Two In The Think Tank - 150 - "BADGER DICK TIE CLIP"

Episode Date: September 25, 2018

One man freedom of navigation protest, Pirate Economics, What's the real treasure, Shark Taxi, The Other Peppers, Badger Dick Tie Clip.Thanks to everyone who supports the pod by chipping in to our patreon hereTwo in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereDeep and meaningful thanks to George Matthews for editing this episode.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beast of burden, beasts of burden, beast of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beast of burden, beasts of burden, beasts of burden, beast of burden, beast of burden, of burden, beast of burden, beast of burden, beast of burden, beast of burden, beasts of burden, beast of burden, of burden, beasts of burden, beasts tank to show where I try not to cough for an hour. And I try to come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Alice to George William, Charlie Bertual. You're very much on your own, Alice there. I'm Andy, but I will be focusing entirely on the cough part of the equation. Very much. Very much.

The unspoken role that I've been playing in so many of the other episodes. Mm-hmm. But now I thought it was fine. It was time to finally come clear. Well, like the pregnant woman of the relationship, I'm gonna carry this bother. Bob Burton, good.

You just failed your own goal. Yes. I want our listeners to know that today's episode is brought to us by our Patreon supporter Mitch Griffiths who donated at least $3 so that he could get the Kings ear and give us three words for the final sketch of this podcast. Griffiths. What a fantastic sound. Griffiths. Griffiths. What a fantastic sound. Griffiths. Oh yeah. I feel like I've just gone through every emotion. And every consonant.

Because of course you've got grr, which is anger, you've got if, which is wonder, and you've got it. And fear, fear in the unknown. Indeed. And it, which is, well, matter of factness. Indeed. It, which is, well matter of factness. Indeed. And which is being pretending to be a snake. The whole spectrum of emotion. Everything the human frame requires. No, Alistair, you finish your sound. I mean, it just like this kind of could sound like the kind of thing that I would come up with. And maybe I shouldn't be self-referencing myself.

I think it's just since we've interacted with listeners, we've realized how we come across. Yes. Right. Yes, they reflect back to us the way that we reflect into them. That's right. We are mirrors, and they are mirrors and together, we create one of those infinity rooms. But nothing new.

Nothing new. We're all we're seeing is we're reflecting back as mirrors. Yeah. Every sketch is just basically an elaboration on one of your Twitter handles. You've surely realized by now. Why don't I Twitter handles? Yeah, Twitter handles.

Yeah, great. Well, I mean, I don't stand. And our relationship with our listeners is like a house of mirrors with the lights turned off and no one inside. But we do endeavour to get back to you in four to six hours. Yeah. Now, when you said something about the body's frame, it made me think of, you know, we like these messed up architects, and when I say messed up, I mean accomplished. Yes. Who find very creative ways to, you know, to hang loads, you know, to carry...

Can you think the cantilever, or perhaps the flying buttress, Elisabeth? I'm thinking, I'm thinking even beyond that. What about like even one of those spirals, like a spiral, you know, like, you know, what about like the, you know, like a, you know, person who doesn't have a leg, but they have a paddle, you know, like they have a leg paddle. First, you know, the Olympics. Yes. You're talking obviously, your Oscar Past Olympics. Yes. You're talking, obviously, Euroskepa story, aye.

Yeah. I like that. Obviously, he's the most famous, but he's not the best of them. No. Let it be known at the outset that we condemn his actions, alleged actions. No, I know.

Alleged anyway. I was thinking, what if you had an architect who did that kind of stuff, but with humans. He was designing, you know, maybe early on, you know, I guess with, sometimes they do it with their own children, you know, there's architects, you know, they make their own house real nice. Yes, yes. And, uh, exactly what you mean. They often win an award.

Yeah, yes. And exactly what you mean. They often win an award. Yeah, often. And you might look at, if you'd bought a house just the design just before that, you might look at that and wonder how much they've been holding back on you. Yeah. Ideas for a bathroom layout that they probably came up with while they were working on your house, but then they thought, no, I'll keep this for mine. That's true. And win an award.

Yeah. Something like a... I think you should be able to sue those people to be allowed to use their bathroom. That'd be nice. I think if you could sue the architect who has a really nice bathroom after he designed your bathroom.

Yes, yes. To get access to his bathroom. And to get back. And so then, and then he could design a door that allows you to get into the bathroom or a window because he's creative. Was it like a teleportation magic door that takes you or is it just like a very long tunnel? I think architects at this point still don't have access to either magic or

or whitty architect. Well I know and I understand that. It's possible they have access to magic and they've just been holding out on us until they design their own castle. Well some of their designs like that bird's nest and Beijing. Mm-hmm. You know, I mean they're very creative. I like the way you pronounce the Jay in Beijing. Beijing. I think I was playing a character who pronounced the J's, really hard J's and Chinese characters, Chinese words. Which I believe is a Chinese word, Beijing? Look, Alster, I don't wanna get involved. They're a very popular, powerful country.

They're on the rise. And I think, at this stage of my career, I'd be a fool to take the bait that you've laid out for me there and weigh in on this very hot, very contentious is Beijing a Chinese word debate. I would be at all surprised if this wasn't some kind of a trap. Andy, it's quite... I know a trap.

It's quite interesting that you should say that because my next question was going to be about your stance on the South China Sea. Hmm, you see. And whether you'd go there with me to, to, to, to, to, to just say, I have a right to swim through here.

I have a right to swim through here. You're, you're, you're engaged, you know, one man, individual freedom of, freedom of navigation exercise, where I will swim the South China Sea. It's quite bold because if it does descend into war, it will be the first one on 1.4 billion war to take place ever.

Now, they have the advantage of numbers, absolutely. Sure. But I'm not gonna deny that. But that's why I'm not gonna fight them using conventional warfare. You see, because to try to fight them, one versus 1.4 bill, right, would be absolute madness.

Crazy. Yeah. Right. But what if we took that crazy and injected a little bit of crazy into that? Well, that's right. But what if we took that crazy and injected a little bit of crazy into that? Well, that's right. If you sort of wacky it up a little bit, you've got to act a bit unpredictable.

And I imagine your footwork's gonna play a big role in this. Yeah, I mean, it'll be a lot like a Jackie Chan's Drunken Master. And I realize that he may be from China. Yeah, I think he probably is on the other side of this. Yeah, no, I understand. Drunken Master and I realized that he may be from China. Yeah, I think he probably is on the other side of this. Yeah, no, I understand, but I'm not saying I'm gonna do

Drunken Master stuff. Great, yeah. Certainly I wouldn't announce that publicly if I were. Well, that's true. They could well be listening and then they'd know. Yeah, but I'm just, what I am willing and happy to announce is that it's going to be a bit unpredictable like a drunken kung fu style.

Yeah, and that being unpredictable is one of the few things that you can announce in advance and it doesn't really give anything away. Because by its very nature. By its very nature, you won't be able to predict it. Exactly. Exactly. And it's going to be truly unpredictable. Like, I'm going to be having to do some quantum stuff.

Yeah, I suspected that may well be the case. Yeah. And you're moving between sort of very low energy states. No one was gonna predict that I was gonna do that while eating a sandwich. Quantum, quantum and of course, lunch based. Anyway, we've given it away now, you're fucked. Well, you're gonna have to come up with something else. He's a one man freedom of navigation exercise in the South China Sea.

People are always swimming the English Channel, which I believe at the time of the 100 years war would have been a very bold political statement. Now it's really quite pro-Zayak, everybody's doing it. But to get out there and do, as you say, this exercise, could shake things up a little. Good thing is it doesn't give the government plausible denomability, you know? You could even be an agent for our government. But as long as you're just there, you're nude.

So there's nothing, well, they can tie you back to the Australian government. Yeah, as long as you're just there, you're nude. So there's nothing... Well, they can tie you back to the Australian government. That'll be perfect. Although they do use a lot of face recognition technology. Sure. But you have one of those faces. That's true. And imagine after you get out of the water, it might be quite bloated. Oh, that's true. Especially, I probably have to be there out there quite a while before I get decepted by a boat.

And also, I don't believe that there's necessarily a sort of a clearly defined sort of a cross sense of the South China Sea, not in the same way that there is with the English channel. Or like a circle, you know like a circle. I could just still just, if I can, I'll try swimming in a straight line. I do know that there's set of natural ways in which we just kind of start to curl around a little bit. But I feel like maybe this is just a good way of the government. If they could at least be spying on me, maybe using satellites, our government. Yep. You know, like the Russians tend to do a lot of flybys.

You know, they go to Alaska, they'll fly out there, they'll get some US jets to come and intercept. Yeah, no, they can test reaction terms and things like that. And I think this will be, I think I could be valuable to my country. I think it could also be a really good way to impress girls, you know? Like both while you're doing it and after. Well, exactly, you know? A lot of individuals try and, you know, prove themselves physically, a lot of individuals try and prove themselves mentally

and in terms of career and money and all these status symbols, but very few people take a strong individual military stance. And I think they could really be like, a good defining feature. Oh man, absolutely. And I think that if a Chinese ship does pick me up, at some point, that if they do allow women

in the military, that a lot of the women on that ship, they could really, they could really take that. They could really take that. But I want you to know that I'm not using that, getting the other people impressed to sort of try to like get romantic with them or anything like that. Because I think once you've impressed someone, you're now in a position of power over them.

They're essentially at your mercy, especially when they're impressed by an act of such bravety. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Braveness. Sure. You know, somebody who has so much command over their body, over the, at least, The high seas.

But over the high seas, at least one of the elements, water, and salt. And salt. And I would never, you know, apart, especially because I also am in a loving relationship, but also knowing that I would never take advantage of any of the women or the men or, you know, the ship itself. I suspect that you could come out of this. You'd be in such a strong sort of negotiating position.

Yeah. And you'd probably be respected so much by the Chinese people that you could probably drive some pretty strong trade deals and that sort of thing. Whatever, you know, whatever you want, you could then take that to the negotiating table and then use that in like some sort of, I don't know if you're buying some stuff off at Alibaba or whatever you might want to use that to then negotiate down the price of your, you know, 13 cubic meters of acoustic foam or whatever it is that you're buying some stuff off at Alibaba or whatever, you're not gonna use that to negotiate down the price of your, you know, 13 cubic meters of acoustic foam or whatever it is that you're buying.

I, if I could get used this to meet Jack Ma. Yeah, yeah. I think in the end, that's kind of why I'm doing it is I wanna meet Jack Ma. I don't know who that is, but I support you 110%. Well, he recently said that he's gonna be retiring soon from being the CEO and creator of Alibaba. Really?

Yeah. He has so much money, wouldn't he? But it would be great to pick up stuff while I'm in China. Maybe if I'm not in prison. Yeah. I'd never phrase stuff. And if I don't disappear, I think I have some stuff that I have ordered

to save on the postal cost. Before I hopefully get extradited back. Alistair, I took, I'm not gonna lie, a lot of over the counter medication before we started this podcast to try and control this cough. And it is kicky-gain, baby. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm feeling a whole lot of lightness around the chest region. Really? Yeah. And just sort of a, I kind of a drive. No, well, that's good. I mean, it could be, it could be a repeat of our, of our paint fumes episode. It could be. We could be riding the fume kizu all over again.

Well, Andy, we're already one sketch down and we've only been talking for about 35 minutes. So we're talking for 35 minutes on a single topic. I mean, here's another topic. But I think one guy versus 1.4 billion, you know, the stand, everything like that. And I like those odds and you've got a root for an underdog And I think if we made this sketch I think it would might even like not only would the act itself of swimming Impress people, but I think even the sketch would probably

Impress the higher ups in the Chinese dynasty and Right. You know, in the... Maybe we can get some of that state-sponsored comedy money. There's got to be at least a little bit. I'm very willing to be the official sketch group of the people's... Republic of China. Yeah, communist, whatever they call it. I think that they're a great country and I would absolutely be willing to work for them. And I don't really have a strong position on any...

A major territorial dispute, sir. And you had a Taiwanese girlfriend, you're not together anymore. You're a free agent in Africa. No, not a free agent. And I know a few... And I was best friends with the Dalai Lama, but he has not been replying to my calls. Well, I know, but you should have said that you're the one who broke it off. I sure. I, but I broke it off.

Yeah, great. So you had a sketch idea. No, I didn't have a sketch idea, but I had... I just love a cautionary tale. I was given a book of cautionary tales. When you were young? When I was young, by my grandfather, and they were quite funny. And I think they're really more pre-corsionary tales because a cautionary tale would presumably be one just told in the moment. Right? To somebody who was currently undergoing,

I don't know if it can be eaten by a lion or... It's true. ...crushed by a lion or... Oh man, the person who wrote that book would feel stupid unless that's kind of how he intended it to be read. In the moment, there's more as a commentary, you know? Yeah, like as a sort of an alternative to an inner monologue. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like as a sort of an alternative to a inner monologue. Yeah, yeah.

It'd be great if all, if commentary was in some way pre-written, which it is indeed in the big book of God, B-B-O-G. I mean, do you think that is that something that's a bit confusing when you listen to an audio book, that it's like, it's like you've got the wrong inner monologue? Right. Yeah, absolutely. an audiobook that it's like you've got the wrong intermonologue. Right, yeah, absolutely. Because isn't the voice in your head just an audiobook that doesn't have a very good structure?

Very good structure at all. It's self-indulgent. Huge blank sections. And... Sometimes it just repeats the lyrics of a song over and over again, quite abstract in many ways. I would not like to do audio books because I think it'd be fucking hearty, some people do them lectures. Stephen Frye did the Harry Potter ones and I think he was doing all different voices and stuff for different characters.

Really? I could just never remember which voices went with which character and I imagine that whatever Harry Potter corporation they don't have someone to remind you of that kind of thing. I just put him in a room and opened the door 18 hours later and hope that he's done it right. It feels like it must take so long. So long. But I guess your production costs a minimal? Yeah, I mean you got to pay for Steven Fry. Sure, yeah.

You know, he doesn't look like he comes cheap. No. He looks like he'd be a real grumpy dude too. Yeah, I think you've got to make a few do things very much on his terms. Yeah. But he's lovely, he's a national treasure. Absolutely.

Would you be a national treasure? Oh, they'd have to ask me very nicely. I think there's a lot of pressure as well, though, national treasure, because anything that comes up about you, that you've done, really, it's so much scrutiny that comes with being a national treasure as well. Like all treasure, people want to look at it.

Sure, okay, and so he, like I mean, he did a lot of his fucking up early on, I think, you know, he was addicted to cocaine for a long time. Which I think that's probably all a great move, as well as both, and you've got a journey that you got something to come back from. Yeah.

I think if Chopper read it stuck around, maybe he could have made it to national treasure status. I mean, some people I think would consider him already national treasure. And I think maybe the fact that he died helps him in that, you know, because now he, there's really, he really can't fuck up. And now he liked treasure, he's in a wooden box. That's right. Like much treasure.

And buried probably. Yes. Or burnt. Could we steal the national treasure or another country? Yeah, right. Well, there's it. There's the there's the interesting thing because there's a Nick Cage film Is that called national treasure? There is that is a very interesting thing I mean like angle on this but could it could it be that you know, it's like it's national treasure Which is a film I haven't seen but I assume that they don't go and dig up a person that the country

really liked. Not exactly, no, indeed. Yes, it's more of a pun title on that idea. But there is also national treasure, which would be the treasure of the nation. Yeah, indeed, and then I think that's what they're actually looking for in the movie, yes. But unless the man himself that Nick Cage plays, yes, does the country love him as some kind of national?

I think they probably do once he gets the treasure. But is there anyone in this country that we love because he has found treasure? Hmm, I mean Paul Keating, uh, floated the dollar, which led to a sustained period of growth throughout the 90s and early 2000s. And it was his macroeconomic reforms that led to a sort of a long period of growth.

And we did all benefiting from too this day, much like treasure. Yeah, I guess that's a pretty good answer. Yeah, thanks. I've read the first page of his or biography yesterday. Really? Yeah. And does he refer to himself as an astronaut? Are we talking more about what you're doing?

Do you want to that? Yeah, I mean, look, it's less focused. But look, this is where I was thinking. Yes, I was thinking. So the people who find treasure these days, rather than just being pirates, which is, you know, I don't even know what funding model pirates had. Was it like, how did they, did they go out there

really like hoping that they came, like, what was the budget for being a pirate ship? Absolutely. I think it would have been very much boom and bust. It was very subsistence. You're living paycheck to paycheck. Because how much stuff are you putting on your ship when you decide you can go,

all right, what are we going for? Three months. And we're hoping to enter like cross with another boat. With another boat. Open ocean. And hope that they've got lots of stuff that we can take yeah and then maybe we can eat the people on the other boat you know maybe we can eat the boat

but you know fingers crossed I mean the crossover of things that float and things that are edible is not a lot but really we could just find a way to be able to eat wood I mean it would be great but mean, a carrot is that float? No? A huge... Okay, carrot may float. But also things don't have to be able to float, do they, in order to... No.

...to make a boat? No, no, as long as they're in the boat. You just make a shell out of them, right? Because the boat just has to remain hollow. So they really all you need is something that doesn't absorb water but there's very few things Alistair that don't absorb water that you can eat. I think water solubility and porousness Exactly, well like a block of cheese maybe maybe a block of cheese that doesn't absorb water eventually It's gonna get pretty spongy. Yeah, yeah a

Carrot like a but a carrot and cold water Could be yeah, could be a carrot and cold water. I mean, I think a carrot is probably the closest we're gonna get But then we're talking how you structuring this ship, make it out of carrots, but then there's also... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, look, to be honest, that was a throwaway silliness. Yeah. I mean, I guess if you really wanted to make a boat out of food, I guess you could maybe half a capsicum. Yep. You know, a red pepper for the American audience. You're right.

Yeah. It's almost there. Or you could just make... I don't know, Waxi exterior. I think Alistair, you've done it. You've correct it. Or instead of making a whole boat, you just have one capsicum into two. Yes, put it under your feet. Yes.

You just got, you got water shoes. It's got to work. Yeah. According to my understanding, just wear a little, a little skull and crossbones cape now your pirate ship. And you've lowered your costs. And now you don't have to wait to encounter another ship. Yes. You've yourself made a ship that is edible. And so this is like one of those walls that all we've lost. But I think that you've lowered your cost. Probably means that you don't need to rate as many ships in order to recoup those costs. Exactly. Really, in order to recoup those costs, you only need to rate a ship that's carrying two or three dollars.

It can't take a money. Or just come across three dollars floating on top of the water. Sure. Or you could probably get a seabird. You know, some kind of seabird, take it back into your local, you know, your local taxidermist. You can, get that taxidermist. Really, the riches that are gonna pay dividends

in the long term, I'm gonna be the stories you tell, you know, you get back to show, you write a memoir. Yeah, that's true. Six months and say, you have how Perip capsicums. That's the real treasure. That's the real treasure. Oh, I'm not well. No, that's okay.

So, what this is about is... I'm so sorry, everybody. It's okay. What this is about is, Andy, we don't have time to leave you on our story. We can't stop, yeah, okay, everybody. It's okay. What this is about is, Andy, we don't have time to leave you on our story or. Yeah, okay, great. Okay, what this is really about is a group of pirates at sea, trying to work out what the real treasure is.

But is it friendships? Is it the stories? I'd love to see piece-to-camera interviews with pirates sort of talking in quite a heartfelt way about their... Sure. ...what they really gained from their time in the high seas. You know, because I guess you shored the friendships

you know, the people that you make because you go through quite intense experiences. But also, I imagine a real appreciation for the people at home, you know, in coming home, that kind of thing is. Yeah, absolutely. When you come home to your... And that's the real treasure.

Yeah, the guy who you steal scabberds off of. Really say that he's someone that you come home to. That's what you can't care about, you know, because I assume a lot of these people are not attached to families and things like that. It's amazing that you're stealing scabbards. Yeah. Well, you know, gun shop would be one of the best places to steal from, because you get such good stuff that helps you steal more.

That's right. You've got to steal money to, you know, you've got to steal. You've got to steal guns to make money. Yes But you know what a scab it is do you know you don't like a knife? It's the thing that goes over a knife. Is it yeah, I thought there was a taper No, the scab it is what you you stick your knife into it's like a knife Cozy is it you know like with a cozy. Is it? You know? Is that what they call it? Like a tea cup, tea pot, right?

But not knitted, right? And not to protect you from heat, but to protect you from sharp. Yeah. What's it made out of, do you see? Something hard. Yeah, yeah, something hard. Yeah. Okay, I just thought a scabbard was like a, like a, like a cimitar.

No, no, it's not like a cimitar. It's not like a saber? No, it's not like a saber? No. But what's like a big, like a big wide, like very thick bladed... Broad sword? No, no, not like a broad sword, because that's more like a medieval sword that is, you know, a cutless...

That's like a deathm... You have a cutless. This is kind of, like, am I thinking of a cutless? I think this one, this, this, the one I'm thinking of cuts. No, this is, this of a cutlass. This is kind of like, am I thinking of a cutlass? I think this one, the one I'm thinking of cuts. No, no, this is the cutlass. The name is a trick so that when you're yelling to somebody on your team, you're there on your teams. You're fighting on your boat, right?

You're on your team. You're made over there. He's also on your team. And you say, throw me a cutlass, the opposing team, hearing that will think he's just called for something that doesn't cut. Like a blunt instrument. A blunt instrument.

And so they prepare themselves mentally. Probably gonna throw them like one of those sticks that blind people use. Yeah. Famously blunt. And so they all drift off, you know, take a mental break. Exactly. Or they tune out just for that crucial second

and then you up with your pointy, cut full, cut fully. It's, yeah. Cut tecula. It's, yeah, it's the... Cut horrific, really. Yeah, cut, cutomatic. Yeah. It cuts it, it doesn't even stop cutting.

Well, I'm sure if it was up to it. Do you think there's like a thing that you could make that would be so sharp that you could just drop it from like shoulder height and it would just go right through the earth all the way through to the other side just because it's just that sharp? Well, I guess that's a neutrino.

The people think of neutrinos as being sharp because this could be a, I'll say this could be a Nobel Prize. Yeah. I don't want to say too much, I don't want to go into the idea too much. So it's not just, I don't want to give anything away. So with neutrinos, it's not the energy, it's just about how sharp it is. It could be real sharp. Yeah.

We've never seen anything so pointy. I think it's like they've looked into that. It's like, Earth is like hot butter. Yeah, they're saying that it's liquid. They're saying that it's whitelist and it doesn't interact with anything. It's probably just super sharp. It's probably just super sharp, real sharp.

Well, they didn't think about that. That there could be sharp particles. Exactly. A lot of them, what they don't realize is that electrons and protons, protons is the bluntest of the subatomic particles. Maybe the neutron. No, you're right. I reckon.

Oh, yeah, no, the proton, yeah, absolutely. So it's blunt, and that's why it seems like it comes like, you know, it doesn't go through things, you know, that's why. But really, that's why, like, when you get gamma radiation, you know, and there's protons going through you, it has a real impact on you, you know, that's like gamma, you know, all the other times. Yeah, beta alpha radiation,

those kind of things, you can get that through you all day long. You don't even care. No, just sort of hits you, bounces off, might leave some bruising. It just goes right through, I'm pretty sure. Alpha. Alpha? No, no, no, no.

Like, Alistair, you're talking yourself in circles, you're not making any sense. No, no, no, but then gamma comes in. Get your hands up, get your hands up, get your hands up, get your hands up, get your hands up, gamma goes through. Alpha doesn't go through. Alpha doesn't have good penetrating power.

Oh yeah, but that's, but that's, that's just because it's low energy. And it's blunt. No, no's blunt. No No gamma goes through yes, but that's just because it's a it's a high energy blunt instrument. Yes Like a like a spear with no with no knife on the white no gamma's not blunt No, I'm saying gamma's blunt because it's because it's got protons gamma doesn't have protons gamma is photon. Is it? Yes. Oh yeah. That makes sense. Oh god, I would like to apologize to the Nobel, the Nobel, when I'm submitting this for

my Nobel thing for speculation, the Nobel Prize for speculation, and obviously this has been my documentary evidence to, I'd like to apologize for that part of the riff. Alistair's obviously not included in the application for the Nobel Prize. Well, the sharpness. I'll still help you format the whole document. Thanks, that'd be great. But I just won't be involved in any of the content. Oh, when I get up and give my acceptance speech, it's going to be great.

I'll tell you what, Alistair, if there had been a Nobel Prize for formatting, you would have got that. And of course, my wife, if there was a Nobel Prize for being a wife, being supportive. That's a sport. That's a sport. You'd get that. And obviously the... Talk about your children. Now my children, if there was a Nobel Prize for being a little scamps, obviously they'd

get that and they think that's a big old goofball. Talk about your parents. If there was a field's medal for being there for me and inspiring my curiosity and my love of learning, life long love of learning, then they would have got that as well. Talk about life long learning. If there was a, I'm going to say a book a prize, a man book a prize for things that represent the innate curiosity of the child, yet harnessed by the thirst for detail of the adult, it would absolutely go to lifelong learning, yes. Talk about the child. There was a bronze swimming certificate for being the core of innocence and the emblem of the potential that man has at the very outset and that exists in all of us and that we

should harness and love and nurture and cherish, then I would absolutely give that to the child. Talk about me! If there was just one person that I'd like to ask security to remove from the venue, it would absolutely, no questions, so be you. Yes. So, yeah, I don't know if there'll be you, yes. So yeah, I don't know if there's anything that sharp. There's a nutrient, I guess probably not gamma radiation.

What about, what about, right? Yeah. Someone receiving a Nobel Prize, yeah, but they're just such a bad winner. They're just so bitter and angry about everyone else's success. And they criticize everyone else's discoveries. Oh no. You know, like going back to, you know, obviously, working at MIT, I had the... Oh, not an Australian again. Yeah, I had the privilege of working

with the Blackwell team. And yeah, amazing, amazing, amazing that they were able to do what they did and get a Nobel Prize for discovering T-Sales, which let's be honest, we're just there the whole time. And is this anything? Maybe, I mean, he's just a, he's an unhappy man. Yeah, yeah, no, you're right, that's not much, isn't,

an unhappy man. I mean, he's an unhappy, bitter man. Like, I think, I think, look, Andy, I think it's the kind of thing that there's maybe like a 12 season television program. Hello. Yes. The unhappy man in academia.

Mm-hmm. I mean, you could absolutely do a Silicon Valley style thing in academia, I'm sure, couldn't you? Like, with the people and their, their pettiness and their like fighting for funding and different research teams that sort of thing. It'd be mostly exactly Silicon Valley but without the money. Well, and maybe we could get a hero.

And out without the zeitgeist obviously. What's his name now, the guy who ran the... TJ Miller? Yeah, maybe to hear TJ Miller's available. Right, I've been seeing his name trending a lot recently. He is a lot of heat around that guy. Yeah, I think he's gonna be in Sydney too. That'll be a great opportunity.

Right, maybe we could catch up with him, not talk about recent events and sign him up to a six season contract. Speculative, but we could just give him some money. Sure. Just so that everybody who doesn't know who we're talking about, I don't think we can do this guy with it. A bad dude. He's a bad dude.

Yeah. All right, Andy. Jesus Christ. You know, like in books where people, you know, like these kind of like, they're not utopias, but they're like, they're not utopias, but they're like, they're just other universes, where sometimes people ride on like,

the backs of dinosaurs as a motor transport. Yeah. And then maybe sharks. Do you think that could work with sharks? I think seriously children's books, I think he's serious of children's books. Labbishly illustrated. Joel's Shark Tatsy. Shark Tatsy?

Shark Tatsy. I think in which the second, I mean maybe if you're lucky the third page of every book, the killing stuff. And obviously lushly rendered this beautiful photo realistic drawing style. Absolutely. Yeah kids, it's like yeah, yeah, and I and I and what it could be about and not not a very like not like a very sort of Vailed metaphor, but it could just be about the actual very wild taxi met about the taxi industry By the way, we saw Jack drew something the street and I just wanted to say hi and Sam Campbell

Hey, do you guys let's see it before we got to the podcast so and then maybe like, you know, I'm gonna write a side. Yeah, and then so so this is you know, you're just hanging out with this guy Let's call her Melanie. Yeah, there you go and Melanie. She's been a taxi driver for the last 55 years. Yes, She's 67. Okay. She started when she was 12. Okay. That's when her dad... It was a different time.

Her dad gave her her first shark. Oh, wow. Yeah. And she's, you know, she's bitter. She's bitter like a taxi driver gets. Yeah, but imagine, I mean, the one thing the taxi driver doesn't have to fight against is the taxi. Oh, okay.

All right. You're standard. This reality, you're in my reality that we take for granted, I think I'm beginning to realize. We do. We don't, the taxi driver can at the end of the day ultimately, I believe most of the time trust the taxi, not to eat them. Sure.

It's everyone else that they can't trust. Whereas if you throw into that, the possibility that the taxi could get hungry. Yeah, and I want to make clear here that one thing that this society, that isn't an amphibious society, right, but the humans can't breathe underwater. So you have to keep coming up every about 25 seconds. Yeah, and a lot of times the sharks, they don't want to do that. That's a really gotta fight. Because they are wild animals.

Yeah, and the society forbids you to break them. You're not allowed to like mentally break them. Well, we respect the spirit. Because everybody's an animal spirit. An animal spirit of the... It's just an interesting world in which we never domesticated the spirit. Because everybody's a bit of a spirit of the spirit. Yeah. It's just an interesting world in which we never domesticated the horse. Yeah. You know, it's right. But we just created a series of creeks that go around our society. And they're creeks because they're they're only about

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including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Deep. So the shark can't go down too far. You can't go too far, and that's how... Which makes them real angry. Yeah. And also, this creates a lot of blockages.

And then there's a lot of shark on shark violence Yeah, and so but it's like it's like a sort of Venice kind of scenario. Yeah, but instead Menace I'm gonna call it. No Andy, but it's about me and I know. And, but instead of like nice kind of, you know, concrete, you know, stone kind of. Very swampy, isn't it? It's, yeah, I think it does a lot of like, just kind of like dirt that's very easy to erode and then it just goes down.

And then the roads kind of start about two meters. Of that. What a great detail. It's just showing like, you know, there's a lot of like roads that kind of get washed away when it's already. What do you see? There's a production budget for this sketch. What do you see? Have you had a bull park me? You couldn't put a dollar figure on it.

Right, now that's a huge relief. Yeah. Because I would film it in Japan. So it would be in the end. Yeah. Right, and then you can't, it's untranslatable. Yeah, you can't, I think it would be rude to just say it in the dollar. Okay. Yeah. And do you think that would be?

Is this a children's book series? Did you do it? Oh, absolutely. It's a children's book okay. Yeah. And do you think that would this is a children's book series? Did you do? Oh, absolutely. It's a children's book series. Yeah. Sure, sure. And because I think there's not enough conflict in kids books. Yes. Yes.

And so so having something in like kids do learn about dying early on. They kind of see it in movies and things like that. But not on the second page. That's right. Yeah. And I think I always think well, they could learn about it earlier. Now, I like to think personally that the books, while still being, you know, your standard child's book length, you know, 16 to 30 pages, are by the third page, everyone has been

dismembered. And the subsequent pages are just, those are floating limbs. Lips and sort of organs and things like that. Drawings, not photos. Well, it could be about the guy, maybe the first book in the series could be about the guy who's trying to stop congestion.

Yeah. So in the kind of like in Creekland, vent Creek, Creekus. be about the guy who's trying to stop congestion. So in the kind of like in Creekland, vent Creek, Creek is. Yeah. And so he starts to dig the trenches, you know, like where the creeks are, and they just go 500 meters down. So each one of those is like,

is like one of those diving pools. Yeah, sure. And it goes so far down so that sharks can just go under each other, if one breaks down or whatever, one loses the will to continue or one foot or a driver's just wrestling with it. Yeah. You know, just to try to get control back or, you know, or it's his fair or there are just arguing with their fair.

I, what I also like about this is that there's no hierarchy. It feels like so much of humanity's control of the natural world has been one of subjugation. And of controlling the other species and shaping the environment to our advantage. What if we'd still done all the shaping of the environment, but none of it was to our advantage? Well, I mean, that's quite an interesting question, because then you've just made me realize that actually, none of these taxis actually pick up any people. Okay.

Right? The thing is, is that both the shark and the person take turns being a tax. Right? You haven't tame the shark and the person take turns being a tax. Right? You haven't tame the shark, but the shark also hasn't tamed you. Well, that's a relief. You see, and you both retain your natural free will. Yeah, and the shark takes you where you want to go when it involves going somewhere in water. And when the shark needs to get some on land, you take it there. Yeah. And I guess, you know, and like current taxi rules, it's illegal to refuse a fair.

That's right. So wherever that shark wants to go, you can't ask any questions. Well, when you're 12, you're bonded with your shark. Right. And so you, you, your backs refuse together. Yep. Right. And so you're always going to get now. I'm interested in this world. Yeah. There's no, no taxi arrangement. It's not even necessarily any canals, but it's still called shark taxi. It's called just to a cool shark taxi. Well, because there's a form of taxi, derby in a way there as well, which is a little interesting little knowledge you've got there.

Right, but what it is is we discovered that, I think this takes place at some point in the future, in which we've discovered that it was, that humans had become too powerful, had too much control over the environment, and we're mocking, you know, we thought ourselves superior. Well, yeah, and that power also led us to help start destroying the environment. Exactly. And also people were getting still when swimming eaten by sharks.

But I actually reckon if you had that shark was glued to your back, you're actually much less likely to be in that shark. That's right. Yeah, you're just more likely to be present when the shark is eating something else. Sure. But then that's an interesting perspective. Exactly.

That reminds you how brutal the environment can be. That's right. And you can't see forward because your back is sewn on or fused to its back. So you're kind of just seeing blood float in and you can tell from the shaking of the body that it's probably got thrashing. The washing, the washing.

It probably has something in its jaws. And then, you know, and you probably start developing in other sense, much like that shark's electrical sense. You could sort of, maybe you could even feel it like in how the shark starts getting excited that it's sensing something, which means that you're starting to sense these things. Crabbs, understand, or whatever. Yeah, whatever that might be.

And I think, yeah, I think anyway, if anybody knows the publisher who did, um, Darn it, where is the green sheep? Where is the green sheep? Yeah, probably puffin. Puffin? Yeah. And then we're ready to do shark taxi.

Great. You gonna write that down? I've already had it. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, sorry, that was a... I mean, when you're on something like that, you don't waste any time writing down the words shark taxi to describe that particular sketch.

And I think the name really does capture it. Yeah, you know? If anything, you'd read the name and be like, yeah, I feel like I've seen this. Well, I mean, you could just be a show like Seinfeld. But it's just, it's just set in this world. Yeah, I mean, and people have said, it's almost a cliche now, I'll say,

to say that Seinfeld was the show about nothing. Yeah. And you could make the same thing, I think, about this show, Shark Taxi. The Shark Taxi is the show about nothing except for a world in which people are silent into the backs of sharks. Yeah. And then other than that, it's really more about sort of the minutiae of that life. Well, because I think no matter what, no matter what state, this is what the statement is of this whole thing.

Is that no matter who you are, no matter you're like you know life is still just life You know it's What I'm feeling that Shack taxi might be one of the few shows that teaches us not that I think there's a chance LSD that after watching two or three seasons Shack taxi, you know you'd start taxi. You know what I'd say? You know what, things could be very different. Yeah. Yeah.

And some of the choices that we've made, an individual's make like sewing themselves to the backs of sharks. What's the reason? To lead them down very different paths. Mm. Maybe two lives that are almost unrecognizable to you and me. I know, but you could use the same set as sign-fell.

It's definitely true that the sitcom as a form has been done. It's boring. And whatever it is, wherever you choose to set your thing, is it in a police station, is it in a lawyer's office? It is an apartment with friends. It's very similar to it's all been done. Right. But a guy who when he goes home, he lays down in his bath with the shark underneath him. And he turns on the tap so that it can slip, sleep as well. Yeah. Right. But it's got to keep moving. Yeah, sure. It's a big bow. It's a big bow. But it just kind of keeps moving a bit. You find that if you move the water,

then that works as well. The shark doesn't have to actually move that much. You think you can have a show where it's a quiz show, right? But you just describe, so you describe, say, a physical environment, or you describe a house. Right? You describe the design of the house. And what the contestants have to do is guess what the nature of the universe is that that house exists.

So you could, you know, you take a story, maybe show us some models of the house, and you know, one of them is that the bath is a big circular sort of ring with running water in it. Sure. And another one is that the... So... Okay, so let's...

And then it's up to the panelists buzz in when they think they know what the universe is. And the answer of course, as you and I know, is people are so into the banks of shock. Let me try this out on you. Okay, go on. Okay. So it's a big house.

Right. And the door is huge. It's like three meters up and three meters wide and it's an automatic on the house. Okay. Okay. When you go in, oh yeah, and there's a little... And I guess the more information you give me by the way. The less points are available.

Okay. So if I'd already buzzed in now, I could have got 50 points, but these are ticking down as you describe them. As you walk in, you notice that there's like a, just kind of like... The show by the way is called Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, okay.

And so as you go in, instead of just like flat floor, it's, there's kind of a series of grooves in the ground, but it looks like a little, it looks like a little trench, but it kind of a series of grooves in the ground, but it looks like a little trench, but it kind of like a train track kind of trench. And it goes into the different rooms and it breaks off like this.

Yeah. All right, is this your universe in which, as we described in previous podcast, everyone travels around in a wheel that is made of them like clinging to other people? No, but you're not close, but it feels like you've come one step closer. Okay.

All right. And then, I was still in the game, or maybe one of the other contestants. You're still in the game. I'll be one of the other contestants, okay, I'll be one of the other contestants. No, once you go to the bathroom, right?

You follow your little groove to there. There's a big round platform that you roll onto and then there's a big sort of circle with a raised area in the middle of the circle and there's a tap, a shower. This is underneath the shower head. Yeah, and you turn on the shower head and like a sugar kind of coating like a pink color comes off. Okay, people are donuts. That's exactly what this universe is where people are donuts.

It didn't happen by donuts. Yeah. And they roll around. Yeah. Okay, and they frost themselves. They frost themselves to get clean. That's instead of getting clean. A fresh coat of frosting.

Yeah. So I guess that works. Yeah, I think that show Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on here? Or maybe I'll say this could just be a game that takes place in our game, our panel show. Cool. Whatever that's called. It's called what? It's called panel show.

It's going to be called challenge proper quiz show. Proper quiz show. No, I don't know. We'll find a name. Quiz fuck. Quiz fuck. Yeah. Questions with a Z.

That's really good because that shows that we're a little bit different. Yeah. Yeah. Z-U-E-S-T-I-O-N-S. Swestions. And let's pronounce question. Oh, okay, great. Yeah, I'm really excited about that Yeah, I'm really excited about that game. And it is, because this is what would happen when you arrive in a parallel dimension. You don't know what the nature of the parallel dimension is. It's a very realistic game. You got to figure it out fast. Yes.

And you don't know when changing dimensions is going to be a thing that just starts happening. It could happen at any time. Because, you know, preppers, these people who are prepping, you know, they're always prepping for the world to getting destroyed. But that's just one scenario. Right? Another one is the walls of reality come tumbling down. That's right. We randomly slip between an infinite number of possible worlds.

Possible realities. Are you prepping for that? Oh, you're not ready. You don't, you've got to need a few more bottles of water I reckon, mate. Oh, you've got his cans and cans of shomping yons. Yeah, shomping y'all. Yeah, it's shampoos. I think the idea of different kinds of preppers is a funny thing. Yeah, I think it's absolutely. Well, because also there is the kind of prepper who would prep for just a world in which there's a global shortage of shampoos. You know, look, that is true. which there's a global shortage of shumping your, you know.

Look, that is true. And what is a collector, right? But a person who is prepping for a world in which anyone gives a fuck about their collection. That's right. You know, you've got bottle caps, you've got all the bottle caps. You've got a prepper. You've got all the signatures of the people who are in a movie.

Yeah, who knows at any moment we in the world could become a place unrecognizable to you and I hear today in which people give a shit about this. In many ways we're lucky that we have love for things because or else it would be just prepping for tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. That's right. The hope that we become important in some way. What about people who prep for just the idea that everyone grows like a foot and a half

taller? Or... I like that. Yeah. I've got a whole lot of really extra long pants made. He carries like sort of paint cans. Like, you know, there's two paint cans that he's removed the lid off of.

He's got those lids in his jacket pockets. Yes. And he's got the sort of hollowed out cans. He wears them under his jacket pockets. Yes. Right? And he's got the sort of hollowed out cans. He wears them under his pant legs. Yes. Like that. So he just looks like he's wearing flares. Okay.

Like that. And in the back pocket of his pants, he's got some string. Yes. Right? And then if once everybody grows a foot, he assembles that paint, puts the lids on the paint cans, puts those strings on top of the... Steels. ...and he's made little stilts and he's a foot hire as well.

So he hasn't grown. No, he's still grown. He's still grown. ...which everyone else has a growth spurt. Yeah. But he doesn't. Oh, yeah. I hadn't thought about what he would do if he also grew.

Well, that's why I worry him to just have long pants. You never know. Well, that's good too, yeah. And have long pants. You never know. Well, that's good too, yeah. And this is interesting. Why do these religions always predict the end of the world? Why don't they just predict some big, you know, some fun changes? Yeah, or like the beginning of a second world that goes in our orbit. Or, you know, or just like maybe like three Ks away.

So you could climb up something real tall and squeeze across, jump across. You know, when I found out about the theory of, this is what they thought of before they knew about tectomic plates of global expanding. That the world was becoming bigger. Like world expanding. So they thought that the reason why

There's like water in between things is because the you know like the world is kind of getting bigger and then the gaps between places Or just and the water something you got to fill it with something might as well be water Probably water. Yeah, and then get some water fill in the gaps. There's like putty and I thought the idea that the world just kept getting bigger Mm, you know, I guess the inside would get sort of less dense over time. Yes. And I liked that because then there'd be more real estate. I mean, that'd be great, great, great housing process. Great for housing prices and things like that. But then tectonic blinks came along.

Yeah, well. And we do have one, two, three, four, five, six. So we could just do, we could do. I love that you didn't even specify what they are. Well, whatever they are, we do have one, two, three, four, five, six. So we could just do, we could do, I love that you didn't even specify what they are. But whatever they are, we have to clear. It's unclear. Andy.

Yes. We have three words from one about. From Mitch Griffiths, the person who's, who the every emotion. Yeah, who has every emotion in their word. And name. And they, there are Patreon supporters. Hey, Mitch.

Hey, Mitch. Thanks so much, Mitch. For supporting this. What is a name, except for a word that we've decided is ours. Thank you. I mean nobody decides really their own name. But I wish you'd just run with my premise. I think that's a great technique by the way. Just to say thank you.

I realized I needed a real hot out of that sentence. Like, you're an ejectus. You're never, you're never gonna be stuck in life. You've got that thank you. Thank you. Oh. Okay. So, Mitch's, Mr Griffithss is so sorry about the call three words

You can't read your own I think I think it's right. I'm just gonna double check. Can I try and read it? Oh, yeah, okay great uncouth uncouth great word Badger yep Badger? Yep. Barbecue. Fantastic combination of words. Three words that start with beat. No, but barbecue has two bees in a row.

Yeah, is it true that they used to use badges penis bones as tie clips? Tie clips. Yeah, that's what I heard. Or maybe hair clip. I didn't know that. I think the badger has a bone in its penis. Yeah, that's what I heard. Or maybe hair clip. I didn't know that. I think the badger has a bone in its penis. Yeah. Right, that is, I guess the perfect shape for a ty clip.

Brad, I did not know that. Yeah, yeah. It's a real issue, I suppose. Well, I guess it's an issue if your, if your, like a part of your body is very useful to other people. So useful for keeping your tie down, you don't want that flapping all over the place. I mean I'll tell you what I'm going to have a route around and that bed just decon I hope that I find something. You rush, you're about to head out for the night, You step out the door, it's a bit windy.

Yeah, I know. And your tie is flapping around and you say, honey, give me a second. I got it. And you pop back into the house. And you're looking around for something everywhere. You don't know what exactly what you're looking for, but you're looking around and you're looking in all those little jars

that you normally put odds and ends in in a drawer, and you catch a new or whatever, or maybe you're the drawer by the side of the paper clip or something exactly like that and then you spy out the window in the yard next to the conservatory a badger like just like but it's like tearing into like some rabbit corpse or something like that. Oh is that badger getting into my rabbit corpse or something like that. You go, oh, is that magic getting into my rabbit corpse? But, and you think, you know what? It's a long shot.

And it's all, but it is always the last place you look. That's right. But then, almost by definition. Yeah. And, but this person, it's almost like, there's so many places they haven't looked. That it's all, it's, it's, it's place you look. It's basically the there's so many places they haven't looked that it's all it's it's it's place. Yeah It's basically the first place they look but I think they reason by the logical As long as I promise myself I don't look anywhere else after that. Yeah, look let's be honest after I've looked in a bad just dick

I'm probably not gonna be the mood I'm not gonna be gonna be gonna have this guys. I might be the mood to keep looking So this is real strong chance. This will be the mood. I'm not going to be the mood to keep looking. So, it's a real strong chance this will be the last place I live. For one reason or a time, I mean it's very possible that like the badger will claw my eyes out. What's he sees where I'm going? I'll never look anywhere again. This will be the very last place I look in my life. It's my life. Yeah. And but yeah, it works out for him. It works out for him. Yeah. It works out for him. Because I don't want that tie to flap around when I go out the house. Of course, of course, not. And and you know what it's like when you've ducked back into the house to find something.

Yes. And you know the person is waiting outside and you've got that pressure on you. And you're gonna try anything. And even if it means skipping a few steps to what you're pretty sure is the last place you would have looked anyway. Mm. Right. So why don't I just skip there?

Yeah. Promise myself I won't look anywhere else afterwards. Look at that batches, dip. Head. No. A lot on the hold. Look at that, bitches dick. Head. No. A lot on my whole. You're so lucky. You feel it.

You can feel it through the flesh of the Badger's penis. Like as you grab hold, you can feel the gap between the bones and you go perfect. You son of a bitch. You only shoot. And you told McKinley, you son of a bitch. You've done it again. And then for a second, you're convinced that you're just,

you know, you have some kind of weird magic powers. It is luck. It is entirely luck that you just thought that there was a bone there. Yeah, but now, the word is luck. That's true. You make your own luck. Exactly.

Now, when you do this are you Are you reaching straight for the Badgers penis or are you grabbing this badger by the neck and you're trying to throw it first? Before I'm kill it before you sort of rip its dick off and I'm used its dick bone to hold you tight. I mean, that's the question, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I guess that's when you find out what kind of a person you are. Yeah, I guess yeah.

There's two types of people, Alistair, those who throttle the badger first. Those who know that, they would have time. Those who just try to rip the dick off and run. I reckon, I reckon if you just went straight for the dick, there'd be a period in which the badger was sufficiently confused at the turn of events to maybe not even lash out at you. Wow, yeah, there's a chance. You know? And again, we've already established it. to maybe not even lash out at you. Wow, yeah, there's a chance. And there's a chance.

And again, we've already established it. You're the kind of guy who likes to take chances. And somebody's waiting. They're out there. They're out there. You've got the car keys, by the way. So they don't get to go in the car and wait in there. Not even out of the wind.

Not even out of the wind. We've established, which is quite, quite blowing. Oh, no. And yeah, and that's the thing is that, I guess it's because at this stage in your life, you don't have the sort of the remote that allows you to just unlock it. You would have had to go and unlock both doors individually.

Not even since you were... What do you mean by this stage of your life? The badger, dick, wrangles. No, but I mean like, I mean when people were still guessing whether or not. Oh, they don't have the luxury that we have today. Yeah, the internet where we were able to instantly Google any animals penis that might have useful bones in them.

That's right. And so this is, you know, could be set 60 years ago before, you know, the usefulness of badger dicks was common knowledge and cars didn't have central locking. Those are the two premises of this sketch. The two central premises are hard to say which is more important. They eat, they are pillars. It'd be great. They ate, they are pillars. If you say. If once you came out with your clip on your tie,

and to the person who's been waiting in a perfectly unruffled tie, you're perfectly unruffled tie with this dry bone. Right? I don't know how you've dried it. So I guess you've shaken it off. It looks like it's working off. Also, it feels like the flesh, penis flesh

would just kind of just fall away. Just fall away like a slow roasted, like the lamb on a slow roasted leg. Mm-hmm. And pork. Sure. Pulled off of a belly. Yeah.

And then as you get out there, who's waiting for you, maybe your husband, maybe your wife? Yes. Maybe just a... Maybe both. Maybe both. One of them realizes they're cold.

And maybe... I say, I'm just going to go get something. Go get something. And then maybe they go get like... Paul and Flies jacket? Maybe Paul and Flies jacket jacket and they come out and then you go to the ball room. To the ball room. Well, that's definitely a sketch, Ellis there. Yeah.

It is... And it's also... It's one of a series of sketches that I feel could be made as almost a series of short videos or something like that. Like many sketches indeed could. But you have that classic comedy trope of the drinking cow's milk. Who was the first person?

What was the first person to ever drink cow's milk thinking they were doing? Like that trope, but for other things. Yeah, that's great. Those other things that are equally commonly known, much as like that people drink milk. Everyone also commonly knows that badgestics are used for typens. And we're just filling in some detail on that.

What was the first person to ever put souls on their shoe thinking? Another perfect example, I was there. Episode two. It was already written itself. You know, and you go, oh, I'm just gonna, put a, I'm just gonna repeat my walking, the bendiness of my foot by putting this hard rubber on top of it.

On top of it. Sure. Well, at this point, we didn't know which way was up. We didn't have the conventions of up and down that we did back that we do now. Right, or on top of or underneath. Yeah, yeah. No, but they didn't understand up or down.

Wow. This is how long ago this come, this happens. And it was set in a like a... But they had the tops of shoes. It was set in a cone universe. Yes. Where people live inside a cone On the like on the wall. Yeah, and then down the bottom. That's where the king lives

Lucky, but when it rains yes, where does it rain? It on the walls? Oh, yeah, and then it all goes down into the King's house and that's why he's the king because he has all the water. Yep, he doesn't drown though. No, because he can swim. He got a shark fuse to his back. Oh, Christ. Thank you, Mitch Griffith. Griffith? Let's call this episode the pseudo-effodrine episode.

Okay. One, take us through the sketches. The sketches, Alistair. Okay, one man, freedom of navigation protest. Right. We talked about that for 25 minutes. Yeah. And then, but that was also within that, there's also one man versus one point four billion. I just think a general one person shall strengthen against an other nation

and win their respect to win their respect and then not take advantage of the power that that that of course that respect gives us the greatest restraint which is the greatest show of power. Mmm. Which would get you more respect and then more power and then and then you get really fuck them up. Then you'd really be vulnerable to sleeping with somebody like like just because of their love.

Your position. Because of your position. But then you don't. But then you don't. And then you get more respect. But only from that single person. Because not everybody's watching you every move. No. And you can't really go on nation on nationwide television and say, I could have slept

with this person, but I didn't. But I didn't. Because that was lower your respect. Exactly. It's undignified. It's unbecoming. That's right. And but. If I because that was lower your respect. Exactly. It's undignified. It's unbecoming. That's right. And but. Have I man in your position? Did you have anything else to say about that? No, I feel like we covered it.

Great. Then we've got. Okay. Now I wrote this down as two sketches. Oh, thank God. Okay. So there's the, what's the real treasure piece the camera sketch with pirates? Thanks for writing that down. It didn't feel particularly good. No, no, no, but like it's just pirates

and they're rugged. Yeah. And they're mutilated. And some of them are very diseased, from time to time. Yes. Right. But they're talking about what the real treasure is.

Yeah, which is lovely. Yeah. And we have the other sketch, which is... And maybe they gathered around as they're digging the hole and the coral at all to bury their treasure in. And they say, and they say, and go each other, you're saying, you know, because there's one treasure that we can't bury.

Which is this time together. Yeah. It was so, this great fun that we're having working towards a single aim. Yes, yes, and the fact that we were all we all did this we all came along the way, you know, and it seemed crazy. It seemed crazy to get on a boat with no real mission other than to capture and destroy other ships and take their their value and you know I don't need to tattoo a map On to my body to show me where that real treasure is

Because I know where it is and it's right here. It's right here. It points to its heart. Yeah, well That's a good place. Yeah, because I've got a tattoo of it right there. Yeah, oh my heart. There's big ex on his heart I had a tattoo. I had a tattoo to show me where the real treasure heart. Yeah, well, that's a good place. Yeah. Because I've got a tattoo of it right there on my heart. There's Big Ex on his heart. I had a tattoo, I had a tattoo to show me where the real treasure is made. Yeah. And then the Big Ex on his heart. Yeah. They're so sensitive. They're really, they're really loving, man. Yeah. But you wouldn't be scared. Or maybe it's just one of the crew who is like that. It's constantly insisting that that's the real treasure. That's quite nice. I think you would make a great character. Maybe he could be, I was gonna try and find

a something beard. Yeah, I was trying to think of a beard as well, I was there. No beard? Nice beard. Yeah. Look at that. The loveliest pirate.

Nice speared. Then there's the other pirate sketch, which is the pirate economic sketch where it's sort of two crows talking. One is, they're talking about what they're going to do is basically they're really hoping to, it's a big boat, they're really hoping to encounter something soon in the next three months, that's all they got resources for. And then next to them is just a guy who's sort of, you know, using sort of, um, caps, caps, caps on his feet. He says, well, if I go, what I'm going to do, I'm going to be out there. I could go 500 meters and I'll probably find something

to make my money back. This is the most inside. It's getting a new room. Come on. You know what, like, you know, and the thing is is that I could walk across to that jetty over there and just still one of their boats and already I've made more money.

I've, you know, I've quadripled the value of these capsicums. There's gotta be a pun about the sunk cost fallacy in there somewhere else, do you? Oh, absolutely. Maybe a part has, they name the ship the sunk cost fallacy. I think that's gonna be great. And I look forward to seeing all the behavioral psychologists

laugh at that. They're really chortle. They're gonna chortle, they're gonna gaffaw. Oh. Yeah, I think, I hope. I don't know though, but they're quite a serious type of people. I get it, I get it as much. Then we have Shark Taxi.

Oh yes, Shark Taxi. Shark Taxi with the kids' book, but then also later on a Seinfeld type sitcom. I mean, you know, it's because once your childhood audience has grown up, they're ready to see that kind of thing. Like, it seems to happen so often these days. You know, I'd be hard pressed to name it, children's book from my youth that isn't now a popular sitcom. Yeah. On four nights a week, on a major channel. Then we got Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on, Quiz Show.

But mostly it's about the, I describe a house and you tell me what universe, this is said. Then we've got preppers for different things, like automatic parallel universe shifting. Yep, yep, that's probably that the key extreme end. Yeah, that's extreme end, but then there's also the idea of like people who are prepping for like Pepsi Max getting taken off the shelves. Yeah.

Yeah. That's it. I don't know in what way they prep. Maybe they don't even really like Pepsi Max. They're not going to affect me in a huge way. I've got, I bought two cans. I have a friend around who really likes it. No, you have to give them some.

Oh, because I'm pretty sure there is a TV show called Extreme Prepers. Yeah. So this is unexdreamed prepers as the guy who's just got two cans and Pepsi Max. No, he's still stuck in case. I mean, because you never know. You never know what scenario is gonna come up. Also, I have a stash of guns in case I have to shoot the government.

That and the two cans of Pepsi Macs. But then there's also the chance that what if like the Pepsi corporation comes after us. Instead of like, we said that the government turning on us, there's a chance like Coca-Cola Amatil could turn on us. If they could, if they did, and they just put some poison in the, in the Coke.

Yeah, or I mean, what if, what if, all their, all their canned distributions have like a bomb within them that they just decide to sell off? They blow them all up. Be terrible. Well, we wouldn't have expected it, but we let them put their machines in our homes. Right, in our homes. And our most important buildings in homes. If I were to come to you today and say, allow me to put a large metal box in the hallways

of power, it'll be full of tempting looking treats. Yep, everybody would shake their heads at me and call me crazy. Call me crazy. I'm gonna have a man come by and restock it occasionally. Yeah. He'll be wearing a blue shirt. But you call me insane. I would. Blue shirt. And then we got Badger Dick clip. Badger Dick clip. Badger Dick clip. Badger Dick clip.

Badger Dick. Badger Dick clip. I got a Badger Dick and I got a Dick clip. Got a clip for my Badger Dick, Dick on my clip. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was just imagining the flip reversal of the... Oh, a badger kills a human to get their tie. To get their tie up his dick.

I guess he could get it. Which is flapping around in the wind. The thing is, if the badger's dick is erect, probably would just hold its time place. Right. Up against its belly. Yep. Anyway, thank you guys for listening. Right. Up against its belly. Yep. Anyway, thank you guys for listening.

I don't know what that episode was. Oh, man. You know, we laughed. Yeah. We talked. We talked and you guys are the most important people in our lives. And the fact that we do this to you is, you know. Yeah. It's interesting.

Is this an abusive relationship? I hope not. If it is, tell us on our reviewing us on iTunes. Yeah, you know. Still give us five stars because I think that's the main thing but then in the body of the review, you really go to town. Code it in some way, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe try not to use the word abuse. You can also find us on Twitter, to and tank. I'm an Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And you can... I fight up our old email account.

If you want to email us, about anything at all, to the think tank at gmail.com. And I'll reply to your emails That's an exciting new development. This is really exciting and I'll say how we go with those t-shirts Oh very close we now have we now have the high High resolution files. Yes, they're in the wrong format They're in the wrong format that this t-shirt website doesn't okay, so that's the bit that I've done so far Yeah, what have you done? Well, I just got to get on to it They're in the wrong format that this T-shirt website doesn't. Okay, so that's the bit that I've done so far. Yeah.

Whatever you done. Well, I just got to get onto a computer. Are you discovered that they were in the wrong format? Well, I tried, didn't I? Yeah, you absolutely did. All right. They're in the wrong format, which at the moment is digital. And we want to get them into the format of T-shirts.

Of T-shirts. Down. We're just looking at some kind of converter that can... Convert it into t-shirt. Yeah, from tiff to t-shirt. Tiff shirt. Tiff shirt. At the moment, they're tiff shirts.

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