Two In The Think Tank - 129 - "FLAPPERJIZZWICKTONTINGLEMONSANTO"

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

Higher Powerline, Nobel Prize for Participation, Blockchain Insults, Vertical Skywriting, Wood for the Trees, Carnie School, Catche and Educate and ReleaseAnd you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereJust plain heartfelt thanks to George Matthews for producing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic,

Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap-tastic, Crap show where we come up with five sketch ideas. How many? Five. Five. Five LSD, five sketch ideas. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it seems ambitious, Andy. No, no, no, no, because what we do LSD is we really, over the course of the episode, break down what people might consider to be a sketch idea,

or even an idea. Oh, yeah. By the end of it, I mean, at the beginning, it seems like a huge ambitious task. But by the end of it, you're like, oh, well, if you think that that's a sketch idea, then I guess you could. I mean, at the beginning, it seems like a huge ambitious task. But by the end of it, you're like, oh, well, if you think that that's a sketch idea, then I guess you could, I mean, you could come up with 100 sketch ideas in one hour. Uh, hello, welcome to Two in the Think Tank to show where we offer you a chance to recalibrate

how, what you consider to be a sketch idea. It's kind of over 45 minutes to an hour, 15. It's kind of, you know, it's like those websites or any book or something that it's like learn how to be immortal. You know, there's no books like that. Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. I know about the field of things that you're referring to. The books and websites that are how to be immortal. No, but like it's a book or website or page

or ebook or something like that that promises something that seems too good to be true. And then once you read it, you realize that they're actually selling you something that is some weird way around this too good to be true thing. So they will tell you, you know, for you a chance to deeply connect with a higher power. Yeah, or build a statue of yourself.

Yeah, well either one of those two things. Man, connecting with a higher power is great if you're, you know, commuting with the angels, but it's a disaster if you're erecting a ladder underneath a overhead power line. Oh yeah, that would be really bad. I should have said overhead electrical cable. That's true, yeah. And I wouldn't have used the word power line. Oh yeah, that would be really bad. I should have said overhead electrical cable. That's true. I wouldn't have used the word power twice. You know, this is the only rule of comedy is that you don't use the same word in the setup as you do in the punchline. Yeah, but it's the only rule. But do you, would you consider God an overhead power man? Yes.

Can we do as you just get that's connecting with a higher power? Yeah, sure. Connecting with a higher power and with AGL. Connect with a higher power. If you are going to connect with a higher power, though, please make sure you're wearing gumboots and you've been slowly charged up to the same electrical potential as the power. This is why you can't directly hear the word of God, because if you connect with a higher power

without adequate insulation, you explode. Do we have to? It makes it seem like God is electrified in some way. It's on saying. And that's why it's not interventionist. That's why you can't do anything on earth directly. Because if he touches you. You get zapped.

It's like a static thing. It's because the earth is constantly spinning, right, and heaven is stationary. And the spinning relative to the stationary causes a build up of static electric charge in heaven. So God is hugely charged, right? That's why he can send off lightning bolts to zap people.

That's right, yeah, yeah. And which is just him having rubbing his feet on some carpet. Yeah. And this is how he was also his feet on some carpet. Yeah. And this is how he was also able to affect things without touching them. It's like how you can lift. Oh, it's like how that's how the rapture happens, right? And people get a sense of it.

Oh, it is. Like when you lift up a little torn up bits of paper with a comb that you've rubbed on your jumper. It's explained everything about religion. What about Jesus? That's why he walked on water. Because he wasn't breaking the water, but it was actually an ionic solution.

That's right, an ionic solution. He was just hovering slightly above the water because he was holding a cone just above him. Yeah. Invisible cone. That's why in all those drawings of Jesus walking on the water, he's standing up on it like that. Now I was looked into that. With the comb so close. Yeah. I mean, his hair looks so bad. Yeah, it's, it's, yeah. So how is this? What do you mean? What do you mean? I mean, like, we just need to put a framework around. We do need a framework and there's some kind of a scaffolding.

You need to structure to make it appear like, it's, what it is, is it's like a sandwich, right? We're just all the parts of the sandwich are spread around the plate. So somebody's making a sandwich in the sketch. Yes. That's what it is. Okay. And then they start talking about God being a player. I think look, I think it like it's it's like one of those it's these religious theorists, these people who try and who try and reconcile religion and science. right? And so they'll, who will have a theory about why all the dinosaur skeletons are there,

it's because they were drowned in the flood, you know, of Noah's Ark, right? You know, they try and have a sort of pseudo-explanation scientific explanation for religious phenomenon, or you know, they try to reconcile those two things. I think somebody who tries to explain everything about God using electricity. Static electricity. Static electricity. Yeah. But do we just have a person talking straight to camera?

I mean, this kind of gave me an idea of a sketch show that is just people talking straight to camera. Yeah. It's just monologues. Yeah. That's called monologues show. Mate, it worked for Bloody Alan Bennett. Alan Bennett says no. Not Alan Bennett. The other Bennett. Irish guy. No, you're thinking of Dave Allen. Dave Allen. I think you might as well know. Dave Allen Bennett. Dave Allen Bennett. He wrote think you might as a name. Dave Allen Bennett. Dave Allen Bennett.

He wrote a show called Talking Heads. It was like a theatre thing and then it became a television program. It's just people doing like humorous monologues. Oh, see that's good. People said he was a genius. Well, let's steal his ideas. Yes! Well, we came up with it independently then linked it to the...

Then we realized that we'd already known about his thing. But. But we still came up with independent, it independent. I don't see why. Knowing about something. Doesn't mean you can't still come up with it independently. That's true. I think that that.

It feels very limiting. Well, I don't see why somebody shouldn't call you a genius for still coming up with something even though you knew about it. Yeah. Because I think people sort of protect the word genius a little bit too much. They don't let you use it on everybody.

Yes. Or when you do, then they complain that you're weakening the word. I think that the word should be weakened. Yes. And then we can come up with a new word. That's mean genius. What genius used to mean.

But let's democratize genius. Let's have universal basic income. Let's have universal basic genius. Everybody's a genius. Like, right. Yeah, like instead of giving everybody participation awards, all right, like people can play, oh, okay, all the kids, nobody loses anymore.

They all get participation awards. Well, I don't care about that. I think that actually we should be giving them a higher award. Everybody should be getting like a Nobel Prize. Right. Why? A Nobel Prize for participation is... No, but that's what it is.

Everybody who gets a Nobel Prize for participation. Yeah, I think it's nice. I mean, the ceremony had been bit boring to sit through. I hope they don't play the organ. That's all I ask. The presentation ceremony for the Nobel Prize for participation, just lay off the organ music. So that's all that's your only request. That's all I ask, right?

Yeah. And I won't get outraged. I'm on board. For the hot beast, some people will get outraged about kids these days getting a Nobel Prize. I mean, back in my day, you had to do something great like, like, I think that's, I think that's what's so good about it, right? It's so extreme that all the people who get outraged about kids getting certificates of participation.

Once we're giving all the kids a Nobel Prize for participation, they'll just be redundant. There's people who get outraged about that stuff that we redundant. Because there actually is no other place that they can go to. Exactly. They can't say, well, what's next? Yeah. We've gone there. Yeah, we've already got to the point. There's nothing next. There's nothing next. The end of the universe, that's what's next. Well, I mean, that's, it's a great idea is to disable, to disable the conservative

commentators. All we got to do is to go to the most extreme of every scenario. The logical conclusion. So, let's legalize murder. Yeah. Let's let people marry plants or insects, a dune bug. A dune bug. A dune bug in a dune buggy. That's cool. Yes.

Great. So, how much you wrote a song about it? Little dune bug in a dune buggy. In my hand. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. Yeah, no, I had a little jam out of something. I was doing it. I had a little sniffed a little. A little taste. A little taste. A little taste. A little taste.

Yeah. While we're talking about the Nobel Prize and the participation, it's gone. Anyway, it's fine. But yeah, I agree we should lower the standards for everything. But then we do have to come up, oh, this is what it was, right? Because you know, in your thing,

where everyone's a genius, and then we'll just come up with a new word for what a genius is. For another thing, it's a real genius or a genius with a blue tape. What's that? What would be called a genius? or a genius with a blue tape. Well, it won't be called a genius No, it'll be something new can't be yeah geniused

Like a grossion Yeah, or like a like a par par ticulum What if it was a word that was just really, really difficult to say, and then people wouldn't throw it around with such confidence. There you go. Bobo Garchwick. Yeah. It's fun to say.

Oh, it's, make it a really long word. So people want to say it. They've got to think about it. You know, it's like back in the day when if you wanted to send somebody abuse, you had to write them a long letter and get a stamp and take it to the letter box. So there was some thought involved, right? And now you can just tweet it at them. What about flapper jizzwikton? Flapage iswikton, right? So you get you get you make it the words longer. So that there still has to be thought and effort involved in passing comment. Yeah, because you almost

need to like clear clear the air before you say it, so you have enough time to say it. Yeah. So everybody's kind of going, oh yeah, why I like him, and you go, excuse me everybody. I think that he's a flapper jizz-wik-ton. And everyone's like, wow, you made some real effort to pass that judgment. Yeah. And you've also got to take it like a decent sized breath

before you say the word as well. Yeah, probably you could take a sip of water. Yeah, do you think it needs to be longer? I think it could be longer. I think it's get flapper, just with Tingle Monz Santa. I like that Monz Santa,onsanto got a saying in there. Flapage is winged in. Tingle Monsanto.

Tingle Monsanto. Wait. He's a Flapage is winged in Tingle Monsanto. And I love because that double ton ton ton ton ting. That's a little work one. Yeah, that doesn't leap off the tongue. No, okay, I think this is good. Making words, so let's make all the good words hard to say, right?

So we're talking all the superlatives, all your compliments, your strong compliments, they're gonna be long, okay? But also all your insults, okay? Let's make them really long as well. So once again, there's some work. Yeah, sure. And it has to be the worst insults, have to be the hardest ones to say.

Yeah. So that, right. So none of this four letter words, right? I'm talking like a 68, 84 letter word. Yeah, yeah. What about, like the worst insults would be sort of somehow an inter- like a like a verbal interpretation of sort of the two biggest known prime numbers multiplied together. This is great. You've got right. So we're almost going for a

blocker, encryption, encryption level thing where because for blockchain the value of the Bitcoin the value of the bitcoins is tied up in the works that you have to do in order to mind them. Yeah It's the same with insults. So it's blockchain complements and blockchain insolves. Yeah And then people have to mine Insults and they're like, are we just got a new huge one. Yeah, this is great. And the compliments also, they'll be more meaningful, right? Because each of them has a unique identifier

which presumably has value that can be traded. If somebody gives you a compliment, they've actually given you something, right? Well, the work can also be done. Like, it's, I mean, look, I think it'd be great if mathematicians were getting work in this. Yeah. But then also... Like I finally get their hands on the English language, which I bet those fuckers have been

eyeing off for a bloody long time. Mathematicians? The mathematicians. Oh, absolutely. But the thing is, I think they have to work in collaboration with, I see, that either a philosopher or a... The linguistics. A writer, because then they actually have to come up with a verbal equivalent.

So sometimes the whole thing is an essay, and it takes a hour to say to read out. Or a computer. And basically it's a version of you are a. Complete an utter. These are all just like the header identifier information at the start of the insult. Yeah. That's how you trigger the brain to information at the start of the insult. Yeah.

That's how you trigger the brain to realize that it's about to hear an insult or a compliment. Not many compliments start with you are a complete an utter though, didn't they? You are a complete and utter, generous giving person. Oh no, I mean, I still feel that. Yeah, you know, but you've got to, you built a little bit of tension at the beginning.

Yeah, you built a little bit of tension. There beginning. Yeah, you built a little bit of tension. There's a little pivot point in there. There's a little fulcrum. Oh, that's a good way. Yeah, no, it's a fulcrum. Is that the top of the bottom? I'm gonna call my next child fulcrum. You got stop having children.

Stop. I'm gonna take this opportunity on the podcast to announce that Cali and I are gonna have another challenge. I think you're all ready to hear this. Yeah, you're already and he's two and he's going to be here. I haven't asked Carly if it's okay for me to announce it on the podcast. Is it okay if I announce it to my audience?

Because the 12 weeks I think you tell the family. When do you tell the podcast listeners? 13 weeks. 13 weeks, yeah, right? do you tell the podcast listeners? 13 weeks. 13 weeks yeah, right? Then your body get in there, crank that open. Sign, right? Sky, right it I mean. I mean the sky is the world sign.

I guess so. Then he's sky raiders that do like low altitudes, sky raiding so they could they write it like 50 meters off the ground. Yeah, you know like they come in right? Let's say so this is where they they come in right there Yeah, they're just flying they're 25 meters off the ground Like that and then they go in straight up They've start with a big L. Yeah, right.

Also, they're writing the words vertically, vertically starting close to the ground. Yeah. Yeah. One of the few fuckers, this is like, this is the way that this guy's trying to keep sky-writing relevant. Is anyone doing this with drones?

He does. He does it on the stage of Coachella. Wow. He does it all within stage of Coachella. Wow. He does it all within the stage. Within the stage area. So, and he does it in cursive, right? He goes in first, it's a mini L, so it's just that loop. But it's a steep enough, like first turn,

like, first climb that he could probably stall. But then he's got to go into a stall so that he can get that nice that that fucking new turn there at the top of the oh man at the L. Yeah. So he's got to go up. That's tight already. Everybody's unbelievably impressed. And he flips it comes down. He can ride that into an eye. What's he riding? Hey, he's riding. He's riding a plane. Yeah. What's he writing? Eh? What's he writing? He's writing a plane. Yeah, what's he writing? Well, at the moment, it's L.I., so it could be list.

It could be the name of a performer. He's writing Lidl, for the Lidl power station. It's part of a campaign. So what's interesting about Scott? It's got Shela. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

I think that's great. I think that if the government could start getting some of the Australian government could start getting messaging at Coach Chalau. Courtney Barnett went global success writing songs about Preston. Yeah, that's true, Northcut. Exactly. Why can't our Skywriter have a great bit he's been working on about the little power station? And the Australian call industry. But this is my problem, Alistair, is that like each form of technical expression, I feel ultimately gives way to creative expression. Right.

So whatever it is, because in many ways, you know, technology and art are interconnected, but so often we will come up with a new form of technology, something like Twitter, or something like the printing press. And it doesn't always necessarily lead that the art drives the technology. Once we have the platform, very often people then work out a way in which that is a platform for art, and can be used to express creative, whatever, intention. So, but that hasn't, to my mind, yet happened with skywriting. It still remained purely a technical and a commercial prospect. But to me, the skywriting is where are the people who take that

and then turn that into something beautiful? Well, I guess, look, I have to admit my ignorance in terms of the skywriting world and I haven't been to a lot of skywriting competitions. You know, especially I guess the, I imagine the free style section would be the particularly amazing one. And there's probably some real upstarts, some real cool, you know, guys who are trying to, oh man, you know, find new materials to exhaust. Far out into the atmosphere. What about like a sort of light foam?

You know, letters that you make and then they just slowly float down. And they're solid. And they sort of glute onto the ground. Yeah. That's interesting. I- You have to write really fast. But this must be something that can be done with drones, right?

Surely drones are going to totally, in fact, that's got to be a new startup, Disruptor app thing. You get an app on your phone, you draw whatever you want on your screen there, and then there's like some drones that go up and they find out whatever it is, some little powder into the atmosphere, and like you can do it even in real time.

So you can write a message to somebody, you're lost at a fair ground, right? You want to meet your friends? Yeah, sure. You're right in the sky, Jeff. Jeff. I'm over by the hot dog stand. Yeah. Can you find

Samantha to allot and meet me And then boom it goes up there It goes up the paragraph up there in the sky Everybody's reading it. There's 13 Jeff's finding Samantha. Yeah Well, you know, but see that's kind of like a Twitter thing or maybe it's even just an additional button on your tweets. Yeah, right. As well as posts. So it still goes out as a tweet.

You can also sky-write it. I mean, it feels like it would make more sense for it to be part of your SMS thing. Because if you're sort of, do people use Twitter as just normal communication between good friends? Well, maybe my example doesn't apply there, but I think in general terms,

when you are putting something on Twitter you're very comfortable with it being publicly visible. And you know, that is something that is part of parcel of the sky writing. That's true. And there's no direct message in the sky writing world. Well, that's right. And tech hasn't really come up with a solution for what you do when you're trying to communicate with a friend whose phone has died. Yes. You know, they're very much catering

to the market of people whose phones are still very much full of power. Yeah, and at least quarter of it, a power. It's a limited thing. Can you write this down? So as an idea, whether or not it's a sketch, I just think, and if you're listening Silicon Valley, and I think you're probably off,

then you're welcome, right? It's the Uber drone of sky writing. Airbnb. Yeah, it's the Airbnb. It's the Airbnb of sky writing. Do you think you, because you claim to own the sky above your house? You do. You're in a certain amount of airspace above your house,

and a certain amount of depth of the ground. That is a fact. Yeah, but it's not very far either way. It's not very far, no. Like, is it 100 meters? Is it like... Well, but it is far as you can reach or something. Like, if you're standing on the roof of your house.

If you're standing on the roof of your house and you've got like a stick. Or you're standing on the antenna. And you're on the antenna and you've got a stick, right? And you poke it up as far as you can and you jump, that's as far as you can and you jump. That's as far as it goes. And that's obviously entirely dependent

on how long the stick is. Yeah, absolutely. That's the subject to the law, you know. That's how you can interpret the law. Yeah, there's a lot of flexibility in these things. There's common law, it's whatever it is, you know. See how common law tradition, it's the vibe. Be funny if other parts of your body

could get erections. Be incredible, wouldn't it? That would like predict how you feel for things. Right, yeah. So for every emotion, there's a different part of your body that can get erect. Yeah Well, that's quite nice because they've been like It's like if your gut could get erect

If you're okay, Alistair if you're gut-winner acting like are you hungry? To me what an erect gut looks like because of all the body parts you could have chosen yeah You've chosen the one that is possibly the least You would have chosen the one that is possibly the least applicable to the constant. Sure, I guess you're thinking of like sheer bloody mindlessness is what you've gone with. No, no, but like you know it wouldn't be as noticeable because it's not as extendable, but it's still pretty extendable. And like so it got hangs down sort of floppy. Right. Like that. Well it would kind of firm up and lead up like that. So you kind of get a bit of a baby bump maybe.

Yeah, well. And upwards baby bump. It'd kind of like go up. So someone would come up to you and say, oh, congratulations, are you pregnant? And you're like, I know, my gut is just a wreck. Because I'm hungry. I'm food horny.

We'd probably change it all to food horny or food aroused or food aroused. Everything, everything's a kind of hornyness. Everything is horny. That's quite interesting. That's like a sort of a 1984 new speak language approach. That the government would force on us. That the government is forced on us where instead of trying to eliminate all sort of good

and bad thought, they've reduced every concept down to just a sort of a sexual drive. So like the opposite of Iran or something like that where things kind of get very conservative and everybody has to hide everything and there's no mention of any kind of sex stuff. This is, everything is so wide open that everything is sort of in some way a connotation or regarded as a form of sex horniness. Exactly. I'm sex horn-y. Laughter, laughter is just a joy ejaculation.

Joy ejaculation, isn't it? A burp is a hunger ejaculation. Like a fullness ejaculation of eating, a burp is a hunger Joculation, like or a fullness ejaculation of sort of eating a drinking. It's just a sort of a stinky stinky come probably isn't it stinky air come Sorry, I said those words. I don't like people who say sounds like that's gonna be the title of the episode No, it's not LSD No, as long as I'm the person who has to upload every single episode, I'm the person who decides what's going to be the title. That's great. And it's not going to be that.

It's not going to be that. Well, what if it's called, it's not going to be called stinky air come. You don't like the word come? I don't like the sort of almost magical quality it's taken on in comedy recently, where it feels like you can just sort of say it. Yeah. And it's a substitute for... Andy, I think what it is is that it's become used a lot because it's such a kind of

in your face word pardon the pun. Cumpun. Cumpun. And it's kind of so full on in what it makes you picture. And also just the saying is so harsh. But then also that some people have owned it. And we got to admit, it's anti-donna have brought come back. Oh man.

And they have made an art form. And I have obviously respect what they've done. Because they've done all the work. But I think other people are sort of like. What you're disliking Andy, I feel. This is like when Seinfeld came out, and he got a lot of... Clack?

Well, no, no, no. He got a lot of success. And he was doing well. But what it created is a bunch of copycats. Yes. And then it became a phenomenon of these observational. You see this? Oh, so I was in the shop the other day. And I kind of think this is going to like these weird,

so then it then Seinfeld becomes a phenomenon which is associated with mostly crap. Even though what he's doing was still of a, of a higher quality. Are you saying that right now we're in a cum bubble? We're in a cum bubble, absolutely. And what you're disliking, I think, is. CUM bubble was obviously my favorite

of the Harry Potter professors. Professor CUM bubble? Sure, Andy. From, you know, Professors. Professor Cunbubble? Sure, Andy. From, you know, Lociens. From Lociens? Yeah. Ha ha ha. Look, I think that was, I think you did good there.

Do your arms get erect when you want, when you need to work out? I've been trying to work out what the arms would signify. I mean, the thumbs up is a little erect. That's a little erection. That's a little positivity erection. It's a good job erection. Yeah, but I think it would mean a different thing in this world. Okay. Because at the moment, thumbs up. It doesn't signify,

I'm ready to play Nintendo. Which is what, maybe that would mean in the world. They're like, oh, I think my body wants me to play some. Oh, this is embarrassing. We'll hide this behind some books. Yeah, oh, I better talk this behind the belt on my face. Talk this about myself. In my waistband. Yeah, because all of Jesus, I don't want everybody to know

right now, I'm all thinking about as getting some Nintendo switch action going on. But also, having an erection doesn't necessarily mean that you're like horny. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at Progressive.com. Progressive

casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. Or like, you know, it just means that it's there's been triggers for the body to activate. Of course itself So you go look my thumbs are ready for Nintendo But I actually am very conscious and aware that I need to do work right now Yeah, so I just have to let these pass. Yeah, right try not to think about Nintendo Yeah, so that it goes back down again

So I can get back to gripping things. Yeah, I'm gonna to think about something gross, like just playing cards or something like that, or like a game of Tetris. It feels like at any point, almost whatever the point would be, some part of your body is going to be erect. And maybe that all the, you know, that existence then will become a ongoing challenge of like sort of like when you're trying to chase a bubble under some wallpaper, just trying to get the erection switching between different emotions so that the erection goes to it and it plays on your body where it's not going to interfere with whatever you're trying to get done right now.

So like maybe I think if your butt got erect, erect, right, and it was just kind of lifted, it would look more taut. So you were horny for sitting down? Yeah, you've been horny for some sitting down, like that. So you've been standing up all day. You've been standing up all day. Your butt gets erect. You know, but that's, I think if you would push your sort of, your erection down to your butt, like that, then it wouldn't, because I think I'm heading up all day. You would send up all day. Your butt gets erect. You know, but I think if you would push your sort of

your erection down to your butt, like that, then it wouldn't, because I think that would actually kind of look nice. It lifts your butt, and people will be like, you know, and be like, hey, nice work. I guess if people were commenting on your butt, nice work, then you would go like, yeah, I just really need to sit down.

They're like, yeah, I hear you, buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can go sit down. I got a chefie right here. Yeah. I'm done.

I'm going to give you a chair of some sort or a bench. Sit down. Maybe it's just like a bit of floor with a pillow. Yeah. Because this would make us really like almost like cuddle fish who communicate their emotions through color. We are now like,dle fish who communicate their emotions through color We are now like you know, we do it through a series of Well, I think there's just too much. So we don't have any additional appendages

We're still the same body that we have yeah, right? Yeah Well, like if your eyes just started good and stuck looking up like that You know like they're just looking at the sky and they go, I'm sorry, I just need to go to the museum. Or I need to go to the art gallery to just my eyes. Just to fix this, or you bring up like a... You bring up like a... The wonders of the British...

Yeah, like you bring up some history. Some Monet's or something down on your phone. You just set a hold of it above your your head You look at it and you go There you go and like two tears come up No I guess there doesn't have to be jizzing with everything. I'm so sorry No, but I mean they kind of does I feel like if we're gonna take this to the if we're gonna pursue this idea Yeah, everything has to have a logical conclusion and a logical conclusion to this is that everything can also ejaculate.

But then what about like, would your hair stand up? You go, I don't think I need a haircut. Yeah. Yeah. I look, I've written down all emotion in erections. Yeah, I think that's sufficient. That's all that I feel comfortable having written down about that.

Andrew. Putting into writing. Andrew Matthews. Yes, Alistair Tromblo. We have three words from a listener. One about beautiful. One of our Patreon supporters. Look, last week I said that it was from Will.

Yes. It was W-I-L. Right. This week, it is from Will again, but it's a from Will. Yes. It was W-I-L. Right. This week, it is from Will again, but it's a different Will, and it's W-I-L-L. Double L. Double L. You know, more Will for you, three bucks.

In those three words. Thank you very much, Will. Thank you very much, Will Helm. I think it must be, maybe one L was Will Helm. I think it had to probably be a Will Helm. In this W, a double L, it's probably William. Helm. William helm.

Yeah. Does helm mean helmet? What does it mean place? I think it means many things. Because you think about it on a ship, you've got the helmsman, and that's the person who steers the steering wheel. Okay, steers the sill.

But then there's that, there's like, what's that thing in load of the rings that is the something that? Helms deep. Helms deep. Yeah. Was that sort of like the deep of the steering wheel? That's the steering wheel.

Depth. So the column, maybe the steering column. Oh. That's the Takata airbag that's gonna explode and the shrapnel's gonna go into your face and kill you. Oh, yeah. So that happens when you're cheeks get erect and you go, I think I need to get a airbag in the face.

Cop an airbag, rotten, and kisser. Wheels, three words, all right. Your lips getting erect? Need to do some kissing. Or whistling? Oh, whistling. I guess it just depends what shape they get you know but it's a real tight like that or blue whistling. Oh it's a looser kind of opening mouth shake. Or if one lip kind of goes over the other and one of the lips kind of goes in, play the clarinet. There it is.

If you're, if you get in a erect in a, in a kind of embouchure kind of way. I've got wood, wind, wood. Wood, wind, wood. Yeah. I've got the need to read. I've got the need for read yeah I double-ed Sexy phone. What are you gonna do with, um, I don't know if there are any other record? Record?

Record, that's not a woodwind. It doesn't have a read. I think even the flute is a, is a woodwind. What about the bassoon? So the flute isn't considered a brass instrument? No, I think it's a woodwind. That's an interloper. It obviously started out with the brass instruments and they ostracized it. It's not made of brass So why would it have started? I know it's also not made of wood but at some point they were made of wood

I think of course. That's what it is. They were made of wood L.A.S. Mm-hmm. Okay, but they're not red. Yeah, they're not red Read read read read read read read read read read read read read But they're not read it. They're not red. Read it. Read it. Read it. Red. Will's three words are corn dog history and teacher. Now I'll ask you how it's incredible because I already had written a sketch about this. Really?

So somebody had like a... I'll just read for you for the script now. Yeah, okay. Today we had a Corn Dogs history teacher substitute. No, fucking right. All right, this is my idea for this, Alistair. All right, so shut up. I'm going to tell you my idea. Yeah.

Yeah, because what it makes me instantly think of is how in some movies, there's students who leave an apple for their teacher on the desk. And now I'm picturing instead of that, it's a corn dog. Right? Now, am I picturing a corn dog correctly? Because I'm picturing basically a dog with dog. I'm picturing a sausage on a stick covered in batter,

dipped in tomato sauce. Is that what a corn dog is? Yeah, I think that's close to it. It could be, look, this is just from my North American roots. It might be closer to a pogo, which is rather than just a regular kind of fish batter, like we would have here in Australia or in the United Kingdom,

there's kind of like a breadiness to it. Right. I think we might also have that without our, our dog would dogs, we call them here in Australia. So, but, but is it a Pluto pup? Pluto pup. Yeah. But then, so because it because, because while this isn't a sketch, I'll accept that. There is something very pleasant to me about the visual of somebody laying a tomato-sauce coated, dagger-wood dog down on a teacher's desk.

The mess of that, it's a really quite unpleasant visual thing to experience. Maybe it's part of a spectrum of things that you can do with a teacher to give them feedback. Before the existence of feedback forms and whatever it was that you can do with a teacher to give them feedback, like before the existence of feedback forms and whatever it was that you could write the quality of your teaching. The left behind food stuff was really the only way students had to communicate their point of view about a particular lesson or the direction of the curriculum. And so maybe we need to expand that vocabulary after map, to include. That's cool.

I think that's something, there's something there. I was also considering, I mean, this could be, you know, a lot of this kind of food is seen on sort of traveling, county fairs or, you know, carnies kind of carnivals, you know, from town to town. I imagine some of those carnies have, which I'm sure is probably not a good word. They don't put me.

Yeah, carny. Yeah, interesting. I think almost all the words that end in E, yeah, probably insults. Yeah, they're not okay. Twiggy stick. Circus folk. Circus folk.

Yeah. The reason why I laughed just then, even though it's obviously it's also funny, but one of our listeners, Shay, once appeared in one of my live shows, stand-up shows, and... Appeared in it. Well, he was in the audience. Yeah. And therefore was sort of in the show because the audience is kind of a part of it. It's a dialogue in many ways. He was. So you and Alistair performs. It's very intimate, interactive, audience participation.

Sometimes he gets everyone up on stage and he just sits in the audience and he, you know, gets them to do the show. Probably mostly what it is is that if the show's going badly, I'm going to really dip into the crowd. All everything I just said then is untrue. And it's a slur. It's one of the worst things that you can say about an Alistair.

Anyway, and Shay was somebody in the crowd that I had picked. Well, let's say picked on. Shay came along to our show. Shay has been the most supportive, I mean, look, there's endless supporters of you. Shy has just been one that I've seen. He's because of this initial interaction, I really know his face.

And so his, this is just an example of how some people climb to the top and other people go on notice. It's not through any fault of anybody's own. It's just a circumference stance that he was somebody in my crowd that I was picking on. And then at some point, I found out that he was a unicyclist and a juggler. And his parents were there

and I was kind of making fun of how proud they must be. Oh! As a joke. He's still trying to out. And he's been very supportive and I went and saw his graduation performance at the circus school. Really? Yeah, it was really great.

That's amazing. Yeah, but anyway at some point I referred to him as I said, I think I might have said Karney and then I said, or do you refer circus folk? Right. That's what brought us back to where we started. I said, I think I might have said Carney, and then I said, or do you refer circus folk? Right, that's what brought us back to where we started. Okay, so anyway, you were gonna say something about the circus folk. Travel around.

They travel around. This could just be, it's a sketch or a sitcom set in the Carney school. Like, the children of the Carneys must still need to be educated even though they're nomadic people. There's somebody whose job would be to teach the kids and, you know, with no prevalence of apples and fresh fruit and vegetables.

They only have the food that's available to them. Carameled popcorn, corned dogs. I mean, I think if there are apples, they're there to be shot at with guns. Yeah, or if there are apples, they're covered in toffee. Toffee, that's right. And they're on a stick. As an example to the other apples. Yeah. And so, and so really, they're giving them the health, healthy, they're giving a teacher the healthiest option. Yeah. Which is the corn dog. Health, healthy are, they're giving a teacher the healthiest option. Yeah. Which is the corn dog.

Um, I think, uh, I think that's, that's good. Carnage school. This is just given me a tiny school, I think is definitely. I think I'm just going to write down. I think, I think there's also an element to, to a school for a group like that, where maybe, um, education isn't prioritized, that the teachers almost have to sort of, and this is probably all inappropriate, carny, carny bashing, and I'm sorry.

That's okay. I'm just taking the conceptual idea of a group who are sort of constantly on the move and who aren't attached to any fixed schooling. And now I'm regarding them almost as a herd of animals. Okay. Yeah. And then there's the young, and then I'm regarding the teachers as being like the lions, who are then trying to catch the young people, teach them anything as quickly as possible

while they have them, and then release them back into the herd. So it's kind of like a fishing show. It's a fishing show, but with lions that are doing the fishing. Yes, but they're teachers. But they're teachers and they teach. They teach the fish. They teach the young. Well, they catch the fish. Yes, and they teach them a lesson.

Which I think is its own, is its own show. I mean, this is interesting, right. The idea that when you catch a fish so far, what do we do? We, this is interesting, right? The idea that when you catch a fish, so far what do we do? We have catch and release, right? We catch the fish, sometimes we kiss them, we take a photo, we throw them back. But while we have the fish there,

no one ever takes the opportunity to try and teach the fish anything, communicate to them, anything that they can then pass on to their undersea brethren. We should be, these are our brief moments of interspecies contact with the creatures of the deep. We should be taking that time to try and tell them a little of our culture. And in part some of our wisdom much like when we sent that thing to the aliens, the disc with all

the stuff and it had some Beatles songs on it or whatever it was. Say them a CD. Yeah. When we have this chance to communicate with the fish we should be telling them something. That's right. I think it has to be in video format. Sure. I think it has to be in video format and it has to be quick. It could be a gift, a gift that has that that is an invisible format right that transfers energy, not energy, but information very quickly that a fish can understand. Right. Yeah. So you don't think that we should, like, you catch a fish, you get it off the hook, you

hold it up, you make Gary, he holds up a... I mean, that's doable too. A musk stick, right? And he says musk stick, Musk stick, and then you throw the fish back into the ocean. I think that's good. Yeah, that can definitely be good. And the next time you're like, Abacus, two plus one.

And so we can teach fish kind. Yes. I mean, obviously not, Bit by bit, moment by moment. Yeah. I mean, yeah, and sometimes I guess you, you know, with those big trawlers, you could sort of teach a whole bunch of fish,

something at the same time. Yeah. A whole school, a whole school, yeah. A whole school assembly. You could, and I guess, I mean, you're probably, you know, those guys are probably gonna wanna keep some of those fish. So maybe only the ones that flop off the ship

will get to sort of go and transfer that note. I learned so much. Yeah. We leave a few, if a few alive, to tell the story of what happened here. And the story of what happened here was actually the story of Simmons and his donkey from the Gallipoli landing. I mean, if you could catch up on a fish, teach him a parable, let's send them back. Send them back. Oh man, there's so much going on here, and I love it. Yeah.

I had some little things I wanted to add, and I forgot them when I was saying Simmons and his donkey. Oh, well here it is, something else there, because probably the most common recurring thing on this podcast is us referencing the fact that we know more about the moon than we do about the bottom of the oceans, right? But I mean it's a two-way street. When was the last time the bottom of the ocean showed any interest in what we've got going on? It's true. Okay. The bottom of the ocean probably knows more about the moon than it knows about

us because they would see it at night time. Through the water. Through the water. They would know that it's there. They probably don't know a lot of us are there. They know about the land, right? So this is part of that spirit of, well, maybe if you took an interest in us, bottom of the ocean. I mean, if you just showed them like a sped up video of like because maybe they might know about the beach. Yeah. Yeah. I mean you know it's it's not so crazy to think that a fish knows about the beach. You'd hope so. You know or at least that you know a headland. Hmm. Things like that right. So if you shoot, show a fish. Hey, hey, how is it? Do ask me to the fish know about the beach?

Andy, do fish know about the beach? Oh, for sure. Follow Saul. For sure. That's good, Andy. It was really good. Now, kill me. Kill me with an eye on the end of a stick.

Now, what does that say? And that's our sketch about corn dog history, no. What else is it? And that's our sketch about Corn Dog history, too. No, a carny school, then there. I mean, maybe there's probably would be a focus on carny history. I mean, I liked the element. Yeah, that's true. And there would be mainstream schools.

They don't even teach you anything about carny history. Anyway, I was gonna say, you show a fish a video that starts in the water from a fish's point of view where they would see the beach. And then it quickly shows them what's in land. Yeah, that would expand their horizons. Right. Takes you into town. It goes up the beach, past the dunes, past that little walkway where there's

this sort of the plants, those dunes, plants that kind of separate the beach from the regular township. Then it goes past those kind of tall pines that kind of go up like that. Then it shows you the fish and ship shop. Oh no. But then maybe you pass that and it shows you the bowling board. somebody's eating a corn dog. So it was eating the corn dog and then there's the shows in town. I think with rising sea levels this is going to be more and more important because soon we're going to be living amongst the fish. That's true. We'll all be waiting everywhere. The fish will be around our ankles and we'll be living amongst them. They'll be living amongst us and we'll be regretting the fact that we missed the opportunity

to try and build some kind of interspecies dialogue before it got to this point. I'm just trying to open a dialogue. I'm just trying to open a dialogue. Dialogue on a stick. The Corn Dog Alistair, though, there was an element that we mentioned in there about the Toffee Apple, but then Apple on a stick to send a message to the other apples. What we have done to the corn dog, does really feel like a series of torches. If you wanted to threaten sausages, I think making a corn dog in front of them, right? Impaling it on a stick, basically tar and feathering it, covering it in flour and dipping it into boiling water and covering it in boiling oil, and then covering it in blood is like, I mean, or a blood like... Andrew, it's not necessarily a threat to sausages.

Am I in trouble? Yeah. It's not necessarily a threat to sausages. If you think of how many, because it's most more of a hot dog, then it is a sausage. Right. Sorry, if you think about the number of animals that are inside a hot dog. What a Pluto pup or a corn dog is, is a threat to all human life. Human life.

So to all animal life. You're right. The mammalian life problem. And that, I don't like, whereas, you know, the fact that we see that as a treat is a real, I don't know. This is the real flip side of our fish education program. Right.

This is a more of a land-based mammal alienation program, right? So if we did this in the sky, maybe we got some drones to draw the process of making corn dog in the sky, for all land-based mammals to see, that would make them show them whose boss. Yeah. This is part of our transition program to move away from being part of the mammal kingdom, which is like we don't want to do that anymore. The mammal class of animals. When and we've just, we're gonna be in the fish now.

I guess it's like Australia lining itself with China and South America. We're starting to learn ourselves with the fish. We've aligned ourselves with the mammals. We can't afford to do that anymore. Yeah, no, the land is going... The future's in the ocean. The mammals aren't doing well, except for a lot of the really good...

The masticated. No, except for a lot of the really good sea creatures. They're mammals too. Oh, yeah. Whales and dolphins. That's right, they're my favorite mammals. The ones in the ocean. Yeah.

But I just want to, I just want to just go a tiny little bit further into why a corn dog is a threat to all living mammals. Yeah, we're on. It's because what we're saying with a corn dog, all right, is we're saying we're not only going to kill you, but we're also going to cut off all your good bits and not even use them. We're not going to use that. We're going to take all your good bits and not even use them.

We're gonna use those. We're gonna take all your worst bits. Yeah. And we're gonna grind them up. And then we're gonna homogenize them into a paste. Yes. And then we're gonna get them to squeeze them into a tube. Squeeze that paste into an intestine.

Then take that intestine and loo it up. Then we're going to batter it. Then we're going to stick it in a stick. Put a stick in it. Then we're going to put it in the boiling hot oil. Then we're going to feed it to our own. Our children. Our children.

Then we're going to carry it around at a fair. Then we're going to take one or two bites and we're going to drop it on the ground. Drop it on the ground. And it's going to go in the bin and then a seagull is going to pack it. Take that all living things. And then that really does feed the birds, sort of hatred towards us, because then they really get a taste of our flesh. Anyway, I better go through the sketches that we've written down. The birds taste, what are birds taste our flesh? Because they're picking at the corner. That's not our flesh.

Well, I'm referring to us as the mammalian kind. Oh, I see. That's what I was saying, it's a threat to all mammalian kind. Mameleon. All right. Connected. Connecting to a higher power, which is God, and he's static. mammalian kind. Mameleon. All right. Connected. Mameleon. Connecting to a higher power, which is God, and he's static.

Yeah. I mean, we had a big conversation about hardly charged things a while ago, but this is much better angle. But look, it kind of makes me, reminds me a little bit about my, like, our idea where it's that religious institutions are just trying to hide the fact that the God is the Son. You can't let people know. It's too easy. It's too easy. Go inside people, kind of read your brain. He can't read your mind. Your brain? Can't see. People can't read your brain. People can't radio brain.

Anyway, God is static, that's why I can electrocute you. And all the other stuff. You could probably protect yourself from him by just by wearing like a... Is that your phone? No, must be yours. My goodness It's a yeah God can just I'm getting a phone call can I just go answer any I'll go through the sketch ideas Oh, no, they've hung up. That's great. What a great outcome. Yeah, it was like it was like a it was like a

It's an unknown number landline really. Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm supposed to be somewhere or do something Anyway, no, I just had a feeling. I was like was the time changed Anyway, I'll see. It doesn't matter. Let's quick. Let's go fuck all right. No bell price for participation Yep, yeah, yeah funny. Oh really good one. Yep next one Flaprages wickton tingle monstros. Yeah, that's right because the words that we have to say to insult people got to be harder Yep, but those also that also means genius now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also the words to compliment people, it's blockchain.

Everything has more meaning. Yep. We've got vertical sky-writing mother fucker. Yeah, this is fucked. No, but then that also ties into the idea of sky-writing SMS app drones. Oh, I'll say no, that's just a good idea though. No, but mine is like a guy who's really reveling in the world. Yeah, but mine's in a hip. Yeah, I see. Now that's just a good idea though. Well, no, but mine is like a guy who's really revolutionized in a hip. Yeah, but mine could be it's a story about a guy who's like

fucking revolutionizing skylight. What I don't like about your idea, Alistair, that it happens on stage and stages have roots and it's just insane to think this is how good he is. Yeah, well, all right. You know, he he's even built a smaller plane. Wow. It's the seagull. He calls it the seagull He just stands on it. He calls it the hummingbird. He crouches. He doesn't crouch. He has knees up near his shoulders You know I'll call that a crouch I call it a sitting with your knees up all Emotion erections right you got it got it. Every, every part of your body can get, get a stiffer. Yeah. Get a heart on it. But for different reasons, you know,

direct, you know, direct out of horniness for sex. Yeah. That's so passe. If anything, your penis always stays, always say soft, unless it, you need to pee. Yeah. And it gets hard for peeing. And then you got catch and educate and release. Yeah. Catch and inform. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. We're spreading our word.

It's a soft power, you know. It's a cultural... It's a diplomatic... Outreach. ...diplomatic power. Yeah. And... It's a diplomatic outrage diplomatic power. Yeah. And And

Everybody does the thing you want to do when you do the thing you do. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast your channel. The best. You are absolutely. It's a few people been getting touched with us on Twitter. We love it. We love it I love any form of contacts. Yes If you call us during the podcast, that's great if you touch us on the shoulder and on a on a tram We're on a train. We like that. Well, we'll mention her on the show

We'll mention it. Somebody touched me on the channel if it was a listener Hoax up. He was drooling a lot and Yeah, you can find us on Twitter at two in tank. I'm so. He was drooling a lot. And, yeah, you can find us on Twitter at 2 in Tank. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And I'm at Alistair TV. You can review us on iTunes. We've got a review recently, and we felt real good.

Yeah, and you can contribute to our Patreon Patreon.com slash 2 in Tank. And you can donate a couple of bucks and we'll do a three word sketch based on the words that you suggest. Yeah. Thank you very much, George, for producing the podcast. As always. You're a wonderful man. Sorry about the issue with the microphone a couple of episodes ago. You're all wonderful men and women. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want,

podcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. At Nordstrom, you can shop the best holiday gifts for everyone you love, all in one place. You'll find beauty favorites, cozy presents, fun ideas under 100 and more. Like festive dressing for you in your home. Experience the magic at your favorite store. Or order on Nordstrom.com with free shipping and returns. Need it faster? Pick up your order today in store.

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