Two In The Think Tank - 177 - "SOCIALISED PANTS" with BRIAN COLELLA

Episode Date: April 2, 2019

Truly colossal thanks to Friend of the Tank Brian for being on this episode. Check out his pod, While You Were TalkingAnother C Word, Vocal Transplant, Chalk Addict, Eye Candy, Pants Table/Maglock Foot, Horse Meetings, World's Fastest Body Part, Fartblast Yeti, FriendoscopyOur Melbourne Comedy Festival show is for sale here: use the promo code TITTT for 20% off full price tickets!Hey, why not listen to Al's new meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereHeartiest apologies to George Matthews for me not getting this to him in time to edit, but thanks to Evan for rescuing the audio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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this podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network visit Planet Broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mites Diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, diff, host, slightly podcasting, the host of three episodes, but there's like many episodes that are half episodes. There's four now, there's four iPodges. Yeah, he recorded one just while you were talking, man. Yeah. Brian Kaloa. Brian. Hello. Hi. Thank you so much for, uh, for being on the program.

Yeah. It's a joy to be here. And the thing is that there is so much joy in your voice. It really comes across. That doesn't. Absolutely. It's so nice to have the same kind of enthusiasm brought in that I bring to the show. Yeah, well, I thought what the show needed was more flat, sort of, neutral, North American accent.

Exactly. Finally, we can balance out Andy's, Andy's sort of harsh, Australian, and his role. It really sort of grates on your, your drums. Wow. It's amazing that you've flown from America to insult me to my friends. But Andy, I mean, I've been in the audience. This is the sort of thing that people would normally reserve for Twitter, but you're very constructive

and friendly on Twitter. Yeah, I've been playing the long game. Yeah. What I'll do is I'll get in there. And then I got some things to say. I've got it. I could hardly say anything worse about your voice than what you said about it yourself. Oh really I don't I don't remember what I've said about my voice but

I do have a low opinion of it generally. I think of it as the trouble to my bass. Yeah I'll take that. I'm Andy Trebley Matthews. I'm Alistair Tromboy's bass troll. Perfect. We did it out. That's perfect. No, it was not a sketch idea. I don't think so. I don't think so, but I was wondering, mate, what would it be like if Australia decided we wanted a new accent? Like we started deciding when I was... Yeah, like that we would workshop something and then we all start doing one. Because at the moment, I think we are at risk of losing our accent to, you know, what, yeah, you know, I mean, I'm already outnumbered on this. Definitely some kind of invasion.

There's some kind of invasion. Would you say that there's a... A vote? A great replacement? A great replacement, yeah. God. I'm so sorry. Do you know what that's a reference to? I'm sure it's something about white people

doing bad stuff. Yeah. But it's actually white people being replaced by other white people with just slightly different voices. Is that a... Is that a thing? Is anyone worried about that? Anyone getting up at arms about just like a vocal trans transplant? There's always been here in Australia, a thing where people are like, you don't say that, that's an American word.

Yeah, but we don't have a problem with British words apparently. No, absolutely. We love that. They feel, they feel, there's a connection, they feel connected, even though you're supposed to be separate. The mother country. The mother country.

Whereas America's, America's like kind of like a brother country. Yeah, a cut-thousand country. Yeah. Cut-thousand country. Yeah. Cut-cut-cut. No.

A cut-cut-cousin country. Yeah. America's your cuck cussing. Yeah. Now let's start calling Caucasians. Caucasians. Yeah. That's my conversation background.

I think that's fun. I think anything that will bother that they're all right. Yeah. I think, oh, this is perfect, isn't it? Like soy boy, more like cuck Asian. Cuck Asians. Is that anything? Is that a sketch?

I think that's what you're saying. Is that your first? Is that a sketch? Yeah. I think that your first is that a sketch, right? Well, see, you know, I was thinking about this before the show because I obviously bring no sketch ideas with me into the tank. Nobody does. My kid. Well, yeah.

Shout out to the baby. We have a membrane. Yeah. An idea proof membrane. I mean, yeah, that was easy also because I didn't have any ideas that had to get filtered out. That's perfect. Past right through. But I was thinking I could contribute

as a lot of, is that a sketch? That's a sketch of the map. That's a sketch of the map. Well, I think we've definitely started tilting more towards finding sketch ideas that bother the alt-right. I think that it's just started to become a theme. It could be the mission of the show. But how is giving them a term like Caucasian, which I believe they would love?

How is that bothering you? Well, are we reclaiming it? Are we coming up with it? And then maybe trademarking it so that we have the power over it first. Now, if they want to use it, and it's going to be such attempting work for them to use, if they want to use it, they've got to pay us royalties. So if they want to insult us, they've got to give us five bucks. Well, I think, I mean, look, I think these are all great ideas.

Thank you. I'll even write down Cuck Asian. Right. Well, no, it sounds like you're just saying Cuck Asian. Well, that's why you don't put a space in it. Okay, yeah, no, I won't. You also have to write down the great vocal replacement. Great vocal replacement.

Definitely, I'll sketch in there. I'm okay with that. Yeah. But back to my thing, and you've got other stuff to say, Alice, then, but I'll just keep going. If we did feel that our accent was at risk of being diluted, we could all agree to move to a different accent, a different more extreme accent. So that it's harder to dilute, something even more intense. We just make up a new one. Is that how Scotland?

I believe that's what happened to Scotland. Yeah, Scotland. They have gone a long way down that path. I think that they've just refused to budge from where they were a long time ago, where is everybody else moved far away. Right. You know, like everybody else continued to move, continued to, let's say, evolve. Right.

I don't think how that could be. Did you ever, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or Je viens d'Aquibac, où le français accent a été envoieuse, depuis les 500-500. Et donc c'est pourquoi il s'agit d'un harsh, et d'un plus menacing, et d'un plus menacing. Non, mais il faut qu'on accuse le scotch accent de être un harsh, mais le menacing. Non, non, non.

Comment vas-tu faire ça, du scotch ? Mais si vous avez fait le fait de le faire, How could you get that from Scotland? But, you know, so if instead of sounding like a good day, a cross-sense, if you play like that, I mean we sound like Ayo, a cross-sense, a barneck, like that, right? So it sounds much more harsher, especially if you yell it instead of sort of say it with a nice soft voice and you change some of the words to the swear words as I did. Yeah, you really got into it. But I think, okay, so, but in order to have a,

like an accent that we move to as a country, I think first of all, we have to have that classic scene where everybody's in a boardroom. Oh, I love it, I love it already. I can see how low the budget will be. I mean, exactly. Production costs are down. It seems achievable.

And you know what it is, it's not even people talking about things, it's people talking about talking. And that is going to save us a whole lot more money. Exactly. We won't even need somebody on the board writing things on the whiteboard. No, we won't even need a whiteboard marker.

No, exactly. So we're saving a time with that. We're saving a trip to office works. Right. Which by the way, if you don't need the marker, you don't need the eraser. Oh my god. So you've just halved our costs.

Yeah. I was gonna get in a razor. You don't need the little ledge that it sits on? I mean, the whiteboard, I was just gonna, if we were gonna bring in the whiteboard, but I was still gonna bring in the ledge, so thank you for saving us on that time. And so now.

I've got another idea, by the way, that I got a hold on to. I'm gonna write it down on my hand. Okay, so we have to have a table. Can we be standing? Yeah, look at that, but I think does that help? Just like, is that how I'm going to look? Okay, so is this around a water cooler?

Is that going to involve us having to get a water cooler? See, because I think it's just people standing in a room doesn't read this meeting. It's got to have a formality. Yeah, it's got to have some kind of suits. We're talking suits. If you want people standing, they could be standing in a crowd while somebody is up on a podium and it could be a kind of a, you know, maybe a meeting in a park or something like

that, but then we might need umbrellas. Well, if we do a table, we can do the suits without the pants. Yeah. That's good. That's true. Yeah. So that doesn't have to be a top of the ass. Yeah.

And underwear. We can do, without underwear, without pants, no shoes or socks. This isn't that. We don't even need actors that have legs. So we can say that's what I'm saying. So that'll be cheaper. I think so. Then you gotta have an accessible venue.

Yeah, that's great. Because I mean, I mean, well, a multi-story level of little more is probably more expensive when it's too late. Absolutely. Perfect. Yeah. Now, look.

With the accent. No, I can't. With the accent. So we need something that can't be... That's a really high-pitched word for you. You're really... I don't know, really. It's an old talking-of-else set-on.

I think that's good. And also, but also something so that you can't... You can tell straightaway if people aren't talking in the right accent. So there's a high pitch, right? That's a good change. But maybe like, what if the, your lips are really closed, like,

you have to talk through a little circle, you have to talk through a little circle. You're setting up a little New Zealand. Well, no, but I'm not. I'm actually talking through a little circle. It's actually, you're forming an island. You're forming an island with your, with your mouth, like this. And then, but you're forming an island you're forming an island with your with your mouth like this and uh but you're also talking like this and so nobody's gonna accuse you

of being a derivative video of the country's now you just sound like a multi-path and doing your female well the multi-path and female acts and nobody's doing nobody's no no nation has claimed that exactly and now that um you that women can be cast in comedy, that's up there for grabs. Exactly. It's just lying idle. Eric idle. Thank you.

I get to go and kill myself. Hey, hey, hey. Wait, not yet. You got to say it with the sneaky voice. What are you doing? Come on, you're not. I mean, oh my god. I think, I think, and we've talked about this in the car, I'm out of the mail! I mean, oh my God. I think, and we've talked about this in the past, the idea that if armies had sillier costumes

would be less likely to go to war. I believe that was something we talked about, Brian. Yes. Yeah, great. But I think also, if we all were talking in a high- high pitched voice at all times, we'd be much less likely to plan wars. Or at least if anyone did try and incite one, we'd be much less likely to take them seriously. Yeah. Well, I think you also have to...

You can't preach high... But that's a big challenge though, because if you want to adopt this accent, we do want people to take people seriously sometimes. Well, that's right. And I think you have to take the accent seriously, because we have to ingrain nationalism into it, and that if you don't do it, you're unastrallion. That's true.

That was a whole point of the other thing. Yeah. Exactly. And so, we're really, we're doing this out of height. I didn't realize we were doing this to divide. This episode is really, we're turning into ideas for things that the alt rate will actually quite enjoy.

I mean, the high pitch voice, they might struggle to get behind, but maybe that'll carry well across rallies and that sort of thing. Does it, no, it's based sounds that travel. Well, in water at least. In water. Yeah. Are we also living underwater? We can.

I mean, we're coming dolphins. It sounds like like training to watch dolphins. Yeah. I think there's a bit of dolphins. No, but look, I had this other thought that I wanted to go for the Caucasian. So yeah. Yes. Do you think dolphins used to just talk like a normal accent? Like a normal accent. Like a normal accent.

But then the dolphins looked around, they looked at us, they said, oh, we don't want to be like them anymore. We didn't realize they wouldn't get a new accent. Well, yeah, I mean, that could just be somebody that they could have made a decision really early on. I think maybe early man and early dolphin probably were much more similar. The sounds, you know, before there was proper language, we probably would have been a lot more like, like that, and then we would have been like, oh, we got all the dolphins were like, that's too close to us. And who's to say what happened first, you know, the talking in a high-pitched voice or the developing of flippers and living underwater? Exactly. You know, maybe one drove the other, maybe it was the high-pitched voice that drove them into the seas.

Well, these sea mammals, they did come from the land, right? Mm. Yeah. So it could have been, that could have been where we split off. Just the judo and accent, an accent dispute.

Sea mammals or camels. Now, let's think about what I just said. So, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. It took me a while. I had to actually see the letter C. Now let's think about what I just did I had to actually see the letter C God or commandless I left initially but but then with the benefit of hindsight you'd like to I would like to retract Yeah, would you like us to take that back and save it for something I was going to say later? Thank you in Invested in... I'd like to diversify.

With, yeah. We actually have a 14 second calling off period on any last on this show. Yeah, we've read your purchase. Yeah, we allow for the mistakes of laughing on rhythm alone. We're laughing to the in-response to rhythm. I'm gonna call one of my co-many festivals shows to laughing on rhythm alone.

Laughing on rhythm alone. That was a, yeah. So with this Caucasians thing, I think because it's a, we're sort of like humorously mocking Caucasians and alt-right with this. And that is actually exactly how they recruit people into their isostyle extremism.

Oh, fuck. Using high-reed. And so you gotta start this kind of, this use that same technique right back at them so that we can start recruiting people into our extremist moderateness. Yeah, can we use kind of like social isolation and sort of, I don't know, disgusting videos to somehow radicalize people into the center.

See, I don't know. I guess I can just be the, I'll be the audience. You can be the arbiter. You can also throw in ideas. I'll be the audience. I'll be the audience surrogate here. Sure. Just silencing now. That's what you will booth the entire audience. Romeo Wood.

In Thailand for $20,000. That's not too bad. It's really, no, actually what I've done is I've gotten you an audience. They're just at a different show. You're right. That's not so bad. Yeah.

I just brokered. So the surrogate is the other show. What's that? I just broke it. So the surrogate is the other show. They're just stating your audience for you. Sweet. But you've done alt center. We have. We have a sketch idea before. We're getting dangerously close to stuff that we can't write down.

Yeah, I mean really good. You're a very valuable voice tab on this podcast because we barely remember anything. We definitely come up with the same sketch ideas. Sometimes on subsequent weeks. But I do have a really great idea. Yeah. Involving a Mongolia. No! Episode one? Episode three? No! Episode one, episode three, song going in the abacue. It's an early one. My God.

Those are the days. Anything was possible. Now, anything is we take anything. But which is very different in that other sketch idea that we talk about using extreme techniques, recruitment techniques to get people to be able to center. Maybe. I don't remember that far. But can I pitch a couple of things that I've written on my hand? You know what you can. All right, I've written opposite whiteboard. Now I don't know that this is an actual... No, you're not whiteboard. No, no, I'm not thinking of whiteboard. I'm not thinking of whiteboard. What I'm thinking is that the bit that does the marking is the eraser.

Right, so that's basically a huge flat felt tip, um, whiteboard marker, right? And then the pen itself is just a tiny little eraser, sort of, you know, pen shaped eraser. So, you know, when you, when you finished, you, you mark over the whole board with black whiteboard marker again. And then when you want to write, you erase it using the little tiny little eraser. That's just the relief etching, right? It is, yeah, yeah. But what it will do is it'll allow you to inhale so much more whiteboard fumes, which is really

the only reason you do anything, I believe. The only reason people get into teaching, into teaching, into, you know, brainstorming, you know, board meetings in the first place. Imagine how sad you'd be, you know, you've got your teaching degree, you've done all that, you've put in the work, you've racked up your debts, you've got a job, you walk into school, you walk into your classroom, and there's a blackboard. Oh, just chalk. And just chalk. Oh, what do you, you cannot get, you walk into school, you walk into your classroom and there's a blackboard. Oh, just chalk. And just chalk.

What do you, you cannot get, you cannot get any buzz of that. Yeah, it seems like maybe at the, at the, at the very, You'd be crushing it up and snorting it. What, I think, I feel like, seeing what you could get out of it. It feels like chalk is one of those things that you could probably get like asbestitis from. I'm not sure you can. That we don't, we just haven't just haven't become a big thing yet. Yeah, well because teachers dying isn't really in.

That's not something the government is worried about. No, no. In fact, it's probably good because you can't fire teachers. You know, once they're in the system, it's very difficult to get rid of them. So if we could introduce some kind of just toxin into the teaching environment, kids are only in their 4 max and we're their 4 maximum of 6 years, 12 years maybe. But teachers, I reckon once they get to 20 years, you really need them to drop off

because there's no way they're still engaged. And I don't know what the situation is in Australia, but in the US. It's bad. In the US, we do have a problem where a lot of people, young people with teaching degrees have trouble finding a teaching job. So this is also job creation. Yeah, but we also have a problem with teachers not sticking around as well, right?

A lot of teachers quit after two or three years. So you've got this problem of, you don't teach your young teachers, but then the old teachers have been there for a long time, you can't get rid of them. So what we need, right, is we need something that is like the whiteboard marker, which is a little bit, does give you a bit of a buzz and is slightly addictive. That keeps people coming back, right?

But then over the long term, kills you. That's good, yeah, yeah. And the math, so yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so there's quite a lot of hardcore drugs available to us in that realm. Yeah, yeah, really we've been doing the research, but we just haven't employed this technology and drugs are our technology.

Yeah, and it kind of has to be basically like the opposite of like Coke's trajectory. So things that we already use like whiteboard markers, right? Instead of like, you know, Coke starting with... This may be a myth, but the Coke started with having sort of cocaine or coca leaf or something like that. Oh, and Coca-Cola. In Coca-Cola. Sure, sure. Yeah, sorry Coca-Cola.

And then it got taken out. Well, this one, you kind of have... We have whiteboard markers. They kind of have a little something, but we know it's not... It's pretty much harmless. But over time, we started increasing the amount of mess that we put in there. Which makes sense. If I was a whiteboard market company, I'd be doing that already.

Especially with the inventive smart screens and even any kind of screen or you know, remember. You've got to fight back. I'd say competitive. Absolutely. Yeah. So look. And finds screens are already addictive.

Right? It's just a different kind of addiction. So I think it's only fair that you level the playing field and Yeah, it'd be a whiteboard marker that it gets notifications as well Just buzzes or something occasionally buzzes and you got to look at it and he goes, oh, yeah, you're running You're in a low on meth and this thing I don't know what the notifications, but that's how they get your brain. I tell you, yeah, yeah. What am I writing here?

You're writing deadly teaching supplies. Addictive. Addictive. Addictive yet deadly teaching supplies. Post-it notes, whatever it is. And did we want to write down inverse whiteboard? I mean, it's a reverse whiteboarder. The inverse whiteboard is a fun technology.

Can you think of us? I mean, maybe it's the first person to come up with the whiteboard. That's kind of what it feels like. It feels like it's a proto whiteboard. And the tower was originally done. The board is white, but really you black it out straight away. And you know, and it's just a big pot of ink. Yeah, the board is white, but really you black it out straight away. Yeah. And you know, and you kind of just, and it's just a big pot of ink.

I think you just, which is dunk this sort of like sponge into any wiggle. Like that. And then you would, and the whiteboard marker was just a stick that you would scratch the ink off of with. Like that. And you go, this is the easiest thing. And it's better than whiteboard because it doesn't give you that chalk, itis. And the ink would have been made

with a little bit of uranium because, you know, absolutely. You gotta kill off the teaching. Well, everything, you know, early, whatever. Oh yeah, it's like, a little bit of uranium in here, out to spice the inside.

So they'll just make that white glow when you stretch it off. I love the, I love to people's early attitude to Uranium, which was... Oh, it's incredible. This has got a lot of energy in it. That must be good in some way. Let's put it in a paint. Yeah.

Surrounder sells it with that. They put it in paint. Yeah, put it in paint. What are the applications for glowing the dark paint, I think, right? No, it was just normal paint. It was just a pretty normal paint. I didn't so I was recently in Mexico and I went to a uranium mine and they had a little museum and some little nuggets you could look at um and why didn't you go to a uranium mine? I have a nephew who's oh I'm so sorry

And you got to get him in there you you gotta get him close to the uranium early on. Otherwise. Yeah, otherwise they don't get hooked and they won't go into teaching. Yeah, okay. But, yeah. No, he was obsessed with uranium. So we had to go.

The uranium bug does bite-turry, right? Yeah. You'll see. You're, yeah, my kid. Because he'll get there. Yeah. Yeah, I hope so. Fingers crossed.

And what did like, does regular uranium look like anything? It's kind of like a yellowish rock. Yeah, it's a gloss. Is that yellow cake? Is that why you get yellow cake? Yellow cake, that's what they feel. They mash it up and then they do whatever and then, yeah. That makes it into yellow cake.

Okay. I guess. I didn't pay too much attention to all the details. But that would have been a uranium oil. Because uranium itself presumably is a metal. Like, I reckon if you had a uranium oil, the yellow cake is what goes into the thing and then becomes, gets refined.

Whatever you need to, that blow people up with it. People up with it. Boil? Blow. Blow people up. Or warm them up using nice warm fish. I mean, boil them up with it is just about the same. Wow, I'm sure, right?

Have we explored boiling as a weapon of war? Have we done anything with this, you know? I mean, I think all you need is a cap. I'm almost certain probably somebody has. Yeah, I mean, I think there's what coldrons were initially for. Yeah, no, in castles, they would drop boiling water down the little coals. Oh, yes, yeah, they would drop boiling water down the little holes.

Oh, yes. Yeah, boiling water. Murder holes, I think, because what they called them. Yeah, the murder pipe. Murder. It was more of a pipe, because you used it for water. Death tube. Death tube.

Yeah, but sometimes it was just skull tube. No, it's got, you got to keep the murder in there so that people know it's intentional. That's right, yeah. But a lot of times, I know the time it was just a blind tube because people can't help but look inside a hole. You know, they can't help but put their little eye on the hole. Even the middle of that, we go, what's in that hole?

Like that, and then there's just a guy up there watching and he pours the kettle down. And we go, shh, like that, he goes, ah my, like that, I assume. Yeah, no, it's a human instinct and... You're exactly right. Curiosity boiled the eyeball. That was the old saying.

That was the early version of the saying, yeah. I thought before people had domesticated animals. The eyeball really does seem like it's something that could be boiled and then cracked open. At least, it seems like something you could cook and it would be pretty nice and a salty broth. No, it doesn't seem that way at all. No, no. Well, you just say that's because you have vegetarian tendencies.

Yeah. But you know, that's all they are. I think that is as tendencies. Yeah, I mean, I think the eyeball is not that, it's just kind of like a firmer egg. You see them in the jars and they look like they've been pickled a little bit. You see them in the jars. Yeah. You know what I don't like when you see eyeballs in a jar.

Is all the extra meat that's the last batch? Yeah, that's the bad part. It was just the eyeball. You're surely thinking where's the toothpicks. Let me poke one of those on the other one. Maybe extra meat. I don't like muscle that on the side. I mean, the extra meat. I don't like muscle that holds on to eye. I don't want that being on there.

All that muscle will probably be really delicious. But, so that's what's gross, but if an eyeball just pops out, and leaves everything else behind. Get that clean. I already had, I already had. I already had. My eyeballs would be fine.

Yeah, it's not the eyeball itself. The ball is, it's one of the most beautiful. It's one of nature's greatest, you know, it's not a ball itself. The ball is one of the most beautiful. It's one of nature's greatest, you know, it's like a gemstone mixed with an egg. What about like, you have a candy store sort of crossover with whatever you call it, the kind of store that would sell eyeballs in a jar. Yeah, sure.

And they put the biology supplies. And they put the job breakers Do you know what job breakers are? Yeah, yeah, like you know a job breakers stop is like a gum stopper Yeah, like a big hard-hearted ball crazy thing And you put like suck on it for ages. You do all gets all sore and you're slurping everywhere It's horrible, but is it a job breaker because they're so hard if you just try to buy it your job will shatter Yeah, it will a job breaker because they're so hard if you just try to cut through it. If you try to bite it, your jaw will shatter. Yeah. It will. It's guaranteed.

It will shatter your jaw. Well, they couldn't call it jaw breaker if it wasn't a guarantee. Yeah. No, that's false out of the way. Yeah, and it's the way it's supposed to. America's very litigious. Yeah.

I'm certain that if the jargon break, they'd be facing a lot. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure there are all sorts of law sorts of suits in the states from people who weren't injured by products who are hoping to be I bet that's my garden. Yeah, but then the meals of the people who did whose jaws did break that they would be ensuing So they wouldn't be allowed to sue because it's called job breaker Oh, but you shouldn't be called warning job breaker Because there may be I mean maybe you're not painting it in a bad enough light.

It said Joel Breaker, but I thought maybe Joel Breaking, having my Joel Breaker would be a good thing. Yeah, whether you were selling it as an opportunity, there's something about the context here that really implied that that's something I would want. But now that it has had, I don't. I feel like there's quite limiting in terms of what I can do with my jaw now.

Also the advantage of, for the job breaker company as the people whose jaws have been broken, won't be able to sail that. That is very clever. They made silence. These guys have definitely workshopped this idea for quite a bit of time before. When you mentioned the lolly store before, it made me think that there should be an adult version of a lolly store, which is like a pick and mix pickle store. Right?

You go there and it's exactly the same as a lolly store, but everything's in jars with sort of vinegar and you get to, you get a little bag and you get to go around and scoop out a lucky, you know. I'm half a kilo. I'm almost certain that there is a store like that in Seattle. I don't know if it's pickles, but it's just a matter of smell going in. It smells like sea salt and intensity. Oh yeah, but it's got to be pitched as that old candy.

Yeah. It can't just be like a health food. And when we think adult candy, we think, what's the opposite of candy? Pickled. Pickled. Pickled. Like sour crout, be a lot of sour crout. Yeah.

I mean, like one of those shoots where you normally have like jelly beans and you just sort of pull it out. And that then pours into the batter. Sour crout, just like white and purple. Just come. Oh. Pickled onions, pickles. Everything, everything can be onions, picker eggs. Everything, everything can be picked, picker eggs.

I pickle eyeballs, yeah. The pressure, they'd be behind the counter though. I don't know, I just get nice. I just wanted to have a store where you have the jawbreakers and the eyeballs next to each other and people come in and get confused. And I thought, maybe, there might be a sketch of that. Yeah, absolutely, they could be a sketch in there.

All right. I mean, my eyeball jaw breaker still. My eyeball sort of biology lab supply store. The store's called eye candy, right? Right. And they sell eyes. And they sell candy. And the candy?

The candy? The candy? All looks like eyes as well. Yeah, because it's eye candy. Of course, yeah. Really they should call it eye eye candy. Eye comma. Eye slash eye candy.

The first eye fell off. Great. Or the first eye is actually just an eyeball. Right. So people don't read it. I love the time you don't read the logo. You don't say, you know, old man with his old southern Thai KFC. You don't read that part. You just assume that that's not part of the actual name. Yeah. Yeah. People don't read pictures. They don't read pictures out loud when they're reading words. No.

But they do sort of a little bit in text messages now. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny, isn't it, when you write a text message, and then it comes up with that, you write a word like school. And the auto, the auto correct gives you the little... ...score. ...emergy there, so you could click on that. But if you click on that, it takes away the word school.

And just gives you the picture. And I'm like, I'd never want that. I only ever want the word and then also the emoji, right? Because I don't think that it's actually an ambiguous, you know? You don't understand emoji then. No, no, I don't. But when you read emoji, it just occurred to me. You don't see the word really. You kind of just, you feel it. I don't. But when you read emoji, it just occurred to me, you don't see the word really, you kind

of just, you feel it. You feel school. But sometimes... And I don't think it feels. Yeah, I don't like to feel at any school. But sometimes they are ambiguous. Things like the school image. I mean...

That could be an all-apartment building. Exactly. Or it could have been school, but that's been renovated and something else. Is it an elementary school or primary school or what I would call exactly? That's right. Is it a secondary school? Is it a high school? Yeah.

And so now. Because at a university. Is it a community college? The only trouble here though now is that you guys are making these points, but then also when you write the word school, is it a school of things? Is it a school of things? It's very confusing. You kind of have to use context in many ways.

In many ways. You have to use context in many ways. And depending on the context. Oh, sure. Determined the kind of way that you're going to use the context. And the only other thing I've got written down on my hand. I never do this, by the way, bro. I don't even think I'm always running things on my hands.

There's so many ideas flowing today. I don't know what it is, but you've got our juices going. It's this giant room. Yeah, we're in a giant room. Fill in the space. Yeah, we're not in the regular podcast studio, which you might be able to tell from the audio quality. Yeah, we're actually recording this on the set of GAMY GAMY GAME, Evan Munro's

Smith's video game TV show on the internet, which if you haven't checked out, it's very funny. And you've announced your NIP on a couple of episodes. And because the Grub, which is Ben Russell's podcast, who was on a few episodes ago, they're all recording up in the podcast studio right now. So we've been displaced. The Great Displacement. That's right.

What's great about this is that we're sitting behind this desk on the chairs with the mics. And it sometimes feels like we're acting a little bit like Ron Camara. Yeah, Andy is definitely sitting like he's doing a morning talk show. Yeah, well it's hard not to, you know, you've got the bench here to lean on. Instead, it's changed my physiology

and remember when you change, not my physiology, it's changed my physiognomy. Physiognomy, yeah. Yeah, it's like a real word. Yeah, has changed my physiognomy. Physiognomy, yeah. So the other thing is like a real word. Yeah, changed my past. Yeah. And that embodied a different. Well, I just appear slavently

at the podcast video. Yeah, you can't be changed. No one will. The only thing I've ever been hearing from them was table pants. Table pants. You were talking about how when you're behind a table, you don't need to wear pants. Are there pants that are attached to the table? A slide right? Could be. That's quite a good idea. Or pants that are sort of drawn on the table or something like that. But I also thought like when people are sitting down, they don't

behind a table, they don't need pants. I mean, sharing economy. I think when you're sitting down, those pants should be going to a pool, somebody else can be wearing those pants. In Singapore, as soon as you manage to get a sketch idea, this is an app. Well, that's absolutely, and I started thinking exactly the same thing once. You're all like, I wonder if this is where you're going with it. In Singapore, they split the school day. So some kids, to make better use of the school,

some kids go from like six until one, and then other kids come in and go to school from one until six, or five, seven, or something like that, it's crazy. What's great about that is that all research shows that kids learn better if they start later, and really don't do that. Yeah, so if they start later and... You really don't do that. Yeah, so...

So if they don't, if they don't start... It's not start-to-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Yeah, it's the optimal solution to deny all existing research on how children learn. And that's why Singapore is doing so badly economically and so shall it. Educationally. Yes. But look, but something like that with pants. How are you picturing the pants traveling? Because I'm picturing a vacuum tube. I'm picturing a vacuum tube.

Fink. Yeah. Like that. So you sit down and the pants just go, Fink. Yeah. Like that. So you sit down and the pants just go, Fink. Which by the way, it just means you have to invent the type of shoe. And this will be a big part of this company. Type of shoe that actually just is exactly the same size and width of your foot. So it's just like a, it's all about this company really is.

It's like, you think that we're in the pants share industry. We're actually in a material that replicates a regular sneaker. It's like how McDonald's isn't really a fast food company. It's a real estate company. It's a real estate company here. But this one, it's all about just a material that gives you the same comfort as a thick soul made out of rubber and whatever. But then it's just so that you can have pants that can get sucked

off your leg. And I don't see why there would be any problem with having a huge, powerful vacuum tube under a table when people are wearing no pants. I think it'll be fine, though, it just goes, I think every table can just have a big hole under it, like that, with a huge fan. Yeah. It's like seeing that like everyone gets a seat down around the table and gets sucked up. It's their pants sucked up. And then the pants go down the tubes into something that's sent.

The pants have been sucked up. Yes. They can have a meeting. They can have a meeting exactly. Yeah. And then we can finally get to, and that way it'll also stop people getting up and just going, you know, like get coffee or whatever disturbing eating tones. Let's go. Okay, but focus.

But then there also needs to be a, I mean, they won't be totally focused because they'll be worried about that vacuum. Well, they won't just be worried about the vacuum too, but there's also going to be a pants gun. Oh yeah. That shoots and launches the pants back onto your pants. When you're ready. Like that. So like that, you might push it then goes, it goes like that. So I think we're gonna have to sort of standardize pants. But also, I think we can also develop pants. They're a little bit, like, it is silly that we have pants.

I know it's cool to wear skinny jeans and that's something, but like the fact that you can't take off your pants without taking off your shoes is stupid. We should have really wide pants. Yeah, parachute pants. Parachute pants. And I think maybe everybody has to keep their feet in like held by two little hands.

You know what, let's get rid of feet. Get rid of feet? I think we can balance on nubs. Could we put club, like what's the moves? Who's? And the hoops. Removable feet. Behooved.

Stay your feet amputated. I'm put on a little, you know. It feels nice. That feels like it could be good. It's like, and so on, that'm churrana a little. He feels nice. That feels like it could be good. It's like, and so on, that are soft like crocs. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, the foot should be just in the shoe. The foot goes with the shoe, right? And it just clips over the end of your numb, yeah, or whatever. There's a magnet in it. Yeah. Yeah, like, neon, I mean. Absolutely, yeah.

Of course. The electromagnetic magnet. Yeah, electromagnetic magnet. Only think so. The electromagnetic. Yeah. I mean, but then are think so. Mag lock? Yeah. But then are we creating? Yeah.

I mean, look, I don't want to find any flaws in this plan. But are we then kind of increasing the energy load? We always have to carry a battery on us and things like that. You can go to plug yourself in. I'll figure out a way to generate electricity. Maybe an old bioelectricity. What about the ground? Could be constantly like that.

The ground is electrified perfect And you won't get electrocuted because you don't have real face. Yeah, right? They're just nubs right now the Because at the moment, right? We have the maglock technology is on the apple Power plug to go into your in your apple Mac laptop and what does that do that means that if you trip over the Oh, you know, you catch the foot, the cord with your foot, pulls out of the computer. But doesn't smash your computer. Doesn't smash your computer. Now, what about instead, we have the mag-like

lock technology on your foot. The plug into the computer is still a solid one, right? That's not going anywhere. Now, you get your foot caught on the cable, you're just... This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers qualify

for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, national average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. There you go, that doesn't make sense. That's great, because then you don't have to rely on other companies to follow in Apple's

footsteps and do the same thing. Put steps. Yes, nub steps, actually. So this works with all your chords. Exactly. Right? Yes. You're now a personal compatibility.

Yes. So we just put it on the feet. And now also, you computer doesn't get unplugged. Right? And if someone deals with tripping over your computer, you shouldn't get unplugged right you know and someone does tripping over your computer shouldn't get unplugged It should be on them to lose their feet Absolutely well you could make your Just to save because sense what about people who haven't installed a new feet the new Mandelok feet sure

Here so you could make the cable now out of like sort of razor wire Razor wire that goes from your computer to the thing. And you could also sort of maybe like put like suction cups under the computer. So it really is that. It's lucky. So anybody, it's got a magnet that attaches it to the desktop. The desktop is electrified.

And you're doing this, I thought you're maybe putting like one of those claymore mines or something down. Claymore mines, what's it claymore mines? It's like, you know, it's one of those. It's a little proxy. How many minds have some kind of, it's like a little explosive thing that it, yeah, you trip the wire and it's shaped a little bit.

So it shoots stuff and it's. Gold nigh on the day that. It's very bad. Yeah, it's probably why not. Yeah, I think, yeah, it's really taking me back, actually, to the 64. But you're saying, you know, you know, it's something really want to really in 64. But you're saying, you know, trip wire.

I want something real on a really tight thin and visible trip wire and then you'll fit. But I want some light speed off. And on slice speed off. That way, those people automatically have to get the mag fee. It's a little increased business for this company. Mag fee.

Mag fee. And they can't complain because it's called slice your feet off technology. So they can't be any court case. Slice your feet up, which is bad, it doesn't. Unless it doesn't get all the way through. Well, that's the way you've got a winning loss in your hands. Well, they will also make it worse.

Let's just clear it hot, really hot. And we'll call it chop into your ankle And then we have it guaranteed that the fit will be sliced off just that your ankles will be chopped into legular damage Can I jump back a little bit to the edge? The pants hole sure yeah, absolutely which I'm thinking got a bunch of people sitting around this table Mm-hmm big hole under them. They're not wearing pants anymore. You know what they're going to want to do.

Deficate. Exactly. You're right. And so this hole could become, in a way, a sort of inverse cloaca. Okay, wait. Yeah. Where instead of everything comes out of it, everything goes in. Everything goes in.

Yeah, okay, I don't mind this. Well, leave it up to someone else to figure out how to keep the pants and the poo from touching. Well, you could have, but, because the hole at the top, it's gotta look like one hole. You don't want the seeds on your chairs to get sort of like any ass stuff on them. Not.

So, the ass, the seats themselves are toilet seats, like that. So you're just constantly sitting on a toilet seat and then they've just got a tube underneath them, which goes to an outer rim. Well maybe instead of pants and the and the waist. They go into different sections like that.

You know, there's a glass in between. Right. I think it's probably important to brand that it's still a clow-acquard. It's still just one hole. It has to look like a cloac on the outside. Yeah, sure. It's very important to me. Absolutely. I think I think it could even have like a kind of weird ball busy looking thing. I think cloac is also have clitoris. Do you think that's going to be important for this? Yeah, sure. A clitoris. Of course, in some way. I'm sure how many beasts have the clitoris.

I feel like an animalist coming on. Oh, yeah. That'll be a- We'll record that episode of Animalistical after this. Yeah. You tweeted about animalistical and I'd already forgotten what it was. It's just a list of animals. It's the one that could take it to the end. You tweeted about animal mystical and I'd already forgotten what it was. It's just a list of animals, ones that can take it down.

I don't even forgot. It was a TV show that can get where you just list animals that can take your deck off. You can bite it off with your jaws and whatever. I mean, we can do other things. Of course, the pilot episode is animals that can take your deck off. I think it's important that the Clarker pipe under the desk can also take feces and that's something because as we've established, once your pants are gone,

you're not gonna wanna get up to go to the toilet or anything that would be embarrassing. You're not getting that to go anywhere. You know, relieve yourself where you sit. Should they be in the meeting. I think we should get rid of chairs in this room. You think that's just standing. I think, well, people standing, all squatting.

Well, I think, and this will also help with getting a pants off user, we should suspend people from their torso. Yes. So like, what kind of thing are you thinking? So like, hoax for the skin? Yeah, I mean, hoax for the skin. I mean, it feels like that's been so done before. Yeah, and so what about like that, just that kind of that weird harness that like a fireman will put around your waistband instead of saving the ocean?

Yeah, I'm very familiar with that. And so when they're saving it from a ravine, they put that under there. I think they even do that with a horse. I think they even get hooked that under a horse's legs if it's fallen into a well or something. So the horse is enjoying the meeting too? Well, that's right. You don't have to park your horse outside. Bring it up. It's been a real pain in the ass for horses and the horses. The horse and then this saves on horse clean up, which as we know is a huge stone. If in the Wild West, then in the Wild West. So we now live. Bring your horses in the meeting, hang them up next to you. Yeah, I mean, it all just goes very-

It's been very little contribution in sort of business, sort of round tables from horses. Yeah. And I feel like horses could at least respond intuitively to emoji. And horses as well. We could have them- They've already got hoved so great for sucking off their pants. Now. And twice as many pants. Well, it depends on you know, that intimate thing

about how a horse wear pants. Well, we need to sign up twice as many people potentially to this thing for every horse that comes in, because are they bringing their own pants? Are we better provide extra pants? I think everyone brings their own pants, or the pants, this is the thing, the pants are owned by the state, right?

So it's socialized pants, okay? And that's why they're being redistributed like that to take, you know, proper, make most efficient possible use of the pants. Yeah, but then I feel like that goes counter to that idea when I don't see. Once we started including, because we were like, oh, well, let's reduce the amount of materials we need to use. Four pants. Well, then that's why we've had to reduce the amount.

Because horses have started wearing pants. There's not enough pants to go around. So we then have to go into this pool pants system. The pants pulled. I guess, please. There's just one other potential wrinkle here. One, with the horses in the business meeting, you might have a problem because they might,

they might only be able to respond negatively. Oh, I need the puzzle. Brian. The nice habit is this is my bike. Yeah. So you might be here. The nose haven't, is this my way to go with that? Yeah, the nose. So you're making me happy. I feel like we've made, we've been making a lot less progress since these horses came,

we started being included in the meeting. Feels like the nose have had it in the last. When was the last time we had a quorum? To society. Everything comes to a standstill. The progress comes to a standstill. While we're moving body parts from our lower half, to help streamline things with the horses in the meeting,

it might be helpful to just go all the way up and replace our legs with horse legs. Well, if we're replacing feet, we may as well just instead of, it's just a whole lower half of the body that clips off with the maglock. Right? Well, but I was thinking for the pants, you want the pants to go on the horses. You want universal pants? Universal pants, yeah.

Absolutely. We're back to universal compatibility. Compantability. Compantability. So. So, then we're becoming to universal compatibility compatibility compatibility way so So then we're becoming sort of almost centors Yeah a little bit was the other one there was the goat one For one I kind of get a close to a call satyr a satyr a satyr I looked up satyrs recently

You know, it's part of the satyr thing is that they always have a massive erection. Well, that's why that Word also means you know stuff to do a massive erection. Well, that's why that word also means, you know, stuff to do with massive erections. Say to you? Yeah. Does that mean to do, is it part of the discourse? Yeah, is that a key word that we'll search for when they're on porn humble?

Probably. Yeah. It has that connotation. I had no idea. I just thought it was just another friendly woodland creature. But that was wrong. No. Man, the erection's gonna make it very, very good. It's gonna make it hard to another friendly woodland creature. And I was wrong. Man, the erection's gonna make it. It's better to get the pants off, I think, the erection.

But then if we're getting horses, why are we getting horses? Because their legs are better than ours. So the stronger legs. Yeah. I mean, but then horses. The horses clearly are better at running than us. They're better at running.

But not on two legs. Have you ever raced one? I've never actually raced a horse on foot. Yeah, so we can't guarantee that you wouldn't win. Yeah, that's true. We can't guarantee that. You're undefeated. But I think most people who have raced horses have lost.

So you might be the exception. Yeah, that's true. I'm not relying. I think over a very short distance, you can beat a horse. Right? You're less weight. You're like accelerate faster. 10 meters. 10 meters, you can beat a horse. Right? You're less weight, you accelerate faster. 10 meters, which is more than one meter. Like a meter.

We got to get shorter running events in the Olympics. Why are they stopped at 100 meters? Let's get it down to like 10. I think that would be a really interesting one. Why stop there? But why stop there? Yes. Fastest man over three centimeters.

The other thing when you kind of of like you move your hand as fast You can't go like that fast like that. They should just do a thing like that where it's like who's the fastest of doing this Like like karate chop. Yeah, it's this Can you get a run up? Can you be running and karate? Joe I think you should be this is the shortest race But I think that could be another run up so the event itself only takes place over very short space of time, but you're allowed to much run up as you want or anything. And it's just who can get any part of their body moving the fastest for an instant.

Oh yeah. Right? And so you run up, you bend back, and you flick, and you whip the tip of one of your fingers, past this little sensor. And now we know who's the fastest, not the fastest man But like the fastest body part of any human. A venue is to a guy who just blanks Do you think blinking is I think I think you get faster than a blink? Blink faster than your finger tap Wonder I don't know what what what what what what is a blink? What about if you had really long hair and you were doing a flip forward

Yeah, yeah, and the end of your hair. And the end of your hair comes with a super sonic. But you just have to be very accurate with your clothes past your time. I'm not saying there's not a lot of skill involved. It's very interesting that the Olympic planners at some point saw their events and they thought, you know, we've got a hundred meter dash or whatever. Let's see what happens over 200. And then 400 and then thousands and then marathons

and then ultra marathons. The no one went the other direction. I think with people's attention spans and that sort of thing. This is what we're doing. This is where it's going. We've got the 2020 in cricket. I got the big bash.

It's about time I moved to the five. I don't know what he's saying. 2020 big bash? You know what I'm saying? Cricket. Cricket. Cricket is often played over five days. Yeah. It know what he's saying. 2020 big bash. You don't know what I'm saying? Cricket. Cricket, you see cricket is often played over five days. Yeah.

It's like a five day turnabout match. Right. But then sometimes they just went, oh, how about you just throw the ball? 20 minutes. Well, yeah, it's like, it's like 20 overs, which is like what, seven balls or 12 balls, or something like that. Yeah. And over six balls and an over.

Yeah, six balls and an over. Now, let's say you've got to tie this stuff. I don't need to know. I've got it. You've got to tie this stuff. I don't need to know. I've got to. You've got to tie this stuff. It's already five years old and it's not been useful. I don't think it's going to be useful. No, it was just useful just now.

You looked like an idiot in front of our friend Brian. Well, I had you here and I've outsourced all the information that I don't need to you. Yep, and I know everything about sport. And that has worked for me this whole time. Yeah. Look, I think we need to go to three words from a listener. Oh, perfect. Perfect.

So I just have to make sure I don't have any sketch ideas right on my hand. Yeah, double check everybody. I'm going to check it. I have written pantalup. I'm just like an antilept that wears pants. Right. Well, I was wondering whether if we've got horses into society, then why not integrate

all animals into society. And so. And the way that we integrate them is by having to wear pants. I think that's really the only way. That is, I mean, I think that's a good place to start. Yeah, I think we take animals more seriously if we didn't have to look at the genitals all the time. Yeah, you know, you see a dog pooping and it's a little dick comes out and you're just like,

that's stupid. I'm not gonna let you make decisions. Yeah, I thought it made it. Of course not. Yeah, but I don't know if I put some pants on it. I think I would. And you'll be taking orders from it. I know, but I missed a dog.

Yeah, I know, but if we did do that then we did. 30 million seven million luggage. Then it might become a moral K for us to poop in public. Oh yeah. And that is. There is a time at least where that feels like it's necessary. Anyway, so our three words today come from listener Brian Kolehwell. We'll ever get to the point where society has collapsed to the point, right? Where it comes off the news that, you know, the government has declared

a state of hyper-emergency. What this basically means is that it's martial law, there's a strict curfew, and it's now okay to poop in the streets. Things have broken down to the point where like, it's, we're calling the brand protocol. You can poop wherever you want. This is... Do you get the, you get the movie The Purge here in Australia? I've never seen it before. But you know the concept?

Yes, yeah. 24 hours where all crime is now legal. It's the purge but just with public defecating. Perfect. It doesn't have to be just defecation it could also be vomiting. Yeah, so the vomiting in public is mostly legal, right? It's interesting that vomiting in public is much more accepted. I saw a guy do it the other night I Had did you accept it or you just sort of frown a little bit at it because that's we don't accept that here

Did you accept it or did you just sit a frown a little bit at it? Because that's we don't accept that here I don't want to get sick. I said no sir. I do not accept. Oh, we see. It's not okay. We Strolled briskly. I want you to know that we're very tolerant towards public vomiting. You know what we call that in all see? We call that a chanda. Is that what that is? Yeah, well, yeah, it is it is a word for because I was really hoping that that was what that was because I really would that was a Lot about the song down under no, but that's what that's what that's what chunder is chunder is to vomit. Yeah, that's an all Z Is it women so that song is talking women glow Mench under according to the karaoke machines. I use it's women glow women glow. That's much better Chunder yeah, you've carried the down under song. Oh, of course

It's a classic. Have you not? No, well, I mean I haven't carried you that much, but If I had what but when I do I always I always do don't go chase some waterfalls. Okay, yeah, absolutely It's a good one, but also I do it. I just wait Caroline by Neil Diamond good one. But also I do it. I just wait Caroline by Neil Diamond. Really? Yeah. I don't do it real bad. Yeah. I think I just think it's funny to go like this go don't go chasing water. You gotta have a gimmick if you're not finding a way. You gotta find an angle. That's exactly. I thought that's what that was. What was that was you too? Yeah but before we go to the three words, I mean, it's not. Malik had time to plug magma because magma does contain a solution to public defecation. Absolutely.

Or at least the version of the show that you saw. Yeah, that's not it there already. It was. It's not until until we realized nobody was enjoying that. I mean, look, you need to be able to stay. I remember. Oh, no. Oh, we've made some serious cuts that people haven't,

or maybe, look, don't come back. Don't have any other stuff. We're doing a show called Magnmer at the Comedy Festival and to listen as a two-in-the-thing tank is a 20% discount code used long-tit TITT. All caps. All caps, baby. That'll get you the 20% off, a full price ticket.

But there'll be a link and the promo code will be in the show notes. And do come because Andy is driving in every day from his house to basically interstate. I need to sell tickets. And two tickets a day. Two tickets a day just to come. His travel calls. And Alistair needs to sell two tickets a day. Two tickets a day just to come. I'm a petrol. His travel cost. And Alistair needs to sell two tickets a day to buy one beer. So I can buy one beer.

To feel good. So that I can feel good and I'm tired all the time. Yes. That goes beer. Beer doesn't well. Look. Beer a window. It gives you that window and it's the first 15 minutes

of the show that gets people in the mood while I'm in a good mood. And then beyond that, I think, as long as you finish with something that's not too terrible, I think they'll think they had a good time. Which I think we've got more than 15 minutes of stuff. So, yeah, so please, thank you for reminding us to plug out show Brian. I've been to the show and I was good and thank you It was great although maybe it's not as good as it was when I was well. There's less public defecating

Suffer some people it might be Now now we can sell the public defecating separately You know if there's a mark enough demand up there we'll put that behind the paywall, right? You know the show pay me the show paywall show Paywall, right? You know, the little premium. Showed Paywall. Showed Paywall. Showed Paywall.

No, no, no, no. Yeah, but there's a bit in the Paywall, there's a second Paywall. Oh, right. And so we get to the end of the show. We say thanks to everyone for coming. Now, we've got a bit of public defecating stuff. If you want to show us five bucks, you know, we'll let you in. You'll have a private little show.

There's two walls. Then it's like a, it's a pay and closure. Yeah. A pay pen. Yeah, a pay pen. Okay. We've got three words from a listener and the listener is Brian Kalella right now. You're not gonna ask Brian to riff on his own words are you? Well, I mean actually they're not Brian's words because Brian he did a call out for words from people. Right. I tried not to take credit for these words, but he made me do it.

Yeah. And also then I just explained how it works. So then everybody knows that he's not credited with it. Alright, so here are the words. Fartblast, yet and protect, to protect, protect, protect, protect, protect, protect, Protractor. Protractor. Protractor. Protractor. Protractor. Protractor. What? Fartblast? Fartblast. And yet? Yet. I don't think there's a bigger contrast in the English language between the word Fartblast and the word yet. I mean, that is that is whiplack. Also, what I did was I asked some people on Twitter to send me words. And I would choose the first word of the first three messages that I got.

See, that's a great idea. So somebody started their started their message with fart blasts. Yeah, and somebody started with yet. Okay? Okay, well, fart blast. I think most of those messages were just one word. Yeah, I started and ended. Yeah, great. So, fart blast does have a sort of a superhero quality to it. It really does, yeah. Yeah, it does make you think of the name of a superhero.

It could be the name of a superhero. I mean, just a manoeuvre. But the, it could be like a Pokemon move. Yeah. It does put me in mind that in my that movie, was it Mystic Men? Mystic Men? Mystic Men?

The Ben Stiller film. Mystic Men? Yeah. It's Ben Stiller's like a... What's it called in the rest of the world? Oh, the good question. Sometimes movies do have a different name in Australia. I think it was called Mystic Men. I think maybe I saw that in Canada when I lived there. Yeah, in Canada. Anyway, it was pretty under the radar show-wise. I don't think it was hugely successful.

And that's because it's not a particularly good film. Like it feels like a good concept because they are just a... It was sort of early, before the modern wave of superhero movies, and they were just like this band of shit superheroes. But then I think just the writing let it down, it doesn't really have a very good plot. Yeah. It's also like there's a guy in there who's super power is farting, he's called the spleen. And it's just a bit gross, like I think there's a split responsible for farts. No, by a lot of people.

No, and I think that's probably another reason people didn't really. That's probably in the movie the boss of the field. He should have been called the colon or the bow. Yeah, yeah. Hank Azaria had a character called the blue raja. That's right. Wes Dudy, stuff studying. Hank Azaria has really done quite a diverse cultural basket.

He's been around, but I think his live action stuff has never, you know, has not served him well. No, because he gets cast in these weird character roles, which should, you know, probably not okay in retrospect. Are you playing a French guy in a long-came poly? Is that what it was? A long-came poly? He's got a great body. Oh. No one's going to accuse Hank Azari of not got a great body. Hank is out. No one's going to accuse Hank as our, if not having a great body. Do you think he's one of the people with the best body and worse careers?

And the best voice. Oh yeah. Right? Yeah. It wouldn't be any popular singer or anyone like that. Definitely not. It would definitely be Hank's area. The guy he does. Is he your moe on the sips and snack y'all?

Yeah. Yeah, maybe, I think maybe usher, man. It wouldn't be any incredibly beautiful, incredibly talented performers. Okay, so their whole life, maybe a myer for their body and voice. Yeah, he could suggest that. Thank you. I'm really glad that you support me on this crime. Because like, I, a lesson man would have used this is an opportunity to sort of ridicule me

in that way for putting myself at it. Traveling low this seems dearly to support you. All right, so far-plast yet protractor. Protractor is a semi-circle, which you measure angles. You know, I know how to protract it. Do you have a different word for that? No, no, no, no. Protractor, yeah. Do you have a different word for that? No, no, no. We call it protractive, yeah.

Yet, yet is a word. It's the beginning of Yeti. It is. Well, you know, far-blast Yeti does make me think of the methane that's going to be released from the Siberian permafrost. Oh, the fun word. Yeti. Yeah, under these global warming consequences.

That's a yes. It makes me think of frozen yogurt. Oh yeah. Like the fart blasts getty. I think it's like a flavor of frozen yogurt. Ben cherry fart blasts getty. I think there's a frereo place in Seattle called Yedi. And the fart blast would be like...

It's sort of like a like a sulfur based one. It's really hard to sell a fart blast in almost any hospitality based in this street. Maybe it's reminding me of like fruit blast? Sure, which I think is... It's reminding me of fart blast. Fruit blast, that's gonna be the barrier there. I don't know if fruit blast is a real thing, but it's a name of a smoothie in a basket of ravens in the movie Ant-Man.

Oh, bear. Let's see, anyway. Oh, big Ant-Man fans. Yeah, well, very blast is a smoothie. It's a popular Australian smoothie shop. Boost. Boost juice. Yeah, boost juice.

So, it could be some kind of healthy thing, like a cleanse type drink that's meant to make you fart. It's just feeling a little bit gaseous, and you need to get some air out. Well, it turns out that the solution to that is actually to just have more gas pumped into you. So what you do is you go into the place, and it's just like a tube you put into your mouth and you close your mouth over it like that and you really got to open up your what's the air tube call the soft figures or is that the end of the food tube? Yeah. So the air tube is probably

the air tube. You open up your air tube. You know like people like skull beer by just opening up their food tube. This one you got to open up your air tube and skull this air, and it just basically creates a wind passage all the way through your body. That's not gonna work out. Not with your ear tube. It's gotta go down your esophagus, right?

If you wanna blast through the digestive system with the fart blast, it's not gonna be going down your breathing tube, is it? Because the lungs are a dead end. I mean, are you trying to say this is a real thing? No, well, I'm saying this this is what the first one is. This is what the first one is. So, yeah, you got to open up your air, your softening.

I think what we're really pitching here is basically a gas-based enema, right? Because at the moment, the enema is liquid, right? And we, what are the things that were so far, we pump into our digestive system, liquid and solids with foods. But there's no gas-based... Well, you say that. Yes. liquid and solids with foods. But there's no gas-based. Well, you say that. Yes.

This is reminding me of my youth a little bit. Yeah. I briefly worked in a colonoscopy clinic. Wow. In your youth. Like as a boy, like as one of those. During college. Sort of a street-arching son of a lift.

My summer job during college. Wow. And when you wanted to make hell on earth. My summer job during college. Wow. And when you... What did I make out on earth? I was in orderly, basically. I rolled people in their wheelchairs up to their cars and then I helped them... What, endoscopy? A colonoscopy, client.

Oh, colonoscopy. Sorry. Yeah, no. Colonoscopy. Sorry. Please, please. Did you give people an endoscopy clinic really? Because I did both ends.

I didn't know that it was called end because of the ends. Yeah, and it's been a... It's misleading because the anus is really quite close to the middle. That is true. It should be going in your feet. But it kind of is the end of the middle. When we cut off our feet, we can put a hole there so you can do a true endoscopy. Oh, when we cut us off at the waist, finally the anus will be the end.

Or make a lot more sense. My will be anus come off with the rest of the body. I think you've got to keep the... You'll have a hole. I think you've got to keep the anus as part of the top half because otherwise you are then trying to plug in a new anus into the... Yeah, either way you have to put something there, it's easier to just leave. Yeah, I think so.

Unless we can come up with a really good connector, and then the anus can be disposable, and when you go to the bathroom, rather than having to wipe it, which does seem crazy, like reuse it. It should be a disposable thing with a new one. Yeah, exactly. There's rather than a toilet one. Yeah, exactly. There's rather than a toilet roll dispenser,

there's just a rack of inuses, and you take yours out, it's a flushable inus, you flush your inus, and then. Well, then there's gonna be a fat burger of anus and I'm gonna go into like, in the sewer system where they're like, oh, we thought they were flushed, but one of them turns out all these inuses, they do. They don't break that out.

They don't break down on the old glue together. They one turns out all these anuses, they don't break down. They don't break down. They all glue together. They create some super organism of anuses. The great Pacific anus pad. Exactly. An anus is this big floating anus bird that's sinking ships all the way through. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I think it almost works too well. You don't like things that work too well. It's good. You know, it's like symmetry. You know, symmetry isn't beautiful. It's just things that are going to be slightly off. Well, I hope something in this episode is slightly off to make this beautiful. Well, that so far it feels perfect. I was just going to, what I was going to say with colonoscopies is when you get one, the

little machine, the colonoscope, pumps air into your colon as it goes. Oh it does. Because your colon is by nature. That's so it can breathe. If there's nothing in there, it just like closes up, right? Well, so you can see with the camera that's on the end. They have a light on there too? Yeah, there's a light.

Or is it just like a UV? There's a light, there's a camera, there's a little air that they blow in, there's a little like pincer thing that you can grab stuff with. Like you grab a little polyp with your little thing and snip it right off. You never got to use a, if you took it.

I never got to use one that was inside of a person, but I got to play with the little control. It's very fun. And like wiggles around like a snake. Did you ever pick up anything with it? Like, no. No, like pick up like a cotton like I'm like I'm like a cotton right with it. No, I didn't get to do that. I got to do some other really fun stuff I can tell you after.

Things that are illegal. No, just things that are maybe immoral. I'm just five. Did you get to do possible? Did you get to endoscopy yourself? No. Just things that are less funny. Okay, what about this friendoscopy, right? It's a social thing. You know where we get together. Yeah, social of it.

It's like a dinner party. This is mobile van, comes around and does endoscopies for everybody and everybody gets to look inside, everybody's anus. And you do like a sleepover where you're braiding each other's hair. It's just have a little circle in each person. I think that's actually cool. Some of those bands that bring over poker chips. Exactly. Poker chips.

So you can play, but it's just like, it's just a guy's a nurse. And he's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody can either do one end or the other or whatever. You can squeeze each other's polyps if you don't have a go at it. Oh, my ass is so, so from last night's friendoscopy. So is that app? Is that else sketch? a fart blast yet?

Friendoscopy then. Yeah, but also I'm gonna write down this permit frost methane one because I think that's that a good thing. The whole thing that says. What is the sketch from permit frost methane? Well, the fart blast yeti is the name. You mean like a news report? That's saying the yeti fart blast has devastated the...

They're calling... Whatever. ...the climate. It was Russia. Yeah. So, yeah, people out in Siberia were the first people to tweet about it. There's like, there's this horrendous smell that's been emerged from there. And they were calling it the Yeti fart blast.

Like that, right? Turns out it was when all this methane got released and it's the beginning of catastrophic climate change. Okay, it sounds funny. And the cause was a bunch of school kids measuring some angles with the protractors. The friction from their pencils was the last bit of heat energy needed. I often wanted if we could identify what is the, who it is who's responsible for releasing the, because there will be one, the one carbon dioxide molecule that does tip us over into runaway catastrophic climate change. Because then we'll be able to say that it was their fault. Right, and then we'll just be one.

We'll blame one person, we kill them, and you know, justice has been served. Yeah, and we can get on with our lives, and we won't have to deal with the recriminations, because otherwise, they'll be heaped. We just find that one person who did it. Did he go be an Al Gore? Do they imagine?

They are. Yeah, they're probably amazing. That's an inconvenient truth, Al. Mm-hmm. Now, should I run us through the schedule? Run us through the last thing about colonoscopy, absolutely. Yeah, you can just a funnel wood. After you get your colon filled with air, then they take you out,

lay down in a bed, and you just fart. Wow. And it is like an orchestra of fart blasts. Like is in just like a whole bunch of people around. Yeah, there's a whole bunch of people who are just finished up there. And all the same room. Yeah, it's a big room and there's like curtains

around the bed, it's like a hospital, you know? Yeah. And the curtains are billowing obviously. And the curtains are a fair bit of air. Billowing from the fart blasts. I mean, have you ever recorded that on your phone? No. I think that is unethical.

Well, there's no identities of it. And also, I don't think orderly's do, I'll say he would try to go. We also weren't allowed to carry a phone around with us and you weren't really want to because it might get poo molecules on it. Yeah, right. So I think you'll find you might get poo molecules on it. Yeah, right.

So I think you'll find you'll get poo molecules anyway. Especially the amount I use my fun on the toilet. Yeah, but that's your own poo molecules, which... Yeah, probably. Well, you've got children, so. Yeah, everything I own is... Don't touch your... 90% poo molecule.

Yeah. All right, I'll take us to the sketch ideas. I got cuckage and I've written down cuckage, right? I'm going to if it's just a term that we start using to annoy the alt, right? So, new soy boy. But I think it's how we're also going to start bringing people, recruiting people just into the center, but not the alt center, just the regular center. Yeah.

Definitely not the alt center. Yeah, something alt center, that feels like another idea. Then we got the great vocal replacement, is people are worried that the accent is changing and being too affected by countries or other. The government decides to, we're going to change our accent and it's going and we're going to change our accent and it's actually going to be a really high-pitched screech. Smallmouth screech. Yeah. Smallmouth screech.

Yeah. Then we got the... That's my jazz name. Adictive. We got addictive, but deadly teaching supplies to increase the continuation of young teachers in the industry, but also getting rid of the dead wood. Then we got the iBiology supply store slash jaw breaker store. Oh, I can't be wearing it. It's called eye eye can be. I can't be. I don't believe that.

But the first eye is a visual. All right. I'm going to go like this. I drew the eye. I don't do that little. I have noticed for drawing the eyes, people always put that little, that little, people are good at at drawing always put that little square where you can see the light reflecting that seems to be a key to drawing. We're not a divin-share invented that. Yeah, it was square. Yeah, the square where you can see the light. Yeah, and then we got the pants table shame.

The way pants pants table share. Sorry. That's the sharing Well, it's the it's the nationalization pants and But the the efficient size Asian for fissionization of You know, all your pants get sucked off and then they get given to other people I do I do I want to just add the detail of that like all the tubes have to go to some centralized area where there's like

a whole lot of people working, getting the pants, rolling them up into the right configuration, shoving them back up of another tube to, you know, get sucked off to wherever they've got to go. Yeah, or blown off. Blown off, yeah. Then we got, you know, also horses get added to society and progress comes to a stand so because business progress. Business progress. Social progress is now running at a breakaway pace because it should fast horses up. But also in government if there's any sort of horses have any seats in parliament which they don't use by the way. They should have like a little stable parliament. which they don't use by the way. They should have like a little stable,

stable, and parliament- Stable government. Stable government. Stable government. It would be great to have a stable government. It would be, wouldn't it? Then we have a short-a-speed event. Which is just this.

Well, you're gonna go, you're gonna whip in your hand. You're gonna whip in your hand. You're gonna go, you're gonna go, whatever it is, you gotta get as fast as you can. What's the fastest a human body's ever gone without

any bit of the human body. Any bit. I think you're, I think you're idea about the end of hair being the answer is probably going to be a great hair really long. Yeah. Wip it around. Yeah.

I'll be interested. Going to be how to bait that, I reckon. Yeah, but I think, you know, that'll be interesting to watch people try to do this. And I think the first few years of this will be interesting because you'll see people really try new things until people figure out what the... Yeah, see that, I think the great thing about that is you do see people try different ways. Most of the events we've got, especially in the Olympics,

right, it's very structured. Everyone knows what everyone else is going to do. I don't think there's been a big great leap forward since the Fosby flop. Yeah. I think it's been... You know, the Fosby flop? Is it something to do with jumping?

It's not like it. Yeah, it goes over back. Would you say it's a great leap forward? I don't think it's a leap forward, dude. Well, then there's the, you know, recently there was like the quadruple axle and ice skating. Yeah. That's really just a triple axle with one more axle. But no one's really trying something different to win in it. So we need an Olympics where you have to try different

things. Triple backflip. I think that's the last thing left in ice skating. But that's also just a double backflip. It's one more. Okay, well how about this? Make a McGinnis presso coffee. Yeah. Okay. Well, I want to see someone use your body. Put their hands in the skates and do that. Or put their hands in the ice, actually do ice breaking. Yeah. Like you need to get a zambonia for every time.

There's a nice skate. Skates so fast they melt the ice and then they swim. Exactly. And then they do some synchronized swimming moves. But they do it out of sync because no one's tried that before and maybe that's actually. No one's ever tried to do synchronized swimming out of sync. On purpose. Yeah. Then we got the fart blast yeti which is the the permit flow frost methane moment moment of and there's a protractor in there. And there's a protractor in there.

Well, protractors are often made of plastic. So maybe, petrochemicals, yeah, something there. Yeah, it's there. It's all there, it's definitely there. Yeah, 100%. 100% is all there. Well, I mean, like a warming, that's all about measuring things in degrees. We got it in degrees, you measured degrees on a protract.

Different types of degrees. But still. Still, it's degrees. It's a things in degrees. We got it in degrees. You measured degrees on a different topic of degrees, but still. Still, it's degrees. It's a question of degrees. We got all three words in there plus one letter that wasn't even asked. And then we got friendoscopy van, which is a guy and there's comes over and brings you a thing so you can look inside each other.

After you can eat also, you can eat, oh, I just had Mary's cake and then you can get the thing down your throat and you can see Mary's cake and your gut. Hmm, huh. Say how it's digesting. You can watch them vomit while they're getting in the doskeby. The people vomit while they're getting in the doskeby? You have to do like a few days of not eating

and you do like a special cleanse and stuff. So you can still go up. Yeah, you can do that. Yeah, but nothing will come up, I guess. Except for bile. I don't know. It feels like you're not a guy. My career, my career as a gastroenterologist was very short and did not include any schooling. You're right. And I didn't actually see too many endoscopies. It was mostly all butt stuff. Yeah, right. Well, I'm really starting to hear about that.

So I want to know whether when you wheel all those people who've just had an endoscopy through the mouth, whether after that, you wheel them onto a room in the room and they're all burping. I don't know. But, but, but, but. Should we do the song when they need to go there? Yeah.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and my hat on backwards in the sun. Having a lot of fun. Hey! Bro, thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming out of the program. Thank you.

Yeah. What can people follow you and find you and pursue you? I don't know this. I'm something to think that maybe you don't have an ego. You know this. You were selfless so the egoless person who doesn't doesn't seek, you know, riches and fame. Are you in some way not insecure and desperate for the adulation of the massive people you've never met. You have like an inner confidence? Do you prefer getting messages on Facebook, Messenger, that are like, grayed out, where it's from someone you don't know, or do you prefer getting them from friends who you care about? Because I prefer the ones that are grayed out, like some total stranger, like a stranger

wants to contact me. This could be good. My life could change greatly after this message. What about the latter, definitely? I think it's from friends, real glad. That's healthy. I will mention my podcast, which is called While You Were Talking. You should be able to find it on iTunes, Apple Podcast,

which is statistically apparently where most people are listening to it. I will put a link to it down below. Is it on Spotify? It's on Spotify too, it's on other ones, but according to the data, nobody uses those services. Shushur has started getting about 20% of its things from Spotify.

Alistair's podcast Shushur, which if you haven't heard about it, it's a meditation podcast. I did meditation. I listened to it last night when I needed to fall asleep. Yeah, it was great. Sleep episodes are the ones where I don't wake people up at the end and they've been getting bigger. I just fall asleep before you do the waking up bit and it's...

Every episode to sleep episode. And then you can't get me once I wake up. That's true. I try. Oh boy, I should start going... I start weighing up! Yeah, that's true. I try. Oh boy, I should suck. I start weighing up. I know people don't want that really and so yeah, but whatever. Cool. Well, you can find us on at two in tank and I met Alistair TV and I met stupid old Andy and If you want to come to magma links down below, it would really help. Look at ticket now. Seats available.

Yeah, it would really help Andy out. Yeah, I don't need this. I don't need this. I don't need this. I mean, I'm unemployed for the next two months or whatever, maybe more. And then I've got a wedding to pay for in the middle of it. Yeah, mind-witting.

But the thing is, is that I put more priority on Andy's financial issues. You've been really good to me recently, Alistair, and I thank you for that. No problem. And we love you. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. I mean, if you won't, it's up to you. 3.

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