asleep at that point. That is the, he's resting, you know, pre-podcast while he, while he, you know, just shoots out all that garbage. And it's a shame, Alistair, that there aren't more things in life that we can do from muscle memory, right? But you think about all the problems that we have, right, with getting good elected officials, you know, good politicians, good, good, good presidents, prime ministers, whatever is your poison, right?

Presidents is my poison. That's your poison. All right. And then the problem is that they only get to do it, you know, once or twice, right? Become president. Become president. Yeah. But if they did it, you know, 10 or 20 times a day, You know, think how good they'd be,

they'd be able to do it without thinking, and then they'd be able to get on with other things, much like driving a car, Yeah. Which they could do at the same time. I guess it doesn't really make sense to extend campaigns over weeks or years. Yes.

Because that takes up a lot of time where you could be governing. I think we should always be in an in a state of having an election Yeah, right okay, and they're always announcing more and more results Yeah, and that way we're getting constant updates on who is the President at any given moment in time. Yeah, like they do when they announce the the results on election night moment in time. Like they do when they announce the results on Election Night. They're all that data is coming in and they've got the maps and they've got the figures and whatever. It's that but it's always. It's always shifting. Yeah and so that way we can get real-time response to how your governing is

going. Yeah. So it's kind of closer to like a war. It's like it's like it's a constant state of warfare. Yeah, like like a coup. It's like It's like multiple coups happening in multiple electorates at all times involving the voters involving policy decisions. Yeah, but like democratic coups. Yeah, because I think you can still vote maybe on your phone or something second by second. Probably using blockchain. I'm going to say blockchain's involved. Yeah. Yeah. And I think this will be better for some reason. Yeah.

Well, I guess because people will have muscle memory. At voting. It's about voting. Muscle memory at accepting change. Yes. Which is a really hard thing to get muscle memory about. Yeah. It almost defeats the purpose of muscle memory,

but you just need more experience. That's right. You find you get there. I think you'd probably get a muscle memory at being numb. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But then also, you know, making quick snap judgments whilst numb. Yes.

Yeah. You'll get muscle memory at not doing anything at all because you feel overwhelmed. Well, there's a chance. Yeah. But then I don't know why things are shifting so fast. If people aren't doing anything. Um, hackers, I guess. You think it's all hackers. Yeah, people are probably hacking the system. I don't know. Look, I don't know that much about cryptocurrency or crypto voting. Mm-hmm. But probably whales, people with lots of votes will be will be answering to people call it a cryptocryptop cryptop cryptop cryptop cryptop crusty. Oh, that that sounds like it could work.

And then maybe everybody's anonymous. Yes, everybody's just this weird chain of characters. And so at the moment, it's like B8, weird-chains characters. Right. And so at the moment, it's like, be a exclamation point six, x, two, nine, five, small s, a is the president is the president. That's good because it removes the element of personality from it all. Yeah. Which is such a poison for the politics. It's all in addition for the like a symphony orchestra. It's behind. It's all behind a curtain so that you can't

judge the person based on who they are, what gender they are, how good they are at the music. No, the only judging them on how they're at the music. I wasn't sure how thick the curtain was. No, it was. I thought it would have been several meters of lead curtain. I apologize for not making that explicit. Who won't specify? Is there any sketch idea in here? I think there's a sketch idea in I mean maybe not, but if I didn't constantly changing politics, maybe even it could even be a black mirror episode. Right. Hashtag black mirror? Yeah. Hashtag Black Mirror. Are we pitching to Black Mirror now? We're speaking directly to Charlie Booker. Charlie?

Charlie, hello Charlie. Listen up. Thanks for all your work. Hope you're good. Thank you. I've seen the first season, love the first app. I have seen the first app, love the first app. Yeah.

And I really do plan on watching more. I've listened to a lot of people talking about it on other podcasts and it sounds great, so well done. So, but thank you. I think it's just good, in a way you're also trailblazing, Charlie. Trailblazing that comedy people can do sort of quite dramatic things that are high concept based on your probably interferes and that are a little bit funny. Yes.

This is based off of mostly the first episode. Again. Anyway, um, constant voting, uh, elections, every always changing all the time. And, and, but is, is this also like a leaderboard on like a, everybody's anonymous still?

Everyone's anonymous. And all you see are the results, you know, because you're also getting live. All, I guess all laws are constantly changing as well. Because in a situation where all the sort of businesses are run by computers, you just update the laws via some sort of constant firmware upgrades that are going on anyway.

So updating, you'll be able to update laws in real time. So you'll be able to see the air effect on the economy because we'll also have real time monitoring of the GDP. Yeah, I don't think we'll wait for like a year before we do our taxes. Our taxes will be done in real time. So as soon as you implement some employment law, then there'll be a big enough population size will be hugely overpopulated at that point. You know, not only will skyscrapers be... Not like now. No, they won't be like they are now. They'll be... they'll be scraperier.

Yes. They'll be more sky-like. And also, we'll have roads that scrape the sky. And other public transport. Everything will scrape the sky. Everything will scrape the sky. We'll have people that scrape the sky and other public transport. Everything will scrape the sky. Everything will scrape the sky. We'll have people that scrape the sky. Imagine how far tilt technology will be,

and let's say 30 to 40 years. Because I mean, what was it? Like 10 years ago, 15 years ago, you never saw a stilt that was probably higher than what, like a meter. Yeah. Like, what else in primary school? All you could, the tallest stilt was a paint can with a rope.

And then since then, Alistair, let me tell you, the stilt industry, they've made big strides. They've made huge strides, Andy. So what are we writing down here? We're writing down the real time society. Yeah, real time, um,ocracy. Uh,ocracy. And, uh, yeah, just at the point that everything's constantly changing.

You see, you're, your phone, I guess, you know, you can just have a little dot up in the corner or something that's either, there'll be green or red, depending on whether or not the, uh, the economy is in surplus or deficit. Yeah. And you'll be able to- I'm glad that we're still focusing on that Oh, so pointless. Yeah, it feels like it's been disproven as being anyway. Yeah, but if we're all going to be

Reactionary we might as well be reactionary in real time. That's true But how is this going to affect our regular likes? This is what I'm worried about like in terms of this being a sketch Are we just going to see how sort of unfocused the person's life is or is he going to, is he, is this just a guy, maybe it's about a guy who's trying to, he's like, look, I'm getting too caught up in society. And I think I'm just going to move to voting once a day, maybe three times a day, and I'm going to set an alarm and then vote rather than just always watch all the figures and be constantly voting on every bill, on everything, like, you know, for every candidate. I think that's really good, and then I think we could also see it from the flip side of somebody who is like, you know, in the morning, they wake up, they're the president, but then by like 10.30, they're no longer the president. And then like nostalgia for the old times, people start to,

you know, reflect on like, I remember how great things were before 10.30 AM. Makes a comeback. Makes a comeback. Right. And he's back in by two o'clock. Oh, that's nice. And then he's the prime minister or is the president? Yeah, by. Maybe they're maybe they've gone from being, maybe they don't even have presidents anymore by three o'clock. Maybe it's back to a constitutional monarchy. I think maybe he could lose it

because at about 3.30, you know, he has that kind of 3.30 crash. Yeah, yeah. And then, and then he really loses it. Which is great. It's crazy that you're still the president when you're having that 330 crash. It's awful. Even if you're elected on your best possible day

and you're at your peak, everyone knows. You get a little bit sleepy at around 330. You're not gonna be presidenting it at your best. No, absolutely not. So it shouldn't be you anymore. You shouldn't have to be incapacitated by like illness or mere insanity before they can replace you with someone else.

Yeah. It should just be bit off, feeling a bit off. Yeah. Maybe some sort of reaction test or something. And then you're out again. I think that makes sense. Yeah. And I think that all policy and all big decisions, it's not anybody sitting around coming up with stuff. I think the AI that's

kind of, you know, the society subconscious, and that is also kind of governing everything, not governing, but you know what I mean? I think it's sending you prompts. It's always sending you prompts so that governing is kind of just like an improv. So it's like, so it, you know, so that that way you can, you can govern from your house and it just comes up like, boop. And then it says, do you think that we should change employment so that, you know, people are a little bit more free in terms of lunch breaks? And they don't. I think that's almost too much information, right? Yeah. What it, what, maybe it, it shows you just two pictures, right? Like ones a lunch box with quite a bit of food in it, ones a lunch box with not quite so much food.

And you just click whichever one you like, and from that interpolates what you want. It's like those quizzes online that, you know, like these 10 questions can tell you where you'll be in five years, and you just answer those 10 questions. They all seem unrelated, and then some bullshit pops up. And I guess that's the problem with using too many words, is that there's a lot of legal loopholes

that people could do. So I think maybe all law will turn into sort of... Pictograms. Pictograms and things like that. All law, the big books of law, will just be a series of images. Like when you go to the beach and there's no swimming and there's a picture of somebody swimming yeah or diving or something as a cross-throat

Laurel just be that I think that's good yeah and then obviously there'll be different ways in which you can interpret you know like the sort of the diving one where it's somebody above some wavy lines like that that could you know you could go I thought that that said no no jumping into fire Yeah, and then they're like all right you get off And then they make the they make the the water silhouette look more like water so that it's like water Yeah, we're like have an arrow pointing at it saying water till we get to the point where every law is a full virtual reality simulation of your life going in a particular direction.

Right. And you just have to follow that. Oh, sort of like that. Because they've eliminated all the loopholes. It just tells you exactly what to do at any point. Well, that's easier to, if you cater the law to each individual. And it would kind of be like, you know, that when you would play Mario Cart, and you could sort of race against your best time, and it would kind of be like a ghost.

And so what it is is that the law shows you, on through augmented reality, a ghost version of your best life, where you can stay within the law. Wow. And you can see it getting around. And it also, it's calculated the future for you, where this is the life that will not only is it within the law, but it will also, this is based on, you know, the terms that you were brought up with, you know, like you're starting chance. This is the, what you have to do in order to get the best possible outcome for your life, longevity, money, you know, love, all that kind of stuff. And so you can either follow it, you know, movement per movement, or you can decide to make your own decisions and then see your ghost getting way more.

Further and further away. Yeah, way more successful than you. Unless it's like a GPS in your car, where it has to also try and take into account what you've done. So like if you miss a turn off your GPS in your car, doesn't keep talking to you as if you made the turn off. It factors in, it finds new root and it says, okay, do a U turn up here or go around this block or whatever. Or I found another

way you can get there. So, like, it could be that way. Like, if you make a bloody minded decision to go against what the simulation is telling you is best, and instead of, you know, waiting for the lights, you run out in front of a, a lorry. Ice cream van. Ice cream van, right? You get covered in ice cream. And hit by a truck. Yeah, and also hit by a truck.

Yeah. But also covered in ice cream. And then your simulation has to try and work out the best way out of this. Right, yeah. And we'll also update you maybe on like your estimated time of arrivalval obviously the first thing would be do a you turn yeah, yeah, but then you keep pushing through get hit by other tracks And then it has to find a complete other power. Yeah Yeah, I liked that so And I think I think I think this idea of like a I it's now sort of to me it's gone away from a

It's now sort of, to me it's gone away from a, so much of this this this this law-based future. But just the idea of a GPS for your life. So maybe separate idea. Separate idea. Real-time accuracy. Yeah. It's a GPS for your entire life. Because the real-time accuracy was all about people having input. But once you introduce the idea of augmented reality thing, it sort of stops being free-willed. Yeah. Oh, you know what would be great, though,

as well, with having the ghosts that you could see. That's is that you could actually just, like, let's say you didn't, you actually decided to go your own way. And like, I think, yeah. you actually decided to go your own way. I think your best life one is always out there and then you've got the other one that's, the GPS is still guiding you to keep improving your life and things like that.

But I like that you can always go back and see what your best ghost is. So let's say you're in a relationship that you're not happy with and you're doing stuff, but you can still go and find where best ghost is. So let's say you're in a relationship that you're not happy with and you're doing stuff, but you can still go and find where your ghost is and just go watch it having sex with its girlfriend. But how good would it be? Because sometimes when you go against what the GPS tells you to do, you can actually get

to your destination slightly faster. That's happened to me a few times, really satisfying. So it would be- Sure, stuff that it's not able to predict. Yeah, it would be pretty good if you were able to get, you know, have a more successful life and then what the computer said you could.

Yeah, I guess that would kind of add like a gambling, a gambling sort of nest to it where you're like, are we smarter than the, it's not just, it's not necessarily like, you think you can outsmart the computer or the algorithm, but also that you're kind of hoping for luck because it's the unpredictable stuff that it can't, you know, you, it wouldn't be able to guess whether or not

you could win the lottery. Sure. Yeah, because it's like, that's it to come. Unless it has that totally information. Yeah. So unless this like that that's it to come to all the information. Yeah. So unless this thing is a is that demon day cards to spoke about at one point. Laplace. Maybe was it Laplace? I think it was Laplace. I mean, maybe it was all the Laplace demon right right. I thought you were talking about Laplace. It was the guy who proposed it. No, I think

it was Laplace who proposed it. It was a daycare. Oh look, I don't know any more Andy. I'm sorry. This is a chance that it was even Nietzsche. I'm sorry, listeners. I'm gonna go back and relisten to all those philosophy and summary that tell you who that teach you the history of philosophy in five minutes per episode. Oh, that sounds pretty good actually. I was listening to one that was really long and tedious. I mean, it was man, unbearable.

And the guy talked a lot about giraffes and I liked giraffes, but yeah, it was hard. I think that's good. I think you could do a, like just those scenes where you'd be out and you've had two drinks. Sure. And your simulation is like, well, if I go home, you're like, no, I reckon I've got a good feeling about this. The drink, I reckon something good's going to come at that. Yeah, and then you, and then something good does seem to happen.

Let's say you, they go, hey, let's go to this other bar. You meet, you meet Bert Reynolds like that. And you're like, this is great. And then Bert Reynolds' wife starts hitting on you. Oh yeah. Right. And then you're like, and then Bert's like, go for a kid like that.

I tell you, right, okay. And then, you know, some real bad habit. Oh, no. Yeah. But it doesn't involve birds. You lose your wallet. Yeah, you probably lose your wallet. Maybe like your ear falls out.

Similar like yours. What'd be really good? What would be really good out? Would be like say you turn 18. Okay, that would be really good. Yeah, wouldn really good, Al. Would be like, say you turn 18. Okay, that would be really great. Yeah, wouldn't that be great? I remember that. Would you, what would you do if you turned 18 again?

I'd go to the Tathra pub and buy a bottle of vodka. Oh. And I mean, I would never even buy a bottle of vodka these days. Is that what you did? Yeah, I went to the Tathra pub, I bought a bottle of vodka these days. Is that what you did? Yeah, I went to the Tathropa by bottle of vodka, and then I think my mom had some warm cranberry juice at home, and I sat alone, maybe with my girlfriend, and then my girlfriend at the time was there,

but she didn't want a drink any of it, or she had a little bit of one, and then it didn't want to anymore. So then I had like three of those, and then I was like, happy birthday. That was a pretty good one. But I think, okay, so you turn 18, right? And they switch on your simulation, right? Yeah. Whatever it is. And you have the option of following it. Or what they can do is they can just make a robot to follow the simulation for you. And then you can just stay at home

while the robot taps all your untapped potential, right? And it looks exactly like you, right? Right, yeah. And then you don't have to do it. You don't have to worry about your unfulfilled potential because you know your unfulfilled potential is being fulfilled by a robot that is you that's doing exactly what you would have done if you'd done it.

Yes, yeah. And then what you stay at home and you can drink vodka and cranberry juice. Yeah, that was what they had. And watching the simulation, maybe like, yeah, I am pushing it. Sure, I think it's like, that's kind of similar to either like our Sherpa idea

or like our, or every other idea that we come up with always, I'll get it out. It's okay Andy, or just those ideas of not having to live your life yourself, you know. Yeah. I don't know where, what they keep coming up. I don't know what it is. It's because Andy, because living is a real effort.

It is. It's a lot of effort. To live isn't necessarily to suffer, but it is to, you know, to kind of like to live is to have to do things and go places and Yeah, you know, but one day Andy follow through on stuff one day I reckon about 50 years away from here One day will be able to sit down Yes, have a bunch of free time and

Bang on able to sit down, have a bunch of free time and bang on. It's not the kind of thing we would do now. Yeah, baby. But in 80 years, no, maybe not 80, maybe 50 years, bang and on. Yeah, I mentioned what we're gonna do to our old minds. I think that's really a quite exciting, because like you feel, I don't think anyone is gonna to be looking at their elderly grand pair and bogging on, being like, such a waste. Yeah, exactly. Think of what they could have done, nothing. They couldn't have done anything. Unless once we get to 80, people are saying that 80 is the new 40. That's true.

And then they'll be like, or you know, if we find out that there's like a comedian or something like that, they're like, you know, this guy didn't break until he was, until he was, until he was 75. Yeah. And he'll be like, oh, ladies, not that crazy. Like, I guess I could, he thinks all the stuff from before when he was 70 is garbage. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I didn't get good until I was 65 years in.

Okay. How about this? We legalized marijuana. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I didn't get good until I was 65 years in. Okay, how about this? We legalize marijuana. Yeah. But you're only allowed to do it if you're bogging on with your grandparents. What does this achieve? Okay? It makes people spend more time with their grandparents.

Yeah, that there's gonna be a big problem of loneliness in the future. Exactly. Yeah. So now it's an incentive. You also probably save on pain, medication, stuff, old Exactly. Yeah. So now it's an incentive. You also probably save on pain, medication, stuff, old people. Yeah. Yeah. So we're improving the quality of life, they're feeling their pain. Maybe they can sell the drugs. We don't need to pension anymore.

Oh yeah, we could. So the government gives the pension to old people in the form of weed. Great. And so then they fix loneliness because people are coming around to buy weed. Yeah. And then the people can only use the weed if they're near old people, which is something that often drug dealers would try to convince you they're like, hey, can I smoke with you? Smooly like the stuff that they just buy. Well, if that was legal, if that was a legal requirement, then that's not even going to happen as a conversation.

Andy, that's not even a crazy. This is like a sci-fi idea of the future, but it's like where the science, the fiction part is just good policy. Thank you. And that is a real fiction in bloody, absolutely. Absolutely. It's got the political environment that we're having. And then like, I think maybe there'd be a benefit, you'd get a benefit if you like, did an artwork with the old person, like a collaboration.

Sure. Because a collaboration in terms of an artwork, it's probably the one of the highest forms of spending time with somebody. So you're making this person who is beyond their years, right? Have experiences that are maybe better than almost anything they've had. Creative expression.

Yeah. Yeah. Fantastic. So they get the marijuana and kids will be like, oh, I'm going to go visit grandma. Oh, you're always visiting your grandma. Yeah. But, you know, that's right. But then, I want to visit grandma.

I'm never allowed to bong on. I'm always here having to bloody Work a CEO position. Yeah, that was them. Yeah No, I like that a lot. I can I mention my my outside idea again. I'll let's do it They're all a bit political today, aren't they? Yeah, this one is my is my My alt center political movement. Right. So we've got the alt right and we've got the alt left. This is the alt center.

And what they do is they use really, uh, sort of divisive and, uh, incendiary, um, it's a hard word. Political strategies to bring people together to reach a consensus, sort of like self-imulation Fuck yeah, we're not sure why not but maybe it's like self-imulation, but it's in one of those stuntman suits right, so yeah, you'd light yourself on fire and like that and you're like You know keep the interest rates at a reasonable point, please.

Over interest rates. Yeah. Yeah, and you can say to people, imagine what this would be like if I wasn't actually wearing this stunt man outfit, right? Because you're still making your point. Absolutely. And people can still witness it,

and witness the horror of it. If you're shooting almost exactly the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so, and I guess the key would be that you would have to keep changing it. You couldn't use the same types of protests because as I know from walking through cities, is that after you've seen anything once,

you can be blank-faced and immune to the craziest things. I've been at a tram station and a guy has been yelling at the top of his lungs with the fiercest anger I've ever heard, you know, at some imaginary person that isn't there and be there with within, you know, two meters of him and just kind of the straight face, not experiencing anything just kind of going like Yeah, nobody making eye contact. Yeah, wow, but These days it's nice. I know there's no problem, but if if I saw somebody on fire This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now.

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between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts, not available in all safe and situations. I think I'd still react now. Right, so it's got to be something new each time. Yeah. To really push the boundaries of what's acceptable to get people to sit down and just think a little bit about what they're doing.

Yeah, I think a SWAT team, you know, with lots of guns and things like that, kind of charging through a town, and then they all kind of like, maybe through some form of like, what's that dance that you do in public? They're a flash, a flash mob. And then they kind of all, you know, maybe they, they all shoot, there are semi-automatic weapons and a little flag comes out. Each flag has a single letter. And it, and it says, you know, use renewable energies.

You know, but obviously a piece to the, to the far right, you know, a piece to the right by having some fossil fuel stuff that that makes them feel like they've got a base. But also that that that fascism angle of like the men in the suits and you know the the army get to see the deployment of our armed forces to you know, demonstrate the might and right of the state. Absolutely. But also they're using their guns to make a community garden. See, I really like that.

Yeah. And you know what's strange for me is that you always see these like, these military, these military things, these parades and people parading. But you know, they're not moving anything. It feels like they could be delivering something while they're doing that. Like, it's a good idea. If sort of Uber eats or something like that got in with those parades, then people who are in

on the side watching the parade, the military could be kind of like handing off like a poutine or like a, you know, sort of like a, or a russet. You're going that way anyway, because they also, they have to tell you the route of the rally beforehand. Right, so yeah, you're running a restaurant, you check out what rallies are happening in your area. And like a ride sharing sort of thing, you can you can chuck a couple of

everybody get your plates of Rogan Josh. Yeah, everybody get your lunch orders in. And then it's a rally coming past. Yeah, the rallies coming through. Just a little bit of coordination. And then people wouldn't complain about the rally's interrupting traffic as well. And you could keep the food warm inside one of the big missiles that they're on display. I, that's good. I like also just the idea of, because at the moment, what have we got? We've got bicycle couriers, right? We've got sort of motorbike couriers,

we've got car, people who deliver food in cars. That makes sense so far. I would like to see, have my food delivered to me by a rally at the head of a raging mob. Yeah. And maybe I should be able to select that as an option on the Uber Eats app. Can I get my pepperoni pizza delivered to me by an angry mob? Yeah, or like you're corn on the Uber eats app. Can I get my pepperoni pizza delivered to me by an angry mob?

Yeah, or like you're corn on the cob, could that come on a sort of like a running of the bulls type scenario? Hmm. You know, like not necessarily the people running from the bull, but you know, I think that's a great idea as well. Maybe. As they run up walls trying to grab to like you know low hanging balconies to try to get away from it. You hear the hooves clattering down the street. You're like, oh, the takeaways almost here. Your mouth starts watering. Yeah. Sounds like an angry bull.

I guess my, uh, my, uh, submarine sandwich, not of the subway brand, uh, we'll be here soon. They have those in Montreal. They make some, you know, submarine sandwiches. You remember, submarine sandwiches were a thing before subway. Yes. But I guess not in Australia really. No. And we have more the baguettes a lot of the time. Correct. Which is more French influence. Yes. Even I think it's a lot of Vietnamese places do baguettes. But I guess that's also French influence. Yes.

Was it all middle or old center? I think old center, old center. And yeah, you know, they go along, I guess, to the rallies where the right and the left are flashing and stand between them, punching both of them. Yeah, or themselves. Yeah, correct. To put them off, you know, be like that scene in a fight club. Yeah, because that guy didn't attack him.

I just had this weird flash that the guy who plays the boss in that I've just seen in something else. Really? Like, I don't know if I've just constructed that memory. I was gonna look it up, but I don't think I should. Oh. I don't, I don't really, is he kind of balding? I think no, I think he's got like a big, real, empty bit in the middle of East.

Oh, I think he's in Mozart in the jungle. Is this a real bad thing to look up right now? Well, I mean, it's pretty tedious. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty, it's hard for me, and I think it's boring for the listener. Yeah, right. And I guess because we're not gonna add it to the podcast, it's not gonna.

Yeah, I don't think we'll be editing the ball. If this was Sans Pants Radio, they're always looking things up. Really? Yeah. Oh, since you went and hung out with those Sans Pants Radio guys, all you ever talk about, Alistair, is Sans Pants Radio this? Which I should mention, I just appeared in the most recent episode of plumbing the Death Star on Sans Pants Radio and the network, podcast network,

and we talk about which fictional characters that don't have dogs, should have dogs. That's great. And let me tell you that my choice was Jesus. But I tell you what, it's not going to be what you expect. That's really good though. Yeah. Um, hi, Alistair. Yes, Andy. Harry's raises. Harry's. Harry's raises. If you are a listener of two in the think tank, which and I, God, God, God, God to hope you are. Me too. And then you could get a special deal with Harry's raises. No. Yeah, that's right.

You can go and get a free $13 worth of starter pack for your Harry's face raising situation. And it's like, it's like, I know there are razors, but in many ways they're also e-razers because they erase the hair off of your face. And to a certain extent they erase the passage of time. You know, they do make you look and feel younger. Absolutely. I've had a really good time with Harry's Rays' Rays' I don't shave all that often.

I go through cycles right and I'll shave once a month. Yeah. And I always feel so good after I do my Harry's razor. I'm still going on my starter pack. Yeah Still got my little bit of foamy stuff in there. You get that for free All you have to do is pay for the cost of the shipping if you start a pack Which includes the razor includes the beautiful ergonomic handle includes the shaving cream includes the little Traveley pack thing here. I use that every day. There you go. Yeah, and and Harry's razor of sold You know sold more than 3 million raises to 3 million cool dudes all over this and I presume 3 million other realities.

Yeah. And you know what Andy, I ran my razor over a peach the other day. Alistair, what happened? And now it's a nectar. Alistair, that joke is even better for the anticipation. Yeah. You know? I teased it at the beginning. Yeah. And then I teased the audience at the end.

Teases for movies. Yeah. I don't really tease movies. I tease the audience. It's the audience. And really it's not even teasing. It's sort of beating. When I put a cheese on a hook and throw it's not even teasing, it's sort of baiting. Yeah, right. When I put a cheese, some cheese on a hook and throw it into the water, I'm not teasing the fish. I'm either baiting them or antagonizing them

because they probably don't eat dairy. So a real movie teaser would have to be something where like maybe one of the actors appears on screen and says, hey, dumb shorts, you're too ugly to watch this movie and your parents support. So that's a movie teaser. And you're really sensitive to insults from people who are famous or than you.

Anyway, come and see Lady Bird by the way. I quit a girl wig. Come and see Lady Bird by the way. Yeah, come and see the quick and the dead. If you can, which you can't. You can't, idiot. Eat my ass whole. And I mean whole. Yeah, eat it whole. Like, it grain. Mm. Is that a sketch? I mean, look. And it's actually the closest thing to a proper sketch. Yeah, I mean, we can't just sit here coming up with alternate realities all day

and call them sketches. This is, to be honest with the listeners, that's not, there are no sketches in this. These are all things that we want to actually happen. We've been telling you that they're jokes and they're comedy, they're not, they're real. They will be real. What did you write that made you really fine? I'm an idiot, because I wrote movie teasers where you really teasers.

Yeah, and that's pretty dumb. Well, it wasn't on purpose, it was because I made a mistake. I was gonna just remove that ER like that. So where you really teased. No, that's good. But hair teasers, does that even really tease the hair? When you tease hair, does that tease it?

When you kind of just make it puffy and fluffy like that? I mean, that's a different, I think I think what we've come across here is a homo name. But is that, is that the same, maybe, maybe that's the, the meaning of the word that they're using for movie teasers? They're kind of, they're kind of, like that's even further away, isn't it, really? I know, but they're kind of fluffing it up to look like something that it doesn't normally look like. Oh, that's okay. You know, as shown you a couple of funny lines from Ryan Reynolds.

Right. To make it look bigger and boofier than it actually is. Yeah, and then you watch it and you go, those were actually the only two jokes. Yeah, only two jokes. It's no bigger than that. That, you know, those two big jokes implied a bigger film that's filled with jokes. But no, Ryan Reynolds only opens his mouth, worthily, twice in the film. Right.

The joke density of the movie is misrepresented. That's right. It's kind of been souffleid, like a souffle, a big fro. Do you think that then that we should have realism in trailers and teasers for movies, where they should only be able to show a sort of a per-dem or whatever, a pro-rata amount of every particular type of emotion and action and scene that takes place in the film. So if there's one car chase, you can show a bit of that car chase, but only proportional to the length of the movie. And then everything else has to be.

I think it would be easier if the teasers were just the film played. Real quick. Really quickly. Yeah, okay. It would certainly be easier, yeah. But then you wouldn't be able to get all of it. That's true. And especially a lot of the emotional weight of it, but you would get a sense.

Yeah. In a sense, you'd get a sense. It would be, um you'd get a sense. Yeah, it would be, um, I think three minutes wouldn't be crazy to watch. What would that even look like? You wouldn't be able to get a single word R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala.

R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala.

R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-Ralala. R-alala. R-alala. R-alala. R-alala. R-alala. R-alala. Wow. The guy's pneumonia in one breath. It's actually, it's actually that magic guy. Harry Houdini. It's Harry Houdini. No, who's the one who went under water for 17 minutes?

David Blaine. It's David Blaine. They got a man because he was the only guy who could hold his breath for 17 minutes, but instead of holding it in, he's letting it out over 17 minutes in the longest death scene. Okay, here's a good thing about what this would do for you.

Seeing movies sped up like that as a teaser. It would give you a sense of if any of the scenes were really long. Right, because I'm very often those are the things that make you tune out from a movie. And if there's anything in that super sped up version of the movie that gives you time to even really cotton on to what's happening, you know that that's going to be a really long scene and you'll probably be bored. But if you watch a trailer and you can't make out anything at all, you're like, this is action packed. Okay. I am not gonna be sitting there wishing that the scene was over.

Sure. Because as far as I'm aware, I didn't notice any scenes at all. Yeah, that's right. And that would be quite annoying. Therefore, it would officially become a teaser. Yes, good. So you wouldn't really be able to get anything out of it. A lot of teasing does involve doing stuff in high pitched voices, voices.

Yeah. No, no I'm inside you. Do you think that my elbow planets where they have a higher proportion of helium in the atmosphere, everyone does get their feelings hurt a lot because they constantly would think that people are mocking them. Yeah, I think high pitched voice. I think that would be a good thing to measure. I think whether or not people get punched in the face a little bit more, that might be more likely.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that maybe that is a thing that we should consider when we're looking at for planets that are in the Goldilocks zone, just to make sure whether or not. There's too much helium. There's too much helium. Are we going to sound silly? I mean, it would be a disaster if we sent the first humans to a new planet,

they successfully established a society there, and they were able to make contact back to us here on earth, such a huge moment of human achievement. If they're all talking with high-pitched voices, that's going to really undercut the gravity. Oh, really having a great time. Yeah, see, now I'm ashamed for human beings. It sounds like something that they would reveal sort of 15 years after the fact where they would be like, because of the high level of helium in the air, NASA scientists teamed up with the European Space Agency, found a way to slow down the pre-recorded sound of the people calling back and lowering their tone so that the world population on astral 5296 bonkers. Is there anything in that? Yeah, look at that.

Yeah, I'm looking for some kind of an idea. I think because we look for planets to see whether or not they're capable of sustaining life. But are they capable of giving us a dignified life? That's true, yeah. Like, you know, what have we got? We've got the high pitch voices. If for some reason you were farting

or shitting yourself a lot because of something that was happening there. Made everybody, you know, like, made everybody unable to digest lactose. Yeah. And all the food there was lactose. I mean, both of those sound like real problems. I think either way, that's an issue.

But other than that. But the combination of those two factors, oh my God. Yeah, other than that though, it's a wonderful life. And the lactose is prepared in so many wonderful varieties of ways that it tastes unbelievable. It's just every shit is a spray. Do you think because you know what's that theorem about the reasons why aliens haven't made it to earth? The Fermi the Fermi paradox. Right that that there are there could be all sorts of barriers

that are the things that stop aliens from actually making contact with our civilization. That's why we have an observed them. It could be that they use up all their resources. It could be that they kill at them each other through war before they ever make it off their own planet. What if one of the barriers is embarrassment? Because it turns out that all other planet cells were in the solar system. Everybody's lactose intolerant and all their food is dairy. Lactose, yeah. And they're all just shitting themselves constantly and they're too embarrassed to leave their own

home plant. You know when you've shut yourself and you don't want to come out of the bathroom? Absolutely. Right. Because you're down there, you're trying to fix up your pants or whatever. You're pissed on your leg. Yes. Because of some splashback from trying to clear it on all. You're trying to clean your underwear in the actual toilet by just repeated flushes?

Imagine that, but it's an entire civilization. Well, I guess the whole planet. That would be likely to happen in a place where I guess first of all, there's a high rate of lactose intolerance, but also a place where there is no biodiversity. There's just a single creature and we just drink each other's milk.

Yeah, I mean, that would also be embarrassing. We're going to have all sorts of things that we don't realize they're embarrassing about us as humans. Yeah. And we'll get off the planet and we'll be like, Oh my God, you don't do this. Yeah. Well, imagine that because especially if you've just changed yourself and you're aware of that everybody should themselves, but you hide it for that's the societal shame, right?

And you're like, you're out with a couple of friends, and you're like, I can't go back out there and start feeding on their nipples with just this smell of, you know, just milk shit that I've just, exactly. Like pour down my leg. Oh, milk shit leg pour No shit, leg, pour. Hey, Aldi, you want to take us through the sketches that we've come up with today on the

podcast, which is called Two in the Think Tank, which is what we've just done. Yep. Sorry. Any, you know, Astro, whatever's okay. Sure. Want to write in and tell us whether or not that's part of the Fermi paradox, let us know. Okay. Want to write in and tell us whether or not that's part of the Fermi paradox. Let us know. Great.

We got the real-timeocracy and this is where everything is decided in real time. It's all on smartphones. You know, leaders of countries and electorates are is changing very quickly based on real-time decisions. We're seeing, you know, the effects on, the effects on the deficit and employment and everything like that. Maybe even borders are constantly shifting as well, because as people move in groups, there would be some like, there'd be changing consensus in different geographical regions.

So it would make sense for Western Australia to secede one day and then maybe reform with Australia or maybe become part of Bikina Faso or something. And a lot of experimentation like that would be important to finding the greater good. You know, because there'd also be lots of data that would tell you when things were best and so that would also guide people's, you know, instantaneous choices, yeah.

It would be like, it would be like those, you know, some decisions are just made as like, you know, like those exploratory ants, exploratory ants that are just sent off to just see if there's any from any of them. And to any of them. I'd love to. Like that.

Well, it would be the decision version of those kinds of ants, you know. And anyway, so that's the real-timeocracy. Yeah. Great funny sketch, I think. Oh, but yeah, that's right. We're going to follow the guy. Who's the president and the guy in the morning?

And yeah, and then he loses it. And then maybe they have a sort of a... He makes a huge comeback, actually. Like, we like to stick liked his dictator ways this morning. Yeah. We're bringing him back like that, and then he has that 330 crash. And he's out again. Yeah, and then his, you know, his electorate, he lives in a different electorate.

He's getting put to death for trees in one second, and then he's the... It's part of the... Secretary of State, the next. Yeah. Yeah, that kind of thing. I think if we had any skill at all as riders, we could make this hilarious. I think a lot of it would just be like status,

you know, like information on the screen, because you'd be seeing it through his first person thing. Oh, yeah. Sort of like in a first, yeah, like a first person shooter kind of thing, like like in Duke Nukem or something like that's my most recent reference or Max Payne. I don't know if they had a lot of information on Max Payne. I'd bullet time.

Bullet time. I think maybe there was a little body that told you how damaged he was. But I guess you could tell that from how much he was limping. Next sketch is a GPS for entire life. And one of the features is that there's a ghost version of you that you can see at any time that is leading the best mathematically best life that the sort of the central AI of society works out for you. Yeah, and because people who say, I'm living my best life, do we know if they really are?

We don't actually know. I mean, a lot of the time, you're just saying that because you're doing a sort of a downward dog on the top of a mountain during the sunrise, right? But is that the best life or could you be, you know, on a, you know, doing a- Could there be a yacht on that mountain? Yeah, or, you know, exactly. Or could you be doing a sort of a salute to the sun, 25,000 meters under the sea in a submarine during a sunset? Yes.

You know, maybe that sounds like it could be better. It's actually quite different. You were way off, mate. Yeah, wearing a gold chain, maybe, which is not necessarily a good thing, but it's a sign of wealth to other people and the other people on the subway. Maybe the chain has sentimental value. Exactly. It could have been something that your grandfather passed

down to you when he died in the dolphin wars, which I hadn't said dolphin was close to Simpsons. Anyway, then we got the old people who get weed as their pension. Yeah. And then old people are a cell weed in order to get money. I genuinely love this idea. Yeah.

And then it's legal to smoke marijuana in this country if you hang out with an old person. Yeah. And then that fixes the old people loneliness problem. Japan would love this. Yes. You know? Yeah, because I was reading an article about how a lot of people die lonely deaths over there. Nobody ever goes to check on them. Tell you who goes to check on them. People who need their hookup. Yeah, exactly. But then we would have... They'll be beating down their doors.

The only problem would be developing a culture of people smoking weed over there, if that's not really a thing that they do. I don't know whether it is or not. I don't know. I've seen at least one Japanese person with dreadlocks. So I assume at least one person has smoked weed from there.

That's fair, that's fair. Then we have the alt center, yep, which is your idea? Yeah, radical, middle ground, maybe even militant center, you know, they have prepared, they want compromise and they're prepared to kill to get it. Yeah, or at least make it seem like they're killing.

Yes. Yeah, until later on they reveal that they did some other kind of more compromising thing where they just merely maimed. Yes, exactly cause long-term damage. Yeah, long-term nerve damage. That'll echo down through the generations. Yeah, that's right, they changed their DNA in a deep way, but they didn't kill them. Yes. And it was a great compromise. That endo DNA stuff is crazy. Was endo DNA stuff?

It's just stuff to do with how I think it's endo DNA, to do with how like the conditions in the womb can actually affect the way different genes are expressed. And that's the sort of thing that can like if your grandmother went through a famine, the grandchildren can experience obesity in higher rates because of stuff to do. It's wild. I wonder if that happens if you just fast for like five days. There are, it can reset as well, so I'm not totally sure. Yeah, right.

We'll have to read up about that. Yeah, yeah. And bring that back in the next even more interesting episode. Then we got movie teasers where you really tease. So either it's the one where you actually just tease the audience and you make fun of them, which is, you know, it's fine. I think it can be good. Depends on what the teasing is. I don't think we had found the best tease. No, sure. No. And then there's the other alternative is in which where you actually show the whole movie over three minutes. And then people kind of get a gist of something from it, but not enough, and it's kind of annoying. Yes. But at the same time, it's almost more valuable. And there are no spoilers. And yet there are all spoilers.

Everything is a spoiler. Yeah. Yeah, there are all spoilers. Everything is a spoiler. Yeah. And then we got the helium planet where people are sort of slightly more annoying. Yeah, but I like the shit themselves. Lactose intolerant. We got the lactose bio undiverse planet

where everybody is lactose intolerant. It was today a bit of a mess of an episode. It was like there's something about it. I guess we were just off the planet, right? Like we were just off on weirder things. I think it was weirder. I don't think it was like the ha ha ha, but I really enjoyed it today. I had a really good time as well, Alistair.

Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for coming as well. And you know what, audience? Thank you for coming as well. And you know what. You can follow us on Twitter. We're at Two in Tank. Yeah, I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. You can review us on iTunes and just do.

I mean, like, I know you don't have to, but just do it right now because it'll make us feel so good. And like, I know something is like this. It's pathetic. How good it makes us fit. It's pathetic. And I know like, sometimes I'm like, I hear it and I go, I do like this podcast, I should go do it hear it and I go, I do like this punk I should go do it and then I go.

But if somebody was to say to me, just go do it right now. I know it'll take, like it'll take, it'll take three minutes and you might have to log in, you might have to remember your password or something like that. Oh that's fucked. Now don't do it if you have to remember your password. Certainly don't do it if you have to reset your password.

I don't wish that on anybody. No, but that's quicker these days than it used to be. It's pretty fast. Yeah, well they've got some kind of two-step thing. They send a link to your phone or some share. Yeah, sometimes. Oh, if you got that set up, then do it. Yeah. And reset it. But if you don't have that set up, don't set that up so that you can do this. Yeah. Don't take more than three steps to do this. That's right. This is a...

If you're more than three steps away and I mean physical steps, or you know, practical steps to from from from from rating this podcast don't do it. Don't do it. But if you're less than that, oh, it feels so good. I would have a mind orgasm and not in a gross way, just in the in the most horrible thing like. Like a Christian man thinking about heaven. Yeah, right. Like in epiphany, like a kind of a religious experience. Not just like, it's just hope. People talk about religious experiences

like they're amazing, but a religious experience could just be, you know, driving past a church. Yeah, or sitting on wood. There you go. There you go. So, and please, we're doing, we're gonna be doing a show at the Comedy Festival, Annie Matthews' Announce Deach, or which were an introduction. Annie Matthews' Announce Deach, or on Blade Virtual, Syphos Getch Comedy Experience.

Minus the comedy. Minus the comedy. Anyway, come along to that. No, there's gonna be comedy, but the word comedy isn't in the title. Yeah, sure. Sure, but if they search for most of those words, I'm sure they'll find it. Yeah. I don't think the addition of the word comedy is going to infuse it.

And it's happening in Melbourne, in Australia. Yes. Thank you very much. And we... We love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional. You have to do it.

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