Two In The Think Tank - 126 - "SKIN CAR"

Episode Date: April 10, 2018

One imperial shirtload of thanks to everyone supported our show at MICF. It was a joy to perform and particularly special to meet listeners who came along.Fortress Of Multitudes, RagePhoria, The Human Ass, CharmedManDer, Appropriating Drinking Culture, Biggot Foot, Playtreon, Skin CarAnd you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereThanks out the wazoo to George Matthews for producing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company in Affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. This counts not available in all safe and situations. visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where my friend, Alistair George William Tromboli, Bertual and I, Andrew Matthews, come up with a number of sketch ideas. The number is five. The number is five.

The number is five. That's right, baby. Hello to you today. Alistair, everything I do now is tingeed with anger. Really? Well, I've been noticing that. I don't think it's going unnoticed to you, Amber. But even things I thoroughly enjoy, I do them slightly angrily.

I attack them. Yeah, I think it's related to the joy that children bring into your life. I must be to do with the joy. Maybe you're spending all your joy on your children. I think that's what it is. So for the rest of your life, you have just left over emotion. So you know how like the sun, right? Yeah, so it burns hydrogen.

Whatever you're going to say, yes, I already know. Okay, great. Well, for the benefit of the listeners, the sun burns hydrogen, right? Nuclear fusion reactions, right? Up until the point where it's burned, all it's hydrogen fuel, it starts to burn helium, right, which is a less efficient and less, you know, Good fuel for a sun. Sure, but it still can burn it because you know once it's that big and that powerful It can you can burn pretty much anything. I'm like that. I'm using up all my love I've burned all the love on the kids and now I've had to find alternative sources of energy now

So now I'm burning rage. No, okay. That's cool. I thought I'm swelling like a red giant baby. Yeah, really? Yeah. I guess that that's kind of a red giant baby. Red giant. Look, I guess the sun is in many ways like the incredible, the, it's the original incredible Hulk. But that. Yes, you don't make me burn helium. You wouldn't like me when I'm burning helium And then that gets real big and red and red and swallow the earth. Yeah We were talking just before the episode else there started Snears to me. No, no, no, I was there. All right. I heard it and you said Is Superman a superfood? I think that's funny. I think it deserves to live on in Digital for and not just the bullshit conversation that you and I have that we funny. I think it deserves to live on in digital form and not just the bullshit

conversation that you and I have that we both know is worthless. Great. I think nothing. I guess what the listeners don't realize is that when we're normally talking, it's exactly the same as the podcast. But it's worthless. And we don't write any of it down, but we also allow ourselves to stop talking for a little bit of time so that we don't. We never start again conversations because we're worried it's going to be way too boring for the listener.

That would be great though. Wouldn't it? You could just start a conversation again. You'd bring so much rage to it. Maybe that's what I need. I'll just have one rage conversation, get that out of the way and start a fresh one. Yeah, so do you think as a nice breaker, we should just throw in a little cannibals,

I've realized that Superman, whilst being super at everything, is also a super food. Yes. And they're trying to figure out how to cook. I guess you got to cook them in a sort of like underground and a hungry, but instead of hot coals, you use sort of kryptonite coals. But does that kryptonite flavor it or is kryptonite flavorless?

I think it would, I think, actually I'd worry that kryptonite would have a very sort of chemical kind of taste to it and you'd wind up with a super that tasted like you'd give him in a brand new oven before burning off the you know the the manufacturing residue and you get that sort of well plastic unpleasant maybe we could just steam them or actually that would probably be better I think it would preserve a lot of the goodness of Superman. I guess if you keep him if you keep him separate from you, you keep the crepto night colds separate from him. So you keep it under the pot, but he's in the pot.

Great. So none of the chemical taste is coming through, but you're kind of tenderizing him through. I guess there's not a lot of meat that you steam. The other way that you could cook Superman is you'd have to get him to cook himself because apparently the way he cut He's shaves, right? Is using his eyelashes and with a mirror or something like that

That may not be true That may just be something that's not canon that people say as a joke is the way to man shapes but also If you could get him to somehow reflect his own eyelashes back on to himself. He could cook himself That's true. Yeah, I guess if you could get him to somehow reflect his own eye lasers back onto himself, he could cook himself. That's true. Yeah, I guess if you could just get him, like maybe he's got like a flaw. You know, like, so if you've got that reflex, you know, when you hit your knee in a certain spot that your leg kicks out, maybe because all of us we don't have lasers in our eyes,

but there might be like a little button that you can push. Where you can poke him. Yeah, and his light lasers come out. I'm sort of nerve. Yeah. You just find that you tap that, you get his lasers going. What you do, maybe it's like you get that spock chokehold. Yeah.

And that spock chokehold thing is that we just need spock. And then we're able to cook Superman. Yeah. I mean, look, I'd go for any educated Vulcan. Sure. But at the moment, Spock is the only one. I don't know how good their education system is and whether or not that's a thing everybody knows. Or whether it's a move that's Spock invented. Yes. Or whether the Spock the move is canon. I think it needs the Vulcan nerve grip. So I think it is a sure, well, that sounds to cultural thing. Unless that day, you know, it's the Vulcan nerve grip. So I think it is a, it's a sure, well that sounds good.

It's a cultural thing. Unless that day, you know, it's just all the, all the humans called it the Vulcan nerve grip because they saw Spock do it. And you know, then they're tarnishing all Vulcans with this grip brush. He's just the grip, he's the gripper. Yeah.

Okay, so we're calling it the Vulcan nerve grill, right? And it's the way that you cook Superman. Okay, great. You put him in a room full of mirrors. You give him the Vulcan Nerve Grip, on his little Superman button. And the reflected light from all the mirrors bouncing around. Cooks him.

Now it cooks you as well. You're in there giving him the grip. So you've got to get out, maybe you get out of the room of mirrors. Yeah, you die there. Is it a house of mirrors? Could Yeah, it could be a house. Yeah I guess if Because I mean, how do you trick Superman to get into the pot? You tell him it's a house. It's a house of mirrors. You guys in there. He's gonna go in there. It's for fun. Yeah

Reflect you for fun. Yeah. Reflect. You know, reflect. Yeah. You know, it's it. He'd love this. Call it a fortress of multitudes, right? Yeah. And then, Is that a, is that a,

Well, he has the fortress of solitude, right? This is the fortress of multitudes where you go in there to be surrounded by people. Well, once I have reflections. Once I have all the information required to make the joke work, I really like it. You laugh real hard. Yeah, I laugh hard. Yeah. As a, you know, in an abstract sense.

I also think that maybe you don't actually need to spot there. I think we're at this point when we're doing this, we're probably at a point where you can go to like one of those kitchen appliance sort of stores and there's just like a, they have just like a little pinchy thing that you can, they kind of looks like a, you know, one of those clips that holds things, but that you can. Very sold in like a TV advertisement or something. Yeah, and it just holds there, and then it works for people who have tasted sort of people from Kryptonians. And they've realized that it's actually, you know, they are the best superfood.

And then they're traveling around the universe looking for Kryptonians who live under yellow suns. Yeah. Cooking them all in there. And cooking them all in there. Houses of mirrors. Yeah. So I think that's a pretty straightforward sketch that I think could would feel at home

on almost any of you run of the mill sketch shows. If Mad TV comes up comes back maybe we could put it on that. Maybe it's straight on there. Just to go back to the rage. Yeah, I do your range. I want to know and I stare that like sure you can get to Navanna through achieving in a piece. But I reckon it's one of those things like where you can get there multiple ways. And I reckon it's not just about, it's not the piece that really that's important.

It's the purity of the piece, right? It's the absolute nature of the piece. But I reckon if you were also to achieve absolute rage, you'd probably also be able to get some of that. So it's just the purity of an emotion. Yeah, that's the emotion of peace. So I guess really what it is is that peace is that it's the pure emotion of calmness, right? And what it is is that it's so pure That there's no other emotions in there creating disturbances in pure It's like you've got laminar flow. You got absolute laminar flow of one thing

You're fine. You think you're thinking clearly for the first time in your life Mm-hmm, and I imagine that at some point you could become so rageful. Yeah so Enraged rage, I guess. I guess, yeah. There's nothing else in there to dilute that. No impurities in your rage stream. Right? And then I think that's another bam straight through to Nirvana.

And but is your Nirvana still like a euphoria? Or is it like a rage for you? What's the, what's the opposite of euphoria? I read it yesterday. Disphoria? Is that a thing? It could be a disphoria thing. It was, it got a utopia and a dystopia. Yeah, I think it might be dysphoria.

Right. Oh, because I read it in the one like, Joe Mandy, you know, Joe Mandy, no about him. No, not that. Anyway, so stand up. He's just stand up and he, he quit Twitter in 2017 at some point. But he wrote, you know, his final post is a big thing about why it's a horrible thing. And he said, you remember like last year when people were talking about these kids that

were dipping cigarettes in this embalming fluid and smoking it and that, I think it was a myth. I don't think people were actually doing this, but just one of those like news things. Like people are smoking embalming food. Kids are eating ceiling tiles. And the thing was that apparently this gave people a dysphoria and guaranteed absolutely horrible feeling and experience and yet people became really addicted to it and they couldn't stop doing it. Yeah, well, so he likened that to Twitter. And that's kind of what he said, Twitter was like.

That's pretty accurate. Yeah, that's apt. Although sometimes people have been tweeting about our comedy festival show, and it's just, which if you really wanna see, you missed it. Although sometimes people have been tweeting about our comedy festival show. Yeah. Which, if you really want to see, you missed it. Yeah. You missed it and I'm sorry, because this podcast comes out Tuesday.

Tuesday. Yeah, even though we're recording this right before going to do the final show. Yeah. So we haven't missed it. We haven't missed it right now. And if you're listening to this through the wall. Yeah. Right. You haven't missed it right now. And if you're listening to this through the wall, right? You haven't missed it either.

Yet dirty, ear purve. But yeah, sorry guys. Anyway, it was a great run. And we had people from the podcast, like listeners of the podcast come along, and we met them in the flesh, and it was bloody great. Shay, Isaac, you guys are legends.

And the rest. And the rest as well. Yeah. Do you know the names of some other Listeners who came along. Those are these are the two that came to mind Oh Nathan yeah, Nathan came along. Thank you for letting me say his name. No problem Andy I wanted you to I wanted everybody to know that you're the most caring of the people. Yes Well bloody hell all of you guys and everyone else in the envelope, we love you so much. So much. Now, rage, rage you for you. Yeah. Yeah. Is that so do you think that? Are we saying that it's like that maybe that the Buddhist philosophy of retaining, well, what's the thing again? What's it called? Nirvana. Nirvana is actually just a sliver of a much broader phenomena.

Yeah, absolutely. And that you, but are we saying that you get rage for you? Like that you, or like is your rage? Like you're raging Nirvana. Like, is it different or do you still just go? Yeah, I like that one because I think it gives us a nice transition. I also think that the other ones that you could get, and I think we've got to come up with funny names for the type of euphoria because I've got one here. It's ooo for ya.

It's almost exactly the same as euphoria you, but it's EW for you, for you. For you. For you. And this comes from pure disgust. And it's like, you're in a state of total discomfort and dissatisfaction. You just feel gross and grimy and really like unclean and... That kid, the other day, who spent 12 hours in a sewer after falling into a sewer and he suddenly survived somehow? Yeah, well well that he probably would have got through that way. Yeah he was close if he'd stayed in there for another hour or two.

He would have he would actually become become a Buddha. Yeah well he comes out it's because I'm kind of like creature of pure disgust. I should be at least some form of like demigod kind of thing, right? Yeah, you hope you Yes, no powers at all. Is that what you're telling us? Yeah Nothing and any any swimming in effluent and he gets nothing in return The universe is cruel, isn't it? It could be a payoff was it actual sewer sewer or like a we do sewer sewer like absolute sewer

Like they like like people were saying it's a miracle that he survived because People do not last long in those things But he found a place where there was a breathable air pocket Breathable air pocket is there is what they're specifying because there are pockets of air in there that are not breathable that are just Methane and just horrible things. Can you imagine just for a second being up to your nipples in sewage and what the texture would feel like as you pass your arms around to try to like... Oh fuck, yeah let's say I imagine it would feel a lot like swimming in warm bok choy Warm bok choy. Yeah, don't you reckon? No because there'd be so much no no, be with me all right

Alistair okay because think about it you know when you get your your your noodle Dish right your bok choy's in there. it's gone all floppy right and it's flopping around right it's kind of that kind of stringy thing that'd be like all the toilet paper right and then the the heavier you're really coming to this with rage the heavier thicker end right that loads of be your chunks of stuff yeah right and then and then in between oh yeah, no, look, it's a pur, that's exactly what it would be like. I think that would be the case.

Only when people have eaten exclusively bok choy, say, imagine it's so hard to bite through. Yeah, it's not. Then even in your stomach, it doesn't decompose at all. It's just stringiness. It's not a digestible. It's like, you know, those baby wipes, always telling us, don't flush them down or look because they don't break down.

And they find an accretion of them in the sewer, right? That's like 12 kilometers long, and it's just the most disgusting, huge conglomerate of baby wipes, you've ever seen. I imagine there are bok choy burgs, bok burgs down there. Yeah, choy burgs, yeah, absolutely. But they don't tell us about. Because they want us to keep eating bok choy for some reason. I think bok choy is even better for you than kale. I think there's something about the strength of those.

The fact that it just goes straight through. I think those fibers are so strong, that's where their nutrients come from. The strength. The strength. Yeah. Maybe it's good for your digestive system to experience something that it can't break down, just to learn that it has limits. To humble it. To humble it, actually.

Humble your lower bowel with the fibers in bok choy is your colon getting too big for its boots. My big colon is. Yeah, your colon is head up and down. On a big intestine, small intestine, I was thinking big colon, small colon, but we've just got one colon. It's just one colon, baby. What does the colon look like? It looks like a witch's hat, I believe.

Or maybe a weird carrot. Is it like very long the colon? I don't think it's that long. Look, I might be wrong. But I think the colon is, I think the colon on everybody is the bit that's like the funnel bit that's at the very bottom of the intestine that goes straight to the ass and that's where you pack the poo in after it's gone through everywhere. Also that's where it's like the waiting room.

I think it's the waiting room. I think it's the anti-chamber. It's the airlock. It's the airlock. It's the non-breathable airlock. Yeah. And so is that, are you keeping your colon closed in order to not like, I should get the rectum closed.

The rectum. Yeah. But surely that, surely the asshole isn't the last line of defense. That's not everything that's holding everything in. I don't know. I don't have any lots of defense there. I see. Because I mean if there's a if we're stopping at the colon and then there's also the rectum, then there's like that's that it's going to be the two lines of defense. I think we're holding it. Are we holding things back at the colon? Because we're not holding it in the chamber right. Like it's not it's not just a roll. It's just not piling up against the wall of your occasionally.

It feels like that, but I don't think that can be. You know what, I've never thought about this, right? Exactly how. I think that we would, I'm sorry, Liz. I think we would be better. I think, like don't you think you would be better at going to the bathroom if you understood the mechanics. Yeah, right. Quite possibly.

When they teach people the sing, they teach them about the mechanics of how the vocal chords and the diaphragm are. Yeah, you can take control. Exactly. Yet none of us know how our colon slash rectum works probably. We're driving these cars, but we don't know what's under the hood. Exactly. I mean, we know about the wheels.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know what we can see. Yeah, we know what, like, we've learned through the controls that we have, but it would be great to, you know, we could probably get better, better controls. Well, there's something to think about. Is there a sketch in it? Master your ass. An ass, master, master class. Master. Yeah. Look, I mean, I don't think that there's... it's that crazy.

It's not a desirable sketch. I mean, this is where we would get, you know, you can get that line that we try to put into almost every sketch where we know more about the surface of the moon than we do about the surface, the inner of the moon. Alistair, that sentence doesn't make any sense. The listeners are not going to know what you were just saying. Okay, well, can you say what the actual line is? It is like we know more about the surface of the moon than we do about the human ass. Is that right? Something like that.

Yeah, something like that. Yeah. But that's not a regular saying. Like, is that just something you and me say a lot? I don't think about the human ass. No, no, no. But like the beginning of this sentence. Oh, no, we know the beginning of the sentence is well known.

Yeah. Yeah. And so this framework is not foreign to everybody. No, no, but the way you structured it, then you left out any of the information about the ass. And so it was, it was, it would have been a reason to listen. No, I didn't. Because I was saying I was referring to the ass as a moon. Yeah. Okay. Obviously, I'll say, but people didn't know that's what you were referring to. So when you're doing the twist on it, they don't know what you're twisting.

You were twisting your ass. I'm just glad that I can give you opportunities to let out your rage. This isn't rage. This is like, you know, sort of slightly befuddled. And it's not rage. Like when you do the show, you're not doing a rage show, but it's powered by rage and it's coming through. That's fine, I'm just talking about the fuel.

So, is there an education sketch in this and people trying to educate people about how the rectum enus works. Well, it is a line that another line that we've come up with and we haven't used I believe is that human beings only use 10% of their ass. Is that another thing that we've said? I feel like that is definitely something that we've said on the show. Possibly on the show.

So look, there's a lot of, and there's that image that I've always wanted to have in the sketch. This is really a wishful film at sketch. We're craving everything into the one-off sketch. It's that thing where it's a scientist on a stage giving a presentation and he's got a little curtain with a golden bit of rope. And he goes, ladies and gentlemen, the human ass. And he pulls the curtain and then it opens up and there's just an ass there And then maybe he could teach him how why don't we know enough about like why isn't the average person's where's your like the humans a queue

I know question. Yeah. Ask question to me. Ask question. Um. I mean, there's as many cues as there are facets to the human experience. Right. And the fact that we've only gone as far as the IQ and the EQ is just shows how far we have to go as human beings. We've got to get all the cues in the alphabet, right?

And then maybe we'll, you know, we'll become, we'll realize our true potential, okay? And maybe then the aliens will come down to us and they'll say, you see, this is what we were waiting for. Now that you've mastered your IQ, you're ready to take your place amongst the stars. Now give us the secret of interstellar travel. You know, if we truck. I mean, there is a chance that they are watching us

from above, keeping track of how well we're doing with our asses. Well, that's what they do in all the probic. It all makes sense now. The fact, the idea that aliens want to know about the inside of our butts is, I mean that is the like almost the flip side of the we know more about the surface of the moon than we do about the surface of the moon than we do and about. I mean, we know more about the human and the human as than we do about the surface of our own moon. That's just as spacious with different priorities.

Yeah. Well, Andy, how is that a dummy sketch for this? Yeah, it could be, I think it could be a good place for the sketch to end almost. Yeah. You know, like if the aliens do come down, they say, see, this is what we were waiting for. Now you're getting somewhere. You humans, you spend so much time fighting. You know.

And you heard each other. She don't know what's important. It's a lot of talking about us. But no people don't. People don't talk about it. This is for men's health. We're doing this for men's health. This is a sketch for, you know, November or something. Yeah, that's great. Look. Get your polyps checked. That's an important thing. Pollops. I mean, it sounds like something that you'd find at the beach. Is a polyp actually a marine type of creature? The polyp. God, it's a great word to say on Mike, isn't it? Polyp.

Sorry, George, if these plosives are popping the... Plosives are popping polyps. Polyps. Well, that's where we're up to so far. Yeah, I mean, I picture a polyp to be sort of like an internal wart. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. But I also picture that it could pop like it's full of something. Look, this is too gross.

A wart is a little bit like that, though, you know? Is it full of something? No, but it feels like it could be. Yeah, is it? You mean, well, it's full of something, but it's just full of more wart. Like, it's not something you can get out of it. Yeah, and it's just what it is.

And what is more wart? Is it just skin or is it something different? I think it's weird skin. I think it's skin that's gone bad, you know? Like it's been deformed, but it's had DNA altered by the virus. So it's a virus that's given you a war? I think what's a virus? I thought it was witches.

Or frogs, toads maybe? The toads? Do toads really give you a war? I think that's not true. I don't think you can get awards. So just witches. Just witches. Oh.

Oh, witches. I mean, you know, it's interesting that like, people are trying to reclaim witches. Right, I think maybe it's not so zeitgeistly right now, feels like like 10 years ago, maybe it was more a thing that as part of sort of feminism of one particular wave or another, I don't know the details,

but like the idea of witches and of being or which in an harnessing some kind of feminine power in a way that couldn't quite be defined, but that was like happy to be mistaken for magic. For to play with those conventions was like a thing that was back in. But I think it's a shame that they didn't go the full witch and you know, really really push it down the nose. Hook nose. Big hulk?

Yeah. That's the classic wits, right? Big hulk nose with a wart. With a wart, with one real, like, spoky outy wart. Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay, I guess it could be a mole. I guess it could be like one of those are awful.

It could be like a hairy, one of those moles with hair on it. Yeah. You know, I was like, Probably you have to get it checked. Pass must have. You're right. There's a mole, that's probably, it was probably have to get it checked. Pass must have. You're right. There's a mole, that's probably, it's probably got something going on.

What about this, like it's either sort of like men's rights activists who are trying to upset feminists by starting male witches. Or it doesn't have to be that. It could just be, you know, it's a news story about how anybody can be a witch these days. It's not how it used to be a thing that was just for females. And that is interesting. And then the story at the near the end goes to,

and well, similarly with wizards, and then they'll go in and they go, no female wizards and like, he's cast a spell on them and then it's all on the low. Right, so what you're saying is we're talking, we're talking full witches, right? Like proper wart on the nose, like pointy hat witches, right? But in a way that like you would do something

about how many male nurses there are now and the sort of the how they're actually up, it's they're doing a great job of challenging the perception that only women are nurses. And it's sometimes, it's insulting or it's demeaning to assume somebody's gender based on their profession. In the same way, witches, and we're talking like proper witches who like will steal your

babies and like put a curse on the prince. That kind of thing, and they don't want, they are trying to get away from the perception that they're all women and how men can be witches as well. And like as somebody is, you know, as the villagers are coming to attack this COVID of witches, they're saying, burn these women. And you know, somebody's saying, well actually, some of us, I'm a man and sorry, yeah, I think that's great. Yeah, and then maybe look, this could be a whole, it could be a four-part series. Oh, great. I love that you picked the number four.

Far out, now let's see. So, because then we're talking about that, then we look later on at the effect of climate change on which is, because a lot of the species that they used to be getting sort of frogs. Eyes from frogs, especially here in Australia. Amphibians are there a bioindicator species on the stand. The damage to the ecosystem shows up

straight away in the in the frogs and then you look further along the food chain at the species which depend on the frogs in their existence. What do you see? Witches. And they're starting to struggle. So the witches are also a bio indicator. They're further up. And also, a lot of pesticides and that sort of thing, because the witches eat the frogs, they bio-accumulate in the witches, making the witches more poisonous and therefore unhealthy.

And therefore creatures which prey on witches, some kinds of eagles, perhaps. They're also dying out. Or bigots. Bigots, yes. They are also dying at. Or bigots. Bigots? Yes. Frying on the witches. Yeah.

But also. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at Progressive.com.

Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts not available in all safe and situations. I was about to say something about praying on witches where if they're made of wood, you know, the idea that you'd make pews out of a witch. So the witches are made out of wood? Or witches made out of wood?

I thought maybe that's just a thing they said in Monty Python. I think that might just be a Monty Python thing. Yeah. But still good. The idea though, when you were talking about the idea, so maybe one of the places where some of the mail which has came from, is that like frogs, when there's like too many of one gender, they just flip.

This is interesting. Yeah, well, they have green skin as well. That's true. Like a frog. So I mean, you can make this and just play it real straight. Play it real straight, baby. It's a four-parter. We play it real straight. Play it real straight. We got. So we got gender politics first up. Yeah. Then we got climate change. We got climate change. That could be third app, maybe because then we start, we start looking at, I mean, second app.. What about, are we doing the pay gap?

Is that in there as well? Is that rolled into the gender politics? I wonder whether they get paid at all. Because what about unionizing the gig economy, work plays relations, that kind of thing. Sure. I mean, look, that could be great. We could look at future of work, future of work, or automation, maybe how automation is affecting the yeah, because like, you know, the kind of potion manufacturer and that sort of thing and the idea that you would go out there and you would, um, R&D is very kind of time-consumptuous. It's quite a bespoke kind of thing, isn't it? And it does feel like the boiling newt's eyeball admit night on a full moon in a blasted field. You're like, okay, sure.

But what if more than one person wants a love potion? If you're going to scale this product as a startup kind of a thing, startup, which is, right? And then, you know, some young Harvard graduates come in and they disrupt the whole witch industry. Yeah, that's great. It's all done with an app. And then they send you this stuff. But you know those scientists, scientists, machines that they have now, like they can just, you know, they can, like, let's say they, I think maybe they look for bacteria and things like that

by just like having endless petri dishes and this thing that comes around and drops things in. And that was that a thing, you know, like, you know, you know, probably, yeah, it's like some big science farm. Yeah, but like that, but you could do that with witches, you know, essentially. Yeah, great. I did have another idea.

What was, what, we did automation, did... I said, I mentioned pay gap in general politics and that kind of thing, into the workplace relations. The key economy out there, is anything on those lawns bringing in any bills? I guess there's also, oh, I think there was just gonna be a thing where like one of them's having a problem with, I guess this could be in the climate change episode,

but they're living in the forest and they're trying to boil their cauldron, but there's a total fire ban on. Interesting. And so they keep getting in trouble with the Rangers? Yep. That's another thing. Maybe there's, I mean, I don't think this one will carry a whole episode, but there's

something to do with the aviation industry and them and their, and their brooms, and maybe how drones have affected our lives. Yeah, yeah, you're right. No. Yeah, anyway, we'll figure out the fourth episode. We'll bang that out. Because there's got to be a fourth episode, Alistair, because it's a full part.

Why are you going to do it? Why are you going to do three episodes? No, I don't know. Yeah, that's crazy. That would be what is such a strange number. I mean, three is a powerful number in which mythology. But, you know, whatever, four. Well, it looked to six.

Four's a new three. Let's do six. Great. Let's do six. Let's do nine. Andy, come on. No. I'm sorry, I don't say, I don't say, I don't say, I don't say, I don't say,

I'm saying silly. You know? Right. You know? I'm writing down. We're not writing, Maya witches. We're not re-Nandanian. Oh. It's a great idea.

You know? All that stuff. You know, full part out. We're talking, we're talking through real issues here. We get to talk about real issues. But, Alistair, we're looking at through, them through a lens. Through the, for the prism. It's more of a prism.

A series of lenses. Do, do, do witches use prisms? Or is that more of a scientist thing? Because that's, that's, the prism is the, is the most hippie scientist thing they have, right? Yeah, because it makes rainbows, all right? Yeah. Yeah, but it's also like a crystal. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah. Wow, that is interesting, isn't it? That science in that thing really appropriated it, like a hippie thing. I don't know if there were hippies around when Newton was doing his original experiments with prisms. And if they felt like he was appropriating their culture. Yeah, and maybe some of the other scientists were starting to dismiss him,

because he's like, oh no, he's going all in, sentencing. What do you think about some other cultures that could be appropriated? Could you pass a smell through a prism? No, I'll stay here. Come on, we've passed a rat through a prism on a prism. Oh, yeah. A previous episode. All right, all right. You're right.

Wait, would you say about what are the cultural appropriations? What are the cultures, can we appropriate? Right. I think that there are some that are like deep, deep, deep boring. But what? Like, pick the obvious example, Alice Dean. We're talking accountants. Right.

Could they have their culture appropriate? Sure. Could their little yellow visor or what a no-green visor that they wear, you know, when they do it, adding up their sums? I think that's funny. It's pretty basic entry level of stuff. I was wondering about what about drinking culture? Yeah, okay, good. So we're appropriating drinking culture And so there's there's a lot of quite horrible things as a part of that But the idea that then you would have sort of these drunk people that are sort of

protesting and kind of like About like I like I don't know how people are appropriating drinking culture whether it's It's People kind of being rowdy in the streets. Vomiting. Vomiting in the streets? Yeah, but they're not really drunk. A lot of them. I mean, but it could be, you know, like they're yelling at somebody who's genuinely sick. Someone who's had to like go to the shops to to pick up some hydro light so that they can rehydrate. So the drunk people are accusing this person who's genuinely sick of appropriating drunk

culture. Yeah, of drinking culture. Yeah, definitely. Is that a sin? Yeah, yeah. But is this political correctness gone mad? You know what, I think it actually might be. Yeah, it's case.

Yeah, I think I think we've done it. I think we've driven it insane. I mean, that's a great four-part series there. It's called political correctness gone mad. Driven insane. Driven insane. And then you have examples that really are. Maybe it has gone too far.

Yeah, I'll stay. I've never seen a better candidate for a full part series than this. I mean, essentially started down this track. I was like, I was already in. Of the four part series. Yeah, I was like, well, I think there's an art, you know, each number of parts to a series

probably has its own way of approaching them. And I think this one, I think we just nailed it in one, that you just know, you can look at that idea and sort of instinctively feel it's a four-parter. Yeah, I get that vibe very much coming off it, like heat off a hot road, you know, as wavy lines. Yeah, but instead of a wavy line, it's a number four. It's a number four.

I've got my number four cents, you know, sort of like my fourie cents. Yeah. Sort of like spidey cents. Um, uh, I'll see how I'm writing that down, appropriating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm looking, I'm going to write both down because. I don't see why not, you know, are we some kind of arbiters we're not arbiters I've never arbitered in my life bloody right it down mate now I'm gonna say something because it keeps popping back into my mind and it's a word play thing and it's not an idea but

I just want to say it to get out there sure maybe if this is the sort of thing that some of the audiences has had pop into their minds, they'll feel less alone. Yeah, great. I want that. It's big foot, but it's not big foot. It's bigot foot. Oh, yeah.

See? And in fact, bigfoot is actually just the word bigot with the, put inside it. So, yeah. You know, that's something I think about as well. Um, yeah. So, um, I mean, bigot foot, I guess he lives in the forest. So, he's probably from the country. Yeah. But it checks out. That's what it already it checks out. Yeah. He's old, like a grandparent, and he's sort of been, he's removed himself from a lot of progress as well, I think, by not being seen or wearing shoes. Or wearing shoes, right? And look, anyway, I just had to say, you know, it's fine.

Did you see that story about the guy? I mean, look, this guy could be that, but maybe not. But he, the guy, he was a Spanish teenager who was found living with wolves being raised by wolves. When did this happen? In the year, in the 1900s, sometimes. Like, he's still alive now. Wow. So it's a real thing.

Like, he's 40-something. Is it a real, real thing? It's a real, real thing, I think. You know, there's only like, there's only like, a handful of like, reported cases of people's a real, real thing, I think. There's only like a handful of reported cases of people actually being accepted by animals and things like that. But he says that since he's been lived in human culture, he's extremely depressed and he hates it.

And that his life used to be so good. As a wolf, man. Yeah, when he was like living as a wolf and stuff that he would, you know, like the wolves accepted him and that he would know what was happening around him based off of the calls of the other animals. They would be warning everybody's warning each other about things that are coming or predators and stuff.

And we're doing that with the news that's what we do with the news yeah like oh you what you prefer us to cacol yeah who to we could have that that that would be that would be if there was a if there was an animal a genuine animal news channel news for, it would just be a series of sort of sounds. Do you think those are supposed to be animal sounds, so they weren't at all, sorry. Do you think that there's a chance that maybe he just, he just wishes he was back in those

days because back in those days he was young? It's probably. It just seems better because it's nostalgia days he was young. It's probably, it just seems better because. It's nostalgia as all it is. But I guess I was thinking that the reason why I brought this up was because I was thinking that maybe he could be a bigot foot. Because I mean, he is a bit of a bigot towards a volumen culture. Yeah, he thinks he's better than us, that's me.

That is incredible. So did you join them when he was like a baby? Or what are we talking about? I think seven or something like that. So there was something where his family either rejected him or something like that. And he was sent to live on a farm with a man. And then the man died.

And people didn't find out that he had died for a long time. And then somehow this kid wound up living with- Fell in with some wolves. Yeah. You know how it is. Yeah. Man, that's incredible.

I'm going to go away and I'm going to research this. Yeah. And I'm going to have a really good time. Yeah. Now, I guess I just thought of an idea of another way in which we could have culture appropriators that somebody could be sort of getting really angry with like a smoking orangutan and saying that he's appropriating human culture. That is great.

That is political correctness going mad and I love it. Right, if we can accuse animals of copying us ways that we don't, yeah. I think that's very good. He's getting a lot of column inches. Mm, yeah. And he's mocking us in a way. And he's surviving off of our dollar. Yes, he's living on welfare.

Nobody is taking the angle. Nobody out there on a stay is saying that animals in zoos are living on welfare, but I'm willing to be the person who says that, I'm willing to take it to them. Right, I'll be the... You know, I don't mind looking, you know, if it's an unpopular opinion, I don't mind being that guy.

Somebody's gotta start this conversation, I'm just starting a conversation. And you're ending it. Yeah, sure., I might be that guy. Somebody's got to start this conversation. Just start in a conversation. And you're ending it. And yeah, sure. You're putting that into it. When I have a sleep and stuff. But then I'll pick it up again in the morning. And do we have one other sketch idea we need to come up with?

Yes. But it's a listener, three word suggestion. Three word suggestion. So kindly. From colloquially. Colloquiallyially he's known as flash pool flash pool But yeah, baby, but his friends call him Dean Clark. I think Great, thanks very much flash pool Dean Clark, but to most of you. It's just flash pool. Yeah, right and His three words are cars feel pain. All right, so it's a sketch where cars can feel pain.

No way, like you can't be that simple. I mean, he's given us, I mean that is a bloody gift that one right there. The idea of a car that can feel pain though is very good. And I don't know if you realize this flash pool, but the words that you've given us, The idea of a car that can feel pain though is very good. I don't know if you realize this flash pool, but the words that you've given us, they flow together. They form a concept. What could be a center?

And the concept is inherently hilarious. There's a subject. You pay $3 to submit these words, but I'm telling you, you've done all the work. We should be paying you $3. We should be paying you $3. But Patreon just doesn't have that feature. Are you my elus? Yeah. Oh, I think that's good though. Patreon where you can pay people to listen to your podcast. It's like a... It's called PlayTrayon. PlayTrayon. Yeah, it's for people to press play on your podcast. Great. And you know, you sign up.

And you, yeah, you sign up and then you put in a dollar amount of how much you're, yeah, you're willing to pay people. Yeah, but there are different levels as well, you know, sure, maybe we could pay more and people will also interact with us on Twitter. I would do that though. Yeah, I'll also do that. And Andy has really been enjoying interacting with people on Twitter. People have been interacting with me on Twitter. At To and Tank. Or, I'm at Stupid Old Andy. Yeah, and I'm at Alistair TV.

But Alistair, a car that can feel pain, right? Because we've got the self-driving cars, right? And they're crashing into people, okay? But we don't, and that's obviously a terrible, terrible thing, right? Cars are crashing into people and you're telling me, yeah. Yeah, we've had two happen now or one or something like that. Yeah, there's a few. The problem is that the cars don't have an incentive not to crash. That's true. They don't have any skin in the game. No skin in the game. A car with skin.

Oh my God. Yeah. The first one with like a fleshy man skin all the way over it. So like, you could just use a regular scrotum. A regular scrotum. I'm sorry for that. You stretch it out. But yeah, no, I think a car, a self-driving car, right, with a skin finish.

With a skin finish. Yeah, a skin finish that can like get grazed and bumped and bruised. Yeah. I mean, this is kind of what- This is not crashing into people this car. It's, this is actually quite interesting because like, you know, like we're getting to the point where we're having to have these conversations about,

well, auto manufacturers are gonna be the ones who are deciding who dies. Yeah, right. Like in the event of like, oh, it's either a pedestrian or it's their driver, what will the car do and they're coding that into it. Yeah, lowering the lock. If it comes down to that decision, they're coding it. And so the solution for

auto makers, because now they're going to be liable. They're, you know, that they're making a particular decision like that. And so they're going to be liable. Reliable. Like it's not really real. You really rely upon. And so the way that they can get, the way that they can get away from being liable for that, is to create a consciousness for a car. Right, so it's the car's fault. The car makes the decision.

Yeah, the car's making the decision. They do make the decision. It's like with the killing, the death penalty thing with the injection, where there's two people pressing the button at the same time and something within the wires means that you can never know who actually killed the person there for. They can't convict them or whatever.

Something within the wires. Something in the wires. Something in the wires. Maybe copper. Yeah. You could probably work at which ones. You just followed the wire, probably. No, but I think it goes through a computer. Oh, a computer. Yeah, I think you could probably work out which ones and you just you just followed the wire probably no But I think it goes through a computer. Oh computer. Yeah, you can as well as in computers. I reckon you could follow

Yeah, it's probably a random jet number generator. How are you gonna? Anyway So are we about to just write down The as our sketch idea is the three words that he sent us as our sketch idea is the three words that he sent us? Well, not necessarily. I think the flesh car is an addition to the concept. That it has grown a skin over it, I think is very good. I think washing your car, you would then have to wash the car's pits.

The car would sweat, right? And it wouldn't just get dirty, it would also smell. So, looking after a car is gonna become a much bigger thing, right? You're gonna have to actually take care of it. So yeah, so you have to brush it? Yeah, you gotta brush it like a horse. Because I guess if it can grow skin, then it can grow hair. Yeah, it's all hair.

Yeah. I mean, but that'll be great. You have a car with a beautiful mane. Put a bow through it. You can take your car to the hairdressers. This is very exciting. If it's got skin, you could get your car tattooed. Mm.

Oh, wow. Yeah. So, with those cars, the ads and stuff and the VH supercars and stuff, they're all tattered on there. Yeah. I think as a default, maybe they'll have hair and then they'll be the Mexican hairless car that you can also get, be a bit gross and weird, but some people think they're really cute. I'm not into it personally. Yeah, but that means you could pat your car. Yeah. I guess it because if you can feel pain then it feels wrong that we don't also make it

capable of feeling good. So maybe you can like you know you could scratch it behind the ears. The ears, rear vision mirrors. Yeah, yeah, of course. Of course. Of course. You know, double ceiling. I think, you know, the fact that Pixar, with the movie Cars, I think they're cowards. They made sentient cars. They didn't give them man skin. Yeah, I know. That's why Pixar is going down the toilet. Down the toilet.

That's where they're going. Actually, their next movie is Pixar down the toilet. And that's, it's poo's in the toilet and you know, um, I've called fish a lost, you know, I thought the kid that thought that the goldfish was dead because it was just seven to relax. Yeah. That's down there, all, they're all in the sewers.

There's a 12 year old kid with a founder, it's a breathable pocket of air. Yeah. Yeah. There's a sketch of Pixar one that's just a toilet toilet one. I mean, it's kind of like the way the way that people do the the black mirror ideas. Yeah. You know, hashtag black mirror idea, whatever they do. Is that a thing that people do? I think so. Yeah. It's kind of what this podcast is.

In a way? Yeah, I know, but we go in deeper than a tweed Andy. Yes. We take up much more of people's time. What about if it's like a Twitter, but it's for essays? Yeah. You can't write less than 10,000 words. 5,000.

5,000? Oh, thanks. No problem. We've gone,000, how? Thanks. No problem. We've gone, we've gone, we've gone. You got lots of ideas. Read a man else. First up, Superman is a super food for cannibals. They realize that he's a super food and now he's the most prized thing to eat.

You cook him in the fortress of multitudes. You got to cook him, you got to get him, you got to lure him into a house of mirrors. You say Superman. Kevin, look at this, you'll be a wee and bendy. Oh, look at it. You'll love it. It's gonna be great. You'll be able to see if there's anything on your back.

I guess that's a real, that's a selling point. Yeah. And then yeah, you can, and you can get his eyes to sit his eyes off by giving him a not-volcano nerve grip. This is the weirdest. We got Rage Foria, which is the other paths to getting to Nirvana, turns out you just need to feel unemotion purely. I think, I think, like a monastery for like rage monks, who just irritate themselves to the point of fury, with minor inconveniences or whatever.

Which I guess you could imagine if there's a bunch of people raging that it couldn't help but like a chain reaction, almost like a nuclear bomb. Yeah. You know, they could sell set each other off a bit more. Yeah. They don't go on They go

That sounds like they're constipated. Yeah, which of which would make them rage full as well what it is Let me have educating the world on how Constipation on how the ass works we know more about the surface of the moon and Then that'll probably end somehow with aliens coming down. And saying that we're ready. Yeah, because they've been laying in wait for us to figure out how the ass works before they would take us to the fourth dimension.

Yeah, but this mostly comes down to just explaining to people how the colon and the anus and rectum work and You know so that you can learn how to I mean you can maybe I was saying back there I could sing baby make it sing Then we have the male witch TV series. It's a four-parter. TV series. It's a mini series. Okay. I think four-parter is not series of four-parters. Well, yeah, you're right. Thanks. Anyway, it's a better mail witch and how he's trying to

challenging the perceptions. Well, it's about a few mail witches. I mean, there'll be female witches in there too. Yeah, right. I think there needs to be some, I mean, if you're making too. I think there needs to be some, and if you're making a witch show, there needs to be some diversity. That's kind of essentially rebooting charmed, but with males. That is, I think that's funny. But also their proper witches.

It's great, because we sometimes don't remember to, right, women characters in duels get first to then take an exclusively female context and just replace all the women with I think good on us, you know, that shows a lot of progress for us. We don't write that many female characters, but also Now we up until now we hadn't been writing out that many female characters either, so at least we're adding to that We have a appropriating accountant or drinking culture or that's smoking orangutan, appropriating human culture and really getting into it. And that could be part of our four part series about political correctness that's gone too far.

That mimic octopus that carries coconuts, humans carry coconuts. And we use them to dress up sometimes and pretend to be things like a horse. This Mimmy octopus is copying us. And are we just attempting to horses or get us from? No, hang on, I'll say that's gone too far. Oh, you're right. It's political greatness, go mate. Then we've got bigot foot foot, which is just an idea. Yeah.

It could be linked to that guy who is now a 50-something-year-old man, or maybe 70 or something like that. You still live with the wolves. It could be. But it could just be a bigot in the woods. I think bigot foot is probably not an idea. I'd be happy to cross that one out. Playtrian is an idea.

Oh, playtrian. Yeah, paying people a listen to your bullshit. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, higher an audience. I generally, I don't see that that's all that far from, becoming a reality. You can already pay for fake followers on Twitter, right?

Mm-hmm. Now, we just need to, you know, whatever the next level is, fake followers that can interact with you in a meaningful way. But like the idea with that would be just that this company would probably find your listeners. So, but rather than just giving you a number

on your thing, they made it sound like somebody listened. Like, they're guaranteeing that somebody's listening to it. But then it's like, so then it's all these people like in India or Bangladesh or something like that, that are's listening to it. But then it's like, so then it's all these people like in in India or Bangladesh or something like that that are like listening to your podcast. But then also part of their job is to like make it seem like they're enjoying your podcast and interact with it in a meaningful way and sort of tweet back at you

at things and like draw pictures of you and stuff like that and fan art, that kind of thing. It's all churned out, it's all mass produced but it makes us feel special. If inequality progresses far enough that we are able to treat developing nations so badly that they're forced to just pretend to value our heart. To pretend to be our fans. Look, there's money in it. Yeah, absolutely. And then we've got skin car.

Skin car. Thank you very much, Flashpool. Hope you feel good about that. Hope you don't mind me calling you Flashpool. Baby. Baby. And that is. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum I did the start of this one weird. I thought I'd do that bit anyway. You can find me on Twitter as stupid on Andy. I'm at Alistair TV. We are two in tank. You can find us on Facebook and Twitter and you can read us on iTunes. We absolutely love it. I'm so much to us. Ratings and reviews. Yeah. It's good for the visibility of the podcast.

They say that I don't know whether it helps, but what it really does help is make us feel good. Yes. In the end. Which helps us in the doing the podcast, which helps their being a podcast. Yeah. Listen to like, and that's good. And we feel like we're actually happy with the number of listeners that we're happy. So like, it's not like we're trying to boost it like through the roof, blah, blah, blah kind of shit. No, we like you guys. we don't want to get on some like we're not interested in getting on some non some bullshit and newcomers, yeah, you guys you're great. Yeah, and so we just want we need to like make it make the we just need to make our bonds stronger That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, we're just

And there's a part of the bonding experiences you reviewing this shot? If you need to review, if you, any of you guys need us to review you as a person, you know, like if you need a character, like a character, what's that thing called? Or you know, you get like if you're, if you're going, you're running for mayors,

not that you need to, character references. Yeah. I'll happily sign a character right and sign a character reference for any of you. Yeah. Beautiful.

It's a two-way straight. If you donate $10 to pay for your own number, that's not true. And $100 will kill a man. Will kill a man. Not a woman though. No. But you all have to agree on who it is that we can.

Yeah. It'll be the official enemy of the podcast. And no one will be guilty because you all decide. Yeah, because it's, that's good. Also, the company festival is still on right now. So go see Jack Drus who will be starting as of this, this podcast coming out. Laura Davis is still. She's running all. She's running all first coming up. Laura Davis is still. She's running all.

She's running all. Laura Davis, so good. Matt Stewart. Matt Stewart. Dave Warnocky. Good friend of the podcast. Dave Warnocky from Good You Go On is also doing a Monday show. Absolutely.

And I think maybe they were doing some live pods. They're doing some live pods. They're doing some live pods. With Jess. These people are all very, very good. Martin Dunlop is finishing tonight, so you guys missed it. So they got it. And it was good.

And thanks again to everyone who came to see our office. Oh my God, so much. We love you. And sorry, we only mentioned three people's names, but we want you to know. You're all cared for. You're all cared for. And you will all have character references written for you about you and signed by me.

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