Two In The Think Tank - 118 - "EMBU"

Episode Date: February 13, 2018

Hair T-Shirt, Trust Fund Crab, Doll Back, Marcronanotechnology, Empowering Bullshit, Hardest Part of the Giraffe, Hogflower, The Not Silence of the LifeYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereA generous handful of thanks to George Matthews for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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And I am Alice to George William Matthews. And thank you ever so much. And I'm going to start by putting forward an idea that is an outside idea. And obviously, and it's not a sketch idea. This is the most unprecedented. It's a haircut idea. I've already tweeted it if you Fuck not this thing if you're if you follow me then you would know already what this is But it's a new style of haircut where and you know people are always looking for ways to to You know evolve the form always people are always looking for new ways to evolve the form.

Always. People are always looking for new ways to do haircuts. Tell us there. It's the thing that I notice on a day-to-day basis. It's a hair. It's a constant invention of hair. Right. And look, at the very least, somebody on a catwalk, could you, you know, somebody who designs

for catwalks might need something like this. And the idea is that you cut your hair in such a way so that it looks like you've got a little toddler's t-shirt laying on your head. So now, my girlfriend, she didn't support the idea when I brought this up to her. Because initially, I said, I was just saying a regular t-shirt right and the way that it works is that your sideburns are the sleeves right and so she said go and put a t-shirt on your head so that you can see what that looks like and then I did and to be honest it looks silly with a regular sized t-shirt right because it was very big it dangled probably down to

my chin but I'm not saying that this wouldn't work. I'm just thinking the way you're a good creative person, you took that on board and you went back to the drawing board, you made a toddler's t-shirt. Toddler's t-shirt. And okay, so you got the kind of whole front part above your forehead and then you got the back at the bottom, the big hole where you put your body in and everything goes in, the part you dive into. All right, that goes at the back of your head, like that. And so it's like it's facing, you know, it's facing out, it's facing, it's like you're showing

God a t-shirt, right? But then I put it on my head, my girlfriend still thought that it looks stupid with a toddler t-shirt on my head, but what she wasn't picturing is that she wasn't picturing it made of hair, right? The whole thing is made of hair. It doesn't look like a t-shirt. It's not colored to look like a t-shirt. It's just shaped like a t-shirt over the head. Can I suggest something, Elisabeth? Yeah. What do you think about the idea,

and maybe you disagree with this, to reinvent her, and it's going against your vision? Yeah. But what do you think about the idea of drawing little hands at the bottom of the sideburns that are the sleeves on your head so that it looks more like a hollow corpse of a child. Well, look, which I assume is what you're trying to achieve.

No, I'm not trying to achieve that Andy. I do think that it perverts the idea. First of all, because you're not trying to make your head look like a torso. You're just trying to make it look like there's a t-shirt resting on top of your head. Second of all, a hand is not just going to stick out of a toddler's t-shirt. There's going to be some arm. There's actually going to be a fair bit of arm. I was picturing a long sleeve t-shirt.

This is a short sleeve t-shirt. Yeah, Andy, of course it's a short sleeve t-shirt. It's not going to work. Alex, your idea is crazy. No, it's not crazy. It's a natural evolution, because at some point people are gonna try to find both new ways of using the t-shirt

and people are gonna try to use new ways of using your hair. Yeah, right. Right, and everything in art is about making one thing, look like another thing. And what's one thing that hair hasn't looked like yet is a t-shirt and it's a thing that is so close, is so close to hair that everyone's gonna be like,

why didn't we think about it already? T-shirts are so close to hair. They're well, they're physically so close to the hair, a lot of the time. Right, and they also keep our naked skin warm. Yeah, which I guess is kind of what hair does. Yeah. Yeah.

I look, I'm sort of coming back around to this idea. I like your, your contention. Yeah. That, you know, art is just making things look like other things. Yeah. And more meaningful things and t-shirts often have like slogans and stuff on them. Would this have slogans on it? No. Why could be? I guess look, I'm not ruling out a whole, because I'm creating a whole new art for my whole new style of hair.

Yeah, well, I guess you also want to leave room for people to within that invent things. Yeah, let's not start with the slogans and then people can do that down there. You've got to leave some meat on the bone so that people have, because there's no incentive for people to go in to a new style of hair other than, you know, getting to look, you know, getting to look like a person who's got a hair t-shirt on their head. But like, you want, I want to bring innovators in and in order to bring innovators into this style of hair, you got to give them something to innovate. Because if I just completely...

Yeah, just grab everything. You're like Google making the Android platform. You want to leave it open to the developers to work within that space. Now, here's an idea that you may not have considered. Sure. And this, I think, could work in your favor, Alistair. So you know in tennis, they wear t-shirts, right?

But tennis tournaments, there's very often really strict limitations on the logos that you can have on those t-shirts. But I reckon you found a little loophole. Because I don't know if they will have considered the idea that that t-shirt could be on your head and made out of hair, right? So I reckon you get this idea that that t-shirt could be on your head and made out of hair. Right? So I reckon you get this idea that Nike or Adidas, right?

And now you say, guys, I'm playing in an upcoming Grand Slam and I want to have your logo front and center on my t-shirt, real big. They'll say, you're wasting our time, we can't do that we've tried we've tried everything yeah probably yellow you for yeah because they get out of my office yeah okay this is ridiculous you know and then you I guess you they won't be that angry if you went to them yeah yeah well I have to get angry all the time I guess they probably had their hearts broken before with this kind of thing yeah yeah and then you say, I'm sorry for wasting your time. You take a little bow, what do they notice?

Top of your head, T-shirt. Oh my god, yeah. Logo right there. Yeah, and it says, like on top of your head, it says your ad here. Yeah. You were logo here. On this T-shirt.

Yeah. And they go, wait, what am I looking at? And they go, holy shit, is that a t-shirt? We're just resting, a toddler's t-shirt resting on your head. They go, wait, no, that's, that's hair. It's perfect. Now, also, I wonder, because, you know, it's possible that maybe the tennis people

have thought at one step ahead of us, and they've made the rule sort of a blanket rule against companies low goes. No matter what the hair is made, no matter what the t-shirts made out of, if it's made out of hair, if it's just folded skin or skin, like a skin imprint,

you know, like on your leg or something like that, you know, like when you, they might have thought of all of this. Because you know, like when you sleep and you get like that imprint on your face, but what if you were to get an imprint on your leg purposefully to make it look like it's, when you sleep and you get like that imprint on your face. But what if you were to get an imprint on your leg that purposefully to make it look like it's a there's a t-shirt on there

Get it still a t-shirt Okay, and you put a logo on that right? I've got a better idea. Okay. We're back to your logo idea Back to your head T-shirt idea. But the company, what do they do? They change their logo. Their logo is now the distinctive shape of male patent baldness, right? Wow.

What have you done? You haven't broken any rule, okay? Yeah. Okay, say the tennis people, they want to stop you showing that logo. Yeah. They're going to have to cure your male patent baldness. You win.

That's right. They don't fix it. You get that logo out there on your head t-shirt. Yeah. You win again. And I think that's kind of, and also the company wins. And that's what happens when you allow your company to be more flexible and change more readily.

See, Nike couldn't do that right now because they're so locked into that tick. That tick. he couldn't do that right now because they're so locked into that tick that they couldn't advertise on the top of a head if the tennis company had already considered that hair t-shirts counted as a place where you can't put logos. But some new company that allows the changing of their logo very quickly could do the sort of pattern. And this is the future, there's going to be a lot more of this kind of thing. You're going to have to be much more flexible and adaptable in a digital marketplace or whatever. So, you know, whatever the company is willing to make this leap.

Nike can't do it, but, you know, Puma or Reebok. Reebok have almost nothing to lose at this point. There's nothing to lose. Someone comes into their office and says, Reebok,bok have almost nothing to lose at this point. Nothing to lose. Someone comes in and they're off and says, Reebok, we got nothing to lose. Okay, I'll go view our new logo to the distinctive pattern of male pattern baldness. Yeah. Okay. They say, well, that's ridiculous. Where are we going to put that? They said, it's already there. It's already there. Yeah. And then suddenly, hey, fuckos, you've got a billboard in every office in the world. And, hey, fuckos.

Yeah. Now, people who are balding, that's not a liability. That's an asset, okay? Now, everybody's gonna wanna be balding. Yeah, absolutely. Probably LeBron James will go bald. Yeah, shake your money maker, that's your head. That's your head.

Shake your head when somebody asks you, do you not want to do this? Yeah. Because you do because it's good and you'll make money. Exactly. That's your money maker, you're noggin. You're noggin. That should be it.

When people say shake your money maker, really, the most empowering thing you can do is to shake your head. Yeah, that's right. And you both. You're both declining their offer. Yeah, and reinforcing the fact that it is your mind. That is your greatest asset Andy, that is beautiful Thank you. Can you? I Almost made myself cry. I know I am crying through all of my orifices On asked here? Why did you say asked here or asked here? Because those are very

different things. Oh yeah but one would make the other sting. Which would make you cry more. Which would make it cry more. Would you make it stick more? Stick more, oh no. Infinite pain. That's why you never, you never want to get a sad torn asshole. Whatever you do, keep a torn asshole happy. Yeah. All right. Don't let it dwell. It's like, it's like the movie speed.

Yeah. But instead of letting the, not letting the bus get over, Don't let it dwell. It's like the movie speed. Yes. But instead of letting the bus get over, get under 50 miles an hour, it's not letting your asshole get sadder than like that one or the episode of a sitcom that you didn't really like. Or maybe like, you don't, no sadder than that episode of Future Rama, where the dog waited for it.

Oh, that fuck that's pretty sad. Yeah, that is pretty sad. So there's some leeway there. But, you know, there's things like that, you could accidentally hear news. Also, I think we've forgotten a key point that all this is taking place in a year of universe where aiders can cry salty tears. Yeah well I said but you're right if you accept that. It doesn't

necessarily have to be salty tears it could be acidic tears. Okay yeah. Yeah. I apologise. I lost it. Sometimes I'm just gonna be disgusting. I don't know if our audience wants this stuff. But do you sometimes do a shit that feels like it is a bit acidic? You're like, this has got an edge to it that it shouldn't have. And edgy shit.

That's actually the new frontier for edgy-ness. Yeah, that's kind of leaving comedy a lot, but now it's kind of mussely and shit. Thick shits, acidic shits, obviously very spicy shits. So this is sorry. Shits that come side on, that come through side rather than forward. Just quickly, I'll just...

What are we talking about again? Is this in some kind of? I don't know. Okay. Edgy comedy. You lost me when you left edgy comedy and now it's edgy shits. Is it comedy about shits or are we literally talking about shits that are themselves edgy and pushing boundaries? They're pushing boundaries and making a lot of people uncomfortable but I don't care. I don't give a shit. Yeah, actually I do. I do and that's what this is. Good night. It's an uncomfortable shit. Yeah. Wow. Anyway, look, I'm. So what from what we've said is an acceptable sketch idea. I can't even remember the first thing. Oh, the hair t-shirt and maybe the advertising. I think, yeah, I think like the male patent baldness is a good angle for that to go down.

It could even be a totally separate thing. If the hair t-shirt turns out to be too much of a liability, but I don't think so. Sure. Look, I mean, look, if we can't go down the, you know, the hair t-shirt works if we have like at least seven minutes. Great thing is, there's a lot of tennis you see from above as well. Oh, yeah. And the stand, you get your cameras up there. Mm-hmm.

Birds eye view. Nobody's doing that. Nobody's putting their advertising on there. Nobody. Yeah, no, it's a lot of wasted space. Think of who you're marketing to. It's a lot of like tennis. People and birds.

Yeah, it's a lot of tennis players, sort of ancestors that are going to miss out. Like, you know, kids down the road, down the line, who aren't as successful as their, you know, great grandfather, whatever, but are really hoping for a lot of inheritance. It's those kids, you know, it's that little bit of extra money that the tennis great-grandfather could have made with that tennis hair.

I mean, the T-shirt hair. This is, you're absolutely right. You're letting down future generations of tennis great grandchildren if you don't do this. Absolutely, yeah. And I think that's a good way to live your life is to, it's not your kids that you're letting down. It's because when you don't make a lot of money, like when you make a fair bit of money,

let's say you make under a million dollars in your life, that's left over, that goes to your kids, right? Sure, and that'll be fine. That'll be fine. But you kinda need like 10 million or a billion dollars to really reach for some of that money to reach your great grandchildren. Yeah, I think like a lot of people say things like well how much money is

enough to these rich people who keep earning more and more money. How much do you need and you know if you know I think I think it'd be great a great legacy to leave is like well I'd want to not just set up my children or my grandchildren. I want a future species that evolves from my genetic pool to still be able to live comfortably off my money. And when Warren Buffett gives away his fortune to charity, that's who he's taking away the opportunity for a future species who evolved from his original bone buffet, buffet sperm, things like that.

He's ruining their chance and survival. It is amazing to think that the idea, and I think this could be a sketch in a, like a, like a wildlife documentary, sort of a context or something. Like you always hear like, oh, this animal lives off, um, um, our microscopic algae that it filters out of the water system. Whereas this animal lives off the inheritance of its, you know, such and such. Oh, yeah, it could be something like a trust fund species.

Sure. Something that's probably deep in the ocean, maybe. Yeah. You know, like, there's no light here, but... They are able to subsist entirely. On a well-invested fund that was set up for them by... By the great-great-great-grandfather who was involved in the oil industry Yeah. At a time when it was just starting to boom. Well, I mean, you know, if we're talking about prehistoric species, a lot of them were

involved in the oil industry very early on when they died and their bodies became the oil that we, we now burn for oil, Alistair. I think I would like to find some other, you know, versions of that, like a species that lives off royalties from a popular song that they wrote or something like that, or... That's fun. I think we could just... Yeah, and the great thing about this song is that you just get a bit of footage of any old animal.

Sure. You just put a new voice over on it. Crickets. Crickets, great. Yeah, I know. Crickets have bad connotations. Do they? Wow, that they're bored. That's true. You know. Comedy terms. Comedy terms. If comedy had an enemy, do you think it would be crickets? If they had an enemy? Comedy. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I would, I guess enemy number one, a sum of in-lawden. Enemy number two, crickets. Yeah, but we got that awesome.

We got a sum of, yeah. We got him, I guess, now crickets. So now it's just crickets. It would be amazing if we worked our way down the 10, like the most wanted international criminal lists to the point where it was just, you know, things that kind of, instead of things that have committed horrific crimes against humanity or against our people or whatever, it is just things that are no-ass now. Like the top 10, you know, interpol worst criminals of all time, number one, people who play their phones loud on the

train. I know that's a real obvious hack comedy. Well, hack comedy is number two. Wow. Okay. So they're coming for me. Yeah. Hack comedy is like giving those guys on the train. Yeah. Absolutely. So once we get rid of that, and that's a big problem. Because that's sure. We're going're going for you know enemy number one So you're lucky that you've got a bit of time left you might even You know you might even I might say at the year you might even see at the year maybe even get to see your kids five year birthday They could also be one an animal that lives off charm. Oh yeah, absolutely.

Let's see, something kind of like... Coasting on its looks. Maybe like that... That shy loris? I was thinking of exactly the shy loris. That's the one with the huge eyes, right? Yeah. And the quite long fingers.

Yeah, and apparently poison in their teeth. So they people, maybe people often get their teeth removed to have them as pets and it's a pretty horrible existence. Poison in their teeth. So they look so beautiful like that with their big eyes. You want to kiss them. You go in, you kiss them. You put in a bit of tongue kiss, they bite you on the tongue, you're dead, feet on your body. If not your body, then some grapes, maybe you've left on your body. Yeah.

Oh. You know, maybe it just supplies, maybe oats or something. Yeah, oats, grapes. Or just like a leaf or something, something green. They probably love, you know. Combination of oats and grapes has really brought me the wrong way. I'm sorry for some reason. Yeah, I've found that really repulsive.

You know what I really like that I've come up with by myself? What? Is the combination of walnuts and apple. I don't think you've come up with that yourself. In fact, that is the pretty key combination of, I'm pretty sure, the Waldorf salad, one of the most famous salads. I've never heard of that salad. Waldorf salad, there's an episode of Faulty Towers, which is almost exclusively about the Waldorf salad. I believe it's called the Waldorf salad.

I'd never watch that show because I've heard it's garbage. Yeah, that's true. People have nothing but good bad things, fuck. People have nothing but bad things. I have seen most of all the towers, but I do have to say that the praise for it is probably at this stage a little bit out of proportion. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it,

that praising things like that almost becomes like a sport or becomes like a way to prove your own worth. Like once it reaches a certain position in the comedy or like whatever kind like talking about Donald Bradman, you know, like every cricketer now has to talk about how great Donald Bradman was. Yeah, even though they never would have seen him play, maybe they were in the live during a time of him. I don't know, it's just this weird...

Yeah, look, Faulty's house, it's old, it's a bit racist, it's a bit like... It's pretty racist. Yeah. It's like, it's like, it's a lot of yelling, getting really upset, it's okay, it's not... It's got really long legs, which is quite good. It's not a lot of nuance. But you know what, there's some funny lines. Oh, it's amazing. It's the best show ever.

It's the greatest show of time. I love it. I love it. I think I like it more than you and I think I appreciate probably. I think the thing is that I appreciate it better and more than you good appreciate because I'm better at appreciating.

Well, great comedy. I appreciate you. Oh, wow. And I'm not necessarily better than you at appreciating. I just like appreciating you. And I hope that in the future we can work together again. So I'm going to happen. Did I win? Yeah, I think you did.

Yes. You came through with a bit of magnanimity at the end there. Yeah, let's do it. Not needing to cross the line. They're not needing to win. They're not needing to win. Yeah, that's how you win. That's the real Everest.

Ha ha ha. I'll tell you when. The beat. You idiot. Could you have something like that in terms of like a competition where the real competition is not needing it? You get the sense that a few professional tennis players like Bernard Tomics or Nick Karyos, they have got this line in, if they don't win a match, they talk about how they

weren't really trying and they don't really a match, they talk about how they weren't really trying and they don't really care about tennis and that sort of thing. And that's their way. And I understand it's a defense strategy because they're probably young, vulnerable, insecure men. Sure. But it's a way to try and get prove that you're still a winner because you didn't need to win. Yeah. So the winning didn't matter, the winning has no value. And therefore you win on some other. Well, I didn't, yeah, it's like, look, if I tried, obviously I still would have won. But I wasn't trying, and therefore he won.

He beat a much lesser player than who I am. I think, yeah, yeah. So I think it'd be good to have like maybe like the press conference after a match or something as its own form of sport. Maybe. Oh, I kind of keep. But then do you kind of need two losers really? Two people who have lost the match. It kind of happens at the end of kids' shows

where like... Kids comedy shows, you mean? No, just kind of kids' shows. So let's say there's an episode of Yogabagabba where they accidentally dropped their doll in the water. It goes underwater. And they're like, oh no, but then a mermaid comes up. She's like, oh, well, I can help you go and find it.

Let's go. I'll show you the whole world down there. And then she takes it down underwater world. And then she introduces them to her mother who's like the queen of the underwater world. Right? And she's like, oh, well, we're about to have a dance competition. And the prize is this thing here, and it's the doll that they dropped.

That they dropped. And then they're like, oh, well, okay, maybe we could join the dance competition. She's like, oh, I'm not going to let you in the dance competition. You're not from under here. And then they're like, wait, no, we gotta let everybody dance. And that's a nice thing. Anyway, at the end, it's not the person who dance the best, who wins the doll.

It's the person who goes, there is no winner. It doesn't matter who wins in the end. It's like, look, it's just about having fun and getting to dance. And then she's like, oh, well, because you said that, you win, right? But what if there was more than one person who still wanted the doll then? Yeah.

And so then they would try and out, they would have to try and like go the next level. Which would be, well, you know, it's, but it's not about whether or not we win the dance competition or whether or not we have a good time. The important thing is that we don't pollute the environment while we're doing it. That's right. Or it's not really about even claiming responsibility for not polluting or for being the person who says that we shouldn't compete and have fun, it's just about being and finding comfort and just that.

You go, oh, you win. But it's not about what isn't, because there's no difference between existence and non-existence, because we're all just a type of energy and there's energy in the vacuum between things as well. And that's why that doesn't. Oh, I think I'm going to give him the doll then. I'm going to give it to Jim Carrey. Is that what's the kind of thing? The kind of stuff he's saying at the moment.

Yeah. You're a wind-jimkary. Do you think that's what Jim Carrey's trying to do? Since he discovered he couldn't win an Oscar. He's trying to prove that there is no existence. I think trying to outwaffle everybody else. Positive waffle. Oh.

Positive waffling. That makes it sound like you're just trying to come up with, you know, like the most positive on sort of It's like it's judgment judgmental and conflicting and like there's no expectations on you and it's just about enjoying moments and things like that It's about that. It's about finding them the. The least you have to do other than be and experience, which is the highest experience, which is no experience.

It's kind of a bit of a bit of Buddhism, do you think? That like, and mindfulness, that sort of thing, is really, it's not doing anything at all if I misunderstand it correctly, which I think I am. Then you don't do anything, you just sort of, you don't even really experience your own experiences, you just sort of observe your own experiences and acknowledge them. I think we don't even observe your own experiences. You observe the process of observing yourself observing your own experiences.

You're not even the observer. You observe the observer. I realized that wanting to be at peace was a kind of hunger and you know kind of wanting them something and suffering. Yeah That's why I don't want that anymore. So now all I do is just trying to give that up I'm just trying to close my eyes not wanting to but I'm just trying to let the weight My eyes Close my eyes look bad And I don't I don't say to try to keep my mouth closed because I think

that would do wanting in some way. That I just kind of fall to the ground. I don't I don't like this the craving that kind of comes from not breathing. So I kind of just try and let just try and let the air just come in and out of my lungs. I thought just let the natural process take over. And I just. Tell you, ants would love this. Yeah, because then they could start eating your flesh. Yeah, well, they'd just be in your mouth, getting your moisture.

Getting, they could go into your gut, get any food. Get some food out. Yeah. Because I guess other people would have to be feeding you, come over instead of just put, you know, the occasional spoonful of mush in your mouth. We're spending a lot of money trying to invent tiny machines that can go into our bodies

and heal cells and that sort of thing. Yeah. So you get rid of cancer, so I think it sounds like something ants could do. Yeah, we could bioengineer ants to be smaller, first of all. Yeah, or us to be bigger. Or big, yeah, that's true. That's a good idea, Andy. Yeah, or has to be bigger. Or big. Yeah, that's true. That's a good idea, Andy. Yeah, we're going to be great.

Be like, why are we trying to build tiny robots? Let's just make us enormous and use regular sized robots. It's a great idea. Oh, you just get... Why do we have to shrink somebody down? This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising.

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Andy This is a startup where you're disrupting the nanotechnology industry. I'm looking at it from a different angle. Yeah, you're taking the macro humanity angle. The gigantic human. Carbon nanotubes. Hello, why not just a big wooden stick? Yeah, how about just a carbon nanotubes, why not just a big wooden stick? Yeah, how about just a, like a PVC pot? Yeah, and then everything else is just bigger than that still. Or you could just use those big concrete pipes that they use to like, you know, channel

rivers and things like that. Yeah, yeah. Just make yourself really big, really big. I reckon we could get at least first round funding for this. Yeah. Yeah. So it's some very empowering bullshit. Embo, embo. I think we'll create, this is slightly, I don't know, this is going back a little bit,

we'll create a philosophy of mind. It's called embo,BU, which is short for empowering bullshit. Yeah, great. EMBU. Yeah, it's just got that sound, right? It's got the M, it's got the Boo. Yeah. It's got the interplay between the two.

That's right. It's got the M, it's got the Boo, it's got the interplay between the two. That's right. It's got the M, it's got the boo, it's got the interplay between the two. M and the boo. Interplay between the two. This is my favorite episode. Is it really? Yeah, I'm having a really good time. No, I can't great. That wasn't even an exciting answer. But it's just like such a strong thing to say. Yeah, empower. So where are we going with Enbu? I don't know.

Maybe the maybe empowering, maybe Enbu, empowering Bullshit, is quite explicit about will you just believe whatever you want to believe in the moment to make you feel good, right? And you just tell yourself what you need to hear to justify the way you behave. I think a lot of it would just be in the tone that you say things. So I think you could just keep saying it.

I don't talk about other things, but you could say like, I think I just want a glass of water. And you go like, yeah. That's embo. Yeah, that's embo, man. So's embo, man. Yeah, right. So you got to follow that one, right? Yeah, I think you've got the glass of water. Like I think you've already got it and it's like in you.

And like I think I want a glass of water and it's already in me. Yeah. But then are they actually going to get glasses of water or they could? I think they should because it's not It's not explicitly bullshit, Alistair like the way you're talking. It's almost meaningful All right, what is it? I thought it was complete bullshit

It it was but it's it's not not explicitly bullshit enough, right? Because... Yeah, because I think Enbu is more like in your face about the fact that it just tells you what you wanna hear, right, and tells you that what you want and what you're doing is fine. It's fine and right. And right, yeah.

Sure, but then do you need to, and look, maybe this is not in embo philosophy, but do you need to sort of prepare for in case the person sort of changes their mind and what they want to do, so you don't want them to feel bad if they change their mind. So let's say they go, yeah, man, I think I just need like a roast beef sandwich. And you're like, yeah, right on. Bro, you can totally get that. Go get it. But if you don't get it, hey, I think that's great.

Yeah. But you should get that sandwich until you don't want it. And then that's your end boot telling. You don't get that sandwich. And if like while you're eating it, you want to like add some fries to it or something like that, that's you. Yeah. And that's right. And that's you doing, you want to add some fries to it or something like that. That's you. Yeah. That's you need to do.

And that's right. And that's you doing what you need to do to be the best you. Yeah. And you can be right now. Yeah. And if you accidentally break one of your teeth while biting through like an all of that was in there that was unpidded accidentally, that'll be perfect for you, I think. No, but I think I think that's because then be a good idea. I think that's going to be a good idea.

I think that's going to be a good idea. I think that's going to be a good idea. I think that's going to be a good idea. I think that's going to be a good idea. I think that's going to be a good idea. I think that's going to be a good idea. I think that's going to be a good idea. I think that's going to be a good idea.

I think that's going to be a good idea. I think that's going to be a good idea. life and that's why you need to see those counts. Why is he? I think you've got a beat, like you've got a real deep understanding of Embo that I don't think I've quite reached the mastery of, which is why I keep saying things that aren't anymore. That are wrong and this thing that we're making up together, I'm able to tell you that when you're not doing it right.

Well, I mean, I think that you've actually had a, you've had a little bit more time, probably like, like, you had about 30 seconds on me to actually really think about an imbuist. Yeah. And that's why, in this sort of field that's existed for roughly two and a half minutes, that's actually a huge advantage and that's why, you can see a guy like me, flailing instead of trying to get my foot

roughly twice as much experience with emboors as you have Alistair and should I just write down embo but and but I won't like I won't go right beyond I don't think you're qualified right any of the details am I spelling it right EMBU yeah yeah yeah it's empowering bullshit. OK, right. I wasn't 100% sure on that. And then I guess we have a bunch of pamphlets that are just a bunch of contradictory

or you know, a lot of qualifications and caveats. But I think that I'm always draws my attention is when some kind of philosophy like that does talk very negatively about the people in your life who are trying to stop you, who are trying to like slow you down or suck your energy or you know basically just another way of saying haters. Well yeah that's you know that's entirely like it's the beginning of cult behavior where it's like it's trying to extract you from

from the other people in your life that are gonna take you away from this ideology. Yeah, isolate you. Yeah, isolate. But now I'm questioning everything else, because I feel like Enbu in a way would also say that those people are just following their Enbu, but it's taking them away from you.

That's great. Well, I think that's okay. Now, I know that there's isolation, right, which is where you take somebody and you move them away from sort of other data points, whatever. But then what about like, isosolating somebody? Where you move them,

equidistant from two. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, or, yeah, I think that's probably better than trying to find a way to make them into a triangle. No, or if you can, can you make them into a triangle? I suppose the way that you would isolate somebody is by putting them in a sort of position where your legs kind of bend out. So you know, you're kneeling, but then your knees are kind of touching and your feet are going outward

like that. And then you get your hands arms down and you get them to touch your toes. Yeah. And I think maybe that's the closest to it. I saw salating yourself. It sounds really painful. Yeah, you don't want to do it. It's been off the rails. Once I started talking about it, I saw something waiting. I think, you know, it's a... I think the triangle is a very strong shape. Yeah. Andy, earlier, I mean, I think this is in the last episode. You mentioned something about... about a philosophy podcast.

And that they kept mentioning giraffes a lot. You said it was really hard. What do you think is the hardest thing about giraffes? I guess like imagining from an evolutionary point of view their trajectory. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what about you. Like I guess I guess I guess. Physically hard. Well I mean it could be, I guess I always picture maybe the end of that little antenna. It's pretty hard. Yeah, I guess also the knees, I feel like they probably kneel down pretty hard. You know, like when they're kneeling, they go down, look on those knees, and they would

get real worn and hard. So that would be the hardest part, yeah. Yeah. Maybe like, no, I reckon probably like the hardest part would be that part be the hardest part, yeah. Maybe like now I reckon probably like the hardest part would be that part where the neck meets the body. That's gotta be thick, doesn't it? I think probably the hardest part would be saying goodbye. Yeah, to a giraffe. To a giraffe. Like when you really got very close to them. To a buck. To a buck. Because also you know that it would be harder to kind of get in with the buck than it would be with maybe one, you know, if I guess that they had a multi-female

kind of thing, they'd probably recognize you as male and see you as a challenger to the female herd. So once you've got close to them, it's more work. So that's what makes it so hard. It's more work to get in, but I think you're in deeper once you're in with a male. Right. When you get past their defenses. Yeah. And I think, you know, they probably don't let a lot of people in because they can't relax because it's all just, you know, making sure no male steal your girls.

Well, then I think maybe the hardest part probably then is when you later on, after you've said goodbye to that buck, form another relationship with another buck, and you realize that you could have formed this relationship with any buck, and that the first relationship wasn't as meaningful as you thought it was, and that actually we're all just sort of bobbing around in a sea of probabilities, encountering who we encounter, but the individual connections are interchangeable and ultimately not as meaningful as the framework that you'd built around them. Yeah, right. And we did the hardest part.

Well then maybe then the even hardest part would be like the later realization that actually although interchangeable Hypothetically all those experiences that you had due to the limited amount of time there are only so many experiences and bonds that you can form and therefore each one is important because it plays and therefore each one is important because it plays a part in a huge fraction of the percentage of time that you spend here and there your only chance at experiences. Right, and your earlier realization actually meant that you didn't experience those connections as deeply as you should have. Yeah. And that's why you feel the hardest thing is... Empty.

The hardest thing is not making the most of the whole experience either that or the hoops and actually yeah or That's good. I would actually say the most important thing is it's not about who wins the dance competition. Yeah, yeah It's that you just had fun and that you didn't have to worry about all these over thinking That's right. Hey, we've got five sketch ideas. Do you want to, oh, but hang on, we have something else before you don't. We have three words from a listener that has been provided for us to come up with a sketch idea based upon.

Do you know the name of the listener, Alistair? Oh, Jesus. You didn't write that down, did you? The half an hour you took before this podcast, around with your phone and the pain and it's same Evans. Sam Evans has given us three words and his words are hog flower doom. I just love the phrase hog flower. Yeah hog flower absolutely, absolutely. Well, obviously there's the chance that we get to the end of the hog flower species. There's one hog flower left.

It's a flower that's kind of not that dissimilar from the orchid. Those little twirly things they have at the bottom of the orchid. It twirls around resembling a snout. A snout or a pig's tail, even you know, a little bit. Yeah, absolutely. Corkscrewed little tail. Well, maybe it's stem is a corkstruise corkstruise stem. Oh, well, corkstruise stem, a little noise, then. And also, the weird thing about this hog flower is that

it smells, but it's not that it has a smell, is that it actively smells. But it's not that it has a smell, is that it actively smells. And we're losing the last of the species of flowers that smell. My hog flower has no nose. How does it smell actively? Actively. Because it uses some plant form of smelling, which involves particles landing on a... What's that part what's that statement?

A statement is exactly the word I was looking for. Yeah. Um, I do, uh, what, what, what, what about the, like, I, cause I, I, saw me if I'm wrong, and I said, but I don't see immediately a sketch in that as a, as a, as a thing. I guess it's more about the guy, the, the botanist who's trying to inform the world about the importance of this flower and saying that there is only one left, but you know, then talking about how silly the flower is. Yeah, I think that could be more heightened if the flower was quite annoying in some way.

Like if the flower itself was, because I think, you know, it's hard to get, when we've talked about this in the podcast I think it's hard to get, when we've talked about this in the podcast, before it's hard to get people interested in the extinction of animals that are like small or boring or something like that. But what about ones that are sort of irritating or obnoxious even, right? So if the, if the whole flower was almost like a male

chauvinist pig, if the, if the the yeah, that's actually where my mind had just gone Yeah, right. It was actually like it was kind of sexually harassing everybody Yeah, okay, and you know Like a Like a flower like a feel the flowers that when you walk past all the flowers lean over to brush up against you. Yeah, yeah, they're doing it in a real sleazy way. Yeah, and it's a real weed that sort of takes over very quickly. And people don't want to go have to pull it out because it's because of the advances. Yeah, and you're left feeling dirty, I guess. Yeah, very horrible.

It's kind of sweaty. It's the only plant that swears. Spaces. And then it has stubble. Well, I mean, this is problematic. This is absolutely problematic. But I like this. The only good thing about this flower

is that it's very egalitarian. That is nice. The only good thing about this flower is that it's very egalitarian. That is nice. Animal, male, female, even other plants. It actually smothers all the other plants with affection, unwanted affection. But then I do think it is also good to have the botanist trying to make the case that we should be protecting this plant, right, that like it has been through some sort of campaign has been sort of driven to near extinction. Again, a common theme on the podcast, but that they are trying

to defend this thing and maybe they're going on chat shows and the plant is being quite obnoxious. They take a plant with them in a pot plant. Plants being quite obnoxious. It's getting all over the host. It's getting all over the host. And the person trying to defend this plant

is like tired by association. They cop a lot of backlash. And really all they're trying to do is protect their species. What do you have to say about these plants are sort of starting to surround our schools and they're starting to rub their sweaty stubble on our children? Well, obviously I've never said that the plant should be allowed to grow everywhere. I just think that it's important that we keep this part of the ecosystem alive.

We don't know what's gonna happen. If we get rid of this, there could be even worse plants that are being kept in bay. For example, it's the only flower that smells, actively smells, and it comes in, and it smells your hair. Oh! Oh!

Oh! You lean in for a sniff to smell the plant and the plant good. Oh yeah. It's also the only flower that grows. More of a morn, morn and grown. Yeah, I think that's good now. The doom is that, so maybe he has to propose some kind of... Well, the doom represents the fact that it's about to be extinct

It's about to be extinct But maybe has to provide or propose some kind of like bio dome where it goes or maybe some kind of like no It's doom not dome male doom. Sorry bio doom Yeah, I mean if bio doom hasn't already been used as the headline in an article about Environmental collapse If bio-dume hasn't already been used as the headline in an article about environmental collapse, what are they doing? I think are you disappointed with all writers in the world? Yeah, I think I am. All of them collectively.

I'd like to go around individually just sigh. Well, if there are any writers here, you're... It's not with you, honestly. Are you telling all the others? I still don't consider myself a writer. Yeah, really? But I just write jokes. Yeah, what is that?

What is that? Nothing. And then I'll work with some TV pilots and there's some podcast pilots. This is a podcast. I'm not writing any of that. Anyway. And I'll take you.

I'm going to run you through the ideas. OK, brought us some sketches. OK, good. We got the hair t-shirt idea, which is it? Did you come up with this idea when you heard the expression wearing a hair shirt? Absolutely, no, I have no idea what that means. That is the thing that the monks used to do, they used to wear quite a scratchy, uncomfortable shirt,

so that they were constantly uncomfortable as some sort of offering to God. Jesus Christ. I know. Get your life together. Just do something, you know? It's just a haircut. It's just a book or something.

It's not something dumb like Dan Andy. This is just a haircut that is shaped to look like you've got a toddler's t-shirt on your head. Right? And what this does is when it becomes really popular is when tennis players realize that they can get around some of those logo laws about how big a logo you can have on your t-shirt by putting a logo on their hair t-shirt and then they convince another company to change their logo to male pattern baldness and then they can't sleep that logo into tennis matches. Yeah. And even in the stands, there'll be people in the stands. That's right.

Who aren't wearing baseball caps who you'll be able to see. Yeah. I mean that would make people take their baseball caps off if they knew that they could and can track skin diseases on their head from the sun. Yeah, I know, but for good average age, your logo to be a skin disease. There you go. On a bald, probably some young, some young irreverent startup would do that. Yeah. Anyway, then we have an underwater species that subsists off of its ancestors and investments. Another creature that lives off of royalties from a song and another that lives off of its charm.

Yeah, just off of charm. All these creatures that live in a very, you know, environmentally difficult places. Probably a creature maybe even that lives in space. What about one that lives off welfare for all? Oh yeah, that's good. Yeah, like it's a sort of a Mexican walking fish, right? But it's a Mexican pretends it has trouble walking fish. Oh, we see.

It has a little crutch. The Mexican limp fish. Oh, we see. It has a little crutch. The Mexican limp fish. Yeah. Limping fish. Limping fish. A limping fish. A limpet? The a limp.

The a limpings. Why don't they call? Oh no. Don't finish it any further. Well, how do I have to now? Everybody already knows what it is. But do I have to say it to just make it worse somehow? No.

OK, good. I don't know. If you don't know what it is, text. Then that way, nobody can cut it out. You just had the thought, Andy. You can't be vilified for having a thought. That's right. Maybe you can.

Pretty strongly alerting good. There's out pausy waffling to get dollback. So that's the, you know, the thing where you try to out, find a deeper meaning for something to score something. And so like this, in this case, it would be trying to win a doll back, let's say at the bottom of the sea from the mermaid queen, but it doesn't have to be, you can... It could be something else.

It could be something else. What we've just created here is a sketch template on which you can apply this skin to almost any scenario in which an object needs to be gotten back from a person of authority. Yes. Like a mermaid.

Like a mermaid queen under the sea. But it could work sort of in a garbage pile from some kind of like a garbage uncle and you're trying to get back the one fork, the one unbroken fork. You've got a garbage uncle is being a position of authority. In the garbage world. In the context of garbage. In the context of a hierarchy, a hierarchy, a garbage society. Oh, which we came up with on a previous podcast.

I know, but it's not that one. I'm talking about humans who live in a garbage pile, orphans who are living in a garbage pile. And the uncle is the only surviving ancestor. live in a garbage pile, orphans living in a garbage pile, and the uncle is the only surviving ancestor. Right. Oh, that's amazing. I'm sorry, that's explained everything. Then we've got disrupting the nanotechnology industry

by making us way bigger. I'm pretty amazed we wrote that down. Yeah, me too. There was actually one in between hair t-shirt and underwater species that I didn't write down. Yeah, we tell there was actually one in between hair t-shirt and underwater species That I didn't write on there's maybe even two Wow That I think they were funny enough to write down, but we didn't Then obviously that we've got embo, which is empowering bullshit, which is Andy's

That exclusively I know what is it what counts as a form of that all right? I'm not gonna tell anybody, but you can suggest things to me and I'll shut them down if they're wrong. Okay. There's the hardest part of the giraffe. We wrote that down, it's a sketch. I mean, it's a, I think it could just be, it's a philosophical essay, maybe more. So then it is a full sketch, but I think it's still a philosophical essay sketch. I think it's like ancient Greeks discussing it, figuring it out.

Yeah, you're right. I think that's a great, for us, that's a great format. We just get some toggas. We just get around. So, Chip, find a dirty area. Dirty area. I just sat around the dirt, didn't know that the toggas. They had toggas. We just sit around. So Chutey find a dirty area? Dirty area. They just sat around the dirt. In the name of the toggas. Why is it so dirty if they're wearing like a long dress? Yeah. Why the dragon in the dirt? Why is this so much dirt in the dirt?

Dust. Oh, you know, we're black toggas at least. I guess the the citadelate brown dirt will still come up. We're a light brown dirt- Well, we're going to the fire. But also make it shorter. Right, why does the toga have to come down to the ground? I haven't come down to just sort of the mid-thigh. Just why not? Just a bikini. Yes.

A light brown. A light brown. Unisex bikini. Socrates is never depicted in a light brown, you de-sex bikini. If he was so smart, he would have worked this out himself. Maybe that's how he was corrupting the young. That's how he was suggesting the light brown, you de-sex bikini. It was a needy-be-dee-y light brown, unisex bikini.

Thank you. You saw cruddy's drugs to kill him for corrupting the young for suggesting this. Any we need to. Oh, it stains don't come up all that easy. Pretty difficult to clean he On a much more easy much more easy to clean

and then we have the Chauvinist plant plant which is in the hog flower which is a sort of a It's a plant that sort of it of comes on to you all the time. Rather than moving towards the sun, it moves towards any other living thing and comes on to them, creeps all over them. If I was the sun and sunflowers were following me around all day,

I'd feel pretty uncomfortable about that, for you honest. And it's basically the plant version of the sunflower, but it makes sense. But it makes sense. It hasn't started well, Alistair. Hope you can stick the landing. Come on, buddy, you could do this. But it makes a person feel,

the sun feels about sunflowers, except that this flower sweats, stubble, smells your hair. Actively. Actively. And groans. And it's not like the Is That Dave plant, which we came up with in a previous episode,

because it doesn't look like a man just acts like one. This is more like a creeping sort of like a you know one of those plants that creeps up a wall but it creeps along the ground. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, Thank you so much for listening to Two In The Thing Tank. Oh, far out, it was good. Yeah. Far out was good. I had a really good time.

Alistair said it was a good episode at some point. And, no, if he was telling the truth, I was actually telling the truth. I was having a really good time. I was telling the truth, I think it came after an awkward pause, but I still meant it regarding the episode. Right. Still stands. It still stands as a genuine opinion. And thank you for the three words suggestions.

Do you think that the reason that life began was because it had been so there there be no life and it had just been quiet for so long it'd been such a long pause that life had to begin just so somebody could say such as to break the silence. Break the ice. Break the ice. You know what's crazy? At about at about 9 I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was tossing up when I started my sentence between that option and the one about the start of life. I think one of us has to kill ourselves. Because we're no longer even being, we're not two individual people. No, it's largely redundant.

We could, one of us could disappear, get crushed in like a garbage compact. And then we could just clone the other, and then the other, you know, if our family's misses, and they could just take over. Do you think you'd, yeah, okay, I guess that would be fine. Yeah.

I guess they could clone me from my set of mushy dead body. But I mean, yeah, only if everyone's okay with it. Yeah, but also not, I don't want them to clone my mushy dead body and clone, create another mushy dead body. I meant like, create like a living version. Sure. That's really uncanny and weird. I think that is a sketch idea though as well that like life started to break the silence. Which is crazy because like we would have had to wait so long as well before language evolved and people were actually able to say something.

But I mean, I guess you just got to get started. You got to do something, yeah. Just get the ball rolling. That little uni-cellular, that's why you, it sells look like, or circular. Yeah. Often. Ball rolling.

Yeah. So you can find us on Twitter or to Intank. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And I'm at Alistair TV. Also I appeared on some podcasts. I mean, I appeared on the SansPants Radio podcast.

Yeah, you've mentioned that on the previous podcast. On the previous podcast. But SansPants Radio, those guys are excellent and very, very funny and you should check out there. They've got so many podcasts, but plumbing the Death Star with Alistair is a really good place to start, if you haven't already listened to it. And I also appeared on Pop Quiz Hot Shot. Yes.

And which is a little quiz show where I was interviewed. And it's a great podcast. You should listen to it. And I'm on the most recent episode. It is really good and really funny and fun. It's a monthly podcast. And they do also do another podcast called It's a Duck Blur where they go through every episode of Duck Tales. And I think they finished it

and now I think they're going through Darkwing Duck. That's actually really, really good. There's another one where the duck is a robot or something or has a robot suit. Anyway, we'll talk about that later on. Absolutely. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.

Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. It's not optional, you have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. Yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

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