Two In The Think Tank - 143 - "ONE PIG TOWN"

Episode Date: August 7, 2018

Thanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank for a special deal offering $13 worth of FREE SHAVING STUFFTITTT Comics Extended Universe, Hand Shoes, Another Sketch, One Pig TownAnd you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereNothing but single origin thanks to George Matthews for producing  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today's episode of Two in the Think Tank is brought to you by Harry's. Oh, the Razor Company. The Razor Company, Elis Deer, the one that is a better way to shave. Don't spend $4 per blade. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'll tell you what, how about a better idea? Okay.

Spend nothing. Get a free introductory trial pack from Harry's. Well, that sounds like an incredible idea. Elastair, I just came up with it then. I don't know. We'll talk to some people behind the scenes and see if we can make it happen by the time this episode comes out.

Okay. I'm a pretty big mover and the medium-sized shaker. I reckon if they go to harries.com for a slice thing. Tank tank. By the time this episode comes out, there'll be some kind of deal where if you go to that site, you'll get, I don't like

$13 worth of free shaving gear. I waited handle Look, I don't want to get ahead of myself Pretty comfortable. I'm gonna be able to get them a weighted handle some shaving cream Maybe a little maybe a little travel case for your your blade get you that five blade razor You know with the with the also the little thing So you're blade, get you that five blade razor, you know, with the, with the, also the little thing that does up under your nose. Oh yeah, it's a fine detail. I've never used anything so useful. I, I haven't either. It's like the potato peeler for under your nose.

The towel that, that I reckon that's probably what they'll go with as the, like, the marketing tag for that. But anyway, look, all of this is speculation. I don't even know if there is a company called Harry's. There is. There is an endy and everything that you But anyway, look, all of this is speculation. I don't even know if there is a company called Harry's. There is. There is an ND. And everything that you've suggested, almost like in the secret, it's all come true. This is so good for us, and it's good for the listeners of Two in the Thing Tank. Harry's.com.forsesh. Thing Tank. We'll have some more details about this heaps more to say. We'll have more details later on in the show.com.com. Fortsdash. Think Tank, we'll have some more details about this heaps more to say. We'll have more details later on in that. Absolutely.

Do. Beale. Beale. Beale. Beale. Beale. Beale. Beale.

Beale. Beale. Beale. Beale. Beale. Alistair. That was really good. What? To me. To me. What? Yeah. Alistair.

That was really good. What's it to me that I was doing was really good. Yeah, I really liked what you were doing a lot. Sounded great. It was beautiful. It reminded me of the spring time. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. I am so sorry. That was my telephone making a sound. You know, it's always me that gets my phone buzzing and ringing during the episodes. And look, the fact that you're doing it is great takes a bit of heat off me, but also can't help but feel you're kind of stealing my thing.

Like I've been noticing recently on the show, you've been trying to like get your own thing, you know, so people know which one you are. Yeah, well, the moment we're more or less indistinguishable. I find that if I could get my own thing by stealing some of your things and removing your things,

then I don't need to get a thing. Yeah, you know. I'll be the guy without any things. And then your thing will be that you have some things. Yeah, like, you know, I have the accent, you don't have an accent. Is this a good character? Actually, no, to most of our listeners, since I guess a lot of our listeners live in the UK and in the United States.

So to both of them, actually, in most of the United States people, I probably don't have an accent. I don't have an accent. Although people in Canada do think that I have an accent. So maybe the people in the United States, they might that I have an accent. So maybe the people in the United States, they might think I have an accent because they go, oh, you say I'm a bit Australian, they would say if they were putting on an accent.

You did, you said it really Australian, just then. If they tune in just for that bit, they'll definitely think that you have an accent. Yeah. Anyway, I don't have an accent. I have a neutral voice. It's like milk poured over, sponge cake.

That's my voice. Really? Yeah. Like what kind of milk? Full cream? Full cream. Full cream milk poured over a sponge with like a layer of extra cream in the middle.

That's my voice. But why is that, why is there no accent in that? Because it's neutral. It's like it doesn't exist is that why is there no accent in that because it's neutral It's like it doesn't exist. Well, but wouldn't water be like a neutral. No Just sort of soggy wet white sponge cake. That's neutrality Not like transparent flavorless No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it. What if I told you? That's like, you know. I think if it was soggy, I would know.

I think that I kind of find that texture quite icky. I think it's like the neutrino. We have billions passing through our bodies at any moment without us noticing. I reckon at any given moment, there's a 50-50 chance you're eating soggy wet white sponge cake and you would just have no way of detecting it, because that's how... How do you think it gets in? Is it like... Is there an operation? Like, is there not like

a doctor's operation kind of thing? Although that would be one way that they could get it into your body. Yeah, great way. Imagine if every time you wanted to have a meal, you had to have someone cut your chest open and stick it into your stomach. Oh, through the chest to get down to the belly. To get down to the belly. To the ribs open. I mean, it feels, I guess, if they were trying to get to the esophagus and rather than straight into the belly. Where they try to get to.

Yeah, all right. The osophagus. The osophagus. The osophagus, is that Greek? Yeah. But I guess there's those ways that maybe like, you know, because you leave your mouth open sometimes during the day, at times where you're not thinking about it. That's me.

And maybe either either straws could be going in there or maybe some people could be spit bawling sort of this kind of cake stuff into your mouth. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what I'm saying. It's a real good chance that that's happening. You don't realize you're eating it, but the people throwing it around, they probably don't even realize they're throwing it around.

Could be easiest, the easiest way they could get you to eat it without you knowing would be for it to be in the air and you're breathing it in. That's what it is. Much in the same way that we breathe out carbon dioxide, which is how we lose weight. Right? That's where we lose our weight. That's where our weight goes is into the air. Yes.

We could be gaining weight. Because I mean, almost it doesn't make sense that the West is so fat, doesn't it? There must be some explanation. There's gotta be something. I wonder if anyone's been looking into an explanation. Well, you know, so what if, is there a chance that somebody's been vaporizing cake? Is the air fatting? Is the air vaporizing cake is the air fatting is Is the air fatting us up? Are we being fatted? I mean fatted? I

Think I've been infatted It's air air and air and fattening it's getting in through the lungs. That's how it happens makes sense Because the the lungs have has no use for grease. think. And so it just lets it go. Let's just through the wall. This is a great thing for the Joker, maybe to be doing in a Batman movie, vaporizing cake and pumping it into the atmosphere of Gotham. So that everyone becomes obese. And comorbidity increases in over the time.

Comorbidity. Comorbidity, I believe, like associated illnesses that you get from obesity. Yeah, right. Especially in cake in the lungs. You cake in the lungs. Oh. Like, are they doing autopsy?

Yeah, he's lungs are full of cake. Yeah, he's got blonde lung. You know, and it's like black lung. Yeah. That's fine, but it's being in the baker's thing. It's something baker... Oh, this is normally something only bakers get. Mmm, they're doing the autopsy. And they have the lungs open there,

in front they're all white and spongy. And the... Er... ...the... Whoever, whatever they call it. They're all white and spongy and the Whoever the corner the corridor runs a finger through it and tastes it Yeah, vanilla sponge Yeah, that's icing it's icing sugar I mean, but what you know if it know, if it wasn't the Joker,

is there a terrorist group that could be behind this? Well, in the dark night, the first remake, the Christopher Nolan Batman, they were putting something into the war. It was the joke. The scapegoer was putting something into the... It's about time somebody put something into the air. Exactly. And it was making people all scared this one,

diabetes in the air. Yeah, right, of course. And then, easier to chase people if they lose their feet. Great. So first, I guess it's a guy, he has himself lazy. Yes. And he would love to decrease the amount of work

that he has to put in. To chasing people. To chasing people. He still wants, he loves the kids. As a kid, he was slow. And he always got caught in chasing. He was always it. He calls himself it.

Oh, is it the clown? It's the clown. No, no. That clown, you know, I mean the clown? It's the clown. No, no. That clown, you know, I mean, yeah, he couldn't leave the sewers though, so it's got to be different. What about, what about taggy? Could he be taggy? Yeah, great. Tips.

Tipsy. Chaser, chaser, the chaser. I think the chaser. Yeah, the chaser. Yeah. And he, he wants to slow everybody down. So he can catch them. Because he's still not very good at running.

He's been it his entire life. He could have been able to catch them. He could kind of have those things. Yeah, that's good. He's been it his entire life. And that's what's, that's been burning him up inside. Maybe he could be like, it boy. It boy.

It boy. Fit bit. Oh. Well, that's, you know, it's got two it's in it, but then it also sounds like he's fit. His slogan is something about like survival of the fittest, but it's survival of the fittest or something. Or fattest, maybe. The whole one, but that's...

Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, what's that thing about? I don't have to out swim the shark. I just have to out swim you. Yeah, that's true. Like that. Yeah.

It's all that kind of stuff, right? And then he, then when everybody's... What if he's got sore legs? They have no... He's sore legs. He's called sore legs. Perfect. But his greatest joy is chasing.

He loves chasing, but he's never been able to catch anywhere because he's got a sore leg. So he can have some sort of quip about it is right now it is a high who will have who has sore legs, but soon it will be you who has your legs sore and off. There you go. That'll work if he's British or Australian. Yeah. Yeah. Or else it will be like, at the moment it is I who has sore legs. Although in a minute it'll be you that will get your legs soared off. Yeah. That's pretty good. That's still works.

Yeah, not quite, but like you know, let's say 60%. 60%. That's how he good. That's not too bad. It still works. Not quite, but like, you know, let's say 60%. 60%. That's how he operates. He's always operating at 60%. I'd say he's almost a 40% guy. Okay, great. Not even a pass, but he's lowering the standard of fitness through cake air.

Cake air. I think like, because we've already got mustard gas, why are all the gases have to be savory? Why not a sweet guess? And happy birthday is his sort of creepy song like a slow, but happy birthday. What about, it's the Beatles version of Happy Birthday. So it's not like, that'll cost more in rots. Good watch. Good call. No, but I mean, like, you know, you're, you're sort of just, you're playing in the playground with your kid, and you just hear this. Darn, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh- single snare. He's also wearing a one man band thing.

Is he the one man bandit? He's the... Nick! I mean maybe he's working with the one man band. I think he works with the one man bandit who he gets to play his intro song. He's creepy, he's trying to... Before he pubs cake it to the ad. I think it's about time. I think, like, if anyone is going to create an alternative superhero universe, at the moment there's just Marvel and DC and then the one with Spawn in it.

Right? I don't know about those other ones. I don't know anything about spawn. Many there. I know there was a movie. His cape seemed to be involved. Seems very often, right. You've got the big, you've got your big comic book studios, right? You've got your Marvels, you've got your DCs. And then you have sort of solitary lunatics

who have one valuable property that they keep trying to get money out of. That's my understanding from listening to the weekly planet. The solitary lunatics, the vigilante comic guys. Who is a vigilante comic? Who's vigilante comic? What have they done? That was the thing I made up. Okay, but who's, what's an example of one of those? Spawn. Spawn. Another one? How are the duck? All right, so How would the duck? All right, so how would the duck isn't like Marvel? I think he was part of Marvel,

but the guy who created him tried to do all this independent stuff with him. Anyway, look, listen, listen to Bloody Doo Go On. They talk about it on one of their recent episodes. Bloody Doo Go On. Also, listen to primates. Matt Stewart from Doo Go On's new podcast about monkey movies. Alan Starr and I are about the first two episodes. It's about apes and popular culture new podcast about monkey movies. How about Sarah and I? About the first two episodes.

It's about apes and popular culture. Sure, monkey movies. Monkey movies. I mean, it sounds so dismissive. I had another slogan for him. Because at the moment, it's from looking at apes and film or popular culture from Champagne to Champagne Z. Yeah, yeah. Are you talking about our cake in the air guy? Sure. But no, it's fine. No, that's right. It was a different guy who's very similar, but he's with meat right instead of cake, right?

And his slogan is, I'm a breath of flesh air. And there's just meat in the air. He vaporizes meat and you breathe it in. You could just have meat breath. Yeah, meat breath. That's a strong meat breath. What do you picture when you put your meat breath? Because now, as you say that, I think raw meat. Yeah, well.

Because that smell when you open like a... Of luchers? Yeah. I mean, that's not a weak power to have to be able to do to smell like a butchers. I mean, that would be, I put that rubber bank with that. Do you think he'd be one of those ones like Superman, where he's almost overpowered, where they're always struggling to find ways for the... It's actually in the head of the shoe.

For headless hair to be defeated. We didn't realize when we created flesh air, the meat breather, that it was going to be... We'd really made a rod for our own backs by creating this character who was so powerful with his ability to breathe out air that smelled like a butcher shop. It was so off-putting. The only person we thought who could stop him was the guy who can make that sensation of stepping on seaweed with your bare feet. Which I guess his name would be.

Seafeed. Seafeed. Seafeed. I'd better imagine if he could make you feel that, even within your shoes. He's like, he's got psychonetic powers. Yeah, like that. But all that he can do is create the sensation under your feet of having seaweed.

It's like you're stepping in a lake and there's the unknown in there. Yeah, that's an awful, awful feeling. It's probably one of the biggest downsides of lakes, you know? Yeah. Like, I reckon lakes would absolutely be able to mix it with the ocean if it weren't for that sludgy seaweed stuff that they have in all of this.

I don't want to be sludgy. Yeah, and it's also the consistency of their dirty silt. Yeah, but it always feels like it's got a bit of that whitty sludgy business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's too much, I think maybe there's something about their plants in there that create something a bit gelatinous that gets into their soil

that means that they're a bit yucky, yucky. And then on top of that, a bit yucky, yucky. And then on top of that, a bit yucky, yucky, yucky. And then on top of that, you get the actual seaweed, which is one of the worst sensations. Terrible. So, and look, I love fresh water. I, if I made it sound like I had anything bad against fresh water, I apologize.

I would like to apologize to all the listeners. I love fresh, fresh water. Yeah. I apologize. I would like to apologize to all the listeners. I love fresh, clean water. I just hope nobody takes that clip out of context. No. Again, if I, you know, hopefully they allow this bit to get in there. I want to be clear. I love clear as fresh water. Clear as fresh water.

To be honest, fresh water is very often sort of a bit sillier than seawater. I know, but I love fresh, clean, unsiltered water. Sure. Yeah. Trickling over rocks. I mean, or into my mouth.

Hey. Mouth rocks, the teeth. Yeah. Trickling over the mouth rocks that are the teeth into the... The tongue really is the riverbed of the body. Yeah. Yeah. Is that your phone?

I think that might be yours indeed. God, my God. We are, it's, it's back patritus calling me. You know, Rebecca patritus? Yeah. Yeah, we're talking about her on one of our other podcasts recently. You see, because we do a podcast, Patreon, only exclusive podcasts, one about sitcoms, and one about where we can have five ideas based on something that you guys suggested.

I'm going to pause the podcast and call it back. Okay. Now we're back. Now we are back, you're right. I wanted to think, like, I mean, look, just as a place where we can store ideas. Yes. Would it, and this is what I was trying to say before, would it make sense for us to at least just label a potential new superhero comic book universe that we could just put some of these characters into? Yeah, I think that's a great idea. So we're going to start our own extended universe.

Well, I think it's our own Marvel, our own DCAEU. I just think if we start putting people in there and something you know might emerge, you know, I don't know exactly what, possibly a universe for comic book characters. But at the moment, I mean, we got the chaser who's got sore legs. We've got the one man bandit and we got flesh air. Yeah, that is absolutely enough to kick off this universe. Yeah, I mean, they live somewhere. They gotta be be all right

And I think absolutely they're all in the same reality. I mean they're all they're all a kind. I mean this doesn't seem This doesn't seem wrong to say that maybe that they would be in a space between spaces Sure, so like an universe kind of thing sort of like the inverse An innerverse I think maybe the inverse kind of thing. Sort of like an... The inverse? An innerverse, I think, maybe? The inverse kind of sounds just like it's the opposite. Yeah, but it's kind of also in... I mean, sure. Iniverse,

Cineverse. Cineverse? Because they are evil. Mm. Right. What about the center universe? That's not good, is it? Look, we just need a name. Like DC, I've got DC, for District of Columbia.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Marvel have got Marvel for things that are marvelous. I assume that you look at, you know, and you go, Oh, wow. Wide eye, yeah. Wide eye, did Lee? The wide ey oh wow. Wide eyeed, yeah. Wide eyeed, Lee. The wide eyeed universe.

Wide eye universe, does that sound like we're talking about white people? No, wide eyeed. Oh, I guess because of the Caucasian stereotypical wide eye, is that what you're saying? Yeah, I think it's just something I heard. Or are you thinking of like a sort of a stretched open anus? No, well, I mean, I'm always thinking about that Andy as you know, but um,

but what I was just I think in a South Park episode there was an Asian character that called the white people wide eyes. I mean, it's not crazy for us to do that, but then I feel like I'm, then I'm, it's kind of a looting to other types of eyes and they don't necessarily. What about white eye? Perfect. Okay. Maybe let's get away from eyes. What about the mind hole? The universe.

Mind hole universe? Yeah. Sure. What about something like hole is just such a word that's used in whole and it's very popular to mom and so. Trench? Mine trench. Yeah. Look, I'm into it. Great. Mine trench comics. Yeah. All right. And we're going to play out that particular farrow. What about just trench comics? Sure. Yeah. Do you think trench?

Farrow? Farrow? Yeah, great. Look, Mia Farrow? Look, it's in the Farrow extended universe. Yeah, yeah, great. And I, right now, I'm just going to, I'm gonna be the one who splits off because I'm not happy with the deal I got

on merchandising. Great. I think it's important that you know, what your character is going in, minds the guy who's angry about his cut of the merchandise. Every band needs one, every movie franchise needs one. Yeah, and I'm gonna get some very distinctive facial feature, and I'm going to start appearing just very briefly in all of the comics and comic films.

Right, correct. So far, you're going to be that guy. So far, we only have villains. Yeah. But it's possible because maybe our universe is actually quite young and nobody's actually doing that well. Yeah You know right what you're saying that the opposite of Billy being a good guy is kind of a luxury Yeah, is that saying it's a privilege? It's a you know, it's a It's not a In eight part of the human condition. It's a thing that we convince ourselves that we are good,

but only once we've taken care of ourselves and we're at a certain level of privilege. I think that it's easier to get paid as a villain because you're stealing. Right, it's built into the business. Yeah, it's built into the business. Yeah, it's built into the business. But whereas as a good guy,

you kind of still have to have a day job unless there's reward money. That's interesting isn't it? Like Batman and so on. They're already, he's already a billionaire. He's already rich. No wonder he stops people from stealing. He doesn't know what it's like. Well, he also doesn't want to have his own stuff stolen. So he's quite selfish. Yeah, he's getting the criminals while they're small-time crooks. A lot of them, you know, some of the, you know, he's just in the alleyways

stopping small-time crooks. Hitting them on the head. Because, you know, stealing a handbag, you know, bopping somebody in the eye. Bopping. These are the gateway crimes to bigger things like bank heists and you know I guess vault heists as well like stealing a whole lot of gym equipment yeah sorry okay like poll vault okay so do we need it are you saying we need a good guy or we saying it's a universe where we've only got villains and then civilians? Well so far. Well, actually so far so far we only had that but I was actually saying you I mean you misinterpreted me But I was happy to go with it. Right. What I was actually saying is that None of the characters are actually have that great part that great of powers Not nobody's really excelled in the field of even villainy or

Or goodness, but so far there's just nobody good. What about this character? He's called the Seville-lin, right? He's like, and he's just like you or me, except he's evil. So he kind of just wears like, he's ordinary guy. He just wears like a plain sort of outfit. Yeah, like a blue sweatshirt. Yeah. Long sweet sweatshirt that he got from Kmart.

And he's one of those guilty bystanders, you know? He was at the scene of the crime. He wasn't involved, but he's definitely a bad guy. He always, he would've been involved if he'd been invited. Whenever there's a crime that's occurred and police have to say, back behind the lines again, he's always the one who's in front of the line. Yeah.

to say, back behind the lines again, he's always the one who's in front of the line. Yeah. Yeah. You've just been struck by the civilian. Civilian. Oh no, that's what it already is. Right. So I mean, he's even, if anything,

even less evil, that the other guy's true has even fewer powers Yeah, he's just a bit of an irritant Well look we can just leave this open as a as a thanks so so far Look we've still only got one thing written down because really it's all part of the pharaoh comics universe Yeah At the moment which is you know none of them are kind of, really. No, no, barely. I mean, cake in the lungs, obviously, is a solid idea.

I think there's something very much cake in the lungs. Yeah. Yeah, and I'd be happy to see a series of things that could happen in there. Well, I mean, sorry to keep going down this angle. No, that's okay, Angel. But if there was one good guy, or girl who fits in with this world,

what would they be? Like whose power is a sort of on a par with all of these people? Kind of like a lead poisoning based superhero. Right, but they're good. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they could they would use it for good. So I mean, this is the thing. It seems to be random what powers you get.

Yeah, exactly. Certainly some of them are much easier to use for good than others. Yeah, right? Superman. Like, you know, Spider-Man. Yeah. He's the one who has, with great power, comes great responsibility.

But he's got really good powers, right? Some powers, it just seems like it's all responsibility. Like, like lead poisoning girl. Yeah, absolutely, yeah, she's. All she, her whole life is just a lead belly. The lead belly. Yeah, she's all she her whole life is the lead belly the lead belly. Yeah All she has is just the responsibility of trying to keep her Body out of bodies of drinking water

That's fresh water which you would love. Mm-hmm. I absolutely love that stuff and And I hope nobody goes on Twitter and tries to spread words that I don't like fresh drinking water. So really all she could do is maybe tap into a villain's water supply to their house, maybe introduce some lead in, but really all that's going to do is sort of introduce lead poisoning which drives people insane. Yeah, it's a, she has a real slow effect. But I guess, I guess she's, if she's, her power is lead poisoning, is that she doesn't necessarily control getting the lead into people.

Is that she controls how their body reacts to it? Because I guess we all have lead in our body. Little bit, a little bit, yeah, yeah. I guess, do we all have a little bit of lead in them? I mean, no, so everyone's got a little bit of lead in them. That's what I've always said. My dad used to say that as well. I think I realized, I was thinking of iron. I think I realized, I was thinking of iron.

Everybody's got a bit of lead. You know, this lead in all your regular foods, you know? I like this. All right, new idea. Okay. All right, you know, people, people talk about carbon dioxide, can't be bad, right? Yeah. Everybody's got, everyone breathes out carbon dioxide.

It's a life gas. Yeah. It's a... It's a... It's a... It's a... It's a... It's a... It's a... It's right. It's trees need it to survive. I want to go try as to pull that with lead. Everybody's got a little bit of lead in them. Yeah. All right. It means it has a little bit of cyanide. Yeah, it can't be that bad for you. Our bodies have got it. I've got lead in them. Anyway. Yeah, I think he's a great guy. So why would that why are we

unhappy this lead in the ground? I guess it would make, I mean, look, this is if it's either that guy or, you know, lead belly. She would probably get offended when people said bad things about lead. Hmm. Yeah, she's a lead defender. The lead defender. Maybe we've got to get off all of this superhero stuff. I don't know if it's taking us anywhere else.

I think that there is absolutely a sketch show that is based in superheroes. But without, I mean, this is not gonna tap into you. Because I mean, if you were to make a sketch show that was based on a Marvel universe, Marvel universe superheroes, there'd be a huge audience in that. Because people wanna see that.

And even some of the films, Tikers of done that with some of the films in them. Bit of some goofs, you know? But, bit of meta goof. As long as I'm interested in it. Wait, I don't give a fucking shit. Yeah, I don't care. I don't care. I want new characters who have funny,

who get involved in funny situations. Yes. And I mean, look, there's actually potentially a whole sit-com in it. Could be a whole sit-com. All right. It's just a town. It's just a town where there's superheroes and weird stuff happens. Like, there's just no civilians except for the civilian, a civilian.

He's the closest thing. See, this is the thing about the civilian. Yeah. His name, it feels like it should be a good pun. Yeah. And it feels like it should roll off the tongue, but it doesn't. No. And that's, that's the first way that he gets yet. He's as difficult to say as he is to put up with. The civilian, civilian, civilian. I thought it would be catchy. Brilliant, civilian. I thought it would be catchy. But it's not. All right, how about this, Alistair?

Okay, Andrew. Shoes for your hands. Okay, I'm listening. So not gloves. Not gloves. Okay. Absolutely not. Are they made for walking on the ground?

These shoe hands were made for walking, yes. So for people who walk on their hands? No, but I... Or for when you want to do all fours. Okay, I mean, quite possibly, we've certainly got those shoes, right, those running shoes that are like barefoot running shoes. Yeah, they're great. That are supposedly...

And disgusting. And disgusting, and they're supposedly better for running. Yeah. Right, I think maybe the science behind that has been disproven. Yeah. Anyway. Sure. That free running barefoot running business.

Yeah. Now, I'm not talking about barefoot running. I'm talking about closed toe handing, hand-running. Hand-sing. Hand-sing. And maybe just doing regular hands things, but with a closed toe shoe on your hands. So not mittens. If we're saying the barefoot is better for running,

I'm saying the closed-toe toe hand shoe is better for typing. Well, first of all, manipulating objects. Hands, when you use them for tasks, they're very sensitive to touch and that can be distracting. Right. And I think it might make you, it's too sympathetic or empathetic.

Absolutely. It gets in the way of like business decisions. Cold, hard logic demands you to feel less. So there's also not only do they not feel things, they've also been given a numbing agent on the inside. Okay. You know, like on the inside of some condoms, they use that same stuff that people use to prolong sex, but they use it so that people can you got numb hands. You don't even feel the inside of the shoe. You don't feel your hands sweating, things like that, right?

And that way you can have a clear head for when you're making business decisions. Yeah, I think, you know, also when you're writing an email, right, tap that out with your big hand hoof shoes. Bigger, bigger keyboards. Right. For people who, so they just have single, clip clop.

Clip clopping like that. It's a clip clop board. Perfect. Yeah, a clop clip clobbing like that. It's a clip clop board Perfect. Yeah, a clop board. Yeah, I I think Good. Yeah, I think that's good. I think you know in the office and shoes Not saying Not a lot of people are gonna think you're saying sand shoes. They're not you're not You're saying saying sand shoes. No, you're not. You say, no, now do you want shoes for your knees so that you can crawl on all fours? Yes. Because I know it's quite hard on the knees sometimes to be down there. Let's say you have children or whatever. And do you think having shoes for your knees and

your hands would increase the amount that you play with your children. Yeah, I think the sensitivity of our hands and these is actually a barrier between us and our kids. And I think kids will thank you. When you get down there and you stroke their hair with your shoes. You get down on your knees shoes. their cheeks with your handshues. Researchers have found that early man did not caress and show affection to their kids with their hands like modern man does. That's a modern invention. It used to be more like horses and it would be rubbing heads against each other. And by having these exposed hands, which used to be covered in

calluses and dirt and and and just and holding rocks, holding rocks and and sort of just blood and different things that were covering the hands. You know what, there's a good point in this. I reckon when we were living in the trees, we would have been holding on the branches. We wouldn't have had free hands to be caressing our kids. These hands weren't made for caressing. If you were touching your kids at all, what's free? It's your knees and your elbows. I think most parenting should be done with knees elbows and head. And that's why we're starting to cover at least the hands.

No more elbow. We're going to take the shoes off your knees. That's the latest research. Put them on your head. First they thought knees were bad. Now we're back in these are good. You know, it's a bit like coffee. You never were flipped flopping all over the way. But the important thing is that now you're getting a closer connection with your kid. You know, because with the head-to-head contact, the mouth is close to the ear, which allows for whispering and more loving, which releases pheromones and good chemicals.

You're working for this alastair, and I love it. No, look, it's not hard to do. It's not hard to do because it's organic, and this is actually how parenting was meant to be. It makes a lot of sense. It's common sense parenting. It's paleo parenting in a way, isn't it? For a bet, yeah, for paleo business decisions as well. It's paleo business decisions.

Since I started to come up with it. In the cavemen were making business decisions. They weren't using typing emails using their fingers. They were sending messages by throwing rocks at one another's heads. That's right. And when we bring that into the modern office, what are we talking? Big rock in each hand, type on a huge, clacky keyboard. Actually, the benefits of having a big lump on your head have, we've lost that as well.

That's a more brain space. Well, yeah, and that used to be that we would actually, because what happens when you get a big lump on your head? Is this from being hit with a rock? From being hit with a thrown rock. Yeah. Is that your head becomes extra sensitive. And then you can feel changes in temperatures,

you can feel the wind. And you can communicate with your kids better. You can do it. Because you've got your heads close together. You've got your heads close to your hormones. Phyramones, organic parenting, dirt cloths all over your body. Now, just to bring it quickly back to scarecrow in Batman, when he had that chemical that you smell that makes you really scared, should have called it a scare amount. That's true. He didn't maximize his pun opportunities, pun opportunities. Yeah.

He, look, that hash-and-sack over his head just doesn't seem like a good idea. Have I told you this? Have we talked about this on the podcast? That, well, it's very cool now for guys in your Robin Hoods, your Assassin's Creed, to have a big old hood over their head. Just covering most of your peripheral vision. Most of your peripheral vision. Oh, it's not like I'm in some kind of

profession where seeing people approaching me from the side or whatever is in some way useful. Somehow masking your ears. My ears are like I'm here as well. Big loose flowing. I'm jumping off the tops of buildings hoping to just spot a ledge on the way down. Yeah, no, you need full visibility, right? I'm talking shaved head. Yeah. And then maybe like a mirror, right, that's attached to your nose, like shaped like a little triangle, right?

So you're getting a little reflection out left and right. That would be good. You got a bit more side view. See if there's any torches or something coming your way, fireflies. Fireflies or torches, yeah, exactly, both of those things. Flaming arrows.

I mean, that's possibly even more of a risk. Yeah. Earlier when you said that Spider-Man had powers that were good and that they were easy to do good with, I think that Spider-Man actually has unbelievably shit powers and he's done unbelievably well to get anything out of them. Now, in the more modern Spider-Man, does he have the webs? He's made those as web slingers, they're a little robotic stuff. Oh, so that's a thing that he's added?

Yeah, your Tom Holland has made those himself. So really, he can't thank the spider for that at all. No, no, no, no. Okay. Because already even that doesn't seem like it's a good, that's not even a good skill. Being able to throw out sticky... Oh, yeah, well, okay, sure. So it hasn't worked for spiders. One of the most successful organisms on the earth. No, no, no. Catching... They don't use that in any way like Spider-Man does. You're right.

They do it to set traps and make their homes, right? He is shooting long, just string. Sticky string. Like essentially bungee cord of stickiness out. It just seems like a nightmare. He is launching himself off of buildings. That doesn't, like, really that's a guy who's insane. That's a guy who is-

There's making it work somehow. Who's making it absolutely found some- One of the senses. Insane equilibrium that, and that, like, it's only through absolute, like, there's probably, everybody has Spider-Man powers, but nobody has the guts to live it out in the way that he's living.

Leaving that shit dangling off of buildings all over the place. Well, that's irresponsible. It's a former vandalism. Cobwebs. And that, you know, the hangin' off of building. He's swingin', swingin', swingin'. He must leave like, on even a small swing run, 10, 20 webs.

Right, and this stuff is strong, sticky, indestructible. Made it in his, I mean, I don't even know how he's got that much stuff, the absolute volume of material. I lost it. That he would have to be carrying around with himself. I list it. That he would have to be carrying around with himself. You're right. Window cleaners hate this guy.

Window cleaners hate him. That's the... I'd like to see. a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years, take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Despite her man from the point of view of the window cleaners. Now this is a story. Yes. Everything's about perspective. And I think the perspective of the window cleaners is probably one that has

not been very well explored. In terms of diversity, it's definitely a story that hasn't been told. Yeah. You know, you get guys who are lead journalist operations or journalistic operations. Jay Jonah Jameson. Sure. Right. You get just ants and uncles very very well covered. Yeah. Stories told. Great. Seeing it. Okay. Move on. What else? But there's there's more to life than just journalistic, you know, bosses, bosses and uncles and aunts, and also love interests of uncertain jobs. I don't know what it what she does or anything to do. Act is, I believe.

Look, anyway, you're right, Alistair. I'm happy if you would like to write down a sketch from the point of view of women, no cleaners. I did poopoo the idea of doing sketches based on Marvel comics. Yeah. Earlier, but yeah. Anyway, we can un-poo poo it. You can put that poo back in.

And, uh, yeah, absolutely. And while you're running that down, I was there. Uh, I just like to quickly again mention, uh, Harry's the, um, Harry's'. I was talking about it at the start of the show and I was saying I'd hook something up and you know I heard it back. Well after I talked to Beck on the phone I had a quick chat with the guys. Harry's there absolutely will do this for our listeners. We have a special deal. Okay. You go to harrys.com, Ford Slash think tank, you'll be able to get yourself that sample pack, that starter pack.

Yeah. Absolutely free. What's in there? You're, I'm talking weighted ergonomic handle. I'm talking one of the most beautiful razor precision engineered German manufactured razor heads that you will ever see or experience. Right? And I've used this not in the last two weeks, but before then I had a shave, and it was delightful.

We were getting comments on Twitter. Yeah. People show in a lot of love. And looking good. Yeah, you know? People were looking good looking at you. That's not. That's right. This is a shave that doesn't just make you look good.

It makes the people who notice it look good. It actually shows they've got good taste. It changes the shape of the viewer's face. Yeah, changes the thing that is observed, the act of observing. I think they might be quantum blades. I haven't spoken to the guys at Harry's personally. There's got to be some kind of entanglement. There's absolutely entanglement involved.

You're getting a little travel case for your rise there and you're getting some of the most delightful shaving cream. It's that stuff that comes out as gel and then turns into foam when you rub it on your face. It's actually, oh boy. It's actually a fluid dynamics kind of marvel. It is, it is. It's a phenomenon. I think it might be, it goes from semi fluid

to some kind of semi gas. Mm. Like some kind of bubble. It's doing like half a phase change. Yeah, it's an incredible move. And that's if you go to harry.com for us, let's think tank those, the guys from Harries, they've sold trillions of raises to billions of universes.

Absolutely. And they are good guys. And they are helping out the podcast as well. If you go along to that website. So if you help them, you'll help us. You're helping us. But mostly you're helping yourself and people who see you. Yeah.

Harry's talking about the last thing, Tank. Alistair, I feel like this one's a slog. We have done a lot of podcasting today. Yeah, no, no, I don't think it's a slog. See, for me, I think this is us, this is us excelling. Really? Absolutely. I think not is us, this is us excelling. Really? Absolutely. Badding not into a hundred.

I think hand shoes is up there top 15 sketches. I mean, it's up there with under a restaurant. Yeah. And the one from two weeks ago about Jason Statham making dinner plates out of dish water. Yeah, crank, but with joy. I listened back to that episode and I laughed out loud a whole bunch. See, look, even Andy supports the podcast.

I do, right? I love it. I love what it does for us, and brings us so much joy. Now, was it ever normal for people to ride pigs? Was that ever a normalized thing? I don't know if it's ever been explored. Now, I know Barc maybe did it in the Simpsons movie. Right. But do pigs have legs in which,

I mean, especially those wild, huge, I mean those big bush pigs, they're those really big ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those definitely seem like you could at least fit a saddle on them. Well, how about this, right? You get pigs who are enormously fat, right? And they can support their body weight.

Now, if one of those pigs then lost all that weight, right? That's true. Maybe through some crashed diet, right? Maybe that Michelle Bridges. Great. Total body transformation, right? 12 week body transformation anyway whatever it is did that and then but then it still got all that muscle

from carrying around that weight of course you climb on the back of that pig yeah you've free ride got a new beast of burden right there absolutely and what would be really cool about these these formerly big bush pigs, right, is that they would have so much excess skin. Yes. But then it would drape onto the ground, right? Hiding their feet, making it look like you got yourself a hover pig. And I mean, we've been wanting a flying car for a long time. And people have been wanting, you know, when pigs fly for a long time. For a long time. Now, we're not promising you that this pig flies, but people will think that it at least

hovers. As it's fat excess skin scrapes along the ground, that for me is the definition of hovering. Think about it. I haven't looked it up recently. You're in, you're in. That me is the definition of hovering. Think about it. I haven't looked it up recently. You're in, you're in, that's what I'm picturing. Look at it, you're in, you know, it's like, but you know, you've seen, like, you know, you've seen those movies with a, you know, like a death eater or some kind of like, you know, unearthly creature with a long robe.

An apparition of some kind, the robe. The long robe, right, that, that drags along the the ground, anything this thing does not have legs under there. It's hovering. It's hovering, right? And now I don't know if that's the case. Yeah. I just think that maybe because- Could just have weird tiny little legs

all at the back of the robe there, or scurrying along. And those are for bipedal creatures, right? Now think about how smooth a pig could seem to hover with four legs, right, which increases smoothness. I mean, if you can get those skin flaps over the side of a millipede, right? If you can get a real fat millipede to lose loads of weight, you can get that excess skin to hang over the side. That would be the smoothest cover you could you could simulate

But let's say okay, but but also think about it like this this pig this pig that's lost all this weight Yes, looks like it's hovering but not only that you're riding this pig through the desert or the country Yes, the country road right and And that country road isn't paved. So, that skin that's on the ground, it's picking up dust, it's creating a kind of cloud effect, like that, which kind of adds to the mystique. It gives it a magic feel, doesn't it? Suddenly, you're the most popular guy in town.

And just like that, I transformed a simple country scene into a fantastical, magical dreamskate. As I hover in on my dust cloud of pig, my pig dust cloud. How long do you think it's going to take before the person who rides that pig becomes mayor of that town? Because I give it a wink at the outside. Because look, I know a lot of mayoral candidates will drive around with a car with their face on it, right? With a thing, speaking out, you know, like their message or whatever, you don't need to say your message.

People know exactly who you are. They can see you coming from a mile away. Yeah. They recognize your gate. Yes. You know, it's like you don't have one. You don't have one because you're just sitting on a pig. Floating across the ground.

And people are going to be like, how did he make that pig so thin? I mean, maybe he could do that for me. It's not that dissimilar to, you know, people thinking, well, Donald Trump was a businessman, you know, he's successful. He did that for himself, imagine what he can do for the country. Well, he, in this case, you're not even doing it for yourself.

You're doing it for others. You're doing it for others. You're doing it for this poor sign creature. You're making them lose weight. A creature that is stereotypically known for its chubbiness. Now, if you can break a pig as eating habits. Yes. Everybody in that town has a chance. I'm so excited, I'm so happy for what this could be.

And you know what this is? What is it, Andy? This is like a sort of a cross between the pick-up artist's book. Yeah. Right? And Donald Trump's the art of the deal. Yeah, exactly.

Because he art of the game. Yeah. The art of the game. With a game of the deal. I don't know. The deal. I like the eye of the game. Yeah, great. That's absolutely got me.

This is the book by the Hover Peak guy. Everybody knows the Hover Peak guy. He's the Hover Peak guy. And also a lot of these small towns, people talking about them as one horse towns. Right? They've only got Riffle One Horse. Nobody ever mentions how much room they have for pigs. No, that's right.

But I assume there's at least one vacant pig space. And that's where you're going to slot straight on in. And there's no competition for it. So that's why you're walking straight into that parking spot. Or are you or is your pig walking in? Or is it walking at all? Is it over? That's the real question.

You're wafted in. Does there even need to be a spot? Or is it walking at all? Is it over? That's the real question. Does there even need to be a spot? Could it be just a hole? And the pig will just float above it. I think wherever you park your pig. Yeah. No one's putting a ticket on your pig. No.

Nobody's going to ticket that pig. No. The only people you got a fear is the dog catcher. Or the, you know, the local... Why the dog catcher or the you know the local one the dog catcher Well, you know because he's the guy you know, and they're called you think he also Catches pigs. I think they're called dog catchers, but they're actually responsible for multiple types of animals I think if a big bird gets out of hand. It's the dog catcher. You got a call. He's not gonna know what he's doing Of course of course. Yeah, but he's gonna be your one villain. He's gonna beat your one enemy.

I don't know if this guy belongs in the pharaoh, from the pharaoh comics universe. The guy who hovers in on a pig. I'd happily slut him into the universe, but I'm also keen for him to have his own sketch. Absolutely, he just has his own sketch, absolutely. That's one of the most fantastical things I've ever heard. What a smooth ride.

Yeah, you know, there's a Harry Shover. Smooth is a hover pig. Yeah, that'll, that could be their slogan. I'm having to give that to a. For Harry's? To Harry's. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, if they'll take it, if they'll have us.

Mm. I feel bad for that pig with its skin, its sweaty pig skin, sort of dragging along me, the dusty dirt. But, you know, pig skin does kind of have like bristles on it, which does kind of have like a cleaning effect, at least on the roads or, you know, if it's... And whoever this guy is, Arachanin keeps his pig clean. Yeah, and he keeps his pig in good condition. And, you know, I mean, that says a lot about somebody.. Like you look at their pig, you know? You can tell a lot about a guy about their pig from their pig. Yeah.

You can tell a lot about a guy's pig from his pig. But also, you can tell a lot about a guy from his pig. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thank you for that. I, yeah. I'm, thank you for that. I'm sorry that I'm such a vacant dust bowl. You're not a vacant dust bowl, Andy. A vacant duck bowl. A vacant duck bowl.

I mean, that's a thing in places where they serve duck. Like in some of the vacant duck bowl. Yeah. It's actually a sad thing in a duck restaurant, unless you're full. I think that sad as a hungry man's vacant duck bowl. The ducks hanging up in the windows of Chinese picking duck restaurants is one of the most intense things that I'm confronted with on a daily basis.

Not that far from the, what's that alien that kills people in with the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie? Predator? It's like, you know, the predator, the man and hanging from the trees in that movie. Yep. I remember that kind of hitting me pretty hard as a kid and it's basically the duck version of

that. Yeah, absolutely. It sends a strong message to people walking by, which is we have dead ducks if that's what you're looking for. And it sends an even stronger message to ducks. Yeah, you never see a live duck in there. No, I mean if they've learned their lesson or if... If it was me, I'd leave one duck alive to tell the story of what happened here. But this shows how serious they are about cook and ducks is that they don't. I mean, either they... Just think about the amount of duck feces that would be in that restaurant. You mean that they've hollowed out of ducks?

No, no, I just meant if there was one living duck. There was one there. There was one there. There was one there. There was one there. I don't think that duck would be relaxing and I don't think that duck would have a single solid shit. Even for a bird,

it's, shits would be running. This is not a funny idea in any way, but it's definitely an intense idea, right? Yeah. It's like one of those restaurants where you go along in this fish or crayfish in a tank, you can point to the one that you want. Yeah. I'll take it out the back and they'll kill it. Yeah.

It's that, but it's a duck. Sure. Right. And it is panicking. Oh, it. Yeah. It's that, but it's a duck. Sure. Right. And it is panicking. Oh, no. Yeah. I bet. It's like thrashing around.

They would learn. They would learn to know what that point means. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, this is sorry, this is such a horrible idea. Is there any way in which that could be funny? Like it's a kind of, because it's doing a sort of a parallel style thing. Where if you did it with something funny, it'd be funny.

Right? Tomati is very often, what if this, but it was this instead, right? Now I'm doing what if crayfish, but it's a panicking duck sure Right is it's picking duck short for panicking duck. I think so. Yeah, I think I mean I don't understand Chinese and it's full, but I think it's just a short I mean they're they're they're let Chinese alphabet their letters do look like they've just bunched a whole lot of English letters together Take a word and kind of like just mash it in your head. Put all the letters in a one letter Yeah, like that and just go like that and then you just kind of release these characters and then you just make about 10,000 of those

Yeah Just one for every word you just type all the letters over the top of each other. Yeah, all right. That's there you go There you go, I did it. Now look, the duck, I mean look, I definitely just see that as sad. It's so horrible. How, how could we make that funnier? I mean, I mean, what about this? The plants.

What about this humans? What about this humans? Yeah, I mean, could be humans. You go, people, for people who feel bad about picking out a duck to or not a duck like a fish or a crayfish to eat, right? What if you go in and is it more positive spin on it? Costs a little bit more for the customer, but you go in and you point to all the ones that you'd want to release. Right? So instead of thinking about it as you're eating one crayfish,

think about it as you're releasing nine crayfish. Well, that's, I mean, even if you just, if you just, you pick two, one to die, one to live. So it's kind of like you're doing a good thing, but you're also doing a bad thing, so it kind of just like bounces each other out. I like it to be, you're not, you're not specifically picking the one to eat. Okay, right. You leave that unsaid, right?

You're just like, I feel like releasing some crayfish tonight. Yeah. Honey, do you want to go release some crayfish? Yeah. You go to a restaurant, you pick nine crayfish to release, and then the one that's left over, it's just not acknowledged. That's right. They take that out the back and then later on, you're eating crayfish to release and then the one that's left over, it's just not acknowledged. That's right. They take that out the back and then later on you're eating crayfish.

And what you're doing really is you're paying so that they don't have to kill those crayfish. Yeah. And for your trouble, you're just getting a little bit of crayfish. You know? And think of the good that you've done. I think those nine crayfish would be right to thank you. Yeah, and I think it would make, I mean, I guess you could do that with a steak place. You could set a...

Sure, sure, sure. You could, you could, you're paying to, to give like 15 cows a massage. Or they freedom? Or is this massage one of those wagyu beef massage? Sure, I'm sure it's the pleasant, you know, or what about your paying one cow to get an office job? Right? Right. So keep it off the out of the fields. How do the fields, right? And you're getting it. And then I mean, I guess we have already talked about this in the past, but the idea of, you know,

you're paying for a guy who helps the cow integrate into society. And, yeah. I think, like, officers, we've discovered that having plants in their, is healthy for an office space, and they'll often do like a wall of plants, and like a living wall, rainforest wall or whatever, ferns, and they'll have pot plants around the place, and one out of count. One out of count.

Yeah, it's good for the atmosphere, brings people together. I feel I've messed up your crayfish ideas. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'll listen, not at all. I personally am really keen on this office cow idea. So it's just an office, it's just a cow idea. It's a cow in the office.

Has somebody paid for it to be? I think that impossible. Yeah. Somebody just doesn't have to be. Like it could just be an office that's decided to get a cow in. But is the cow just being a cow, like eating grass? I think the cow's just being a cow.

Right? And I think maybe certain people have to milk the cow. It's your turn to milk the cow. That's a sort of thing. Sure, yeah. So it could be like a graphic design studio. Graphic. That is the perfect location for this cow. Yeah.

And it just kind of roams free around the thing. And it kind of sometimes just comes and licks your face and bumps over a lamp or whatever. Yeah, you can sort of feed it like a handful of cubs. And it just shits. Everybody has to have bull a c, next to their mouse or whatever. And yeah, there's just shit on the, I guess it's kind of like a polished concrete floor. I guess that helps.

Yeah. You're gonna hose it down. Yeah, yeah. And you can get a hose in. Everybody has a hose now in there, in their little standing desk cubicle. I don't even just go to real a hose, and you just like that.

Easy. Yeah, it's a couple of seconds out of your day. Almost too easy. Is that an idea? Office cow. Office cow. Look, I mean, I think it sounds like the kind of thing a bunch of hipster-y kind of, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if we filmed it, we would get to hang it with a cow. Great. Beautiful. And can we put down release a release releasing crayfish? Um, great.

And I'm sorry about the really sad thing that I mentioned with the panicking duck. Panicking duck. That's okay. Yeah. Uh, we got three words from my listener. Excellent. Thank you very much to our listener who supports us on Patreon. Thank you. Every so much, you guys. The opportunity to give us three words.

Yeah, and to help pay George for producing the podcast. For the podcast, and then there's a bit of money for us to put towards maybe a future project. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. All right. The three words today come from Thank you. All right, the three words today come from very engaged listener A very connected one of the he's a big time. He's a big player in the listener game. I can't wait to hear who this is his name is Daniel K Daniel K Daniel K Okay, it's active on Twitter and I'm a big fan of them also known as the guy who suggested and I'm a big fan of that. Also known as the guy who suggested the theme

for the second episode of Two and the Side Tank. Side Tank, when we can't have six toy ideas. Yeah, six toy ideas and he told us not to come up with too many things that give you like, wish you wash the ideas that kind of like, oh, you get a lot of life experience. He's like, he wants stuff where you just shoving it in and out of your body, like that.

I like a man who knows what he wants. And look, and that was, you know, and it was the specificity of that idea that definitely got it. I had, you know, I had it a lot, the group. And Daniel Kay might have a podcast of his own. So if he does, I might try and look to it in the show notes. If I remember, I hope I remember.

Sorry if I didn't remember. And sorry if you don't have a podcast, but maybe you should, because you seem like a very funny guy. Absolutely. And podcasts are for funny people. None of this bloody science, none of this true crime,

unless you're being funny about the crime. Yeah, are you being funny about the crime? Be funny about the crime or don't even waste my time. That's basically how I always sum it up. Yep. You're looking at something on your phone now. Yeah. What are you doing?

Well, I was just trying to get something up. Oh. Is it like a theme song? No. It was just information. And I guess it's going pretty smoothly No, it was just information. And I guess it's going pretty smoothly. Yeah, getting the information. Oh yeah, it's, you know.

All in all, I'm the guy for you for filling on this episode. I mean, if you need someone who has nothing to say and isn't an empty vessel. So the person who has been filling out our wiki page. Oh yeah, Jason. Is Jason at Nest Wyoming on Twitter? Jason has been filling out our wiki and is such a great champion legend guy.

So if anybody wants to find it, you know, Google like wiki to the thing tank, it'll come up and he's got all the old sketches in there, all sorts of stuff, all sorts of stuff. I'd advise you everything if you need to find stuff searchable. Yeah, I Can't imagine the huge amount of work that it takes to do that and how good a guy Jason must be in the rest of his life. Absolutely. This is this is more than Giving money or or time

this is giving time. And effort. Which is worth money. Which is worth money. That's what it is. Absolutely. Thank you very much, Jason. Anyway, back to Daniel K and his three words.

All right. The three words are wet, wretch, and turd. There's a real theme there. Like it's a... Yeah, well it's sticky. There's a real theme there, like it's a... Yeah, well it's... It's sticky, there's a darkness, there's a dankness to it. It's interesting, even without the meaning of those words, they all feel like they belong

together. Wet, wretch, and turd. Yeah, look, it feels like the sketch is set in a sewer. Yeah, and it feels like wet, wretch, and turd are like three characters. Maybe they're punk rockers. They live in a sewer. Yeah. They punk rockers in that they listen to punk

or they've got a band. I think they've got a band. Great, yeah. I think punk rockers who lived in a sewer. Like if they weren't any in whatever, what, 70s was the 70s when punk was really like, when punk was real punk. Was that the 70s? If they weren't punk rockers who lived in a sewer, they absolutely should have been.

I think it would have been a little story about them, about the punk rock lifestyle. Where, which, and third? Oh, we live in a sewer. That's right, yeah, and then sort of, look, I don't know exactly what happens, but I guess there's a small, there's a bit about their music.

They played their first gig in a sewer, right? Yeah. Years later, someone has this quote about them. There were many people at that gig, but everyone who was at that gig caught typhoid. Everyone who was at that gig went on to catch typhoid. Yeah, and like at the end of the gig they all passed out from the fumes Right and when they woke up the indent in the muck on the ground was so comfy they just decided to live there they laid there They never stood up again and every gig they did was lying down in the filth

did was lying down in the filth. Eventually the filth became that. It flowed over the top and we had to infer the music from the ripples in the shit. And that's how punk went rich and turned. On really work. And the last gig, all you could see was his mouth was was wet's mouth Wet wet mouth wet wet mouth sticking and barely sticking out of the water We're need when he puller a specifically large oval sound War order were just pouring and he spit it out on the pea sands.

A lot of a lot of musicians went and they died, right? They died choking on their own vomit. But wet reaction turned, were the only musicians I ever knew who died when they stopped choking on other people's vomit and turns Anyway, they died in 24 We were filthy. They never really recorded anything No sound recording artist was Was was was willing to bring their equipment down there?

recording artist was willing to bring their equipment down there. You know, a line from Rockland, Casbah, trouble in the Suez. A lot of people thought that was reference to the Suez Canal. Is it in that song? No, that's Weed and Start the Fire, trouble in the Suez. Still, I can be sure. Anyway, that was a reference to a wet wretch in turn and the trouble they had surviving

in the sewer, what they died in. It was the best week of gigs I've ever seen. A lot of people think that the rock and roll lifestyle was unhealthy when you were doing coke all day and heroin all night. But I've never seen a more unhealthy lifestyle than that limbo wet rich and churred and that week that they were in that sewer. My microbiome still has a recovered from those awesome gigs. Songs, now I can't remember any of them. I'm not even sure they were some. Just some sort of splashing about.

Johnny Sodden, we used to call him the... the... ...wretch pistols. Uh... ...and the... ...toodhulls. The toodhulls as well. Yeah, that's what we called them as well. So they all had...

Each... ...performer had their own band there? Yeah. LAUGHTER That was all they solo craze and I did in the second half of the week. Of course, there was a lot of conflict because the other members were still present as the others were trying to break off and start their own first band to perform all their solo stuff, simultaneously on stage. And while it was never really acknowledged, you could tell that they were trying different things.

I mean, Rhett's on pretty short, died very early on in the week. And the gurgling was just from sort of gasses escaping the holes in his body. But that came to define this, chef. But to be honest, his solo stuff was the stuff I enjoyed the most.

He was the most listable. All right. In a traditional way. Okay, so there you go, Daniel Kay. Thanks for that. And thanks everybody else for putting up with me in a traditional way. Okay, so there you go, Daniel Kay. Thanks for that. And thanks everybody else for putting up with me on the rest of this podcast. And me on the rest of all the podcasts.

We ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, we've got to just come up with a thing. Then we have to read all the sketches. Read all the sketches. Picking the lungs. I mean, this is the pharaoh comics universe that we've just saw. Yeah. I'm not sure with the name pharaoh yet. Yeah, I don't know.

I think we were closer to it with something else. With mind trench? Mind trench. Mind trench. Yeah. All right. No mind trench. Plow.

The eye plow. Like an internet product that clows. I was thinking AYE, but yeah, whatever. EYIPLOW. Yeah, that's what carbs demand trench. It's the IPLOW. IPLOW. IPLOWMINETRIG.

Anyway, we got that and we got the hand shoes. Yeah. Hand shoes are for a great product. That's right. They allow for better parenting and business decisions, sort of bringing some of that paleo stuff back into modern day removing that use of hands, which we used to be sort of taken up by holding rocks and muck and things like that. Well, a little time in your doctor's's and your star tricks, right, there'll be some

line to the effect that it's your humanity that is your weakness, and they're usually referring to, you know, your kindness and your empathy and that sort of thing. But another aspect of humanity is our opposable thumbs. Absolutely. And I think we're just removing that, just another kind of weakness. Kindness isn't the only aspect of humanity that could hold us back. Right. You know?

Being able to grasp a spoon, that's another one. Yeah. An ass that has closed cheeks. That's, you know, that rests within a closed cheek system. Something that's holding us back. Well, I mean, it's just something very human. Do you think, oh, it's a closed, cheek system? An aspect of you, I guess.

I don't, I don't think I've ever seen any other animal- It's any other animal- But cheeks. I don't think so. Fuck, Alistair, I don't know. I've ever heard this disgust as the thing that truly separates us from the animals. Yeah. But if that's what it turns out to be, now that we're finding out that plants can communicate,

and crows can play tranks on each other. Yeah, or connect for. Yeah, that too. Right. I think the close-ass butt cheek might be all we've got left. Absolutely. And it's not like that's going to be one of those things where we're going to find a hundred years down the road

that we never realized that all animals actually had their own clothes. Actually, crows have got a clow. Is that a clow? Yeah, no, this is us. No, no. So, we got that as well. We got that as well, and animal.

This is actually rock solid. And then we discover like a crab. Yeah, a crab with just like a human ass. A tight ass. Just like a human ass. Just a tight closed ass. Like a peach. You know, like, like a monkey's have that ass that's just like right there. It's like a whole like an open world. Yeah, right? It's like one of those houses that opens right onto the foot.

Up to the street from before they built the road. Yeah, wow, it's crazy. What are you doing? No! Give a bit of space between you and the rest of the world. People walking by and just bang on your window. Yeah, that's an analogy that I'm enjoying. Is that because we don't have a tail?

Do you think that the butt cheeks really do the job of the tail in being like's a protective thing, maybe. Yeah. Lost the tail. Our ass folded in on itself. Yeah. I would have loved to have seen that, where's the missing piece between the open ass and the closed ass?

Like this, where there's just this kind of like valley ass. Like this kind of just like open, there's like this flying V-ass, where it's just this kind of like valley-ass, like this kind of just like open, there's like this flying V-ass, where it's almost like a cone. So it's almost like a cone like the ear, like the ear so the ear accepting. It's like obviously these people died, these creatures died out.

Yeah, right. Because it was just the ass was too welcoming. The funnel. The funnel ass. Anyway, I'm just saying. I'll go to funnel to me tunnel. Oh, all right, that was a funny laugh. Spider-Man from the point of view of window cleaners. That's a sketch. Yeah, we got weight loss pig mayoral candidate, which is the hover pig guy. That is just an example of just how far Alistair can go if he's not having any help at all. If you wanted to know where Al, how far he'll go. Yeah.

Like that song in Moana, right? That was your ocean going exploration. That was your equivalent of the oceanic people discovering Fiji. I found out that my ancestors were all people who took sketches too far. They took bad ideas too far. That's the Easter Island. And then my dad, who was like, you never go beyond acceptability. You never go beyond the reef.

What Andy seems to think is okay. Yeah, exactly. And then I went beyond because it felt like the sketch was asking me to do it. Yeah, it was calling to you. The sketch had chosen me when I was a toddler. You come back to the water every single time. The sketch.

The water is a sketch. The water is a sketch. The water sketch. The one that we wrote about that philosopher who said that everything was water. Yeah, failees. Failees. Yeah, love that guy. Then we got the office cow. And that's an example of just how Andy won't go. No, look, he went somewhere. It's in there. It's a cow. It's in a weird place. That's funny. And it's the idiots who just accept it and think that it's better for them.

Yeah, it helps to moisturize the atmosphere. And then out, you know, the outer city people can't make fun of us for not having this kind of country lifestyle experience. Connections, you know, like we live with a cow at work. At work. And it's every week, it's like the hamster at school. Every week, somebody's turn to take the cow home on the weekend.

Exactly. It's my turn with the cow. I mean, most landlords say no cats and dogs. I mean, they say pet, they don't say no cattle. No, it's not a pet. It's not a pet. I've got, yeah. This is for eating.

It's a loo pole. It's a domesticated beast. Beast is a great word. Beast. I'm gonna call it as a beast. No, but imagine that in... Beauty and the Beast, if it's being a cow. I mean, I was thinking of an X-man, there's beast,

but what about domesticated beast? Then there's releasing crayfish. That's when you get to actually give, and then during the mean, I guess you kind of pat each other on the bat and think back and think about what all the crayfish will do with their time. Talk about what they're doing with their time.

I guess if you were given like a kind of, if like one of them was mounted with a webcam, you could see what they're up to and what they're doing with their freedom. That's really nice. Oh, you'd feel so good. Yeah. For that webcam.

Check in, with the camera. Check in, with the camera. And then there's the punk rockers wet, wretch and turd who have to live in the lived in a sewer. I'm actually really happy about that idea. Yeah. And I wasn't unhappy with my accent. No, I think he did really well. And that was, you know, that's an era. That's a very specific era. I just pushed it. You know, you pushed it. Yeah. And it was evocative of like, you know, of those, you know, old band stories. Yeah. Thanks, Al.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Thank you so much for listening to In The Think Tank. You can find us on Twitter. Good God.

At Two In Tank, I'm going to Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. You can send a give us a review on iTunes if you want. That would be real nice, not this episode, but one of the good ones. Oh, look, I think there was a lot of fun in here. When things don't go well, I think sometimes people like that. Okay. Harry's.com forward to that Think Tank.

That'll support the show as well. You know, you can try and force people to listen to the podcast. That would mean so much. You know, I don't think we have enough sort of over 65s. If you could convince, if you work a real on-tap market for podcasts in general. Yeah, if we could get old folks homes,

you know, get, put them on while people are trying to go to sleep. Yeah. You know, these people have heard everything. So what we're saying is just going to be repetition of the same old stuff for them. Yes. But it's, we kind of have soothing tones to our ears. You know what, I reckon for old people in nursing homes, this could be one of the few things that isn't repetition of the same old stuff.

You know, I reckon there's a good chance that a lot of this stuff they haven't heard before. I guess they would be happy to know that people are getting cows in their offices. Yeah, that kind of thing. I don't understand the world anymore. Which one of these you think fish, I mean not fish, but ants would like... I think ants would like cows in offices. I think they can be like cowshits and stuff that they can get for their habitat. Get for their habitat. Yeah. And I think that they'd appreciate not being the only animal that is farmed inside the human environment. That's true. Yeah. I think they would hate the hand shoes because I imagine they're all like regular shoes. Yeah, they get stomped on. They get stomped on. If you think if there's more hands on the ground and rubber.

Totally, that's kind of, we're doubling the limbs on the ground. That would suck. But Eric and Cake lung, if ants could get cake out of the atmosphere, that would be incredible for this. Especially those big tall ants with the white, you know, the big termoid ants with those big termite mouths. Yeah, yeah. They're all about air, getting air in there.

They could, they would not even have to leave. I think there are some that like collect moisture from you in the desert. Yeah. Now, imagine if they could also connect, collect cake the same way. Sugar, yeah. You know, wheat and sugar and frosting. What if Coca-Cola just pumped sugar into the atmosphere?

And it was a new service. And we somehow got charged for it. Right. Oh, no. So like, no, but I guess it would mean you don't have to eat. Right? So it's just like another thing that is just like provided now. Like if it's like vitamin, it's like, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold,

cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, oh, I actually don't need to eat anymore. I'm hungry. I just kind of absorb. I've been breathing so much today. Yeah.

I've had a real good breath. Yeah. Lunch time. My lungs are so full. Yeah. I couldn't breathe another bite. Thank you so much for listening to The Podcast. We love you.

Listen to Primates, the podcast is match to it. Yeah. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great Mites. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

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