Two In The Think Tank - 17 - "ONE WILD NIGHT"

Episode Date: August 5, 2013

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That bump all behind. A bump. Yeah. Okay, we A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. A bomb.

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A bomb. A bomb. A bomb. being a airplane captain. Oh, yeah. And we just, it gave them such a smooth landing into the podcast. That's because, see, the thing is, is that I just heard that on a podcast once, don't tell people the time.

And even if it's in a sketch, I feel like it's wrong because of that thing that I heard in a podcast one time. Don't acknowledge the existence of time! Yeah, no.

It doesn't exist, okay? We're not in podcasts. Not in this world. Yeah. The podcast goes for only a length of distance. There you go. Yeah. 17 meters.

Yeah. Maybe less. 40 square foot of podcast. Yeah. 12 and a half pints. Yeah. Of podcast. 65 grams for $50.

Two fathoms, eight furlongs, and an inch. 20 leagues. There you go. Football leagues. Yep. Two fathoms, eight furlongs, and an inch. 20 leagues. There you go. Football leagues. Can't even use distance anymore. No, no, no. We're using things that aren't even fixed falls of measurement. Nothing that refers to the universe in any way.

Yes. Nothing that describes it. Okay. Happiness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got 12 happinesses. Yeah. I was going to say one loneliness.

Yeah. So there you go. Oh, yeah. One loneliness is've got 12 happinesses. Yeah, I was going to say one loneliness. So there you go. Oh, yeah, one loneliness is the best amount of loneliness. Yeah, because it's the saddest amount of loneliness. It is. Oh, even my loneliness doesn't have any friends. It's just one of them. There's just one, and he's got a drinking problem.

The worst. Yeah. All right. Here's a sketch. Yeah, okay. Someone goes into a shop.. The worst. Yeah. Alright. Here's a sketch. Yeah. Okay. Someone goes into a shop. Okay.

And it's a sign shop. Okay. So like there'll be a sign that says, there'll be like a section where it says, only five remaining. Okay. And there are like, there are five of those signs. Yeah. Okay. Remaining in the thing.

And then there's another one. There's another sign that says, not for sale. Yeah. And there's another one that says, please use next counter. Yeah. And there's another one that's just a bunch of ravens around, like, just waiting, looking at you. Like an ominous sign.

Yeah. Oh, that's more portents. You want portents? They're on the second floor. Yeah. What's portents? You know, something that's a portent. P-O-R-T-E-N-T.

Or an omen. Okay, an omen. Or a portent. They mean the same thing. I mean, I think if the movie The Omen had been called The Portent... People would have thought it was about camping, and they wouldn't have gone. No. Nobody likes movies about camping, especially with small boys in them. I don't know what that means.

It doesn't mean anything. No, it doesn't. Okay, I like that sketch idea. The sign shop. Yeah, and I'm not sure... It would be about the sort of confusion when you go to the counter. Yeah. I'm not quite sure, like...

Because once you get to that, I guess there are a lot of different jokes you can do. I feel like there's a lot. Yeah. Okay, let's see. Yeah, there's like... That's the thing. It's picking one. But also, like, it's about, yeah, that's the thing. It's picking one.

But also, like, it's about, like, what, because the shop would also have some signs that are just like, you know, they would have a sign that says closed Tuesdays or something. Yeah. And they are closed Tuesdays. Yeah. And that's not, sorry, that sign's not for sale. We are closed Tuesdays. Oh, okay.

All right. Yeah. Well, before I was just pretending to not have any ideas when we were, because I actually think that there's lots for sale. We are closed Tuesdays. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. Well, before I was just pretending to not have any ideas when we were... Oh. Because I actually think that there's lots of ideas

and then I was just pretending. I thought we were... I thought that was a bad sign. No, no. No, it was a good sign. Okay. It was a good...

I was so filled with ideas that I was even performing one of them just to get it out of the pile. Overcrowding the pile. We've got to burn off some of these guys. We've got to vent this

otherwise we're going to explode. Yeah. We've got to, you know, over the old blow-off valve. Yeah. I had to start just performing them

as I started getting them out of here. Like that. Click, click, click. Yeah. So look, I'm going to write sign shop down.

Yeah, sure. I feel like we can elaborate on sign shop. Yeah, okay. I think there should be a, like, because, you know, you go to some shops and there'll be stuff on the counter, some little things.

And some of the stuff they've got on the counter is a sign that says, this cashier not in service or something. And the guy goes to the next one over. And then the person calls them back, says, no, sorry, sorry, those are just for sale. Those signs. Yeah.

And then... And there's another sign that says cash only. Yeah. And then the person, no, seriously, it is for sale. Yeah. Those signs. Yeah. And then... And there's another sign that says cash only. Yeah. And then the person... No, seriously, it is cash only. Yeah. No AF... No AF POS.

No AF POS. Not beyond this point. Don't go beyond this point. And then he's just waiting there and you go, what are you doing? Come over here. Come over here. And then somebody else comes along and goes, that person doesn't have any authority. Don't listen to them.

I said, no, don't go past this point. Yeah, no, that's good. What are you doing? Yeah. That's dangerous. Yeah. It's just a homeless person I allow in here. I shouldn't allow her.

Oh, wait, you're not allowed to ban homeless people from things. Aren't you? I don't know. Are you? Yeah, I don't think you can just ban somebody from a place just for not having a home. Why, are you worried that he's going to just move into the home show? The home show? No, I'm just worried that there won't be anything for him there. He'll just bring everyone down by going around and saying,

ah, I just don't know where I'd... This is a great air conditioning vent. I just don't know where I'd put it. Yeah, I wouldn't have anywhere to put it. Then everybody in the home show would get sad and know where I'd put it. Yeah, I wouldn't have any way to put it and then everybody in the home show would get sad and they wouldn't buy as much.

Yeah. Well, maybe people buy more when they're sad. I really like the idea of the do not pass this point sign. That's a good one. And I think the

cash only sign is also good. Yep. Well, look, what other sign? Give way? Stop? I think they only really work if they're like sort of shop signs that you might see. No, no, not just that.

No? I don't know. What about... Okay, give me an example of one that isn't that. Okay. You go in there. It says yield. Right?

And then there's a bunch of swords there as well. It's a sign in sword shop. And then as you walk away, the guy's like, hey, I thought I said yield. And then why are you holding that weapon? Like that. You can have some fun with it. Yeah. Oh, no, you're absolutely right

yeah it should be a sign there's just one really angry man so it's angry man in a sign shop what about a box of

signs all that say bargain bin yeah that's good um are they are they are they on sale

yes yeah are they full price no yeah yeah 50 something that say 50% off yeah how much is this Are they on sale? Yes. Yeah? Or are they full price? No, yeah. 50-something, let's say 50% off. Yeah.

How much is this? Full price. Yeah. I mean, we got to do more than just contradict the sign. Yeah. No, totally. Yeah. Which is why I'm interested to hear if you can come up with ones other than perhaps that yield idea, which is good.

But like... Okay. Well, what about... I don't know. You know that psychological test that's like where you look at a word and it says green, but it's purple? Yeah. Could you do that with signs?

Yeah. But I don't know how you would use that yet. You know, I'd like to buy the purple one. Purple green? Or no, the green purple one. I don't know. Fuck it. Yeah. Maybe this isn't funny. No, no, the green purple one. I don't know. Fuck it. Yeah.

Maybe this isn't funny. No, look, there's a couple. Andy, Andy. Just keep it really short. I think keep it really short. Maybe we just, you know, it could be little snippets. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. Maybe. No, I think it's going to be a long sketch. It's going to be a journey. It's going to be an episode long thing and it's going to be called Journey Through the Sign Shop. Yeah. Right? I'm just not telling you all my great ideas because I'm really shy that some of them are shit. It's going to be an episode long thing And it's going to be called Journey through the sign shop Yeah Right

I'm just I'm just not telling you All my great ideas Because I'm really shy That some of them are shit There can definitely be something With like the He pays by credit card

And the person tells him To sign here Yeah Thing In the end You know sign here And And then he gives him the signs

He gives him the signs Sign here And then he gives him the signs he gives him the signs sign here and then he puts them there and he goes uh and he goes oh no that was pay pass you don't have to we use pins now yeah what kind of caveman are you who still signs the most unsafe i know how did anyone ever think that that was a good system for for of stopping people from stealing your credit cards? Just cavemen. Just apes. Yeah.

I really like the... I'm going back to liking more and more the flock of crows or vultures. Ravens. Ravens. Yeah, ravens. There's no crows in Australia, apparently. Well, they're in this shop. Yeah, in this shop, obviously. Yeah. Novens. There's no crows in Australia, apparently. Well, they're in this shop. Yeah, in this shop, obviously.

Yeah. No, but that's the thing. I think, look, up until the halfway point of this half-hour episode that this is going to be, you don't see any kind of portents. Portents. Portents. Yeah. I thought it was like the end of a port.

No. A port end. Like a jetty. No. A port end. Like a jetty. Yeah, a pier. Yeah, a pier. A jetty appeared. Did you just see that jetty appear? Yeah.

No, I think that was just a Bubble popping in the water Oh, I just heard the sound And I turned around and I saw the jetty And I assumed it appeared It just appeared I just I heard a sound And then I just assumed that supernatural things happen

Yeah, totally If I hear a popping sound I turn around I assume that everything behind me only just appeared. Bling! What? Oh! I think I like that idea of, like, that happens in a house where somebody's just in the kitchen,

and then you hear, bling! And the guy turns around, and somebody's standing there. He goes, where did you come from? He's like, I just walked through the door. Sorry, I knocked this... Zither. Yeah, there's a zither. I knocked over this zither.

Sorry, and he's like... And there's all this smoke around. Oh, pardon me, I... I farted and dropped a bag of flour. Oh. I think that's a second idea. Okay. Yeah.

Just the popping appearance. Just like the appearance of magic. The sound. The illusion of magic. The illusion of magic. There you go. The illusion of magic. This is...

Which is... Yeah. Which is sort of what magic is anyway. But this somehow is even more so. Because even the people who are doing the magic, if they are doing the magic, don't know they're doing the magic. Wait, what was that? How do you spell zether? Z-I-T-H-E-R. I'm learning some words here today. Oh, well, look, you're welcome.

Yeah, great sounding instrument, the zither. Just the name. I don't know about the instrument itself, but the word zither, you know. I love the sound of the clarinet. Just the words, the clarinet. Just the words. The clarinet. The instrument itself, I can't stand. Sounds like a...

Sounds like a... Well, a clarinet, which I don't... I don't care for. No. But that word, what a great word. Clary? My wife was called clarin... ...net.

My wife was called Clarinet Just my wife was called Clarinet is funny enough Yeah, my wife was called Clarinet My wife was called Trumpet Oh, I love the sound of the trumpet My wife was called Trumpet. She died. My wife was called The Drums. I can't bear the sound of The Drums.

Sorry, that's my wife's name. The Drums. And I find her very irritating. My wife is called Bassoon. I love the words The Drums. I hate the instrument The Drums, and I also can't stand the sound of my wife, the drums. I think that's fun. Wait, okay.

I'm just going to write this down. Look, it's not an official sketch. Okay, can you put it as like a two star or something? 2.5? Look, yeah, okay, 2.5. Yeah. star or something. 2.5. Yeah, okay, 2.5.

Yeah. Guys whose wives have the names of instruments. Bassoon. And the guys

don't like the sound of the instrument. But love the name. With the zither thing, it also gives the impression of time passing. Oh yeah. You know? So like if you were cooking and you heard a zither

you'd expect dinner to be finished. Yeah. Or if you saw like a like a screen wipe kind of like a clock-like screen wipe you'd think that time

will have passed. But it could be on the clock and it goes like you know it says like 12.02 and then you do that clock wipe clock and it goes like you know it says like 1202 and then you do that clock wipe and then it goes 1203

and then the person's still just chopping the same carrot you could definitely do something like and this has probably been done in like like one of those airplane movies or something but you know that scene where like all the pages blow off the calendar yeah you know you could have someone comes into a house with a you see all the the

you see somebody start doing a project and then you see all these pages blow off the calendar and then somebody's come into the house with a leaf blower yeah and somebody else says can you switch off that leaf blower we got a lot of work to do yeah we're trying to build a house i think that's really funny goes ah gee all the pages came up this calendar it's gonna take ages to put them all back on and then and then there's something else that would indicate

the passage of time and like but he's still in real time trying to stick the pages back on the calendar that's great like yeah like the amount of time

that it takes him to stick it back yeah so like maybe you see you see like the leaves change colour change colour

and he and he's like and then you see he's like still putting up the second then he goes what the hell's happening outside there's some tree just died before my eyes yeah yeah yeah uh the the the tree thing it would be good if we could come up with a really like a like a reason for that to have happened. I think maybe that, like maybe just all the leaves fall off the tree or something. Yeah. It's the guy outside with the leaf blower

blowing the leaves off the tree. Yeah, that's doable. Yeah. And it'd be great to like create the impression of snow falling as well. Maybe something with the beans out of a bean bag. Yeah. And a guy on the roof...

Falling out, yeah. With a leaf blower. Yeah. And a bean bag. And a bean bag. And he slashed a bean bag. I was just trying to get rid of this bean bag. I thought I'd slash it open on the roof

and then blow all the beans away down the street. On the roof of your house. This is the only... Apparently, this is the environmentally sound way to dispose of bean bags. This is how they need to properly... You know batteries? You're supposed to do something with them?

Yeah. This is what you're supposed to do. You know batteries? You know batteries? How you're supposed to do... Does anybody know what you're supposed to do with batteries? But you know, like, when you go... All you know is that you're doing...

Whatever you do, you're not doing it right. You're not. Absolutely. But it's like... I think guilt can break down batteries. Oh. If you just feel guilty about batteries for long enough, that sort of... No, I think it still leaks heavy metals into the soil.

Yeah. I'm not sure. Oh, that's a myth. Yeah. That's an urban legend. I mean, you might be able to just sort of hold the heavy metals in your own body, but I think that's actually worse than the gilt. Anyway.

Then you would be gilt, eh? Is that another definition of... Gilt means coated with metal. Is that really? Yeah. Oh, my God. What is happening to you? G-I-L-T.

Gilt. Oh, I thought that was chromed. Oh, my God. What is happening to you? G-I-L-T. Guilt. Oh, I thought that was chromed. Do you guilt chrome onto metals? I think guilt maybe mostly applies to gold. Oh. So, like, it's like when you trick somebody. You go, look at all these gold coins I have. Yeah.

Buy them. Like that. And then they bite into them later and they go, ah, I should have bitten into them earlier. They're chocolate. These are, yeah. Or nickel. I should have bitten into these earlier. These are chocolate and they've all gone off.

Yeah. They taste like some kind of unperishable metal. Off chocolate. Yeah, it goes all white like that. What's that about? Oh, I don't know. I think maybe, I was about to say maybe that's. Off chocolate. Yeah, it goes all white like that. What's that about? Oh, I don't know. I think maybe... I was about to say maybe that's just cheap chocolate,

but I think I'm thinking of dog turds. Cheap ones. Cheap dog turds, you know? Yeah, white dog turds. Oh, this dog shit is... Look at this. You can tell that poor people live in this neighbourhood because all the dog shit's wild

They haven't eaten it What? No I was saying it was low quality Dog turds Oh okay I don't know Yeah

So Andy You know you've taught me three words in this episode so far Yeah Any other words that you would like to know? No No I didn't want to know the ones you told me Guilt And the others What was the others? Zither Zither? words that you would like to know no no i didn't i didn't want to know the ones you told me guilt

and the others what was the others zither zither yeah and i don't know if there was one other one yeah there was definitely another one because it was on the second one i went andy the words i don't remember mindy sorry okay okay i'll just go through all the words I know and tell me when to stop. Bazooka. Oh, I don't think it was that one, but I like that one. Crinkle. Type of gun. Gum.

Wait, that's funny, right? Bazooka is both a type of gum and gun? Is it? Yeah. Bazooka? Yeah. Oh, I'm learning so many words this episode. Type of gun? Or other uses for the words I already know? Yeah. Bazooka? Yeah. Oh, I'm learning so many words this episode. Type of gum?

Or other uses for the words I already know. Yeah. There's a type of gum, G-U-M, as in marzipan, that is called bazooka. Why would you choose marzipan? Is that like a thing you would coat cookware with? Marzipan? Yeah. No, we can't have this conversation.

You know what marzipan is. It's a white cooking thing? I don't know. What is it? It's made from almonds. It doesn't... It seems like I wouldn't want to eat something that has... No, you don't.

I don't think you want to eat marzipan. I think marzipan... It's technically edible. It contains a lot of sugar, but it doesn't actually have a nice flavor or anything. It's just good for sculpting. You could sculpt a sculpture out of it and then put it on top of a cake. Technically, you can eat clay as well, and that just good for sculpting. Like you could sculpt a sculpture out of it and then put it on top of a cake.

You know, technically you can eat clay as well and that's great for sculpting. And so you could decorate. Yeah, that's true. Technically. Well, I mean, if marzipan has... As long as we're being technical. Yeah, I'm being very technical. You got me on a technicality.

Well, apparently parrots eat clay because there's some parts like on the Amazon. No, that's not clay. That's a type of plaster. Yeah, it's plaster of parrots. No, it's not. I don't know what that means. Is that a clever thing that

I'm not getting? I don't know. We'll leave that up to the listeners to decide. Or is it just an alliteration? Plaster of parrots. Look, I'm not following you at the moment, but plaster of parrots. Look, I'm not following you at the moment, but... Plaster of parrots. Plaster of... Plaster of... Plaster of parrots.

Look, I'm just going to... There's a type of plaster called plaster of Paris. That's like... Oh, Paris. Oh, okay. Yeah, the common plaster is plaster of Paris. Oh, Andy. Oh.

You are welcome. Yeah. You know welcome. Yeah. You know, the irony is that little joke is pretty hard to swallow, but the parrots eat the clay to make it easier to digest. To make it easier to digest these poisonous plants that they have. Yeah, it's true. Oh, you know that about them? You've seen the same...

David Attenborough documentary about macaws. Yes, I have. Yeah? Yeah. I don't know if mine was a David Attenborough one. I feel like it was a cheap imitation that I was watching. Yeah? A knockoff?

Yeah, a knockoff. You just get like... Yeah, cheap rip-offs of David Attenborough documentaries. Like some... Like, you know, it might be... I wouldn't want like... Because if you were buying it from like Thailand or something like that, it's just like it could be an Asian guy pretending to be a big white fat man well like it's like

maybe yes but david amber is not that fat i'd like to point that out and uh please let's be fair i would love to see more like like racial stuff that's towards white people. I think that would... If I wrote that, do you think that would get rid of my white guilt? The coating of white gold that you've got all over you. Yeah. Yeah, quite possibly. Yeah. I think that would scrub you clean of the stain of white guilt.

Because I think we're into guilt porn these days. Guilt porn? Yeah, it's like guilt porn. It's like people love things that are like, oh, look at us in the Western nations, how bad we are. And people watch it and they're like, yeah, we are so bad.

But in a way, it's just like, it's just like, it kind of, it's, it's almost like, it just, it, it, uh, highlights how privileged we are.

And so people love watching something about like how bad we are. And like, people always post it on Twitter and on Facebook. And they're always like, yeah, we're so bad to other countries. Are you sure that this is a porn kind of thing? Are you sure it's not just people trying to raise awareness of stuff?

Yeah, but everybody who kind of raises awareness about it has a certain element of like, of like, it's not me, but it's all of us. It's like, it's not me, really, because I'm raising awareness about it. It's all of you guys's like it's not me really because i'm raising awareness about it it's all of you guys but i'm not really the problem everybody who raises awareness about something yeah has that a little bit yeah wow but that's rough isn't it well how are you supposed to raise awareness i know no well it's fine it's fine but i mean like i'm not saying you shouldn't

do it i'm saying that the people who are we should... We should be able to see the fact that you've got your dick out and you're jerking off at the time. Like, it should... Whenever you raise awareness of everything, we should be able to see you below the waist, just so we know that you are wanking. Yeah. The whole time.

Well... No. No? No, but people love this stuff. Look, basically, I'm not here to judge whether that's a bad thing, whether people are getting something out of it going like, oh, everybody, we're so bad. Oh, look at what we do.

Right? I'm not, I don't care. Okay? Get your kicks however you want to get them. All right? But just that you're talking about people, being people getting their kicks. I know, but this is, but it's also the, also like all they're doing is talking about something on social media.

I don't think I have to feel bad for making fun of those people because they're not helping the world. They're just sharing something on social media. I can fucking click retweet as well. Yeah. All right. But are you just saying this to make yourself feel better about the fact that you don't do that? No, I do do it sometimes. Okay. Yeah. All right. But are you just saying this to make yourself feel better about the fact that you don't do that? No, I do do it sometimes. Okay.

Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Look, I'm like everyone else. Yeah. Yeah. I think that I'm better than everybody else. Yeah.

Exactly. Okay. Yeah. And so I can, and because I'm so like that, I can call everybody else out on their shit. Which is what these other people are doing. Yeah. Yeah, I have to do it from that point of view. Oh, this is too complicated.

No, but I'm talking about, I was just talking about everybody in this culture being really into this guilt porn stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. in this culture being really into this guilt porn stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm going to post, I'm going to go right away and I'm going to post a link about people posting links about guilt porn. No, people do it all the time.

Yeah. People are constantly talking about like armchair activism and all that kind of bullshit. This has really bothered you. No, it hasn't actually bothered me. I just think it's... There are layers in there, and I was just taking the other point of view.

No, it's fine. But what I was saying is that there's a huge market for it. Yeah, and I actually agree with you about all of it. Yeah. All right, how do we reset this now? How do we reset it? Yeah. I think there's something in there about armchair activism.

Wait, no, no, no. That wasn't the funny part anyway. The funny part was the rip-off David Attenborough, where it was an Asian guy from Thailand who made the documentaries way cheaper, but he's dressed up as a white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was thinking, like,

you know how when they made Snakes on a Plane, there was this company in America that came out and made some rip-offs that was like Snakes on a Plane, there was this company in America that came out and made some rip-offs that was like Snakes on a Train and stuff like that. There were companies that were trying to cash in and they do this all the time. When there's one particular movie,

another company will release a movie that is a much cheaper version which has a similar sounding title and a very similar looking DVD cover and there was a market for tricking people into renting the wrong DVD or I don't know what it is but like that was a market and it would be funny if there was that but for documentaries like like like life on earth like David Ambrose life on earth or something like I don't know what

um yeah what the the ripoff would be called life in earth or something maybe it would be called and then it's a yeah it's a guy doing in in stuck in uh quicksand yes yeah uh just no it's just looking at ants and he's just pointing yeah look at that one look at that one it it would all be just domestic it's just looking at ants and he's just pointing at them as they go by. Look at that one. Look at that one. It would all be just domestic. It would just be like stuff that he had, like animals that he could reach or like that he could get from going 100 meters from his house. Yeah.

So there's no exotic stuff. Well, it's exotic to us because he's made. I don't know why. He's still in Asia. because he's made... I don't know why. He's still in Asia. He's still an Asian guy. In my mind,

he's still an Asian guy dressed as the colonel. Yeah. The colonel? Yeah, the colonel. KFC, the colonel. He does look... There is a bit of David Attenborough

in that, isn't there? I mean, if he had a goatee and that little moustache... No, the little black tie thing that Southerners wear. Yeah, but also that little white moustache. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised. Some great tie-ins. I wouldn't... tie-ins?

Was that a joke about the tie? No. Okay. I wouldn't be surprised if they modelled the Colonel off of David Attenborough. He has been around for a while. Yeah. And how long, I mean, you never see... Them in the same room? You never see David Attenborough and KFC in the same room at the same time. I mean, I never have. And after that scene with the Kakapo in New Zealand, how do you know that David Attenborough didn't pluck stuff and spice that little bird?

Yeah. You know, when I eat KFC, I can't even really taste any spices. Because, you know, it's the 11 secret herbs and spices. Yeah, yeah. I'm not even... It tastes like chicken. Do you think it's like one of those riddles

where it's like there actually aren't any spices? The secret is that there aren't any. What's the minimum number of flowers I can have if all of them are daisies except two and all of them are roses except two and all of them are petunias except two? Is it zero? No, it's two. Two hyacinths or something because that's a different flower altogether so you know all of them are daisies except two which are the ones that are hyacinths like that it's one of

those kind of riddles yeah but zero would have been a better answer because that fits with what we were talking about yeah yeah gone too far we think so we think we've gone too far yeah we've gone too far turn around bright eyes i mean've gone too far yeah we've gone too far turn around bright eyes I mean I don't know what we could actually do with a cheap knockoff

I mean because I think I keep seeing it as being too low quality like like it'll have like a YouTube quality to it

yeah and so I'm not sure if it would be noticeable I mean a lot of people have done David Attenborough ripoffs, doing the voice and things like that. But how could you attack it from a new angle?

Could you cast Tara Reid in it? I mean... That's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean... She was already in that Dodo ad. Yeah, and she just did Sharknado.

Did she? Mm-hmm. I think she's in Sharknado. Really? Yeah. Tara Reid. Yeah, oh, man. I haven't seen her for ages.

How is that husky voice? She was big during the time of American Pie, and then her sort of popularity... Was she in American Pie? Yeah, that's where she comes from. Far out. That's her sort of popularity. Was she an American Pie? Yeah, that's where she came, that's where she comes from. Far out. That's her roots. And then she kind of like, her popularity sort of dropped for a bit,

but then she had that photo of her where her boob was exposed and you could see like a salami nipple kind of thing. And apparently she just recently had like breast surgery or something like that and her nipple looked like a slice of salami. Then her career went back up. Yeah, her career sort of came back up for a bit and then nipple looked like a slice of salami. Then her career went back up. Yeah, her career sort of

came back up for a bit and then she disappeared again for a bit and then she did the Dodo ad and now she's done Sharknado and soon she's going to do this cheap knockoff planet... It'll be Planet...

Girth. Oh, no, wait. No, that sounds like a porno. Earth on life. So this could be a porno. Earth on life. So this could be a porno. It's called Planet Girth, and it's like these people, it's like Star Trek, and they land on a planet, and everybody's got a giant cock. We don't have to do it. Okay, with Tara Reid.

Because, I mean, there's no, and this is sexist, there are no female David Attenboroughs. There aren't any. All of the David Attenboroughs. There aren't any. All of the David Attenboroughs are men. Except one. Yeah. And all of the... Yeah, but I think we could make, we could, first of all, we'll change Tara Reid's name to David Attenborough. Great.

We're going some way to addressing our male guilt. Yeah. Redressing it as a some way to addressing our male guilt. Yeah. Redressing it as a man. As a man. Yeah. No, well, I mean, no, by, yeah,

we're renaming it, giving it a male name. Yeah. It's Tara Reid. And and then we're going to start making

the documentary. Now, we don't, we're not sort of, we're not science educators and we don't really know much about wildlife. Yeah, we don't, we're not sort of, we're not science educators and we don't really know much about wildlife. Yeah. But I think if we sort of,

once we get out there, I think you'll start figuring out what to do. Yeah, okay. You know, you've got a shitload of cameras, you've got some ant holes, you've got some predators,

you've got some, you know, trees that have thousands of life forms on them. There's definitely, okay, there's scope here for a sketch. There's a kind of sketch that we wouldn't maybe normally really talk about, but it's

doing something where they're like, yeah, we are those characters. Guys who've come from the world of, I don't know, maybe pornography. Yeah. And are trying to make a wildlife documentary. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Either pornography or we're guys who have had a fair few hits on YouTube?

Okay, sorry. This is a completely different idea now. Sorry, one other thing. No, no, please. Which is like sort of the Tara Reid big nipple thing or the Kim Kardashian, you know, your career's not going great, you release a sex tape. But there's also like celebrities whose career isn't going, and then somebody leaks a wildlife documentary that they made.

Like, instead of a sex tape. Yeah, oh, apparently she did this wildlife documentary. And then her career just comes back. Well, I mean, this could be Tower Read. This could be part of the same idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, a lot of people, they're having sex tapes leaked. We're going to... And the sex tape market is kind of, it's swamped at the moment.

But really, the kind of tape that the market isn't swamped, and if anything, there are a few, I feel like, you know, there's really a demand for fresh blood, would be the wildlife documentary, right? And so Tower know, there's really a demand for fresh blood would be the wildlife documentary, right? And so Tara Reid is looking for a brand new kind of like a bit of pizzazz. And so she'll be playing herself. We'll be playing two sort of, you know, dumb filmmakers who don't really know what they're

doing, but they've got themselves an anthill, they got themselves an anteater, and we're in the Amazon, we got a hut, we got some tribal people who are showing us around, but they, you know. Maybe we're the guys who shot the sex tapes for Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. Great. But now we're doing a wildlife documentary for Tara Reid. The sex tape is done. She keeps going, fuck it, I'm just going to make a sex tape. We go, sex tape is done

alright it's as dead as poetry it's as dead as God according to Nietzsche no that's great yeah and it's called Tara

Tara reads Wild Night yeah one it's all just it's Wild Night just nocturnal animals

one wild night yeah yeah and it's all these like yeah just giant kind of hairy spiders and stuff. Yeah, filmed. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats.

But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Yeah, and it's just like close-ups of her

in night vision. Of her going like that. And then you pan out and there's just like spiders all around her and like one of those monkeys with the huge eyes holding onto her finger. Okay, I think we can write this down as a sketch.

Tara reads Wild Night. One wild night. And it's a nocturnal wildlife documentary. Yeah. You're going to love Tara Reid when she goes completely wild. You've seen her in Sharknado and American Pie. But there's one tape she didn't want you to see. Like that, no.

She doesn't want you to scream because that's more horror than it is. Well, I think she would just be documenting the wildlife. Oh, yeah, that's true, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's a bonobo. It's so big.

It's a really big bonobo. His back is so hairy. And then it's a gorilla big bonobo. His back is so hairy. And then it's a gorilla. Good. Yeah. But nobody talks about, like, gorillas having to shave their backs. But, oh, what, if I'm...

Yes, if you're what? If I'm... I was going to say something kind of, like, a bit... Like, oh, what, if I'm Greek, I gotta shave my back? See, that's why I didn't say it Oh Nobody has to go at those gorillas

That tells them to shave their backs They never have to go down and get the The old back sack and crack wax The back sack and crack wax The way that you said that was just spectacular Thank you Just your verbal agility tonight Is just

Is seeing no... I'm jumping around. Is seeing no comparable athletes. There are just no competitors that are potentially capable of keeping up with you at the moment, Andy. Potentially capable of keeping up with you is quite a good sentence to have got out. So there you go. Potentially capable of keeping up with you. Potentially capable of keeping up with you.

Potentially capable of keeping up with you. Potentially capable of keeping up with you. Potentially capable of keeping up with you. Potentially capable. Potentially capable of keeping up with you. Okay. Wall Street. Capable. Keeping up with you. Um, okay. Wall Street. Yep. Okay.

What else? Okay. Fence Avenue. Chair Crescent. It's the renovation district. Yeah. Wall Street. I made it all the way To Wall Street

I made all my money On Wall Street Yeah it's Wall Street But in a small town Yeah And that's where Yeah The Bunnings is there

Do you think Down at the Home Expo Yeah They have Oh they would have a Wall A section called Wall Street Oh bloody oh Alright

There's a There's a home And then there's another one That's for window shopping Alright There's a There's a home And then there's another one That's for window shopping So it's a Home Depot Yeah Alright We're

There's a Wall Street crash Some of the walls fall down Yep There's the homeless guy Who's making people feel bad Yeah Alright There's

There's just some guys Matt could be there He's got Our housemate Matt He's got experience Doing home shows. Yeah, works in air conditioning. Yeah, we can get a lot of info out of him.

Apparently, you get a lot of leads. There's people trying to get leads selling walls or windows. The leads are good. Yeah, and then you've got the wall area. I've got the window district. Yeah. Right, and the Wall Street crash causes the window market to also crash. A lot of windows close or something.

A lot of doors closed. In the door section, a lot of doors close after the Wall Street crash. Yeah, and the bottom falls out of the floor market. Because apparently those were load-bearing walls. Yeah. The ceiling market. Well, yeah, the glass ceiling. The glass, yeah.

The fiscal cliff. The fiscal cliff. I think the Wall Street crash. Yeah. Okay. I think we need to... There needs to be like some Some

What are the negative consequences Okay could there be people Driving around Like in little buggies Little buggies In little buggies And some of them are Investors

Yeah Great Some of them A lot of investors get hurt In the Wall Street Yeah And And a lot of people get hurt

And the guy driving The two guys in the front Were bankers. And there's a guy next door having a fire sale. He's just trying to sell fireplaces. And it's amazing how much the economic trouble can be perfectly analogised by the home renovation sector yeah yeah um okay and then there's been a there's been a there's a guy there's a guy in the air conditioning area

talking about regulation yeah because you gotta regulate oh that's right we need more regulation yeah uh at the moment there's uh we moment, we're not getting a lot of... Yeah, you got a regulation. We're not going to get all the regulation. We're not going to get a lot of regulation. That one was working before, so I'll just keep it hidden, that one. Yeah, okay. Wall Street crash, Home Depot.

But it's got to be caused by the bankers And the investors do get hurt So bankers being irresponsible On their little buggies Yeah, they're driving around It was irresponsible You've seen this Bankers are so irresponsible

Can we call them something? What's another thing? Stakeholders Yeah Those guys are like selling steaks Yeah, but Well, those are the people thataks. Yeah, but, yeah. Well, those are the people that would get hurt, though.

Oh, yeah. Okay, stakeholders get hurt. From the fence area. Yeah. The people who, like, are sitting... Yeah, yeah. Cool.

A lot of stakeholders get hurt when there's a Wall Street crash caused by... Now, irresponsible. Now, they can't be bankers. They've got to be

somebody else. Home lenders. Oh, I mean, it could be the lenders. I mean, the lenders did kind of cause the... Yeah, but who are lenders in this context? Well, I mean, they could be to do with... They could actually be mortgage brokers there at the home show. Yeah, the mortgage brokers.

Yeah, that's great. Goddamn mortgage brokers! You caused the crash on Wall Street! All these stakeholders got hurt. Now I've got to have a fire sale? Get rid of all these fireplaces? Ah!

Okay, wait. What's it called? Home show? Home show. Home show. I'm just what's it home show home show home show yeah I'm just gonna call it the GFC analogy

yeah great alright GFC analogy that's done we'll remember that

well do you think you know you think I should put more in there no I think it's fine yeah

we'll remember that and hopefully look hopefully somebody's writing it down yeah Do you think I should put more in there? No, I think it's fine. Yeah? Can't write it all down. We'll remember that. And hopefully, look, hopefully somebody's writing it down. Yeah. One of the listeners will write it down, and if we need the ideas, we can get you guys... We'll put out an appeal on the next podcast.

And you guys can just post it to us. Get you guys to email it in. Yeah, thank you. Even if you could just isolate the audio. Yeah. Send us a clip. We're not going to listen to this. No, come on.

Guys, sorry. That seems disrespectful to people who listen to the podcast. No, but I would listen. I do listen to podcasts. I listen to all of them. Yeah, I occasionally listen. Well, I've listened to at least seven episodes. There you go.

And you enjoy them? I have been enjoying them, yeah. That's great. How about you? Yeah, I really like them a lot. Any duds? I have been enjoying them. That's great.

How about you? Yeah, I really like them a lot. Any duds? That one we did with... Oh, no, I shouldn't say. No? No. Alistair. Yeah.

The one we did with Alistair. Okay, good. Yeah. Because, I mean, like, I know you were joking. Yeah. But then it's like, if one of the guests listens, there's only like, we've only had like three guests. Oh, my God. They're all quite close to us.

And they're all great. They're all great. You guys are so good. Those were actually really good episodes, the guest episodes. Yeah? Yeah, and I was like, we should have a guest on every episode. Do you think we're dropping the ball? No, we're not.

They're dropping the ball and there's no guest here to catch it. Yeah, well, that's right. The thing is that ball games isn't our strength. But we get nothing but sports people to come on the show. Usually they're involved in spherical object sports. Sometimes you have to work pretty hard not to include the punchline in the sentence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Base spherical object or basket spherical object.

Foot spherical object. Whoa. Base elliptical object. Ah. No, foot elliptical object. Foot elliptical object. Sorry. No, but that's fine.

Yeah. Oh, inflated object. You know, that could be a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Inflatable sphere. I mean, I'm not talking about a sex doll, you know. Ha, ha. Ha, ha.

All right. I personify objects. Yeah, I personify objects? Yeah. I personify objects? Mm. Yeah. Because I'm starting to refer to everything as like this guy.

Yeah. Yeah, like. Her. Yeah. Oh. I call pieces of furniture my wife. Yeah, I call pieces of furniture my long-lost mother. There you go.

I lost my mother. I really miss her. Woman of fire. Woman of fire. She was a woman of fire, and she left me. My wife was a fire lady? Yeah. A fire woman? wife was a fire lady? Yeah. A fire woman?

She was a fire woman. I met her I met her one time it was a sort of big there was a blaze there was a blaze near my house. This is funny to

someone who has someone in their life who is actually on fire and refers to them as a fire woman. But but this person okay the joke is from the this person just says oh you know they're just one of those she's just one of those fire women you know just one of those women who happens to be on fire but this woman isn't actually just someone who

happens to be on like yeah i don't know what am i saying she's a she's a you know she's one of those fire women you know one of those ones Those women who just You know Burns Yeah You know And like no No she's

She's burning She's She's not That's not her natural state Okay like he Okay so his wife is currently on fire Yeah And he's already name called her a fire woman

I think she's always been on fire For some reason He assumes that that's normal. She's just one of those, oh, I can't, this doesn't make any sense. Or maybe, I thought he was just being super disrespectful in that his wife is currently on fire.

And he's like, check out the fire woman. She's my wife. She's fire woman. No, I think, I thought initially when you started talking about the fire woman yeah uh i imagined that she was just like a fireman yep but the person he was talking to kept imagining her as a woman made entirely of fire ah you know and uh she'd she'd come out of some blaze like in the woods or something like that.

Yep. And they had made a life together. He'd sort of kept her away from flammables. Yep. But they'd shared a bed. And maybe it was one of those beds of jelly. You know, those fire retardant jellies. Yeah, beds.

Some people have water beds, they have a fire-retardant jelly. Maybe they have a kid that's at a half. Oh, yeah, he's just a bit smoky. Yeah, yeah. Or he's kind of like... He's like that part of the fire... He's an ember.

Yeah, he's an ember. He's more of an ember. Blowing coals. Yeah, he's kind of like... He's a bit ashy. Yeah. He's a bit ashy, but... He's called Ash. Yeah,'s an ember He's more of an ember Blowing coals Yeah he's kind of like He's a bit ashy Yeah He's a bit ashy but He's called Ash

Yeah and if you blow on him He kind of glows red Or orange Okay Yeah Yeah And And maybe

If this guy says That his wife is a fire woman And then this guy Starts picturing that And then you just see Their whole life together It's going to take a lot of CGI And then

And then you'll be like What like And then And then at the end of that he's like oh yeah what like a burning woman no no a fire a woman who works for the fire department he's like oh and then he pictures his entire life just working living with a woman who works for the fire department well the same though but he he mentions the same thing. Yeah. Like, the woman comes out of the blaze, and then they lay in fire-retardant jelly as a bed, but she's just, like, dressed in her firewoman's outfit. Yeah.

And then they have a baby, and it's just maybe dressed like a fireman when they blow on it. Yeah. That's quite funny. Yeah. That's quite a good thing. Like, I don't know how... I guess you just do it. Yeah. That's quite funny. Yeah. That's quite a good thing. Like, I don't know how, I guess you just do it like that. Yeah.

Someone's just talking to someone. Oh, and what does your wife do? Oh, she's a fire woman. Fire woman. Fire woman. And then. Prring. And then there's the.

What, like she's, oh, and then, yeah, and then that happens. And then it's like, well, like she's And then yeah And then that happens And then it's like What like she's on fire No No like what she's made of fire He goes no She's She works for the fire department Oh

That he pictures of a kid Yeah Okay I'm going to just write down Fire woman I think we need to come up with At least one more Because

Sure Just because that one is so Strange Yeah Yeah Where were we up to come up with at least one more because sure just because that one is so strange yes yeah where were we up to like 50 minutes i think oh so this is exactly see this is why it didn't feel right to stop yeah i didn't feel like we were there yet knew it didn't feel right i knew it didn't feel right yeah after you validated the feeling i wonder how often you feel something isn't right and then you don't have that feeling validated and so you just forget it yeah or you just that thing starts to feel normal or like that that maybe maybe the feeling that we have when we think everything feels right is just everything feeling not right, but we just got used to it.

Yeah. You know, like maybe I feel exactly the same as when I used to feel that things weren't right. But maybe that's not how feelings work. I don't know. I don't know about feelings. I don't know if you can become numb to a feeling and then still claim to have that feeling.

Because I think once you stop feeling a feeling, it probably ceases to be a feeling. That's my feeling. Yeah. And I could be wrong. Yeah. But I've got a feeling about this. No, I'm hearing you.

My feelings tend to be right. Yeah. But have you ever thought because we're men that maybe we don't have feelings? Oh. I don't have feelings. Yeah. Well, I've got very good dental care.

I've taken care of... I mean, at least up until the last time I had. Yeah. I just tend to brush things off. Yeah. You know, which is why I don't have any feelings. Feelings. Feelings.

Feelings. Yeah. Because I brush things off. Yeah. And I floss as well. And also I floss. And also I floss. Out my emotions.

Yeah. Out from between my teeth Yeah Yeah Floss Dental floss Dental floss Okay It's weird like I

My dentist always tells me to floss And I've never flossed When I do it I realise how much it's necessary Really? Yeah Like because the amount of stuff that comes out Oh no it's necessary. Really? Yeah. Like, because the amount of stuff that comes out. Oh no, don't say that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's gross. Yeah. I go,

holy shit. It's hard, right? It's not really. You've got to get at the back there. It's actually pretty easy. Once you get your fingers in your mouth, once you do it. Yeah. That's where your fingers belong. Anytime your fingers aren't in your mouth, you're not in your natural state. Oh, really? Yeah. I guess, yeah, somewhere along the line. When you're kids, you're always putting your hands in your mouth. Always hands in the mouth, yeah.

Right? We lost sight of that. In sexual intercourse with people, it's always putting your hands in their mouths. Right? So why in your regular life do we stop? You see, that's the thing, is that adults don't become adults because...

No, wait. Children don't become adults because they stop putting their hands in their mouth. Adults stop being children when they take their hands out of their mouth. Oh, my God. Is that, like, based on an actual saying? Yeah, there's a quote about something we play or something like mouth. Oh my God. That's, that's, is that like based on an actual saying? Yeah.

There's a quote about something we play or something like that. Yeah. Right. Children don't become adults when they stop playing. Yeah.

Adults stop being children when they stop playing. It's something like that. We're fucking it up in some way. We're murdering that saying. We are. See, that kind of saying, saying irritates me.

Yeah? Yeah. Why? Because I feel like it's unnecessarily mean to people who don't play around. No, I don't know. But that kind of thing, to me, feels very sanctimonious. People tell you that adults lose sight of innocence or, you know, just forgot how to...

lost sight of their inner child, that kind of thing. I find that annoying. I don't quite know why. Maybe it's because I've lost sight of my inner child. The part of me, the child in me that really used to love irritating motivational trap. It's gone now.

It's gone. Um, but I think whatever, like, I think why, okay, let me start. We always think that we're right.

And we always think that the point of view that we currently hold is the best point of view. So we have a rationalization for it no matter when like no matter where we kind of go we go like oh i used to do this and now i'm better yeah right and and so like yeah i think think when suddenly we don't play anymore or we don't like do kids stuff, we kind of go, that's because that's shit. That's because I'm in a better place now. That's why I don't do that anymore. And so we hate everything that sort of says, do that thing.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe. I don't know. How about this, Alistair? Okay, this might sound a bit grim. No, I like it. i like it already all right so we start off as children yeah right and then you know we slowly become adults or whatever there's got to be a time at which we in a way sort of abuse ourselves by exposing ourselves

like there'd still be a part of us as children where we expose ourselves like the part of us that is an adult exposes the part of us that is still a child to something that that part of us that is still a child shouldn't be exposed to is that an interesting thought or is that just uh stupid i mean like it's like like the idea that let's say you're you're looking at some kind of horrific pornography. Yeah. And then somewhere, but, like, if you could, like, zoom into your inner child. Yeah.

And this thing's going, what is that? Yeah. What is he doing? Well, like, yeah, we put ourselves in situations. Yeah. Which you shouldn't put children in. Yeah. in situations which you shouldn't put children in.

And maybe we do that, you know, maybe that's bad. Maybe we're abusing ourselves in some way. Maybe there comes a point where we pick ourselves up from the side of the road in a dirty van and

just do nasty things to ourselves. Perhaps. Perhaps, perhaps, but then there's also situations where people aren't doing it to themselves. Oh yeah, no, that's definitely true. I'm not trying to negate that. I think we're getting confused about that one. Yeah, alright. Alright, look.

I wasn't suggesting it was a sketch. It's just, you know, philosophical. No, I actually kind of think it'd be fun as a sketch, the idea of just like seeing the adult doing something and then just seeing what the inner child is saying.

Oh, God. No, that would be so horrible. Yeah. Like, okay, let's say you go to a cock fight. Yeah. And you're like, I don't know why you'd be excited about it, but you just see the inner child crying.

Why is he doing that to the other one? Yeah. I think it's a fun idea that we can use. It'll be a technique that we can use sometime. Yeah, just occasionally just cut to the inner child. Yeah, look, I'm just going to do that 5.5. Sure. 5.5. Cut to

the inner child. To the inner child. Hmm. And for some reason I imagine it standing. In my mind where the child is is... because I think whenever I picture inner child, I actually see it standing in like, kind of like on a red floor.

Yeah. It would be made of like flesh, kind of like blood and flesh like that. And then all around, it's like a cavern, like you kind of like how they represent hell. Yeah. Like, but it's kind of like all like meat and blood and stuff like that. And in the background, you can see the heart beating. It's a physical inner child. Yeah.

and stuff like that and in the background you can see the heart beating. There's a physical inner child. Yeah. It's like a little child in there and there's like a little platform inside you for it to stand. Here's a thing

that never happens anymore. Like when was the last time you grazed your knee? I used to graze my knee all the time when I was a kid. Right? Like so much

and really badly and it would be pussy and shit and I've got scars like I haven't had a scar from from like maybe like

15 onwards I didn't get a single scar but like before 15 like my knees are just like you know they're messed up that's true

why how can we had a big wart established had a big wart on my knee did you yeah anyway

keep going oh that's gross yeah I know sure it wasn't your kneecap Did you? Yeah, anyway, keep going. Oh, that's gross. Yeah, I know. You sure it wasn't your kneecap and you just went and got it burned off? Yeah, I got my kneecap burned off. Now my knees don't work. How can we put...

My knee went stale because I took the cap off. Put adults in a situation where they graze their knees. I like the idea of a businessman walking in and kind of going, I just grazed my knee. And everyone's like, what? Yeah, no, it's just playing some cricket in the... No, I was walking to work, and some kids were playing basketball.

I mentioned New York City. Like some kids are playing basketball, and he's like, and I started playing. I just grazed my knee. What about, the reason is not really fully explored, but there's just, like, one particular day at work where, like, in some office, all these people just keep getting all these really childish injuries. Yeah. just keep getting all these really childish injuries. Like somebody grazes their knee,

somebody gets kneed in the balls, somebody, I don't know, gets lice or something. Maybe there needs to be a sick bay. Maybe there's a sick bay at an office and all these businessmen come down to the nurse and they've all got childish injuries and someone has to call their mum and get picked up. And they've all got childish injuries.

And someone has to call their mum and get picked up. And there's a carer who's driving their mum. The mum's so old. She's in the back part of one of those things that has to lift a wheelchair into the van. It's like one of those Ford tall vans. That's what they should just call it. Ford tall van. It's like one of those Ford... You know, like the Ford Tall Vans? That's what they should just call it. Ford Tall Van. Yeah.

And then the mother's just in the back and the guy goes, and she goes, what's the matter? He goes, raise my knee. Someone falls off a flying fox and breaks their elbow? Yeah. Or just makes themselves sick

on the D-wizzy. Yeah, or from going down the twirly slide a bit too much. Maybe it's because it was like bring a parent to school day. Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. And then stuff just happens to them. Yeah. That's quite cool because there's, like, stuff just happens. Yeah. That's, yeah, that's quite cool because there's, you know,

bring your kid to work day. So bring a parent to school day. Yeah. And people bring their parents to school and then, like, the parents get in, like, you know, like fights in the playground and stuff. And. Over lunch. Yeah. Over their lunch or marbles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, marbles. It used to be all about who was the fastest kid in school for me really we used to just talk about like like we would do the 50 meter sprint or whatever and it was just about the kids that were the fastest and I was I was definitely not the fastest but I was I was in the top 15, I think. Oh, that's all right. That's pretty respectable, top 15. That's okay. Like of the whole year, you know?

Oh, yeah. How many in a year? I don't know. It was a fair few. Yeah? More than 50? Yeah, I think so. Because I think my class would have had like 20-something, and there would have been like

four classes. Okay. Well, how many people participated in these races, though? Because it wouldn't have been the whole grade. I mean, look, it was in my class. It was mostly in my class that we would know about it. But look, I don't know. Yeah, you're in class of, what, 30?

Yeah, maybe. You're in top 50? Top 50, that's it. Well, 30 is probably a bit unrealistic for a class. It's probably 26. I think I beat all the girls. I don't know because it was Nick,

Alex and Tony. These are the names? You actually remember these names? Yeah, yeah. Nick, Alex and Tony were super fast. Did you have to do

the beep test? Did you do the beep test? I think we did in year six. In year seven we did the beep test. I think I did it in year eight as well.

And there was this kid called Cameron and he got to like of six. In year seven, we did the beep test. Oh, I think I did it in year eight as well. And there was this kid called Cameron, and he got to level 13 or something, which at the time was ridiculously high, and he never came back to school. Really? Never saw him again. Did he seem really tired? Look, I don't know. I assume the government came and got him, and he's in some testing facility somewhere.

Or he's maybe working for Men in Black. The beep test. Do you think the beep was like a Morse code? Yeah, I think the beep test, some alarm gets set off probably in the Pentagon, if anyone goes above 30. Absolutely. And then they just send a fighter jet

yeah as soon as somebody hits 13 they send a fighter jet and it lands in the sort of the the school oval would it be a uh what's those ones that can take off vertically yeah is that what are they called okay i used to really a jump a jumper jet a jumper jet but they had another name i've forgotten i used to care about that yeah i used to think jumper jets were the greatest yeah i didn't know anything about them except that they could take off vertiglove like that's that's the business is that the ones that also they can start flying but then when they hit that booster they really just go yeah they just go yep and then yeah um but yeah parents parents grazing their knees I don't think that's quite

there yet and then you could have geese grazing in a field but not their knees or geese grazing on parents knees yeah you could have someone graze say oh he just grazed his knee and then we cut across

and a person's rolled up their trouser leg to like thigh level and they're sort of standing there on one leg and they've got this sort of section of grass that they've cut out a bit of turf and it's on a little pedestal just at, you know, knee height. And the knee has got a little mouth. There's a little mouth in the knee and it's going. Yeah. And it's eating the grass. I'm grazing my knee. Yeah.

And then, but it's also like eating like, like the way that cows masticate, like that, that circular jaw movement. Yeah. Yeah. Very much the, the crushing molars for that sort of. Oh, it's a lot of crushing molars. So maybe even the mouth, the knee mouth, doesn't have any front teeth because it doesn't even need them.

Yeah, there you go. So it's kind of like a big toothless kind of goofy, empty kind of grin thing, but then lots of molars at the back. Lots of molars. The camera goes in and we inspect the molars just to confirm that they are there. And the camera comes back out again and everyone in the audience nods because they've had the existence of the molars confirmed to them.

You see those molars? Good grinding molars. You could tell it was a herbivore. Yes, you could. You could. Yeah. And then, I mean, for those who don't know, maybe it also plays a little clip about herbivores to explain that they use grazing knees. Right.

Grazing, not grazing knees. And then the guy unfolds his leg straight back down and there's a little asshole in the back of his knee. Yeah. And it shits onto the floor. Yeah, or down his calf. His calf. Yeah. There you go. His calf the floor. Yeah, or down his calf. His calf. Yeah. There you go. His calf is grazing.

Yeah. It's almost too good to be true. Look, I think that's satisfactory for this one. Yeah, we gave you that little grazing calf at the end there. Yeah, a little grazing calf. At the end there. Do you want to take us through? Yeah, of course I do.

We've got the sign shop. That's right. It's got do not pass this point and cash only. And then we also got the... There could be another one. Q here. Q here. P here.

All the letters. Yeah. The Ravens. You are here. Yeah, you are here. All the letters. You are here. You are here. A here. I here. Hearing loop signs.

That's not a letter thing, but you know how they have the hearing loop for people with hearing aids? Anyway, lots of signs. It's going to be really great. Swanson Street exit. It's going to have that as well, maybe. But, oh, it's going to be so confusing.

The whole thing. It's going to be like another reality in there. There can be some signs that say mind your head, okay, and they're down low, okay, and there's some that say watch the step, and they're up high. Yeah. And a guy is reading the mind your head signs,

which are down low, and trips over and hits his head on the sign that says, watch the step. See, this is good. And trips over the signs that say, mind your head. I see this thing as being a full-on maze. It's like, this guy's getting, we're going to have to spend at least a hundred thou on just the building of this set. Good that we start

thinking about budgets. Yeah, a hundred thou. Yeah. Alright, next one is we got the illusion of magic. It's in people appearing. So it's like, where did you come from? Oh, through the door. Sorry, I bumped that zither.

We got that. We got guys whose wives have names of instruments and the guys don't like the sound of the instrument. I think better than the sound of the zither was the idea about all the pages blowing off the calendar and stuff. Blowing off the calendar. Blowing off the calendar. Blowing away. Okay, cool.

Yeah. We got Tara Reid's One Wild Night. Yeah. We got Home Show, which is the GFC analogy. Yeah, great. I think that could be really fun to make. Yeah, I think that'd be great fun. We could make it in this warehouse.

Yeah. That's totally doable. Totally doable. That's where they have home shows. Totally doable. We just need some little buggies. There's a place up the road that's got some buggies. Really?

They're just lying out in the yard. I don't think they run, but we could definitely borrow them and just tip them on their side. We don't actually have to see them going. That's right. We just borrow a buggy. Yeah. Oh, buggy borrowers. That could be us.

There you go. We'll go bug them for some buggies. And bugs. Something about insects. Yeah. Yeah. We got Fire Woman. Remember that one?

Yeah. There you go. There's also Cut to the Inner Child. That's 5.5. That's 5.5. That's a little half idea there. Also, the guys whose wives have names of instruments. That was 2.5.

We're not trying to claim that's a full idea. And then we've got parents grazing their knees. And then there's geese who are grazing on the parents' knees. And then also the knees that are eating grass. And then also the grazing calves. So I think that's plenty. Thank you very much for listening. Hey, if you're're Just go on the iTunes

And you can give us a rating I don't know I've never asked for that And I feel bad asking Yeah Give us a rating Because it's like I love when we have heaps of ratings

Oh I love it Alright People rated us in the first couple of weeks Some friends of ours Yeah some friends We went around to their house And we logged on to their iTunes accounts And rated them for us.

I've used my parents' account to rate us. I've used my dad's account to rate us. Really, we're running out of people you can realistically expect to hack into their iTunes. Yeah, because only so many people are Apple users. Yeah.

And, you know, the Android, there's just no rating system. And, you know. Anyway, so thanks. Anyway. It's just no rating system. Anyway, so thanks. Anyway. Who's that over there by the supermarket

buying all the fish in a bucket with some cheese? Yeah! Thanks, guys. Yeah. Thanks, guys. You can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Goaltenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials.

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