Two In The Think Tank - 147 - "THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE 'ON' BUTTON"

Episode Date: September 4, 2018

Thanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank for a special deal offering $13 worth of FREE SHAVING STUFFBlood Prison, Rat Tick, Mouse Heart, Rip Whale, Snot Drop Tatt, Breath Bully, Clacker ClickerAndy guested on the A Conversation With podcast - epsiode should be up soonAnd you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereDeep cut thanks to George Matthews for producing  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students,

including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today's episode of Two in the Think Tank was brought to you by Harry's. Shavers? Shavers. Wow. Yeah.

But not just shavers. Yeah. Things that go with shavers. And shaving experiences. That's right. Really more than anything they're selling an experience. But more than that, they're selling shavers. And they're turning you into a person who is shaving.

And later on, a person who has shaved. That's right. Yeah, it's really, you know, it's life-changing. You're becoming a different human being. You're going to look different. You're going to smell different. If we didn't add, and we just came into it like, hey, we're telling you to cut off bits of your body.

You think we were crazy. Yeah, but once you hear the full story, it's Harry's razors. It's $13 worth of free shaving gear by going to Harry's.com-forge-think-tank. You'll be saying, hey Doc, get me on the operating table. Let me cut things off of my body. Exactly. And we'll tell you all about how to do that later on in the show when we give you all the details. Bitty Butter Bee. Hello and welcome to Two bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty bitty supporter who has given us the three words at the end of today. We'll be doing it that sketch at the end of today.

That's right. Andy, do you think trees can die of old age? What? Why do you keep asking me this, Alistair? No, look, I think, no, I don't think trees can die of old age. Yeah. I don't think anything can die of old age, because I think everything ultimately is killed

by something else. You know, really? You know, be it of old age because I think everything ultimately is killed by something else. You know? Really? You know, but I think, I think, if you look at the death certificate, somebody who you would presume is dying of old age, you'll look at it and instead of saying, it doesn't say, cause of death old age. It's killed by...

It's killed by... Stabbing. Stabbing. It's always stabbing that gets you in the end. So what you're saying is that death is never your fault. Exactly. It's not, you just loitered for too long. No, no, you didn't now and say you're welcome.

Your body didn't give up any fight. It's something actually killed you. Yeah. So every death is a murder. That is what I am saying. Yes. Yes. That's what I want.

It's the world's longest serial killer spree. Right. By overwhelming misfortune. Yeah, right. And so, but like I guess if let's say pneumonia kills you. Yeah, pneumonia.

Or if I should really call it old mania. That's true No, there's another thing that can kill you. Let's say you 95 years old Right, yes, you're out in the ocean. Tell me tell me something else that can kill you because I can't imagine anything Yeah, not if he is four or five years old you're out in the ocean you sound like you're gonna be Live it along and fruitful line. This is gonna. This This is gonna end the way you think it's gonna. Right, I'm gonna end with that. God damn it! I'll try and find a way of changing.

You get into a bit of trouble. Get stuck in a rip. Cal! You got stuck in a rip, you're 95. Stuck in a rip. But you would have thought 95, you know so much. You're aware of everything a rip but you would have thought 95 you know so much Yeah, you're you're aware of everything to come at you It's a I never met a rip I couldn't lick yeah, you got it you got counteracts

And you got bad joints and yeah, and you got a bad attitude Right, so there's nothing worse than a bad attitude. It's a guy, yeah, he's a rebel without a cause and a bad set of joints. And so he gets stuck in this rip, 95 years old, gets pulled out, starts waving to the safe, the life savers. Actually, brings in a fair bit of salt water. I've got to get saved with that, right? They don't have to resuscitate them, but they get them out of the ocean, right?

But the mistake they make, especially because these 95 years old, they don't send them to the hospital. Wow. He goes, I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. It's this bad attitude. Yeah. It's just coming back, you know, it got them I'm fine. It's just bad attitude. Yeah. It's just coming back, you know, it got him through so much.

Right. It's coming back to bite him in the ass. Later on, he's at home. If after you almost drown, you don't go to the hospital and get salt water pumped out of your lungs, you can drown in your sleep. Cause you lie down and it just... However it works.

Hey, you never claimed to know anything about this situation. All I know is that it can happen. I'm not gonna tell you, look, I guess we could try to guess. I do love to guess how a body's work. Certain amount of fluid, you think your lungs are a big bag that just fills up with air, but it's spongy. Yeah, and what do you get?

You get your bronchios? You got some bronchios, maybe they're getting clogged up by the salt. Could be. What if the salt crystallizes in there? What are the water evaporates, leaving salt blocking the... Maybe the salt, yeah, well, I mean, if the water evaporates, how could you drown, though?

Uh, how about salt? You got salt cutting. It's crystallized. It's cutting. Yeah. And then you got this blood, blood, that in the water mixing together, plant, acting together,

as a team, like two power-angers, fighting some big eye, right? And they beat the eye and they get drowned. I reckon if blood got together with salt water, because blood is like the human body is quite a lot of water. Fair bit. Yeah, but I reckon blood is more water than most other stuff in the body. Yeah. Right. So you're blood just because it's in our body. That's all it knows. Yeah. Right? It's never met anyone like it. Yeah. So it assumes that this is just like what life is like.

Yeah. But then blood comes into contact with salt water. Yeah. It's like, oh wow. We could be, you know, I've got so much more in common with you. I don't want to hang that in this body anymore. How do we get out of here? Yeah, no, that's right. And so they take down the beast. Yeah. And they scale it together.

Really the blood is a prisoner. Yeah. Well, they can call it blood cells. Well, that's why anytime there's an opening in your body, it tries to escape. Help! Help! And then those clotting mechanisms come and like grab it all. We put a band-aid over it, a bandage, we try and apply pressure.

You're really, really, pressuring the blood to stay in our bodies. The blood wants out. The blood is trying to escape. And who are way to, you know, to stop it. I think some sort of a blood-freedom movement. What are you writing down, Lestair? Blood is a prisoner of the body. Yeah, I think that's great because I don't think there's much else in your body that would try and escape urine, but I think that's more being ejected than it is escaping.

Yeah, no, I think we've decided that we don't want it. Air? I think that's the thing is that the blood probably comes in contact with air and it gets the oxygen from the air. Well, air is very much like a tourist coming in and out of the people's Republic of Body and bringing its outside ideas. Sometimes toxins, dangerous toxins. But sometimes just the toxin of freedom, and it's right.

Or hope. Yep. Blood is the caged bird, whereas air is the majestic finch that flies up to the window and taunts the bird in the cage. The cage. Yeah, and then dies early from predation.

The finch or the... The finch. Okay, because I mean, I guess the blood could also die of predation, say a rat got into the cage. I mean, a rat got into your bloodstream. Oh, imagine. I mean, if a rat got into your bloodstream and it ate all your blood,

it's yeah, or just scratched everything up inside your tubes. Because I mean, that is a risk. If, let's say, I mean, there are... You leave it a wound open. A linda, you know, like if, let's say creatures started, this is like a disaster scenario. Yes. The creatures started swapping survival mechanisms.

Right. So, at the moment, bacteria can share DNA. Bacteria can share DNA. And a tick will attach itself to your body and just suck your blood until it's done. But then what if in some kind of freaky Friday, oh yes, scenario, rats and ticks swapped survival scenarios. And ticks started living sort of in alleyways and things

like that. But rats started attaching to you without you realizing, injecting a little bit of poison, so you don't feel it so much. And then just gorging on your blood until they're swollen, like 10 times their own side. And you got to pick them off and they're all bulbous. Yeah, but you can't notice them there,

because you can't feel it. That's right. But you just got a back. Like if you just weren't walking through some tea trees. Yeah, you go hiking. You got just this back covered in just 12 swollen rats. And you get home and your wife is like, honey, what's that? Do you just go get some cupping?

Salt. You get salt. You should have been a salt on them. That's right. Does they also swap vulnerabilities with ticks? With, when that was ticks, but with leeches. Right. It was a really complicated, freaky Friday,

so no, it was a freaky Wednesday. It was a three-day switcher-oo. Three-way switcher-oo. A little brightness there. I'm interested, I think the tick thing is very interesting, but I am also interested in a rat actually in inside your bloodstream, right? Like pulling through your veins and stuff. That's true, I'm interested by that. Trashing all that.

Like as they live in sewers, and what is the vein, if not a sewer? That's true, it's the sewers. They are the sewers of the body. Yeah. I mean, I guess there's the intestines are very much a sewer as well. Ah, yeah. But they're kind of like, you know how there's the big intestine and the small intestine? Well, the big intestine is actually the huge sewer.

And the small intestine is the big sewer, and the veins are the small sewer. Right, right. We're in a rat might thrive. That's right. I was told we had a pest control guy come to a house the other day to test for cockroaches, termites. Don't have any, by the way. No, that's nice.

That was a weight off. Yeah. And he said that a mouse can get through a gap of five mill. Now, there have got to be some veins or or or or arteries in the human body that are at least five mill I'm thinking around the heart or sort of going up the Necklace you could get a mouse stuck in your heart. Yeah, and I reckon all you got to do is you get it You get some kind of a word right down to an artery. Mm-hmm, but you don't think much of it. Yeah, yeah Right, so you go to sleep You know,, instead of in your house, leaving it open.

Let's say you've just been fucking with C.T.U. You know, the counterterrorist unit from 24. Yeah, yeah. Right, Jack Bauer, who was holding, you were in some kind of hostage scenario. Jack Bauer was holding a knife to that vein under your arm pin, which is a main one. It's one of the main veins. Yeah. Not the main vein. It's not the main vein, which is a main one. It's one of the main veins. Yeah. And it's not the main vein.

It's definitely one. And he goes through that he cuts it, right? It opens up. You do start bleeding pretty bad. You're on the ground. They run off. They go deal with more of that kind of shit. Anyway, somehow, miracly, you just stop bleeding at some point. Yeah, yeah. And you go, oh my

god, and you get yourself to a hospital, right? But it's not a very clean hospital. Well, no, no, no, no. The reason it stopped bleeding is while you weren't paying attention, you were just going, I'm gonna die all back in your soul, feeling sorry for you. They get about how your terrorist scheme failed. And beating up on yourself, getting all more rose. So I can't do anything right? I can't even have your terrorist scheme failed. And beating up on yourself, getting all more rose. So I can't do anything right. I can't believe Jack Bauer beat me.

Yeah, you just, you know, you're distracted. Your mind isn't on the prize at the moment. You take your eyes off the prize. And also off the gaping wound, doesn't it, huh? Anyway, once you get to the hospital, because you go to the hospital, or you go to your whatever, your mob doctor, or whatever you're gonna see, he's so set up. Like, it's probably a mob doctor, or what you're gonna see. He soars it up, like it's probably mob doctor even though I got to suffer this stuff.

I think terrorists go to mob doctors as well. They're just their instinct. You know, a mob doctor, their instinct is to sow. Yeah, I think they serve as wrongdoers of all stripes. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. You know, petty criminals all the way up to mob bosses.

Yeah. All the way up to the highest forms of white color crime. Yeah, exactly. Just, I mean, even the president of the United States, if you're going to get it, I mean, anyway, which there is a chance he's going to go down. Anyway, sure. Yeah. But that wasn't what the point was initially. People were suspicious when he started to employ a mob doctor. Oh, he was actually, he was getting all these medicine done by a, a, a,

a disgraced vet. In a shipping container down by the docs. Yeah. That's what they are. They really suspicious part of it. Um, are we, are we still going on this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so then the mob doctor shows it up. Yeah. And a couple days later, you find that you can just get this tickle in your heart.

Yeah. I got a tickle in my heart. You go back to the mob doctor. He's like, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you did lose a lot of blood. It could just be like, I don't know. Maybe the blood, like, you know,

you just got bubbles in your blood or something. Yeah. He goes, oh, he goes, just the blood, like you just have bubbles in your blood or something. Yeah. He goes, oh, he goes, just sleep on it for a couple of days. You don't want to do an X-ray, you go, we don't have that kind of stuff to hear. So then, anyway, later you find that you got a rat, and then you got a mouse. You got a T-ray?

You can do a P-ray. Is that a different thing? Is that any of your P's on you? No, it's just, it just didn't get all the way up to X. I don't know, it wasn't much of an offer. It's okay. Is there any other raise that you can use to see through people? Gamma rise, you can use. Yeah, I presume. Yeah, although they probably pass through most stuff, you can use gamma rise in other sorts of things. You know, like we got, you got neutrinos that go through stuff. I guess the

problem with them is that they're too high to detect, right? Yeah. And they go through stuff too easy. I know, but I thought that's great because then you're not doing any damage just the problem with X-rays. Yeah, but you still need them to get blocked by the bones or whatever, say you still got a picture on the other side

to detect. But what if you just... Pass like a lot. There's just so so many new trainers. Yeah, just like a full, a full set of new trainers was. Yeah, like a full A4 sheet of just, just new trainers, heading straight at your heart. Yeah.

And then I reckon you get a good picture of that. I don't think you would, Al. No. No. Okay. I don't know where, how you know so much about radiology or what? I was reading about newrinos at work today. Yeah, I know what they mentioned their applications

to in medicine. No, because they don't have any alistair. Yeah, at present, because nobody's shooting an A4 sheet worth of neutrinos. What's an A4 sheet worth of neutrinos? I'm just saying, that's not a unit. I'm saying you get an A4 sheet, right? Yeah.

And that's worth, like not in terms of like, like as in, what does that mean? Like as in you get like just not a gap between it. It's just like solid new trade. Solid new trade. It's not a gap. Just a wall of new trade. I'll just go through you. Like that. the new trino. Just go through you.

Like that, no gaps. It just goes right through you because it doesn't interact with most life. But we put a material on the other side that it really does interact with. Oh, we found one. We found one everyone. Yeah, but on the other side,

so that we can create an image. Yeah. Right? And then I think that the body will affect them in some way. It will give us a picture. If you have enough. Yeah. It must.

If you have an A4 she's worth, unless you think A3 is what we're going to do. Anyway, you've got a rat announcing it. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not.

It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. How would this guy's life change? I guess he would die, but if he wanted to. Well, I mean, one thing that it would do is, I reckon it would widen out a lot of your arteries and your veins and that sort of thing. And it would probably also start building a nest somewhere, so like dragging together a lot of loose stuff. Like if it finds some clots and stuff like that.

Get them out of the way. We might find out because we had the moment we were trying to put these these top buildings tight we already taught about this on the podcast. Build these tiny robots and send them into your bloodstream to like fixed disease and stuff. And we're also totally separately training rats to go down mazes and like pick up things. That's right, and like save people who've been under and collapse buildings. Yeah, and doctors have always got mice in this lab. Just laying around.

And no one has at any point thought, like let's cut out this middle man row tiny robot and just chuck a mouse up the... Get a mouse up, yeah. Up, yeah. Yeah. Up your circulator. When they poop in your blood, up the... Get a mouse up, yeah. Up, yeah. Yeah. Up your circulatory system.

When they poop in your blood, you're gonna become immune to mouse poop. So you don't have to clean your house anymore. You know? Because that's the problem. You clean your house so that you don't get mice. So, doctor, does this have any side effects? Only good ones.

You don't have to clean your house anymore. Well, sorry. Because you clean your house, you don't get mice. Because then you don't want mice, because then you get mice pooping everything. We don't really don't go to your kitchen straight whether we're talking about rats or mice. Well, you know, we don't really see that much different

but difference between them. That's right. Yeah, I think that's great. Yeah, so that's a superpower. You can just make it. Yeah, he's got nice, roomy veins. Like when you extend the, you know, you widen the highway. Yeah.

If you put those extra lanes on the city link, that's one of our main arterial links in Melbourne. Yeah. Right? Well, how about your arteries themselves? When was the last time they got a wide thing? You get a mass in there. Stretch it all out.

I mean, do you see any benefits to having wider... More blood to your feet? That's true. Probably. Well, I guess if you could get more blood around. I mean, I guess you could just, there's just more room for more blood. More blood. Blood's good. Yeah, blood's good, right?

Because you know, when you get more blood to your brain, I think that when they say you take LSD and things like that, you do more blood in your brain. And that's good. That seems good. You know, when your upside down, your face goes all red and you kind of like feel like there's a lot of pressure in your head. That's good. That's because blood, that's more blood.

But also, you wouldn't feel that pressure if your veins were wider. No, that's right. It would be so, so you could be upside down all the time. Yeah. Yeah. All the blood, the blood, the blood is, it's a real treat for your blood. Yeah. Going through that spacious thing.

Mmm. Perky. Yeah, I guess it's luxurious for your blood as well. Yeah, so that is nice. Blood luxury. And then maybe your blood won't want to escape. Maybe it won't feel so confined. Well, if you're asking this could be a thing for rich people because also like we like right, right. We only have us in the, yeah, yeah, we only have a certain amount of like blood in our bodies and if we get injured all the comes out, and we're dead, right? Yeah.

And if you're lucky, they'll put some extra blood in, and they'll top you up with a transfusion, or whatever. But I say preemptive transfusion, gets some extra blood in to be now. Yeah. And then I got more to lose. Exactly, yeah. That's all I think.

Because it's not like you're going to cut yourself bigger, just because you got bigger. No, no, no. So you lose the blood at the same rate. Yeah, you'll probably, most likely, maybe a little higher. Yeah, I mean, just depends. The mass might get out, that's the only problem. Yeah, you don't want that to happen, but maybe you could, I don't know, maybe you could, you know, what's that chemical that they give the bodies to embalm them? For mouth-to-heart. For mouth-to-heart. If you could soak your veins

and for mouth-to-heart, give them that rubbery texture. Sure, sure. They probably, they're probably harder to cut then. Well, I say we just coat the mouse in formaldehyde and as it crawls around. Oh, that's a good idea. It'll be, it's body is basically a brush. Yeah, that's true. Right.

And it's brushing from aldehyde onto your veins, giving them that rubberiness. It's not really so exciting to them. They're more long-lasting. Yeah, harder for the mast to escape. Because if some bodies are bombed, you can dig them up at any point, and you can retest their body to see if there's any evidence or whatever. Yep.

And? Well, I just think that that way, you know, if anything bad happens to you during your life. I can't forbid. I can't imagine what could possibly happen to you that would be bad. This is a big vain mouse man. Yeah, but yeah, I think you'll be happier genuinely. That's the bottom line. That's what this is all about.

That's what matters. Now I want to go back and back and back. Yeah. Several iterations. When you talked about the old person in the ocean getting pulled out by the rip. One thing that could happen is when they get them out of the water because they're so wrinkly, they think that they've been in the water for longer than in fact they have and they keep tallying them off so vigorously. Oh, it doesn't make sense.

You don't get more wet, do you? The longer you feed it. But you do get more dry the longer you get in town. That's true. And that's what I was thinking. Let you let you let like, tally them until they try to get them smooth again. Yeah. He's feeding it there so long more towns. He must be so wet more towns. Right. And then they tell you and tell you until you dry out,

like it is almost the opposite of drowning. You become too dry, not enough water in you. You start draining. Yeah. Landing, landing, airing. I mean, draining, just got a good sound. Oh, sure does, doesn't it? Sounds like a real word.

I know, I had one other idea. Yeah. Which you talk about the rip dragging you out. But from the point of view of a dolphin, the rip is the lifesavers, isn't it? Because it gets you back out there. Yeah it gets you back out there. Because yeah if you're a whale but getting beached. You get stuck in a rip, probably the advice for whales and you know, seal a camps of all kinds. That's right. If you're at a beach, make sure you get into a rip. That's right.

See the flags stay away from being between those two flags. Get somewhere where the, where the, the surf is a little bit rough. Uh-huh. And there's a gap in the surf where the water is pulling you out to see. Don't struggle against the waves. Yeah, don't, no, no, do struggle against the waves. Don't swim diagonally across them. Is that what you're supposed to do? I know, but I think if the waves are trying to push you into the shore.

Yeah. So you want to get to that part in between the waves where the rip is dragging you out. Yes, yeah, okay, sure. I was thinking because the rip you're not supposed to try and swim against. No, you're right. And look at the swim across. In an analogy way, you were absolutely right to say that. Just in an accuracy way. I was wrong. You were incorrect. Yeah, sure. And also, the dolphin really, like there's no reason that they would be swimming in,

even though that's gonna wind up with them becoming tired and wanting up being dragged out to sea because they can't fight against it. Still makes sense for them to be swimming out. Yeah, like out to the ocean. The ocean. Yeah, but unless they want to catch some waves. Hey, man, you know, they still want to have a good time. They probably want to spy on some babes. Babes. Do you think that's why they're beaching themselves? Do you think they're perverts?

Weils. Yeah. They never go to those, they never go, like they never beach themselves on very crowded beaches. Um, and the least crowded beaches are often nudist beaches. I mean, they are nudists. I don't know what I'm saying. They are, you're right. Naked whales on the beach. Yeah, is there anything in there? Anything on dolphins and aquatic mammals,

having a Bizarro water safety rules? Is it not much, isn't it? No, but I look, I think that one whale, telling another whale to make sure that you, if you try, if you're still swimming at the beach, to make sure that you stick it stuck in a rib, I think that would make a great New Yorker cartoon. Great.

Yeah. Yeah, wow. Where does that fall in the ranking of forms of comedy? Is it an admission of failure to get a cartoon in the New Yorker? I don't think so. I think people really want it. Yeah, they do, don't they?

Yeah. But the problem is that you have to be able to draw. Right. That is a problem. I think they to be able to draw. Right. It is a problem. I think they don't just have like a writer, I think you've got to be the writer drawer. And so, I mean, like, you might be able to work with an illustrator, but... You probably be able to... I don't think the New Yorker provides you images, you know, or illustrators.

And so, in that regard, you need somebody or yourself to be able to draw. There's gonna be some drawing involved. Yeah. At your end. Yeah. I'm sorry about my cough, by the way. What's happened?

Oh, it's just, I've been sick. Really? Yeah. I've been at a real intense snott phase. You know how I'm gonna talk about snott. Okay. Yeah. This is a warning for the listeners.

Right. You know how sometimes when you're trying to blow your nose, it just feels blocked. There's nothing's coming out. And then. Yeah, what's it like in there? I don't know. I want to know.

I want to see it. I want to be. I want to know I want to see it I want to be able to see it I want to see what a block nose looks like from the inside because I know what it feels like sure You know it feels spongy and blocked it feels like sometimes hot Are you working way too hard for way too little there's never been a better time to consider a career in IT You could enjoy a recession resistant career in rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus,

and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. You know what I, you know how I picture it in my hand? Sometimes it does feel hot. Yeah. But you know how I picture it? I picture it as like a honeycomb, like, but very, like, it's kind of like a honeycomb lattice. Oh wow, really?

But with very small honeycomb holes. Up the nose somewhere. You think it's like a... Well because or else what is there to get blocked? Is there no like what's in what is a sinus? I think it's just a tube. Just a hole. It's just a hole. Well then is it one of the sewers and then why? Why are the three sewers? The big intestine, the big intestine, the little intestine and then the vessels, or what are blood vessels? Because then sinus needs to be its own sewers. Included in that list. Because it's absolutely...

Who came up with that list? I wonder what a fucking idiot! The nose is very much a sewer opening where like you would go in to go confront it. The clown. The clown. The clown. Yeah. God, imagine. He's in your own nose.

Feels like more liquid should come out of your nose. Like for the way that it's pointing down, it feels like it was just built for a large amount of fluid to come out. No, it's built for air to go in. Right? Yeah, but air could come in if it was pointing upwards. Yeah, but then other stuff would fall in from above.

Yeah, but then it could work if it was the side out. Out to the side. Out to the side, like a dog. Yeah, right. So then there's got to be a reason why it's pointing down. It really feels like it's there to slush out a lot more quantity of liquid. They could have just let tears come out of there. It could very well be, Amnesty,

a, another aquatic ape evolutionary thing. You know, the idea that we were aquatic apes. I didn't know that. No, this is the idea that part of the human evolutionary thing that explains a bunch of different things about our physiology is that for a time we were like a semi aquatic species of ape that did a lot of swimming and you know that's that stuff.

That's where freestyle comes from. That's what. The rap? No, the swimming stroke. No, we wouldn't have been doing freestyle. We would have been doing breaststroke. How old is freestyle? I think freestyle is a relatively recent innovation. No, no. We would have used styles in innovation. No, no, no, no, no.

No, we were all doggy paddle. Doggy paddle and breaststroke. You think breaststroke? Yeah, you're breaststroke, but we didn't know freestyle. Well, you look at a frog, don't you? Yeah, but I mean, there's gotta be. I'm gonna go swimming. I'll just check the frog to remind myself.

How do we do this? I know, but you'd also look at fish, and so you do that wavy legs thing that feels like you're a mermaid. Sure, and then you're closer to a butterfly stroke. That still hasn't got you freestyle. I'm sorry, I lost it. Sure, and then you're closer to a butterfly stroke. That still hasn't got your freestyle. I'm sorry, LSD. I know, but I feel like people would have just figured it out.

Anyway, the point is that the theory is that we were at some point semi-acquatic. That's why those people who do free diving and go down real deep right can hold their breath for so long. That's why we don't have hair all over our bodies, like other aquatic things, like whales and stuff, and it's explain some other stuff. I reckon it could also explain when our nose points down like that, because if you're sweating along, it's a feed, it's a keel. It's something that just stabilizes as we skim across the top of the water.

The head really becomes the rudder then. Doesn't it? Like if our nose was even bigger and pointed down, and then if we swam backwards, but the nose pointed up. Yeah, well no, no, but if we swim backwards, maybe there's a thing that water's supposed to go in, you know, as you're supposed to shoot it out your mouth. Shoot it like a Jesqueed.

Alistair's demonstrating. It's very compelling. I'm gonna submit this to some kind of, another British museum of natural history and see if this shock blows a few minds. Well, I mean, I don't remember where I was going with that. shock it blows a few mines. Um. Um. Uh. Well, I mean, I don't remember where I was going with that. Oh, that's why that's possibly why nostrils point down.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right running out. What a running down. But don't you think that we could have just had tears crying, tears could have just come out our noses. It's a weird addition having a mutter. I guess you got to clean the eyes. Well, when you cry though, your nose does get pretty runny. I feel like quite a few tears are coming out your nose. No one ever refers to them as tears. And when you see like, you talk about

tears running down people's cheeks or, you know, nobody ever gets it. One of those little teardrop tattoos, but under their nose. I snort drop. Yeah. It's not drop tattoo. I believe in like the Johnny Depp movie Crybaby. Yeah. He was able to, you know, he was really good at shedding a single tear. I don't think that would have worked if his character was good at having a single dribble of snort come out of one of his tattoos.

I think that's a cool jail tattoo just getting to To not drop just underneath kind of looks on me like a Hitler mustache, but there People will think you're a big it, but they'll get up close and go oh no, no wait Just crying he's just crying to his nose. It's not drop Why? Why do people get the teardrop tattoo? Does that represent something in particular? I thought it was a gang thing

that maybe you made you killed somebody. Yeah, right. I'm not sure. There seems to be a bunch of stuff that means you killed people. Yeah, I mean, you do the little cuts on your eyebrows and you roll up one leg of your pants and you're a little teardrop tattoo. Yeah, you get a, I think you're all, like,

Russian Japanese mob, that's all about tattooing your whole body. You know, with crimes and things that you've done, and I think the Russian ones, they really put a lot of meaning into it. Yeah, which is crazy, because you'd think that, like, one of the places that you don't want to put evidence of your crimes is in your skin, like tattooed to your body. But you make a bit cryptic. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You put it right backwards or something? Yeah, you'll put it make it into a crossword that they would have to figure out. And only you get the clues.

Maybe chemical elements. Oh, that's a good idea. I don't think that's a, was that in this one? That feature of this podcast. No, I think it was in the way we abandoned. We didn't abandon it. We murdered it. You're right.

Yeah, we dragged it out the back and shot it in there. Everything dies as a murder, Andy. That's true. That's deep. We Andy, did you? Did you run down Snottrop Tattoo? Can you run that down? Well, no, right down. But Andy, was there a, um, Is there anything you wanted to talk to? Oh, you know what, Alistair? Well, since you bring it up, there is something that I've been meeting to talk to you. What is it? I felt you weren't possibly in the mood to hear this, but harries.com, Fordslashthink tank has a very special offer for our very special listeners. Or what could it be?

Look, I need the opportunity to be reborn. Wow. Yeah, to take control of your own destiny. And to basically reshape the world by reshaping yourself. Wow. And I'm talking of course about getting yourself $13 worth of free-shape and gear.

I say $13 worth. It feels like more like $62, $63 worth. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know how they've created that effect. It's sort of like, you know, the temperature is 15 degrees outside, but it feels like 27 like that. Yeah, yeah. So it must be something to do with a wind chill.

It's because you get that weighted handle. Yes. It's because you get that face gel. Yeah, the foaming face gel that's the gut smell. Get in touch with me. We've got to make an edible version of this. It smells like it would be the most delicious thing in the world.

I think it would be a great thing that you could just have a tub of it and just dip corn chips in it. I would do that. I mean, and that is a masculine food. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I feel like a corn chip is as close as you get in the food world to a razor. Yeah, that's right.

They're so sharp. You swallow those down. Sometimes they go down like razor blades. Yeah, especially when you don't chew. So I say, yeah, absolutely. Let's make a steel gray corn chip. Maybe you put some squid ink in it or something. Yes. Make a five-blade corn chip.

Grind up some ants. Grind up. Thank you. Just make it out of ants. Ants would hate this. And you dip it in your salsa shaving salsa. Yeah, it's a shame. It's got that minty freshness. it's got that flavor of the ants,

that a... The assorted... ...ormic acid, trying to flavor. Yeah. Yeah. All of it comes together. It's what a treat. It's almost as much of a treat as shaving with a five-blade razor, with that extra special little trimmer blade on the end

for doing the bit on the nose. I love that. You've got a tribal case for the blades. So that I don't hurt anybody. Cause they, and they wouldn't hurt you. But they're like those people who have a rockweeler. You're like, oh no, he's lovely. No, I wouldn't hurt anyone.

I'm sure he wouldn't hurt you. But these blades, they're sharp. They're real serious blades. Okay. These are like Hataori But these blades, they're sharp. They're real serious blades. Absolutely. These are like Hataori Hanzo blades. Yeah. Yeah. But on a shaver.

Yes. And you go to Harry's.com. For sure, I think, you get all of that gear. For, I'm gonna tell you, not something, but nothing. Not everything, not something, but nothing is what you pay for those Those products so I do that today. Yeah, Harry's dot com for the slush think tank. Thank you for supporting the Shaving company that supports your face. Yeah It's right

So we've got five dot points there else Five dot points. I mean, look you you think that the snout drop tattoo. Okay, here's a sketch for you. Okay, great. Right. We're in a prison. Somebody's doing the tattoos. So, you know, and they're talking people through the different tattoos that you get for doing different crimes. Yeah. Right. And they're talking about you getting the snott drops. Right. And they're talking about other ones as well. Yeah. Right. it's all about getting drops coming out from different arophoses on your body. Ear drops.

To represent different things. Ear drops, that's going to get an earache. Yeah, butt drops. Butt drops. Right, you got just little butt drops just down your cheek and sort of down the back of your upper thigh. What about your drops hold down your back? Drops, sure.

It's just like, you know, you just get a, like you get like rain or it's just like rain. Yeah. That's what happens. That's what that means. I know that's not a crime. That one's not a crime. But we'll think of a crime for that one. Yeah, but you know, there is rain that kind of causes

the public damage. But I don't know if you're responsible for it. Unless you were a pilot who ceded clouds in a place that was already very wet, very wet. Isn't that what they suggested might have happened in Tasmania last year? Like when, you know, last year a couple of years. Not floods.

It was floods. And then there was some people that were like, oh, they also seeded clouds. But I don't know if cloud seeding is like a technology that people are sure it works. I think certain forms of cloud seeding are proven to work. I think there's still a nitrate. One way that they fly up above and put the little particles in.

And so it just about like, it's not about that you're making the clouds is that you're helping the cloud precipitate over a particular place that you want. I think you might have to be. It's just about like, it's not about that you're making the clouds, it's that you're helping the cloud precipitate over a particular place that you want. I think you might actually be making the clouds because I think there's moisture in the atmosphere, but there's not enough particulate matter there to create the nucleation sites to actually cause the droplets to get together to make the cloud. And then that turns into the precipitate.

But isn't it, fuck, that like just up in the air, there's like, heaps of water. 21 inches of rain that are just hanging out in just like a sort of a three kilometer radius. Yeah. You know, how are you doing this? They haven't got to get together. They don't know about each other.

They don't got to get together. They don't know about each other. They don't know. They're like, you know, individual freedom fighters who are yet to find a greater cause. Or, you know, someone who is a little bit more... They're like the X-Men pre-professor... Thank you! Thank you, Alistair. That's exactly what I was trying to get to. So Professor Xavier is Silver Nitrate. Yeah, Alistair. That's exactly what I was trying to get. So Professor Xavier is Silver Nitrate, particles. Yeah. And he's the one that made them precipitate justice over the Marvel Universe.

Correct. What are our three words from a... What's that idea? The prison guy, given the tattoos, talking you through all the different tattoos. Yeah, you don't think that's anything You can get the different drops from different orifices to main different things. You don't like that What about what if he's got one you go to him right? He's got he's got the two drops He's got a drop under the eye

And you're like, oh was that mean he's like that means I killed a man and then He's like, oh cool man, and then he's like, oh cool man and then he's doing doing your tattoo and he's like, how'd you kill that man? Oh, I have a tightest poisoning. Wait. Because he's a tattoo. Oh right and can you get hepatitis through that? From tattooing. Yeah. Oh but wait, like so what if the eyes when there's like, oh how'd you get those killed a man? And then how'd you get the ones or snout drops?

Yeah, it was I smelt it man. Yeah, smelt a dead man. Smelt a dead man. Smelt a dead man. I smelt a man to death. But then the eyes and none links to how you killed them unless you killed them with your eyes. Could you kill somebody by sucking all the air before it gets to their mouth? all the air before it gets to their mouth. Whenever they go to take a breath, you suck it in. Right? I think that'd be... You steal it.

Yeah, great, that's how you kill them. Every time they go to take a breath. A big, great way to bully somebody at work, you know? Because you don't touch them, but all you do is whenever they're about to take a breath, you go, you put your mouth in front of them, you go, you breathe in the air, you're like, you were going to breathe that. Well, I breathe that first. You don't get to have that.

You had breathed something else. That was mine. I think I reckon you get fired. Yeah? No, you didn't touch him. Not touching you, it's not bothering you. Yeah. Can't prove I did anything.

Just taking your oxygen. Oh, well, you're going to just look for traces of oxygen and lungs? Were you going to breathe that were you? Didn't see your name on it? Didn't see your name on it. And now we're here we are at the end near the episode where we finally get to celebrate the hero of this episode, which is Jonathan Dooley. John Dooley. Our Patreon supporter. Yeah.

You know that song, hang down your head. Jon Dooley. I know, I have no idea. Hang down your head. Jon Dooley. Hang down your head and cry. I'm gonna say, not anymore. Hold up your head.

Jon Dooley. For you have made this show so good. So good Yeah, we've got three three words. He sent in three words. Ripper listener ripper listener his words You're not gonna be able to guess you you bet. Yeah, okay try and guess Oh, all right. I've got a question. Is he fucking with us a little bit. Yeah, okay, all right Okay, here's my guess. Not these words.

No, I'm not fucking with us that much. That's fucking with us a lot. Man, that's be so good. Improperly calibrated. A clowaka. Oh, wow. No, he's not, he's not fucking with us at all. He's, he's playing to our strengths.

Yeah, but you see, look, already an improperly calibrated cloaca could be the sort of anus vagina, anus penis kind of situation. Situation. You get in your birds. And a lot of your mammals. Not many of your mammals, isn't it just your monotrames? No, we have the vagina anus or the penis anus thing. That's us. Monotrames. Okay, so you're saying that if you have a separate lea, you have a separate anus and a separate vagina or a separate anus and a separate penis, you're saying that is just an improperly calibrated cloaca.

Right. Because really what you're trying to do is like trying to train two beams of light at the same point, right? And if you've got it well calibrated, they'll overlap perfectly and create the image that you were trying to create. But if for some reason they don't line up and the penis, the anus, want to separate it, that's due to an improper calibration of your glow-acquat. I just think that the glow-acquat is the perfect system. Is it like a super relation?

I just want to tell you I've realized that the cloaca, the symbol for the cloaca is actually like the on symbol for a computer. You know that sort of most, it's mostly a circle, but then that little line. Yeah. Yeah. That's the client. Do you think that's what that symbol represents? I think so. I think that they're just like turn on. Right. you touched me in my cloacacac. That's what turned me on. Because that's the only hole I got. Yeah.

And is that a sketch? No. But I want to know why that button, where that symbol came from, the symbol of that button. Sure. And the person who designed it, and what it actually means. Maybe he was a pervert, right? Who tried it.

So kind of clowaka pervert? Yeah. You know, he loved the efficiency of it. Yeah. Right? Because it's doing so much. And when you touch it, you're doing a lot as well. And you've got to press that little thing to switch on. Because if you touch it, you're both prodding their anus, you're both fingering their urethra. And then you're doing the third whole thing. Like you're plugging up there. For Jaina, or you know, depending on if it's a starfish, you're plugging up everything.

And it's returning something on. Yeah. So it's just like the shady past of the turn. Yeah, the untold story. If it was the person who, do you think it's the person who invented the computer? What was his name? Began with B. Charles Babbage.

Do you reckon it was Charles Babbage? I reckon it came after Babbage. Yeah, post-Babbage. It was post-Babbage. Steve Jobs. I reckon Steve Jobs might've had a finger in it. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I mean, he was so mean to people, he's probably suppressing something. Yeah, yeah. He came in one day and he said, make it look like this. And he just did a drawing on the white board and then he walked out. He turned down the pen and he walked out. And it wasn't until years later we discovered what it was. It was a clowarco. Yeah.

And what all the, the quacking coming from his office had been about. Ducks have a penis. So do they have a vagina? Or do they have just, do they have a cloaca? I reckon it, I don't know. I don't know. We got to look into this.

I wonder if there's any cloacas that are at the end of a penis. You know, is there any like, is there any animals I wonder if there's any cloacas that are at the end of a penis. You know, is there any animals that poop out of a penis? Or like a cloacapenus? Yeah, I feel like some sort of sea shells and stuff might do this. I feel like I've seen muscles and stuff, poking out this little tube at the side of the shell for various reasons.

I don't know what they're doing with it. But is that, but do they also use that tube for love making? Could be. Yeah. Happy with that, are you unhappy about that? No, I'm not happy about this. Yeah, great. Do you take us to the sketch ideas?

Yeah, take us to the sketch ideas. Well, blood is a prisoner of the body. Yes. Yeah, great. That's why it's always trying to stay. Free blood. Free blood. Survival strategy.

Freaky Friday. A big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big The body is a prison. The body is a prison for your blood and for your consciousness. I'm sorry about the coffee. It's okay. We got the survival strategy, freaky Friday, between the rat and the tech. So you catch all those rats off the teetries and after a bushwalk. How do we set up the freaky Friday thing? Are they both struck by lightning? Lighting, lightning storm.

Lighting, lightning storm. Is it the hot up the freaky Friday thing? And they both struck by lightning or something, you gotta make a wish. Lightning, lightning storm. This is the whole chick and they get both wear and earring. Could be, could be an earring. Could be the earrings from the hot chick movie. Yeah. Cause it just, it's probably the way it's rather the way it's been.

And then, rackets, why don't I? Rackets and the bin and a tick gets on it. Yeah. The other one is hooked in a tea tree. Yeah. And they both reproduce and then a... Rat gets in the bin and a tick gets on it. The other one is hooked in a tea tree. Yeah. And they both reproduce and then they have families of their own. They all have these different traits.

And we got a mouse in the heart. This is the guy who got cut by a sort of jack bow or type. Yeah, and a mouse got it. And he got real sad about his... This is his terrorist plaid going his terrorist plan going on being defeated. And then he goes to the spot. He's hanging to a deep depression. Yeah.

And he... Stop looking after himself. Yeah. But he also didn't notice why. After his... One of his main veins got cut, why it just stopped bleeding. Now people say, drain the main vein. As a way of... A euphemism for going to the toilet.

Do you think you can also use it as a euphemism for killing yourself? Yeah, I think so. I mean, the throat really feels like the main thing. Oh yeah, exactly. So I'm just gonna go drain the main vein. Everyone thinks you got anything to do away. But the joke's on them, you're stabbing yourself in the neck. They look like any-

It's the ultimate sewer as well. You know, the body sewer, the throat. Yeah. The ultimate. The ultimate one. Well, as in I'm saying there's no bigger one, unless you consider the torso itself a sewer, but it's not. You know- A mouth? A mouth. But it's not, that mouth's no bigger than the throat, is it? The mouth is definitely bigger than the throat. You think so? Yeah, it's a little bit like... But look how sick the throat is. Sure, but there's a bunch of stuff in there.

Yeah? Yeah, but like, which... How much, how much hole is there? You talk as soft, why do you think you have to chew things up? Yeah, I know, but that's because that's one of the holes. But there's, there's got to be a big air hole in there. Yeah, but these, but that's because that's that's one of the holes, but there's there's gonna be a big air hole in there Yeah, but there's a whole separate pipes that doesn't count as one big sewer. It doesn't hold different when you touch it. It doesn't feel full It's like it's actually there's a lot of free space in there

That's what I'm talking about is it is is it is cavernous in there? It's not a evidence. No. What about you? Do this? When you stretch out your neck muscles like that, it becomes a chasm. Like that. You know. Whale, the vice to whales, is they get stuck in a rip. I think that's funny.

Yeah, I don't think it's funny. I just can't put it in my mind, put it in any kind of context. And you sketch like who's two. We got whales talking to each other, please. Please. Then we got the Snot Drop tattoo sketches where you, the guy, the tattooist in prison keeps talking, he's got different drops

on different parts of his body and he goes into. What does that one mean? What does that one mean? The one under your ear, what does that mean? And then we got the untold shady story of the on button. It's actually a cloaca. And the guy who invented it is a pervert. And that pervert is maybe just not Steve Jobs.

Um, you know, he was an iPod. Hmm. No, when he launched the iPhone, what did he say? It's a this, it's a that, but it's a that. It's a music device. It's a web browser and it's a telephone, but it's not three things, it's one thing. He's basically describing a claw hacker.

I think we moved on this on the podcast. Really? Yeah. Great. Well then I'm glad I brought it up podcast. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Great. Well then I'm glad I brought it up again. No, I like it.

It's my wish. You were nodding along with that and I was like, oh, I was really into this bit. It was like, oh no, he's just hurt it all before. Well, either that or we've talked about it outside of here when we were talking about Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Thank you to everyone who's been reviewing the show on iTunes. That's also great for us. Here's the thing that I have done recently. I went on a podcast called A Conversation with,

one of the blog called Jason, and he interviewed me about writing comedy for television. Matt Stewart from Do Go On podcast is also on an upcoming episode. I don't know when mine's coming out, but I'll try and put a link to that podcast in there's also one on upcoming episode. I don't know when mine's coming out, but I'll try and put a link to that podcast in the show notes, a conversation with, it was a very fun conversation.

I start out a bit rusty because we're doing it over Skype and I find it difficult to interact if I can't see the person's face. But after a while, I really, I really get into it and I lay it all out, Alistair. And also a big thank you to Brian Kalella for starting this, till in the think tank quotes Twitter account.

Yeah, you can follow that. Some pretty funny stuff has been going out there. Yeah, and I can't believe that he's, and a lot of guys have been putting forward suggestions for that. And I mean, it's just a bit of silliness if people like to do that. Yeah we look insane.

Yeah and you know what thank you very much for who you are. Yes. And our podcast, our Twitter, you can find me in Stubroad Andy. I'm at Alistair TV. We are at To In Tank and we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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