Two In The Think Tank - 170 - "THE SALT BEE"

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

Check out AL'S NEW POD! "Shusher Guided Meditations". Here's the RSS https://omny.fm/shows/shusher/playlists/podcast.rssOrgy Time, Sounds True Institute, Dog Drool, Optional Rules, The Penis is Feminine, Ball Gown, Salinator, SB, Metric Time SimpleDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag.And you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereOngoing thanks to George Matthews for producing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Upgrade your style for less during Indochino's Black Friday event. This limited time sale starts in-store and online November 6th. Don't miss out on the best prices of the year. Book your appointment today at indochino.com. That's INDO CHINNO.com. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbrodcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hello and welcome to Two in the Thing Tank to show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I am Andy and I am I'm also George William Trombley.

Virtual. Yes, see. Felt and complete, didn't it? It did, it did, but that's great. Everybody's who they're supposed to be. What a way to keep people hanging, you know? Ah, you know, a lot of people, they build up a story until you go and they back somebody into a corner.

That's what they do, cliff hangers. You know, you back somebody into a corner, you think, this person's not gonna be able to get out of this. Yeah, like that. And then you're gonna turn the page, and see what happens on the next page. Well, when I, if I don't finish saying my name, you're going to be like, is he not going to say it? And then I, exactly the journey I went on listening to, you're reflecting my personal experience back to me. This is what great art is. That's right. Yeah. Another, another thing you could do with

that is you could make a really, really good film. Okay. Right. Yes. And you can make it, you can wait another way you can make it even better. It's just like have the whoever's doing their lines. Yeah. Who have ever zacting in it. Wait a really long time before they let's say the last line of the film. Right. Oh, that's a good idea. You know, because it's been so good up until that point, and then just like that extra little bit of tension, what's gonna be the last line of the film. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a...

Clock. A clock? A clock. A clock? A clock. A clock. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah. Because what was great, because I was thinking, you was going to say, frankly, my dear, I don't give a fuck. And that, all that pause gave me a long time to think, they're not going to swear in this great film, are they? Yeah. That would be insane.

And the longer it went on, the more I thought, maybe you were going to do it. And then you said, clock. And I was like, they've suburbed all my expectations. What a great film. Yeah. I hope. What movie was that? Was that Monster Zinc? That was Monster Zinc. Yeah. You got it in one A&D. Yeah. Crazy, how I was able to guess that. What scenario would you find yourself in when you're giving somebody a clock? Because I mean, first of all, I mean, look, I know people have bought clocks with our photos on them. And that has been the craziest thing. Yes.

They're going to a red bubble and they bought clocks. I just want to thank those people for being so insane. I guess I never thought I was going to get into the clock business. And it turns out it's the only business that you're in now. Yeah, I'm in the clock business. Yeah, and now you're exclusively a clock guy. Yeah. A clock and orgy guy. Thank you. Yeah.

I have a big clock on my wall. And it every right now it says it's orgy clock it says it all the way around and you would be amazed at how many conversations it starts and ends usually conversations that go along the lines of what time is it it's orgy time it's a orgy time and that's the end of that conversation asking one way or are you not talking? Well, but then there's, I guess the question is, why are so many people asking you the time

when in your room, where your clock is? And that's because you have so many orgy's. There's strangers there who don't even own digital timekeeping devices. These are the kinds of people that you hang out with because you're sick. Yeah. You do that in your cell clocks. Yep.

I'm I B sick and I sell clocks. And I came here to B sick and sell clocks and I'm all out of clocks. And I'm all better. Yeah. So do you want a clock? sell clocks and I'm all out of clocks. And I'm all better. Yeah. So do you want a clock? It's a clock that says all the way around from one o'clock all the way around to like, it says, or do you clock, or do you clock, or one o'clock all the way around, right? So like, it says,

or do you o'clock, or do you o'clock, or do you o'clock, and then the like, it's like, at like 10 o'clock, so always all the way around, it says, time to reconsider this clock purchase. And then 11 says you want to buy a clock, you try to sell the person reading the clock, the clock. Sure. I've looked looking to move on a clock. It's pretty funny for the first nine hours. So wait, but then in that scenario, your clock is in someone else's house because you're

just, or are you selling somebody who's looking at your clock from within your house the clock? No, what it is is it's, in this scenario it was me looking at the clock and I'd bought a clock that I thought it was funny to have audio clock on every single time, but after I'd looked at it for nine hours, I was starting to be, hang on, I've made a terrible decision. Oh, this is okay. That was, yeah. Wasn't actually written on the clock.

No, it was. It was written on the clock. It was a weird thing, it didn't quite make sense. Yeah, okay, that's cool. I mean, that would be crazy if you could write things on clocks with your eyes. Yeah. Yeah.

Depending on how bored you are. Yeah. Is that a cool product? You can write things on with your eyes How bored you are? Yes, I'll change the numbers and stuff like that Computer vision. It's gonna be one of the one of the coolest products. There is well. You're in the clock business now I am yeah, I'm a pavaya Yeah, and so you got a you got to find new directions to take clocks.

Hmm. Look, I don't know if I can write any of this down. No, I don't think you can. I mean, I think my iron ear about a clock that you think is funny for the first little while, and then you just start to buy another clock. Oh, no, but I think I just can't even consider the idea of looking at a clock for nine hours. Okay, if that's the reason you wanna give for not running this idea down.

So wait, so- Your inability to consider the, like what the sketch is, the person's. The sketch is. Okay, he's just looking at the clock, and he's going one o'clock, he was like, yeah. And it says a orgy time.

Yeah, right there. Yeah. And then he's like him,'clock and he says a war G time. Right then. And then he's like him, you know, time passes, you see that, you know, leaves Brown or whatever he says two o'clock and he goes, war G time. And then again, there's another passage of time. The road goes up and the pages fly off a calendar. And he says three o'clock. He points to his friend, he says, look that. Look at that, look at that.

OG time. And then there's like, then he goes, then you just see like on the tape on the counter there's this plate of cold cuts and you see them dry and trivial. Yeah, like that. Yeah, mold forms on them and then that mold withers and dies

and then it's just the bones that are left and they turn to dust. Cold cuts in. Yeah, it looks back at the clock Four o'clock orgy time orgy orgy clock orgy time. Yeah And then anyway his laughs. Yeah, it happens for nine hours Alistair and then at 10 o'clock it says I'm not sure. I'm finding this is funny It says it's time time to reconsider this clock purchase time to reconsider Okay, I'm'm writing it down.

You really turned that into something that I was enjoying a lot. Now, I don't know if any of the orgy stuff even needs to stay in there, but any, and I haven't seen this done as a joke, so I think it's a really good. I think where your passage of time, montage, markers are flawed.

Out the window, the fashions are changing on the, all the mannequins in the shop across the road. Yeah. Young people are becoming old people. You know, the kids that were playing with the hoops and stick outside, I didn't know suddenly, you know, by five o'clock or walking in frames. Yeah. Civilization through rise and fall.

Yeah. Yeah. Also, a pot under the sink fills up with water because it's from the drips. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. I think that would be the funniest one of all. The, yeah.

Oh, you see, I'd agreed with it without properly hearing what it was. I know. Great. Does it bother you that you're blonde? Really interesting question. I find it fascinating. I've always hoped that someone would ask me this. I've always hoped that anyone will ask me anything about myself and my opinion of me,

because it's a great opportunity to talk about me. Do you worry that people will think that you're done because of your blondes? That's not a thing that I've felt or encountered. Yeah, great. What I have thought is sometimes it would be nice to have a pretty normal colored head. Because you don't see a lot of blonde men do you? No, you don't. And I am one. it would be nice to have a pretty normal colored head. Because you don't see a lot of blonde men do you? No, you don't.

And I am one. Yeah, you're like so blonde. Super blonde. And yeah, I think I do feel, I certainly did feel like around the teenage years that I was like, I was just at a good brown head. Yeah, but now it kind of like it's iconic. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah, I think you could walk into barbers and they would know straight away what hair color you have. Yeah. What a, yeah, exactly. That's spot on. Do you have to go to like a special type of barber? Or hair cutter? Yeah.

Well, I do because a lot of the time I'll go into a barber and they'll mistake me for somebody else who's in the middle of some sort of other thing where like they, oh, we must be in the middle of bleaching your hair so that we can color it all fancy colors. Because there's no other reason why your hair would be that color. Weird that you're just coming into the shop now when you're in the middle of the procedure. I must have blacked out or something and, you know, and you must have gone to get help.

And they scald you for, like, for leaving you know, that they were doing. Yeah, that's really unprofessional. Yeah, right. Nobody's been. They scald me with some boiling water to try and teach me a lesson in some sort of Pavlovian, you know. So that every time you go to get your hair cut and your skin breaks out in burns. And that's my life. That's why I wish I had a different color hair. Is there anything in this LSD? A Pavlovian response sort of thing,

you know, every time you bring a small bellied dog celebrates, but you've trained somebody to do something else every time a dog celebrates. Well that's fun, like a like a Rube Goldberg machine, so it is, but like a Pavlovian one. Yeah. A Pavlov's Goldberg machine. Yeah. Who's Rub? Is Rub a guy? Rubi sounds like an idiot, doesn't he? Is if I can Rub Goldberg machine ever here?

I want one of those. Sliver. Atleic. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so every time, so you got, you're ring a triangle, someone it is? Yeah, a bell, a bell. I never pictured it as a bell.

I always pictured it as a bell. See, I never pictured it as a bell. Even though it's, they've probably been saying bells all this time. You don't ring a bell for dinner, you ring a triangle. That is not the case at all. No, it has never ringed.

I've never ringed it. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, the case at all. No one has ever run out of ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding- The bell, the dinner bell, you rig the dinner bell. To bring them in for dinner. Gee, you're making a dinner, bringing that thing to bring us in for dinner. Yeah, I can't see anything. Where have you been? It's a bell, definitely a bell. And you obviously have just dined with a lot of people who are in the percussion section of some sort of philharmonic orchestra.

Yeah, and then right before bed, obviously you play you know, like you play a couple of timpani's and then like a vibraphone. Yeah, obviously a vibraphone. Obviously a vibraphone. What is a vibraphone? It's like a marimba, but I think it's metal instead of wood. What does it sound like? What does it sound like? Sounds like a good phoelharmonic orchestra.

That was the Rugrats. Yeah. Vibraphony, I believe it's pronounced. There was something else that was tickling my's something else that was, was tickling my brain about the Pavlov, Pavlovian response to, um, ringing a bell, getting a dog to salivate. I mean, what, what else is that like, like, like, like, I guess you could, you could get a like a dentist assistant to suck out the saliva of the dog's mouth. Yeah, I guess that is something that you could do.

And it's a great way to get free saliva, isn't it? Free dogs saliva. Just bell ringing. You don't have to feed the dog anymore. Now we just get the saliva. All the saliva you want. That's a lot of for free. All the dogs saliva you want.

And then it's, I mean, that's a funny idea that Pavelov was ringing the bell to get free dogs alive. And then he could get his... That's all profit. That's all profit. That's all the dog... Then all the dogs saliva he could drink. I mean, in terms of the useful liquids, I reckon, like outside of the mouth,

the dog saliva has no value. Inside of the mouth? Two doctorate. Two doctorate. Yeah, I mean, there's gotta be a use for it somewhere outside of the mouth, the dog's mouth, or outside of the human mouth. Is there a use for it? It can, it can, it can, it can help us break down some things. Yeah. Um, well, isn't it true that a dog's

mouth is cleaner than a human's mouth? It, these days, it's just a lot of these things. As soon as they feel a little bit wrong, because there's been so many things that I've thought were true. Yes. And then I believed were true for a long time because they sounded so novel and I guess what was so amazing about them is that they also sounded really untrue. Is that like a version of a meme? Like it's just like a fake fact that is so that grabs your attention like that and you're like, I gotta tell somebody this. Yeah, common misconceptions.

But it's also like not just a misconception because it's like something that people are actively telling each other because it's interesting because it seems like something that wouldn't be true. Yeah. And the reason why it seems like something that wouldn't be true is because it's probably not true. Yeah, well that's one of the great ways

to get things that seem like they wouldn't be true. One of the richest sources of things that seem like they wouldn't be true is in the realm of falsehood. That's right. There are so many things that aren't true that seem like they wouldn't be true. But then I still think there are only some,

a subset of those things that then make you want to go and tell somebody else. Yes. Right. And I think you've got a dirty mouth is one of them. Your mouth is dirtier than a dog's mouth. Yeah. So not only is your phone dirtier than a dog's mouth, but your own mouth is dirtier than a dog's mouth. What a phone is dirtier than a dog's mouth. Wait, and a phone is dirtier than a dog's mouth? A phone is apparently dirtier than a toilet. Right. Really? That's what they say, but that could be untrue indeed.

They could have been gone. Yeah, again. They could have been pulled out of that deep well things that are untrue because in what way? And also, they never say which bit of the toilet do they? Because they say toilet and that makes you think in the bowl where the poo goes. And there's poo in there.

And there's poo in there, that's what I think. Every time I think toilet, I think toilet with poo in it. That's the iconic toilet, right? When really a toilet is just a sort of a thoroughfare for poo, but probably they're doing their sample, they're doling. Also, toilets can be really filthy. So you're comparing somebody's phone to a toilet,

but you're obviously comparing a dirty toilet, a dirty phone to a clean toilet. Sure. Maybe, I mean, maybe they're comparing a dirty toilet to a really dirty phone or a phone in a toilet. Right. And the phone is still dirty in the toilet. Well, it's got all those extra germs that weren't in the toilet beforehand from your hands. Could you... Is this a sketch? I don't know, Steve. Somebody says... Somebody's just come back from cleaning a toilet.

Right? You know, they're just working their hands. You hear them flush and put the thing, the brush back in, the brush holder. And they can't say, I heard an amazing fact the other day, you have apparently your phone is dirtier than the toilet. And then you see the other person is on their phone, and there's just human feces covering the phone

and bits of toilet paper, right, like that. And they say, oh yeah, no, no, no, no, no, I reckon that's, I don't think that's true, you know? Some well-written line like that. Yeah, yeah, I think, look, I think there's something in there. There's something in that and it it feels like to stupid I am a thing to say. Yeah. But but then I don't know maybe it could be a something in escalates as a as a recurring sketch. Sure. Then he goes, oh, and did you know that a dog's mouth is cleaner than...

A human's mouth. A human's mouth. And then the guys don't do that. The mouth is just full of shit. Full of shit, dog shit. Shit. You can tell that it's dog shit. Dog, because he's got the bag

He's got the corner off like as he's doing piping Pipping I read I a sketch yes yes I think maybe this can all this this could all be linked to this thing which is talking about this source of things that sound untrue but maybe our true right because those are the things that we really want to believe because those are great units of telling people things Because what's beautiful? That's a conversational gold nugget Exactly

Because then you you can bring it to people and you can cause amazement by going So let's say I was to say to you Did you know frogs? can live through being frozen and then thrown into a fire and then thrown at a wall. And that one actually hurt a frog. I mean that one seems to intrude. It does, but like if you said you can freeze a frog and then throw it in a fire and it's body defrosts in such a way that the frog will jump out of

the fire and continue to live. That's almost within the realm of like, or like even if you said it's a particular type of frog, you know, because now you're really into like all the details. The detail that it is a particular type. Oh, yes, what a fascinating detail. You can get out of there and you can be fine like that and you go, oh that sounds untrue, it's amazing that it is true. Do you think that all these facts come from like an institute somewhere where people sit

around thinking of things that would be amazing if they're true and then testing them to find out if they're true? Absolutely. So they do this with a frog and they're like, no, that one wasn't true. It's such a great way to do science that like, it starts from pure speculation. And this is how Einstein did his stuff. You know, when he did, it came up with the theory of relativity. There was no way to test that. We didn't have the accuracy in our measurement techniques. We didn't have the clocks, you know,

the, the,'t have the clocks, you know, the, the, the orgy clocks, the atomic orgy clocks that you can put it in. It's an atomic clock. Yeah. It's accurate to within one billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a second, but it always just says orgy o'clock. It's already. But it is changing. Yeah. But it is always saying, or do you? Just a flashing or G-Term, or G-Term, or G-Term. Yeah, but it flashes so accurately. Absolutely. Very fast. Every, every 1.000.

Anyway, Einstein, it looks like it's always odd, but it is flashing. Einstein said that, right? And there was no way we could test it. And it's the same with these frog ideas. Yeah. You can just say stuff and then you can't test it right now because you don't have the frog and you don't have a fire But later on when you've got the technology and you can do that it's great Hmm you you you you lock it in and then it's a fact and you get a Nobel prize for dog for frog tests

I mean, but it doesn't it It doesn't really matter whether or not, the idea is that your idea is spreading, right? And these people are talking about this great pool of things that sound untrue, that people are being told are true. And you have access to it. And it's the whole thing, sort of, well of things that are untrue and you can just pick them and find the ones that people will believe are true, but aren't true.

But that's fine and that is enough, right, without the testing and all that sort of thing. But there is a way of framing this idea where in there is this institute where people are coming up with these ideas. And it's their idea at the institute maybe that they will test them, right? But because of maybe the one. And it's ridiculous, you know, it's already hopefully, if we frame it right, comedy to suggest that these people would test these things at all because they sound so silly. But then there is, you know, there is another layer in there wherein the characters, one of them is a blabber mouth or one of them, you know, to get research funding, they've got to contact the media and tell them that they're looking into these things and things always get blown out of proportion. And then they come in the next morning and they're like,

oh, it turns out it wasn't true. And by then it's too late. Word has got out. And it's a viral story and it's on the project. And they're like, oh, well, that's another falsehood that made it out into the wild. Apologies, but you know, that's more attention to our institute and more funding that will come to us. Yeah. Yeah.

That's something. I guess, and these little lies, they are like cane toads, in the way that they spread around. And then, you know, how do you counteract them? How do you try and fight that kind of thing? I think you could try and release a virus that will kill anybody who thinks that idea. Yeah, right. Because I mean, what's good about new ones is that no one's had time to sort of write you could try and release a virus that will kill anybody who thinks that idea. Yeah, right.

Because I mean, what's good about new ones is that no one's had time to sort of write like this isn't true kind of thing like that. So if you, what's good about the reason why you would keep making new ones if you were making ones that are fake and you just wanted to spread it for some reason, is that you could say to somebody and then they go,

well, look it up, you can say, look it up, and then they'll look it up at first and nothing will come up. There will be anything there. We like to say they're suppressing it. And then it's just too hard. It's just too hard to look any further than if Google doesn't get to the shop straight away. Yeah, put one of the words,

if one of the words in there is something that's hard to spell, right? People will be like, I probably spelled it wrong or something like that. And they don't want to look like an idiot, so they're like, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's probably true, yeah. Like an end of a German sausage? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brat, Brat, Wyson. Listen. Brat, Wyson, listen. Yeah, Brat Wyson, listen. Do you think German's hard? It seems... It seems more... It seems dirtier. Dirty, yeah. You're just a dirty language?

It's like it seems unclean. Yeah. It just seems kind of like much more... I know we have some listeners who speak German and... And I don't mean that in any way is an offense to the language. I'm trying to say that as an offense to the people who speak... The language. Yeah, the language. No, I don't want you to think this is about the language. I'm trying to say that as an offense to the people who speak the language. The language. I don't want you to think this is about the language you speak.

But it's just a rough English, isn't it? And it's weird that because English kind of broke off from German of some sort, you know, Germanic language, right? But it's amazing that you would get something kind of better and cleaner, you know, with shorter, more sort of energy-efficient words. It's crazy, isn't it? Yeah. It is like it is a rough version of a language that you have not sanded. Yeah, just like if you were making the language out of wood, this would be just when you'd cut it all and sort of nail it together on your,

you know, you cut it on your circular saw, you don't have a very fine tooth blade, you nail it all together. I think it's more rustic. Yeah, it's pretty rustic. You haven't gone around with a belt sander in a router and taken the edges off and that sort of thing and made it something that's comfortable to hold in your hand.

Like it does feel like a language where talking it could cause your mouth to bleed. And yeah, absolutely. Like the words are still got splinters. Which is why you kind of got to clog up a lot of the holes in your mouth with sausage. Yes, that's right. That's what you put cheese in your cranski

so that it comes out and then that fills in the gaps in your mouth. Yes, I think there are, absolutely. They've got to be foods that are good for that kind of thing. You know, protective coating on your mouth to stop harsh syllables from tearing into your soft flesh. And it's very soft in there. It's quite soft.

Yeah. I mean, you know, some would rival tissue paper, like what's, you know, that back, that soft palate. I mean, they don't call it soft for anything. No, I know. Is that just, is that all that stands between sort of mouth and nose? I think it could be. Yeah.

I think it's our first last and only line of defense between the worst, it's not of the weaker hull. Yeah. first lasted only down line of defense between the worst, it's not of the of the wicker. Oh, yeah, and I reckon a corn chip, you know, eaten very incorrectly could cut right through that. I think there's a good chance. Yeah, we're really playing with fire with those corn chips, aren't they? Especially spicy corn chips.

Yeah, yeah. Do you think the corn chip is the food that comes the closest to being a knife? Hmm, I mean there's the shell of the oyster, I mean, but you don't let that all the way in. You don't really eat that, you don't really crunch that up. That's true, but you do step on it sometimes when you're on a beach or something like that, and that really cuts up your foot, but that's not your again. Again, that's not quite. Stepping is an eating.

Now see what you're trying to help there, and I say, you know, you could continue down this line of inquiry and say, well, what about knives? You know, I guess you do. They're kind of a bit more like a knifeball, but then you don't really eat. But people do, you know, sometimes. But they stab you sometimes in the face. But then also people suck stuff off of a knife. Yeah, that's true.

I look at knife occasionally. I've looked at knife. I've been known the link a few years. Yeah, when you look at knife that you think is a little bit sharp, you always care for the sort of lick in the direction. So you're licking a cross, like sort of a way across the blade, then like not towards the blade. Yeah. They tell you not to lick a knife,

but then you get to our age as a man, and you start to think, well, I know now I sort of, I'm a bit more mature. I can lick a knife. I think I know how to safely lick a knife. Yeah, don't worry. I can lick, yeah. I think I know how to safely lick a knife. Yeah, don't worry. I can lick, yeah, I know how to use this tongue around. Yeah, don't worry about it.

Okay, I'm gonna be all right. I like the few sharp things. Yeah, and you can lick broken glass. Yeah, I'll ask you. You just got another direction to lick the broken glass. They say they don't lick broken glass, but sometimes there's something yummy on the broken glass. Kids, you don't lick the broken glass,

but daddy can lick the broken glass. Like if you don't lick the broken glass, but daddy can lick the broken glass. Yeah, like if you were trying to open up a wine bottle, you didn't have a corkscrew. And you just kind of broke the top off like that. And then you'd drunk most of the wine out of the sort of broken neck. But then there was still some drops left sort of on the floor. You know what, those two go to waste, yeah, you can still lick those, but as

long as you're looking in the right direction, don't, don't lick along the those sort of hard cut edge. Yeah, you lick with, you lick with the edge. You take the precautions, you take sensible precautions, because you're an adult and you're in charge. You know, like I put stuff in the toaster, I stick knives and stuff in the toaster. And you tell the kids, never do it. Of course, you never do that.

It's so dangerous. I know what I'm doing. I've unplugged the toaster, or at least I've unplugged one of the plugs in this power board that I'm pretty sure is the toaster. But you don't, that's like that's a not a necessary precaution. You can. Oh no you can stick the knife in and not touch any metal. I won't I mean I I'm going in there to get the toaster wedge in there.

And touch a metal bit you just don't break it. That's right and I'm wearing rubber shoes. I think it's some sort of rubber. I mean, it's not wearing gray socks. Yes, which has got to be an insulator. They don't use cotton to conduct electricity. What I'm saying is that the reason why man has created law is so those are the laws that you know that you mostly have to follow. Yes.

Anything but that, the rules kind of don't apply to you as an adult. Yes. And that includes the things that your loved ones tell you not to do for your own fendings, and because they don't want to be sad when you die. Yeah, that kind of doesn't really apply to you anymore, but you could argue with them, but you don't need to because that's not a law you need to follow. You just, you go agree and then you do it anyway. There is also, I'm pretty sure, an implicit agreement that once, like, as you age as a man, people stop telling you that as well.

They stop saying, don't put anything in the like nobody's told me, don't stick a knife in the taste of ages. And I think what that is is sort of, and I don't mean to be negative, and I'm very happy in my life, it's great. But I think it is also again, knowledge meant from everyone around being like, it's now not such a big deal if you do die. Yeah, that's right. You know, I'm now in the phase of life where it's actually like no longer a tragedy. Yeah, if anything, it could lighten the world of its burden. We'll skip around, you know?

Yeah, so is there a sketch in the idea? I think there is in the things, and it could be this, right? It could be an older man in your life sitting you down to explain, look, we told you you can't put stuff in the toaster. And sorry, I just made a disgusting noise. This is the kind of guy who would say that he'd make. He'd burp like that. It would be gross.

He'd say, we totally can't put stuff in the toaster. But you're a man now. And you know what you're doing. So it's fine. That's for kids. We say that for the kids, but you're a man. And you're experienced. It's like speed limits in the car.

If you're sure there's no cops around, you can break those. Because you know what you're doing. You're quick, you're smart, you're alert, you're in control of the vehicle, so you can bend those rules. It's like having sort of long protruding sharp

nails sticking out of Woodwork in your house at about eye height. Yes, right? Exactly sure if you have kids in the in the house or whatever You know, you got to keep them away from that part But you got to tell them to stay away from that. Yeah, that's it. Tell them to stay away. But if it's your own house and you're living... And if your own high, high, high.

Yeah, you know, you feel free to leave nails sticking out or hang, but barbed wire up, you know, around high house. And feel free to drop sort of slippery stuff on the ground and not clean it up. Right? Dogs alive or whatever it happens to be. Yeah, and I think, I mean, this could simply be like a YouTube kind of listicle video. It says rules that no longer apply to you now that you're an adult. Yes.

And then, lick knives all you want. Yeah. Run with scissors. Yes. You know, eat and all you want. Yeah. Right, run with scissors. Yes. You know, eat and drink whilst in the pool. You don't have to wear a life-saving jacket when you go boating. You try.

Gosh. Because you're in control and you know what you're doing on the boat and you've looked at the weather and it's going to be fine. Don't, don't do up the clip on your helmet when you're riding your bike. Ah, and don't hold on to the handlebar. Yes. Both of those things are society holding you down and probably

costing you time, which is valuable as you get. And when you don't do that, you hold society down. Correct, which is, which is the right thing to do. You hold society down, you tell it to his boss, you say society. It's important for society to know who the boss is. Even if you have no real power, you have the power to look at knife. And that's the thing, that's kind of what it's also an expression of. Freedom. Freedom, and that nobody can kind of what it's also an expression of. Freedom.

Freedom, and that nobody can tell you what not to do, except for the government and the police and your boss and your landlord and the bank. I think a restaurant in which they relax those kinds of rules. It was explicitly relaxed that you could lick knives and that sort of thing. And also, like, you know, those nice, safe space. So, like, I think sizzle plates that they bring out. Mm-hmm. Oh, and they say careful, don't touch those normally.

But you can touch those. Yeah. It's totally up to you. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. You can touch these, by the way. Yeah. They're really hot. You can touch these by the way. Yeah. They're really hot. You can touch them. Because you definitely won't do once they tell you that you can't touch them.

Yeah. And I wonder. And also, I do wonder whenever I have a sizzling plate like that. And I eat it out quite a lot. And I, when I do, I get stuff that's pretty sizzling. Yeah. I'm always kind of like, I wonder if I could touch it now. Well, Andy, I want you to know that, no, sorry, not Andy, but the listeners, want you to know that Andy then was role-playing about a time for when he could afford to go out

and have sizzling plates. And that was what we call a riff, where people can joke around, say things that are not true. It's important to reestablish the fundamental truth of this podcast, which is that Adi is not doing well financially. And just because I think people probably, if they didn't know the deeper truth of your financial troubles, and your mortgage, and things like that your mortgage and bad decisions that you've made. And continue to make. Thank you. That they wouldn't have realized how funny it was when you said, I go out all the time and eat sizzling plates of food. Yeah, thanks a lot. Bar out. Yeah. So like bats. Would you, would you, sorry.

No, that's okay. But would you, would you ever at the restaurant say, can I touch it yet? You know, put your hand up and say, I, hey, you said I couldn't touch this at the stop. I'm just wondering if I can touch it now. You know, I just want to clarify. Is this ready to touch yet?

I wonder if somebody could, could, could come and check for you. Yeah. You got someone who can check? You have no way of monitoring this at all. I mean, be good if they had like a rod. You know, like they have that rod that they stick inside the meat and it can tell you like if it's sort of 32 or whatever degrees inside. Yeah, 32 degree mate. Yeah. What are you talking about? There's a thing that you like it's on your plate, like the meat on your plate.

They said when they're cooking it. So that's when you're cooking meat. It's one of those 32 degree steaks. Yeah. Like cooking at 30 degree at room temperature. Body temperature. Body temperature. Yeah. Did you make cookic body temperature? No, no, no, I think, I think the idea is that you, because you know, if you if you don't overcook chicken, it's unbelievably tender and delicious. But you just have to get it over that degree thing that it needs to get at right in the middle. Yeah, because if you do it under-cooked, it's poisonous and deadly.

That's correct. I mean, I think that's more of a problem in Europe where some of those disease are more prevalent. Right. What's the one that's the classic raw chicken one there? where some of those diseases are more prevalent. What's the one that's the classic raw chicken one there? Salmonella. Is that more prominent in Europe? Yeah, I think we don't have as much problem with egg chicken over here.

But over there, I think it's a bigger problem. Anyway, do you also know why it's a bigger problem? The why it's a problem with chicken and rather than beef and things like that. Because I think apparently they machine, they machine chop chickens. And there's more chance that the machine will pierce organs and then get some of the disease

from in the organs, get into me, I think it's like that. The bowel, the cloacca, the chicken, the official arphas of the two in the Think Tank podcast is It's an efficient Hey, look, it's a great system if you don't mess with it But if you go come into that chicken with rotating mechanical knives, we can't we often know more guarantees, okay? It's essentially like a car wash in there like in like one of those Mechanical car washes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But instead of like little dangly things

on there, it's just a bunch of butter knives. I don't know. And they, and that's how you can get into it. And lying into the chicken. Yeah. I was talking with my friend Michael recently, and he made me, you reminded me of something that I, I didn't know. I was aware of, but I'd forgotten to think about, right? Is that the way that your body, you know, you got your mouth, right? This is a great fact in your life, things that you know, but you've forgotten to think about. Do you have to kind of cycle through your thoughts? The body, the mind is like a lake, right?

If I told you my lake theory of, not my lake, my lake. Your lake theory of mind? My lake model of mind. Yeah. Tell me the lake model. Is that you are looking down at this lake from above. Right. But it's a deep lake.

And the lake is the mountain. It's like one of those crater lakes that they have up in northern Queensland. Yeah. Cool. And the thoughts that you enter your mind are the things that float up to the like, like a leaf to the surface. It comes up to the surface, and then you go, oh yeah, that's right, that leaf.

I forgot about that leaf, like that, right? And then back in with the cycle of just the mind, and whatever, it just kind of sinks back down, and then goes into the darkness, and you don't see it anymore. But it's still in there. Yeah, it's just in sinks back down and then goes into the darkness and you don't see it anymore. But it's still in there. Yeah. It's just in there, right? And at some point an order comes off or something like that and you go, otters, fuck you.

Yeah. Great. And then it goes or whatever. And then. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students including the GI Bill. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu. And then the mind and so that's why these days when I'm like when I think of something I go you know like don't forget your past and I go I better go do something with my past right now because this this past thought might not come back flow back to the top of my mind again before I need to leave. So while it's while it's on the surface've got to grab that stuff while it's on the surface. You've got to take advantage.

You see something on the surface of your mind, Lake? You've got to interact with it. If you want to do anything with that stuff on the surface, at any point ever, you do something with it when it floats up to the surface because you're not diving into that lake. There is no diving in this lake. There's no diving. This is your dangling above. Yeah. You do something with it when it floats up to the surface because you're not diving into that lake. There is no diving in the lake. There's no diving. This is your dangling above. Yeah. I don't know. You might be tied from a very high tree. You're about a foot and a half above the lake dangling horizontally. And you can move around the lake to get the different, reach the different things that float up in different regions of the lake. But you're not going to be able to plunge your hands down into the lake or go for a bit dive into the lake, but you're not gonna be able to plunge your hands down into the lake or go for a bit dive into the lake.

I can't really. So anyway, he reminded me that I knew that I'd forgotten to think about, that you got your mouth and that starts. That's the beginning of a tube, right? It's a tube that goes into your throat and then it goes down into your, you know, a softener, it goes out into your stomach and then it's just this tube that keeps going. And it's to your denim. Then into your what? Your denim. Do you a denim? Then it goes into your like long short intestine or long intestine. I think it was it long first. I think it is the long,

yeah, the, the, it's the small intestine, but it's the long intestine. And then after that, you have the short intestine, but it's the large intestine. Yeah, right, because it's wider. Yeah. You're right. So, I think. So, anyway, so it's going through all those. And then you realize, at no point, does it ever really, is it ever really a part of you?

Never gets part of the other part of the body. Right. is it ever really a part of you? Never gets part of the other part of the body. It's just this tube on the inside of you that is separating, like there's walls there that separate that stuff from the rest of the body. And then that mush, that food that you eat mushers up, and then it kind of smears itself along the pipes as it travels down. But other stuff oozes out as well from your system,

like blood and stuff oozes out. Little things come up to the walls and they pick little things off of, they have an ability to grab little things. Yeah, lipids and stuff. Lipids, vitamin and carbs. Also, it's a weird stuff. So they can cut salt, probably you grab some of that. Anyway, you know, vitamins, carbs, also it's a weird stuff. Right? So they can cut salt, probably you grab some of that.

Anyway, you can grab things. I don't know exactly how it works. But basically, that stuff there as a whole can't isn't part, isn't allowed to just get into the rest of your body. But just, you know, they take little bits and pieces. It's like a, it's like a platter that just sits on the table. Just, you graze. It just grazes off it.

And then it just keeps traveling through and it comes out and that stuff was never really a part of you. It was part of the inside part that doesn't belong to you. But some bits were, right? Like the blood cells and stuff, the dead blood cells and that sort of thing that have been processed by the liver or whatever, they are excreted through the feces. Right?

So stuff that was part of your body and dead cells and things. No, yeah. Do you get, go out in a similar way? Sure. But it is kind of like a terror. It's like outside of you that's inside of you. Yes, correct. And it is like a-

It's a sewer. It is a sewer. Why doesn't it start out as a sewer? No. It just starts out as a food tube and then it turns into a sewer. But it is like a game of Chinese whispers where you put something in at one end, right? And it makes a lot of sense and it's quite good and logical food. And then by the time it comes out of the other and you're like, really?

Yeah. Because the colon, right down the end of the digestive system, it has no perspective on this whatsoever. From the colon's point of view, it's like, this guy eats shit. You know, he thinks that what the colon, the man, the colon is masculine. Really? Yeah, of course.

I mean, I've always thought of the colon as feminine. Right. Yeah, I don't know. It's just me. Yeah, I guess you're more progressive than you. It has no idea that it came in as food. It's just like, oh, more of this stuff. You know what else I think of as a feminine?

I think the penis is a female. I had a feeling you were gonna say that, yeah. Yeah, okay. And I think the vulva and the vagina is a man. Really? Yeah, tell me more about that. Like the logic behind why you think that. Explain it to me and, you know,

I guess, well constructed sentences. Well, with not too many pauses as well. I guess. Sorry to put so many specifics. It's okay, it's a problem. I mean, it'll be easy for you because this is the thing that you think and you've probably thought it's easy, easy actually underestimates how easy it's the thing that you think and you've probably I think it's easy. Going through it.

Easy actually underestimates how easy it's going to be. Easy it's going to be for me. Yeah, wow. I guess it's very easy for me because I picture the the vulva and the vagina speaking. Like, I guess how you doing there, buddy? Hey, come on over here and you know what? I'll make you a beer and I'll grind up some bones for you and I'll sprinkle those in your eyes.

And that's a man, is that what the sort of stuff bedside? Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah. But you know what, those bones, those bones, I thought of them as feminine. That's really nice. Yeah. I had a thought, hang on. with the thought of the Miss Feminine. That's really nice. Yeah. Yeah.

I had a thought, hang on. Oh God. Was it about the gender of the penis? I don't think it was, it doesn't matter. Might come back to me. Anyway, as far as to say, it was a great thought. It was gonna really bring things to a real satisfying conclusion for the podcast. What was it?

It's so annoying. It's okay, I'm gonna write down and I know that this is not a good idea. But what? Sure, sure, sure. Maybe you can start talking and that would help get you things up. But I'm gonna write down the idea of a club

that is the, we believe that the penis is a woman club. It's a feminine club. Yes. And it's just a thing that's invented just to troll MRA groups. You know what, I like this a lot. It does seem pretty fun. And then it's just finding evidence that that

justifies why. You know, like, I don't know if this is might be a strange thing, but enough on a flaccid penis on the tip. No, yes, no, tip where the hole is. Yes. I know it. Let's hope that this is a relatable in some way, but it seems like the hole itself around the hole, it almost looks like the hole itself has lips. I know what you mean, and you're right. There is a very, very faint suggestion

of some kind of like lips and maybe like a line. Almost like there was like a lip liner, but like done with indentation. It's, again, it's very, my experience, very faint. You have to look quite closely and really be paying attention to be able to see. What you're talking about, this is the difference is there. Yeah, you won't see this if it's just no. No. Like, you know, pressed up against a window and a car driving bike.

And we, and we in this club don't worry you know We we we have been looking very closely This is this is very much you know this the clubs job and we've looked looked into it, you know, so to speak Mm-hmm, and yeah, don't worry. Don't worry about you don't have to look at it Don't worry be trust us because we've been really looking into this. Yeah Right into it. Yeah, and we really believe what we say Yeah, you know and and and that stuff about and I don't

About the way that the fetus forms any Theory that you could you could make up about the way the fetus forms and whether or not the genitals start out as a female and then, you know, change, but they are still essentially. Well, they are of the feminine, sure, of the feminine thing, but which is strange because the female form changes into a mail organ. I like that that is also part of our club. That's not our main objective.

No. That is the thing that we also know. Yeah, but that's not the main. But we don't want to do this. No, no, because obviously we don't research that as much because we're all men. Yeah. And that would be weird and inappropriate.

But there's reasons why in nature there are things. Also, the testicles are a bit like boobs. That's right. Absolutely. I actually draw little nipples on the bottom of my testicles. Yeah, well, some grew naturally on the other mind. I make... I wear a little bra that cups my testes.

Yeah, well, I wear that instead of underpants as well. Yeah, exactly. And over the penis, I just wear like an ankle sock. Okay. Yeah. I wear a boob tube halfway down it. That's good, yeah. But yeah, can you write down a bra for the testicles?

Sure. There's a thing. Can I write bra for the testes? Yeah, sure. I think it's a separate sketch, myself. Oh, really? Yeah, I would put that in as a separate idea Because I believe it stands alone

And it's this is a thing we could sell They probably do need support of some kind mm. Especially with this current trend for sort of boxer shorts You know, everyone's wearing boxes. Silk boxes shorts. So it boxers shorts at shorts at the moment. There's nothing holding up the boys. I know all this, this, I mean, it's crazy that, when that, that fad of late Noneys, Silk boxes shorts thing came right back in very quickly. We spent all the time thinking what Loonie Tunes characters we could print on them.

And none of the time thinking about the consequences for what lies beneath. I know, it was just so much time spent pulling silk boxes shorts out of asses. So much productivity was lost. And with, as soon as it got warm as well, it's not pleasant. You'd think that they would be sort of airy, but they're not they're kind of sweaty and it's just a real misguided time. But how else are you gonna surround your nether regions with Bart Simpson?

I don't know. There's a society hasn't come up with an accepted way to get into that. I don't know. And that's something we've had to let go of. Yeah, or you could get your, that whole area tattooed. You could. Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark,

and then a bra. Yeah. Which is most of the letters of bark. That's really interesting. I'll stay a good point. We've come up with five sketch ideas, I think, right? I think you're right, Andy. Yeah. So we have three words. We have three words from our listener. From a listener. Did you know that? I do that. Yeah, it's just thinking that happens regularly on this podcast. I'm becoming familiar with the format. Well, you see what happens,

Andy? Is that, and I don't mean to man explain this to you, but what happens is that a member of our Patreon who donates to our Patreon generously, kind-hearted people who give out of that kind heart, but also out of their generous minds. And only sometimes try and fuck with us. Almost constantly and today's person may fall within that category Andy. A person known as Stephen Polbrook. Stephen, hello Stephen thank you for supporting us on Patreon that's a lovely and kind thing that you do. Now Stephen's words are you prepared for them? As I will ever be.

Okay, well here they are, Andy, they are osmosis. Yes. Familiar with it? Osmosis, Alistair, I am osmosis. I smell osmosis, a-u-s-m-o-s-i-s, because I think it's real Aussie. Like me, Aussie. Yeah, right, Aussie Andy.

Yeah, Aussie Andy. Osmosis. And then second word is hypnosis. Hypnosis, right? Yeah, great. Obviously, hypnosis being the flow of hips from a region of high hip concentration to low hip concentration.

And the fact that you can observe on the dance floor. Yeah, that's right. And I spell hypnosis, H-Y-P-N-A-U-S-S-I-E-S. Yes. Hypnosis. Yes. Because I'm so Aussie. I spell hypnosis, H-I-P-G-N-O-S-I-S.

After the gnostics, who I can't remember remember what they did but there were a group of philosophers. Okay. Anyway, Gnostics just means to know, I think, doesn't it? Yeah, right. It wasn't that it's not related to Gnostics, Agnostic, anyway. Yeah. Who knows? And then, okay, Osmosis hypnosis and the third word is

NUMO, NO, ALTRA, MICROSCOPIC, CILICOVAL, C-O-K-NO, CONIOCES. Okay, so I know what that last word is. And maybe you told me about it, maybe somebody else told me about it, but that is a word that was made up by someone. As a real word, but to be the longest word, the English language, and it is a form of lung disease. No, wait, it's not that. It's something about volcano ash, yeah, ash cloud from the volcano. Something to do with that. Yeah, it's like a form of pneumonia that comes from the silica particles from volcanoes. Yes, but I'm pretty sure it was a manufactured word

by some scientists. From my research, because when I got this, I was like, you know, Andy, my mouth was a gog. Well, all a gog. All a gog. I was a gas. It was full gog from, you know, sniles a tile. Yeah.

And so I had to Google it, and it seems like the data, the evidence suggests that it was some kind of puzzle dude, some kind of tricky puzzle dude who decided to make a long word so that, and you know what, it worked. You know what thoseled dudes are like. Right, but let's take this, let's take this on its, on its meaning as part of the inspiration, as well as osmosis hypnosis and volcano coniosis. It's volcuit. Osmosis, so is the liquid flowing through a membrane

of some kind, like water flowing through a cell or... Yeah, and what's it doing? Is it taking things out or is it having any people... I think it's just moving because then the other one is diffusion, right, which is other things, but Osmosis I think is always water. I'm remembering back to high school chemistry now, so I could be wrong. Well, you can desalinate things using reverse osmosis. Mmm. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Yeah. Yeah, because then again, that'll be the flow of water, won't it? Mmm. You know, from somewhere else. Yeah, great. Yeah, because you would be what? Was it the flow of salt? I reckon. I mean, I guess there's a question perspective isn't it? Mmm. If you're if you're the membrane. Yeah, yeah

but Yeah, I reckon with desalination because you because water fresh water would normally flow into the salt to try and dilute the salt because that's the concentration gradient going from the high concentration water to the low concentration of water in the salt. But you're trying to do reverse osmosis to get the water out of the salt, which is not the way that it wants to go. Yeah, pressure is going to put a bit of pressure in there.

I don't know if pressure is going to help you. You're probably going to need some kind of electrical thing to attract the ions out of the salt water I reckon. Yeah, because it's like a salt man. Positive and negative charge. Oh, it seems like a charge. It's a nice, it's a huge pain in the ass. That's why evaporation is such a cool thing. The whole water cycle and clouds and rain,

it's a great system. They were just do that with like, couldn't you just get like a big flat bit of like concrete? Yeah. Just have water go over it. You could, but then how are you gonna get the steam? Capture it in a like upside down umbrella. Capture it in upside down umbrella, right?

Okay, then you're gonna have to cool it down, aren't you? Yeah. So how are you cooling down that umbrella? With a bit and upside down umbrella, right? Okay, then you're gonna have to cool it down, aren't you? Yeah. So how are you cooling down that umbrella? With a bit of pipe. No, you got me. Yeah, well, it's basically all you're doing is you're taking a giant alcohol distiller. But instead of having an alcohol,

no, you just got water. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think about doing that on our magma island. I think it might, I think it, I think it works out a stair. What says it? I think it might not be very energy-efficient. I think it might work out there. Yeah. You got a magma island, right? You're building this magma island out of magma. What is it? It's an episode of magma, our bonus podcast and the Patreon supporters. Yeah, no, we'll look. So you got magma island, right? So what you got is you got access to pipe to hot

magma. I love it. Right. And what you do is you build this big rock like this big huge rock bowl type scenario. Yes, right? But underneath the bowl a BTS old top scenario. You pipe a lot of your magma under there So that a lot of your pipes run on there. Yeah, which helps cool some of the magma down so that it's a bit more workable, but you keep flowing it through and it keeps heating up the water. So then you create this big bowl, and then it creates, and then you kind of create that kind of, you know, that bulbular, but then long, that bulb thing that they have in science that is like, big bulb, but then a long stem along it. Then on the other end, so then this is all mostly rock. Yeah, it's all done with rock. It's all done with rock. That's the great thing about the magma island.

Yeah, it's all done with rock. We're working with rock. So then that stuff will just kind of slowly evaporate like that. And then it'll go up there and eventually it'll drip down. You'll have this beautiful waterfall, which will be one of the main features of this island. I think this is the problem, Alistair. You're dripping down, you're cooling, getting it to cool down, I think is harder than you think, and I think

that's where you need to get your energy. It's gonna take energy to cool it down. I think really. I think this is why we don't do this kind of system. I think that's why we don't use it. What about if you put a couple of air holes in the side of the pipe? Oh, a couple of air, I guess I'm cooling air in there. Well, I think then maybe your water vapors are going to escape. Well, that's okay. You can afford to lose a bunch. Because you've got so much. You've got so much.

Yeah, maybe you're right. You're just using byproduct heat. You just got to accept that there's going to be a lot of losses. But it's free. It's free. This island's free. It's free. Disisland is free. It's not only just magma. You're not building this with just building blocks. You've got magma's the building blocks of building blocks.

Yeah, what a great line. Where'd you get that? I think you said it earlier before the podcast. That's a good one. I mean, that's all great logic for our magma podcast. Can we do anything with hypnosis? What is hypnosis? I mean this would be a great thing for desalination, right? If you could just hypnotize people into thinking that the water was desalinated. Yeah, or could you hypnotize the cells into sort of dealing with the salt a bit better?

This is great. Yes. Why not? Because we're always trying to hypnotize the mind, but what about the individual cells and what they do? I think we always try and trick the mind. Sure. But the mind has critical faculties. You know who doesn't have critical faculties, the cells. They can't, they don't know, they don't know what a lie even is. I think that'd be very easy to mislead. I think this is how viruses get in. Right? They're all like...

Tricks to... Oh, I'm one of you. Or something like that. Oh, look, I'm a particle of a fragment of, you know, a bacterial cell that's being digested by the thing up there. Oh, okay, let me in. Oh, no, Dave. You know? We're made up of suckers. Yeah. They are. They are all suckers. And why can't we use that to trick them into just use the salt for something or, you know, or like process it in some better way?

Yeah, like output it just wouldn't be cool if it just came out your fingers And then you're so good if we could shoot crystals out or something like that That would be the best. I mean, I guess that's a sort of what we do in a very slow way using sweat But those crystals are so small Yeah, but if you could shoot them. Yes. Like small crystals like that and really hurt people. I mean, that would be a good defense. Could you could you have a superhero character called Salt Dog? And he just drinks he's a salt water and then he can shoot out. So all he needs to do

is put one hand in the ocean and he can just shoot the salt. The desalinatedinated desalinated already sounds like a cool you know or I guess he's the salinate or isn't he. And so like what would we open this comic on he's sitting outside at the picnic table outside of a fish and chips shop and then somebody says to you don't you know your blood pressure is going to be so high if you keep eating eating that much salt, you know there, he goes, hey, aren't you listening to me? Like that, and then he goes, holds their hand up to their face, and he goes, like that, and just this white,

like they got sand blasted in the face. Their whole front facade gets, like grinded away. Oh, what about he shoots a single crystal, like long pointy crystal of salt straight into the middle of their forehead, right? It pierces their brain and goes into their brain. Mix that sound.

Like that, right? And he says, yeah, I guess you're right. Salt is bad for your system. Or something bad, bad ass thing like that. Well, it's really good. Oh, yeah. Maybe you should cut down. I keep seeing this person looking a bit like that. That's really good. Oh, yeah. Maybe you should cut down. I keep seeing this person looking a bit like frozen.

Yeah, I pictured they'd be real wrinkly. Yeah, well that's good. Just because I reckon their system is probably a bit of a mess. Okay, great. You know, I reckon they probably used to be a sailor, a salty sea dog sailor, and they spent so long at sea. Maybe they were in some sort of shipwreck and they got all, they were, they're boat floater, they're on the little dinghy floating away and it's just them, right, it's just them in the ocean,

right, and they made some sort of a pact with an ocean god, god that would allow them to drink sea water to survive, but now they have this power. They were the last, they're the only survivor of a ship right? Yeah. And they just, we're drifting on this. Imagine they could've, imagine if you can get all your calories from salt.

You probably can. It's gotta be some in there. It's gotta be some in there. It's gotta be something, yeah. You know, what are you talking about? It tastes so good. It must be good for you. Exactly. You know, what are you talking about? It tastes so good, it must be good for you. Exactly.

Why does the body want it so much? You know what, I've never seen any salt-based superheroes so far, and you could picture them being able to make little walls of salt, things like that, you know? Or her. They'd be great in the snow. They'd probably be frozen in the enemy. That's true because frozen would make the ice and to make you slip over and you lay that salt down to make the roads

Good for people to drive on which I don't know how that works. I don't know how the salty business Works with it. What does salt do? Is it got to do you know how like if you put salt in water? Changes its melting boiling boiling point So maybe it also changes. And fixes. Because it's suddenly, it's like you're making a solution, and which is no longer just pure water.

So probably has a higher melting point. Yeah, great. Yeah. It's just so fun to imagine what science might be. When you know little bits of it, we know the bits around the edges. Yeah. Check that. I think that's good. Oh, we just need a, I mean salty dogs, salt dogs. The salinator. Salinator? Yeah. So you're going to be part of Farrow. Farrow comics. The salinator,

yeah. Sure. And his name is Sal, which I quite like as a name for a guy. Sal. You know some guys are called Sal? Yeah, maybe. I think I've heard that in the thing. I'm not sure what it is. Salieri? Vic.

Vic? Why Vic? I was just thinking of another man's name. Oh yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. Roger? Yeah, I was thinking in the Incredibles in the second one. You've seen it?

Yeah, I've seen it. You know, Evelyn. Yeah. She's the... She's what's her name is brother, sister? Violet? No, no, not Violet. No, no, no, not violent. Oh, you're trying to not give away things?

Yeah, I'm trying to not give away things. Spoilers. Yeah, right, okay, sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I know who you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, um, do you think her name, she was called Evelyn, because her name sounds like a villain? Wow, and that's interesting.

Hey, if you were Brad Bird, remember we've been trying to get in touch with you. Yeah. And if you are Brad Bird, write it and let us know if she's called Evelyn because it sounds like a villain. Yeah, just one thing. Right. And should I take us through the sketches? Yeah, I'm sorry that we're winding down energy wise here.

But there's been some good stuff. We've had some good chats. I mean, the salinator is a great person to pitch as frozen for frozen spin-off where we meet his wife. Because I think his wife is secretly the salinator. Honey, I think her name is Honey. Really? Are you sure he just doesn't call her Honey? No, because I think... Other people must have told her, her girl refers to her, has honey. I think it's honey or sugar or something like that,

but she probably doesn't. Not sugar. Because that... I mean, what a great cover if she was actually the salinator and she was called sugar. Yeah, that would be... That one, you respect the thing. Is there like a salt version of honey?

There's got to be. Yeah. Yeah. You know something that bees kind of like, like maybe the salt bees. Have we talked about that on the show before? I don't know. You can see if not,

the salt bee is a really great idea. Oh, and it would be a great idea to get George. Yeah, salt bee. For his bare names. Oh, the salt bee. I think it's just, there's a good, that it would be a perfect thing of something that sounds untrue but is true,

but isn't true. You know what I mean? Oh, we know it's not, but everyone else thinks it could be because we tell them that it is and they trust us. And they make a salt honey, which is just like a syrupy salt. Yeah, a syrupy salt. You know. It's a syrupy salt.

And you could dip your unsalted chips in it. God, it would be so fucking salty. Stressing me out, thinking you're mad at it. You could just water it down and make seawater. Make seawater in your own house with salty honey. Bring the ocean to you. Bring the ocean home. Experience the joys of being shipwrecked out into the ocean

and being lost without access to free tap water. Sea Rup. Sea Rup. There you go. Yeah, I was worth it. It was. Alright, here's all our ideas. Clock that's almost all orgy time. C was a good episode. I do like this so far. Yeah. Then we got the source of things that sound untrue but aren't but actually are.

Remember the thing with the clock that's almost all ororgy time, the real joke that I liked in that was your thing about the passage of time and bad indicators of the passage of time. Sure, yeah, I mean like that's in there, you know. And I feel like we should take that out and put that in something else because I'm not sure that the all-orgy clock is going to stay in there. I think a guy who's enjoying an all-orgy clock, you know that that makes it accessible to the people who who wouldn't like most of the

sketches that we do because they're, they don't connect with their lives. But the idea of something, you know, they can, but they can imagine somebody who would get a clock. Sure. For at least 10 hours of the day, maybe nine, says, orgy time. It's orgy time. It's orgy time. Do you think that who was the guy who made the first accurate clock? Remember the one who was in the book latitude, no longer chewed, about, you know, he made this

clock. He was the first one to make a really, really accurate clock that you could use for navigation, right? And allowed them to work out where they were in the world and it was a total game changer, right? The book called Latitude by Simon Watts' name, about that fascinating guy, which I could remember his name. Anyway, I would just love that if the first clock that he'd made had got, or he put all a G-tie, I might be wrong. Oh, I mean, I mean made the first world's first clock.

And now look at this, you can check, oh, it looks like it might be orgy time. And it's so accurate that they have to use it to navigate, but we have to change totally these system of time to correspond with this. And that, you know, just time is nine orgy hours. And nine orgy hours. And then there's a, maybe this isn't as funny as I thought it was. Oh no, it's time to rethink this watch time clock. And then 11 o'clock is it's time to buy

a new clock. Yeah, I think there's a sketch in it. Yeah. Yeah. Then we're gonna look him up. I'm gonna look up what he's name was. Right. And we'll read these out. We've got the source of all things that sound untrue, but aren't, but are untrue. It's an institute. It's an institute that just finds these so that they can just spread their ideas and have an imprint on the world.

Possibly do some research to find out things like the part of Andy said that I can't remember. Now, this wasn't an idea that I think we'd agreed was a good idea, but I think I loved the idea that Pavlov's purpose for ringing that bell was to collect all the dogs alive. Everyone's really impressed by what he's been able to prove about, you know, the nature of thought and instinct, but he's really just in it for the dog's life now. No, look.

Look at this. Look at this. You just stuck that out there. Look at this. Beakers and beakers of the stuff. Hey, look at this, I'm making soups and I've got, look at this. I've boiled it down and it makes a thin film

like glass. All right, have you seen this? Look at this. Look, look what I'm working in the room. This is in a room made entirely out of saliva glass. I've welcome to my saliva kingdom. This is the first saliva kingdom. This is this is the first saliva greenhouse and everything in here is made out of saliva. Well these plants are not saliva but they're I'd I water them exclusively with

saliva. They love it. And look at these tomatoes. Look how strong they are. Look at these tomatoes. These are the worlds first. Tomato saliva. Look how wrinkly they are. What a different texture and you want to know the taste? Taste just like dog's mouth Anyway Harrison's chronometer Harrison John Harrison First accurate marine clock the chromometer chromometer Chronometer.

Chronometer. And was it, was it metric? Metric time? Yeah. Was it metric or was it weird? Why do we do this 60 second thing? Fuck knows. I think it's something to do with monks, ancient monks.

It's just too hard to change it now, isn't it? It is too hard and it is never gonna change. But surely there should be 10 hours in the day, each hour should have 100 minutes, each minute should be 100 seconds. It makes so much sense. And how long will we work five hours? Yeah, I guess, no, no, that's half the day.

You don't work half the day. You'd work three hours. Three and a half hours. Sure. I mean, that's fine. That doesn't matter. I mean, working eight hours doesn't, it's not like it makes heaves of sense.

Doesn't it? It's a third, right? Yeah, but eight, it's just a number. Yeah, all right. I think maybe you'd have to put the number of hours in the day that is it more easily divisible by three. Well, then we're not making it metric, are we?

What do you want? What do you want? Nine? How is this helping anybody? 100 hours. That's not easily divisible by three. Yeah, 33.333333. What about?

He says, oh, you know, it's one of that. Yeah, I work at 33.333333, recurring hour day. 33.3333 hours rest 33333333 hours play and 33.33333333 hours work. It's just simpler with metric time. Yeah. Are you writing this down? I mean, there must be other historical things that you could frame what it would have been like if we had metric time.

Yeah. But I don't know. Then we got rules that no longer apply to you. Now that you're an adult, like looking nice and putting metal things in toasters and driving on the left side of the road or whatever. And not cleaning up like goons bills. Or like having to focus on the road entirely while you're driving. Exactly. Yeah. Then we got the penis is feminine club.

The club that is just put into existence to anger, MRA guys, but we just go and round and we find examples in nature to justify why the penis is just... No, no, no. Because we're in characters. Just... The penis is feminine. Yeah, that's our thing.

And one of the things is we don't make good quality evidence because we believe it to be true. Yeah, I think we could just take our two engineer characters and just make Twitter accounts for them and then make a third Twitter account for the club. Yeah. And then so that people attack our other... And it gets attention for our engineering characters.

Yeah. Who are the characters that are in our upcoming show, at the Melbourne International Company Festival, Magma. What's your character's name? Gary Roberts. And is mine Martin Chrysler's? Martin Chrysler's. That's right.

It was Martin last name, but we realized we... We thought people that might take people out of the reality. Out of the reality. Martin Chrysler's. It was Martin last name, but we realized we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we The ball bra. The ball bra, yeah. The brawl. A ball down. Okay, this is what it is. It's little dresses. You can dress up your testicles. Oh, the ball down.

They hang down like that. They do have a kind of a form, like a pear-like form. So they would look quite nice in a strapless kind of evening. And it just looks like a lady bending over, doing it, fixing your shoes. Exactly. A lady with a log, fleshy neck. Well, it could be backless. Backless. Yeah. Great. All right. And then we got the salivator. The salivator is they're going to be the new villain

in the next, I mean, he's in the pharaoh comics, but there could be a pharaoh. Not the salivator, the salivator, who's there gonna be the new villain in the next? I mean, he's in the pharaoh comics, but there could be a pharaoh. Not the salivator. Oh, he has the salinator. Salinator. The salinator is the guy that Pavlov works with. The salinator who could, we could have a crossover between the pharaoh comics, extended universe, and the incredible extended universe where we meet honey and because both of them are honey and frozen could be sort of

natural-born enemies to the salinator. Anyway, then we've got the salt bee, which is a new bee we've discovered. I feel like we've already come up with a salt bee on the show before, or we've come up with some other kind of bee. And then metric time is simpler. Yes, obviously, and that is a rich sketch. It's a rich sketch, well, it's just a guy talking about why it's called.

And ball gown, right down ball gowns. Oh yeah, ball gowns, they go with bra for testes, or is that a separate thing? I think the,s. Oh yeah, ball gowns. They go with bra for testes or is that a separate thing? I think the, oh yeah, no you're right. It goes with bra for testes. Well it also goes with the penis is feminine. Balls gown. Ball gown.

Yeah. Alright. I like me but in the trumpet there at the end. Yeah, that guy was sitting there, he wasn't playing, he was like, Oh, the trumpet, it sits out, he waits. The good trumpet awaits. The good trumpet awaits. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast, we really do appreciate it. I am on Twitter at

Stupador and Andy. And I am at Alistair TV. And we are at To Intent. And you can potentially check out the new Shusher Guided Meditations podcast, which I'm just currently promoting as I'm just launching it. Hopefully it'll be out by the time. But it should be out now. This is Alistair's new podcast and it's very, very funny. It is a good thing for your heart and your soul and relaxing. It's relaxing. It is relaxing. It's crazy. It's really weird to feel relaxed and for it to be hilarious,

but those are simultaneous experiences on offer from this podcast. No, just in case she was like hilarious, but it feels like it's got a good like I shut myself laughing every time I listen to it. Well, I take back everything I said, Andy. You can review us on iTunes, if you like. Thank you so much for everyone who has. And if you wanna support us on Patreon, that is so good.

A lot of people have jumped on board in the month of January supporting us on Patreon. And that is so special and incredible. Thank you so much to all you people. Yes. And all of those of you who aren't people. And all people everywhere. And thank you to all people everywhere.

And for everyone's lives. As long as you're doing something to live a more environmentally responsible life. Yeah. I know it's not easy for everyone, but as long as you are in some way conscious, your impact on the world. Yeah. And trying to minimize that. Yeah, and even if you're not. Oh, yeah, and if you're not as well, that's also fine and thank you.

And thank you so much for just continuing to live. Yes. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I mean, if you won't, it's up to you. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT.

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