Two In The Think Tank - 140 - "CLOWN DOCTORS IN THE MATERNITY WARD"

Episode Date: July 17, 2018

Plagiarised History, Copyright Battle, Corruption Monopoly, Casino Blessings, Rainman Messiah, Prison Puppets, Baby Talk, Patch Madams, Diving Desk, Baby Voice OfficeYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereNot your grandma's thanks to George Matthews for producing  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, bip, I'm Andy. And I am Alistair George William and Tromblay Burchell. That's my full name that I say all the time to contrast with Andy's short name that he always says. He doesn't ever mention the Matthews. I don't know. What happens is I have I have three names obviously. Yeah. First name middle name and a surname. Right. Right.

But Alistair has, well, he really only has four names, so it's really only one more, but his surname is a double bang. It's hyphenated. So, you know, if I were to say my three names and he would say his five names, then I don't think, or, you know, four slash five names, that I don't think it would be as funny. Like, even even though you still have more names, I think the contrast between the single name and the full name is more dramatic and more comedically satisfying. Sure. I look, I'm going to, I accept that you think that I'm doing this for a comedy reason, but really what it's about deep down

is trying to get opportunities. You know, I'm more Googleable if people get my full name. You know, I don't know if I always come across as good as you on the podcast. So, but I'm more visible. You are searchable. Yeah, I'm more more visible. You are searchable. Yeah, I'm more searchable. People are going to be searching for Andy.

They're not going to come up with that much, I don't think. Your page rank is off the charts. Absolutely, so. Couldn't be off the charts. The page rank is a number on a chart. Yeah. So whatever number it is, it's on a chart. Otherwise, you don't have a page rank, presumably,

if it's off the charts. If it's off the chart. Otherwise, you don't have a page rank, presumably, if it's off the charts. If it's off the page. Yeah. Then nothing. Yeah. Would you... Is it worth putting, like, on a resume or a CV, you're like a page rank?

My SEO ranking. Yeah, one of your... I'm very easy to find on the internet my if you search my Twitter Will come up like third After maybe two bad reviews that I got in the comedy festivals Not too bad. I'm pretty up there my website's probably fifth is that is that actually the case that your bad reviews I think maybe there's always like one bad review that stays up pretty high So that's pretty good. I think part of the Google algorithm is just keeping people down a bit

Yeah, a little bit of just like a reality check is in there as well. Absolutely, and it's fine I you know, I I accept that some of the shows that I've done have gone poorly. And that's what keeps me humble and also unmotivated to work on it. Which is another thing that keeps me humble. Yeah. Have you noticed this trend in comedy, right? So comedians or... I'm sure I have, because I...

You notice a lot of trends in comedy. I'm watching a lot of trends. Yeah. A big comedy trend, noticing. Right, that people will sometimes make a joke that maybe doesn't get like a huge laugh, but then they'll do a little bit of a meta reference to that joke, right, in order to sort of, or to, you know, into their process

and how they came up with the joke or what the comedy was in that. And then they'll say something along the lines of there, a bit of a glimpse behind the curtain there. Right? Yeah. I have noticed that trend.

Yeah. And do you think that if I were to point that out on stage, I would be able to say there's a glimpse behind the curtain behind the curtain, because they think they've shown you behind the curtain, but really there's just a further curtain behind which they are concealing the real interests of comedy, which is that we pretend not to care when in fact we do. Well, I guess as soon as you pull back the curtain, that becomes the stage.

It does. And so then there's got to be a further curtain or a wall. Or a brick wall. A brick wall. Yeah. I'm ushering you through the stage. It does. And so then there's gotta be a further curtain or a wall. Or a brick wall. A brick wall. Yeah. I'm assuring you through the stage door. Possibly. Into the alleyway. Possibly just a thin bit of wood paneling

that has a landscape painted on it. Yeah. Maybe a castle. A castle. Maybe just a sort of like, you know, if it was a 90s sort of rock music production, there'd just be like some chain link fence there or something like that. And like a spotlight.

Maybe a fire, maybe like a just a burning barrel. Yeah, yeah, and people with fingerless gloves sort of gathered around it rubbing their hands. Could be you, with your fingerless gloves. With my fingerless gloves. By the way, if we have any cross listeners with do-go-on, right? They've got something fucking going where they're trying to do a campaign to get the gloveless finger up. Dave Warnocky reckons he came up with it on an episode of their podcast recently. Listen back to two in the Think Tank podcast. We came up with that in

like episode nine. Coming up with things, that's our business. We come up with things here. Step off, do go on. Do go on, what do they do? They, they repeat things that exist already in the world. They're just, they're just basically plagiarists. Yeah. They're just repeating history.

That's what I think of historians. Well, technically, they're plagiarists. Yeah, but technically, that's also what do go on or doing with this finger, this loveless finger thing. They're just repeating the thing that you said ages ago. History. It's just another report. Yeah. They thought it was an original concept. Is there something about historians being plagiarists? Plagiarists. They're a sketch in there. Yeah, I think so.

I mean, there's, you know, the idea of a plagiarist, like a historian being taken to court for plagiarism. I guess that could be. Who would they be taken to court by, though? Marvin Gays' estate. The latest victims of Marvin Gays' estate used to be that the biggest thing clogging up our court system was people challenging toll fines for toll roads. But that's recently been overtaken by copyright claims by Marvin Gays' estate, the estate

of Marvin Gays. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. we could we could get anything we can go after anybody and so they could go after the unauthorized biography of Marvin Gaye. That's a pretty good one to go off. Yeah. Yeah. You think because you and this is your saying that there's a story and having written that they're just basically copying his life. Yeah. This is a this is a and this is that copy of Marvin Gaye's life. It's a rip off. It's a word for word rip off. Yeah. I mean, look, it requires at least the knowledge that Marvin Gaye's estate, but we can mention it in there,

that Marvin Gaye's estate has been pursuing people for copyright infringement. Yeah, I think that's something. Yeah, I wonder if taking taking doing it over his biography, well, it's maybe a little too close to just something that would possibly actually happen. Really? Well, just because when you say unauthorized biography

or something like that, it makes me think, well, then there is the concept of authorization is associated with these things. Therefore, being unauthorized is somehow breaking that rule or whatever, and therefore maybe they have done something wrong. Sure. But initially, when you brought it up as a throwaway, Alistair, it's so funny to me, the idea of the Marvin

Gays estate being involved in almost anything. Well, look, I mean, if the unauthorized thing in your mind, the fogs the idea, take that word out. Take that word out. The writer of Marvin Gays biologist. Oh, Alistair, hello. Look at that. Now I'm interested. So that's, you know, I look at, well, my mic has gone out. Has it? Yeah. So dropped out?

No, it's still there. You're still showing up on the thing. Oh, there, there was my headphones. Your headphones dropped out. It's just weird. It's still a weird thing to happen. Yeah. There are those little fl little glimpse behind the curtain there. Yeah.

In front of the brick wall, little glimpse in front of the brick wall. What about this? Yes. You know, he says it's a little glimpse behind the curtain. And so let's say you do your, you know, that's the person, then he goes, I do this, he goes.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, get off the road, yeah, man, girl. And then,, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, It's a dog, I told you! I've got a whole truckload of pasteatsies calling in the back. I've got to get down to the depot. Well hang on, once the dog moves, I'll be able to move. Anyway, bit of a peek behind the brick wall. I like that a lot. Yeah. And what I like the most about is that my character is apparently taking hot pastineses

to a depot. Yeah. I suppose it's for the people of the depot to eat. Sure, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Unless they've got to take it to a further place. Sure.

And then you can see his urgency. If they've got to remain hot and they've still got another step in the logistical process. Exactly. Well, this is a sketch speaking of repeating history. This is a sketch from ages ago that you and I came up with about delivering hot cups of tea and how it turns out that it's just economies of scale. It makes much more sense to have the tea made in China and then transported here. And this is like, when I say tea made in China, I'm not talking about obviously a tea bag

or a leaf tea. I'm talking about like a cup of tea, right? Modern transport, logistic networks are so advanced that we can now get that cup of tea into your hand while it's still at an acceptable drinking temperature. And, you know, by doing, you know, hundreds of thousands of cups a day, we're actually able to save money. That was a good idea. Yeah, I'm now wondering whether the Martin Gay...

Oh, no, it should be fine. Look, we could turn that into a sketch. I mean, I was just like, I was like, I thought about writing it out as a tweet. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, maybe it's a tweet. Could be a tweet. I mean, look, we can have tweet ideas on here. I mean, I mean, there's because because what they've, the, the estate of Marvin Gaye is doing with these leaps has is, it's very much like it seems like they are claiming that people have ripped off sort of the vibe right, more of songs, right? Because it's like, it's a combination of like, I don't even have the musical vocabulary

to describe it. Well, yeah, but like, a actual melody and things like that, but then plus also like his essence. Yeah, the feel of it. Yeah. Which if you can get in trouble for ripping off the essence of Marvin Gaye, you can do that in any aspect of life in the way that you dress, in the way that you talk to your loved ones, in the way that you get shot by your dad? I worry that at some point historians will be sued by sort of both the allied forces and the Axis powers

for plagiarizing the Second World War. The media presentation of the Second World War. Yes. So, you know, like obviously discovery, you know, is gonna go to, you know, because of all these Hitler documentaries, Hitler's a state. You know, SPS is gonna be up against the wall. SPS, I mean, you know, when you're in trouble, I guess then it's just the countries that are not, that are not, that weren't involved in the war. They're the only ones that won't get a payout.

Right. You know? Well, but maybe then the third world war will actually be a legal battle over copyright issues, right? So if we all go back in, say, because really the second world war was the Germans idea, right? They had no idea for it in the first place. That's true.

It was there. Yeah. You know, if you would assign credits for it, really, the Nazis came up with the idea for the Second World War and then everyone else sort of was brought on by the production, you know, in the course of the production to sort of contribute various elements. A plight some some balance maybe. But yeah, essentially the idea of having a world war was the Germans idea.

Yeah, great. And so initially, right, initially what happens is all the countries that were involved sue like these gigantic media companies, which now probably own more money than some countries. Yes. So maybe Disney's involved, maybe one of those other one time Warner or something like that, if that's the exist.

MGM. MGM, I don't know, whatever. And then they... Warner Brothers. Warner Brothers, yeah. And then they succeed. And these companies have to, they have to basically break down. Yeah, they're done. Right. And they maybe have to hand over the property. So like, you know, France,

they get Spider-Man. Yeah, exactly. So then, and plus money and everything like that, right? And then the war really breaks out when Germany is sort of a challenge is the ruling saying that they should be getting a much bigger cut like that. And then they're saying actually it was our idea and things like that. And so then the real war starts again through Europe and all these countries that weren't involved. And first of all, they make fun of Switzerland for not getting any money because they remain neutral.

And so then they remain neutral. Yeah. And so then anyway. But then I think I've presumed they'd want to put all the money into Swiss bank accounts anyway. Yeah, maybe let's let's let's let's go. So so I reckon there's a world, a copyright battle, World War III, right? Yeah. Intellectual property, a battle.

While you were talking about that, there's something you said made me think of the game monopoly, right? Oh, it was about getting all the money from these companies, but also, as I suggested, they're like their properties, the spider-man's and marbles and all that sort of stuff. But in monopoly, I think it would be good to have a version of monopoly, which is like global corruption monopoly, or something like that. So, where you, it's the rules of monopoly, but then also you can be corrupt. So it's possible to like pay off the bank, so that even the rules of the game don't particularly

apply to you. Sure, yeah, yeah. Maybe like, maybe like you're playing monopoly, and then there's some sort of dark monopoly element that can be overlaid over the top of a traditional game of monopoly. Yeah, but is there also sort of like a constitution that protects you and has processes in place that allow you to, you know, in the right circumstance, as let's say, in the event of like a 45, number 45 president, and possible foreign interference in an election, can you instigate... Still, when they're trying to get around the rules

and monopolies, can you then appeal to a higher authority? Can you instigate an inquiry into that, which leads you to the corruption, the global corruption problem. You absolutely can, but then I think that even beyond that, it's possible through manipulation of the media and the Supreme Court to affect even the processes

and the implementation of the Constitution. So if you have enough money, you're able to transcend that as well. And then you're left with only, I guess, the laws of the physical laws of the universe as the only thing that can constrain you. And of course, God's law. Right. But no amount of money can protect you from those.

No fear. If you've got enough money, I think even God will probably be like. I mean, there's got to be at least one billionaire who has just a priest on side, like a on the payroll who they can use to maybe So you need you just need one priest and then he can just like bless you like whenever. Yeah, I mean maybe like one One high ranking Religious figure from each religion just in case You know high priestess of you know of Gaia or something like that, you know, I think I think if we found out that the Pope had been bought off somehow.

Yeah. I mean, not great. Yeah, he was someone who was paying for his Ruby slippers. Yeah. Ruby slippers. Oh, that's the Dalai Lama. He has Ruby slippers. Well, he doesn't even have like, I thought they refer to him as like the monk

with the Louis Vuitton shoes or something like that. Yeah, right. Where he does have some. He's doing okay. Yeah, he's, I think he's doing okay. He's on these speaking tours all the time. Sure. I mean, I think, look, I mean, if that's separate from,

look, I put them Arvangay as if that's separate from, look, I've put them on the Marvin Gaye's a half sketch. Sure, sure, sure. So what it really was leading into was the real sketch. Which is the copyright. The copyright. The title of World War Three. Then there was this. Wait.

Okay, so this was... I've gone totally blank. Oh, it's monopoly, but with the higher, it's corrupt monopoly, basically. I think corruption monopoly. I think we could do that as just an ad. I think what about like, it's a game of monopoly where you're playing the game and then like, there's a knock at the door, and someone dressed all in black. You've never seen before, comes and sits down

on the monopoly table and starts playing the game as well. And you don't understand their motivations, right? They have all this money and you don't know where it's come from. And they begin to affect the course of the game and they somehow represent the forces of dark money and corruption. Sure, but then also like that the game gets taken away

from the actual board where you have drinks over here and things like that. It busts out, that's great. It busts out of actually the board game and it becomes. It's closer to Jumanji. It's the Jumanji of Monopoly. This person, yeah, like I just a couple of people, you know, they don't have to be foreign, but they're probably going to be foreign to

you in some way, at least in their inability to know who they are personally. Yeah, yeah. Other history. But also they're, they, you don't know their values. You don't even know the fundamental, like if they're bound by the fundamental sort of constraints of humanity. And the board itself comes with its own underbelly, which is a place under where you can sort of pass money around through sort of channel secret channels. Yeah, secret channels.

Yeah. There's communication channels as well, they're encrypted. I think this would be a good little ad done good to be to do as a little ad for a new version of the monopoly boy. Yeah. That's what I'll think in as well. Oh, great. Well, I didn't mention it earlier. No, you did. Yeah. Oh, well, I mean, that's good. It's probably where I've got the idea. It was probably a voice in your head rather than a voice coming into your ear What's the difference? Look, this is you know, this is a

3 million views minimum Absolutely. If only we had the motivation to go ahead and like it or not just the motivation And also a little bit of time. It's it's it's so richly satirical. It's rich, isn't it? Dark rich theoretical. It's like a lint bar. It's like an 80% lint bar of satire. It's almost too rich. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is there, I think we have done stuff with billionaires trying to break the laws of physics

or the God's laws or whatever like that. But I think the idea of a troop of high ranking religious figures who were just on the payroll of a billionaire and just seeing them sit in a room. I don't know how we're using this sketch idea. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, but I like picturing it in a club, like a real, like a sinful kind of a club.

I like that these people are so, they've been so corrupted by money, that they sit around in their religious garb in like a darkly lit strip club kind of a place. I was just awful things are happening all around them. literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally literally highest ranking religious officials in any religion. Like you pick up your cloak, your cloak, your coat. We call it a cloakroom. But really it's a cloakroom. That depends what area you're in. That's true. Transylvania, probably cloaks.

Or Cape. Yeah. I mean we call it a cloakroom. But really it's really a Cape room. It's really a Cape room. I'm not sure, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. like a big collar. Oh, cool. Of course, yeah, they're definitely, oh, that's really sort of like a doctor's strange would wear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's a cow? Yeah, it could be.

It's a hard word to say though. Cow. Cowl. Yeah, it's kind of like, it's like you've mispronounced coal. Mm. Yeah. Or cow.

Yeah, cowl. Mm. Or petunias. Petunias. Yeah, yeah, really mispronounced it. That doesn't sound... Yeah, mispronounced the fuck out of it. Absolutely.

My sons turn boy into a two-word, two-syllable word, a bow-boy. Bow-boy. He says bow-boy. Oh, I'm a good bow-boy. That's nice. There's a roundness to this, isn't it? It almost feels like that's how it should be seen.

Boy, boy. I can't do it. No, it takes a while to get your mouth. Think of it being spelled B-O-W-O-Y. Ba-ho-woy. B-O-W-U. I mean, you know how it should be. Okay, B-O-Double-W-O-Y.

Bow-Woy. Yeah, Bow-Woy. Yeah, I think I got it. Yeah. I was trying, Alistair, but my brain wasn't letting me. Bow-Woy. Like... Like you didn't know what the end point was.

They both agreed it was hard. And then you gave me a little thing, oh, I'd had one shot it. You gave me one chance. And then you treated me like a fucking idiot. Yeah. Just because I can't pronounce words that your son's made up. Yeah.

Zunfair wasn't it? Yeah, it felt like a real trial. I thought this was a safe, you know? It's not true. And it's a safe closet, not a space closet, sorry. It's a safe closet that we're in. I just, I found it funny because the difficult part was the second half of the word.

Not the first time. Bore was the part that we'd all nailed already. That's already in the word. Yeah. What are you thinking about like in a casino or something like that? So they're blessing you on your way out. Why? Because you've done awful things in there.

You've lusted. But you could use a blessing on the way in, right? Because you're about to go gambling. Yeah, that's true, but that doesn't feel like it's in the interests of the casino. I mean, I guess the idea, like, that they do bless the casino. Because I think when you're playing with such high, you know, big amounts of money, even a tiny percentage change in influence is a giant amount of money, right?

So even if it's a quarter percent effect that it might have, that you're talking about, you know, $250, $500 million or something like that, you know? So, even if, you know, I don't know if a casino can experience the placebo effect? Right. But I wonder, I mean, that would be an interesting study. If organizations can experience the placebo effect, not just the mind.

Well, I wonder if the existence of God could be a quantum phenomenon, right? Whereby, if we can work out what percentage chance there is, the likelihood of the existence of God, could it be said that he exists that amount, right? Yeah. So therefore, that would be the amount at which a prayer or a blessing, a suitably high

official, could affect the outcome of a gambling event. And so you multiply that by the number of potential guards, then it makes sense to have all of those religious figures involved. Is this like a version of the movie Rain Man, where instead of his one brother who's really good at counting cards, he bumps into, I don't know, like a down on his luck cardinal. And they go, Casino took Casino

with the cardinal sort of blessing him or granting, you know, I don't want to say wishes, but whatever they have. Yeah, eventually they kick him out because like, you can't, you're not allowed to have a high ranking. You can't have anyone above an archdeacon. Yeah. Just with you. He's like, just pretend. You just dress him up in a suit and you pretend like he's just a regular guy.

Did you already say this? No, no, I didn't, but that's great. But like, can you get him to like, bless, bless hands, sort of real subtly? And there's like security people sort of keeping an eye on him. Look at this here. He's making the son of a cross. That water that he's drinking from, I think that might be holy. I think that might be holy. I think that's really kind. Do you think these are two ideas in one or isn't? Well, I kind of remember the first idea. Oh, the casinos go, I mean, maybe this is how this is trying to combat it, or this is how they come up with the idea. Yeah.

Some guy comes in and he's like, they think it's a kind of classic card counting thing, but then they find the guy's priest badge or whatever, you know, he's got on him. They search him and he's just got rosaries on him and a cross and a... How do you use priest badge? It's priest badge. I mean, why don't more jobs have badges?

Why only cops? A lanyard, you know? Yeah, a priest lanyard. Yeah, it's just an organization like anything else cops? A lanyard. You know? A priest lanyard. Yeah, it's just an organization like anything else. Maybe a lanyard, there'd be a couple of rosary beads on the lanyard, sure. But then there's a little card that tells you sort of what your security clearance is, what level of heaven you're able to get into, level of bliss you're able to attain. I don't really know much about the Catholic

religion. And while you're at it, you can probably have these guys blessing people on the way out. It's just a $5 chip kind of thing. But they're all waiting in their version of like a confession room, but you basically just go in there and give you a bit of this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you at? I was doing various sort of religious saving gestures. Yeah, like a shaman there. You know what, you know, and a druid?

Yeah, some kind of Amazonian shaman. Maybe from like the Amazon's, like the old, you know, big legs, you know. Just. I just, we took him out of thigh. We took him out of thigh. Yeah, I mean thigh, like I mean thigh. Yeah, like an Amazonian thigh.

Yeah, I just picture like a nice skaters thigh. Yeah. Do you think the ice skaters have the biggest thigh? I mean, the white lifters, they have got some big thighs. Oh, that's true. Yeah, that's true. And I guess the hammer toss as well. Hammer toss, because you don't think of it being a thigh kind of a...

No, but they do that. It's a lot of spin and there's a lot involved in that. I think what seems like is the hardest part of the spin. I want a short thing on it is the part where you gotta do the spin, but in order to do the launch, you kind of have to stop, I thought maybe there's more discus, but you kind of have to like use all your force

to stop yourself at the end there, I think maybe to direct it into. But also because you can't cross the line, I think there's like a foul line there or something. Yeah. And maybe that gets a little bit more force in the flick or something. Force in the flick, would you want to put all of that

into the disc? Into the disc. Us. Yes, discuss. Is it just, is it just discuss but minus one S? Yes, discuss. Is it just about discuss but minus 1s? Yes, correct. I wonder if... and I don't we don't have to pursue this because we've talked about this a lot already, but if it would be funnier if the person that he was taking around to the casino, was the Messiah. Yeah, it was actually.

Well, at the moment, I've just kind of written it down as the casino has a bunch of people on, but like Rain Man Messiah, should I just write down Rain Man Messiah? I could do that, yeah, I think, because I think like, it's fun to do the start of a movie where you think it's going to be a story about the Messiah coming back enlightening people, struggling maybe sacrificing themselves or whatever.

But like at a really early point in the movie, they just fall in with the wrong guy and then they're in with this casino card shark who takes them around various places and misuses there. Almost like the rush hour movies, right, where Chris Tucker feels like exploits Jackie Chan's martial arts ability. But what if instead of being good at martial arts, he was just able to, you know, rent the fabric of space and time to God's will? Yeah, or at least, you know, just even slightly tilt it.

Sure. Bend it, you know, slightly. I guess it could be, it's a film or sketch that's about ingrained, like, underprivileged, whatever that is called, you know, this advantage, this advantage, underprivileged, whatever that is called, this advantage, this advantage, underprivileged, this advantage. And so it's a, through various kind of like born with like, there's just flashbacks straight away,

like this kid has visions from the time it's born that suggests that it's a, it's had a previous life and it was a, it's had a previous life and it was Jesus. Yeah. Right. And then, but it's growing up in a very poor family. And it kind of gets involved in petty crime. Yes. But then slowly kind of just, you know, not miraculous powers that emerge,

but just kind of like powers to be able to, you know, almost like luck and being able to sort of slightly bend things to their will. Which means that the gangs just kind of always bring them, you know, when they're doing stuff because things always have to work out when he's there. And then it turns into this kind of thing that he does where he just basically goes to the gambling things. Where do we want this story to go? Do we want that to be redemption? In the end, do we want this person to sort of find the path of the light or do they become some sort of anti-Christ or is that it?

We don't do anything else with it. And it's done. I think there's a midpoint where they can be this kind of light side, creature within the dark, because I think there's no way out for it. I keep referring to Jesus as an it or a creature or a creature. But because because that's how you know ingrain the disadvantage it's because at some point even with the card you know the casino stuff they just figure something's up and they they ban them they can't get out they can't make enough money, even though,

or they just eventually do just get caught and then he becomes a Jesus of the prison system. Yeah. Might I tell you, Alistair, that this sounds almost like some kind of modern day parable. Do you think it's a parable? It could be a parable. Well, there you go. Maybe Jesus could tell it when he comes back. Yeah.

I mean, obviously we'll have to write it and create it. It might be so good though, that'd be a real cure to get him on board. could tell it when he comes back. Yeah. I mean, obviously we'll have to write it and create it. It'll be so good though, that'll be a real cure to get him on board. Mm. Read by Jesus, the Bible, right, Nordeo book, but read by Jesus. And if the actual Jesus in this thing is the race of the actual Jesus,

in this thing is the race of the actual Jesus. That would also then give it kind of racial undertones of why minorities can't break through some of these things. Some of certain cycles of, yeah, disadvantage. Yeah. I mean, I'll tell you what else there. That is dark and rich. I mean, this is a 90% linked cocoa bar.

I mean, if you, and if you said it in one of these like ghettos in France. Oh, okay. I mean, like, like, I mean, that's not really any good to us in the West here. The West, the France is in the West. But in the, you know, but like, you know, it kind of has one of those things where it's like, oh, he's probably born in like a Muslim family or something like that. Because it's from, you know, that whatever region, I don't know. Is it, you know, Jerusalem?

Is that where is Jerusalem Muslim now? Or is it Jewish? I have, I don't know. Nazareth. Nazareth is not what I'm talking about. Nazareth, sorry. I don't, I don't know. Nazareth is not talking about Nazareth, so. I don't, I don't know. And he's still got the gift, he's got the neck. Messiering, it's more of a neck.

Yeah, well it's just in grain, but what if he does, you know, even if he does learn stuff, who's the fuck's gonna listen to him? Even himself, why would he believe in himself? Yeah. No, Alistair. You're absolutely right. There's two hemispheres of the brain. Which one is Jesus in? We don't understand, like, even the level of advantage that we have just as a default, just walking around, you know?

Because youth might think you're a self-made person, but that's not the case at all. No. Keith might think you're a self-made person, but that's not the case at all. You are only self-made in the context of the society that has already given you everything. Survival of the fittest. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. What's your favorite story? Within the environment that it is raised in and whatever. So I was listening to this podcast and we were talking about what was a gold mine

for like, pardon me, psychological research where there were the split hemisphere people. Oh yeah, yeah. So I think maybe it was either the first time they had to like split somebody's hemispheres because or he or he had split. Is there an epilepsy thing? I think it was an epilepsy thing or something.

So there's the two parts of the brain, the right and the left, and they have connections between them, but they started doing some surgeries where because of people with severe epilepsy, they found that if they split those connections, you could cure the epilepsy. Yeah. What they were finding was that there's essentially like two brains in this, like there's

a brain in each hemisphere. And there would be things where like, let's say, because I think if you, you know, the left brain is involved with the right eye and the left hemisphere is involved with the right eye and the right hemisphere is involved with the left eye, and the right hemisphere is involved with the left eye, and then they would show things to each eye. And let's say, so I think the left brain has the narrator, like the person who's capable in your brain of vocalizing things and rationalizes

and tells you what's going on, right? And whereas the right side doesn't have that. And so when they would show something to that side of the brain, and then ask this person, well, what did you see? He would say, oh, yeah, I saw. I trump it. Yeah. But if they showed the same thing to the left side of the brain,

he wouldn't know what was seen. Yes. But if he gave him a pen and put it in his left hand or whatever, he would be able to draw it. It's so crazy and it's the coolest thing I've ever heard. And then if they say, why did you draw that, his brain, his, his, his story telling brain, would rationalize it in such a way to say, oh, it's because I heard music recently or whatever and he was like, oh, that's why I did that. But that hadn't happened. That was just... He hadn't heard music recently.

He hadn't heard music. He never heard music. That's not true. And then they would prove that to him. Yeah. And then say, you lied. You're a fucking liar. And they'd kick him out on the street.

And then he just would scream, I was joking. Yeah. Elstere. That's something I've had to bring up with you. Yeah. Okay, so this is a deep dive. Yeah. Right, so this is a deep dive. About six, seven years ago in our friendship, like I'm talking early on, we were going to

get the train. I don't know if you remember this, there was a train station, we were at the train station, and most of the, there was no one else on the train station. Right? And we were having a conversation to the effect of, has the train just a rye just left or is it still on its way? Right? Have we missed the train? And I said, oh, I reckon it's still on its way. And you said, well, then why is there no one on the state platform or something like that?

And then I said something along the lines of, I was joking. And you said, I don't think you were joking. Why would you make a joke about that? That's not a joke. Even if you were joking, that's not a joke. I think you're just wrong and you're saying you were joking. Because you don't want to look wrong. It was like this really interesting moment.

Where to this day? I still don't know if I actually thought I was joking. But I have to say I'm on your side. Like you really called, like it was early on, we didn't know each other that well. Like you really called me out on it in that moment. And it was quite a formative thing of like, oh wow, okay, I, I'm not entirely safe with this person. I look, I don't remember this, but I could imagine that it would stick in my mind, but I'm like, it seems weird that you would make a joke about that.

Yeah. How is that, I think what it says is, how is that a joke? Yeah. I mean, I guess it just didn't feel like it would have had the intent to make somebody laugh. Yeah, exactly. And I think maybe that is the moment at which I realized either I can't lie to Alistair as much or be, I've got to work on my jokes.

I don't know. I think if I was to say that I have a life purpose, is to just make people doubt their own certainty. Sure. Yeah, that would be my whole life. Yeah, well, you've definitely done that. Great. As long as you're no longer stable on your feet

as you used to be and as cocksure and capable of tackling regular situations. Exactly, exactly. I, with just comfort. And then I have a sort of a veneer of doubt between even my heart and my mind. Yeah. And that's good.

You know, I've internalized it. I'm glad and I'm... Anyway, I just bought that up because it really occurred to me yesterday. Of course. And then you said that thing about... Rationalized. Yeah, saying it's a joke, but actually it's a lie. Yeah.

I don't realize you haven't changed. It's also something my toddler son does a lot when if you if he says something wrong and you go why did you say that and he goes I was joking. Yeah. Yeah. But where I was heading with the split. Yes. Brain. The split brain thing. One other was he? Where was he heading with the split? Yes. Brian. The split-brain thing. One other little story from it was just that they had a little thing where apparently

one guy's another person with the split hemisphere thing, he would be doing maths with one hand and his other hand would be trying to stop it. What the fuck? Yeah. Oh my God. And then the other hand was like, stop doing math. Like trying to grab his hand. Yeah, stop it. So I wonder which one he's doing the maths with presumably the right side must be doing. Yeah, with the right side. And then the narrator part that's like watching and going, hey, stop doing that. But then why how could you possibly

communicate to either side of the brain without the other side realizing the thought, don't do maths? Yeah. Like what kind of show an image of a trumpet? Well, what was crazy with the, yeah, the image of the trumpet thing is that that was the way that the two hemispheres were communicating on the page. So maybe it's sterling. Yeah, externally, like.

It's like, it's like you, you can you've you've got two cells next to each other Like people in cells and they can't talk to each other directly so they've got to send a message fire a rat Yeah, or through they've got torches and they can just do hand puppets. Yes On the wall of a head Like that. They're just two guys communicating fire. It's something about a swan Wait, I think it's a, it's a yappy dog of some sort. A bunny rabbit. It's a, it's a baby hand reaching an adult hand.

Oh, it's a cunt. Oh, it's beautiful. It's really making me. Well, it was very, I'm not sure about the escape plan, but I was deeply emotionally affected. Look, I feel like there's a short film in that. I don't know where it went. Yeah, what is it? Because there has to be something that this challenge of the shadow puppetry is in the context of, like,

are that if they are planning an escape or something, but then they've also got to be able to, we've got to be able to reveal. I think what it has to be, right, is that we see people struggling with this communication form, right? And then in a big reveal at the end, we revealed that the escape plan actually did in some way involve a giant swan and a parrot or something, because that was the only thing that they could actually communicate. But they were able to use that in order to formulate an escape. So it's two people in a like a guantanamo bay style place where they're in a kind of padded room but they're being flooded with sensory stuff

as of kind of form of torture. Oh my god. So there's loud noise, like loud music playing but there's also just really bright lights on them to try to stop them from being able to sleep and things like that, right? But then, and so there's people with two sort of quite sealed, you know, solitary confinement things, but with a little window, a glass window that looks out into the hallway, but because there's a big bright light behind them, they consider communicating using those, like, just like where the light reaches the wall.

It could also be people just in total darkness, but then there's like a tiny little hole in the wall where they're like at a certain time of day, the sun shines through and they're it and cast a beam onto the opposite wall. It's less cruel. But then why can't they just speak? Because they're not, because the guards will hear them. Oh yeah.

How's this a sketch though? So it actually is like they're planning an escape. Mm. Okay. Oh yeah, I mean we, maybe we don't even realize they're planning in escape, right? We just see them doing the this shadow puppetry business and like it's just the classic shadow puppetry stuff And one guy's watching one guy's other guy's doing it

And then a different time of day when the sun moves around the other ones able to do stuff as well And it plays out almost like a sort of a beautiful French, you know sort of feels black and white this string music Okay, the swells the heart, you know, there's feels black and white, this string music. Okay, this swells the heart, you know, there's a bird flutters. And then we see at the end, right, a bloody, there's a parade that goes past, like a float, or something, there's some big parade and there's a big inflatable swan up in the sky. And then somehow they grab the ropes from the swan and they are lifted to safety.

And we realize, the parade's just going by the prison? There's an open top. It's an open top. It's an open top prison. Look, I can't, I won't imagine that it's that simple, but I think,

I think something along those lines. Yeah, obviously along those lines. Yeah. It's like a Macy's Day parade type. Yeah, past the prison. Past the prison. Past the prison. For some reason, the root of the parade has to be diverted.

Maybe they've got people on the outside. That's right, some other element of what they were doing in the shadow puppetry is communicating the idea of this thing that has to be Yeah, great Yeah, I don't know why they're communicating to each other. They really need to be communicating to someone outside the prison Yeah, but maybe they can cause something to happen using like a rabbit Right, you know using a rabbit. They can divert a parade. Yeah, they get a rabbit. They've been breeding rabbits or something like that.

And there's a rabbit infestation that they let out. I think if it's in a like a youth detention thing, that's kind of more of a thing that is kind of like more inner city. Urban. Yeah, kind of urban use detention. More likely to be close to a Macy's Day Parade. That's right. Is it the Macy's Day Parade? There can't be a macy's day parade. That's right. Is it the macy's day parade? There can't be a macy's day

Yeah, no the macy's something day parade Christmas Christmas day. No, it's not Christmas day. It's like Thanksgiving. I think Macy's Thanksgiving day parade. Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah, this is us from L Yeah Second hand cultural. Maybe instead of a swan, it's a turkey because that makes more sense for Thanksgiving. Right.

Obviously, this is gonna have to be set in America because nobody's celebrating Thanksgiving here. We don't give thanks. Pup Tree Escape Plan. I'm gonna come up with a character who calls it Spank's Giving Day Parade. Spank's Giving. Spank's Giving. Right, and then he's one of those people who says, Spank you very much.

Yeah, like sort of off of what Jim Carrey used to say as a Ventura. Yeah, great. And it's a, that's his only character trait. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Is he sort of, does he work in marketing to promote spanks? See, this could be, this is, it almost makes too much sense. Yeah, oh, you're right.

I feel bad. Andy, we have one, two, three, four, five, and a sketch idea. So I think that means that we got to get to our, our, word of the day. Word of the day. We have three words from a listener who supports us on Patreon. Thank you so much, Drone who supports us on Patreon.

Thank you to everyone who's been chipping in, at any level on there, it's beautiful. What you do. Yeah, that's right. It's a, it's's a really pain for George. George, there's the production. And it's allowing us to put a little something for one day when we're both desperate.

As it accumulates, one day maybe the money will grow to a point where we can do something with it. Yeah, yeah, we can do something with it. Yeah, we can make something, or we could, if we're really in trouble, just survive a little bit longer, which is a prerequisite for us ever making something in the future. That's right. Yeah. And so today's three words come from Jared Grubbs. Hello, Jared.

Hello, grubby. Hello, grubby grubbs. Jared, Jared. Hello, hello, Grubsie. Hello, grubby. Grubby grubs. Jared. Jazza. Jizah Grubs. Jizah Grubsie. Whooo! His three words are baby.

Yes. Talk. Curse. Wow. Yeah. All those words start with a pee. Um, baby talk curse. Well, I mean, it, it is, it is, uh, almost immediately a sketch, right? Yeah. In the idea of like, uh, I've smacked my days. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, you're eating cantaloupe. This is how delicious this sketch comes out. Like you were... Creamy-eating cantaloupe in Seinfeld. No, no. This is sort of a combination of a sort of a classic fairy tale, a classic sleeping beauty which comes to the chrysaning, right, is offended by the king and curses the baby, right? But instead of like cursing the baby to fall asleep and only be reawoken by

the kiss from a stranger, basically some kind of sexual assault, right? It is a they curse the baby to basically have some kind of like look who's talking now John Travolta movie type syndrome. Right, like that. Yeah, like something like that. So I always picturing like a like a, you know, like somebody in an office that you work with. Who can always talk like this? Oh, I'm just giving you a good time like that. And then kind of so so still

Your idea thank God, but it's like a guy who's you know just For some reason he's just kind of this is always irritated him. He's flipping out. He goes Why do you why do you always talk like I just talk like an adult? And then you see her flashback and it goes back to her as a baby and a witch kind of putting a thing on her and she was talking as a baby very early on but she never stopped talking like that. Is it more compelling though to have it that that guy who is angry about when people talk to babies like babies is himself then cursed to talk like a baby. And it's a modern day which, it's an office environment, as you say. And then it's this guy.

To bring it back to Jim Carey, it's basically liar, liar. But instead of telling the truth, he has to talk like a baby. Jim Carey's son, it's his birthday, his dad hasn't shown up, because he tells lies all the time. But when he makes that wish on the birthday cake,

for some reason, instead of saying, I wish my dad could only tell the truth just for one day, he says, I wish my dad talked like a baby. Talked like a person talking to a baby. Look, I think that's close. I think that's close. It's just a deliberately obnoxious idea, I'm sorry. No, but I, something, what about like,

you see the story of how she got cursed and maybe it's got to do with her yelling at somebody for talking like a baby. And she can't pass on the curse until somebody yells at her for talking like a baby and she can't pass on the curse until somebody yells at her for talking like a baby and it's a moral story about being tolerant towards people even if they talk like a baby and they're an adult. Yeah, but maybe she did it as a mean teenager. I think that's really good and it's got an element of like a sort of a movie, the ring

kind of a thing with like that video you got to pass it on or it follows, I believe. Yeah. You know, but with baby voice, baby talk voice. Now did we come up with a sketch idea there? I mean, we came up with like, that's a, that's baby talk. We can't just write down the three words that can be skipped. Contagion story. But that's what I'm saying. Like, did we come up with a sketch idea or did we just say the three words that can be skipped. Intagin story. But that's what I'm saying.

Like, did we come up with a sketch idea or did we just say the three words and then just describe it in sketch form? No, I mean, that's what this is, right? We placed these things into a sketch form. But I feel like I had just, I feel like I had some German, another little thing in there,

which is, baby talk, like that voice, talking to babies, oh, but the possibility of talking about babies, like I feel like, as a guy who now has two young kids, that conversations about babies have kind of taken over my life. Yeah, right. And it is sort of the default of like what people want to talk to me about when I see them. Yeah. And but also what I feel comfortable talking about as well when I see people because it's pretty much all that's happening in my life. You're very knowledgeable about it, right? Deeply knowledgeable.

It's one of the most peat knowledgeable people to inquire about your babies. Yes. Yes. I'm on the innocent. They've let me into the innocent. That's really nice. Yeah.

So is it possible that there could be something in that? Like do we discover that that phenomenon of just talking about babies is some kind of, it's not a natural thing actually. It is a curse or it is a something that can be cured or something like that or is it possible for somebody to get that when they don't even have babies? I'm sort of flailing here. But I don't know, just the idea that like, they've actually found that the reason why parents always talk about their kids is because of,

there's these witches that go from hospital to hospital first thing the parents, like they dress up as a nurse. Yeah. Right, they put on a fake nose over their big crooked warty nose. Oh no. And that just looks like a dainty little nurse nose. Yeah. Well actually, if you were a, that would be a great, those clown doctors, you know, of course, we let them in because laughter is the best medicine they entertain the kids. But what we don't realize is that we've given a really sweet cover for any hook nose witches.

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna cover up there, people, which nose to get into the hospital. Yeah, so you know how those, the only problem is that the clown doctors don't tend to go and visit women recovering from like a C-section scar or something. In that case, laughter is very much not the best medicine. Ow, ow, ow, my C-section scar.

Okay, that's a sketch. Clown doctors in the maternity ward, right? Like, what they have to do to keep them out or like having to have the conversation with the clown doctor that they're no longer welcome in the maternity ward. Like, as you both, you're either like sending people into labor prematurely, you're, yeah, damaging after them, after they've had that surgery. I mean, all really comfortable conversation

is just stuff for women to watch those, that's get childhood magic. Then you turn, then it turns out, And all really comfortable conversation and stuff for women to watch those that sketch out of magic. And then it turns out maybe we can reveal that it's actually a witch. It was a witch. It was a witch the whole time putting the baby talk curse on them. It's maybe. It's just got a, it's just a sketch with a third act that surprises.

Yes. And this episode isn't brought to you by Harry's Rayses, but I'd just like to interrupt the podcast quickly, to say I shaved really recently, took a good one, I'd be in shaved with Harry's Rayses, and it was great. Oh my God. This is just a freebie for those guys.

Wow, let's go. And your face looks great. Thank you. Looks like you did it a few days ago? Yeah, it was about four or five days ago. Or the Harry's Rays razor has made you so masculine that if you shave this morning, hours before seeing me,

and you're already like a half centimeter in. That's not a half a centimeter. It isn't? No way. Yeah, you're crazy. No. That's at least three mil. Just a little bit of stub.

That's at least three mil. I got a semi stub. Do you want me to run us through the sketch ideas? Yeah. This is our first half sketch. The Marvin Gaye estate are taking a historian to court for plagiarizing Marvin Gaye's life in the biography that they wrote of Marvin Gaye. Then we also have an assimilar vein, which is the full-sketch idea.

This is all the countries that were involved in the Second World War, taking all the productions and books of Second World War. Media depictions. Media depictions of the Second World War, taking them to court for plagiarizing their war. Yes winning Yes, but then they all go to battle with each other for the shares of the winning that they're entitled to because Germany claims that this was all their idea, but it's also it's illegal. It's. It's an entirely legal court-based war. Absolutely, but it's huge. Yeah, and millions of people die. Yeah, at least lawyers.

Lawyers. They've worked so hard. They're just falling. Yeah. Then the next is a, it's an ad for global corruption monopoly. It's a new version of the monopoly board game that involves a dark money section, a person that comes in and plays that you don't know who they are and you don't know their intentions and they seem to quickly take control of a lot of big huge portions of the board and but they're willing to wheel and deal

in the underside of this board, which comes with it where. And they turn families against each other? Yeah. They get them to join new families, some of them crime families. Some of them just regular families. Sure. They adopt them. That'll be involved in this new monopoly. Is that a reference to that Russian adoption law that was one of the... that the meeting and the Trump Tower they were

talking about but you know why they were talking about that I think that was because of that what's the name of that law that is in America that's named after a billionaire or a journalist that was killed. Oh yeah. It's the law that doesn't allow money by certain oligarchs to be brought into America. And they think that that's what Putin was trying to do with the law. Yeah, get to it. I think that's why he's banned. He banned American adoption of Russian babies was because of that law. Nuginski, there's something.

The Russians have the best babies. The Russians have the best babies, and that's the problem. But do you need a Russian agent growing in your own house? That's the question. The answer is, I don't know. Next week's episode. Next week's episode. But also, I think they say that if we found out about that

meeting and Putin is involved, it's probably because he intended people to us to find out, because he's like, if we were gonna have a meeting that he didn't want us to find out, we wouldn't. And so he wanted there to be a trail leading to Russia from the Trump campaign so that there was more turmoil. Yeah, okay. Fair enough. I mean, if you're, if you're pretty clever, if you play in chess, a couple of steps ahead.

Yeah, I mean, if you're, if you're involved in destabilizing the West, nothing destabilizes it more than getting a fucked up leader. Hmm. And then also having his leadership cause into question so that people can't focus entirely on what's going on. Anyway, nothing destabilizes the West, like letting the West know that you've been destabilizing and then also having his leadership cause into question so people can't focus entirely on what's going on anyway. Nothing destabilizes the West, like letting the West know that you've been destabilizing the West. Absolutely. We hate to think that people might have been destabilizing us.

Then there's of course the Rain Man Messiah, and this is obviously the movie about the return of the Lord, but in an underprivileged family or disadvantaged family, and he gets involved in petty crime, he gets involved in bigger crimes, and then he gets caught and he's involved in, I don't know. We don't know. We can turn water into one, water into meth. Yeah, we'll see, exactly. Maybe quartz into meth.

Yeah. Ice into ice. Ice into ice, well that's possible. I guess that's also water, isn't it? Very good. Thanks. What kind of wine do you think it is? I guess we've probably talked about this. I feel like we probably talked about that. They don't mention what varietal. It was a sparkling white wine from the borossa region. Yeah, was it like a Pinot noir? No, no, no, no. I feel like back then all wine was just like slop. It would have been so bad.

Back in those days? Yeah, because there was no proper, there was no hygiene, everything was just brewed in an open-amp foray. Yeah. Disgusting. I think there would have been a few twigs in there or whatever.

Yeah, I'm sure there'd be twigs, but is that good? No. Oh. No, it's not Yeah, I'm sure there'd be twigs, but is that good? No. No. No. No, it's not, but I'm just saying like, you just learn to deal with it, you know? Yeah. In order to get drunk. Get drunk!

What? And we got the prison shadow puppetry escape plan. Yeah. Two guys, yeah. This is quite beautiful. Yeah, I think that's nice. Mm. Like and what? We got the baby talk curse contingent story. How it passes from one to

another. You know, you get to see a story of this, this office lady who's, you know, getting a, you get a scene of her getting yelled at by this other office guy. And then you get a flashback to her in high school bullying. She's one of the popular kids. She's bullying this other girl who talks like a baby. And then she starts talking like a baby. And then this guy at the end of the thing, he starts talking like a baby. And his life is in tatters.

Well. Because he had a job and his job was not talking like a baby. Yeah. And he only had one thing to do. Because he had a job and his job was not talking like a baby. Yeah, and he only had one thing to do. That's why he felt so strongly. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean, if you're given, you know, I assume that, you know, he occasionally has to talk in front of people.

Oh, and then the light bulbs use more energy than these LEDs here that are competitors' cells. Is this a different idea that like a fucking standing desk? By the way, I came up with another version of the standing desk. Swimming desk. It's the diving desk, right? It's close to swimming desk.

It's the diving desk where you're constantly like like at a 45 degree angle, down towards your keyboard, and that attitude of diving into something allows you to be much more creative and motivated in your work. Tricks the brain. Tricks the brain. Tricks the brain. Tricks the brain. You're just thinking there's forward momentum, so you're just like, you're going

place. Yeah. That's good. So you're just like, you're going to a diving desk. But an office in which it's been discovered or somebody has proposed the idea that if everybody talks like a baby, then it's really good for like combating sort of privilege and established divisions and stuff within the office. You know, it makes the boss seem much more approachable

if the boss is always talking like a baby. It's sort of a neutral voice. It's the new open office. Yeah. Is the baby voice office. And, you know, men, women, people of all cultures and accents, if everybody's doing a baby voice, then nobody is able to assert their authority in a toxic way.

That's right. We take it back to where everyone is an equal. Yes. There's no such thing as a high class baby. Babies are all equal. There's no such thing as a low class baby. Every baby is just equal, like that, you know? And then so if we all talk like this, and then... Jonathan, can you come to the meeting in five. I don't know what I'm doing that says like some weird accent Like the nanny Mr. Chefy. Yeah

So it's a bit of a baby voice then we got the clown doctors in the maternity ward. Oh my C-section scar. Like that. And then obviously we have the diving desk and then we have the baby voice office. That's today's episode. I think there's a few ideas on there today. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and a half. Bonus little, half little little ideas at the end there? Yeah, a couple of bony's. Maybe with the diving desk, you always have a fan on your desk as well pointing up so the air is like rushing past you. Maybe it could be done in one of those training fan things for sky diving. Sure.

It's just a floating fall. You're in free fall at all times. It just, woo! And that the wind rushing past your ears, like you, there'd be no distractions. Absolutely, yeah. It's like a white noise machine at all time. Your mouth would get dry.

Mm. And eyes, but you could wear goggles. You can fall your way to the top. That's right. And you can. Climate to the summit, baby. All right. Which you can do from a planet.

Yeah. Would ants like any of these sketch ideas? Let's see. Hmm. Yeah, I feel like maybe they wouldn't. You know? Oh, I don't think they'd like any of them. A lot of them are political. Yeah.

Well, ants have a social struggle in it. They do exist. They're just the hierarchy. Yeah. I guess if there was a sort of a baby voice nest where even the queen communicated like a larva. That would be quite interesting in an ant colony. If the queen didn't want to be seen, is any different to the rest of the ants. I just want to you guys.

Just think of me as Leo's, but she's got this huge bit. Distended abdomen. Yeah. Traggered it around. She wants to go out and forge for her own food. Just she's just like us. The Queen's been spotted going down to the supermarket. Just think of me as one of the guys.

Talk like you would normally talk. Anyway, you've seen the queen. You know, today, hot. She is what I am into. Yeah. Oh, me too. Oh, I wouldn't mind looking at her. It's a standard abdomen.

It's like an undercover boss type situation. Put in the ant world. All right, we gotta stop, Andy. We gotta stop coming up with ideas. Thank you so much for listening to the show that we did. Everybody, we want to say thank you to a couple of specific people. A couple episodes ago I mentioned that when i did a gig there was somebody in the crowd who had

assigns saying international listener of two in the thing uh... well we've a friend of theirs contacted contacted us called lorne matter made her matter i'm so sorry lorne uh... but he is from the United Kingdom and he was trying to

convince his friend who's from Australia to listen to the podcast. She didn't. She didn't. She refused us to. And we respect that. And I respect how strongly she's holding her ground, but you know this is a person who's supporting the show in so many ways, physically, presently by coming and showing up, others by trying to force people who are so adamant that they don't want to listen to the podcast. That's what we're looking for, right? But then we also respect the people who won't listen.

Yeah, but we also, even more. Yeah, that's right. But also, we don't, I've decided, I'll let's do it. We're not going to call them listeners anymore. Okay of stay, we're not gonna call them listeners anymore. Okay. We're gonna call them hearers. Hearers. Because I reckon a lot of people listen to podcasts.

That's right. But our listeners, they really hear the podcast. That's right, yeah. You can't just, you can't just put this on while you're going to sleep. Yeah, absolutely can. And people have contacted us and tell us that they do. That's right.

But they're not sleeping. We've been calling, they're not having a good sleep. That's right. But they're not sleeping. We've been telling, they're not having a good sleep, certainly. They're not enjoying it. Now, we've had people tell us that this is a great podcast to just have on the in the background and tune in and out because it, you know, we're always just sort of going on about something and it doesn't really matter.

And you're absolutely correct. That is what this is. That's absolutely what this is. And thank you all for listening. I think there was also, we were contacted on Twitter. Yes. Oh, we were contacted on Twitter by somebody who had inspired by a sketch from episode 135, had made.

We were seven? 135, I have it in front of me, I must admit. You're right. But thanks anyway. You were joking. Yeah, I was just joking And also I was just saying seven is in an unrelated way This is Philip Schmeichel Philip Schmeichel I hope that's your real surname because it is incredible

Who had made an alien sports analogy sketch based on something, they took it in quite a different direction and as they say, you know, it needs a little more time for production value and takes without looking at the camera, but I think they had a really funny solid approach. And I think that might be the first time a listener has actually made a sketch. Yeah. Yeah. So as we say, we are, we are happy for people to, you know, have a crack at some of these. And by the way, this sketch that they've made, I don't think we can claim any credit from whatsoever. Like they really came up with their own take on the idea. But thank you so much

for even trying to credit us. Yeah, much appreciated. So, and then you can find us on Twitter. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And we're at Two in Tank. You can find us on Facebook, although we don't really do anything on Facebook. We probably should do more on Facebook.

Yeah. You can find us on Patreon, if you would like to chip in, send us three words to get the Kings ear, or if you want to get some of our bonus episodes which are coming out, there'll be one coming out every, every second Wednesday. That's two in the side tank and two in the sitcom tank. Those are a bit of fun. Yeah, and that's for the $8 Patreon thing. Also, just while we're mentioning things, I keep forgetting their name and I apologize,

but somebody has been continuously updating this to in the think tank Wiki. Have they? Yeah, and they put in like, Oh, we've got to share that again. That's amazing. Somebody is keeping our Wiki up to date with the sketches that have been in every episode.

Yeah, and that's incredible. Yeah, and has been gone back through the back catalog and has been updating more of it and things like that. So thank you very much, I apologize that I don't remember your name right now. Well, we'll put a link to it in the show notes. Great. And we will thank them in the show notes. How about that? That's a good idea. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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