Two In The Think Tank - 171 - "SUD BUDS" with BEN RUSSELL

Episode Date: February 19, 2019

Thanks to Harry's for supporting this episode! Visit harrys.com/thinktank to get 13 dollars worth of free shaving gear that will change your face (to a smoother face).Deepest high fives to Ben for being our guest on this ep. Check out The Grub podcast and Little Scamps on youtube and also Fylleangst at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival! WE RECOMMEND ITALSO Listen to Al's new meditation/comedy podcast ShusherSoul Pyramid, Shaft Shift, Electric-Eon, Tennis on Hands, The Solution After the Second Last One, Salt Time, Wheelies, Pennyfather, Sud BudsDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag.And you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereHumanity's greatest source of thanks to George Matthews for producing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi icons, it's Danny Pellegrino from the Pop Culture Podcast, everything iconic, and I love Nordstrom. No place better to shop, particularly during the holiday season, because they have everything. They have holiday decor at Nordstrom. They have cozy cardigans from Barefoot Dreams, my fave. They have cold weather attire, party attire, plus free shipping and free returns. Free store pickup, you can also purchase a recycled fabric gift bag so your item arrives festive and wrapped. So check out Nordstrom this holiday season, a one-stop shop. You can explore more at Nordstrom in store or online at Nordstrom.com.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Alrighty, today's episode is brought to you by Harrys.com. Forth slash think tank, they are the good, kind, well-meaning we presume people. But I mean, are there other, you know, are there motivations even an issue when all that they do in the world is so good? I mean, they could be doing it for whatever reason. You know, we shouldn't speculate. The end product for you is great.

It's a good, close value, high value shave. And we'll got more information about it later in the podcast, but as far as say Harry's bringing you this episode, and we presume that their motivations are pure. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees. Bees And welcome to Two in the Thing Take the Show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair George, William, Charlie, Bertual, and joining us in the tank is Benjamin Russell. That's correct. Can I call you a hot piece of soul?

Yeah, you can call me a hot piece of soul. Can I call you a hot piece of ass soul? Sure. Yeah, in the soul world. Other souls would love to get a piece of it, yeah. And that's true. Do you think, do you think, do you, like, one soul is hot? One soul to another that you can sort of... Soul to soul? Soul to soul that you could sexually harass somebody else's soul?

Yeah, in the soul world. Of course, I mean, people souls, different things are attractive in soul, because we of course have shed this corporeal body. That's true, but then in a pyramid. So does that mean that if you have a hot one? Yeah. So it's a pyramid. Yeah, it's actually it's a pyramid in the sun. Yeah, right. Inside the sun, or like there's like some of the sun rays can access it. No, it's inside the sun. That's where the rays come from. Yeah, right. Also, the rays are emitted by the pyramid. Yeah. And do the rays emanate from the the souls having sex? Is that how that happens? Yeah, I mean, you've got a lot of souls in there. There are more dead people than there are

a lot of people. That's true. That's true. Certainly, you know, in my basement. In fact, in just things, because I mean, this isn't a Catholic deal, you know, so everything goes to heaven. Everything. And also, I guess if they're having constant sex, they must be reproducing as well, so there'd be way more.

Yeah, they got a little of the soul babies. That's where babies come from. Can you reproduce in heaven? This isn't heaven. This is where this is our Nuvano or Paradise. This is the swallowing of our paradise. We don't let it say the edge word. Oh, really? And so, so wait, do when the soul is born

from two souls having sex inside the sun pyramid, yeah, the pyramid inside the sun, which is, is it made of bricks or is it sort of clear so that the light emitted from the sex can be easily the sun. It's done, it's made of bricks or is it sort of clear so that the light emitted from the sex can be in the sun? It's done, it's made of diamonds. So it makes even a brighter because it's refracted. Oh right, and I didn't know that made this.

All that light, think about all that light, then just refracting in on itself and then out. So it gets brighter somehow. Yeah, more of it. Yeah. Let's get focused or something like that. We'll just joins up. It's like you're putting it like one little bit of milk

in a bowl. But if you put two streams of milk, that's like double the milk. Yeah, that's true. That milk is, the milk refracted. In the time that it takes to get from the glass bowl into the ceramic bowl. Yeah, yeah.

I'm in there too. So it's just bold to bowl. Bold to bowl, into the ceramic bowl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in there too. So it's just bold, bold, bold of bold action. Yeah, which is kind of what I guess soul sex looks like. Yeah, that's right. It's just touching bowls. Yeah, I mean, if your mind has to, it's like the aliens in contact. Yeah.

The souls, no, contact. Okay, different. Although similar. Huh? Is there a link? They could be. Are the cocoon aliens the same as the contact aliens? I hope so. I just steal a bunch of old people and then they come back as he came back as his dad spoiler alert for contact. But there are no aliens just her dad. And, no. Yeah.

And he's always, he was alien to her because they hadn't had a good relationship. Yeah. Sorry, I had one last question about the, at least. I want to know more about the soul bowl. Yeah. So is it that the soul fills up a bowl like milk or would you say that you don't really need the bowl

because the soul holds together? The soul is just a way for your mind. Oh yeah, so the soul is the mind. In a way. Yeah, in what way? In the mind way. In the mind way. I had just a question with regards.

I mean, I'm still interested about the bowl and what things are shaped like a bowl. But my real question is, when two souls make a baby soul? Yes. You said that's where babies come from. That's where baby's come from. But baby souls? Or does every soul create like a soul on earth?

You can't put an adult soul in a baby. Okay. It would just, if you were to would, can you imagine the chaos? It would be pandemonium. Yeah. So is that bad? Yeah. So you're gonna put baby souls in a baby soul.

So that's why the whole system just gets very, it slows it all down. There's a lot of like bureaucracy in there. And so sun rays are souls coming over, or they're just, that's just the light from the soul's fucking. Okay, right. And so how does the soul get from the sun in...

Soul a wind. Soul a wind. So the babies, they come on a little soul bus. Yeah. I like that. And they get the dead come back on some kind of public transport as well. Uh, no, they're gonna walk. Oh, bummer.

That's why they're so tired when they get back. And then zombies. But they're ready for sex. But they are ready to fuck. But again, you know, souls fuck differently. And translates to just mindless biting and eating and off your face. That's how souls fuck.

No, but that's just how they're interpreted on earth at that time. Oh, so if we were to get a telescope that could dampen the light from the sun enough, we could see inside and we would just see biting and be able to take it out. Yeah, if you take enough DMT, you can walk the astral plane and check it out. Yeah, check it out. But that makes a whole lot of sense, actually, because, you know, if, from the point of you a dead soul, you know, love making, I'll call it love making. I don't really like the sorts of terms that you use.

Fucking. Yeah, yeah. Qu- What about coitus? Soul coitus. Yeah, soul coitus. Okay, coiter-coiter. They, if they're, if they don't have a physical form, then for them, it would, it would be very much

sort of emerging and a mutual consumption, you know, one enveloping the other and becoming intertwined. So it's very understandable that a zombie, you know, when it wanted to have sex, would try and consume the living form of another. Why don't you bite me back? Why don't you bite me back, baby? So they get heartbroken. And that's why they're so angry. Because they've been rejected. They want to be bitten back. They just want to, they're looking for a sofa, maybe some Netflix and a kid cat.

Just to chill out. Just to chill out and have some alone time. Red wine, AC! This is what adult animals look like. Yeah, no, absolutely. It's like it can be hard, but sometimes you get to just relax and that's nice.

You know? For me, adulting is like not knowing what to do, you know? Would you guys like to join my Sun Cult? Well, this is the way, I guess I would like to try to like see if we can bottle this. Is there a kind of a sketch in this in the Sun Cult? I mean, is it just one man's explanation for? Well, I think it would be quite nice to see

if we'd sent a probe out to the Sun. Which we have. Yeah, which we have. It's probably sending back data right now as we speak. As we speak right now. I want to give one, yeah. If NASA had got all this data and then quite genuinely and seriously had

to come out and explain all of this. Well, they wouldn't. That's why they hide the earth. Framament. They hide that. The earth's ferment. Yeah, because we're just freak people out. Yeah.

So wait, the sketch is them finding it. Yeah, they find it out. And then they find out and then they have to put it. And then they go, we should probably also hide the earth's firm. Well, they're already hiding the flat earth. The fact of the earth is flat. So they buy, just add it to the, add it to the surface. Add it to the pile of things that we hide.

This is enough. Yeah. Yeah. We got it. And then do they have to kill people who know about it or they just say, come on. All right. Just, you know, here. You want to keep your job and they give me YouTube channel. I can do whatever they want on it. And because you I guess because if you let it out, some of it out, then you you kind of have a like you can sort of say, well, no, we actually did tell people through this YouTube channel. I wanna believe you.

I was gonna believe you. That's the thing now I'm just gonna believe you. You can tell anybody you want. Yeah. Good luck. Good luck, idiot. Yeah. You sound crazy. Is there a sketch in,

and I think exactly what we've just described is a viable sketch, right? NASA finding this out and then having to try and conceal it, right? Because obviously, yeah, it's just too much. It's not that people wouldn't understand or that people, you know, or that it might somehow conflict with, you know, the way Earth runs at the moment. It's just that it's all a bit gross and they don't, they feel it. You talk about that. I like the idea that NASA just thinks that everyone's fucking idiot. Yes.

You know what I mean? Like everyone's real stupid. And they, they've, you know, they've brought into this one idea and there's no way it will be pandemonium on the streets. So much so that they like hide even the small, like the small things, but I'm just thinking that they're idiots. I can't. We can't learn now.

Look, we tried with the basics and physics, um, and they weren't really getting very much of that. I don't think most people even can sort of get their head around what acceleration is. Yeah. So I think maybe anything, you know, beyond that, I know I don't understand acceleration. Yeah. So I think maybe anything beyond that one's good. I know, I don't understand acceleration. Yeah, that's right. I'm the director general.

That's right, you are. I mean, the fact that you feel the need to keep clarifying that feels like a real. I am head rocket boy and I don't understand them, I don't have a mix. Well, that's okay. I mean, if you're working mostly on the head of the rocket, no, as head rocket boy, it's my, I'm in charge of not just the head, not just the tip, but the... It's all a shaft, all of the rocket.

No, no, the shaft is no man's land, that's no one's in charge of that. Do you cat control the shaft? All we can do is just come and we control the head. We try to point the head in the right direction. And that's all we can do. It's common knowledge in rocketry that you cannot control. That's a tough. There is nothing more wild than a shaft of a rocket.

You get to choose how much fire comes out the back and point the head, but the shaft is its own. It's only a shaft as a unicorn. Cannot be tamed. We can barely control the length of it. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there.

It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there.

It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there. It's out there.. I was there. They tried to break the shaft.

That was the first time they tried to break the shaft in, like a horse. Yeah. And then the shaft broke them. That's the thing in the wall. All those people are dead, yes, but they're also tame. They're now placid. Yeah.

They'll do anything the shaft says. Yeah. I think that's a separate subject. I think like uh, I think that might be a separate sketch. I also wonder if there's a, I also wonder if there's a sketch in, you know, those kinds of scenes of like super frank honesty where people stand up in a movie and they're like, you know, I did this, you know, one person reveals something about themselves, you know, I wet the bed or whatever. And then somebody else gets the courage to stand up and reveal something else about themselves. I like the honesty of head shot, head rocket boy saying, look, I don't understand thermodynamics, you know, he's got this very important position. That gives everyone else in NASA the courage to stand up and say, look, I don't understand thermodynamics. He's got this very important position. That gives everyone else in NASA the courage to stand up and say, look, I don't know how

the sun works. Yeah, I know. I think that's absolutely right. And they say, a lot of the time I rely on the spreadsheet, I rely on being able to put my data in there. And to be honest, I have to, I have to, funny that you mention that because we don't know, we don't know how the sun worked.

We've looked and we've thought about it. We've thought about it and it's weird. It's too bright, you can't see. It hurts to look at it. How could you understand it? That's right. You know, it could be very unpredictable, but luckily it hasn't been. No. It's just been like, hello, and we're like,

we've only been here for a very short amount of time, so it could have been, you know, it could have had a bad spell, it could have had a terrible teens, or it could have just been a goody-two shoes throughout its life, you know, just done its work, but it is a smaller one, that's for sure. From, you know, a lot of the other ones are very far, but they could also be just very small. Well, that is true, a lot of them are very small, but some of the ones that are big, well,

you know, especially those blue ones, they are very big blue ones, big blue boys, the blue or the boy, the bad are the berry. Now I know from having a stovet home that the blue flame always seems hotter than the orange flame. Is that true for suns? Yes, it is actually. Well, you seem to know a lot about suns. Yes, but I don't know how we work.

We just know, oh, the blue ones are hot and they blow up quicker. But that's it, you know? That's all we know. That could all change tomorrow. That could. The sun, we say that the earth continues to go around the sun. We think that that's a pattern

where the earth goes round and around the sun. But it could just be that that's not the pattern that the earth goes around the sun like 365 billion times. And then it goes somewhere else. That could be the pattern, you know? 365 billion times around the sun and then 40 times just bouncing up and down.

How long have we been here? In this room talking about this? Yes, but it's like weeks. But also, how long in general? What? Five, five, five, ten thousand. Or give it another ten. Twenty. Now Now are we talking years or days? I think let's get the number down. Absolutely. Yes. Let's lock in a number.

And then let's lock in a measure of it. Let's lock in a measure of it. Lock in a measure of it. Okay. Let's say 100. A hundred. Perfect. Okay.

Now is that deck a? It's all eons. What is an eon? Mmm. Oh, my next door neighbour was an eon. Eon. He was or eon. What is an eon? Mmm, my next door neighbor was an eon. Eon. He was an eon. Electrician. He was an electrician.

Eon. What's it mean? All right, so we got... Hello. This is I, your electrician. Ion. Ian. Yes. I have walked these plans in for many years.

Ian, in I just grounding. Currents. So it's just switches. it's just an amplifier. Man, fuses. And since it's no longer just fuses and stuff like that. I have seen the dawn of man. I once they move beyond valves, I didn't understand how to fix any of this stuff.

So I just need, I just need like a, I don't much of a transistor or something like that. The, how do you, how do you, can I have a word? I just need like a much of a transistor or something like that. Leon, how can I have a word? I just feel like, and Leon, I love him. Yes, you love Leon. But, sorry, Leon. It's okay.

I just think he seems to be disconnected from me. He seems to think that he's transentized in some way. People keep shaming us for being a generation that keeps just throwing things away and I'm trying to be a person who gets things repaired. Okay, but I think maybe Eon is the one who's throwing electricity. I gave it Eon. To a shaman. Hi, Eon.

I'm so sorry. In the foot here. My grandfather recommended you, and I just want to know, can you give me an approximate 12? What is now known as chili? Can you give me just like an approximate quote and how much it will take to fix the end? Well, you're looking at about two to three hours,

so that's 180 per hour, that's what I charge. Very good. Geez, very good race. I charge. Very good. Geez. Very good race. I mean, that is, well, you know, pretty sharp. Like, I mean, that's, I'm a registered electrician. So. I mean, I guess, like, I guess that makes sense.

I mean, that's just, you're making me want to go into that industry, I can't believe. Is there a sketch in an electrician? An electrician who emerges may have existed before electricity and may have created electricity and may have lived. Maybe the personification of electricity. Of electricity, yeah.

Look, I think, well, I think there's magic in it. That's me. No, no, no, it's not you. Don't blame yourself. No, but it is some kind of electrical signal that we're getting through the wires. I am a man. If you're getting that at home.

Mm. Mm. Yes. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. My method of acting is to start acting. I then stop when it's appropriate. Really? That's my method. That's how I do it. Say give me a line now. Give me a line. No, but act it.

Don't just give a line. Yeah. Yeah. That's good over there. Thanks very much. You looked at him while you said thanks very much. Who are you thinking? Who are you? Me or him? I was so, I was imagining a third person.

I think about me. Think about, think about, talk to a director at me. Yeah. I'm, um, what, what was that line you said? Um, yeah, just over there would be fine. Thanks very much. So I am like a removalist or something. Yeah, but I've taken things from existed before removal. Yeah, you've been able to remove. Yeah, before things, before people even removed things.

Even before there were things. There were basic insects that were used for decomposers. So things would just lay on the ground. Yeah, right. And so this is one of those things that he's moving. So he's just moving a wardrobe that your mother gave you. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, just over there would be great. Thanks. Wow, that's great acting. That's really nice. Yeah, that was good And I kind of felt the age yeah, like I could feel It was sort of like a time before the wet weather had settled I think and the maybe even the atmosphere had formed You give me that and just the night before there had been a night Proudler

on the loose a guy in your neighbor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we had to still the loose, okay. In your neighborhood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had to, still the cupboard, he's moving the cupboard. Yeah, yeah, but the night before a night Prouller had rustled. I'd heard it on the wireless or something. You'd heard it on the wireless, you heard it. You've heard a rustle and the boosh in it.

And it did a shape flicker across the window, illuminated briefly by the spark of a passing street car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you heard footsteps on dirt. And what is he wearing? And there's no dirt in the neighborhood as well, which is what's made me really on edge. It's all gravel. Yeah, someone must have brought their own dirt.

So that's all I know. It's a gravel only neighborhood. So it's like a break from the crunching. It was like a soft kind of... Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds a lot like gravel. Yeah, is that the gravel? Yeah. It was like a soft kind of... Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.

Yeah. Yeah. It sounds a lot like gravel. Yeah. But the gravel? Yeah. That's what a wood has sanded like. Yeah.

Yeah. But if for dirt, it would be... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's got a dusty earth, isn't it? Yeah. Maybe a... Pfft. That's from... I feel like that's grass. That's grass. Isn't it? Yeah. Maybe a... That's, I feel like that's grass. That's dry grass. That sounds to me like marshmallows. We really maxed out tennis at those, those basically those three surfaces.

That's mud. Slush. Yeah. You know, the only sport that we try on different surfaces, we've done the clay, we've done the grass and we've done the synthetic. It's quite amazing. A great base. A great base.

A thousand times, I'd say. Well, exactly. I mean, there's so many more options though. You know, why did we stop at three? Once you're on a roll with surfaces, I want to know who is the best tennis player on Marshmallow. Yeah, hands. On hands, on human hands, you know, they're all there.

It'll be beautiful, but like seeing everybody sort of interlock like that. So like hands across America, but hands across like Wimbledon or something. And I also think that, you know, the hands would try and grab the ball probably instinctively when it lands, so that would be a very different, you know. I think not as much bounce. Yeah, it keeps you as absolutely. Very grabby ground. But then you could also, you know, the umpire could have a sort of a long stick that they

could hit the hands with if they try and grab. Welcome to Wimbledon and fantastic day here and we're trying the new hands cord. A couple of instances we are. The men's doubles and hopefully we'll get to see some fastballs on this ground and quiet under the hands. It is. It is. Everyone's down underneath. Yes.

There's got little holes that they poke their hands up through the surface there. Right, and the dial, and, you know, whoever's the best on hands. We've actually got, it was already crowdsurfing. Tennis legend in the box with us today on this first day of the hands called and it's Pat Cash. Pat thanks so much for joining me. Hello everybody, it's really good to be here. Pat, when people said let's play on hands, you were famous, you were famous, Dananza.

I came out against the hands, who denounced hands. Yeah, I did, I said, no, it's a thumbs down from me for the hands. And now that you see the hands all gathered around the court for a wonderful day of tennis, is it a bit of sweet moment? Well, I'm not too ashamed to admit when I'm wrong. And the first time I saw that her ball scorched down, scorched down the him, the outside there, and come to a dead stop in the clenched fist of what looks like a 12 year old boy. I thought, you know, this is interesting. It is important to know that the court today

is primarily 14 year olds. And there's some 16 and 17. I believe I even seen down in the corner there is a 22 year old hand. So that'll be a very interesting corner. I think that's gonna bring a lot to today's game. Yeah. And so you have tried the court in the morning, I understand.

I was out there warming up the court, yeah, yeah, and did a little bit of an exhibition match. And yeah, interesting, really interesting. Yeah, lost a few pairs of shoes. And I'm a dog. I'm a dog. Sorry, we do have a dog in the box. Roof, roof. Looks like not what he's doing.

We'll be back with more tennis. Give me that stick. Just in a moment. I think we needed that dog to be honest. I was gonna bring you in. No, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that you were controlling everything from above. You're like a guy. You're like a guy in Truman's show

with the cane heart. And hearty. Yeah. And hearty. And hearty t-shirts. And hearty is one of the best actors of our generation. Is he? Yeah.

Did you like him as Jackson Pollock? I loved it. Hardiest Jackson. Alex. Did you like him? Was he in Forest Come? Uh, I don't believe so. No, no, I think we were I'm confusing him with a...

Hollow 13. No, no, no, no. I was thinking of him in the Truman Show. Yes. He was in that one. Yeah. Oh, we're thinking of him in the Truman show. Yes, he was in that one. I was thinking of him in the Truman show again. Eddie, who famously said, put more stuff on my t-shirts.

No, no, little bit more. There's more room on that t-shirt there. People just put t-shirts on t-shirts. I was like, have it put everything on a t-shirt? Put more things on there. And then, and how it was born. Would you say classier or less classier than a man bow shirt? Less classy.

Less, yeah, less classier than a man bow shirt. Man bow shirt is cool. If I see someone on the street with a man bow, I'm coming up to them, I'm saying, hey man, where'd you get that? Yeah, push you to for life. Yeah, push you to for life. To to to to to to to imagine if Jesus was a surfer though. Yeah, and what about that landscape that look like a woman's naked body? I love the way that you draw dogs. And that's what I would say to him and he'd be like, this isn't my, this isn't my,

I didn't make this. I'm not Rage Man, but Mombasa. Hey man, hey. This is Rage Man. Hey man, anyway, you used to be in that band, you know. Did you? Yeah, I mentioned this anything. Really?

Mental is anything. Yeah, anyway, and I'm gonna go for a South House. I'll see you later. Any drink? Any drink? No, all this microphone is willing to be done. And I was there the day Reg, one by one, by a certain time. Come with me, Ridgemombasa.

Come with me, Ridgemombasa. Come with me, Ridgemombasa. Yes, and Andy, I was going to ask you guys both. It occurred to me, I've been thinking about drinking water a lot recently, right? And I don't feel like I can... And I think you should do it. I think you should stop thinking about it. I think you should do it. I think you should drink water a lot recently, right? And I don't feel like I can... And I think you should do it. I think you should stop thinking about it. I think you should do it.

I think you should risk it. Yeah. Wait, stop thinking about drinking water or drink water or not drink water. Which one do you think is that? Think about it. And see what happens. Do you want me to think about it some more right now?

Or? Yeah. Okay. That was good. I don't want to drink. Take. So, can you drink a lot of water? I love water. I don't drink to drink. Take. So, do you drink a lot of water? I love water.

I don't drink enough of that personally. Andy, do you, you were, you were, we were discussed it today, I was told that I don't drink enough water and it's the reason I get sleepy at three o'clock every single day. It's my body literally shutting down cells going in to cell death

because they are dehydrated, because I just don't think think I don't think to drink Water until it's almost too late This is my problem, right? I got a little bubbler you get a little bubbler What does that mean a little thing the bubbles and bubbles it up a little bit? Apparently, apparently he's what I just found out that that leeches calcium It's like bones are decaying It's like bones are decaying. I mean, I drink a lot of bubbled water, myself, apparently leeches calcium.

What do you mean, leeches? Leeches. You've heard of leeches? Yeah, so it takes calcium away from you. It's medicine. Where does the calcium go? It doesn't seem likely that that would happen, though. It does seem like it would be a lot.

Well, because what are you putting in the bubble in the the bubbles are just calcium and carbon dioxide calcium and it's bubbles so when it stays and feels the particles on your bones it runs away I think you could be absolutely right I come back here, calcium. Is that you, don't? I'm leaving again. I'm there, I'm getting outta here.

Calcium, don't go. More, run away back there, run away back there. Fetch my calcium back. Fetch my calcium back. No, it's me, bubbles. Don't leave the body, can we all live together? Bubbles and calcium. A romance doomed from the start. It's the anti-romantic comedy. Yes. Well, they hate each other from the beginning. Well,

they like each other. It's like the anti-one. They love each other at the beginning, but then they just can't make it work. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then they... And then one of them keeps leaving. One of them. I'm some other famous anti-romancey. Anti-romancey? Uh, 500 days of summer? Uh-huh. Terrible film.

Oh, hey. Terrible. No, no, no, no, what's your problem with? Did it make you feel sad? No, I didn't like the main character. The guy. I think that he is all like... But I think he was supposed to be like guy. I think that he is all like.

But I think he was supposed to be like that. I think you were actually extremely woken you were onto some of the lot of people missed at the time. I think there's been a lot of critical re-evaluation of 500 days of summer recently. And the people being like, what was with this dickhead? You're on it. You're on it. You're right.

You're right on it. You're absolutely right. You're probably the only real feminist. You're going to continue to be right. I think maybe forever. And I don't think, I think if anybody at some point challenges you I think Stand your ground. I'm actually starting up a

Feminist podcast really oh my god. Well, this is one. We're already on one. Oh my god. We're already on one So we are the bravest men in the world. Can we just agree on that? Boys? I mean, I'm not afraid to say that I'm the bravest man in the world. Yes. I'm not afraid to say that I'm the bravest woman. Sure. I mean, that's probably the bravest thing you can say. Yeah, especially today. Yeah. What's the bravest thing you've ever said? I think about that stuff about water earlier. Well, you go somewhere with that, because I can't help but feel that you got a little derailed

and you're water journey. You're water journey. Well, it's gonna say, right, you drink more water, right? You think that's the solution too. Right, that's not the solution, That's the bloody Yeah, it is a Technically, it's absolutely a solution. I think what a solution is the Oh, yeah, precipitate. That's not the precipitate. I know I'm just joking. It's the solute solute

solute. That's it. Right. Oh my god. I got that right. But then again, no, no water is perfectly just water. It's mixed in with Camel. I love to think that they're like, sorry, I just imagine a dude listening to this podcast. Yeah. Wait, what makes you think it's just a dude? No, just a woman who listen to this. Okay, feminist podcast. A person of any gender listening to this podcast and being like water is in the solution and they start They get up on their chair. They throw a belt over the The rafter and they're just putting it through just when you say solute and they go You know what I'm starting to think it isn't actually the solute. I think the solute might be what's dissolved in there

Oh, no, they've had to sit back down. They've just gone back up. It could have been it could have been the one That's a solute solvable To be so I think the solute is what's dissolved in there Oh, that person is Solvent it's this water is a solvent. It's the universal solvent. That's what they call it It's this water is a solvent. It's the universal solvent. That's what they call it. It's a big band. What about fire? That's the solution. That's the So many things. That's the universal solvent. That's the last. There's nothing that's the solution. The last time

So that was so masterfully expressed the last type of solution So masterfully expressed the last type of solution of all the solutions, that is the one that you would come to after you had exhausted all the solutions. Were you like avoiding saying final solution? Oh, well I mean we all were until you said that. Whatever the one is after the penultimate solution, that's, we all were. Until you said that. Yeah. Whatever the one is after the penultimate solution, that's all I'm saying. The end of solutions. Solution that is the only one left.

Requires no follow-up solutions. All the solutions have been exhausted and this one all right, so You know you've done a bunch of solutions and you're looking around and there's not solutions remaining Except for one of them. That's the one I'm talking about and I think this might be that that what we just said The one the solution without any sort of peers that are unused or unnamed solutions. Yeah. There are no solutions waiting in the wings.

After the solution takes a stage. Oh, in the mirror. LAUGHTER Assuming that all solutions were at some point preparing to take the state. It's a big test. All the solutions have finished the test. And this solution is the only one who left doing the test.

It's that one, it's that test. All right, so you know the first solution, all right, not that one. It's bad test. All right. So, you know, the first solution, right? Not that one. Now, you know the second solution. Yes. Not that one. All right.

Now, think about that equation. Uh-huh. That solution, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Minus that one until solution

minus that one equals one. What? What? I think I hear what you're saying. Total amount of solutions minus one. Then, stop. And that solution. Well, I like it Let's do that. Let's do that. So this is a sketch where there is no word last No, I well, I mean we because obviously Australia

The last continent. Yes, we did recently have a problem where one of our Senators who was elected on something like 16 votes from rural Queensland did use the phrase final solution in Parliament. Yeah, Senator who is a Nazi. He is a Nazi. I don't think even neo Nazi. He's just he's actually one of the original Nazis. Correct He's very old. And, but at least he's original, you know? Yeah. And originality is.

Absolutely. Authenticity means a lot to you. It does. But I think people work shopping alternative phrases to use instead of that. Could be sure. I mean, because that's very much what we would do. I guess, yeah. Yeah, definitely.

All right, so. New ways. Hey, while you're writing that down, Alistair, I just wanted to bring up, again, the issue of value in shaving and the solution, which I think is the first solution. Most weight loss programs are short-term fixes, but managing your weight needs a long-term solution, and that's what makes NUME different. NUME uses science and personalization to help you manage your weight for the long-term. Their psychology-based approach helps you build better habits and behaviors that are easier

to maintain. The best part? You decide how noom fits into your life, not the other way around. Sign up for your trial today at noom.com. That's n-o-o-m.com to sign up for your trial today. Which is Harry's dot com forward slash think tank. trial today. because you don't even get. There are any other solutions. By having this solution that excludes all other solutions. It's a problem killer. Yes.

It's a solution that will kill all of your problems. Anyway, if you go to Harry's.com.com, or slush think tank, you'll get a $13 value trial set that comes with everything you need for a close comfortable shave. I'm talking a weighted ergonomic handle. I'm talking a five blade razor with lubricating strip and trimmer blade. I'm talking a rich lathering shave gel. Harry's tweeted me, we're going to make one that's edible.

I've got so many ideas. It's already smell delicious. I'm glad that they have a weighted handle. Oh, I know. When those handles are so light. Well, they have no weight, right? And they, you know, so they, they wofed away, or they carry your hand up into a ceiling fan

above the wrist. You lose your hand above the wrist. Yeah. I'm not a Jedi, or a pedo-wan. Neither of those ones. And Alistair, you remember, of course, you get the travel blade cover, the stop-seat blades going a rye in transit. Because you do live by the blade, but not like that.

Absolutely not with it in my side. Yeah, you know, you live by the blade, you don't die by the blade. You don't want the blade in your crawl. Yeah. I can't wait to shave. I've been wanting to shave. I had to keep my beard for an audition for a role that I didn't get. And now I just haven't got around to shaving since then. You've been aching for a shave. A face peel. Oh, absolutely. Except it doesn't peel your face.

No, but that's just what you call getting hair off your face. That's what I call it. Yeah. And you're like an orange in your hair as your peel. You're more like a peach. Yeah. Thanks buddy. Not after you shave, you're more like a nectarine.

Ooh, it's a season summertime. You get those stone food. Make sure you go to Harry.com. For sure, let's think Tank to redeem your offer and let them know I sent you to help support the show. That's how it works around here, folks. But, and, you know, if you don't have anything to shave, you know, maybe you've got alopecia, you're totally...

Shave your friends. Shave your friends? Exactly. That's a nice thing to do. Shave your pets. Shave your friends, shave your pets. Never shaved your pet? Uh, no, but I shaved a kid. Yeah. Yeah.

You can't do it. Because you wax a pet. Yeah, I'd wax it. Or a narrat, narrat of. Narrat. Narrat. What about one of those like mechanical multiplucker things? Oh, those ones. Yeah. I look like I used it. I do. I used it on my butt once. Yeah. Yeah. How fun did you get around the butt circumference just one just I just use on one hand your one butt. Yeah, I just used it on my one butt you know butt yeah and it was it was an excruciating yeah like I didn't go in I just used it on you didn't use it inside the ainus. I didn't go into the

a new sillier I didn't use like like like, but sillier. It didn't really. Isn't it weird that we call it, when it's on the inside, it's called sillier, but on the outside, it's called. Because it is a bit sillier. I mean, hair on the inside, that's sillier. Yeah, it's sillier. Is sillier hair on the inside?

Well, that's how I'm visualizing it. I sillier, also, I think maybe we also call them villa, or something that might be something we use for, for when it's on a back to her or something, but they're the tiny little things that are inside your digestive tract, which absorb, am I right here? Yeah, I'm looking to you. I'm looking to absorb all the nutrients out of your your bio you bio looks good. I am a man of knowledge. Yeah, no, I could tell. Well, maybe you can answer this question though I have about this thing that I probably don't

need to keep trying to bring up, but so this is a problem. You can't drink enough water. Oh, wow. And this is what I'm noticing. Is that, okay, so here's what you think. You think that you drink more water, that'll make you less dehydrated, right? Then you drink more water, you just pee at an increased rate. Hey, piss it all out.

Oh, my God, that's my fun. And so then you just stay at this standard point of just... I think if you just drink more, you then... You probably... I think water's a diuretic. Yeah. So you drink a bit of water, pisses out like three cups. Yeah, I mean, you... So you can't win, right?

Is that... Is that correct? I think that's what it is. People have gone too far. Have they gone not far enough? They've lived drowned by drinking too much. But is that bad? They're at least they're hydrated. But they're dead.

Yeah, but wet. But they're dead wet. See, they're dead wet. Would you rather be dead or wet? Yeah, because I'm alone. Or both. Would you rather be dead or wet? Yeah, cause I'm in. Or both. Would you rather be dead and wet than or dry in the life?

That's what I am. I'm dry in the life. I wake up every day and it's like this. I hope you're getting that at home. That's me walking through dirt. Mm-hmm. Now if you're talking, walking through dirt, that sounds wet to me. Yeah, it sounds like a wet dirt.

You know what, I was joking. I was actually a wetland, a shallow wetland. Man, we have got so much mic noise on this episode. You know what, what is it? Distressed. In a way. What is it? Distressed. In a way, everything is a wetland, you know, when it's writing. So, absolutely. Well, I think about that.

So what like, like, let's say, let's say this. I am a dude. Yeah. So, like, let's say, like, the Sahara wetlands, right? So they're a wetland and we're expecting birds to arrive any minute because I mean birds that's where that's what birds look for. So wetland. Yeah. I mean it sounds like they what they really want is the ocean or something like that or a river. But they want wetland like like you what you want is a river, you're just not willing to admit it to yourself, you know?

Birds all take anything. I saw some birds on some salt lakes. I'm like, what do you do? You're laughing at them wearing them. Maybe it's good. Yeah. What are you doing today? They're desperate.

Yeah, they look desperate. Salt lakes, man. Grow up, honestly. But maybe look desperate. Salt, like, man. Grow up. Honestly. But maybe, but maybe it's because like we're thinking about it from the, from our sort of limited point of view, that salt, like, you know, like people are always trying to feed to you, the idea that too much salt is bad. But then if that's just a case, then why do, why do, like, birds go to the ocean? I don't reckon that's real anymore. I think that's, I mean too much salt is of course,

bad view, but like I remember in the 90s, it was a big thing. Yeah. Salt. Yeah. And it, no one talks about it anymore. Yeah, my parents do. Oh, okay.

Yeah, no one talks about it. I think, I think sugar's actually far worse for you than salt. I think this is the thing, isn't it? I think salt is one of those things that you start thinking about when you're over 50. Is it possible that you are what's happening to the fish? You know, it's not over fishing, it's the salt.

Yeah. Yeah, it's catching up with them, you know? Is this a sketch? Are you over 50? It's time to start worrying about salt. I think it's close. I think just a list of all of you over 50, it's time to start worrying about salt. You got to learn superannuation. Yeah. All the stuff now. The words to eagle ride.

Okay wait, are you over 50? Are you over 50? Are you over 50? It's time to start worrying about salt. Do you think? No eyes. Neighborhood over development. The volume of a television, leaving the radio on before you leave the house.

Newspapers. Being out of touch. Using the word millennial as many times as possible. Which is three, three. Thank you for your over 50, you complain about how the world has changed. What are you gonna complain about when you're 50? Well, I feel like the world has changed so much when I've been young and that I'm so used to constantly feeling awful and then just going, you know what I'll take it.

Is there a point at which your brain actually stops being able to adapt, right? To the changes and after that point, it changes our actually a threat to your existence? It's very interesting, Andy. There is, as we grow older, the more of a buildup of what we call white matter in the brain, These are the neural pathways calcifying to a degree, becoming less elastic in their pathways

and less able to change. Let's bloody what I call the the letters to the editing Harold Sonnacle, those white matters. Hey. In what way? Well, the things that matter to white people. Oh. Oh. Andy, you've done it a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I call the, the page I call it white

matters. That's what I call the editorial page. I don't know. I worry about it. And Room Matthews. You absolute devil. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um. No. I worry about you. And room Matthews, you absolute devil. No.

See? No, Alan, were you going to say something? No, were you going to say something? I have an unrelated comment, please. It's pretty unrelated though, because I saw a guy riding a bicycle, like a mountain bike type bicycle, down the footpath in Ballarat, and he was just doing a massive wheelie for ages, for like 50 meters just riding down the footpath, and I was like, that is so cool, right?

But if he'd been riding a unicycle, which only has one wheel anyway, and he could have ridden it for it doesn't matter how long. It would have never looked cool. Yeah, yeah. Right? Is it the, that he has the option of that other wheel and he's able to resist, you know, show his self-control in not indulging in the second wheel?

Yeah. And is it the self-control that I respect? Yeah, I mean, the whole, the bar is, you see two wheels, you expect two wheels. So it's within your sphere of expectation to look at a bike and say that bike is traveling on two wheels. And when it's not traveling on two wheels, it's surprising and delighting you. Yeah, and think about it in terms of, I guess, you know, I guess to explain to, to expand on sort of Ben's point here is if you want to think about it, like of, I guess, you know, if I guess to explain to to expand on sort of Ben's point here is

If you want to think about it like what about if you thought about a vehicle with more wheels What if you're thinking about a you know a car or like a 12-wheeler if you picture that person using a single wheel Driving that on a single wheel, you know, they on the footpath in ballerad you can see how how your amazement increases You know, I mean, if you were to expand that even further to say, um, just like a pile of tires, like a big pile of burning tires, and you saw somebody riding down the footpath on a big pile of burning tires, but it was only using one wheel to actually do the motion touching the ground. Would you be impressed there? Or would you go back?

Is this on the footpath in Ballarat? This is on the footpath in Ballarat. I would say an upside down pyramid? Absolutely, yeah, yeah, I'd be impressed. Now here's my next question to you. Does that mean that a person with one leg is not cool, but a person with two legs, hopping, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, a person with three legs, hopping, or using only two of the legs. Yeah, two legs is probably on par with just two like a regular person. Sure, sure, but they still have a third leg that they're not using. But it's less than one person with two legs hopping on one leg because they're using 50% of their legs whereas a person using two legs is using like, 266% of their legs. This is slightly, it's still in the realm of bikes. Yes. But there's a question to you.

Bike realm. Still in the bike realm. Welcome to the bike realm. You're listing to the bike realm. Welcome to the bike realm. You're listening to the bike realm. We're going to triple R, you are listening to bike realm. Single speed, multi speed, any speed, we'll bring you up to speed at the bike realm. That's right, Devon. I was just biking down the Brunswick shuffle. It's a fabulous place to bike. And you bike there sometimes. Not so much since they have been up the Preston bypass.

Such a great bike pass. And there's nothing more. Anyway, we are lucky enough to have Alistair Trombola put you from the two in the think tank podcast calling in calling in Alistair you've got a bike question don't you yeah I'm a dog ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff went on ruff ity ruff sorry I was interrupting you. When I was riding my bike, there are lots of dogs, dogs come in different shapes and sizes and make different noises.

Anyway, that's all the time we have for the bike room. Can I say a follow-up? I'm a dog. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. Um, but I am a dog. Yeah. No, I know. I don't think you

There is a man. Yeah in my neighborhood. We're talking and his his territory is between Brunswick and Fitzroy. Mm-hmm. He he has a penny-farthing. and Fitzroy. Mm. He, he has a penny farthing. And he rides his penny farthing. Oh. Oh. Why does that make us so angry?

Well, I think because today the equivalent would be a 50 cent 5 cent and we know that a 50 cent coin is a dodeck, a hedron and wouldn't make a good wheel and we just know that today we couldn't, we couldn't invent the penny farthing because yeah, it would make a good wheel. And we just know that today we couldn't invent the penny-farthing because yeah, it would be unsuccessful. I think we're jealous. You know, and we're angry. We've lost opportunity.

Coin envy. Yeah. Yeah. Although, I mean, probably relative to their values, the current version of that would be like a, you know, maybe like a $20 note, like a $2 coin or something like that. I can tell you exactly why I'm angry with him. Why?

Because I know a guy on a petting farm, I have no chance of holding it into my girlfriend with that guy around. Which means that I have to work really hard to keep her. Keep her down. Keep her down. And this is a feminist podcast, but I have to lock her up sometimes, or at least she has

the wear of blindness. I know the expression, lock your daughters up. This is lock your wife up. Lock your wife up. Girlfriend. Or fiance. Or a pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro pro. I do Vector.

Lock your Vector. Vector's up. I know that this is a feminist podcast, and I know this is totally inappropriate and appalling. And I I feel bad about this but I tell my wife that she's not worthy of a man on a penny father. Well that's sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes. But that's even the best.

Well sometimes the best prison is the one inside our own minds. Yeah. Well because what is going to happen if you don't say that, then she'll run off with the guy on the penny filing. Or she'll try. She'll try, yeah. But he will be too fast. Yeah, yeah.

But also, and he will go through a set of traffic lights because those things do not stop easily. And he will be collected by her bus, and she will be heartbroken. Yeah, but also. I don't want to see her like that. He's got so many girls on the go. Literally running behind him.

Well, they probably throw themselves between him and the bus he'll be fine. Or between his big wheel and his smile. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, that's why. He was just running around. He was waiting at the traffic lights. You don't have to get off in order to wait at the traffic lights.

Well, no, I've seen a guy in a petty founding. He just leans up against a pole. Oh, yeah. Which is arm against a pole. He did not have a pole. No, a pole. Of course. So you got to get off.

Yeah. No, my guy was wearing stilts. He was going very long. So you're actually wearing those kangaroo jumping sticks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how was he peddling? Hey. How was he peddling?

Yeah, really low pedals. Yeah, really low pedals and then like a chain system that took the drive the power up to the, you got the wheel. No, no, no, just low pedals and low wheel. So it doesn't sound like a petty field bar thing anymore. No, it's a normal bike. It was a made wearing stilts on a normal bike. Yeah, yeah. Why, what are you guys talking about?

I can't let my girlfriend get close to a guy on a normal bike. I Don't I'm not a very good partner. I think you're how they stop looking don't look at him We have three words from what's listener now, uh- Ben, I'm going to take you through this. This is just, I mean, it's not that complicated, but what it is is, it's like, oh yeah, great, you're running out of time. I'll let you know. So we have a character,

who's a little person who listens to this show, who they'll send in three words because they support our Patreon. And they can send in three words, and then we use those words to come up with one final sketch. Okay.

Great. The words, well the person, firstly is Zachary Steinkamp. Zachary Steinkamp. Possibly Steinkamp. Mm-hmm. I don't know. Steinkamp. Nobody knows.

That's part of the mystery. That's why. Part of the beauty. Zachary makes them so enigmatic and you know just Just magical. Yes. It's what gives him his power probably now Zachary has sent us three words and They're they're three random words, but you may recognize them from a certain

Television program. Okay. We just said that. Maybe I'll say them in a different order and see if you can still recognize the pattern. Okay. Dish washer. Mm-hmm. Do you know where I'm going? Purple.

Yes. Monkey. Yes. Classic Simpson's reference there. That's right. Now we're going to attempt to come up with anything that is even borderline related. Well, here's something that's borderline related. My son, look, pointed to his, you know,

he's two. He pointed to his soap bottle. Do we? Soaps in bottles these days. I remember when I was growing up, soap used to be in a bar. Yeah, and here, that's one thing that I'm gonna complain about right now. Soaps was a solid, and now it's a liquid. Pretty soon it'll be a bloody guess. And I remember back in my day. Soaps guess.

I remember when kids had to use a communal soap, and they didn't have their own soap bottle. Yeah, communal soap that we all scrubbed all over ourselves and shared germs. Did germs survive being on a soap? Yes. Well, see, this is one of my concerns. Anyway, he pointed to the bottle and he said, purple monkey, because there was a purple

monkey on the bottle, and I was so proud of him that you let him drink the soap. I said, all right, you get one. We don't normally allow this until you grow up and you move out of home and then you realize you can drink whatever you want. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, They invented soap shots Doing surf shots So please Sudbirds doing soap shots Couple of birds sick at some sides shatter the

soap Like a bubble of soap comes up. I love that Boom I mean is this too much like the tide pod challenge? No, no tide pod challenge. They hate the tide pod challenge. Oh yeah, right. Because that's detergent. And it's the difference.

They're at a life long. So the blood's huge. They're not the detergents. They're the sub bud. Yeah, the sub bud's actually have a fight with the detergents. They've got deterrence for the detergents. They're good deterrence. For the detergents. Just clever wordplay.

I think they detergents. Detergents. Get out of here, boys. Get out of here, you fellas. He's a detergent. Get out of here. What? Is there a way of narrowing it?

How what would be the origin of this? This is a bunch of, was this a college? Everybody became T total Well, I think but they still had the the traditions of drinking I Think it's another one of those fads that the young people of today are going after first at sport night now It's bloody drinking so part don't know Alistair I'm just tired of it. Why can't they just dance? I'm just tired of it. Why can't they just dance?

They can. I think when you move out of home, you realize that you can do anything you want, right? And it is very, it's intoxicating almost. Yeah. That realization that you can go to the supermarket, you can buy yourself whatever flavor ice cream. And what is another thing that parents don't let you do?

They don't let you drink all the stuff that's under the sink. And what's another thing that's intoxicating? The additives in liquid soap. Clean. And imagine. Insighting. How nice that soap piss would be. Hey.

During it it would bubble up. You betcha. You betcha! That's gonna bubble! I mean, that would be a big part of the, like, the big part. That would be a big part. Everybody gets around the pool. All the boys. All the boys and the guys. You don't want to piss in the pool. No, it's a plastic pool. Oh, I was going to think you could just put them to good work. I think that that place.

You just piss everywhere. Oh public, public locations. Yeah, piss everyone. You just clean it all up because you got something. It's really nice because it was really gonna turn around. A lot of people had to choose those young fraternities. They were such nice boys. The sudbudts, they carried them down here and they pissed all over the monument. They cleaned up all the local graffiti. My plaster wall looks great. It's never looked this way. Thank you, sudbudts, for taking a big piss. Nothing better. Nothing better but Blaster. They'd pull her the whole bunch of liquid on it.

There's something in there. No, yeah. Look, the SUDBUDS, they're cleaning up the clean-up- The SUDBUDS are cleaning up this town with their own piss. SUDBUDS, we're cleaning up the town's SUDBUDS. We're doing lots of pissed side buds. We'll take a piss on your house. Take a piss in your toilet.

Take a piss in your dog. That is a great scene where the police, a local policeman, he sees some young kid pissing against a public building. And he looks really angry. He comes over. He puts his hand on the Sud Buds shoulder. Sud Bud turns around, we see that it's all foamy pee coming out.

And this policeman smiling, somebody goes on his legs and he's like, yeah, thanks Sud Buds. Thanks, I just dropped mustard on there. Sud Buds. Thanks Sud Buds. Oh man, this is a great, this is a movie not a sketch.

Now look, I think Ben Russell has to go because he has to go teach a class. He's a professor. We call him the professor round. Yeah, they call me. So before you go, we'll run through the sketches after you go, but. How long is this podcast?

Sometimes it goes for now. I don't know. We've lost control. Okay. But no, it'll be wrapped up within 10 minutes. Yeah, within 10. But but you plug anything. Do you want to plug anything? My podcast called The Grub. It's my new favorite podcast is so freaking funny. You guys are fantastic. You do that with Ann Edmonds and Greg Larson. That's correct. And I also do a YouTube series called

Little Scamps with Xavier Michael E.D.s. I'm gonna pop links to both of those things down below this. Are you doing a show at the comedy festival? I am doing a show just search my name because the title is in comprehensive what's called Phil Anxt. Spell FY, WLE, A-N-G-S-T. I like to make it as difficult as possible for people to come see my show. But you're Ben Russell.

That's correct. Yeah. Ben Russell, thank you so much. It was Ben. I'm sorry that I have to go. And what do you, sorry? Ben Russell's. At Ben Russell's.

Yeah. Great. Yeah, all that's going to be down there. Yeah, bless you both. Hey. And peace. I touch you with my holy hand. May our souls fuck in the sun forever.

And our suds mix mix our dick suds milky balls yeah go into one another mm-hmm fine thank you bye thank you so much now I will run us through the sketches somehow I think we probably have like 10 or maybe well that's good it's good you know it's good to have too many it's good to have the option to to delete one or two. If perhaps it turns out in retrospect that some of them were a bit inside. Andy, I don't know if that's the case. Okay, let me just start.

NASA finds the sole pyramid in the sun, and then they have to keep concealing it with all their other secrets about the earth being flat and... I mean, it feels like the sole permit inside the sun could be an easier one to hide than the earth being. Yeah, but do have... They have photos and stuff like that now. Oh, well, now they've got to hide those photos. They're like, oh, I see right.

And they printed out a lot of copies. And one guy was standing near a window. Oh, and Gaster Wind. And Gaster Wind came by and they all flooded out like that. Somebody gets their hands on one of those photos. They're gonna know what that is. Well, they're gonna be like this. And all the place has done the bottom.

This is from NASA. Yeah, you're on what a nightmare. This is the worst possible thing that could have happened. Now, the second sketch is, I mean, this is a part of, I mean, it has to be a part of something, but it's about, I guess it's a physics thing, but it's about how no one can control the rocket shaft. You can control the tip, you can dictate where that points, and you can just dictate the

amount of fire that comes from the bottom, but nobody can control that shaft. We create the illusion that you can control the shaft by controlling the head and controlling the bottom there. But if you had pure shaft, if it was all shaft, it would just be nowhere you could tame that. It may him. But that's why you have the head and the base and the anus. The anus of the rocket? Yeah, I guess so. If one is the head and the other must be the anus, it makes a lot of sense. The rocket anus, well, now we see the jets, the initial proportion jets just clearing out the debris from the rocket anus. Anus.

Then there's an elect... It's really a cloaca, isn't it? God damn it, Andy, you know how to sing to my hand. We have an electrician who predates electricity and maybe is electricity. And I think I really like this schedule. Yeah, great. Andy, it's come out of a, you know, really came out of a voice, a characterization of that. Something that we do never on this podcast.

So it's nice to have a bit of a chance. Sometimes I do this. And I do this as well sometimes. Yeah, we sort of both do the same voice. Yeah. which I apologize that whenever Ben did a voice I just tried to do the same voice in the podcast because that's all I've learned. Yeah, that's okay. Look, we're not, we're not as trained as he is. He's the man of so many voices.

You owe it to yourself to listen to the grub podcast here, some of his, his voice. What's his favorite impression of yours? My favorite impression of his is when he does Jordan Peterson. It's very, very good. Then the next sketch we have is tennis on hands. I mean, you know, different materials have been used for tennis courts, but what about hands? We're playing it on hands today.

We're playing it on hands. And it was a roll and garosh. Yeah, roll and garosh. Is that a garage? Is that just another way of pronouncing it. Yeah, Roland Garrosh. Is that a garage? Is that just another way of pronouncing it? Yeah, that's one of the French stadiums. There you go. Then we got new ways of saying final solution,

just so for anybody who is wanting to say something that means that, but they don't want to use the words. Yeah. Then we go, are you over 50? It's time to start worrying about salt. I mean, look, I think that went to a lot of different places, but I wonder whether we could just go deeper on salt. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. You know? I think you should start talking about salt. I think you should start explaining to people why you think salt is bad. I think you should start telling people we're not gonna have any salt on the table, table salt, and then in no way looking

into the amount of salt that is in all the processed food that you eat. But just act as if it's just the table salt, and so don't have that on the table so that your families say when they come around they can't have any salt, when they want salt on their stuff, even though they're fine, and you continue to not have that tiny fraction of the salt in your diet and instead just eat all the processed foods. I feel like you're attacking somebody directly and I actually don't know who it is exactly. Then we have the unicycle slash one wheel, an impression theory.

So that's when somebody's traveling on one wheel, you see it on a unicycle. There's an amount of being impressed. Well, that no, there's none. They're using 100% of the wheels that they have available to. But Andy, aren't you still a little bit impressed that somebody is capable? No. But you're not as impressed as when somebody on a bike that has two wheels is popping a mono. Popping a mono. Yeah. I called it a wheelie, but it's actually a mono, isn't it, when they do it on the back wheel. It's a wheelie, the front wheel. No, no, that's an endo.

Then what's a wheelie? A wheelie's in the back wheel. It's also means mono. Oh, yeah, okay. But I guess, you know, a wheelie doesn't talk about which wheel could be any time. Could be any time you're on a wheel. Wheelzie, as two wheels.

As two wheels. Yeah. I was about to say the exact same thing. Yeah. Shame that a wheelie bin has, we use two wheels on the wheelie bin. We should really, if you want to go on a wheelie bin, you should only be using one wheel. And we should go on a wheelie bin. Yeah. By the way, we're just going back to the unicycle one wheel thing.

There's obviously the highest form of that, of being impressed with that, is traveling on a upside down burning pyramid of one wheel. It's going to be burning as well. Oh, it has to be burning. Burning is a form of turning, I think. Is it? That's a great band name. Burning is a form of turning.

Mm-hmm. Don't you think? Yeah. Yeah. Um, turn, bonus. Turn, bonus. Then we got the Penny Farthing guy. Why do we hate them?

Because they're about to steal our girlfriends. Yeah. Why do we hate somebody on the penny filing? Why do you think nobody rides penny fathoms anymore? It's because we handed them out. Absolutely. Because we were threatened. Yeah, very threatened.

And then we have the local college, Fratt fraternity, who started doing soap shots. Yeah. And that is the origin story of the Sud Buds who go around town, pissing out phones, soap funnels, and cleaning up that town. And they all die really young, but they do so much good in their short lives. All with, you know, all thanks to harnessing the power of like what they're good at. Of binge drinking. Binge drinking and public urination.

And we just turned that around, you know. And it became such a positive thing and it brought the whole town together. Mm-hmm. And all the other towns are now opening up like universities and things like that to clean up the town and they're encouraging drinking. Soap. Yeah, soap. But drinking, you know. Yeah.

And they open up a bunch of soap bars. Oh, great. I was going to say it's squeaky-z, because like squeaky-cleans, it's vacancy, but it doesn't quite work. Oh, that's works enough for me Andy. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Um, thank you so much for listening to the podcast. You know, we appreciate it like heck. Yeah, it's actually the most wonderful thing

to have you guys listen. Yeah. And I want you to also know that despite me having another podcast, this is my number one podcast. Oh yeah, Analystair has another podcast now. I still haven't managed to record a single episode of the Andy Matthews Comedy Sketch Show podcast. Andy, but it's highly anticipated.

And that's what's great about it is that you're building tension to it. I mean, it took me like over seven months to get this thing out. I think maybe I started buying, I started buying like potential images for in like April last year. I'm on, oh, you were trying to get a logo, man.

I was trying to get a logo made on Fiverr. Yeah, and you went and you spent more money and got me to go back and do more work on it. Then you got our friend Pete to do it. Yeah, I got a Pete who appears on the podcast and is a design genius, but we feel bad about the amount of work that we give him and the little amount we're able to pay him. Anyway, it's a good thing he's our friend. Yeah, it's a really good thing.

Anyway, you guys can listen to Shusher Guided Meditations. That's available now, and it's been going well. I think so. I love it. It's so good. And people are giving all sorts of kind feedback. One, that it's actually helping them to relax and even to fall asleep, but also that it's funny.

So yeah, and if you want to review that, that helps it a lot, especially in these early stages, if you want to review it on the Apple Podcasts, or I tune in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or anything, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, if you want to review this show, that makes us feel so deeply good. So deeply good inside.

I mean, Buddha pretends like meditation and the middle path is the only true path of happiness. The only real thing, real path, true solution to being happy that I've ever seen is getting reviews on two and the thing. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. I agree. They're so nice.

They're so wonderful and they never fail to make me feel great. And that's all you guys who have that power within your grasp. And we do check it. I'm gonna say every single day. Every single day. I hope this doesn't sound pathetic, but we check every single day to see if somebody said, nice about something, nice about us, on our podcast, on the internet.

And just know that there is no exaggeration occurring. And while we do appreciate every single positive review, and they mean everything to us, there's also no way that we could possibly get enough. So if you're worried, if you think that it won't have an effect or that you like, it might be too many or whatever. Or if that you're like, oh, now I'm using my dad's phone

to review through his account. Don't feel worried about that. Don't feel worried. Yeah, just do it. Just find the way. Yeah. Oh my god, I'm so pathetic. Yeah, just do it. Just find the way. Yeah. Oh my god, so pathetic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, and you can also, if you, if you, if you don't feel like you can support us through words, you can always support us through money. If you want. I love that spin on it. Yeah. If you don't

feel like you could say anything publicly about the podcast. Yeah, if you're not a person who, who's really in touch with emotions or anything like that, you can throw money at us through Patreon. That is equally good. And that is equally helpful, it helps get Andy out of the deep debt that he's in and the trouble that he's somehow got his family into. That's only partially accurate. And then also you can find us at Two in Tank on Twitter or on, you can find us on Facebook,

but I'm at Alistair TV. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. And we love you. Oh, we should mention we have a show coming up at the Comedy Festival. Oh, the Comedy Festival, it's called Magma at Melbourne Comedy Festival starts at the end of the March and then it stops at the end of the April. Yeah, 21st of April. And there's a lot of tickets to sell if you guys,

they're on sale now. There's also a lot of tickets to buy though, so don't worry. Yeah, and there's a lot of tickets to buy. But if you buy them all and you want to sell them yourself, that's also okay. That's fine. Yeah.

And anyway, we love you still. Love you still. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites. I mean, if you won't, it's up to you. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising.

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