Two In The Think Tank - 137 - "HIT THE GRIT"

Episode Date: June 26, 2018

Big Lumber, Cannibal Inventor Twig Teleport, Hyper Social Confinement, Sand Mouth Kids, Retrofish, Socialised Bribery, STDP, Pubic ParkYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereA thanks, a thanks, my kingdom for a thanks to George Matthews for producing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Progressive casualty and trans company in Affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. Discount's not available in all safe and situations. visit PlanetBroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Do do do it, oh, oh, oh, oh. Now, Alistair, that's Alistair that I'm talking to. Yes.

There you are. Hello. And I'm Andy. I'm the one talking. Hello. No, that's going to confuse people. I was saying hello to Andy. All right, well, I think that was a great episode.

You've been listening to the thing thing. The podcast will be coming up with five sketch ideas. I'll sketch ideas. Oh, look, I mean, really should be, you know, for you or I can just have one good laugh. You know, that's enough. What's that for a day? You know, I just go back to sleep. I just want to be like one of those bands who are like, you know, we were just doing what

we liked. We were just making music that we liked. Yeah, Ellie, if anyone was interpreting this podcast as us pandering anyone but ourselves, they would be instantly locked up and flown to the most maximum security mental institution. Flood, because I assume it's overseas or something. Is it an island? It's not even legal to lock up people in the way that they're going to have to lock this person up. In this country, it's not legal.

Wow, so it's like an international waters kind of a thing. They're going to put them in the Cayman island somewhere where you hide dark money and people with dark beliefs such as this part, the two and a think tank podcasts are pandering to the public. I mean, I like this idea, right? I like the idea of people who are so unfit to be a part of society, right, that like even our normal standards of extraordinary rendition or CIA black sites aren't sufficient, right?

Because even like a lawless wasteland, it still feels like there are some things that govern human behavior, right? Mob mentality? Mob mentality, those kinds of things, those are the base laws that even as you've stripped everything else away, what are you left with? Mob mentality, and kinds of things, those are the base laws that even as you've stripped everything else away, what are you left with? Mob mentality and then tiredness. Fires, yeah, sticks and stones. Yep, those things.

Yeah. Right. And the laws of physics. Laws of physics. And I think that, you know, really, if we want to isolate people, get the truth out of them, whatever it is that we're planning to do. It needs to be in some kind of an end-dimensional, hyperspace prison. Because it's bad for, you know, you want to solitary confinement.

People who are dangerous. That's not my name. Let's put every individual electron in their body in its own potential well trapped in some kind of separate each molecule. Where they can't even work together to do the evil that they would do in a solitary confinement. You know, just mulling. Because that's what they would do, right?

They would just mull, probably come up with a plan for when they're no longer in solitary confinement. Whereas this way, they can't even talk to each other. Are we trying to keep them alive despite this? Or are we just... Oh, I think it would be inhumane otherwise. Absolutely. So we're just coming up with an elaborate way to split them up into subatomic particles, Or we just, oh, I think it would be inhumane otherwise. Absolutely. Yeah.

So we're just coming up with an elaborate way to split them up into subatomic particles. Yes. Put them each in their own chamber. Yeah. A chamber where those subatomic particles can't even move freely in a comfortable way. Even quantum entanglement doesn't occur. Because quantum entanglement is a form of collusion. I would say you're...

Floating. Yeah, absolutely. And Alice said you said mull right? Uh, his mulling is great if it's wine, mulled wine. Mmm, absolutely. I mean if that's what they were doing in solitary confinement., steeping in honey and spices. Mmm, that's right, some cloves. Yeah. Which actually has a numbing effect, much like a prison. Mmm. Cloves?

Have you ever used cloves? Into like, you can bite down on a clove and it'll, it'll, it'll, it'll, It has a little anaesthetic effect. And it's the thick effect in your mouth. Yeah, right. Well, I think cloves are probably the worst of the herbs and spices.

Really? Yeah. There are even the worst of the herbs. Yeah. Yeah. But they're so they're like they're worse than a category they don't even belong to. So they're definitely a spice out there.

There's no chance that a clove is a herb. Well, I feel like herbs are pretty leafy. Clovis is close to wood as you can get, right, without being wood, right? Yeah, I mean, sure, sure. I mean, it gives me hope that one day we will be able to eat wood as we've kind of said that we were hoping to.

One day. One of the long-term goals of the podcast is to sort of prepare society for a time in the future in which we can eat wood. Just eat wood. You know, like we've been paid off by big wood. Mm, huge wood. Huge wood.

Big lumber. Yes, timber. And we are just laying the groundwork. We're just seeding those ideas. Like those message boards, where like the ideas behind pizza gate were sort of fermented, right, assembled together

in these sort of deep, dark, alt-right, web forums, people sort of assembling conspiracy theories until like it reached a point where like there was enough critical mass for it to be disseminated into the world. Where that, but for eating wood. For eating wood. Yeah. We're the deep state of eating wood. We're trying to undermine the current paradigm of food consumption. Yeah. Well, you know, that's just another kind of prison. It's just another way in which the

society in which we live, if you can call it living, is keeping us down. You know, eating wood. I mean, imagine how free we would be. If we could eat wood. If we could eat wood. Twigs. Twigs, anything. It just lies around on the ground.

Beavers do it. Beavers do it. Birds do it. Woodpecker's do it. Woodpecker's do it. Right. Right. And yet, we're somehow told that we can't. And when we say it, we mean eat wood. Eat wood.

When every time on this podcast that we've said the word it, we meant eat wood. It's always meant eat wood. You go back, you listen the through from the beginning. And every time we say it, it would. Yeah. I think, look, I think this says, I know I've just written down the word eat wood conspiracy. And I know it's a topic that has come back up. Although it's a very recent topic.

I think there's a reason it keeps coming back up, I list it. It's because it's important and it's real. And it's, and yeah, and we're introducing it slowly. It's like the number 23. Mm-hmm. Yeah. there's something going on. Does Jim Carrey movie in it? Yeah. Yeah. Jim Carrey in Eatwood, right? Let's look at it. It sounds right. He goes into a teleportation machine

Right much like the fly. Yeah, but unbeknownst to him, there's also a behavior in there. There's a twig in there. Okay. He's a cannibal, right? Yes. He's a cannibal who is just going into a teleportation machine, right? He's just going into a teleportation machine. That's all it is.

Right. No big deal. No, he's a cannibal inventor. Okay. He's a cannibal inventor who Okay, he's a cannibal inventor who's developing a teleportation machine. Could this sentence be any more to the thing tech? It doesn't matter.

All right, he's a cannibal inventor. Let us never be said that we're not pandering to a broad audience, but to the narrow audience who loves this podcast, no sentence has been more like tailored to their interest. Absolutely, Andy, you're uncovering another conspiracy, which is the conspiracy. the narrow audience who loves this podcast. No sense has been more like tailored to their interest. Absolutely. Andy, you're uncovering another conspiracy, which is the conspiracy, which we've spent a long time denying.

I mean, we spent a long time justifying that these people are not only going into solitary confinement, but subatomic solitary confinement. Anyway, so a cannibal inventor goes into his teleportation machine that he's testing out, which until recently, he was just trying to teleport kindling, just to see whether he could get some organic matter through. Kindling. Kindling.

Right? So, he teleports, he doesn't realize there's a twig there left a twig. There's a twig Right, so he teleports he His DNA fuses with the DNA of the plant of the of that wood of the oak Yeah, mighty oak tree twig twig of my oak twig right he comes out He feels fine. He doesn't realize something has happened yet. Yeah.

Until slowly with surely, right? He's, he starts, yeah, he's got a stiffness about it. But he had gone for a run the day before. Hadn't stretched. Hadn't stretched. It's not that crazy that he would be, you know? Even for him, a scientist. A scientist.

A man who's meant to notice unusual things and draw connections. In this context, no alarm bells are ringing. He certainly doesn't think there's a paper in it at this stage. No. But little does he know there's some paper in him in a manner of speaking, because paper is also made out of wood. Slowly but surely, he starts to show signs of woodiness. Yes.

He's acting not as good as it was before. His voice, a little more tombrow, if you know what I'm saying. A sort of a thick outer crust starts to build on the outside of his legs and arms, right? Squirrels. Squirrels. Flocking to open holes on his body. Yes, and Barry and Barry, the acorns that have fallen off of his fingers. And slowly he starts to put these clues together.

Okay. There's no fool. Anyway, the stiffness, no, as we say, no alarm bells. While this is happening, he gets a rumbly in his tumbling, right? He gets a little hungry. The man is a cannibal. All right? He no longer just eats man because he's no longer just a man.

He's a cannibal. He's not just eating human flesh. He's into eating whatever he is. So because he's changed, he can only eat man oak hybrids. And the only version of that that exists. Is him, is him. Now, I imagine what this man's going through, right? He's just an ordinary cannibal,

and suddenly he wants to eat- Cannibal inventor. A cannibal. He's just an ordinary cannibal inventor. Suddenly he wants to eat wood. Yeah. He must be like, what is happening to me? Yeah.

Like that. Oh, sorry. That's something in my throat. What's happening to me? What's happening to me? Excuse me. That was a very weird moment. He starts crying during the song from Little Things Big Things Grow. Yeah.

Is that about trees at all? It sounds like it. It sounds like it's about trees. If it's not, it's definitely a metaphor about trees. It's already a very emotional song. Again, this one probably doesn't raise alarm bells because he's, anyone could cry during that song. It's quite powerful.

But the tears that come out red thick sap Oh my god come and get trapped in and then over millions of years Form amber and then DNA can be extracted extracted to make dinosaurs Human Oh my god. Oh my god. Ah! Ah! And he was yelling so far from the mic,

and I'm still crackling. Anyway, such a fun time, because this riff, Cut2, Cut2, he's got everything I like in it. It's achievable, it's relatable. No, but what it is, Andy, is we're creating now. This is 25 million years from now it's a movie set 25 million years from now where they're trying to it's whatever the dominant species is at the time yes it's trying to bring back humans right they find the sap they they find this mosquito inside the sap on this tree, right? Little do they know.

It's a man tree, right? And what they're bringing back is this cannibal inventors DA. And all their humans that they're populating their their island amusement park. Yeah. Cannibal inventors. At first, they They're just walking around but then they start to disappear Where did they go? They're relating each other? No, I mean maybe that could be something explain some of it the other Explanation though, but then they explain some of it. They do the math. They do the math They work out the calculations even if these were all cannibal inventors That would only account for some of the disappearances. Yes. What about the... There's an X-Pactor.

Yeah. What about the last? Why is the last one in every cage disappearing as well? They can't possibly be eating themselves. No, they're turning into complete trees with a man stuck inside forever. The trees... The last one in each cage is disappearing the cages are full of trees Well, you know, not they weren't they weren't you know What's what's that thing? We're you know the government sends out a document. We all have to like fill out the document to tell them who we are Yeah, they're not doing a tree census in there

No, no like they didn't even think about keeping track of the trees They just got a landscaper in they They might even be blind to trees. They have all of the people who work in this place have tree blindness. They're not people, though. Oh, that's right. I know, but they're considered themselves people. Oh, they don't consider us people.

No, no, no. You know, they're the people version of whatever they are. People is not human-specific. All right, so you write that down and I have two ideas. Okay. Okay. So you're ready for this. Yeah. Okay. I mean, there's no way you could be. You've got to write down approximately 16 pages of garbage. But I'll carry on. Right. Number one, excuse me. Number one, solitary confinement.

Isn't it interesting that the majority of human beings we are kept in check by society. It's the presence of society in the social contract that stops us from contributing those norms, those more raised, and doing bad things, right? But if somebody does some bad stuff, we put them in solitary confinement, where there is far away from society as possible, and there's nothing to, like, constrain them. Yeah. Really, I don't think we should have solitary confinement. I think we should have, like, I think we should have like the opposite. We should have hypersocial freedom, right?

Where you are like so intensely surrounded by society too late, so that you can't do anything wrong. Right. Instead of solitary confinement, we put you in charge of a crash, a children's play center Wow, well, you're you know on the front line no matter what your crime was that you committed no matter the crime But then but is

Does society control you? By having you in charge of people that are much weaker than you? I by having you in charge of people that are much weaker than you? I mean, it's a theory. I think that's one theory. I feel like a kid who's acting out, you might find really they just need some responsibility, to feel in charge, to control. So you've got a violent criminal an anti social lunatic

Maybe it's just they don't feel like they have any responsibility put them in charge of children's play center That's look. I mean, it's crazy enough It's crazy enough to maybe work or go really wrong Okay, well, maybe it's not intense enough. We cover them. We strap the kids to their bodies. Okay. So they're covered in like a dress made of children. Yeah. A layer.

A layer of the most vulnerable in society. And I feel that that responsibility will be the demonstration of faith in them that they needed. Say, look, we trust you. Yeah. Okay. Sure you've done some bad things, but we're giving you a second chance. More than that, right?

Where, we're putting you in a situation whereby every action that you take could cost several lives. Yeah, right. Right? You're a violent lunatic. Here's the nuclear launch button. Just to prove, that's what they do in Denmark. This is how they would do it.

Yeah, here's all the launch buttons for all the nuclear arsenals in the world. Here's the one remaining vial of smallpox, the smallpox disease. Yeah, right. And also the main air conditioning intake for a... The world building? The world building. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I think there's something in this. Yeah.

Right. Well, I think initially what I was captured by was just that how walls can do the job of a society, you know, by just keeping you out of trouble. Yep. You know, because sometimes, but then sometimes where society fails, walls really can succeed. Totally. They can stop you from hurting other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then I thought, well, when you said,

what about we go the other way? And then I thought, what if the cage was made of people? That's really good. Yeah. So then you're still kind of contained. Yes. But then I just, I couldn't 100% see how, you know, being strapped, having children strapped who was necessarily straight away changed you.

I guess it depends. I guess, do you think there's an element in which you just wouldn't want to have dead bodies attached to your body? I think that's one of the things that We all agree on That that that probably unites us more than anything. Yeah, because it because I guess it's dead weight Dead weight that's true. Actually dead weight. Yeah, stench of death. Nobody likes that. No, they don't like stench of death Do you think even more vulnerable than children is really ripe tomatoes? They're so vulnerable.

So vulnerable, yeah, that's, I mean. But you don't mind having those covered all over your body, because eventually all this white-below. Well, I mean, that's what that's vanished festivals all about, you know. Yeah, that's true. The fact that people don't know. Taking advantage of the vulnerable. Mm, mm. I mean, what is more vulnerable still than that?

I mean, I guess the Bitcoin market. Mm, it seems very vulnerable this stage. Yeah, certain types of like silk, you know, silk clothing, that's a- Especially an individual silk thread. Mm,hmm. But how can we help these criminals? Do you think that these criminals, do you think,

like that is a sketch? I think that is probably a sketch, isn't it? I'm just, I just didn't, I didn't get 100% on board, which is why I don't feel like it was this, but the more I think about it, if I really intellectualize it, I really am enjoying it. Oh great, well you intellectualize the fuck out of it, Elisabeth. As much as you need to intellectualize it to.

Violent. I know we've talked about the way they do things in Denmark on the podcast. Sure. And I'm not sure if this is like the angle that we went to, it's very possible that I'm just repeating word for word, including this and this and this, exactly what we said on the previous podcast

where we talked about the way they do things in Scandinavia. previous podcast where we talked about the way they do things in Scandinavia. And the other thing that I was thinking, Alistair, was a Jurassic Park sort of parody thing. But and I've got no idea about like, how or in what way this could be funny. But I just am interested in, how could we re-engineer a Jurassic Park comedy sketch world but that there's people in the cages? Right? Mm-hmm. Like, who are the people who are in there?

Are they all Richard Edinburgh? Are they all... David Edinburgh. David Edinburgh. David Edinburgh. Are they all fans of the original Jurassic Park? Michael Criteon. Criteon. Are they all Michael Criteon?

Ha! I am interested in... The people outside who've made the park, they're all people. They're all humans, right? But we have then inside the cages, people as well, who've been recreated from DNA, got out of a thing, right? But then I just want us to have exactly the same conversations conversations and debates around it all that we would have about the dinosaurs, but about the people, right? So the discussion of, well, actually they were covered in feathers or they weren't nearly as big as they are.

Even though these people are just walking around wearing clothes, having conversations and stuff, they're in the cage and we talk about them, like we would, about, do you understand what I'm saying? So we're just saying dinosaur things at people. Yes. Yeah. But we're giving it an edge.

It's a funny edge. Yeah, I've looked at funny edge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that. Did I just stop understanding things? Like, do you edge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, look at that. Did I just stop understanding things like do you think? No, no, no, did I, did I start explaining things like I'm a fuckhead? No, no, no, but I mean like like it's not suddenly I just haven't been, I haven't been getting 100% on board on with things and I apologize. Well, no, it could all be because Alistair, you were

writing something down and also the thing, you were writing something down. And also, the thing that you were writing down was one of the most insane ideas that we've ever discussed on the show. And it's either it broke your brain or you were just distracted when I started talking about these things. And then, you know, or I'm talking shit. Well, it kind of also just started making me think about other, like just the idea of kind of going to see people in cages.

Like why? Because you go to the zoo, you see gorillas or something like that, and they're just kind of not doing much like that. And I guess in the same way, it's like you just go see, it's like watching Big Brother essentially, and then there's just people there. But I guess it just made me think about a Big Brother live, so it's essentially just like a stage show. Just it's like they do it.

They take, you know, like, like when something weird to us is a stage show, like, like top gear, when they did a stage show, you're like, what the fuck are they doing? Like, what could they possibly be doing at this stage? They're just revving the engines. Yeah, or jackass. Jackass. Like, I realize, you know, they end up throwing darts at each other's chests or whatever they do did they actually do a stage show? Probably right I'm pretty sure remember the dudes and touring to Australia and one dude

Well, we're talking about Andy dudes and from anyone for tennis, again, I'm not sure if the name was Andrew. I'm not sure, I can't remember now. I think it could have been Andrew. I'm not sure if you're the one who goes by Andy. Oh, that's true. And you guys also look the same. I'm confused. If anybody remembers anyone for tennis, just Google them.

YouTube. Great comedy duo. Yeah, musical comedy. Yes. They were head bands. Yep. They played guitar. Sweat bands. They were comedy. Yes. The Warhead bands. Yep. They play guitar. Sweat bands.

That was right. Yeah. I don't, I can't remember the songs right now. Or, yeah, whenever I try, I can only ever remember Jason English's solo songs from after a year. Yeah, right. Anyway, that's, feels like a distraction. It is, Andy. But like a distraction. It is, Andy.

But like, okay, but is it, I mean, it just feels like it's like a performance art piece where you go to just like a place where people are just living their lives inside a thing but you can sit a bang on the windows and go, do something like that. Like I guess you're kind of going in, you're hoping to watch these people hump or something like that. Yeah, I think a big brother live stage show is valid.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm just sort of putting the mic closer to the front. You just can't just leave me alone. You move the microphone to be in front of my mouth. It's like I'm a child. Yeah, no. I know we can.

Like you're trying, you're always trying to, you're the society that's always just trying to nudge me and push me. You don't understand that I'm a rebel, Alistair. Andy, if I could, and you're not just gonna let me be me. If I could replace me with a series of walls that just held your head in place

and you had the microphone, I would do that. Yeah. But I feel like I would have to get you to build those walls because I'm not that handy. And then I just feel like you wouldn't do it. This podcast is so fucked. This whole episode is fucked. No.

It's fucked. Why? I'm just liking saying fucked. This whole episode is fucked. No. It's fucked. Why? I'm just liking saying fucked. Ha ha ha. I don't know, I don't know, Alistair. I just feel like we've something is broken in my mind. No. Okay, what were we talking about?

The Big Brother Live stage show. Yeah. I want that to be a thing. How can we make that a thing? What was it? What does it need? Okay. Well, the thing is that it could just be you show up and then people just get on stage and start living their lives. Yeah, okay.

They get into a hot tub. Yeah. You know, maybe they get fed drinks. Just like life. It's just life. But on stage. I feel like when they do these stage shows of things like Top Gear or whatever it is, it's like they're going to have to have some scripted banter.

They're probably going to have to have some fireworks or something because you just need to add some kind of stuff to make it a stage show, like take it to the next level. Like somebody goes and flies around on one of those big swing things. So you're saying that this big brother one has to have? I really think they've been injected something into it to make it, you know, pop for the stage. I don't know what they're saying.

Well, I know, but I understand that that's what you would do if you were trying to make it good. Right. Or at least tolerable.. Or at least tolerable. Yeah, at least tolerable. But if people were like, what if instead of like in a big brother house, people were kept in a big brother, like, what's that one of those shipping container? Yeah.

Right. And then you just, a truck comes and drops it off on the stage and then it pulls off one of the walls and you just see them where they're at at this time. Yeah, someone's like an ant farm. Yeah. Could it be filled with sand? Yeah, sure. So what, they're just slowly being crushed and suffocating and... Do you think that if we had, like just a tall,

like essentially like a skyscraper, filled with sand, that humans could build a sort of series of tunnels, like the ants do, and just live in there? I don't think so. I think, well, okay, I'll tell you exactly why I'll stay. I think that there is a particle size that you get with sand, right, and I think that there is a particle size that you get with sand, right?

And I think that for a small enough tunnel, that you are probably able to build something that is structurally sound, with the fits with the particle size of sand, right? But I think once you try and build that tunnel to be bigger than like about three centimeters diameter, I think that thing is gonna collapse. The particle size is too small and that's, we're talking collapse town. that tunnel to be bigger than like about three centimeters diameter. Yeah. I think that thing is going to collapse.

The particle size is too small and that's, we're talking collapse town. All right, what about like? And so once you're trying to build tunnels for a human man, that's coming down. Sure, I guess especially if you're living at the bottom. Yeah, or I don't think it matters.

I think any part of that is going to collapse. You know, I know, but imagine living in that, that would be pretty cool, right? You're crawling around in tunnels. You don't think the secret isn't just like, I love it. We all love it. No, but the secret isn't just like putting saliva

on the wall or something like that. I mean, it could be. You know, because I'm feeling like, maybe ants, that's what they're doing. You know, they just, I love how you just poached your tongue out, just a little bit there to just like, help you to conceptualize, licking the wall of the tunnel

of the sand tunnel. But I mean, you know how unpleasant it is when you get sand in your mouth, right? I reckon that is... I like it. No, you don't. That's something I like. No, you don't. You're just saying that because you think it's contrarian.

No, no, actually I genuinely like it. I think this is a great thing for like a teen rebellion. Right. It's like, no, I like having sand in your mouth. I like having sand. Don't put sand in your mouth. You know who doesn't like having sand in your mouth? Old people. Old squares. Old squares. I love having sand in my mouth. But, I like that grittiness. It's a new story. It's like the new teenage trend that's worrying parents. Yeah. Oh, but doesn't it feel gritty? I mean, I just don't think kids should be doing that. Who says gritty is bad?

Yeah. I like gritty. Did you see the dark night, bros? The drowsiness. That was good. Why wouldn't it be good with things in your mouth? It's okay. So it's fine for re-birthing franchisesises and it's bad for your dental health, but

like kids love doing stuff that's bad for your health. Absolutely. Drinking too much, smoking marijuana. Yeah, but they're actually, it's a great way of exfoliating your teeth. Yeah, no one ever talks about that today. And your gum. Sure, I don't have any anna and anaml. You know what I also don't have?

Block. Yeah, or flakes of skin just hanging out. I probably have blocks of good answer there. Thanks. I was too busy starting to say what I was gonna say. What are your dumb examples? Yeah, I know, but dumb is okay. Flakes of skin.

Well that's what they have on your arms. So it's much like, that was my version of your Jurassic Park but with people. You see? So, but instead of Jurassic Park, I had a teenager's mouth. I had a teenager's mouth. And instead of people, instead of dinosaurs,

I don't know why the dinosaurs, the dinosaurs were that your arms And the people were the teeth And then the people visiting the park was the same then what's the park? Hey, what's the park the mouth? The arms are in the mouth Yeah, because that's what I'm saying is that the arms are the teeth. No, well, no, that's where you normally would use exfoliant. You see? Yeah, you're right.

Yeah. Hell is there. When you're right, you're right, and you're right. You're 100% right. All right. It's, can we just write down? The trend of the gritty trend. Yeah, we absolutely can that's a thing right like What else is there for for kids to do how else can you rebel against everything's being done, you know?

I remember when there's like a trend or at least the news was saying there was a trend of like eating tides. Oh, well there's that and then we're licking each other's eyeballs. What? That was a trend. Maybe in Japan or something or just like a way to say hello. I was like it was I think it was somewhere between a hello and a sex thing I think. I think it wasn't 100% sex, you know, you could still, you could still do that and get into heaven, right? Sure, sure, sure. But it was also, you know,

it wasn't entirely non-sexual because it's people... The Bible doesn't mention it. The Bible doesn't mention it. I didn't see a thing yesterday where somebody referred to it. I didn't see a thing yesterday where somebody referred to a part of the Bible. It was Matthew 189 or 918 something like that where he basically says, if your eyes are causing you to sin, pull out your eyes. Then goug it out. Yeah. Yeah. And then which is kind of like that stuff about, you know, like if you're, like rather than kind of people being like, oh, these women got to put on some clothes, this is Jesus saying, hey, if you think that that lady needs to put on some clothes, why don't you just pull out your eyes, you have big dickhead.

I think that's, I mean, I assume he's exaggerating, but like what a great... Mmm. Anyway, I'm a very rarely on these... Like strong positions. That's a strong position. You're very rarely on Jesus's side. Hey, you know me. I mean, I don't...

I don't dig on this Jesus guy. Wow, it's like... This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average and auto customers qualify for an average of seven discounts.

Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com Progressive casualty and trans company in Affiliates, National average 12 month savings of $744 by New Customer Surveid, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. You know, it's like, look, I'm not, I don't use any, like, okay, Steve Jobs probably said a lot of good things, but I think it's his empire now that I see as a reflection of him. And so I kind of see negatively on him because of his apple empire. For most people, this wouldn't be a valid analogy. Train 15-ageers, put in sand in their mouths.

Put in sand in their mouths or in their eyes or whatever it is. I like it. And they're just hanging out down at the skate park or something, putting sand in their mouths. And parents just, you know, it's like Wilson said, parents just don't understand. Yeah, what about like, they just hang out in church putting sand in their eyes and mouths.

Yeah. Because the first of like parents would be like, well, I mean, I'm glad that they're going to church or something, but that's not what church is for. Always in the pews, squatting in the pews, rubbing sand in their mouth and eyes. But it'd be one of those things, it's like smoking. It's not fun the first couple of times, but you look cool,

and that's what gets you in, and then after a while, you're addicted. You just got this little like baggy, like a little zip lock bag filled the sand, and you kind of open it up, and you just dip your eye in it. Yeah. And then you also grab a little sprinkle, and you put a sprinkle in your mouth. And then there's all these teenagers making like YouTube videos of like all these like sand and mouth tricks Yeah, yeah teenagers get unbelievably

Rings they get unbelievably good at things very quickly and suddenly they're like there's like Sand in the mouth competitions on huge stages, you around the world, and this is this competition. People's statuaries come up. There's mouth sand stuff on Twitch. Getting thousands of dollars a month on Patreon. People are spitting sculptures out. Like, just like sculptures. Like they're making their whole neck and head,

a 3D printer using mouth sand. And the police will pull over a kid, fresh him a little bag of sand in the pocket. What's this here? Huh? Yeah, do a trick for us. Is it illegal to have sand in that version? I don't know. Yeah.

No. Sand is banned. There you go. We're going to have to ban sand. What are you going to do, ban sand? What's next, dirt? Hey, if that's what we've got to do to protect the kids, you know? And there'll be all these hippies who are like, you know, sand can actually be, has a lot

of useful properties as well. Like you can melt it down to make glass. And everyone would be like, yeah, right, whatever. You just want to put that straight in your eyeball. You know how, you know, how the ocean is filled with plastic now. Yes. And it seems like it's getting really out of control. Really out of control. And like, if it's out of control. Really out of control, and like,

if it's out of control like now, like it feels like one of those things is just like an exponential problem that by like next year, everything in the ocean will be dead. Yeah, it feels like it's getting pretty bad. It's so bad and it's so depressing. But, and remember how it used to be glass that we would use for like all the, instead of plastic bottles, we would just use glass bottles.

And it's amazing how glass, it's still wound up in the ocean sometimes, which by the way, I have no idea how so much garbage is ending up in the ocean. It's just blowing there. Just blowing. It's those plastic bags. They just blow. No, no, no, there's no way that that's all just blowing. I think that there's like, there have to be places in the world that are dumping things into waterways and the waterways are just flowing into the oceans. Surely.

Oh, okay, so my theory that it was going there on the wind, there's no way. But your theory that things are going there in the water, yes. No, but my thing is not like, my thing involves countries dumping things into waterways and then it flows out into the oceans. Yours I imagine involves just discarding things

on the ground and then it blows out. I look, I do accept that some stuff gets in there that way. Like two or three pieces a year. I just don't think that's the main way things are getting there. You're saying the waterway. I'm saying the waterway. I'm talking skyway. Is there a way that are dumps?

I wonder if also you know how there's this huge international trade in garbage like recyclables and that sort of thing. So we're shipping off recyclables to China to be recycled. And then you just dump that at sea. I mean, I don't know which way the money is flowing. I don't know if they're buying the recyclables off us or if we're paying them to take them away. Yeah. But if we're paying them to take them away, you know where the money is, you just drive out into the ocean,

you just dump it all and then you come back and get another load. It's what we're just sweeping stuff under the carpet, but it's not a carpet. It's a waterway. It's a big wet waterway, big wet wobbly waterway. What I was gonna say was just that glass, when we were using that, it would wind up in the ocean still.

But then, it would just show up on the beach, and all the broken glass would have been just sort of worn down. All the sharp edges were worn down and just kind of made nice rocks, and it just went really well with the beach. Yeah. You had to go back to glass. Sometimes I'd even collect those bits. I'd be like, that's cool. I'm not doing that with a bit of plastic, bit of glad wrap. Oh, there's a little bit of plastic bag there. That's cool.

I like the way that's sort of been tapped. There's a lot of stuff. It's not because of shipping. We didn't want to ship things because the glass was too heavy to ship. Yeah. I think we got to go heavy to ship. Yeah. We got to go back to glass. And now we're also drinking stuff and probably chemicals from the plastic, not that I actually even really all that worried about chemicals from plastic.

Well, is there a sketch in this? There's a sketch of the things to come, you know, there's a rough outline of the the nightmare hellscape that we've made for ourselves in the future. It's going to be a really interesting 10 years. I mean, there's going to be like something that's going to be done in the next four or five years. There's going to be something that's going to be done, but like, doesn't it just feel like the politics has like also reached this crescendo of like insanity and more and more people who are like diametrically opposed to doing anything.

Yeah, our in power. Yeah. You're like, oh, this is a really great time to have people totally lose faith in politics. People who actively hate government to be in power and experts and scientists to be disrespected and in fact treated as the enemy. This is a great time for all of that stuff.

We should do. We should just start paying off people right now to stop being fishermen. Yes. And that way we can stop caring about the oceans. See? So all the money that we would spend on trying to fix the ocean,

we just spend it on fishermen retraining them to do something else with their life. Yeah. Right? So then we're future-proofing ourselves. Because we don't need to worry about the oceans anymore. Because, or else these people, these people are gonna be like in 20 years,

gonna be like, oh, why didn't we do anything about the ocean? And this way, we'll be like, we did. We paid you to not worry about it anymore. We paid you to stop going into the ocean and making your life that way. Right? So now you're doing something else, so don't worry about it.

Yeah. I mean, that makes sense to me. Maybe if there's like a 500 tax on plastic bags or something, and then that money goes to fishermen to not worry about the ocean. Just stop going to the ocean. And also swimmers. Swimmers.

Because people who like to swim in the ocean. Yeah. They're already a bit weird. Mm. Yeah. Like me. Like you, Alistair, a bit weird. Yeah.

Every time you try to go to the ocean for a swim, we just give you two bucks. Two bucks instead. That's it. You go buy yourself an ice cream. Yeah. Maybe a dollar. And that plastic wrapper, don't you worry about what happens to that? Like, maybe like a dollar 30. Something like that.

Right. So it's like a dollar 30. So it's like. Free ice cream. It's yeah. It's like a free ice cream. And maybe a little 10 cents or something for Daddy. For, yeah, like maybe like a, you could get a red frog

or something like that. Right. But that way, it's like a, you could get a red frog or something like that. Right. But that way it's like, it's not really enough to keep going back down to the beach to try to like make money. But it's enough that if you went down to the beach not knowing that you're not allowed to swim anymore in the ocean,

it'd be like, oh, at least I got a dollar 30. Yeah. So it's kind of like a universal micro-bribery, right? Because at the moment, I feel like big corporations, if they want to introduce systematic neglect of an aspect of the environment, they've got to pay off Councillors. They've got to get some sway over politicians. They've got to make these big donations. But I want to disrupt all of that.

I'm going to introduce an app or something like that so that that bribery can go directly to the people. Why does my representative get to be paid off to ignore the condition of the great barrier and reef when I should be the one? It's my great barrier reef. So hey, Adani, $50 a uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, we will literally look the other way. If they just put a really bright light, at the ocean, and then everybody would actually just be forced to look away. Look away.

I think that's a, bribing everyone is a good idea. Right? Like, you know, maybe even a politician comes forward and says, look, I've been offered this much by these guys to get this through Parliament. And I thought, that's wrong. That's not fair. But what I am going to do is I'm going to share that with all of you. Yeah. I'll be nice. So don't worry, we're all going to get something out of this. That would be nice. So vote for me. And I'd be like, all right.

I get the Coke brothers. Yeah. Come on, and let's be fair. They're the Koch brothers. Koch, Koch. Koch. Koch. Koch brothers. Koch. A bright, A-O-C-H-E.

It's just bringing socialism to bribery. Yes, socialize corruption. Mm. And this is really trickle down. It's like, yeah, it's the greater amount of people. Was that thing that greater good for the greatest amount of people? Yeah, for the greatest number. Well, it's like the greatest evil, but for the still for the greatest amount of people. Yeah, and to get something pretty good as well. To put a little salt on the side. Yeah, ice cream and a yellow, a red frog.

All right, we've got three words. You've got some words from Alessana. To come up with a sketch idea. Some of these are pretty not 100% close to sketch ideas today. We know obviously we've got the cannibal inventor teleport. So that's pretty solid. Yeah. Today we might film that this afternoon.

Yeah, so today's three words come from Jonathan Dooley, a listener of the podcast, hello Jonathan. John Dooley. Yeah. What do you think of that song Tom Dooley, John Dooley? Do you ever think I could change one word of this and be about me? Yeah, Tom. To Jonathan Dooley.

That's right. Okay, so now he gave us three words. First one is kind of more of a name. Yes. And the last one, I'm going gonna, anyway, you'll see. Oh, I might have to pronounce it wrong. You were teasing this like an example. I might have to pronounce it wrong

to maybe make it what the all three are gonna do. Okay, so here we go. We got the first word is auto. Yes. The second word is motto. Auto motto. Yeah. And then the third word is P.

Auto. Auto motto, P. But it kind of looks like auto motto P. The third word is p. Otto. A. Otto motto. P. But it kind of looks like automatic pia. Which is actually automatic pia. Yeah. But I'm just saying, it looks like Otto motto pia.

Well Otto obviously Italian for eight. Motto. Is that acho? No, definitely not. Really, it's a show. Well, I don't know if you've seen the movie A Fish Called Wander. No. But Kevin Klein, really you've not seen it.

Oh, I've seen a bit, it was on TV once. It seems alright. Yeah, I mean, I think it's really, really good. It's like quite late Monte Pai Thin kind of stuff, right? No, it's John Cleese, post Monte Pai Thin. Mm-hmm. Just. Late, real late, I think it's really, really good. It's like quite late Monty Python kind of stuff, right? No, it's John Cleese, post Monty Python. You just... Late, real late Monty Python. Oh yeah, real late.

No, you're right. But it was like the closest thing to Monty Python, they kind of really do. It's nothing like Monty Python. Feels Monty Python. Doesn't seem. John Cleese is in it. And then the other one.

Michael Pailin, he's in it. Michael Pailin, is there a third Monty Python guy? No, I don't think so. Anyway, Kevin Klein plays Otto, right at one point. He says, I am Italian, my name is Otto, it means eight. Now, he might have been wrong. Maybe, yeah. But I mean, that's where I get my facts from.

That's fine, yeah. I'm convinced, that must be, must mean eight. Motto. Yeah. It's like a saying. A thing that you say about a thing. Like, that's my crab. That's my motto.

That's my crab. Doesn't work as a motto. No. No, I mean, a motto has to have some kind of a meaning. OK. Well, I mean, I guess if you knew the backstory. Okay, crabs are no good to have. Yeah, I mean that's actually...

A tomato? Yeah, that's a motto. Yeah. My motto is crabs are no good to have. Like is that a 6ststd kind of a thing? I mean it could be a... Crabs don't really feel like an std. Do they? Because they're not really in you. They're just on you.

Yeah, it's kind of more like a, like an unwanted pet. Yeah, a hitchhiker or something, right? Yeah. It's like, it's an unwanted growing pet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a center area pet. It's a, like, it's a habitat. You've become a habitat. You've, you've got a sanctuary. Mm. I don't want to alarm you.

And I'm not saying I have an STD, but I do have a crustacean growing sanctuary. Yeah, right. And so the solution to that, I mean, wouldn't it be great if it was like, if it was like having mice and you just bought a cat. You know, for like crowds. If you just found out. So what are we talking like a centipede or something that like crawls around? Yeah, I think that would be great.

Oh, man. It's just like one of those huge ones. That's like, it's about the length of your forearm. Oh, crap. But it's about, it's like two fingers thick. Yeah, and it crawls around. And you just wrap itself around your cock and bulls. You wear kind of those loose pants that they wear

in kind of hot Mediterranean, not Mediterranean, but equatorial countries, like a sort of like, is India, not India is not really equatorial, but. But it feels equatorial. It feels equatorial, sort of like a loose Indian pant. It's equatorial. Yeah, a Thai fisherman pant, maybe? Sure, Thai fisherman pant.

You remember Thai fisherman pant? Well, I was never... I think I might have even worn Thai fisherman pant for a short period of time. I like the 2000s. This is, that's crazy, Andy. I can't accept myself wearing any pant that looks like it comes from any other culture.

I don't know what I was thinking. I also wore jeans that I'd glued back together with bits of other jeans and builders glue. Wow. While I was wearing them. You built pants whilst wearing another culture's pants. Yeah, anyway. Building pants is also something that they would do a little of those countries. Yeah. So pants together.

So this is a, so you've got a predator basically. You've introduced a predatory, a little element to your crotchial ecosystem. Because what's interesting about that is that these ecosystems, they never, you never completely eradicate the prey species. You reach a homeostasis within that ecosystem where there's just enough crabs being born to sustain your structural centipede. Yeah, I wrote them. Millipede, I feel like I need to use it.

Millipede is fine, that's great, now, don't. But are millipedes as less scary than a centipede? I don't know, I can't remember which one's which. I think they're both pretty terrifying. And- Right, so you just kind of have like an acceptable amount of crats. Yes.

And one huge centipede. Yeah, one huge centipede that are like one of those black ones that's like just spooky. You see on the wall and they're like, it's not the black ones that scare me the most. It's the kind of orange ones that you get in caves. Those big long legs. Man, look, I think it's just anything that,

because insects don't look like they have any empathy. None whatsoever. They're essentially the robots of the living world. Yeah. So they just go around and they will attack whatever that they can. That's why that part, I think I've said this on the podcast before, that part in the King Kong movie that had Jack Black in it that was made by Peter Jackson, when they encounter those gigantic insects, that is the scariest thing to me.

Big like leech kind of things. There's something I think- Something like going to that cave, there's like giant creatures. Yeah, or maybe a ravine? Could be a ravine, yeah. Could be a canyon? I mean, I'm gonna allow it. Yeah, and at some point you're getting attacked by them, and you go,

I think at least a panther could at some point just feel bad for you and stop. There's a chance. Like, or at least experience fear. I don't think, I don't think an insect will experience fear. There's no self-preservation. Especially in a predator insect. And especially, I think in one that's got that sort of social thing, like a hive or whatever,

because they're not even in it for themselves. They're just like, well, I don't even care if I die. We've all got identical genetic material, you know? Let's just... My God. Imagine that having your DNA dictate that you don't even care about yourself because your species lives as thrives better when you don't care about yourself. I feel like that's what's going to happen with my identical twin sons, you know?

They're basically like worker ants and they'll just keep coming at you. That's why, you know, they're such hard work in the morning. Yeah. And at one year, what happens to them? That's why at one a one year old, you've already got them sort of fighting MMA and things like that because you realize you're making the absolute yeah, unstoppable. They're going to be as good a fighter as any Ukrainian, you know, or kind of somebody grow it up in that area. Yeah. Which is a place that grows some really good fighters.

So the motto for this, it's a company that sells these, their motto obviously is, ain't good having crabs. And I guess like, and coated within that message, is that the homeostasis point is actually one female crab that was impregnated a long time ago, and I assume can just keep giving birth to longer crabs.

So the centipede leaves that one alive, like a queen crab of some sort. Yeah, to keep the next generation of... Yeah. Now, you know... It eats the young... John Dooley might tell us, well that's sure you got the motto part in there, but what about the auto?

Crabbs? Eight legs. Yeah, that's right. Italian eight. And the centipede is called auto. Centipede. Pead. Pead.

There you go. Yeah. We did it. And we talked about this on the podcast before. It feels like a familiar idea to me. But if we eradicated crabs to the point where there were no more genital crabs, except on like one person. Yeah.

Would we stop them from killing them because that's an endangered species and maybe set up a small, like, little fence around their crotch and people would be able to come past and look at the crabs. I mean, this would be a great character for our live big brother show. I think it would be a great character for any of these sketches we've come up with tonight. I mean, the last person to have crabs who's sort of been heritage listed,

so that... What about a Jurassic Park, right? But we haven't brought back the dinosaurs. We've brought back crabs. We introduced them into somebody's crotch. Yeah. We've brought back all sexually transmitted diseases. There's a little fence around there,

and we're like, there's no way they can get out. Yeah, and there's no way they can fuck anybody. And then... Yeah. The fence is just around the crotch. All right. And then, when they come down, the crabs are gone. Oh no, they're out. Everyone on the island is suddenly crashed.

They're having sex out of fear. But yeah, okay, look, that's wonderful. It'll be called... It's called pubic pach or crustastic crustaceous peak park. Jurassic, crustacic, crustaceic. Jurassic, pach, your ass, itch, pach. Uh, J-J-J-J-J-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- for crabs, pubic crabs. Yeah. And it's just people, you just catch a car and then they're like, you catch a car, a lot of traps.

And it's just various points. There's just a guy laying there with just a dome over his leg. So it just looks kind of like an aquarium over his junk and then he's just gonna hands behind his head and then you go, oh there look I can see the moving. Like that. I mean this is horrible. It's a sketch.

Or terrifying. That's a real sketch though. Jurassic Park movie which terrified me as a child. I had to hide behind the couch and then leave the room because I'm scared of the dinosaurs. But imagine the parts where people get chased down by crats. Ah, sorry, great. And they eat your lawyers pubic hair. Oh, his pubic hair has been eaten in half while he was in the hospital.

So is he flying a helicopter? Right. But then they start to get itchy, they're scratching, and they're flying off course. Yeah. The sketches for today, subatomic solitary confinement. They're flying off course. So, yeah. Yeah. The sketches for today, subatomic solitary confinement, and we'll look, we don't know exactly where that's being used. We wrote that down, that's amazing.

I mean, I just put it down because it's an idea. It's not a sketch in itself, I don't think, but it's an idea. It sounds more like something for one of our Patreon only episodes where we come up with five ideas of any kind. Five ideas for any category. Well, I know, but this one would go in a category of punishment for people who are, you know, criminals. I think five ideas for punishments will come up with that. Yeah. On the show. Oh, and what was that Patreon thing that you mentioned? Patreon, we're also going to do a new bonus one off, possibly a one off, could be a whole series for Patreon.

It's going to be Harry Shavours the podcast. We talk exclusively about Harry Shavours and we do two plugs for two in the think tank during the show. So if you want to sign up, I'm going to put that at like a bonus one, some point this year. It's going to be like 40 bucks. That's going to be a 40 buck level. If you want to hear that one, and And that is gonna come out every month. There's gonna be one episode a month. Really?

Yeah, just great. That's really cool. That is at least an hour. A guarantee will be at least an hour. An hour and then we'll sort of trudge through two ads about two and the things. Yeah, sure. But the other thing I was actually talking about was just that there's a new

Patreon level at $8 a tier where you can pay $8 and get some of the bonus episodes, which one is for the come up with any idea that you can also suggest ideas for what five ideas on what topic we come up with. Yeah, you can pitch a topic category. We've already had a lot of categories already pitched at us. Yeah. Video game. Excited. Business ideas. Children's book ideas.

Children's book ideas. So we'll be getting through all of that. All of it. And we've also got another podcast that comes out every two weeks or bi-monthly, which is sitcom two in the sitcom tank. Anyway, two extra episodes will come out per month for that tier. Thank you very much. Of course, the monthly Harry Shavers podcast. Obviously, the monthly Harry Shavers podcast. Then we have the Eatwood Conspiracy, which is

Then we have the eat wood conspiracy, which is, you know, that it's a, it's an ex-pose A on how behind the scenes people have been working for big wood, huge lumber, as it's also known, to get people to start eating wood, to get... Totanic timber. Titanic timber. You know, obviously that sketch will go into more detail than what I just did in the summary there. And then we have the Cannibal inventor teleports, um, accidentally with a twig. Um, man, this, these first three ideas so far, and I'm not feeling any vibes. No, no, this one, this is one of a single vibe of any of this. This is one of the greatest things. This one is like a, it's a book series.

It's gonna be, it's the next R, R, R book writer. George R. Martin. Yeah, it'll be, it'll be his next big book series. Yeah. Thousand pages per book about this guy. Oh. Oh, this. His next big book series.

Yeah. Then we have violent criminals are covered in the vulnerable to rehabilitate them instead of prisons. And they're also given access to all nuclear codes. So this all, as a way, instead of sort of putting them in prisons. Further oscillating them. Further isolating them. Further isolating.

We actually immerse them in responsibility and importance and weight. Mm-hmm. All of that. Then there's a next sketch is a trend of teenagers to put sand in their mouth. It's just a new way they're rebel. Yep. They just don't want you to do it They just don't want you to do it. They don't want you to do it.

They're just squirrs. They don't want you to have fun. Yeah. Hey, they probably all did it when they were your age. That's right. They just now act like they didn't. They definitely did when they were babies. Why do you think old people got such bad teeth?

Yeah. Because it's... They've been hitting that grit. Hit the grit. And then we got the bribing everyone. Socialized bribes. Just a, you know, it's like a politician who's good, but he's not that good.

You know, he's good in that he's for the people, but he still takes bribes, but he splits up the bribes. He says it, like, I'd be crazy not to. You gotta accept that this is just how the system works these days. You know, he's a straight talker. He tells it like it is. Yes. But calls it like he sees it.

He says like he's thinking. That's right. He sees words in his head. He doesn't filter them before letting them out of his mouth. No, he comes out. Yeah. Then we got the millipede that's used to get rid of crabs. It's a good system.

You know, I name it. You can call it. that's used to get rid of crabs. It's a good system. Mm-hmm. You know, I think you name it. You can call it a sexual predator? Doesn't sound good. No, a sexual transmitted disease predator. Yeah. Yeah. STDP.

Sexual TD predator. Right. S transmitted D Predator and then we also have Jurassic Park but for pubic crabs Yep, Jurassic junk Junk Jurassic Park yeah, yeah junk crabic Junk crabic Park. Yes! Yes.

Now we're talking! Here we go. Thank you for saying yes, Andy. Yeah, I'm just why I'm here. Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop new Patreon tier. Thank you very much. We hope it's going to be hugely worth your while. I mean, we sure it's going to be worth your while. We're sure. With everybody else's while. Thank you very much to Peter Thomas for designing our new logo for our podcast, which hopefully has been propagated

out to your devices by this stage. Yeah. A good friend of the show. He's been on the show a number of times, and we're going to have him on again real soon. Real soon. To come with more sketch ideas, I've very sketched that idea

for the logo of the podcast. To a thing. To a thing. Tank. You can find us on iTunes. That's gonna be, by the way, that logo's gonna be coming out as a T-shirt. Holy moly.

You're gonna be able to buy those a T-shirt. Well, probably on Redbubble. Redbubble. We can find an even easier way of doing it. Mm-hmm. We're gonna say, like, just do it yourself. Yeah. Just draw, get a pen and draw it on one of your own t-shirts.

Trace it on a way. That seemed like the easiest way. And it just said that's what. It's more box. Yeah, come on. Like, even if you want to do it and pirate it, and start printing them yourself somehow, and like some third world country,

and then selling them on the black market, we don't mind. Just send us like 20 cents or something. Yeah, four. Like a dollar 20. Sure. So that adds up, you know. Yeah, that adds up. That'll add up. You know, and we're on Twitter to entangue.

I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And you can review us on iTunes. And you can... Some people have been reviewing us on iTunes recently. And it's been beautiful. It is lovely things for them to say. Elegant. Elegant.

I mean, well written. I cannot believe the eloquence of our listeners. It's almost like they're not listeners, but they're writers. They should be. If they're not, they should be. Look, we've- Because they already are. Yeah, absolutely.

It's the writerliness of you guys. It has been inside you the whole time. I don't know if there are any publishers out there, but have a look at our reviews on iTunes and just sign these people up now. Yeah, that's a great way. That's a great way of being discovered. Even the people who don't really write anything and just leave five stars, they do it in such a way that makes me think you've got a novel in you.

Yeah, absolutely. Or at least a supersonic jet. Yeah. And if you want to support the podcast without giving any money or anything like that, which is also acceptable, try forcing some people that you know to listen and download our podcast. I, the thing I have found your podcast is that if you just listen to enough of them, you just start to like it. You start to like it.

You start to get to know the people, some kind of Stockholm syndrome. Your brain is like, well, I'm hearing these people all the time, they must be my friends, or they must like me. Play it to huge groups of children and anyone who's basically confined for long enough you to get three or four episodes into their ears. Yeah.

And then they'll be hooked. If you work at a stadium, where there's sort of sports matches and things like that, usually one, two, three, 40,000 people that sit there whilst waiting for matches and in between. There's a lot. We all know that it's a lot. Just play the podcast. Yes.

You know, flash up on the screen, what it's Lulls. Just play the podcast. Yes. You know flash up on the screen what it's called things like that. The logo and then people will slowly over the months of supporting your sports team And yeah, the few who are still remain supporting your sports team at the end of this period of time They might also a couple of them have listened to you run a sweatshop or some kind of oppressive regime Use these secret systems Yeah, to play the podcast over that. Oh, I'm not looking at you. Yeah. Or anybody who's done. What else are you gonna do?

Yeah, if anyone's got Kim Jong Un's ear, put a headphone in that ear. Dennis Rodman, I'm looking at you. That's right, put a headphone in that ear and play two and a think tank. All right. And we... Why, why just a press when you can a press play on the two and a think tank podcast that's out in the news. That's our new slow Love... YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE This season prepare for every season with the Allbirds Missile Collection. These shoes were made for adventures in rain, shine, mist or snow. Go to Allbirds.com and use code Fresh Socks for a free pair of socks with purchase.