Two In The Think Tank - 167 - "THE CONSUME-MATE"

Episode Date: January 22, 2019

Something To Nothing Ratio, Rushed Apocalypse, Death Park, Give the Gift of Garbage Bags, You are the Garbage, Consume-Mate, Excre-Mate, Royal TerrorDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag.Thanks for all the band names! Keep emailing them to [e-mail] you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereThe last thanks left in the wild to George for producing this ep Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. Flip, float, mip, float, flip, float, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mipadim, mip, mop, flip, flops, mipady, mop, mipa, flip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, flip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip,aka, Bungare, Daniel, Willemilou. Willemilou, Hall. We get it Andy, we've entered another episode. We have found ourselves here inside another episode. And boy, the view is great. I wish you could see it.

I wish you could see it. But we use the portal of music to get us in here. That's how we travel in. I guess that's the conceited the show. Yeah. This is the tank. If we would have explained it. I guess the tank is I guess the subconscious. I think that if it is another realm I'm loved to specify. Okay great. It's a, but it's a realm. It's definitely a realm. Yes, it's a realm that one can access. One can access through creativity. And the the past code or the phrase to enter the realm changes. It's like one of those constantly updated passwords. It changes to whatever it is that you just said. So while there is a code, you always get it right. Wow, that's nice. But do you think it would

someone else could enter it if let's say two people took over from us or three. Let's say you and I both both perished. Okay. And our three eldest children took over. Right. Do you think they could just bippity-bop, pitty-boop, and then get back in? I should hope so. I don't, I saw my son, he was bippin' and bobbin' the other day. I actually put him in a little box, kinda hole in a box.

Yeah. And to make him look like a robot, put it over his head, you know? No, you did that. Yeah. Oh, that's good. And I was like, I was showing him, like, you go sort of beep, boop, boop, and he went beep, boop. And then he got really upset and we haven't

done it again since. Yeah, right. Do you think it was because of the Bob? Because it was the Bob that he kind of avoided. I think he was one of those super advanced robots that really quickly achieved sort of sentience and realized as the futility of existence and yeah, yeah, yeah, I sort of programmed him to feel disillusionment or something along those lines. I feel. Here's the thing that I've noticed in sort of a lot of films, a lot of science fiction even, where you know, you'll have these

beings that are things that are greater than humanity in many ways, right? Alien species that have logic and strength and robots that have unbelievable computational power and strength, things like that, right? And so we can't really beat them using conventional means, but the way in which we win is because we have flaws in the spirit of humanity, you know, our humanity. Yeah, it's the humanity that allows us, you know, we sort of, we come together, we rally together, you know,

very often and we sing a song. We sing a song, sometimes we hold hands, it's like dust rains down sometimes. And then we blow up their mothership, because even though they have traveled the length of the universe to get here at impossible speeds and defeated all the world's armies in a fraction of a second, they still for some reason haven't decentralized any of their control systems and

everything shuts down, everything sort of goes, dude, yeah, it makes that noise. Amazing that all alien species use that noise. Yeah, well, I guess it's like the way that, I guess, evolution has worked on multiple planets and different parts of the galaxy. Convergence. Life just eventually arises, right? It's not something that's on a sometimes thing. It's just an eventual thing, right?

Much in that same way, another eventuality is that when you shut down you go, it's a universal constant of some kind. It's programmed into the fabric of reality. You could probably derive that sound just using an equation and the gravitational constant and maybe the permittivity of vacuum. Great, as permittivity means how willing it is

to go with things when it's had a couple of beers and then it loosens up and it's happy to just have a good time. Well, there we should be throwing a few more beers into space. Into space. Okay. Instead of like pouring one down on the ground

for your homies. Have we tried to get space drunk? You know, at the moment it seems very cold and sort of unforgiving, you know, maybe it just needs to loosen up a little bit, you know, lose some of the, whatever it is that it's got going on. Have a good time at the office party. It's one of those bosses up there who sort of always looming over us. Yeah.

You know, makes us feel small in significance. It doesn't seem to have much of a sense of humor, sound like anyone. Yeah, space. Space. Emptiness of space. And it's crazy that space makes us feel insignificant because it's nothing. It's almost literally nothing. Yes.

And then, I mean, Here we are, something. Yeah, we're something. And we're letting this nothing. Yes. And then, I mean, I hear we are something. We're something. And we're letting this nothing up there. Yeah, well, the thing is that they've got a lot of nothing. Yeah. But whereas we have a little bit of something, but our ratio of something to nothing is excellent.

Really, it's our humanity that beats space. You know, our humanity being having a good something to nothing ratio. Something to nothing ratio. And the SDA and I'm ratio. And that's, and that's a lot, the basis for a lot of science fiction and, you know, like just feeling good, it's about finding one way in which you're better than the other thing that is your enemy. That could be part of the big speech at the end that we give to sort of make everyone

hold hands while ash falls down. Ash from space? You know, whatever it is, whatever kind of battle that's taken place between us and space. Us and space. Yeah. It wasn't aliens from space. It was just space. Yeah.

I mean, that could happen, let's say, if our atmosphere maybe starts blowing away. Get stripped away. When that happens, it's not. I mean, we've got a real film on our hands. The atmosphere is being stripped away. All this space is coming down. Then, it turns out that space is allergic to the common cold. That'd be good.

A allergic. I guess it's allergic in that where the common cold is, there's something. Yes. Right. And space really needs to be nothing. Do you think that black holes have the highest something to nothing ratio? Yeah. I think we've got to get this up as some kind of theory.

I feel there's a Nobel Prize in it. I know I always. It's something to nothing ratio. Yeah. Yeah. some kind of theory. I feel there's a Nobel Prize in it. I know I always... There's something to nothing, Richard. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm with you. I mean, it's probably just density. Yeah. I think it's great because we can do one of those, do one of those, get one of those big

machines like the Large Hadron Collider they got in Switzerland, right? Because they're always trying to find stuff and then sometimes they don't find stuff, right? And that's real disappointing. But for us, because we're just talking about something or nothing, whether we find something or we don't find anything at all, we win. It all feeds into the theory. Yeah.

Something, nothing, something, nothing. That's what we're always just trying to find something or nothing. Or nothing, yeah. And then we can give the something, nothing. That's what we're always just trying to find something and nothing. Oh, nothing? Yeah. And then we can give the something, nothing value of our own results. Because sometimes we've got some results

and sometimes we don't. Yeah. And then it looked, this seems like a theory that could unify all other theories. It could. Or at least unify its own theory. Well, one thing that we've noticed about all theories is that they all exist.

Yes. Right. And that puts them into the something category. Yes, absolutely. So that is a real unified, there's a common, commonality to all these theories. Absolutely. I don't know if anyone's looked into this. Yeah, yeah, but also they are.

They are. But there's also, you could hypothesize that there are other theories somewhere out there that don't exist. Yes. Right? There's nothing. Now I wonder how many of those there are, because that's going to be crucial to the ratio. Or is that just one nothing? Well, no, I think there's going to be one nothing for every...

Oh, everything that doesn't exist. Yeah. But in order for it to not exist, it kind of does have to have, you have to kind of name it, which gives it something. And that's what's, that's really gonna pat out the report as well,

because as I understand, a lot of the PhD stuff is to do with a word count. Like it just has to be really long. I'm serious. Why do all PhDs, people who do PhDs, they seem to take ages and they seem to be really long. I'm serious. Why do all PhDs, people who do PhDs, they seem to take ages and they seem to be really long. I'm convinced that that can't, that you, that can't be the case. Can't you do a short one? Surely a short one is better. Like if you can summarize it all, get out in a page or

two. Yeah. Well, maybe, maybe you could write a big area, big chunk that just explains why your PhD is so short and that'll pat it out a little bit. That's what they need. They might not come back to me with some inconsistencies. They'll say that your report is really long but I can't help but notice your report says it's really short and then I'm going to have to do a bloody rewrite. No, but that'll be part of, you know, that's another contradiction. You better write that out.

Write that out. Now we're really getting, now it's getting interesting, isn't it? Now you get some word count, get some words on that page. Can we do something with a something to nothing ratio? Or can we do nothing with that? I mean, I don't, it's still pretty vague, you know? But that's the way I like my science, you know? Vague, easily disproved, teetering on a precipice

based entirely on ignorance. Should we say, look, I don't know where we're going to, it's good to take a note of something, because I... I wonder if there's such a thing as ignorant studies. If there isn't, chair of ignorant studies. I like that a lot, Andy. Thanks. It just tickles me in the right way.

Sometimes people tickle you and they get their fingers right in the bones. It's too hard in the bones and in between the ribs. That's tickling you in the wrong way. This is just lightly brushing you. Lately brushing. Lose enough to a pretty private sexy area. Yeah. But not too close.

Like the underarms. The underarms. Well, hello. Yep. I'd like to get damp in there. Because of the sweat. Oh, I love to sweat. Yeah.

But just from my underarms. Sounds like a song. People who love to sweat, they say they love to sweat. They're talking about a specific type of sweat. They don't talk about stress sweats that you get. Like a job interview when you've just realized you're massively misinterpreted one of the questions that you're supposed to prepare for or something. And just that stink just drops out of you.

Yeah, when you feel actual drops coming off of your pit. Yeah. Or like, or like sort of liquid flowing down your back, down the crack of your ass. Oh, yeah. Alistair, this is all too real. Yeah. This is far too real.

This is like every day of my teaching career. Yes, he. These children, they know nothing. And even they are going to cotton onto the fact that I wasn't prepared for this lesson. The day ever? Oh, I'm sure they did. Some of them were very smart. Yeah.

Yeah. Too smart for their own good, do you think? Certainly too smart for my good. Yeah, that's unfortunate. Isn't that. I mean, and I'm the teacher and I've got a field confident if I'm going to teach them well So they should you know, they should dumb it down a little bit. I wish like Can't you just try and pretend that this is Helping you in some way that I have anything to offer. Hey, I had an idea before yeah So this in this movie where the atmosphere

is getting stripped away, possibly because of solar wind. Solar. Do you think it could be because of solar wind? Yeah, I reckon it could actually do that. Yeah, it could strip it away. So, what would, because what would we actually do if that was happening, right? What you would have to do, right, is in a rush,

quite in a rush. I think whatever we end up doing to fix climate change or whatever it's gonna be, I've realized like in the last couple of weeks, I'm gonna be like, fuck, we're gonna rush this. When it finally is like, oh wow, things are becoming exponentially worse by the week. We are gonna rush a solution.

And we are not gonna have thought it through. We should think these rushed solutions through. There's not going to be time. It really will be like, we are going to just load, we don't have time. We're just going to load all the chemicals that we know of into a really big plane and start flying it up and we'll work out which ones we dump into the sky. On the way. On the way. On the way. On the way.

You know, because it'll be, the temperature is rising that fast. We're just gonna get this plane off the ground because soon the atmosphere will be so thin the plane won't even be able to take off. That's how close we left it to the deadline. Mmm. Actually, if the atmosphere was thin,

the earth would be cooling. Oh, that'd be great. Maybe we just left it to the deadline. Like, see, if the atmosphere was thin, the earth would be cooling. Maybe we just need to thin the atmosphere. Not if it was thin with just methane or something like that. Oh, fuck. It's just methane and carbon dioxide, real thin. Yeah, but when all those like permafrost things happen in Russia or whatever, they all dig frost and let all that gas out.

That is my, I don't think we're thinking about that enough. Yeah, well, every time there's an article, it keeps saying like, scientists are finding that everything's speeding up, it's like it's getting hotter at a rate quicker than we expected. And he's just shut down, gone into his worried phase.

I, but I think about it so much, and I think about the fact that I've brought three children into this world. Andy. Children who are A, and I'm not blaming them, but they are making the problem worse, just by existing, right? And it's their fault.

And they are doing it. And they are taking up time that I could have put into, I don't know, activism or something, I probably could have solved all of this by now Do you think you would have? There's a good chance There's a chance A good chance Yeah, there you go

Right And also, you know, they're gonna grab an awful wasteland I think we'll be the last to go just because we're in one of the least dense countries, we're one of the countries that has the highest something to nothing ratio. No, we've got the highest nothing to something ratio. Yeah, nothing to something ratio. Yeah, so we're lucky in that regard,

and we're also in one of the, in terms of money, highest something to nothing ratio. Sure, sure. Which will allow us to buffer it and then be able to watch it on YouTube. That is absolutely not gonna happen, Alistair, because as soon as things get bad enough, any of the populated places in the world

who also all have the, a much higher military to things to lose ratio. Right. We are just going to be overrun. Anyone who thinks they can outdo this in some way, outlast this is kidding themselves. No, no, no, no. Because we're going to outlast it. No, no, no, no, no. I'm trying to just, you know, we can only be better than the people next

to us. Absolutely. And that will only be the case for most of week. I know. Before they all come here and they are real hungry. The way you win. And first. All you got to be, you know, you don't have to win by much.

You only have to win by a couple of extra seconds. If you fade away a few seconds. It's true. So we're going to say that the real, it doesn't matter if you win, cling to life by a minute or by a week, clinging to existence is, that's what matters. You know, it's right. I'm just trying to find that Vin Diesel quote from that fast and the few of us can do as well.

It doesn't matter if you win by any sort of a meter or a mile. A meter or a mile. He mixed his, his conversion, his metrics, metrics, conversion therapy. His Imperial. Metrics, conversion therapy. His Imperial. Imperial. Units of measurement. There you go. I think that there's something in the, there's a sketch in just watching the people last

second, you know, because like, you know, so last second as the, as the climate is collapsing and realize it's becoming an almost daily. It's going to be daily. They afternoon. Like, yeah, it's, it could be a weak thing, but like, because like, like we've had here's this giant, this massive kind of like fish die off in one of our sort of main water bodies in Australia and the Murray Darling.

And one of those things just feels like exactly the kind of thing that's just gonna start happening a little bit more frequently. Yeah. You know, like these are the kind of thing that's just gonna start happening a little bit more frequently. Yeah. You know, like, these are the kind of things that start up to you. And it's like, oh, this is the biggest one that's ever been recorded.

And then like one of those will happen and there'll be a couple of months to go by and then it'll be like, oh, there's another one. It's actually, no, this is the biggest one ever recorded. I mean, he's gonna be a great time to be a record keeper. Do you think? Oh, they're gonna, they're living it up. They're living their best life. It's what a golden

top a golden age. Yeah. And so now, then as these things start occurring much quicker, we realize we're probably in the last week, we need to just change this straight away, because now like all the cattle just drop dead. And you know what I'm gonna do? Soon, I'm gonna have big sleep. Because I know I'm terrible with deadlines. I'll try and pull an all-nighter and then I'll just be like, I'm not going to get anything done. I'm just going to have a good sleep. And the morning, it'll be like 30 degrees hotter outside. The air conditioner will be like, like sort of screaming. Yeah. I mean, this idea of putting the sulfur dioxide as I'm going to do something,

something some kind of sulfur thing in the air. So we just start putting any sulfur in there, any kind of sulfur thing in there. What about putting nukes under every volcano? Sure, nuclear winter? Well, nuclear and volcanic winter. Double it, double winter. And I love winter, more dressing options, liars.

Yes. Hahaha. Okay, so this is what my idea was for when the atmosphere starts getting stripped away. The only thing that we can really do as it starts to disappear, and these are people in the high altitudes, towns that will first discover that we have to create kind of like balloon-roofed areas, you know, where we can keep air inside of it and keep sort of recycling it. And that way, even if the atmosphere around us has been taken away, at least this is stuck under the balloon, we all become bubble boys. Bubble boys. Yeah, and girls. Yep. Everybody has to become a bubble person.

Yeah. And then... It's okay because we're all in the same bubble. Are we? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Maybe eventually we'll get people their own bubbles. Yeah. Yeah. I think it'll be real interesting time for farting You think so? I think the politics of farting will be very interesting once we're all in the bubble. It'll get a bit a bit more aggressive Let's beat let's beat. I think it'll be time finally for us to nail down some hard and fast rules. Yeah like in in writing about farting yeah, when it done, how it's done, the fact that you've got

to take yourself to the toilet as soon as you even feel like you need to do one fart. So we're going to allow farts. Do you think farts will be out in the area outside of the bubble? Yeah. Where you, you just like, it's an outhouse, but you just have to hold your breath for the duration of going to the toilet. It's an outhouse, but it's just for farts. Well, okay, we will have an out special toilet for farts Yeah, but they it's out in this sort of no atmosphere area. Yeah, it will be that so you can't breathe out there

No, but you wouldn't want to anyway would you have a mouth bubble? Or do you think you just have to hold your breath? I think to hold your breath. That's fine. Bit of peril Yeah, a Bit of peril. Yeah, a lot of peril even. Sure. Tons. Because I mean there's a chance that you might have to run back into the air area. Show.

Yep. Sort of without having completed. Let's not call it the area. The area. Let's just call it the area. That was built. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I. You know, you can't spell aylister without, a-i-r.

Really? Aylist, air. That's where it comes from. Fascinating. Yeah. I had no idea. It's the same thing with you. You can spell.

I can't spell aylist day with that air, either. That's right, yeah. So I think maybe, and then eventually there won't be, we'll have to be kind of purifying the air within the bubble. But then eventually I guess there'll be leakage and then we'll start losing the air. And then around the bubble, there will no longer be any air. We'll have to get all our air from the ground.

Ground air. Is the air in the ground? I have to just helium under there. There's gotta be some air. Hope. Think like if there's helium, something that's very non-abundant in earth, on this earth, under there somewhere, there must just be pockets of just good, clean breathing air. Well, even if it's not that, what there will be is lots of ores, which are almost always oxides, right?

Iron oxides, so there'll be oxygen in that. So you'll have to, I don't know, burn that, somehow burn coal and get that out. Get the oxygen to turn. This is the other thing, I'm sorry, this is such a depressing environmental episode, but as things get worse and worse, when things get worse, people don't behave better, right?

When the world gets worse, people aren't going to be like, well, I better give a real considered action to this. People will be like, what can I fucking burn to survive? What additional way can I destroy the planet in order to make it through the week? I know that's what I'm like, when I'm stressed or when things are going bad. It's just like like you just throw everything

but then I get rules and things will just get worse and we'll make them worse faster as well. But burning really is just the fusing of oxygen with other atoms. So it's really taking a lot of the oxygen out of the air. Yeah. I mean that's the thing. We're not thinking it through. Well I'm thinking it through. Well, I'm thinking it through. Okay. Thank God. And but when you mentioned the farting politics and that's going to become a little bit more high stakes, I think everything's going to become a little bit more high stakes because we're living in a bubble and there's no atmosphere. Yeah. So I think maybe it'll be kind of interesting. Maybe it's just one of those movies that's set over three days when we've just kind of we've essentially under like a car port.

We've got the last bit of air that we've got for the next three days. Yeah, a little pocket of air. A little pocket of paper. Sort of like, you know, like an upturn boat. Yeah. An upturn boat where we're just hanging out in there and eventually going to run out of air, but there's no place for us to go. So eventually we're all just going to go to sleep.

Yeah. You know, a lot of the time we're all just gonna go to sleep. Yeah. You know, a lot of the time we're just spending our- You put it that way, it doesn't sound so bad. I know, but Andy, you and I, we're gonna fade away one day. And our children will take over our podcast, you know? And, but it will just be like going to sleep. I want you to video, it was probably one of the best videos I've ever watched, this lady that just described

exactly the process of dying, where you just kind of, you know, at some point, you could just kind of start like fading into unconsciousness for a little bit and you kind of come back out. And then this is like people dying in bed. But like, and then that thing where people like talk about like, where you, people start getting that, the death rattle that, yeah, kind of thing. That's just when at some point you're so relaxed that you don't even bother swallowing the spit button

in the back of your throat, so you just kind of... Yeah. I sound like that every night, by the way. But you're actually, Alistair, that's one of the most comforting things I've ever heard. And I love it. You go out relaxed. You relax your way out of existence.

Oh, it's going to be very relaxing. Unless you're in a horrible pain. The first thing you relax is your standards because you shit yourself and you don't care. Yeah, I like that. I mean, I hope the standards go early. What about like a place? You can go to places where you can experience like, you know, some other culture.

So let's say you go to a Thai restaurant, it's like going to Thailand and getting to experience what it's like to be in a Thai person's house. Yes. Like that, right? Or you go to a roller coaster. Mm-hmm. And you get to experience what it's like to be on a roller coaster. Yeah, exactly. So how about this place where you go there and it's like a fake hospice, right?

And it's over two days, right? You show up there and people will treat you like you're dying. Oh. Oh. And then you lay there and they'll have somebody come and give you your last rights and things like that. And people will come to you and they'll say some nice things and you guys will cry and things like that. And... Are these people that you actually know are they all just actors employed by the place? They can be people that you know,

they could be your family members. But they might not be as convincing as the actors employed by the place? They can be people that you know, they could be your family members. But they might not be as convincing as the people employed by the place. They do this a lot and they're very good. Yeah. Exactly. I guess you feel out a bit of a survey before you end up. Your family has never been good at play acting. And they probably put something in your eyes, so they're all blurry and you can't really

make stuff out. Yeah, and they're probably just like, they've probably just put a gas around you so that you are starting to kind of feel. Yeah. But you kind of want to you want to you want to feel like you want to be so then and then at one point they they basically instruct you you're kind of pretty close to the they instruct you to shoot yourself. Because like there's something so free and that and it is free. This is it in life. You get one free shit yourself. Right. And that's it is free. This is it. In life, you get one free shit yourself. Right?

And that's it. That's it. One free adult shit yourself. Exactly. Yeah. You get to do like, I reckon you get to have so many when you're a kid and then you don't get anymore. Yeah.

Right? And then you just, God says, go on, have a one just last one for old times. Yeah. You shoot yourself and you're out of there. No, you don't have to deal with anything. Now obviously this is in really bad taste, right? I think, do you think?

Oh, okay. But I think, but I think it would be really like therapeutic for people. And so then you get to shoot yourself and then at some point you die So you just pretend everybody You know, Ranji gets pretty serious because they kind of have to even though even if it on the inside they're kind of like I'm thinking about something Dr. Comes and takes someone away and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and so then then they take your body

Yeah, and they they go clean it You do you keep you still going through all of this. Wouldn't that be good? Wouldn't that be good? And then they wrap you in something maybe. I don't, I'm sure. Isn't there something to do? I just want, I feel like we're losing some of the value of the experience now because

like there is the argument to be made that it's good to experience what death is like so you can be more empathetic to people are going through it. But like you don't really need to empathize with corpses about what it's like to be wiped or wrapped in something or whatever. I know but I think there's comfort in knowing how you're going to be taken care of after you die. I know I could not give. I know but also it just be nice to be clean.

Oh sure it'd be nice to be clean especially after you shit yourself you don't want to have to do that. The whole point was that there wouldn't be any consequences to shitting yourself. Exactly. I'm with you now. Yeah. And also while you're in your deathbed,

you can say whatever you want. Uh huh. And that would be really therapeutic. Yeah. Say to the people around you, one person who's pretending to be your kid or one person who's pretending to be your mom. It's great that I think it is better than

that they're not actually your relatives because then you really can just go to the town. Yeah, I like to Let it all out. Great. Yeah. And then I don't know. So I think it's a sketch where you're walk through that idea and people can say whatever they want.

People do re-birthing. That's a big thing. Everyone's doing re-birthing ceremonies as far as I understand. It's still very much the early 80s. And this would be a great thing for sort of born again Christians who actually now want to leave Christianity again. Dead again Christian. Dead again Christian. Dead already. Pre-death thing. Yeah. Yeah, pre-death. Yeah. Pre-death. I love it. So death experience. Yeah, pre-more.

500 bucks. What do you think? Morg. 500 bucks, 600 bucks. People will be mad. I think it's got to be at least a grand. Yeah, 1000. Yeah, because we want pretty good actors as well.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it's a lot of people. I guess you would have multiple rooms, and so people can go from room to room. Are the actors? I'm just trying to think of the business model. Oh yeah, no. I mean, basically like that thing that our friend Neil

was acting in where he was like a zombie, who was attacking, you know, who was a role play thing, so he was a zombie. People would come in with guns and stuff. But like the zombie is inevitably the of death. Well, it's a gun is blank acceptance. Well, I think it's exactly- The lasers are shitting yourself.

I think it's the exact opposite of that thing. So that the actors in this one are the only ones that are alive. Yes. Right? And the person paying is the one trying to be the person alive. Yeah. In the zombie one, where everybody else is dead. Great, well explained. I definitely followed that. I mean, it might have made

total sense, but it just seemed like a jumble of concepts. But I still knew what you were trying to say. You're going to feel bad when you go back and listen to this and you're like, well, I sound like a real jerk actually. What happened was I just wasn't paying attention for a second. Absolutely. You could be right now. You probably are. I'll get it. No, you are right. You are right.

I was not paying attention. Where are you doing this so that I feel bad when I'm listening back? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, there's no agenda. I wasn't paying attention and you made perfect sense. Are you weaponizing a apologise? No, no, no, no, no, there's no agenda. I wasn't paying attention and you made perfect sense. Are you weaponizing apologizing? No, no, no, no. I'm completely open and I want to take, I want to feel everything. I take this all into myself and I will deal with all of this internally.

And I want you to know that you were right about everything. Andy, I want to say that upon reflection that maybe I wasn't as clear as I could be. Don't you dare, don't you dare. You know, I mean, I did witness myself say some things that, you know, the sentences may not have flowed as well as they could have. And I was talking about the zombie place and then talking about the hospice place. I'm still open by the way. I'm still so vulnerable. And here you are.

Well, pulling the apology back out of me while I'm here. Andy, I was sitting with that. I think I'm being as fair as I can be by admitting my own failure. You're very aggressively hoarding all the guilt. That I had taken. I had harvested the guilt from the scenario. Yeah.

And I had it all bundled up here. You'd really given it to me as a gift for the guilt-freeness. Exactly. And now you're throwing that away and also tearing the guilt out of me. The greatest gift of all is to throw away someone else's gift.

You know what? That's basically the message of Marie Kondo. I'm pretty sure. I don't know much about it, but since we've been trying to do a bit of that at our place, we've thrown away a lot of gifts. It turns out that people who buy things for you don't really know what you want as much

as you do. But it turns out, with the amount of things you also throw away that are yours, it turns out you also don't know yourself all that. That is also true. Yeah. Yeah. Because I know I've mostly in my life I've thrown away things that I've bought. Yeah, but I don't have to feel bad about throwing away. That's what when somebody gives,

this is why it's better to give than to receive, right? Because when you give somebody something, you know that you are also giving them the guilt of one day having to throw that thing away, having only half remembered whether or not they ever, like, who even gave it to them and feeling bad. Here you go, feel guilty about this. It's better to give them to receive is good because when you give you don't have to put any thought into it whatsoever. You don't have to find a place to put it. No, all you have to do is on your way to the person's house, you stop by whatever shop is in the way. Whatever shop.

And you look for something that looks like a gift. Chemists have got a lot of knick knacks these days. And some of them are kind of like quite possibly, like potentially thoughtful. I remember that kind of pastel color, that light pastly color. That's right, that's a thoughtful color. That's a thoughtful color. That's a thoughtful color.

You know, people, that's goes with a lot of style these days. Yeah. And that's very inexpensive. And then receiving is to just get the garbage that people just pick up on the way to your house because they feel like they have to get you a gift. Yeah. And then now what do we do with how long do we have to hold on to this? I don't care if you leave the price tag on it. I want you to put a little tag on the gift saying, how long I got to hold on to this thing, until I can throw it away and not feel bad.

That's why I'm gonna start giving people garbage bags. So that- That is a gift. Yeah. And then all they have to do is I mean they get the joy of putting it directly in the bin while still using it for what it's intended to but they could even put one in the bin to line the bin and then put the rest in the bin bag. Yeah because they like that there's not the type of thing. I've got too many things to

make bags. Oh you got the type that smells and smells worse than garbage. That is so true though. What is that smell? It's pretty intense. Almost, but no smell combined with garbage makes a good smell. You can't come up with a smell that is going to compliment garbage. Yeah. And make garbage transcend its garbage.

I think there's a sketch in this. Yeah. Yeah. And like garbage transcended garbage. I think there's a sketch in this. Yeah. Yeah. Great. So what is it? Where are the people inventing a garbage bag with the smell that complements garbage? Yeah.

Or, but also I do think there's something about giving the gift of garbage bags. Just, or because it's giving the gift of garbage bags. Just, or because it's giving the gift of taking things out of your life. Give the gift of a big bin that you can just sweep all the other gifts into. Mm-hmm. And it's done.

And then I'll administer a little drug into your neck, so you'll forget you either have I got them, and then you don't have to worry about it anymore. We were watching a documentary about minimalism the other day, because this is what we do. And you look at these people who are all, like, full on minimalist. Yeah.

And every single one of them is like, they're their name and their profession comes up down the bottom of the screen. And every single one of them is like advertising executive hedge fund manager. You know, you have to be so rich to not own any stuff. Not that they're rich, but all their jobs are worthless and contribute nothing of value to society. Like there's no one going on a minimalist documentary who's a nurse

or like all these people who actually do something worthwhile don't feel that they have to like live this sparse lifestyle to feel okay about themselves. No, it's you that is the garbage filling up your life. Kill yourself. I think that's a really nice message, Andy. But I think that... Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

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I think that they are the garbage. Feeling up all our lives. I think, can we, like I know we were, you are the garbage filling up your minimalist. Be the garbage you don't wanna see in the world. And throw yourself in a bit. Look. I'm sorry. Hi.

I've worked with some advertising people, and they were incredibly kind and lovely. But also, it is funny that all the people's job descriptions in the digital marketing executive, you know, all that kind of stuff. I think, look, Andy, this is already a perfect sketch. So right. Oh, I'll stay. So it opens up. It's somebody in a very minimal house,

minimal, minimal house, not a house, I apologize. Sorry, I can't show it. Drop the tape. Yeah, drop the tape. That's right. They say something about, you know, it's just like a single statement that they make about the value of minimalism, like about why they don't keep anything in their house.

What's the kind of thing that they would have said in that documentary? I just looked around at all the stuff that I had and I realized that I was working to find a house to keep all this stuff in, you know, and it was like I'd become a slave to the things in my life. Mm-hmm. And then cut to another person. And they're like, when you have space in your house, you have space to think. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. And then another person cuts to them and they go, you don't need to follow this, you know, consumerist belief. Every time you get something, you can get it away if it doesn't bring you any joy.

And then, get it away, get it away. Get it away. At that, and then it goes, minimalists. You are the garbage filling up your own life. You are the garbage filling. And then one by one, we cut back to them all as they climb into a, into bins. Yeah, great. See?

One of them feeds themselves into that garbage eating thing in the sink. Oh, the... Which we don't seem to have in Australia. We had one in the plot point in American TV shows and movies and stuff. Garbage disposal. Yeah. Yeah, it's such a weird, because it is a go-down, because we had one and I'm pretty sure we had one for a little bit in Tathra I think. One house that we had had one. Well you sure it wasn't when you were living in

Canada. No, I'm pretty sure we had one in Australia right. Really. Yeah. You know, the garbage disposal in Australia has been the other way? How crazy is that? Do they? Yeah, down under. And it just went down the sink. It just goes down a pipe, so you're putting whatever. Anyway, here's some lemons and anyway, the scraps of this old pasta. And then you go, and then it just goes down the sink. And it goes into the sewers.

I guess it's just like pooping in there. Goes in with all the poop. Yeah, I guess that's the case. It goes in some surge place and then turns into methane that goes into the atmosphere. And if it does that anywhere? Not if you feed it to chickens. What about the...

What about all the shit that chickens make? They don't fart. And I don't think they produce methane. But doesn't there? Because of the cloaca. The cloaca. The cloaca. Yeah, right.

This is what the cloaca does. Okay. Six. Pacing, pooping, doesn't fart as far as I'm aware. Is that why seagulls can explode if you give them certain things? Probably. Yeah, because they can't let out gas.

That's the beauty of the cloaca. Ha ha ha. Tell you when we're all living under that bubble, we are going to be combining our entire Nether genitalia region into one outlet. Also like the whole group has one whole. No, not one. No, not a communal one.

Just your own individual stuff is all going to be. I couldn't mute it. Instead of all that, you know, instead of all that running out to an outhouse in the cold emptiness of space. By the way, I think you'll see space, you'll see stars clearer than you've ever seen. It'll be so beautiful when you're out there trying not to die. Yeah. And it'll get cold right? Because the earth won't hold the heat as well. Yeah, and that'll help you focus. Yeah, but maybe instead of like sort of all farting on the outside and whatever outside of the bubble or outside of the... Farting on the outside, text George. Farting outside the car port. Like that. And you'll, what if you just got tube a bit,

like you got all this loose tube, cause let's say your dad had this plan to kind of create this mini maple farm on your property, right? And so, and some maple, I guess I don't know if they're orchards, forests, instead of having, you know, when you tap them for maple syrup. Yeah.

He realized there's no, we really don't have the climate for actual maple syrup production here in Australia. Yeah. So, it was a huge failure, but a lot of maple production, you know, you just kind of tap a little, you tap a tap actually into, yeah, a tap, sure, sure, sure. Into the tree, and then sap comes out, you have a little bucket hanging underneath and sap collects in the bucket, right? But other places that are a little bit more advanced just have tubes going from the tap

to where you want to go. Is that really what it's like? Was that the basis for the movie, The Matrix? Like a way or like- I think so. Maple trees in that scenario, do they have like a big sort of metal sort of nozzle thing that you can plug in? Can the trees learn Kung Fu real quick? We didn't try, haven't tried.

And I think maybe you get sap out of it, but I think if you push some Kung Fu back up the pipe, we're going to the tree and it would way. Yeah, there's a chance that's, like it's a maple one way, and sort of fiber optic the other way. Yeah. And anyway, so he's got all this kind of loose pipe left around the car. So this is just the backstory for the pipe. Yeah, yeah.

This is why he's got the pipe. Anyway, everybody just sort of pushes the pipe up. They're anus. Yes. And then just lets it dangle outside of the carport so that you don't even have to fart, it'll come out automatically. I mean, you'll spend a lot of time kind of fiddling with the pipes, it'll kind of start to slide now.

I think that's enough to keep... You'll probably have to clench a lot. But you're only there for a couple of days until the air runs out. Yeah, so don't worry about it. Far out, a lot happened in a short space of time in those three days, but hey, we're all acting, it's gonna be an action pack three days. Yeah.

Yeah. What would you actually do? I love that, I don't think it will be action pack. I love that on this podcast. Yeah. People tuning into this podcast, they can rest easy and rest assured that they know when they tune into this

podcast, they're always going to get a backstory for the part. We're never just going to bring up a part. Yeah, okay. Why is there all this plastic pumping? You're not in this part. You know, you're listening to other podcasts. You're like, where do I let pipe come from? Not on the tune, the thing, take podcast.

Every pipe, one-to-one ratio, backstory to pipe. This American pipe, every pipe has a story. Where's all this pipe coming from? Wait a second. Hey, hon. I mean, where are you storing the pipe in the carport? In the carport, I guess there's kind of a lot of it. I love it, you keep calling it a carport.

The carport is the worst possible explanation for what it is that you're talking about. No, carport. That we're all living in. Well, not for very long. There's just... It's not a carport. Yeah, a carport very rarely has sides.

I know, this one doesn't have sides. So there's no sides? Something like that we're all living in. We're just... Yeah, we're just not yet We're just we've just got the air bubble at the top of the car park a Corp port but is it a huge bubble that's overall of a city or something like that? No, it's just you're the It's just like two or three people under a car port. Yeah from the house. Oh

We have been on different pages of very different books my friend early on I did think of a mass one like it where was maybe one of those sort of big festivals. And then you started calling it a carport for some reason. That's why I tried to go with it. I was changing a little bit, because I mean a lot of the problem solving ends up coming down to the level. I was like, where that carport came from. Carport, that came with the house, that's why you got it. Okay. Okay.

Okay. And he stores a lot of his pipes from his failed maples, syrup venture, up in the sort of the Atticky part where the air bubble is. Anyway, when the atmosphere started fading away very quickly, he'd actually just locked himself out of the house. And so you couldn't get back in, which is probably where there would be a bigger air bubble.

Sure, it would have made a lot more sense, but no pipe in there. And then when he did, you know, realize that like he was like, oh shit, we gotta get back in the house. He went and broke the skylight. Yeah. Alright, he broke the skylight to get back into the house. And then he realized rightlight to get back into the house and then he realized right after you got back into the house that's where all the air is now going to stay through this. So the carport's last option. Hell yeah. You taught up all the loose ends. Yeah great. Now what would you do? Three people, right? It's you, one of your brothers, and your partner. Right? Thank you. Standing up.

So all my children are dead. No, they're with your parents. All I ask is that they had, and I'll ask me by a couple of hours. So I have a legacy, you know, I want to leave something behind. And so they're with your parents and they've made it to the big bubble. Oh, they made it to the big bubble. Yeah, that's great. You're, you're, you're, you're waiting it out in the car port. See if maybe this whole no atmosphere thing blows over. But blowing over, of course, is the huge problem that's happening. With the solar wind blowing over all over here. Solar.

So it's you. Do you think it's George? Yeah, it's your brother George. I wonder if he'll come up with a band nine before the, before the, it's over, before it ends. I mean, he would get one out of him. He would have to or else it's all you're gonna talk about. I know. Until the very end.

We're gonna talk about something. Yeah. That and the pipes. And you guys are all standing on sort of little steps. Okay, to just kind of get your heads closer to the air. Yep. Because you know, you're not tall enough to kind of get your head more in the adequate area. Okay.

Now, what do you do over that time? You got two days. You don't realize you've got two days, but you know, you can't leave because you try and you couldn't breathe. What do you do? You talk about, like, as you can't sort of consummate your relationship with your partner. No, my brother's there.

It would be very awkward. It would be very awkward. I mean, so far, you want to. By the way, we have already contributed our relationship. No, no, you can't. Can't do that anymore. OK. So you don't get to consummate every time you do it.

OK. It's consummate in a one time thing. I think it's the one time. I could be wrong. We come up with a product, it's called the Consume Mate. Right? And what it is, it's a little thing, it's like a garbage disposal. You just put it in front of your mouth. Right? And you just play our food into it and spins around, shops it all up, and then you don't have to do any chewing. The consummate.

And that's name is a great pan on having first time sex with your partner. Well, I guess you could have, and you get to have sex with that object once. You sure do. Yeah, which is. You put anything into it, it's over for you. Chops it up into rings.

Rings that you should have got before you consummate it. Yes. Wow. Never beat further out on a limb. I'm going to write down the consummate. Alastair, when we came into this podcast booth, I'd turned on the air conditioning for a little bit and the temperature got real nice, real quick. And then I got cocky, switched off the air conditioner.

And it's got way too hot again. Don't you reckon? It's quite uncomfortable. Are you uncomfortable? Huge. Yeah, great. Which normally we've always been in this room. Yeah, we've always been uncomfortable. But now we have the gift of something to in this room. Yeah, we've always been uncomfortable. But now we have the gift of something to compare it to.

Yeah. Disadistakction. We know things could have been better. We have bad choices. With the consume. Yeah, you're writing that down. Yeah, yeah, that's a product. Do you have to take all your teeth out

so that it fits in your mouth? No, no, no. I think it just sort of goes around your lips. Like you probably stretch your lips around it and then put an elastic band around to like hold the lips. But don't you think it would work better because like you're gonna keep your mouth open and then food is gonna come in sort of,

I guess you could still have to chew it, don't you? Or can it completely mush it up? I think it completely mushes it. Maybe it even adds in some water or something so you don't need saliva. Yeah, great. And so you wouldn't need teeth. You don't need teeth, sure,

but you don't want like, it's quite ugly to not have teeth. I know, but you're gonna have a nice fan in front of your mouth. Yeah. And like a circular, because it would be annoying having to take it down and put it back up and things like that

and have people look at you. Yeah, it'll be there at all times, absolutely. And so, no, you can just talk about, talk through, through, like, Talk through a fan at all times, which is like a, quite a funny, uh, uh, uh, uh, really, kind of effect. It's really cool effect. It makes you sound like a robot. It makes you sound like a robot. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey We were about to have another sandwich.

I'll stick to you. Don't this really. No. They shut down the mothership. Oh no. Did I do the sound okay? No you did it good. Yeah I just wanted to do it.

It's a fun sound to do. It's kind of a sound that comes from Something that's been vibrating quite quickly that then slows down quite quickly. I'm gonna make a machine It's gonna be the startup noise. I don't know what the machine is yet. Whoa, but all I know is that that's the sound it makes when it starts up It's gonna is it gonna be through a speaker or is it gonna be through an actual moving thing? How else do you, I don't know what the machine is yet. So I can't tell you. I just know it's gonna make the sound.

I don't know how it's gonna make the sound. Maybe it'll have a mouth. Maybe it'll be organic. Maybe it'll have a mouth. Oh. It's gonna be a... A machine with a mouth. Yeah.

I like this, Andy. Yeah. Thanks. So it's going to be like kind of like the opposite of the consume made. Yes. Which is an object that you put there instead of your mouth. It goes in front of your mouth. And so maybe because that's the only bit that's machine.

Could it be a machine that has a mouth that you put a human in front of it. Oh, but... Well, does it eat your shit then? Is that what's happening? True. Could be a machine that you get to eat your shit. Because the one thing that toilets don't do is they don't chew. Oh, they don't. They don't. I chew. Do you think we could invent a chewing toilet? Absolutely, Andy. Something that processes it on the spot.

The, the X-scraub mate. X-scraub. I mean, it could just be the consummate. Yes. And you just hold it on the other side. Perfect. Because then it just chops it on the other side. Perfect. Cause then just chop it up. Chopped it up. Squared's a bit of water in there.

Yes. Softens it. Softens it. And then I guess it kind of used to spread it over land. Great. Straight straight onto the land. Cause that's always when you see a shit on the ground. The thing that you think is I wish there there was a bit sloppy and more spread out. You know, I know that's what I hope for when I'm picking up my dogs poo. Hmm. Well, no one's been picking it up.

That's it. There's no picking this one up. It's for the, because I mean, imagine that, it's for the poop, you don't want to pick up. So you hold it on you in front of your dogs but and it spreads it out and enough that people won't recognize it in immediate ways. Or even if they did see it they'd say well there's no way you could pick

that out. Yeah there's no way. So there's no responsibility to pick it. No one could argue that you should be picking that up, because it's not possible. Exactly. So it's part of the consumer-mate ad. And then he goes, and now, including, consume mate for your dog's ass. Yes.

I think the excruciate is the X-German. It's exactly the same product. We don't acknowledge that it's exactly the same product. But it's clearly the same product in the end. Just with a different stick arrow, very slightly different. I forgot something. We even describe all the things in it in exactly the same way. The high speed blades.

Well, he couldn't have been expected to pick that up. With the best will in the world, I don't think there's a man alive who could have picked that up. These are all the testimonials people who are passing by. I wish I could have yelled at him. He's got a man alive with a will and his mind to pick. His body. And his body to pick a thing like that up.

All right, I think we've got enough sketches. Right? You think we've got to go to the three words? We've got to go to the three words. Take us to the three words, though. Well, Andy. We get three words every episode from a listener. Yep.

So a Patrion contributor. We've had a few new ones jump on the train. We are so thankful of all the contributors. Thank you to everybody who's recently joined up. We had a bunch of $8 join up. We had another $3 join up. Any dollar, we love it. We had, we've had some other

people review us on iTunes. It's been beautiful. It's been a lot of like you've been giving us a lot. You guys have been supporting us not just through your listening but also through your giving in endless ways and we thank you. And a lot of great interaction on social media as well. Thank you for that as well and everything's important. Everything is important and somebody God damn it. Bought a shirt. They asked for this. They asked for this and I very quickly mocked up an accordion to you, Shree. From the last episode with you're like one of the worst sketch ideas of all time. Yeah. And somebody said they wanted an accordion to you T-shirt.

It was raw. And now we put it online and it has been bought. Yes, wait, which is a good time. It was Rory M. Spence, who also has the dog hair network podcast that I have appeared on, which you can go and check out. But also, what were you talking about on the podcast? I, he, every episode they do a top, he does a topic and the person just talks, and I talked about the, who's the guy who wrote, make it Rick and Morty?

Dan Harmon. The Dan Harmon story circle. Fantastic. I talked about that, and also. Did you know what his name was when you talked about the other stuff? Yeah, at the time I did, I was doing a lot of research. Yeah.

And then I also did an episode with Emory, they talked about Billy Connolly. Oh, fantastic. Yeah. And Rory M. Spence asked, we need, I want one of these t-shirts, one of these accordion to you t-shirts. And so I just quickly mocked one up and I can't remember if it was word or paint. All the best t-shirts are mighty word. And I said, I said, I did it in comic sands, I said, this font okay? He said that's exactly how I pictured it and then

Anyway, I uploaded it and he bought it Rory your Adjadious and yours stronger man and a genius psychopath. Yeah So thank you for all of your support You insane psychos you for all of your support, you insane psychos. But then today we have three words from our Patreon supporter Henry Smith. Thank you Henry Smith. Thank you Henry Smith. And thanks for giving us just a name that we can just just you know. We can really work with. We can really work with. Yeah. You know your parents your parents gave you that name as a gift to everyone else.

Yeah. You know it's like a holiday. It's not spectacular for you, but it's spectacular for everyone who wants to try and pronounce it who is in the English-speaking world. It's an absolute entry-level pronunciation name. Yeah. I could probably just let my mouth do all the work and switch off my brain, just auto-part take over and say your name. And it would have a great time. You know, and also it's a gift for you. my mouth through all the work and switch off my brain, just auto-part take over and say your name.

And it would have a great time. You know, and also it's a gift for you. It's relaxed. Just this, just talking about it has just made me so relaxed. Yeah. It's like listening to classical music. That's the kind of name you have. Yeah.

Okay, Google, just say the word Henry Smith to me for 50 minutes. Yeah. That's what I'll be saying now when the kids are starting to stress me out. If Mozart had been a bigger genius, his music would have just been 50 minutes of saying Henry Smith. Henry Smith. Henry Smith. Alistair, there's a podcast in this. Henry Smith. I'm really excited for your new podcast by the way I'm scared. It's getting real close isn't it? We're getting really close. I'm probably within a week of launching. It's just got a correction in typos in the. I've got a new podcast coming out called

Shusher Guided Meditations and they're like 10, 20 minute meditations that I guide. And I've listened to them and they're incredibly hilarious and also disturbingly relaxing. I'm surprised. I've even used that on myself and I've been relaxed by my own voice. But they're also silly. Yeah, they're very funny. Anyway, we'll see. Anyway, Henry Smith has three words for us. Why can't we never get to the words?

Why is this the one part of the podcast where we just can't? Because we're so thankful. It's because of all our years watching Oprah. She taught us to appreciate the people in our lives. Like Henry. Like Henry Smith. Henry Smith.

Henry Smith. Henry Smith. So Henry Smith's three words are fasant, brick, intrigue. Fesant brick intrigue. Mm-hmm. Have we already used these words?

Have we? I mean, I don't know, because I feel like we talked about bricking squid on an episode. Yeah. Possibly dropping bricks on squid. There's a chance we've done this. Possibly throwing bricks at fesent or something like that. But hey.

There is a chance that we've done this before. I'm sorry. You asked me before if I'd heard the name. I think the thing about Henry Smith as a name is that it washes over you like a warm bath and I didn't register. We might have already talked about this. Hey, but I'm really happy to go with these words again. Yeah, let's just do it. And just do it, right?

Yeah. Hey, I came up with a great name for a chicken coop the other day. Yeah. Clucking him palace. That's really good. Like, I don't know if anyone has a chicken coop out there Mm-hmm, but I will you're welcome to that if anybody has a chicken coop or their brother has a chicken coop But he can't manage to name their chicken coop

Could you email in we've got some good names by the way for George's band. Okay, I'm really excited to get to them Well, maybe for the second time let's come up with a sketch for Fesant Brook intrigue. One of the best kinds of intrigue is obviously palace intrigue. Palace intrigue, I don't know what that is. That's why it made me think of Buckingham. Yeah, flucking palace. Just because palace intrigue is like all the stuff that goes on behind the scenes of the royals, right? Because your big fear, Alistair, is making an enemy of someone with a lot of time on their hands. A lot of free time.

Basically, someone who's sort of unemployed or whatever. Right, because they've got so much time to mess with you. Yeah. Well, the royals are basically that, but with huge resources and a lot of respect. Yeah, right. True. Like, imagine making an enemy of someone in the palace. You are in so much trouble.

I guess the one thing we have on our side is that they've been watched constantly. That's true, it's very hard for them to get out and about. And maybe in that way, the paparazzi is really a good thing. Like, it seems horrible that they're handing the royals constantly. But maybe that's what we just, maybe that's just the level of surveillance that they need to just not be murdering.

Because historically, the royals have been, pretty bloodthirsty, haven't they? I think so. Killing each other and that sort of thing, taking one another's crowns and a lot of free tones, et cetera. Yeah. I think the one difference between us and the game of Throne's universe is the daily male is that this is the daily male Yeah, they are

all that stands between us and you know, Joffrey I Mean I like this. Is that anything is this a sketch? I think it's a sketch. I think it's a sketch that we need You know Is this a sketch? I think it's a sketch. I think it's a sketch that we need, you know, protection from these people. Yeah. Because they aren't like a social experiment. Let's give somebody a lot of free time and a huge amount of money and a lot of pressure to not crack. Yeah, a lot of pressure to not give in to the pressure. That's basically the pressure that they're under. So let's say, let's say it's a film or short film or sketch. Hey, we're in the right territory. A royal, possibly a sort of middle-aged one.

Yep. You know, like a brother to Charles. It's one of those brothers. Andrew? Andrew, right? Someone wrongs him, right? So let's say Andrew has quite a bit of pipe that he keeps quite neatly. Now he got this pipe from sort of a part of Bunnings which has just recently attempted to launch in the Unity Kingdom, but it's been a huge failure, but the one person who was a big fan of it part of Bunnings, which just recently attempted to launch in the UK. And you can.

Yeah. But it's been a huge failure. But the one person who was a big fan of it from his- They should have called the Bunning Ham Palace. They should have called the Bunning Ham Palace. That would have helped a lot. Well, the one person who really liked it, because there was nobody there, was Andrew. But there was one other person there.

And he messed with his pipes and things like that and Anyway, Andrew just because he doesn't interact with a lot of commoners He just took a particular dislike to this person. Yeah, somehow he got his information He dropped his license or something like that. Yeah, so it's talking him online so to realizing he just wants to hurt this person and But then in order to be able to get out to go to hurt this person. And, but then in order to be able to get out to go and hurt this person, he has to princess Jasmine that shit.

Yeah, he has to like get out of there without the paparazzi following him. Maybe also the paparazzi witnessed the little confrontation where they were in the team together, you know? So then people will be like, well, eyes are on. Eyes are on him. Not that they would think that this is gonna lead to, you know, Prince cell, you know? So then people will be like, well, eyes are on. Eyes are on them. Not that they would think that this is gonna lead to, you know, Prince Andrew, you know,

trying murdering or sort of, trying to pipe strangling. Pipestrangling, exactly. But, but there's a fun, funness. I think it's a really, really interesting concept. I think like, I don't, we haven't seen a feature film that is like this. Whenever it's about royals, it's always about someone being very excited to marry somebody

else, pretty much. But I want a royal, I want like a single royal. I don't even have it a relationship to occupy their time. It is, you know, someone who has everything and now they have an enemy, right? And they can dedicate all their time to it. But it's so hard for them to do it because they're being constantly watched. How's it gonna get out of there? Is it addresses like one of those soldiers? We think that those soldiers who are there all the time are there to stop us getting in.

We don't realize they're there to stop them from getting out. Because they're so murderous. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe the person calls them a twat and he's just never had that. Yeah. I doubt that they've never had that. But a lot of the people who go and see them or love them.

They do seem to be pretty sick of antics. Yeah. It's pretty unpleasant. What do you think you would do? Do you think you would like just try to make sure it's scary? Or do you think you would really try to hurt that person? What? Would he try and hurt them?

Yeah, I think he, I think it escalates and I think he ends up killing somebody. Maybe he just like, you know, he'd get out one day and just go and scope out this person's house. Yes, you were right. Well, it could start out super petty as well, because it's also funny to see a royal doing really petty things. Yeah. Pooping in a bag. Pooping in a bag.

And putting in the mail box. Yeah, you get it. Petty royal. It's enemy with free time. That's the worst thing you can get. Hopefully they have paparazzi around them stopping them. You just hope. Anyway, that's a sketch I did. Thank you. Because the bricks are on sale at Bunnings. And the intrigue.

The intrigue. Well, that's us being interested in this idea. And the phasen. It says something the royals hunt. And also rhymes with pheasant as how they regard us. And pheasant, which is what they're not being in this. That's right. And pheasant, which is what the experience of watching this sketch will be. Yeah. Intriguing pheasantness. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. I feel like my brain was working pretty slowly today. It's okay Andy, we've... I think it's the heat. Next time I'm going to crank that air conditioning down so low

And I am going to be overclocking this bitch. So you better watch out. All right Look, I still think it was we had some things come out. I didn't show you what it was. Yeah, take us through it We got we got just we're this is a PhD. We're gonna do it's a something. It's a something to nothing ratio Yeah, right? And it's gonna be a short PhD and then a lot of it the rest of it is gonna be us explaining why it's something to nothing ratio. Yeah. Right? And it's going to be a short PhD. And then a lot of it, the rest of it is going to be us explaining why it's so short. Exactly. Yeah. And also, this is going to be a unifying universal theory.

Then we've got the rushed climate change solution. We're going to realize it's going to be very obvious, very quick. Yeah. Things are going to get very hot and catastrophic. And we're going to realize we have to do something about the climate change by the next day and It's we're gonna pack a plane full of stuff and we're gonna figure out what we're gonna do with it once we get up there once we're in the air Yeah, then we've also got the

What I don't think I've written this down, but we also have the The earth has had its atmosphere stripped away What we're all living in a car port Yeah Doesn't it doesn't quite that idea doesn't quite have a Apart from the fact that we're all living in a car port for me didn't quite have a Thing to it doesn't mean a hold on to it. Yeah, no, I know, I know, I know, but there's something there. There's something there.

There's a good turn in something. I think it's pipe. It's big, it's pipe. Yep. I mean, we know why the pipe's there. And I think it feels like a shame to waste that back story. Yeah, you're right. It feels like it's going to be relevant later.

Maybe when they're pushing the pipe up there, but then we've got the death experience that you can pay for. Yeah, it's sort of like a theme park, sort of like a... It's an escape route, but you're escaping from this... The mortal coil. The mortal coil. Yeah. Then we've got the garbage bag smell that complements the smell of garbage, but that's

really what that's about is giving the gift of garbage bags, which are the greatest gift that you can give to somebody so they can throw away all the other gifts. Exactly. Then we have the minimalist, perfect sketch, which is a bunch of minimalist saying stuff about minimalism and why they live that way. And then saying that minimalist, you are the garbage filling up your life. That's why you don't need any other stuff. It's the one thing you can't throw away. Yeah, your life is already full.

Touch yourself. Do you feel any joy? No. Then we've got the consummate, which is a product. Rotating blades that you just put in front of your tongue. Yeah, in front of your mouth and then it shoots all the chewed up food into your mouth. You can basically just swallow. Yeah, and then you've got the excrement.

The excrement, which does the same thing, but the other way out, it's for your dog's butt. And it's so that you don't have to pick up the excrement, so it chops it up and spreads it thin enough that you couldn't possibly be expected to pick it up. Sure, it makes it worse for everybody, but you've got the perfect excuse to not fulfill the social contract. The one part of the social contract that still has any meaning and we shoot it up and sprayed it all over the footpath

It's right and then we have the the royals The enemy with free time Really interesting. Yeah, really interesting really compelling. Yeah, great Hey, so we'll do a little song people And it's time to talk about talk bad names Georgia. This is the Georgia's bad name segment Some people, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, just got a couple of great names from, whereas it David, okay? David Whitaker, send us some top notch band. He's a Fajorge.

Yep, Fajorge, Fajorge's band, the producer of the podcast who can't come up with a name for his band. He says, how you crazy boys, I'd like to pitch Crach, Crachston Sledge as a band name. I work in customer services, and this was a customer's name. In my opinion, it sounds badass as heck.

Crackston sledge. Crackston sledge. Amazing. How do you spell Crackston? C-R-A-X-T-O-N. Wow. I'm pretty sure all the best band names have an X in them. I might name a child Crackston. Sure. And if it's a boy, Mark.

crackston. Sure. And if it's a boy, Mark. And he has another one. He says also ghost locom as in a visiting medical practitioner who is either actually a restless spirit or just very good at covering their tracks. Ghost locom, I love both of these names. Something that would be good at covering its tracks would be like a thing with a tail. Yeah, sort of sweep them like one of those sweeping dogs. Kangaroo maybe if they walked, but maybe they don't want to cover their tracks. Because they don't walk. Anyway, David, I think those are both rock-solid names. He says, hope these are some years keep up the excellent work. Thank you so much. George, you would be lucky to have either of those names. I reckon.

Crackst and sledge. Crackst and sledge. Ghost and lokom. Ghost and lokom. You've got at least an album name out of those two. Oh yeah. Anyway. Is that the ones we're going to all the ones we're going to do today?

That's what we're going to do today. Thank you so much for listening. We're at Two in Tank. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. You can refuel us on iTunes. We'd like that a lot. And support us on Patreon. Thank you so much for listening. We're at Two in Tank. I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. You can refuel us on iTunes. We'd like that a lot. And support us on Patreon. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. Thank you to everybody. Take care of yourselves. Have a wonderful life. We will see you another time. And we love you. We love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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