Two In The Think Tank - 169 - "COMPETITIVE JAZZ" with PEADER THOMAS!

Episode Date: February 5, 2019

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Oh Picks predator I Predator I I've expected the predator on the apex of reddit is predidated at the chocolate apex. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Never have three people been more in sync so early on in the

podcast. It's sort of greater than jazz, you know. Yeah, jazz went through many phases, but never a phase where each person was just doing their own song. But working at cross purposes. Yeah, against each other. Competitive jazz. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, competitive jazz. Or jazz, even. Competitive jazz. Yeah. Competitive jazz. I feel like I'm into college with a guy called Competitive jazz. It's competitive Jeremy. It's competitive at like I'm into college with a guy called competitive jazz. It's competitive Jeremy. It's competitive at competitive jazz.

Oh, that ties back into their idea that actually is something. Well, I mean, you could imagine that the person who invented competitive jazz was themselves competitive. Much in the same way that the person who invented soccer was and had legs and probably owned a ball. Yeah. You know, you can tell a lot about the person who invented a game. By the game, the game. Yeah.

Well, just about the things that they own, the limbs that they have. Well, those are things. Yeah. Those are things about someone. Yeah. The snakes and ladders person, they were from Earth. Right? Yeah, this makes and ladders person they were from earth. Right? Yeah, okay. Well,

yeah, I think that's fair to assume. Yeah, it was made in a time after climbing was invented. So we can start narrowing this down. Yeah. And until eventually we know the inside of this person's psyche better than they may know themselves. So before climbing, that's BC, obviously. BC. And then after climbing, that's at prey. Monty. Monty. Later.

Later. I am. But this is also, so it's before climbing, but also not before people discovered that you couldn't slide down a snake. Yeah, well that's it, no, it was after climbing, but before people decided to discover it, so probably when they invented climbing, they said, I'll climb up this thing, right?

And then I'll just slide down a snake, right? And you know, thinking that that would be the way to get down, so they climbed up. And while they were up there Somebody was inventing the game and they'd already submitted the That's right the prototype the patent before the crucial snake sliding component of the Of the entire procedure. Oh, we've already printed and sold 250,000 units. Yeah. It's like when they make you know They release a video game tie-in for a

movie, so they don't have to be a flop. Snakes and ladders. Exactly. Yeah, for snakes and ladders. If they haven't made a movie out of snakes and ladders, that made a battleship movie. Yeah, but that's not the snakes and ladders movie, I don't think. Yeah, no, I mean, I mean, that would be the craziest thing if they made the snakes of the letters movie and they called it battleship. It's just a more popular game. Well, yeah, I'll wait till I see the figures. Yeah, figurines. Hey, should we introduce ourselves? Hello and welcome to Two of the Thing Take the show where we come up with five sketchy ideas. I'm Andy.

And I'm Alistair George William, Tom Lee, virtual. And joining us in the tank is... Is white man. Peter Thomas. Hi guys. I forgot what you said that you wanted me to introduce you to. Yep, it's just very special friend, probably.

Very special friend. Friend of the podcast. An invulnerable? Indomitable. Indomitable. And cannot be hurt using traditional means. That's right. He wants the listeners to know that he cannot be hurt by traditional means. Okay. So you have to think about it. He's impenetrable. Yeah, that metaphorically. Yes, but that metaphor is a metaphor for his literal impenetrability. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's wonderful to be here. Thank you guys. I'm so sorry.

Now, is there something in what we can tell about the guy who invented snakes and lures? Is that a sketch? Well, I mean, I guess, you know, way... Well, what do we do? We go, we rifle through Shakespeare's works to try and find clues about who he was. You know? And I imagine one of the things that they found out about him was that he was a guy with a pen.

You know? That's right. Or at least he had access to something that could drive in the way of a pen. In the way of a pen. I think we're making a lot of assumptions. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, like which ones?

Well, first off, we've got to have a Shakespeare. The four we can have a pen. We're assuming that there is Shakespeare. Yeah. And that the plays didn't just form on the page because of some kind of mildew or something. Have you known that did happen? Yeah.

Or that Shakespeare wasn't just kids, two kids inside a coat. That's true. And kids in a coat. Also, if it was multiple people, possibly multiple people who are made up of two kids in a coat. Right? So each of the multiple people is two kids in a coat? That's right.

So what is it? Philip Marlow is that the, one of the people, Christopher Marlow. Christopher Marlow, yeah. One of the guys who has written a play that kind of had similarities to something that was in there, but I think they weren't the same, though, right?

Anyway, let's not get into the details of that. But you know who the real jerk in history is? Is the person who would take the work of everyone, did this like, let's say it was 12 people working on something. And then go, let me just give a one name. Let me just put it under the name of one person. Yeah. William Shake Spear.

I think maybe you're just describing the studio art system of the Renaissance art cell. Is that what it is? Yeah. Artists, they just made up a big studios. Leonardo da Vinciot, a da Vinciot, and Leonardo da Vinci. Leonardo da Vinciot was employed

by Leonardo da Vinci just to make stuff. One of the studio artists. Yeah. Or Rembrandt and have a, how you had a large studio. Yeah. That's just the way that artworks. But all his works were the works of many people? I don't know.

He doesn't know. He's making this up. I mean, we still can't establish whether or not William Shakespeare had a pen. I don't think I can say decisively. I'm really glad we haven't managed to get past the pen in question. No, I think there's an important point there on the pen.

So that was a pen. I think it dip in the ink. Yeah, very pen. So that was a deepening ink. Yeah, very important. All I was trying to say is that the origin of some artworks is more complicated than just a name signed on the artwork. Yeah. I've always felt that the great masters stuff was so good that it was probably done by a studio of people.

Because you know what they say? All the best work is born out of the compromise of a lot of people working just for a paycheck. Yeah. Well, yeah, amateurs basically employed in sort of semi-servile conditions. Name something good. Unable to get credit for their work. What's good? Okay, soybeans.

Soybeans are good, right? Yes. And then... Indusputably good. Yeah, and that's one... That's one plant. And then loads of people pick in that plant. Mm-hmm.

And then loads of people driving it. Then loads of people crushing it. And then loads of people sort of dipping it in sort of milk. And then loads of people squeezing the milk out, realizing they made a mistake. This is an amazing thing. I think if the milk out, relishing the better mistake. This is an amazing thing. If we find out that the way that soy milk is made,

it's just by putting milk into soybeans, and then squeezing it back out again. Which, I mean, I guess if you were, like, if you had no information about the world, and somebody said, I need you to get milk out of these soybeans, you'd be like, well, there's no milk in these soybeans. I'm going to have to put some in. If I'm going to get it out again these soybeans, you'd be like, well, there's no milk in these soybeans. I'm going to have to put some in if I'm going to get it out again. You inject it in there. It's like, you know, when you age brandy in a barrel or something, it's

you put the milk into the soybean and then you get it back out again. It's just one of those classic scams, like a fake, you know, fake super intelligent computer or something whereas you just, and you actually just have somebody hiding under a T-tail, you know, under the pulling levers, yeah. Pulling levers to make it look like a computer can wave its arms, yeah, that computer is so intelligent. Look at the way it waves its arms. There you happen, damn, you know, and then you say, oh, what day of the week was it on Thursday last month? And they'll say the 17th of January and you're like, yeah, checks out. What an amazing soybean.

What an amazing soybean. I'm going to invest. Yeah. What did you write down at what's there, milking soybeans? If you invent the soybean for long enough, the soybean ends up inventing you. Yeah. That's very, very wise. Yeah, you think so?

Yeah. That's very, very wise. Yeah, you think so? Yeah. Well, you're lucky because I've just had two articles posted into that's what I was doing. You wonder what I was writing down? I was writing to my obiturist to write for you guys two obituraries in the newspaper for tomorrow. And I've attributed that line to both of you. Oh, thank you so much. Actually, you know what, it's not a bad idea.

What a tribute. But it's not a bad idea to get a bit of a literary dispute going on after your death, or like some kind of attribution type dispute because it's all very well to invent something and everyone's just like yeah they they invented it you know if it's not disputed but then if there's two sort of famous people a bunch of famous people are sort of fighting over it and then you have people sort of fight you know your side on after you've died and then people like you, you know, meanwhile your estate is reeking in the dollars because of that soybean. Well, it's just keeping you

in the news cycle. There are no articles that come out and say, Einstein still invented relativity, but if there is, you know, like, you know, if there's stuff like new in the publications, I read anyway. No, absolutely not. Stages quo monthly, that's what you read. Every Thursday. All right. No, I'm not. I'm not. Let's start the public.

I'm actually called the Stages quo monthly. And it is just affirmations of things that still are. Reminders that nothing gives a change. Air is fine, you're fine. But what you say doesn't need to change. I don't know if these are specifically tealty, I mean, I guess most chairs still have four legs. You know, that kind of stuff. Yeah, most.

Yeah, well, you can't, I've got to leave a little bit of wiggle room so that for stalls, yeah, with three legs. Yeah, or banana chairs, which may have six. Because the last thing the readers of this quote monthly to see some, some, but other chairs have seats. I'm just trying to get my head around their tigids. What is a banana chair? No, those long, sorry banana lounge. Oh banana lounge.

Can't they have six legs? Right. I guess. Maybe. Yeah, they're an insect. That's right, an insect. They're not an arachnid. They're going to be eight legs.

The banana is a herb. But the banana lounge is an insect. That's right, an insect. They're not an arachnid. They're gonna be eight legs. The banana is a herb, but the banana lounge is an insect. It's right. Technically. That's how classification works. I think we should look more into status core monthly over this episode. Yeah. But I also, I mean, look, I wrote down competitive jazz. No. Because we flushed it out. So glad you went back to that. Because competitive jazz, I think the idea that, you know, somebody realized this is all, this is nice, sort of making a music that doesn't have to many words that I, that is sort of enjoyable to listen to. But what's the point?

Or can be. But yeah, but what do you get out of it? You don't win, you don't win at the end of each set. There's not like one of those small sort of faux gold little plastic figurines of somebody holding a trumpet or something. And there should be. A trumpet already looks like a trophy itself isn't it? Because all of them are gold. The Grammy pretty much is a trumpet isn't it? Yes. I mean, it's like a... Well, the gramophone is like a trumpet

that you let a machine play. Yeah. And to be honest, they're able to do... The machines are much better at playing the trumpet than we are, because they're able to get all sorts of sounds out of it. Yeah, but I would prefer a fissure. That's a final please.

Oh no, that's why they've been outlawed from competitive giz. That's right. So that's right, they have been outlawed from competitive giz. That's right, they have been outlawed from competitive giz. I don't mean to say jazz. I understand, but I wouldn't enter a competitive giz competition with a gramophone. No, but competitive jazz and competitive giz do both feature impressive solos. Absolutely. That's not where the similarity stopped. No, but it is where we stop listing them.

Crucial. Right, it is. Yeah. At the end of competitive jazz, because you know, Alan's there, I know a lot about jazz. And one of the things I know about jazz is that there are no rules, right? And, you know, there is one rule, there's only one rule, and there is there are no rules. Yeah, but that is a rule though. That is a rule, yeah, yeah.

And that's part of jazz. They don't even obey their own rule about how many rules there are. That's right, especially because there's actually one. And there's part of jazz. They don't even obey their own rule about how many rules they're on. That's right. Especially because there's actually one. And there's actually several. So they're not even obeying the one where they say that there's one. Yeah. When they're breaking the rule,

they're actually breaking that rule. Yeah, yeah, that's jazz because they break all the rules. They break all of them, even the rules. They're broke because they don't have any. Yeah. And it's the one that they can ever start playing

because they're just constantly going through that motion of breaking the rule Not breaking the rule and then breaking the rule again. It's very recursive. Yeah, and if anything the only way that you can process the the pain of doing that is by making a farty sound with your lips into a metal cone correct and But you know at the end of a jazz a competitive jazz, you can get a rating out of how many rules you broke, you know? Well, that's one of the rules of music. That's all the things that the judges can judge you on. Yeah. So there's, what, so how many rules broken? How many rules broken?

Who plays the loudest? I think who plays the loudest can, you know, that's definitely you could win just by drowning out everybody else. Who's face goes the reddest? Oh yeah, and who's neck and flights the most? Yes. Yes, neck and inflation should be a huge thing, especially for drummers. Fantastic. They can get up there with one of those little flexible tight measures like they use in tailoring for that around your neck.

Yeah. Move your dick to the side. Yes. Yeah. What if you dig to the side? Yeah. It just, competitive jazz. Does it, sorry, that was Alistair just asking me a personal question. By the way, in competitive jazz, is it everyone playing at once? Or is it everyone playing at once? Oh, wow. I imagine, this is like, diving or ice skating or something,

or is it more like, I actually don't know a sport wherever I'm playing at once. Soccer. Yes, soccer, yeah. Everyone's playing at once. It's hard to think of one, isn't it? Oh, all sports. Yeah, but what's an example?

Well, I think that you're approaching it much like you would approach a regular song, playing a song, a set, that you'd play with a bunch of friends in a non-competitive way, so to or what we would call sort of recreational jazz now. And you go into it and you say, hey, we're all playing St. Thomas, right? And then you go, one, two, three. And then it's each man for themselves. Right? Who's playing the best?

Who's playing the loudest? Who's breaking the most rules? Yeah. Who looks the coolest? Yes, absolutely. Looks like they don't care the most. I guess that's also cool. Who dies looking the most messed up?

Oh yeah. Who dies the youngest? Hmm. Who has the most obscene nickname? Oh yeah, absolutely. So something like, I mean, jizzie is something, sounds like that would be a nickname. I think that was, yeah, jizzie galespie. It was jizzie galespie. Jizzy Gillespie. I'm sorry. I'm saying Jiz too much.

Pete started. I did introduce it. But here's an alternative take on competitive jazz. It's Mr. Squiggle rules. So the jazz musician enters a space in which there are already sort of random noises being played or snippets of music sort of being played. And it is up to the jazz performance to tie it all together with their performance. Oh, like a jazz obstacle course. Yes, exactly. Okay, so let's say, okay, I'll be a trumpeter. Okay.

And they also have to run an obstacle course. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's an obstacle treadmill. Yeah. I mean, I mean, what? Well, they're just being thrown at them while they're playing jazz on a treadmill.

Yeah, and maybe they get manifested on the actual tread. Manifested on the tread. Yeah, in this case, so here we go. Right now, you guys can be do it, We did, we listened to it and nothing bad happened. Yeah. Which also meant that we lost in terms of the competitive jazz listening. You lose if you listen to it? Well, if you don't die because you want to die as early as possible. Right.

So you want to die immediately after your first round of competitive jazz. You know, during... Was deadness another scoring mic? Well, Andy added that. It could, I'm sorry, if it threw a real spanner in your works. No, no, it's fine. Look, the thing is, is that I can't stop saying yes to you. I love that.

And I feel like it's enabling you, Andy. Yeah, to live my best life. Yeah. So I knew I'm putting in competitive jazz in there. You know, maybe we could add more to it. I don't know if there's... Is there competitive painting? Pete, you're an artist.

Have you ever seen competitive drawing or anything like that? Not really. I mean, sometimes you see people drawing really fast. People on the street with palette knives painting, like painting a landscape really fast. Like people on the street with palette knives painting, like painting a landscape really fast. Yeah, speed painting and maybe that's a, and what about, you know, those, sometimes you make up a page of drawings where on one side you have a bunch of like bazookas and rockets shooting to the other side and And then on the other side, you create defenses that can defend that and then another weapon that can sort of attack back.

Do you ever do that? No. No. Is that just the thing I did? Yeah. Who knows, yeah? Oh, but that sounds cool. So you're like, it's like a war or an arms race, but it just takes place on the page.

Yeah, it's an arms race. It's like a page-darm race. So you're taking intents to attack and retaliate and attack and attack it again? Yeah, but it's like I'm playing a game of chess against myself. There's nobody else involved. It's just me at the moment. I guess I'm a bit of a war gameist. But could it be something that nation states undertake instead of war itself. You

send your best sketch artist to the pad, whatever it is. And they there, meanwhile the enemy. At least in theirs. Latvia has their best America versus Latvia. America versus Latvia. Yeah, great. And then you decide that whoever wins out of this drawing contest gets to have, you know, that you're playing for pink slips. So you get to have a Chinese country. Or cars. Or cars. Yeah. I'm just assuming, you know, leaders. I get to have all your cars. Your country's cars. Yeah That's gonna be a lot for Latvia to deal with. Yeah, it's gonna be millions and millions of cars No, it is a lot parking is gonna be a real nightmare But then one these days Google will be like hey, we've made a computer that can that can draw in one of these war

Drawing contests better than anyone has ever seen Well, that's what I think they're doing with those Google doodles where you draw something and then Google, well Google asks you to draw a foot and you draw a foot and Google has to guess whether or not it's a foot. Well, this is a thing. Yeah. Have you ever done it? No.

Where is this? Google doodles. Yeah, what's that what it's called? Google doodles. Well, something like Google doodles. Maybe the Google doodles are those it's called? Google Doodles. That was something like Google Doodles. Maybe the Google Doodles are those things on the top of the page. Show up for their logo. Yeah, but there was something like that.

I did do that. It's this machine learning thing where the Google is teaching itself to recognize shapes. You could just go in there and draw something else, couldn't you? Yes. It's a trick Google. I know, but then over time, that'll just be a small... We need lots of people to trick Google otherwise. Yeah, we'd all have to team up, so it doesn't know what's what.

Yeah, but then it'll be like, oh, I can tell that something happened here where everybody organized and changed what a foot should look like. I think you need to take that. Yeah, and it'll be like, oh... But maybe we need to be really... They always draw feed as tacos, and we know know their game and we're just eliminating all that data with the feeder tacos. Maybe our payoff down the track, right?

For all our hard work, tricking Google could be one day you go in for some surgery that's gonna be performed by a robot, right? And then instead of operating on your in-ground turn out and amputates your shoulder or something puts a taco and then finally you get to have that feeling of pride that comes from knowing that the machines have lost because you've got what's our cream leaking out of your own every time you taste that sour cream. Oh you're eating your own sauce. Every time you taste that sour cream.

Oh, you're eating your own shoulder. Yeah, but it tastes like victory. Yeah, that's true. And also, rancid dairy products. Yeah. Because it's not going to stay fresh, I imagine. No, but you're going to wait a few days before you start eating. You're not going to eat a day one.

This is your new shoulder, brand new. But when it starts getting a few bugs in it that's when you start to eat. That's when you chow down taco shoulder but you know what happens then when they realize you know this is after you've eaten your shoulder and you've declared win you know victory on Google plus on your own Twitter then they'll shut down your email that'll be hugely inconvenient to. No they, they lock you out. No, no. Can't email any email. So you've got no email. No email.

Taco Shalda. Taco Shalda, what's left of it? Yeah. How long, if a part of your body turned into an edible food stuff, how long before you would eat it? No time at all. No time at all. Like, eat slowly.

It would be so quick. No, it depends if it's within my diet, you know, because like, at the moment, I'm trying to naughty too much wheat, too much grain stuff or sugar. So if your toenails turn into sandwiches, you can... Yeah, I could eat the filling. Yeah, I could. But if, unless it was like an almond meal bread of some sort, but it just doesn't feel

like the health... It doesn't seem like the health doesn't seem that likely that that would happen. Yeah, unless my my delightful lover would make make it for me, you know, which she does make a kind of knife on me meal bread. But why and then replace your toenails with that. Yeah, but then also toenails being replaced with bread just seems like such a huge size difference. You know how they get now. They'd be like that little french toast ones, the sort of biscuit he was, those crunchy ones. That's still very large for tonales.

That is still big for tonales, but not that big compared to a big tonale. Yeah, look, it's going to be an adjustment. I'm not lying now. Yeah, but yeah, so I guess that's just an example. You could, we could replace it at different parts. So now I can eat it. I guess also I'd just be worried about just having that exposed skin under the nail. You know that part.

So once the sandwich is gone, there's nothing left to protect it. Yeah, but also I guess just the, what you learned that protective power of sandwich. Yeah, but now if it's that, sort of small bit of toast stuff, it does make me feel like that wouldn't feel that good rubbing against the raw, undernail, sort of bit. There was kind of good about nails is that they seem pretty stuck on, and they just know rubbing. No, there's no flexibit, there's no movement relative between the two,

there's no shape, there's no undernailed shape. They're well glued. They are well glued. Yeah. Right? And there's not too much trouble on the side. Some people have a bit of trouble up on the big toenails and stuff like that. We gotta keep it. Quick stuff dug out. What's quicks? I'll just tell a little bit so you can nail the break off. That's what that is. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what their proper name is. Quicks sounds like something that you would take for indigestion. I don't know what their proper name is. Quick sounds like something that you would take for indigestion. Quickies.

Oh, quickies. This show is sponsored by Quickies. Oh, I forgot to tell you. The show is sponsored. Really? Yeah, I'll put a thing at the beginning. Take a break. But this show is sponsored by Harry Shavers.

Oh my god, Ann. Yeah, Harrys. Do you guys know about Harrys? The people who make the shavers? The people who make the shavers? The people who make the shavers, they make it. I've heard that they make shavers. They make shavers? Five blade razors?

Oh, we're talking a five blade razor. And you know on that five blade razor, you know, they throw in five blade raider, by the way. Computer games are going to sell really well, five blade raider. But they throw in an extra blade for trimming under your nose. Anyway, I use it, it's great. I use it too. Get that one or two loose hairs. Yeah. They make you look like a pig. Like just a piece of dirt on the ground. And you have to say, under Andy's nose is some of the smoothest parts of his face. No, we're going to post a photograph, and people are going to know that I am not currently well-shaved, right?

But last time I did shave, it was with the Harry's razor and it was so good and everybody appreciated it. I got comments. That's right. And they were saying, Andy, you don't look as scraggly as you normally do with those extra one or two loose hairs under and in your nostrils. But what I would like to say is that people who want to take advantage of an excellent deal can go to harries.com-flash-think-tank and get a whole lot of amazing shaving gear,

okay, for a very good price. And I'm going to put the details in for that at the start of the episode because I don't have the details in front of me right now. But they are so good and you will have already heard them and you will already not believe them. That's how good they are. I do believe them and I love them and I also use it and I love it. Great. How good is that shaving cream? Mmm, wish you could eat it. Wish you could eat it.

Yeah. Text me Harry's. We get on this. Head of a shaving cream. Now look, I haven't written down anything recently. It feels like we were talking for a long time. Man, we were spitting some webs. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

I can't remember what any of it was. I thought we really connected. I really enjoyed it. Yeah, well that's what I think, I think at least it helped our relationship. Hmm. Can you write that down? Help our relationship. Correct. What about like being under the skin of an animal?

Like, a living animal. We're always worried that animals are getting under our skin. I mean, that's one of the classic signs of of psychoanosis, you know is that The animals around her outskinned, Frank Sinatra was famously, you know terrified of that happening to him Really what what animals sort of like Paulin hogs poly bears mindly really yeah deep under All blue eyes he was absolutely petrified that one day he would wake up with a polar bear underneath the skin old white fur. Yep, old white hair Yeah, yeah, well, I mean a polar bear is probably the most likely animal to slice you open and at least make it possible

To for something to get under your skin. Mm-hmm. That's why I was I mean like he's not an idiot You calling Frank's an utter idiot Why do you call him Frank an idiot? You call him Frank an idiot? No, no. Okay, good. Right, because he'd hate that. Yeah, yeah, but luckily he's dead, right?

Yeah. Thank God. Yeah, and now the thing is, now he would have maybe no skin, but lots of stuff that would be under where it would be if it was in existence. I think he's probably got less stuff under his skin now than he did when he was alive. Yeah, but not the kinds of things that he wants. Right now he has a lot of things under where his skin would have been if he isn't dead.

If he wasn't dead. I don't know. Do you think he was embalmed? Frank. Yeah. What, and then? I mean, I think he was probably embalmed pre-death just because of all the whiskey that he was drinking. Are you talking about some sort of glass coffin kind of people paying for it or respects? I mean, I think he was probably embalmed pre-death just because of all the whiskey that he was drinking. Are you talking about some sort of glass coffin kind of people paying for their respects? Isn't it the thing that they do to people where they kind of like they get them in balm so that the body stays preserved

for, in fact, everyone to dig a mop? Yeah, you guys ever gonna want to dig me up? Yeah. Not sure. Oh, look. Maybe, yeah. And I think that's it. If it's a maybe... They went balm. it. If it's a maybe, then in bomb.

Yeah. If it's a no way. Definitely in bomb. Yeah. I mean, but that's the thing is, it's so hard to say you absolutely won't ever want to dig somebody up. Well, yeah. And, you know, it's pretty unlikely.

It feels pretty unlikely that we'll develop the technology to be able to bring dead people back to life. But it's not crazy to think that society might change in such a way that, hey, we just like digging up people and having their bodies around, you know. That's probably more achievable. Yeah, exactly. We could do it right now, to be honest. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Exactly. And what? Well, because cemeteries have got to be in the city for a reason. What are they doing so close to where so accessible? Why are they so accessible? Walking distance to very popular suburbs? What is that about? It seems strange, and it feels like the whole reason that is happening is so that you can

get those dead bodies into your house more easily. The forward planning of the people who built the cities that we live in to think about that, the one day there'll be a change in the wise society thought about dead people and having... Well, they could be. That's right.

They could be. And I think they allowed for not only diversity of cultures like we have in the current societies that we live in, but diversity of future thinking. You see, you gotta keep your mind open like that. And so, a lot of these people who are dead, a lot of their families are already dead. Yes. People who care about them.

Yes. So we could probably already go and get those bodies even without asking permission. Oh, right. So not even necessarily bodies of our loved ones, just bodies. Well, just general bodies. Well, isn't actually, that's probably less weird,

to be honest. Yeah. Yeah. It is. But also, they're just a stranger. And what is a stranger is just a friend you haven't made yet, or a dead body you haven't kept around the house yet, and sort of formed a sort of quite a strong bond with.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So to get this to happen though, we need to change people's minds about having anonymous unknown dead bodies, inbumped, of course, but dead bodies around the house. Where would they be just in the lounge room? I kitchen in corners. Corners?

Corners, yeah, crouching. If you get them crouching, I guess, because if they're letting these are a bit bent and things like that, then you can sort of lean them up against back, against the wall and kind of get like a sort of a tripod feel. The, I mean, even though they've only got two legs down, you sort of, you're using the walls that's the third leg. I've always sort of walls as being a third leg.

Yeah. The other thing is that, you know, a dead body, like at the moment we have mannequins in shops, right, in shop windows. Yes. And we also have preserved dead body, like at the moment we have mannequins in shops, right, in shop windows. And we also have preserved dead bodies just lying unused in the ground. It really does feel like a missed opportunity for synergy and sort of a doubling up. Oh, absolutely. And when, you know, what happens to those mannequins, right, you go into a shop, you grab them

by the feet and you smash them in a rage like that and those pieces go everywhere They get put into the bin and those pieces end up in the ocean. That is what happens other animals Right and you get escorted out of the school you get a Scorted out of the school You were shopping for clothes. And it turns out it wasn't a mannequin, it was a child. It was a plastic child. Anyway, and so that is such a murderous way of going about it.

If we were to just use our dead, in bombs dead, either to sell clothes or to just have them in our house. Manicans are very expensive as well. And we, is another innovation. We do press up the dead bodies in their nicest clothes. That's right. And again, that feels like it's for a special occasion or to be put on some sort of fashion display. Well, already it's a huge leech on the overall fashion ability of the world that we're

burying each person's best clothes. You know what I mean? So each person, they will look the most fashionable when they're wearing their best clothes. Yes. So, if everybody was alive, then, and everybody was pretending, having a fake funeral that day. Yes. Right. Then everybody, that day, the world.

Firstly, traffic would be a nightmare. It, you know, we could work, we could find a way around it. Sure. There's no limitations on this either. You could, you could turn your own bedroom into your own funeral parlor, okay, and then everybody skips into everybody else's. Yes, that way we don't have to do any driving around. Yes, okay

So if everybody was alive that it had ever been alive, right and they all had bedrooms and they all had bedrooms and internet connections and They were all wearing the best clothes Understanding of sky. Yeah, understanding sky then the world with at that point be at the highest Fashionability it's ever been in the world and it that it would be attaining its highest possible fashionability by definition by this dress absolutely yeah, right, but If all the people that are now dead right then to die again in the scenario, in the hypothetical, they then all lost their lives because of the scenario that they were brought back for ended. Yes.

Which was to see the maximum possibility of the world. What a cruel jest. Well, even a moment alive is greater than an eternity of death. That's right. Yeah. It's the soy, anyway, no, I'm like, I'm gonna go back to soybeans. So then, then all those good clothes, I mean, I think you would see a drastic drop

in the fashionability of the world in that instant where everybody died and was buried quickly. Right. Like that. But before you buried all those bodies, those people who were brought back for that hypothetical, if you stole all the clothes, who's bearing the body? Who's bearing the body? Probably the opposite of magic that are from the bipartisan.

The three necromancers that we that we managed to create to create this hypothetical. And then there Christine and Langley and then and then their helpers who were burying everyone. If we get those helpers to before burying it, burying them, still they're closed, the dead. Then we could create the most valuable second-hand closed shop in existence that would spread beauty across the world and joy. And we wouldn't, and then it would create a future in which potential

fashionability of the world would be sustained. There would be a continuity of fashionability and we could keep building new clothes that would keep bringing it up like new clothes but there would be conservation of fashionability rather than taking two steps forward and then three steps back every time someone dies and you always know that when people die they are usually you know at the time of life where they are the most fashionable when they die when they die that's right yes so it Alistair everything you just said I love it right it makes it makes it makes so much sense and it takes everything into account. Yeah. Yeah. And the payoff was totally worth it. And you know it's not in any way

sort of my car. No. No. Or misjudged. So just, just, just, well done. Right, it just, well done. Yeah, absolutely. I guess we haven't written anything since status quo monthly. Yeah. Which by the way, you got that out in two few words. I, you know, I'm really, I'm really into it. I do have an issue with your idea

that the fashionability of the world would go down when it would really like per capita the fashionability of the world would remain the same and I Think if anything having all these extra dead people's clothes would be a burden on people's lives and It's the idea that people would be wearing these these this new lot of clothes this very fashionable set of clothes just all the time like these are the only clothes we can have now no no no so you'd be playing tennis in the clothes that someone was buried in and then you would go to sleep and some other

set of clothes that someone was buried in well the thing is is that you could yeah I mean you can do that now to be honest yeah you you you absolutely could be wearing you just need a shovel and a positive attitude Absolutely, right, but the thing is is that you guys are misreading this Right the thing is that every minute every item of those clothing Of that clothing that we got that we got from bringing back all those people from the dead for this fashionable ability hypothetical Right

Would be the best item a clothing you've ever owned, right? So it would it would increase your wardrobe, all us plebs, right? Our wardrobes look like the bins in the wardrobes of these people who are now dead like that, right? You know, you just keep a bin in your wardrobe where you put the worst clothes. A bed, Yeah. Like that. Well, that's what are their wardrobe. The clothes that not even a corpse would wear. Yeah. Exactly. And so now, if we just took those, if we just took their buried clothes, we could wear that for a year straight and not feel bad like we always do. Well, I that that that puts a cap on that and we've definitely figured out

Exactly how that all works. Yeah, okay, I had a problem before but not anymore. Yeah But also coffins look comfortable and we could probably also sleep in their coffins You know coffin I don't see why coffin shouldn't be considered an item of clothing. It's a you could wear a coffin. Yeah, you could wear a coffin. How would you want? Would you say? Well, why why is walking? Why is walking necessary for something to be fashion? You know? Well, no, I'm not saying it is, but I mean for getting around is necessary for. It's called a catwalk. Andy, not a cat. Sandstale. Yeah, Andy.

Not a catatonic walk. No, it doesn't matter. Here's my suggestion. Right, that I reckon when people die, they should, we should open casket and they should have to be naked. So, you know, somebody's been alive all this time. You never got to see any of their bits, you know. You want to know what's going on there. You're dead now, they can't object. They're dead now, they can't object and now we all get to have a look and now we get to go, oh, okay. So that's what it was like. And now we can, we can re-examine,

we can get some fresh information to sort of re-examine our personal experience with that person as well. Because what new, you know, I think in death it would be nice to have like, because at the end of our lives there's no like big revelation, right? People just die and you don't get like the twist at the end of the movie or whatever like that. But now, at least there'll be like a little surprise or something. You'd be like, oh, they had, they had, they had, they had, they had, they had, they had had. But also you might see why somebody was more confident than you thought they'd, exactly. Exactly, yeah.

Or why they seemed like less confident that you, you seem they deserve to be. You go, what, you're great. Like you just draw the most perfect circles by hand. Like that, you seem like you have everything. You should be so confident. And then you realize that they have, like, sort of... It's just... Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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And just the denser than you've ever seen. Even if it's not making this about dicks, by the way. I'm good. Yeah, wow. Yeah. You see, I mean, I must have said jizz about 13 times You did a last minute. I thought you were going to dig and you did a last minute dick pivot and you might know I made it was sort of like a like a micronesia of moles on the inner

Unreal a capella go. Yeah, you know something that would would be distracting and if you showed to a lot of people They would think that maybe you just you had a cleanse in this-siness, clenliness problem or something like that. It looks, it just looks filthy with moles. Yeah, it's dirty with moles. And it was probably one of those moles that ended up killing you. Do you think that this would start to, you'd start to see an uptick in people's lifespan,

knowing that when they're going to die, everyone's gonna see them naked. So you think they'd look after themselves better or they just cling to life for longer and trying to lay the inevitable out of embarrassment. Both of us. Yeah, I think you'd, I'm thinking about doing that right now.

Just that they're very prospect of having to people look at my naked dead body. Well, absolutely, because you want to outlive anybody who's close to you so that they weren't looking at your junk at the end. It's a good motivator isn't it? Yeah. The last one alive gets to see everybody's dick.

Yeah. You know what, it's just nice. I think it's, because if, you know, we cover up our bodies, all our lives, it does feel like we're building it up for some kind of big reveal. Like we're keeping it as a like a, a you know the twist at the end or whatever. You know it's like if people went around carrying a suitcase all the way through a movie you'd want to see what was in it at the end. It's the same. How do you think is in it? A bunch of hands. Yeah kind of went to some kind of body part or something like that. Or just one really big hand.

Oh yeah. How did you get such a big human hand? Where did I come from? Why were you carrying it around? So many questions. But then it's just thin. Exactly. It's the end of the film. Well, you're looking too busy looking at his naked body. But then everybody should have one secret at the end. So look, I'm just going to write down at the end of life, everybody has to be naked. Yeah, I think we all get a look. And also, we get to look in their bag, see if there's any hands in there. The bag that I have to carry around.

Handbag, that's what handbag should be. Bag for life. There's an actual hand in here. I know, but you reckon that big hand, this is the only place I can think where they go, they went to pop a new guinea or something like that, and just deep, deep jungle, like a place where people nobody goes,

and they just encountered a giant, like a real giant, giant hand. Well, yeah, as well as arm, oh wait, no, she's in. She's in just a little bit. Okay, okay, yeah, and then. Separately? No, they're all part of the same.

It's a standard configured human key. But it's just larger than normal. Yeah, it's a Jojla. I like it. I like it. Like, their hand would just cover your sort of whole torso. Right. Like that, no problem.

And then for some reason, you would just like, out of fear, slayed the joint. Well, you've got a machete because you've been cutting through the jungle. It's true. Maybe, even as slayed the joy. Well, you've got a machete because you've been cutting through the jungle. It's true. Maybe even as you're cutting, like that, you know, you don't even, I wonder if you even see where you're cutting.

Maybe cut the hand off by mistake. Doesn't even see it wasn't an act of malice. No. And then kept it with them. So you don't even see this giant, you just, you hear like a scream and a hand falls to the ground and you can hear something

Huge scamping off through lumbering off through the the undergrowth Yeah, and then all you're left with is this giant Torsosized hand. Yeah, and then put it in your bag One on ice. Yeah, yeah, missoo case. Sorry, which which which bag is this you know? To your handbag. That's right. Thanks. Thanks. Thank you. You set them up. I knock them down and it is that smooth It is that you set up and then you set them up again with a wink And you point then you point me and then you go remember Yeah, and then I knock them down Every time

um knock him down every time. Oh man, but then the reason why that person was still carrying it around is that the treat to know why they were carrying all this ice by the way. Well, in the jungle in Papua New Guinea, they had to keep cool. Yeah, and whiskey. They had a lot of whiskey that they were going to try to get through. See, you come up with these answers like that. It's incredible. You get through to where? Hey, get through to it. To the other side of the island. Okay. Go up, Pete.

Yeah. And so, and then, but then he wanted to answer this question, he went and met some locals and said, do you know who this belongs to? And they go, well, we've never actually even heard of people that are no bigger. That's ridiculous. We're one of a few cultures that doesn't have a myth about Sun Giant, man in the jungle. You think we would? Do we know? We actually have a myth about Sun Giant, man in the jungle. You think we would? Do we know?

We actually have a lot of myths about people who are way smaller. No, no, no, that's a huge list. Same size, we have a lot of myths about people who are the same size. It's pretty standard. We published them in our book, Status Quo Monthly, actually. Everyone pretty much the same size you thought they were. That's the front page, this. You get the latest issue.

You get like the tail of like an orange bird, and go, no, a big hand. Look, look at this hand, there you go. Yeah, no, it doesn't mean anything to him. Yeah, if it was the tail of an orange bird, we could have helped you, but it's a big hand. I could tell you, oh yeah, there's an orange bird and then there are jungles.

Yeah, always has been. Like that, and then, and so then he just carries the hand and then can, until you can figure this out, he talks to anthropologists and biologists and he's just, and he gets it imbombed because it started to stay. Yeah, imbombed, imbombed, you know. Like that, and then, but then he just died of something

and then we couldn't. The hand. Yeah, well, you know, the person who cut off the hand accidentally with the machete, who was, I guess, was just on a tour so that just sounded like just visiting. Yeah, just one of person got off the hand accidentally with the machete. Who was I guess was just on a tour, so just on a, like, like, just visiting? Yeah, just one of those machete tours. And then dies and then anyway,

all friends, he goes back to, like, a tour boat afterwards. Yeah, he goes back just like he can take the kind of thing. Yeah, he's going across the island, meets up with some people. What did you guys do today, Aynah? Well, another drink and whiskey. Whiskey in the jungle. Whiskey in the jungle. And then he's like, yeah, I found his hands crazy. No, locals ever heard of a big person act.

It was an accident. I didn't mean to do that. Anyway, gets through custom somehow with this hand. I guess he just maybe just takes the boat. Just takes the boat. If you declare it, sometimes they're very sort of on. That looks okay. Yeah. You could just say it was like a Ron Muehik,

or something like that, a Ron Muehik artwork. It looks real, it's not. The truth is, it's been Piccini. Yeah. It's a Ron Muehik bomb. It's a very realistic sculpture of a bomb, but it's not a bomb. Ron Muehik does that stuff.

Does he do that? Oh yeah. Oh no, he does very well. I'm sure they find with prop weapons going through. Yeah, all the time. And so then he just carries it around, trying to answer this question one day, just dies, then all his closest friend and families

are like, oh, like at least we have to see him naked. And then we see him naked, then they start going through his handbag, and then they find that huge hand. And then that's really the beginning of an adventure. Well, it isn't, it isn't, because I mean, you're Sudari, it seems like you pretty much told everybody you had this hand. You know, everyone knew the head was there in the bag. So it's not the kind of that sort of reveal

that we were going for. It's where we're like, oh, and there's the hand, you know, and you push it out of the way and go, oh, look, he's got all these old tissues. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't know he's got all these old tissues. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't know he had those. That's it. Oh, I'm drinking.

The reveal is that the hand isn't there. That would be the reveal. There is no hand. It was just his hand. And, you know, wait, there is no hand or there is a hand. Were you saying there was no hand? Yeah, there's no hand.

Yeah, but he thought the hand, there was a big hand. No, someone stole it. Oh, it's a mystery. Oh, no That's a good way. Oh, this sounds like a kids book. Aga Aga Aga Cut. Yes, Aga the Christie's who stole the big hand Are you running that down? I'm right in the store the big hand. Wow, okay. I I'm writing this to all the big hands. Wow, okay. I'm, I mean, sure. I mean, look, I think, this is all backstory. I think this is like the cold opening of this,

telemovie, I get the Christie's. I don't know much, but I know it's a telemovie. I know that this is not gonna go to the cinema. It's not gonna be accepted from regular distribution. I've got two words for you. Limited release. Exactly. What's crazy is that they only, even in 2019,

they decided to only release it on VHS. Yeah. Strike to VHS. It was a lot more work. It was actually so. A lot more work to get it over that. But I think, you know, just what we're doing is we're taking a lot of the worlds that we're seeing here, you know.

A lot of the worlds that we're experiencing in this podcast here, little universes that are cropping up, and then we're cramming them together as accepted wisdom. Yeah, well that's what JK Rowling does. Just telling, you know, kind of a past day should different things bring it all together. Builds a world and stuff. This should love this stuff. Giant hand.

Some big hand, yeah. But then, you know, like all you need is one adventurous kiddo, or, you know, sort of young adult, to sort of, you know, somebody who's not tied down, doesn't have like a kid and stuff like that, go off to Puppewingigini, maybe go to the next time. Some of them like not tied down doesn't have like a kid and stuff like that. Yeah, go off to Puppernigini. Maybe go to the next time. Someone like a kid.

Someone like a kid. Not tied down with a kid. Look, you know, who's not tied down with a kid? I guess a kid. Look, another kid. Yeah. You know, and you know, maybe somebody who's parents don't care. Mmm.

Oh, maybe like God. Sounds like if their parents don't care then their parents also want that tied down though then by the kids Yeah, that's true. This is an ideal scenario everybody's free. The kid is free. The parents are free The hand don't care about the hand is lately friend. Yeah, truly free Yeah, and so then they can track down the hand and then Go and do that extra research around Papua New Guinea. To find this some handless giant. Yeah, because I bet you this person didn't go to the next island to see,

or didn't do as much research as they could have. They were probably to go to the beach. Well, they were on a tour. I bet you they did. I bet you they did. Yeah. I bet you they exhausted all options. Oh, wow.

Yeah, I bet you they were really thorough. Well, that's crazy. Well, then that means that even after all the, you know, options were exhausted. That means that there was still another option that they didn't see like maybe they were underground people. No, they looked there. Oh.

Oh. What about like air people? People with hot air balloons. Yeah. At night time time that they wouldn't have been able to see. They couldn't, they did. They weren't there. They weren't there, they didn't escape or something like that. Yeah, no, that is good. Or maybe that person who got their hand cut off was trying to swim away to another island

because they're like people are cutting off hands here. Yeah. Huge hands, my huge hand. So you started to swim to another island, or she, and they got attacked by a bunch of sharks, big sharks. I really like this, but I also really like the idea of some sort of prehistoric people who get around it hot air balloons And I think that there is a Like mama skin exactly because you look at the skin of the man And you're like it's already very big. Yeah, it's already got that that trunk that fits brown already very brown

It's got that you're not gonna get that skin any brown. It's already got that trunk that fits brown. It's already very brown. It's got that... You're not going to get that skin any brown. No. Exactly. It's already got that trunk that feels like the end of a balloon or like a nozzle for filling it up with air or something like that. And you could sew a bunch of those peltes together and instead of having rope go over the

balloon, you could just attach it to the basket. So you can just attach it by the trunks? You just tie the trunks down. So you just need like four or five trunks, like that, four or five peltes. It's prehistoric times also though. So there's all that gas coming out of the ground. Yeah, just put it over at some sort of paint ball

or whatever, you know, Hermifrost. Yeah. And releasing all the sorts of horrible gases in the air. Prehistoric people, yeah, I love this. Balloon, balloon. But there are also huge these people as well aren't they? They're huge.

Oh, absolutely. Oh yeah, yeah, they can't get in the balloon. No, but it just means that it's a super colossal balloon. This isn't made out of normal elephants. This is made out of mammoths. Yeah, mammoths, it's in the title. Maybe what they do is they kind of ballooned up having like a basket underneath.

Having, instead of having a basket underneath, they just hold on to like the five trunks at the bottom and then it just lifts them up like one arm, like that and they just get lifted up into the air like that above. And then they float to the next island. above and then they float to the next island And they just float to the next island and then they like pack up. They roll up their Their pal like that, you know, they might use yeah

Permafrost or like volcanoes or something like that, you know, yeah, just hot air hot air Just got to find some hot air. So this all checks out like it seems crazy that we wouldn't have harnessed the balloon technology at some point in our history before we came up with it. The more golfier brothers, yeah, right. We had balloons here. Before we had airplanes, we did. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. So do you think that maybe there was like a pre-historic people who also had airplanes, like a type of airplane? Oh, do you think it goes in a cycle? Maybe. Balloons, airplanes, balloons, airplanes. I don't think that's the right answer.

That's how it goes, yeah. Snakes, letters, snakes, ladders. Yeah, racing each other through time. Yeah. What if we added one element to this? It could be a sketch. And then we could write it down. I mean, I think it is pretty amazing the idea of some kind of prehistoric excavation,

you're digging away, right, and you discover some kind of hot air balloon, right, and then you start to discover the infrastructure around the hot air ballooning industry, like maybe they have some sort of, you'll find some sort of airport, and you find like a little ticketing desk, and you find, you know, the... Prehistoric flight control center. Yeah, prehistoric flight control, you know, prehistoric...

Customs. baggage, baggage inspectors and all that sort of stuff. And so it's all there. It's all being preserved under mud or ash. You know, or muddy ash. Or muddy ash, and then you, you know, I guess you find, and you look at the prices of the Saber-toothed tiger cutlets that they've got in the cafeteria in the airport and they seem a bit expensive

Yeah, that's deep and portion sizes are not great either portion sizes. I mean And this is mammoth. We're talking mega-fowner. Yeah, and yeah, still not still not good We're talking megafauna. Yeah, and yeah, still not good. So the person that finds this, are they excited? Do they terrified that this is gonna change everything? I think it would be, it would feel like a lot of pressure. Yeah, yeah. You probably feel like you've gone insane.

Like, I wonder how amazing a discovery you would have to make of prehistoric, what have you, if you'd be like, well, the more logical explanation is that I've taken leave of my senses, and I'm irredeemably bonkers. Yeah, I think it would probably be easier to go on. Like, let's say the sketch was, yeah, this person's discovered this, then another academic, you know, you go, I got your message, what is it? And they go, they explain this whole thing

that they discovered. And then they tell this big story, and they go, and the portions aren't that big either. That's that. And then the other visiting academic goes, wow, this is incredible, yeah. I'll help you bury it again. Yeah.

And then they just bury it again, because they go, oh, this is going to be too much. It's going to be too much show. We're going to ruin our careers. Or they, they, they, he showed, you know, why an academic shows the academic, the next one, the evidence, and they go like, oh, that's a, it's a while, it's crazy.

I thought you were insane, but it turns out, I must also be insane, because I can also see this evidence. And then everybody who sees the evidence is like, I must be crazy. It's probably one of those collective psychosis kind of things goes around like craze. Either I'm insane or this is just an actual airport. And then people just start using this neolithic port older than that airport just to get around because they can't live with the idea that this is a prehistoric airport. A prehistoric airport must be an actual airport. It must be an actual one, so that makes it more palatable.

It's a leisure. It's just become living as the... Yeah, and it becomes part of this sort of fiction that they need in order to live their lives properly. A comforting fiction. And they have sex with each other. I think, do you think these are at that point these these to be colleagues? And they're like, it becomes okay for them to start having sex with each other?

Yeah, I think so. I don't know if they're attracted to each other, I guess so. Yeah, but at this point they've got to start repopulating this this civilization. Do you think they would have to? It is the dumbest thing they've ever said about the parkhouse. Oh god, I'm so sorry. Yeah, no. They probably would make other fines they're all like, sweet. But the world hasn't stopped existing. It just has one extra airport, which happens to be 5,000 years old. Yeah, but Matt, Matt 5,000, that's so short.

I guess that's not that far. Oh, I mean, I don't think it's that crazy. I don't know. I think mammoths were around, like, at least within 10,000 years of the... Sorry, 10,000 years. Yeah. So the peltz should still be in good neck.

Also, we could still ride their peltz. I don't know why you think that an airport five years old is not impressive. No, no, that is impressive. I just meant with the mammoths, the mammoth bodies were 5,000 years old. That feels along. Oh, you think that's too long? Fuck, I don't know.

I don't know. It's hard to gauge which part of this ludicrous scenario has sparked your incredulity. The fact that the mammoth bodies were too old in this scenario is that you scoffed it. Well, I mean, oh my god. The pelt would be still have the flexibility

to sort of hold with it. Very pomephrol, stale of stale. Pomephrol. Yeah, but time still passes, Andy. You don't be naive. You know, you can still only keep stakes in the freezer for a few months. That is true.

Yeah. You know, and they're as cold as they get. It's absolute zero in there. I wonder if you could eat any of that old mammoth stuff that they did get better. I would love to. Just, like, it would probably taste gross. But I reckon you could eat it not die. Do you think so?

No, it's a decay. Yeah, but there's still stuff, isn't it? Yeah. They smell it first. Yeah, get rid of the sniff test. It seems fine. 5,000 year rule. I bet you like to do some of those guys

because there are people who go and find mammoth bones and stuff these days and say, be very, the most expensive. I think it's big business. Big business. Well, I wouldn't be surprised if there was some of those guys who would just like pull it off and go, they guys, it's fun, like that.

Yeah, with that accent. Yeah, great. That was a Mongolian accent. So, so if you can disprove that, if you want to go back and find that audio and prove that his, it's fine, doesn't sound Mongolian. I can't wait for the next episode. I can't wait, Alistair, we've got enough sketch ideas.

We can go to some suggestions from a listener. Pete, I don't know if you know this, but every episode now, we have a listener who's a Patreon supporter, who sends in three words, and we use those words to inspire a sketch. What a lovely idea. It's lovely, it gets people involved and you know, and this person seems lovely. Now, I feel a bit of just hearing about that.

Yeah, more alive. Now Peter, you're a person who lives in Australia. Yes. But your name is spelled like an Irish Peter, right? Yes. P-E-A-D-E-R. Yeah, I've been told it's the Irish spelling of Peta. Right, well, I believe this person here has an Irish spelling of their name.

Really. So it's C-O-N-A-L, space, O apostrophe, H-A-R-A. Now, I would say Conno Lohara. Yeah. Anything. That's pretty good. Right. But now, can you confirm that that's not like Peter or something like that.

It's not a fucked way of writing PC and Peter. Yeah. Like yours is a fucked way of saying it. Is this just another... I assume you people have a fucked way of saying Peter. No. I'm able to recognize other fucked ways of saying Peter. When you see it. Is this one of the fucked ways of it? I mean, it is a fucked way of doing it.

You're right. It's pretty fucked. You're spot on the money. Oh, yeah. Connell. Connell, thank you, Connell. Yeah. Oh, Connell.

That's true. It could be Connell. What a lovely knife. Yeah, thank you very much, Colonel, for sending in these words. Are you guys ready to hear the words? Yes, I'm ready. One of the words I feel is really representative of maybe where this person or this person's ancestry comes from. Okay.

See if you can pick the one I'm talking about. Yeah, all right. Okay. Apple. Yes, I don't think it's that. Shamrock. Ah. Histeria. Apple, Shamrock, Histeria.

I love it. You know, we always draw apples with a single leaf. That's right. Yeah, in my experience in the supermarket, you never get any leaves, right? Yeah Like they don't they don't there's not a single there's not a single leaf On on your apples in your supermarket, but like when you draw the apple you always draw the little leaf, don't you? Because they otherwise you've just drawn a circle. I guess I guess that's right. It's it's iconic

It's like Sherlock Holmes has hat, right? If you don't draw that hat, you just draw in a circle. Yes, that's right. And it's got leaves on it. But also, the drawing of the Apple tells us a lot about the draw. It tells us that they haven't drawn it from sort from a quality graded apple from a supermarket say. But, perhaps, maybe they live on a farm where they get access to single leaf apples all

the time. Let's say that a kid picked. Yes. In fact, I could ensure that the apple only has one single leaf. Yeah, a place where they can be absolutely 100% certain of the number of leaves and then represent it in sort of art or printmaking or which I don't consider to be art. There are two forms of expression. Art and printmaking.

MC Esha. Yes, did one of them. Did one. So we have Apple, Shamrock and Hesteria. Now what is Shamrock? Shamrock is your ground cover. Like a clover, isn't it? Like your four leaf clover is a Shamrock-y type scenario. You know, and so what does that mean? Well, you know, a four leaf clover. Yeah. I think another word for that is Shamrock or it's another variety of that kind of Like a growth. It's not type of grassy little planty bits on seeing it. It could be good luck

It could be good luck and it might be in some way associated with leprechauns It's the only thing that would feel the leprechaun. What? In the film really a shamrock. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Yeah, crazy. I've got a rock. No, no. To be honest, it's a sham. It's a sham rock. Yeah. Fake rock. Real rock from my sham friends and sham rock for my... No, it doesn't. Real friends. Real friends. rock for my... no it doesn't, don't have it. You were afraid? Yeah.

But you know, I think it's a sham rock because you see it, because it's on the ground. So you think it's on the ground, it must be a rock, you look closer, you're like, oh, it's a plant, it must be just a sham rock. Okay. It's just one of those kinds of tricks to get you to look closer at the ground. Have you ever gone looking for a for-leave clove? Yeah, and I've found them, but then I think I came to the conclusion

that it was some sort of other plant, basically. It wasn't a clover. It was just something that looked like it, but it had, because there were heaps. Yeah, I've also been in a scenario where I've seen heaps. And also, there's a point in my life when I was living in Canada, where we had them, and then somebody had told me, you could eat them.

And then suddenly I was eating too many Clovers and they were just a bit there was like from none at all to like how many I went from let's say eating no Clovers whatsoever yeah to just I was just eating handfuls of Clovers yeah, and there were so so many of those were good luck ones big handful some was yeah, yeah Like just like I had mouths full and my eye was twitching it was so sour like that and I was going ah like that and Yeah Maybe maybe the the because you're finding so many because you've got the first one and obviously that's good luck Hmm allows you use that luck It's like when you go to the Mars, but you get to get the two for one Mars, right?

you use that lock. It's like when you go to the Mars Bar, you get the two for one Mars, right? You find the inside of Mars Bar, it says, oh, you get another Mars Bar, and then you get another Mars Bar, and inside that, if you're lucky, it says, you get another Mars Bar, and then you just keep getting more Mars Bars, but yours are like magic clovers that keep allowing you to find more clovers. There's only just enough magic in each one to get you one more, but you don't ever get to transcend just getting extra clovers. Yeah, so it's infinite wishes, but more you can wish for another wish. Yeah, that's all you can wish for. In fact, there is only one rule, all you can wish for is another wish.

So it's a curse because you have to spend your whole time doing that. Oh, you don't have to do it. No, it's just an option. I think, look, I think maybe that's where the, where the sketch is. It's a genie. I know that doesn't involve hysteria, but although that person would eventually feel hysteria.

I imagine you could descend into some sort of stipe thereof. It's the genie. And it's the guys like, look, I know the drill. He rubs the lamp, genie comes out. He goes, I know the drill. Three wishes and you can't wish for more wishes. He goes, actually, no, no, no. Wait a second, Bucco.

Yeah. Only that, and he goes, stop right there. One wish, and you can only wish for more wishes. And he goes, what? And he goes, you can only wish for more wishes. Which sounds great at the start. It's like I could have as many wishes as I want. Yeah. But as many wishes as many wishes as I want.

Yeah, but then... Have many wishes? As many as I want. Yeah, and then his wish comes true. And then all you can wish is for wishes. But then maybe he discovers that he can... Does that mean wishes in like my hopes and dreams the things that I want out of life?

I can only wish for being able to wish for more. No, I think it just means that you're in management. No, I can't imagine. Yeah. It's crazy because thinking about it tricks your brain into thinking, well, there must be a loophole. Yeah. Of course, there isn't. The thing is that I think you could keep going, maybe. That's a good bit of thinking. Oh, if you did it fast enough. Yeah.

Like, if you did it really fast, maybe you could slip a wish for something else in there. Yeah. It's kind of like when you do a cheat code in a computer game or something, or like you find a shortcut in Mario, or you do something on a v vending machine which allows you to get an extra Mars bar. So you can only, there's a very small window that you could wish for something, but it probably have to be something small enough so that the genie doesn't know to like. Well, after a while for the genie it's just going to become admin, isn't it? It's going to become pretty tedious. And so you will be able, it's like you could DDO, is that DDoS?

When you overload somebody's server, you're able to hack it. But this genius doesn't have anything else to do. That's true. You know, and I think seeing them, them seeing you tortured is probably more entertainment than they could ever ask for. That they could ever wish for. That's all they wish for. Yeah, so that's someone who has wished for something.

I got two wishes and I used it to torture you. I reckon that they can, the person who can wish for more wishes can also wish for more wishes for other people, but they can only wish for more wishes. Oh, wow. So this is a sort of wish-making pyramid scheme? Yeah. Or it's a bit like the ring or something like that where you can pass on the curse.

It's a communicable disease. And I think in the way in which it's torture is because it feels like you're on the edge of infinite possibility, but you just can't use it. Break out of it. You have magic. Unless you do it really fast, I thought we'd establish that you could wish for something. You're sure. I know.

You can do it really fast. Why do you have a demo? I'm not saying it's guaranteed. I'm just saying, you know, if you did it really fast, maybe you could. Well, I think that's the thing you would definitely try. Yeah, you give it a shot. And you could tank the kind of wishes.

You go, I wish for more wishes for about blueberries. Like that. And then you go, okay, you got all these extra wishes about blueberries. And you go, damn, I still didn't get me out of here. Because, but I'll say what you realize here is you've, you've been in this scenario where you feel like you're on the verge of having anything that you want. But in reality, you're just stuck in this grinding monotony that just drags you on without allowing you to transcend it.

I mean, we're just having capitalism man. I think we're describing life. Oh right. Yeah, we're life. You know, it tricks you into keeping on going. Because I think what it is is that you still have to just do regular stuff. Yeah. You gotta eat, you gotta sleep. Yeah, you gotta. And do all the wishes. Yeah, you gotta the wishes, you gotta keep wishing for more wishes just in case at one

point the spell is broken and you can use all those wishes. Well, the Jeannie Mout take pity on you and think, well, this person's really gave it a good shot. What a gift. What a gift from mine. Just one. Yeah, he's read a lot of books about tricking genies. Maybe. You'd like, you'd talk to like logicians,

trying to get like, is there a way that they could be wishing for something that is like, that's still a wish, but a- Could be some kind of game theory thing in there. Or some sort of logic puzzle, like, the way that the genie gave you the wish of something implicit in the way that they said it. The game was a leap on.

It's like a friend Stephen Hall wrote a book called How to Win Game Show. I'd be great if someone wrote a book called How to Trick Genies. I think we absolutely could rent that book. Wish for more wishes. We can talk about the guy who could only wish for more wishes. But only a thing about it being just like life, you're right because what is a new day

other than a wish for more wishes. That's right. What is survival? Not just life as in the life of an individual, but this is what DNA is, you know the very ongoing potential The potential that something could happen so you keep going and you keep going But it's just the same thing. It's just the status quo status quo monthly Status quo monthly says this week that you can still only wish

a morning wishes. So that's it. That's good. Thank you, Colonel O'Hara. Thank you, Colonel O'Hara. Oh, Hara. Now I'll take us through the definite full sketches that we have here. Now I'll take us through the definite full sketches that we have here. How many are there, Al? There's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Eight. Okay. And so are you going to put them in any particular order? I'm going to go through them chronologically, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's how we do it here. Here on two and a think tank. Have you ever thought about putting them in a different order? Oh, I've definitely thought about that. Yeah. Yeah. To be honest thought about putting them in a different order? Oh, I've definitely thought about that. Yeah To me, I also think about it a lot When I'm not reading these things out chronologically, I'm basically thinking about reading them out in a different way. Oh And there are so many different ways that I can think of that that could be done. Counter chronologically

Sort of free form. Yeah. Just any which way? By loudness. Yeah, by really loudly. Chronologically, everyone. I reached about as the loudest first. That's right. Which is the loudest idea. This is crazy because there's no way to write things louder on the page. Everything's the same volume when it's written down. Yeah, unless you leave a note, you leave a note saying volume 122. Sure, 122. And then you're actually,

that's actually a reference to a book, the 122nd volume. And then if you go into that, you open the page and it says, read that one loudly. Pretty loudly. Yeah, pretty loudly. Okay. What a volume.

What we know about person who made snakes and ladders from the game. Such a strong start. So yeah, it's a good strong start, but like this is, this is sort of, you know, people looking back.

This is the person's died. And now, and there wasn't very much known about snakes and ladders But this is what we can tell you based on the game That it was invented after someone had climbed up a ladder But before they tried the crucial step of determining whether or not it's possible to slide down a snake Well either either they thought you could slide down snakes or they wanted you to imagine a world in which sliding down snakes was a thing that could happen. No, that's beautiful. What a gift to give us.

Yeah. Well, at some point that person did that. Competitive jazz. Competitive jazz. That's a, yeah, I think that's a rock solid sport and sketch. Were you thinking about the competitive jazz players? Were they like dressed as athletes? Were they wearing some, you know, skin tight sort of costumes? Were they wearing some jazzy clothes?

I think jazzy clothes but more aerodynamic. Yeah. So no belts, like they're all skin tight, but they're still turtleneck. And so they could be belts, but they're those skin tight, but they're still turtleneck. And so they could be belts, but they're belts that can really breathe. They're still wearing fedoras, but they're skin hugging fedoras.

Mm, it's right. Skin tight. They got like that metal thing opening up their nostrils so that they can breathe way clearer. You know, like in Tour de France, guys. Then we got status quo monthly. You don't know that? No, I didn't. Status quo monthly states that sometimes people in the Tour de

France wear these like metal prong things that widen their nostrils up so that they can just get more in more hand. That's a protest. It is grotesque. But do you know what's the next step? The next step. Cut the nose. Yeah, put a big funnel there. Just remove the nose completely. I wonder if body modification is forbidden in some way. You know?

Yeah, I mean, unless it's a... You can't take drugs, but like if you put some kind of robot thing in your leg, they know. Well, there was the case of people hiding, like a robot and machines inside their bikes. Yes. And that's strictly thick bitten. But no one ever checked to see

whether or not people hiding it in it. Inside the leg. It knows, yeah. Yeah, or like, yeah, inside the leg, just like a little fiber that helps you. A little bit more stuff. That's sort of fiber. A little fiber power.

Then we got a bring back all dead. Fashionability hypothetical. See, and I think that's that'll be worthwhile. Yeah. Yeah. I think we should bring them back and just use them as like a hat stand. Sure. Yeah. I mean, then you won't, that won't achieve anything for like the fashionability of the world, but I guess our clothes will be hanging.

It'll give us a place to put our hats. It really feels like the human body it was designed as a place to put hats, just saying. It's just a bit suspicious. I was just thinking about like, what about like, you know, everybody's on that merry condo thing right now? What about in a morgue?

Do you think they go and they touch all the bodies and they go if it brings me joy, we'll keep it, but if not, get it out of here. Unfortunately, all of these babies bring me joy. Sorry, no rooms for any more bodies. Dump them in the volcano. That's the new body's being brought. Then we got, at the end of life, everyone gets to look at your naked.

And I think that's just a good new rule. Yeah, checks out. There's a little reveal at the end. It'll be very satisfying for everyone. Mmm. Yeah. That perfect circle guide, Guy could draw perfect circles. Actually, that's how Ron Muick, I think, got his, he broke out was he, from memory, did a miniature, like when I say miniature, I mean, like maybe one quarter size

or one third size, hyper realistic version, a sculpture of his dad's dead body, just nude. Whoa. And really, that was his first, like, that was his sort of big work. Yeah, that was his big work to kind of throw him onto the world scene. Go. Yeah, but imagine that and then we wouldn't need guys like him anymore. If everybody was nude and we could always just go go to each funeral would be like a we'd all be like Ron Mjolik. We'd all be Ron Mjolik and then he would have have finally and then he I assume would just disintegrate

or something like that or at least you know hopefully get become poor. They'd definitely be depressed. He'd definitely be depressed. Look I hope I wish nothing but good things upon Ron Mioic. But if we could take away everything that he holds, did that it be great? Well, think of the rebirth that would be for him. It'd give him opportunities for new directions

and sculptures, maybe. What people were wearing clothes? Wearing clothes, who were alive? Yeah, fingers crossed. And then we've got... Sorry if you don't know who Ron Muick is. It's pretty obscure. Yeah, just Google Ron Muak He's a hyper realistic sculptor. It's pretty amazing stuff to look at. Yeah, he is very realistic

I've seen him and it is uncanny. Yeah, but he plays it was a real Ron Muak. But he plays with scale and So some of his sculptures are absolutely gigantic, but very realistic and others are tiny. And very realistic. Then we've got who stole my big hand? Or who stole the big hand? The Agatha Christie. It's a mystery in all of our stories.

It's an Agatha Christie. Agatha Christie's who stole my big hand. Yeah. And then we've got archaeologists who find mammoth airport, roughly 5,000 years old, and the mammoth pelt are still in primo condition. And it's too big a discovery that they all decide that they have to just live there and just start using it and living the way that those people used to 5,000 years ago, because there's not going to be any credibility to them when they get back. Nobody's going to believe it. It's just too big a leap that people used to live like this. These giants. They've got an amazing secret and they can't tell anyone. There's no way to prove it. And when we do prove that it is real, we decide instead to abandon

all science as flawed. Yeah, it's crazy. If science proves this is real, science is done. Yeah, and then it's cooked. What a waste of time. And then Ron Muick's career disintegrates anyway. Yeah. It's crazy. And then we've got the final sketch,

which is you can only wish for more wishes, Jeannie. And I think that's just, there's something beautiful in that. I'm like that. And I think that's just something beautiful in that. I'm like that one. And I think that that's what you know really seals up this episode. Does he still sing a song? Do you think? Jeannie? Oh yeah, under the sea. Under the sea. You can wish for more wishes. Yeah, then... That's where it finishes. You can't wish for fishes. I know the sea. So yeah, and Will Smith is the genie. Mm.

Right. Looking forward to that. And look, so. Oh, no, we want to do the song. Tsss. We're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we we're we're we we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we're we we're we're we're we Where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, I think it was great. I think it was maybe, it was definitely top 200 episodes, maybe top 50. Yeah, thank you so much for having me on. Thank you so much for having me on.

Oh, can we promote anything of yours? Absolutely not. I'll pay you not to tell anyone anything about me. No, okay, great. Except that he is indestructible. He is absolutely indestructible. Yeah. He can be not be harmed by edged weapons.

No, not by any weapons forged by men. Yes, that's right. His only weakness is blunt weapons. But forged by gods. Yeah, okay. So, all men, all men. Which technically could just be rocks, wouldn't it be? Yeah.

Yeah. In the volcanoes of Mordor. Yeah, that's right. You know, in the volcanoes of Mordor. Yeah, that's right. You know some people say that Mordor was just, you know, what J.R. Tolkien saw it like Verdun or whatever in the First World War. Oh, the crap.

Like orcs and stuff. Well, just like the mud and the holes and the acid of awfulness. And the climbing up the mountains and the bridge and eating the special bread that lasts forever. Oh, that'd be good though. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun eating bread.

With your pals? Yeah, you can go with your pals making poe, tae toes, boil them, mash them, cook them in a stew. Fightin' spiders, all that. And then we're at two in tank. Yep, I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And I think I may have launched my guided meditation podcast this week by the, oh, maybe not tomorrow. Well, actually, you can probably find it if you search,

but I'm just waiting for iTunes to approve it. But now. We'll be tweeting about it this week. It'll come out on the Twitter's hour guided meditations. Yeah. And if you can share it or you can do anything, oh my god, just, or listen to it.

You can just download it. It's fantastic. I've listened to it. It's so funny. Pete's listened to it. It's improved my life. 130%. Thank you, everybody.

And I think, oh, you know, you can support us on Patreon if you want, or you can really, I'm going to show coming up with the Melbourne Comedy Festival. We'll tell you more about that. Yeah, but magma, you can support us on Patreon if you want or you can really show me how much the Melbourne Company Festival will tell you more about that. Yeah, but magma, comedy festival, Melbourne. Yeah. Feel free to buy tickets.

It's happening. I mean, they could be selling out. Yep. Every day, every day a ticket is sold. Yeah. There's less available. That's right. They could be.

And again, if there's huge demand, we might just do it again after the festival. Yeah. And it's a screw everyone. Yeah. Especially around New it's just screw everyone. Yeah, especially we're on music Brown, you'll have no career after this show is complete anyway, and we love you This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates I mean if you won, it's up to you. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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