Two In The Think Tank - 120 - "SUBTEXT PRODUCT PLACEMENT"

Episode Date: February 27, 2018

Check out Andy and Al in Sci Fi Sketch Experience at Melbourne Comedy Festival from 28 March to 8 April - get tickets HEREThanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank for $13 worth of FREE SHAVING STUFF for NOTHING BUT THE SHIPPING COSTPointy Numbers, FMT, Fustler, Crab Starlet, Subtextual Selling, AntiSMOKEing, Premium Fire Brigade, Bread BeastAnd you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereUrgent, heartstopping thanks to George Matthews for producing  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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from our great mites. Call host of the two in the Think Tank podcast, sitting with me in the studio today, it's Alistair George William, Tromlai Virtual, how you doing, buddy. Very well, thank you, Andrew, George William, Athias. Thank you, and thank you for putting your name inside of my name. Yeah, sort of like, I'm your nucleus now. That's right. You're my cell wall.

name. Yeah, sort of like, I'm your nucleus now. That's right. You're my cell wall. My, yep, all I want to do is I want to be like a barrier between your middle names and the harsh reality of the world. Can you protect them for me? Yeah, I'm going to nestle them in my nominal bosom. Oh, yeah. I like that. Thank you. And, uh, Alistair, while I've got you here, this is like the perfect opportunity to talk about the, uh, the people who make the two-in-the-thing tank podcasts possible. Do you mean you and me? Alistair, I'm talking about you and me. I just want to take a moment to talk about you and me. Yeah. And the good work that we do, but before I do that, I also wanted to thank the people that make you and me possible and that is the good people at Harry's Rays' What are their names?

Mr. Yeah, and Harry's Yeah, and Rays' And Mr. Rays' And Mr. Rays' Yeah, I think one of them is called Andy Great

Yeah, and the other one, I have no interest in I'm sorry if the guys from Harry's Rays is a listening right now, really respect that you do that kind of ground level work in your organization, stay in touch with the people, like us very much at the call phase. But also, I'm sorry that I didn't remember the other ones name. But also, thank you for your wonderful razors.

Thank you for your wonderful razors, and thank you for giving the opportunity for two of the Think Tank listeners to go to harrys.com-forslashthink tank. That's harrys.com forthslashthink tank and get $13 worth of free shaving gear for only the cost of shipping. And this is like $13 worth of harry. That's $13. harrys. And harrys.com dollars, they go a long way in harrys world. Absolutely. You get a lot of gear for that. I'll tell you about later in the show, but look, suffice to say, you know, it'll suffice if I say that it's everything you need for a great shave. I'm talking like the blades, the handle, the cream, everything. Your face. Your face is not

in there, but you'll wish it was. That's right, because it'll be like you're getting a new face. When that box arrives, you open it up, maybe there's a little mirror, but the mirror's on delay, or something, I don't know how they made this delay mirror, but you don't see yourself until after you've shaved. Yeah, but metaphorically, in the box is a new face, or armpit or leg. Great, hopefully, hopefully you don't get those things confused,

you wind up with a new armpit on your face. But even if you did, if it's a hairy shave-dump pit, I reckon you could go out there and put it with a confident smile on your armpit. Society will welcome you in. They will absolutely with open and hairless arms. Society will wrap them around your face. Faces in their armpits. Anyway, Harry's not comfortable.

It's less than tank and you can get that deal and bloody hell. I got so much more to say. This is a cult arms. This is a cult arms and pits. Yeah, go out there. Get Harry's raises, shave your arms and pits, faces, backs, groin all areas.

Yes. Anywhere that is legally okay for people to recommend. That you shave. That you shave. And are you saying that we've already gone to the limit of what we can? I don't know. That's what I'm saying is I don't know.

I would say don't, you probably can't legally tell people to shave children. Sure. Or eyeballs probably? I wouldn't say it in good conscience. Yeah. So that's not even legal thing. It's a law of nature. A hairy eyeball? That doesn't bear thinking about. But a shaved eyeball? That also doesn't bear thinking about. Yeah. So just don't think about it. Just listen to the words, but let them wash over you,

but don't let them dwell in your mind hole. Yeah. And boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Hello and welcome to the Two In The Think Tank Podcast to show where we come up with Alistair. Two, five, fuck. Three. I don't know. Five sketch ideas. Hello and welcome to the two in the think tank podcast to show where we come up with Alistair.

Two, five, fuck, three. I don't know. Five sketch ideas. Five sketch ideas. Alright, let's go. We're going to go for a nice round five. Nice round five. It's not even really a round number though, is it?

No, but I feel like it should be an even number because we've got five fingers on a hand. Yeah. That feels even to me. Yeah. It feels. I mean, I'll tell you what, it'd be odd. Yeah. Six fingers on your hand. That would feel odd. Yeah. So, where is, yeah, look, I think we should go through the numbers and just reassign which ones we think are

odd based on how they strike us. Well, one feels round. It does. It's very round. It's very round. And yet, zero doesn't feel round yet it looks round. All right, well we'll have to come up maybe all numbers are round but just in different ways. Well a lot of the time we just say a number is round because it's got a zero at the end of it. Yeah, yeah. That's true. So that's a round at end. Is that why we call it round? Not a number, but then why? You pay a large of a bench or something. Yeah, but then is a two around number? Because I mean, it's kind of round,

but that's not the why they say that it's round. Yeah. They say it goes, it's going. Is two around number? It's a rounded number, but I don't think it's fully round. It's not round? No. Oh, it's an even.

I feel like we've talked about round numbers on the podcast before. Don't you have like rounding stuff up and rounding stuff down. I don't know, and it's going back years. I don't remember anything we've said anymore. Okay, is there anything Alistair to be said for the opposite of rounding numbers? Which is like pointing numbers.

Squaring off numbers? Yeah, squaring off numbers. Given them a nice sharp edge, right? Sharpening numbers. Just like, the government's gonna spend $15,000 on supporting a small community garden business. But if you just say $15,000, or even worse, if you say a million, right?

It makes it sound like you haven't thought about it. It makes it sound like you're just making up a number. You gotta see like 800,826,538. Oh, that sounds like a well-costed policy. Oh, that's a nice jaggedy number. I'm not going to ask any further questions. So is that a thing that we can have, which is called sharpening numbers or jaggedy-ing numbers,

where you have some kind of a number that you need to apply to something, but you want it to sound thoughtful so you put a whole lot of bullshit on the end. Yeah, I think it's part of the trickery that you use to make it seem like you've done more work than you have. Exactly. Like I know, whenever I've had to put in a quote for some bullshit bit of work that I've done, and sorry if you've ever employed me, but everything I've done has been bullshit. Do you steal from your employers? You don't steal though, right?

Uh, I, only in the sense that I will sometimes add us a bit of money to the number to make it seem like a more realistic number. Sure, but there's also no, there also no fixed value of what you're worth. So, any, whatever you're worth, whatever you're paid, is just whatever anybody else will agree to pay you. It's true. At the moment, we're getting paid like $500 a day. Can I kind of say that?

I'm sure I said it. Yeah, but it's three days a week. Doing a bit of work, getting paid $500 a day. I don't think, that's too arbitrary. It's very arbitrary Like if they they they clearly don't value what we do even though that's a great amount of money to be paid Yeah, if they thought about what we do. Yeah, they would have worked out that it's not exactly $500 worth a day. It's like $5.86 or it's 4.23 or 3.30 56 or it's 423 or 331.

So when I next time I go into my pain negotiation, I'm looking to ask for a necessarily a bigger number. I'm just gonna ask for a more accurate number to show that they've thought about it because really that's what I want. I want to be thought about. But the trouble is, is that if they really think about it, then they might realize that what we're doing doesn't have value.

Eddie value it all. And so I think that's why you want a nice round number so that it just slips by their mind without any scrutiny applied to it. That's what's great about round numbers is that that rounded edge allows them to roll basically across the mind without getting caught in any of the grooves. It's a round number is like a curry for your mind. It goes right through it and then comes out in your pants.

In your pants? Well, that's where you keep your money. Yeah. And your poo. Yeah. Which is a form of money in a culture that needs bacterium. Now we don't, everybody doesn't, sorry I lost it. It's fine, everybody doesn't wear nappies, right?

Okay. But wouldn't it be crazy to have a pocket in the back of your pants, just hangs over and hangs back there, the back of your pants, it's inside your pants, that if you needed to, you could shit into it. Wait, okay, so like a shitting pocket, like a portable toilet. Yeah.

But that is a pocket, so you're rethinking the toilet. It's just like a, sort of like the front pocket on a, on like a... Pretty sure the last episode started with a big discussion about shit as well, and we apologize then. But anyway, yeah, no, Alistair, you were supporting me with my idea. That's Andy, because I support you.

Thank you. So it's sort of like a pocket, like the front of a poncho or something like that. Yeah. Just like a big pocket, maybe. Inside the pants, people don't see it. Right. But if needs be, you can, I guess, reach through your fly, right, around, back, under

your ass, right, grab the front edge of the pocket, pull it forward across your ass, and then shed into it. All right. So it's not just always there. No, it's not always like, it's sort of like a closed pocket that lies flat across the back of the pants. And then you open it, like a little pop stud there. What about just like a bit of tubing?

Like sort of like one of those plastic things leaves that they put in a wet umbrella into it. Yeah. And then you just have that run down your leg. Great. And then you have the other stuff run down your leg. And then that way you just kind of seal it up at the top like a... Is that those little sock things for umbrellas?

Are those for putting the umbrella into when it's wet? I think so. I guess that makes sense. What was the reasoning in your mind? Well, I always take those things off. I always don't put it in there in the wet because I don't want to get that sock wet. So I just sort of leave the umbrella dripping around the office or whatever. But where do you find those? What do you mean? Where do you see those plastic things? Those socks.

Oh, so you okay. You mean, right, you mean, especially when you go to some sort of location and they've got a special thing for sticking your umbrellas into. Yeah. Yeah, right, I thought you meant those, those like, ones that come with the umbrella. Oh, no. You know? I mean, maybe those are for that.

The umbrella sleeve. Someone would have to speak to some kind of umbrella designer or umbrella, maybe historian or something like that. One of the way that Robbins and Crusoe made an umbrella while he was shipwrecked on the island out of goat skin and wood. But I'm not sure if he made a sleeve or a bag to put it into when it was wet. Well, it doesn't sound like he'd be able to open it and close it, Eric. I reckon that's the real sign of civilization.

I, my vague memory is that he could open and close the umbrella. Really? Yeah, although that seems totally... He made that inner metallic spring system. He made something that award. He made a spring out of goat. Yeah, probably. Goatbone spring?

Goatbone. Goatbone spring, dude. Maybe you could do it just like, like like instead of like a spring, you could just use like a springy organ, like a spleen or something like that. Well, yeah, and it might be in flight, a goat bladder or something like that. The great thing about parachute, it can't be at all. Yes. Is that in a way it's all over? I can't. I feel like this one's going somewhere else.

Oh, but a parachute. A parachute is also an umbrella. That is true. Yeah, it's like an umbrella being used at its full capacity. Like when you're up there, where the air is rarefied, you float along, you see a big storm coming away. You're going to thank God.

You're too. Thank God I'm up here. I do this huge umbrella. I could have been down there stuck with no umbrella. Wait on the ground. Here I am dry in the sky. All right, look, all I've written down so far is jaggedy numbers, question mark. Yeah, well, you know, and I think the question mark is very valid. Yeah. If you've just written down the question mark, I would have supported you in that. Yeah.

Do you post-traumatic stress disorder, Alistair? Is there, is there like a version of that, right? But that is more user-friendly. Like I feel like post-traumatic stress disorder is another thing that was invented by the military, right? But I'd like to see it with a domestic application. Sure. Like a more like day-to-day use.

Sure, okay, so like, okay. Why does this innovation made by the military? Why does it have to remain the province of people who have gone through a severe trauma? Yeah. How can I use that? So it brings you back to the time when you were under attack, let's say, in the military one. Yeah. Yeah. But this is one that, like, a sound will trigger and bring you back to a time where maybe you were enjoying pancakes. I guess what we're discussing here is just memory, isn't it? Memory? I know, but it's intense memory that you can't escape from.

Yeah, right. Sort of, like, you know, maybe in a way that you could tailor it to being functional So let's say right You know, so let's say you want to have like a post-traumatic stress type reaction like like you know full-on intense flashback to a time that you were very productive Yes, you know in your back office and you were in the zone and flowed clearly and it happened not long after your Felix the Cat clock went,

cuckoo, cuckoo on that, you know. And so then in your other place, or maybe in your watch, work place or whatever. You have that cuckoo sound. To activate a productivity mode. I think there's something in this allustin. You know, like I'm always tempted by those ads

that are like, become a speed reader. No, yeah. Right. Evelyn Wood, so. Could be. Yeah. I think that's one of the groups, maybe. Right.

So, and then if there was something that was like that, it's like post-traumatic, one of the most intense experiences that people with someone can experience is post-traumatic stress disorder. But if you could harness that power to become more efficient at work, what would become a better writer? Now, I'm interested. Trying to change. It's just an instant frame of mind using a sound.

Yeah. trying to change, it's just an instant frame of mind using a sound. Yeah, even if it was to like you're going to an exam, right? You want to remember the opening passage of the Sun also rises, right? Because you've got to write an essay about it. Of course. All you've got there is you've queued yourself up with a series of traumatic experiences that you've passed when you were reading the Sun also rises. Sure. And a various different cues which you can play off your watch. Yeah. One of the different different noises, bird song, helicopter. I sure hope they let you place stuff off of your watch in this exam. Well it's I mean we're allowed to use

calculators now. It's unrealistic to not let people play noises off their watch. Yeah. Okay because that's a thing that people do day-to-dayators now. It's unrealistic to not let people place noises off their watch. Because that's a thing that people do day-to-day. That's a part of the modern workplace. People are always playing noises off their watch. So it's unrealistic to have people not do that. And so you're saying, it's still a trauma. Sure.

So it's still a trauma that you put yourself through whilst reading a passage. Yeah, maybe somebody's like, while you're reading the passage, somebody's like stabbing you in the thigh. Oh, okay. And then while you're reading the next chapter, your friend Tommy's getting blown up by a landmine. So, okay, so it's not just mental trauma, it's also physical damage that you're doing to your body.

It's the pain that Drake is, you know, the one that is part of it. Sure. And so those things might be connected to say like, what are some of the themes in Robinson Crusoe? Yeah. You know, when you get stabbed and then sometimes maybe like somebody's nailing some bamboo under your fingernail and that'll help you remember, you know, what one mole of something is in chemistry. Could you start from somehow, like, somebody, you know, someone with a genuine traumatic experience is going to a psychologist. And I'm like, I can't, I'm in constant flashbacks. I can't forget the, the, the assault at Langmai in Vietnam. Yeah. And the, the counselor's like,

pff, half your luck. I can't remember where I put my bloody keys. Yeah, I think I could remember. But this, I like a sieve. It's a, maybe it's more of a product. He, that's when he had the idea for a product, which is mini trauma. Yeah.

And it just, it just zaps you. Brought. It's a little, it's a patch you put on your hand. It zaps you, it gets, feels horrendous. Yeah. But it reminds you, like you do that when you park your car and then you remember where your car is parked. Look.

Functional mini trauma, Alistair is... I'm running it down. I feel like people might have some problem with it. Oh Alistair, I mean people have got problems with everything these days. Drawing the trauma of war veterans. Well, we're not going into politics now, which we weren't going to. Hey, Trump did it. Well, that's true. You know, he made it work. And everybody likes him. He's on top. Yeah, he hits you. He is a winner. He's never coming down.

I mean, in a way, look, I don't want to talk balls like this. But when he says that he's, you know, when he refers to himself as a winner, I don't know how often he does that. But in a way, he does win. He does win. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he has a lot of losses that he doesn't really count. Yeah. But where matters, you know, he definitely got in there.

Yeah. I mean, is there a way to do a similar kind of thing with kids, right? So you've got kids at an athletics day. Yeah. Right. And a kid has a series of losses. Yeah. Right.

Comes in last in a bunch of foot races. So, how could we- How could we- Three-legged foot races? Sure, could be three-legged, right? Equal last, I guess, in a three-legged foot race. Well, it depends. Is it two people in a three-legged foot race?

Oh, really? It's just- It could just be that he's- Because I mean, if one kid had three legs, would he be allowed in a sort of a three-legged foot race at a fair? I mean, it'd be really cruel, wouldn't it, if they weren't? And he becomes like a, like a fate hustler? F-E-T-E fate. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Although I like the other one as well. Yeah. You know? Like, if you've got a fight hustler, SFA, FAT. SFA T. FAT. FAT.

FAT. If you're hustling fate, if you're hustling the forces of inevitability, I mean, good luck to you, you know? I mean, that's already a great name for a show. It's like, you know, like, you know, David Magoon, fate hustler. So, so in order to be a fate hustler of this kind, right, you'd have to, you'd have to, firstly, I think the key with hustling is to come in looking like you're not going to win, right? You've got to come in low, like look weak, right?

So somebody, you've got to come in, look at somebody who is going to be a victim of fate. A real nerd-linger. Yeah, really? But not one of those ones that was going to turn into Bill Gates or something like that. No, or he was probably a bit of a fate hustler. He was a fate hustler, yeah. Like anyone who looks like they're not going to succeed and then does, fate hustler. Sure, I mean, be great if you could manipulate the process.

The course of events in some way. Well, I mean, in a way we can, because we have free will at agency. Yeah. Yeah. Like, can you, can you wear a big trench coat and a, and a big tracy hat? Yeah. Yeah, so that's, that's cool.

It's a guy who's just pretty good at everything, but he underplays everything. But then his one weakness is that he has to make the decisions of what the valuable way to spend one's life is. And so at the moment, he's just a traveling nomad who's hustling he's just a traveling nomad who's hustling fate. His own fate. This is all, this is just turned to sand in my mind. This is all idea. I thought I was something solid there and now I feel it trickling away, Alistair, like water through sand. But he's... His weakness is indecision and so he just kind of takes life as it comes, right? But in a way, he's never able to get a good life together even though he's good at everything.

Right, but I feel like, you know, part of the skill would be adapting how bad he looks to different scenarios, right? I suppose you'd be good at that by being very good at everything. Sure, sure. That's one of the things that he's great at. You wouldn't think he is, but he's all right. Yeah, he doesn't look like he'd be. Yeah, so looking bad at basketball, say, is different to looking bad at computer programming. Sure. Okay? Yeah.

So, you have to look bad at computer programming. Sure. Okay? So you have to look bad at both and I presume that's where you adapt. You look bad in different ways. Yeah. And as long as you're not doing both at the same time. Exactly. Then you're not trapped in a paradox. You're not trapped in some time.

Which is also great at. Yeah. So he's good at everything but he can't decide what he wants to do. Yes, and that's his flaw. And so he's just living from hustle to hustle, betting people money going, you know, what's this game that we're doing? Oh, it's a game of jacks. There's no long-term nine to five hustle gig that you can get, right?

Where you hustle people Monday and you go in your hustle and the next day. Well, what he needs to know is that the greatest hustle of all is a nine to five job. It's true. He doesn't realize that we're all pulling a con. Yeah, right. We're tricking people into giving us this $500. Yeah, through some kind of workplace bargaining agreement. Maybe unions have worked towards over the years. It's the greatest hustle of all. I think there's something in that, right?

And what's the payoff? At the end, you retire and you're golden. You just walk away and they can't get you. Superannuation. Superannuation. And then you die, right? And you're fine. And you just walk away.

You just die and you just walk away. And now does this going to have three legs? Yeah. No. Yeah. You see it at the end when he's walking away. So he's really good at just hiding it along a lot of the time. That's one of his skills. Tapes it up along his torso.

Makes it just look like he's got a thick torso. Like a thick growth? Like a thick torso. Oh, when he's folding it up along his torso, does he fold it out to the side and up like a clock hand going around or does he fold it like back up against his body? Really the most realistic one we're folding it forward, right? Because because people can do that, people can fold their leg up against their body forwards. But then you've got a foot sticking out next to your head. And what are you going to do with that? Put a face on an fake head and pretend you've got two heads. That's, if anything, more worse than the three legs you were trying to avoid.

If he brings it up and so does it, so that his foot is sort of resting on his collar bone. And then the heel kind of sticks out like a boob. And he kind of just looks like he's like a one boob-ed man. he's like a one-boobied man. Just trying. Which you would underestimate a man like that. Sure, sure. Where is a three-legged man? I mean, I might overestimate him in some situations.

It's gonna be very stable. I don't know, because I think if I saw a three-legged man, a tripod, I would be very excited about seeing what this guy can do. Yeah, right. Yeah. Let's... You know, I definitely wouldn't put it on underestimation initially.

Yeah. I reckon he could scuttle like a praying mantis, you know? Scuttle. I'm gonna learn to scuttle. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of, I think it's, I think it's like a strafe but with out-turned knees.

Right. So scuttle sideways, can you scuttle forwards? Yeah, but I think you gotta like, you gotta turn your legs in a certain way. Right, sort of out a bit. I feel, yeah, I feel like when you're scuttle, you got to move in the direction that your knee's pointing. I reckon that...

Well, then that would make it forward and forward seem really reasonable. That's really what walking is. I know, but okay, but adding to that, your knee pits have to be pointing at each other. Yeah. Yeah. Because I reckon that Charlie Chaplin had a bit of a scuttle.

Almost going on. Yeah. Bit of a scuttle. It was scuttle. Well, it's a bit of a crab thing happening. Yeah, you know, a bit of a scuttle. Yeah, you know, a scuttle. It was scuttle. Well, a bit of a crab thing happening. Yeah. I mean, once you, I, I spent some time studying that particular walk to try to be able to do it. And it's both effortless, but also like for him. Yeah, but also quite difficult, but also really difficult to do. Yeah, because he, because he nails it. And it's like, well, he's figured it out.

Yeah. It's almost like he's been doing it for a while. He was, I mean, he was a bit of a fight hustler I reckon in that regard. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He wrote the music in modern times. It's crazy, right? Yeah.

That... Mmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm-hmm. That one. Oh, didn't it? He did that. Really? I tried to watch it with my son recently, a lot of times. Yeah. And then he got scared when the corn was spinning too fast and hitting him in the face.

Because he's, yeah. Oh, because he's getting fed by that corn. A corn-food machine. And well, the machine has a bowl of soup. Yeah. And then has a... What did the machine has a bowl of soup. Yeah. And then has a, what did he think of the bowl of soup? Oh, he thought it was funny that a port on his chest.

Not funny, but he was like, man, soup on his chest. Yeah, right. He thought it was weird. Yeah. But he didn't think it was scary. He was just very cautious. I think Charlie Chaplin is kind of scary looking to kids

because he's got that weird smile, that like. And he scuttles. Yeah, yeah. But he doesn't, you don't often see him get to do a scuttle because he's just in regular scenarios. He's not always just sort of going on long walks. Alistair, what do you think it would take for you to find a crab sexy?

Two to three glasses a one. Okay. Look, Andy, I'm pretty open to stuff. Yeah. Like, I get, you know, I think if a crab could talk to me, maybe I guess I'd have to get to know it. Right. That's beautiful.

That's a really good answer. I think maybe if the crab showed any interest in me at all. Right. You want the crab to make you feel sexy, right? Well, no, but I find it very attractive when somebody likes me. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah. And so I think maybe if the crab made me feel like it wouldn't reject me. Yeah. That would definitely increase. I mean, you don't have a hard

shell. You're just a soft man. Yeah. But I reckon this crab is soft on the end. Use a softy on the inside. Yeah. Well, that's great. Yeah. I think if you could just see him without that shell on. Yeah, unless it's a soft shell crap. I think that those ones that have got the like the one really big claw and the one little claw, I think that could be quite interesting because you feel like that little claw could be quite gentle. Yeah. You know?

Because they got that strong thing going on, right? That big tough claw. Yeah. But then you're like, oh, sensitive side. Yeah, but I feel like a smaller pinch is almost more painful than a big pinch. Right. You know, like, remember, you know, when somebody like, pinch is like, oh, yeah, you know, pinch is you with their nails, rather than with the skin. But they don't have to like, they don't have to pinch with that.

It's kind of a closer, it's kind of a closer pinch, you know? Maybe that's what it is. So I feel like they could pinch you more accurately. For some reason, the reason I asked this question was because I was thinking about a sketch, about a crab that was like really hot property in Hollywood, like in early Hollywood, before the rules of Hollywood were really established. It was sort of a free-for-all in terms of like what's gonna be big.

You know, we don't really know how this movie world works. And there's maybe there was this time when really anyone could make it in Hollywood. Like even the rules of attractiveness, because Hollywood has had such a big role in defining what's considered attractive. Early on before those rules were set, maybe it was sort of open and they would give a chance to say a crab,

to be a starlet or whatever. I guess you could have definitely pictured in the silent movie that a crab could have. Absolutely, that's incredible, because yeah, but in silent movies before talking in films totally level playing field the human advantage of being able to talk was meaningless absolutely and the sets were smaller yes and so you didn't have to spend as much money right and being expressive have an expressive face face would have been at a premium rate

because it was all a visual medium. Like a crap. Perhaps they got those eyes out on the stalks like that. Yeah, and they can, they can foam at the mouth. They can foam at the mouth. They go, those are two of the human emotions. Eyes out on stalks, foaming at the mouth. I know, but you can also get more diversity of creature

at that scale as well. Because if you're trying to create like some kind of monster movie, at that scale. Yes. So on a human scale and you've got to build, you basically have to create all your characters. Right.

Whereas in Sexter's roughly three to five million different species that you could just choose from and then just move them from the location you find them and put them in the one set. Right. So, you know, if you want a giant monster to be your bad guy, you get yourself a rhinoceros beetle. All you need is a ladybug to be your hero.

Now you've got your relative scales also, you're done. Well that's right, yeah, a lot of modern day kind of big blockbuster movies. They think that you need a big monster, but back in those days they just realized you just need a tiny camera. Yeah. And a really small protagonist.

Yeah. Yeah. I think a, I'm kind of interested in a sort of an old-style documentary or documentary about the early days of Hollywood and there were no rules, right? And about the story, the possibly tragic story of the first crab starlet, right, signed by MGM, right, when it was just a whatever baby crabs

they called, crabbling, right? Also, it's not MGM, when MGM was a crabbling? No, when the crab was a crabbling. Okay, right. I mean, MGM, when that lion was just a cowbell, whatever. Well, initially, maybe MGM's lion was a cable, whatever. Well, initially maybe MGM's Lion was a crab. Right. You know, and MGM started as a crab filming company that made crab movies for humans.

Not for crabs because that is breaking reality. Yeah. Because crabs don't watch movies. Exactly. But you can film a crab and then put some text on the board. You can film a crab and then put some text on the board. You can film a crab. And make it seem like the crab is doing things. You can give a crab a little wrench and you can tie a little crab apron to it.

Look, I don't, yeah, I mean, I think you can build, look, the trouble for making this sketch is that we would actually have to find a crap that has a certain amount of personality. I think what we're going to discover is that you put that personality onto it. Like, you know, that famous experiment where they show people two pictures, right? They show, and it's the same picture of a woman, right? And then one, they show her, like, looking at some food. And you go, like, oh, wow, she looks really hungry. And then you show them another one where she's looking at a dead body or something.

Oh, she's really sad, right? We put the emotion onto it. She's, oh, she's looking really necrophilic. Yeah, exactly. And with the crab, right? You're like, oh, that crab is... Looking really hungry. Looking really hungry, or that crab is planning the overthrow of the Russian Empire, whatever it is.

Or if the crab sort of took over the dead body and was starting a kingdom or something, or maybe it was trying to solve the crime of the dead body. Talk over the dead body. It was so making a kingdom. Was it like in the body, like a hermit crab operating the body? Well, is it inside the body living in the body and the body is the kingdom? Yeah, I thought the body would be the kingdom.

But then I thought maybe you could just solve the crime of the dead body. Absolutely, I think. But then you'd have to find a large, like a lot of humans, and then we're changing the scale of the thing. Unless the body was killed by a bug. Yeah. So then maybe he has to find a scorpion or something. Look, all of this I'm really compelled by. I'm also compelled, Alice, to tell you about Harry's razors. Really?

Yeah, harries.com.flash.tank. You can go along there. You can get yourself a weighted ergonomic handle. You can get yourself a five blade razor. Get yourself a real nice, real fresh feeling shaving foam. Get yourself a little travel case to clip over the end of your razor. Don't damage your razor when you're traveling with your razor. I use that a lot when I move. And you move constantly. Yeah, and sometimes I just put it in that case, and then I just walk around the house,

and it's really safe. Yeah, you don't have to move far. You don't even have to ever put down your Harry's razor. Sometimes I just, I don't even need to go on a holiday, right? Just putting the travel case on my Harry's razor is enough. Yeah. Right? I get the full experience.

And that could be your experience. For free, and all you got to do is pay the cost of shipping, which is a couple of bucks, right? Harry's a comfort slash think tank. You get, ah. What do you get, Andy? You get this beautiful razor, Alistair, and you get to start a new life, right?

Over the course of a year, you could be saving hundreds of dollars because you're paying a fraction of what you would pay in a shot, like even after, quite apart from this great deal for touring the thing tank business, Harry's.com.com.com.com. Quite apart from that, just buying their razors day to day

is a really cheap and easy way to get your raises because they send them to your house Send it to your house delivered to your house And you know how disgustingly expensive raises are at the supermarket That's right. So these ones are cheaper. These these are cheaper than that and better and When you support us makes us look good to the advertisers. That's right. But I want you to know that all the money we make from this, we're going to go straight out and spend on Harry's raises.

Yeah, that's right. Because that's how much we believe in that. That's all we care about. But you know what's in the box? It's a new face for you or whatever part you shave. That's right. Get yourself a new face for you. Yeah, for you.

And for your loved ones. Yeah. And get rid of your old face that you might hate. I haven't shaved for a while, and I'm bloody excited about shaving. He's got a face full of hatred that he's ready to shed. I might, it feels so good when he's a Harry's riser. Yeah. So smooth, so nice. And let me tell you how it stands, a little secret. It's all of the secret. Kissing's real good too. Really? Yeah. Can't we just find out what

that's like? When you kiss me? No, just a kiss. Can't wait to find out what kissing is like. Or going down on a mouth, as I call it. Yeah, I heard you, how'd you call kissing going down on a mouth? This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750

on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts not available in our safe and situations. And I don't think I've ever been the same since then. I have a functional micro-trauma from the time when you told me kissing was going down on a mouth. But do you remember where you were when you found out that I said that kissing was like

going down? It could also be called going down on a map. Yeah, I remember exactly. I was standing when you were in the ocean. No, Princess Diane, it was just dying. That's funny. Is there something in the idea of, I remember exactly where I was when Princess Diana died.

I was watching a documentary about the death of John Lennon, or something more than that, I suppose. I remember exactly where I was. The moment JFK was shot, I was the moment JFK was shot. I was. See, a great comedian would be like up in a book depository and holding a gun. Yeah, a great comedian would say that. A great comedian or at least a great comedian 50 years ago. Yeah.

Not because the not because that happened 50 years ago or however many years, but because that's when a joke like that was new, where it's like, imagine I was the person I was talking about, or who did a horrible thing, you know. But, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, where you were when things happened Yeah, I mean, I don't want to go back into functional micro trauma Well, there's already needs to be more to it because I think in order for there to be comedy here This it's a guy who's trying to sell this idea to people. You talking about functional micro micro trauma again

Yeah, yeah, sure. So maybe it's like it could be a shark tank type scenario It could be just you, an actual meeting with some investors. Investors. Yep. He's telling him about what it is. Look, it's a sure way of learning something. I mean, it'll hard code this into your brain. Unless you were to get 10 years of therapy,

you will not be able to forget this. This is like carving it in stone, right? Or this is like, you know how you can't actually, like it's some sort of long-term storage, you can't erase it from that. And you know, ask me anything, ask me, ask me all the capitals in Europe. What are all the capitals in Europe?

Okay, so when I was studying an Atlas once, right? And I had my feet roasting on coals. And I was playing the opening refrain from the Teletubbies song. Really? Okay, so now all I have to do is play the Teletubbies song. And I'm taken instantly back to that traumatic experience. I can tell you all the capitals. So whatever, tell you what I'm saying,

I should have picked a song that I know. London, Rome, Athens. You say them all. But the capitals, you know, I don't actually know what the capitals are. Is Rome the capital? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, great. You were doing really great Athens.

Athens, Athens, I think. Athens is a capital. Ottawa? Ottawa. It's not in Europe though. Come on Andy But it's very European. It's a very European city. It's definitely European influenced How about this? Yes Car driving a car But you're you're not happy. Right.

You're an unhappy person. Yeah. Well, I've seen that thing where you drive under those things on the roadway and they tell you how fast you're going. And sometimes there's a smiley face and a frowny face. Maybe it's the opposite of that. It looks at your face. It tells you how happy you are And then it tells how fast you can go

It reads your face. Yeah, let's see if you're happy or not. And if you seem to be in a good mood, you can drive a little bit faster I don't know if a shit TV show did that did this here But there was a TV show did that he did this here, but there was a TV show here. I apologize if I don't want, but anyway, that did a lot of like, you know, like cops pulling you over doing breath tests. Yeah. Kind of thing like that.

And, and I don't know if this joke was done there, but what about this? Yeah. Where they pull you over and they go, can you blow into this? And then you go, oh my god, and then you blow and then they're like, oh mate, like capacity is really low. You should go jogging and get that bloody up again. Alistair, I worry that that might have even been not funny enough for that show.

Really? Well, I mean, I mean, why would a cop be involved caring about your well-being? What if it, okay, what about, what if, yeah, that's true. I mean, there's something in that. And then he's, maybe he kind of comes with you and he's like, it becomes your sort of personal mentor, trainer kind of guy.

I mean, what do you know, it's a sketch about a relationship that starts, which is one guy being a kind of, you know, a very caring, you know, very responsible man who helps you out through bettering yourself, but it all started in the most unusual circumstances. A random breath test. When he was sitting on the roadside, lung capacity test. Well, you know, maybe it wasn't that, you know, it was a random breath test, but it wasn't totally random. it wasn't that so random.

It wasn't the car that he chose that was random. It was his actions later on that seemed random to anybody else. But so the word random is in other people's perception of it, but for him it was a very much a conscious decision that it was essentially attached by an angel kind of scenario. We call it a random breath test, but all of this was decided long ago. Yeah. The motion was set in train by forces beyond our understanding. Yeah. And it's actually the forces of God and fate that have brought you here to me today. And this moment that we're sharing, this was encoded in the origins of the universe. Isn't that special?

No, no. Also, I'm going to have to take your license. No, I don't think... No. Did I do it wrong? Just quickly, I was there while I've got you. It's like an old-style random breath test. It's like pre-digital, right?

Well, they don't have the digital readings on the machines, right? They're not of a digital reading. Yep, but the way in which they are able to test how drunk you are by getting you to blow on a thing is that the things that they getting you to blow on a thing, is that the things that they ask you to blow on are just increasingly disgusting, right? And if you will still blow on it, that means that tells you how drunk you are, right? So like, nice clean tube, you don't have to be very drunk to blow on that, right? But if it's like, oh, a bit crusty and unpleasant, right? If you blow on that, you're probably a bit drunk.

Well, like, what kind of tube is it? Like a straw? Yeah, some sort of a straw or pie for whatever it is. What kind of crust are we talking about? Well, like a bit of a green tinge to it or something like that. Like a copper aged copper? It could be aged copper, but it could also be, you know, like some sort of film of like slimy, gross stuff has accumulated around it or something.

So then you could just beat the test by just saying, well, I'm not putting that in my mouth. There you go. You're free to go. Yeah. Well, you know, it was a different time. It was a simpler test. It was easier to get around.

Yeah, that's true. I've gone back to liking you, right? You're all right. Andy, Yeah, that's true. I've gone back to liking you, right? Andy, Andy, Wayne's not good. But, you know, there's, like it's a, it's become more by being longer. Yeah, yeah. Which is how a lot of things become more. Also wider and higher.

But it's no more in substance. Indeed. Right, but I've had an idea, Andy. Yes. Right, you know how some films could be like, like I think maybe like the, you know, what's that mobster one, Godfather? I was going to say Mickey Blue Eyes. Yeah.

What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's...

What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's...

What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... What's... sequel. The like, yeah. Mickey blue eyes three. Even better. Even better. Yeah. It's incredible what they did. It's kind of it's like the Terminator movies. Yeah. Yeah. Or Toy Story. Yeah. Yeah. Or Paddington Bear. Yeah. I mean, haven't made the third one yet, but anticipation is high.

I mean, you don't make Paddington two without leaving up in the door for a three. Oh, you can see where this is going. Anyone with half a brain, you know how maths works. One, two, what's next? Yeah, I think you're a pig in vacation. You're a pig in vacation. I think why did I laugh at that? And maybe think of something. What does that sound?

Maybe it sounds like a kind of like a ball finishing And maybe think of something. What does that sound like? Maybe it sounds like a kind of like a ball finishing its rotation on the ground. That must look like a ball. Alistair, this could be one of the worst episodes of the podcast, but I've had some moments of real joy. You know what I keep thinking about is this episode 120, right? Officially 120, but I think there's a couple of occasional other ones anyway. Lost episodes and short episodes. Short episodes, poo in the shorts, nobody wants to download. Everyone's too ashamed to even click on that and the privacy of their own podcast app

The worst What about podcast But I keep thinking about how we're only we're already one fifth of the way to having to do a 200 episode We have to come up with 200 sketch ideas. I thought about that as I was getting started as I was saving this podcast file today as we came in? And yeah, I mean, that's a real thing to look down the barrel of, you know? I mean, I guess if it's won a week, and it's 52 weeks, we're about,

we're a year and eight weeks away, a year and two months away. It's not enough time. No, that'll be April. Oh, it'll happen right in the middle of comedy festival. Oh, God. We can make it an event. Oh, that's good.

It'll be great. We'll do it at the town hall. That's. I'm picturing it over the next year. Things really blow up for our Salistair. Well, especially after this episode. Let's hope they blow up because we've got a goddamn, like a, a quality festival show coming up. There will be at least 24 hours. Mm-hmm. That's right. All right

Well, maybe 22 hours. I've got to commend the good people at Harry's Rays' For bringing so far the best content to this podcast. Yeah. I've been really happy with their contribution. Yeah, absolutely. So That's why you should get their products Harry's on Comfort slash think tank. I gotta tell you. But hey, look, I was there. You were saying I have an idea. Yes. Right. Now, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but there are some films like that gangster movie, the Godfather, that are metaphors for something or at at least someone said that the Godfather was a metaphor for like capitalism. Right, right. I don't get it.

A lot of, I hear a lot of movies are like a metaphor for filmmaking itself, or something. Yeah, yeah. It feels like the laziest of all the metaphors. It feels like you were just sitting at work one day and then what's a thing, what's a thing that a metaphor can be a thing for. But then I thought, maybe you could make films and there's advertising. So there's advertising, which is product placement. There's advertising where you're either talking about or integrating a product into the thing, which is not- Like Harry's Rises. Settle like Harry's Rises, but more in films and things like that.

So you could just be drinking a can of royal crown cola. Or you could be like, Apple does that thing where it's like you actually interact with their products on films and you spend all this time having to watch people. Tom Cruise says, I'll just bring it up on my laptop, top pro. Yeah. And they're about to invite sit down. Sit down. Yeah. Macbook. Macbook laptop. Pro. Retina screen. You can really see the detail of the enemy and campments because of the high resolution screen. Yeah.

That kind of stuff. Well, work in this. Absolutely. So then the new thing could be, we will make our movie, Yes. will be a metaphor for your product. That's incredible. Yeah. And so, but like, so all the product placement is in the subtext. Yeah. Yeah.

And so people, I mean, you think they're talking about sex in this scene? They're actually talking about... Coca-Cola. Yeah, they're actually talking about Bluetooth headphones. Because there's no rules about that. You can put anything you want in the subtext. Exactly. There's no censoring the subtext, maybe.

And it's the higher... And you keep probably the most integrity to your film, the further, the deeper into the film. Yeah. Almost the more integral the product is, and advertising is, to the structure of the film. Right, but then much like a, you know, the foundations of a building might not get seen until thousands of years' time when the buildings being excavated by archaeologists.

So you're really, when you're building your foundations, you're really doing it for the archaeologists, right? That's right, yeah. This subtext, a lot of it will not be registered by the viewer on any level. And it'll only, it'll only really be advertising to sort of high level academics doing a PhD on this product in like 20 years time.

Doing a PhD on your film, they'll unearth the subtext and you'll be able to market directly to them. So say you have a product that you're selling now, kind of a new type of hat, right? It's really shiny. Sure. Mirror hat. Mirror ball hat.

Mirror ball hat. And you get someone who've righted into the subtext of their new romantic comedy, or war movie, right? So there's a mirror ball hat in there. Yeah, okay. So it's about a woman who loves the party, maybe. Yeah, but it's yeah, sorry, you continue. No, no, but but but you don't want to market to people right now.

You've got your eye on the 20 year down the track academic market. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's how you target those people. Yeah. Because it's hard to get in to penetrate those institutions. But you get in there. Yeah.

They're working away. They're page 460 of their PhD. They suddenly realize it's about Miraball hats. Bam, you've got a sale. Maybe. Well, you're right. It might not be something that they're into. It might not be their kind of product. Well, because you don't know whether at that point,

the company will still be running. But I mean, it's also a great way that you can like advertise cigarettes to children. Because you can get, you can either write a series of kids books, maybe even for toddlers, get them as early as possible. It's about, you know, is kind of about all these really thin rounded, rounded, armless and legless people. I think people are gonna be worried about that. Right. Whose heads are on fire.

Whose heads are on fire. And. I think you gotta make it more subtly. I think you gotta make a lot of noise. I think it's gonna be like, you know, somebody's talking about having fire in their mouth or something like that, or like, their lungs feeling very cold, you know, and, you know, something about wishing

that there was some smoke for some reason, you know. I think it's going to be more of a metaphor. We're now just, we're just saying, like, I mean, I'm not saying my example was better. You also said a metaphor, rather you just had cigarette people. That's not a metaphor, that's just the thing, but a person.

Well, I think, look, maybe it's gotta be more subtle like sort of Russian interference where it's gotta be like, you can also like people that are anti-smoking. So it could be a book that's about how you shouldn't smoke, but then you're getting the idea of smoking. I make all the anti-smoking people really unsympathetic. Mm.

Mm. Parents won't notice. Yeah. I'm struggling to relate to these anti-smoking characters. And it's all just these characters in the thing that are like having a big like, like, everybody's having a drag of cigarette. They might feel bad about it or, you know, might hate it and they, everybody feels bad or whatever.

But the important thing is you get the image of smoking into these kids. This is different to the metaphor in the subtext. No, you're right. Now it's just product placement again. I think if we spend enough time to work out what a metaphor means. Yeah. Maybe you some time with a dictionary or whatever. We'll work that out and we'll be able to write this bit really well. I think we can do it.

You don't even have to do it. What does a cigarette do? Okay. It gives you instant, delicious satisfaction. Yeah, it relaxes you, I think, a lot of the time. Right? It gets you outside where you... It's a social activity.

It's a social activity. It gives a kind of a rhythm to your life as well. It's about a person who has a rigid schedule of hanging out with their friends and then going in and doing a lot of work, really hard work, but then having more breaks than everybody else. But you could have stuff like they're gathered around a fire and sort of thing. Sure. Yeah, and then also you could have them where they're all gathered around like a Britta

filter. Yeah. And they put their mouth on it. And they sound the time they're all gathered around a shaft. Yeah, some kind of long, like maybe they work. Fireman's pole? Well, fireman, a great, aren't they? No, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You got the fire. You got the britt, you got the water? The water? For the filter? For the filter? Do you think that firemen? All right, how about this? There aren't.

It's a fireman troop. But the water that they use is like artesian basin water, or it's like sparkling mineral water. That's nice. Yeah. Perrier water. I wonder if the bubbles, the carbon dioxide, but that, that would help put out the fire. Surely. Right. Maybe this is like a really rich neighborhood, right?

Whether the, when, when the fireman sharped your house, they say tap or sparkling. Yeah. And you can have your burning house doused with sparkling water. Oh, this sounds like this movie could be maybe a metaphor for perier water. I mean, firemen in many ways are the people that you can put in a kid's book. Yeah. For the book to be a metaphor about almost any product

you want to sell. Yeah, but that's what we're learning. I think your product placement in the subtext is really good. Yeah, and I think it definitely works for smoking. I also kind of like the idea of writing a children's book, an anti-smoking book, but writing it in such a way that it makes people want to smoke. I think that's a sketch as well. And I also think there's got to be some way that we can do a rich suburb fire and fire station sort of a thing, right? Like a parody of

whatever it is. I guess what it is, this is a kind of a dystopian future in which society and all social services have been privatized. And if you can afford it, you can get a better quality of service in any regard, health care, criminal justice, like we already do, you can buy yourself a good lawyer. At the moment, you can't buy yourself a good fireman. But in this future, you can. And when they do come and they offer you perier water, you know, what still are sparkling.

When they put you in a robe, when you're shivering in the street, it's monogrammed. You can keep the robe. That's nice. If you like it. you're shivering in the street. It's monogrammed. You can keep the robe. That's nice. If you like it. Maybe slippers in case you've left all your possessions have burned. Exactly.

Yeah. Maybe the side of the truck opens up and actually also has a lot of furniture in there that you can sit outside your house, burnt house. That ladder that goes up to your window is actually an escalator. Oh, or an elevator or an elevator Do not use the elevator in the case of fire

Unless it's the fireman elevator. It's the fireman elevator. I thought it'd be good though. They could just bring an elevator to a window There must be something like that Right Must be lay. I imagine for right people who are in a wheelchair or something, I presume they'll probably just get them out of the wheelchair in an emergency. It's very insensitive. He's though. So yeah, a little... They don't, I mean, I guess they get right, like they get people with, like,

able-bodied people. They probably take them out of their chairs too. So I guess it's not that it's a good one. Yeah, if we... They don't let anybody... They don't let anybody, if I caught a chair, you're it. They don't let anybody bring a chair onto the ladder or whatever or the elevator. Well, technically through the use splitting that up into like a few sketches. 607 sketches. Yeah, then we've definitely made, made our total. Well, yeah, except that we have, we have a user

words. A user word. We refer to the listeners of two in the think tank as users. The end user of the podcast. The end user of the podcast. Sometimes we call you clients when we're, you know, we're just discussing, because we discuss the listeners, listeners. Yeah, we discussed at length. Yeah, clients and users, stakeholders. Yeah. Interested parties and enemies as well, we call you sometimes. Enemies of the pod. Yeah.

Actually, no, that's just anybody who listens to any other pod casts. You guys don't listen to other pod casts, do you? Yeah, this is a monogamous Monogamous. Oh, well you not do it. We were doing a monogamous We don't we don't appear on other podcasts. I'll be appearing on two other podcasts in the next three weeks. I've been appearing on a few podcasts That's right. All right, so today not today, but this week Adam Tregier All right, so today, not today, but this week, Adam Trageer, Trageer. And he is Adam Trageer.

Trageer, Trageer. Donated some money to the Patreon, and then gave enough so that he could do the three word suggestion. Croni Adam. Thank you, Adam. Thank you, thank you very much. And while we're

there let's also thank Andrew Humphrey, Adam Trageer and Chief Ann Lin. These are our new listeners. Yeah new listeners. New supporters. Yeah. Thank you very much. Great. You're going to read me the words. Adam Trageer's three words and he was also suggesting that we make a new version of the podcast where we just come up with business ideas I think that's a good one for maybe patreon. We'll do a patreon bonus or something Where come up with just business ideas. Yeah, why not? Yeah, I'll say again We could sell this to big corporations to come up with subsidiaries that they might more I think I think will yeah coming up with subsidiaries

Perfect off shoots to in the subsidiary tank I think it will, yeah, coming up with subsidiaries. Hmm. Perfect. Offshoots. To in the subsidiary tank. That's it. All right, the three words are, Baker, gear, Tim. So hang on, gear as in GER, or gear as in GER, a Richard gear.

GER, Richard gear. GER. Richard gear. So I'm, I'm tell you the first thing that came to my mind. Sure. Is a baker who for some reason is making like a clockwork like a giant gingerbread man or something like that. And that's awful. I guess I say that to get out of the way so that you don't say it. No, it's okay.

Well, I mean, look, while you were saying that what occurred to me was the idea of a guy who was making a bread monster truck. Wow. So I think to make it truly monstrous, he would decided to make it out of something that will sorg when he gets wet. Yeah. But I mean... That is kind of horrific.

Right? Because I remember when you were a kid, you go to see the monster truck. Yeah. Like I went to the sea of the monster trucks one time and it was, it blew me away. It was incredible. It was this great bit at the end where the monster truck and a big semi trailer, like had like a tug of war to like pull apart a VW Beetle or something like that. Wow. Oh man, it was, it was so exciting.

Now, kids go there to be a little bit scared, a little bit thrilled by the monster truck. Now, imagine if that monster truck was made out of bread. See the additional effect that you get, especially if that monster truck gets wet, which I would recommend that it does, is the monster truck begins to flop okay and fall away right representing flake and and it appears to age I imagine before your eyes like as it sags right yeah and then that's really scary and thrilling for a kid because you confronted with mortality and then and that's you know an edge that I think that monster truck rallies could get into you know could the person's name be Tim I don't have a problem with that yeah well Tim you know is

only two thirds of time right well yeah that truly is the enemy of all of us like almost like Tim is like we ran out of time. Yeah, to even write time. Yeah, Tim is a reminder of your own death. Yeah. Much like this bread monster truck. So Tim is a metaphor for a bread monster truck. Yeah, and it's like a big red truck, but just a bread truck. Big red red truck.

Oh, it's good. Oh, it's good. Isn't that way, wait, wait, I know I already said this, but Tim is a metaphor for a bread monster truck, which is a metaphor for life. Yes. Double metaphor. Now if Tim was a product that we could put into double subtext, I reckon

you could double the amount that you get the advertiser to pay for. Yeah, I think this movie about a bread monster truck being really an advertisement for Tim or Tim Tam's is, you know, isn't the the head apple guy called Tim? Yeah, is you know isn't the head apple guy called Tim yeah Tim cook Tim cook Look at something that yeah Tim Baker sells a lot of gear Apple gear the symbol for the Apple settings app on you Is a gear is it yeah? Yeah? I, is this all we want to just random connections of bullshit?

A little bit. Yeah, me too. I think. No, I'm interested in a bread monster truck. Yeah. I'm standing by. No, I do think that the idea, like, I think that this is a sketch idea.

A monster truck that is in some way vulnerable is really failing. That's what's missing from the monster truck that is in some way vulnerable is really failing. That's what's missing from the monster truck world at the moment. And so, because they put up this front as being these... Monstrous trucks. Monstrous. In their indestructible, not made of bread trucks. But what if one was honest for once,

and actually was made of bread? Yeah. Yeah, that's really interesting. Because the people, I mean, a monster truck is like, is not that far from being like a loaf of bread, because it has that hard, out across the outer side, but on the inside is this soft, and then I'm picturing the person who's in there,

this soft innard. Yeah. You know what they call the monster truck, I think, isn't that crusty demons? No, I think those are, I don't think those are motor cross. Oh, damn it. But the crusty demons could also be made out of bread. Why not? Yeah. And maybe the

maybe the monster truck could be called like, Lofi McGee. Lofi or like a Chiabata or yeah. Right. Or, you know, Panini. Panini? Panini. Anyway, we're sorry Adam, Tregir. But we think that was okay. There's something in there. Yeah. Yeah. I think I think it could be a real big monster, like he's a, it's a, it's a mini documentary about a guy He's a big real big monster truck man, but he's trying to take monster trucks to the next level It's like any art for him, right? It matures and it takes on richness and it takes on new meaning and people find new ways to use that form to meaning and people find new ways to use that form to communicate deeper things. And I think doing that with monster trucks. And I think yeah, and very valid.

Sure, a monster truck experience, you know, with your regular monster truck is great for the first viewing, maybe even for the first five to six viewings. But there's a certain point in which the industrial ability of these monster trucks means that there's almost no danger because they can just achieve anything. It's like watching Superman. Exactly. It's boring. They have no kryptonite seemingly.

Right. But this one, kryptonite, water, also pigeons. Also, just motion. Motion. I had something there. It's just motion. Motion. I had something there. It's gone. Hunger. Hunger is also its weakness.

Oh, well, I mean, the other element of this is that if you were a gluten intolerant person in the crowd, how much more terrifying is that monster truck now? It's true, so we hadn't thought about that. But I mean, that's good. Or some of the stakes. Yeah. It's a new form of entertainment for gluten intolerant people, which is kind of like a demolition derby kind of thing, but with like bread, everything's bread, and they just go and watch

it, like almost like a perverted kind of sex thing Oh, that's cool. Yeah, and then maybe at the end There's a big cheese fondue. Yeah, or maybe the ground is just cheese fondue I'm doing they all Squidge about yeah, and then everybody at the end just gets a stick and just grabs some of the stuff that's flaked off all the gluten intolerant people do Well, they can if they have hookworms. Does that help? Hookworms, this is the thing.

This is, we let them out of our life cycle because we started wearing shoes and we started pooping in toilets. No, they have hookworm anymore. So they breed in feces and we would get them through our feet. So now they're not there anymore, which is why there's a huge increase in autoimmune diseases, because if they live in your gut, they release anti-inflammatories.

This is amazing. And also, the recent people have been trying it. Recent people. These include intolerant people. By the end of a couple of weeks. Could you do the whole ball of pasta? Anyway, I'm gonna take us through this fucking episode. Oh my god, and again, I'm so sorry about this. I mean, it got a bit better at the end there, but Christ almighty. We got jaggedy numbers. Jaggedy numbers.

For, you know, jaggedy numbers are used for making it look like you did more work than you really did. That's right. That's when you estimate the cost of something by making it a really specific number, let's say 6,224. Yeah. And then people will be like,

oh, he must have really worked out what that must be. So that, yeah, great. I won't challenge that. But then also you could use round numbers to really make, try to make people not think about. Not think about things. Yeah. It's hard to grip onto. All those zeros, right? If you look at a number written down, there's five and then there's just a bunch of zeros.

It's really how to count those zeros because they all look the same. So you can slip a lot of stuff through. Yeah. It's a five million, five billion, I don't know. The five is the only one that's got any substance to it. So it's the only one you could actually grab onto. Yeah, there was a five there. That's all I remember.

But also physically, a zero would be nothing. Even if it's a zero, you know, three zeros up. Still nothing. Well, it's still nothing, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, I know, three zeroes up. Still nothing. Well, still nothing, isn't it? Yeah, oh, I know. It's hard to picture what that means. That's it. We got no time, man.

And the other team. All right, we got functional mini trauma product, which is there to help you remember things and really hard code things into your brain. Yeah. All it's gotta do is say, It's military technology, military grade trauma. We've got fake, domestic purposes.

The fake hustler who's a, he's kind of trench coat in a hat who looks like he's not very good at something, but he's actually really good at everything, but his problem is that he, he's not, he doesn't have his life together because he's just going from thing to thing. He's just going from one thing to another thing.

He could be excellent in any field, but his weakness is deciding what to spend your life doing because I guess if you're excellent at everything, that would make that decision really hard to pick one thing. And let's do it. I find this really compelling. I'm very interested in this person. Whether or not it's a sketch, I don't know. It's more than a sketch, Andy.

Thank you. It's more. Like this next one, Crab Starlet. It's the first famous crab. I think that's quite fun. Yeah. I think it's fun. Eight legs.

Did I have eight legs? I want legs. Yeah, oh my God. People love legs. Yeah. Legs are very big. Very leaky. Also very pinch. Yeah legs are very big very leaky also very Pinchy hmm. What are those things called? Pinser Pinsers nippers

Claus that's it Product placement in subtext that says the new level of product placement Some both the movie was a metaphor for the cheap Cherokee. Yeah That whole movie was a metaphor for the cheap Cherokee. Yeah. Then there's an anti-smoking kids book that makes you want to, that makes you want to smoke. So it's just, you know, it's kind of an example of, well it's not an example of the sub-advertising in the sub-text, but it's a product that's advertised to kids, that's sold to kids, as if it's to make kids want to not smoke, but really it's going to make kids want to smoke.

Yeah. So, that's it. Then we got Rich Suburb that has the option of sparkling water for putting out fire. And this is just where everything's been privatized and you can upscale almost anything. I'm picturing Tourak. I wonder what Suburb, you're picturing at home. The end user. The end user, you at the end.

Then we have a monster truck made of bread. That's right. Yeah. And so that is all that is today. And so we have to say. That is all that, that is today. So we have to say on the podcast. Thank you very much for listening to the podcast. My name is Alistair George William-Jumbly-Bertchell.

This is Andy Matthews. You've been listening to two in the Think Tank. You can find us on Twitter at Two in Tank. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. We're a part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. You can listen to loads of little programs on there. And we have a show coming up in the upcoming

Melbourne International Comedy Fest. And it's already very, very exciting to me. We have a lot of great sketches written. We have a lot of insane props being developed. We've hired our first prop manufacturer. And she laughed a lot when we asked her to make the thing that she's going to have to make for us. Yeah, it's a non-human mammal. Non-human mammal, we can't say anymore.

I wish I could. Four legs. Yeah, okay. But we can't say anything more than that. Not a cat. It's not a cat. That's all we can say. That's so far, that is the information that we're allowed to say. And it's a part of its anatomy is gonna be removed, but it's not the part you might think, unless you're thinking the top of the head.

And it's all gonna be sketches from the think tank. Pretty much. Pretty much mostly science fiction. It's Andy Matthews and Alistair Trombley-Bertchell sci-fi sketch experience at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival from the from the twenty-eighth of march to the eighth of april we're gonna do ten shows and we're gonna have such a great bloody good time yeah so you find us at the comedy festival dot com dot a

u website yeah and so if you want to support ticket if you want to support the show you can buy tickets to that or you can find us on patreon patreon dot com slash two in tank. And we would like to also thank Harry's raises for supporting this episode. Harry's.com forward slash think tank. And we'd also like to thank George for editing the podcast. Which he's got a bit of work to do today because of all the issues.

And we'd also thank to thank you, the end user, and we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. It's not optional. You have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth

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