Two In The Think Tank - 142 - "FOOD PIE"

Episode Date: July 31, 2018

A reminder to catch the recording of Jack Druce's standup special "KITCHEN BIRD" on Thursday August 2 if you're lucky enough to get a ticket HERE.And listen to the excellent Planet Broadcasting pod "Don't You Know Who I Am" from Josh Earl you can find the eps HEREAnything On The Go, Panic Pie, Life Balloon, Longest Stick, Half Your Age, Reverse TrumpetThanks to everyone who supports the pod by chipping in to our patreon hereTwo in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereFull cream thanks to George Matthews for producing  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hi everybody before the show today this is just Andy with a quick plug for our friend Jack Drewses album recording that he's doing this week in Melbourne. If you're listening to this episode when it out, he's doing his show in two days at on August the 2nd at Casri top's dirty secrets in Collingwood. It's his show Kitchen Bird, which I saw at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival this year, and it's just so funny, just a hilarious and wonderful show. Jack's one of our favorite comics. He's been on tour in the Think Tank in the past. He's one of our favorite guests, and he is responsible for the recurring gag of which sketches ants would like. So if you like that, you'll love him.

Please do check out the link in the show notes and get along and see his show. You will not regret it. I guarantee it. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hey guys, just before we start the show today, we're going to drop in a clip. Right, promoting one of our favourite podcasts. Promoting one of our favourite podcasts that we've both been on. Josh El's podcast, don't you know who I am.

I was on it just last week with a week before. And it was super funny. I listened to your episode and I cacked myself. All I'm hoping is that some of our listeners can go there, maybe reaffirm why they listen to my podcast because of how funny I am on it. And bounce back again, maybe, and then we go. Maybe with a renewed vigor,

and listen twice as hard to this one. We promote the other podcast, because we love our people, and so we set them free. Yes. And then, with the hope that there's going to be, you know, hit the backboard, and they'll come back at us.

With somehow greater speed. With greater love. Defying the laws of physics. Yeah, never leave again. Exactly. Anyway, here's a clip promoting. We're gonna drop it in here. Josh L here from the podcast, don't you know who I am?

And if you don't know who I am, I host the podcast, don't you know who I am? Which is a quiz show where I get four very, very funny people and quiz them all about their lives. Previous guests, include people like Hamish Blake, Sean McCullough, Will Anderson, Hannah Gadsby, Denise Scott, Fiona Loughlin, Cili Picola, Edmunds, Becky Lucas, the list goes on and on and on and on. And there are over a hundred episodes.

If you've never heard it, go to iTunes, type in Josh El or don't you know who I am or you can go to Joshel.com.au slash podcast and find the entire back catalog there. Hopefully you come on board, it's a lot of fun. Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, Two in the Think Tank. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank to show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Ideas. Yeah, that's right.

Oh, I'm Andy. And I am Alistair George William Trombley, Bertel. Tromlay Burchall. Tromblay Burchall. Yeah, absolutely. Trambling bird birth. And do you think you're gonna use all baby face? I think you're gonna get your telemares lengthened.

Ah, look, I mean, if it's an option, I mean, it's not a vanity thing, you know, obviously, but I just think that if that's what you've got to do to like succeed in the industry. Slow the process of aging. Slow the process of aging. I'll get my I'll get a little bit of, you know, whatever it is a bit of lip something injected into my telomeres. Yeah, what is it? Do they use the same stuff that they put in your lips? Collagen collagen. I don't think so. I think, does I think telomeres are like at the end of your chromosome?

Right, so is it more like when they want to lengthen somebody's legs, they sort of break it, they stretch it apart with a metal thing and like let the bone grow into the gap. Into the, well, I think no, no, no, if they, do they let the bone grow into the gap? Surely. I think they must put like a metal rod in there. They don't put a metal rod in there.

They're breaking it, they're stretching it, they're growing it. Really? Yeah, you're breaking your stretch and you're growing. So it's like with muscles. It's like with muscles, but with bones. You know, that marrow just fills in the gap. Marrow? Yeah.

You put a little hoop around the bone, so like just to make sure the marrow doesn't just leak out into the flesh. Go outside ways. I think marrow knows what it's doing. You think what I don't know if that's true. It's amazing that bones ever evolved to repair themselves, because the consequences in Ye Oldie caveman times, did they still call it Ye Oldie in caveman time? I think so.

Ye Oldie caveman choppy? Yeah, I think so. Yieldy caveman shoppy? Yeah, I think so. I think so. I mean, I think they used a sort of a later form of English there. That was actually quite ahead of their time. Right, right. Yieldy dinosaur carcass. Yeah, Yieldy dirt pie, mud pie.

I think they still made mud pies. Mud pies have never changed over the years. Yeah. One bit of cuisine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going don't need to change them. The Heston takes a look at the mug pine says, I mean, what am I gonna do here? It's already a thing that isn't a thing that looks like a thing. That's my thing.

That's all he's copying. He's copying mud pies. Maybe he'd do it out of sand. Great. Or food. Food pie. Food pie, very controversial. Would you come to a restaurant called Food Pie?

Yeah, but I'd go to any restaurant, anyway. Really? I don't think I would let the name of a restaurant start me from getting into a restaurant, especially a fun name like Food Pie. Something that's so dismissive, like that of showing any attempt to try. In fact, I can't imagine a name that would get you more excited

that food pie. I don't want to go to this food pie place. In many ways, food pie is the Alistair Trombley virtual of restaurants. Great, yeah. I don't know exactly what that means. Well, when you call your comedy festival shows something like the. Yeah.

Right? I feel like that's like calling a restaurant food pie. Food pie. I think this could be big. Yeah, food pie. Food pie. What are they serve? They serve the great people of Melbourne.

They serve, I mean, that's the thing. They just serve food, right? So like, it's whatever they could be. It could be. Yeah. But you think it's not exclusively a pie shop. Not exclusively a pie shop. No. No. So like, they might have spaghetti. And it won't specify anything about what it will say spaghetti. And then like, it'll, you don't get to know like what's on it. No, no, no. Or what type of spaghetti. It's, what about like a place that's, it's dedicated to omnivores.

Obviously this is too complicated for food pie. Yeah, okay, sure. You know, nobody, like, but you're butchering the concept. No, absolutely. But it's just, it's, you're not allowed toering the concept. No, absolutely. But it's just it's you're not allowed to have any kind of diet. Right. And so you show up there and maybe they just give you the food in a box. Maybe it's shaped like a pie. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And you open it up and you just have to eat what's inside.

You just like a prank. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a dare or worst. It's like one of those, you know, like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. Yeah, but with any food. Yeah. Like with a box of chocolates, you kind of got a pretty good idea of the range of things that it could be. But this is really like this could be anything. So you could, it could be a box of soup. It could be a box of, it could be a pie that's similar to what the pie looks like on the box. Yeah, great.

I think this is a good idea. Can I go back and revise what food pie is? Food pie is any food, but it comes in a pie shell. Shell. So it could be pasta, it's in a pie shell. Okay. Right? It could be ice cream, pie shell.

And tacos, in a pie. Okay, great. So it's like those, it's basically like those chocolates, but it's in a pie shell. Yes, exactly. That's good. And do you get to know what's in there? I think, yeah, I think at food pie,

you're allowed to know what's in there. Okay. Because one of the great things about a pie is that you can eat it on the go. Right. Like while you're walking down the street, I mean, it's not a good idea most of the time. No, no, but it can be. It can be a great idea.

It can be a great idea. I know a guy who met his Hollywood agent while he was eating a pie walking down the street. So... I... And I owe everything to food pie. That's one of the guys. That was, it's actually Kevin Bacon. Kevin Bacon.

Kevin Bacon. I was everything to food pie because it was, it was something about the way he was eating that pie on the moon. And I think what needs to go in the pie is the kind, because you can eat every food on the go. Yeah. So I think specifically they should be putting foods in there that you can't eat on the go. Yeah. So that is your spaghetti, right? Your noodles. Your spaghetti noodles? Yeah. Your Spagoodles? Yeah. Well, if somebody has an invented Spagoodles, by the way, what a name. Absolutely. Spigoodles or new getty? New getty and spigoodles.

Yeah. That way you get both markets, you know, people who prefer the noodles, people who prefer spaghetti. But I think, look, you can have a pie full of edamame beans. Mmm. Lobster pie. And the other great thing about a food pie, is that nobody else knows what's in there, right? You know, might know what's in there,

but it's like Daddy's little secrets. Like you put some vodka in a squirty drink bottle, okay? We'll put anything in that pie. And then you put that squy drink bottle in the bottle. And we talked about that on the show before that people hiding vodka in bottles is like one level of how to conceal your alcoholism. Yeah. You know when you hide vodka in a bottle, you know, a different bottle.

Yeah. But how do you get in food? No one is suspecting that. Soak in all your grumps in there. I don't know how he could have been over the limit. He's eaten nothing but pies today. He just had eight pies before breakfast. And you see him like, sort of like throwing these pies back.

Bites a little hole in it. Yeah, nox back He just sucks the meat out The clear Cold meat out of a pot. Do you think to they would have to They would have to mix in some meat pie with the vodka just to kind of just to keep the mask and if that's what you are doing to get your fix of alcohol mate, you deserve it.

Honestly, you've earned it. Now that is an alcoholic who deserves the term disease. Well, look, I think the idea of food pie. Food pie. Yeah, absolutely. We'll put anything in a pie. We'll put anything in a pie. And every second episode now I feel like this is an idea that we've already said on the show, right? Because it feels just so us, like almost a parody of something. But it's also, eat anything on the go. Yeah, eat anything on the go. So I think that's like a great start. The eat anything on the go.

It's a real great launching off point for the sketch or the picture, the ad or however we format this. But like as a place to extend it into people putting alcohol in pies or whatever. Yeah. Well, every company needs to expand. At some point, you've got to have the new revamped flavor or you've got to do something to kind of keep your place fresh.

Once the novelty of eating anything on the go wears off, they need new things that they can hide in the pie. Absolutely all your gold coins all your bullion hide it in this pie No one's looking in a pie in your fridge a moldy pie in your fridge for your gold bull Bullion a half-eaten moldy pie in the fridge Mm-hmm. I think that's safer than a safe to be honest Absolutely because the combination is a concept. The combination to get into that pie is the very idea that you could get into a pie.

You look at a safe, and the first thing you think is, it's worth getting into this safe because somebody's trying to keep me out. Absolutely. But an open pie? Yeah, and you could sell it with the fridge if you wanted to expand. Sell it with the fridge comes with a single jar of out-of-date mayonnaise. And some of that pickled, it's like a relish or another one like a relish, but a chutney,

like a chutney, but a pickle. Or pickled one, but it's like the one you get fromney, but it's... Yeah, or pickle. Yeah, like a pickled one, but it's like, the one you get from the supermarket and it's yellow. Mm, I know exactly the one you made. Yeah, and it's yellow, and it's, and it's, and it's, it's had maybe one spoon full taken out of it, and then it's just been left in the, and the fridge, and you take it from house to house

as you move. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and then, and that's where your money is. Well, you know, that, that's there to, to set the scene for the pie. The pie will make sense in a fridge like that. Yeah, right. And then the money's in the pie.

The money's in the pie. Yeah, great. I think this is a different idea. A different sketch. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's a safe pie, right? Or a safety pie. Safety pie rolls off the tongue better, but it is a safe pie.

Or a panic pie. I mean, if you could have a pie that if someone breaks into your house, you and the kids all get into the pie. That would be good. Yeah. But a pie that could keep you safe. Sure. Yeah. So I mean, like, is it, or is it just keeping you safe in that no one will ever look in the pie? No, I'll ever look in the pie. It's a huge pie. Take it up three quarters of the room.

But we've discovered that the human mind, when it sees a pie, never thinks there could be a person in there. Doesn't matter how big the pie is. It's kind of like, it uses sort of waterfall technology. You know how like, but it's that kind of, it's that loose meat and meat enhancer gel. Yeah.

That kind of, you know, flows. Flows in front where the bite's been taken out like that. And then you just slide in behind it, or you have to go through it. Right. Maybe you got a little remote that opens it and it kind of opens like a... Like in the Incredibles, the meat pie flow.

Exactly. It opens up. Draws back to either side. You usher the kids in, you close it, and then you huddle there in silence while the murderers, and they are murderers. Those murderers after you. But then, you know, why are there murderers after you?

Maybe they're after your pie technology. Well, then they'll suspect I haven't seen. It's not, look, another place people wouldn't look is in the compost. Yeah, I mean, I know, I certainly, I look, I try not to even take out the compost and it's my compost. I can leave that there for ages. So, you're absolutely right. And, like, I think, you know, we have such a big compost bin in our house. It gets so much compost in it. I feel like the burglars coming into the house will look at almost any size compost bin

and be able to understand why you would let it get to that point. That's why you can have such a big one for the whole family. The underside of maybe like a can of tuna, like with that just has a little bit of fishy oil still in there. Yeah. I mean, no one's going close to that. I mean, again, are we having to make these things so big that the family can get into them? It's still for the family to hide it. Yeah, it's look it gets harder

It does get harder, but could we use that technology that they have in sort of museums where they make Like from from the outside they make one side of the room look like a regular size, but until you walk over there and you realize everything is quite. Right, it's an optical illusion where the corner of the room, where the can is, is actually the can's huge, but the room's been painted in such a way

that somebody coming into the room, looks in that corner, the only thing that's there is this can, which from their point of view looks regular-sized. Yeah, and disgusting. And disgusting, and when you walk over to it, it's enormous, and you're all hiding in there. But there's no reason anyone would ever walk to that corner of the room. No, no, there's no cupboards. No.

This is just your garbage corner. Yeah, it's just the corner where we leave a pile of open food containers. Uncleamed recycling that is gonna be. Sits on the ground. That sits on the ground and waits for an ant problem. Yeah, and maybe there's some ants there as well. Oh, if you could hide in an ant.

Yeah, well, they're giant ants. Ants would love this sketch. I had an idea halfway through food pie that I wanted to bring up food pie. Okay, so we were discussing opportunities. Maybe they got, when Kevin Bacon got that opportunity. Oh, Kevin Bacon got that opportunity. Oh Kevin Bacon got that opportunity. No. He claims that he hiding things in the pie. The pie is in the fridge. Pie shell. No, it's gone. Sorry. The hiding things in the pie would also be great for people who love a healthy lifestyle.

But don't wanna take shit from their friends for not eating the garbage like they do. And you don't wanna, I mean, I think the ultimate, any person with specific diet, health, healthy diet, vegan, paleo. These are all shameful things. These are all shameful things to have, right? And, and, and, and, and, you know, seem to be associated with some kind of virtue signaling, which, you know, now we're just having to feel bad for people, because, because they're, they're feeling bad, that they're feeling bad, for not being a better person.

Yeah. That's what somebody is feeling when they say somebody is virtue is seeking. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, but so if you could just put everything into a pie, it just looks like you've got an unhealthy diet, and then people will just leave you alone. And no one will have to feel bad about not having

an unhealthy diet. Exactly. And then nobody feels depression to change bad about not having an unhealthy diet. Exactly. And then nobody feels the pressure to change. Exactly. I think that's great. My idea, I remembered what my idea was. Great. I was just trying to pad until you found a good idea. Yeah, great.

And my idea was, and this may be nothing, right? But you know how you're smuggling drugs into the country, right? And you're always trying to find things to hide them inside, right? So you'll have pottery, cupids for lawnal mints, and you'll open a smacker moment, a whole lot of marijuana in there. What if? Because I reckon there are different penalties

for different types of drug importation. So marijuana might be one of the lower level ones. So you smash open that potter, if the police find it, they smash open that pottery thing full of marijuana. What they don't realize is that inside the marijuana is heroin. Right? You're really smuggling heroin, but you've just got an insurance policy because once the police find the marijuana,

they're never going to suspect that you're actually smuggling other drugs inside those drugs. That's when they stop looking. Yeah. That's perfect. And so you just need to have your collection point be inside the police headquarters. Exactly. Yeah.

No, I mean, this is an insurance policy for when you, in the unfortunate event that your thing does get caught and you do get penalized, right? You go to prison. You only get the sentence for the outer layer of what it really is. Okay, yeah. Drugs. Okay. I was wondering, what about a...

By the way, kind of surprise. What a way to introduce kids to that whole concept. Smuggling things. Smuggling things. Sides are the things. Oh, well, just a perfectly ordinary chocolate egg. Yeah. Nothing to see here. Wait a second. This is hollow.

What are we having here? Oh, oh, a treat. An exciting thrilling treat. Oh, inside it's a little automobile. A little automobile. And then they grow up and they're smuggling. But what if you could trick the police even further? Yes. By what you're actually smuggling inside the marijuana is something that is only released

when they burn the product to destroy it. And then it goes up into the air. And then you just need your... You catch it. You catch it with the air filters like that. This is great. Yeah, so it's, you're hovering above the police disposal site in your hot air balloon or whatever. Yeah. And it was Exactly what I'm doing.

With a big sort of net or air filter. Air filter, sure. You're sucking up all that stuff and you're getting, maybe it's just regular meth that's in there. And then you take all your meth mates up there and you just breathe in the air. I see, that's good. Yeah, you only want one hit. You're buying it, but you're buying from overseas in a large quantity because it's cheaper, right?

Because of, you know, wage costs here. It's so expensive. It's the unions. Yeah, if you get it from South America, you can get, you can get about one kilogram of meth, laced into some marijuana about, you know, sort of a ton of marijuana. Yeah. And then when they destroy it, all you need to do is go up with your friends in a hot air balloon. In a hot air balloon above where they destroy it and breathe that in and it's still cheaper it's still just by it's yeah it is straight don't ask me how the economy works mate it's just look and while you're up there you can also sell one or two hot

air balloon rides for people great and while you while you're up there, see the sunrise over the city. Yeah. Which is, in many ways, a greater high. Absolutely. And, and, and gorgeous when you're on meth. Oh my God. Sure. You've seen the sunrise over a sleeping city, but have you seen it on meth? You never, you don't really hear about that many people on meth really experiencing and enjoying art.

Yeah, well I like the idea that while you're up there on your hot air balloon ride, just a regular hot air balloon ride, you know, very romantic thing. The guy running the hot air balloon says, so there's suns just rising there. Oh, by the way, this is so much better if you do a bit of meth. So, anyone want? I mean, if you were really high on meth and then you were witnessing a sunrise, it might be so beautiful that you realize

you don't need meth anymore. To be, to be a trough. To be a trough. you don't need meth anymore. To be, to worst a try. I'll give it a go. This is like some guy's idea of like getting people off of drugs is to show them really beautiful things. Yeah, but things get much more beautiful if you're on drugs, which is why we got to do

a fair bit to even get to that point. This is again an idea that we've sort of touched on before, but I think this impossibly romantic... Trim. We're going to hope to propose. Yeah. And then they feel peer pressured into trying math. Hey, and this ties into our idea before

about there's international waters, we were talking about the possibility of international dirt. Of course. You get high enough in that balloon, international sky. Yeah, exactly. They can't touch you. They can. We can do some illegal gambling while we're up here. It's just you two and the guy and he's got us some dice.

Yeah. You know, you want to boss some chips? That hot air balloon guy really cleaned us out. He got us hooked on meth. I feel like that. How rod was a mistake. You know, while I guess the pamphlet did say it was going to be a life-changing experience, we came down addicted to method with no money and engaged.

Any drinks, which is nice. Although we did pawn the ring. Yeah, straight away we lost that, to that guy. We put that on black and we weren't even playing roulette. Oh dear that meth messes you up. Those sun rises I tell you what. I was very intoxicated. I don't know what was more intoxicating. Yeah, well that's good. Yeah. I, but I also like the idea of a guy just trying to run a casino in a hot air balloon. Yeah.

It's, you know, it's international sky. International sky, obviously. And I just, the, the, the, the topic, it's a challenge for him. In, in, in, in my mind, the comedy here comes from the struggle. The fact that he's really made it harder for himself, if anything, you know, it's probably quite windy, although I guess you don't go hot air ballooning when it's windy, but like, well, once you get us up to a certain point,

you know, there could be all sorts of high altitude winds. Where are they measuring the win anyway? You know, down here probably. They don't have any like... They don't know. Why would they look into that? I don't know, do they have a win gauge up there? They don't know.

Like on a real long stick or something. Yeah. They don't have any long, I don't think anybody has a stick that long. A stick long enough. Yeah. What do you reckon is the longest stick? I definitely already thought about asking you.

Yeah. I guess I picture like a kid with the longest stick. Yeah, sure. But I mean, who? I mean, is it the kind of thing, sort of like one of those weirdo, like 55 year old men who loves to tinker? Yeah.

You know, is that a thing that's the world's longest stick? I just wanted to create the world's longest stick. What if it's a rock and roll band? And yet I have the guitarists, who've always got their crazy guitars with all the different heads and that sort of thing. I want the drummer. He, you know, it's a big show, right? And they're trying to work out how to make it a bigger experience to the drummer. He, you know, it's a big show, right?

And they're trying to work out how to make it a bigger experience to the audience. It was like you too, always pushing for like a bigger thing. Absolutely. Right? And whoever the drummer is, Larry Mullins, Jr. Larry Mullins, Jr. They go, they get him up on the big screen,

and they see him and he just starts running. He just starts running away from the drum kit, right? And he runs about 500 meters. Yeah, up to the back of the stand. Yeah. The stadium gets out of couple of sticks. He's got there, they reach the snare. Yeah.

From up there. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, like that. Yeah. And the crowd's going crazy. He's whiling away. He's whiling away. Crazy that. Yeah. And the crowd's going crazy. He's wailing away with this crazy log scene. Unbelievable accuracy. Yeah. No wibble wobbling.

Not a wibble to be seen. And they'd have to be made out of some kind of futuristic fiber, so there's no flex. I know, but a stick really suggests wood. You want it to be wood? It has to be wood. Sure, it's wood. Do you think it's want it to be wood? It has to be wood. Sure, it's wood. Do you think it's a single piece of wood?

Like you just have to, there has to have been a tree that long. Look, I'm not personally averse to you using some kind of lamination technique, some kind of, yeah, a composite veneer-based thing. It just, it takes the amateurs out of the race, right? Yeah, yeah. I think this is sort of like how sailing has become just a rich man's game.

I like drumming to be the same. So long distance drumming. Long distance drumming. It's a shame that drumming's gone this way. That it used to be something that the sort of anyone could do in their base. But now you need so much money just to buy the sticks. Yeah, I mean, look, there's both the other... To be able to complete the drumming part and the just the longest stick.

Sure. Competition. Sure. The longest stick. What's long and sticky. This very long stick. And it's not a log as well, because a log implies width. No, no, no.

It definitely fits within your hand. Yeah. And I imagine people will push their luck by really kind of like, you know, widening what the hand can hold and finding ways. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments.

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because there are people are going to, they're going to find ways of just... I love technology. Love technology or like, you know, carvings in the wood that allow you to sort of... No, that's not what this is about. It's not. It's about, it's just simple. It's simple. How long a stick have you got, you know?

Would this make it to the Olympics? Who's got the longest stick? I don't see why not. And what it is. And it's run involved with polvo. They look down on the polvo. Yeah, no, nothing to do with the polvo. There's a whole lot of sort of lines,

all the way down the pitch, right? They're lined up all the way down the pitch. And you just, you go for like the challenge of poking the furthest one away that you can with your stick. And when you poke him, he just chats out his distance. And then they ride that down. Yeah, do you sort of call it? Is that a thing with like javelin or something?

I think he's supposed to kind of like... I don't think you call it. You call it? I don't think you call it in javelin. No. It's not like that, that the end of a pool game. Not the end of a game of pool. Back corner. Back corner. That guy 132 meters. I think you're thinking like pole vault and a high jump. You've got to like get

them to set the bar. No, yeah, yeah, set the bar level. Yeah. But you got to pick a dive as well. That's a diving thing. You got to pick the dive. I guess maybe with the poking, you could call it. You could say, I want the guy at this distance. Yeah. Right, and then you've got to try and poke him with.

Yeah, and then it longs. And getting those extra couple of millimeters, then it comes down to technique. But really, really it's just about how long a stick you've got to try and poke him with. And then, and then, and getting those extra couple of millimeters, then it comes down to technique. But really, really it's just about how long a stick you've got. I'd like to see some historical footage from the first longest stick competition. And they're only like, you know, 10 or 12 feet long. Yeah, so that's good. But now in the modern game, they're so long.

Yeah, that's right. And then you, but then you, you kind of have these kids that are coming up that have sort of been brought up with this kind of advanced technology. And so they have stuff at home where they can process like, you know, like finely grind wood chips and compress them together.

Like they have portable machines that kind of like make sticks. Like that thing could just, there you go, you just, you just put it up against a tree and it just grinds it down into a stick. Yeah, whittles, whittles it down. Yeah, no, that's good.

Cause I think back in the day, it used to be just like what was the longest stick you could find? Mm. And then when it went professional, Mm. And, you know, money got involved. I imagine Nike, that sort of thing. It all changed. Red Bull. Red Bull.

Yeah. Is there a lot of like sex appeal? Or like the biggest stick pokers in the government? They're like super celebrities. I mean, they definitely have big dick energy. Yeah, big stick energy. Big stick energy. They're coming to, you know, they're rolling into clubs and that sort of thing.

People are fawning. People warning. There's definitely some fawning. Everyone wants to see the stick. Yeah, where's your stick? And he's got like an 18 wheeler. Yeah, at the back. He kind of slides it into.

Mm. You got to handle it like one of those Japanese kitchen knives. Oh, of course. You never let anybody else wash your stick. Nobody touches the stick. Yeah. He's a, he's had the longest stick in the game. You've for the last 10 years. Yeah.

We've lost a couple of people to power lines, walking around with their sticks accidentally hook it up against power lines and make it electrocuted. Get electrocuted. It's going to happen. How can that happen? Oh, you stick beicuted. Get electricuted. It's gonna happen. How can that would happen? Oh, would you stick B insulating? I don't know, but there might be some people that are gonna try and cheat,

get like a metal rod in there, increase their chances of having a longer stick. Mm-hmm. I don't know if they could do like maybe some of these bike riders that have those tiny engines. This is a little injured in there. Just a little injured. Yeah.

Maybe just helps with the motion a little bit. St. Maybe it just helps with emotion a little bit. Stabilizes it. Yeah. You know those things, like, you know, that thing where you, what's that thing where you spin that thing and it feels like it's giving you an upward force or whatever, or.

I have no idea what you're talking about. When you spin stuff, there's all kinds of weird like stabilizing features. Oh, I'll send you a gyroscopic kind of stuff. Yeah, that kind of stuff. Angular momentum conservation. You sit in an office chair and you hold a bicycle wheel and you get somebody to spin it.

And then you turn the bicycle wheel and then your chair also begins to turn in order to conserve angular momentum. Well, see, that kind of stuff. They could happen with, Tony, with cheating in the long stick game. Yeah, oh, I kind of stuff, that could happen. I can't stop. Tiny, you know, cheating in the long stick game. Yeah. Oh, I can see it happening.

Absolutely. Hey, with the long telemares thing. Yes. There's also like another aspect of it there that's called like telemares, right? Which is like a protein that I think that's like that's, that maybe affects it. But anyway, the thing with telemares, right,

is that it's not that the telemares are long that makes you younger or whatever, but it's the genes. It's the way that it's like gene activation. It's the way your genes respond to them. Right. And so one of the big aspects of aging is, is it's a repairing problem. And so your body stops repairing itself as it gets older, starts repairing itself at the rate older, so it's repairing itself at the rate and at the, you know, the greatness that it kind of did when you were a young whipper. And is it actually the case that it's kind of programmed into our DNA to allow aging

to happen and to allow us to die? Is that, like Is that something? Maybe. Built in. Because from a Jean's point of view, it's much better that a young version of you, your offspring or whatever, be given the space to continue to reproduce and that sort of thing. I guess so. I guess our species evolved and succeeded when we died. So that definitely would play into some aspect of our success. But he was also saying that aging isn't a thing that's universal because all our DNA and stuff like that,

or we've got half of it from our parents, half of it from our dad, half from our mom. But all that does- Half of it from our parents and half of it from our friends. From our dog. It, those cells or whatever that, the stuff that makes up that, that hasn't aged, right? That stuff is, you know, is like your essentially-

It goes back to the dawn of law. You're essentially four billion years old in that part of you. Yeah. Right, but, so, but the rest of the parts of you do age. And so that's kind of anyway. But is there anything in the repairing of the body that is some kind of sketch idea? Well, all I'm picturing at the moment, Alistair, is your body being hoisted up on one of those

things at a mechanic and somebody sliding underneath you on a skateboard. Sure. I think maybe tackling the idea of stopping aging, is there's a sketch in there? Yeah, and we've talked about that in the past about just ways to look younger, you know, wearing your cap backwards and that kind of thing. Sure. But a doctor does it, wearing your cap backwards and that kind of thing sure But a doctor does it turns your cap backwards Yeah, but what about like, you know, we're following the guy He's the like he's the first guy. He's been experimenting on himself and it's just been working out

And he's like look I'm 78 years old, but you know, he looks like he's 40. Yeah, or certain parts of his body are really really young Like he hasn't like like he's he's been doing different experiments on different parts of his body are really, really young. Like he hasn't, like, he's been doing different experiments on different parts of his body, and he has just like one incredibly young elbow. Like it looks like the elbow of a 20-year-old. We've seen some close-ups of it, and that sort of thing. And it's amazing. He tests on both of his elbow.

Yeah. He goes, you know, he tests on one of them, and he's got the control elbow. Yeah. One real old elbow, from one real super young one. Maybe he's just doing half half on his whole body. Yeah. So half of his face is really young.

He's got half a young man's penis. I'm sorry, I'm right there. I guess the idea that he, maybe one, I mean, look, this is... Is it complicated that like one of your elbows always, like wants to stay up late and go out to clubs and that sort of thing? And your other elbow just wants to stay up and read the paper. One of his hands kind of loves these, you know, like his iPhone, but the other one doesn't really understand how it works. Doesn't know how to use it.

That's quite funny. He has one really old hand. I think his hands are better than elbows, right? Yeah, one really old hand and one really young hand. That's kind of why I was going the whole half body, that way you can start doing this. Sure, sure. Good idea, LSD. That way we're... I was really focused on the elbow part. The elbow, one of the least sort of useful or interesting parts of the human body. You know, but you know, still there's tennis elbow. That's something we could have brought that in

somehow. Old man tennis elbow. Don't hear a lot of young people with tennis elbow. Anyway, look, I don't know. Do you think there's something in this all? I think it could be something. I think definitely somebody who's done experiments has one old hand, one young hand, and they don't relate to each other. They don't get along. They want different things. Yeah. We've got three words.

Eyes, ears. That'll do me. Okay, we've got three words. Eyes, ears. That'll do me. Okay, we got three words. I haven't contributed much today. I feel I'll let you down. Andy, what do you want? We have three words from a listener to build a sketch. The build a sketch, really.

Yeah. Well, really. The three words that you can get through the Patreon, look, we're actually running out of three words at the moment. And so, and we're on, you know, people have sent in more three words. Second sets of three words. Sometimes third sets of three words. I definitely know we've at least done one of Tyler Ferrer's. Right. Well, if you feel like we've missed your three words as well, please resend them to us. What's the best way to send them in? Either through the Patreon or through, if you feel like we've missed your three words as well, please resend them to us. What's the best way to send them in?

Either through the Patreon or through if you send one through Twitter as long as we If don't forget to respond if they're for even if it's a favorite or a like because then I I just put it in a little doc in my In my phone. I mean as it's really, really seeing behind the curtain here? I've got, I use Google, the Google notes, so it's called. Fascinating, so that's your process, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where my ideas come from. There's actually from these three words.

So where do you get your ideas? Oh, people send me words, all these words. And I'll use that. I'll add them into my Google notes. All right, so so Tyler Ferrer. Hmm, Tyler. He's a good Facebook friend of the show. Facebook friend.

Yeah. He might even have some action on Twitter occasionally. Yeah. And when he, when we talked about the Universal standard unit of interest, which was Leonardo de Caprio's age, he made us a little graphic of that that I appreciate it. Yeah, that's right. Thank you very much, Tyler. Now, he sent us in three words.

Now, I don't know what the first one means. Oh, okay. So you're going to have to help me out. I'll do my best. Okay. Quinine? Oh! Common wealth. Okay. Quinnine?

Ah! Common wealth. Yes. Roons. Okay, this is a great selection of words. Yeah. Now, quinine, I think it's quinine. Great.

It's an old treatment for malaria. I think it's quinine is also, for some reason, one of the flavorings in tonic water. When you have a gin and tonic, quinine is in that. Is in the tonic or in the gin? It's in the tonic. And I think it's derived from the bark, maybe of a tree. And I know that in one of the Tin Tin books, possibly Tin Tin in the Borgonia. He gives an elephant quinine because he meets an elephant with malaria. Yeah. As I'm saying this, it sounds great.

He makes a trumpet. He carves a trumpet with a knife out of a tree. Okay, wait, he carves a trumpet. He uses it to communicate with the elephant. He's making a brass instrument. He makes out of wood. Out of wood. Okay.

Carves it with a knife. He uses it to communicate with the elephants. Yeah. And he finds one of the elephants has malaria and he gives it some quinine. So he he can understand elephant language. He not once he has a trumpet. And once he has a truck, I am make well, because that's the thing about a trumpet can go in the mouth or in the ear. So I imagine if you blow in from one end it goes from a human mouth out of an elephant-like trumpet and so turns into elephant

language. But if you just use it the other way and you put the elephant language in the trumpet ear and put the other end into your ear I imagine it turns it back again. That's just logic. I feel silly. That's science. These books are successful, right? Trumpets are a reversible process. Yeah, that's true. I would love to see the reverse Louis Armstrong. Right.

A bloke who makes farting noises with his mouth into the open end of a trumpet and human language words singing comes out the other end. Yeah, I think look, is that a sketch I do? If you farted into a trumpet, I assume words would come out. We finally can find out what our ass has been trying to say this whole time. as I've been trying to say this whole time. I mean, that's amazing. If they've been trying to talk to us. That's what they've been, it's been a cry for help.

Oh, but those times when you're in a public space or you're in a meeting or something, your body really wants to fart, it's your ass has got something to say, and you're holding it in. No wonder people get bowel cancer. you're holding it in. Not one the people get bailed, can't say. You're silencing it. Yes.

It's a form of oppression. Absolutely. For some reason, I feel like my ass is always communicating. I'm dying. Yes. I don't know. I mean, just thinking that there's the possibility that the ass is somehow an unwilling participant in the body, and that we are putting it through this, almost like a kind of, you know,

human centipede type scenario, where it's been sort of attached to the body and had to play the worst part of it. Well, dinosaurs have a second brain, I believe, in their ass. Was that not a... Was that something that they thought at one point and then... Not for the purposes of this story. Okay, great. I think it's fine to use like, dispelled science too. Yeah. And this, we might find that we have the same thing.

That there's another sort of nervous system. There's a hind brain in our ass. That is trying to contribute. And that's why sitting down is so bad for you. It's just another form of gagging your ainess. Absolutely, yeah, you're sort of pressing the butter up into the, it's breathing hole, which I see them as your, I mean, what an amazing world it would become

if we discovered that assus had something to say. And like a totally separate personality and things to contribute and we could understand. And it was discovered by a frat boy so it was bullying like a jazz musician and we was farting into his trumpet and then words come out. Thank you.

Thank you. Help me. Trumpet and then words come out. Thank you. Thank you. Help me. I mean, I think it would deeply emotionally affect a frat boy if he found out that his ass was in trouble. I think it would deeply emotionally affect all of us.

Which I think it would really change. We could explain where butt chugging came from. You know? Finally. We could explain that. Oh all my butt is depressed. And it's self-medicated. It needs a drink. I think this could also tie it

because we love a bit of philosophy. And we've talked in the past about the Aristotelian theory that human beings are actually two souls combined, his idea was that in ancient times humans were actually two bodies connected together and those became separated in some way and that's why we have soul mates, that's the other half of our body. What if we never became separated? What if we just forgot how to talk to our ass? That's right. Which is the other soul that is a part of us and our it's our ass that is our soulmate. Yeah Our our soulmate our our soulmate

Look I feel like this was just a side sketch. I think that's Tyler's sketch. I think that's what it gets Absolutely, that's what we got out of it I'm sorry we didn't do much with Commonwealth and runes, but India the place where Tin Tin was okay. That was part of the Commonwealth. Yeah, that's true and runes runes are a form of communication Right and you know an ancient written form of communication that we've only Recently been able to interpret. Well, that's exactly the same with the butt. Yeah, so it's just like it's the home. It's just a forgotten language. It's a forgotten language. Yeah. It's a true language. It's a universal

language. Do you think if we reconnected with it that we would eventually no longer need the trumpets and that we could just understand what they're trying to say to us. Yeah, I think so because I think that's what happened to that woman in the movie Arrival with the aliens communicating with those aliens. She started out having to write things down on boards and that sort of thing for them to talk. And then over time she learned their language. And I think that's what we do with our butts.

And maybe we'll be able to control time. Do you think our butts would be aliens? They're like a trapped alien species. They had ceded themselves. They had hidden, you know, much like we often use this trope of they've hidden themselves somewhere on Earth so that later on they can come. No, under the anal probing.

That's right, they're communicating with themselves, right? So they've hidden themselves within our DNA. Yes, inside ourselves. Yeah, of course, the last place we'd look. Exactly, and then now they want out, but they're too integrated. They can't they don't have limbs to set a pull themselves off right off of the body or out of the thing, you know, they're a part of us now We did it out there. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Do you want to take us through the sketches that we've come up with today?

Yes, that's what I want to do. Yeah, I thought that might be what you wanted to do Well, we got food pie That's the first one food pie Which is we'll put anything in a pie and you can eat anything on the go. Yes, right and And one of their one of their spokespeople is Kevin Bacon who said that you know I used to not eat things on the go, but then one day I was eating something on the go and I met my big Hollywood producer. Well, he done this. He gave me my big break.

He gave me my big break. Because he said, I like the way you eat that on the go. Yeah, I love the way that you eat that smoked salmon. I mean, this whole Kevin Bacon Angle is my favorite part of the sketch. There's no question about it, Alistair. Desserts to be there and makes it. It's details that make it give it realism. Exactly. This detail in particular gives it so much realism.

So now we have the safety pie or safe pie or panic pie. These are, I guess, just all part of AM. One company's range of products that offer a place. I like that a lot. Yeah. That offer a place where you can hide your valuables or your family. Because what's more valuable than that? Then your family, yeah, that's right. No one ever looks in the pie.

No one ever looks in a moldy old pie. Especially, you know, you don't think that you know what another good place would be, would be big rotting whale carcasses on the beach. I don't know, I feel like people have been intrigued by that. They're intrigued. But they're repulsed as well, though. They're also repulsed. And to go in them, they sometimes explode and things like that. If intruders are coming into your house and you

ran out through some tunnel to a beach and into a watching whale that was actually a panic room. Yes. I think you'd be safe for at least a bit, at least until the tide came in. At least until the fumes got the better of you. Yeah. Good call out. Yeah, then there's the balloon ride that changes your life. If you think this, this, this, this, you know, this pink sky, sun, sunrise over the, over the rolling hills is beautiful. You should try it on meth, like that. And then, you know, he's an international sky. And so he gets them to gamble. They were just going to try to propose to each other, which they did, but then they eventually they lost everything. I think a whole sitcom based on this guy who's trying to run his illegal sky casino. You're absolutely right. This is a whole sitcom. Four parts? Four seasons. Four seasons.

Yeah. I don't think it's just four episodes. cuz I mean think of all the people who would meet up there Oh, yeah, and think of the seasons, you know like we want to see what it's like up there in winter in winter I think they're we even in summer you'd probably have to have big jackets Loaded into the into the hot air balloon just so that people once they got to a certain altitude Possibly international sky altitude You know, and then there's the those storylines of the feds trying to bring them down. Oh, they've got their own hot air balloons. I guess it's like water rats.

Yeah, it's like water rats, but sky rats. Yeah, great. I like that they've got a flashing light on the top of their balloon. Yeah. Then you got longer stick, which is just the competition. It's that worldwide competition of who's got the longest stick? And it makes it to the Olympics. And it makes it to the Olympics and then you get to follow, they're kind of like, they're treated like royalty.

They're like sumo wrestlers in Japan. Yeah, not like sumo wrestlers here where I think people kind of just laugh at the idea of them. We're very tolerant. Yeah, respectful. Then there's the aging experience, experiment. So within the longest stick, there's also a long distance drumming, which is also an aspect. Yeah, I like that as a different thing, and I think we could find more about that. Like if we took a band, and we

followed them exactly the same as spinal tap, but maybe a little bit sillier. What are you going to say with a silliness turned up to 11? But what if it's like an alternate history of John Bonham? Was he the drummer? John Bonham? He was the drummer. You're right. John Bonham was the drummer. No, he was the drummer though, right? Like he was... Led Zeppelin. Yeah.

Yes. And he died maybe sleeping in his car and something like that. Something in his car. It was either Vamit or Cold that killed him Eplen. Yeah. And he died, maybe, sleeping in his car and vomit, you know, or something like that. Something in his car. It was either vomit or cold that killed him, I think. Yeah. Anyway, he was considered very good. Oh yeah.

But then... That dying in his car. Yeah. Vobest! Oh my God, you should say it! But if you did an alternate history of John Bonham where he didn't hear some of the, well, maybe not. No, no, this is like his life before he died. Oh.

Where you get to see some of the stuff that he was up to. His life before he died. People think he was a good drummer, but you don't know all these other aspects. Like his long-distance drumming that he started. Then we've got the aging. Because what's great about that is it gives you some perspective on the drums. A lot of people are too close to it, you know?

So if you could get a bit of, if you could get further back, further back and further back and further back, then you really see that like everything's a drum, nothing's a drum. And also when like what are you inspired by when you're in front of a drum kit? All you can see is drums. What if you could be up on a hill, several kilometers away. You know, you could be in the middle of a pig pen. You could be... There could be ducks at your feet. In a hospital ward, witnessing the birth of a child. Yeah.

Think what that could do for your drama. Yeah, absolutely. You could be, you know, engaging in intercourse. Yeah. You could be, you know, you could be helping the needy. I think... I think... You could be the hot air ball. That's one of the luxuries of being a drummer, is that you can be basically as far away from your instrument as your sticks will let you.

Everyone else is sort of trapped, but singing can't get away from their voice. Guitarist has to be pretty close. Unless they got really long fingers. Real long fingers. Yeah. No, even that. That's silly. It's hard, doesn't it?

Silly. Get the bones to fuse. Yeah. Yeah. Then we've got the aging experiment guy who's half young and half old, and you know, you know, and then... And they don't get along. And what?

Oh, that's a sitcom. One half of his body, he has all these young stereotypes on the other half of his body. He's got all these old stereotypes. He's the original odd single. Mm-hmm. Look, I think that's good.

That's good. Thanks. Then we got reverseet, which is... It allows us to understand what our author is saying. Yes. Well, at first, you know, it's just it allows us to take, let's say jazz music and have it converted into words. Yeah. Right.

But then also, we've, the side to that is that we found out that our butt is a different organism. That's an alien organism that was embedded into our DNA thousands and thousands of years ago, and that has been trying to communicate with us this whole time. Great. I mean, I don't understand what the evolutionary reason for even the making of sound would be. I don't know. I guess it's funny. But it's helped us. It has. It's definitely not impeded us.

Farting. I don't think so. Sometimes I feel like it's holding me. Anyway. So I guess that's... Thank you so much for listening to the show. Make sure that you give a listen to. Don't you know who I am? You can listen to the episode with Alistair, which was recent, which had a very...

I did some serious out loud laughing. Thank you very much. Alistair out loud laughing. Why not? Out loud laugh. And there's an older episode which features me and Alistair and Mesa and James from the weekly planet. What a crossover. It's a big one. An ambitious one.

It's a very ambitious. And then there's others. They have loads of guests big and small. Some people with huge profiles here in Australia, and you should learn it like there's an episode not that long ago with Sean McCullough, who is as big as they come in Australian comedy and somebody who helps employers during the years.

And there was an episode with Michelle Brazier and I think Laura Dunman and Readown that was multi-Haleriosso. I'm going to go listen to it right now. So good. And you can find us on Twitter. I'm at Stupid All Landing. I'm at Alistair TV. We are at Two in Tank. You can support us on Patreon if that tickles your fancy. If at all. If at all, where there has the option to give us three words of which we will definitely use all three

to come up with a sketch idea. All three. You can also get the next level, the overflow tank, which gives you access to our two bonus episodes. Buy weekly bonus episodes, which some people have said are funnier than the regular podcast. Yeah, we had one recently, which was we had to come up with five ideas for sex toys. And it's very silly and funny.

And if you want to chuck us a review on iTunes, we dig it. Yeah, we dig it. Baby. But also, you should know that we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

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