Two In The Think Tank - 155 - "ALTERNATIVE MEDECINS SANS FRONTIERS" with MATT STEWART

Episode Date: October 30, 2018

All our thanks to the glorious Matt Stewart for joining us on this ep. Follow @mattstew_art and check out his red hot pods Prime Mates and Do Go On.Flattery Pack, Complimentary Medicine, Macgyver QC, Sherlock of Fabrication, AMSF, Skin Shield, Build A Bomb Workshop, Aunty NuclearTITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag.And you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereThe maximun daily intake of thanks to George Matthews for producing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. My granny gave me a bucket of fish and she said, can you take this bucket of fish to you and call me once some fish and give him one of this bucket of fish and she said can you take this? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey to tune the thing tank. The podcast where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy Matthews. And I'm Alice to George William, Trombley, virtual. If you've got it flaunted, Alice Deer.

And joining us in the think is Matthew James James Paul if you can't Paul and she take it of confirmation. I do count that. Yeah, Stuart Stuart I said I like you would. Thank you. You were that's I have a few noticing talks a bit funny than everyone else I consider mimicry the greatest especially especially mocking mimicry, the greatest of compliments. Spure it. Spure it. It's not, I'm not really meant to be mocking.

I do find the Canadian accent to be a beautiful accent. Is mimicry, is imitation still the greatest form of flattery? And you're doing it in a voice like this. I reckon the greatest form of flattery. And you do it in a voice like this. I reckon the greatest form of flattery is saying nice things. Mmm. You know what? That makes me think of an idea that we came off off-pod. Yes.

About ladies or gentlemen, in your area who give you compliments. This is, see, this is, I'm not interested in the hotness of the singles in my area, Facebook ads or gumtree or... I don't care about the hotness of my Facebook ads. Yeah. But I do care about singles in my area. They don't even have to be singles.

They just have to be people in my area who are willing to give me compliments. Hmm, online, even if they're just pretending. Yeah, yeah. And like you were saying that it's better if they know a bit about your life. Well, it makes it seem like it's not just generic. Yeah, I reckon anyone can just get generic compliments.

There's probably a bot that can do that. Well, I think you can just say you are good. Yeah. Yeah, you have value. Yeah, you have value and are good actually This is kind of working for me. Yeah, but I know you're not even you're not even looking at me when you're saying it That's working. You have a good soul and you will be rewarded in the afterlife but

Remembered fondly on earth and people will do things in your honor like recreate your work. This is, I'm gonna set all of that as my alarm every morning. I'm gonna wake up feeling on top of the world. I think, yeah, because I reckon there's, you know, there's a market out there for sort of general affirmations, right? But I don't think any of them go into that domain of like just outright direct

flattery. Like we're really talking about you like you're basically a world leader and a good world leader, which there are precious few of these days. Good ones. Yeah. Just angular Merkel. And probably just angular Merkel. Angular Merkel. Yeah. Wait, so what am I writing down? angular Merkel. Angular Merkel. Yeah. Wait, so what am I writing down? Thought? Well, I think there's.

Complementers in your area. Yeah, but I think also you struck up on something with your delivery there, Alistair, because you were kind of just doing the generic compliments. Yeah. Which I found quite good. So I feel like even just like a robot that could do that, I would be on board.

And does that have to be a heart robot? It certainly helps. Yeah, all right. But what about like a vending machine in the street, but instead of being full of Coca-Cola and that sort of thing, you just go up and you put in your card, you tap your card, you put in a dollar if it's an old one. And it will just tell you, just give you a compliment. You just fill up on endorphins. Well, you know it would be good, is that if, let's say, one of these companies, it's like Coca-Cola,

and it could be Coca-Cola, because what's good about Coca-Cola in this circumstance is that it's everywhere. And that would allow them to spy on you at all times. And I think that's what that would be a benefit in this circumstance. And then you go to the Coke machine, and then you put the money in. Hang on, how are they spying on you at all times? Because they're everywhere. That's right.

Yeah, they're everywhere. They've got machines everywhere. They've probably got things inside cans, a Coke, listening devices, and probably some of those post-mix machines as well. Don't think about that, as well as the Coke machines, the canned coaks, and things like that. And then they also own a lot of water. Things and water bottles are everywhere now.

There's everywhere. And landfill. Gabbages. Anyway, so then they could listen to you. And then if you pay your money at the Coke machine, whatever, instead of getting a can of Coke, this is when they've changed business or gone into other things, you press into there, and then it goes to something

that happened during the day and it says, it was really nice of you to not look angrily at that poor person. Like that and it gives you a feel good conversation. And that's so personal. You know that you didn't look angrily at that poor person, as we all want to look angrily at poor people. And it could tell, right?

And so with the fact that you didn't angrily look at that poor person, it knew that that must have been a conscious effort for you and that they you know, there being no karma in the world. There was no way you were going to get rewarded for that unless you paid $2 to a sort of a big rectangular box at a train station that had been watching your every move. That's right. And it knew that you didn't want to feel guilty for,

you know, that you want to feel good about not putting in really at poor people, so it also didn't judge you. For wanting to feel good about it. Yeah. Yes. Which is nice. Right. So it's absolves you. It's the absolve, but the trunks. It's essentially, it's everywhere. So it's essentially a replacement for God. But that's great. I want, I want to find God. Well, Coca-Cola. Yeah. You're acting coke as the answer.

Well, they're getting there. Yeah, they're getting there. I don't like cola. Well, you don't have, that's the thing is that they do water now. They do, they've just recently bought into kombucha. Have you ever had any kombucha? I don'tucha. You just don't like the idea of it. Yeah, dear of a drink being alive Yeah, well most of it isn't I think yeah, well, it's the it's the bit that is that's worrying to me sure I know you scientists will tell me everything's alive

Everything is alive. No, you're right. There's bugs on your tongue right now. Stop being a baby. Every time you breathe, you breathe your bugs into your lungs. There are bugs on your tongue. They're like crawling around. We can all see them. I don't know. I get it.

You've been lying. I've been open-mouthed in some sort of pile of rotting meat. Yes. But that's my tongue is rotting dead meat. But that's one of the lesser things to worry about since everything that you think is not alive is also alive. Yes.

Because of like a herbie, the love, bog style spirit that inhabits all non... Is that what herbie is? Herbie is alive because he's got some sort of a spirit. Good gut bacteria. Oh, and lightning. You know, it's a freaky Friday scenario. It was lightning and gut bacteria, he's actually. So someone had just spewed up in here, some kombucha in Herbie, it got struck by lightning. And does that mean that so Herbie got the spirit

of the gut bacteria? Does that mean someone's gut bacteria has the spirit of the gut bacteria. Does that mean someone's gut bacteria has the spirit of a Volkswagen Baidon? 1960s Volkswagen. Yeah. What does that do for you in test time? It increases your reliability. Reliability?

Oh. Increases your gut bacteria's reliability. You can digest diesel. But it also means that your gut bacteria is then the direct result of decisions hitler-made to start companies. So you're complicit? You're not complicit. So with your gut bacteria, and since you kind of are all the organisms in your own body,

you're now complicit in the whole process. You're basically a Nazi. Yeah, yeah, man. I mean, statistically speaking, because there are a higher number of Nazi organisms than maybe, than there are, you know, conscious beings which make up you, you, you are, you're are statistically overrun with Nazis. But you would be maybe a really good candidate for the You go up there. Exactly. Hey, I, um, I got Nazi God bacteria. And then the, the machine will tell you that's okay. Yeah.

That's great. So you can, oh. Also, Yakult, which has got good bacteria. Oh, so that's more like the Allies. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Absolutely.

That's, yeah. If you, if you believe, you know, the history is what, it's been told to us at Australian schools. The way are the good guys. Yeah. If you believe, you know, the history is what it's been told to us at Australian schools, the way are the good guys. Yeah. Yeah, it is a bit suspect, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I'm interested in where are the good guys. Yeah. How convenient. Oh, how coincidental that we're always the good guy. How are you always the good guys? I think so always.

That's my education told me. I've learned some things since I went so and asked. But that's because you feared off the narrative. Yeah, I did. That's because you have the spirit of a Volkswagen inside. It was me, it was me all along, yeah. Wait, but then if we're not necessarily the good guys, that might mean that, yeah, so you're suggesting that you're a sharp job.

I'm sorry to go down this path. You know, the German word for good is gut or gut. Oh, no. I mean, that's interesting. That is. It has a spell. G-U-T. Really? Does this gut?

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. D-D-S, which is an acronym D-A-S. D-A-N-P-N-E-All-Stars. D-A-N-P-N-E-All-Stars. One of the A's gone. Is. That's.

Is. Yeah, that's is one of the other A was taken to the A's. Was that on this take? I think that was a different version of. I do do a different podcast that only failed by virtue of the fact that we hadn't switched on Matt's microphone. Yeah, I like how long it took us to realize. Well, me, I never did. Yeah. I like how long it took Andy to realize.

Yeah, I'm still realizing. Somehow I thought my headphones were only not projecting my voice into my ears. It was real. Like I was fiddling with the knob. You were. That whole time. Yeah, you should haveiddling with the knob. You were that whole time. Yeah, you should have been playing with the microphone levels, but instead fiddling with that knob, the whole time. Can't stop. Anyway, sorry to, I feel like you guys would normally have come up with three or four. I think, but I think that the machine, the complement machine, is a separate sketch to hot complementors in your area or people in

your you know that some sort of an app that will connect you with people in your area who will just sort of I don't know come to your comedy festival show or or I don't know donate to your Patreon? I have, we have a Patreon.com slash two in tank. Thank you so much everybody. You don't have to be more ordinary area to sign up. But when you do sign up, we consider you to be both of hot in our area.

But what I was gonna say was I was just thinking about that machine. Here's here's kind of where this could this the kind of Coca-Cola is everywhere. Complement and what did you call it? Absolventron. Absolventron kind of machine. Is that maybe it's been also created as a way of like fixing people's dealing with people's mental health. So then you can always just be made to feel good by obviously,

you know, this is based on a real misinterpretation of how mental health works. I don't think so. Every bit of mental health can be fixed with compliments, right? But imagine if we found out that it could, it's just we, some people just need stronger compliments. That's true. We probably haven't come up with a strong enough Exactly And that's a there's a fun idea there that that follows a what's that

escalation escalation, but what's the The drugs that we do with you know that The ones that are cataman we've built built up a you know antibiotics it's like antibiotics. That's why, it's interesting, that's why there's seems to be more mental health problems now than back in the day when people were just tougher, you know. That's what it is, we're complement super bugs.

Exactly, we're immune. We're immune to compliments at the moment. So now we need to come up with a super complement. Yeah. The search is on. Is that why I always deflect them? Yeah. Go ahead. Give me one right now. Um, uh, uh, you, uh, you know, your, your, your, and that, your beard is so. Give me one. Anything, anything. Oh, it could be about anything. Any, any positive part of me. Anything, anything at all. It could be about anything.

Anything, any positive part of me. No, see, this is the thing. My mind first went to the beard as well. And then I thought, I can't compliment Matt's beard. That's like complimenting the very surface, the outer layers, the tendrils, at the edges of Matt. Well, I'm going to go a little bit deeper.

The core of his being. Matt. The roots of your beard. The Matt, the roots of your beard. The skin at the base of your beard seems to be dandruffless. Thank you so much. But I've got to say yours more so. I didn't deflect that very well at all. I think I was what was happening.

Matt, you're so good at taking compliments. Thank you. I am, aren't I? Hey, you said you were gonna deflect these these but you're just taking all of them. This has worked out really well Now give me $50 I promise I'll give it back I promise I'll deflect you I'll push it away in the last minute. No, no come on It's like that really awful thing

that some of those street performers do where they like, they get a girl to kiss them on the cheek. They've ever seen this. Oh, and then they kiss them on the lips. And then as they go to kiss them, yeah, and then as they go to kiss them on the cheek, they turn their head so that the girl kisses them on the mouth.

What did I turn the head all the way around? So they make snaps and they kiss the back of the head of a now dead man as he falls to the ground. That is a great trick. And you gotta keep pushing the boundaries, including the torsion capabilities of the spinal cord. Have you seen that happen in the modern day? Modern day, I saw it happen in the last five years, really.

You consider that to be the modern day? I think we've come a long way since then, Alice. We've been in the modern day, so I'm about four days ago. Yeah, I can't think of the way the holly would go. I was just pretty opposed to that holly would go. Yeah, it was pretty the holly would go. Yeah, well, but the Hollywood guy. Well, that's but I don't I mean But we were only aware that mistreating people was wrong

Once we have a famous man had consequences And that is the point at which we all realized He's almost I don't think he's even seen consequences yet But people talk about him in podcasts now. That's true. That is true. That's some sort of consequence. Conquer. Conquer.

Hi. I was going to. Why can't any of us remember his name? I know what his name is. Harvey Weinstein. That's right. You said. I thought we just wouldn't say like,

I was trying to share some consequence. I thought we'd all forgotten his name Oh, I didn't see something you missed it was one of those scenarios man where I don't know that you're joking Well, I I didn't either. I was just talking. I really couldn't remember his name Do you ever you know because now because you're your sense of humor can be so subtle sometimes? You know, it's a subtle it's hard to even know. Yes, but then but sometimes do you ever use that to your advantage? Because you know, you could imagine that occasionally you say something that isn't a joke, but then people laugh I go yeah, that was a joke. I

Don't mention that's your whole comedy career, isn't it? Yeah, that was a joke Yeah, that was a joke and yeah, I try not to leave from sight, I tried not to be so shifty, but that was a joke. Yeah, when people laugh, I know I'm not just nod. Yeah, that's good. That's what was meant to happen. And everything else was set up. Yeah. I nod until the laugh stops and then I say another thing that may or may not be till proven

otherwise. So this is, I think, look, the idea that I had with this machine, right? So it's the Coca-Cola one. So it keeps giving you compliments. But that absolves you of feeling bad for whatever little guilty things that you felt, right? So it's like a D-shamer, right?

Right, I feel like this would have to be done then via ear phones. Right? That you put on when you get to the machine so that people in the vicinity at the train station don't over here because I feel like it might give away stuff that you then will feel more bad about. Sure. I mean, I think in my mind I was picturing you still get a can, you open it like a... Oh, I like that. Like, like, I want those fortune cookies and inside this little note.

What about you open it like a can, you put it to your lips and it shouts it into your mouth. Oh, that's good. And that reverberates through, I guess, this is a little bit of ASMR as well. Oh, that is nice. That's nice, a little tingle. Or you open it up and the sharp edge of the can,

you sort of twist it into your forehead. So it presses up right up and the sharp edge of the can, you sort of twist it into your forehead so it presses up right up against the bone and the skin kind of holds it in place and then it vibrates the bone. And that is connected, your skull is connected to where your ears are, so you will hear it still. And I think that'll be great because that will probably get through a lot of your initial defenses, by going straight to the scalp, vibrating the scalp.

And also the pain would hopefully help to dull some of your critical faculties, I think. I mean, there's only so much scalp that you can cut off with can though, right? Well, eventually, I think you don't have to cut it off. It'll just have a circle there and you can keep retwisting other cans into that same sort of Like it's a stabbingable to have a circle scap on you for it. Yeah, hey, can I I reckon maybe that's funny

Or maybe it's not but that idea that there's a committee a stand-up comedian who doesn't know what's funny I know their whole act is just talking and maybe it's they kind of sketch where they're you know They're talking and they're doing a talking head and then we're seeing them on stage just talking until some people start laughing. And then they accept that applause. Can that be a look? Are you doing it? Are you doing it only so if I sketches these days? No, no, no, no. But look, it might sound like that. But no, we're very open to your mundane, real world, whatever it is, tedium, humdrum sort of.

Well, that was your idea, I'm just repeating it back to you. Yeah, no, it's great. It was my analysis of you. Yeah. I loved it. But I hate to take it into a science thing, but it is almost an evolutionary or a scientific approach to comedy of just putting out there,

just random things and seeing what survives. And then, Well, I mean, the guy, it's just a guy who's taken a very different route to making a stand-up hour. So he's not a funny guy. But what he's done is he's just, he's just put on like a 36 hour show.

Yeah. And he just has a, you know, he's got, he's got people working for him that are bringing in fresh audiences every three hours. Yeah. So three hours. Wow. I mean, that's still.

And then he just talks. Right. It's filming the whole thing. It's 36 hours of footage. Right. And, and then every now and then when something ends in a, in a, in a In a laugh he goes Put that in the edit

Well, first he nods first he nods and like it he meant it He's got a guy or he could you know or he goes like this he goes like that and he clapped It's an edit point like that out. Yeah, Yeah. And then they just build an hour based off of this 36 hour show. I think it might have to be longer than 36 hours. I mean, it's just talking at random to like audiences who are constantly shifting through. I know, but like, that's, let's see, there's 36 hours.

That's what hang on. Oh my god. How many? I'm trying to think, hey? 12 sets of audiences. That's, no wait, 36 hours and there's 60 minutes, which means he would have, I don't know what I'm doing. 36 times?

Like yeah, it's only like one minute per, no it's not one minute, but it's like, it's like one and a half minutes, one minute 20 per hour that needs to be funny. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds doable. It sounds achievable, right? You could flink a minute 20 of being funny every hour.

Maybe it's a crowd when you're trying. When it really counts sort of, not really. Yeah, surely. You did say that this guy is just totally unfunny, though. He is completely unfunny. He's gonna need somebody who makes these decisions. I mean, there's this way, but then there's also the option to just, you know, there's only a certain but then there's also the option to just, you know,

there's only a certain number of words in the English language. There's only a certain number of combinations of those words. I mean, it's a high number, but it's certain. And then you just, you know, you just work your way through them until something hits. Well, now if you know nothing about comedy and I'm prepared to, I'm, and I kind of feel close to that every time I get on stage. Right.

Where would you start with, if you were gonna just try and talk to be a bet you'd die, right? That'd be the first. Yeah, you think you'd die? I think that's a great anchor point. It's very reliable, it's very real. Yeah, and so where would you actually start?

Breakfast? Breakfast, yeah. Yeah, and so where would you actually start? Breakfast breakfast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think this is the thing you always think of the diet starting it is Yeah, this is not bad at all. Yeah. Bad shower. I had my breakfast today at like 1 p.m. That's a lot of day before that you get bircher from New Cafe. Yeah, I love bircher. Yeah. I thought you said you're trying to quit that I didn't know I lied to you there But oh my god, I had I don't I bring you on my podcast. Sorry essentially my home. I just wanted it I wanted you else. I thought I thought I'd give you the answer

You want it no, I had I had a bowl of uncooked porridge basically Mmm, oh it's with milk. Oh, I know it understand why you waited so long this morning I think it would I also had it in the morning. I'm I know, I understand why you waited so long this morning. I think it would be. I also had it in the morning. I'm telling you, wow. You saw it from last week. I think it would be great if.

But it was so good, I thought I could. It was a really good thought. I lifted it from last week and then planned it into my day today. But you wait till the last match. You saw it through me. You could tell. I could tell you weren't being. I thought you were follow up questions and I crumbled under the, under the, um, what do the things

people lawyers do? Yeah. In interrogation. Yeah. Passing the bar. Uh, having breakfast? Oh, man. Yeah. Okay. Um, in the courtroom, to the, to the, uh, to witness. Yeah. Cross examination. I don't know why, but I love the idea to the witness. Yeah, cross examination. I don't know why, but I love the idea of a lawyer defending a case whilst eating a bowl of cereal standing up. And so this is no big thing to me. I'm just, I'm gonna prove your guilty before I haven't finished this bowl of cheerios. But what is?

Didn't you say they were defending your witness? But, man, man, he's gonna prove him guilty before he's finished the bowl of... I may have misheard one or both of you. Yeah, no. I meant the thing that was correct in the context. Yeah, I mean, but he could, he can defend and prove that the witness is guilty. A defendant is now proving that the witness is guilty? A defendant is now proving that the witness is guilty, not even a lawyer.

Jesus Christ. I mean, I guess. Yeah. How good is that though? You are not even a lawyer. You're the defendant, right? You're on trial here for a crime. You prove that a witness, you, the defendant, right? You're on trial here for a crime. You prove that our witness, you, the defendant. Have enough evidence on you, on your person,

to convincingly end the trial. And it's a surprise witness. You didn't even know they were coming in. You're like the MagGyver of lawyers but untrained and untrial for a murder. Could be that some mess I'm out doing that Perry Mason style trick. He normally would like he slammed down a briefcase and the defendant said then they couldn't move their neck and they but instead you do it by throwing a bowl of cereal at the moment. Did he slam it down on their neck? I didn't question it at the time but surely the fact that

a loud noise happened and they instinctively turned their neck doesn't prove that they don't have a a crook neck. Is that really proof anything? I mean Andy have you seen this episode I'm talking about a bit show from before we were born? I didn't know I thought you were talking with Tyler Perry that go mixed in. Yeah he was dressed up as his grand mar or something. Yeah Tyler Perry Mason. Is this sort of like Matt Locke. Yeah, maybe.

I don't even know if it's a real thing. I'm remembered wrong or what? Perry Mason, it sounds very much like a thing. It sounds like a thing that reference we would have seen in the Simpsons. Yeah, that's probably what I've seen in the Simpsons version. Is it like a Southern lawyer of some sort? Yeah, I think it's just a real straight life, but just very good at his job. Does he have a southern accent?

He could do. No, but does he? I don't think so, but I also have- You don't have to support me. I can't help but support you. You've done so much for me. I can't help but support you. You've done so much for me. Matt, now, is there a guy who's, it's like a Maghiver, but he's really good at getting himself? He's like a verbal Maghiver. He's like a verbal Maghiver, but also a physical evidence Maghiver and circumstantial evidence Maghiver. So he can make physical and circumstantial evidence from things that he has available to him. He can use things that are available to him to become evidence. Like like you can make them evidence, but not

fabricating. No, no, no. Is he fabricating evidence? Is he slipping the bag of drugs into the pocket of the witness? But only if they're guilty. I don't falsify evidence unless it's to get the bad guys in jail. This is good. This is like Dexter, right? Yeah. Who was a psychopath killer, but only killed bad guys. What if you're an evidence fabricator, right?

That's your skill, right? And, but you resolve to only fabricate evidence against the guilty. And so you work with your defender, your, your, your, your, what's, what's his brother's a lawyer who defends people? Right? And then his brother tells them when the people are guilty. And then he goes, okay, I want you to fabricate some evidence to make me lose the case. No, there's no sense. Watch out, he's rather be a prosecutor. Oh, he's probably...

I never did. His job is also to make the person guilty. Yeah, it feels like then he could be, he could misuse that. What about the Sherlock Holmes of fabricating evidence? And whenever the police are investigating a crime, but as it stands, Sherlock Holmes is a consulting detective and when the police are baffled, they come to Sherlock Holmes

and he finds the evidence and proves what happened. Now, this is the Sherlock Holmes of fabricating evidence, the police come to him only when they're frustrated by the limits of the limitations of the legal system. And I look I'm gonna write that down. Just to stop me talking. I understand L.A.S.D. No, Sherlock Holmes of fabricating evidence. I think you explained it well. Thanks. I don't know what role Watson plays in this. Watson is presumably someone who's a bit more well-meaning and believes in the innocent and prudent guilty and the structure of the thing. But every time, Sherlock Holmes is able to fabricate such good evidence that he's

always convinced that they're guilty. Right. Yeah. Well, I really liked that. I think what, with the other idea, which I'm going to still consider is just a separate idea. Yes. And I know this is getting weirder, but he doesn't fabricate the evidence, but he just,

with, he does not fabricate it, he just uses evidence that's on his person receipts used issues but also he could go well your honor and while my my lawyer is eating a bowl of cereal may I may I say a few things the witness is guilty and you can tell because I can prove the existence of string like that and then through that somehow that would explain. Well, there is the butterfly effect. We do know that everything is connected and this is getting a little bit into dirt gently territory. So we have to steer it away from that.

But I think that's doable. But you know, you can, if you have enough information about the universe, you can look at one object and then deduce the behavior of some other object on the far side of the known universe, right? So presumably from the contents of this guy's pockets, he's able to deduce what took place on the evening of the 28th in the year. So a jerk gently is about. Sort of.

He's a he's a he's a holistic detective. So he's about the fundamental interconnectedness of all things. Yeah, right. What's holistic? That's like not quite medicine, right? It's the fundamental interconnectedness of all. Oh, sorry. Now, holistic medicine is like, yeah, treating the whole body, whole is stick, even though

the whole is spelt differently. Yeah, right. But it's like, it's alternative spelling. Yeah. You know, not only your medicine is alternative, they don't even use the W. Hmm. Instead of calling it alternative medicine, which I think the word alternative does put people off a little bit

They should just spell medicine differently. It's like two days or something like that. Yeah medicine Yeah, like the French do. Yeah, yeah, medsay They should just call it alternative medsay Alternative medicine song fauntier right And it's people who go into war zones. No, yeah, yeah, I was I was visualizing it of what it would be. And they use match, you know, a Roman therapy and So, what's that weird? This season prepare for every season with the Allbirds Missile Collection. These shoes were made for adventures in rain, shine, mist, or snow. Go to Allbirds.com and use code Fresh Socks for a free pair of socks with purchase. Accu-pressure?

Well something like that to treat victims of war. And whilst it's not just alt medicine, it's also alt sun fruit frontier. So they also are just doctors sometimes with borders. You know, I like it. Yeah, that sounds like a, I'd have to it, I won't do it. Yeah, we're sort of old. That sounds like a, I'd have to get a visa to go there. Yeah, we're sort of alt sons borders. So we're also, I mean, we're just a GP.

Yeah, I'm just a doc, yeah. I like to keep it within state lines, to be honest. I don't really like living in my house. This doctor does do house calls, his own house. That's usually engaged. Sorry, that's when you call your own house. You know, the phone's engaged. If the call is coming from inside the house, it would be engaged.

Jack and a lot of you listeners. Remember. Landlines? You don't remember. You're talking of the mod generations. You're talking to the youths. A lot of our listeners are 15 and under. You got to explain to them. The dial tone is coming. The busy tone is coming from inside the house.

It's coming from inside the house. It's maybe my favorite joke. Yeah. I think it's right up there with my favorite kind of joke. And so do you have any? What you want your favorite kind of joke? Also when you say it's up there, you mean it's just in the realm,

not of a specific kind of joke. Yeah, no, just anything with it, you can use, you can jump in with. It's coming from inside the house. No matter what that is, that's my favorite. Yeah. Like a, like so what would be like an example? Like a dog that runs out at door or so?

Yeah, or like, or a draft. Yeah. The draft is coming from inside the house. That's funny. Now that is interesting though, because normally drafts do come from outside. So what are we talking here? If you've got some very cold room in your house.

Yeah, there's a cold room. I've got a cold room. Ah, great. Well, there you go. A fridge. Yeah, it makes, I keep my mate. But then that would be a low pressure system, right? Because it's more cold.

Um, no. Not necessarily? Not necessarily, because cold air is denser. Right. So it's a high pressure system. Could be. I don't think there's a direct correlation necessarily between hot and high and low and cold or whatever.

Yeah, I'm not sure either. Yeah, right. I wish I knew. But if you're in a cool room, there's probably a fan on that's blowing air in, which would make high pressure, which means that's why they got to put that nice seal on there. I think whenever there's a draft, air is going in both directions. Oh, there's always got to be, or else pressure just keeps going up until it pops.

Yeah. There'd be some sort of heat transfer. So the hot air would be banged on into the cool room So the hot air would be being drawn into the cool room and the cold air would be getting out, right? I don't know. I finally, we had someone on the podcast who was an expert and moving the hot and cold air conditioning. That was a past life, guys.

It was a long time ago, man. I've done, I put my air conditioning gloves down years ago. Matt, did you ever have to install an air conditioning gloves down years ago. Matt, did you ever have to install an air conditioning under the, or you know, or design an air conditioning system or whatever? Or size an air conditioner where you needed to have the room under positive or negative pressure? Like in a medical scenario. Yeah.

I don't, I don't think I ever had to go that hardcore. I would have had to get in like an engineer like yourself to worry about such things. Don't try and bring us into this man. Don't bring our past into this man. I think your witness is trying to prove you guilty. I'm just a witness here buddy. I know you because didn't you when you had to do old people's homes or something about was that pretty, really it and heat instead of something about, was that, was that, radiating heat instead of something about? So, what was the thing you had to do? Because of the wrinkles, the wrinkles, yeah.

They're like, you can't use, you can't use like a regular air conditioner system for an old folks home, because they got wrinkles, which means they got more surface area from which the water can evaporate off them, which means they get colder easier. With that dirt.

Old people are assing. Old people are out as well. Old people are essentially a heat sink, right? If you want to put your CPU somewhere, put it in the oldest person you can. Like, where would you put it like in between their butt cheeks or something like that? If it's an old man right inside the ball bag, that's the coldest part of the coolest person. Right, because that's already pretty wrinkly on a like an ordinary youthful person. That's the coldest part of the coolest person. Right, because that's already pretty wrinkly on a ordinary youthful person.

That's right. And the older you are, I think the lower it dangles. The lower it dangles. It means that it's allowing colderness. Wait, I'm pretty sure, like, I'm no ball expert, but I'm pretty sure the cold person, why are you talking about this? I think that's the reverse of what happens. The balls go lower when they're warmer and they shrink up and go up. But they go lower in order to cool down, right, to be further away from the body. They descend to. So they're all right. But when they are

cold, they go up to get to the warmth. Yeah. But I still think that if you had a CPU and you were putting it in a ball bag, you would want it to be in a dangly ball bag. A dangly old man ball bag. A dangly old man's ball bag who's in a poorly air conditioned old folks home. Yeah, or inappropriately. Or a well air conditioned old folks.

Sure, or too well. But not so well that the ball bag retracts, recedes into it sort of like more like, what would you say it's more coat-like or what's that face? I like. You know, like it kind of gets thicker like one of those plush jackets, you know, and kind of, it's like a thicker ring, you know, like the skin thickens.

I know exactly what you mean, but I don't have the words to describe it. It kind of feels so inadequate. It gets more labial like. Hmm, labial. Labial. Because it's spread, it's not, it spreads when it's big and... It spreads when it's big and so when it shrinks, it gets thicker.

So the skin gets denser. Yeah, skin gets denser to protect from, I guess, the cold. Yeah, but also by very nature of the fact that it has to retreat, all that skin has to go somewhere. So it packs in more tightly. Yeah, packs in more tightly. And it's the same area. Yeah.

This, I mean. So the penis gets thicker and bigger using blood, but the ball bag gets thicker and harder using skin. It just fills its skin up with more skin. But the tick doesn't do that. It stretches its skin out, yet anyway. But see, people are talking about bio-computing, right? Yeah.

Incorporating biological things. Normally normally they're talking about like encoding information in DNA and that sort of thing and building like a neuron style, you know, brain computing process. Neuronberg. Neuronberg. Yes. Exactly. The neuronberg trials. Sorry. You were explaining something really complicated and then I really just Yeah, putting your on But I reckon while we're doing all of this stuff I reckon we also get the ball bag technology And just right we harness the power of the ball bag to put the CPU in and there's when it when and when when we build our organic computing the CPU in and there's when it when when when when we build our organic computing brain yeah that's going to be there sitting in a jar the tower the tower

underneath the tower dangling in a little ball bag there will be the CPU yeah or if you're just attaching an extra brain to the human which will be your computer tower and inverted comments yes I think it just needs to go in the bag. It's gonna go in the bag. Go in the bag, let it dangle, let it stay cool so that you could overclock it. That keeps it cooler, you get in a bigger bag. Get a bigger bag put in.

Everybody's gonna have to have a bag. That's fine. That is fine. Now whatever talks about the bag. But. Do you think I'd be dumber than all your listeners? I mean, that's a hard call, no, no, no, no, I don't think it's that hard to I don't want to see. I was just wondering, I'll ask for them, yeah, and maybe for me, I'm not saying

that necessarily. What's CPU? Central processing unit. And I think that probably I've... Yeah, well, I just knew someone out there was wondering that. I made him stay in here, for sure. I was trying to talk about the brain of the computer and the CPU of the computer as being separate, but of course they're going to wonder being the same thing. That's right. It's just, look, it's the part in the computer that you have to put, it does a lot of the processing.

Right. It's mostly, it's sort of the center for processing. Right, yeah. It's kind of a unit that centrally processes. And then, but then you, but it gets very hot. It's filled with lots of little transistors and things like, it's very hot. And so they have to have it, it's on fan on it, like that. And so that's why I was talking about, and the also put a heat sink on it as well as a fan. Heat sink is that was metal things like that,

the multi-pronged things so that there's lots of air can pass through it and take away heat. Like an old person skin. Like an old person skin, yeah. And so that's how we got to this. That's where the company came from. Yeah, yeah, so that's why when I said heat sink, I know that you weren't, I mean,

oh yeah, who knew who to say that it was comedy? We're just talking about putting CPUs and people old men's ball It's not necessarily comedy felt funny Yeah, it's I mean where there's old people are funny Ball bags are funny. Yeah Computers are gaky and it's like comedy. Yeah Yeah, so you know, it's totally on a knee Get a knee injury doing a podcast. Yeah, not again. No Did it hit the spot between the knee cap and the knee front on a just oh just cap you hit the cap

It's there for protection. Yeah, yeah, I know I guess it did so it's like it's like it's like a guy out in battle. He's got this big shield and an arrow hits his shield protection Oh my shield My fucking shield Because his skin he's been holding a shield for so long with his skin has grown over the shield that's what happened Yeah, that's he placed it on an open wound Oh, like a tree It's healed over the shield

Wow It's almost the burden now. Yeah, it's kind of like Captain America, but without the ability to throw his shield He's just always on his own and the shield can feel pain Can feel pain of course. Yeah, and yeah, and he might be sort of, do you think that's something? He is a sketch, not in America, but the shield can feel pain.

Well, I mean, I'm writing it down. Could be the origin of Nays. You know, maybe we used to walk around with legs and two p pieces and someone thought, let's get a shield. I think the problem with superheroes is always that they're too powerful, right? And you always have to kind of come up with vulnerabilities for them. But I think the, like, this kind of universe in which every gift that you get given comes with its own

consequence. Like if you have this super cool magic shield, but it can feel pain or you can feel pain through it. That's a much more compelling Captain America, right? Because every time he throws it and smashes people in the head, he's going, ow, ow, ow. Yeah, yeah. And he's getting concussions and stuff. Yeah.

Do you think he gets the injuries that he inflicts on other people? That would make him a pretty useless warrior, but yeah, I know, but what a weakness. What a weakness. Sure. A terrible warrior, but what a great victim. Yeah, but also it would make him want to do good

with his shield. So he would throw his shield at people. Let's say to help them get like a cat out of a tree. Right, like that. And it's throwing it at people, Hill. Well, let's say the person stuck in the tree holding the cat. Holding the cat.

Yeah, to then. Right, still then. It scares them. They've got the just goes it goes to buy real close all right scares them but then it returns the cat to the person who they were trying he was trying to get it back for and then when that happens he gets a cat as well whatever his shield does it also happens to him to somebody else it also happens to him, to somebody else, it also happens to him.

So if the shield causes somebody to get their cat back, he gets a cat. He gets a cat. Like a new cat. This has got a really long way from the shield, can feel pain concept. Well, I'm just trying to think why the military would design a super soldier who could feel pain right through his shield because obviously they're trying to make super. Whereas I can totally see why the military would want to be able to superhero who can get free cats.

Well cats that come out of just nothingness like that that just appear they go oh this is how we I know I mean I know it's a really roundabout way of creating cats. Oh, get cats. For the military to be like, but it could be one of those accidents. Like when they, you know, they discovered, like, you know, the mold that could kill diseases. An antibiotic mold, right? Penicillin, right?

And so like that. And so, but then they threw the shield at somebody and accidentally saved a cat. And then it created a new cat. And they were, oh my god. I thought it creates cats. Well, this is a new way of generating life No cats. Well, the cat life they can do anything Whatever you can do to somebody else with your shield, it will happen to you What to say someone use it to as like an ice Cast they need some ice for their eski.

I want to keep their drinks cold. So they use that and they put water in it and then they put in their freezer. So what would happen to Captain America? So wait, they use his shield. And he also get some ice. They use his shield. He gets a disk of ice.

Yeah. Once it's, and they take that out, put in their eski, put their beers. Next, what keeps you beers cold? Well, there's a chance. What does Captain America get? He gets a, he gets keeps you beers cold. Well, there's a chance it's kept in America again. He gets a disc of us. Well, no, he might get cold drinks.

No, he might get cold drinks or just a cool refreshing feeling. Oh, wow, that's cool. Oh, he might get good times with friends. Yeah, like Coca-Cola. Yes. Yeah, just like them. Yeah, except, you know, not the, without the compliments.

Just like Coca-Cola. Yeah, except you know, not the, without the compliments. Just like Coca-Cola. Yeah. Yeah, or he could throw his shield. Let's say at like an orphanage. And if it goes through the window like that and then all the kids see it and then out the other window and then it flies around and back into his hands. He gets a feeling of wonderment? Oh, good work, in theory. But his shield while it's going through the orphanage, it signs some documents, because he has his pen to it. And his signature is a swirl.

He gets all the kids His no When he gets the kids because his shield son for them. Yeah, well, they belong to his shields but But because what happened to the kids was getting a parent yeah, he gets his parents a parent Exactly, so he gets a new parent, but he actually gets 54 parents. Wow. And so now he has an army of adults and an army of kids that you can use.

I can use. And cats. And cats. How great would it be if you could have just so many parents. And they're all just on your side and just like helping out. They believe in you. They will just believe in you. I mean some of them might not, but you can afford to alienate them or like come them

out of your life because you've got so many more parents. That's true. Yeah, you don't need that one anyway. And then maybe they'll have some sort of connection in business that they'll help you out with. Give your leg up. Yeah. Oh, it'd be like, it'd be like nothing of them.

You know what's that? What's that? It'd be like being a leg up. Yeah. It'd be like, it'd be like me. Nothing of them. You know what's that? What's that? It'd be like being a stone mason. His parents are basically like stone masons. They help you get jobs. They make you a part, they help you bring you in as a part of their community. Yep. Like that.

They really root for you. I think when you're a stone mason, they're other stone masons root for you. Yeah. They're the opposite of Perry masons who are always trying to bring you down. They're trickery. Stone masons are there, they're like, free masons, stone cutters. It's all in that same world.

Oh, was I saying stone masons? Oh, yeah, but it's all right. I meant free masons. I was hearing free masons, but you were definitely saying stone masons. That's because I was thinking stone cutters. I have seen, I was thinking stone cutters, which is from the Simpsons, which are the free masons, right? Yeah.

But what are stone masons in there? Because that's obviously what they used to get from free masons to stone cutters. Stone masons are stone cutters? Yeah, they're just people who work with stone. Yeah, I think free masons initially was probably made of trades people of some sort. So they were all, they all stone measons are people who just, yeah, like make walls and

I think that's a weird transformation. That's going to be one of the weirdest transformations of an industry. Just like a secret society that's happened. A whole lot of plumbers decided to start a religion. Yeah. Yeah. And then became the illuminati. Yeah. You just don't with the free

nations involved. The people think so. Yeah. And they're symbols, it's like a, what do you call those pyramid? Pins, Pins are kind of things. Yeah. I always thought it was like a circle pencil thing. Yeah. Compass. Compass. But it's not, it's a different thing. I can't remember the name of it. Damn it. Damn it. But like a pincer kind of a thing. We did, we did an episode of a podcast about conspiracy theories. What's your podcast?

Do go on and it was, it's on the same network. But we did a episode a little while back about conspiracy theories. And there was, yeah, the Freemasons are lumped in a lot with the, um, the Lizard people. Really? Or what did you call them? Illuminati. Illuminati, yeah. It's all wrapped up together.

That's cause that's what happens. Do the Freemasons have one of those triangles pyramids with the eye on it? Is that, did they do that? Yeah. Or is that the American dollar bill? That's the dollar bill. But where's that symbol come from? I think that might be something to do with the free

license. Ah, right. Yeah. Yeah. The triangle. And then you say that nestles into my brain and confirms that little... And creates a memory that makes me think I need this the whole time. Confirmed. But I mean, you guys work and you know, came from similar fields. Engineers, engineers, nice and multi-mines. I assume you guys are lizards. Now, look, Matt, sometimes I feel like we've been speaking over you a fair bit today. So would you just like to have two or three minutes just to do? No, just I think that's a good idea. I think, oh, no, I did. I want you to get to just start or three minutes just to talk? No, I think that's a good idea. I think, oh no, I did do. I want you to get to just start a sketch idea by yourself

without any help in a really kind of like off-putting kind of way. Not at all. So you just go, you just talk. You start now. And we just let you say whatever it is that you want to get out there because I'm sure you've got so many great ideas that I can't wait to get there. Yeah, be great. And then is it possible if I can go?

By all means. Yeah, we're almost done. All right, great. Now, I haven't got any thoughts. John, may I just start talking? Do you want the three words from a listener and then we can jump out and help you? Yeah, great. Okay, well, today's three words from our listener, it comes from Patreon supporter, Mr. Philip Colling. Thank you Philip. Philip Colling. We get a lot of Philip Colling action on Twitter recently. And it's all good quality. Thank you.

Thank you. I'm so sorry Philip that yeah, I'm kicking this off, but don't worry. Your boys will come in and help me out. Yeah, so Matt, here's the three words that you can base it off, but it doesn't have to be connected in any direct way. It can be, this makes you think about something else. Great. Alright, so the three words are jokes on you.

Exxon me. That was not jokes on me. Jokes. But you can be you. Jokes on. But Jokes on May. Me, we can be you. Yeah, we can be you.

Jokes on me. Okay, so it's maybe, okay, there's this, the central character in the sketch. He's very paranoid and he believes no matter what that everyone's playing a joke on him. Is he mussely? He's very mussely. Mussely and paranoid. Yeah, he's a paranoid mussely man. He sounds pretty scary actually.

Yeah, he is. And people don't want to, like every time he gets paranoid at him, they're like, no, not at all. But that only makes it work. That actually sounds like you're describing the mega bomber. Oh, yeah. Is that a funny sketch?

Is that a real thing? You know, the guy recently who sent all those bombs to Democrats. Yeah. It is kind of funny because none of them blew up. I'm not on blow. None of them. The pop bomb got on.

Anybody and they just then they just blew up. It was being called the mega bomber. Yeah, because he was like such a deep, a strong supporter. Mega and mega is a Trump thing. Mega America, great strong supporter. And mega. And mega's a Trump thing. Make America great again. Oh, maker. Maker bomber.

No, maker. Great. Again. Make it, Garrett. Make and America. America. I literally, I mean, you could shorten it in a couple of ways. I would have done maker.

Yeah, maker. Because he was making things. He was making bombs. Maker bomb. You know, and we focus on the fact that they were bombs, but at least he was using his hands, make up. Because he was making things. He was making bombs. Make a bomb. You know, and that we focus on the fact that they were bombs, but at least he was using his hands, you know? I mean, that's probably a lost skill. It's like an artisanal thing, you know?

I'd like to have to go to a fair, you know, where there's the people there and they're making like, well, they're tuning their own butter and that sort of thing. And then you see somebody who's actually making a bomb. You know, it's a lost art. It's got your factory. It's great. It's great.

Great America makes again. Great. America makes again. Trump said he'd bring manufacturing back to America. Here is this small business man. Making bombs. Making bombs and then sending them off to powerful people to sort of show them his work.

You know, Democrats saying, look, you've forgotten about the working class and manufacturing. Yeah, look what we can do here in America. Check out this ball I made by myself, using ingenuity. And they've taken it as a threat, and I think that is a indictment

on where the discourse is at these days. The fact that you can't receive a gift. I'm always excited when I get a package. And I try to be positive about it as well, you know, no matter what, even if it is ticking. Even if, it's clear that he wanted them to blow up or did he was he giving them to them?

Not exactly. To maybe use themselves and whatever way may be fishing. Or they could use their enemies. Yeah, or do you just blow up your enemies? Which may, if you're a fisherman, the fish. The fish is your enemy. The fish is your enemy.

People might think of it like that. This is the fish your enemy though, or are you working, because you kind of want the fish to work with you a little bit. So the way it's your colleague, you need it to work with you so that then you can kill it. So at first you need it, you want it to become your colleague.

The fish. The fish. Yeah, that, because it needs to work with you and bite, bite your hook. So go, go to play along a little bit. It's got to be your buddy for, it's a two to tango kind of situation. And then is that a colleague thing?

Yeah, you go, I want your colleague to work with you. That feels more like any other sort of crime where you end up killing someone, but the first bit is, you know, you just like, any major is done. Well, every murder is a collaboration. But only crimes where you need somebody to take bait first. Right.

Because sometimes you can just, like if you, if somebody, you know, let's say it's just walking on the street and you have two knives, like that, that you're holding and then you run at them and you're gonna just attack their back, like that, they didn't have to do really anything. I guess, but they had to be there. That's true, they didn't have to be there.

And they had to like not sort of just disappear. Yeah. So when you say they had to be there, like, do you mean like in a joke sense? Like you had to be there, like they had to be there in order to find it funny. Yeah. Because the joke was on them.

Yeah, that's good. How you, that was. So what was your sketch? That was it. No, no, no, but where were you going? You had the muscley guy who was paranoid. Yeah, paranoid. I think there's a sketch in this idea of somebody making bombs and sending them out to like try and get people interested in that sort of thing. I also think there's a sketch in like like try and get people interested in that sort of thing. I also think there's a sketch in like, it's like a Christmas or a birthday sort of a situation or a Chris Kringle or whatever,

and somebody gets, you know, they open their present and it's a bomb, right? But because of politeness, you know, maybe they're a kid or something like that, they've got to be, I guess weird if you're giving a bomb to a kid, but like that thing of, well, you have to be grateful, you have to be like, oh, thank you so much.

Even though it's clearly gonna explode and kill you. It's a bomb from your aunt. It's a bomb from your aunt. And then every time they come around, you've gotta get it out and put it on the mantelpiece. Like, I know, I love it, I promise. Yeah, yeah, we are. And she's like, one day.

How long has she said this bomb for? She said the timer in a long time. The bomb timer was affected by the Y2K bug. And so it's gonna go off. It's not gonna go off until 1901. Yeah, well it's not gonna go off until another hundred years, because I think it's thought that was, and but only also if you go back into

them to before 2000. And then, of course, like that family will, you know, the people who received it will die, but there it'll be going to their kids. And then by that time, it's an heirloom, right? This bomb that's going to go off and like, there'd be, you know, Tussle over who, you know, whether or not you get rid of it,

I mean, like, no, that's all we have to like, there'd be, you know, tussle over, you know, whether or not you get rid of it, you're like, no, that's all we have to remember, aren't, militant, could be crocheted in some way. You know, have a little cozy on it, little knitted cozy around it. That's really nice. Thanks. Should we go through this today's sketches?

Yeah, take us through them. All right, we got it. Matt, you're still good to stick around while we just read through the sketches we come up with, or do you need to go? Do you need to go desperately? I'm on last in the first bracket, but the show starts at six days.

So I gotta get pretty quickly. Okay, okay. Hot robots. I get a way too much of a mission there. Hot robots in your area are giving you compliments. Yeah. To give you compliments. So we've got humans are compliments, super bugs. We've become immune to compliments and that's why mental

mental illness is getting out of hand. Because people can't take a compliment anymore. They can't. Well, and they don't take a compliment because it has no effect on them. I want to end the scientists coming up with stronger and stronger compliments and ways to get that compliment into the body bypassing your natural defense mechanisms by vibrating it through your skull out of coke. That's right. It's a really good idea. Stand up.

It's a stand up who's talking and then just taking credit for when he gets a last accidentally. It might be, it's just a different way of a comedian doing recording an hour standup, but it's also a really different way for a person who's not a comedian at all to record an hour of standup. Everybody has an at least an hour in them. Yeah, I think you could sell this idea to Sean MacArthur. Sure, I can make you get him to apply this comedian.

He's on picturing. Yeah, but- How much are we selling it for? But like we're selling the idea, we go, we need somebody who's not funny to I don't know he's planning to carry a be a carrier like a sketch Yeah, I wasn't sure if you were insulting him there. No, he's got as the greatest of all time.

Okay. I'm just joking, sorry. We got, we might be able to, I don't know. Just to see how he has, how much he's going to buy for. I think he has very strict tastes about what he likes. Yeah. Tell him he can re-rot it to make it better or different or a new idea. But wouldn't you be worried that it wouldn't be really your idea anymore?

Not really, no, just want the money. Oh, you're getting a transaction for me. All right, then we got stand up. No, we got McGiver untrained lawyer, defendant who proves the witness guilty. Yeah. And then we got Sherlock Holmes. But he can do that in any situation. In any situation in which he's the defendant.

It's a court of law. It's a court of law. Then we got Sherlock Holmes of fabricating evidence. He just, he works with a prosecutor. He can frighten the police. He can frighten anyone. He can make anybody, he can make the perfect evidence to prove a person, his guilty, especially when they're not.

Yeah. Or when they are. Sometimes someone's guilty, but they don't have the right evidence. And that's why sometimes police have to do bad things. But you know he's guilty. You know he's guilty. Like he can feel it. Yeah. You're like 70% sure.

Then we got all medicines, mid say something for one day. We're all doctors without borders. But yeah. And there's two versions of that. Anyway, there's a- And then we've got also, alt, alt, right, medicine, soft, yeah. Of course, yeah, that's when they come

and only heal the white. Yeah. Ooh. And we've got medieval guy with a shield that his skin has grown over. Is this better? Alt-right medicine. Anyway.

That look, it's better. Making bombs as a way to show America is good at manufacturing again. That's what comes trying to like summarize what that story that Matt sketch. Yeah, that was mine. And then we have... It's about to finish. Acting nice when your aunt gives you a bomb. And then having to bring it out,

it'll just, That's funny. I can really picture that. That's a great sketch. There's also, I guess, like a, Do you think Francis Grinsley would play the aunt? Yes. And the ball. Yes.

No, but I think, like imagine somebody who could play a really good clock face. Oh, like that. But it's like, you're not making them up in any way. They just, they can make their body contort into a clock face. He's the clock face actor. He does a great impression of a clock. That's it.

Not actually a clock, just his face. A digital one. Thank you. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I think. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Thanks for having me.

Thank you so much for coming there. Man, Stuart, tell us where people can find you. On Twitter, I'm at Stew underscore art. Matt Stewart with an underscore. And you also do the primates podcast. Primates podcast. We've both been on is really, really fun. And we're going to be on again sometime soon. Yeah, we're gonna do a follow up.

So the first proper episode was with you Andy, the second with Al, and they were episodes about, it's all about primates and popular culture. And episode of Andy was about the movie MVP, most notable primate. We're gonna do the follow up sometime in the next month or so. Most of you be vertical primate, which is, I'm really excited to talk about it. I got a lot to say.

This champ has just gone from ass hockey to the VRAMP. Yeah. And then you also do the podcast, do go on. Do go on. Do go on. Leave us on the Planet Broadcasting Network. Yes, on this network as well, do go on. One of my favorite, if not my favorite podcasts. So you know Andy's been on that as well. Alex Dekebs coming up with hair-breath and schemes. But he doesn't commit. Oh well, I've never felt like that's what you actually wanted me. Yeah, why not? I've all, I've all, did you multiple times?

Oh, I thought you were joking. And you can find us at Two in Tank on Twitter. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. You can join our Patreon and support us. And people have been, and it's been the most joyous time of our lives, patreon.com slash 2 in Tank. We don't understand.

We don't understand, but there's extra episodes, two extra episodes a month that you can get. They're pretty fun. They're pretty fun. And we love you. You can also review the pod. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites.

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