Two In The Think Tank - 131 - "THE KEN"

Episode Date: May 15, 2018

P. Q, Reverse Sue, Old Song, Bridge Bridge, Dumb Easter Island, 10 Things of History, Shopping Centre Toilet Mystery, Erin Bro-KovichAnd you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereThe bulk of our thanks to George Matthews for producing   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up children beating up Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank the Show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy and I'm Alice De Trombley virtual. There's a party in my pants. Yes. And it's been shut down by the police. By the police. By the police. You know, there's a party in my pants, and we just had a noise complaint.

There shouldn't be really be, like, up until the invention of mobile phones, I would say that there would be almost no reason for noise to come from somebody's pants. Is that fair to say? What about farting? Fuck, Al lost it. You're absolutely right. Yeah, and then we're also going into, then there's general farting with both vaginal and

penal. Penal? Penal farting? Is that a thing? Penalquefe. Is that a thing? You don't penalquefe I'm not supposed to. This is like it's actually they say that you should penal

Queen at least three times a day. This is one of those things where it you know it is possible. It is possible that that's just one of those things that's out there that you know of course you wouldn't see it on the news because they don't do news reports about facts do they? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, course you wouldn't see it on the news, because they don't do news reports about Farts, do they? No, I don't think so. You know, when would this ever come up?

Do I think maybe the other day? It's entirely possible that everybody's penal-queeping, all the people with panels, a queeping, and I haven't heard about it, and then you know, I, and in terms of, I'm the freak. And you've got this weird storage of gas in your bladder. Yeah. Yeah. The awful to find out. I think this is storage of gas in your bladder. Yeah. The awful to find out.

I think this is something. I think I think LSD that this is a sketch ID. Really? Yeah. I think somebody going to the doctor and being told, You don't penalque? Yeah. Okay. And how are your penalquees? Is that even what?

Your penalquees. The possibility is that we could then extend something like that So I'm not what? No, a penal quiz. The possibility is that we could then extend something like that, where it's flipped around, where every extra iteration of people, it's flipped the other way, right? So the doctor asked the patient about penal crepes, right? And then the patient doesn't have a clue what the doctor was talking about. The doctor said, well, let's call in another doctor for a second opinion. The second doctor comes in, he's never heard of penal quees. Right.

But then they get someone else in who's heard of penal quees. And then they maybe they go to like some administrative board and they talk to the surgeon general and then they, you know, and then every second person has a, you know, as I'm an expert in penal flatulation. I wrote my dissertation paper on. I mean, if you have a fair spare six hours, you could read through it, see my results or, you know, if you want me to summarize for you,

it was positive and then yes, there are penal queues. If people argue that the penal queue is a myth, it's not actually, it's not possible for men to penal quave. It's actually just urine. It's actually just a very fine spray of urine that Yeah. That appears like air. Yeah. It's a, it's, I mean, it's already surprising that urine doesn't let off any gas. It does, right? Surely it does. I mean, there's that steam on a cold day. Yeah. When you're being on a cold day. But that's just, that's just really hot urine, isn't it? Can you get sort of steam burn from that steam

that comes off of peas? But you can bleed. Peepies. Absolutely, you can. The steam, Peepie steam. Peepie steam, peepie burn. Peepie steam, peepie. The guy who discovered phosphorus, right?

Yeah. He did it. So he was like some ancient Roman, great guy or whatever. Really, really long time ago But you did by collecting a whole lot of urine buckets have I told you finish a lot of urine in buckets and tried it out in his basement and then he boiled it and then all this stuff and discovered phosphorus So he probably discovered your ear He might have also discovered your eara, but he also discovered phosphorus.

That stuff that glows in the dark. Is phosphorus in Eurea? Yeah, I would say so. That's it, probably. So maybe he discovered Eurea, broke that down. Yeah, discovered phosphorus. Along the way, yeah. Now, you'd think that you'd discover phosphorus in those little...

You know, you're going to go into the beach at night time. You know, when you go on night swimming in the ocean. Oh, yeah, Alexey, absolutely. I was about night swimming. I'm a very free spirit. Yeah. And I find that at the change of every season, if I go night swimming, it clears up a lot of my energy.

And I am really well placed to receive in the coming months the messages that the universe is sending me. Of course. I eliminate a lot of the interference. But how do you get the energy to put into practice the messages that the universe sends? I connect my nipples via wires to a stand lithium-ion battery and I charge it. Crystal wires? Crystal wires, I don't know if they're crystal wires. But regular batteries? They're not.

They're not. It's a drill battery. Yeah. I mean, this is a baptism of five for people listening to this podcast, right? Yeah. This episode, so far. Yeah. It's like, it's one of those ones where God, I hope nobody's playing this out loud to anyone.

Yeah. Well, you know, that's a fear now that this has happened once. Now that we're aware of it. Now that we're aware that we never consented to that. All right. That's fine. I'm happy for people to do things that I don't consent to. I consent to you doing things that I don't consent to. Oh, wow.

Yeah. That's a good open, you know, position. Absolutely. And one day, I'm going to be in court and that's going to be played back to me. Yeah. And it's going to be really amazing. And you said, I never said you could play that back. No, I'll, I would like, like, I mean, I think that would be the greatest

joke on me. And I would appreciate it. You know, what despite me being out of car out of like out of pocket, you do legal costs, legal costs, and I guess something bad's probably happened to me for me to decide to go to court. I would hope so. Yeah, I hope you're not just wasting the court's time. I also hope that it wasn't something really good that happened to court. I would hope so. Yeah, I hope you're not just wasting the court's time. I also hope that it wasn't something really good that happened to you. And we're not in some dystopian future where because of the left and the liberals and

their relentless drive for equality that even people who do good things to people, and now that's a crime. I'm just trying to do something nice for someone for once. And now I'm the one who's being treated like the asshole. I'm being dragged in front of the courts, because everyone's gotta be the same. Everyone's gotta be the same under this, left and artsy. Left and artsy.

Libber, Libber, Libber of fascists. I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. And it could just be that maybe in time We will have developed a positive way of suing somebody Said it. You know, that's nice. So we somebody you large them. I'll see I'll see you in court because because society is Very keen to get involved in the punishment of people.

Yeah. But where's your legal recourse if you want to thank somebody with the full extent of the law? Well, because sometimes you offer somebody money for, let's say, for paying for breakfast and they don't accept it. Exactly. Here's it. Where's my... What's the end point?

I will see you. I'll see you in court. I'll see you in court. I'm gonna march the pants off of you. Onto you. Yeah, I'm gonna have a march. The shant. The shant. Yeah, I'm gonna march this $100 bill into your pants.

Yeah, I think that's really, really good. In fact, I'm calling it. That's the end of the podcast. Really? Yeah, that's the end of the episode. We're gonna take us through what we've come up with. So far, all right. Peaceful, weaf and reverse soup.

Also known as the Marge. I'm not sure that Marge is the opposite of soup. No, I really should be the opposite of soup. Oh, so you think it should be like the Frank? Yeah. I'm gonna Frank you. Yeah. No, you can call it the Frank. Yeah. I'm gonna Frank you. Yeah. Yeah.

I can call it the Frank. No, the march is good. I mean, the Null, I'm gonna Null the pants onto you. Null. Null. No, I don't like that word. That word, it doesn't have enough edges. Clifford?

Null is like a cloud. Yeah. You know, or a mist, even. No, it's not misty. It's got a chewiness to it. Yeah, the word Null. Null. That L, at the end there, it's not misty. It's got a chewiness to it. Yeah, the word no, no, that that L at the end there, it's impossible for the human ear to detect exactly when you've stopped saying the word no. Right. I reckon if we analyze the waveform, it's possible that you're

still saying no, just very, very slightly. Do you think it fades out like that? Do you think and it's like an old song on the beach boys. No, but they do end at some point in those songs. No, they're still going, they're just real quiet. They asymptotically approach silence, but they've never stopped. They've never actually reached silence.

So I'm saying, do you think over time all those songs make up the cosmic background radiation? Yeah. Is that what you were going to say? Well, I was going to say that, you know, at some point there's going to be some kind of like huge amplification wave that's from all those background songs that never quite faded out entirely. Yeah. And that maybe there's just one point in history where they all sync up and their ups create this super position of this really high.

Yes. It could happen. Well, it's there. From all the Beach Boy songs that we're fading out, that I'm scared. That could be how the world ends, not with the whimper, but with a bang. With this.

I'm just gonna write old song fade out. Big bang. I mean just going to write old song feed out. Okay. Big going. I mean, that would be great if somebody came up with a theory, because you could mathematically prove when all those songs are next due to sync up. It's like the aligning of the planets, right? And then it would be, you know, like, and then we use the aligning of the planets to predict when the end of the universe is going to be. Somebody worked out that all the drum beats in all these songs are going to line up at some point. Like a bunch of blinkers at the lights.

At the traffic lights. The traffic lights. Yeah. Then, and then, you know, so it's like 2012 or whatever Say 2020 19 They're all going on up again, and then that'll be the um, I'll be the end. I'm gonna can the pants on to you Ken that's quite good Raphael yeah, yeah

Sure Raphael. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. It's just so exotic. The full extent of the law. I just love that expression. Full extent. Yeah. Going to get you for everything. It'd be good to sort of get the complete suite of legal things because you know I think there's a lot of people who specialize in one particular area or a crime you know bit you know fraud or you know parking infringement or something but yeah but grouches they're real all-rounder you know somebody you can do it all yeah but I mean it also would be great if you were assuming somebody with the full extent of the law if you actually did sue them for the with the full extent of the law. If you actually did sue them with the full extent of the law, like charge them with everything. Charge them with everything, not just,

like let's say it's a contract breach, but could you get them with like, torts and real estate law and sort of business law and could you get them with criminal law, and sort of maybe like building, with the building code. Discrimination, discrimination, anti-discrimination. Mm.

Like, sort of traffic. Yes, sort of traffic. You know, traffic fines, things like that. Yes, yes. And mail fraud. Yeah, I wanna know what that is. Yeah. Yes, yes, and male fraud. Yeah, I want to know what that is. Yeah, I would love to know what that is. Like, you bought a stamp,

but you actually, you didn't actually put anything in that envelope. When the post-e stops outside your letter box, but then doesn't drop anything off, that male fraud? Yeah, it's close. It's definitely sort of male deception or conspiracy with intent to deceive, to male deceive. I think there's definitely some emotional damages that you could claim.

Oh, my heart is broken. Not enough though. They wouldn't cover. Like, you'd make a judge angry. Yeah, and thing is because his time, what is he seeing like, 90 cases a day? This guy, small claims court. Not a case a day, mate.

90 cases, see. Case. Case. I feel like there was something between penal, queef, and Reverse that we forgot. I don't know. I felt like a pretty seamless transition to me. Is it Trudge Monkey something?

A Trudge Monkey? Yeah, absolutely. Is it a bad thing? I'm beating a Trudge Monkey, no it's one of the most beautiful things you can say to a woman. What is Trudge? To Trudge is to walk in a resigned fashion. Okay. You're applauding. Reluctantly.

I'm applauding. Yeah, it's a reluctant plot. I'd say a trudge. Not applauding. No. It's not like walking sadly. No, it's a plot. Yeah, a plot, not a plot. Yeah, a plot.

I'm in a weird mood. I mean, um, so, so what is, is the is a trudge monkey in expression? Why did it come to my mind? So, so what is, is a, is a trudge monkey an expression? Why did it come to my mind? I would say that, you know, as the mind is made up of a whole lot of connections into connections, connections and interconnections. Yeah. Well, that's the space between connections.

Yeah, and space between connections. And, or the, even connect, the connective tissue is connecting or connecting with each other. That's right, yeah, everything. So it's constant random motion of ideas and concepts. And think about that, like, just collided. That's like, okay, let's try to monkey. You made a bridge to connect two pieces of land.

And then you made another bridge to connect another two pieces of land. And then you made a bridge to connect another two pieces of land and then you made a bridge to connect those two bridges bridge bridge Yeah Goes up the river a bridge that goes up the river Oh man, this is gonna to blow bridging wide open. Wide open. I mean, I mean an actual bridge over the river choir.

Yes. It's really a bridge across the river choir what we got at the moment. So I'm talking over. Why? Why not choir? Yeah. Why not? I think also the idea that a bridge needs to connect things at all is probably a little old fashioned. Wow, yeah. So like... Kind of bridge just B. Yeah sure. I mean, could really redefine what a bridge can be. Um, Alistair, I'm really happy for you to write

a bridge up a river, right? And I think let's make it this a four part series. All right. And this is about bridge builders, right? Yeah. This is about third generation of bridge builders. Their dads were bridge builders. Yeah. Their mothers were bridge builders. Their mothers were bridge builders. Designers are builders.

Designers in builders. It's a vertically integrated counter. Sort of like writer directors. I want a bridge that goes straight up. Yeah, right. So it never has to, I guess you're bridging the ground with the sky. Yeah, we're connecting man to the stars.

I mean, it's essentially what a ladder is. No. No, no, no. A ladder doesn't. You're right, a ladder is an upwards bridge. And I was there, I think in stand-up comedy, if you talked about that on stage, I'd enjoy that. OK.

I think that's a comedy premise. And four part series. I would really actually make a four part series about bridge bridge design ability. Totally, totally. And I'm better, but see what I like is that there's these generations of bridge people, right? And I like that they've always been pioneers. And it's, to me, it's almost like the, the, the Hank Williams dynasty, Hank Williams, Hank Williams Jr. and Hank Williams III. We're all worked in the country music field, but then Hank Williams III, he introduced a whole lot of extra elements that are kind of like metal kind of stuff and he's got all sorts of weird influences. And I think that's what these people who, the third generation, build the bridge up the river. Yeah, I mean, at least one. Yeah. You could get rid of the river altogether.

You have to trudge up that river so you can really build that bridge over it. Get rid of it altogether. What do you mean? From the idea or from reality? No, the bridge. I mean, so the river. The river? Why are you getting rid of the river? What are you building the bridge up? What are you building the bridge up if you have no river? No, you're still building it over where the river is. Right. But the river's going. Well, eventually we'll go. I think.

Why? I don't know. I just think that maybe there'll be so much sort of construction there and things like that. You'll have to build so many foundations and things like that to kind of keep that, to get that bridge going. You might have to get rid of the river altogether. Speak great if in the age of exploration, right? Of like, you know, your captain cooks and your Magellans and your Columbine. I'm familiar with the age of exploration.

Yeah, great. Well, they're sailing all over the world. If we'd never invented boats, we'd just perfected the bridge. Oh, yeah. So you'd just start out building a bridge. Mm-hmm. You know, and you're going to build a bridge to the West Indies. And then you make landfall.

Yeah. In, um, What's the bridge is a motor transportation? Yes, it um, What's the bridges of motor transportation? Yeah, it's built the bridge building as a motor transportation. I mean, that's really what the, the, the, the, the lemmings do in that,

uh, get computer game, lemmings, isn't it? It's a puzzle. Yeah. There's that one who's going flip, to flip, to flip to, and then you get, I mean, they really good have gone way further. I feel like with that Lemmings world.

Yeah, you think we could still be playing Lemmings? I think so. Yeah. What about 3D Lemmings? What about 4D Lemmings? I reckon 3D Lemmings is a thing. Yeah. I would confidently say that there's Lemmings 3D.

Okay. But well, then why wasn't it good enough that I heard about it? Probably wasn't very good. Yeah, imagine. It's probably hard to do. And probably actually loses a lot of the magic of what it was that made Lemmings appealing in the first place.

Simplicity. It's true. And they're green hair. They're that green hair? I think so. And a purple, and a sort of a purple, like a sack thing. Sacky.

I guess it's weird they were wearing clothes at all. They're not. It's weird that they've been called Lemmings. Because they're not actually lemmings? I don't think so. Like there are there a mammal. There are like a rodent lemmings? Yeah.

Yeah. Are they closer to an otter? Is it closer to an otter than what? Then a rodent. No, I think they're thinking. Or do you think an otter is a rodent? Wow. No, I think they're I think they're or do you think a an author is a rodent? Wow I think there's a chance that an author is a rodent. We just say a beaver's a rodent

Beaver does have rodent quality. Yeah, and then you got the capy-barra. Yeah, you've obviously got big rodents in The Americas just sort of a fat wet rat Your Trudge Monkey. Is it a thing though? Trudge Monkey's not a thing. No, you just made that up. But why would you suggest that I should call a woman that? Um, and why would you suggest that she would like it?

Well, because because it seems to me to be such a baffling, yet undeniably not appealing thing. It's one of those new phrases that comes into the language where without knowing what it means, we can also, we can certainly rule out a bunch of stuff. Like, Trudge Monkey is not a synonym for graceful. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Trudge Monkey has got a synonym for graceful. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Trudge Monkey has got nothing to do with penmanship. Penmanship. Yeah. So it's self-limiting in that way. The Trudge Monkey. Yeah, third generation bridge bill is up a river. What are we talking about? Alters, lamings. Now, building bridges of motor transportation. I think that's one of the people. I think that's something. I think that's probably its own sketch. Well, I mean, we've got a four-part series here. Yeah, why don't you?

We need to fill out one of the things. So he'll be his own guy. Okay. Well, but my problem with that then is that we already started so radical. What was the bridge over bridge? Episode one is because we're going chronologically through time. Are we? Yes. I thought we were just... Obviously we're doing it chronologically.

It's a four-part series. Part one is the age of exploration. No, but I thought you said we were looking at third generation... Fourth. Well, you said third, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. I changed it. Yeah, that's cool. But like, so generation designer builders. Yeah. I changed it. Yeah, that's cool. But generation designer builders, right? And so I thought we were looking at a sort of modern day descendants of designer builders. Fourth generation, we're looking at what are they doing now for this old technology that is still revolutionizing it? But the age of exploration one has to be a historical one and therefore it has to be

through the ages. Well, I mean, he could just be like re-examining how life could have gone. And so he's just talking about it, is he? Well, no, he's doing it. He's going between the northern part of Australia and the Solomon Islands or like Papua New Guinea or something like that. Building a bridge. Building a bridge.

But as a motor transportation, he's just going on a holiday. Right. It's a Papua New Guinea. And this show could be called Get Over It. Yeah, could be called Get Over It. Or a bridge. Yes. The bridge. Yeah, it could be called get over it or a Bridge yes, the bridge. Yeah, it's already a show called the bridge. Yeah, well that's that's perfect We can get in some of those people who want to watch the candy noir. Yeah, and then when they see this

They were like I'm watching on I thought I was ready for scanning noir, but turns out I'm watching widey bridge Yeah getting it up, but turns out. I'm watching Wadi Bridge. Yeah. Get a bridge up it. Maybe, maybe it could be somebody from, what's the My Island home place? Torres Strait Islands? Yes. I mean, look, I don't wanna imply that this was their idea,

but this could be like, if, you know, we could get a Torres Strait Islander and a bridge designer and he could claim that his thing, you know, in his culture. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average,

and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by new customer surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings were very discounts not available in all safe and situations. The bridge building was used as a motor transportation and so he's just going on a trip to a

striad of visits some of his family. This is interesting. It also brings to mind the voyage of the Conteiki, which was that famous raft that was built as an experiment to prove whether or not people could have traveled by raft to, I believe, like the Philippines or various of the Pacific Islands. Right. And they proved it was possible. But what if about an alternative theory, suggesting that the way people got there was

by bridge. Right. So we have people trying to recreate a bridge using ancient construction methods, which goes to Easter Island. Well, I mean, people talk about the land bridge that people came on, you know, onto Australia 60, 70,000 years ago. There's a chance that there was a man made by the bridge. Yeah, right.

Like, it's just a guy with a pale and a bucket. Yep. Is the pale the bucket or is it the? I think a pale is a bucket. Like. It's just a guy with a pale and a bucket. Yep. Is the pale the bucket or is it the? I think a pale is a bucket. Okay, great. What's the other one? It's not a white or shade of pale. Is that a better bucket?

I guess it could be a white or shade of silver. It's absolutely true. All right, LSD, here's another alternative, historical documentary. Right, because I've seen a few documentaries and this is one of the things that baffles people, is the heads on Easter Island. Those big rocks, they want to know how they made them, how they got them to where they are, because the rock that they made out of is from a completely different part of the island to where the things are actually located and they weigh tons and tons

and tons, how is this possible? Right? How did they get them there? How did they make them? How did they get them there? Right? My theory is that they didn't. Right?

The reason why I think I'm going to make a documentary about the, where the central thesis is they didn't make them and they didn't get them there. So day one, I arrived at Easter Island. I go to look at the heads. I see that they're there and I do a bit to the camera. So at this stage, it's not looking good for the theory. Yeah, that's a little way, I'm not sure what happened to the next. No, I think, no, you just look at it, you just shake your head and you just don't know why. No, but I think, no, you just look at it, you just shake your head, and you're still, no, why.

No, why? It's just no, why. Yeah. Like that. Like that. And then you find some way in which these rocks were just there. Yeah.

And then they were worn away by weather. Yeah. Or people say they look like men. But, but do they? And he just gets like a basic rock off the ground. He says, you can see your face in that. Look at that. Look, I see eyes there.

Yeah. That's a, look, is that the mouth? Look, it's going to look. That's sort of like a note nose. Oh, look, it's a man. Oh, look. Oh, what an incredible civilization made these and then died. No one was ever here.

I could be the first person to see these natural phenomena. Is that too dumb? Yeah, I think I mean it's perfect. Great. Oh thank God. You know, I was worried there, I was there for a while, when I thought it might not be too dumb enough. And yet, I mean, this is just just part and parcel with my mild frustrations theories, where I feel like so many of those historical documentaries, they have a tiny little bit of interesting information,

you know, they have some new theory about the collapse of a particular civilization. And then they just drag it out. And they show you the same footage a few times. The same footage, the same recreations, the same computer graphic of the shape of the pyramid. They just get a different talking heads to say roughly the same thing, slightly different words. And then at the end they say, so did it happen this way? Well, it's inconclusive, but it's possible. And this has opened up a new chapter in our understanding of the thing.

No. What about a document? It's a historical documentary called The Thing. Yeah. Obviously. by the document, it's a historical documentary called The Thing. Yeah. Obviously. And we're going to be looking at The Thing. Yeah. Today, this is The Thing. I mean, what is The Thing? Okay, I'll say, I have a small vibe about this, this, what you're talking about.

I don't know if you have more detail that you'd like to discuss, but there's something about that that I do enjoy. And what I like to imagine about that is that it's a group of people who were gonna make a historical documentary and then kept putting off and putting off the decision about what they were going to make it about

until it was too late and it was day one and they just had to start filming. What is it and where was it made? This thing. And how did it get there? And how did it get there? And why did it stop? The idea was that we'll just do a lot of the general stuff early on and then when we work out what it's going to be, we'll nail it down and then

we'll let it it so it's clear. The important thing is that we just start, we had to start today, we've got the camera equipment. I sort of just, at moment. We've booked in the experts. My picture, my picture that I have in my mind, is that it's like some sort of once wet and now dried mass of toilet paper that was left on the road. And like they're excavating it, they're kind of getting it off the road. And.

Like it's not, look, I'm not suggesting it's used toilet paper. I'm just saying it was like, you know, if it makes you feel better, it could be sort of like that, that sort of hand-drying paper, but that comes in that long roll that just never stops and you got to tear it off yourself. All right, now I'll see. So what about this? It's a historical documentary about, and I'm sorry, everyone,

but it's about a shit on the floor of a public toilet. Right? And I don't know how long it's been there. Maybe ages, maybe not all that long at all. But I mean, we probably have the same questions about that shit that we do about the heads on Easter Island. Who put this here? Why here? Why here? Why did they carry it here from there? Where is where the toilet is? Yeah. Why not over there? It clearly belongs over there and yet it's here. DNA testing suggests you could find the family,

at least the family of the people, maybe that it was. That did it. Yeah. Right. And maybe then you could trace it back to like, who kind of lives in this area from that DNA? Yeah.

Or can we learn? Ask people, anybody who had been to this particular shopping center? It's a shopping set. Yeah, that's good. All the analysts that you can do, the computer models, the recreation, the talking to experts, the various theories.

The way that they were crouching to make it happen, or how they were sitting, or... Yeah, yeah. You know, there's people who say that there's no way that a person could have done this, or a man. Maybe several people were here. Some people suggested it might have been aliens. Yeah.

Are you saying that aliens could have done this? No. No, I'm not. No. The atmosphere in this room has preserved incredibly well the shape and the form. Protected here under this roof and between these walls and on this floor. This human shit has remained for what could be ours. Talk to the cleaners who should have been there Wow. It's an inside job. An inside jobie. We job is. We job is. Andy, we. Oh, we have so many ideas.

There's so many ideas and we have. And three, three words from a listener. Three simple words. Well, firstly, I would like to introduce our listener, Casey Baker. Casey Baker. Who, I believe has been a supporter of us for a long time.

Thank you so much, Casey Baker. Thank you so much, Casey Baker. And it's lovely that you choose to support the podcast. She's assuming you do choose. She's hopefully you're choosing. Hopefully this is a choice. If you're not, if you're somehow being forced to do this with your next three words that you submit to the podcast, please try and send us some kind of a message.

Message of help, maybe like coordinates. Yeah. And we'll advise, we'll advise the authorities. Are the three words, please send help. Please send help, yeah, but. Just send help. Just send help. The only connection you had to the outside world, right?

All she's got is a podcast app and a Patreon account. Yes, and this was the only, she had $3 in her bank account. This was the only she had $3 in her bank account. And this is the only way she was able to send any information to any of the podcasts that she subscribes to. Anyway, you can also just send us a message through Patreon. Yeah. But I mean, that section of the screen to press that button is cracked on her phone. Oh, yeah, yeah So you can't press the button to do that Okay, this is this is now pretty heavily based on an episode of press gang I saw once where one of the girls was trapped in a

Bank safe. She had a cell phone But she couldn't actually make call she couldn't actually talk because her cell phone was broken. She had to call different people who had lived at different locations on a map. And then from the missed calls and where they were, they worked out where she was by doing like a cross at all. So if it's like that, then anyway, so three words. Well, her three words, KC Baker's three words. Well, her three words, Casey Baker's three words, are one, band, woman.

Band is in BAND? No. BANNED. Oh, so she can no longer enter wherever it is. Maybe womanhood. She can no longer enter womanhood. So this is about trans-exclusively radical feminism. I certainly hope not. No. I mean, look, it could be. I just don't know how I would tackle that. How we would navigate that particular field of politics. Politics.

What would you, what if you encountered a film that was called One Band Woman? Encanted it. If you encountered it, what would you think would be in the synopsis of that film or in the tagline? It could be she was trying to work her way to the top of, let know, let's say garbage man industry. But she's been excluded from the upper echelons. I think I see this film as clear Oscar bait. It's total Oscar bait one man woman. It's got a real kind of three billboards kind of a vibe, but I feel like it's more about

someone who got drunk one night at a pub and was no longer allowed to come back in, right? But then Aaron Brockovich style started a class action for all people who've got drunk and done obnoxious things at pubs. Yeah. And got all of them together to share their stories, got them on the witness stand, and took it all the way to the Supreme Court of the United States of America. So you think it's an Amy Schumer vehicle? I think it's an Amy Schumer vehicle. I have been picturing Amy Schumer.

It's, she's like the Aaron Brockovich of idiots, of drunk fucks. Drunk fucks, right? And yeah, it takes it all the way to the top. And it's called one band woman. She suggested there was something in their water, which was alcohol. Yeah. And yeah, and then I think maybe at the end she loses. She, you know, and it's right, we see how how how sort of selfish and obnoxious all these people are at every level of who've done this. Yeah, like so they don't really have a leg to stand on. Because that's it, they go, you know, like the judge after her big final speech.

Yeah. You know, she's representing herself. Yeah. She's had a couple. Yeah, of course. That's carriage. Yeah. It's sort of like a failure of legally blonde.

Can you get Dutch other things? Can you get Dutch legal expertise? Oh, absolutely. Couple of whiskeys. Cheeky whiskeys under the bench there. Get yourself a bit of Dutch legal expertise. Yeah, maybe like some Dutch contracts, which are just regular contracts that you spilt out a lot.

Yeah, there's a few rings on them. Yeah. Um, she, but she does her big speech at the end. In the end, don't we all go overboard sometime? Is now, you know, isn't it that excess that we do that makes us moderate? Yeah. You know? Isn't, in a way, life a pub and isn't death?

Is it an only death itself that reserves the right to ban us from entering? Who here has never gone overboard? And it's in the going overboard, but not too much that we are regular. Last I checked the constitution in Shrine's free speech. What is speech? Stuff that comes out of our mouth.

And just because it comes out in the form of air, that's fine. But if it comes out in the form of vomit with chunks into the face of a bouncer, that's not my America. No, and then the judge will be like, and then also she's got like a big crowd of like, you know, sort of bros and You know young women and things like that and also kind of like, you know, some middle-aged people because they've got a big drinking problem these days

They do actually it likes glasses of wine like if you're having two three glasses of wine a night Mm-hmm. That's actually not okay Well in terms of your health. I think it's actually fine. Oh, yeah, sure. It's even lovely. Good on you. Yeah, but... Can I come over? The science is not looking good for you, right? Science is very judgmental.

Well, it's... Oh, you're killing yourself. Yeah, it's like a go-home mom. Go home, logical, congluc yourself. Yeah, it's like a go-home mom. Go home, logical, conglucing. You know what I don't like conclusions. I prefer discussion. Or introductions.

The introduction. Nice to meet you. Oh, hello, apparatus. Yeah. Oh, hello, glass of wine. I like apparatus. It's just a nice picture of some stuff. So she's done her big speech.

Everybody's cheered and the judge is like, well, it was a very rousing cheat and everybody's cheesed. It's like a topor fest by the ender. It's a very reasonable approach to humanity. But, sort of the laws around drinking are pretty clear. And there's not even any gray area whatsoever here, why you got banned is you're absolutely in the wrong. Yeah. Therefore, you are absolutely in the wrong. Yeah. Therefore, you are absolutely in the wrong. I uphold the band and I think maybe clean yourself up

or something. There you go. You're in Brockovich of Drunks. Yeah. Yeah. Aaron Bro. Kovic. Thank you.

Aaron, Bra Kvich. Interesting. Because it's a woman. Yeah. Um. Aaron. Brakevich. Because it's a woman. Aaron Brakevich.

Because it's a woman. It's a woman. Oh, thank you, Casey Baker for those three words that we made you not depressed about that. Yeah. And I'll see, would you like us to take us through the sketches that we've come up with for what I'm going to call today? Today, great. We got penal cleaf. And I'll say, would you like us to take us through the sketches that we've come up with? Sure. What I'm going to call today. Today.

Great. We got penal queif. Pequet. Pequet. Pequet, it's a guy who didn't realize that people queif out of their penis or sort of genital fart. He'd missed it, something. And then he gets a second opinion.

That person also didn't know. But then he gets a third opinion. And that person does know again. Yeah. So. And back and forth. And back and forth I'm back and forth and back and forth and back to birth. And so on until... And then we've got the reverse sue, which is the kev. You kev somebody when you're trying to take them to court so you can do something nice

for them, like when they don't accept, you know, you return to the kev. Do you say it on the kev? The kev? I think so. So you're kin. Oh, the ken, talking about the kids. The kids? I think so. So you're Ken. Ken. Oh, the Ken, sorry, the Ken. I'll say, come on.

Come on, mate. Ken. I'm gonna Ken the pants onto you. That's a person who's not doing so well and doesn't have any pants. Yes. And you're trying to do a nice thing for them. They're like, I don't need your charity.

I don't need your pants. I know, I'll see you in court. Um, I just think you're a really nice man and you deserve pantaloons. Pantaloons getting a really old fan. Okay. Which have come back into fashion. Oh, it's trying to like come on, man. It's like it's a kind of like an episode of Queer Eye where they're you know, theyer Eye where they're getting them stuff from the cutting edge of fashion. Stuff that's going to like weird and 5 to 7 years. We got old song, fade out, Big Bang. That's when all the songs that have been faded out from

back in the 60s when songs didn't just end. They realline. They're all still playing in the background at just in unherable levels, but at some point, they're either their beats aligned or just like, you know, the opening snare drum all hit together. And it's a big bang and it probably burst everybody's ear drums.

It's the last thing we hear. Yeah, that's what wiped out the dinosaurs. Yeah, it's even wiping out the ear drums of babies that are in utero. And then we're all deaf. All deaf, at least until the next lot of babies after that. Yeah, but then we will have lost language. We won't be able to talk. Oh, no! Not until the time months was all it took.

Yeah. I mean, we could still, like deaf people can still communicate. No, no, no. They still have language We got bridge bridge, which is a four-part series Called maybe over it Over it. Yeah, just over it rather than get over it. I think it's just get you know There's that expression like my build a bridge and get out of it. Yeah, that's what I was referring to Yeah, that's why I'm removing I I think the get makes it laimmer.

I'm sorry. Andy, I'm just... Mate. I'm putting in my creative input, build a bridge and get A-Rex. I mean, you want it, you. Is putting in your creative input removing bits of my creative input?

That's what right of all you know how to do is destroy Elastair. Writing is editing, I enjoy. Oh, that's true, that's a really good point. Then we got Dom Mester Island theory documentaries. Andy was there, they weren't. They didn't do it. They didn't do it.

They're not there. I'll say you're saying they're not even there. Yeah. They're over here. Well, I go there and they are there. I'll say, OK, well, the theory's not perfectly. Yeah, right. But did they do it?

I just thought you were, well maybe you're just saying there's slightly different positions to what they're saying. Yeah. They're actually over here. No, no, no. All right. Well, no, I think that's what the exactly

what they're saying and he's trying to like line it up from the images like on the phone. No, it's pretty close, but. But. Oh, fuck, this is the worst idea and I'm sorry. No, I like it. Then we've got the thing documentary. Yes, the thing.

I think this is maybe like a web series of different objects. Okay. The like the you know, the 10 things throughout history. Yeah. So the seven greatest wonders, these are just 10 things, the 10 things. I think it should be four myself, but yeah, 10 is good too. Andy, who, I mean, I can tell when something is a four part series, this is a 10 things in history. We could do the podcast.

We could do it as a podcast. Right. We got the shopping center toilet shit. This is another documentary based on the Easter Island sort of shit, docker type thing. Mm-hmm. And then we have the Aaron Brockovich of Drunks who got banned from a bar. I want to start a show. Yeah.

It's going to be a sitcom or something. It's going to be called previously on. Right? And every episode is just whatever happened last week. It's just summerizing, what happened last week. So you're just making one episode. But what do you make on the first episode? Just your empty space. Because I mean, it's the pilot's going to be really difficult on the make.

Yeah, when the pilot's always the hardest one, isn't it? Because you're setting up the world and the characters. Anyway. On the rest, write themselves. Yeah. Oh, great. Aaron Brockovich of Drunks. Great.

Brrrtang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, You didn't even know. There was just no opening for me. Bring-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-dang-ang-dang-ang-dang-dang-dang-dang-ang-dang- Bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, Yeah, we really do appreciate it. I think music before would be a good name for your brothers band I'll get in touch George if you're listening when you edit for podcast music before Alistair working people find us they can find us on Facebook at the two at two in the think tank They can find us on Twitter at two in tank. They can find me at Alistair TV They can find you at stupid old Andy. They can find us on Patreon, slash Two in Tank, and they can donate money if they want to support the podcast. And they can find us on iTunes,

and they can leave a review and just look, to be honest, it's the best thing in the world. So, I know it takes effort, just go for it. All right, just go. Like right now, I know you're going, I'm not gonna do it, but you could. And you can do it. The amount of joy it brings.

When could you do it? When you're waiting in your car at the traffic lights, just get your find out, right? And start typing, and maybe if there's no one behind you, you can probably sit there through a couple of circles of the lights and just get it done. Or you could do it. Because these are the times in your life

when you actually do have time. You don't realize it, but you could get quite a lot done. Or you could do it when you're sharing a nice moment with a loved one right because They love you so they're gonna put up with some of your flaws You know So that's a good great time to go on iTunes or Stitcher or whatever the things that love reviews and right reviews right reviews and we Love you

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