Two In The Think Tank - 152 - "NUDE HOSPITAL"

Episode Date: October 9, 2018

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today's episode of Two in the Think Tank is provided to you and us and us and exactly This episode was entirely written and produced by the people at Harry's As a way to provide a vehicle for this ad that we're doing right now about Harry's and though Harry's don't just make quality razor blades and Weated handles. No, they also write well scripted podcasts. Now, they, just for legal reasons, they haven't written this.

Oh, sure, sorry. Just in case they don't like the content. I don't know what kind of legal situation we could find ourselves in there, but you're right, that's a whole lot of trouble we don't need. I'm about to say some really controversial stuff in this episode. Oh, I see. trouble we don't need. I'm about to say some really controversial stuff in this episode. Oh, I see.

So they don't. Yeah, Elle warned me before the podcast started that he had some real controversial stuff that he wanted to say. I thought of it earlier. Yeah. It's gonna be a bathroom. I mean, it could be one of those ones

that real starts some sort of revolution or something that would maybe Harry would want to be in on board with out of the ground floor, but it doesn't matter, it's okay. Anyway, they're great. You can get a great deal from them by using... Harry's. Oh, Harry's. Yeah, you can get a great deal by using the go to harrys.com forward slash think tank. And it will tell you all about how good the deal is later on in the podcast, but it's a fast to say, you're getting $13 of free blank just by going to two in Harry's.com forward slash two in blank and we'll fill you in.

When what that blank is later. Also, mysteriously, Harry sent us a whole lot of body wash and soap that we haven't even talked us to promote it. This is one of my favorite sounds. Oh, yes. Look at this. Oh, you know you're about to get clean. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And when you're a couple of dirty boys like us, you're not like nothing better than a... Then a good scrubber dub dub. Indeed. Anyway, scrubber dub dub dub dub dub dub scrubber dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub dub Hello and welcome to Twin The Think Tank to show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy and I'm Alistair George William Trumbly virtual and Andy I think that I prefer the smell of Oh shit To the smell of your of perfume Wow, okay, I think I prefer the smell of Asparagus P to regular P.

I mean, that's almost as controversial as what I jokingly suggested you were going to say. Yeah. Maybe more controversial. Do you think so? Well, do you think that the smell of Asparagus P is worse than shit? So you would rather smell shit than a sparragas pee? No, no, I didn't mention a sparragas pee at all.

Well, you were referencing this. No, no, no, no. I was referencing what I said, which was pee and shit. Right. And the fact is, nobody even voices an opinion on that. That's not a thing that people discuss. But people do discuss pee versus a sparrigus P. It seems like we're perfectly happy to talk about different types of P's, bells, and vis-a-vis which one we prefer.

Vis-a-vis. Vis-a-vis indeed. But when it comes to comparing the fruits of the anus, and-a-vis. Vis-a-vis. Vis-a-vis. Vis-a-vis. with our we, with our we here. So anyway. Yeah, I mean, that's, that's, that's fascinating. And I think it's an interesting, like, it's, it's a thing that absolutely we, we, we are aware of this phenomenon that asparagus makes you piece smell different.

Yeah. And we've made no effort whatsoever to investigate that in terms of what other things could we be eating or putting in our bodies to make our urine smell various different ways. I wonder if you could make it and maybe make it more palatable to the nose. Because sure other people might not have to smell your pee, although they do, be aware of this. You have to smell your pee sometimes several times a day. And self-care, it's a self-care revolution.

Can't self-care be something about making, smelling the stuff that comes out of your body? Be nicer for you because nobody smells it more than you. That's right. I think even if you were just placing something that rested on the inside of all of your holes, like, you know, like what are those toilet duct clip things? Yeah, like a toilet duct clip or like a, it's kind of like a little round thing, you know, like what are those toilet duct clip things? Yeah, like a toilet duct clip, or like a, it's kind of like a little round thing, you know, like a dyson, you know, like a dyson. Dyson's all about round things.

It's all about round things and air or fluid passes through it, and then it affects it in some way. Yeah, there's nothing in the middle of dyson things, which is a great thing about dyson things. There's nothing in the middle, you look at it, there's nothing there. You're like, wow, how do they do that? Yeah, they can make it turbine-like. Sure, they can make it turbine, no point, no point, but could they just, could they make it smell different using the turbine, using the vortex.

If they can make suction with the vortex, no one thought you could do that. That's right. I'm sure they could create smell. And it could be hugely expensive. But it doesn't matter. So hugely, hugely expensive and probably not better measurably than the one with the toilet duct that you clip.

Just the little plastic clip on the edge of your butthole then the duct goes up, up the butt, and changes the smell as things come out. Even probably just a mint would work equally as good as this day. I thought I think a mint would feel really weird. Yeah, I think in the butt it might be cool and refreshing. it might be cool and refreshing. Yeah, but I've washed my body with a quite intense eucalyptus, not eucalyptus, mint body, all that real hippie one.

It was a real hippie one. And when that got on certain areas of my body, the sensation was distracting. Yeah, yeah, at least. At the very least, it was distracting. I think it did have like a peppermint essence or something like that in there. Yeah, and even maybe nettle. Okay. I think there might have been nettle in there. Right. And I'm just saying, I remember I once went to a friend's house and I use that and I tell you what I was feeling radiant

in terms of cold beaming off of my just some of your membranes. Some of my membranes. There are regions of the body where the membrane is thinner and I think I can almost feel it on the inside of the skin. Clean, deep penetrating, cold, clean, very slightly in. Anyway, is there a sketch in and it's disgusting and I'm sorry audience that we started out this way? About about a orifice odor. Well, I was wondering whether treatments a simple place to go is it's it's a sketch about a scientist who triggers and confuses his dog By feeding him asparagus. Yes, and then after he peas he starts

He starts smelling another dog urine and the way he wants to pay on that on that and then he's In these notes more and the dog realizes that it's coming out. All of the fluid and turns to dust. Well, I mean, I think that could, you know, that's where it could go eventually. It's a very funny ending. It's all absolutely. You got one of those dust dogs.

Yeah. And it blows away in a guest. What are you doing with dust in a guest? What are you doing in a dust dog? All we are is dust in a guest. In a guest. It sounds like a song. By somebody named after one of your children

that they would write, because Andy names all his children after folk music. Correct. Pete Seeger is one. Pete Seeger Matthews. I have worked really hard to get Seeger into one of the names of my kids.

And I have come up against firm resistance. Seiga master system Matthews. The Pete Seiga master system. Or Seiga Matthews system. Yes. See? All right, we're off the rails. Are we? Maybe. Is this rails? I just had another kid recently. Yeah. And it was great. It was great. I recommend it. Everybody. I was wondering if there would be some way that a man as a man I could feel even more supportive of my wife. And I think they should come up with a bed for where the delivery happens. Where your wife is lying on top of you. Yeah. And you're also naked, you're under her. Yeah, naked.

You're naked from the waist down, or like in the way that a woman is naked when she gives birth. Like you could just be wearing one of those hospital robes. Okay, great. I'm wearing one of those. Look, that's as good as naked, those hospital robes. I prefer naked, personally. Really? Yeah. This could be a naked hospital robes. I prefer naked personally. Really?

Yeah. This could be a naked hospital. Yeah. The naked hospital. Oh, no. Okay, it's a, like it's a nudist, it's a hospital for nudists. I love it. Yeah.

I love it. And I reckon so many more quick diagnoses. Mm-hmm. Yes. On the run, you're walking between wards. Doctors are just picking stuff up as they go on. Walk and talk. They're passing you in one direction. They diagnose your front. On the way back.

They diagnose your back. So when you're way back, they're following you. Therefore, they overtake you. Because you're sick. You're not moving quick. Okay, you haven't really gone anywhere. They already performed surgery. You're still making your way down the carinal. But then why are they coming from the same direction? They're coming and going. I guess while you were getting, while you were getting, so you cross each other in the

right. There's two different breeds of doctors. Different species. Like those birds that David Edinburgh talked about, where one feeds hopping up the bark, gets the bugs, and one feeds, one different niches in the ecosystem, one feeds hopping down the bark of the tree, down bark, right, and the doctors, one walks left to right, one walks right to left, and they've got you coming, they diagnose your front and your back,

the two organs of the human body the front and the back Yeah, and so the it's a the hospitals are loop the hospital is a loop and the doctor's only moving one direction Always moving as well always moving. Yeah, and they stop moving they get shot It's it's it's it's there's's a central guard tower. We're the director of the hospital stands with these big gun or her big gun. And if any of the doctors stop moving, they get shot there. The hospital warden? Naked.

No. So, wait, are the doctors? The doctors are naked. They're naked? Because they could be sick as well. That's true. Are they, and not also, in need of diagnosis? And it wouldn't be a cruel hospital. No, you're right. And to force them to continually dress and undress and think that that would waste time. Exactly. So, what we do is we just scrub them in head to foot once, and then they're clean, and then they don't leave. This could be a revolution in Medicare, because appointments are getting shorter and shorter. Doctors spend so much of their time,

like probably 80% of the appointment is then walking to the waiting room to call your name and then walking back again. That's valuable time, that walking time. What if that was the appointment? That should be the appointment? This should be the appointment. You know, this walking should be the appointment. And I said to Jerry, I said this should be the appointment. And I said to Jerry, I said, this should be the appointment. And okay. And so I guess

you could, and then by continuing to walk, you could get walking is good for you, by the way. Good for you. So already they're they're treating you with, yeah, and what a treat. And what a treat. You could also go like the dog goes, I think that could be a melanoma. And they go, well, I want a second opinion and he goes, well, he'll cross you in a couple of minutes. And you go on the way around. Yeah. And then maybe specialist could walk past. Sure.

And then I think even, you know, if they get you on a, if you're really sick and you need surgery, they get you on a trolley. And the surgery takes place while they're wheeling you to outpat they get you on a trolley, and the surgery takes place while they're wheeling you to our patients. I think that's good, yeah. The orderlies there. Yeah, so it's a great name for a job, orderly. Yeah, that was nice.

Also, it's great because a lot of the orderlies I meet, the hurricane, they're pretty loose units. Mm, yeah. Yeah, I was in the Ballarat hospital yesterday, and I reckon every orderly had a chest tattoo visible above the hem of his gown. Oh, yeah. I saw two, both had chest tattoos.

And you don't see that a lot. Yeah, no, you're right. In most professional things. But then again, I think the scrubs are low cut, aren't they? They are low cut. Are they a V-neck? Yeah, they were a V-neck. They were a V-neck, a deep plunging V-neck.

Yeah. Yeah. Some of them had a P-pole one, with just an extra little hole here, just between the breasts. Really a set. You can get a little glimpse of whatever else they have tattered on their chest.

Side or front boob, side or front boob. Or sternum. They're all men, orderly's her all men. Really? Is that? I don't know what it is. I think there's a lot of pushing and lifting. Yeah, right.

Could be the pushing in the lifting. I still smell sexism. Anyway, all I was saying is I wish that I could be more supportive and I could lie under my wife as she gives birth. And it would be like I was also giving birth. From the point of view of the child looking back at the genitals, as they leave, they would be hard pressed to determine

which one they came out of. Absolutely, absolutely. Did I come out of that bag? Bag? Because I guess they would see your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your,

your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, a bag. Yeah. We call it a ball bag. Yeah, ball bag. It's a bag. It's a bag. Yeah. All right. Doesn't have a zip or anything. Well, not yet. No, but it's because it hasn't been done by a designer. I think that's true. They haven't let a designer get it, get their hands on it. If you had a zip on your ball bag, do you reckon you would over unzip it? The ball bag is kind of a bit of a Pandora's box. Absolutely, it's. I think you don't wanna drop a ball and get it in the dirt.

What are your balls? I don't wanna, I don't wanna do anybody. I think, I think, testicles in their natural state, are kind of like, you know those like, those, I feel we've talked about this on the podcast before, those sticky, high prophesies about the scrotive, those, those sticky men that you throw against the glass and they can't swallow easily.

Absolutely right. And they accumulate like nobody's business. Exactly. And so I think the, those, those things, they're, they're best state when they're at their best is when they're in their packaging. God, I hope those things don they're best state when they're at their best is when they're in their packaging. God, I hope those things don't experience pain in the same way that a testicle does.

I hope the similarities begin and end with the sort of lint attracting properties. And they haven't made those things feel pain. But it makes me positive, not positive. What's the encouraged by the idea? It makes me positive, not positive. What's the encouraged by the idea? Optimistic. Optimistic, this is exactly the word I was looking for. Thank you, Alastair.

Optimistic that, at a pinch, which is definitely a word I got from hanging around with you. At a pinch, if you were, let's say, the wardrobe person in a television production or stage production, right? And somebody had lint on their shoulder, I think that you could unzip your bag and use a testicle to pick that up, and it would be a clean pickup.

It would be as effective as that little hand on the end of that stretchy bit of goo that you flick against the window. Yeah, or one of those Lint picker uppers things. Might probably be more effective than that. Certainly more effective as a conversation starter. I think that this nude hospital can be one of these solutions that we have in our Scandinavian Institute.

Really good. Scandinavian Institute. Why do I even bother trying to repeat it, LSD? You said it perfectly the first time. I just, you did it so well, and you made it look so easy that I think I thought I could do it. And that's very often the case when you see something done, you know, an art done well.

You almost don't notice the art, right? I keep thinking about how weird you laying under your wife while she's giving birth is in the nude. Because it's such a weird. I'm trying to be more like a sensitive, like, you know, a part of the process. Oh, I get it. But what are you doing?

What are you doing? You were holding your wife's hand, presumably, your partner's hand. Well, for some of it, I was just sitting at a distance eating lasagna. Yeah. Could you have chosen a less sort of bloody, fleshy, flappy placenta-like meal to be consuming?

It was the best thing that seemed to be at the hospital cafeteria. I reckon you had a lasagna in one of those little sort of aluminium foil trays that you get them in when you buy take away lasagna and you had a placenta in one of those metal trays that they put them in when they you know whip them out chuck them onto one of the kidney bowl thing. I reckon in a some sort of a scenario some sort of confusing scenario maybe in a comedy movie there could be a whole lot of misunderstandings maybe it winds up in the oven. Sure. I mean, you know, maybe some talcum part.

Is there a lot of talc around the hospital? There's talc. They use talc? I don't think they use talc since there was that court case in the United States and although unpleasantness. Well, I guess that means they're probably rules out round up as well. In the hospital, they probably get in the hospital, probably I read a bit all of it. A pesticides.

That's one thing that we don't have to contend with. Well, in the hospital, they probably get the hospital putting a rid of it all of its pesticides. That's one thing that we don't have to contend with on our bodies. We have to deal with animals like lice and that sort of thing. We have to deal with fungus, we have to deal with viruses, and we have to deal with like little worms and that kind of stuff.

It's you, several of the animal kingdoms. But sometimes occasionally even an insect. They're not animal kingdoms, center of the, you know, whatever they call it, the kingdoms of life. Yeah, sometimes an insect. You know something that you got an ant on you? A tick.

Yeah. But we never have to deal with a plant. There's no, as far as I'm aware, like, what's the word malignant plan? Oh, sometimes I think I did see a guy on Rubewroom, you know, Ripley's believe it or not, who lost his face. I think I've talked about this guy before. That was a mold.

Well, that was a tree mold. Still a mold, that was the thing. I don't think it's a tree. Yeah, well, okay. I think it's a mold that you get from trees. I could be proven wrong. But I mean, it could be one of those organisms that makes up what a tree is.

But once you separate it from the tree, it just becomes problematic. But within the tree, much like the different bacteria is within us. No, technically us, but they are us. Without them, we wouldn't do well. Right. So you're saying that they're kind of like, who's that guy on one of the writers for the Simpsons? When it James? Al Brooks? James Al Brooks? Yeah. Do you think that like, they're like that?

And once you take it away, it's not so good. Oh, maybe, no, maybe. I can't remember what he did. One of them was really instrumental in the voice of the show. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, we've talked about so much good stuff, Alistair. All you've written down is naked hospital.

Well, I want to, I'm going to go back. I'm going to say that anal oder, or aphysoda treatments is a sketch. I think it is, and I reckon, I reckon, Alistair, that the coalition, the your neo-liberalists, they'd love this, because it puts the onus on the individual, rather than looking to the state to deodorize the toilet.

Sure, I mean. We say it's up to the individual to deodorize the onus Sure, we say it's up to the individual to deodorize the anus and the dickhole. That's right, so. All of the John-a-hole. So as in like, you mean like down at the sewer treatment plant, do the treating as it's coming at the source. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, if you had like a bag of bleach or something, you just kept in your, in your sort of rectal canal. Yes, yes. Yes. Slow release bleach. Yeah, but like just something that as things sort of slide over the top of them, out oozes a bit of bleach.

I love it, I love it. Yeah, but what, but what is there a problem? No, well, I'm just blotching your eye. No, but I'm trying to, I mean, I guess I said it because there was a problem. But look, so, but, but do you think this would all start with asparagus? They're looking, they're, they look at the active ingredient in, you know, instead of the sort of the Euroactive Ingredient. You're inactive, you're inactive ingredient. The one that changes the smell of the urine

to be asparagus-like. So they go into there and they isolate that. And then they modify it somewhat so that you can get other smells from it. Right. Maybe you multiply it. What. Maybe you multiply it. What happens if you multiply it? They have to genetically engineer asparagus.

We get different times of asparagus. Exactly. I wonder what the white is asparagus. Hey, that could do something. Maybe that smells different. And then from that, then we realize that we can probably also change the back smell. The back smell. Very tactfully put thank you

Your wax odor a bit of back smell in there a little bit of back smell yeah a rear whiff. That's not as nice Dorsal stench that's stench is hard is harsh stench. That stench is hard. It's harsh. Dorsal aura. Dors there. And it does cry. It does. Yeah, okay, great. And then you're not going to accept my offer of ways that a man can be more supportive in the birthing experience. I mean, look, this could be funny, but I think there's the part where you're laying under

your wife, right? And you see it as super supportive, right? But you're naked into people around. It just is reminiscent of things that they've seen in sex videos. I, you know what, that did cross my mind, but now that you say it, of course. Of course, people are gonna be uncomfortable

because there's this, what if she's on top of a glass coffee table and I'm underneath Then there's a barrier no one could be upset. Well, I suppose then that's also stops any kind of fluids getting on you Exactly, yeah, which you know, I guess but that doesn't show support. I mean, you know accepting those is a Something I should be getting squirted with something from somewhere. You know, oh my god, it's getting too. But you know, oh my god, you know when they, there's that thing about me, if a baby comes out by a C-section that they, you hear people say and I don't know if there's less scientific backing, that they grab a bit of culture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we talked about doing this. Didn't end up doing it, but is seeding or something like that? Feeding, like that. Get the bacterial flora. What is it, you know, yeah. Yeah, the flora, sort of, you know, all that stuff, and to get it on yet.

So then maybe that's what you should be doing as a supportive husband is that you should also be getting it on you. Yeah. I thought I was gonna be maybe giving the baby a bit of my flora, but you're saying I should get some of the flora. Well, that's what you would get if you were underneath. Yeah, I guess I would. Yeah.

Well, then that's interesting, isn't it? It's really interesting. Any LSDair this whole conversation Yeah, I mean realize I don't want this to be written down as a sketch. Well, I mean is learned is there ways and I mean like you know and What about in a C section? Okay, this is better. Yeah, this is a C section. I lie on top of my wife Yeah, okay, okay, maybe I'm supported in some way. I'm on top of her.

I maybe like stretched out in like a, I'm above her. I'm stretched out on some sort of grid. Yeah. My arms and my legs are lashed to the far walls of the operating theater, and I'm there. Okay. And then I say, they're gonna do it a C section. I say, you're gonna get that baby out of my wife.

You gotta go through me first. Oh, see what I'm saying. But thank you. cut through me. Yeah. Through move my organs out of the way, out the back. Cut through the spine. Through, like, around the spine. Oh, around, that's good.

Around the spine, behind the kidneys, past the liver, right? And then they go through into my wife, and then when they pull the baby out, it comes out out of her stomach, and then, up, into my back, and then through you. My sort of abdominal cavity.

It's not a cavity though, is it? It's very full. Is it full of stuff? No, not when they're pulling a baby out. They're pulling that baby through. It's wide open, so I stretched it, which makes me think. Yeah, it's a cave, maybe it's closer to a cave. Don't you think that would be supportive?

Yeah, well, I mean, it's so intense. My body feels shook, I'm shook. I mean, I think that could be something. Okay, great. And then you're going to hear a lot less from the ladies about the agony of childbirth. And that's what it's all about. Because they only have to deal with the child coming out. They don't have to deal with it coming in. And going through. And then out again. That's true. I mean, they still have to have it kind of gone through. But I'd probably get an epidural, so I didn't have to feel it.

No, I go no anesthetic. No anesthetic. No anesthetic. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha across my organs. Yeah. Move them out of the way. Through my back. I'm a drag a baby through the hole. Yeah. I mean, it's the opposite of a bypass, isn't it? It's a go-through. It's a go-through.

Yeah. And that's interesting, isn't it? But I mean, it's not the opposite of a heart bypass. I mean. No, no, you're right. A heart bypass is a very different thing. But I'm thinking in terms of when you road planning, they don't ever talk about

we're putting in a go through. No, they don't. But I think that's, We're going through the CBD. It's gonna be, yeah, this is gonna be a, it's gonna be a freeway, it's gonna go right through the center of town. 110. Yeah, that's actually we're putting in an auto bond. Yeah, through the center of town.

We're gonna slice the city in two. They're always removing, they're always talking about pedestrian malls, removing, removing car traffic from the center of our cities. Yeah. I just wanna shake things up, you know? Look, I do like this idea. Before we continue with this idea, I just wanna say kind of what they do do at the moment. Do you?

What they do do at the moment is sort of a husband bypass. That's right, the husband is not involved. That's right. And so they, I think as they're getting the baby out of the lady, they swerve to make sure they don't go into the husband, like that. And the doctor's very careful with that. Like that. Like that. What is that?

They go, whoops. It's really part of the art of the birth. Yeah. First, don't drop it. Second, try not to let the baby enter the man, any, any of them. They bypass everybody there. Not even get a foot in there. Not even. Now for what reason would somebody put in a go through? Put in a go through. Well, a lot of small towns struggle after their bypassed. Sure. Because they're no longer a stopover point, right? Yeah. And they don't get that through traffic that they need

to keep their takeaway, efficient chip takeaway, burgers, cappuccinos. cappuccinos. Take away shops. People getting follows with the submarine. With the local submarine. With the local submarine. The local land-based submarine.

Well, there's one on the way between. You're talking about Germanton. Or it used to be called Germanton. Now it's called. Yann. Yann, that, that, you're doing it? No. No, it's not.

It's called. Alistair, I'm going to get it. They change no, it's not it's called Alistair I'm gonna get it they change it from German to during World War one because it was considered not not good and They changed it to Arthiton Arthiton I don't think so Andrew spill John Johnson Place No, definitely not. Have you found it? Getting close. So begin with an F. Tell me if I'm close.

Does it begin with an F? Fry is weak. No, I don't think so. But bottom side, manner. And there is it. Oh my God. This is the worst content we've ever had on the podcast. No one's ever Googled anything on the podcast before.

It's the only thing that separates us from the weekly planet. Oh, no. The only way people can tell the differences that sometimes they Google things and they're hugely successful. Whole book. Whole book, that's what I meant. No, you didn't.

I was thinking of whole book, but I just, it just nothing I say it or did could have given that away. Okay, so we were talking before the podcast, Alistair, about how there needs to be something in between innocent and guilty. Oh yeah, that's true, that is. And I think that's a good sketch idea.

Yeah, so for this, I mean, are we talking about context? Well, sure. I mean, look, we talk about context. Well, sure. I mean, look, we're trying to get political on you. No, so Kav and I just got confirmed in the Supreme Court. And it was just a weird thing when Mitch McConnell came out and said, this is a great day for the concept, I don't know, you said the word concept, but the concept of innocent until proven guilty, right? And it isn't a way.

Yeah, good for that. But it's not quite, it's not even not quite innocent, is it, it's supreme court justice until proven guilty, which is sort of even beyond. I don't know, can a supreme court justice be proven guilty, which is even beyond. I don't know, can a Supreme Court justice be proven guilty if something and then lose their? Maybe they probably can, they probably can, but I just think that like that,

it's all very well for somebody to be innocent, but then, you know, this person's supposed to be above reproach. Yeah, exactly. And so anyway, so, I while while you have some stuff hanging over and you're hanging over your head, there should be a place where you're sort of not quite a hundred percent innocent. Yes. And obviously then you could smear people, you know, by making things up or whatever. But you can do that anyway. But you can do that anyway.

And we do. That's right. It's just not made official yet. So we think that there should be, you know, maybe the whole jury doesn't come back guilty. Maybe the whole jury comes back innocent, but they don't feel good about it, right? They should be able to return a verdict of a bit sus. Sus, yeah.

We find the defendant a bit sus, right? A bit to pretty sus. Yeah. And maybe we can't sentence them to jail or even community service. We can't sentence them to anything. Right. Because there hasn't been a court case in any regard, but we could proceed with caution with regards to their sus-ness in sus-nature. Susp-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus-sus- But where do we put this, how do we make this into a sketch? Is it just a court? What is it court? Is it based sketch? Could that work? No, well, let's see that my problem is that we really only have the one joke.

Right. And I think in a court, if it was in a court context, that joke wouldn't be revealed until the end. Oh no, not necessarily. We could just have the judge summing up or whatever. And the jury gives the verdict of a bit sus. I guess sometimes, yeah, like in these kinds of things where there's a hung jury, you know, especially if there's a hung jury, but I suspect that you could also be sus, even before a court case. Of course, that's right.

Yeah. So is there then like a non-legal process to formalize this? Like is it just a certain number of retweets, have an Atlantic article listing the claims against you? And then you're officially a bit sus. Do you on Twitter maybe get a brown tick? A brown tick. Yeah, that could be something.

I mean, you know, I guess like, for example, a cos B scenario. Right, we're not gonna go with a brown tick then because I've just realized that that's a whole political thing that we're not getting into. Oh, right. The color of the tick is a bad choice by me. Right, I don't, okay, I don't think I had interpreted it. I didn't either.

I think you were just picking a funny color. Yes, I thought I was because of poo. Should we be deleting this from the podcast? Eh? Are we deleting all of this from the podcast? This whole suspect, you're not feeling good? No, just this bit of the conversation. I don't know.

I don't think so. OK, great. I mean, you can. We've never edited before. No, no, no, no. Let's not. Let's not. Let's just deal with it and just make it a part of who we are.

Yeah. And then try and be better people. Sure. And I'm saying we, but I just mean me. I was there. You're not involved in any of this. Wizz-A-V. Oh, Wizz-A-Wee. Look. Chris. All right. I think the problem right now is that we're also talking about quite bad things.

It's quite bad. It is quite bad. I think- Look, and I worry. Yes. I do worry that this sus branding could be used against people to stop them getting homelands. And we're just going to- That was my first thought as well. you know, people to stop them getting home loans. And we're just going to-

That was my first thought as well. And that we're just going to- My thought was, what is this going to do to the house market? I know, but I think we're just going to entrench, you know, some people are going to get sus just for being poor. I don't think, you can't be sus if you're poor. Sus is the thing, this is the thing

that's only for the very well-off, right? Because it, okay, sus, it can be means tested, right? And it's like how, you know, rich people are able to afford better lawyers, very often they are able to, like, outlast people in court cases, you know, who don't have as much money to continue pursuing it, right? They can argue technicalities and that sort of thing. Even when they are found guilty, very often for some reason, they're given less sentences and that sort of thing. So it feels like there's already a separate system of justice for them because they have money and they're able to afford to shape justice to their own

ends. So we are saying, fine, we're also going to shape justice to your own ends and you're going to have a separate legal system where even if you beat us, we can still find you a bit sus. All right. I think that's really good. I just don't know how we're going to get it integrated because it's kind of the rich who control that whole system. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of the judges and things like that. We could go go down there with some guns or something. Do you think about this, do you think about this about like how like, you know, how difficult it is to be a lawyer or a doctor or a doctor or anything like that. I don't necessarily think it's because those things are like those things are, I don't think necessarily think

it's because those things are like, I mean, that much harder than most jobs, but because they're gatekeeping it, protecting it and trying to keep it fancy, you know, and so that not everybody gets into it. Trucking anyone could do it? Pretty much. They don't let you defend yourself in court. Which is funny, isn't it, that they'd be like, all right, you have a go. Yeah, and so if you could do that.

If you could do that. If you could do that, if you could do that, if you could do that, if you could do that. If you could do that, if you could do that. If you could do that, if you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that.

If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that.

If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. If you could do that. that anyway. Street jokes that they're really funny. That anyone would laugh at them. In fact, we don't need any of this comedy bullshit because anyone would laugh. Street jokes are the best jokes. That's why they're street jokes. And then this is a sort of a parallel thing

where we pretend that we don't already have the best jokes in the world in books at home. But we come out and we just sort of, we take pity on these people, stand up comedians, and we pretend we don't already know all the funniest jokes, and then we laugh, we create a new system where we laugh at the funniest thing they say. I partially believe in that. True. Anyway, all I was going to say is like, if you know, if you think you could be a lawyer, you can represent yourself in court. If you think you can be a doctor, you can operate yourself in court.

I think that's correct. What about you? It's a guy who's representing himself in court. Yes. He's like, I couldn't afford a lawyer. Well, I'm not sure if you should be doing, he goes, I also kind of felt for a surgeon and then he starts operating on his arm

while he's representing himself in court. I mean, when my wife was giving birth, there were a lot of people in the room, right? And I felt like probably some of them, whatever they were doing, I could have done that. Yeah. Right. If they'd just given me like a little manual, just a couple of seconds, a YouTube video or something, I could have, I could have been able to do that job on the day. And I wonder if like, you know, healthcare costs, not such a big deal in Australia, but I know the United States. If you, if you can just, instead of having

an innate statistic, you just, you just get him to give you 22nd, you know, talk you up before the operation, you get your hand on the knob there. He tells you how far to turn it. Yeah, how far to turn it. Make sure that the tube is connected to the bottle, the big bottle, and he's connected to the mouth there. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified qualified students including the GI Bill. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu How hard can it be? I mean you're not doing anything else and who knows better than you whether you're you need more obviously to, Tosa or Lane. Yeah. I guess maybe the Anisletist probably, but we can't afford him.

Yeah. But we can afford him to come in and give you the gist. Just give you a consult. A consult. How much? So it's like, you see the bill, it's like, $15,000 Anisletist. And you just, how much just to give me the gist? Yeah. Because he's like, I can give you the gist for two grand. Well, I think, right. Anacitist is sort of a good one to have picked there because I think 99% of anacitist's job is doing nothing.

Yeah. Right. But they've got us remain there for those 1% of times where something goes wrong. Exactly. And so it's just kind of, you're paying, but you're absorbing that risk. Right? Perfect. And I assume the guy who's operating on you probably also has a gist of what to do if

something goes wrong with the anesthetic. Yes. of what to do if something goes wrong with the anesthetic, right? Yes. You know, they're not like, if something goes wrong with the anesthetic, all the doctors around aren't going to go, uh-oh, it's anesthetics messed up. All right, let's get out of here while he fixes this problem. Yeah, they're all still there. They're all still there.

You got some doctors there. They probably got those pads. They've been watching the anesthetist all this time. They got some doctors there. They probably got those pads. They've been watching the Anictsatist all this time. They get they know more or less. It's like an understudy in a musical. That's right. The wall, while the doctors there, operating on someone they're usually out of the corner of their life. On the Ani Statist at all times. Really, you learn every time, you know, you get an idea of what the nurse is doing there. You know, he's handing you a bunch of scalples and things like that.

He's handing me scalples. Right. Right hand. Oh, you hand them handled first. Yeah, not covered in filth. Oh, okay. Don't cut yourself on the scale. Okay.

And then after a while, you could probably do the whole thing. The surgeon could probably do the whole thing. The surgeon could probably do the whole thing. That's right. It's like sailing one of those ocean liners, they don't need much of a crew. It's a lot of it's automated. Anyway, somebody who does, takes over bits of the surgery themselves,

some selfs themselves. I think it's pretty themselves themselves themselves. So I think it's pretty sure it's themselves. So how are we framing this? I think it's a, well, this is how I was mentioning Framing announced it. And it no longer takes place in the courtroom. Because I thought the unspoken agreement between both of us was that you'd unnecessarily complicated the idea.

No, but my thing was to take the pattern of representing myself in court, and then he's also representing himself in doctor's court. I know what you were doing, Alice. I know about the patent. I know what you were replicating. But it was fucked. So what I'm doing is I'm- Which is the third one.

I'm replicating. You third one. I'm replica You're right if we had a third one it would be fine. What is a third thing that you could do yourself? You're gonna get that hair is falling in the open What is he operating on his arm? Purple towel What is he what is he operating on his arm? You're Yeah, purple town He's gone I got it in this arm too I'm not getting it But this one's not quite as good so I thought I'd operate on that arm get that one up to speed and then I could operate on this arm It's really quite hard. It's just it's that finer those fine motor skills that I just don't have

What I'm trying to get back It's a vicious circle really Fuck it. I'll just stuff the other arm. I think the other one's you know, he's got two open arms He's still doing the haircut. Shut the shit. Guys, I'm getting here and it goes... Sir, how do you plead? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I got this boy as soon as lips and get a lot of blood. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. writing it down. I'm not saying it made any sense. I don't want you thinking you've made a, just done some great sketch that makes lots of sense. Cutting is over here.

But I think we should also get this other one. I think this other one is like a great way of saving money for the American economy as an alternative for two. It's the economic rationalism, right? The individual, make the individual responsible. This is just, we're giving more choice in healthcare. Exactly. Do you want to do that yourself? Off of this, off of the success of the orifice order of treatment that we have developed a new healthcare option. And it puts the power back in your hands,

very literally, because you will be holding, I guess, a power cord to plug in the machine that you will then use to operate on your own body. Actually, having one of those scalples that also seals, you have seen that? No, but is that what it's only about this? So these scalples, we got to use one when I was doing my biomedical course,

one of that uni, and we got to. No, you're a doctor. We got to cut through like, you know, some pork or something like that. And it's a scalpel, but it's also electrified. So that as you cut through, it also sears. Cauterized. Cauterized, is it?

Yeah. Like that. And so you're like cutting it open, but then, I mean, it's pork, so it's not bleeding. Right. No. No, but it smelled delicious. It did smell a bit, because it was like,

you're cutting through the fat. And you're cooking a bit of that fat. And you're gonna put that fat in your like, and you're gonna get some lunch soon. That was very distracting. I mean, maybe this would be good for chefs, you know? If you could have a knife that cooks as you slice, that's really good.

Just a really hot knife that as you cut through your beef, it just cooks the beef. Somebody's got to do this. Somebody has to. This is obvious, a hot knife. Hot knife. Like a hot knife. Hot knife. Like a hot knife. Hot knife and.

I think that's the thing that in New Zealand, they do with marijuana. Hot knife. It's so complicated. A vitis grows. Describe this on the product. Probably it seems like something that you would talk about. You know, it's where they take two knives

and they put them onto the tips onto a flame. Yes. Like this. Meanwhile, you've taken your bud of marijuana and you're pulling little bits off and you're rolling them up into balls. Like that, and then you're making a... What is a bud?

It's like, it's just a... It's not actually a bud of the plant, is it? It's a bud of the plant. Oh, really? Okay, cool. I think, but it's not like a flowering bud. It's like, I don't know exactly. I apologize that I don't know much about the biology

of the marijuana plant. I follow an account on Twitter that is 420 Tasmania and it's about legalizing marijuana in Tasmania. I think I'm like one of the only people who follows it. I don't know why I follow it, but I just find all their posts really funny. That's cool. That's cool. And you know what?

I think it could absolutely transform Tasmania. I encourage all of our listeners to follow for 20 Tasmania. It's just some quite earnest people posting what they think about like Losing Marijuana and Tasmania. Tell them the two in the Think Tank podcast. No, I'm okay. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And, uh, well, I can't remember where we're somewhere. We were talking about hot knife and... Hot knife and, oh yeah, right. So then you're rolling those little bits up into balls and you put them into a little grid. And then when the, no, those are red hot. Red hot? Yeah, once they're red hot, okay.

You pick one of the little balls up with just with the knife, it'll stick to the knife. It'll stick to the knife Mm-hmm. And then you press the two blades together red hot blades Yeah, and then the smoke will come off and then using a broken-off glass bottle You suck in the smoke Do you need a bottle? Couldn't you just suck it in with your mouth? Well, it'll escape loose some Yeah, because you got two bigger hole broken glass, but I just have to be broken glass, but I could use like a funnel from the... I guess so, but you know, you want like a tube, you know, something they kind of, you

know, increases the suction. I love how elaborate this is. Yeah. And I love, I like the idea that if we'd never come up with smoking cigarettes, if this was just the way that we'd done tobacco and then all those movies in the 70s or the TV shows in the 70s where everyone's smoking, you know, Parkinson's smoking there interviewing a young Prince Charles. Right? They're all doing that hot knife and everyone you've got to have a little gas stove with you everywhere. I think there's a sketch in just an alternative universe.

Well, yeah, like where an alternative universe were all those places that sell bongs and different paraphernalia that say that it's just for smoking tobacco, where you actually are using those to smoke tobacco. So it's like people sort of at bus stops with like a, you know, like a four, five foot high glass dragon bone. I think that's really funny. Like Daniel.

Yeah. Sorry. I just have a cigarette break. Yeah. People who are doing it driving along. What are, what are, What are scenarios in which people, what's the funniest scenario in which people, I mean, the great ones are the people

who sort of still do in something with both hands, while they've got the cigarette hanging out of the corner of their mouth. Could you do that with a five foot tall glass bone? Yeah, sure, yeah, or like, I guess, yeah, like you got all sorts of pipes that you could be using or as vaporizers, not as funny.

No, I mean, that's just what people do, really, isn't it? Yeah, they apologize for bringing it up. That's okay. But look, bucket bombs, I don't sell bucket bombs do they at those places. No, but you could still, I mean, maybe look, we could just make it, we could, we could fudge it. Yeah, great. Because like somebody doing a, I mean, maybe look, we could just make it, we could fudge it. Yeah, right.

Because like somebody doing a grandma, doing a bucket bong on her rocking chair. Yep. Out, south. But it's just tobacco. It's just tobacco. Not even, it's not even in any way wacky. It's not.

It's what is another word that just means mundane, What is another word that just means mundane, but that rhymes with wacky, matter of fakie to backy? There you go, matter of fakie. That's the best I could do. Andy, I don't think that was bad. Hey, did you want to bring up something about Harry's... Harry's raises? You know what Alistair I absolutely do.

Because Harry's are the people bringing you this podcast today. And Harry's have a special offer for listeners of the two in the think tank podcast. Really? Harry's is the look. Premier. The premier of the state of good raises. All right. They are offering our listeners $13 worth of free shaving gear if you go to harries.com for slash think tank.

Yeah. Right. And they will send it out to you. Right. You don't pay for that $13 worth of free shaving gear. Yeah. Okay. What do you get, what do you get, Alistair?

Tell them, tell the listeners what they've won. You get that, that multi blade razor. Yeah. How many blades out? Five. And then one little extra one to shave under your nose. It's separate from all, from the other five. It's separate, but it's not a loof.

No, it's not a loof for you. It hasn't gone to its head in any way. And that's right, but it also. Still part of the team. And it's also part of the blade mechanism. It's not like a separate blade. It's just floating around. It's loose.

No, it's getting into the air vents. No, no, no, no, that's not at all. You don't want to be breathing that in. And you won't, because it's secured. You get that handle. That handle, weighted, ergonomic handle. God, it feels good in your hand. That's squishy.

I never want to let it go. It's better than rubber. Yes. And it's more comfortable than latex. Yeah. And it feels heatproof to me. I don't know, I haven't tried putting it in the oven or anything, but I feel like it wouldn't melt.

Yeah, I've definitely held a magnifying glass over it and let the sun beams concentrate on it and I can't seem to do any damage to it. It's impervious, so what we say. It's like that liquid metal guy in the terminator. Yes, exactly. So it will sustain damage, but then it will reform. That's right.

And possibly take on a new shape. That's right. One that looks exactly like a friend, a trusted friend, that's why you let it into the house. You also get that shaving foam feels real good, smells real good, I wish it tasted good. Harry's, you've got to get with me on this, we're going to get an edible version of this shaving foam. Like keep bringing it up.

Even if it could be a cheese, sort of a foam, it could be a cheese. It could be a cheese, we've got foaming it could be a cheese. It could be a cheese. We've got foaming cheese. That's a thing that exists. There you go. We've got foaming foam. That's a thing that exists.

Am I crazy to want to combine these two things? You're the senest man I know. Thank you. And you also get a little travel case to get some of those blows. So nothing's going wrong. And it seems like no. What they're doing? Harry is doing body wash and so nothing's going wrong. And it seems like no. What do you have available? Harry is doing body wash and soaps.

And this just showed up in the mail. We haven't been told to tell you guys about it. It could be top secret. This could be top secret. This could be like a new Harry Potter book. You're not even supposed to release it. We'll tell you what. This could be like Sean Connery's diary

and Indiana Jones on the last crusade. They sent this to us to keep it out of the hands of the Nazis That's right, and they didn't want anyone to know Was their last act and here we are publicizing it on the podcast like the couple of Indiana's that we are yeah and You know this one look this I should have mailed it to the marks brother This bar is open is fig scented like that and this one is Shiso This barrissope is fig-centred, like that. And this one is chiso. Chiso.

Or chiso, I don't know. She's so delicious smelling that barrissope. Anyway, that's not even part of the ad. Harry.com.com slash think tank. I could, do you want more details about the Harry's corporation, how they have this German engineering factory where they make all these blades? You know, I just, I might, I may have mentioned on the podcast I was like,

I had a baby recently. I better shave before this baby comes. Did you shave before this baby? You know I'm going to be rubbing my face against that baby. Yeah. Well, you know, I shaved my face. It was so smooth. I rubbed it against the baby.

Got to be honest. Baby fell a bit rough. Really? Yeah. So then I shaved that baby. Yeah. Now smooth as a baby. Yes, exactly. I shaved that baby. Yeah, now smooth as a baby. Yes, exactly.

Thank you, Harrys. Look, we already have a number of ideas. I think we've got to go to our guest inspired idea. You can't shake a baby, but there's nowhere, nowhere does it say you can't shave a baby. I've never seen a single place where it says that. When have you ever walked into any building and seen a circle with a line through it? And behind that line is a photo of a man shaving a baby.

Never. Never happened. Although that would make a great t-shirt. And what we... We are not good at t-shirts, but we do have t-shirts. We have t-shirts available. We should be talking about that later on. We've got to do this three words from that. But I want you to know, maybe for us though,

if we were to do that symbol, it would be a big circle with a line through it, and inside would be another circle with a line through it, and then a guy shaving a baby. Because now you can shave babies because Harry's, those raises are so safe, so smooth, so weighted, so ergonomic, so free when you go to harry.com for sure.

I think you get that start-up pack. And baby, it's more of a, you're never gonna wanna stop a pack. Yeah, if you want a new baby, get this razor. Mm-hmm. Like it's, it'll be, it'll be, it'll make your old baby feel like a new baby. Yeah, it'll be, it'll make your make your old baby feel like a new baby. Yeah, it'll be it'll be your baby. Yes

Now we have three words from our listener god Todd God Todd now I don't know if this is 100% confirmed but I like to think that God Todd was named named himself on Twitter after An early episode where we came up with God's brother Todd, he's less successful younger brother. Personally, I think it's arrogant for us to think that, but oh, remember when we saw that, there was that Twitter on Twitter,

somebody sent us a sketch from Conan, which was international waters. It was our international waters sketch. Look, we don't really think that somebody took our sketch idea. And used it on Conan. And used it on Conan. But it was incredibly similar. Incredibly similar.

So using a little sample of international water. That they could stand in a pitiful, which is actually what we said on the podcast and what happens in the sketch. It was in the episode that we had a Mesa on. I mean, I didn't look, I didn't get a response from Mesa when I sent it. I did do it on regular public Twitter. I should have, you know, could have used private means. Good to DM to you.

But anyway, direct Myson. Direct to Myson pod, I mean, message. Yeah. But anyway, if you YouTube probably Conan International Waters, maybe watch it, you could find it. Tell us if you think similar entities. Yeah, and maybe I'll find a link to that episode and put it in the show notes. I love the extra, the extra mile you're willing to go to for this point.

I haven't done it yet. I'm willing to say I'll do it, which is an extra mile. That is one mile. And then the further mile I'm willing to say I'll do it, which is an extra mile. That is one mile. And then the further mile, we'll see whether I actually do it. And so these three words are from our supporter on Patreon, Mr. God Todd. I don't, I can't remember his name outside of Twitter. I don't think he's, we were, we've been given this information.

Okay, great. He's one of those people whose Twitter handle is the same as their Twitter name. Yeah, right. Like me. Okay, great. He's one of those people whose Twitter handle is the same as their Twitter name Yeah, right like me. No, I'm different. I'm stupid old Andy and Andy mess. Yes All right. Oh, I thought your real name was stupid old Andy. That's true Um his three words. Thank you Todd God Todd. Thank you God Todd. I can't I don't even know if his name is God or Todd His three words to you, are you ready? Dolphin?

Yes. Thumbs. Yes. Caliphate. I mean, this makes me think of those dolphins that they were training to stick minds to the bottom of, was it Russian? Was it Russian? Training the dolphins to stick minds to the bottom of Is it Russian was the rut with a Russian's training the dolphins to stick minds to the bottom of warships?

Ukrainians Ukrainians were training the dolphins to stick minds to the bottom of of of of boats boats Russian boats possibly and then maybe in the annexation of Crimea I think they got the dolphins. They got the dolphins. So now the dolphins, what do they do? I think they've asked for the dolphins back, and I don't know what the dolphins do, but I

assume I don't know if anybody would care about them as much. If you want, if you want dolphins back is called, no, dorsal. Dorsal mist. Dorsal mist. Dorsal mist. Those dorsals are sorely mist, I think, and that's why the Ukrainians want them back. How do you get them back? Ukraine, with a crane.

You could use a crane like with free willy. Yeah. Yeah. Now, a caliphate would be a state set up for a certain belief, a belief system, possibly the word technically means Islam for is, you know, would be a state set up for a certain belief system, possibly the word technically means Islam for, you know, would be a state set up for Islam. But I don't think that... But I mean, like you could set up for any belief system.

Yeah, exactly. And I don't think, you know, the Islamic caliphates, they don't seem like the kind of people who'd be unwilling to let us take something from them like the word caliphate. Well, you know, I assume caliphate is now an English word already by changing this Arabic word into English. English word. It's already kind of embastered eyes a little bit, probably doesn't in any way mean the exact same thing that it meant.

Exactly. Probably different letters. So if we were to say we were the kind of people who like, you know, based a whole state on the belief that you can't call a thumb a finger. Yes, one of my favorite minor quibbles. Yeah, so the thumb is not considered. The thumb is very much like the fifth blade on the Harry's razor or the sixth blade, I guess, that is separate, but still part of the team. Yeah.

But what are we saying that the, are we saying that maybe even the thumb can no longer work with the rest of the fingers? Well, there's a possible, I mean, if that's what you want to do. Because what we could do then is we could get sort of a round disk almost like a frisbee, right? And we could cut a hole in the middle of it, and put that over the thumb. Okay. And then the thumb sticks through the hole. So like a partition in an office. Exactly.

Now the thumb can still do thumb things on that side of the petition. And on the other side, below the frisbee, the fingers can still do their thing but they're no longer going to collaborate. You know it's like it's like a Beatles situation. A succession kind of thing. When ginger left the spice girls. You know trying to have us the thumb wants a solo career. Okay yeah and but it happens on the grand scale of all thumbs. All thumbs in this state. Yes. In this state. And the way that you enter the state. And this is a religious thing. This is a religious decree for some reason.

The way that you enter this state, it's an island state. And in order to get in, Adolphin who's been taught to speak. Right. Right. Says, Let's stick a finger in my blowhole. We got really good. Yeah. And then if you put your thumb in there,

Yeah. He drags you down to the bottom of the ocean and drowns you. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And just there's bear traps down there. Yeah. And it just gets your hands stuck in a bear trap. Uh-huh. And then you just have to watch yourself.

Try on. Watch yourself, try on. This is a mirror. Ha ha ha ha. I'll perverted. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And there's divers there to hold your head. And so watch this, watch this. Ruffa, ruffa, ruffa, ruffa, ruffa, it's Richard Nixon.

Yeah, it's Richard Nixon. Richard Nixon, in scuba gear. And so then, but then I don't know, what are these, I guess there's everything different in this state because everything has to sort of be designed so that you can only use, like you can't use your thumb. So, well, I mean, you can use your thumbs, but you just can't use them in conjunction with your fingers.

But let's say, for example, using a fork, right? Yes. And normally that would be a kind of a finger thumb. That's a classic example of them all working together, isn't it? So instead you would kind of have to like get something where it can either fit between your sort of index and middle finger. Yeah, yeah. That's something. You know, and then I don't know maybe like a... I'm trying to imagine sort of you bringing all four of your finger fingers together

into sort of a little point, and then you could slot something up in the gap in between them all, but that's not really a grip. That's tough. Oh, that hurts even trying to do it. Yeah. Religion is so stupid.

That's what this, I mean, I tell you what, this is really making a satirical point. That's how religious divisions and the, you divisions and the vagaries of ideology. I thought you were gonna say, I atollah, I was like, it's not about Islam anymore, Andy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no would picture, let's say, you being able to mount sort of

forks or pencils to your hand instead of, so let's say half length pencils or forks. And then at the base of it, it kind of forks out. There's a fork in the fork? There's a fork, but it's just a two pronged for. Yes. And instead of prongs, yes. There's actually two kind of rubber sort of canonical sleeves, kind of like what you would have at the top of a wooden leg so that you could fit your thigh stump into it. Yeah. Like that.

Two of those and they go over your fingers. They go over your bent fingers into it. Yeah, like that. The two of those and they go over your fingers. They go over your bent fingers. Great. So like your bent knuckle. So maybe it bends around like this so that you can really secure it in. This is going to, the audience is so lost, how does it? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Oh, it could just be two finger holes, like two rubber fingers. So it comes with finger holes. It means so much more sense. Like that. And then you can curl them back so you get, then it's, you're the metal parts slots between your two things. I don't even remember what we're talking about. We're talking about holding a fork, is that right?

Holding the fork or a pencil. Or a pencil. Okay, great. Or a mouse. You know what's so good about this? It's great for industry, great for innovation. Suddenly we've got something, a new industry is gonna spring up. Exactly. To make these needs. It's great for industry, great for innovation. Suddenly we've got something a new industry is

going to spring up to meet these needs. It's going to drive everything forward. We're going to have a new industrial revolution of so many overflowing of ideas. People come up with ways to get around this stupid rule that we've imposed on ourselves and I'm excited. And it'll be able to export to people who don't have thumbs. Right. Yeah. Yeah, the thumbless. The thumbless who live amongst the sort of the infidel. The p-the-yeah, the plebs. The plebs is what we call them, because we're all rich in this island nation.

Yeah, we're doing so well from selling all those things to people without thumbs. Ha-ha-ha-ha. I mean, the UAE, they've got the oil reserves. But we've got these ideas. We're like Singapore, right? We're a country that has no natural resources. We so we have to make our money off of our own creativity.

Yes. By creating artificial boundaries for ourselves. Like the ocean has created for Singapore. Exactly. And, yes, that's right, the ocean has created for Singapore. Exactly. And yes, that's right, the ocean. And then maybe on that island, we create loads of other barriers for themselves because that's how you stimulate creativity.

This is only the beginning, this thumb situation. Eventually. The thumb, not mayor, we've made for ourselves. You know maybe they could say, well, not both legs are the same kind of leg, they're not really legs. I say we've made for ourselves. You know maybe they could say well not both legs are the same kind of leg They're not really legs. I say we put on the leg The other one is all shin like that's they they prove that somehow

They go actually People thought the shins were done the but or they go what their left side should be for shins And the right side should be for thighs and then they surgically remove the thigh. I put it on the on the other side and then they took the take the the shin like that for purity. It is crazy that you've got this sort of jumble of thighs and shins on each leg and knees they just go where your elbows are. Right. They next to them. You got a line up. Get all your bendy guys all together. You know what I mean? That way. And then those boundaries will create new industries.

So many new industries. These ideas, Alistair, are also good. They're going to go into our show that we're doing for the comedy festival next year called Magma. Everyone get very excited or I don't know, maintain your state of whatever you're thinking about that. the island of magma yeah that may be the only bird could be hawks great how do you say hawk hawk see so we this is what I thought about in the showy other day I don't think it's very good but yeah so I say hawk and then you say hawk like that and you go, no, no, no, Hulk. Like the Hulk. And then you go, no, your sounds to Hulk. Like a Hulk. It sounds like an upset British football crowd.

H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. Mine goes, Hulk. H-h-h-h. Like that when they're happy, when there's been a goal. H-h-h-h. H-h-h. H-h-h-h. H-h-h.

Okay. Yeah. I don't know. I think we'll let the listeners to twit in and tell us about that one. Thumb caliphate. Yeah, I mean, we're just re-writing down the three words again there, but the separate thumbs, if the dolphin was integral to that sketch, but I'll have the drags you down to the bottom of the ocean so you can watch yourself drown. Yeah, but then they also do. They're gonna need to put goggles on you, because it's very difficult to see underwater

when you're like, if you don't have goggles on, you're gonna have your eyes open. I imagine this is one of those, this is quite a silty sea bottle. Oh no, it's beautiful. Beautiful crystal clear. Crystal clear golden sand. Even so, I think you find that when your eyes are open. Oh, it's beautiful. You're all crystal clear? Crystal clear, golden sand. Even so, I think you find it when your eyes are open. Oh, it's still a bit blurry. Still a bit blurry,

so you won't be able to see the detail of yourself, Drill. I know, but the mirror will be real close. Real close, okay, great. That's nice. They can hold your head down to it. They can't pop some goggles on you. Well, I never would, but like with you, they need prescription goggles.

That's true, right? And so then that's not gonna help anywhere Yeah, you're not still gonna be able to see and they're not gonna hold a set of goggles in every prescription I thought you just had a big orb like a like a fish bowl that's sealed just above my nose Yeah Right and then I could at wear my glasses Inside the fish bowl and still watch myself down. Maybe they could give you one of those old timey diving developments, but then I'd be able to breathe in there.

I wouldn't be attached to oxygen. Oh, so I'd only have a couple more minutes probably. Yeah, but as you finished off the air. But then I'm not really drowning, Emma. I am suffocating. I'm watching myself suffocating. Oh, no, but that goes against what the whole point of this was. Why?

It's supposed to watch yourself drown in the mirror. Oh yeah. Yeah, I think it's probably gonna get foggy as you kind of... It'd fog up and I'd have to be cleaning it with a little... A little towel. But if you can get your hand in the helmet, then you probably get your hand up there, and water could probably get in.

Oh. No, maybe you saw the suit. I could reach up sort of past my neck. Oh, no, no, no, you don't wear the rest of the suit. I got to wear the rest of the suit. Just the helmet. Oh, OK. You're right.

Yeah, water would get in there. And how did they seal that around under my neck? Oh, just a rubber. Just a string. Rubber of string in a rubber and like a type pair of board shorts. Exactly. Yeah. Anyway, we've got to the bottom of that literally.

And when we were down there, we watched ourselves drown. And you want to take us through the sketches we've come up with today, Alistair. We got nude hospital. No, it's not. I'm so excited about nude hospital. I think it's going to solve a lot of problems that we did in the last week.

You know, and even if people weren't always on the move in the nude hospital, I still think you're saving loads of time. And finding things that would have ordinarily gone undiagnosed. And everything's glass. Because this is the problem that when you go into a doctor's office, you kind of got to direct them towards something that might be a problem. You're not always being observed. You know what I mean? Yes.

Whereas in the nude hospital, there's just people walking by, there's jobs that just check you out, point things out, whatever, find your flaws. Mm-hmm. Suggest. Point them out to you. I think everything's gotta be glass as well.

I think all the seats and stuff, we've gotta be glass. If you're not walking all the time, and you're sometimes sitting down, you're sitting down on a glass. Lots of wet wipes available for everybody. Sure, everything's getting wiped down. Why there's orderlies.

Nude orderlies. Mm-hmm. You're about to see all their chest tattoos. Then we got AuraFus odor treatment. This is just something that goes inside all your offices. I think I thought that it was maybe going to be a little, sort of like a wedding ring or something like that, but the size, you know, size,

yeah, size for your orifice and it kind of helps change the odor as whatever comes out with your gases or fluids. I think it's fantastic. I think it's just going to make going, going, at the moment, when you go to a public toilet or a sewage treatment plant or a sewage treatment plant, but specifically a public toilet because that's what I was trying to say for the point of my sentence. Or a sewage treatment plant. Okay, I was just going to say it. Yeah, sure, but that doesn't really help me with getting my point across because I'm

talking about a public toilet. But again, it doesn't help me getting my point out. Are you getting a point out? Well, I will. It's just like I'm getting a point out and you're sort of somehow like a strangler fig wrapping your point around my point and letting it die. How you getting a point out? Well, I will. Just like I'm getting a point out, and you're sort of somehow like a strangler fig, wrapping your point around my point and letting it die. No, no, I'm putting my point in between the spaces between your point.

Making efficient use of point space. Let's just think about a point. There's no spaces between a point. It's point. One of the between two points. No, two points. Sure, if I was making two points, but I'd only be making one point, which I forgot. I'm sliding it between your beats. You're right. We thought a point could not be broken,

but actually a point is made up of beats. And that is my point. Anyway, so if you went to it, now if you go to a, like a usually a sewer treatment plant going there was an unpleasant experience, sort of standing above the effluent kind of pouring from a big pipe into a sort of a big open area where it gets treated or whatever. But now it's like pop-pourri. No, absolutely. You might even scoop up a little bottle of perfume into there and just screw it on, bring it home to your beloved. You know, at the moment, it feels like barely six months goes by before we hear

some awful story about some workers at a surge plant who fell into a vat and were overcome with fumes. Yeah. Well, here, they're going to fall into a vat and if anything bad happens, if anything, they're going to come out feeling refreshing and infigorated. Or at least be overcome with a delightful smell when the fumes take them out. Well, they still die. Oh, I don't know if we're removing the poisonousness of a effluent. Sure.

We're not gods. We're not. If anything is going to be a problem because it's going to smell so good, you're probably going to close to a lot of that poison. Wanting to drink it. Wanting to drink the poison. Wanting to make you and that poison. Wanted to drink it. Wanting to drink the poison. Wanted to make you in the poison one. Yeah. Anyway, it ways to be more supportive during birth.

This is a class where we're trying to teach man how to be more supportive during birth. Yeah. Oh, it's a revolutionary surgery. Could be somebody announcing a thing. Oh yeah, they're going through me, going through you. It's a breakthrough in couples intimacy.

Yeah, inequality. It's a breakthrough. We've made a breakthrough where the man can also feel pain during birth. Where the man can literally be broken through. Yeah. And down. And down.

And they are there stretched above the woman, like they're on a rack. Yeah. And down. And they are stretched above the woman like they're on a rack. Yeah. A drawing right. Or like a hammock. Or a drawing right. And I think it'd be also fun for doctors for whom, sort of, see sections and different things like that have become, sort of, almost to, you know, boring. And also, this is great for couples that are poly because you can just keep stacking the partners up.

There's five people in their relationship, that baby can go through all of them. And the doctor can start working with sort of longer and longer sticks that they can, you know, reach through things. It's like a fondue. Yeah. Like a fondue. You know one of those like, one of those kind of like lattice, you know like you would see the lattice but with like a kind of extends and then a boxing glove on the end. Oh I know I see that all the time.

Like one of those but with a pincher at the end. Yeah to grab the head of the baby. Or the foot. Or the foot. Oh, I know. I see that all the time. Like one of those, but, but with a pincher at the end. Yeah, to grab the head of the baby. Or the, feel foot, or the foot. Yeah. Yeah. Matt's brother. Yeah. God, imagine if you've got to pull a breach baby or five poly. There was a poly relationship. Anyway, good on them. Oh, we got guy representing himself in court and operating on himself and cutting his own hair It's the perfect sketch it makes perfect sense

The beats are all there It's very achievable. Oh see I like it a lot and this is the kind of things if I was doing a sketch show alone I guess I would It's what the kind of stuff I'd go for. Yeah, well, do you think that's likely to happen? Depends if anybody... He never... Depends if anybody who listens is a TV producer,

who for some reason hates you. I don't know, he's a bit too much of a know-it-all for me, like that. And then they're like, but that owl I could really work with him alone. Like that, you know. I'm fine, you can't have my birth sketch. No. I mean, there's a chance I came up with some of that. No, the one where I'm lying under my wall with my genitals exposed.

And the baby sees the missing girl. It doesn't know which one. Which way? Sort of from from from birth, you're impeding the baby's ability to understand how the reproductive system works. Oh, confuse it. Yeah. You'll learn from me mate, from my math. Not from your own eyes.

Then we got Bongs for tobacco. I've got, you know, Bongs and all perponelea. Perponelea. And then we got the thumb caliphate, which is, it's gotta be. Just a classic sketch. A classic sketch for the thumb and the fingers don't work together. I think that's a magma idea. We'll put that in a manner. Yeah, we can show people that on stage. We can

create the model. That's good. Alright, because our characters were angry about people who said that thumbs were fingers. Yeah, we didn't like that at all. And we're proving them wrong, I guess. Right, wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I guess we'll prove them really wrong. Wrong. Everything you said is dead set wrong. Wrong. I'm the only person who's not wrong because I am right and I am right and I am right on baby. She wrong. She. Thanks so much for listening to the podcast. I do realize. I think it was a good one. Yeah, I think so too.

I think I realized that what constitutes a sketch for us has definitely changed over time. It's an idea we enjoy. Yeah, but also, so many of these could be turned. Nobody has to stand shut up. No, sorry. What are we gonna say?

I'm just gonna say that the one about the dog landing the plane We were said that couldn't be done as a sketch You're right, and then we did it as a sketch and it was very successful. It was a very successful sketch that dog pilot man dog pilot sketch right, so There you go. There you go. You're right. Thanks to Harry's for supporting the podcast. Thanks to God Todd for the words. You can support us on patreon.com slash to intank.

You want to do that. Review us on iTunes. We love that. And we love that so much. And listen to some of the other Planet Broadcasting podcasts. You know why not listen to Millennial Divide? Yeah. You know? I'd love to listen to that.

Why not listen to... I hear good things. Why not listen to Make the Thing? Just make the thing with Clear Tonti. Fantastic podcast. I've listened to a lot of it and I love That's right. Why don't you listen to Dave Warnocky's new podcast Book Cheat? Yeah. He's just started one. Is it out? It's out now. Book Cheat is up. It's available. Get on board. He takes you through a book that you probably will

never get around to reading. And after you've listened to it, you can pretend you've read it. Exactly. We did it for Chekov's play the C-Gull. Yeah. It was great fun. It was really good. And find me on Twitter, I'm stupid old Andy. And I'm at Alistair T.B. And we're at Toulintank. And we have Patreon and iTunes reviews, if you don't mind.

We love them. They make us feel really, really good about't mind that we love them. They make us feel really really good about ourselves and We love you This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting comm for more podcasts from our great mites Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free

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