Two In The Think Tank - 159 - "BELLY BUTTON FAIRY FLOSS" with NELLIE WHITE!

Episode Date: November 27, 2018

Thanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank to get the PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT or just get $5 off a festive shaver pack including many delightful goodies PLUS FREE SHIPPING!Bloody enormous thanks to the world's funniest person Nellie While for joining us on this episode.Oh, and check out Patreon supporter The Doghair Network's sweet podcasts.Shallot Samaritan, Paper Money Mache, Actual Cave Man, Bully Consultant, Street Preacher Audible, BBFF, Crow Grower, Crush Pigeon Power, Gazing Navel, Wizard BeamsDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag.And you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtbAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSteaming hot mineral thanks to George Matthews for producing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Alistair who would you consider to be the man in your life? You? Really? I'm the man in your life? You? Correct, correct, correct. Really? I'm the man in your life? Yeah. Oh, wow.

I was thinking about getting you a gift. Why do you have any ideas? I might have something for you. What's okay? I mean, not for you. I don't have a gift for you, because you're not the man in my life. I've got someone else. But it's great that I'm the man in your life.

I'm sorry, I don't treat you better. But we got something for our listeners, special offer that could be the perfect gift for this festive season. Okay. This most festive of seasons. Sure. All right, so get ready for that. Can't wait for you to tell me what it is.

Oh, I'll tell you the web address. I'll give you the metadata. Okay. And I'll see if you can work it out from that, right? Okay. Harries.com forward slash think tank and we'll say no more about it until later on in the show when I may or may not remember to give the rest of the information required by this advertisement. But wait, is it razor blades? Look, I'll say off the top, it's razor blades and associated shaving related gear. It is the perfect gift for men. You know, men can be hard to buy for. I've heard buy for because it's just hard paying money. Nobody likes to do that. No one likes to have to spend money on anything. Everyone's hard to buy for it. I actually don't like spending money. I love it. I'll do it for

my special man. Well, this is a real, this is going to be a real treat for everybody. Okay. Harry's dot com for slash think tank. Say no more about it. Something to do with razor blades and stuff that you get along with that. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh- show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy and I'm Alistair George William, Trumbly virtual and also joining us today is Natalie White. G'day G'day. Hi, Nelly White. How you doing? I'm very Australian all of a sudden. I didn't know what happened then. I just got an accent. My inner-estates. All your layers of facade fell away.

Oh my god, I'm just a shallot. You're nothing but a shallot. It's a shell, a lot. It's a shallot. Is a shallot like a root grass? Well, when I put it through the self-checkout, I pretend it's an onion. Oh, shallots are the smaller onions. Yeah.

But they're the ones that the fancy chefs use instead of onions. And also that's real plausible deniability area if they catch you doing that. You're like, I thought it was an onion. That's the plausible thing that a person might think. I just thought it was a dumb little onion. I thought it was a dumb little onion, you say. That's right. And they're like triple the price of onions. And they're also a bloody onion.

So you know what? They're like triple the price of onions, and they're also a bloody onion. So, you know what? They're part of the onion family, probably. That's an actual crime is charging that amount for Shalaks. That's right. Not what I'm doing, not the thing. You're essentially a cop. That's his natural justice. You're hard on crime.

If anything, you're a cop who should yourself go to jail for entrapment for... Thank you. You don't get a confused idea, you keep going. you're self-goated, Jail, for entrapment. For... Thank you. You don't get a confused idea, keep going. For making it too easy. For one... Oh man. No, let's get...

Well, what you could be arrested for is for being a cop who looked the other way so many times when you didn't buy Shalott's onions. Right, yeah. Because you better have to dull out crime equally, no special favors. The funny thing was when Andy was putting forth his ideas, he was actually sucking on the wrong end of a pencil. So, the lid.

The lid. And the reason why his brain stopped working was lead poisoning. Also, I pushed it real hard up in there. I'm surprised that I haven't got ink poisoning yet from writing on my hand in school. It is really surprising. Because I mean, the threat was there for so long when we were young. I know, and I don't understand why. Are you not pressing hard enough?

Probably. Do you think if you, what if you just drew specifically right on your vein endlessly? Just keep going. Is that what, is that how it gets in? Well, I mean, it's gonna get to the blood, right? It was blood poisoning or, was it? Can I just do heroin?

Like, let's go. Nelly, if I do something continuously on the vein, I mean. Yeah, I've had it's like a warm pillow. Now, I think that there was a sketch idea in the in the Shalot onion thing. Right. Yeah, and the fact that by not breaking the law, we're essentially, or by not stealing the Shalots.

We have a lot of court case sketches with strange defense. So this is like that meme that's like slavery wasn't against the law. Shallots should be against the law. But also I feel like if it's a crime. I'm going to get this podcast shut down. If it's a crime. If it's a crime. If you just said to Shalotsie or Aquilin, just slavery, we are 100% on board with that, that's very much one of the founding premises of the show.

And it's weird that I didn't do very well at the Victorian election. It's weird that you're now founding premises of podcasts and you also believe in slavery. That's like America. Oh, mm-hmm. But I feel like if this is self-giving. If there's a self-serve checkout where you can commit crimes or depending on whether you're a point of view whether or not it's a crime. There should also be some sort of little self-serve court where you should be able to prosecute yourself for that crime at the next counter along.

So they catch you stealing onions, stealing shallots, right? And the security guard or whatever that says, all right, step along over here and there's another one where you've got to beat yourself through the justice system somehow. You select your crime from the list. Self-serve justice. Self-serve justice, yeah. And then at the end, you've got to, you know, lash yourself on the back or chain yourself

to something that will put a little ankle bracelet on your leg. But unless it turns out that you're liking this sketch, you're actually turns out you're a cop now. Yeah, but if you were the cop that turns the other way, or the other times, well, that's true. You're just as bad. But what if you just end up leaving

with a cop to uniform instead of a, because what if you're just a really good at defending yourself? And also you should be allowed to self serve yourself a lawyer. Yes. You represent. They 3D print one next to you, like that, depending on how much you can afford. I think there could be a lawyer that comes over from Aldi.

Yeah, there could be a lawyer that comes over. He's also wearing a Woolworth uniform, but he's got a tie on. And he helps you with your justice, with your case, with your defense. I think we've gone to the point of too far where Nellie's like, I don't care, I remember what we're talking about. I don't know, I'm just like, I hate self-service checkouts. I can't, I feel like if they're taking people's jobs, right, which they are, because then stealing from them

is a little bit fine. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Like they stole the job to begin with. Yeah, and they replace it with a computer. So that extra money that they make, that should be up for grabs for everybody? Exactly. It's like, one that they should have, one of those like boots at the end of the self-checkout that's full of money. I just see how much money you can grab. Yeah exactly. There's a little blow around in there.

Oh man, I was left there. That would be so good. I don't know if it's possible to be happier than the people who are in those boots. They seem very stressed out. I don't know. Yeah, but I think it's a happy kind of joy, happy kind of stress, you know. It's a yeah. Who wants to be a millionaire?

Could just be that. But you could just have them to get like six, seven people per episode who do that. You ask them about their life story first, and then you put them in the thing. And then you're like, I think you're still asking about them about their life story as they're trying to grab all the money and all the wins blowing.

Sure. They can't hear you very well. But you should be allowed to put in flaming money. Great. You know what I mean? Like to up the stakes a little bit like that. Yeah. Or just blank pieces of paper.

But I think the flaming money is good because it makes them drop some of their other money when they burn their hands and that's the kind of the bit where people drop down or have the wrong answer on that. And the higher the money, the higher the sort of the dollar bills that drop down or have the wrong answer on that. And the higher the money, the higher the dollar bills that are in there, the higher the frequency of flaming money. So you could go, let's say you just wanted to do five dollar bills like that. You can go in, maybe there's one flaming dollar in there.

But if you wanna do it and it's all $100 bills, you're sort of like five flaming ones every minute like that and so that you're surrounded with fire. But like then the real difficult area is the 50s and the 20s because they already look like if they were moving around, they'd already look like flames. Does money catch fire though? This one does. This is special. It's plastic money. It's the fumes, that's the problem.

So it's like, the money's on fire and you might, it's like, how long do I have left to live? All right, we'll use American money, so think American money will burn, won't it? Oh, for sure. Good luck. I'm feel very confident, I don't know. No, but they've got paper money,

they've still got the paper bills. Or is it like a cottony? There would still be fumes, though. There's still be stuff going on in there. I think you said it on fire, but can you do paper mache with it? Right. Yeah, that's the problem. You get one to get all that money, then you can't, you know,

love to make all that paper mache. And then you're going to make a pig with a balloon in the middle. So you can make a pinata? Yeah. And put more money in there or is it just for candy? Just for candy. Yeah, great. And so this feels like a Twilight Zone episode, right, in which somebody wishes for a whole

lot of money and they get all the money but it's in the form of a paper mache pig. Oh mate, and you wouldn't be able to get it off the pig. Exactly, you can't get it off the pig and you're like, oh wow I asked for a million dollars but I wasn't expecting it to be a paper mache pig. Oh what a cruel and ironic twist. Wait like you can't get it off from the other layers of paper. Yeah it's all stuck on the pig. I don't understand what your problem is, it's pretty obvious.

The pinks made out of all the money, it's all stuck together, you can't get it off. It's not a specificity. It's a glue, it's yeah, you weren't. So like... The essence of comedy. So you, so it's the same thing you could let you like, oh I want a million dollars and then it gives it to you. But it's all under your skin. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, like those toilet seats with the coins. What? Like a resin? Yeah. There's like the resin toilet. Is that toilet seat? And it looks like it this, you're like, oh, yay! It's just a toilet toilet!

Pop with a coin on the toilet! Oh, oh, a happy day! And it looks like it this you're like oh yay Oh Happy day And then you reached out to grab it all and it's all in resin And you're like oh And you look like an idiot while these people jump out at you and they all laugh May people outing my toilet, that's my biggest problem. But, you know, you think the most shameful thing that will happen to you on the toilet when people jump out is that you'll have your pants down or something, but you don't

realize. You'll be wiping, you'll be in the middle of wiping like you're tamed or between. Wiping my dirty tamed Clean tape dirty tape. I don't want it with this I'm just like holding up my balls People can see my tape, but I don't want it seen looking at the paper with shit on it Yeah, the day we were at the we were at the shoes at the mall. During both. So you both had full of paper. What shitty paper are you

holding in your hand? How are you holding up your balls, though? Oh, with the thumb. And then using all the other fingers to wipe the tape.. Yeah, man. Yeah. Isn't that good? You're right. That's more embarrassing. Oh, the the the coins. No, you're looking at your hand that's got shit on it. So you were doing it like Indian style with one hand whilst using paper just for the taint.

Oh, so you all you, all right, can I protect the taint? I think that indicates to the people who are jumping in just how filthy your tape is, that you will wipe your ass with a bare hand, but you still won't touch your own tape. No, no, absolutely. The tape is what's the opposite of sacred. It's sacrilegious. That's worse than that. More like what's a real robby. Yeah, like I kind of like a like a like a sewer cemetery

You know like shit goes to like yeah, but we're like like where where you put the shit of dead people You know the shit that comes out of dead people. Mm-hmm. It was an episode of it was in Doctor Phil about Eight of calf guys was in, couldn't the doctor fill about that? I need to cough guys. No, that's okay. It's okay. Don't forget you got your water there. Thank you. If you need that. Bless you Andrew.

The other day we were at the mall and, I just love just pressing buttons and we went past, like a disabled toilet. The person, you pressed the button and the door came open. The person inside wasn't disabled, but it was a ladyhood forgotten to lock the door. And she's like, and ran out of the way of the door, but then like was pressing the button. Was she doing anything? She was sitting on the toilet. And she jumped off the toilet. Or else she's just sitting there with... and how do you know she wasn't disabled?

Well, I'm just saying she was not disabled enough to jump off the toilet and run to the thing. That's the test Well, look I can feel worse, but I'm just saying she was able-bodied enough that she could run to the thing in terms of pressing off. I am able-bodied enough. For me. But also, probably disabled enough to use the disabled toilets. So you're saying Otis did a good thing? Absolutely.

She had a cop in this scenario. I don't think that lady's gonna use that toilet again. Is it all of us who don't press that button? Who are the cops who are bad cops? Because they don't do anything. So when you walk past those things, you should always press the button. Or is press the button just in case there's someone

in there misusing the facilities? But also, I feel like a person who was genuinely disabled would have used these toilets enough to know about the button system and know the lock system and know how it works. I think that's probably actually a fair... And even if they're not... You should... You need to learn at some point that those...

You need to press them off by... Exactly. Because around somebody were... For a friendly face like yours... A good... You know, somebody who's doing it with good intentions... Like, such as me. Like catching you out and calling you out.

Calling you a fraud. She's a millionaire. Oh, or just teaching you a valuable lesson. I know, but what if it was a group of, of gnarly teens? In there? All pressing the button. You know, they all stand there and they laugh and point and things like that. Right? Like I turned away and left her to her own devices.

I'm like, I stand there and watch. We should applaud you. Thank you. Thank you very much. This is one of the situations where the person who walks away is the hero. Well done, LL. There you go. Like a person walking away from an explosion. It's almost as though stopping your son

from humiliating a disabled woman was the wrong thing today. This was the wrong choice. You're right. Because if you humiliated this person more, you'd have been a more powerful lesson to learn as well, wouldn't it? So do you think she would have been like a masterclass from Alice or Salkin? So you think I didn't do it enough?

And so then there's a chance that she's now putting herself in a situation where she's gonna get, or really I'm putting her in a situation. I think you should have run in and touched a bedshade of her. It's a protector or to hurt her, to choke, you know, like a restrict lighten hair from getting to her. Like a snake that would have calmed her down.

Like she's a bird in the cage. But her in a sec. Take her away. So you can find out more information about what she was up to. There should, like, shouldn't we carry body bags with us at all times? I do. I don't know.

Do you think, like, at the moment, only sort of medical professionals usually will have them? Well, I mean, now that we've got defibrillators, now we have to bring our own bags to the supermarket. That's, yeah. Yeah. You're the way pregnant. Like in the same time, a cold green body bag.

And that is another problem is that when people start dying around our, you know, it's like let's say something goes wrong and people are dying around us. We won't have as many plastic bags to protect us from the dying bodies. So now we're just going to have reusable sort of cotton, weaved bags like that that won't protect us from like germs. And they'll say stuff like this is not a body bag on the side. They'll say, yeah, sort of like, you know, like those us from germs. And they'll say stuff like, this is not a body bag on the side. They'll say, yeah, so to like, you know, like those things on Superman things,

they'll say this won't make you fly. Yeah, this won't protect you from the germs. Do you talk about toilets this month usually, or did I bring the tone down? Sometimes we talk about even worse things. I think the tone has been perfectly level. This is really impressive. And also, if you're wondering, yes, we do feel awful throughout the whole thing at all

times. And so if you're feeling awful, that's also okay. That's how you know you're doing it pretty much. It's good as we do it. I feel like I'm at home. You are. Something you mentioned before the podcast made me think about the idea. We didn't speak before the podcast.

You're right. Lier. Did not even make eye contact. We sat down in silence until I melted the word go now. And I was trying to tell you to go now. Get out of here, man. But you're talking about first aid, that you've done first aid. And I feel like really the first aid, because you talked about somebody who collapsed into

the recovery position. And I think that really that's like zero with aid. That's before first aid, right? Because the first person on the scene is the victim, right? So there should be a lesson about how to, like, you should have a victim, you know, instead of a first aid certificate, you should have a zero aid certificate for victims of injury, knowing how to get injured better or injured in such a way. If you are going to faint, faint into the fetal, no.

Recovery. Recovery position. They're not dissimilar positions to be honest. They're not. Yeah. They're not. One's just kind of usually got one bench leg rather than two. The unborn child is really recovering from nothingness. From non-existence. Non-existence, the greatest injury of all. Except for death. That's true. Second greatest injury. Yeah, there's no coming back from that one. But it's kind of

pre-death. People die and come back all the time. You're exactly right. Talking about permanent death. Permanent death. Yeah. Permanent death. This this is good night for a man takes to it permanent death but then also people do come back from sort of not being born by being born by being born Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Oh. Mmm. Mmm.

Wait, okay, so you were going into zero. Zero Thaid, you know, I feel like like a course, you know, have you go along to this in John's place. Yeah. And I think there's a lot of pressure on the first eight people, the first responders, but what about the victim? They're the real first ones. But then are you a hero if you, if you help yourself in that way? Yes! That's why

alcoholics are heroes. Why? Well, like if you smoke yourself to that you'll end up being in hospital inevitably, right? And like you have lots of lung stuff, it's very expensive. Dry death for your family. Yeah, exactly. So smirking is real bad. But alcoholics, they just drink themselves to death. They see their pain with alcohol and eventually die at home. Really? Yeah.

Alcoholics are underrated. Yeah, I think you're right. It's a selfless. And so is that? That's yeah. Right. So then they don't even get injured. So that's not better than home. Except that drink drivers and stuff. Yeah, the drink yeah, so then they don't even get injured. So that's a bad

Drink drivers and stuff. Yeah, the strip drivers. Yeah, and then there's violent drunks Yeah, they're not heroes Except for when they die Then they really take a violent drunk off the streets Yeah Yeah, then they're really good hero, because then they kind of put, it was like a citizen's arrest that went wrong. So they were a violent drunk and then they had a real change of heart,

meaning that their heart changed from one that beats to one that doesn't. Yes, and they stopped being a violent drunk. And also somebody that killed violent drunk. Yes. Kind of like Batman. I think if there was another Batman, he would kill like Batman. I think if there was another Batman he would kill that Batman.

Because he would... Play because he'd be like, you don't play taxes. Yeah, you don't pay taxes and you're hurting people. You're using violence instead of spending all your money on saving people and campaigns. It does feel like Batman was probably concealing a lot of his wealth, wasn't he? Like all that secret stuff he had under caves and... Cain fighting. ...prime fighting stuff.

Like that would have all been off the books. I reckon that was a big write off for him. He had some kind of laundering thing going on, you know? Yeah, that man's not that great. Yeah, but also a lot of those caves and stuff like that that are under those buildings or whatever. I bet she doesn't have a license for those. No permits.

No permits. No permits. Unlicensed cave. Unlicensed cave, he's been done. I can't get a piece. I got it's piece. It's got it's piece. Piece. Piece plates.

I see, because it's a driving cave. It's a driving cave for sure. I mean, here we go. I can't view. That's why twilight zone episodes are so easy to write. You see, I let me we've got money on pig money and arm But then also driving cave

The guy wishes to be the best driver in the world But then when his wish comes true, he becomes a cave And he's the greatest driver But he's a cave and a cave, what is a cave? Turns out it's just the space inside the cave really. And that's an absence of anything, so he turns into nothingness. And then he doesn't exist.

But he's still the greatest driver. But that's where self-driving cars come from. He's the first self-driving car. I feel like this is an awesome point in the podcast that put in the Twilight Team music. We don't do any editing. That makes sense. I wouldn't either. How does the twilight theme music go?

Bing bong bang bong. Bing bong bang bong bong bang bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong bong I've never watched a single episode of The Twilight Zone. I have watched a couple. It's fun. It is fun. It's just like one idea and they really drag it out. So it's like that black mirror. Yeah, but black mirror feels like there's more stuff along the way. You know, they fill it out. They drag it out, but they fill it out.

And it's making some point about how technology is going to hurt us. Yeah. Which, whereas Twilight Zone made some point about how the devil might try and trick you. Yeah. Or being a cave won't be as good. The council should get involved with K-Smore. If you were in one of these sort of, I know we were going to take a back to public toilet. Hey, you take us wherever you need to take us.

But let's say you were sort of holding up your balls or your vagina and showing your taint in your flaps. Your flaps pardon me. How did? And sort of holding- You say inclusive language, I apologize. I apologize. Flaps is good because I feel like flaps covers their men's stuff as well.

Testicular bags are just flaps. They're just outer labia that's been sealed up. Yeah, it's just a full flap. Are they the egg sacks? I think that's our clitoris. No, your clitoris is in your butt. I think you see this, the G-spot, isn't it? You're men are very badly designed.

Oh yeah, for sure. Women have a 9cm long clitoris that's buried under the ground. That's fine. Many of the bad. You need like a mining operation to set a being able to... On earth! It's so weird to think that it goes nine centimeter deep. And it's all there.

It's like a bar, but it could go point can kill Steve Allen. And then you would just try to like shave down their skin to get to like wear down their skin to get so that the clitoris is closer to the surface. It really is the clit of the iceberg, isn't it? It's the clit of the iceberg, I'm so sorry. We just said what he said, why are you apologizing? He's apologizing for me.

I'm apologizing for our shared minds. Are you apologizing to the listeners? I'm apologizing to everyone. Yeah, you don't have to apologize. I can wear it. You know? He's a bad boy. Yeah, it just feels like I mean look I could be wrong, but it feels like there's the clitoris been placed in a bit like slightly wrong position Like not the not the actual exposed part, but the inner part is it not like is it's like not close enough to the surface to be useful to be useful?

It's really because it's like an evolutionary framing. It's like it doesn't do anything except provide pleasure. But I feel like maybe we're maybe we're wrong there. Maybe we're wrong. You know, it's like tonsils. You know, they go, they don't do anything. And then they take them out and they go, turns out they've got this cool little purpose that helps prevent, you know, some cancer from happening. It's like it really, they release some... Yeah, really? Yeah, like I think everything that they're like, this doesn't do anything, they go, oh

yeah. This does do anything you get rid of that. You get rid of that, you know, like, and then... Cut off your butt. Yeah, cut off your butt. You don't need that. And then tell you what. What about the appendix, what does it seem like, appendix thing?

I think appendix also, it's like, they're all glands of some sort that release some chemical. I think there might have been one recently where they were saying, oh, actually Alzheimer's might start in the appendix. And they said, actually, Alzheimer's might be good for you. It actually probably releases some kind of thing that stops you getting your worst mental illness.

Yeah, rock, rock brain. That's what your brain turns mental illness. Yeah, rock, rock brain. That's what your brain turns to liquid. Oh, no. It's a real misnomer. Yeah. Thanks for going by somebody with Alzheimer's. I didn't know what they were doing. But the appendix, so it does do something, which is give a really plausible excuse for teenagers to get out of things. That's period, it's pronounced period. Sorry, period.

A period did. You had to be missed out on that. Yeah, it was real nice. I mean, it would have been great to... It's a super tree. Yeah, you like it? It's a lot of sure. What you mean, they're getting out of things or or the having a period? I'll definitely having it.

I love it. It's chunks, it's ebbs, it's floes. I guess guys have getting bullied. So allows us to get out of things, you know? Did you get bullied? Hmm. What did they bully you about? I just want to know so I can use it.

Yeah. Well one guy, one guy nipple crippled me a lot. Oh shit. Yeah, yeah, I would start just walking around at lunch, just so that I was never in a fixed position, so they couldn't find me. Yeah. But then you run into Max Denley, because you're walking around so much.

So this is like a group of bullies or something? That could just be one guy. You're one guy, like a solo bullie. No, you've got friends. But like, oh, so he's in a group. Maybe I could just be just one guy. It was just, But if you bumped into like one guy, one on one, he would nipple-gripple you.

We could, yeah. That's, that's real intense. Like I always picture this stuff is like, you know, a group and they get courage from the group. And, you know, but like one-on-one, that's so like- Oh, some people just have courage, you know? So you have never understood that. He was one of the bravest people I've ever had. He was a hero.

Yeah, I mean- Did you get bullied Andy? I did all the other ways, please, Deppie. He was weird. I don't know. I think if I was bullied, I didn't notice in some way. Just having a good time. I somehow sort of like, coasted through.

I don't really remember being bullied anyway, but then also I don't really remember school very much at all. Yeah, I remember like a couple of things that happened. It's possible I was bullied in there, but you know, I was also, I was embarrassed a lot, but that was all internal. That's just personal stuff. Could there be a... I remember that, but I just don't remember that.

Could there be like a bully situation here, like as in terms of attempting this sketch idea here? Whoa. Where somebody confronts their bully. Hmm. Later on, maybe there are 35 and this one guy was a Irish age, why would you think of that age? The number at random. Perhaps there, you know, perhaps it's still bothers them or something like that and they

decided to confront their bully and their bully was like, but I was trying to help you. I was trying to teach you. Have you ever seen the movie Whiplash? Oh, God. I was trying to make you very good at the clarinet. And then you know, I haven't played the clarinet in 10 years because that's on you, buddy. I did my play. I did everything when, when were you good at the clarinet last time was your 10 bingo. I did the clarinet at the school, right? And Dean Lately. Dean Lately?

Dean Lately. Dean Lately. The coach of the North Melbourne football club made fun of me for failing exam, speaking of bullying. Wait. What? Okay, so Dean Lately is a football player. He was a football player then, then he coached North Melbourne for, he played for North Melbourne, then he coached North Melbourne.

Did he go to school with you? No, he was there to do a training thing. He was there to bully the players. A training thing, you know those things where they made the footballs come and like you do hand bowls and stuff. And I was crying because I failed my, no I got to see in my grade three clarinet exam and you said that. See stands for clarinet. Exactly. The ultimate thing. That should be the A of the clarinet exam. And he was like no wonder you failed and I was like god damn it Dean lately.

I'm not. Who are you? He said no wonder you failed because you were crying. Yeah. Were you crying like in sort of short, short gasps that don't make for like a consistent night and a woodwind instrument? What a terrible umbership. Handballing to this. Hello, but you failure.

Cry into this. No wonder you failed. Well, I wasn't crying before the exam. Oh man, how is Brito? You know Albu Albu Sure basically just means enmouthment. Really? Enmouthment. Sounds better in French. Yeah. No wonder. And you're enmouthment around this thing. Do you think that if they discovered that bullying was positive, like you said, for your clarinet playing, that there could be a situation in which office places start hiring

bullies in and that sort of thing, you get like a consultant bully who comes in and bullies people, maybe just for a couple of hours a week or something like that. But it's also good they've got to, they've got a, the consultant has to come in and be able to find ways of bullying That gets around current bullying laws. Yeah, that's because they would you know I guess they would be the most knowledgeable of like what the bullying laws are themselves of course It's like a tax consultant or something like yeah, you know, they can know how to Manipulate your tax affairs is similar with human relations a little person HR expert and you know one of the big four Rather than big four counting firms. It's one of the just the big four guys. Yeah, pull big guys

And they're just the very but there's also women's bullies. You're right. There are women's bullies Mingles yesterday, so I know about this Yeah, you're absolutely right now Paul Jones It's a burn book. That's when you say main things about people you put in a book Is that in mean girls? Yeah, and so every time they burn somebody they would just write it down and go, I told her she was no good. Yeah, this place gets hit by a volcano and they unerth it. Yeah, they'll be like, no good. Good thing to know about Samantha. That would be so. That is a good burn though.

If in 2000 years the only record of your existence is in this burn book that says you were no good. That's all that a future civilization on Earth is unerse. That's all the stuff that we find these old scrolls and they're all just a record of how much wine somebody bought in an old clay barrel or something like that. Yeah, they found a guy who was masturbating on Cree. Anyway, that's unrelated. His name is Alan. He's not welcome back at the museum.

Come back. Come back Alan. Once back, come back out. Once you've changed your ways. Was he at the end of a labyrinth? I bet he thought he could get some peace and quiet. You know, you go, once I got rid of the minor tool, it would have been a great place to go and just masturbate in the center of the labyrinth.

You know, but nobody's gonna walk in on you. Especially when you live with your parents, you know, you live in your parents, you got nowhere where you can masturbate or have sex other than your room. And you hear a volcano's coming. And you hear a volcano's cutting, you go and you go straight to that lab.

That's fine. Better find a picture of a sexy military. Yeah, like just a wood carving. Oh yeah. Back in the day, they didn't have photos. So you probably just had to like, somebody did like a print that they chipped out of a wood board and stuck it in the day, they didn't have photos, so you probably just had somebody like a print that they chipped out of a wood board and stuck it in some like, you know, there's a crushed

beetle that you get a pigment from. Shalak? Get some crushed beetle like that, press it up against a big other piece of wood, get that and jerk. That's a good recipe. Guys can be hard to buy for it the holidays. You know, that's the thing about men, they're hard to buy for. It's hard to know what to get a man as a gift for the holidays, as a holiday gift. And I think a great thing to get is Harry's.

What's that? Harry's, Harry's raises. What do they do? Well, I'll tell you what they do. Okay, they take a lot of the hassle out of shaving. You don't have to go down to the shop, fiddle around, get the person to get the raises from behind the counter. They always cost heaps and heaps of money.

Right? No, you just sign up to Harry's. Go to Harry's.com-forth-slash-think-tank. You sign up, right? You can get somebody a gift pack, starting at 10 bucks. What's in there? It's, well, in the gift pack. Yeah. I don't know what's in the gift pack. It just says, gift packs starting at ten dollars.

But here's another offer that I can tell you what's in. If our listeners go to harrys.com for a slash think tank and they can get five dollars off their first order and free shipping. Five dollars off your first order. Not even your first order. This is first order and free shipping. $5 off your first order. Not even your first order, this is for new and returning customers. So if you've already bought some harries, maybe you got one of the previous offers

that we were offering you, you can go back now. There's a returning customer and you can get $5 off your order and you get free shipping. So you could be perfectly shaved for Christmas today. You could be smooth, smooth as the fall and snow. On the baby's bottom bottom and the baby's bum Yeah, and with that you with that like oh you get you can get a limited edition holiday set

Little Christmas tree I'm talking a special little gift box. Yeah, little designer gift box You get yourself a weighted ergonomic handle you get yourself a five blade razor with that little special bit to do it under the nose. Yeah, and you're talking cream here? Yeah, you're talking a shaming cream, which I'm going to keep down the Harry's guys. I've got to make one that can eat. Yeah.

One that I can eat. All right. No one's got in touch with me from the Harry's guys. I know they're listening to this as well, because they told us when we did the ad wrong last time. That's cool. Yeah. So if they're listening to that, why can't they get in touch and say what they're doing about making this edible shaving foam? Made in the edible delicious shape. Why do you want love flavor? Mint. It smells, it's already smells minty. Minty cream.

No, it doesn't. It smells like minty cream. No, it doesn't. It smells like minty cream. Mane's face cream. That's what's missing. Or yeah, if they can't make it edible, at least put edible flavors into the unedible one. I'm just taking down these ideas. T and mayonnaise. I mean, what's that? I mean, to mayonnaise.

I think if it's smell like mayonnaise and still wasn't edible, I'd really have some questions because why are you making it smell like mayonnaise if it's not edible? What does mayonnaise smell like? It smells like an oil. Yeah, or vinegar. A little of an ingredient.

I think it's mostly vinegar. I think if you've ever to smell it, you'll come back to me and you'll apologize and say you're right, it was mostly... I recently made mayonnaise and it mostly smelled like the strong olive oil that I used. May, you can't use the strong olive oil. That's what you try to tell me.

That's what you try to tell me. We're still dead. You know that you have an option to engrave the handle. What? Yeah, the way the ergonomic handle that Harry's handle, you got to watch option to engrave it. Anyway, I've got to read this text verbatim. Get your holiday shopping done early, free shipping ends on December 12th. So act now, go to harrys.com for a slash think tank, get a $5 off of a chave set while supplies

last. That's harrys.com for a slash think tank. Thanks everyone. Thanks to harrys for supporting the show. Natalie, would you have her? For a familiar, sorry. Would you? I'm sorry, harrys. Would you? I'm sorry Harry, sweet. We'll never have her all again. She's done. She's finished.

All right? I'm like missing parts. What's missing parts? Like parts when you're shaving? Wait, what parts are missing? I just get, I miss bits when I'm shaving. Not shaving all the parts. Not like different parts of the razor or missing or whatever.

No, that's also at least a poor performance show. Yeah. Not with Harry's. No. No. You're trying to get back in the good books. You know what you said. You know what you said.

Daddy Harry. Is this like is this a sketch? Right. So there's people who shout about Jesus on, on St. Corners? Yeah. But they're sponsored by Harry's. Sure. I mean, so this is how we can get more, more ad revenue.

Yeah. Something. It's just, well, I don't know. I guess it's something so that they've got a platform. They've got an audience. Yeah. Right. Why don't they monetize it?

It feels like you have to help them to be able to keep doing what they're doing. You know, Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career and a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill.

Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu Just to broaden it to what I think more people would be familiar with. And I know that I'm just not using the name of the company that we're currently being used. Sure, you don't have to associate it with them. But I feel like maybe they would advertise Audible? Yeah, absolutely.

Audible.com get $15 off your first purchase. Yeah. And then going back to chatting about how Jesus is going to return. And then you could put a job. You could put a little joke in. Oh, that'd be great. In like what his URL would be. Yeah. And also his recommended book of the week. So say I look up here, you know, what am I doing here? Looking up the the Bible. The Old Testament. Maybe what do you think is The Old Testament, maybe. What do you think is better? Old Testament, New Testament.

I'm Jewish, that's very offensive. Well, Old Testament is Jewish, right? No, exactly. I'm not really Jewish. I'm not really Jewish. Not really Jewish. I hate those yellows. Tell them to shut up.

That's what I say. Yeah, yeah, that's what I say too. I mean you could do it in regular conversation. You could do it just with learner ticks. Just people just sort of rambling to themselves. It could happen at. You get two Bible yellows and have a Bible yellow. Mmm, juleling. How come it's like the Bible yellows? How a Bible yellow off. Mmm, juleing. How come it's not like the Bible yellows? How come there's no like, what's the,

there's no Torah yellows? I do not, I actually don't know. I don't know why they're not. What just like conservatives that yellow out about how it can be... But if there's only a Bible, they only use the Torah. Oh, Torah, yeah. Which only use the Torah. Torah. Yeah.

Which one is the Torah? That's the Jew one. Well, the Jewish uses the Torah and the Old Testament doesn't? That's a fake question. Maybe, is the Torah still written in Hebrew? Or are they translated in Hebrew? Yeah, they definitely dropped it in Temple once.

We would have from my... So you're not Jewish? You are Jewish. I'm my dad's Jewish. And to be Jewish, you're my must to be Jewish. All right. Sorry to hear. That's fine.

I made a pace with it. Yeah, great. I take the bagels, I leave the rest. I love bagels. How could it be though? I don't think that that good. Have you ever had the fresh ones from Montreal? No.

I think you should be ashamed. I think you came back at me real hard there and I had nothing. I just go, I think. I thought I was squaring up for debate. You know, I just think that what we encounter here in Australia is sort of like a lesser bagel a lot of the time. I haven't been to a lot of the fresh bagel places here. The same as the celebrities that we get on our reality TV shows. Exactly like that. And bagels are the Sophie Monk of bagels. Exactly. And like Sophie Monk bagels never wear underwear, apparently. That's

everywhere, apparently. That's a thing somebody she told people. Bagels never wear underwear seats. Is that the hole? Is that the underwear? The underwear is the hole. Okay. That's a three-decent idea. What would underwear for bagels look like? Well, they'll be really difficult. No, no, no. It would just be a plug. A plug?

A plug? I think you could have one of those G strings with just the little, you know, so you got the three strings that go around and they create a little triangle over the front hole and then they create a smaller triangle over the back hole. But the holes are the same size front and back. I know.

Wow. But it's just so you know which one's the front one. You know which one's the front one. The back. That is good to know. Can you tell on a normal bagel which one's the problem? Well, because the bottom's the bottom's flatter and the top is rounder.

Hmm. And why do you like bagels? Why don't I? Yeah. And two dense. Yeah, I think that's because we like you get the supermarket bagels and. And you see where you're you're you're you're you're

you're dismissing me is saying like I'm some supermarket bagel fuck. Well, you just dismissed them as being too dense and that's a real, it's a supermarket bagel fuck kind of criticism. I always ask for the mud bagel, is that wrong? No, no, that's the perfect thing to ask for. So you're just getting them from the wrong place. You know like dense foods?

What about beetroot? I don't like, I don't. Oh, beetroot is the worst food. I don't like dense foods? What about beetroot? I don't like I don't Beetroot is the worst food. I don't like dense breads Dense breads. I don't like dense breads. All the breads that you make are very dense That I make yeah, they dance they were dense they get less dense. I'm getting better at it And I don't like the dense ones. That's why I'm striving for lack of density So you like a you like a French preusse deal? That's too airy I think. Yeah and a little sweet and stuff. I just like an airy bread. Anyway, it's fun. Airy bread. It's not fine. No problem. Yeah. No problem. Yeah. Well, it's not okay. I think the pressure they are, they're

much lighter and fluffier. I think they kind of absorb the moisture in the air or something. Would you consider that to be a flaw with the bagel? The fact that it absorbs the moisture out of the air gets a little dense somehow. I guess if a flaw is something that, you know, like if something is flawed just because you don't like it. I'm glad we're on the same page. Bagel flaws. Bagel flaws. Bagel flaws.

What are you- Do you reject Supermarket Bagels? Look, I don't reject them entirely. I'm just saying, I'm just trying to corner Andy and trying to find ways why his beliefs are not good. Oh. You know why you should get on a straight corner, be like, bagels are bad.

Yeah. The bagel, bagels are bad. Yeah, the bagel, hate bagel preacher. I love bagels, there's something down, it's so good. It's like a sweet quality door, which is probably what you're object to. There's like a cakey quality. So tell me what I object. Yeah, no, no, that's what you object to though, isn't it? That might be accurate, but don't say it out loud. I think that's the other thing with hate for you. I think you'll think you have donuts

Nelly, oh mate. I love a donut, too. Yeah, you know, I don't like donuts. I don't like donuts that are not dense enough I like a dense donut. I only like the cinnamon donuts Really? You caved real quick. That's some I like, I mean I'll eat them and I don't want it coming back to me. I don't want people being like, you said it on a podcast. But my infinite preference is that I'm surprised you didn't get you a donut. That's like my number one.

I don't really like filled donuts so much that you swayed most of the time. Yeah, and then you arrive. What if they filled them with something savory, like gravy or something? Gravery. You know what, I have a lot of time for cheese and chives stuff. Really?

Cheese chive, donut, maybe. Do you ever get one of those things from like bread top? Get one of those breads that's just got like a hot dog in it? You know what, that is light breads, and that's your heaven and you. But it's too light. I know. But I findads and that's your heaven. That's too light. I know. I find it too light too. It's too light.

Absolutely. Bread top is way too light. Everything there is just like air and sweet and. Hot dog floss. Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't like that. Hot dog floss. I like pork stuff.

Oh, it's brutal. Can you, is there some way that we can get like a fairy floss thing going, but it's hot dog. Hot dog floss. Have you ever used the fairy floss machine? It's a nightmare. It gets in everything little grains of sugar It's all for a painful. I'm having flashbacks. I have done that one time and it was really unpleasant There is sticky What is it?

Like the cone. It's just a card board cone. It's not a stick. It's like a popsicle stick a long popsicle stick Yeah, and then you just, and then it just kind of just comes around. It just comes around. So it's essentially like candy lint. Yeah. Why didn't they call it candy lint? Yeah. Oh, it should be stored like instead of the stick, you should just get it like, you should get a big cardboard belly button like that. And instead of spinning it around, you kind of just get your hands in there and you act like the hairs of your t-shirt on the belly. Bundle it in. It sounds like that and you bundle it in like that and then you just eat it out of the belly

button. Would you be able to identify a belly button with the context of a belly? Would I be able to identify a belly button within the context of a belly? Without the context of a belly. Yeah. I think so. I think this is like coming back to what it means to context of a belly. We doubt the context of a belly. Yeah, I think so. I think this is like coming back to what it means to just be a cave. The guy wants to be the best driver of all time. And he does, but he becomes a belly button.

Oh man, better write that down. I think they're all the same. I think, like, belly button lint, that thing that you're talking about. Belly Button Lint, Fairy Floss. Belly Floss is a sketch. I think there's some kind of, you know, alpha show, festival carnival type thing and the carnies are there and they're offering it there. And it's a Belly Button kind of cone. It's a pink cone Sure, I think a pink cone would look a lot like a belly button and or flask my bones of brown

I know I'm not brown and real sorry. Sorry. So whatever whatever kind of flesh I like I like I like how diverse your Your view of belly buttons this you know, Actually, I was wrong. To me, a belly button is albino. Every button, belly button is completely albino. You don't see belly button color. Yeah, and also my eyes are affected by the albinism as well. And so I have pink eyes.

That's what I think. When I think of a belly button, I think that the belly button is itself really white and my eyes are pink. Imagine if you look inside a belly button and it just went on, I opened. That's a lot like a conversation that Alistair and I had at work, but we weren't talking about belly buttons. Yeah. You were talking about something else.

Junk, buttholes. No, we. We hold. We. Weholes. Weholes of Jhinon. Well, at the time we were talking about the male piss slit. At work, you say? Yes, yes. If people were wondering what were, if we're the same at work as we are on the podcast,

how I would the eye have gotten into that belly button? That's a good question. I would pay someone to put it in. So you would pay somebody to put it in your belly button? And is this to? Can you play cards from my vegetables? To scare animals that are trying to get crow, wait. Not to scare animals that are trying to get crow wait not to scare animals that are trying to get the crows on your vegetables.

So you've got vegetables and there's crows eating them. For you, they're the crows are being preyed on by animals or foxes or something. No, no, no, for you, I was scared my, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, that's right. He did love pigeons and that's why I became a boxer because somebody crushed one of his pigeons in front of him Really yeah, wow, and I'm hoping that I'm You're hoping that it does I mean, I probably don't have as much natural talent as Mike does and so you're probably gonna have to crush quite a few pigeons in front of me to really give you to the same level. I'm not feeling it yet. Keep going.

So far it's only maybe a little thirsty. And then eventually I'll be like, dance, dance, dance. You're climbing the stairs but around are just pigeon parkuses every week. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- It's weird how much I love them but I need them crushed for my boxing career. That's really good. Do we have some words from a listener Alistair? Yeah, wait. Nelly White every episode we get three words from one of our Patreon supporters. They're very, very good people and they send us in words and we use them to inspire us

to come up with a sketch idea. Oh fantastic, I love support. It keeps me going. Nelly, that's absolutely the right attitude. You know what, I love bringing other people in. Great. So that they can look at my belly button. With my birds.

Let's see what it's about my career. So the belly button is there to scare off the animals, the mammals that try to eat your crows that you've been attracting with the crops. Now they're pigeons. It's scare where the animals that are going to kill the pigeons, because she needs to save the pigeons to be crushed by people to fuel her boxing career. Yeah, they're private pigeons. Yeah, these are medicinal. These are sports medicine pigeons.

They're motivational pigeons. Yeah, they've been trained to have an effect on me. All right. Because you can't do anything internal for, you know, sports, you can't take drugs and that kind of thing. There's no, there's no sports that happen inside your body. That's true. That's true.

That's true. You know, there's no internal sports. All the sports happen outside. Inside. Let's see, what about a ball? What's a ball that you could put in your body? I can make a fake testicle. Like a fake testicle?

Yes. Yes. Now, how do you put it in the bag or do you swallow it? And it's like a race who can pass the testicle? No, because people get rid of testicles all the time. And they explain that statement. Well, sometimes they get toxic. And so...

Toxic testicle. Yeah, if you get cancer or something, they'll cut it out. Okay, but they don't just get toxic. Like a good testicle doesn't just go bad. Sometimes. They might find... It has to be cancerous or something. Yeah, exactly. So then they get rid of it and

Then they sell in a fake bowl so people don't feel upset. Sure. All right, right And then you got to dunk that bowl into a tiny basketball. Wait, which one the one that's in the bag now that's sewn in or the one that's been taken out No, that one's bad. The one that's bad, you gotta keep it within you. Hmm. Okay, so you gotta just dunk your balls into a basketball? So when they put the new ball in, they also put in a hoop. They're putting a little bit of a sack. Of course, a ball in a cup kind of scenario.

Exactly, a dick hoop. I like it, yeah. And so is it inside the dick? Do you, or is it in the bag? I think it's got a ball to your dick. Same straights in the ball. Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know how like, if you sort of use your muscles,

you can sort of pull the balls up into your body a little bit. Is that true? Yeah. Is that the thing that into your body a little bit. Is that true? Yeah, yeah. That's the thing that we can do a little bit. Can you do it now? Yes, I already was, I already got twice. Nelly, we're both doing that. Yeah.

It's amazing, we're going with. That's where the testicles go when a guy orgasms. That's the first time I've ever done something with my balls because somebody asked me to, by the way. It was because I wanted to humiliate them. And this hour was the first time that I hadn't done something with my balls somebody had asked me. Anyway, okay. Words from a listener. Words from a listener.

But I mean, I haven't finished with this internal ball sport, but maybe that's for another time. That's another story for me, though. Why not? That bad man. Like a shuttlecock. I mean, you could just swallow a shuttlecock and then who can pass the shuttlecock the fastest?

But you gotta weigh it out. Sure. Like you gotta pass it, you gotta get it into your, that's a problem, you gotta weigh it out. Sure. Like you got to pass it, you got to get it into your, that's the problem, you got to get it into your bladder. Using your mind. They call it the internal Everest. I think we watched a movie about that one. The internal Everest? I don't know what movie about that one. The eternal universe. I don't know what's really all the way. What was that movie?

It's called Mountain. All right, internal and now. Yeah, it was called Mountain's with a mountain. And then the whole thing, it felt like it was like some a strong celebrated, a strong documentary filmmaker who's made it. Yeah. Right.

And just so you know, when we went and saw the website had linked to a movie that said that it was about a young Jewish girl trying to get out of the sex trade or who had gotten the sex trade that got involved with some bad people. Something like that, right? That's what we went to go see. Anyway, we went and saw this movie and it ended up being like somebody who was like, right, mountains 101.

I got a GoPro and I'm not skittiest. Yeah, you go. Mountains have been a symbol of human challenges for an eternity. Have you ever seen someone ski? Did you know Sherpas go up mountains and people climb mountains and things like that and you go Jesus Christ and then some boy yeah exactly it was like why don't we get a bit of a lot relief with the sixth trade bit yeah this she is on a ski do. Yeah. Wow, she's really out of that sixth train. Yay! You're family won't reject you now!

Be safe in the water. Bitch. Watch out for the shark bit. Oh, she's having some surf and turf. I don't know why. Just imagine her to chalet at that point. Yeah, I can imagine that being real depressing. Yeah.

But the best bit is that Alston knows that I love walking out of movies. So he's always like, do you want to leave? And I'm like, yes. That's my favorite thing. And when we got delayed, when we didn't have to see the whole thing. It was really good. It does sound good.

Anyway, there's three words from a listener. These three words from a listener. The listener who donated to the podcast Patreon is actually not a person with just a name. They've gone under their podcast network's name. Hey. The dog hair network. Oh, the dog hair network. Yeah, great. They've they've gone under their podcast networks name. Hey The dog hair network. Oh the dog hair network. Yeah, great We've had some lovely communication with the dog hair network on Twitter I believe we're possibly going to appear on one of their podcasts in December We've been invited. We've been invited and I think we're gonna try and make it happen. Yeah, but they're in Scotland

And so the time zone at the moment is a bit different. I wish you'd said that at the start, I would have listened more. I love Scottish people. Well, you should listen to the dog hair network. No, I won't, but still. I'm gonna tell you at the start of every conversation that the people in it is Scottish. Just to hold your attention.

It's all wood, I love. Nelly, I'm Scottish. Oh, hello. He actually is. Alistair was born in Scotland. What? Yeah, born in Aberdeen. Alistair was born in Scotland. What? Yeah, it was born in Aberdeen. Like a web of lies.

I'll be a date. You're just like, are you from Canada? Are you from Bega? Or are you from Scotland? Yeah, I know. It's crazy, isn't it? What a web. What a web.

What a tangled web. I love it. I love it. Alistair, I love it. This is the episode where I really get roasted. I love it. Alistair, I love it. This is the episode where I really get roasted. There are three words. Thank you, Dog Hair Network for your words.

I'm going to link to your podcast in the show notes. Great. Please check out the Dog Hair Network. Now, the three words are huge wizard and balloon. Right. Well, I mean, already a wizard is automatically big, a better if they're bigger. I imagine, because you can probably fit more magic in them.

That just makes sense. Sure, they might be angrier, because they're bullied. Like being big. Yeah. Really? Because I think you already think of a wizard as kind of like being the nerds of the Betty Evelia.

Yeah, yeah. But then again, maybe that magic was thrust upon them. Or do you become a wizard by kind of like studying and getting into dungeons and dragons and stuff like that? Is it like hackers? Are they kind of like the hackers? They go to the fifth section of the library. Is that how you actually gain magical powers?

Yeah. It is like that in books where it's like you get the magic, it is very sort of playing into the nerds and their insecurities and that sort of thing. You always get the magic and the power from like studying and reading old books and stuff. There's never like a wizard story where you get power by like running really fast

and catching a ball and then kissing a bunch of people. The sports wizard. Yeah, the sports wizard, you know, is a is a jock, is a wizarding jock and he gets. Oh Harry Potter, they've got the freaking. That's sport. Yeah. The snitch thing. Golden snitch. That's true, but I don't I don't think doing that makes the more magical. Like, okay, it's a series of, it's a series of wizarding books in which people get, get more magical just by going to the gym and working out really hard just like getting real buzz. Oh, I see. I get more magical by studying and locking golden nuggets, etc. Golden nuggets, yeah,, it's a titter. Like, they're, they're, they're shitting golden nuggets.

Oh, mate. But, I mean, there is that contrast between somebody being like a ripped dumb buff asshole, because obviously muscles mean stupidity. Mm-hmm. And then also having super magic powers where they can like bring make sort of trees come to life. One thing I love about going to the gym is whenever there's a huge dude they always have the highest voice. So whenever I'm picking up a super big way which I do on the red, then if a guy wants to use a neck he he'll be like, excuse me, can I have a neck? And I'm like, your voice doesn't match with your physique. And you tell him that, don't you?

Oh, I mentioned it. And then you get taken to some kind of dispillenery thing at the gym. Have you ever been disciplined at the gym? Once for not bringing your towel. What do they say? They just go, excuse me. Where's your towel?

And I was like, it's in the car and then I left it and you come back because I didn't have a towel. So wait, like, that was after you used the machine? Yeah. Yeah, right. I was using a Sterey Masta. I feel like you sweat on those much. I think as somebody noticed and complained and they're like, where's our towel?

So it's like, no. Yeah, I know. Jim Cops. So it's already like, like what's in West Germany or whatever during the, what's the Gospacho? What are they called? What are they called? The cults of matter police. They were, they were called.

They were notoriously called. Yeah. What are they calling it? Gestapo. Yeah, it's very close, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I reckon a few people made that joke in Western, under the jackpot of the the regime. Yeah, probably laughed and laughed. Probably kept

Now, now imagine that. So you're in the gym, right? People are spying on each other. They're dobbin each other in. Right? Not just that. The people with huge muscles now have magical power. They're also, they're also wizards. And they can, they can do balloon animals really well. Not a cool thing. No, this is not cool. This is wizardry. Okay.

I don't know what kind of wizard you want to be. Bumish, one with big muscles. I want to be witty and taught of wizard you want to be? I want to shit one with big muscles. I want to be weighty and taught. You want to be taught? Toad, weighty wizard. Like just thin, like a, like a long distance runner. Sure, for sure. Worry.

Yeah. What kind of a, does your, what if your shape affects how, what the kind of magic does it does your mode if your shape affects how? What the kind of magic you can do if I've got to be always with big muscles No, no But you could do you could do you could do my magic but Like you know you can shoot that beam the beam will always be the width of your forearm That beam because I always do shoot that beam don't they they shoot a beam so then but it comes be the width of your forearm. Oh, the beam, because I always do shoot that beam, don't they? They shoot a beam, so then, but it comes out the width,

I don't eat forearm, but, or maybe forearm, but else again, what's the arm? Up around, bicep. Arm, arm. Yeah, arm. Is there no bit that's just arm? Is it forearm and then bicep? Yeah, where's the arm?

It's crazy. There's no arm, it's crazy that there's no, like the whole arm, there's no arm there. Yeah, there's no arm, it's actually, there's no like the whole arm. There's no arm there. Yeah, there's no arm. It's actually there's no arm at all. But it's hand. Yeah. wrist elbow. elbow. That sounds almost like arm forearm. Yeah, it sounds like you're getting close to the arm. Yeah, you'd be like, okay, I've got the arm. I've got the hand. I've got the wrist. I've got the forearm. The arm will be next, but it's not. It's bicep. Just a bicep. Or upper arm. It's bicep. Just a bicep.

Or upper arm. Upper arm. Maybe then the shoulder. Shoulder. No. So the elbow, if the forearm is the forearm and the upper arm is the upper arm, then the elbow must be the arm. Maybe the elbow pit.

The elbow pit, that's the arm. That's the only thing is that Andy's actually getting agitated. Because he can't specify arm. Where's the arm? We can try and go in a different direction with this huge wizard balloon. Huge wizard balloon. It makes me think of that huge sky-well. Sky-well.

Sky-well-cow thing. That big hot air balloon that they fill up and it's got huge pendulous breasts and it floats around. What's your name? Pizzini. You know that lady? Ah, Patricia Pizcinini. Pizzinini. Yeah, she's amazing. She's probably the best artist.

I think she might be the best artist. Yeah. Yeah, like I mean, how can you make that and then we have these creatures that look like real things, but they're also monsters. Yeah. Right. But then there's other somebody. Skywale floating around. Yeah. And then there's other people who just like yeah, I painted a Circle. Yeah, there's a sunset. I did a sunset. You're like all right. Well, she made it Skywale. Yeah, she made a sunset out of human flesh. Yeah, and then made the sunset have a sad look on its face. Yeah, and then there was a sunset had an ugly ugly baby. The peaks know it's peaks. That's art. That's real art. And it made me feel sad for some reason. I think people with paintbrushes should put them all in their eyes Never look at things ever again

Completely paint their eye Sounds like a winner Completely black. I not within you. It still sounds external to me. Yeah. What you got to do is go to drink and we're all close to the mic because it's important. Drink, die and turn your eyeballs black that way. Oh, you know, those people who eat too much carrots and stuff.

Turn a bit orange. Yeah, well that guy from Dr. Phil who went blue. Was that colloidal silver? Colloidal silver, yeah. What happened? He was trying to help his friend because his friend was depressed. You feeling blue? That's not what I'm talking about.

That guy sounds like a huge wizard. Yeah, with a balloon. Yeah. What were you going with that sky cow thing? No, I just, I mean, I think it's really cool. Yeah. But how was that linked to huge balloon? Well, it's a huge balloon. It's a huge balloon. And it floats over the landscape in quite a magical kind of a way.

Is it still going? I think they're bringing it back recently. It's in Australia. It might be in Victoria. I think it's in Victoria. I think it flew over the Yarra ranges this morning. So yeah, it's relevant. It's really relevant right now.

Yeah, I brought up something that's relevant. It's really relevant right now. Yeah, I brought up something that's relevant. Is it mostly ahead? I think no, I think it's all body, it's got a big tail and breasts. It's a lot of it's breasts. Yeah, it's got a lot of dangling breasts. Hmm. Makes you think that there should be lots of small ones that could drink from them.

But I feel like it should have a bigger body as well. Well, you take that up with Patricia. I'm going to just write down the thing. I think you're in any place to criticize Patricia. I hold Patricia up to the highest regard. Yeah, I mean, you said before that she's the only person who does heart, probably, I believe. Were you exactly what? Does that sound like a criticism?

I think when Otis opened that door of the disabled toilet that was hard. Do you think that we could reset like we won't we won't tell people what is art but if we just reset the baseline for art that like that's art at the bare minimum now. The bare minimum is sky whale. That's the bare minimum art. So anything that you do from now on has to be more art than that. And the person who sets that is the huge wizard balloon. The huge wizard balloon, yeah. That was how he visited Earth from serious FM.

Yeah. Plenty of me so far. He's pointing at me so hard. And he came here and he told us what the now baseline for art was and then you can't make anything that's less, you know, a lot of doodle, not a lot of to... What happens to the doodles if you doodle? You burn. No, you just, you just can't call them out, right? And no one can sell them all.

It's a big gap between you, but I like to think that as soon as you stop and it realizes like then the universe realizes that it's that it's finished, it starts to burn from it onto you. Okay. And then you have to rightly have to like put your hand out and shit like that. And then and then people will be like, oh no, I think maybe you just burn up, right? You're just totally in spontaneous legging bust, you're burned, right? And and people will be like, well, then how if you're going to do art, will you know if you're doing art that's enough art to be more out than the sky while?

And we'll say, well, you'll know. You'll know if you. You'll know. So, yeah, it's basically ensuring that there's no art. No, we'reuring that there's no No, I'm sure that's a real eye standard of all and also, but then I don't start with sky whale though You gotta work up the sky whale. I give you that look. I give me the look of Sky whale How about this ground well?

Okay, is that more or less How about this ground whale? Okay, is that more or less odd than sail well? Well, you have to make it more So think of it, sing about the sky whale, right? It's not inflated. It's full of dirt. Oh Like a real whale This episode is over Yeah, do we have anything for that last one? This episode is over. Yeah. Do we have anything for that last one?

I just wrote Wizard Beams or the size of the forums. Look, are we tried? You know, the Beams, the Beams, we're just trying to get ripped, so they got bigger forums. I think that thing about, we don't know which bit is an arm as well. If we haven't already talked about it in a podcast. We've done that about pure leg. Have we? All right. So we've done the exact same bit but with legs.

What with legs essentially. No, we were talking about how there's the thigh and then there's the other, there's the shin. But then there's just this bit between the knee and the shin. That's just pure leg. That's leg. I see when that was the bit. No, I think that sounds about right. We really did rehash that, didn't we? Yeah, but the actual, the arm actually has no arm.

Let's take it quickly, take us through all the sketches that we've come up with today. You ready, Nelly? Please. We got shallots stealing, oh wait, running shallots through his onions is not a crime because Shalots, prices Shalots is a crime. And so when you steal Shalots, you're actually a cop. I don't actually want to get any angry male from Shalot farmers.

I know you're angry, but I don't want to hear about it. That's okay, but you still buy in Shalots, you're helping them. No, no, because I'm not paying for the Shalots. Well, give out your address, but we won't tell them the number of the street. I think that risk is on the Woolworths, is on the supermarket. I think it's the risk on the Shalat farmers when they began this crazy thing. They knew it looked like onions. But that's why they only ever have like a little handful of shalats there. Yeah, they're right. This is too tempting.

Yeah. Do you think they just they just grew tiny onions, tiny shalat onions, and they were like, there's this idea. I just came up with new things, shallots. It's shallot of them. We got the Twilight Zone style sketch where you want money and you get it but it's all on a pig or it's on inside your arm. Are we just taking things from my life now? Wait, we've never had a thing with money. No, I've never had. We got a bully consultant for businesses to bypass laws on bullying laws and get the

most out of the benefits out of pushing people. See, a lot of people tell you that bullying actually is an effective way to get the most out of people. That's because you're not doing it correctly. This is the kind of stuff that they would say. Yeah, I mean, we've got the best picture Oscar, so. That's right, and that was bullying that did that. I think the guy who screen wrote that also was being bullied at the time.

Oh, mate. Success all around. Yeah. We got street preachers who does ads for all audible or belly button. He doesn't also do the belly button in very floss, but that's another idea. We got a, I mean, this is another just stupid Twilight zone idea, but he wants to be the greatest driver, but then he also becomes a kid.

Do I have a maze that they got written there? All right. I mean, Alex, do you come to me with a storyboard and you explain how you're going to put that on screen? I love that. I don't know. You'll have a conversation. This is how they invented the Tesla and then Elon Musk just takes credit for like these self-driving cars. But actually, there's a kind of man he's trapped in there. He's a real caveman. They cut him up.

They can't see him because he's empty space. Right, but you can cut up empty space. When do you rescue the boys? You drive a car through the cave. Got tie boys inside of an internal sport. Can you tell everybody about that? And they were an internal sports team. Ellie's finally on board.

That's the only thing that's made sense this whole show. Um, we got a guy who grows corn on farm to attract crows, which are the real crop crop, which he tries to protect from mammals, hungry bird mammals, not bird mammals, but bears that he crows. And Nelly scares them away with her belly button eye. No, that doesn't have to be part of it. That was just another sketch idea. But then there's also the person who wants to become a good boxer by having pigeons crushed in front of them.

And you assume this is the guy who's like the pigeon crusher who's like basically the boxing training. He goes, you come, like, what's it gonna cost me? You come across to me as a 75-pigeon guy. Let's get going. Nothing yet. It crushes them in his hands And we got the crushing animal in your hand what animal would you pick frog That frog it feels like it don't have done really have done like

Bones are don't have no both but then wouldn't that be harder to kill because they're so flexible and you'd be like Die, I mean just causing it I had thought about this at all. Yeah, maybe I think a budgie You know because I think it'd be like you know sort of like in like Dumb and Dumber where it's like that little like that bird that the they up, that the bad guy pulls his head off. It feels like that would be easily doable. You know, in their tiny bones, you could crush them all very quickly.

What about you, Nelly? Maybe ants. Ants, ants would hate this sketch. Yeah, ants would hate this sketch. That's a theme of this podcast. As a occasion, we ask what sketch would answer like. Oh, I say, well, not this one. Sorry, Hans, we have a lot of antlers.

We have a lot of ants. A lot. And then we got the wizard beams of the size of the four. Wow. These crushing animals in your hands, you don't wanna pick one that you like, and you don't wanna pick one that you like. you don't want to pick one that you like. And you don't want to pick one that's going to like ooze everywhere.

It'll stick you know, like stuff's going to come out of it. So I'm a cicada from... So cicada, I feel that would ooze. Yeah. I feel that would definitely ooze. So I don't want that. Um... What about a snail?

Nice. Nice. Animals have like an ooze with it. Yeah, ten. Yeah, but I feel like you could squish the budgie and now ooze would come out. The ooze was inside you the whole time. It's an internal spine. Mm.

That making ooze. It's the first internal sport. Boom boom, boom boom, boom boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, Thank you for your time today. Thank you for coming away. It was good. Thank you very much for listening to the podcast. Yes. Thank you so much, Nelly, for coming on the show.

Thank you for having me. Nelly, can people find you on Twitter or anything? Absolutely not. Please do not find me, especially you listener. You can follow us at Toont tank or at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Dandy. It would be lovely if you could support us on Patreon. Thank you so much for everyone who does that. I'm thinking of introducing a new podcast here. Because you know how I'm going to introduce the one for $13. I'll tell people my full address.

So those are going to be $18. $18. Yeah, you're right. I'm selling it to you. $18, well then $20. I'll give you George's phone number and you can directly text in band name ideas if you come up with any. Maybe he could just start an email account. It's just that. Great.

George's band name ideas. At Gmail.com. Which is a great band name. Well, well, it's a great idea. Does he not name his band? Still doesn't have a name for his band. That's done, that's the best bit. Yeah. But he really cares. And he wants to use it. He really wants a good one

So see why say like what about eyeball and he goes no that fucking socks high I'll come up with something undeniable great. That's That's how you you know, that's how you make it to the top. You got to be completely undeniable. You got it. Band-amer. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And if you could review us on iTunes, that'd be so lovely. Yeah, or Apple podcasts, whatever it's called, these days. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. I think people know what I'm talking about, right? I hope so. Yeah, yeah. Maybe they don't.

What's that, Nelly? Rayses are a waste of time. I think people know what I'm talking about, right? I hope so. Yeah, maybe they don't. What's that, Nelly? Rayses are a waste of time. You actually can just rub a rock on your face. Certified. Certified. A fire. A certifier.

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