Two In The Think Tank - 136 - "DISH DAD"

Episode Date: June 19, 2018

Family Pe-Tree, Money Day, Fred Jones Pt 3, Ice Core Cafe, Eat Anything, Year A DayYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereTwice the usual amount thanks to George Matthews for producing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! So if we were just to deconstruct your process there for one second, you obviously had, you were aware that there are rhymes for the word yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, those are just three of them. And I only like near rhymes. So whenever I do a real rhyme, I feel bad. Right.

So you'll feel bad if you do feel bad if you do a near rhyme. Well, I'd feel bad if I considered to try to be a near rhyme of yeah. Sure. Sure. And I'd feel terrible. Well, that's where we differ, Andy. Is that I, I guess I'm not afraid to take risks. Yeah.

Whereas we can go to your safe rhymes sound like each other. World. Yeah. Yeah, fuck that. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George William, Tromblay virtual, and we're two members of the, to and the thing,

Tank podcast. The two members. the two in the thing tank podcast. They two members. We are, you know. Well, I see two in the thing tank as a family. And I don't really know where the tank ends. You know, these walls, do they are they around us? Oh, why? Or are they also around the listener?

Yes. Is the listener in the tank? I think. And why don't we count them? Are they an invisible listener? Are they made of dark matter? I think given that really all we're doing is making sounds and any meaning or connections between those sounds are formed in the mind of the listener. Really, I mean they are the only ones in the tank. Well it's them and somebody else. Really, I mean, they're the only ones in the tank. Well, it's them and somebody else. I mean, is it them and the sounds?

Those are the two that we refer to. Yeah. The listener and the sounds. And the sounds that we make. They're alone in the tank. Yeah. Trying to make sense of one another. Mm-hmm.

I was there, you mentioned family. Of course, I always do. It's the most important thing. You can't choose your family. Well, it depends. There is adoption. That's true. You can absolutely choose your family.

There's adoption, and then there's adoptions, evil twin, murder. That's true. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you can also choose your victims. Exactly. You can't choose your family, but you can choose your victims. Shhh. Yeah.

Look, I don't like to think of myself as a murderer. So much as a man who heard the phrase, he can't choose your family and thought, screw your rules. That's not entirely true. That's not it. I'm going to push a couple of boundaries here. Are dead people apart of families?

Parts of dead people are parts of families, absolutely. Like the parts that continue living? Yeah. Because I guess suppose all the bugs inside them and things like that. Oh, wow. You know, they live on in the dirt and things like that. And so, in many ways we never really die because of our gut bacteria that probably continues to feast on stuff that's in the dirt.

I think this is a beautiful sort of a thing, a beautiful idea that is an alternative to cremation, which is really like a genocide. Like that person's statistically speaking very much alive. You know, like the, sure, the, the consciousness that resided in their brain, that particular part of them, that's only one creature. But that's one of billions of creatures living in that body. And statistically, it doesn't make a dent. And when you cremate, you are really, you're wiping that out, you're assaulting the earth, right? I think a much nicer way to deal with a dead body in inverted karma. Sure, it would be too

sort of, I guess, lay it in some kind of nutrient-rich vat. And let the bacteria of your loved one continue to thrive in that environment. And who's to say you couldn't wheel the vat, the stinking, teeming vat of bacteria without it family functions? Maybe the kids can even splash around in it. If anything, you could be closer than ever. Would it bother you if I changed it from a vat to a Petri dish? Not at all, LL. Yeah.

Hahaha. It feels like a, you know, like a Petri dish on a skateboard. A big Petri dish. Yeah, obviously. So, a vat of a vat size? Yeah, no, I, yeah, I wouldn't disagree with that in the least. No, no, no. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't disagree with that in the least. No, no, no.

Yeah, I think this is beautiful, and I think this is a sketch. Oh, really? Well, this is right off the bat here. Right off the bat. Right off the bat. We are keeping the family microbiome alive. Mm.

You know, you've kind of like a sourdough, like the sourdough culture. The family culture. I mean, because you could actually, not only keep it alive in a vet, you could eat some of that, say they got microbiome. Yeah. Maybe that's why people shit themselves when they die. It's so that their loved ones can eat that shit. Yeah, and keep them they're gut microbiome alive in

Their stomach and that and in that way Grandpas not dead because he lives on in all of us. Well, I'm not talking about memories Yeah, well fecal fecal transplant are a big thing these days. And I can't think of a better way of remembering your grandpa grandpa or grandma, you know, which is fine these days. Yes. Grandpas can be grandma's can be remembered too. You know, through their them aiding digestion or helping them kill some super bug in you or something like that. And who's to say that you couldn't, if the family biologist? I hope none of the listeners are imagining any of this. Because if you are, this is on you, all right?

These aren't concepts to be imagined, to be pictured in any kind of visceral detail. No, these are words that you can just let wash over you and picture an entirely abstract and non-smelling universe. Yeah, because I mean, what? Yeah, it's definitely. An odorous universe. Odorous because I mean what? Yeah, it's definitely an odorless universe. odorless universe. Or we've created some kind of negative pressure around the

petri dish. Sure. Yeah, the family petri. Yeah, like tree. Like family tree. Yeah. My there is a problem. I mean, look, I had a couple things to say. Okay. Obviously, this is disgusting body stuff, so this is where I feel like I thrive. Yeah. Right. But there's the issue, of course, of are we just watching the dead body decay on the dish

or does it need to sort of be made to be unrecognizable from an actual body and sort of turned into a slush? I think it has to be unrecognizable from an actual body and sort of turned into a slush. I think it has to be a blended up recently. A kind of a slush. And I think we then have to see, like from the family's point of view, that like maybe some of that mold or like that slime

whatever's formed there, starts to sort of quite aggressively get out of the dish. Maybe it's sort of like, we come in one morning and it's like dissolving the dining table or something. Sort of like the blob. Yeah, and it's like, oh, grandpa's up and about. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh It could be nice if you did separate different parts of the body. You still want them to be slush and unrecognizable from what they are.

But let's say there was maybe it could be arranged to look like an image. So let's say, I think maybe bile could be a bright yellow color. And then there's the brain matter and the bacterium that lives within that, that would be in another area and things like that. I don't think necessarily needs to be labeled. I think it could be a bit graphic, but you know, maybe families that are okay with truth. Yeah. They could have that, but then it could be made into a nice image, maybe, into their face,

like that. And then over time, you will watch different parts of bacteria take over different areas and watch the image warp and things like that. And I think that would be at least, at the very least interesting. It very least, too. Which is to be honest, probably more than Grandpa was doing towards the end there. Exactly.

Yeah. It wasn't contributing much, but now we can watch his spleen aggressively invade. Yeah. He's left ear. And what's also exciting here? That's compelling. Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, you couldn't, Grandpa definitely couldn't do that when he was alive. His spleen had almost nothing to do with his ears. His tongue couldn't touch his elbow when he was alive. But now it's all like it seems like his elbow is sort of enveloping his tongue. But I was going to say if there was a family biologist, which I imagine every family should have. Yeah, he could also choose your family, my god, yes. Yeah. which I imagine every family should have. Yeah, he could also choose your family, my god, yes. Yeah, or if you could choose the profession that you get when you're in a family. Sure. But you can't choose your profession like your family.

But you can choose to kill a biologist and take his profession. Take his or her. Or her. And she could be a grandma, a grandma, you know, which is okay these days. But. What's great about this is that my grandma was a biologist. Wow.

This is great. I had a feeling about that. Really vague feeling. But a family biologist could then go through, could could be taking samples from, let's say, a grandpa, Petri dish, right? And making discoveries that might help the world. I mean, think of how much stuff in the body hasn't actually been discovered yet. There must be so many little bits of bacterium and things like that

that haven't been labeled yet, you know, or figured out their full purpose. Sure. And what happens if you get in there, you multiply it a bunch, you put it near a spleen, what's that cure for Lou Gehrig's disease? Alistair? That's grandpa.

I don't know if you've heard this, but we know more about the surface of the moon than we do about the human ass. Yeah. And even, you know, we know more about the human ass than we do about probably the bacteria living on the human ass. And this is what's great, is it actually like rather than just having one big petri dish that's like a communal, families are big.

Grandpas often have multiple grandchildren and children. You can divide them up. Everybody takes a bit home. Takes a bit home. You could have the innards of grandpa picture it into something that suits you of your memories with grandpa.

Sure, I mean, this picture stuff, that's not gonna be in my version of the sketch. So you just wanted to, you just like decaying body? No, no, I like a dish. I like a dish that's got some kind of like active greenish slime. Yeah, yeah, that's, you know, that's what I've got too. It's just that my slime has been ordered in such a way so that it makes a recognizable image.

I like the addition. The addition rod could be grandpa's face. This is so popular now. There's a clamoring demand. Say you've done it just in your family, it's just a family thing that you've done. Now there's a clamoring demand. People have seen, the grandkids coming to school

with their little petri dish of grandpa. Show and tell. Everybody wants one. Right? And now you can start to divide those cells, culture them, and sell on, get your own little grandpa dish. Oh, so you could get, because somebody might have a cool grandpa. Yeah. But also celebrities.

Yes. You know, this is a great way for people's, the long-suffering members of families of celebrities. To finally, finally, after they're dead. For too long, all that the long-suffering members of families have been able to cash in after their death has been their likeness, their music, selling off their assets, licensing their songs. Just off their assets, licensing their songs. Just having their money.

Yeah, just money and general fame, selling out everything they believed in, connections. But now, finally, the families are going to be able to dissolve the bodies in a vat, culture the bacteria, and now sell a living part of Michael Jackson. But what's going to happen? Of course, people are going to start selling these things on eBay and things like that. And then you're going to get yours tested.

You're going to get your Michael Jackson tested. Michael Jackson, Pete Redish or you're, you know, I don't know who you like. Who do you like? Pete Seiga. Pete Seiga. Is he still alive? No. Oh, that's unfortunate. or you're, you know, I don't know who you like, who do you like? Pate Seiga? Pate Seiga. Is he still alive? No, that's unfortunately not.

What I've done about four years ago, it was a real tragedy. Yeah, it's real tragedy. Was he old? Yeah, 96 or something. Right, that's fine. Yeah. I know.

You know, but then you're gonna buy a Pate Seager Petri dish on there at Pate Seiga buy a Pete Seager Petri dish on there at Patri Seagah. Yeah, Seager Petri Petri Oh. I surprised myself. Disappointment is a totally valid form of surprise. Absolutely, yeah. Like a surprise party. Yeah.

Doesn't have to be good and also You know a lot of people have had surprise parties now and once people jump out and say surprise You're probably more or less know how it's supposed to go from that point on Well, they're not really a surprise anymore Exactly Exactly because you in a way you are always kind of not really a surprise anymore. Exactly. Exactly. Because in a way, you are always kind of ready for a surprise party. I am constantly braced.

Especially near your birthday. It's absolutely. Yeah. You know, you kind of need a new thing now. And it's like a surprise sort of disappointment. Maybe everybody jumps out and says, we forgot the birth date. We broke your computer. And then they file out of the house.

Yeah. But it was your birthday. But it was a genuine surprise. Yes. Right? Or, or, I mean, I could not think of a greater gift than this. Sure.

Yeah. Surprise, we renewed your driver's license. Yeah. We've done the registration for your car. I mean, like, the idea is that it's a thing that you have to do that involves steps that you don't want to do and they've just taken steps away. Steps. And unlike that when you reach the top of a staircase and you think that there's more steps and you kind of almost tumble.

You reach the bottom of a staircase and you think there are steps and then they whip the staircase away and you just fall flat on the floor. Yeah, but that's a surprise. I think for me though that like the ultimate surprise party would be you go in, everybody jumps out, they say, happy birthday then genuinely, they all just leave. And you don't have to have a party, talk to anyone, or do any cleaning up. But they leave a pile of money on the table. Yes. You're right. I ignored that detail. And then as soon as they go, you get to do the best thing in the world,

which is count money. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what a surprise. Yes. Yeah, like, I mean, that is a great surprise birthday party. And it's nowhere near your birthday. Sure, it's just a money day.

But it's for your birthday. Yes. But it's not your birthday. No. And it's just money. Yeah, and it's just a money day. But it's for your birthday. Yes. But it's not your birthday. No. And it's just money. Yeah, and it's just money. But everybody shows up and it's nice to know that people showed up for you. Oh, sure.

But it's nice to know that people... It's even nicer than they may have been. You're out of your... Straight out of your hair. You just get to shake their hands, go, oh my God, thank so much. Sorry, don't have the chance to talk more. You're there to shake their hands, go, oh my God, thank so much. Sorry, don't have the chance to talk more. You're there, see, hug, connect. I reckon if you had that in our integrated into our society, levels of happiness would

just go up maybe 50%. Reported happiness. Do you think, though, that the money and the fact that the money has such a clear value? And as we say, a big part of this is counting the money. So you know how much money is there. I worry that instituting an annual money day where you just get given lots of money would lead you to start counting that money and sort of almost obsessing over the amount. Especially once it becomes the norm.

Once it becomes the norm and then you're just going to be comparing this money again against a previous money day, your money day against someone else's money day. So do you think that this is kind of, this can only be a one-off? one off. I mean, look, it doesn't make it not worthwhile. If we organize this for somebody that we know, or if let's say you organize this for somebody that you know who is here. This is a really lovely thing to do for a person. Yeah. Just somebody. Yeah, one person. And not because they're like dreadfully poor. No, no, because then it sounds like charity. Yeah. Obviously they have to be doing fine. Like they're doing okay. It's just a nice treat. We don't want to be giving money to charity. It's a treat. It's a treat. It's a treat. to charity. It's a treat. It's a treat. It's a treat. We can also give money to charity.

Sure. I'm just saying that so that it makes it sound like that's something we're going to do. What if? No, but what if? Because I worry that if you got all this money for doing nothing, you'd feel a bit of pressure to give some to charity. So do we have to give them a voucher? I think we also have to have given, and we also tell them, here's this money, but we've also given an amount to charity. Great. So that's covered. And now we're leaving your house. Yeah.

But then by bringing up charity, do you think that they'll feel like they need to also give money to charity? Absolutely not. No, we say we've given an amount. We don't specify the amount, but you imagine it to be exactly how much you need to imagine it in order to not feel like you have to give anything to charity. But is the mention of charity and your sense feeling of dealing?

Do you want to just not mention charity? Well, I think the cleanliness of surprise. See ya. See ya later, like everybody shakes their hand, they go as a pile of money on the table, they get to just go sit and count the money. And look, if it's not enough money to give to charity. So.

This is almost like the opposite of like a police raid on a drug headquarters. You know, they surprise you and they take the pile of money off your counter and they count it. That's what they should do with that money. When the police raid and take the money, they should just take it somewhere else. That's really nice because there was a just sit

in that all wrapped up on a pallet. Yeah. And they take some photos with it or whatever. They take photos and then I guess a just sits in that all wrapped up on a palette. Yeah. And then they take some photos with it or whatever. They take photos and then I guess it just sits there or does eventually the government absorb that or something? Yeah, I think the government probably capes it. Well, that's not, doesn't seem fair. That's not fair.

That's profiting from... Crime! I'm crime. Which is a crime. Look, maybe $1,00 feels like a good amount. That's a crime. I think, look, I'll just, is this a sketch? Yeah, I think this is a sketch.

I think this is the new, it's money day. It's just called money day. But it's a new surprise party. I'd enjoy this so much. I had a little thing. I also want to say that I'd enjoy this so much. I had a little thing. I also want to say that I'd enjoy this so much too. But I don't expect it to happen at all to me. Therefore, it would be surprising if it did. You know how people can... If you're having a wedding, it's now become socially acceptable to say, we,

thank you so much, your presence is a gift, but if you would like to give a gift, they'd like a donation, they'd like some money towards their house or towards their honeymoon or something. Weddings are the only one where you're allowed to say, I'll just take cash steaks. But I'd like to try and implement that in other things, you know, like a work going away or something like that. Sure. Like your work goes away.

No. Now you're leaving your retirement. My place of employment just left. You're going to a new job. Yep. Very often there'll be a little party and there'll be some people get you flowers or something like that. I'd like to put forehand just to be able to send around a nice little card. Email.

Email, sure. That's cheaper. That says just in advance, like if you could show up to my going away party, that'd be great. But I don't need gifts, thanks. I just appreciate cash. I don't know gifts, thanks, I just appreciate cash. Yeah, and I guess especially somebody who's been in a place of employment for like 40 years,

right, they send that around the office, they say, look, I've been here for a few retirement parties. And I think they're great, but I'm leaving in a month. And I think what I would like is if instead of spending money on a banner and cake, and booking booking a pub and booking a pub and things like that and you know putting your credit card on the on the bar. Yeah, whatever. I would just like all of that money. Yeah, and I will bring in some, you know, some biscuits, biscuits and some soda water. Yeah, because it's for you. It's for me.

It's for me. The going away is for me. So I don't see why the money should be spent on like an open bar for all of you guys. Yeah. I want you guys to have a good time, but I think that we could have as good a time doing this. I've prepared a few games which I think will be

Neato and that way we don't have to spend a day sort of going go-carding. Yeah and also the work won't lose the productivity of having you away on that day. Yeah. So I've asked work to also donate me your wages. You know what I did? I mean, I think that's quite funny, like just as a sketch with a guy who's sent that around. Yeah. Maybe a short film. Yeah. I don't know, just a real...

I feel like he could stand up and say it. Doesn't need to be an email. He dings on a glass or something and he stands up and stands up on his desk. Could be a plastic wine cups. A plastic wine cup. And he's got a... And he's got like a sort of like maybe a texture or like a,

Yeah. You know a black marker? Yeah, yeah, I know a black marker. Yeah. What are we talking like a Sharpie? I suppose we could call one a Sharpie. Sorry, I think my phone's making noise. Well, that is a very embarrassing.

An embarrassing moment. All right, I'll write this down. You start talking. Oh, Alistair. It's it. It's absolutely in my wheelhouse. Wheelhouse, of course, if I were to name my favourite wheelhouse, I'd probably say the car, which is in many ways a little wheelhouse.

And it's interesting, the car is carried by four wheels and yet there's a steering wheel that gets to be carried by those other wheels. And I think in that way we see that the wheel society has a sort of a monarchical or quite a master's surf type structure, a feudal structure to wheel society. Those four wheels who do almost all the work are forced to carry around one controlling wheel inside them. But like a lot of structural societies, the people who are above you are also being controlled by an even more powerful person,

a person who's not even tethered to the wheelhouse. Right. The man or woman or grandma. Or grandma. Who, yes. Has all of that. Do you think the steering wheel would be mean? Think of itself as higher, because it's not left to the in the outdoors.

I think back when we had, before we had power steering, I feel like the steering wheel still had to do quite a bit of work in order to turn the wheels. And so there was probably a stronger connection between the servant wheels on the ground and the steering wheel. But now that we have power steering, that disconnect has been created. And it's very much like the reign of Louis XVI or something like that, where it's just now, he's so far removed the steering wheel from the reality of what it's like to be a wheel that Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if there was some kind of a revolution Well, what about all the gears? They're kind of like wheels. They are a lot like wheels. Yeah, spiky wheels spiky wheels. Yeah

Is anything in this Is there anything in this? But I think you really did really well for someone who was just told to start talking. Thanks, Ella Stere, and I'm glad I got to get the word revolution in there. Oh, absolutely. Is there a wheelhouse? What is an actual wheelhouse? A wheelhouse, I think, is on a ship, and I think that's where you'd have your little steering wheel, your captain's wheel or whatever it's called. Is it just a steering wheel, your captain's wheel or whatever it's

called. Is it just a steering wheel? The ship's wheel? The wheel. The wheel, because I guess they don't have other wheels. Right. Ships don't have other wheels. There's only one wheel.

Yeah. So it's just the wheel. Yes. But they could still call it the steering wheel. Sure. But that's redundant. You're on a ship. Things are happening.

I know, but to cut out people making mistakes, you know, you got some novice salesperson. Yes. Salesman. Sales-saler? Sailor. Great. On there, you say, quick, grab the wheel.

Uh-huh. You know, sometimes you only have split seconds to make a decision before some kind of disaster say, you're trying to get away from an iceberg. Yeah, and those things can move quick. Yeah, well, I know, but you've only noticed it that last second because it's dark and you're out in the Arctic or something. Yeah, and for some reason, the only person who you have the time and it was in the right place and it's appropriate for you to say, grab the wheel, is somebody who has spent so little

time on a ship that they don't know that ships don't have wheels in other places, like underneath them say. Well, what if there was say a trolley of food that had just been brought up by the, you know, alacard. Alacard up from, you know, by the butler, you know, one of the many sea butlers. And so then at first you're like, does he mean the wheel of the trolley?

You know, and you're a captain, you've been doing this for a long time, but your legs are not what they used to be, they're wood now. You know, and they used to be flesh. Man flesh. Not tree flesh. That's true.

Elastair, you have long hypothesized that if you boil anything for long enough, it'll become soft like a noodle. That's true about me. So for example, you've got your sticky, your skewers, right? Mean skewers that are wood. Yeah. But if you boil them for long enough, you just have pasta. I think so, yeah. And I think it would sort of be like a sober noodle. I've been thinking about this more recently, and I come around and I think you're right. Yeah. I think surely we could find a way to eat wood.

There's got to be, right? We've got to be able to treat it in some way. Like it's just chemicals, it's just organic matter. We'll just do whatever we've got to do to steam it or like, I don't know. Maybe we need to make it so good. Maybe it's because- Pickle it.

Here's, oh, pickling it seems like. I mean, we can eat the inside of bamboo hearts, right? Don't we eat palm hearts? We eat palm hearts? Yeah, sure. That's practically wood. Yeah, I mean, that's getting close. I mean, if we could just eat the outside of the palm.

Yeah, we work our way out. Mm. Um, but maybe the problem is that water, Yes. Oils at such a low temperature. Sure. And so we just need a better liquid, water 2.0. And 2.0 is the multiplier on how many degrees it boils

that 200. It boils at 200. is the multiplier on how many degrees it boils that. 200. It boils at 200. We could do something with pressure as well. I think you could just do it at a higher pressure or something. You can just boil water at a higher pressure. We'll find a way, we'll go away and we'll find a way to eat wood.

Well, you know, there's a moment in the movie, Giro Dreams of Sushi, where the rice guy comes around. He's the best rice guy in Tokyo, right? And he talked to me, like, oh, there were some people down at the Sheridan wanting to buy some of your rice. And I said, only Giro knows how to cook it. Then Giro's the only one who knows how to cook. There's no point in Giro's laughing as well.

He's going, I mean, there's no point buying rice. If you don't know how to cook it, right? Because when they cook their rice, they put a whole bunch of heavy things on top and a big metal lid and they cook it under some kind of pressure so they can cook it properly. And they have to spend a whole lot of time cooling quite quickly and shoving it around

and then keeping it in this other thing that keeps it at the right body temperature, you know, so that when it's served, you know, there's basically, you're eating something exactly the same temperature as your body. So it's like, you wouldn't even feel it. I think this is what cuisine should be now. It should be finding ways to eat things that you didn't think you could eat. Eat a rock? Eat a rock. I'd love to eat a rock. Yeah, because already a lot of the time that they're spending their time making is like,

oh, here's a dish and then you go, oh, I'm just inserved a rock and then you kind of like, you pick it up, cut it open and it turns out all. It's cheese and octopus. Yeah, it's octopus cheese again. Yeah. But that's just food. Yeah, it's food. What it was like, no, it's an actual rock.

We just found a way to cook it. This is a fucking rock. Like coal, we're gonna have to find a use for coal once we stop burning it. Yeah. And if it was in cuisine, you could probably sell it for way more. Totally. You know?

Like per kilo? The prices you're getting? Yeah. So I don't know. Like I guess I guess- Even if you could sell coal at like brown onion prices, I reckon you'd still be making money. Yeah, I think so.

Like a, yeah. I think, I don't think industry spends that much, you know, like industry, like big, you know, industrial things are spent. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now.

Quote today at Progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. This counts not available in all safe and situations. I think that much money on things. Things are very cheap for them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what's it come, it gets to us suckers. Yeah, the retail price. Re-tell price. Oh, yeah. It's like I heard about these sticks of, you know, people are like in Sydney or decorating, you know, cafes and stuff like that with sticks of cotton from cotton plants.

You know, like cotton on it? And it's got cotton on it, it's got the stick there like that. And then they're selling it to the public for like $26 for a stick, you know, just as a decoration. Yeah. And then some cotton farmer was in there going, holy, if you're getting that kind of price, Jesus, that's, you know, you're getting $22,000 a hectare right there. Yeah. You know, that's Jesus, like, you know, so some people are tapping into this.

I think that's a great scam that, like, whatever the thing is that's, like, produced in the biggest industrial quantities. And I'm sure we could find out what this is. What is, like, by kilo on earth, what do we make the most of? And then we just got to somehow find a way to just get it into cafes as ornaments. Yeah, all right. It's probably iron ore. Iron ore, I mean, even before iron ore,

you're just sifting through a whole lot of just raw dirt. Yeah. You know, raw earth. Now, if we can get that somehow. I mean, if you just put raw earth into a giant glass jar, I think it's interesting to look at. There's life in there.

There's, you know, minerals. Mm-hmm. There's strata, there's lia, maybe. There's strata? I mean, if you use one of those ice-hmm. The strata, there's lia, maybe. There's strata. I mean, if you use one of those ice-cored drillers. Yes. Oh. I, you know, those ice-cored drillers on earth,

you get, for your house, if you were to have some floor to ceiling, just core rods, you know, get some movers come in, they just kind of basically place it, they put a fixture, you know, you essentially, they just kind of basically place it, they put a fixture. You essentially use the same kind of fixture that you would use to put in one of those kind of long tubular lights. Yes. Is halogen, settle halogen though? Florescent light, pardon me.

I don't know my... Flubs. And inert gases. Anyway, so you use that same kind of mechanism, so you just kind of, you know, click it in at the bottom and then you kind of just slide it in at the top and then we just lock in. And then you could just look at about like maybe,

I don't know, with 30,000 years, a million years worth of earth, a dirt history. Yeah, I like that you gave two really widely differing examples and you probably still didn't even get far enough. I reckon more than a million. Anyway, the point is, Alistair, whatever it is, the minimum processing that we have to do, right?

Because it's a lot of work, like you're in the mining industry, it's a lot of work to get the, to dig it up, get the oil process, the oil, you know, smelt the steel, make whatever it is. But if we can just get idiots to just use it in its rawest possible is the oil, you know, smelt the steel, make whatever it is.

But if we can just get idiots to just use it in its rawest possible form as one of the meditation, we are, that is all profit. I would genuinely love one of those earth cores. Mostly there you go, you're exactly the kind of fucking sucker that we are gonna screw over like a piece of shit that you are. I can't wait to get fucked by myself.

But there was, and I'm not saying it's a very good idea, but before we hit on that, no, that's a good idea, yeah, that's a good idea, but before we hit on that, we were talking about some other bullshit. Eating non- Oh yeah, yeah, that's a thing. Yeah, I think that there's a thing. Yeah, so like, you know, you get your missionals, Michelin stars, you get your hats.

I don't know who gives you the hats. Is that also Michelin hats? I think so, I think. Stars and hats? What a bizarre system. Oh wait, I think they're just Michelin hats. There's also stars. Yeah, stars, oh maybe it's just Michelin's.

I think the hats might be like a more Melbourne food guide kind of thing, an astronomy thing. Right. More like, yeah, local here. Because you get hatted. Yeah. And then I think maybe the Michelin stars are more global system. Right. Right. Right. You know, it's like, I mean, it's just one place. I wonder what your ex-Giantrat of, right, of hats to stars is. Oh, probably not good. Well, you know, it's hard. It's very, it's like, would you eat, like I think it would just devalue,

you know, a few of the Michelin people. It would, you would feel like you're devaluing your own value system by saying it's a one to one. Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't do that. Yeah. So yes, eat anything restaurant. Like, you know, it's a, uh, Heston, Blumenthal, I'm going to call it, he's a fucking coward. Right. All he is, is he's just making food look like other food. Yeah. This is, this is other food.

This, this is other food. Come on, come on down, uh, to, uh to eat anything restaurant, you know, we're going in it. We're actually, we're not like Heston, Blumenthold, that coward making food look like other food. You come down here, what you think, you think it looks like a house that you were going to blow to eat, you're going to eat a house. Thank you. Come here. Oh, you want a window? Oh, you want to eat Hey, oh, how about your granddad? He died earlier. He's in that vase. It's just him in the ashes

Well, we can make that edible, okay? This is not a some kind of petri dish shit. We're not talking that you can't choose your family, but you can chew your family You can chew your family come on down down and look what's going on here. Oh, look at that. Oh, what's Billy doing up in the kitchen? Oh, he's steaming a, he's, he's steaming a boulder. He's steaming a boulder. I mean, whatever we got to do,

like maybe we, maybe you don't steam it in, in water vapor, maybe you steam it in oil vapor or in like, you know, mercury or something, you know, we'll find a way. Yeah, lasers. You've got to be something with lasers. Yeah. I want to eat a rock.

I mean, I want it to taste good. Yeah. But it might not even see that's the thing. It will also, it won't taste like anything we've ever tasted before. It's a whole, like we're looking through our very narrow, a peephole, like because there's the human range of vision, there's the visible light spectrum, but there's also the tasteable food spectrum. That's right. And we've just been living in that, right? I want to blow that wide open.

Bees can probably taste things that we can't taste. That's what I want to blow that wide open. And bees can probably taste things that we can't taste. That's what I want to do. Well, you know, there's those parrots that's somewhere in Africa that eat all this clay so that they can eat other seeds. Yeah. Well, fuck the seeds just eat the clay. Hey, what about the clay as an egg?

I mean, you were on the right track. You know, you almost had it, you guys. You found a way to make clay edible by eating it. Camels, they swallow stones so they can grind up food. Why not swallow diamonds so you can grind up stones? Exactly. Inedible is just a limitation that we put on ourselves. Yeah. The word inedibles for people who don't believe in themselves. It's just another way of saying, I'm a scared little boy.

What would be the thing, the first thing, if you could eat anything, what would be the first thing that you would want to eat? Light. Light? I thought about part of the sun. That was the first thing that I thought about. I'd love to eat light. Just taste, you know, like sunrise. Oh, that would be good. That was the first thing that I thought about. I'd love to eat just eat like, just taste, you know,

like sunrise. Oh, that would be good. That would be so good. Yeah, yeah, okay. Well, I mean, I guess then time. Oh, if you could eat time. Come on down, we're cooking up tall. I'm telling you what, this has been

sly cooking for three billion years. Since the door of itself Oh, don't you worry come this is a really bad ad Because I mean he doesn't sound like it's a high class No, no, but he also sounds like somebody who just might He just might like I you know, he's just so far outside of the people who would normally be doing this sort of thing that I'm willing to believe He's you know, I don't have time to slow down. We're cooking. We're cooking I want an outsider. I want an outsider. I mean we've been moving away from physical objects and energy and we're moving into emotions and concepts I mean have you ever seen somebody eat architecture?

And I'm not talking about a building. Obviously we did that in our last ad. But I mean, eating like Anne Frank's house, just even a sliver. Yeah. What would that mean to you? Just even a sliver. Yeah. What would that mean to you?

Yeah, no, I mean, you're absolutely right though. Like it's such a, you know, much like being able to swim around in your grandpa from the first sketch, it's just such a moreense and unique and intimate way to experience something you probably feel such a a deeper connection Yeah, I mean, that's beautiful. Yeah, that's five sketch ideas. Oh, is it yeah, oh geez, that happened so fast We got three words for my listener well and Thank you so much listeners for You listeners for sending in your words. Yes. It's supporting us in every way.

So, these are Patreon supporters who sent in these three words. And that's wonderful and kind and generous and beautiful that they do that. And we are so grateful. We're so grateful. Speaking of, we have also, as we may have mentioned in the previous podcast, just added a new tier to our Patreon, where there are two bonus episodes. The Overflow Tank, we're calling it. The Overflow Tank is the tier. It's $8 a month and it gets two extra podcasts per month,

but they're kind of slightly different podcasts. One is two in the side tank, which is where we come up with potentially five ideas on any other topic, other than sketches. The first episode, we came up with sitcom ideas, but if you're a Patreon supporter and you wanna get in touch and suggest something else that we could come up with ideas for, we'll do it.

We'll do it, God damnit. We're absolutely into it. And then that first podcast, this on sitcoms, created a spin-off podcast, offer that one called Two in the sitcom tank, where we've taken some of those ideas and we've started to develop the idea and see if we can create a pilot out of that idea. So every month there's going to be a new two in the side tank, and two weeks later there's going to be a new two in the side tank and two weeks later there's going to be a new two in the sitcom tank. A new tits, and a new tits.

So get on that. Now today's words come from Jason. I don't believe I have his last name, but I believe we interact with him a lot on Twitter. Yeah, I believe his Twitter handle is Nest Wyoming. Whoa, let's hope this is the right guy. I hope so. His three words are taxes, waiting, chores. These are really good, good solid words.

That's right. I feel like Jason might be the first guy who hasn't tried to fuck us with this. Which in a way, by not trying to fuck us, I think he's fucking us. Oh Jason, you bastard. You dirty dog. You're sneaking. Mungrel. You've stripped away out of Fedsor's Jason.

And we left Bayer and Naked on the beach. You know, like we've crawled up with nothing. That first fish that crawled out of the ocean really had such a blank slate. And can I say bravo? Oh, absolutely. I mean, can I say bravo? Oh, absolutely. I mean, can I say bravo? Uh, potentially.

Is it for a man, a woman? I don't know. Or maybe it was like a unisex thing. The capit. Was it a fish that's those split? Did fish ever split? Fish, fish split. Do they split?

Yeah, this man, a, man, fish and lady fish. No, but I mean, no, like, are there fish that are, like, cells that split into two? Absolutely not. Definitely not. There's no way that is a thing. Is a neg a single cell? Yes. And does an egg ever split?

Could an egg in a shell, like a chicken egg? Is that a chicken egg? Could you do anything to that where it would split into two eggs? Into two eggs. Well, you can get identical twins. you know, you can get two yolks. Oh, I'm not talking about that. I'm not talking about that. No, I'm talking shell on, split forms new shell.

No. All right. So what are we going to do? Taxes. Waiting. Chores. Yeah, I mean, what if unlike, because we've talked previously on the podcast

about how you have an emotional tax return, right? Where you have to also account to the government for all your sort of the emotional cost that you put on those around you. Yeah. What about, like, it's interesting that tax time is something that only happens once a year. Right.

I mean, for businesses maybe it happens. Probably, I don't know. What's a quarter or something like that? I have an ABN, I'm signed up for the GST. Are you signed up for GST? I don't know what it involves. Yeah. And I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing about it.

I'm probably in a lot of trouble. I don't know. I don't know if I've been claiming it or anyway. That's that's for me to deal with. At some point. But is it is there something in the idea of that like taxes are sure? What if we only had what if what if every chore? There was just like one time a year when you were expected to do it, you know, like have a bath or sweep the house or visit your parents. You know, it's the end of the financial year, but what if we also had the end of the filth year or the end of the family year. It occurred to me today that the idea of a routine could kind of be rather than a daily thing.

You could really split it up maybe over a yearly thing. So that your routine would start January 1st and end December 31st. So you're getting dressed up until sort of the end of March? Well, you could just take, I mean, I wasn't necessarily suggesting that you spend a year to do one day. This is an amazing art piece, right? We break up the year so that it is representative of a day. And we spend, we work

out all the fractions or whatever, and we spend the first, however many months in our pajamas, and then we spend a couple of months eating breakfast, and then we spend so many months working and then like, you know, so many months having lunch. Yeah. Then sort of around three, three at PM, which I suppose would be sort of like October. October or maybe like, yeah, yeah, September, October. You start getting quite sleepy and you just kind of are in a sleepy state for a while. I guess suppose you give yourself some, you'd sedate yourself a little bit maybe. I think we have to, I think you would still within the cycle of, you know, the 24 hours

cycle. I want to keep this realistic, I'll just say. Within the cycle of a 24 hour day, the traditional 24 hour day, you would still need to eat and you would need to sleep, just to survive in our art piece. But we do all of that still in the mode of... Yeah. Well, maybe we could just sustain ourselves somehow using intercontrovina's injection. Well, or... Yes. Or just to really make this complicated. Okay, yeah. So you're doing what you've said throughout the year. Yes. However, every day that you spend, you live that like it's a year. And so during the day, you celebrate, you know, Australia day and then you celebrate Easter.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And you have, you know, Christmas in July. And, you know, you're just, you're just a Queen's birthday. Queen's birthday, you know, your own birthday. You know, your family members birthday. Family members, the grand final day. And then Christmas. I think this is great.

And we're, what are we doing? It's the short attention span that everybody has, I think. So what we've decided to do is just to compress and every year is gonna be a day now. But every, but one day, one year is gonna be. One big day. One big day. So it's a comment, obviously it's gonna be a comment.

It's gonna be on the short attention span that we have, but also the loss of productivity that comes from the short attention span. Really, you're taking your way longer to do everything, to do one through one day and do it properly, but you're also experiencing everything because it's just flashing by and things like that. Maybe that would just be in the room that you're also experiencing everything because it's just flashing by and things like that. So maybe that would kind of, that would just be in the room that you're in

and things would sort of come up at some point. It'd be, wee, happy new year. You know, and then you go through, start working or you start eating cereal. All day you have to eat cereal for like months. Yeah, and it's all day. If you're in the breakfast mode, like, like you are there's no breaks between

You just meals. You're just reading newspapers. You know you're you're doodling Things like that you know here Your phone and then there's a big art project It's a it's a it's a great I think it's great though. It's really um look. I don't think it's profound It's a great, I think it's great though, it's really, look, I don't think it's profound, but if I did, I'm sure I could convince someone else that it was, you know? It's one of those ideas. If you're the kind of person who wants to find something in that, oh, it's in there, it's all in there, it's chocolate with it.

The trouble is, is that I absolutely would dedicate a year in my life to doing something like that. Just because. Yeah, you would win was the last time you dedicated a year of your life to anything. I know. I know, but I mean, I've dedicated my life to this podcast. My whole life really is just all I am now. I work so that I can support myself so that I can have at least enough free time so that I can do this podcast. Andrew. Lift to pod.

Lift to pod. Pod life. Lift to pod. Teachers will be on sale soon. There are some, there are going to be some t-shirts. Yeah, I think so. We're thinking about, you know, there are going to be some t-shirts. Yeah, I think so. We're thinking about, you know, we've got a new logo for the podcast, so we're thinking about turning that into a t-shirt.

We're probably just going to red bubble the stuff. I think that's probably the simplest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Red bubble there. And then we might also make another one that I'm not comfortable with. Andrew here is not on board necessarily, but I think it would be nice if we could get some kind of nice looking, abstracted cloaca, just like a pencil drawing one, kind of classic, you're classic like, you know,

biological diagram of a cloaca. And then underneath it says the cloaca. Official law office of the two in the think tank podcast. And I think that there's people who would, you know, support the podcast. Like, I think some people want to, are not unhappy about having both a drawing of a cloaca and the word arifus on their chest. Because it's too easy to support things these days. You know, like if we provided you with an attractive t-shirt and we will,

that'll be the one with the logo on it. It's very nice, beautiful logo. Then sure you can use that, but then what are you really sacrificing? A small amount of money, but not your dignity. Not friendships. We give you a really unpleasant t-shirt that's going to put people off. Then we know you really like the show. Yeah. I mean, you know, if you, we absolutely do not require you to show people that you like the show, that this can be, and I can't imagine it be anything but a guilty pleasure.

A shame shit. Yeah, or even a guilty just barely enjoyer. But imagine you could wear that under things, right? You wear that T-shirt under something. Then you've got a power over everyone. You know something that everybody else doesn't know. That's right. Some kind of surprise. Sort of like a money day.

A money day. Happy money day. Under your shirt. Is that an idea? Does it cover off our taxes, waiting and chores? Look, I know what an art project is not necessarily a sketch, but if you did a character piece about a person who's doing a project like this? I think we absolutely couldn't. And I think that's something that like Mr. Show would do.

One of my favorite sketch shows. Yeah. So I think that works for me. Okay, great. Well, I would aspire to be as good as them. Let's do it. All right. Today's pod, today's sketches are family member Petri Dish. They're not gone.

They're not gone. They're, they just continue to live on through their micro bacteria and their regular size bacteria. Yeah, and I'm sorry, I brought in the shit thing. What was the shit thing? I don't know how you shit yourself when you die. That's okay. I think that's fine. That's really early in the question.

I don't think it's bad. The idea of also getting a vehicle transplant from your dead relatives. Okay, great. I think that's a great way to honor them. Yeah. And what I didn't finish earlier, because I said the peak trigger, the idea of, you know, you try to buy celebrities, peatry dish online, and then they sell it to you and they

tell you it's Pete Zeiger. But it turns out it's just like some, you know, it's a pig. It's like a pig tree dish. But you know, but you still, like, it doesn't matter. It just means something to you. The important thing is that it feels like you've got a piece of sugar, a piece of trigger. Then we have the new surprise party,

which is, because surprise parties aren't surprising anymore, because anytime you approach a birthday, you know. And it's nobody's talked, especially if nobody's already organized. Like if you aren't aware that people are organizing you a birthday and it's a big birthday and you have friends, like you have the kind of like friends who probably do do this kind of thing, then it's like, it's probably more surprising if they don't have a surprise birthday. Yeah, it's more of a...

What's the kind of like when you kind of... you trudge through days? It's like a monotony birthday. What I think would be a great surprise birthday would be if your friends got together and had a party around you, but you didn't even realize. Oh, but also they didn't acknowledge you and nobody ever made eye contact with you. Yeah, great. So like they're all secretly eating cake, right? Sneaking off to have drinks in another room, right? Like all around you. This is all going on. And then like weeks go by and then

somebody says, oh by the way, had a great time at your birthday. Sneaky birthday. Yeah. You had no fucking idea. I'll tell you what was that like be called. It's like a sneaky, I mean that's a, it's still a surprise.

Because I mean, you'd be surprised it's already had. Oh yeah. Yeah. But also the idea that it is a surprise birthday, but people don't jump out when you arrive. It's just happening when you arrive, and everybody, nobody acknowledges, they just act like you're dead.

So like you're not there. Oh wow, but they just, and they're just talking, they could be talking by the way, they're just talking to each other, and nobody acknowledges your presence like that. And so it's just you'll be surprised by a really interesting new experience where you kind of, you feel really,

like some people really thought about you because they've had a birthday for you, but you're all alone. It's like you're Patrick Swayze and Ghost. You're just walking around trying to get people's attention and you just can't. Is this crazy? But then, are they talking about you?

Are they talking, so, because they might actually be talking about you like you're not there. And really that's the greatest gift of all, isn't it? That's what you want. It's like to be able to like hear what people think about you. And maybe they'll even like the fact that people would talk about you when you're not around is the most.

That's the best. Beautiful thing. Yeah. And and especially reason to get into comedy. That's right. And and especially at your birthday because if they're not talking about you at all at your own birthday. Sure. Well, you know, well, you know, and then that's that's spooky. That's scary. That's the saddest thing. Yeah. But then again, it's hard to make small talk. You know, you just got to go with what you can do. You can do it. That's something. Yeah.

And then we got Guy who asks for money instead of retirement party. You know, he stands up, he explains what he wants. That's not super funny, but I don't know. I don't know. I think we could make it, you know, like we'd have to really bash it out. I mean, like, yeah, it's the kind of funny that would win Tropfest. But it's not actually funny. Sure, yeah, absolutely.

I mean, it might need some kind of twist at the end. Maybe he has to end up paying everybody to come because it actually, it's actually pretty boring and they were only coming because there was gonna be go-carding. Sure, sure. Because why would you? I guess if especially was after hours.

Mm. I mean, I guess if especially was after hours. Mm. I mean, I guess that could just be the surprise is that he does get money, but then nobody actually comes. That's fun. And he's made his own banners and everything like that. And he's standing there with his glasses, soda water. You know what I mean?

But then he's got the money, so he's happy. Well, but is he? Yeah. But. That's our thesis in sketch number one. Yeah, I know, but but this way it's almost like one of those your wish came true. Is that what you really wanted? Whereas this is just money is thrust upon you. Okay, I see what you mean. Because now there's that there's an element of his own free will that's created the situation. Now

he's not coming back to work the next day. This is his last experience at work. It's probably still okay though. Well, it's up to him. That was 40 years of his life. You only get one final retirement. Yeah, I know, but like you've been there 40 years, that means that statistically speaking, everyone that you started work with

and you have a real connection with is already retired, right? So it's just young people. It's just new people who are gonna continue after you're gone and not remember you. And you don't, what do you get out of them? Nothing. I just had one of those moments where I felt like I was close to death again.

And I'm like, oh my God, my life is gone. And I, what have I done? What have I achieved? It shouldn't be a retirement party where everyone who's at your work comes and says goodbye, it should be a welcome to retirement party where all the people who've left work have a party to welcome you in because that's much more positive. Yeah, but. And you get into hanging out with your actual friends. Yeah, but what about instead of that,

if you just got the money that they were going to sell? Oh, that's even better. Or both. Yeah, for both those parties. I'm just taking the money I would have had from all the birthday parties and I think this is a kid really early on. Just said it. That's what happens. You flashed it back to early on. You were a kid for life.

And he was a kid. I've always done this and then it flashes back. Yeah. I'm very rich now. I mean, when I talked about what would be a funny place for that to go, it's children's birthdays. You know, like the asking for, we just like money instead. Yeah. Like a five year olds birthday where he just wants money or his parents want

money or whatever it is. All that time and money that you would have spent on these these these treat bags that your other kids are going to be taking home. Give me the money that your time is worth. And the petrol that you were spent coming because you also won't be attending. Yeah. Be seated. And we'll invest that for our child. But unfortunately, that's not the idea we wrote down, Andy. And so that idea will just now float off into the wind. Then we have a cafe sale of raw materials for extra dollars. Again, it's just huge industries, finding ways of making way more money for things

and selling it to sucker. The market. Sucker fucks like me. I think this is good in that, like we see this in the boardroom. We talk about, you know, of this huge mining company, and they talk about their profit margins, and then they talk about like what other kinds of profit margins people are making, like the people who sell cotton, raw cotton,

to things as ornaments. Yeah. And I'm like, well, we, we dredge silt. Yeah, just buckets of silt. Well, just come here, get a bucket of silt. $78 for a bucket of silt. Yeah, did a good bucket? Well, it's good silt.

People just put that in their cafe. Some of these are not necessarily sketch ideas, are they? That's a sketch idea. That's a sketch idea, right? That's closer. Eat anything restaurant. Down on down. Come on down.

First you see it's just an ad. Come down and eat anything restaurant. We're not fucking around. You're going to bloody eat anything. You want to eat a key? It's key. We got the key of the city. All you can eat.

The mayor was very impressive. What do I do? He's giving me the key to the city. All you can eat. Well, Maya, the Maya was very impressive. What are our deadies giving me the key to the city? Come round to our restaurant, you can eat that. All right. Right, we found a way, we pushed, we put a lot of past plasma through there. No worries, come on down. It's like taste like nothing you've ever had before.

See, all you can eat restaurants, they're misleading, because really it's all the food you can eat. Yeah, it's not all you can eat. No, anyway. Next thing. And then we got one day in a year and one year every day. That's our the art project. It's very deeply artistic this episode. Yeah, look, you know, I think it's important to have a...

It's an art episode. It's the art episode. This one, you know, much like we're talking about... Art episode. Food from things that aren't food. This one's comedy from things that aren't necessarily funny. Yeah. The end. Come on down to the tone, I think, tank podcasts, we're making sketch out ears, add up things that you never thought would have thought were funny because they're not... A-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g-dang, g- on Twitter, I mean on iTunes, or even better. Or even better than you. Yeah. But also the people who've been interacting with us on Twitter. But also the people who don't even, you know,

interact in any way. They don't make a peep, you know what? Because they love in such a pure way. Yeah. And some of it, they just barely like in such a pure way. I love that. They tolerate it. They tolerate it in a way that is so pure.

So pure and so unintrusive into the lives of others. It's so great to hear. That's a real gift. Yeah, and so thank you to everybody for all of them. If you don't enjoy this podcast and you listen every week. Oh my God. You are such a good person. Thank you so much.

Because you can't all like it. Surely not everybody who listens to this likes this. Yeah, and like that is you're doing the best thing of all. But thank you for not reviewing us on iTunes if that's the case. Yeah, that's the case. We really appreciate it. By the restraint. If you can encourage other people who don't like it

to continue listening, that's also great. That's also good. And we can be found on Twitter. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. I'm at two in tank and at Alistair TV. We are two in tank. If you would like to support us on Patreon, there is a link in the show notes and you can find it. You can just Google us on Patreon. And there's new levels. It's just, oh boy, it's very exciting. It's getting crazy.

We're getting, this is a much bigger podcast than it used to be. It's a, it's as of like last week, this is an empire now. This is an empire now. This is the Ottoman Empire, Potomain Empire. Very good, El.

And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money

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