Two In The Think Tank - 138 - "GOING SPORKELING"

Episode Date: July 3, 2018

Thanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank for a special deal offering $13 worth of FREE SHAVING STUFFAlways Be Watersliding, Dog Eat Door To Door Dog, Moggles, Jury of Your Peerage, Post Atomic, iNcognito iTunes, Orbmented Reality, PelicounsellingAnd you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereNothing but single origin thanks to George Matthews for producing  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Why? I just don't like, I just, I feel like I haven't been in the groove for the last like 80 episodes. You know, I like, I am disappointed in myself. If anybody could find the one episode where Andy was in the groove and clip it and send it to us, that would be great. I, you know, for a person with no musical ability, I felt like I was quite promising for a couple of episodes back there, you know, I was like, oh this guy's doing something interesting in a way that's almost like outsider art, you know, it doesn't satisfy me in any of the ways that music

should, but I'm still intrigued. Yeah, well I think that's probably also what I am. I don't have any musical, anything. I'm just doing it very confidently. But also, maybe just hitting a rhythm a little bit more. You keep telling me I'm just hitting a rhythm part of it. But I mean, when I get this, and I sort out my new form of music, that doesn't involve rhythm at all. I just thought that music was, there was some form of organization to the sound and I think that's

the only thing that separates it from ambient noise. Your music is like a library, right? Yeah. Whereas my music is more like a fire made out of burning books about libraries. I like that Andy. Okay. That's pretty good. I'll say Harry's bringing you this show today. Really? Yeah. Yeah. They're bringing you this show like it's a special offer shaving pack that you get for free when you go to harries.com Ford slash think tank.

Well, what would be in this pack, say? Well, I mean, I'll go into the exact details later on in the show. But for the time being, suffice to say you've got a weighted ergonomic handle, you've got a five blade razor with a shave, you know, a special little shaving fine detail bit on the other side. It's an extra razor. For getting up under your nose, getting in there, you get the soothing shaving cream,

which I keep telling them, they've got to make it edible because I want to eat it. You get your little travel case that Alistair announced changed your life. Absolutely. And I was one way and then I put my razor blade into a travel case and then I was another way. Precisely.

Yeah. Right? That's what changed sounds like. You looked around and everything was the same and yet somehow different and you realized on that day that was the day that you finally became a man with a travel case on his razor.

Yeah, that's right. And Alistair, if you were to just guess a number, how much do you think that you would pay, that all this would be worth? You know, and all this stuff I've listed to you that you get in the Harry's special offer. Look, Andy, I couldn't put a number on it since the value of it seems immeasurable.

Okay, well, if you were to compare it to, say, a moment from your life. Yeah, okay. I suppose the time my dog was born, that was one of the most beautiful moments in my life. I was there, I was present for the birth. For the birth. Yeah. We had bought it off the plan. Yeah, we had bought it off the plan. The blue prints. The blue prints, yeah. We called him blue. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, well, it's $13 worth of stuff that you get for nothing. So, wow, Harry's dot com for the last thing tank. I'll tell you more about it later on in the program.

Okay, great. I'm looking forward to it. Before the show, Alistair, you were talking about a sketch. Sure. Hello everybody, this is two and the thing tanked the podcast we come up with five sketch ideas. And before the show, we were talking about a sketch. Everything is wrong this episode. We did the music before the ad. Yeah, I liked that, Andy.

The music wasn't music. I think that's gonna get us into a different rhythm today, which is gonna lead to some great creative thing. We did the soul crushing introspection before we'd come up with any sketch ideas. Yeah, and we're about to bring in an outside idea as our first sketch idea. It's topsy-turvy. Anyway, outside sketch idea, you mentioned smogles that are like goggles, but lay it a smell underwater. That's right. So they're just a single, like a monocle goggle for your nose. Right, they're not binary, there's not two.

Oh, I suppose they could. On each nostril. I guess I just pictured it going over the whole nose. I'm sure, but you want to be able to smell how far away something is, as well as. Oh yeah, but I think the fact that it covers your whole nose doesn't preclude it from being able to Sure, sure, you know judge distance with your nose. It's just that I feel that when you're introducing a new product

You got to allow for there to be future Improvements on that product like removing the whole nasal sort of triangle casing Yes, and then eventually just so that you just have essentially two nose plugs, nostril plugs. That's where we're going to go maybe three in three generations. Yeah, so we want to be able to continue to upsell new iterations. There's more and more people come back for the smoggle experience. Yeah, that's right. But then the other one that made me laugh even more was for eating underwater. That's right. It's the mouth goggle, or the muggle. The muggle, I guess, yeah.

Yeah, and the colon muggle. The idea is that it would kind of look a bit like a sort of a horse feedback. Maybe it's like somewhere between a horse feedback and that thing that Homer puts his hands through so that he can. Yeah, absolutely. So he can handle the uranium or the plutonium or whatever he's, the spent.

Well, I'm saying almost to go to another Simpson's thing, like the aliens, what are they called, Kang, Crang and Kane or whatever they call? Kodos. Kodos. Crang. Right, the thing that they have their entire heads in, it's like a kind of a big rub, it's got a rubber ring around the bottom, big glass thing. Yeah. Just that, but just for over your mouth. Yeah, probably goes over

your chin as well, so you can just get that nice seal around the whole ear. Yeah, and it's still chew, right? Yeah. And then we also have, in the sides, that's where we've got the home Simpson style, hand, rubberized things, but they're not hands, you've got a knife and a fork, right? And then you can just put whatever you want into the glass trough. Yeah. Your noodles. Yeah, a plate of spaghetti. Yep, for carches.

Yeah, you know, maybe, you know, sort of nachos. Nachos. And I think. Do you think that whatever it is is in a bowl that's on a kind of a gimbal? So that you can... It's a gimbal. A gimbal is like a gyroscopic thing, that whichever way you're facing it always remains horizontal I think that would be really nice. It's really exciting. You can eat like in almost any orientation

Absolutely. Yeah, and so you think about that you can go caving Mm-hmm underwater caving you could be eating there You could be I mean I think this would be perfect for sort of those You know those like travel tours I mean, I think this would be perfect for sort of those, you know, those like travel tours, where it's a whirlwind tour of Europe. You're doing 12 days and you're visiting Europe. You're cramming it in. You're cramming it in.

You're somewhere in Greece near one of the islands. Right. I think you'll be in. I'll make a nose. Make a nose. There you go. It's beautiful, you know, like bright blue water. There's a Mediterranean sea.

The Mediterranean sea, you're floating your up high, you got salt, you know, holding, playing into the buoyancy of your body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're there. And you've got a huge gyro that you're eating with a knife and fork. Yes, and it's on a gyroscope.

And because you don't have time to both go to a gyro stand and get that full experience and to go snorkeling or scuba diving or whatever. It's all in there together. It's all in there together. Yeah, I mean, obviously. Can we call it forkilling? I think so.

Yeah, I think forkilling? Sporkilling, great. Because I think that's. Yeah, you've got sporksling? Sportling? Great. Because I think that's- Yeah, you've got sports. You've got a couple of sports in there. It's a couple of sports in there. The ones with the blade on the side as well. The blade as well, exactly. And so it's two, yeah, that way it accounts for left and right-handed people as well.

It's beautiful. Because if you were to do, fork and knife, then these left-handed people would be discriminated against. And that goes against everything that the sparkling tour of Europe represents. That's right. And it's just nice that you don't have to stop eating anymore. Yes. You know, we can graze. And that way will be a lot like a duge on or a manatee who look like they have a wonderful existence there under the water slowly paddling between the sea grass. But obviously we can't breathe or eat underwater normally, but we can do that, but now you'll be eating Bolognese. Yeah, Bolognese.

Yeah, Bolognese. Bolognese. I guess those creatures aren't that dissimilar from a man with eternal life floating through space, you know, until he reaches another planetary system, you know, just waiting. But that plus seagrass, instead of planetary systems. Yeah, I mean, but, no, but they're just like, they're like, I mean, I guess for them, the planetary systems are life experiences. Oh, okay.

You know. So the commonality is really is the floating. The floating, yeah. Just the, I mean, just the not doing much, you know, they're not doing much and kind of just... I think they've slowly becoming extinct or something like that, you know, probably. Well, I mean, they're not doing much to stop it, are they? Yeah. I look, we didn't discuss this earlier when we were talking about the smuggle

or the, or the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the that would work both. So let's say your battalion gets hit with mustard gas. Yes. It's a gas mask. It's a gas mask, but while you're barely surviving through it, why not live a little? Inside there is, we could get a guest chef to design meals for this experience. So even if you, even if, let's say, the skin that is exposed to the gas is burning and things

like that. Bumbling away. The other thing that's burning is that beautiful creme brulee. Yes. You know, the crust on that, like that, and you crack it and crack it with your spork. Yeah, with your spork.

You're having a good time, and it... Well, I mean, gas masks, what do they do? They protect you from a toxic outside atmosphere, and they allow you to stay alive. Yeah. But I would say that they don't allow you to truly live. Yeah, or thrive. To thrive, indeed. So I want a mask that's big enough to incorporate

a, an entire experience that gives you a quality of life. You know, maybe even greater than what you had before. And this isn't just for the military anymore, I was dead. This is for the dystopia where we're all going to be living in the future, where the atmosphere is toxing. And we see this depicted in popular media and we're supposed to think, I'll look at those poor children trudging to school in their gas masks because of what we did to the planet.

But if that gas mask was just a bit bigger, a bit roomier, enough to incorporate a small, it's a rumpus room. It's absolutely. It's a whole... It's a rumpus mask. Absolutely. There's a billion's table in there. Yes.

You know, in some form. In some form with little levers. You know what? You could probably play billions with a spork. Why doesn't the spork, as well as having the fork bits, the knife on the back end, not the back end, because you can't turn it around, because it's to get it into the thing. Well, I feel like that's a thing that they could somehow work in. One of the times of the fork just has one of those little pads on the end and it's chalked up so you can also be playing billions. So it just sticks up above the others and prevents you from really. Exactly. It makes all your food a bit chalky. Now while we're talking about luxury beyond our wildest dreams that

one day will seem crazy that anybody lived without Yes, I reckon in there also there's a little couch for your chin. Oh, that'd be nice sort of like the one on a violin. Yeah It's nice that they get that I don't know why they don't make those sort of like for everybody Yeah, why do you have to have it? Why is this only violinist to get this experience? Yeah, where all the rest was supporting our heads What about a suit, right, that while you're wearing it, sort of it, but it could just look like one of these, like bomb detonator suit, like anti-datenator diffuser or whatever they do. They detonate the bombs.

So with regard to putting on a suit to go detonate the bomb. Anyway, it's nice they're dressing up. What about a water slide suit? You know, so you're in the suit. Yes. And there's just water rushing down your back like that. And there's something in there that I think maybe affects your adrenaline and makes you feel

like you're falling. It's got it. I'm sure we've got vertigo. We've already got vertigo. That's some sort of inner ear condition. That's happened years ago. Years ago. And what have we done with this technology?

Nothing. So it's just, it's essentially the water slide is, so it's on your back, but the water that's really moving is the one in your ear. It's essentially, you've just got like a little, you know, that little ball inside a Guinness can, the widget or whatever they call it. Yeah, they call it a widget.

Yeah, and so they put it in there, and it does something to the flow of the liquid so that, you know, anyway, it's essentially a little ball like that that you just put inside the ear Yes, where the liquid is that tells that it helps with your balance like that and it just moves your water around in the right way It's essentially like it's closer to like a paddle steamer A little turbine of some kind. Yeah, and in the air water slide. Yeah Why don't we have this yeah Yeah, and like, you know, wet back, obviously. But I mean, that water can just be recycled.

So this gets down to your ankles. Yeah, you can just come up back up again. You can just come up back up. So this just, you're one man, water fountain. It could even be pumped by your feet, you know, because you're just walking along, going about your business. Yeah.

People don't realize, I think if this doesn't have to be a full body suit as well, this could be just done in the regular outfit. Like like a keep if we've got an inner ear thing Exactly if we've got an inner ear thing that just goes into you that's hidden That's like they've got hearing aids for that now, you know, that they can't be seen Right, so that's doing that part Yeah, and then you've got a little pumps in the bottom of your soles of your feet You've got pipes running up the inside of your trousers, squirting out into your collar.

Mm-hmm, yep. And the water's going around and around, everywhere you go, I'm in a water slide. You know what would be- I'm not really here. I'm, to me, I'm in the, I'm on the gold coast. This is my virtue of reality. Queen's land Australia.

I'm at wet and wild right now. I'm just falling right now. Just experiencing. I'm spinning out of control at any moment. I'm just experiencing the constant pleasant feeling of falling. After disorientation. Screaming no longer has to be just a sometimes state. Absolutely. Screaming isn't just for those going through some sort of psychotic episode and newborn children.

Now if you were to add to this, because I think it's these foot pedals that got me thinking, foot pedals are also used in a one-man band. No, no, you know, you're getting the big drum going and things like that, right? Maybe a tambourine, maybe some knee tambourine, things like that. Now if that person was also just on the street doing a one-man band show, they'd be making money. on the street doing a one man ban show they'd be making money so now they're getting paid to go water sliding. I get paid to go water-slotting? And now maybe he's selling it as a franchise.

That's right. He's invented this and he's selling it. He's like, fuck. It's, every time a franchise goes bust, Alistair. And it's always some fucking thing. We're like, oh, we'll deliver homemade dog food to your workplace. Or something like that. And all the families, you see them on the news there.

And they're like, we sunk all our retirement savings into this franchise. We were told it was going to guarantee our income for the next 40 years. Yeah. You're like a fuck, fuck, sake. No. First of all, diversify.

Sure. You know, look, second of all, franchises, come on. No, no, don't buy, whatever it is, the person asking for these thousands of dollars up front, for the intellectual property, for their dog delivered home made gourmet. I just, it makes me, dog meat business, it makes me so unhappy. Dog meat delivered to you by a dog. It'd be so cute. Here you go. No, it's a talking dog. It's not his meat, but he's a he's wearing a sort of a coat that looks like dog

Right, and there's a little compartment that you can crack open It's like you're opening up his back and in there is a little chiller. Yeah, and there's just little slabs of dog meat Oh, it looks like you're opening up his like his hind leg and just grabbing the slab of it It's just wearing a slightly bigger kind of dog doggy exoskeleton. That's a great idea. Because a lot of dogs that are a bit fat, older dogs, they get that kind of look where they look a bit more like a barrel. Yeah. And they get a thick dog.

Yeah, that could be a thick dog syndrome. TDS. Is this a sketch? What? TDS? I mean, dog meat delivered door to door by dogs. Yeah, I think it absolutely could be. And I think the thing is- Is this another franchise?

I think it's a franchise. And I think the thing is it doesn't have to be dog. You know, like the meat doesn't have to be dog. That's the beauty of it. Yeah. It could be anything, but it feels like you're eating dog, delivered to you by the dog. It's like Uber Eats, but for dog.

Yeah. Dog meat. I like it to be dog meat. Sure. You know, I think, I don't like, there's actually no laws, I think. Are there laws stopping us from selling dog meat here in Australia? You know what, I reckon they're probably... Because then what would be stopping us, right?

Nothing. But I think we've just found a perfect loophole in this law, right? Nothing. Does any of you have a dog? But I think this is a, we've just found a perfect loophole in this law, right? Which is like, it's meat that you get out of a dog. It's just not dog meat. Yeah, right. But it's called dog meat. It's called dog meat.

And people think they're frying dog meat. Yeah. But they're not. No, but technically they are. They are, absolutely. Yeah. That's a guarantee to you. You'll think you're eating dog meat until you taste it

And then you'd be like wait, this isn't dog. This seems eerily similar to other meats. I've tried the big five Big five, let's go through them now. Lama Lama camel Alpaca Ren and giraffe and Alpaca, Ren, and Jeraf. And, Ren. And, Ren. Ren. Ren.

Ren. Ren. Ren. With the, with the, the guy, he was in a career's day. So first, we're just, we don't realize this, but at first we're watching a video that introduces the idea of the water slides. Right?

There's got to be a starting point in this to explain this silly, silly idea. Sure. I like to drop the view into the middle of the action. It's like a saving private rind. You're on the beach. Well, I know, but it can just start. It can just start like everybody loves water slide and like that, right? But what if you could water slide in the in the company of your own clothes?

Right. I'm water sliding right now. Yeah. And then it explains. I'm water sliding. I'm water sliding. I'm water sliding. And then it's a pullback and reveal.

And there's a guy standing dressed in the in the outfit with a one man band thing Standing next to a TV in front of a class of kids and then that's he goes So kids, this is what I do for a living every day. How would you like to get paid to go water slide? And so the kids sign up for the franchise? I mean it seems immoral and that's because it is yeah, and but well That's what they do with the dollar mites. That's that thing, the bank gets to go in, sign kids up for children's bank accounts. That's just a marketing scam.

It didn't really occur to me until more recently that banks are just another business. Yeah, they absolutely are. At the time, was that bank owned by the Commonwealth? Yes. Was it like a... It was a government bank. So I guess in that way, that's how they could sort of spin it. They could say, oh, your money's in with the government.

Yeah, yeah. And what else would you... You give everything to the government. People have no problems giving their money to the government. Just lay back. Lay back. I think we get to write down sporkling as well on that, as you haven't written.

Oh, of course. I forgot. No, no, that's quite a right, Alistair. I just, it was such a flurry of creativity at the top of this episode. Yeah. They're all various immersive experiences. Absolutely.

And it's just because. I believe the dog meat one. Life, life becomes so normal so quick, even the most extreme of things. And there just needs to be people who are constantly looking for brand new, extreme experiences. There's gaps in markets. People are always looking, business people, are always looking for gaps in markets. But there is some places that are gaps that are surrounded by miles and miles of gap, that are so far from things that people normally do.

Right? Then you're just plucking out, a sort of live being a crab experience, right? What would that be like to sort of live as a crab underwater for three years, right? Now that, there's nobody filling in anywhere near that opportunity, you know, and so there was that one guy. Any of the underwater animal life experience. That's right, for three years.

For three years. And so, I mean, there was the guy who lived as a goat for maybe three weeks, so I didn't wrote a book about it, that journalist. And he wasn't really living as a goat. Was he eating grass? Maybe. We got eating grass? Maybe. Well, we got a look into this. We did make it.

Yeah, I mean, look, he, there was a whole book. So I feel like somewhere in there he would mention whether or not he was eating grass. But yeah, we, I mean, that's my, that's my first question. I think that's everybody's first question. What would be that thing? Like, you know, let's say,

because here's an experience I don't, I've never had, but I've seen crabs do. Have you ever been sport-calling and seen a crab do this? Yeah, you occasionally glimpse a crab over the top of my panchetta. And this is exactly a... What's a pig cheddar? I think it's... Oh, I think it's kind of closer to a bacon-y, kind of cured meat.

Yeah, I just eat... Probably pure pan-chewing. Pure pan-chewing. I just eat a plate of sort of a pinky goldeny red-y kind of golden red. It's not a color. Why is ham so slimy? Anyway, look, let's not... Oh, it's not always slimy. Usually it's when it's starting to go bad, it gets slimy. Always, so slimy.

I mean, there's a wetness to it, but you don't want it to be dry. I think we just ate a lotness to it, but you don't want it to be dry. I think we just ate a lot of old ham, girl. Yeah. And now you're a vegetarian. Yeah, yeah, so. I was just gonna say that sparkling would be the perfect place to market the underwater crab experience. I don't even think this is a sketch idea.

I'm just saying, the one thing you may have seen a crab do underwater is where they, you know, they have like a, you know, they've got the pincers. But I don't know if all crabs have this, but they have that like a kind of flipper, like the kind of thing that like pushes them under the sand real quick and they can just disappear. All right, I think maybe that's,

swimmer crabs have the flipper kind of a thing. Yeah, yeah. I mean, just having that kind of magician-type trick. I've just under the sand, just like that. Yeah, I mean, you must be, there must be something, like, some trickery of the feet that kind of loosens up the sand underneath you at the same time, because I don't think it could be all flipper.

You think there's some kind of trickery involved. Well, I mean, like, as in, like, maybe there's, you know, there's, they've got six legs, do they? Maybe six? Maybe six or eight. Yeah. And so then they're probably the clip at the nippers right. So they've got another six to play with. Yeah they've got six to play with right. The nippers are up up front they keep their guard up because they're always watching you if you're snorkeling above them. They kind of keep they don't let you get behind their back or whatever but get behind their little googly. Especially if you're spalkling and they've got their eye on that pen cheddar.

Checking out that pen cheddar. And then I think the legs must kind of come in maybe and then loosen up the sand by set a pushing it outwards, make a little puff, little magician puff. Like that, get that flipper, it's all downward force or you know force going upwards, pushing them down like that. And then the dust settles, probably just their eyes poking out. Yeah, and I don't think it's like much to cover a crab.

They've got that flat surface up there. They're probably already pretty sand-colored. Yeah, and I reckon that would be an experience that would be worth having. Yeah, I mean, we could range to do this on land in some way. And I think, In a land aquarium? Yeah, yeah, like a,

well, how do you picture a land aquarium? Like I feel like we just have to set up the right kind of scenario. Like I don't think we could do it with sand, but we could certainly do it with leaves or something like that, you know, dead leaves. Well, that wouldn't be a crap experience. Okay.

Yeah. No, I'm sorry. I've never seen a crap. I mean, look, crabs may do that with leaves, but it's probably closer to one of those tree crabs. No, you're right. I've taken it away from what was your very clear vision. A very pure idea. Yeah.

And just try to humanize it, which is exactly what we're trying to get away from. I feel like I had an idea earlier on. Did we mention wizard, not wizards, magicians earlier on in the show for some reason? Did they come? I just mentioned magicians just then. Yeah, but did we mention them earlier still, or possibly while we're... Oh, yes, yeah, there was something to do with that hiding the coin, but... Wait, was this in this conversation? I think, no, no, I think this was pre-pod, I was talking about, you know,

when you're working a bottle shop, and people steal, and they're no good at stealing, and you see them, and then you feel a moral obligation to say, hey, I saw you stealing something. Like that, and that, you feel like helping those people so that you don't have to do Like have to do that and you go hey look at this how you make a see what's this video? How you make a coin disappear? Yeah, and then and then but just do that with a can of woodstock. Yeah

so is there something in a magician? Stealing shoplifting. Yeah, I think they're isn't. They should be the best at it. You would think, yeah, slide of hand, you know. It's, yeah, I mean, I don't know, I don't know where we go with it exactly. Like maybe it's a real problem. Yeah. You know.

Sort of like, I haven't seen this movie, but I think it's called Now You See Me. So sort of like a petty Now You See Me. Like a Now You See Me for Petty Crimes. Alastair, you've absolutely turned that into something. I'm really into it. Because I think they are magicians or illusionists or something in that show. And they're stealing from casinos, pulling big heists, probably.

That sounds like the kind of, it sounds like oceans 11, but with magicians. Yeah, yeah, but with fedoras. And fedoras. Yeah, and this is that, but with pathetic shop lifters, stealing alcohol from a bottle shop. Yeah, it's just, yeah, it's just up up the sleeve behind the ear.

I don't know if they ever do hide anything behind the ear. Miss direction. Miss direction, look over there. They have a beautiful assistant to come with them. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it's the full show. Yeah. I'm gonna need,

like do they come in and try and do it under the pretence of they're just doing a magic show in the shop like I'm gonna need Six pack Right and then they make that disappear. What are they yeah? Look, I think that that would be I Think if anything that would be a beautiful introduction to the character Right and they kind of like they they hide all six

Beers in different beers in different parts of you know ones under their hat and things like that right But then what they're really building up to is as a sort of poor magician clearly he must be poor if he's stealing yes Only the poor commit crimes You read deeply into what I was exactly what I was saying. And I'm at least, I imagine in some part they're involved in more of the pettier crimes. Blue collar crime? Blue collar? I guess I'd say so, or even unemployed crime.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. T-shirt. No collar. But I think what they're building up to these guys is they need to steal some tricks from a magic shop. Right. Yeah. He needs one of those new ones that turns into a bouquet of flowers. Yeah.

Yeah. The guy needs some doves. Right. Which they might not sell at a magic shop, I'm not sure. I mean, it'd be an amazing, amazing thing to pull off when it boasting, boasting dubs from... Boasting, yeah. Anyway, I feel like I've ground this into the dirt. Sorry.

I think I did with my trying to be funny with dealing with the accusation that people, poor people commit crimes. No, no, no, that's fine. But I would like to talk about this, Alan Steer. The poor people committing crimes, right? Because we can talk about, you know, such and such person going into a bottle shop, taking a couple of cans of wood stock, as you say, or Jim Bowman, Coke, or whatever it is, after shelf.

And that's taking away from the public, right? That's taking away pre-mixed drinks that could have been drunk by you or I. Sure. And that's the sort of crime that it's easy to see and get a hold on. But what about high level fraud? Yeah.

That means that those companies were never able to produce that wood stock in the first place. The white collar crimes, the embezzlers, the the accountant, the dodgy accountant, who shifts a whole lot of money out of that company into a personal account. So they were never able to make, and it could be hundreds of thousands of bottles or cans of woodstock that never even made it to the shelves. Yeah.

And you saying that that's a poor person doing that? No, I'm saying that that's a, we think of out stealing alcohol as being a thing for poor people and yet You know, it's the rich. It's the entitled white collar people who actually probably steal much more alcohol Yeah, around about fashion. It's the Kings and Queens of nations. Mm-hmm. Who are yes? The the worst bottle of thieves. Yeah, who are, you know, who are taking the booze straight out of our kids' mouths? Yes. Sorry, kids.

No booze today. The queen drank it all metaphorically speaking. She made a buck or two. Mmm. She's drunk off her tits, so to speak. On power. On power. To take away your boots.

Yeah. Does that anything? Yeah. I think just casting those ideas of, you know, well, the, you know, and also those kinds of crimes, the white collar crimes, some of the little bezel money or whatever, that doesn't matter how much they end up taking,

they always sort of seem to get treated better and have lower sentences than people who will do some much more petty crime, but something that is associated with being poor. Yeah, because I think in a way, you kind of just respect them for being rich. Exactly. You know, I mean, like sure you committed a, but, you know, I got to respect that,

that you were, you managed to get rich somehow. Uh, jury before I send you a way to deliberate, I'd like you to bear in mind that, yes, uh, the information points to this person being guilty, but the information also suggests that they are rich. So, well, I mean, I think a court case, I mean, this is, you know, this is, I think a court case sketch. Court case sketch, yeah. And I think that I believe this is what it, like my interpretation of it would be what

we would call ham fisted, where you go, you literally, maybe panchetta fisted, you know, sort of a turkey ham. Yeah. Where essentially he's likening the crime that is white collar person did. Yeah. To a, to the stealing from a bottle shop. Yeah. And then saying, however, you know, and then, but you are rich and you got to respect that.

You got to give him a little, you know. Yeah. Is that not enough for a sketch? I like the, the first bit of the idea of like the lawyer trying to make it relatable for the jury. So, because sort of almost talking down to the jury, we couldn't expect the jury to understand. Yeah. So this is like the prosecutor rather than the defense. Ah, yeah, yeah. It could be the prosecutor trying to put the crime into terms that the jury would understand of like how many cans of woodstock or something it could be. There's also an interesting thing of like a billionaire, a multi-multibillionaire being

on trial for something. And the idea of a jury of their peers being all other billionaires in some way. Yeah. I mean, and is this person being a billionaire being sort of in a court case for shoplifting? I think, I don't know, Alistair. I've got a feeling that if they were in there for a crime that was like the embezzlement or the theft of billions of dollars in some totally abstract way or market manipulation

or whatever it is, and it's just so far beyond the jury's ability to comprehend and the attempts to make relatable the amounts of money involved to the jury could be, there could be a whole sketch in that. But yeah. Sure. Should I put this down as? You could write it down as a half idea

or something if you want to. Halfie, or I'll put down as a half. Well, but while you're doing that, Alan's there. This is actually, this is great because what are we accusing these white color criminals of shaving a little bit off the top? Yeah. And that's exactly what Harry's

.com for, it's less think tank. It's going to allow you to do. You know, shave a little bit off the top. Or, I like to call it the front. But it is really the top of your face if you shave lying down, which I do with a mirror. On your back. On the back, I lie back on the ground

and because it's a little bit like that experience of being at the barber shop, which is really nice. That really, that lie back, that straight edge razor experience. What I do is I lie down on the tiles of my bathroom. I blew tack to my rear to the ceiling and I shave myself with my feet up against the sink. And it's just a little classier and a little bit of a treat for me. Absolutely. And that's just one of the things that you can do with your Harry's starter pack. If you've got a Harry's dot com for sure, let's think tank you'll get

yourself $13 worth of value. Yeah. All right. For nothing. Don't even worry about it. What? All right. They're just going to give that to you. $13 starter pack. You've got your shaving thing with your five blades. What a shaving experience. I was there. I shave with this and it's great and I feel good. Absolutely. Every single time and I don't cut myself nearly as much as I do with my other crappy reasons that I'm going to start shaving other things. Yes. Yeah. Great. I think shaving any part of my body. Any part of my body. Even parts that don't have hair. Yeah. Inside the teeth.

I would love to shave. Lip. Lips. That's the thing, you think lips don't have hair, but then you'll shave them with the Harry's razor and you'll be like, oh no, wait, that's a smooth lip. That yeah, yeah. I don't want to.

My cross-scopicic hairs all over that. And once you go there, there's no going back because it'll just feel like a forest to you. Like if you let that hair grow in again, once you've had a truly shaved lip. Yeah, I'd love to shave all the taste buds off of my tongue. Get a truly smooth tongue. I think start again.

Start again, absolutely. Get all these dead layers off. Sort of like an exfoliation of the tongue, but not cutting off dead things, cutting off things that maybe one day will be dead. That's how preemptive this attack is. Yeah. It's like wiping out a new empire,

just to save them from the tragedy of the decline and the decline of an empire. Yeah. And that's what you do with Harry's razors on your tongue. On my tongue. That's what you'll do when you go home. One day, and you report back on that. Yeah. I think like you could, I've got two babies. Yeah. And I've started shaving them with Harry's resistance. That's great. Because much like the lip, you know, babies aren't as smooth as you think. Well, a lot of them, especially babies that are born premature, are still covered in a sort of a peach fuzz. That's right. They haven't lost that kind of outer layer like a like a like a deer's antler, which is another

thing you can shave. So the peach, the peach fuzz is that because it's at another evolutionary relic, you know, that like which is another thing you can share. So the peach, the peach fuzz, is that because, is that another evolutionary relic, you know, that like from back in humans evolution. From our beastier years. Beastier years, back when we were more peach than we were a man. Yeah.

When we were closer to the peach tree than we were to the angels. No, to the beasts. The beasts, yes. Ha, ha, yes. Harry's Raysers, Harrys.com.com.com.com. Think Tank, get yourself that amazing starter pack. All those things. You've got your handle, travel case, you've got your blades, you know, your thing with all your blades, your head, and you've got your travel pack. Travel pack. I mean, Andy says that the handle is weighted,

but you know what, every single one of the things that they send you has weight. Has weight, possesses weight. Sorry, I don't want to create the impression. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are, what's the particle that gives things weight? Higgs bosons.

There are higgs bosons, I mean, they throw the higgs bosons in for free. Yeah. The higgs interacts with the particles in every, not neutrinos, not one of the components of the manufacturer of this thing. Andy. Yes.

So the word Adam. Adam. Essentially means, it means. And I think that they knew this, right? The word means a isn't not right and Tom is means means cuttable yeah divisible it's non-divisible mmm-democratists and I'm pretty sure and I'm pretty sure that they they called it an atom after they knew that they it was probably splitable no that's not the case. There's none.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, credit for it, right, but he didn't know what he was talking about. Well, I mean he He would have never conceived of how small an atom was what it really was He would probably looked at it would have been like like you know tiny like like half as big as your fingernail

Yeah, yeah, I was about as small as they could imagine things back then Yeah, they were they were tearing up, you know, like they were breaking, you know, they were like, they were essentially talking about greens of sand and they were like, I reckon probably split this another three, four times. And they like, take a grain of rice. And then they'd leave us a knife and they'd split that in half and they'd be like, it's hard to get the knife in

to do it again. That's probably about it. And that's what he meant. Yeah. Democritus. Democritus. Democritus. Where I feel like his name is really lived on through democracy.

Mm. Yeah. Other works. Was he involved in the birth of democracy? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a pre-secratic, isn't he? Yeah.

Gotta be. Surely. I mean, I don't want to group all these people who came before Socrates is just, you know, pre-secratics. But I mean, I don't want to group all these people who came before Socrates is just, you know, pre-secratics. But I mean, they were. I mean, they never admitted that to themselves. Not at the time. Not at the time. I woke up in the morning, I was feeling pretty pre-secratics. I see, Cratic, I've got to tell you.

I mean, every man is born pre-secratic in a way. terms of your, you are before the ideas of Socrates. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years.

Take classes online or on campus. And financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu I mean, in a while. You were probably about to say something way better. No, I was just going to say that what you're suggesting is really that we now that we know that the added Adam is is is actually divisible. Yeah. Right. Quite divisible. Probably to change

the name. We've got to change the name. Maybe like. So now we've got to call them like split. Yeah. Now go for your life. Spitt them split them haapsables. Yeah, well, I mean, look, I think we can keep the Tom. Divisible is still a word that we can use. I mean, we could probably just call them Tom. We could call them Tom. Or A-A-T-M. A-T-M. A-T-M.

A-A-T-M. A-T-M. A-A-T-M. A-A-T-M. So AA. A-A-T-M. Or we just, you can, you just call it Tom. Tom, Tom.

Or, Sumtum. Yep. Sumtum. You know, we know they're divisible some in some way. If you really spend a bit of time at it, then Tom. If you've got the, if you've got the right tools and you know what you're doing, Tom. Yeah, great. Yeah. Now, going back to him, and I may have asked you this before.

Is there a sketch in this? I don't know, Alistair, but I'm excited and I'm enjoying the conversation. Could it be a campaign? Could it be a campaign? Are we trying to fix? I mean it just seems incorrect can I just briefly stop you to say I on a regular basis think about our sketch about the Nobel Prize for participation and I think it's so funny I Like I really into it. Yeah, you know, it's just a Nobel Prize for every scientist who did some science.

Thanks for having a good last year. Yeah. Yeah. Essentially, if you got a science degree and then you manage to get a job, then you get a Nobel Prize. But then I also think that there could be some honorary Nobel prizes.

For like, you know how like kids get a bravery medal when they do something like call the police because their mum is stuck in the fridge. Yeah. Monica. Yeah. You don't have to do much. And so I think like kids could be getting some kind of honorary Nobel prize for doing some extremely entry-level bit of science. Anyway, that was just remembering happier times.

Sure, of course, not times like this where we're stuck, trying to find a name for the atom. For the A atom. For the A atom. What were you saying? Maybe the campaign could be, we need to change the name. It's actually quite embarrassing.

We're worried if aliens find out what we're still calling the atom. It does look, yeah. But not just aliens, I guess any new person that is born and grows up to find out about the origins of the word Adam, and then they kind of go, oh society, you've allowed this to continue. It's not enough for all it takes for evil to prevail is for good man and women to do nothing.

Well, and what it is, it's just incorrect. It's just the wrong way to refer to it now. That's right. We know better now. And like so many campaigns that have changed the way that we talk about people in society, we learn more about our fellow men. Now we know more about this. Our fellow particles. Our fellow particles. And I mean I wouldn't be surprised if the

continuation of using this word by the scientific community and the general populace is in some way the reason why Greece has been having so much trouble in the last 10, 15 years, because we don't respect them anymore, because it's these old words that seem to suggest that maybe you guys don't know what you're talking about, and so we're not going to hire you for whatever it is that they want to do. Exactly. Yeah. Well, the language has to evolve if we're going to start trading them with the respect.

Yeah. I mean, if they were getting, they'd be able to pay off their debts if they were getting more work. Oh, you think we could get them to come up with a new name? I think we need to wipe the grease off of it. Off of this, off of this grease off of it. Sshh! Offer this surf. Offer this, you know, this particle. Yeah, yeah, okay. But, I mean, they can come up with a good English word.

Mmm. If they want. I can't see that. Causing any problems, people using a second language too. No, I think, I think, look think look we'll say come on Greece. You did it first, it's only fair that you get another go at it, but this time try and come up with a good English word. A nice English word please, that we can use in English, not like Atom. Yeah.

Because I mean then we kind of just have to, I mean, did we come up, we didn't really come up with our own word for it. And I think maybe that's our own failing. Yeah. Okay. Is that we took on their mistakes? Yes. You know, and that was through laziness that we that we wound up in. But also politeness, which is a very English thing. That's true. That's true. I mean, an England couldn't have known when they started taking words from Greece that they were going to have so much success in the world. The Greeks, the English. Not the English. Yeah. I mean, they didn't, they wouldn't have known when the word Adam kind of came about that they were at some point going to own the world and then spread their language everywhere.

And there's gonna be a lot of attention on them. A lot of attention, yeah. In a way, England is a lot like a kind of like a YouTube superstar, right? Who gets a lot of, has a lot of success, unexpected success, and thus invites a lot of scrutiny. Yeah. Okay? No one when people were looking at the angles, you know, or the counts would have thought these people are going to go on to dominate the globe, naively and culturally for hundreds of years.

No. You couldn't really tell. You could be looking at it. Right. So, they were going about their life, not making mistakes. Cutting corners. Cutting corners as we all do when we're young. Right. And then just taking,

just absorbing languages, you know, words from other cultures, they're just like, oh yeah, we want to have to, we want to come up with our own word for Adam. We'll just take the Greek one. Yeah, yeah. And now they, it's all come around, but I don't know, got all this success and people are trawling through their back catalog

and being like, look at this, what have you got here? It's, you know, you've said this, you've done this. Come on, they didn't know. All right, how big it was gonna be? It's like Zuckerberg with Facebook, sending a few messages calling the people who sign up for his service, fuck heads or idiots or whatever.

Was he doing that early on? Yeah, he did that in the early days. Dipshit, dead shits, dumb shits, something like that. Anyway. He'd call them up personally. No, he was messaging his mate, say, with all these dumb shits signing up first. Facebook.

That's great. Look, Alice, we certainly talked a lot. I think changing the word atom to something less embarrassing. And we got some of this story. It's a campaign where, you know, eventually we'll have to do the same thing with universe, right? We've, once again, probably, out of laziness, we've taken universe sounds a bit Greek. Yeah.

Yeah. We got to wipe these mistakes off of our historical asses. Sorry. It's got a ring of the republic kind of a thing like Australia is ready to become a republic. We want to show that we're a grown grown up nation, similarly English language in Eastern. I think there's also an angle in this about if all these countries whose words England had English had absorbed said that they were no longer going to let us use those words. Oh yeah right. There were some sort of legal precedent. Like it's quite interesting that the European Union was able to pursue Google for the privacy stuff and the right to be forgotten.

And now Google has to allow people the right to have information about them removed from search results on the internet. I'm just surprised that Google is subject to that kind of jurisdiction, that you can implement those kinds of legal things on a company like that. So I don't see any reason why the European Union, especially with Brexit, you know? Especially with Brexit.

Yeah. If Europe couldn't reclaim, you know, past some kind of law that would mean that England and the English speaking people were no longer able to use words that had been derived from the real language. I think that's really nice. You can only call something an atom if it's a Greek product. Yeah, if it comes to the rest. If it comes, yeah. If those atoms were either forged or at some point, processed in Greece. And then the English have to... We'll call them like sparkling white particles. Yeah.

Sparkling white matter. Sparkling white. Yeah, but the sparkling white, I mean, it sort of works as a prefix because you know where it comes from, but then it doesn't have any additional layers of meaning, which would make that a really, a truly transcendent pun. A truly transcendent, a satirical idea. Play on, play on words. Yeah. You know, I've noticed is that none of these empires that rose and then fell ever really

get big again, right? Who? I mean, I think they sometimes do, but it's under a very different. Because, you know, the Rome, right, there's Rome. Kind of like fell for like 400 years, something. Yeah, but it also sort of became then the Holy Roman Empire. And that sort of transformed into the Roman Catholic church, you know, which had a different kind of existence.

So you're saying the kind of my, by making statements without knowing anything about the history of it. It's easy to kind of make a mistake. Well, Alice, then, but also, from my point of view, I've corrected you. Yeah, that's true. And I also don't know what I'm talking about.

That's great. So I could look extra stupid. Oh, let's hope. Because to then come in with authority, correcting someone, you're actually much worse. That's why you'll always see me entering every statement with a degree of caution, yeah, unless it's justifiable.

Unless it involves describing something disgusting about a body. What about China? China's probably done that, hasn't it? Like, I feel like China was, you know. But they weren't like a world empire. Oh sure, but how many world empires have there been, Alistair? A fair few. How name one, name four.

Ottoman? I don't, I mean. The Byzantine? Yeah, but these are just all regional. Ottoman? I don't, I mean. The Byzantine? Yeah, but these are just all regional. England? These aren't world. There's no Byzantine, you know.

Mongolians. Civilization, you know, the Byzantines never made it to South America. Well, they should have. They would have if they hadn't fallen. Yeah, okay. You know, there probably wasn't a land bridge at the time or ice bridge or whatever. What's that bridge?

If only the What an experience that would be you know to just to rebuild the bridge You know, so it's like a nice bridge, you know that that loud people to move from like, you know Russia a Mongolia area to like Alaska or whatever. So is that the way they went? I think I think it was like, that was how the people, if part of the out of Africa theory is that they kind of spread out into kind of like first that area between Europe and Africa or whatever,

and then kind of then they kind of spread out, and then slowly would have worked their way east, and then over that during some cold time, walked across, and that's the people that later on went all the way down and became Aztecs and mine. It's amazing. I mean, the thing is, they didn't have any perspective on it.

They would have, for individuals at that time, it would have been, we're just going a couple miles over here where there's bit of fishing. Yeah. If I could find one of them had been like, had taken a moment to really stand back and say, look how far we've come. No, absolutely. I mean, the thing is that I think none of it, what it wasn't done by just like one group

of people, it probably happened over hundreds and hundreds of years. Well, exactly, but that's why you need to have an oral history or some sort of a written record. So you can, as a people, just occasionally still think back to half far we've come. And but sometimes it probably would have just happened just because somebody was like, maybe trying to get out of a bad conversation and they were like, I'm just going to go over here for a bit and suddenly they've tried new ground. It was kind of a,

tried new ground that no, no man has ever set foot on. You're right. You've tried new ground that no man has ever set foot on before. You're right. Some of, at least some of the history of human exploration has been done out of awkwardness. And we need to pay tribute to those explorers. And they, as well, because they really were going where no man had gone before. Yeah. Were much more explorers than say Captain Cook who just went where people already were. Yeah, that seems like less of an achievement.

Hmm. When we put it like that. But we're going where we've never been before. Indeed. Do we have some words from a listener? Andrew, we do. Today's words come from listener Chris Paolo. Oh, Chris Paolo.

Yeah. I hope I've been pronouncing that correctly. Chris. Chris is a friend of the show and a friend of the people who do the show. Yes. Hello to you, Chris. Hello Chris and thanks for listening to the podcast. Thank you people who do the show. Yes. Hello to you, Christopher. Hello Chris and thanks for listening to the podcast. Thank you for listening to the podcast.

He's, he told me I could use his last name because he said he wasn't ashamed of listening. But as we've probably said before, we are happy even to have listeners who are ashamed of listening. Oh, it still counts. Yeah, absolutely. Shame downloads.

iTunes doesn't know the difference. Absolutely. And if anything, mention if you sign into an incognito tab to play. You need to play to anything, right? Yeah. And like, you know, I'm not going to say I even prefer listeners who overcome shame to still continue listening. That's true.

You know, but I'm just saying that there, that definitely is deserving of a medal. I think iTunes, now that we're on this, iTunes should have incognita attempts that you can open up when you listen to the embarrassing. Yeah. In fact, that'd be a good one for like an April falls. You know how companies always do some April falls shit.

Yeah, I think if iTunes could introduce, they announce on April 1st incognito tabs for iTunes for when you're listening to embarrassing songs that you know, your guilty pleasures, Guilties, maybe Spotify could do it too. Yeah. Yeah. Which you can also listen to us on Spotify. Yeah.

His three words. Can you write that down as a sketch, Cherokee? What's that? Incognito tabs for music, music things. Sure, wait. Yeah. I mean, I feel like we could go for something even much more strange. Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

I mean, it's probably not gonna pull it off as for the, nothing's gonna hit that April Fool's vibe. Better than this. Oh, yeah, sure. And that's what I'm looking for. What about, it's like, oh, huh. Panasonic has has released a sort of a hood that goes over the TV and then straps to the

back of your head on where you're sort of on the couch. So you can watch TV shows in Cognito. It's got headphones in it and everything like that. So you can watch your big screen TV still sitting on your couch. But the other people in it and everything like that. So you can watch your big screen TV, still sitting on your couch, but the other people in the room can't see what you're watching. What you're watching. It's in Cognito hood. It's not a good idea.

No, that's funny. Yeah, that's funny, yeah. Somebody could release, right? An incognito hood that sort of straps over your waist and your genitals and covers your upper body and up to your eyes. So you can do stuff to your genitals and no one will know what you're doing. Do you think there will be a point at time when we'll just have incognito, everything, and we'll all just kind of, we'll all just look like a, like a shadow sort of fuzz walking

around. We'll be looking through our eyes, which will have built in augmented reality, and we'll have blur on it and everything at that. The government will know who we all are, but we won't know who we are to each other so that we can avoid any kind of like gender or racial or any kind of everybody will just look maybe like an orb. That's probably what orbs, you know, like orbs from the future are. Yeah, orbs from the future. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like we think that there are some higher species. They're just, this is just the only way that they could get past prejudice. So that, you know, because I mean, if you're choosing a regular, you know, body that kind

of just looks blurred, you're still being kind of like ableist by saying, oh, well, this is a able-bodied person, so I'll treat them. Absolutely. You know, but if we all look like an orb. Yeah, and there's no, like a circle is a circle is a circle. There's no body shaming possible. No, that's right And so you're an orb and you go into it. You go to work You kind of do things nobody can really see you, but you're just kind of orbing

But then you can talk to other orbs You're probably just typing at a computer or whatever Did your own little hands or what is it? No, they can't see it. It's all just looks like you just if when somebody looks at you You just they just see an orb. Yeah, okay. You're just typing. You can see out. Yeah, you can see out and, and you don't even really see the orb, but you know, all you see around you is orbs. Right. It's, it's so that we can take that, that blind auditioning from orchestras, where you just, you know, you do it behind a curtain, which I guess that's another option. But I mean mean we've already had a sketch where everybody's behind a curtain at all times

I don't want to tread this the same ground. No, this is different. This is an olb. This is a futuristic orb This is all-pemented reality or minted and it's just to get rid of prejudice I think it cuz it's it's just too much work for people to not be prejudiced. It's easier if everyone just looks like an orb. Do you wanna have a choice? You can try and be prejudiced. In fact, we challenge you.

Go on. Yeah. Do your best. Try, yeah. You can't. Yeah. There's nothing to judge. Everybody will have the same voice.

Yep. Yep. have the same voice. Yep. Yep. Um, true equality. Yeah. Anyway, um, great. I mean, I'll read three words from... Oh, you can write that down as well. The augmented reality, if you want.

Um, but we have three words from, uh, Chris Perreand. Of us, slash show. Okay. Three words are psychological, paladin and fungus. Psychological paladin fungus. Like that's a good selection of words.

They're all a little bit high-brow. They're all P words. Fungus? I was like... They're all P words. Fungus? I was like, I was like... I picked the first two. I was like... I was like... He'll be tricked because the first one starts with an S sound.

He probably won't get it. He probably won't. He'll be like, wait a second. He's gonna look like a real idiot where he challenges me on this one. So, three people. You really set me up there, Elastair? No, I got on there. It's weird that you capture pure stupidity.

You know, in a natural state. A moment of pure stupidity. And that is like, you know, when they've got that footage of that, that lizard escaping from all those snakes, you know. This is like that. Oh yeah. But with the stupidity. Yeah, the escaping from your mouth. Well, I mean, that's kind of one idea where it's like,

there are so many checks and balances along the way in your brain to stop you from doing stupid things. And the stupidity really was the escape. All the like psychological hands. The new connections that were asking for, no, don't let this one out. That's way too dumb. Like that. I mean, that's a kind of a, it's a beautiful image to, you know, like when in the Simpsons

they would zoom into Homer's brain and it would show some idea of the process in there. I think that would be a nice bit of imagery. Zoom in. There's a lizard escape. Is that like a sketch imagery? It's a stupid idea. I'm interested in a verbal analysis of what had to go wrong to allow this to happen, much like they do with air crash investigation or something like that,

where they, like, how, why were these two planes to happen, much like they do with air crash investigation or something like that, you know, where they, like how, why were these two planes on the runway at the same time or the Titanic, you know, all the things along the way? I blame also the wet, where I wrote it, and I guess if people look at the image that we're going to put on Twitter with the fun thing, fungus up there, definitely looks like it's got a good big rounded hood that kind of, you know, and it almost joins the you there. You know, at a glance. But again, I would say this is your handwriting.

And you know the word fungus doesn't start with a pea, whether or not it's written. It doesn't matter Andy, at the time, if you're not focusing and you don't remember that it's fungus. Yeah. All right. I blame some kind of psychological pelican fungus that is actually what caused that slip, that slip of the brain. I mean that, that, that... What do we know about pelican?

Well, I know that I've seen that video of the pelican eating the pigeon. The pelican eating the pigeon. And that has had an ongoing psychological effect on me. One that has been growing. One that has been growing in the dark. Yeah. And it's one day I feel I worry going to blossom into a bloom that protrudes into the visible world and that will be the moment when I just eat a pigeon.

I'm just there and straight next to a pigeon and I just grab the pigeon and I shove it down my throat. Do you think there's a chance? I mean, I guess it's never off the books. My emotions about... I don't... yeah, I think there's a chance. I absolutely think there's a chance. And I think that's what scares me. You know what this makes me think of, right?

So recently, there's, I think Nick Caper has been on the show a while ago. Yeah. Him and Mike Goldstein do a podcast right now. I think maybe called Phone Hacks. Yeah, yeah. Where they go through each other's phones and they look at personal stuff and Where they go through each other's phones

and they look at personal stuff and they make fun of each other. And then they text the men and the people in the family and their families and so that to do about anything. And then text each other? Oh, that would be fun. That would be really nice. Anyway, they posted about a funny thing that Mike did to

Caper. Caper's phone, which was where they texted his uncle guy, Capra, and he said, Hey, uncle guy, how you doing? Anyway, I just woke up from a crazy dream where you and I 69. Anyway, hope you're well. Say hi to anti for me right it's so it's so awkward anyway I just what absolutely made me laugh was the uncle's response which was I hope that doesn't come true. You know, with anyway, I hope you're well, blah, blah, blah. But like, just this, like almost like he believes that dreams do sometimes come true. Yeah.

And that there's nothing that we can do to stop that. And so, let's just hope that that is not one of those. Because I think just even the keeping in his response that there's a possibility of that happening. Yeah, I mean, it wouldn't do everything that is absolutely possible to stop it. Well, it's like the lizard and the snakes again You know that that that event where you 69 with your uncle guy is I mean, and now we're just talking about jokes from someone else's podcast I'm linking you back on it. I'm linking it back. No, absolutely. I'll listen. I'm linking it back We in a back full credit. Full credit, Lincoln Park.

Yeah. I'm in the Lincoln ballpark right now. Very much. Yeah. To that great podcast, phone hacks. Phone hacks, but also it's a great, it's a great integrated ad that is unpaid for and uncalled for.

Yeah. Anyway, so where I was taking this sure is that this is what's now happened to you with eating pigeons. You don't even eat meat. No. I mean, this video was horrendous PR for pelicans. Yeah.

I mean, pelicans, I like, always seemed like just a goofy, doofus of an animal, you know, a freak of nature that have survived by not on the off the back of their own superiority. No, but just through the universe's sense of humor and that it likes, it likes a laugh occasionally. Yeah, and but now we know that they just will eat a live pigeon. And I think the thing is, I don't even know who to feel bad for in that scenario. Because sure it sucks for the pigeon. Absolutely. But can you imagine having a pigeon in your mouth? Like a straight pigeon as well. Street pigeon, first, first you're just getting it through the mouth,

into the mouth. There is fungus on that pigeon. There's all sorts on that pigeon. Absolutely, right? But then you got it in your big floppy bill. Yeah. All right, in that pouch, right? In the kangaroo pouch that you have as a mouth.

Yeah, right? And you're like, what do I do now? Right, but then you have to swallow that live pigeon. All right. Now I don't know if you're waiting for a to cease to struggle while still in your beak. I don't know that you can afford that because a pigeon is not like a lot of other stuff

that you eat. A pigeon's got all sorts of pointy bits on it. They got a beak. You got those talons. Yeah. They probably have a few just broken shards of glass that they've picked up along the way. They're a fucking pigeon.

They're a pigeon. They're covered in disease and they're scratching you. And like you're eating something that has an arsehole. Like it's, and it's stressed. It's shitting in your mouth. It's shitting in your mouth. It's maybe vomiting out of terror. Yeah.

And you may have broken up different parts of it. Maybe it's gut is spilling into your mouth. F. So, it's a sketch. It's a sketch about this pelican and his life post-eating. Oh wow. Post-eating that pigeon. I think that's really interesting.

I think and I just went for it. Yeah, okay, is he trying to own it? Is it like a road back for that pigeon? The pelican is like what's the kind of redemption? Uh, he... First he's like, it's just that, you know, it's like a one-on-one interview. Oh, you're just seeing that. Like, Ellen? Uh, I think it's like, it's more kind of like, uh,

in a slightly darkened room sitting on a chair. You don't see the interviewer. Because Ellen does have a lot of people who get famous on YouTube on her show. That's all I'm saying. That's true. So it is Tosh.0. But I don't think we're going to have, we're going to put it in that setting. All right.

That'd be quite interesting. Set a sketch on another comedy show. That's great. That's a fun idea. Get the pelican on. But then would you get him to do it again? Isn't that what Toshboard odas, very often? Yeah, to recreate things.

He would get him to eat another live bird or do you want to try and do this so that it's not so fucked up? I guess what was he trying to do? Like, I guess if it had been cooked, it'd be fine. Do you think it was just kind of... I feel like that pelican was on meth. Yeah, or maybe it was like, it was lashing out because of like,

because there's people around, so there, clearly there's people probably feeding some of the birds. Yeah. I don't know, but did it, is it, was he pissed off that he wasn't getting enough bread? Or, you know, what if, what if the pigeon was eating all the bread? And then he's like, well, I'm this. I'm eating the pigeon, it's filled with bread. Oh, yeah, I mean, well, look, and when we cook birds, what do we do?

Stuff them full of bread crumbs. That's right, so. It's like really all it is is the sashimi of the baked pigeon world. That's right. And I think there's a sketch in a pigeon and a pelican sort of trying to justify what happened. Yeah. Right. And like, maybe the pigeon does some commentary on the video.

Trying to explain the other pelican. Okay. Sorry. It's hard for me. I get those. Could you think we could do think we could also talk to the pigeons family? Yeah. Sure. I don't know. Maybe. I mean, that pigeon putting itself in that scenario makes me feel like the pigeon probably was a bit of a loose unit anyway. So you think that a pigeon should have been aware that Pelican's eight pigeons because I don't know if that had ever happened before.

And I think we all learned a lesson that day, the pigeon, the most brutal lesson of all. Yeah. But then it wasn't a useful lesson for any of us, because is that I think that is ever going to happen again? I think I would certainly be careful like if I had a small dog around a pelican. Yeah, whereas up before that, it would have just been like, hey, go over there and play with the pelicans. Pat the pelican. Go romp with the pelicans. You're my pet and the pelican is your pet.

Yeah, go treat it badly and get in its personal space. Anyway, somewhere in there, the pelican has also developed some kind of mental condition, psychological condition from... Sure, sure. And the pigeons covered in fungus. Yeah, or the pelican now, he's just got a fungus on his shoulder.

Maybe he's like, you know, obviously psychologically he was affected by eating it. No one was more a factor by eating that pigeon than me. Yeah, and in a way I've already been punished. That's right. You know, there's nothing, there's no more greater punishment that society can deliver to me. If anything, having to shit out a pigeon. Yeah, shit it out as well.

You think it was the live when they came out? Out the Khloak, at the year for the law office of the two in the think tank podcast. A palak an egg of never thought about what a Pelican egg would look like or even like a brand new Pelican Freshly egg what the yeah, they would put I mean Furless yeah, they wouldn't they would have no fur on the But I was just gonna oh Anyway, I can't remember so Toronto, that is all our sketches for today.

For all our sketches, thank you. Chris, the for Paulo, for those. Good episode, some real strong start, had a great time at the start, got a bit bogged down. While we're promoting things, Chris Paulo was involved in writing the film, The Brothers Nest. Was he? Oh man, I've heard really good things.

Yeah, and so. And so that's an independent film that is out now in Australia. Please go watch that. It's got. Shane Jacobson. Shane Jacobson. And is. Shaken Jacobson.

Shaken. Shaken. Shaken. Shaken. Shaken. Shaken. And Clayton, right? Yeah. Brother Clayton. Yeah. Clayton Jacobson. Yeah, he's both starring and Cedric. And Clayton, right? Is it Brother Clayton? Yeah.

Clayton, Jacobson. Yeah, he's both starring and directing. Yeah. Directing it. I think he's done directing it. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Go on, Cedric.

Probably done starring in it as well, to be honest. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, really good Australian crime, heist thriller. How often do you get to say those words? Really great, Australian film. Not very often, since Crocodile Dundee 3. That's right, lost in LA. Lost in LA.

Great. Alright, here's the sketches for today. Kids, how'd you like to get paid to go water slide? This is the guy who's the one man band with the water slide suit. Yeah, with the water. He's there at careers day. He's there at Coor's Day. He's talking about how you can always be water slide and you could be making money.

Because what do people love about water sliding? The wet back in the disorientation. And that it never ends. We got dog meat delivered door to door by a dog. It's in a dog that's in a suit. It's wearing a dog suit that's a little bit bigger than a dog, but it still looks like a dog. And in order to get the meat out of the dog,

it's just, I mean, it's a usual meat delivery system, right? So it's like Uber Eats but for butchers. It's a dog eat dog, dog eat door to door. Yeah. And yeah, either way, even if it isn't dog meat that they're delivering, which it sometimes can be depending on what country you're in, it's always dog meat. It's always dog meat. That's our slogan. It's as they say, our slogan is it's a dog invites you to eat dog world out there. It's a, yeah, you're dog.

Anyway, sparkling. That's the underwater goggles for the mouth. Yep. So you can, uh, that allow you to. Dine in the brine. Dine. I'm just going to do a lot of rhyming. That's great. Yeah, dining in the brine is absolutely the slogan for this, d Dining the brine. Dining. I'm just gonna do a lot of rhyming, so I'm gonna start. That's great, Andy.

Dining in the brine is absolutely the slogan for this Dining the brine. But, you know, but we do allow you to do this in fresh water as well. Sure. As well as sort of pools. There could be pools. Yeah.

Yeah. And puddles, you know. I don't think that if you live in a really dry country, you should be excluded from a Brian dining experience. Sure Here's a half sketch Trying to make billions of inbezzled dollars Relatable to the commoner jury.

Yeah. And it's a real tricky stuff for this lawyer. I mean, I think it's funny, like, in terms of like... Plan it down. And let's make that... Let's put that into terms you'd understand. $17 billion dollars. That's four and a half billion cans of beer.

Yeah. Or in Australia would only be six cans of beer per person. Yeah. You know, it's all my bad. Changing the word Adam to something less embarrassing. Right. You know, or it's it's time it's wrong. We just know it's wrong. It's probably got something to do with the England leaving the EU, but it also can just be fixing the mistakes of history. And God knows England has got to face up to some of these historical errors that they've made.

And all the historical errors that England has made, I want to be clear, relate to choice of language. Those are the only ones. Well, if you won't give back the something of the pantheon or whatever, the ocean marbles. At least stop using an incorrect Greek word for quite an important building block of matter. Quite. Quite.

Then we got incognito tags for either music, for like a, kind of like a, you know, either Spotify or iTunes, you know, this could be an April Fools vibe type thing. Or you know, you could have like incognito hoods for sort of your Panasonic TV or, you know, you could, it could come with your mobile phone. Yeah. You know, it's not fully incognito if people can still look at what you're doing from, you know, just over your shoulder. Incognito tabs for talking to people.

Yeah, sort of like they had in like a movie with the TV show with 99. Gets smart. Gets smart. Yeah. And that's what you should do. And then we got the orbmented reality. I don't think we need to go there any further.

Everyone's replaced with an orb, so there's no prejudice. Yeah. And we got the pelican reliving and justifying why it ate that pigeon. And yeah. And if you haven't seen that video, don't. Because it'll haunt you. It will haunt you. But if you do want to see it, despite our ideas, our warnings, just type in pigeon and pelican into YouTube and I imagine it'll

be the first 10 or so. We'll be in the first 100. It'll come up. Get ready for a new memory for life. Yep. Bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, bound, BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM I did not see it. Somebody alerted me that a member of the audience of that show had a sign that said, international fan of two in the think tank. And I want to say thank you, firstly for coming all the way to Australia. I mean, I would say that to any person who

is either visiting Australia or immigrating to Australia, thank you for coming. Thank you. Yeah, you're contributing to our economy. Yeah, and you're contributing to your own wealth of life. Yes, and thank you for doing that. And thank you for doing that. Thank you for doing something for you. Taking care of yourself, but also for, you know,

publicly putting yourself in a situation where you're holding a fandom sign of some sort that is unbelievably generous and I'm sorry that I didn't see it and point you out. It would have been, it probably would have been a worse experience for you if I had have done that. You could have gone and found them and said hi after the show or something else, dear. I could have made some effort of some kind.

I was told as I was walking out the door, but I'm glad that I'm cornered here. I want you to, but in many glad that I'm cornered here. Yeah. I want you to, but in many ways, I'm doing some effort now. You are, you are. There's lovely, thank you so much to whoever that person is. Yeah, and if you want to contact us and take a photo of yourself with the sign and then send it to us, we can post it on our socials.

Yeah, great. And if you, I haven't been doing any gigs recently, but if you want to come and find me at the park or something with your son, and if you have a son, or daughter, or something like that, that makes your appearance at a park even more relevant. And if you don't have one, just find one. Just bring a kid, or bring one of Andy's kids that maybe he's lost

That'll be a great surprise Wow Oh, what a great surprise my lost child Just don't be the reason he's lost it. That's right, you know, I mean We think you tend to think that somebody is less suspicious If they're at the park with a kid, But how do you know that's their kid? That's right, there you go. It's very suspicious. Now, it's gonna ruin everything for you.

Thank you everybody for listening to the podcast. Thank you George for doing the editing. I don't thank you enough. Thank you. You're lovely. Thank you to everybody who's contributed to our Patreon, our Nara Nara. Pumping out two episodes extra a month of other stuff.

Slightly different, you know, one where we come up with just five ideas for something that you guys have suggested. Yeah, got some great suggestions coming in, so we keep sending those to us. And we've also got the two-in-the-sitcom tank where we are workshopping a sitcom idea. Yeah. So you can check that out if you are an $8 level Patreon supporter.

Yeah, and you can also on Twitter, I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. For it to and tank. Thank you to Harry's for supporting this episode, Harry's.com forge-lash-tink-tank. Thank you to Planet's Broadcasting. And thank you all of you for supporting the podcast, because we love you.

Love you. RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-RU-R Very much. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbrodcastine.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Sometimes the transition to fall and winter feels like experiencing every season on the same day. The shoes and the all birds' mizzle collection were made for Misty Morning walks, surprise no days, and anything a trip to the dog park might bring. The whole collection brings together water repellent technology and classic style, so you can stay warm, dry, and comfy during your everyday adventures. Check off your errands with

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