Two In The Think Tank - 178 - WARNADO" with MATT STEWART

Episode Date: April 9, 2019

Omnigratitude to tankmate Matt Stewart from Do Go On and Prime Mates. GO SEE HIS SHOW BONE DRY - it is EXCELLENT.Ye Olde Uranium Mine, 1700Ville, Beeriodic Table, Skate Rat Life, Hair We Go, WarnadoOur Melbourne Comedy Festival show is for sale here: use the promo code TITTT for 20% off full price tickets!Hey, why not listen to Al's new meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some swag....and you can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Two in the Think Tank is a part of the Planet Broadcasting family You can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereHeartiest apologies to George Matthews for me not getting this to him in time to edit, but thanks to Evan for rescuing the audio. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Today's episode of Two in the Think Tank is brought to you by on a flowing, on a river of magma. Magma, our comedy festival show at the current...

Comedy festival. ...in Cumban, Comedy Festival. ...2019. ...2019, the Comedy Festival of that year at Melbourne. Yeah. Melbourne International Comedy Festival. By tickets immediately, because... This second.

...because there are only 13 shows left and we're running you're running at a time. Yeah, and I would hate for you to die in general, but also without saying a show. And we'd like to present somebody else who has a show on. Yes, Matt Stewart. Matt, welcome on to the bit before the podcast. I've been on the bit before the podcast before. Yeah, this is the real podcast, as far as I'm concerned. I've been on the bit before the podcast before. Yeah, this is the real podcast, as far as I'm concerned. I've done, yeah, the pre-show.

Let's get pumped up. Do you have anything to plug, Matt? I have always got too many things to plug, but I'd love to plug. You're a gacha. I'm a gacha. Yeah. I'm a big time squirter.

Is that, no, that's fine. Okay. This is the kind of stuff you can say in the pre-show. That wouldn't be acceptable on the show. That you can say in the pre-show. Right. That wouldn't be acceptable on the show. That's why I need so many plugs, I guess. But I, that was your point. That was my point.

I thought I'd come around and have a go at myself. Yeah. Because it looked like fun when you did it. The show that I'm doing at this, the incumbent, which means that it could be voted out. Sure. At any moment. At the moment, it's still the incumbent. which means that it could be voted out. Sure, at any moment. At the moment, it's still incumbent, I haven't called an election. Yeah, but I, doing a show called Bone Dry, it's the Chinese Museum, seven o'clock.

Funny to describe it as Bone Dry, because you're such a gacha. Oh, we gacha. That's the ironic nature of the title. The show features Alstehranboi Burtul, and in our invoice, yeah. Sorry. It's a good little.

But the listeners of your show, that's how they know you. Who's saying he's going to send you an invoice? Oh. For that little bit of pre-recorded audio that he did for the show. Yeah, well, I've got him in multiple times. So he really, yeah, I'd hate to know what that invoicing is. But this is a great plug as well to get people in for the podcast. Because you're basically, you're telling them,

if they go along to this live show, they'll be able to listen to Alistair's pre-recorded voice, which we know because they listen to this, is a thing that they love. Exactly. And if anything, they want like magma, because that's my voice, and it's not pre-recorded at all. They did consider pre-recording all of Al's parts and and having him lip sync I would still fuck it up. Yeah. Yeah Well, should we go into the music? Absolutely we should I really like the bit where you came in, man. I think, yeah, I get the floor. You pulled it all together.

I had to force amusing peer pressure. Well, peer pointing pressure. But I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I know when I come on here, I just like to sit and watch you guys work. Well, that's very nice. Just nice to be close. I guess we could just live stream and then then just, you could buy a subscription service

to the stream. That'd be cool. Where people say take a long walk off a short pier, you know, that expression? Yeah. Yeah, you don't need to take a very long walk. Like it's pretty much the same length as the pier. Like it's one step longer than the pier.

If it's a short pier, you're taking a short walk. I mean, if the walk you're talking about is the walk off the pier, then it's barely a walk at all. It's just step off a pier. Yeah, wasn't it? One step. Are they talking about walking into the ocean? Like, once it's the long walk, beyond the pier? Sure, but that implies that the pier is in such shallow water

that you could fall off the end. Well maybe you're carrying a big rock, okay? And then you walk on the ocean floor further out to sea and rearing your big rock. I am a feeling they're suggesting that you are drowning yourself. Yeah, it's just that they're one of the few socially acceptable ways to tell someone to kill themselves.

I think so, because that is a pretty common expression. Really? If I'm definitely the first time I've ever so. Because that is a pretty common expression. Really? It's definitely the first time I've ever heard it, but... Okay, it's pretty common. Is that an Australian expression? No. You've only been in Australia for 20 years now. Yeah, for 21 years now.

So I've probably... It's one of those ones that shows up in the 22nd year. Maybe I didn't get that one in Canada? They don't get it in this part of Australia. That part that's around me. They're one meter radius. I think there's probably a bunch of socially acceptable ways to say a hope you die. Well, I think that on Twitter saying delete your account is basically saying kill yourself.

But in Twitter terms, it's the equivalent of, I want you to cease existing in this reality. And long walk of short peer, is that? I want you to stop existing in this dry reality. Build a bridge and get over it halfway over it and then jump off. Jump off like the Westgate off. Like the Westgate. Yeah, the Westgate. Wait, what's that dry reality one?

That was that. Is that a fake one? That was just a matte riffing off the concept of I want you to stop existing in this reality. Oh, and this dry reality. That's the dry land. That's the dry land that we are currently in. I thought that was just another common thing. It is just for course, it is now. Another way is I want you to get off this platform,

which is, you know, Twitter, but then jumping off a bridge is getting off a platform. Once you get off this platform, the train station. Deep platforming people is a really accepted method of like removing the, you know, the mouthpiece given to the far right on, you know, on social media, on YouTube, on, you know, when they get to do a speech at a university or something. But it's also a way you can push somebody in.

So the train. Yeah. Yeah. Deplatforming. I've taken deplatforming to a whole new level. To take away their mouthpiece, like a sort of an alt-right person's mouthpiece, in a real life is actually just to take their mouth. All their trumpet.

Yeah, that little bit at the end of the trumpet, which I don't know if you need that really. You could probably just blow into the pipe. I don't know a lot about trumpets. No, I think that shows a real misunderstanding of the trumpet. Do you think it's just blowing that they're doing? Blowing.

Yeah, that's not what you said. You can just blow. Look, I have a theory that the trumpet, well, that maybe more the trombone is really just pretending. You're all making a sound. You're just making a sound. So you're saying the trombone,

why you still got, boom, boom, boom. I reckon, but you are kind of pretending to make the sound by going, is you're going, like that. It's not really what it is. That's the sound you going, is you're going like that. Is that really what it is? That's the sound you're making. That's the sound you're making. That's how I'm pretty.

That was remarkable. That was a lot like a herd of elephants. Yeah. And then this is going to be more like an F1. You were a man of many voices. I'm the man of many lip vibrations. Wow. I can have a lip, you'm the man of many lip vibrations. Wow. I can't believe you made the ellipsis three different things.

Yeah, yeah. It was pretty good. It was a farty sound, an elephant, and as a... Can you do the cheeky chimp? What's the cheeky chimp? I do it like that. Yeah, that's a cheeky chimp. That's it.

No, that's a kissy chimp. Oh, kissy chimp. Yeah, a cheeky chip. Oh, kissy chip. Shh. Yeah, horsey chip. Horsey chip. Yeah. That's a loose. I loose anus. Anyway, we've got to move on for this.

We do? I think we... Are there any sort of full lip-based languages? What if there was a civilization that never discovered the voice box? The voice box they did all their articulation using only the lips. The lips and maybe the teeth, like... Oh! Oh!

Oh! I wasn't expecting that to be so visceral. I would have thought that normally the mouth sounds that people are uncomfortable with are the wet ones. No, I prefer dry ones. But this is just a bit of a clip cloth. Yeah, I think, I think, if you, that's just one step away from hearing crunching. It's bone on bone, isn't it?

Yeah. And also, if people did speak in that language, then particularly with the wear and tear on your teeth from speaking like that, you would quickly lose your ability to speak over as you got older because you would break your teeth. Well, maybe you will just reserve those things for really special occasions. Special occasions, you know, birthdays, yeah, or words that we don't use all that often, or sort of hate speech, maybe. Oh, right.

So once again, you know, this is a thing where a big on as a podcast, is consequences for people's actions. And if it all had speech, you had to be done with teeth, you know, smashing teeth, it would also mean that the elderly who lose their teeth would lose their right to be sort of racist, which is probably good. I think those two things probably coincide quite nicely. And it mean that racism is left to the young,

you know, the people who, exactly. Well, it's based more on it. Instead of it's more of a current racism rather than an out of date racism. I think, well, look, that is probably all that our awareness of racism is, in our section of society. It's just like, we notice the, you notice when your parents say something racist,

but you're probably like whatever the kind of, that we do without realizing it in our youth, state of youth, we obviously don't notice, right? But when your parents do it, you're like, oh, you're doing old person racism. Oh, I'm really uncomfortable with that. We need this new one that we've discovered, or not discovered, which just flows out of us. Like seeing your parent with like an iPhone 3.

Mmm. You go, oh, it's so embarrassing. That'd be racist. Put it away. I can't picture your parents being racist. Um, great. I'm, uh, don't, and I'm not suggesting that they are at any way. But there are things that are just part of all the people's vocabulary and all the people's way of interacting and that sort of thing where you're like,

oh, I clearly know. I've had the firmware upgrades and this is no longer compatible with my operating system. Say, for example, I used to have an aunt that if we went into a restaurant and there was somebody from a particular continent, they would bow. Yeah, you know. So that's a good example. Hey, that's not it, hon?

No, I think I'm not sure. I mean, anything anywhere. Right, you need a food when they would bow. Yeah, your parents always bad on them. And my parents, whenever they go into a place where there's all these people from the 1800s, they always kick, curtsy. Oh, yeah. When she has to the gold rush.

Yeah. When she has to the gold rush. Yeah. When she has to the gold rush. Yeah. When she has to the gold rush. Yeah. When she has to the gold rush.

Yeah. When she has to the gold rush. Yeah. When she has. Silver and hill. That's a lot of kids singing out there. Victorian tourist attractions. Yes, you can go along, you see people in old dresses and stuff and they sell you boiled lollies and whatever. You could pan for gold and a little trench there where they apparently they see a little bit of gold, which is amazing. They put little flecks in there. So there's always something for people to discover. And if you don't have the patience for that, you can just buy flecks in the shop.

Sure. Which is pretty cool. Yeah, that's really nice. I mean, is it, I guess, is gold, gold just isn't that valuable, is it? Um, gold is not that valuable, no, it's one of the noted things about gold. But it's not that valuable. But like, is there one of those kind of like sovereign hills, like places for for mining uranium or mining platinum? Yeah, one of the germanium, what's one of these ones that are a very specific one that you need for making an iPhone? They're always like... Probably germanium. Yeah, germanium. There is another one, isn't it? From the Congo, the Congo, you can't get it.

It's the only place where you can get, you know, it's like that. Adementium. Adementium. By. I think you've gone into the marvel, you know. Oh, I know. An optanium.

That's probably what it is. Anyway, it's one of these ones. So I just picture it. It's like this and everybody has to get dressed up like. I've just sort of a slave child or some kind. Is this a poor taste? Well, I think the mining uranium one is quite interesting. Like I like the idea that you go along there

and you get in some sort of radioactive soon, you get to go through the process of decontaminating yourself. Ye old uranium mine. Oh, that's awesome. Now go through Ye Old Eye Wash. Yeah. So, you got some radioactive material in your eye. Yeah, and then you got like, they,

because then the gold rush runs its little old schools. So you go to the schools where all the kids have mutations. Yeah, that's great. That could be fun. Did you watch the dark, the dark tourists? No, Netflix. He just goes to some part of Russia where he would test a lot of nuclear weapons and him and another guy.

There's mostly on the other guy's recommendation. There's this lake that's basically was made by the Russians testing this huge bomb in the ground. And they're like, oh, it's going to be like, oh, well, let's just swim in it. Like that, and they swim in it. And he just does this. And they just do it.

And it's just kind of a little, you know, it's a little muck around. But then later on, somebody takes them to like an orphanage where kids are genuinely just deformed from swimming in the light. Not from swimming in the light, but from living in this area, from things like that. And then you go, ooh!

A little lake swim is so fun, though. Yeah, it doesn't really seem... I think we were made a bit chinky before. And they all feel a little bit of a ducca. Oh, I was there, like, a look on their face, kind of moment with them. Yeah, I think we're doing both kind of... We're like, oh, sorry about being so...

That's what it is. It is tourism. I mean, it's in the title that you are just sort of going and being like, oh, what would it be like to live in your crappy corner of the world? Oh, yeah, anyway, back home, so yeah. Yeah. Oh, I had a tough time getting here as well. It's a bit... Part of it, part of it. Part of Doctorism and going into is also feeling bad.

Feeling bad about the fact that you are doing this. We're feeling good. Yeah, you're feeling bad about the fact that you're going to feel good when you go home. Yeah, you're going to be like, all that was a great trip. Had a really good time. It was very exciting. And it got to make a TV show. I got paid a lot of money.

Yeah. Anyway. It's the guy, the tickle guy. You know, the tickle guy. Do you want tickle? Almond? And we're back. You know, I went, you talk about this as a pretty wild idea, the Uranium gold fencing. I went on a similar thing as a kid. I went to Hazelwood Cole Fired Power Plant on their open day. Got a little show bags. Got to take home bits of coal. Are you serious? Yeah. Wow. That's a parody. That is, that feels like a parody of a Willy Wonka situation. I didn't like it at the time.

I was like, I was an outing, a bit of a fun day with a family. My god. I went there with our family. Friends asing, a bit of a fun day with a family. My God. When they were their family, friends as photos from the hard house. It was with the family. Yeah, we all were the two families on the internet. So it was like a school thing, we were like, we're gonna learn that electricity comes from.

It was a stewic family outing. Let's go down to the Hazardwood Power Plant and get a little bag of coal for the kids. Yeah. Yep. Wow, I mean, that puts a lot in perspective. You've grown up remarkably normal, then, haven't you? We're visiting our friends out in Maui,

and that was, yeah, not too far from there. So I was looking for things to do, I guess. Wait, Hazelwood, is that brown coal? Is that brown coal? Is that brown coal? Yeah, I think we've got brown coal and black coal to take. Oh, is it the brown coal a bit damp? Ah.

And did they pre-dry it out? They was pre-dryed, wow. because you know, they have to put it in. You have to, one of the reasons brown coal is a bad fuel is because it's wet. It's wet. So you have to expend a lot of energy just to dry it out. Right. What about clean coal?

I didn't even have the time. They didn't have any. I think a lot of the places are finding it quite hard to clean the coal. To clean the coal. Because it feels like the dirt that is in the coal goes all the way through the coal. Yeah, that blackness runs deep. Especially the fact that it's, what was it?

100% carbon? It's only maybe 90%. 100% coal. Yeah, 100% coal, but coal is mostly carbon, right? Right. I assume that's where the black color comes from, Juju. Yeah, I mentioned it's somewhat. I mean, it'd be hydrocarbons of some kind, right?

It'd be like... I guess so. Oh, dense. Do you think it's like... Sort of like a... You know, you know, as you get a cruder and cruder oil, it gets thicker and blacker and things like that. And so at some point, it just go coal. Maybe. Yeah.

Maybe it's frozen oil. That's what coal is. Frozen oil. That makes sense. It is oil. Is there something in the idea of, and this is probably nothing at all, but like we were talking about a, you know, going to a restaurant of a different culture, where they serve the cuisine of a different culture. Look, I'm now, as I'm saying, I'm like, well, this probably just already exists,

and it's boring, right? But like, going to a restaurant where it's the 1700s, and you can order the foods of the 1700s, and, you know... Slop and stuff like that. What do you think? Like, bowl of slop, sort of like... LAUGHTER

Yeah. And... Warm slop, calm slop. And yeah, I mean, I guess the real benefit would be like getting sick and things like that. The real benefit, yeah. Like the big ego, oh, this is our old school sickness. So, my old school... The rats run around.

Yeah, and then all like, that risk of sort of, you know, like, at what point do rodents start nipping at you? You know, like, like, they'd be pretty hungry, I think. Yeah. Do you think that if we had time travel and we went back in time and people started to emigrate from periods like the 1700s, they would open up their own cultural restaurants, there'd be like a section of Melbourne where like a lot of people from the 1700s moved in there and now there's a lot of 1700s restaurants and you want to go there. Oh, master! I can get you a point of a whole boil cabbage here. You go. You know, and you get to, you get, I love that boiled cabbage.

Just go get some boiled cabbage from the 1700s district. Okay, so like, so like town town. We'll start to be a dimension of space. You see, because you will just drive to the 1700s, and it'll be called little 1700s. And... I mean, that does, or a 1700s town. Yeah, exactly.

And then, you know, I can probably quite a few people from this sort of the 1800s, while I end up working in 1700s town, but just because from our perspective, that they all look the same. We're like, oh, you're old. From one of those times, you've got a bonnet, you've got a rough, whatever.

It's weird head gear. That's a sorry that I've made that. It was what I was sort of... Tending towards, anyway. But that's new made that. No, I mean, it was what I was sort of like, yeah, yeah. Tending towards any of this. But that's new school racism. Yeah, see? To what, there were a lot slower with fashion back then, weren't they?

Like it'd be, you talk about now, it's like, no, on his fashion back then, it was the whole century, how the fashion. Totally, yeah, it feels like it ebbed, like it was like continental kind of speed. Yeah. I guess, which tied into the fact everyone's just so poor, and you would wear clothes just for as long as they last

it probably. It feels like what I'm doing now, but my clothes just don't last that long. I think after the Roman Empire, like the Dark Ages or whatever, one of the things that caused that is that they lost, all the countries gave up on currency. Again, I think they like got rid of like coins and things like that. And so you went back to sort of a trading system. Just awesome.

Like, well, it's just like, I've got wheat. Can I get some thing that isn't wheat, please? I'm so sick of eating wheat. Have you got not white? Yeah, please. Like that. And so then you could get some milk, but you could wait. You could only not wait? Yeah, please. Like that. And so then you could eat some milk. Yeah, you could wait. You could only pay people on your farm in wheat or whatever like that. You couldn't go back to paying people. But also, I guess, then all the things that are truly valuable, which are probably just

foods, right? They have a very short lifespan, so there would be no concept of savings or investing or anything like that. It would just be like, how can we survive another three days? Maybe Charlemagne. Charlemagne. Charlemagne. I think Charlemagne made a brought up money back.

Yeah, right. She was the one with Column and Ogre neighbours. Yeah. Is that what actually you and her new one? Maybe that was their name. You know, her first name, Charlamagne. Yeah, what is it? Scott was Jason Donovan and Charlamagne was Kalamana.

Wow, and would people call it Charlie or something? Something like that. Wait, her full name was Charlamagne? Or was it Charlamagne? Mine, because that sounds like an Aussie name. Oh, maybe the Charlamagne. Yeah, maybe the Charlamagne. Charlamagne.

I mean, it's funny, because Charlamagne does sound like a very Australian name. It does. Get out of here, Charlamagne. Yeah, Char the Shala name. Shala. I mean, it's funny because Shala does sound like a very Australian name. It does. Get over here, Shala. Yeah, Shala. But I've never met anybody called Shala. That's great. We should come up with new Australian name.

Is that the dead Aussie name? Could be. The great undiscovered. Imagine if the names are like elements on the periodic table, right? And they're all out there just waiting to be discovered. And where you can detect where there's a gap on the periodic, this is when they first came up with a men, when Dimitri Mendelayf came up with the first periodic table. You'd see there were gaps and

you're like, I reckon there's an element going to be there and people would go looking for it, be like, found it, goes in there. So maybe we could come up with a periodic table of Australian names, and we could identify where the gaps are and I reckon Shala is one of them or bring that between the collar and Sheila and Sheila Yeah, what do you think man? I think that's great. Yeah, I'm trying what are the classic Australian names Barry? Bruce Ma move move

Movin. Yeah, it movesmove's great. Su-zit? Su-zit. It's a wider cut. Carrot, is it? No, no, no. That's julienne. It's julienne. Yeah. Which is female in time.

Every woman's name is actually a wider cut carrot. That's another one. That's another rule. For every... But like, julienne already feels like it's the female version of Julian. Yeah, right. Maybe it just I haven't met any Julian's. Yeah.

Julian. But like Simon Simone. You could Simone these carrots. So for every female version of a male name, there's a way to cut carrots. Yeah. I'm going to the next one this evening. Brian, Brian. Brian. Brian. Brian, Brian.

Brian. Brian. Yeah, I'm going to Brian do these Carrots. She Brian? She Brian. Because that's what you do. It's like the superhero version of the feminising superhero. So you've got either you're changed boy or man to girl or woman or put she at the top,

right? Yeah, I've got to the top, right? She helped. She wrung. She wrung. What's she wrung? I think that he wrung. Is that like a Heyman? Could be, yeah. Heyman character.

But then that in place, it would be a male wrung. Which I mean, I guess there's the God of the Sun. What's the Sun? I think it's the God of the Sun, God of the Sun, right? You can put S at the end as well, Togress, but I'm not Togress. I'm Togress. Yes, I mean like Captain America S.

Captain America S. Captain America? Ah, America. You've come with that's a new way. In the periodic table of ways to feminize superheroes, that's a new element. I'll just come and get you a helmet. The element of disappointments. Periodic table.

So you wrote down the periodic table of Australian names? Great. I think, yeah, it's fun because none of them are actually as to like their, they're all would be from English names, right? I wonder if there's any truly Australian names. Like, like, like, like Sheila. Yeah. It does feel like, I mean, who is calling someone Sheila in a different country? What about Matilda?

Is that only because of Waltzing Matilda that it seems? Yeah, but remember, Rol Dal had that book Matilda and he was English. That's true. And therefore I have found evidence to disprove your hypothesis. No, but I mean, he did write that after a show it was found. That's true.

Yes. So it might have been something that was brought back from the colonies. But then also there would be some actually a show in names and a lot of all the indigenous names that existed. Of course. And so which...

I mean, are any of those being brought into the broader culture? Would that be problematic? Probably. Um... Look, I don't know. They're not on the table in terms of like anybody can grab these names. Yeah, why is that?

The thing is that I wouldn't even be able to tell you any names. Tell you any names. Well, a lot of play-snaps in Australia are. Sure. And play-snaps. Things like Ben Long and Marabin. But also, you know, a lot of people's names come from play-snaps, like Paris and Sydney and Bendigo. Bendigo's probably an indigenous name. I don't know any Bendigo

Yeah, what sort of what yeah, maybe that's what that's the entryway in is you go via geography because they're like no names like they're Yeah, why why would that be an issue? This is a big question that you probably don't have an answer to, but... But I'm glad you brought it to me, Matt. This is the place to discuss it. This is Willemaloo. I love that. Is that an indigenous name?

I dare say it. Because that's one of the first things to say. Willemaloo. And I think to give someone the gift of calling them that, as their first name or middle name. Willey, for sure. That's good. Willey. Willey is a nice name. Yeah, I don't know any Willie's.

Hey, woo, woo. Because I think woo, it's been hard to justify calling a white kid woo up until this point. But now that we've got, you know, wula mulu, yeah. You know, at least middle name. So that's what it's not so known as if I'm, you know, just play acting with my beloved. And we talk about, you know, at least middle names. That's what sometimes I'm doing is if I'm, you know, just play acting with my beloved,

and we talk about, you know, names that we could give children. You know, anytime something's a bit too wild, we go, right, it could be a middle name, though. That's great, isn't it? Because I mean, even this like, Mark Wollamaloo Smith. Oh, that's so good. That's great, yeah.

The name is a lot like a little Easter egg, isn't it? Like, you might not discover it in somebody's name until years after you met them, you're like, oh, and he's a little bit of spice. I've had a secret extra name that you haven't known about. This entire time, been there. My cousin's middle name. So his mum was born a sugar she married in another family changed her name so her first son

So already sounds like something from some ancient time She was born a steward and she married into another man Oh and it is I guess it wasn't different this was like before you know this was in the 60s or 70s Oh right, very different term But so she named her first kid steward middle name Masha Reini which was her mother's maid, man.

Masherini. Masherini. Masher. That's maybe the... Yeah, masher, huh? So good. Oh, man. But that's, I mean,

like, that's one of those ones where today, I reckon the couple getting married, would look at the two names and be like, well, we're not getting rid of Masherini. Yeah. Like, we're ditching the Stuart. Totally. I could have been a masher reenie.

Yeah. And then I wouldn't have had to always tell people that I'm one eight Swiss Italian. They just would have known it. You want to Swiss Italian. Yeah. Well, say there you go. If my name was masher reenie, you wouldn't be questioning it. I wouldn't be questioning it. I would be constantly calling you my Swiss Italian friend. My one eight Swiss Italian friend. My one-eight Swiss Italian friend. But what I'd Swiss Italian friend met Stuart Mascherini. Actually, no, it's not one.

It's one quarter, isn't it? Because you got four grandparents. Yeah. I've been underselling it. Yeah. My God. I mean, unless that grandparent is only half- We just discovered another eight. Right.

But maybe I'm saying I'm one-eight Swiss, one-eight Italian. Sure. Then that makes sense. Yeah Yeah, or a quarter Swiss Italian. Yeah. Thank you I'm in if you want to bring brevity into it. No, no, no. I mean, I love I love the idea of just brevity. My son there are. Brevity. Beautiful name for a girl Bread for short for brief Brief for short Brevity for short, all for brief. Yeah, brief for short. Brevety, all for brief for short.

I mean, it's a weird, like, literary stripper name. Brevety. Brevety. Brevety, she's out there for a couple of seconds. Yeah. She just wears one sort of, one piece, and rips it off and walks. Like a basketball pants with the buttons.

Yeah. Yeah. Done. Like, good. I'll be brevity. Good, not. Yeah. Or there also, there could be, um, there could be like, four foot tall. Yeah.

I think it'll be, is that mean? I mean, you got to really pick it early when you're naming a baby that you think they're going to be really short. Feels like though, brevity doesn't, to me, imply a short child. It implies to me one who is very lacking in depth between the front and the back. There's only a couple of inches. Because when I think of a brief person,

I think of somebody who, when walking past, would pass you very quickly. Yeah, slap. Brevity. I see, well, when I think of brevity with your guys, I think about how fast they would go by on a water slide. And so. And so that's I think more of length like that from head to toe. I think of it as a law of expectancy. So I'm thinking more like a rock and roll.

Yeah, so I want to join the 27 club. Yeah, or I think of sort of a troubled team. Child actor. Child actor. All right. Now we've gotten to a point where we're, we've come to a, some ground, we've grown to a halt. But we've got a few ideas, but I think we need to continue. Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. Let's go on to a stop again. Yeah, let's go on to it. So I'm thinking, what about like using knives as a way of moving faster? You know what I'm saying? If you were on a sitting on a skateboard because you didn't have any legs, like that, knives would be a great way. Like, let's say... Stabbing into the ground.

Stabbing into the ground, sort of like ski poles. Well, it's what you're describing really. I think if you were to develop this technology, you'd wind up basically with the ice pick, right? Because the ice pick is basically a knife hammer to use for climbing ice. But I think you could use that for sort of horizontal transport if you were riding around on a skateboard.

No legs. You got your skateboard. On your skateboard? Yeah, I guess so. I think if you've got a low center of gravity like that, you're strapped to that skateboard. You've got so much strength in your upper arms. I don't think you'd even notice when you were going vertically. You know, you just go straight up.

And when the wheel still connecting to the upright of the skateboard. The wheel connecting to the upright. The skateboard. Or you just, the skateboard now just hanging. Now that the wheel, the skateboard is strapped to the upright. The skateboard. Or you just, the skateboard now just hang in. Now, the wheel, the skateboard is strapped to your stump with the bottom of you there. So when you're still rolling up the wall.

You're all after the wall, right? So I think this would be a great thing. So let's say something happens where most of the people in the city, country you're living in, kind of get wiped out via something. Sure. Some kind of violent explosion. Maybe it's a leg disease.

So the leg disease, it takes out all that legs? Well, I feel maybe, it could be a leg disease. Sure. And so then somehow, some way, once it's destroyed your legs, you actually are one of the few people who survived. Yeah. Right. And now what would be great is that there'll be dead bodies

everywhere. That will be great. Right. Yes. And so you've devised this thing, you've got yourself some ice picks. And suddenly, all these dead bodies everywhere, obviously that's going to stink. But it means that lots of rodents are going to have lots of food. They'll probably grow big. They'll probably grow really big.

And there'll be lots of food around it. And so they'll breed very quickly. So within about a month or two months, there are going to be rodents everywhere, which is perfect for you. If you can survive that month, suddenly you're on rolling and there's rodents running all the way around. They now own this place and you've got these ice picks. That's the perfect thing for picking off rodents so that you can make something for you to eat.

So now you're in the perfect ecosystem for survival. Because you've got dead bodies, which are perfect meat meal for the things that you want to eat that are all around you as well now. And that stops you having to directly eat the dead bodies. Exactly. But you sort of are. And that is important.

Like one degree of separation from eating the dead bodies. That's great, isn't it? Like you justify that. You're in this situation. Corpse is everywhere. You want to eat the corpses, but you feel separation from eating the dead bodies. Yeah, that's great, isn't it? You can justify that. You're in this situation, corpses everywhere. You want to eat the corpses, but you feel bad about it. And you just get, you just got to hold on long enough until something starts to live off the corpses

and then you eat that. You thrive on the rats or the vultures. And then the other skateboard people who are left who did survive, right? All these people who have the same weird gene mutation that stops the leg disease from killing you completely and just stops when you, they're on their skateboards with their ice picks,

but they judge the people who only eat the rats and don't eat the corpses as well. And then sort of the way that people judge vegans. Yeah. So now people judge vegans, they're like, oh, you think you're so much better than us? Oh, you don't eat the corpses, huh? Oh, how do you know somebody only eats rats

and not the corpses that are rotting around us? Well, they'll tell you. Oh, no worry. They'll tell you. I love it. I love this new future. It's a great dystopia you've come up with here. I like as well.

I think that we would try and install little curved ramps at the bottom of every right-angle service like on the edge of a building. So there's just a little curved ramp there so that when you are ice picking along, so there's too many rats, right? You can just, I pick up the edge of the building.

You know, you run your little thing up there and you go up and you go up to safety and you sit on a ledge and you eat your rats. And then you go back down again. That actually sounds pretty fun. I mean, there could be a fire on the top of each ledge like that. Yeah, where you can cook your rats. Yeah. Yeah, you keep the fires burning. Yeah, and it cooks the rats. I haven't seen this world depicted in popular culture and it's hard to come up with new ones like this. Yeah, well, it's a bit post-apocalyptic. I gotta admit it's a little bit,

but it's not apocalypse. It's not, well, it's a bit post-apocalyptic. I gotta admit, it's a little bit, but it's not apocalypse. It's not the apocalypse, it's just a leg disease. Yeah. All right. So don't, yeah, solve it. Have you eaten rat before? Not before, no.

No, I haven't, I haven't eaten rat. You would have eaten rat before, or al. Yeah. Yeah, I've eaten a little bit of wrap. What's the line? It's like mouse, it's not that dissimilar to mouse really. But a bit more of a sort of a full thing. Yeah, it's a full of flavor because I think they kind of get into set of chemicals and stuff like that and they don't mind that. So, so there's yeah, there's sort of it's richer and it's... Hurricane that would be a really full flavor eating wrap, like because

you would get everything in there. Yeah, you'd dance, leave fly-vid. But then it would also be that weird part where when you open it up, all its organs are in the same order and sort of same placement as the human organ. Obviously. Because, well, maybe like, oh, it's a bit off. At least I'm not eating the dead bodies of my dead peers. Yeah, because organs would be filled with human organs.

That's true. But that separation, that separation is key. That's all you need. And I'm really picturing the neighborhood that I live in when I'm picturing this place. Oh, I was picturing just the straight outside the studio. Well, I mean, that's also a neighborhood. I'm picturing New York City.

Really? That's good. But then you would suddenly, it would also be a great sketch to teach people about the importance of accessibility. Right. Because at the moment, people don't see it all the time. Unless you're sort of really getting in touch with what disability advocates and stuff like that

are talking about, you're not really as aware of how much it- You're not confronted. How much a step causes problems for a person on a skateboard that doesn't have any legs and can't ally, you know, right. And so I think but also the steps, we will definitely be able to wear away at them with our ice picks. Yeah, we're chipping, you know, because you could just go, ah, the footpath, just go wild. That's why we won't be angry about what everything that's happened. It's because we'll be getting a lot of our anger out on the sort of the ledges.

On the steps. And it will be angry, God, it will be angry at every ledge. But the rest of the time. But not at our peers. Not at our peers, no. Except for those. Even when we take a long walk off a short one of them. A brief brevity.

Brevity, she's a short peer. Brevity short, that's her name. Brevity short. Sorry I brought a specter, brevity short. No that's okay. Do we have three words for my... Oh look I think I just want one more before you. You always hold off don't you? Yeah.

Man never let me get there. You know how you have a beard on your face. Yeah. You ever thought I'd have a beard and a different part of your body? Mid-back beard. Like, yeah, mid-back or belly? Like a belly beard?

Is there ways of growing a belly beard? I guess the transplanting technology seems to have come on. But do you think it is really interesting? Right. Like, we do hair transplants exclusively onto the areas where hair already grows. Right, we take it from there and we put it up on the top of the head where you're balding, but you could use that. You could put that hair from anywhere to anywhere.

Yeah, you're right. That's going to be a matter of time. You could put on your shoulders. You're sure. You're beautiful. You know, sort of main hanging down like that. That would mean like a lion's mane, that'd be so good. Like just growing downward on each side, like your shoulder is the top of a waterfall, like a baboon. You know, those baboons are those great mains.

I think, yeah, because you'd sort of be like an ethical fur coat. You know, they wear, they used to, you know, you don't seem around as much anymore, but there's like a real elaborate fur coat, so you can grow your own. Yeah. Or you could, what about this? You got hair all sort of just in a strip down the underside of your arm.

So it was like the tassels on those old cowboy shirt, cowboy shirts. Yeah. But you could get them in there of hair and you have them even when you're new. You don't need the cowboy shirt. That's cool. It's a great alternative to tattoos. Because people are doing tattoos all over their arms. But nobody's doing beautiful strips of full hair.

Like I think that would be big at first like some of music festivals. Yeah. If they're going to go on top of their hair tassels there. But eventually obviously fashion comes from the music festivals into the mainstream. People will get a full sleeve. Yeah. And you could get your eyebrows, like replaced with face hair. Right.

And then you have basically just a curtain of hair, with head hair, but where your eyebrows are, curtain of hair that just hangs down in front of your eyes. And then you could sort of pull them back, like little curtains, right? Have a little ponytail. Little ponytail? little ponytail or something up to the one side yeah side ponytail you could also go with more horse sort of horse face hair and just like work them out like a brim of a hat so they stand out thick sort of horizontally

and just keep the water out of your eyes get a a brim, get a real brim going. Yeah, they'd be beautiful like tennis players and stuff like that. Huge. Yeah, what about just like a long sort of manor hair that sort of covers the buttock? Ah, that's so cool. Like that's like so that, you know, like a shank. Just like a beautiful like, you know, like a, like a,

like a Christian woman's like long. Christian woman's like long. Christian woman's like long, like the extra, you know, like hair that goes from top to like her knees. Is that a Christian thing? I think you know, the sad thing is like it's, I think you need to have weird beliefs in order to feel like hair is important. It's if you say God gave me this hair, I'm not going to cut it off. Yeah, I'm not going to cut it.

And that's a Samson. Me and my family spent hours brushing each other's hair at a good morning kind of thing. Because I grew up Christian. Yeah. And I don't remember any of this. You know, we're like any sort of like very, you know, sort of very like, what's the opposite of like, flusy?

Prudy? Chaste. Yeah, chaste. Like a very kind of chastey woman, very kind of proper, but like, but then just got that little like crazy glint in their eye, like I really believe in Christianity. Right. You know, that kind of thing.

They were a headband, sort of a blue headband around like that. And then just a long bit of hair at the back end. So like that, beautifully brushed, but just covers the buttock for humility. What's the other one, the other for like for modesty? Modesty. Yeah, that's great. I think, I love it that we're in this scenario,

you're not wearing any pants, but you still want to be modest. Yeah. And so you grow hair over your butt. Well, this is for the times where you're not wearing pants. In the shower. Of course, there are times. Maybe it ain't changed. You know, there's those moments. Yeah. And so you grow here over your butt. Well this is for the times where you're not wearing pants. In the shower. Of course. There are times. Maybe adding changed. You know, there's those moments. Exactly. And God is always watching. Yeah.

And if he sees your bum, he should be, or she. Or she. They're going to be horrified. Yeah. You obviously grew up in quite a mainstream, Christiani, though, I think. Like it is. Yeah, there you go. It's one of the main streams. You weren't in one of the, I think, Al is referring to like a little sect or a cult or a division. Yeah, Catholic range. Yeah, a big cult. Yeah, I guess. This is like one of our little ones where they're like,

well, we can, there are enough people here for us to keep an eye on everybody's hair. Right, yeah, like the Catholicism is sort of like the Dave Hughes or the Jerry Seinfeld of sort of Christianity sects. Right. You know, it's kind of like it really popped at some point. It's your body, who's your comedian equivalent of this sect you're talking about? The sect, I guess I was, it's kind of like a Paul F. Tompkins or something like that.

Right. You know, like, pretty big in that it's around the world's international, but, you know, it's distinct in how different it is. And it, you know, and it probably makes an effort to be different from what this mainstream thing, these things that have popped. That's why I was going to mustache. So it's going to mustache. And he cares about here, and he dresses in a certain way. Mm-hmm.

Although, I don't know if he's doing that as much anymore. You're going to use it. Oh, he used to be a real close horse, that don't know if he's doing that as much anymore. You're gonna use it. He used to be a real close horse, guys. He used to be a real close horse. Real fancy man. It was me because he played a dog on a show about horses. Is that ironic?

Yeah, that is ironic, yeah. You're getting there, Matt. You're getting your head around already. I'm gonna spend a long journey. Yeah, I know. We started to finally get it, I think. Because I was put off on the wrong track by Alana Smarraset in the 90s.

I think I was on a long path right back. And then I think, yeah, I think you've put yourself on a few wrong tracks. I tell you what, it's very much like the Amazon River here and then you get lost on a lot of streams along the way. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive? Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto customers

qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Multitask right now, quote today at progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, national average 12 month savings of $744 by new customer surveyed who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations. What's that book where it's set on the Amazon?

And is it selling the Amazon? Hard of darkness, is that? No, that's the Congo. Hard of darkness is in the Congo. Probably the... What is that? Not the Nile? No, might be the Zambezi? Could be the Zambezi. It could be.

You're on the Zambezi and you're getting stuck in little creeks. Things like that is probably an anaconda. I think that anaconda is like you then saying that thing about the dog that was an anaconda eating you. Okay. Yeah. So unfortunately in this choose your own adventure, you just have to back to the study. Yeah, absolutely. And so maybe should we just try to get Matt to understand irony straight away? I don't really 100% understand it, but I would say it's something that is counter to its intended purpose, right? Or where its intended purpose is concealed behind

an appearance of the opposite, right? Like when you... Well that makes it clear. Some of the hears like, you know, it's set in some, it's a book, right? It's a novella, right? It's set in some town, wherever everyone's having a really bad time, right? But it's called the comedians, right?

And it's about, that's ironic, you know? It's not good. People aren't actually happy. It's not a funny world, but we call them comedians. You know, it's like the Joker in Batman, you know? We call him the Joker, but it's not really funny. It's actually quite bad. What are you doing?

Right. And that's ironic. He's ironically named. But he does like to joke. That's true, okay, bad example. No. But my example, C, was ironic. Right.

So now I think that's clear things up for you. Now we've got three words from a listener. All right, so these three words today, do you know about this? But how we have a paid Patreon supporters and the people who give us three dollars or more can give in three words and inspire a sketch. And this is from Chris Gibson, from Galleon Studios.

Ah, Galleon Studios. Big supporters of ours on Twitter. Huge. Huge. And it seems to me like they do sort of maybe similar stuff to what stupid old studios does, but somewhere in the UK, maybe Scorching. In the United Kingdom, I believe. I'm not 100% sure. When at the time at which we're recording, it's the United Kingdom, but by the time this comes out

later in a day, could have been a hard Brexit and the kingdom could have totally broken up. Absolutely. We don't know. So sorry if this is out of date. Sorry about that, Horne. Sorry if you're now part of the federated stunt state of micro-Scotland.

Yeah. That's where they're going to go. Yeah, not just Scotland. And I just want to be silly. I just want to clarify for any Scottish people who do listen. Apparently we do come into lot on the harshness of the Scottish accent. I think the way is a strong word. No, no, we. It's us.

And it's not just me who are constantly, I'm genuinely just so interested in the Scottish accent and how ancient it sounds. And when I say harsh, I do mean harsh. But, but. But, but, but I mean, like, but I think it's a thing of absolute beauty and it is an artifact of one of the greatest living existing things

from, you know, history, European history. You're born in Scotland. And I was born in Aberdeen. So I can say that, even though... Yeah, so it's like some old tree that's been around for a thousand years. You marvel at its girth and the fact that it's managed to survive this long. That's right. Yeah.

Man, despite, I think it's, but I still think it's incredible. I think it's one of the most amazing things. Even though you marvel at it, you still think it's incredible. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Thanks for clarifying. But it's also, it's not that, it's not that hardy as it is harsh, because it's last the long time in Scotland.

But my family, the stewards, came from Scotland only 100 points. Don't you mean there's the masherenies? Well, they know, well, the masherenies came from Scotland only 100. Don't you mean the masherenies? Well, the masherenies came from Swiss Italy, the border of Switzerland and Italy. But the stewards, they came from Perseus, here in Scotland. And that was only 160 years ago. I don't have that at all anymore.

The accent. The accent. Almost entirely. Me 160 years later. Yeah, that's all it takes. Yeah. So, that's not much of an accent. You think about it like that. Yeah, it. That's all it takes. Yeah. Not much of an accent.

You think about it like that. It's not all that long lasting. Yeah. It's sort of it. It's sort of lasts like one generation of a person. Yeah. Like, even maybe like six months or something like that. I don't know.

And there are any accents that you would then consider to be something like, like a sort of an invasive species, like a cane toad,'re just a couple of words in a particular accent, get dropped into the language in Brisbane, and then before you know it, everyone across the, you know, the entire north of Australia is talking sort of like an New Yorkshire accent or something. That'd be cool. I think there is a little bit of that when you do have actually, like, Scottish people or English people

or Irish people around other people. Mmm. They... Everybody wants to go, or English people, or Irish people around other people. Everybody wants to go, I'm talking like these. What was that? That was a mixture of all three accents. Oh wow. And that was beautiful.

Are you gonna be passing on your Canadian accent to my son? To your next gen. He's already, he's three and a half and he already corrects me on some of my pronunciation. Wow. No daddy, it's not. No, it's not. What's your son's accent?

What's your name? No daddy. He does have a little bit of Canadian in there, but he's losing it. But also like his, the people that he goes to daycare with, like the teachers there are so multicultural. And so, it's, it's like, none of them have a traditional, maybe like, one has a traditional Australian accent.

So, somehow he's picking up an Australian accent without, you know, without spending time with almost any... You do a great Australian accent, maybe that's what. Sometimes I do play... Absolutely. Good eye, mate. Yeah, I already come over here, mate. I'll just say it like, think of rough you up. I'm thinking of raising my child in character. Yeah.

As a character. All right, so Chris Gibson's, and Chris, who assures me that he has a man. OK. Did you seek that assurement? No, because I think his full name is Kristen. All right. But I am a man. And I think that was a very, you know,

I appreciate you. Sounds like an impassioned speech. Well, I think I think, you know, when people only see it written down, they go, please. And especially a podcast like ours, which is so desperate for female listeners. Yeah. I mean, but we are happy to have listeners with female names.

Oh my God, yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's good enough for me. That still shows up in the statistics as far as I'm concerned. So, three words from Chris Gibson. Are you ready for this? Tornato. Hmm. Grenade.

Yes. Circus. Yes. Circus. Oh. That was feeling the same world to me. It does, it feels like already it's a thing. Well, it already feels like it's a show. Yeah, it does.

It's very circular. This I have never seen, right? But the idea of a tornado, which, you know, tearing across, it must have happened. You know, you've seen the movie Twister tornado tearing across the Midwest right goes over a farm picks up a bunch of cows right but what's to stop a tornado from going across like a munitions factory yeah Halibur Halibur exactly the Twister is headed directly for Haliburton what does it do it picks up a whole

lot of missiles and grenades and and then start I'm pinning the grenades? Well, I mean, it's a bound to happen. They're spinning around. Those pins are coming out, right? And then now this weaponized tornado is heading towards Los Angeles, say. Now, if you haven't already called Dwayne the Rock Johnson, what are you doing? Get him on the line. This is...

And Dwayne is obviously the conductor and a circus. Yes. I mean... He the conductor in a circus. Yes. I mean, he's currently whipping a lion. Yeah, he's playing a ringleader, and he's used to things going around and around in circles. See, this is exactly what I can now arm again, where Bruce Willis, he's got his team of people who are good at drilling or whatever.

Am I thinking of the right film? Yeah. And everything and something else. So that's why we've got to put the people who are good at drilling or whatever. Am I thinking of the right film? Yeah. Everything and something else. See, and so that's why we've got to put the people who are good at drilling in space. Not get people who are good at going into space. Because apparently it's hard to teach somebody to drill than it is to teach somebody to go into space. And so we've got Dwayne.

He's already got the skills of controlling things that are going around in service. That's right. And there's a different dangerous dangerous thing, like lion. Yeah, so somebody calls him up and he, and he goes, I'll be right there, like, standing on the back of two horses. Yeah. And he's whipping them and he's riding out towards the twister.

Yeah. Yeah. In the, in the, the preview clip, it would all count, you know, go, brrsh, and they go to black. Oh. And then it would come off. We're going to clip exactly that, San, you made you made just there it would come back up and he'd be Standing like it'd be a wide shot. He's in the center of it real small in the center middle

Center middle bottom of the screen and the weapon us on it is coming at him and he's just poking out with a chair And then I go oh my comes back down coming soon. Yeah Absolutely, I'd down coming soon. Yeah, absolutely. I'd say it's for you. Yeah. And yeah, so it's called like tornado, weapon tornado. Weapon tornado. I mean, you can't fuck around with titles these days.

Weapon tornado circus ringleader versus ringleader. I tell you what it's called, War Nato. Oh, yeah. War Nato. Yeah. And they tried to get someone who was really good with weapons to deal with the tornado, but because things were going around and round,

they got dizzy, right? And much in the Armageddon Principle, then they had to get kicked out and they had to get somebody who was already good at dealing with things going around without getting dizzy, Dwayne. They first went to like children in a preschool, spinning in circles, but I found that they just... They've just got too easy. The tornado sucked them all in. They lost a lot of kids and wasted a couple of days.

Well they are all now there in the tornadoes. They're pulling out pins. Yeah. They're part of the problem. I wonder how long you could just be floating in that tornado. The tornado, thank you. So, a warnado. Like, you know, getting picked up, like I understand that will be scary. But there must be a point where you're flying and you're like,

this is cool. This is cool. I am, wow. Is there any way that science found a way to be in a tornado and control where it goes? Because you might be like, I'm hungry. Could we sweep past like a McDonald's or something? Now, I would say that in warnado,

they would absolutely work this out, right? Because what is it? It's about flow of air pressure and that sort of thing. So all you need to do is somehow create a low pressure system here, maybe using... They always do it by blowing something up. And this tornado... And it could do that. It's such the tornado cross over there and then over here.

And we're able to manipulate it. Could he just have a big plate? Could he... Yeah, he's got a giant novelty plate that he had for a plate spinning thing. And he lays on the back of it in the middle of the tornado, and he can shift the way the wind goes. And so he can like tilt, he can tilt the floor of the air and make it go left by tilting right

and he could make it go right by tilting left. And so now he steers the weaponized tornado, directly into like the enemy. There's also an enemy. Oh, yeah, right. Right. And then it's like, zero when Godzilla works for us, right? Right. Right. It's some rogue state probably. Probably some terrorists.

North Korea come up with their own tornado. Sure. Hawaii. Yeah. Hawaii, they're a rogue state. Maybe by then. Yeah. You can see, they are a state quite away. They're actually a state. You can see, you're the aura state quite away. They're a state. Yeah, or, you know, Wisconsin or something like that?

Oh, really? Because it was one of the middle states. Yeah. What is? Somehow, because you know how tornadoes go different directions in the north and northern and southern hemisphere, maybe the way that they realize they can destroy this tornado

is by crashing it into a tornado from the other hemisphere. I need to go north. So we have to drive it across, not driving across the Mexican border or something. And that's John Claude Van Damme's flying that way. Yeah, they can get them to meet up together. Ah! Ah! That's a simple plate. They smash together and then the tornadoes dissipate

and the guys grab each other and hug each other. And then they try and spin down. It was this old move that they used to do in the circus. Oh, I used to work together in the circus. They used to work together in the circus. And they had this move where they would spin, like, you know, those helicopter leaves that fall from maple trees. Yes.

They go, everyone, there was always something like that. And it's like that. And then they go, or maybe they're both wearing squirrel suits, like that. And then they lower themselves down maybe they're both wearing squirrel suits. Like that. And then they lower themselves down like a helicopter propeller and sort of go, and they land. And they land, it was beautiful.

It's beautiful, yeah. And then they kiss. And then they kiss. They land back in the big top as well. Oh yeah, on the top of the tent. Of course. And then they kind of start sliding off the one of the, of the tent. Of course. And then they kind of start sliding off the one, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, who like this. I can't believe we just wrote an entire film. That was really easy. Yeah.

One-a-toe. One-a-toe. I really think it would be big. Snakes on a plane big. Yeah. Twanito on a plane. Yeah. Oh. We already got the sequel. Twanito in a plane. You know, you've already got Twanito out of a plane. You've seen that. I think there will be planes in this tornado, by the way. I think they will have picked up some fighter jets and that sort of thing. They'll be whipping around in there. Well, if you're whipping over Halliburton.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really happy with that, everybody. All right, well, great work. Well, the recession. I'll just run us through the sketch ideas. Please.

We've got yield uranium mine or uranium tower. You knowish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish greenish green was bad for you. So you go there and they've got stuff that is a lot like as best of us, but isn't toxic, or at least as far as we're aware, at this point. But now you can go back. Because people used to say that kids would just throw it around. There was like fluffy stuff that was fun to play with and you'd dance around the asbestos. Sounds like such a beautiful thing. Maybe when we lost the asbestos, white people lost their whole entire culture. Yeah, that was the only thing that brought us together. We were, those are connection to the land. I think that white asbestos is one of the kinds of asbestos. There's blue and there's white.

Mmm. And they're both bad. I think blue might be worse. Anyway, that was just an option. Great. Well, I mean, I'm looking really into it. It was the asbestos of times. It was the asbestos time. This is going to sound asbestos. Oh yeah, and every time it's got the word best in it.

Ironic, Matt, write that down. OK. I'll put that down. You don't have to prove. No, you just sort of pretending to do it on your hand. Well, that's ironic. Yeah. Is it?

I don't know. I think that could be ironic. I think that's closer than the dog horse thing. LAUGHTER Then we've got... Is it? I don't know. I think that could be your running. Well, I think that's closer than the dog horse thing. Then we've got... But you know I'm Bain-Aaronic when I'm sound, I don't understand irony. No, I don't know that. I'm not 100% sure you are.

Because if you don't understand irony, how would you know if you're being ironic if you didn't understand irony? That's the irony. Yeah. No, that's not irony. I don't think that's... Like 10,000 spoons and all our needs are not. Yeah, it feels like...

Like 10,000 spoons and all our needs are working understanding of irony. I've got 1700s town, which is a part of a city where... Time travelers... Time travelers have kind of congregated and they make their boiled cabbage. And they're sort of, oh, here's where you can come and we'll injure your toe and you can get that toe.

Get our ancient medicines. Yeah, or like get an old-style wound that kind of gets festerous. Leachings. Leachings, if we get leachings, you probably get whipped. Maybe you could get, maybe there's even a king of that place, of that town. Right.

Yeah. Somebody who kind of controls everything and can have sex with your wife or husband. If you want, that's what are your options. You can go there. That's part of the experience. Yeah. Then we have the periodic table of Aussie names.

So if we start making out the periodic table, we can see where the gaps are. Shala. Shala. Shala. It's a good strong one. Do you think that's the hydrogen of the old DNA? What do you think? I think so.

Marling? What about Marling? What was significant about hydrogen being discovered? Well, that's the number one, because it's the simplest one. Right. But still hard to discover, because it's so reactive that it's always in a compound. So we had to extract it from water probably. And hydrogen has got one proton and one electron.

Yes. Does that have a neutron? Different, like, a deuterium and tritium, different isotopes of hydrogen, which have still one proton, we can have one or two neutrons, I believe. Right. It's like these different versions. And then so that's like charla, see? Yeah. See how that's like charla?

Yeah. Because you can have charla with different spellings. You can have one A or two A's. Yeah. Or three A's. You can do it with a C. Yeah. Different isotopes of the same name.

You could do with R without R, maybe one with an H, Shala, maybe two Hs, maybe one double H, and then no H at the other one. Yeah. Then we got, this is another periodic table of ways to do feminine superhero names. I mean, that was just a throwaway comment, but I thought that that's a good way.

We could think of new ways of getting. And I think by doing that, we could also find ways of doing more sort of male superhero names. Like, what about the idea of he she Hulk? Yeah. You know? Yeah, she Hulk, man. Hey, she Hulk, I would love to read that as a Hulk.

It's a vile version of she-hulk. LAUGHTER It's not he slash she-hulk, is it? No, right. He slash she? No. So it's not named being your non-barner-hulk. It's he-hulk.

Yeah. Dash not slash. He said she said hulk. LAUGHTER That's where, when there's an where, when there's something going wrong, this, he said she said Hulk is able to see the arguments on both sides and gets really ambivalent about the situation. There was something really fun in the Jack Drew centimede.

And it's exactly the kind of joke I love. It was something about funny that Jack Drew sent to me and it's exactly the kind of joke I love. It was something about like white blackula. Like, like some white version of blackula. And I go, that's absolutely right up my alley. It's exactly what I want. Just in and wide, it's a kind of ironic. Yeah, I hope so. If we've learned anything today, by the way, in the periodic table of Australian names, all the different columns of Australian names,

all the different columns represent different sounds, that the names can start with, and I reckon there's a whole column of sh, once. So like Sheila and Charlotte and Charlene and Shaza, they're all in the same column, and then you go to the next one, and that's men's names that start with B, like Barry and Bruce.

Brian. And Brian. Brian Brown. Brian Brown. Brian. And Brian. Brian, Brian. Brian, Brian. That's a full, that's one word. Yeah, Brian, Brian, Smith. Yeah.

Then we got obviously skateboard rat existence, which is where the, you know, the leg, the leg diseases killed a lot of most people except for some people have a gene mutation which allows them to survive and then they, they they go and skate boards and then they use the meat hooks when they go ice picks, ice picks to sort of drag themselves around. I picture them actually standing up sort of on their sort of one rather than laying down but I think some people could lay down if they want but I think you want to get your face away from the rats and lift that up off the ground. You learn that day one.

Day one, yeah. It makes more sense to kind of lay on it and kind of paddle like you're going out for a search. You know, body boarding. Yeah, body boarding, something like that. But you realize you got to get your face away from the rats because they're so used to nipping it at face sizes that now you can't afford to get your face down there. Anyway, and then you eat the rats, not the things,

but then there's a split between the people who eat the rats and those who eat the human decaying bodies. And it's a two-year-old segment about veganism. Yeah, exactly. It's mostly about veganism and accessibility. And then we've got hair transplants, and that's obviously allowing just finally moving hair transplants around.

It's the first company. It feels like something we might have already come up with on the podcast once, but I feel like it was exciting enough to me today that it feels new as well. Oh, we can find out from this. I'm the one who you are. I feel like I probably have covered the butt with something before, but.

Oh, you're always covering the butt. You feel a deepamed about you butt. I don't feel shame actually about it, but I don't show it to people, you know what I mean? That's just for you. Yeah, it's just for me, it's my little butt. It's my little butt. It's my little butt.

And then there's the last one, which is a warnado, which is obviously an action film that we should totally start be. We should be writing action films. I don't know what we're going to do. It's fun. Yeah. So fun. Anything goes.

Anything. No idea. It's too dumb. And it feels like it's now so possible. Like CGI is at the point where you basically just say the name of a film and a computer makes all the graphics for you. Exactly. Using voice recognition and then some templates. Using, you know, voice recognition

and then some templates. I think you could do it with a Google Home. Google Home, right? Fornado. And then it's just like a Thorneado. And it's like in the town, he makes a spin off of Thor where he's also, you know, he's like, he's,

he's, he's, he's, he's fused with some wind god. And then he kind of creates his own Thorneido Every time he swells his hammer If you looked up Marvel if you Google everything to about Marvel Thorneido would already exist somewhere in the in the Marvel You know comic book universe Right I can't say it. Why can't I legit? Yeah, somewhere in the canon right? Thank you finally Black and yellow, legit. Yeah, it'd be somewhere in the canon. Right. Oh, no. No, you're right. Thank you.

Finally. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom the podcast Matt Stewart, hi, fine. Thanks so much for having me. Hope it was worth it for you, for, you know, like being able to promote your show on our, you know, with our numbers, you know. Yeah, it was good to be here to promote that. Can we just mention it again, Matt Stewart, pretty dry? No, Bounder and Drone Drone. Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm out of date. No, it's pretty dry on you, directed. Yeah.

This one's called Boundra, very different show, directed by a very similar one. Very similar. Very similar title, very different show, but it's, yeah, it's on the Chinese Museum in Melbourne, and then in Sydney, at the Sydney Company Festival, next month. Oh, that's something to look forward to. Three, now it's only. Great. You've got to go see that. And here, Owl, the way you like to do, the way you like it, I will appear, maybe in multiple voices, if it serenades. Well, I do a show called Primates, another podcast, which both Owl's there and Andy, together,

and separately have been on multiple times. Really fun podcast, one of my favorite podcasts. And you can hear that. To go on end to do. And one of the events, recent episodes, I was just fantastic. I can't remember what it was, but God, it was good. I mean, they're all good. was, but God, it was good. I mean, they're all good. Well, we've got some of those recent ones.

Seren, really funny. And Fran, Fran's episode, really funny. Fran's episode. Fran's episode. Fran's episode. We all finished that one and we were like, is that? We were all over. I didn't edit it all. There was about bangers and mash. Yeah, that's true. Really big part of my childhood. My God, I watched so much of that show and I hated every single time I was a little sad.

I don't what, was it the scheduling the made it sad? Was it really close to bedtime for little kids or something? I don't think it was the context. I think it was just the show itself. I every time I watch it, I was like, this is so bad. Drainian. Yeah, it was probably one of the first things that I realized as a child, like one of the first pieces

of like media that I was like, oh, this isn't very good. Yeah. But it was that thing of like, this is my chance to watch cartoons. This is on the ABC. This is all I'm allowed to watch. I think I've felt the exact same. And this is what I'm stuck with.

Yeah. This gap. It was slow for a four-minute show that moved so slowly. We couldn't believe how long it took to guess through that four minutes. Yeah, that was pretty fun. Oh, really? Yeah, it was pretty fun. Oh, really? Yeah, it was framerate and so funny.

Should I say her, shall the City Comedy Festival? I will. Yeah, I love Fransolo. Ah, Fransolo. For Fransolo. Yeah, one woman star wars. Yeah. Check it out.

And you can find us on Twitter at 2 in Tank. You can come and see us in Magma at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Yeah, please do. The show has been going really well. Really well. And people seem to really love it. And we also really love it. We've got some lovely feedback from comedians who we respect. Yeah, we had one of the best comedians in the world.

Oh, that's very nice. That's very nice. But I laughed very loudly. I was mad. I was trying to keep it down. Your facial expression is so good. I've said it twice and it said it is so good. Thanks a lot. As everyone continually says, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Yeah, it's it's it's been really fun and it's yeah, you got to help out So that Andy The best comedian one of the best comedians in the world you leave that hanging so people like who loves it Yeah, that's great. So damn I want Twitter. It was you he'll tell you who really was there was me and one other And we love you.

This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planet broadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want, it's up to you. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive?

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