Two In The Think Tank - 122 - "BAD GIRL OF FLOWER ARRANGING"

Episode Date: March 13, 2018

OUR SHOW Andy Matthews and Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall Sci Fi Sketch Experience opens at the Melbourne Comedy Festival from 28 March - get tickets HEREMoon Edit, BGOFA, Birthday Stand, Surprise Addict, Best Supporting Buffet, Heaven't You Heard of Me, God Computer, Sun is GodAnd you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereA gutful of thanks to George Matthews for producing  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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your first purchase. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today's show is brought to you by Andy Matthews and LSDer Trombley-Bertschull, sci-fi, sketch comedy experience. I've done it again. Andy, you're still getting it. The title of our comedy festival show, this year it doesn't have the word comedy in it.

Yeah, every time he goes to say it, he's so confident. He actually is like, I got it this time. This one, I was like, I'm gonna look out dead in the eye. Well, I do it as well. We're gonna start. Guys, Clip is on the curtain. This is the second attempt to start the podcast. I got it wrong last time.

But. God. Look, the important thing is that the show is on between the 28th of March and the 8th of April. And all I think there's comedy in it. Yeah, and I don't like to make any promises. Yet, the entire thing is comedy. And I've seen most of the sketches and they are looking fantastic. And they're humorful.

Yes. And sci- humorful. Yes. And sci-fi-ful, sci-fi-ful. They're laugh a minute. At least every minute, there will be a laugh. And that laugh goes for a minute. Yeah, that's right. So it's wall-to-wall laughs, but also door-to-door. Because from the moment you walk in,

Yes. To the moment you stagger out, gasping for an ambulance. Yeah. Calling for an ambulance. Yeah, it will be a little laughing. And it's at 6.45. At West Spice Gallery.

West Spice Gallery, which is on... Berk Street. Berk Street, right between... Gold. Between Swanson and Russell. Yes. You know, and if you go to the comedy festival website, comedyfestival.com.au, you can buy tickets there, or the link is in the show notes.

The show notes of the podcast. Which is like a beautiful little bit of podcast, lingo, show notes, like friend of the show. Anything was shown in it. I just like saying because what it is is it's subtly trying to trick you into thinking that this is a show yeah instead of just a period of time with noise in it that's right vocal noise vocal noise yeah yeah that's that's we don't like to

make promises no but vocal noise is something that we feel we can guarantee In this podcast and Any Matthews analysis of Chomblé virtual sci-fi sketch experiments Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr made in that opening song today. That kind of deep, kind of thrilling kind of a one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there's a place you've never been. Yeah. You've been where this man has never been before. And I want you to know that this other man is impressed with you in a way he's never been.

I might never be the first man on the moon, but I can be the first me on the moon. Like that guy is such a loser. This is like a hundred years after sort of space tourism is around. And he's a guy, he's always loved the idea of going on the moon and he's maybe like the seventh Billionth person to go up there It's still special to me. Yeah, and we'll put that to think by then We'll be it will have robots will have drones will have whatever we'll be able to have it

Everyone will be able to have a television show that broadcasts all of their own personal achievements. So, you'll be able to get that broadcast back home. Absolutely. Right. You know, everybody, assuming most people will even want to watch it, like most people will probably will either be on their way to the moon or on the way back from the moon probably because that's just how frequently we'll be doing this thing. I was laughing at that guy from the point of view

of somebody in that time who's already so bored with going up onto the moon, and who's cheating. And this guy is really so excited. He's sitting there, he's tapping his feet, he's whistling. He's really, he's in the little shuttle, right? He's to be honest, he's still living, and I'm just, I've checked out. Right. You know, right? He's to be honest. He's still living and I'm just I've checked out Right, you know, he's like to be honest. He's the one who's actually got a good life. I'm

I'm mocking him. I'm mocking him. I'm saying that he's a loser, but possibly he's the most alive person in There will ever be he's engaged with life if Neil Armstrong. Yeah but he's engaged with life. If Neil Armstrong had said, one small step for me, one try at leap of that guy, that would have been so much worse, wouldn't it? Absolutely, me. I don't think you could say me on the moon. Me.

I guess I'm the man on the moon now. Me. Moon man. Moon man, Neil. All the things that he said that they had to cut out in the broadcast. I'm not making the broadcast. He's just having too much fun. He loves it. That's right.

That's why a lot of the testing of astronauts. It's physical testing, but it's, you know, like that thing, the way you spin them around, you know, you spin them around and get them tested geese. A lot of it is just to make them feel a bit nauseous, so they're not kind of, they're not too cheery when they get up there. They sound professional and kind of like, you always sound really professional when you're nauseous What are the reasons they spin them around like that is to make sure that they're not gonna say we That's one of the tests Yeah, I guess it's like you know like those you can get those videos videos of roller coasters or those ones where people go up

and they drop and people freak out. And they kind of, they must have to put astronauts through that kind of test so that they make sure that they're not gonna have too good or too bad a time as they go up into the space. I think that's a sketch. Like that the, you know, what are we talking about? Can we talk in Cape Canaveral?

No, yeah. Cape Canaveral, the old astronaut training ground, assuming that's where that is. Great name for a Cape, by the way. And I think that so much of the, their testing is to find people who have a boring enough self-controlcontrol that they're not going to make the endeavor of going to the moon man's first steps on the moon seem childish and a little bit self-indulgent because there's billions of dollars being spent here and this is the space race this is you know this is us versus Russia yeah we can't we can't afford to look like we're not taking it seriously. And it's gotta be like when you're a soccer player and you score a goal, you gotta keep a straight face,

not seem too excited, right? That's how people know that you're good. And they know that it's not a fluke. If you get too excited when you achieve something, people will be like, what did you think you weren't gonna do it? Yeah. You should almost be bored. Mm. Yeah, the thing is to kick the goal and you've

already turned around, you're already walking away, you don't even wait to see if it goes in. That's right, yeah. Yeah, so like, you go to the moon, you barely look out the window. Yeah. The cheering is for the people on the side lines. Sure. The being happy, you are so professional that you're already focused on trying to get to... The guy on the moon is already focused on trying to get to Mars. Yeah. He's thinking about the next thing.

Right. He was thinking about going to the moon when he was sort of, you know, kind of like in taking a nice bath earlier. Yeah, he's already enjoyed it. He's right there, he was in the ice bath. Just the idea of it is all he needs. You see, ice bath is that, you picture that's part of the training. I assume when you do a lot of physical training, you gotta take ice bath. To acquaint yourself with the cold.

Yeah, acquaint yourself also soothe your muscles. You know, like sports people, they have to have a big game, The quaint yourself with the cold. Yeah, quaint yourself also soothe your muscles. You know, like sports people, they have to a big game, they get them to dunk in ice baths. That doesn't feel necessary. It feels a little bit main. Well, it seems like it's a sports science people seem to think it does something. It makes them do what it does.

Yeah. It makes them not look too childish, too much childish glee. Well, from my own inside knowledge, some sports people, they do get in with some childish glee sometimes. Really? Yeah. I'm going to say sports people are just like everybody else, except for male footballers of any code, I think that they're almost all exclusively

bad people. How much fun is it calling somebody a sociopath? It's really fun. I don't necessarily believe it when I say it all. No, me neither, not at all. But it makes you feel very sort of clever. Oh yeah. And also makes you feel like not a sociopath. I'm just feeling bad for having said to everybody who plays football as a bad person. No, I think I reckon you stand by it. You think

I should? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. What do you know anybody who plays football? Then where's the harm? No, but I mean look, to be honest, it's just sports people. It's kind of like, you know, like with it with it's it's like with heavy metal musicians, right? They're talking about death and things like that. But in the end, they're just an artist, you know? You know, people who do treat, who write crime novels, you know, they're dark inside. Talk about death. Death, you know, murder, hacking.

They're just an artist. They're just an artist. You know, so in the matter of how cool you are, you're still just coming up with little ideas. That's your job. Just coming up with little ideas. Little ideas. Thinking about them.

Thinking about Thinking about whether or not they're good, whether people will like them. Yeah. Getting rid of the ones that you think people won't like, putting in some ones that you think people will like. And the same way of being a tough guy when you're a sports person, say, well, look, to be honest, you're mostly just kind of like a dancer. It's, it's, it's like, like, you know, when you put, think, put it like that, you know, that, that, that writing a novel or something, it's just the art of just putting an idea is. It makes it sound exactly the same as flower arranging. That's right.

You know, you just pick some ones, you prune them a little bit, you put them in the right place. I feel like if you were really good at flower arranging, you'd probably be really good at writing a novel. Well, I mean, you know, to be honest, like, when you're writing a book or anything, right? You're given a certain number of ideas by your mind. God. God lives in your mind.

God has a direct connection to your mind and he feeds you all your ideas. And then you have to just sort through that and organize that into something. That's kind of mostly the job of writing a thing. And very much like an artist, like a flower what it book begone is. Uh, whether it's birds of paradise ones. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, Dandy Lions. Sure. Oh, you could leave those. I guess I-

I picked some Dandy Lions the other day, put them in a little, uh, vase at home with some other stuff that I picked from the side of the path. Look fine. Look good. It might not have been the best. Uh, it might not have been the best, it might not have been the best flower arranging I've ever seen but it's the best flower arranging I've ever done. Yes, me. Me. The guy who did it, how strange is it, Alistair? Like you can have somebody put words into your head and then they go into your brain and then you

can also get words out of your head and put them back into your brain. And then you can also get words out of your head and put them back out of your brain. Yeah, like this. Get them out of your brain and you put them back out again. Like, tortellini dog. Yeah, so that's when she got out of your brain. Yeah. You put in, here I'm gonna put some in your brain.

And now they're in your brain. Oh, now they're in my brain, yes. What do you see when you see tortellini dog? I don't really know what tortellini is, I actually am sorry, I picture a cannelloni. I don't know what to say. Oh, you mean the tube one? The tube. Okay, wait. I just had an idea I had to say, but you might have an idea. I don't have any ideas, I hope that's clear. Yeah. Well, when we were talking about flower ranging and sort of those other things, what about the bad boy of flower ranging?

I think that's a really good idea. and sort of those other things. What about the bad boy of flower arranging? I think that's a really good idea. Yeah. Well, I mean, here's the thing that I've never seen done. Stick the flowers in upside down. All the flower bits are down in the vase. All the stems are poking out. Already.

I have literally and metaphorically turned the world of flower arranging upside down. Yeah. This is exactly the kind of thing he would do. Or she. Yeah, I mean, I picked a situation in which she throws the flower on the ground, gets into the vase herself. Right? Wow. Yeah.

Yeah, look, I think that could definitely be done. See, this is my problem why I picked a he here. Yes. Because I felt like I was going to be like, oh, well, you traditionally imagine a flower around you to be a woman. I'll be a little bit, you know, to twist a ruin, it's a man. I thought, and then I realized

that but then we have so many men in all our sketches. And also what you've done there is you've made the interesting person shaking up the industry, a man, whereas all the women currently in the industry are doing it boringly. Well, I do see that. So if anything that's worse. No, I said bad boy, and that's probably where it came from.

To be honest. Yeah, we can have the bad girl of flower arranging. Yeah, the bad girl of flower arranging, okay. So upside down in the vase. You know, I mean, just laying like a flower across the top of the vase like that, like it's planking. Oh, yeah. What a fucking asshole.

Yeah. What she's done, she smashed up the vase, ground it down into like a fine powder, right? Yeah. She snorted it all up her nose. Wow. And then sneezed it back out onto the wall. Into the shape of a flower.

Like she just held like a... She held like a... She held like a... a sunflower in front of her mouth or something like that. Or a rose. And sneezed. And then all the bits of vase sprayed around it and left the silhouette of the flower.

Yeah, of a flower. And it stuck of the flower. Yeah, for flower. And it stuck to the wall. Like she's good. This is incredible. I'm actually quite excited about it. This is actually really doing some good stuff for flower-ranging world. Not for a sinuses, but bloody hell.

No, but it doesn't matter. She's putting her body on the line. A lot of... A lot of flower-ranging people won't do that. No, to be honest, yeah. The worst thing that they get is a nick with the secateurs. Or maybe a prick from a rose. Does every rose have its thorns?

No. No, I'm pretty sure there are roses that don't have thorns. It really makes you think, doesn't it? Is that kind of effect that metaphor then? That every rose has its thorns? Yes, incomplete. Because then that means that I guess when you're saying every rose has its thorns, you're saying that kind of every person has their edge or their things that kind of hurt people.

Right? Although I suppose that if a rose doesn't have its thorn, metaphorically, that must sting the person who wrote the song, every rose has its thorn. So in that sense, it has a thorn. That is its thorn. Yeah. In a sense. In a sense, tell us there.

But I'm not very accurate. Sure. I mean, I just like the idea that maybe it was just suggesting, you know, so it suggested every beautiful, you know, no matter how beautiful you are, you still have some, you know, dark edges that, you know, sharp edges that kind of can be piercing and hurt people or whatever. But then the idea of that and then you think about how there's some people who actually, in real life, don't, they're just beautiful, wonderful people, and then also they never hurt people. I sound like jokes.

I know, but then, but isn't it kind of like that's fun to kind of put that people who use this idea that every person has their thorns and hurt people? And you go, actually not everybody does that. Yeah. Some people are good. Some people are just good, actually not everybody does that. Yeah. Some people are good. Some people are just good, pretty much all of them. Nice, consistently nice. Not me though.

No, and you know, I genuinely do feel though suspicious of people who are too nice. And I'm not sure if that makes me worse, probably it does. I always will think that somebody who's too nice is probably conservative in a bad person anyway. And they're nice, but then they don't realize that they're being bad in ways. Like I said today I saw an old lady sort of judge a young girl, like I saw her like judging eyes on the length of a younger girl skirt. Interesting. Yeah, and then I think we'll see that lady probably considers herself a very nice person, and in a way she's judging because she's trying to keep the world in a, you know, in quotes, a good place.

And while she is looking at that young girl's legs and thinking that's a shameful thing that you should keep hidden, really, she's exposing her own judgmental personality, which we believe is a shameful thing that she should keep hidden. Yes, and then someone's looking at me, looking at that lady, maybe it's a dog. Maybe the dog's looking at me, looking at that lady.

Maybe it's a dog. Maybe the dog is looking at me. And it's probably not recognizing anything really. It doesn't have to stare at all what's happening. It sees color in motion. Now it doesn't even see color. Does it just see sort of motion? It just sees motion shapes.

It doesn't even see shapes. It just knows the things are moving. I don't know how many could be so confident they know what dogs see even whether or not dogs can see color yeah how are we sure does the amount of cones is that what it is you matter cones it must also be like you you could do some experiment where you present them with two objects, which while different colors in black and white, I have exactly the same shade, right? And you could do some kind of a test to see whether or not they can detect the difference. It just feels like black and white is something we invented.

Do we invent that? When we came up with that. It feels like it would be harder to invent a black and white camera than it would to invent a color. Right, because you've got to change the picture, but being what it actually is. That should be a more advanced thing that we came up with later on. This is incredible. We found a way to take the color out of photography. How did you take the color out?

I don't know. It's like the world has just changed. We fundamentally, like that is editing. It's like it's sort of thing that should be a Photoshop kind of trick or something, but we amaze. They should invent a feature on Photoshop that allows you to make things black and white. I guess what it is, right, is that the camera, the original camera developing thing was only, like, it was just activated by the energy of visible light of like, photon, whatever. And so the individual colors didn't have anything to detect specific wavelengths.

Do you think that there's a way that this can be a sketch idea? Like, I mean, how do you, Do you think that there's a way that this can be a sketch idea? Like, I mean, how do you kind of set it up so that you're in a world where color photography exists, but black and white photography had never existed, and that it's actually a more advanced thing? Well, I mean, do you think, let's say you'd never seen anything that was black and white before, right? And you then somebody shows you a photo of something that's black and white. Would you even be able to recognize what the thing was? Or would you be like, what's that?

What's that supposed to be? I don't, because color is such a big part of the way in which we recognize things. And we're used to always recognizing things with color, just seeing sort of the shapes and black and white in front of you. Would you be like, what is this? I feel like maybe I would, probably, because I think I've been always amazed by how much a two-year-old is capable of recognizing. And it seems like they're pretty good at everything already. Two-year-olds. So, if they can do it, I reckon I could do it.

That's good on you, LSD. And you're believing in yourself. With, um, this, I don't know, this is a really weird question. But you were saying that they, with black and white photography, they were just getting an imprint of the amount of energy. Yeah. Do you think you could, that could be done with sound? Is there black and white sound where you're just getting the energy of the

amount of sound? The amount of sound but not the is that more like a seismograph? Oh God. I don't know. I can't get my head around this question. I feel like I'm trying to grasp, but it's slipping away from me, I lost it. What would that even be? I don't, you know? Yeah. I guess you would... What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah. That's like black and white sound because you're just getting the, the, the oscillating. Mm-hmm. But you're not getting the, any quality of anything. Yeah, I think, I think possibly there's also something about like

amplitude modulation, like, like when you just get the envelope it is the outline of the waveform rather than the individual. Do you know about Fourier like what his idea transforms it's been saying that every wavelength is made up of small sine waves. Yeah. Every wave form can be broken up into an addition of different sign waves, different simple sign waves. And so those simple sign waves can all be described by simple equations and then you just sort of add them all together and you can get any waveform. And is that how radio works?

Not just any sound as well though, because you can do it with photography. You can turn the data in a photograph into these kinds of things. Yeah, right. It's incredible. It's crazy. Oh yeah. I think it's how a lot of digital stuff works. I realized I was learning about this at university and when it started, it just seemed so complicated. I completely switched off and did not allow myself to learn any of it. Wow. Yeah. Well, good on you for taking a stand. No, I wasn't out of breath. No, I think it was very brave.

Yeah, and good on you. All right, Andy. No, we've reached the bottom of the barrel. Yeah. I think as soon as you start talking about four-year transforms, you know that there's nowhere else to go, really? Yeah. Well, okay. Alistair, what about this? You know how you can sometimes you're walking around a market. And there's someone there who's got a camera and they're like, oh, they'll take a photograph

of you, right? Maybe it's like some kind of Polaroid camera that'll develop it on the spot. Have you ever seen this? You know, maybe it's a thing from the, has died out since digital, but I definitely remember there being people who would do this at the market when I was a kid. And they would sell it to you? They would sell it to you on the spot, right? So they offered to take a photo and then it comes out of the back of their machine or whatever, and then they'll sell it to you on the spot, right? Have we done something like this, right? Where it's just's just somebody, they'll just describe you. Just give you their impression of you.

Yeah, give you an impression of what you're like as a person. No, we sort of do this last week. Tent me with the booth that just judges you. Give you an objective judgment on what you're like. Al's there, forget it. We've done exactly this concept on the previous episode of the podcast. What about like somebody who writes you a birthday card?

Yeah, it's a card. So like, you know, you just go through the markets and they go, a bit that coming up, got a bit that coming up, and sing a bit nice? I don't know if you even have to have a birthday coming up. They'll just write you a birthday card. Maybe they'll even just throw you a quick little birthday there on the spot.

Just six bucks. Six bucks, six bucks birthday. Yeah. Right? You get a birthday. Yeah. And it's like instead of stepping out for a cigarette or something like that, you pop out for a birthday.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Because what something like that you pop out for a birthday. Oh, that's nice Yeah, because what is it? It's just like a birthday. It's a fun special little treat for you. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah That's right and they and it's just like they have a little tent kind of like those little hot dog stands with the umbrella Mm-hmm like that but the the umbrella has like sort of longer dreams So you go inside and it's just all decorated for you. Yeah. And he's got a, eh, kind of sound, anything.

And he plays a backing track. Eh, happy birthday to you. I've got, and... Happy birthday to... What was your name again? What is it? J. C. K. J. C.K. J.C.K.

Happy birthday to you. Now do you want for his jolly good fellow, his extra $2. And then we got the cake, so you got cheese cake or chocolate cake or just muffin. You could take a muffin with muffin brand, some people like brand. And then we can, we also if you want a bit cheaper, we can just bring out the cake. And we pretend like you're going to cut it, but then we start to cut the cake. And I could save it for another person. Yeah, just all right, here we go. I think that's really fun.

The guy who runs a birthday stand. Yeah, birthday stand. But also like, there's something in the idea as well, if the idea of popping out, like you would for a cigarette, that people would have a tiny little self-contained box or something like that. That is like a little birthday box. So instead of a packet of cigarettes, you get this thing out of your jacket pocket or whatever.

You open it up, it all opens, and there's a tiny little piece of cake in there And there's a little party popper and maybe a candle or something and there's a little thing that plays a happy birthday sound Wow, so it feels like something that would happen in Japan Yeah, and you just like pop out for a birthday. Sometimes you can't have four or five birthdays in a day Somebody's left a few birthdays in your house. Yeah and I'm like, that somebody's left a few birthdays in your house. Yeah.

Can I have some birthday? You have a few birthdays today. I think that like, you know, people could get addicted to it. I also think I wrote down on my hand while you were talking else that somebody who's addicted to surprises, right? We have this idea of like, that surprises are a little bit like heroin or something, right?

And like, it starts out as being something that somebody might experience on a big night or something like that or like a... A surprise party, because it's a surprise party. Sure. But then they really have such a good time and they want it again and again and again. And then like... Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career and a rewarding field

with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, something. Oh, yeah. And they don't even really feel it anymore, right? Yeah, because they're like, oh, after a while,

you just know how many spins it takes before the jack in the box. But then I guess that doesn't quite work because you would need more and more intense surprises, wouldn't you, to be able to achieve the same rush to feel as good? Sure, but sometimes you're just getting what you can take. Yes.

You know? So then maybe sometimes you're just getting what you can take. Yes. You know? So then maybe sometimes you're just, huh, what are you? You're walking around like blind corners, just hoping to end up face to face with somebody? Yeah. Or you're driving on the wrong side of the road around blind corners and going,

like turning back onto the right side of the road last second? This isn't a Drenland junkie. They've got to try and like, or just like a maniac. Well, I think if you're having to create your own surprises, there is an element in which you do have to kind of be putting yourself in scenarios where people are jumping out of nowhere. But I guess creating your own surprises

is a different thing to what it'd be in like, if you were in a drug situation where a surprise dealer would be somebody who would come around to your house and would have little ways of surprising you, right? So, you know, whether it be... I mean, I love the idea of the surprise dealer coming around and he keeps like pulling things out of his jacket and he goes, like, you know, he might be like,

oh, you know, so thanks, you know, like he's already given you your seat in your main surprise. Yeah. And he never liked that. Anyway, so, you know, thanks for having me. I just, oh, he's so itchy back here. I just, what's this? Oh, it's a cigar for you. Oh my God, a cigar.

You can keep that. Oh, that's so nice. You're good. You're good. Like that, and he goes into your, he goes into the bathroom or something like that and he comes out and he's got a full cake. He's like, oh my God, what's that?

My favorite, he goes, yeah. He goes, Jesus. Yeah, I don't even, you didn't? My favorite goes, yeah. Jesus. Yeah, I don't even, you didn't even have a backpack or anything. Where'd you keep that? Then he leaves, right? And then he sneaks around the side of the house and he just stands next to the window with a knife.

Do you see it? Oh. And she opens the curtains. She's like, he goes, oh my God, you're good. You're good. I'm giving you're good. You're good. I'm giving you a tip. A tip of dealer? Didn't end well. A good one.

Yeah, that's true. Surprise addict. Yes. Could be an app, Alistair. Could be an Uber of surprises. An Uber of surprises. Oh yeah. It's true, like as in, it's a company that sells people who surprise you, but they are hugely underpaid.

I guess that yes. They thwart sort of labor laws. Labor laws. That's what's really surprising. Or the person shows up and they go, actually I'm getting paid minimum wage. Oh my God, that's such a surprise. It's not true. They'd have to show up and be paid actually quite well.

And they're not doing it as like a second job that they do after a day of working at Coles. But that's funny because Uber people, you know, people who drive Uber's are like, oh, you know, middle-aged man, or whatever, who are like, oh, it's just great to have, you know, lots of drive Uber's are like, oh, you know, the middle-aged man or whatever, who are like, oh, it's just great to have, you know, lots of people to talk to and things like that. I really enjoyed it. It's great to spend my time.

But these people are like, oh, it's just great to go out there and be able to like, scare the absolute, but Jesus out of people in exchange for money. It's not a lot, but, you know, I'd be doing it anyway. As a dealer, would they? It's because the trope is that dealers want to stick around, right? What have you been like? Do you mind if I just stay here and just surprise myself a little?

Yeah, yeah. Can I smoke some of that cigar with you or like whatever you surprise them with? You know, you've got, here's a three day holiday and a Capoco, Mexico. You know, you might have come. Yeah. Because I imagine for them, it would be genuinely surprising if somebody said yes. I'm a former addict and I feel like that's a thing that kind of gets me off a little bit too still.

You know, like this thing kind of keeps me going. I don't really go for the hard stuff anymore. Yeah, don't shock myself these days. I guess that's the problem. Is that once you've become addicted to surprises, the only way that you can afford to keep getting surprised all the time is to become a surprise dealer yourself. Yeah. And then after a while, you would have seen everything.

And that's when it's really hard for you. Yeah. And then after a while, you would have seen everything. And that's when it's really hard for you. Yeah. But then you can only be surprised by genuine moments of human connection and kindness. Wow. Yeah. It's really what we're describing sounds a lot like that movie with Michael Douglas. The game.

The game. I know. Well, there was an element of that that I was going to mention early on. You know, I wish I could have my first time again. But I think this is kind of, it's a bit more quirky. I think who's that guy who does all the films with all the colors? Wes Anderson.

Wes Anderson. The films with all the colors. Yeah, absolutely. Well, it was good enough to get you. Oh, very good use of colors. A lifetime you put all the colors in the movie ways. Yeah. I mean, well, who's the only other guy I know who uses that much color? Is that Japanese guy who did this? He was that a curious, a curious, sour, whatever. I guess, Saki. I apologize to anybody from Japan. I don't know enough about Japan.

But look, you know more than me because you know that there is a guy who uses a lot of colors in his movies. Yeah, he's that really old one. I think you might have done the original seven-time ride. Oh wow, you're right. Yeah. But... So black and white? I mean, he's doing colors after that, maybe. I can't remember. but it's like and what? I mean, he's doing colors after that, maybe. I can't remember. I can't remember, but I think I might have been color. I think, I think, you know,

an Oscar for best colors. It's quite appealing to me. Yeah. I mean, I feel like Wes would win it all the time. Wes every year. Yeah, it's Wes again. Best color. year. Yeah, it's Waze again. Best color. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if there isn't Oscar

that's not that far from that. Probably, there's so many weird technical words. Yeah. Is there even like a whole separate, I feel like there might be a whole separate Oscar's thing for technical awards? Is that the case? I know that there's at least one awards thing that they do.

Might not be the Oscars, but I know that it occurs over like two days. And on the first day, they give out a whole lot of really specific industry in awards. Mm, okay. And then the second one is the one that everybody watches and loves. I know the Australian one has done over two days.

That AFI is in there. Right, sure. Maybe that's's it maybe the first day of that is the one that's like we won't televised this one we're okay you can all come out of the shadows we'll give you an award for best second unit catering I mean, I also go for the catering. I'm asking for the catering. It'd be so great to be one of the judges for that. Absolutely. They send you, like, a whole, they send you, because, you know, like, if you're in the academy, they just send you boxes of DVDs they need to watch.

And the idea that they would send you boxes of meals, of food from the different catering tables. Yeah. I think that's a scot thing, is it? Yeah, definitely. I have been on a few TV sets and the catering is the best thing about the industry. And there's no reason it has to be that good.

I know. Any other job that you're on, you have to buy your own lunch. Yeah. Bring it in or whatever. But this, that they make you cooked meals three times a day. Yeah. And that there's just tables of like, you know, sweet buns and chips and muffins and fruit platters and cheese. Last one I was on, I got served like a nice chicken stir fry type thing, or like a, as well as like a quiche. They should know that we don't eat this well at home. There should be no requirement for them to have to provide us better food than we would provide ourselves.

Yeah, no, they should be able to keep us alive, so grill. Yeah. Or just like, they just look at you, they make a quick judgment of like, what would you have made for yourself if you were in this situation? You would have re-headed some noodles and you would have put some can of beans on top of it. Yeah, you would, I mean, that's even generous. Yeah, right.

Like, what's some of the most? I didn't say you'd take the beans out of the can, Elastay. Great, thank you. I just put the can on some noodles. Noodles. All of that noodles and beans, Andy, is a real. That's it.

It's bold. I've only done it once. Yeah. A friend of the show Matt Stewart, when we were living together, you and me and I think there was a thing that he would make relatively often. For kind of like a bean sauce for pasta. For noodles. Oh like pasta noodles. I'm picturing like two minute noodles, kind of like Asian noodles. And I'm picturing baked beans like a can of English though. No, no, no.

What Matt would make almost for every meal was like a sort of, just a vegetarian spaghetti sauce. Yeah, but it would have beans almost. It just had everything. Yeah, just so that he could get some nutrition. Yeah, and then he would have it on the last. And what Alistair would make for every meal was not make a meal and then expect me to make him dinner.

Is that what I would do every day? I would not expect. That's probably a bit strong, but I did make you a lot of dinners. Well, that's true. Yeah. I guess sometimes you were just making dinners and that was like, yeah, I'm like, he's making the dinner anyway. I look at Andy.

I know we all know that deep down I'm not a great person. No, that's not what this is about. This is about me being a person. You are a good person. As a good person, you should get to enjoy it in some way. It's not fair. Good people who are good people. Can't boast about it and get to it. That's what heaven is. That is the thing that's what heaven

will be. I think that's what heaven is. If you are good in your life, then you get to go to heaven and you get to just boast about it and you get to meet all the people. Because I think it's shit that you go to heaven as a good person. And then all the bad people go to hell and you don't get to sort of make it be deal of it or rub it in in any way. Yeah, hopefully there's a phone line between the two or something or some sort of satellite link up or something like that because I mean it must be like it'd be great to be in that heaven and be able to go actually I do think I am a hero. Yeah, it's so nice to finally be able to say it but you know obviously you got Actually, I do think I am a hero.

It's so nice to finally be able to say it, but you know, obviously you got to get through the gates first. Yeah. You can't admit it when you're on earth. You know, you're only there for a hundred years and could be eternity and fires of hell. So, you know, obviously, keep it to yourself. You think it a little bit, but even. But now we're in just quietly this guy who's got two thumbs and deserves

this. Tell you what all those orphans they took care of, they did not deserve it. I mean, I really stuck in there. Yeah. Against my own better judgment just so that I could get into this place. I don't tell you this, but orphans. Not good people. Not good people. So there was somebody who talked to their parents. And that's exactly the kind of joke that I could not do down there, but it was burning

me up that whole time keeping that in. Not even really admitting it to myself, because you don't know what you can see. You know? I reckon you can get in there. Just rifle that head through your subconscious. Be great if you could wear like a magneto style helmet that's like, oh my God, I can't get in.

I guess that's, you know, that would be the benefits of discovering that there actually was a God because then you could scientifically test, so testing what he can and can to fact and what he can and can't see. I think that's a really good sketch. Right. Like, so we've discovered that there is a God. We've been able to detect him with science and we've been able to find the ways in which he can control us and monitor us and that sort of thing. And then I guess shops start popping up or whatever, like those

spy shops. Yeah. The way it seems to have a flashing light in the window. Yeah, it's where you can get like tiny cameras that you can hide around your house and pens that you can record voice with. Yeah. And it's all that, it's all little gadgets and gizmos that have been built with sort of God, Godproof technology. You know, like I kind of like an end to end encryption kind of thing so that you can send messages that God can't read.

Dracking God can break end to end encryption. The moment, can you read WhatsApp encryption. Am I not reading WhatsApp? Yeah, I mean, that's a wonder, can you? Because I'm sure you could access it. Telegram or whatever that one is that like journal use signal. I mean, you need such strong processing power. What does it would take? Like encryption works because it would just take a million years for, or even, like, yeah, like a million years to be able to

do the math that it takes to figure out what two prime numbers were used. Yeah. In the two, because it's a 200 digit number, I think, that you have to figure out what two prime numbers were multiplied together to. Yeah, it's amazing. And so it's amazing that it's like it's left unlocked because you know what it needs to use. You know that it's made up of two prime numbers. I'm pretty sure that's all it is.

But it's almost like they've left the door unlocked. But you just have to do this working out and the working out, it is just too much of it. It's just a really, really long corridor. It's like if you left your house door unlocked, but you, you put sort of 50,000 newspapers laid in front of the door. 50,000 newspapers laid in front of the door. Because God could, like, it would be interesting, okay, so this is the God exists scenario, right? He, up until the invention of encryption, reading people's messages and people's thoughts, would have been very straightforward.

Yeah. Right? Because he just look at what they are. Or if there is any kind of code, it's like change every letter, back one letter in the alphabet or something, which is like processing wise, God could do really, really quick. But like in the last 10, 15 years, the amount of processing that God has to do to be able to monitor everybody's communication would be insane Look, I just don't think that he could do those kind of calculations in his head Instantaneously like that and where is the processing power come from?

This is what these scientists would be able to figure out. Mm-hmm. And then maybe they could harness it His processing power and then they could use God's brain to remind Bitcoin. My Bitcoin. That's everyone's goal. Did he God is smarting Bitcoin with his brain? I mean, if he's not, he's really letting down the church. Yeah. Because they're making as much, they're not making as much

as they used to through collection plates. I mean, yeah, he's, you know, he knows everything. Albany cognizant, he's all powerful. What I would do with that processing power, you know, if I had it. You know, and he's tapped into some eternal energy. So we're not using up, we're not burning coal instead of... I hope not.

Yeah. To use... He's called solar power or something like that. I suppose I assume he's getting his energy from another dimension. Oh yeah, sure. Or maybe he's the sun. Maybe God is just the son. Let's go back to that. I don't think the Egyptians might have been under something.

Well, I mean, it's the most logical thing of where the origin of a God comes from, because we get all our energy from it, it's responsible for all creation, blah, blah. It's pretty likely likely it creates day. You know, you could believe early on that maybe that was the reason why you exist. Like, you know, that it was matter from the sun that the earth could have come from. And like, it's up above you.

Feeling warm is nice. I got no further questions. I'm sorry, yeah. I'm sorry, that is just, that's God. Do you think that the Catholic Church could come out with this clarification at this point? We've looked into everything and we've decided. Yeah and I guess maybe that's why they were so upset. The Catholic Church were so upset when they found out that sort of earth was going around the sun rather than the sun going around because

it kind of just it was more like God was just Circling us and watching us and keeping an eye on us But I guess at that point they still weren't admitting that they thought that the sun was the God and it's probably the sun Just quiet. Yeah I love the idea that like somewhere in the Religious hierarchy they're like look look, just kindly, we all know it's the sun. The sun.

God is actually the sun. I don't know why we keep pretending that some like invisible thing. He's the sun. Yeah. Well, we can't tell people that because then people know that they can't see you when it's not. Yeah. We've had to make up this whole thing, like like a to-guy, and he gets the air into the sun.

Night is a free fall, but... Church is secretly. Secretly. We're trying to hide it all, but he's... He can't even see you when you go inside. Sometimes he can look through a window. Do you close the curtains? The Pope, the Pope the other day.

When he was talking about God, he actually said, son, I mean God. That's why I've had to cover this whole Father, Son, Holy Spirit thing. Say that the Son is God. That was just a cover for one slip up in like the year 200. It's created a lot of wars, a lot of problems for us, but we got past it. Nobody seems to be thinking that the Son, God is the Son. I look. And let's do it. We've got a bunch of sketches. You want to take us through them? Yes. I was going to do another one, we're going a bunch of sketches. Do you want to take us through them? Yes. I was going to do another one.

We're going to do three word one, but I think we'll just do it next week. We'll do that next week. Next week. We've got some three words from one of our listeners supporting us on Patreon. Thank you so much. Thank you very much, but we can't squeeze it in today because then we actually have to. We've gone on for so long. We absolutely must go.

And then, Carly, this is the only one in the lineup right now. There's other people can come in and support. You're in the gun. Yeah, but the, you know, okay. So here we got two and a thing, thing one, two, two. It's the first, first sketch idea is the silly things cut out from the moon broadcast, you know, anytime, you know, like Neil Armstrong would have said,

squee! Ha! Ha! You know, they had to cut that out. And that's, and then you go behind that and you see that the training that goes into making sure that these people, and the selection process to make sure that these people have the kind of personality that doesn't let them be to joyous or silly and things like that. And they have to make sure that they look stern

because it's just important that we look like we're taking this seriously. Yeah, so I guess they would present them with like a series of cuter and cuter animals or something like that. And they just have to maintain a placid vizage. Poker face. Poker face.

Although placid vizage, let's call George Andy, that's a great band name. George, he produces the podcast that we've been trying to come up with an average band for six months. And he's not enjoying the process at all. And he doesn't like having people telling him ideas for names for bands. But last but not least, my boss, yeah. So all right, that's the first, then we got the bad girl of flower ranging. Yep, she's just really fucking it up. Right.

I like the idea that even she, she, she crushes the vase and flowers together. Right, brings them down to like a synthetic biologist who uses the atoms from those to create a new a new living seed plants that creates the flower like that from that and that's her arrangement. And if the flower is a vase blooms out of the stem. Or she just throws seeds at people. Yeah. It's airborne. It's a fan that's just holding seeds up in the air. She eats the seeds. Ships them out. She hits them out. Place them on the table. Into a

Tupperware container. There you go. Put them in on the table at your wedding. That's the arrangement. That's great that she... because I'd pictured her just doing flower shows, but the idea that she gets hired for... Oh, yeah, wedding? We've got this one. She's very experimental. The bouquet that the bride carries is just a top-aware with a turd. That's really great. Hey, if any listeners do have a suggestion for a ban name for George, tweeted it to a name for George. To-in-tank.

To-in-tank. And we'll pass them on to him. Hashtag ban name for George. Yeah. The guy who runs a birthday stand, I think that's great. We've got surprise, and junkie, I know so I said junkie, but I meant not junkie, he's a dealer. So there's, yes, people who become addicted to surprises, maybe often after a surprise party, and then their life

thereafter trying to have more surprises happen to them. So if originally, you know, they try to make those scenarios happen, but then eventually they have to sort of pay somebody to surprise them. Or when that's, you know, when they run out of money, then they just have to start putting themselves in real, real dangerous scenarios where, you know, they're driving on the wrong side of the road around blind corners, hoping that a car will just appear. Yeah, crash into them and that's called an overdose on surprise.

Yeah. When the dealer wants to do some with you, he says, I don't have a problem with getting surprised off my own supplies. I hope so. I hope he does say that. Yeah. Then there's a little story about the judge, one of the judges for the Oscars for the best catering. Yeah. And you know, maybe that's not a whole sketch, you know, of itself, but

if there's a bunch of other equivalent things. I think a lot of these like that are, you know, they're kind of these kind of character pieces where, you know, you're just with this person at their home and then he's talking about how, you know, that they had done a thing, you know, back in, you know, I don't know, they, they had been a caterer themselves on the set for, you know, uh, the Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments and then maybe they did the whole Avenher and then they did all the rush hour films. And then since then they don't work in it but they're still part of the academy for you know, the Oscars for catering and then he just gets a lot of like sentiments and scrolls.

For your consideration, a little sample plate. Or a little, it's like a little sample table so that you still get to pick yourself. And like that. And maybe they're all just smaller versions of the foods. Little buffet. Then we have, heaven is where good people can finally go and boast. Mm. Right? It's a good one. Lovely.

Discovered, then next one is, we've discovered that there's a God, and then we test what he can and can't do, like with scientists. And then we can start like... Harnessing his power. Harnessing his power, like we can start creating products that block his ability to look into our minds and read our thoughts, but then also we find out that he actually has lots of processing power, and then we can harness the processing power of God's mind to mind Bitcoin. And then there's the final one, which is the church secretly knows that the sun is actually the

God, but they don't want to tell us that because they don't want to let everybody know that he can't watch you when it's nighttime, and when you go to a house and All that kind of stuff a lot of good stuff. Look to be honest There was that point in this episode where we came to a complete stop. Yeah, we hit barrel bottom And pretty much all the good stuff was after that was right after that So much like you know and people's lives when you hit rock bottom It's a launching off point to a much better life That is consistently been what I've observed from people who've hit rock bottom, it's a launching off point to a much better life. That is consistently been what I've observed from people who hit rock bottom.

But you know, like how often like people who are artists who hit rock bottom, then they get all this credibility and then they get all the things like that. Well, when we hit rock bottom, we don't get credibility, but we got better ideas. You know, maybe because we got more life experience, we experienced failure. And then from that point, we were able to to leverage that experience for better ideas. Within the space of this podcast, we, and look at this, we descended into darkness and we emerged from it. And look, and in three sketches, we found God. And, and then we got an Oscar and heaven.

So there you go. And a surprise Yeah, anyway, and then addiction good on us. Hey, and we've got a show coming up at the comedy festival Andy Matthews and Elis did Trombley virtual sci-fi sketch experience. Yeah, there's gonna be comedy in there It's gonna be comedy and it's at 6.45 between the 28th of March and the 8th of April You can buy tickets now and- They're very much available. They're very much available.

They still live, but there's more to be had. Yeah, they're selling, but they're still triple figures available. And we would love for some of your figures to fill those figures. Yeah, thank you. We- No way, wait, and we're also on Twitter at Tuen Tank.

Oh yeah. And at AlicityB. Oh, we didn't do the song. The outro song. Oh, we'll do it and then we'll and we're also on Twitter at to entangue. Oh, yeah, and I'm at Alistair TV. Oh, we didn't do this song Yeah, I'll try something. Oh, we'll do it and then we'll say we'll do it Okay, I'm at stupid old Andy And you can find us on the planet broadcasting network and we can find us on patreon on patreon and you can don't We really appreciate it. We've got some wonderful supporters and we love them a lot and it's three bucks to Put in three word suggestions It's free to send us a suggested band name for George.

Yeah, and you can give whatever money you want if you want. Yeah. We're still heading towards the $100 that we're just going to give to George every month for editing a podcast. Yeah. Yeah, and by the way, all the money that we got up until that point also goes to him. Yeah, everything that we've got. It's not like, we'll give you $100 or nothing.

No, no, no, $100 a month he's's gonna get it. Yeah. And oh wait the song. I can't do it anymore. That's really good, doesn't it? And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. It's not optional, you have to do it. We used to go easy on it, but now you have to. Yeah.

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