Two In The Think Tank - 158 - "BOUQUET OF ORCAS"

Episode Date: November 20, 2018

Cow Origins, Universal Goodall, Iron Vet, Cat BDSM, Butt Backup, Attenborough's Life On Stage, BOOTITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag.And you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereA revised french kilogram of thanks to George Matthews for producing  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop to George William, Tronlay Bertual, and I wonder, why don't we ever say gentle woman? We say gentle man. I mean, I do it in a sort of lighthearted way in a way that sort of had flourishes to the other stupid things that I say. Yeah. But gentle man and gentle women

feels like, you know, it should be for equality purposes. Well, I think maybe the thing is, I must say, that when it comes to women, you probably don't have to specify as much as you do with men, because you can get a man and he can be a real brute. You can get brute women. I don't want to take that away from women. Yeah, I'm not saying we're taking it away.

I'm saying that men have it in abundance, you know? And that's not a... I think women can have brutishness in abundance, you know, and that's not a I think women can have brutishness in abundance in abundance and do yeah, abundance abundance All you turn that's what you turned it into a feminine thing. That's what chaplain did when he stuck those two Forks into those little buns and it was a little dance. And it was stealing a few more art form. It was appropriation, yes. Back from the, again, when, you know, there was that sort of, what was it, that Austrian

all women culture where they were all bakers and they exported baked goods, but they also wore baked goods, bread they also wore baked goods, bread shoes and bread shoulder pads. Of course. They sort of bright open back dresses. I'm sorry, Alistair, to begin with there, I thought you were making all this up. But as you went on, I realized that it was you were actually

describing the real thing that existed. Yeah, and that's where Danishes originally came from where they were the front part of a dress, and it was the custard, and then there was like the apricot in the middle. Of the dress. Of the, of the breast. And that's where the idea for nipples came from, and that's why, as of today, we all each have two nipples. This is great, you know, because it's that, you know, we talked about it on the podcast before, that age-old question of, you know, a comedy question of who was the first person

to look at a cow, cows nipple, and think, I'm gonna drink whatever comes out of that. We never ask, well, who was the first person to look at a cow, and think, I'm gonna put a nipple on that. I'm gonna put a nipple on it. Right, pick it. Yes. I think it's, you know, and it's kind of like apples.

It's exactly like apples. There was a time, a long time ago, where apples were just these tiny little things. These little, you know, there's like a peanut essentially. Right, and it's on a, you know, and it was on a stick. They didn't have trees back then. And when we first had cows, they didn't really have much of a nipple. And so we bred them to get nipples. You know, there was just a bear, there was a pimple.

And they were like, is that a pimple? Is that a pimple or something like that? Why is it? I'm gonna braid this until it turns into a nipple. Into a giant huge bag of nipples, right? You know, and they were like, there we go. Off you go, daisy. Yeah, and now, now we have we go. Off you go, Daisy. Yeah, and now we have the cows that we know today, which essentially, you know, they're 80% cow, but they're 20% sort of nipple satchel. Is that anything? Is that a sketch?

I guess so. I guess, I mean, you could come on. I look, it's sort of a sketch. Who was the first person to put nipples on a cow? But also like the idea of breeding something until it becomes what it is today. Playing with that with farmers and things like that. Yeah, if we looked at what, if we would, yeah, and go back in time, any number of generations to before cows were what we know them to be today when they're actually closer to a pumpkin or something like that. Through selective breeding,

through the hard work of generations and also the natural process of domestication that comes with living alongside man, that pumpkin became a cow. A cow. A cow with a bag of nipples underneath it. When did the word stalk stop going, it's become creepy. When did it become creepy to stalk things? Because last I checked and, you know, you look at the stalk of a celery or you're a stalk of a, as we talked about, the previous podcast of a, of a, tomato. Yeah. The stalk is just your biggest supporter. So I don't say, I don't say what's so creepy about that. And you're right. And if it's a crime to be your biggest supporter of a tomato or banana. And it turns out that it is. I mean, if you are, you can guess, you know, it just depends on whether that tomato has agency and

can get away and feel safe. Yeah, and wants that, that stock all over it, invading its space, getting into its head. They do get in your head though, no, no, that's the, and maybe that's what, that's the crossover point, because they get into your head. Yeah, because they kind of, they have their little suction cup. Mm. Onto the top of your head like a stalker does. That's why I find very interesting how,

how plants have those things where like some things, even though they've all grown together, but they're grown to sort of have a weak connection. Yeah. You know, well like, I think if I told you, like, you know, even like how the fuck, you know, not like I think if I told you like to like you know even like how the fuck And I'm not even gonna hold that How I'll stay in the fuck can they have a

Peach nut seed thing, you know the nut on the inside How can that be basically disconnected from right? How does it grow together to be loosely connected? Yeah. Like, because one thing's growing from the other thing. Yeah. Right. Like, you get the start of it and then it grows around it. But then how does it not? Is it growing air in there to separate them? I guess, I guess, is it just pushing a little air? Even inside our bodies is like, would you, are you, are you similarly concerned about how easy it is to just lift out a liver

or something like that? Well, I'm not that concerned, but if the connection, see, I'm concerned about the connection point of the liver to the part that's giving it the nutrients. Like I understand that the liver might be in there, and I'd be sliding around against the kidneys like that. And's just laying and just like they're all on a trance It's like in a dance floor and they're just grinding against each other and it's a big sweaty mess in there It's a fuck fest and they're all just going like are they into me? Are they into me?

Am I reading these signals? Yeah, they're kind of getting all up in each other's business and the like that. And the kidneys there, the twins and they're freaky. You got to stay away from your own. But, you know, there's that. But then, there's the part that you're actually connected to that you grow, which I guess this doesn't work in the dance floor analogy. But let's say, you know, but it's the part like, whatever the pipe is that's given this thing, it's nutrients, if that was built to have a sort of like,

a very loose pop-off. Just like that. Yeah. Like that, just a little bit of pressure or whatever. That, I don't understand. How can you have one of those? Well, I mean, I understand why they would want it, right, because they want to spread their seeds around on these,

because all the things you're describing and I'm gonna say are seed pods and seed carriers and some kind of that, so they want to spread their seeds around on these because all the things you are describing and I'll say are seed pods and Areas of some kind though, so they want to pop that off. There's built-in obsolescence. Yeah, exactly. You're building it weak There's a weak point. Yeah, if I were to design Apple stock and Apple stock it would be the stock would be as thick as the apple Yeah, and it would sort of it would go into the apple about halfway through. Mm-hmm. You know, so you would the apple would really just be a semi-circle of apple. It's be a half apple. Fully attached to the top of a stumpy stalk. Every thick branch would just have one apple at the end of it.

And then a half apple. And if you wanted it, you just twisted the apple bit off like that. No, but it didn't. No, it can't be like that. You got to hack it off, right? Because you're still twisted off. It sounds like again. That's a whiz on. It's weak.

You're right. You're right. It's going to be hacked off and the apple is woody as well. And then you're eating wood. We've got to get away. We've got to turn it into something. It isn't that. It can't be, it can't be, it can't be that not too podcast in our own.

You're right, okay. People, because I think listening to people talk about wood is a lot like eating wood, you know. You can't. It's a real grind. Exactly. And you can't introduce people to it like all at once. Okay, you've got a.

I'm getting very pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty pretty.

I'm getting pretty pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty. I'm getting pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty I don't know what's happening. It's, I got it, I've got it. You got it? You got it, good work.

It was like some kind of rapture. All right, so, but can, do you think there's a sketch in the idea of taking out the planned up obsolescence in the stock of the apple? Well, I mean, it's interesting, because we're talking planned obsolescence from whose point of view?

Because from the apple, from the apple tree. The apple tree's point of view, but still we're ignoring the function of the apple. Yeah. Well, looking at the apple is just a way to end a branch that you didn't know how to get out of. Sure, but. Well, you've got to put something at the end of this bridge.

I can't, you know. But as a farmer, you can't just keep doing branch forever. But as a farmer, you're not letting the apple tree just grow Whatever it wants anyway like you know like grow grow seeds grow new trees next to your trees You've planned these you know these out. Mm-hmm perfectly. There's a grid Even so but look looking at it for the point of view of the farmer doesn't help your argument Elis there that there's some kind of

Floor in the pop-off apple design. I know, but did you see that article in the ABC a few months ago? ABC Astralia? Well, here's something that would be great though. Yeah. Kind of just quickly. I think this is going to be way better than where I was going to go.

If you can take the apple off, because this is the thing, because you can take the apple off, take it off, but that's the throw away, that's disposable. You should be able to put it back on and recharge it. That'd be nice. And also, okay, what if you were to the planned obsolescence to apples themselves? Because they rot, they go bad. You know, what about an apple that lasts forever? Last forever. What about? That doesn't break down. See all all trees all the fruit they have different connectors right. Okay. It's like it's like Apple and they're you know proprietary connector lightning port thing. Yeah. Like how we get a USB-C sort of version but for all fruit can go on any tree.

What material do you think it would be made out of? Mmm. Wood? Oh, okay, I'm on board. Obviously, this is not eating wood, but I'm being interested in creating wood electronics, bio-electronics of some sort. I didn't say there's any electronics in there, I'm just saying. No, but it would still allow like the passage of nutrients. Mmm.

All those that being said, if we could get it somehow that you could also plug your phone in. Charge your phone up from a tree. Sure, yeah. Why can't everything that connects to everything be USB-C? Well if we could could yeah if we could connect trees. Or some kind of we'll find a universal connector that works for as well for connecting connecting an Apple to a tree as for a phone to a computer as a, you know, a 40, 40 ton steam locomotive to a 100 kilometer road train of coal. Right, and they'll be connected.

They'll get electricity. All the same. All the same connectors. This coal-powered thing. I didn't say it this coal powered thing. I didn't say it was coal powered. Well you said steam powered. Steam powered, sure.

Was it getting it steam from coal? No. From burning coal. It could get it from a tree. If we can set up a universal system where everything shrinks, a multi plug tree. No, so it's only one plug. Okay, wait, one plug or each branch has its own branch has its own plug. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but they're all the same. Yeah, and but it gives infinite types of

Everything uses the same Okay, source. Okay, so it all uses electricity. It doesn't have to be electricity. It could be a new thing. Yeah Do you think maybe life force? Oh Life force. Yeah, that'd be great if we could standardize life force. Hmm Yes, who do you think maybe life force? Oh, life force. That would be great. If we could standardize life force. Who do you think would have the standard unit of life force named after them? Jane Fonda.

She seems to just keep going and going. What about that gorilla lady? Good ol, Jane Good ol. Jane Good ol, one of the James. Yeah, is it good ol? I'm not good ol one of the James yeah she's a good all I'm not sure I mean good ol works because it's good for all yeah yeah and yeah and she she works with gorillas which are not a tree dwelling creature but you know they're near trees they are they are they're nest I think they built nest

in trees oh I don't think I've ever seen a gorilla in a tree. It's because of all the mist. That's what it is. So everything, where you get an event, it's going to be a new life force. It's going to be called good all. I feel like it could be a mix of things. It could be a little bit of electricity and a little bit of sugar, you know? Sure. So it's essentially kind of like what the body works on. There's like, there's signals in there, but it's also so it's essentially kind of like what the body works on. There's like, there's signals in there, but it's also, it's probably kind of like what trees work off of. Yeah, juicy, juicy electricity.

Juicy electricity. Juicy electricity. Sweet to define, because we're too dumb to know. Yeah, but I'm sure a real scientist could explain exactly what juicy electricity. Yeah, juicy, biolic electricity. Biolic electricity is like, juicy bioelectricity is a bit like. It's a bit tangy those ones. Yeah, I'd definitely be a bit tangy. And have that, like looking at a battery.

Yeah, or whizzfizz. Whizzfizz, but it's also sweet. It's got a hint of the whizzfizzes. Yeah, whizzfizz is also sweet. This will be also a bit better. Yeah, a little bit better and I reckon everyone could enjoy it. Wow. Yeah, so that's the way and I reckon everyone could enjoy it. Wow. Yeah, so that's the...

And this is wood, you're saying, that everybody can enjoy it. It's coming out of wood. I don't say there is. Wood, I've just said it. It's... Well, while we're... As soon as we achieve total mastery, you know, if we... As long as we're genetically engineering plants, okay?

And as long as we're trying to build like a new zero carbon energy future, right? Can we just standardize everything and have everything run off the same stuff? And then I can plug my car into a tree and I can also suck on a branch, or I can eat, suck out energy out of my car. Could you sort of just plug your eyes into the branch?

Like just walk into a branch get the branch It's the poke in the eye. Yeah, sure But it kind of like it has like one of those connections with the little magnet at the end sort of a bit like that but bio That's great the apple thing with the magnet riddle pops off and everything pops on pops No cords get damaged or broken. Yeah, except that they do chords get damaged or broken. Yeah, except that they all, all the time, they're probably some of the worst chords I've ever had in a way.

But, and they all lock onto your eyes, and then you can watch something. Mag lock good old. So, oh, so it's not just energy. It's not just sweet. It's not just sweet, and yeah, but it's also entertainment, the other life force, the other source of information and energy and drive. And yeah, okay.

And so then we go back to living in trees. We could move away, because then this is how we'll take all the car but out of the air by growing all these trees. But the way that we'll get people to grow the trees is by finding a way to connect trees to the grid and we become part of the grid and everything is connected to the grid. We're all one sort of glorious organism, super-organized. It's essentially avatar.

And steam trains are all. It's like avatar but you can in avatar, you can watch avatar. So you see this is the only problem with avatar. You never see anyone watching Avatar. And there's no choice. I was like, they sure these people look like they're having a good time, but are they watching Avatar? The greatest movie of all time.

Doesn't seem like much of a paradise to me. James Cameron. People come here, they dig something up, but they cut down big trees and whatever they do. Whatever it is, chase us around. Chase people around. Flying horse. Flying that. Flying horse. Yeah, flying horse.

Flying horse. Whatever. You know, people seem sad, the ones that are flying here for a long way away. Anyway. And, uh, but no one's watching Avatar. Or the sequels that will come out in the next five to ten years. You think if it was better than Earth, they'd already have the sequels to Avatar, Avatar?

Avatar. And Avatar. That's where you kill all the people from Avatar? Yeah. I guess that's kind of what the movie Avatar is a bit about. Avatar two, Avatar. These creatures taste good. That's the tagline, isn't it?

Yeah. And that's the meat that they keep sending back to Earth. Yes, and we find out because remember in Bridget Jones's diary, the first movie, Colin Firth makes a joke about how there's not enough blue food, right? And we find much like from Matthias was a prequel to the Alien movies. Bridget Jones' diary was a prequel, a distant prequel to the Avatar movies, where all those creatures are actually created by Colin Firth as part of his quest to make blue food. He did some genetic engineering thing in the,

made a, that's right. He did it in deep space. He thought he was getting away, but then some other people came, were like looking at it and then somehow, some byproduct of the microorganisms that he was trying to create in the creation of these blue people.

Turn the people into... Well, turn created this mineral, this unobtainment. Unobtainment. That, you know, anyway, that made people greedy people want to come and get it. Must have been a really valuable thing

if you had it, if they were going to go deep into space, like that come and get it. Must have been a really valuable thing if you had it, if they were gonna go deep into space like that to go get it. I guess that was the premise. Yeah, no, it was the premise, but what could possibly be that valuable? Like what could... Well, probably whatever it is that we're describing this magical energy that's also delicious

and has information in it. Yeah. You know, it's like all the things in life that are good all stuck. Yeah. You know, it's like all the things in life that are good or stuck in a one. You know, do they use it to the, have it to the blue people, the darkly, the new, newly, newly noodles, the noodle, the noodle people.

The noodle peeps. Do they use it in any way? I don't remember. I don't remember them using it. I don't remember them. Did. I don't remember them. Did they think it was sacred? They seemed like they would think it was sacred. Probably it was sacred.

But then again, all the things that they thought were sacred were kind of like alive. Yeah, and a bit wobbly. Yeah. See if there's a lot of wobbly stuff. And a lot of things would light up. Nothing's really, no straight lines. Yeah, and there was no, but like, it's lights,

but it's not that good light, like artificial late. It was that kind of like just fluorescence or it doesn't really it glows, but it doesn't really emit. You wouldn't actually be able to read by it like you know, you know, if you were trying to read by that light when you're a kid late at night, your mom would say you're gonna damage your eyes. You're gonna go blind. Yeah, and that's that kind of a lot. That's why everybody hates reading in that place. I think, did they ever do any reading in the movie? Didn't see any reading. Didn't see them reading the script of Avatar. Which if this place... All the synopsis on Wikipedia of Avatar. By the way, have you seen the movie Avatar? I have seen the movie Avatar. Yeah, I haven't seen the movie Avatar. You just read the synopsis. I mean, I think it's pretty much as you would. It's just... Yeah, I've seen the trailer, and you would. It's just, yeah, I've seen the trailer, and you know.

It's Fern Gully, but blue. I think I think I might have read that on Wikipedia, yeah. Yeah. That comparison. But it's also, I mean, I've already discussed this with you. It's also essentially the first fast and the furious movie. And it's also point break. Right, so it's just, or it's just someone who isn't from the

community goes into the community. Yeah, but undercover as a member of the community. As a member of the community to report back to you know this authority type, you know, people, but then he kind of falls in love with the community or somebody in the community and then he kind of starts to understand their ways, but then he still has this connection where he has to kind of go back and he's going to be a... Pogantus, I think, is probably the same thing. Pogantus? It's all the same thing.

Anyway, so what is this sketch? We're writing just tree plugs, tree plugs, everything. Universal bio plug. The good all. The good all. You know, it's like, like, if electricity could, you know, come out of a pipe into it and you could put some in a bottle or whatever, but it was also delicious and you could drink it. That'd be good. Export it to Japan. Export it to Japan. Yeah, they probably need it for there, you know? Because they don't want a lot of resources. Maybe it's got a bit of Girona in it as well.

It's probably got Girona. Who told me that Girona was like, you know, they use that to neuter cats. That's everything though. Is everything used? Yeah, it's like how everything gives you a cancer. Everything neuters cats these days. Everything is a classic cat-neuterine. Who are these people who neuter cats?

I'll try anything. Anything to just brighten up my day. My day is just neutering cats. I don't want to. Wait, what's happening in your scenario? These people are neutering cats all the day and then some of them drink a little bit of the cat neutering stuff just to save it gets them through the days that what you're just

No, no, no, I think that these people are so bored with with cat neutering yeah that they're just because because you said everything neuters cats so so I'm just imagining these people are just like injecting like you know, apple pips into cat balls. Well, apple pips should probably do it because they're the worst. Yeah, alright, when there's something really inert, like they're just going like, oh, I don't know. Something like, I don't know, I don't know, poison. They just put poison into their uterus. I mean, look, I'll stay. This is gonna be unpleasant to imagine. Sure.

But it's like a, it's like an ion shift type program. But you have to neuter, it's like an iron shift type program. But you have to neuter it. It's the way you can be old. You have to neuter a cat. Iron neuter. Iron, yeah. Iron neuter, perfect. Yeah.

And then you get revealed at the start of the episode, whatever your secret ingredient is. Iron. And that's what you have to iron, great. And then that's what you have to use to neuter the cat. Yeah, great. And as you're neutering both sexes, neutering isn't like a gender specific thing, right?

You're neutering. No, I have everyone can be neutered. It's okay, great. Yeah. Cause so then that's either, are you removing the testes? Or are you, I guess this is a creativity. I guess this is a creativity.

This is a creativity. I guess this is a creativity. Yeah, so I guess like, especially I guess if the ingredient is of the vet. Yeah, especially if the ingredient is, say, fava beans. You're not cutting off the testicles with fava beans, but you might mash them up. Yeah, mash them up and dry them out

and create a knife. So what I'm doing here is I'm drying out the mashed phova beans. And I'm planning to sharpen that on the edge of the bench. On these other phova beans, you know, I matched and dried earlier. It's because not only is he, he's just not given any other instruments. So when you're drying out the fava beans, you're drying them out on fava beans. Like if you somehow mentioned lights and fava beans. Look, I don't know. Maybe you're, look, the rules of this are not clear. I was, I was, I was trying to make it seem like he only has access to fava beans, but then it feels like you need even water. Yeah. Can you get that from phava beans?

Maybe. I press these phava beans. You've got some phava bean oil. And I use that to loop up these dry phava beans over here. And get them into a paste. And then I dried the paste to create a bench top. Then I mashed some other carbohydrates on there. Before that, I was just smashing these phababies

between my palms. I'm hoping to create an entire new universe. If I could collide these phababies with enough force. Higher and neuter. I mean, look, I'm gonna write that down. Yeah. I mean, I think it went pretty deep. It went pretty deep. Much like the father not being knife went deep into the eye of the journalist. Persimmoned man. Oh no, did they kill the journalist? It's a journalist, by the way, who makes the show?

kill the journalist. It's a journalist, by the way, who makes the show. It's like my journalist. It's actually not even televised. Just general journalists go and watch it. And just people who play it, like for fun. Yeah. It's just neuterers who are just trying to get through the day by making a game of neutering.

I think this is, like, maybe it's something we can, because we can turn into a board game or something, because I think that's where the money is. You make a board game like your cards against humanity. I guess it could also happen in a community or like an area. Let's say we discover some part. Let's say, you know how it was like in the 1918 or like maybe 1940s, some huge like media or hit Russia somewhere.

And you know it had like the power of many nukes or whatever flattened a bunch of forests down and things like that would have created some kind of crater. Anyway, you picture that for some reason, we've never actually gone to check out the crater, maybe because it's in a very cold area. And just in a very interesting way. It just didn't seem that interesting. Or we didn't even know about it

because it was before kind of proper records. And so people are going into this part of Siberia or wherever it is, like that. They're from the west, the civilized west, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fascinated to see where these guys are. And they go in there and they realized that people who had lived around there at the time

had actually found it way more habitable inside the crater. And actually once they got in, it was sort of like because of the cold and the ice and thing. It was like a bunch of mice in a bowl with, you know, just like oil in it. And they couldn't climb out again. Scrrabble their way out of the crates. They were really gracey, glassy edges. And so they just made a town there, right?

Yeah. It was just them, a couple of cats when it started. And a couple of few families like that, right? And I mean, I'm fascinated to know what they were starting the town with because they're in the middle of an impact crater. I mean, there was, you know, there were flattened trees that didn't blow up into the air.

They just kind of, you know, they were just on the walls. It was unlikely, but all right. And there was also sort of leftover logs that were partially decomposed from, you know, 100 years ago. In the Permafrost. In the Permafrost. Yeah, okay, ago. In the permafrost. In the permafrost.

Yeah, okay, great. Now I'm on board, I'll say it like it's a mastodon. And these are people from deep in Siberia that are used to surviving cold winters and inhospitable climates. Inhospitable climates. Anyway. So they're in there, they can't get out.

These cats get out of hand. Well, I mean, there's so much for them to eat. Well, all the defrosted mastered on from the permafrost. Yeah, that's exactly what they're feasting on. And so that's why these people have been able to survive for so long because of these defrosted mastered on in the permafrost. And this cat population gets out of control. Yeah. And catastrophic. Catastrophic. Catastrophic.

That's right Andy. And at some point they realize they've got themselves a cat problem. You know they do some math, they go look there's there's only sort of 90 defrosting defrosted you know mastodon carcasses left. And there's, you know, there's probably six of us, right? We're gonna, but there's like, I thought, 8,000 cats. We're gonna have to learn how to stop these cats breeding. And so they start cat-nodering. But, you know, it's a day-in, day-out job. They're... Daito. Daito. Yeah.

They're trying to, you know, they're, they're, they wanna be joyous people. So they find a way over the years. It becomes a festival. It becomes a festival. It becomes a, it becomes every day is a celebration of the joy of the joy of neutering. Yes.

Like that. And then they just start to use whatever is around them to challenge themselves in a kind of iron, uh, neuterer game. And it's not, it's not for TV. They don't know what TV is. Yeah. Right. They just, they just, this is day in, they come in, they go, all right, today you're going

to do it with pine needles. Now, it's, it's like, it's like, uh like that expression, you know, when all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. But the opposite, when everything is a nail, when you have his nails, everything starts to look like a hammer. Yeah, but it's like a nail, but when everything is a nail sticking out of a board, dangerously risking your life. Yeah, it starts to look like a good thing to need

or a cat with. You start to look for things to pull those nails out with. Everything looks like an opportunity to pull nails out. Yeah, so in your metaphor, the nail was the cat population. Yes, that's right. Right. In your metaphor, the hammer was the cats? Yeah. Okay.

Now, with the hurricanes in cyclone. Oh, sorry, just to finish it. And then one day some journalists go in there and they, Journalists, right? Yeah. And then they go in and then they witness this. And it's just a daily ritual. There's boundless creativity.

There's joy in it and there's neutering your cats. And they make a documentary. They make a documentary. They start to make a documentary. No, well, they're filming it. Videojournalists. Videojournalists. This is... This is generations later. It's probably a vice thing. I spent 18 years living with a cat, theedering people. But as you know, the Siberian Criter. But as you know, one of the journalists does get attacked. Remember

when he stood with the Fava bean knife? So they also have Fava beans now. So it's not all happy. It might be something the journal was brought. But I guess at some point you'd get over a hundred years, you'd get some loads of vegetation growing in there, finding its way, blowing in over the crater. Yeah, and then this is almost got out. If the journalist brought in the father beans, this is almost got a, God's must be crazy kind of a vibe to, you know, where this isolated community doesn't know how to deal with the the father beans. They're so useful, everybody wants them. Like that, but then what, you know,

they probably plant them and they they get overgrown with father beans. They start, they can't, like, you know, they, they grow up to their chins and they can't really. These people seem really bad at like keeping populations of things under control. Well, they're so, they're so happy until

until their life is threatened. This crater, this meteorite crater, it's got to be one of the most fertile places on earth. It's incredible. Well, I mean, it's so deep in the, you know, in the... Oh, yeah, deep. It's synonymous with fertility. You don't think that depth would have lots of richness in it, you know? Well, I think you need top soil.

I think you need that, that, that, that loam, that rich loam. That blows in over the top of the crater. No, a bit of blowing loam. Yeah, I mean, like it wasn't. It wasn't an instant thing. Yeah. You know, first they just ate mastodone. Yeah.

It was a very paleo diet. That's, that's actually quite, quite funny. Out there, I'll stay paleo. Because you pay, you make Leo. I'm on a Paleo diet. This is a joke I tried to get Alistair to do the other day at the Stair of Comedy Gig. I want a Paleo diet. Leo's the guy from the fish and chip shop down the edge of the road. I pay him. And I didn't do it, but I did a much worse joke. You didn't do it, and the gig didn't go as well as it could have. Proving that if you

had done it, you would probably have your own special on tonight's show. I probably have my own tonight's show. Tonight's show. Yeah. Do the paleo joke. Ah, alright, alright. You always do open and close every show. Then in the middle I do paleo again. You get other people on to do it in their own style. Nobody even really knows. People don't remember what the paleo was because I say paleo. I'm on a paleo, don't you?

Paleo, don't you? With the hurricanes, you know, you can't through, you can't for all cat five. That a reference to the number of cats that the Hurricane can pick up. That's how much damage a cat would do in your Really? So if you have six cats, which is the highest thing, you know, that does a lot of damage to your property values Whether more is that hold off of your house and the roof can't even leave I think I think just in terms of the smell of piss Oh, yeah, I just remember my parents were looking at like Buying a house once as an investment property. They never did it But the house that that went and looked at was just

just cat piss, it was just a cat piss house. It was all cat piss. I think someone had died in there. In the cat piss. I guess if you love cats that's a nice way to go. Yeah I guess it's a great way to go. I guess if you love cats the thing that you probably love the most about them is piss. See, that's the thing is you hear about sort of people having sex with animals and things like that. But do you hear about sort of those more kind of kinky things? Like, what if you're not into the sex part, but you're kind of into water sports or just dressing your cat up in leather and whipping it or having your cat scratch you while you're dressed in the...

This is like a second-generation kink, isn't it? Because I feel like we'd have to let cat sex become mainstream before you'd have to sort of add extra levels of it to get that kind of... But those subcultures may already exist. I think but I think that would be interesting. I mean it would be interesting because you'd have to then there have to be a community that would drive you further beyond cat. Yeah. Have it just having sex with the cats. So you'd have to be within a very supportive You'd have to be within a very supportive group where vanilla, as you say, cat sex is very accepted.

But then you'd have to have this sort of proclivity to sort of be driven further out of, you know, and get the kink thing going. But what if they just bypass sex people are like, ugh, yuck, get out of here. Well what if they don't ever think that the sex part is okay, which is understandable within the world and regular moral people. But they get the cats involved in sort of sexual prick, prec-preclivities, is that what's a prec-preclivity? I don't forget, I think think bisexual activities, these kink.

In proclivity, that's a great word. Yeah. Yeah. Get them involved in these activities. Yeah. Um, but they're, they're a willing player in it. And it's more something that's done to you. By the cat.

By the cat. But you kind of just have to go with the cat's whims. So cat, you know, water sports. That's gonna be difficult because cats are notoriously. I know, but let's say, you know, you set up, you set up their, their, their litter, their cat litter thing. It just looks like cat litter, right? It's just a bunch of rocks. Yeah.

And underneath it, that's where you hang out. You hang out underneath it and then the cat pisses and it gets on you. That's the thing people would might like. Or, or you get dressed up in leather and you got your whip and everything like that. You got your rubber gas mask and stuff like that. And you just get the cat to scratch your back. But violently, you know. And these things are already happening without the leather and the rubber. Yeah, yeah, but violently. And these things are already happening without the leather and the rubber.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. And nobody's enjoying it. Nobody's enjoying it. So it's almost like a waste. If people are getting scratched by cats, people are always gonna be scratched by cats. Cats are a BDSM animal, yeah. Creature, they're main.

They treat you main. And that literally keeps you keen. Yeah. Like that. And they hurt you. They're violent towards you. And then they get you to serve them. So you're in a sadomasochistic relationship with them already.

You're just not wearing leather. You're not wearing the right attire for a pet owner. What I'm seeing here is a market inefficiency, right? I'm seeing that there are cats that are scratching things, and I'm seeing that there are people that like to be scratched. And I'm seeing a lot of the scratching that's happening isn't being captured, you know, the value in that isn't being captured by the market.

So we need to set up a way whereby scratching it's going to happen anyway, get it happen to the people who are willing to pay for it. Are you thinking an app? I'm thinking maybe an app. I mean an app that can connect people. Cat app. A cat app. But also I'm thinking glory holes. Right, where you can go and put your like arm through it.

And a cat can just scratch the fuck out of it. Cat that you never see. No, I think the cat puts its arm through the hole and just scratches. And then you put whatever you want. And then you sort of like you back your back up to it. Yeah. And then they go, oh, my back, it's scratching my back like that. Yeah. Yeah, okay, that's cool. And then I guess that's the same thing

with those P whole things. And a cat's mouth is essentially just a nipple clip. Yeah. They're a walking BDSM sex shop. Yeah. I mean, their tail is a feather. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Tasing sort of a thing. Yeah. Their head. Their rough tongue is, oh my god, is a sandpaper. They must be people who like that. My mom uses sandpaper on her heels.

In a kinky way? No, I don't think so, but there's no reason why you couldn't also have people with dry heels use the cat feature hole. You know, it's like, I mean, a cat's not going to get offended if it's licks aren't enjoyed sexually. The cat is just being... I don't know, it might take a sentence amount of pride in its work. I think it would want to be exploited for something that it didn't know it was signing up for.

No, I'm almost feeling bad that we've let this out where Silicon Valley could hear this straight away. Yeah. That's it. That's definitely a risk, you know. But that's the case for everything that we put out there on a stair. We take the risk that we won't, you know, tune into the next Apple keynote address and what's his name? Steve Cook. Steve Cook, no, it's gonna be some of this. It's gonna be Steve's. But it's a cook. Tim Cook. Tim Cook. It won't be

there crouching under a grating covered in rocks with a cat pissing on his head. Do you like Tim Cook more than Steve Jobs? He's got a lot of personality, Tim Cook. Does he? Does he? I've never seen one. Right, so you're joking. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I haven't I haven't spent a lot of time. At Nordstrom, you can shop the best holiday gifts for everyone you love, all in one place. You'll find beauty favorites, cozy presents, fun ideas under 100 and more. Like festive dressing for you in your home. Experience the magic at your favorite store. Or order on Nordstrom.com with free shipping and returns. Need it faster? Pick up your order today in store.

The best gifts are yours at Nordstrom. I'm learning about him. I think he might have expressed some opinions about same-sex marriage. You know, some progressive stuff there. He might have expressed some opinions about same-sex marriage. You know, some progressive stuff there. It might be gay. But he's like somebody took a lot of the yanger out of Steve Jobs, I think. They sucked all that out of him somehow.

Well, that's good. I think that probably wasn't one of the more positive features of Steve Jobs, right? Like they sucked all that out of him somehow. Well, that's good. I think that that probably wasn't one of the more positive features of Steve Jobs, right? Yeah. But from Steve Jobs point of you probably wasn't the thing that he wanted most taken out of him. No. Are you referring to the two? The answer. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. It's okay, Andy.

But there'll be a news.com.au article about this in 25 years when you have maybe reached some sea level celebrity and people are gonna listen back and they go insensitive joke about Steve Jobs. I reached the sea like a paddling tiny turtle. Exactly, like a baby turtle who's just escaped from the sand. From the sand and the swooping gulps. I gotta admit that that journey between the egg and getting out of the sand that's gotta be a pretty spooky little moment. This is gonna be a pretty spooky

first moments in life. Right, you emerge from the egg. Right. And how does that work? How do you get? How do they? Because we don't mean we never see that. Right? We're looking at the gals and we're going, don't eat them, your gals. But the sand is probably claimed. God knows how many, not to mention the ones that dig down. I know. Well, do you think maybe the Earth's core is all baby turtles? We don't know what it is. I mean, something's creating all that heat. Mm. It could just be turtles swimming down.

Swimming down. And it's mostly swimming down. Yeah. Rubbing against each other as they, um, swimming through sand. Like any of that stuff, frogs that live in mud, they just sit there in mud in these, real stressful.

I mean, what an awful existence. I mean, they must be, they must be so zen. They must not be allowed to feel stress. DVD, you would you to release a DVD, meditation secrets of the mud frogs, the desert mud frogs? How to not. Yeah, because what are you breathing through your back? What is going through the heads?

What are you thinking? Breathe through your back. I think is there a thing that we're thinking about with frogs can sort of breathe a bit through their back? Well, these secrets aren't turning out to be things that I can apply. I know. Clip-r-it lifestyle. But is there a way that we could allow us to breathe through our bags?

I was hoping you'd say that, Elastair. Because like, it feels like there could be pretty simply, like, a picture of something like this, right? You know that netting that kind of goes around, like, you know, a bag of lemons or a bag of oranges, that's kind of like a thin plastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no reason why that kind of netting couldn't be all little tubes.

No reason. Right. Okay. Right. You cover, you just wear a singlet essentially that is that kind of netting. Right. Yes. Like that.

But you know, all around the spot, every join is both, is also like a node where there's a little air hole. Yeah, a little inlet, like that, right? And you, once it gets to your neck, you maybe surgically get some of that put into your neck. Sure, but you don't have to do that, right? You could, like, because we already have the snorkel, right? And we've come up with the snorkel, right? And we've come up with

the snorkel already and the thing you put it in your mouth and it just sticks out the back of your head, right? And that is like, and where have we gone with that since then? No, we've done nothing with that since then. The snorkel, we haven't done many advances on the snorkel. On the snorkel, right? You just stick it out the back of the head and that's it. But I think, you know, You just stick it out the back of the head and that's it. But I think, you know, we could put that pipe anywhere. Right? The snorkel pipe. It could be as long as we want.

It could spread out into this all body of a mesh net singlet. See, yeah, because I just want it if somebody is like choking, choking you by the neck and blocking your, put a plastic bag over your head, the mobs after you, like that, right? I want you to be able to go like, stop struggling. Oh yeah, I'm dead.

Oh yeah, I'm dead, but you keep breathing through your neck, like that, because it's just like, it's all surgically in your neck here, or it could just go straight into your lungs, like that, no filter. I guess it could be a filter, your neck couldn't, neck. I mean, we may as well make it a filter. I think so. Yeah, I might take a couple of extra weeks of R&D, but I reckon we put the filter in there, Alistair.

Yeah. There's probably something with activated charcoal. Oh, yeah. We do some of that business. Yeah, but then what if we start getting charcoal straight into our lungs? Well, we will just do an extra week of R&D, so that doesn't happen.

Oh, great. Yeah, that's really good. All these new features, that's just an extra week of R&D so that doesn't happen. Oh great, yeah, that's really good. All these new features, that's just an extra week of R&D. That's nice that we're so productive. Yeah, we'll work on confident in our team. Yeah, we've got a good bunch there. So I think we've got to find the cure to dying from not breathing through your mouth. It's one of our...

The mouth, the mouth and the nose, but really it's the mouth. They have a monopoly on it. You want to be able to bypass, you know, choking. I don't want to be afraid of choking ever again. Yeah, yeah. The throat. It's the throat is really a bottleneck. The neck.

The neck is really a bottleneck. The neck is the bottleneck. The neck is like an infrastructure bottleneck where we need oxygen to get into the lungs. That's the CBD of the body, the central body, the district. Absolutely. And as it stands, the neck is, you know, our main arterial root. Yep. It even contains our main artery. I'm pretty sure. I think you're right. And to, it's complacent to think that we can have just this one route and that nothing, no disaster is going to happen to it, to cut off that route. And there could be a pile-up of some kind.

And if your brain was a government, and it had done nothing to add an extra root out of a bushfire prone small town, then they would be rightly condemned for letting those people burn to death in that town. So I don't see why we can't individually be held responsible for adding additional roots to get oxygen into the central body. That's right. And if what that takes is that you have to wear a fishnet sort of tube smock to you know like sort of muscle shirt at all times, I think that's fine. For what about also I don't want to have to be able to ever die from beheading as well. Yes.

Is there a way to diversify where your head is? Yeah. Okay. Well, the brain, you're in the whole head, like bits of the head. Yeah. Like, I don't want it to just all, I don't want the whole self to just be in the head. I want it to be great if there's maybe one a bit you could carry under your arm. Yes. Or if there was just, if you could move where the brain was, so some was in your leg and some

was in your foot. You know, like if you're traveling and you put some money in your socks, you put some money in your wallet like that. And we keep our whole brain in our head. Yeah. The first place anyone will look. That's right. If they're trying to sort of get rid of our consciousness like that. So

if there was a way of diversifying that. Yeah. I always keep a little bit of myself of the self of my head in my thumb. Because if you could continue to live after your just your hand was cut off like that. And just there was enough self left in there, like just like one quadrant of the brain and you could sort of crawl off like the, you know, like a cousin, not cousin. Well, I mean, that's difficult.

That's difficult, Alistair, because then like what of all the other bione necessities that support that limb, right? Sure. I mean, I think it could survive for a little bit on its own. Eventually, we'll reconnect it to the universal bioplog. Right. Which we can get everything you need from that.

One of those trees, you'll probably be able to just grow new body parts on those things. Get as many good olds as you need. Yeah, you need to get as many functioning until the body is recovered. But once the body dies, once the mind dies, I don't think there's any bringing it back like an hour later or whatever. So what you're trying to do is prevent actual death from occurring. Yes, but I reckon if you've got a little bit of a thumb, yourself and your

thumb, maybe we have backups as well. You could have redundant seat Or I'd have some copies keep some copies around the place the butt, you know the brain in the butt is a perfect place to hide two brains Two backup brains if you were to look at the butt if you'd never seen a butt before yeah and But you knew about brains and then you saw a butt I reckon you'd say that's where they keep the back up brains. Yeah. And I think I wouldn't be surprised if there would be a new trend, because you know how butts are big.

Big butts are big right now. Big butts are pretty big right now, right? And they're, you know, they're in, butts are in, right? Now butt modifications I think are a bit in. Yes. Now, but most buts are pretty uniform. It's either big or small, but they're all just the same kind of shape. Yeah. Right? But what if you started getting kind of more embossing on them, you know? And if you had it like if you made it look

Possibly because they're there they're just are in there like there was two brains like a brain in each cheek Like that. I think that we kind of give it a nice sort of Ribby pattern if you saw a nude Buttec that was looked like a brain or kind of like a walnut or something like that people will be like Oh my god the thing that you can crack walnuts with looks like two walnuts. I like the idea that this could remove some of the problems of objectification, right? Because you would look at somebody with a big butt and you would think, oh yeah, I like

to see that, right? People would say, whoa, I like to see that right people would say whoa Excuse me excuse me and you'd say no, I like to see People having the foresight to use off-site backup systems for their brain Mm-hmm, and this person has clearly got a couple of redundant copies of their human brain Mm-hmm in their butt. That's all I'm saying. And they also have a nice brain, because that's one of the greatest compliments you can give somebody.

Exactly, nice brain, you can say. Nice brain. It's essentially complimenting their personality. Nice pair of brains. Oh, that Ryan Gosling, he has a really nice brain. Like that, you know, and that doesn't seem like you're objectifying him anyway. No. But if you're like, oh, look at the fucking shlong one gosse over there you know

people are like boooo stop treating him like stop treating him like a piece of meat yeah right yeah but but if you had a butt butt yeah but if inside his scrotal bag he had a brain. Which again, it's so stretchy. And also a little bit brain looking. Inside women's breasts, that's another perfect place to store brains. Couple more brains, get some brains in there. Like just, if we could grow just brains all over us that are all connected to your regular brain

so that you never die if you get beheaded. They would have to kill every single brain like that. They could cut off your head, but you could just keep running. Yeah. Like that. You keep running. You can't see anything, but you can run and get to the tree, the life force tree or whatever.

I mean, then you don't have a head, but you're fine. I know, but we'll figure out how to read that. But also heads, remember we've removed objectification. Exactly. So people won't be bothered by the fact that you don't have a head. People, what is it that people find unattractive about people without heads? Right, it's just, it's like, I'm not going to be able

to connect with this person on any meaningful level Yeah, they don't have a head because they don't have a brain, but they'll connect to another one There's another six brains. There's another six brains and there are people who are blind in the world Yeah, there are people who are mute in the world are people who are deaf, right? And you would never problem with dating any of those people. No, not at all, right? And so just but you know Just just because I'm married. Sorry. I at all. Right. Right. And so just but you know, just just because I'm married. Sorry, I'm married. You have no, oh, are you? Yeah, I'm married. And so I can't even even even people. You never told me you were married. Yeah. Well, sorry, Alistair. Sorry to lead you on like that.

This is not a date. All 158 episodes of this have not been a date. Excuse me, did you friends on me? I thought I podcast colleague, Zoned You. And you? Mm. Anyway, it's been going well, I mean, I want to do this again. Okay. And the sex was still great, I was telling you. I obviously mean, I want to do this again. Okay. And the sex was still great, I mean,

I obviously had a wonderful time with all of that. Excellent. With the cat? Yeah. Look, I'm gonna write. But redundancy. You know, butt back up. Back up.

Back up. Back that up. Back up. That's when people always say, I'm about back that ass up. Back that ass up. Let's put two brains in your butt so that if your regular brain dies Yeah, those other butts brains will just take over

But it would be great if the body could just figure out also how to just connect them of course they connected Do you think the bed like but do you think the body would just know how to do that? It would work it out They're brains. They're made from your own body. It doesn't reject them. And it just goes, yeah, I get it. Yeah, I wonder. I wonder if you had another brain like in your butt. And there was just like a bit of a nerve connection. Yeah. If you would start to just store stuff in there and the button use it, you know, the butt is so close to the spine, which is a lot of weight or a lot of If you would start to just store stuff in there and... The button... Use it.

You know? The button is so close to the spine, which is a lot of it, or a lot of like the main sort of wires on. So I'd even find it's a better spot. Just like I reckon you put the button there, sprinkle some stem cells in there. It'll figure it out. Life finds a way.

Life finds a way to get a backup brain in your butt cheek. Or in your bag. And I really hope people won't judge. You could have one brain on top of each of your feet, a little one, like a little quail brain. I mean it would be great to also have the brains of other animals so that you could start seeing from other people's points of view and creatures. But will it truly be a quail's point of view if that quail has lived all its life inside your foot? Well, I think it's really shallow of you to ignore nature, because I understand that nurture is a big part as well of a quail's life.

But, you know, what about all those quail instincts that are hard coated in? You know, you get that quail brain on your foot, and then suddenly, anytime somebody comes even remotely close to you running a lot more quick, get out of here! They're gonna shoot at me! You're right, that would be fascinating, and I can really imagine that opening your eyes

to other perspectives. It's another point of view. I know it's not perfect, Andy. You're right. That would be fascinating. And I can really imagine that opening your eyes to other perspectives. It's another point of view. I know it's not perfect Andy. No, did I, did I ever, in the go, but we never let the perfect be the enemy of the good, Elastir. Exactly. Um, we have some words from a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, aysena, right? Lysena, sir. Andy, today we have some words from two listeners. Patreon supporters. Patreon supporters. Hello everybody who's been supporting us on Patreon. And everybody who hasn't. We also love you. Some people have been giving us $3 so that they can... So they can suggest three words and they support the podcast. Which is beautiful? Yeah, it's beautiful. It's it supports us You guys already support us through listening. Yeah, and then some people also just throw a few coins at us and

And then some people also Suggest some people also support by giving eight dollars or more and they can get the bonus episodes bonus episodes We did the last one was somebody where people suggest what kind of ideas we came up with. It also turns into a lot of sex episodes. Somebody, I mean, today was a very sex heavy episode as well. But I think that last one we did the sex. Oh, point out.

Point out, point out. Filthy movies with a moral. With a moral. Let's teach you a lesson. They teach you a proper lesson. They teach you a out movies. Filthy movies with a moral. With a moral. Let's teach you a lesson. They teach you a proper lesson. They teach you a proper lesson. They teach you a lesson.

They teach you a proper lesson. They teach you a lesson. They teach you a proper lesson. They teach you a proper lesson. They teach you a proper lesson. They teach you a proper lesson. They teach you a proper lesson. They teach you a proper lesson.

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and we appreciate it. Yeah, it's synoped in that. People sometimes even just recommend it to random people. Yeah. It's insane. Thank you very much. These listeners today are Brian and Laura. Thank you, Brian.

Thank you, Laura. Thank you, Brian and Laura. And their words, Andy, are you ready? Yes. Collapsible. Yes. ArtVark. Yes. Collapsible. Yes. ArtVark. Yes.

BingeWatching. What is it, which one's the advark again? Now, advark, that's the end roll up into a ball? No, I think that's armadillo. Armadillo. And which one's the one with two A's? Advark. Advark. Advark. Is that the anteater essentially? That's the tape here?

Is it like a tape here? No, tape here is kind of like a mini elephant trunk, but it's kind of a bit. But the oddvark is just real, they're pretty big right, and they can like tear you apart with their claws because they rip into- Is thinking of a badger? No, no. A Wolverine. No, no, no, no.

The Wolverines. The Wolverines. No, no. Hugh Jackman. They tear into... No, he can tear my nose. Termine-ness. They tear my nose exactly.

But if they grab you, they tear into you. I mean, I don't know if it's ever happened, but I guess people have speculated that if you would address up as a termite nest, or if one of these creatures, like confuses you for a termite nest. Because of your body type, which is one of the body types.

Our glass, hair, termite nest, which is where you're really wide, right at the base. You're usually wide at the base. And then you go up and you have no neck or head definition. Yeah, it's all, it just kind of curls over like that. Keep your arms by your sides. Arms by your side, real tight like that. And I guess you're full of termites.

And you live in a sort of Mexican desert. Yeah, or Australian bush land. Yeah, but sure, but that won't help you getting, if you want to get torn open by an ad-vark, I'm not going to be able to help you then, I'll stay there. You're right, Andy, but you could help me by ordering an ad-vark online and getting it sent in.

I reckon that'd be really easy to find in the yellow pages. Right at the beginning, and I just got it. So I thought you were actually suggesting that it's just not an animal. It's in high demand. And so people are probably trying to get rid of them for quite a low price. And that too. Yeah. But I mean, I guess if you are in the getting rid of advox business, you sell advox. Imagine if your name was like Xavier Zavia. And you had a you sell advarks. Xavier with a Z. Xavier with a Z. Yeah. And you're like, I really, I really want to call it Xavier's advarks. And so you think that would be a huge disadvantage to put it near the end.

I just think the one person who has a legitimate reason to have the word, ad-vark, and their business, if you see the yellow pages, the universe by the way. Yeah. Where everybody's a yellow page? This is the 90s. This is the 90s. Okay, yeah. Pre-internet, pre-gugle, which made all of the advarks business, we should map the number of advarks related businesses.

That's a good idea. Over time, over the last 40 years. I think they're probably becoming extinct. I think it would be a great show to just do a podcast, to figure out how easy it would be to get a certain unreasonable thing. Like, how hard would it be to get a certain unreasonable thing. Like, how hard would it be to buy an art bar? Yeah, what's involved? What do I gotta do?

And you just record it. We call it like get me a, get me a. And when we are fighting around, are we like, you know, calling up the zoo and that sort of thing? I don't know if you call the zoo. What would you call the zoo? I call it call the zoo.

What are you gonna try to do? You want an art bar? You're not gonna call the zoo. You're gonna, I don't know, but they're not gonna sell you an ad-vac. Sure, but they might have some leads. Really, I would just go straight to Facebook groups that are like exotic pets. Oh, great. You just find some weird-

So you want to do this on the black market, do you? I'll try to keep it all above board. I'm not gonna be able to get an A, B, N. No, you can't get a legitimate ad-vac. I don't think you're allowed to. And do you think you could just legitimately get an art var? I like to believe that you could, yeah. I want to believe that you could,

that you don't have to, you know, not all art var, because it's somehow tainted on the black market or something. I guess it does suggest that you're buying a mistreated advar. I could be helping. I guess you could be saving it from the mistreatment. Yeah. Either way, anyway. Save your advox.

So collapsible advaric binge watching. Collapsible suggests like, you know, All our VARC binge watching. Collapsible suggests like, you know, a thing that you can sort of pack away. You know, sort of like Pokemon or collapsible animals. Yeah, I mean, is it like a sort of a David Attenborough stage show? You know, like top gear did a stage show. Didn't. Yeah, they went around, you Yeah, they went around different venues

and that sort of thing. And they bring cars on stage. I guess they brought cars on stage and they did some of their banter and probably some of their little stunty type of things where they cut stuff up or blow stuff up or drop a caravan off a bridge or something like that. Yeah.

And I just wonder if David Attenborough has ever tried to take the show on the road and you know, he gets all the animals there or gets some of the big ones, you know, all the good ones or whatever and he does like a performance and reenact some of his famous bits like where he crept up on a cacapoe. Yeah, so he recreates some of the most beautiful moments with animals that somehow they're caged. They're caged, so.

But like maybe there's something that you can just like, and here's a swarm of bees and he opens it up and he lets it out because you want to that, if you're in scene with these, you want something that you don't want to see a like a, you know, armadillo from across the theater. You want to see it up close. So you want something that like comes at you, but... What a big finale. He releases all these bees and all these armadillos, advarks. And they're stampating through the hammer hole down the aisles and that sort of thing.

And he's up there, he's laughing, shooting a gun into the air. His last show is about to retire. His last show is about to retire. It's called life on stage, right? And he just released all the animals that he admits that all the animals he's ever filmed, he's also captured and kept for himself. Great. And he's been breeding them in his house. And he realized that was wrong.

He realized that was wrong. And so he decided he wanted to share them with people, you know, one last stage show to it. And this is how he's gonna go out. Yeah. And like he's gonna, he's like, I'm gonna get arrested at the end of this thing. But I'm gonna be remembered.

Like that. Remember that guy in America who owned that, like that personal zoo? And he just in America who owned that like that personal zoo and he just I think we're before killing himself he just released all his animals and then there was just like lions around town and things like that like people and then police were just like having to shoot big wild cats and like shit like that. So like that, but with a really nice natureist. Like David, I'm right.

David doesn't want to kill himself. He wants to witness the whole thing and then see the story. Because this is humans at their worst. He's showing how humans are the worst animal. Look at the things that they do. Specifically, he's the worst animal. Me.

I'm the worst. The greatest monster of all is me, David Attenborough. And then he gets to spend the rest of his life. He locks the doors and he releases the lines and they tear apart everybody in Ham Hall. Maybe not everybody. No, right. You leave one alive, still a story of what happened you stand.

A child? Maybe, or maybe him. Maybe David Edinburgh. We can tell the story of what happened. And we are released to all these lions. Does that look good? David Edinburgh. Anyway, we're released to all these lions. That is uncanny.

Hike children and men. That's his real voice as well. He's been doing a fake voice this whole time. This is a sketch. I think it's something. All right. You don't feel, you don't feel correct. Well, he gets to spend then the rest of his life

with the worst, most interesting animal. You know, he's got evidence of it, which is him, himself, in prison and in in a cage And also he gets to make a statement about how horrible life is in a cage Which then it's this is his big the final statement for We got to get rid of zoos Yep, so he's got a positive message. He's got a great message. It's a pity that so many people had to die. But I mean does that have to be multiple lines? He could just release a lot of, he could release a lot of like not super violent animals. Right. So some people will still die.

Well nobody dies then what is that why is he in prison? Just because you can't release animals is to hame a haul? What were people expecting when they came to the show? I just don't like all that violence. You know, I just... Is he still shooting a gun into the air? Of course he's shooting a gun and laughing. You know, in this giraffe, some things like that, and giraffes can really hurt people.

So people are running and they're scared, and should I just don't want any kids to get hurt? Probably the people stampede over each other and crush each other to death. Yeah. You know. But maybe they all learn to live with the animals. Well that'd be interesting.

I mean, they don't have very much time. People will probably call for help very quickly. Yeah, but I guess if he's locked all the doors... Yeah, one of the chances that they can unlock them. Do you reckon the David and Rick can hold off the authorities long enough for evolution to help allow all the people trapped in Hameahol with the animals

to form a new sustainable ecosystem? Well, there's only one way to find them. Exactly. Crazy. All right, everybody. No, how does it? Oh, all right, everybody. No, how does it... All right, everybody. No, okay. All right, everybody.

I'm going to hold off the authorities with these two guns for as long as it, as I possibly get. So you get on with the business of ever evolving to live in harmony with these creatures. That's right. of ever evolving to live in harmony with these creatures. That's right, he's trying to make a point that we shouldn't have never lost our connection to animals. Yes. You know, and he's got animals crawling all over him,

he's got snails and snakes, and he's got like, you know, he's got like a cacupone on his head and he's got a sloth around his leg and things like that. And he's like, I'm a real animal freak. I don't know if that helps. I'm just gonna rope. Just an endless life on stage, whatever. Yeah, okay, we can, was there any, what was it?

Collapsible, advark, binge. Binging, streaming, binging. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of what it was. It's like a bio-dom. So it's like one of those, okay, he's creating a reality TV show, right, where people are like, you get to be in this reality TV show with David Attenborough. But it's like a bio-dominant.

Everybody would want that. Exactly. It's a bio-dome type scenario. You have to live with, you know, you know what I'm... This is it. He's run out of ecosystems to examine. So he has to create one of his own. Exactly.

He's like a non-fiction author who wants to write a creative story. Right? He's sick of reporting on ecosystems as they are. Yeah. He wants to finally have a crack at putting one together of his own. He's like a fireman who starts his own fire. He's exactly.

And he just wants to create a more interesting and a newer one that's unlike anything he's ever seen. Yes. And he's encouraging interbreeding between species. And also, all this time he's been filming these things happening in the world. He's never once intervened. That's right. He must have so much pent up intervention.

He's gonna intervene the fuck out of this ecosystem. And he's just laying down all the time now. Cause you know, he's a saw all now. And he just sort of pushes himself along on a skateboard with his let one leg. Look at that. And he points to things. And he just gets he just sort of pushes himself along on a skateboard with his let one leg like that and he points to things You you gorilla Make love to that squid And and you man

Breathe with that orchid He's got so much authority. Everybody respects him. He's an international treasure. He's probably the first international treasure. He's the most trusted man in Britain. Him and David says he can try to breathe. He told you to mate with an orchid. You trust him?

You're saying you wouldn't do that? He would probably line up about 90 types of orchids for you to try each one just to see if anyone's compatible. All right, here's a sketch. Yeah. All right. It's somebody's, it's mom's 50th birthday. Mom's 80th birthday.

Everybody's done their bits to get everything together. Who's 80th birthday? Yeah, and somebody, and everything's perfect. And then, and then it's like, oh, and Jeremy, did you get the, um, did you get the bouquet of orchids? He's like orchids, orchids. And then we see outside, there's a bouquet of, come here, mate of We just hear that

A lot of orcas a lash together I'll be back in a second. He's like Just see it in the window of who buys this big semi-trailer, which is the pool. These orchids all tied by the... It's sticking out. The paws. The pools like a vase.

These like a vase, all the orchids are lashed together by the tail. Throwing fish about the window on the back into the thing. Orcids. That makes so much more sense Bukay of Orkets, orkets Looks like you have our showtinal Bukay of Orkets, yeah, great. If you want to take us through the sketches,

I'll just stare. Sorry about all the cat awfulness in the middle. Yeah, and you know, but it was a real cat awfulness sandwich, wasn't it? I just, I fixed it by seeing what I have in sex with cats. You did. You're right. I mean, there was, oh yeah, there were, we were also a neutering catch. Neutering them on mass and also having them piss on us. But...

Well not us, but anyone who's interested. That's true, and we never said we were interested. No, I was just saying what's possible, Andy? That doesn't mean I'm interested. I very much say I'm a dreamer. Breeding cows to be a bag of nipples that they are today. So that's a farmer who started with something either, you know, sort of a proto-cow or a pumpkin or something like that. And then it's the story of how they bred them to be these big things with the big bag of nipples at the end today that we have today at the end. I mean and along that along the way I mean there would

have been periods of time in that where they would they would seem like it was never going to go anywhere. This crazy project. It was going to seem like they were never even going to have one nipple. Yeah. Maybe at one point, it started, cows just laid eggs and they didn't produce anything. Wow. They didn't even produce anything. So you take an animal that produces eggs. And you go, all right.

Let's just try to like, we're gonna take things down a different path. We do a lot of evolution. Because we want to get like a liquid that we can sort of drink. Something, you know, we already eat eggs. Right? We get them from chickens. We get them from chickens.

This is a double up. These huge, nutritious things are a real double up. Yeah, all right, Kass. You're going to have to show me something a little bit different because we've already got some chickens on the books and they've got the egg thing covered. So you come back to me. You go workshop this idea.

You come back to me in a couple of million years. I want all that. Pretty me something I can use. I want like all that stuff that's like inside an egg, right? That kind of liquid goodness that a young creature would eat or drink in there or whatever. But I want it on tap on the outside of a body. Maybe like from a nipple or something. Like milk taps, something. They're milk taps. That's what they call them. Milk taps. Tree plugs.

This is, everything's got the same plug. Everything's got the same plug. Universal Bio plug. It produces good all, which is the universal sort of bioenergy. It's kind of a liquidy, informationy, electricie, sweet, acidic. Everything you think, basically. Yeah.

And it's nutritionally balanced and it's electricity as well. Yeah, and you can get entertainment right to your eyes and it's got that little magnetic plug. Maybe a little bit of like endorphins. Some kind of like that. It'd be great. Back at the neck, put it straight in the back of your neck, like that matrix style.

Then we got the Iron Nooder. This is, it's kind of like a game show. It's filmed by a thing, but it wasn't a game show. It was a way of life for these cratered biberies. Cat, BBSM. It's an app that connects people who are into getting cats to do things. Or it's a glory whole. Yeah, glory hole thing is a lot simpler to put together. Sure I know, but then sometimes people just have a cat. They want it. It's like Airbnb. They want to make some they got these extra

cabs and BDSM Air BNBDSM Air BNBDSM I Need to I've got a real dusty, dusty old whip. I've got to get all the dust out of my whip, right? You want to get thrashed? I popped that up on Airbnb and BDSM and I can thrash my whip against you,

get all the dust out of it, and you get a thrashing. That's like with Airbnb, you have a dusty house, you get somebody to lay on the dust and absorb it all. That's what it is. Then we got butt back up. Butt back up. A couple more brains in the butt. A couple more brains in the butt. Then we got Adden Bras bio dome or Adden Bras life on stage.

Their bio dome will be a long running big brother style reality TV show where Adden Bras kind of the dictator. He's become, he's seen God's creation and he thinks he could do a better job. It's kind of like a Adden Br Dr. Murrow, but it's a bio-domodct. The island of Dr. Murrow, Tim Burrow. And then we got orchids, but he got a lot of... I always wanted to do was to make my own animal. but he got a white kid. I always wanted to do was to make my own animal.

A man half cow, half plant beast. Half hive of termites. A bombination. What would a man be like if he was a nest of termites? A nest of fish. That's a fish. A school of fish. And so that's... Thank you for listening to the show.

Thank you so much for listening to the show guys. A bit of a silly one today. I think we can all agree. We can agree. Let's get a silly one. But we had some real laughs in there. Yeah. You know, a few fake laughs as well.

Yeah, we had lots of fake laughs. Yeah, please tweet it and tell us which one, which laughs. You think we're fake? Yeah. And tell us which ones you fake laughed at. The prophecy of your own home. And the prophecy of your own home to just support us. Yeah.

Sort of an antagonizing way with that. You can follow us on Twitter at 2 in Tank. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. If you people have been following me recently, I don't know what you're there for, but anyway, I'll do a tweet for you sometime. Really nice.

We appreciate it. You can also review us on iTunes or Apple podcasts or whatever it's called these days or Stitcher. If anyone's listening to this, use a Stitcher or anything in the app that allows reviewers. Pretty sure the only person who's ever reviewed us on Stitcher was you under a false side. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I also gave us five stars. And that's that rating has stood five stars. I mean, that it's tricky as a cause you haven't given us anywhere in the room to improve their LSD. I mean, so must have cursed that five stars. I know, but I have been trying to live up to that this whole time.

Andy, I haven't given us the burden of needing to improve. That's true. In some ways, that is great weight off my shoulder. You can support us on Patreon. We also have those T-shirts available now. T-shirts available. There's a new t-shirt. There's a new t-shirt.

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Sure. Even if you have to sneak it. The birth of your newborn child. You know, like in those, like there's like those sort of pornographic things where people are kind of like you know I'm trying to show a boob in a public place or whatever. I didn't know that was the thing. I know people have sex in public. Yeah well that kind of thing. Well you try to like sneakily show us that you're wearing that t-shirt and a really public important place like. While you're issuing a national apology for something.

Exactly perfect. Some kind of crime. We appreciate that. You show us that kind of, I mean look it's a huge burden thank you for just buying a shirt. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hey Dave, you ready? visit planetbroadcasting.com for those facing homelessness, because one purchase equals one donated. Wow, did we just write an ad? Yes. Bombas.

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